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Massawyrm Says THE LOVE GURU Is The End Of Mike Myers As We Know Him!!

Hola all. Massawyrm here. Tonight Jason Freidberg and Aaron Seltzer have something to celebrate. They can now say that they made a movie every bit as good as Mike Myers. You know all those stupid, insipid, IQ 70 mother fuckers who not only paid to see but actually laughed at Meet the Spartans? Well The Love Guru is the movie for their parents. It’s never fun to watch someone commit career suicide, but that’s exactly what this is – a gargantuan dose of cinematic hemlock telling the audience in no uncertain terms that the days of Mike Myers reigning supreme on the comedy scene are over. This is one of those films that makes you wonder, often aloud, just what the hell these people were thinking. It’s as if Myers finally got sick of everyone asking him when he’d get around to making another live action comedy and decided to show everyone exactly why he hasn’t. This shit is weak, an unspeakably awful trek into a humorless void where each joke is punctuated by nothing but deafening silence. You know that pained awkward quiet that comes accompanied by a low muffled cough somewhere in the back of the auditorium? Yeah. Now imagine that for 90 minutes. If you’re lucky, you might find yourself in a theatre with a cackler, laughing at every third joke while actually slapping their knee and repeating the joke to their friends in the shrill buzzsaw like tone of an untamed harpy. We had one of those. One. And I made sure to sit far enough away so she wouldn’t spill her dribble cup on me. But at least she let me know where some of the jokes were. Okay, I’m exaggerating. You know exactly where the jokes are in this. They’re kind of hard to miss. Myers wields his humor with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer, and half the precision, repeatedly bludgeoning the audience with bits over and over again until every member of his camera crew had stopped laughing. Sadly for us, the jokes aren’t nearly as funny when you aren’t in the room. Or on mild sedatives. Like Xylazine. I want very much to say that this isn’t Austin Powers or Shrek or Wayne’s World or How I Married an Axe Murderer. The problem is, it is. It is exactly like all of those films save for one, tiny, insignificant detail. Myers long ago exhausted his supply of jokes to insert into those gags we all know so well. Take for example his classic “Euphemism stream”, that part of the movie in which he takes a fairly innocuous object, sexualizes it and makes every joke in the book about it. Well, this time he’s run out of things to do that with. So he has to invent an Indian dish which involves two nuts being wrapped in a pastry nutsack before being deep fried. You get it? Nuts. Sack. Genius! He’s one step short of actually whipping them out on screen and doing the gags now. And this is just the beginning. Every midget joke he hasn’t used on Verne Troyer yet finds its place here as does his penchant for spontaneous, needless cameos of people appearing as themselves. I mean, since he walks around greeting everyone with the phrase Mariska Hargitay – you’ll never in a million years guess who shows up. When I compared this to Meet the Spartans I wasn’t being mean. This really does use a large number of the same techniques. The main difference is that while Friedberg/Seltzer draw their inspiration (if no one finds the use of that word offensive in this situation) from songs, movies and celebrities whose shelf life is rapidly deteriorating, Myers selects his inane, insight-free pop culture references from 15-30 years ago. Watching him play the song 9 to 5 on the Sitar during the opening credits is one thing. But when he painstakingly recreates the music video to More than Words by the long vanished hairband Extreme with the only difference being that he is, yes, playing it on the Sitar…well, you too will wonder what the fuck happened to this guy. Really? Extreme? The last time I watched that video I was fingerbanging my high school sweetheart on the couch in my parents den. How the fuck was that supposed to make me laugh? “OH I REMEMBER THAT VIDEO! AND WOW! THIS LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE IT! BUT WITH A SITAR! THAT’S FUNNY!” Someone call Larry the Cable Guy and tell him to make room on the bottom of the lowbrow comedy making heap. He’s got company. Fortunately for Myers, I’ve seen Meet the Spartans, Over Her dead Body, The Hottie and the Nottie and Witless Protection. So it isn’t the worst movie I’ve seen all year. But it without a doubt shares their real estate at the bottom of the list. Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em. Massawyrm
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Readers Talkback
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  • June 19, 2008, 4:49 p.m. CST

    mIKE mEYERS dieD in Austin POwers

    by Damien Chowder

  • June 19, 2008, 4:49 p.m. CST


    by chromedome

    ...and First?

  • June 19, 2008, 4:49 p.m. CST


    by chromedome

    just worst....

  • June 19, 2008, 4:53 p.m. CST

    man, i was hoping that it would be good

    by pcassou

  • June 19, 2008, 4:53 p.m. CST

    Too much time in Shrek's audio booth...

    by tvspace

    Eddie Murphy lost is decades ago and he's going to try another Beverly Hill Cop flick. Perhaps the unfunny funk rubbed off on Mike during the making of the turd that was Shrek 3. Of course, we'll be talking about Shrek 15 someday.

  • June 19, 2008, 4:55 p.m. CST

    man, i was hoping that it would be good

    by pcassou

    After the trailer i thought it would suck, but i like the guy, and i was hoping not

  • June 19, 2008, 4:56 p.m. CST


    by photoboy

    Man, this one sounds like it could be really bad. It's a shame Myers isn't as funny as he used to be, I think the last thing I really enjoyed was Austin Powers 1. Perhaps it's a good thing that he's not making another Wayne's World after all.<br><br> But you really should pay more attention when you're fingerbanging your girlfriend, Massawyrm, watching MTV while you're doing it isn't going to impress her...

