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Massawyrm Has SEX AND THE CITY And Leaves It Bleeding And Crying On The Mattress!!

Published at: May 28, 2008, 7:38 a.m. CST

Hola all. Massawyrm here. Two and a half hours. Process that for a moment. Two and one half hours. Not 90 minutes. Not two hours. Two and a half hours. Now, with that firmly in mind, process this. Imagine, if you will, a Rob Schneider movie, a Ben Stiller movie and an Adam Sandler movie teaming up and slipping Rohypnol to the BRATZ movie, pulling a train on her sorry, barely legal ass, then leaving the unfortunate spawn of that unholy union in the LA sun for 40 years until it rotted and leathered to the point that it was attractive only to gay men and other women. That’s the Sex and the City movie. TWO AND A HALF HOURS. Look, before you start with the chorus of “That movie wasn’t for you” remember this: I enjoy a good chick flick. But this wasn’t good; not by any stretch of the imagination. This was a dick and fart joke movie for women. Make no mistake, the humor in this is as crass and base as anything the boys’ movies have to offer. Someone shits themselves. There’s a close up of some forty-year-old pubic hair poking out of both sides of a swimsuit. A four year old utters the word SEX to the amusement and shock of all present in the room. A Dog repeatedly humps pillows. Sound familiar? I spent a goodly portion of this film wondering when the Farrelly Brothers had decided to cut their balls off and develop a fondness for Prada. Two and a half god damned hours. Look, at its root, this thing is a comedy. And no comedy, no matter how funny, can truly sustain its vibe for two and a half hours, especially when it is gunning for laughs this low in the gutter. Add to that the fact that it is extraordinarily light on plot to begin with and you might understand why I was beginning to crave the cold taste of steel from the barrel of a colt about 45 minutes in. It isn’t so much a movie as it is a string of television episodes woven together. Every problem has an easy solution. Worse yet, those problems really aren’t actually problems. On the contrary, Sex and the City has set out to blaze an entirely new trail. One that leads toward the creation of the Anti-RomCom. Now, that’s not to say that if you hate RomComs this might in any way appeal to you. No. You know how in a romantic comedy, the big second act kicker somehow involves one of the characters screwing up, then realizing how they screwed up only to seek out and win back the love of the person they screwed up with? Yeah. It’s kind of the plot of almost every single one of those fucking things. And, yeah. It’s also kinda why we love them. Well, in Sex and the City we see the movie from the other point of view. The guys still manage to fuck things up – but rather than watching them realize that and try to make amends – we instead watch the bitter, heartbroken women swim in an endless sea of self pity for TWO AND A HALF FUCKING HOURS while, somewhere offscreen, those male characters are trying to make amends, only to find their apologies rebuffed. You see, in Sex and the City it isn’t about the big, romantic solution. It’s about women getting over their shit, realizing how they fucked up and then saying “Okay, I’ll take you back now.” And while I’ll admit that there’s more truth to these solutions than most people would like to admit, they do not make for entertaining stories. In fact, it only seems to reinforce what I never liked about Sex and the City to begin with. They’re not flirty and single because it’s so hard to find a good man. It’s because they’re all completely self-obsessed, neurotic, high maintenance divas. And I found each and every one of them thoroughly unlikable. There’s a workaholic neglectful wife who commits the sin of all marital sins – uttering the phrase “Would you please finish.” There’s the oversexed nymphomaniac who is in a long-term relationship with the perfect guy, but is getting bored because she wants to bang other people. Oh, and no one’s ever mentioned the swinger lifestyle to her, despite her living in LA. And being in the movie business. Then there’s the girl who used to be the most neurotic of them all, but now has the perfect life. Married, kids and utterly nothing to do in this movie. Then there’s our glib narrator, the woman who makes a living writing about the adventures of the other three. And while the narration might have worked as a tool to string together stories in an episodic format in the show, her incessant droning will make you want to but your shoe through the screen time and again. FOR TWO AND A HALF MIND NUMBING HOURS. But I just couldn’t get over how much this shared in common with BRATZ: the Movie. Montage after montage after montage with each and every problem finding a solution by the fabulously dressed four getting together, squee-ing in a pitch that will deafen dogs and neuter most of the males in the audience, and realizing that friendship will get you through any bout of rampant self-absorption. Oh, so this is what happens when you leave Bratz dolls in the sun too long. I’m not gonna get on the consumerism trip. Not here. Not with the crowd that will drop a grand on a mint condition Revenge of the Jedi poster and consider it an investment in the future. A COOL investment in the future. Come on, I’ve been to a sci-fi convention. And once you’ve stood in the dealer room and pondered dropping $45 on the Battlestar Galactica Boardgame you had when you were five years old, you can’t really fault a woman for getting excited about a $600 pair of purple fuzzy pumps that look like they should come with their own stripper pole. I mean, who the fuck am I to judge? But Christ in a bucket people, did we need so many montages of them doing it? For two and a…you get the picture. I will say this - the movie did take me back. 8 Years in fact. May, 1999. The screen goes black and words fade in. A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. The crowd loses its fucking mind. Then they watch Episode I: The Phantom Menace. Outside, after the movie, while several people bitch about the utter crappiness of the film, others embarrassingly say “Come ooooooooooon. I Liiiiiiked it.” Then they accused the detractors of not being fans. They didn’t get it. The movie didn’t suck, you just weren’t the right audience for it. Well, instead of A long time ago…, it was a piano tinkle. The familiar opening of the television series. I’ve read a number of flabbergasted critics try to explain the crowd reactions as devotional or bordering on the religious. But that’s only because they’ve never had a Trekee try to explain to them the redeeming qualities of Star Trek: Insurrection. Once you’ve been down that road, you can see exactly what this is. Will the fans love it? Yeah, probably. This is an event film and yeah, I can totally get that. But it ain’t for anyone else. I pity any man who walks into this with his girl thinking he is in for just the usual hour and a half ass pounding only to discover that instead he’s entered a two and a half hour oubliette from which there is no escape. Ladies, you want to get your man to do something wholly unpleasant like spending a day with your mother or cleaning the rain gutters? Offer this as an alternative. He’ll do it. Trust me, he’ll do it. Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em. Massawyrm
Wait a second. I think the plot of this was taken from an old D&D module. I think it was called INTO THE PIT OF THE SHRILL HARPIES.



