@@@@ The Sentry snivels through another miniseries! @@@@ New Vertigo series announced at WWPhilly! @@@@ The Tournament Semi-Finals are here! @@@@

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What’s SHOOT THE MESSENGER?

Well, AICN COMICS: SHOOT THE MESSENGER is your weekly one stop shop for comic book news that’s dropped in the previous week. Thanks to Newsarama, CBR, Wizard, etc. for reporting it as it breaks. Click on the links for the original stories. This column cuts the crap to run down all the vital information for those of you who don’t follow it as it comes in, and serves it all up with that special ingredient of @$$y goodness. It’s also the place for interviews, previews, and special reports.

Stones Throw back with a run-down of announcements from the Wizard World convention in Philadelphia. Click on the links for more information…

@ Greg Pak’s writing MAGNETO: TESTAMENT, chronicling the X-Men villain’s early years during the Holocaust. Art from BATTLING JACK MURDOCK illustrator Carmine Di Giandomenico…

@ Aping Alan Moore’s 1963 and SUPREME, THE SENTRY is getting a new retro miniseries set in Marvel’s Silver Age by Jeff Parker, Nick Dragotta and Paul Tobin…

@ Marc Guggenheim’s introducing a new, female Kraven in AMAZING SPIDER-MAN. Ed Brubaker’s created “Lady Bullseye” for DAREDEVIL. Just smell the innovation!

@ MARVEL ZOMBIES invade the Marvel universe proper in an upcoming miniseries by Fred Van Lente and Kev Walker…

@ Doug Braithwaite is now exclusive to Marvel. He’ll be drawing SECRET INVASION: THOR…

@ Dynamite jumps on the pirate bandwagon about two years too late with BLACKBEARD: THE PIRATE’S LEGACY…

@ New shit from Vertigo! P. Craig Russell’s adapting Neil Gaiman and Yoshitaka Amano’s illustrated Sandman novel THE DREAM HUNTERS into comic book format! Original graphic novels coming with THE NOBODY by Jeff Lemire! SECOND LIVES, by Peter Bagge, about “Second Life” gamers! THE ALCOHOLIC, by Jonathan Ames and Dean Haspiel, an autobiographical story touching on 9/11!

Now over to Ambush Bug for the latest results from the Tournament of Infinite @$$-Kickery!

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Logo by superhero

ROUND FOUR:
BRACKETS ONE & TWO WINNERS!
SEMI-FINALS: FIGHT ONE!

Sixty-four of comic bookdom’s best fighters enter, only one will be crowned THE SECRET TOURNAMENT OF INFINITE @$$-KICKERY Champion. It’s comics’ version of March Madness, only it lasts a bit longer. Ambush Bug here yet again, on behalf of the @$$Holes at AICN Comics, welcoming you all back to a contest unlike any other: boiling fanboyism down to its basics...whether one guy can kick the other guy's @$$.

We’re down to the semi-finals. After last week’s bouts, only four remain. The remaining heroes are the best of the best. Some of them were born to win this match. Others are just lucky so far. Round Five is about to begin, but before we move on to this week’s fights, let’s see the winners of last week’s bouts.

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LADY SHIVA VS RED SONJA

Winning submission by Crap-tackle

Nancy was in Shoes and although she was thankful for the cool air pumping through the ventilation system, she was somewhat melancholy that her friends were sunning themselves at the pool while she tried to stay awake at her summer job at Bloomingdales.

The east door opened and a warm gust of wind blew the hats off the mannequins in Outdoor Ware. She was short in stature, but walked with confidence and poise. During the battle, Nancy would find out her name was Shiva.

It wasn’t long before the west doors opened with a burst that almost shattered the glass. Racks of sundresses toppled over by the force as Red Sonja announced her arrival.

Both women seemed determined and moved in a straight line towards one another. Shiva flipped over racks of women’s business wear and landed gracefully atop the glass case housing the bracelets. Red Sonja, on the other hand, barreled through the displays in a straight line, leaving ramshackle piles of skirts, handbags, and scarves in her wake.

The two women met at the outer edges of the Shoe Department. Between them, a Jill Stuart Women's Peeptoe Pump. In a blur, both women raced towards the shoe. This pump with flirty cutout detail was imported from Italy and proved to be quite popular this season. Originally priced at $380.00, today the shoe was 35% off and it appeared that both women wanted a pair.

The sample shoe switched hands numerous times in the battle. Red Sonja had a firm grasp on the pump, but Shiva let out a cry, something like “Leopard Blow!”, and punched the warrior-woman in the shoulder, rendering Sonja’s arm useless. But red coiffed warrior swung her arms like mallets, connecting and sending Shiva flying backwards into a lingerie rack.

Nancy hid behind the counter and could only hear the battle grow ever closer.

“Indecisive Badger Strike of Thrift!” Shiva screamed.

Red Sonja just snarled in anger and pain. Nancy could hear the She-Devil slam hard into the display of hip-boots she had just set up the day before.

Shiva collided with the cashier station. In her hands was the single Peeptoe Pump, nicknamed “Carey” after the star of SEX IN THE CITY. Nancy rose tentatively from behind the counter.

Panting and weary, the two warriors stared into Nancy’s eyes. “Wh-wh-what size?” she was able to stutter out.

“Six.” gasped Shiva.

“S-s-sorry, we only have that in size eight and a half.”

“Yes!” Sonja screams in victory as she pulls herself upright.