  • June 19, 2008, 4:56 p.m. CST

    Wow. brootalz.

    by SirLoin

    See, I laugh at some of Mike's stuff. But the thing that annoys me is you can see on his face that he thinks it's REALLY fucking funny. And this just sounds like he took Austin Powers gags and recycled them with a lame new character. My boomer mom will love this though.

  • June 19, 2008, 4:59 p.m. CST

    haha "Nuked the Fridge" heehee

    by all

    The Toronto Maple Leafs are usually good for a couple of laughs...

  • June 19, 2008, 5:03 p.m. CST

    Wow, I'm kind of amazed

    by epitone

    I wasn't expecting this movie to be good, but I figured at least it would fall into the category of "if you get stuck watching it on the plane you might laugh once or twice before falling asleep." Sounds like it doesn't even get that far. Then again, I thought Austin Powers 2 was completely idiotic except for one or two funny bits, and didn't even go near the third one, so I guess I managed to jump off the train before it crashed.

  • June 19, 2008, 5:04 p.m. CST

    So your saying the movie isn't funny...

    by lonestaricon

    What entertainer hasn't made a few movies that were dead on arrival? 2 out of 3 AICN critics have unapologetically declared that this patient is DOA. Oh well. Think I will see Mongol instead. Better luck next time out Mr. Myers.

  • June 19, 2008, 5:08 p.m. CST


    by TallBoy66

    Fucking Leafs haven't been to the Stanley Cup finals since the late 60s!! Fucking 40 years!! I don't care if it's a goddamn shitty movie, if I wanna see them be cup contenders THIS IS THE ONLY WAY I CAN DO IT!!!!

  • June 19, 2008, 5:11 p.m. CST

    If the movie is really this bad...

    by Zeke25:17

    it is impossible for the trailer to be funny. Unless nothing in the trailer is in the film. Understand: I rarely if ever laugh when I see a trailer for ANY comedy (including movies made by the Coens, Albert Brooks, or other comic geniuses). I laughed out loud at Love Guru (the voiceover machine, Verne Troyer's mini-office, Myers dropping Verne at the small one's command "Put me down, jackass!"). Tickles me just as much as anything in an Apatow comedy. Why? Who knows--or better still, who cares? If it looks like something I'll enjoy, I'll see it, period. And I still say both Matrix sequels are terrific, Speed Racer was everything a fan of the cartoon could want, and just because one is a Kevin Smith fan doesn't mean he can't like Magnolia, too.

  • June 19, 2008, 5:11 p.m. CST

    had that feeling....

    by chainsaw1974

    the movie was gonna suck,least verne troyer is working.

  • June 19, 2008, 5:13 p.m. CST


    by ConanBaltar

    Massawym, you've just become my favorite columnist on AICN. So biting! So vitriolic. AND SO TRUE.

  • June 19, 2008, 5:13 p.m. CST

    Not to nitpick...

    by gavdiggity

    But it's SO I Married an Axe Murderer, not HOW I Married an Axe Murderer.

  • June 19, 2008, 5:14 p.m. CST

    myers actually had his 15 mins

    by palewook

    and its in the past..

  • June 19, 2008, 5:15 p.m. CST


    by Zeke25:17

    That boy's heed is like SPUTNIK! Spherical, but quite pointy in parts!...Now that was offside, wasn't it? He'll be cryin' himself ta sleep tonight on his huge pillah!

  • June 19, 2008, 5:17 p.m. CST

    It's "SO I Married An Axe Murderer"

    by TheMcflyFarm

    not "how"

  • June 19, 2008, 5:20 p.m. CST

    My name is John Johnson, but everyone here calls me Vicky

    by Zeke25:17

    Now here's something the OTHER guards won't tell you...

  • June 19, 2008, 5:20 p.m. CST


    by JackLint

    Anybody else see him on that show with Deepak Chopra (the main inspiration for the movie)? I saw it about 6 months ago, way before I knew what the hell the Love Guru was. It's acutally pretty interesting, and the way he talked about what he wanted to do with his movie had me interested. Then I saw the trailer, and I was shocked. It looked as bad as everybody says and was at complete odds with what Myers had described. I have to admit though, the "tell me what, you cuntface" line from the commercial made me laugh.

  • June 19, 2008, 5:24 p.m. CST

    The difference between Mass and Harry

    by BobParr

    They both hated it but Mass actually took the time to explain a bit WHY it sucked. So it's the same recycled adolescent jokes and Very Troyer is very short. Gotcha! And his pop culture references are woefully outdated and irellevant. Gotcha! Harry on the other hand decided to bypass that by saying "It Sucked" 1,000 different ways and obsessed over a couple of old hags in the audience that laughed. I wonder if Harry reads his writing and then pats himself on the back for a job well done?

  • June 19, 2008, 5:29 p.m. CST

    At least Myers destroys the careers of shitty actresses

    by BobParr

    Heather Graham and Beyonce are both gone. This should kill Jessica Alba as well(along with the baby wrecking her bod). Watch out Scarlett Johanssen, Myers might need you for SPROCKETS:THE MOVIE!!!

  • June 19, 2008, 5:30 p.m. CST

    "Garth? I'm cold... so cold."

    by Det. John Kimble

    Looks like Dana Carvey is the real winner.

  • June 19, 2008, 5:33 p.m. CST

    I was hoping that title meant something else...

    by br1947

    sadly, no...

