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Mr. Beaks Observes and Reports on Jody Hill's OBSERVE AND REPORT (Starring Seth Rogen)!
SPOILER ALERT !!
Home again, home again, jiggedy-jig!
Place still smells like John Wayne Gacy's basement... in a good way...
So much has changed since I last wrote for AICN in 2005: there's a black candidate for President of the United States, a white heavyweight champion of the world, a married (and substantially lighter) redheaded webmaster, one more McWeeny, one less planet, and kudzu in Southeast Ohio. It's a strange new world... one in which Richard Gere is a box office gamble, while Seth Rogen is a bona fide movie star. I think I speak for all non-devastatingly handsome men everywhere when I maintain that we are a stronger nation for this.
But with great success comes great resentment, and while most of you are on board with Rogen's much-deserved stardom, I've noticed a "look-at-me" few rebelling against his anti-hunk ascendency. "He isn't funny!" "He's unattractive!" "He isn't funny, and he's unattractive!" "I liked him, but then he got popular, and now I miss Andrew McCarthy." Most of this is contrarian twaddle; no one had a problem with Peter Jackson until FELLOWSHIP, and no one took a shot at Judd Apatow until he had a box office hit (well, "no one" save for Mark Brazill, and there's a trail of emails available online to show you just how well that worked out). But on the off-chance that maybe a sliver of this uncalled-for animus is genuine, here are a few facts to consider:
1. Seth Rogen is funny.
2. Albert Brooks was no one's idea of a ladykiller in 1982, but his aesthetically unfortunate schtupping of Kathryn Harrold couldn't stop MODERN ROMANCE from becoming one of the great romantic comedies of the last thirty years. If Rogen nailing Katherine Heigl offended you, imagine it with ninety percent more back hair. Oh, and Chico Marx... he was kinda funny looking, no? Got laid on the regular.
3. I miss Andrew McCarthy, too.
But as I was saying, I don't think anyone with a rational outlook on the world is buying into some kind of Rogen backlash. Wait 'til the fall for that noise (when he'll be following up the great and wonderful PINEAPPLE EXPRESS with Kevin Smith's ZACK AND MIRI MAKE A PORNO - by the way, not a comment on the quality of that film). Right now, he's nothing but a twenty-six-year-old comedy wunderkind who romanticizes marijuana all out of proportion like a twenty-six-year-old comedy wunderkind should. Chances are, he'll evolve. If not, I'm sure he'll work a stunning variation on THE CORSICAN BROTHERS in 2013.
Evidence of Rogen's willingness to get away from the pot humor - which, frankly, is a relatively new development for anybody who's been with the guy since FREAKS & GEEKS - can be found in Jody Hill's screenplay for OBSERVE AND REPORT, where Rogen's character, a mall security guard named Ronnie, makes it all the way to page 101 before firing up the Al Green (for what appears to be the first time in his life). Unless the script was massively rewritten between late '07 and the beginning of production last April (in dusty ol' New Mexico), Hill's awkward character study plays a little like the further adventures of Fred Simmons (aka Danny McBride's delusional tae kwon do instructor from Hill's THE FOOT FIST WAY): Ronnie's a hard-charging social misfit who could've easily achieved his dreams by now (he wants to be a cop) had he any sense of restraint.
Instead, Ronnie patrols the Carolina Mall with overt self-importance; he engages in mild-speed, ROAD WARRIOR smash-ups with skateboarding delinquents; barks at the mall walkers for exceeding the maximum gait speed; and aggressively profiles a cell phone salesman of Middle Eastern descent named Saddamn. Like Simmons, Ronnie is a deeply unsympathetic protagonist; he's the kind of guy who's lost so often in this life that he's no choice but to switch off the sense of shame. Respected by no one, and loved only by his outlandishly alcoholic mother (with whom he shares "a shitty double-wide at the very end of the shittiest trailer park in town."), Ronnie takes it for granted that he is the ultimate authority on everything that goes down in the Carolina Mall. And while he lacks the power to place a single wrongdoer under arrest, he is emboldened by his ability to "observe and report". He is "the law's right hand". Or, as he boasts to the skateboarders he wrangles in the early going, he sees the crime, and he phones it in!
