Wow! I've only seen paintings of that painting!

AICN-DOWNUNDER

I planning to be a little cynical at this year's Melbourne International Film Festival launch.

Well, that's not entirely true. I was really looking forward to seeing what they had on offer (MIFF is like Christmas as far as I'm concerned). It was only when they announced that the opening night film would be NOT QUITE HOLLYWOOD, a documentary on the Australian film industry, that I began to worry. I have a problem with films that are all about films. Far too many, well, Hollywood movies are set behind the scenes of a major motion picture shoot, particularly when writers take the "Write what you know" edict many steps too far. Even though some of my favourite films, like THE PLAYER and STATE AND MAIN, feature this conceit, its overabundance still bothers me.

Similarly, a film festival opening with a film about Australian films had me ready to shout scathingly about the detriment of the industry's narcissism... and then we saw the trailer. The doco looks like it's eschewed the cliches of its sub-genre (let's talk about film people so film people will watch, or let's combine as many soundbites together so we don't have to do any real research), and come up with something fascinating and brilliant. This assumption was backed up by a friend of mine who caught it at an exhibitor screening and shot me an email today telling me it's every bit as good as it looks.

Combined with the fact that its going to be paired with JERRYCAN, the local short film that won big at C annes, and I now feel like I can justify spending the next few days feeling very happy about Australian cinema. Sigh. It's a nice feeling.

NEWS

Peter Garrett, the Midnight Oil singer-turned-Minister for the Arts, recently announced the board of Screen Australia. Screen Australia is, you may recall, the new government film initiative that will replace the Australian Film Commission, and will reportedly get rid of red tape and endless bureaucracy by getting a new name and logo. Though constant announcements from the government and its agencies about how awesome Australian cinema is about to be can be a little tiresome, there is one bit of this announcement that gives me hope. Amongst the board members is Robert Connolly, the Australian producer/director who recently wrote this white paper on the industry's woes. At a time where the rhetoric regarding what's wrong with our industry is becoming droningly deafening (including, I must admit, my own ramblings on the matter), Connolly managed to succinctly identify (a) what's wrong, and, more importantly, (b) how to fix it. I really hope his presence on Screen Australia's board will see his suggestions implemented.

Looking over some of the names in the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce's list of Walk of Fame stars for 2009, one thing is apparent: they'll put fucking anyone in there. Why are there still campaigns for legendary actors and directors and pioneers to be put on there? Shouldn't the Chamber of Commerce be calling people and saying, "Oh shit, in 2009 we're putting in stars for the Village People, Grissom from CSI, and the prick who made reality TV the behemoth it is today. How can we ever make it up to you?". Still, 2009 does see some deserved stars getting laid on the footpath. Amongst Sir Ben Kingsley, Sir Ralph Fiennes, Sir Charles Durning, and Sir Leslie Caron, our own Hugh Jackman will be plunging his claws deep down into the cement some time next year. Expect to see a vacationing Robert Englund leaning down to look at said imprints and saying, "Look, honey! My claws are bigger than Jackman's! Who's the big shot now?"

AWARDS, FESTIVALS AND SCREENINGS

2008 MELBOURNE INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL

Aside from the above news, it's pretty exciting to note that MIFF organisers will be bringing George Romero out as an official guest of the festival. Or, as I like to call them, Guestivals. (That's copyright, MIFF.) Unexpected and very cool. Is it July yet?

AUSTRALIAN WRITERS GUILD AWARDS

The 2008 AWGIES nominations have been announced -- I know, how did you miss it? -- and four feature films have landed in the screenplay category. ACOLYTES (Shayne Armstrong, Jon Hewitt, Shane Krause), THE BLACK BALLOON (Elissa Down, Jimmy the Exploder... seriously, that's what it says), THE TENDER HOOK (Jonathan Ogilvie) and CACTUS (Jasmine Yuen-Carrucan). I've only seen BLACK BALLOON and CACTUS, and would be happy if the flawed-but-very-good CACTUS walked away with it.

MY RABIT HOPPY

Anthony Lucas made the brilliant Oscar nominated film THE MYSTERIOUS (etc) JASPER MORELLO, so his latest film, MY RABIT HOPPY, is an automatic must-see. Those in Melbourne who wish to see it can catch it accompanying MY B ROTHER IS AN ONLY CHILD at the Nova.