  • June 19, 2008, 5:33 p.m. CST

    so i married an axe murderer is still my favourite comedy

    by chipps


  • June 19, 2008, 5:35 p.m. CST


    by chipps

    seriously though, genghis khan's rise to power is not an untold story.

  • June 19, 2008, 5:41 p.m. CST



    no - I pat myself on the back as I type. It's not as easy as you think, but with a few Yoga classes you could do it as well.

  • June 19, 2008, 5:46 p.m. CST

    There is one piece of comedy gold in this film

    by smackfu

    Which is the part where he runs out of midget jokes for Vern Troyer and soberly states 'you are a midget'.

  • June 19, 2008, 5:49 p.m. CST

    "Mariska Hargitay" could be funny if she didn't show up.

    by Flim Springfield

    But Mike Myers doesn't do "subtle".

  • June 19, 2008, 5:50 p.m. CST


    by 2sdaychicken

    Austin Powers 1, 2, 3, and Waynes World 1, 2 are ALL honestly in in my top 10 funniest movies of all time. And I've liked him in everything else, even in CAT IN THE HAT. Seriously... But Love Guru looks like pure shit. Sad thing is it will do much better than Get Smart. You'll see. I'll show ya.

  • June 19, 2008, 5:50 p.m. CST


    by Series7

    Disaster Movie!!! Fucking Freedbreg and Seltzer are gonna fucking kick all you nay sayers on your Apatowian pot smoking asses with the insurmountable amount of funny thats gonna be exploding in your face on the screen. JUST LOOK AT THE POSTERS!

  • June 19, 2008, 5:51 p.m. CST


    by chipps

    harry, like sword of damocles, hovering above us all

  • June 19, 2008, 6 p.m. CST

    Come on people, no need to gloat over cinematic death...

    by Darwyn

    I didn't particularly like this style of humor from the get-go, which is probably why I didn't notice everyone else noticing him running out of steam.... I didn't notice him building a head of steam in the first place. But you have to admit, you got to like the guy. And I don't know what kind of stupid idol-worship shit it is to say you like someone you've never met, but I have to say - he's like-able. And PS - thank you for saving Harry's misfire, Massa. Sometimes Harry's geekgasm is exactly what the Dr. Ordered - definintely not in this case.

  • June 19, 2008, 6:16 p.m. CST

    2008 mtv movie awards

    by RaveX

    were the end of mike myers as we know him.

  • June 19, 2008, 6:17 p.m. CST

    Just to Sledgehammer the Point

    by Geekgasm

    Its "So I Married an Axe Murderer", not "How I Married an Axe Murderer". If you're gonna base half your review on how familiar you are with Myers schtick, at least take 30 seconds to check IMDb for the correct title.

  • June 19, 2008, 6:21 p.m. CST

    Leafs making a cup run qualifies Love Guru as pure fiction

    by TallBoy66

    Which, again, is the main reason why I want to see it. When's it gonna be Leaf's time?!

  • June 19, 2008, 6:24 p.m. CST

    Without a doubt....

    by robotdevil

    This movie is getting the consistently worst reviews I've ever seen in my life for a single movie.

  • June 19, 2008, 6:39 p.m. CST

    Hey, Gus Van Rant, Mike Myers called...

    by IAmJack'sUserID

    He said your jokes weren't funny.

  • June 19, 2008, 6:40 p.m. CST


    by pdennett316

    Alternative titles... <p> Vertically Challenged <p> Compact Person <p> ummmmmmm <p> Short arse <p> Oh shit, I stepped on him <p> Lucky Charms <p> Warwick Davis <p> R2-D2 <p> <p> I give up, this ain't funny, but since when is being PC acceptable on here?

  • June 19, 2008, 6:41 p.m. CST

    "Nuked The Fridge" Is GREAT

    by TheBoManKicksAssAndTakesBlame

    I will use that for all sequel-breaking moments in films from now on.

  • June 19, 2008, 6:54 p.m. CST

    I'M SURE.....

    by Lanceloco

    We'll be seeing Austin Powers 4 in a year or more payday

  • June 19, 2008, 6:57 p.m. CST

    Good comedy is all about suffering...

    by proton45

    I'm not trying to sound like a know-it-all, but good comedy is born from dysfunction... its all about wanting to be liked. Once a comedian is "happy" or content they will loose the edge.

  • June 19, 2008, 7:05 p.m. CST

    Future Headline:

    by br1947

    "Mike Myers found dead on gas station toilet eating toothpaste"<br>Today the former Shrek star was found dead at a local Shell station where he had been living since the failure of his last direct-to-video bust "Shrek 8: Midget Party". He will be laid to rest in a private ceremony at the Vern Troyer's estate. Troyer was quoted as saying "Who's shorter now bitch"

  • June 19, 2008, 7:14 p.m. CST

    To be fair here. The Austin Powers premiere was similar

    by Orionsangels

    In 97 when I went to one the first screenings for Austin Powers. The audience I was with didn't laugh once and some people got up and left. Now it's cosidered a classic comedy. Maybe like Austin Powers, Love Guru's jokes take time to sink in?

  • June 19, 2008, 7:14 p.m. CST

    People are still using "nuked the fridge"?

    by slone13

    Gag me with a spoon.

  • June 19, 2008, 7:17 p.m. CST

    I feel bad for you Massawyrm

    by kungfuhustler84

    having to watch all that crap for your job. Yikes. I ahven't seen any of those shitflicks, hor do I plan to. At least your little signature art thing at the bottom of your posts is always cool.