So when the local authorities are called in to investigate a series of "flashing" incidents (basic pervert in a trench coat shenanigans), Ronnie sees it as an opportunity not to suck up, but to flaunt his expert detecting skills - which, again, amounts to copious racial profiling and the rampant harassment of everyone save for Brandi (Anna Faris), the department store makeup counter floozie he wants to fuck. This quickly gets on the nerves of Detective Harrison - who, frankly, is much more interested in fucking Brandi himself than busting a rampaging sexual deviant. Together, they ascertain jack shit about the criminal, but that doesn't stop Ronnie from boasting to his buddies that they performed like some kind of Hackman and Scheider dream team.
Though I got a kick out of the Ronnie/Harrison interplay in Hill's script, there's no doubt the dynamic will be drastically different in the finished film; this is what happens when you recalibrate a youngish detective role to fit a grizzled bulldog like Ray Liotta. Whereas Harrison is shockingly tolerant of Ronnie's TV-cop-drama interrogations in the early going, I've a feeling that Liotta might play these scenes with a little more aggression. Personally, I'm hoping to see some of that NARC rage resurface; and if Hill dares to tap into that SOMETHING WILD fury... that way greatness lies (I'm not alone in believing that Ray Sinclair is one of cinema's greatest psychos, am I?).
Such ugliness would certainly fit with Hill's stated intent to shoot the film as "sloppy and real". Though he uses this to describe a full-on, trailer-bound fistfight between Ronnie and his mother (which reads like a cross between a Clouseau/Cato sparring match and the Cage/Goodman brawl in RAISING ARIZONA), I get the feeling that Hill would love for OBSERVE AND REPORT to play a little like a small-potatoes, white-trash rendition of a high-octane 70s cop flick. If so, it'll be interesting to see how this gibes with the broad, character-based comedy of THE FOOT FIST WAY; that's a lot to bite off for a sophomore feature.
As with most comedy screenplays nowadays, I'm pretty sure most of the dialogue in Hill's script is strictly place-holder material - which is good since some of it (particularly the exposition portions) is kinda perfunctory. That said, I'll be sad if this gem gets jettisoned:
It must not be getting jettisoned since WB just emailed me to remove it. I will fight the power at a later date. "Pick your battles," and all that.
For the record, Ronnie does eventually finagle an inebriated hook-up with Brandi, and I'm pretty sure the gloriously repugnant, kissing-through-chunks-of-vomit bit is a (very welcome) first.
To paraphrase a line from the script, OBSERVE AND REPORT is best described as the heartwarming saga of a taser-wielding fascist who learns that his shit doesn't just stink, it smells horrible. It's a portrait of bottoming out, bottoming out some more, and then completely melting down. And while Rogen's Ronnie may seem like a law-abiding creep on the surface, there's a solid core of honor buried under the narcissism. Building off of Rogen's fairly scuzzy process server in PINEAPPLE EXPRESS (guy's banging a high school chick), it suggests that this talented bastard has scant interest in playing the lovable, Belushi-esque scoundrel. He wants to drag the audience down into a morass of minimum-wage failure, and see if they still love him after he's behaved deplorably for a couple of hours. I can get behind this.
So, please, stow the backlash until Rogen does something truly objectionable... like co-star in a Nancy Meyers movie.
Faithfully submitted,
Mr. Beaks
2. Albert Brooks was no one's idea of a ladykiller in 1982, but his aesthetically unfortunate schtupping of Kathryn Harrold couldn't stop MODERN ROMANCE from becoming one of the great romantic comedies of the last thirty years. If Rogen nailing Katherine Heigl offended you, imagine it with ninety percent more back hair. Oh, and Chico Marx... he was kinda funny looking, no? Got laid on the regular.
3. I miss Andrew McCarthy, too.
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+ Expand All
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Totally.
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Thank God! Now if only you and Moriarty and Quint kill that fat fuck Harry Knowles - this site will be like it was originally! When Harry was posting everything and we had no voices!
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I DO like Seth Rogen.
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I swear to god, I was drinking a Stone IPA, passed out, came to several hours later, and the whole article was written. Astonishing.
And CHUD's wonderful. Let's not be like that. -
Jun 19, 2008 2:16:19 AM CDT
If CHUD is wonderful - where are all the Exclamation Marks!!!!?
by headgeek
Hmmm?