“But…I can put some tissue in the heel.” Shiva’s voice cracked, she did not seem to handle defeat gracefully.

“Tissue in a cutout pump…I don’t think so.” Nancy scoffed. Both Sonja and Nancy shared a laugh and high-fived.

Shiva walked away in defeat.

Sonja, with an armful of fashionable shoes.

And Nancy was left with a department to put back together.

WINNER: RED SONJA

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NIGHTWING VS SHANG CHI

Winning submission by James Chott

Atop the city, Nightwing walked from the shadows to the light of the noon-day sun, with a panoramic view of the adjoining skyscrapers that surrounded the high-rise. He took off his belt. Threw off his escrima sticks. Just man against man.

Shang-Chi, never full of words, charged Nightwing, confident that his battle prowess would easily win over Nightwing. Shang-Chi covered the ground between them instantly and let loose a flurry of blows.

Flying kick – Nighwing ducked and rolled over, back to fighting stance.

Kick – blocked.

Fist, fist, fist – Block, Block, the third landed, sending Nightwing back towards the edge of the building.

Shang-Chi, seeing his chance, pressed his assault. Furiously at the edge of the 114 story building, Shang-Chi was on full offense and Nightwing, balls of feet planted on the edge of the building, faced a fall sure to kill him, which was exactly where he wanted to be.

Shang-Chi, seeing how close Nightwing was to being pushed over the edge, drove in with strikes intending to send Nightwing over. At the right moment, instead of blocking or trying to duck out of the way, Nightwing caught a kick to the ribs. The cracking sound was like a thunder strike, echoing off of the concrete of the nearby buildings.

Nightwing began to fall over the side….taking Shang-Chi with him. Shang-Chi reached out to grab the side of the building and managed to catch his fingertips on the ledge. Nightwing, holding on to Shang-Chi’s leg, reached up for a better grip around his sash and pushed off with his legs, ripping them both away from the wall and freefalling toward the ground.

Nightwing spoke, “I’ve made over a thousand fun jumps from this height. What about you, Fists of Fury?”

Nightwing looked down, properly gauging the ledges and flagpoles for his descent.

WINNER: NIGHTWING

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Congratulations to all the winning participants. Winners move on to Round Four. Be sure to check out this week’s bouts. But first, the rules:

@ To even the playing field, contestants are powerless and weaponless upon entering the ring. They must win on fighting prowess and character alone!
@ Check out the fights listed below and send a 300 word (or less) fight scene to us determining who the winner is and how the fight should play out. (Remember: it’s best to SHOW, don’t TELL, in these submissions. That means write the scene as if it is happening, don’t tell us what will happen…it makes for more interesting readin’, don’t cha know!).
@ Be sure to indicate the winner of each match in the subject line of your email.
@ Submissions are judged by a select group of @$$Holes (hint: we’re looking for the most entertaining one to win, not necessarily the one that has been done and over done in comics before. ORIGINALITY RULEZ!).
@ Winners of each match will be announced in the column a week later (that means if the fights were introduced in Monday’s SHOOT THE MESSENGER Column, the winner will be announced the following Monday, same for Wednesday’s reviews column).
@ Submissions can be sent in to @$$Hole HQ via the link below until midnight Friday.
@ THIS CONTEST IS NOT FOR PROFIT but done out of love for Fan Fic, comic book store trash talk, and online comic book debate.
@ Have fun and enter as many times as you’d like! There can be only one winner, it’s up to you who that turns out to be!

Here are this week’s combatants! Be sure to follow the links to find out how our fighters have gotten this far!

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Semi-Final
Championship Match One
NIGHTWING VS RED SONJA

This is it, the first half of our semi-final match-up. These warriors have fought long and hard to get here and now they’re going to dig deep to move on to the championship round.

It looked like it was “Goodnight Trudy!” for Nightwing, in the first round. Blade took him out quickly, but Dick Grayson was given a second chance because the vampire hunter used weapons to win. This was all Nightwing needed to make it through the next rounds. Nightwing took out pretty boy MVP due to the Initiative star’s lack of experience. Nightwing was ready to take out Batman-lite when he faced down Moon Knight, but the lunatic proved to be just that and left before the fight was over. And in the above match, Nightwing’s experience with high-altitude acrobatics gave him the advantage against the Master of Kung Fu, Shang Chi. Now Nightwing faces his most fierce and beautiful opponent yet.

Although her first bout was controversial, Red Sonja proved she had what it took to take out Batgirl by forgetting the pain the tiny martial artist inflicted on her. Round Two was given to the She-Devil when she went toe to toe with Wildcat and out punched the champ. Male chauvinism took a hit in Round Three, as Sonja made the USAgent sing a few octives higher. And above, Sonja out-shopped the undefeatable Lady Shiva over a pair of shoes.

Who will win? The first Boy Wonder or the She-Devil with a Sword? Will the acrobatic guardian of Gotham’s streets be bested by the barbarian that boasts to be unbeatable by any man? Or will the warrior woman finally meet the man who can defeat her?

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Send in your 300 word (or less) fight scenes to the link below. Deadline is Friday. Look for the winner of this match-up in next Monday’s AICN COMICS NEWS SHOOT THE MESSENGER Column, and look for the other semi-final match in this week’s AICN COMICS REVIEWS Column on Wednesday.

Send your fight submissions here!

Good luck, have fun, and go kick some @$$!