  • June 19, 2008, 7:17 p.m. CST

    There needs to be an internet catchphrase...

    by WS

    for dumb internet catchphrases that are supposed to be clever but instead have the effect of making the people who use them look like trendy idiots who are incapable of thinking for themselves and can only speak in dumb catchphrases...maybe it could be called a "Snakes on a Plane" or a "Raped my Childhood"

  • June 19, 2008, 7:17 p.m. CST

    Indy 4's nuke fridge is a classic scene now!

    by Orionsangels

    I love it. It's so Indy. You know someone on youtube is gonna try that if we have atomic wars in the future.

  • June 19, 2008, 7:24 p.m. CST

    I Knew It

    by JWAO

    I thought Myers lost after the first Austin Powers movie. This review just confirms it. I'm guessing that GET SMART will be the same.

  • June 19, 2008, 7:35 p.m. CST


    by jimmay

    You miss the point, my good man. They're the same godamn jokes. They've been "sinking in" for over a decade now.

  • June 19, 2008, 7:46 p.m. CST

    'nuked the fridge'

    by cesaria

    needs to be replaced with 'jumped out of a plane on an inflatable raft and landed in a river'

  • June 19, 2008, 7:57 p.m. CST

    The ex-wife killed his career

    by MGTHEDJ

    Sometimes the pain of divorce creates great art. This movie may not be one of them.-----later-----m

  • June 19, 2008, 8:09 p.m. CST

    cesaria but that's not catchy...

    by Prossor

    and that instance clearly did NOT nuke the fridge. -)

  • June 19, 2008, 8:21 p.m. CST

    Ok, Mass I hear ya...

    by gringostar

    However I must confess that Harry's "review" seemed like he was in a foul mood partially because he didn't like the movie and partly because he is hungry and has a bitchy mail order bride. Harry, if if you really got in your first "real" fight over who made who see a movie that you did not like your marriage is doomed. Doomed I say!

  • June 19, 2008, 8:31 p.m. CST

    The biggest mistake Meyers made

    by Hamtaro Hentai

    Was casting Justin Timberlame. And I haven't even seen it yet. I must be psychic(either that or someone who hates bad 'musicians' who want be actors, and vice-versa)

  • June 19, 2008, 8:53 p.m. CST

    Yeah jimmay. I was just saying

    by Orionsangels

    I mean I'm sure it's crap. I never laugh at the ads

  • June 19, 2008, 9:29 p.m. CST

    Myers owes Farley

    by Kenny8

    I've always thought that Chris Farley's death threw Myer's career a life line when he re-voiced Shrek. I'd love to hear Farley's take on Shrek over anything Myers touches

  • June 19, 2008, 9:30 p.m. CST

    Sorry Orionsangels

    by jimmay

    I think the question mark at the end of your original post should have tipped me off that you weren't making a direct declarative statement.

  • June 19, 2008, 9:33 p.m. CST

    Meet the Spartans

    by antonphd

    the WORST movie I have ever fast forwarded thru. i was in a weird mood and wanted to see how bad it really was. i felt violated by the movie. Meet the Spartans was like watching a movie made by jr high bullys. It wasn't funny...except for assholes. I wouldn't say that any movie is like Meet the Spartans unless it is a cruel movie.

  • June 19, 2008, 9:37 p.m. CST

    Take it E-Z, Fro-doh!

    by Nasty In The Pasty

  • June 19, 2008, 9:41 p.m. CST

    Cesaria, flying inflatable raft out of a plane... possible

    by br1947

    Mythbusters tested it. It's on tv, so it must be true! Nuking a fridge however is like something crazy... like swinging thru the forrest with monkeys and catching up a car chase, or surviving a drop off a triple waterfall, or using a snake as a rope. Or even beening thrown hundreds of yards end over end in a lead box with no padding and tumbling out only mildly dizzy and confronted with CGI gophers.

  • June 19, 2008, 10:22 p.m. CST

    the trailers look BAD

    by kafka07

  • June 19, 2008, 11:02 p.m. CST

    Okay, at least we have some details now

    by Mullah Omar

    Massa, thanks for actually giving us some examples of why this movie is shit. Harry failed on that count. Actually, after finishing the first half of your review, I was worried that you would fail also. Way to dig one out.

  • June 19, 2008, 11:11 p.m. CST

    Career Suicide? There is no such thing for Comedians

    by TVguy4566

    If that was true, shouldn't Eddie Murphy's career died after Showtime? Or Pluto Nash? Or Bowfinger? Or I Spy? Or Norbit? Or Holy Man? <br><br> Adam Sandler seemed to survive dregs like Little Nicky and Mr. Deeds. Will Ferrell is still pumping out movies after Semi Pro and Blades of Glory. Owen Wilson is still doing comedies after Drillbit Taylor and You Me and Dupree. Ben Stiller survived Heartbreak Kid. Jack Black survived Be Kind Rewind and Nacho Libre. Steven Carell survived Evan Almighty. Jim Carrey seemed to have survived Fun with Dick and Jane. <br><br> Myers' career will survive even if this movie is as bad as people say it is. He is already attached to the Keith Moon story, a remake of the Secret Life of Walter Mitty, and another Shrek movie. He is already working more than he has in years.