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that you have been going by Jeremy Smith for over a year? Really? Just checking.
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You can think of him as Jeremy Smith - if you wish... but when he writes as MrBeaks - something beautiful happens. As Beaks - he's constantly reminded of what he loves and is passionate about - Film, Character Acting and well... he's simply brilliant.
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that ass is hot, ripe and meant for plucking, fucking and bustin'
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...to read anything by "Jeremy Smith" on AICN. I'm cool with "Mr. Beaks" though.
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Because from where I'm sitting, it looks like he's still pumping out the same ol' feces.
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....black
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The top of this talkback looks like a dead zebra thats started turning blue
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Seriously, he's great, I'll be saying that even after all the Smith haters blog the blogosphere with their blogness about how much Zack and Miri sucks even though they haven't seen it... long live the SModcast!
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All I've been reading are news articles on those projects, then I get hit with these odd-ball movies with Seth in them that I've never heard of.
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They showesa CHUNK of it on the SUPERBAD DVD. like, last year! Meanwhile, a million other Rogen/ Apatow projects have apeared out of nowhwere. I'm not complaining, i'm just fed up waiting.
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..duh!
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There is such a thing as overkill...I mean damn every Aptow movie is basically like an SNL thing...one cast doing different roles. And everyone gets pissed Rob Schneider is in every Sandler flick.....LOL
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seriously. out of all the big movie websites with all the writers you take the crown for most non-fun dude in the history of non-fun dudes. SMILE!
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Welcome back/
Your dreams were your ticket out/
Welcome back/
To that same old place that you laughed about/
Well the names have all changed since you hung around/
But those dreams have remained and they're turned around/
Who'd have thought they'd lead ya(Who'd have thought they'd lead ya)/
Here where we need ya (Here where we need ya)
/Yeah we tease him a lot cause we've hot him on the spot, welcome back,/
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.
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No matter where you are, you're a great writer and it's nice to see you doing what you do best. Welcome home.
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lol. You really went there.
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Awful lot of ass-busting talk going on in that last black-box comment . . . seriously, the two of you make a great-looking couple. Go have fun, kids!
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Something Wild is a classic that not nearly enough people have saw. Did anybody know that Melanie Grithiffs character is where Tarantino took some inspiration for Mia in Pulp Fiction.
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His dreams were his ticket out.
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The answer is none... none more black.
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Pineapple Express new review ever day? I mean the movie comes out in like a month or 2? Shouldn't we have been getting reviews for this movie back in December? That or maybe Apatow realize that he is brand name now and doesn't need his shit pimped harder then a $5 hooker?
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in my history class. But whats the history of CHUD and AICN and JoBlo? If any? Are they related? Is CHUD's Angle to AICN's Buffy? Or is it more like Antz to Bugs Life to Any Bully? Whats the deal? And why are airline peanuts so hard to open anyway?
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Dear Harry, please fire Merrick and have Mr. Beaks do the daily updates. Also, please put Vern on staff full-time. Thank you.
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Hey, Harry--you're on speaking terms with Tom Jane, right? Is this pic that IGN is linking to of him all made up as Hex legit? Is AICN going to be running any sort of comment on that story?
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Seth has been hitting it pretty hard for 2 and a half years now (I mean doing movies back to back...not 'hitting' that bitchy pretentious whore Katherine Heigl). The man needs a vacation! Of course, after saying that, I'll be first in line for Pineapple Express. Can't wait. And off topic - why is Heigl such a flaming snapper?
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= C U Next Tuesday
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Now poach Farci!
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...that guy everybody knows who doesn't give a fuck about anything, yet, still gets more than you: that beautiful girl you're in love with because of what a great person she is ...he's fucked her at least twice. You try so hard to earn enough money so you can move out of your crappy apartment by the interstate ...he sells a script for a million and buys a house. You eat healthy, exercise, and still get some sort of cancer ...he eats junk food, smokes weed, never exercises, and he gets to fuck that beautiful girl you're in love with because of what a great person she is. Etc.
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granted they have funny bits, but the boring dudes like jeremy here who find them hilarious but go on a nonsensical tirade over batman begins' third act speaks alot to how much they suck as people. and they find these movies hilarious and special and amazing. funny bits yes, but when I think hilarious, i think naked gun.
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