BOX OFFICE

Let's get this straight: SPEED RACER looked bad, but turned out to be awesome, and it didn't crack the top five. THE HAPPENING looked bad and was very bad and hit number five. SEX IN THE CITY looked like it could give you some sort of disease four times over, and that's number one. I'm trying to find solace in THE INCREDIBLE HULK being in there at all, but as I'm unable to accurately type the headline "HULK SMASH COSMO-SWILLING SKANKS", I don't consider this a win at all.

1. SEX IN THE CITY

2. THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: PRINCE CASPIAN

3. THE INCREDIBLE HULK

4. INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL

5. THE HAPPENING

RELEASED THIS WEEK

The Pevensie kids go back into the closet (oo, er!), Shyamalan's career ends with BEES AND WIND (bet you didn't see that coming!), a local documentary seeks asylum in cinemas, Marvel cheats over-excited audiences by not releasing the sequel the following day, Uwe Boll asks why the documentary about him is missing three letters, it's Italian politics in the late 60s, an unexpectedly terrific film suffers from misunderstanding, Peter Duncan releases his latest product before it's finished, and a comedy about a Mossad hairdresser... how can it fail?

THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: PRINCE CASPIAN

THE HAPPENING

HOPE

THE INCREDIBLE HULK

MONGOL

MY BROTHER IS AN ONLY CHILD

SPEED RACER

UNFINISHED SKY

YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN

REVIEWS

In case you missed them, I reviewed THE INCREDIBLE HULK and THE HAPPENING. I considered one of them to be brilliant and the other to be a contender for worst film of the year. Go on, you'll never guess which. Click on the reviews to find out.

KUNG FU PANDA

Australian/NZ release: June 26

Why doesn't this film suck?

It's under the Dreamworks animation banner (that brought us the SHREK films, SHARK TALE, and cervical cancer), it features stunt casting designed to appease the promotions department ("This summer, Dustin Hoffman IS a Chinese raccoon kung fu master!"), and was precipitated by an ad campaign that made the film seem only slightly more appealing than cleaning a public toilet with one's tongue.

So, I ask again, why doesn't this film suck? How did this film end up being so damned enjoyable?

I'm not sure. I wasn't able to concentrate much on the first fifteen minutes, thanks to the screaming children directly in front of me (goddamn it, press screenings are supposed to be elitist! There's no room for children in a kid's film!), but I was able to take note of the opening sequence. The opening sequence sets the tone for the film perfectly; it's hilarious, great to look at, and pays closer homage to the classic films that spawned it than anything else I've seen.

Though the rest of the film isn't as consistently brilliant as this first sequence, it stills maintains the funny, and is actually a really good action film. I've always found it strange that, given the possibilities that CGI gives you, we've never had a full CGI action extravaganza (note: this is the point at which you name me several films that fit this criteria, which turn out to be in my DVD collection and part of my best-of list from last year). The action sequences in this film are terrific, creative, and actually feel as if they have impact... or, at any rate, have as much impact as they can in what is essentially a kid's film.

I've never come close to being sick of Jack Black (thanks to my strategic avoidance of, say, SHALLOW HALL), but I was concerned this might be the film that did it. Not so. Black is perfect as the kung fu-obsessed panda. Dustin Hoffman is actually very un-miscast as the kung fu master. Angelina Jolie is, like the others, just kind-of there. Oh, and Ian McShane is the bad guy, and he's awesome.

Given the tone of Black's panda and his constant cries of "awesome!", it feels appropriate to just call out the bits that work in this film and leave it at that. I want to explore exactly why this film looked so bad in its campaign, and was inversely proportionate in its brilliance, but I've been thinking about it for two days and I got nothin'. So who cares? Ignore the ads and posters that make this look like a cynical attempt to eat into the wallets of parents who don't know any better, and go see it. It's actually the best kung fu film you'll see in a very long time.

NEXT WEEK

- In the next of their series of myth-busting movies, Ridley Scott and Russell Crowe will collaborate on a "What if?" movie exploring what would have h appened if A GOOD YEAR had been remotely watchable

- M Night Shyamalan signs Larry the Cable Guy to his HOWARD THE DUCK prequel, referring to it as his Not Coming Back 'Cos I Never Went Away Film

- Quentin Tarantino's mother announces plans to split his birth certificate into two separate documents, after deciding there was just too much cool shit that shouldn't be cut out

Peace out,

Latauro

AICNDownunder@hotmail.com