  • June 19, 2008, 11:28 p.m. CST

    Mike Myers and classic commedy in same sentance?!!?

    by malificus

    Are you fucking kidding me? King of Comedy is a classic. Lost In America is fucking classic. Wayne's World a classic? Fuck ANYONE who makes such a fucking ignorant statement. I truly tried watching an Austin Powers movie once, I don't remember which one but does it truly matter? I couldn't reconcile how everyone in the world thought they were so hilarious yet seemed so retarded to me, so I sat down to watch one and it started right out with that stupid insipid Austin Powers music and launched right into an interminable dance number and I'm sitting there thinking: Where the MOTHER FUCK does Mike FUCKING Myers get the fucking GALL to do some big fucking mega-scale dance fucking number with tons of trained dancers all around shuckin' and jivin' and him with that "god I'd cut my fucking drawing hand off to cave that fucking face of his in with a lead pipe" grin and actually think that's something I want to see? I hate that motherfucking hack worse than the painful itch of inflamed hemeroidal tissue!!

  • June 19, 2008, 11:35 p.m. CST

    British Invasion

    by spudwas

    I quit being a fan of Mike Meyers after "Austin Powers" came out. What an ahole he is to denigrate the whole 60's British Invasion like it was the most non-creative era in human history. This new movie,in some ways, still lambasts this it. I swear I'll punch the next person (in spirit) that makes "Austin Powers" jokes when anything British Invasion comes up. F**k Mike Meyers for this. Mission accomplished Mike!

  • June 19, 2008, 11:55 p.m. CST

    He seems like a nice guy

    by Napoleon Park

    in all the articles and talk show appearances.<p>but I saw him on a talk show and he said "I always like to try out new things.<p>Well, that explains Powers 3, Shrek 4, Wayne's 2 and all those Deiter and Linda Richman sketches. And why "Shagged Me" consisted entirely of people reciting the catch phrases from the first Austin Powers movie.

  • June 19, 2008, 11:59 p.m. CST

    Denigrate the whole 60's Invasion?

    by TVguy4566

    I thought Austin Powers was a spoof of all the British 60s spy movies in particular Michael Caine's Harry Palmer movies, the Jason King TV series, and obviously James Bond. He chose 60's British Spies because of his father. <br><br> Also, Meyers was actually quoted that he came up with the idea while driving after listening to a Burt Bacharach song and wondered where all the swingers have gone. Austin Powers had little to do with the British Invasion. The only thing the British invasion has to do with the Austin Powers movies is that it coincides with the time period of the Spy movies he is spoofing.

  • June 20, 2008, 12:17 a.m. CST

    Agreed, Tvguy

    by JackRabbitSlim

    In interviews, its clear that Meyers was inspired by his Liverpool father for Austin Powers. Talked on NPR how his father loved James Bond, loved Michael Caine for his working class accent, and would wake him up at 2 in the morning to watch BBC sitcoms being rerun on Canadian TV where he grew up. The father died after a protracted bout with Alzheimers and clearly affected Mr Meyers.

  • June 20, 2008, 12:24 a.m. CST

    brit invasion tvguy

    by spudwas

    How come when I go to IMDB or youtube or other websites that show anything (movies,music..etc.) of 60's british invasion, someone in the comments will always say "How Shagadelic." These idiots have "Austin Powers" as their only reference to 60's british culture and the impact it made in the world. What an insult. Who knows..maybe it's your only reference also.

  • June 20, 2008, 12:28 a.m. CST

    Uh oh... some shit's going down in the left pane!

    by Johnny Thanatos

    First Mori's interview with Myers disappears, then minutes later Harry's evisceration of Love Guru disappears... Oh I can't wait to hear what happened here. I'm sure we'll hear all about how it was all just a misunderstanding and cooler heads, blah blah blah... my bet's on Myers calling up Drew with a big "WTF?!". Generally if I was a star (instead of a terrifying pervert whose job it is to make people vomit - not even a little kidding) I'd want to avoid an interview with me appearing right above an article in which the title calls my latest endeavor something shit would wipe off itself. I think I have this figured out. I'm thinkin now that Harry is losing all that weight he can see his balls again and is anxious to be reacquainted with them. Anyone?

  • June 20, 2008, 12:30 a.m. CST

    Myers has always been hit or miss

    by RowdyRoddyStriper

    The first Wayne's World was okay, the second one was awful. The first and third Austin Powers movies were hilarious, the second was just okay. Mini Me and Fat Bastard are fucking genius creations though. How can anyone deny that? If you don't think Mini Me is hilarious you have a problem.

  • June 20, 2008, 12:43 a.m. CST

    one more thing...

    by spudwas you say, JackRabbitSlim that Mike Meyers does adore the British invasion period...then how sad that the opposite effect happened to the viewers of the "Austin Powers" films. Now that period of history is just something to laugh and make fun of. Thanks Mike...please don't try to spread your love of that period again, it really is not very complimentary...oh but what the heck.You've gotten rich from your love of that period, now it's time for you to knock(excuse me..spread your love)of the creative 80's. That should seal the coffin of another glorious music era.

  • June 20, 2008, 1:23 a.m. CST

    Hey, Gus Van Rant, Mike Myers called...

    by J-Dizzle

    He said he wants his jokes back.

  • June 20, 2008, 1:52 a.m. CST

    Still looks funny to me...

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    And considering that half the movies you guys RAVE about actually SUCK... I'll take my chances with The Love Guru.

