Harry Knowles, Texan, enjoyed the hell out of WANTED

Perhaps I'm an amoral gun-loving juvenile prick, but I enjoyed the hell out of WANTED. The first time I saw the film I had a few issues with the movie. I wasn't fond of Elfman's score, I thought the movie drug a bit in the middle, but damn if I didn't have fun with it. I prefer both of Timur's RUSSIAN movies - but as a debut of a foreign film director - it certainly kicked more ass than HARD TARGET. Not that that is particularly a ringing endorsement, but it was at the very least - what I was hoping for. I hate it when Foreign film directors come over to the states and make a film that sucks and sort of makes them look bad - like we Foreign film lovers were delusional. Now Timur didn't knock this film out of the park, but what he did do was make a very fun hard R movie. You'll either decide to accept the premise or not. It's a silly one. Apparently 1000 years ago a group of "Weavers" - yes, people that weave and make cloth -- discovered a cosmic code from what they call the Loom of Destiny - one of them things that makes cloth for your undies. It apparently puts out names via BINARY. The LOD wrote names. Now I'm not real sure how the Weavers thought these names meant they were names they were destined to kill... and in those early days... say... the past 950 years - I'm not sure how they could really gather intel on these names - or how about people of the same name. I mean, do they TERMINATOR and kill alphabetically based upon cities - and just wipe out everyone named Sarah Connor? I don't know. Also - exactly how did these Weavers discover they had superpowered adrenal glands? Was it selective breeding? Again... I don't know. And the day one of them figured out they could curve a bullet accurately - how did that come about? Again, I don't know. But let's say you believe in the FORCE, CHRISTIANITY, THE MATRIX and MUPPETS - why not killer weavers serving the bidding of the almighty Womb of Destiny for the greater good of humanity? I am curious where they were when Hitler was around or any of the various evil bastards that have plagued civilization? But let's imagine this is a universe where these Weaver Killers prevented all of that - or maybe Hitler was an assignment that a German Weaver didn't believe in - then when what happened happened - that square of cloth with his name was pretty much proof that... Dude... The Womb is All Knowing. Ok - so you've signed on to the cult of killers that follow the Loom of Destiny. And lets say SOMEHOW - they have amazing adrenal powers and that before they were curving bullets it was curved arrows and throwing stars. Fine - I accept it. I accept it because I've accepted a lot of crazy wacky shit before. Like a pre-history with Hobbits trying to destroy a magic ring that an eyeball wanted to use to destroy light and bury us all in shadow. I bought that a flying house killed a wicked witch in munchkin land, which is somewhere over the rainbow. I accepted that existence was a computer program to fool our minds into being complacent batteries for our computerized overlords. And I accept that Busby Berkeley's musical numbers were created as pre-movie entertainment in New York theaters - even though they were designed to be seen by audience members glued to the fucking ceiling. WHY? Because it's the fucking movies and everything and anything is possible... if you believe. So I believe. I give them that much, a suspension of disbelief. A bit of trust - that giving them that yard of belief, that at the end of a couple of hours I might be smiling, seen shit I hadn't seen before and basically... be entertained. First off - if you give just that little bit - You'll discover something quite fun here. First off - Angelina Jolie is just a cosmic level of charismatic nowadays. What happened? She was always hot. But when did her eyes first start sparkling so fiercely - radiating a sense of confidence, glee, empathy and fun that I am powerless not to enjoy? I think it began with SKY CAPTAIN - where her small part gleamed with such awesomeness that I was willing to let Nick Fury have tits! And who would have ever thought that? Also - Robert Zemeckis... I'm sorry. Computers are worthless when it comes to reproducing the erection building power of Angelina Jolie's actual naked wet ass. The scene in BEOWULF - forget it, if you haven't already. There's a moment where Angelina comes out of a pool - and her naked ass is shown to us... for a very short eternity - and in that short eternity - the world was united - the ass was our lord and savior and war was a thing of the past, gas was cheap and I will have a farm on Mars. Truly - Angelina's bare dripping wet ass is the pinnacle of human cinematic experiences - but there's a movie of entertaining fun and possibilities beyond that. WANTED is a pop-culture hodge podge of films like THE MATRIX and FIGHT CLUB and EMPIRE STRIKES BACK. It is not better than either of those - although - neither of those films had Angelina's naked wet ass... nor did they have awesome bullet in the head moments in impossible slow motion beauty and elegance... And they also didn't have an astonishing train sequence. I might also add - they did not have Morgan Freeman cussing like Samuel L Jackson and making one wonder what PULP FICTION might've been like with Morgan as Jules. The film is without a doubt derivative of many things in Pop Culture that we... all of us... love and probably have in our video collections. That said - just because I like garlic in Italian food - doesn't mean I don't like it in Asian or Middle Eastern foods. Elements taken from many of my favorite flicks... taken, mixed and combined in the right formula, which I say this goofy, bloody and cocky flick is... well I enjoyed the hell out of it. It isn't a masterpiece, nor is it a great film. It is fun and it is at the very least an R-rated bit of summer entertainment. That said - I have high hopes that this becomes known as the first effort by Timur on the way to becoming one helluva director. All he needs is a stronger script, based on a far more original idea and we'll have something to really crow about. After the second screening - Quint was beaming. I mean it. His face radiated a shark fin into the night's sky - which is what happens when Quint is absolutely delighted. Upon second viewing - many of my problems went away and I found myself just having fun with it. To me, that speaks well for its eventual video incarnation - thus giving me a fun title to put on and enjoy with my 3 title collection by this awesome Russian mad man. Btw - fun story. The Weinsteins went to Moscow to negotiate for the release rights of NIGHT WATCH in the United States. The deal was going good - when all of a sudden Timur's cel phone rings. On the other end was a gentleman named PUTIN. Apparently the leader of Russia told Timur not to sell the film to the Weinsteins because they support the Democrats with Campaign donations and political work - and it was "better for Russia" that the Republicans be in power. Thus NIGHTWATCH got sold to FOX SEARCHLIGHT... a company controlled by noted conservative, Rupert Murdoch. Red States indeed. Isn't that an amazing story? Every word is true.