  • June 20, 2008, 1:57 a.m. CST

    still looks funny..

    by spudwas

    ....good luck

  • June 20, 2008, 3:33 a.m. CST

    Guess that Keith Moon biopic is perpetually on the back burner

    by DallasGoodbar

    Damn, and I was the only one in the theater laughing my ass off during the original Austin Powers.

  • June 20, 2008, 3:37 a.m. CST



    I just coffee-jet-washed my monitor!

  • June 20, 2008, 4:07 a.m. CST


    by Orionsangels

    let's make out! no not really. it's all good. i noticed in the press for this movie. myers keeps getting the question about the jokes being offensive to little people. He keeps dodging it by saying, "no vern loved it. i'm happy to give him work." that wasn't the question mike.

  • June 20, 2008, 4:21 a.m. CST


    by spud mcspud

    Are you a long-lost relative?!?!?

  • June 20, 2008, 4:22 a.m. CST

    We have a piper down! We have a piper down!

    by spud mcspud

    It's alreet... he's just pissed.<P> AXE MURDERER was a fantastic film. It's a shame LOVE GURU looks to be anything but. And the POWERS movies... good for a giggle, but they're not classics on the Spud DVD shelf.

  • June 20, 2008, 4:25 a.m. CST

    and I hate to admit this...

    by spud mcspud

    ...but one of the funniest things in any of the AUSTIN POWERS movies for me was the bit where Verne Troyer flies out of the tube in the space station and goes SMACK! straight into the wall.<P> I don't hate the vertically-challenged, and certainly don't think Troyer's career is the most dignified for a VC guy... but damn if some of the shit he does isn't funny, political correctness be damned.<P> See also SHASTA McNASTY for more Troyer madness. That needs to be out on DVD RIGHT FUCKING NOW!

  • June 20, 2008, 4:43 a.m. CST

    In other words, it's another typical Myers movie?

    by JackPumpkinhead

    This sounds like every film he's done. Especially the Shreks and those with that English agent.

  • June 20, 2008, 4:52 a.m. CST

    spud mc

    by spudwas

    hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm could be!

  • June 20, 2008, 5:07 a.m. CST

    David E. Kelley ...short person bigot?

    by spudwas

    Talk about haters of the "vertically challenged", David E. Kelley has got to be the absolute worst! His dislike for short people spews out so clear that it's embarrassing to look at. He probably thinks he's having cute fun showing the world the injustice that short people go through. But instead, it comes across like a short person "bigot" way of viewing the world. Especially on "Boston Legal". Sorry..I just had to get that off my chest! I know it's a little off the subject, but "spud mcspud" reminded me of it.

  • June 20, 2008, 5:46 a.m. CST

    We have moved on !

    by dude_gimme_tabs

    This is exactly the same problem as with quite a few movies from all genres at the moment. Simply that WE HAVE MOVED ON but the actors, filmakers and so on just haven't. Seriously. Dig out your DVD of Wayne's World. Dig out the early Austin Powers. Watch them now, they just aren't funny anymore. They were funny to us when we were teenagers and in the context of the times when we watched them but now..... nothing. Irrelevent.

  • June 20, 2008, 5:56 a.m. CST

    Mike(M.Knight)Myers= Fridge Nuking Chump

    by Stuntcock Mike

    "Where's the beef?"

  • June 20, 2008, 6:48 a.m. CST

    So I Married an Axe Murderer is his only film

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    that is rewatchable, maybe Waynes World....."We fear change."

  • June 20, 2008, 6:50 a.m. CST


    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    He'll be cryin himself to sleep on his huge pilla.

  • June 20, 2008, 8 a.m. CST

    Myers is not dead

    by PlasmaOrb

    If you think that his career is over cause of one film, then you all have your heads up your asses. You could say that about Adam Sandler and his current abortion of a movie called Zohan, fucking hated it.. one of the worst movies of the year so far. People could say that about Will Ferrel with his Abortion's Abortion named Semi Pro... i had to look back after watching it and think... did i laugh at all or was it just a pity laugh? Im gonna watch this and make my own decision about this movie instead of having some bitter wanna be writer say how good it could have been or how he was at a certain point in his life. We can say that about everyone, even the music scene, like the Red Hot Chili Peppers.. they USED to be good, but Rick Rubin destroyed their funk and intensity with adult contemporary psuedo alternative bullshit. Under the Bridge was the death of them in my eyes, but a lot of people still like them for some reason. I guess it all comes down to personal taste... i dont like the RHCP anymore but i still like Mike Myers... im more disapointed in him for doing all those fucking Shrek films and killing the scottish accent that i loved so much in the Axe Murderer movie.

  • June 20, 2008, 8:45 a.m. CST

    this career ending stuff

    by CherryValance

    seems a bit much. Even if it's the worst movie ever. It's only one movie. His next movie could be brilliant. You never know.

  • June 20, 2008, 8:52 a.m. CST

    Please don't compare Speed Racer to this

    by Sans Souci

    I understand Speed Racer bombed. I understand that many people didn't like it. But freck if Speed Racer didn't at least TRY to do something unique. (And in my book succeeded big time.) <p> Speed Racer doesn't look like every other Wachowski film the way Love Guru looks ABSOLUTELY EXACTLY like every other Mike Meyers film. <p> Sadly and realisitically, I think the chances for a Love Guru 2 are far better than a Speed Racer 2. Never underestimate the power of comedy dross!

  • June 20, 2008, 9:01 a.m. CST

    The interview was pulled

    by BobParr

    Interesting stuff. This just shows how "tit for tat" this industry is. I guess Myers or his "people" had a hissyfit after reading the reviews on AICN. If Harry and his crew praised this piece of dogshit movie there would have been a riot on the TBs.

  • June 20, 2008, 9:31 a.m. CST

    I love it when writers invent drama

    by ArcadianDS

    to make a boring piece readable. example: I thought you picked your seats BEFORE the movie. Are you telling me this woman with her 'dribble cup' was telling everyone all the jokes while you were all ushering inside to take a seat? Seriously, dude - if the movie is bad, then tell us. You dont have to invent imaginary boors in the audience in order to review a movie.<p> Also, if you are going to continue with this and make a whole series of articles where you give us a review of your audience, at least get their names. Most articles about people try to mention their names once or twice.<p> now if you'll excuse me, I have to find a review of this movie somewhere.

  • June 20, 2008, 10:03 a.m. CST

    Sans Souci

    by Series7

    Yeah and this movie probably won't bomb. I'd bet dicks to doughnuts that this crap makes more opening weekend then Speed Racer made its entire run. And that it still won't be half as funny as Speed was. In fact I'd bet that this movie would be funnier if either Spittle or the monkey played the role of Mike Myers. Shit I had something else but I lost it, and anyone hating on Speed why don't you go watch Indiana 4.0 for a 5th time in all of its Part Time awesomeness.

  • June 20, 2008, 10:29 a.m. CST

    So if this is the end of Mike Myers as we know it...

    by jackofhearts29

    .. what kind of unholy beast's birth are we witnessing at this point in time? I shudder to think... All I know is the LIVING WILL ENVY THE DEAD

  • June 20, 2008, 11:28 a.m. CST

    Massawyrm IS the Love Guru

    by Nickthedick

    "The last time I watched that video I was fingerbanging my high school sweetheart on the couch in my parents den." Wow. That was fucking funny!

  • June 20, 2008, 12:35 p.m. CST

    Since when did HUMOR have to be PC???

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    Sheesh, you guys are cowardly losers! I love good jokes about midgets, gays, whites, blacks, women, men, the blind, crippled and retarded! And obviously, 99.99% of you do as well, based on your past comments!<p>So WHY do you all put on these pathetic disclaimers in your postings about "vertically-challenged people"? They're MIDGETS!<p>What, are you guys planning to run for office one day and afraid you won't get their vote??? Political correctness is called that BECAUSE it's statements are made PURELY for political expediency... not in order to be truthful, but to make as many people "like" you as possible, by telling them what they want to hear, even if it's a bold-faced LIE.<p>So, Mike Myers, keep making jokes about midgets all you want! I, for one, will keep on laughing! :) Humor should NEVER be locked in a stale, frozen box designed to spare everyone's idiosyncratic feelings! <p>I just thank God Randy Newman made "Short People" back in the 70s! These overly-sensitive losers today would suddenly (and hypocritically) be calling for his execution if he wrote that song now...

  • June 20, 2008, 12:50 p.m. CST

    I dunno...

    by Spandau Belly

    I realize humour is one of the most subjective genres out there, and therefore really hard to write about, but the criticism actually all made this sound like a good movie.<br><br>Massa's angry because Meyers is making outdated references to long past cultural touchpoints like Xtreme? I dunno, I find that kinda funny. And I'm also willing to bet you commended HOT FUZZ or TEAM AMERICA for parodying a type of action movie that prettymuch hasn't been made for like 15+ years. I mean, c'mon, references to Point Break? Backdraft? Top Gun? Those are even older than Xtreme or whatever Meyers is choosing to mock. Same goes for those fake trailers in Grindhouse, they were all references or outright recreations of things long outdated, but we all like that. I'd rather mocking things that have had an opportunity to sit awhile instead of the Scary Movie approach of something that just feels like so last week.<br><br>I'm not saying this is a good movie, because I haven't seen it. But I sorta feel like because Meyers is an established comedian with a recognizable comic style that everybody's just chomping at the bit to be the first to call him over-the-hill or washed up.

  • June 20, 2008, 1:24 p.m. CST

    What happened to THIS Mike Myers

    by Series7

    June 2000: was sued by Universal Pictures for $3.8 million for backing out of his contract to play Dieter in a feature film version of his "Saturday Night Live" (1975) recurring skit, "Sprockets". Myers was quoted to say he would refuse to honor the $20 million contract rather than "cheating moviegoers with an unacceptable script".???? <P> OHHH AND Spandau, spell his name right? I don't want that Kanuk to be confused to be somehow releated to the correct spelling of Meyers family.

  • June 20, 2008, 1:30 p.m. CST

    Coupla thoughts....

    by shran

    #1--When you steal the premise of your movie from The Fish That Saved Pittsburg, you are asking for trouble. #2--If you are watching MTV while fingerbanging your high school sweetheart, you're not really focusing on the important things in life. Focus on the poonta and you will be pleased with the results. Focus on the hairband while going shocker and said high school sweetie will set you up with her older brother Sergio.

  • June 20, 2008, 1:44 p.m. CST

    The "only" role he went out on a limb was 54.

    by GQtaste

    Thats it, the rest is bullshit for him attempting to be an artist. You know, where he plays the dude that owns studio 54 and hardly anybody saw that one. And it wasn't a good film by any means but at least he took a chance w/ that one. The rest are bullshit!

  • June 20, 2008, 2:42 p.m. CST

    Mike Myers ...

    by FatherMcGruderKicksAssForTheLord

    ... has a new crappy movie. Dana Carvey has a new crappy standup on HBO wherein he imitates George HW Bush (way to keep it current, dude!). <p> What's next? <p> Simple: Wayne's World 3.

  • June 20, 2008, 3:06 p.m. CST

    Other ways you know Mike Myers has lost it:

    by finky089

    - He resurrects "Wayne & Garth" on the 2008 MTV awards <p> - He signs on for Shrek 4 AND 5 because, well, it's a payday and he doesn't have to do anything original <p> - He decides to approach Universal about making Cat In The Hat Comes Back <p> - He shaves his head in a Tarzana beauty salon just to make the cover of People magazine <p> - He lobbies for an American run of the play Equus just so he can expose his cock n' balls without having to create a new euphemism. <p> - He petitons Michael Bay to let him cameo as the Ice Cream Truck in Transformers long has his robot has talk in a Scottish accent. <p> And the last way you can tell Mike Meyer's has lost it: <p> When he finally writes a new original movie again it's called "So the Axe Murderer Found My Career"

  • June 20, 2008, 3:07 p.m. CST

    Mike Myers needed to buy a ham sammich

    by ChocolateJesusMan

    Thats the only reason this Abortion of a film was made

  • June 20, 2008, 3:55 p.m. CST

    Before we crucify Mr. Myers...

    by Big DM

    ...Remember that Eddie Murphy's new comedy, "Meet Dave", opens later this looks like 100%, pure unadulterated doo-doo.

  • June 20, 2008, 4:25 p.m. CST

    Saying Dana Carvey > Mike Myers is a crazy statement

    by smackfu

    Dana is the absolute biggest hack that ever existed. Not only was he terrible, he introduced something to sketch comedy that scars it to this day. You know that thing on sketch comedy shows where the audience reacts like crazy to some retarded line that immediately becomes a character's catch phrase? And all the character has to do is say that phrase and the audience reacts like the comedian is shitting solid gold? And it gets to the point where the entire sketch is built around giving him an opportunity to say that stupid fucking catch phrase? Dana Carvey invented that. Of course, he didn't invent the concept of a returning character with a catch phrase, but he invented the part where any semblance of effort or intelligence is removed from the sketch, leaving only the corny catchphrase, where the whole point of the sketch is just to have this character say his catch phrase in a scenario just different enough from last week that the audience doesn't think they're watching a clip.

  • June 20, 2008, 4:38 p.m. CST

    What Catch phrase...Could it be....SATAN

    by CrichtonAstronut

    sorry couldn't resist.

  • June 20, 2008, 4:40 p.m. CST

    "So the Axe Murderer Found My Career"

    by Kloipy

    Hilarious Fink!

  • June 20, 2008, 4:46 p.m. CST

    Kinda liked So I Married An Ax Murderer.

    by CrichtonAstronut

    Charles Grodin's camo was fantastic.

  • June 20, 2008, 5:01 p.m. CST

    your name sounds biased

    by Jawsphobia

    There is no comparison to Meet the Spartans, which I saw for free online and want my 90 minutes back. It's suspect that you even know the names of the people who made that movie. If you are Indian and object to Love Guru on that basis, fine. Then let that be your review. But instead you embellish it with a lot of hogwash. I can imagine fey critics wincing at a few gay comments in the film, and I can understand Hindus who believe their sacred cows are more sacred than Catholic sacred cows that are comedy fodder CONSTANTLY. But for the more objective movie goer who gets the joke it's pretty decent Mike Meyers. Better than So I Married an Axe Murder, and personally I'd say I like it better than Shrek, though the stakes aren't as high as Austin Powers world-saving.

  • June 20, 2008, 6:30 p.m. CST


    by finky089

    It must be the fuckin weekend! Hells yeah!

  • June 20, 2008, 9:41 p.m. CST

    I actually had off work today Fink! I know it's crazy

    by Kloipy

    got a free day to go to an amusement park. 3 day weekends rock

  • June 20, 2008, 9:46 p.m. CST


    by Alientoast

    Whoooaaaaa man!

  • June 20, 2008, 10:08 p.m. CST

    this will make money because of dumb people

    by jccalhoun

    I went to a matine today to see a movie that has been out a couple weeks. There were some people in there in their 40s to 50s and they laughed their heads off at the trailer. Which is pretty bad off but to make it worse nearly all the scenes had been in the television commercials that were on a million times. So either they live under a rock (in that case how did they decide to go to the movie I went to?) or they laughed ever single time they saw the commercials for the film. That's why I think this movie will make a lot of money...

  • June 21, 2008, 1:25 a.m. CST

    Extreme is BACK!

    by RosebudsStarfish

    Long Vanished hair band Extreme? New Album out August 12th with a World tour as well. I know most of you dont give a shit but I just wanted to clarify.

  • June 21, 2008, 1:52 p.m. CST

    What happened to Mori's Myers interview?

    by Kirbymanly

    Did it really get pulled because of the bad reviews? If so, why would you comply with that?

  • June 22, 2008, 10:42 a.m. CST

    Myers is overrated

    by Toby___Wong

    Always has been and always will be. And now he is teamed up with an actress that is all looks and no acting skill. Talk about a box office bomb.