Readers Talkback

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  • May 28, 2008, 7:40 a.m. CST

    Maybe first?

    by Abominable Snowcone

    Perhaps?

  • May 28, 2008, 7:44 a.m. CST

    Never saw the show

    by Abominable Snowcone

    There's no chance of me ever seeing this movie. My wife and her friends used to watch (my wife being only an occasional viewer) and I picked up just enough info about the pre-Desperate Housewives women to know they were completely unlikeable "divas" as Massa calls them.

  • May 28, 2008, 7:44 a.m. CST

    love the article title

    by greentealite

    that is all

  • May 28, 2008, 7:45 a.m. CST

    Nasty old hags

    by TedBundy

    Who think they've "still got it" will die lonely.

  • May 28, 2008, 7:45 a.m. CST

    Damn You Michael Bay

    by MCMLXXVI

    Damn You Michael Bay

  • May 28, 2008, 7:50 a.m. CST

    Yeah, but...........

    by ChiefRoberts

    Kim Cattrall is still hot tho! Does she get her tits out in this or what?

  • May 28, 2008, 7:51 a.m. CST

    So they made a movie version of that show...

    by Kid Z

    ...about three whores and their mom? (Brian Griffin rules!)

  • May 28, 2008, 7:52 a.m. CST

    I was forced to watch a couple episodes of this shitfest.

    by AgentArchangel

    The only thing standing between me and precious TV time was a group of women who just HAD to fucking watch the last episode. I experienced it, just to see what the fuss was all about, and it left me broken. SON OF A BITCH! Why in God's green earth did they make this film? Even some people who liked the show hate the movie. Thanks for the review Massawyrm, I only wish you included massive spoilage so I could arm myself with the crystal skull needed to ward off this film's fans when I get to bitching about why it sucks.

  • May 28, 2008, 7:53 a.m. CST

    Thanks, Massawyrm!

    by The Harp

    My wife was trying to make me go see this with her, but she always loves your reviews, so I sent it to her, and now SHE's thinking about skipping it! You saved my life, man! Is there any way you could write a review of something and mention that every Thursday should be "Steak and a Blowjob Day?" Apparently, she'll listen to you.

  • May 28, 2008, 7:54 a.m. CST

    Bad movie or not - the fans will never admit to hating it.

    by beastie

    Anyway, how do you get stuck reviewing Bratz and this, less than a year apart?

  • May 28, 2008, 8 a.m. CST

    should have had a pissed off bear in this

    by just pillow talk

    The four bimbos try and explain to the bear why it's wrong to eat people, and that fashion is most important. The bear mauls them all. Six and a half minute film.<p>Roll credits.

  • May 28, 2008, 8:01 a.m. CST

    or samurai monkeys

    by just pillow talk

    who run amok in NYC. <p>Hilarity ensues.

  • May 28, 2008, 8:02 a.m. CST

    we can even have dancing penguins

    by just pillow talk

    but who secretly work for the CIA, feverishly working to prevent any further SATC movies from reaching the big screen.

  • May 28, 2008, 8:02 a.m. CST

    Hags and the City

    by DarthBakpao

    they should replace the casts with Jessica Alba, Scarlett Johansson, Megan Fox, Mary Elizabeth Winstead.

  • May 28, 2008, 8:02 a.m. CST

    The show was only ever dick and fart jokes

    by Laserhead

    A bunch of aging whores acting like gay men. Yeah, people are going to turn out to see this. BOMB.

  • May 28, 2008, 8:03 a.m. CST

    they should have the same concept...

    by just pillow talk

    but with little people.<p>Starring Warwick Davis of course.

  • May 28, 2008, 8:04 a.m. CST

    Tony Jaa should come flying in from off-screen

    by just pillow talk

    and FLAMING LEG KICK them all.<p>They burst into flames.<p>Roll credits.

  • May 28, 2008, 8:04 a.m. CST

    you know 2for2true is gonna see this

    by just pillow talk

    and stab all the shitheels in the mouth if they start yapping during his "reflection time".

  • May 28, 2008, 8:07 a.m. CST

    saw most of Tremors II the other night...

    by just pillow talk

    It was really missing something...Reba maybe? <p>Though Burt was okay in it, dealing with those new graboids with small arms fire and some form of hand-to-hand combat.

  • May 28, 2008, 8:10 a.m. CST

    If you ever wondered why

    by Series7

    the rest of the wold hates us...its because of Sex and the City. Like i've had a couple of concussions playing Rugby, but I sat through half an episode of this crap and I made sure that night that someone woke me up ever half hour to make sure that I hadn't gone into a coma.

  • May 28, 2008, 8:11 a.m. CST

    Can't pay me enough to see this

    by Sithdan

    I can't stand the show, and this looks even more painful. Two and a half hours? Christ, what were they thinking?

  • May 28, 2008, 8:19 a.m. CST

    I could just imagine the premieres for this film...

    by AgentArchangel

    The director and cast stand in front of the audience, making small talk about the film. All of a sudden, SJP herself seems seized with some sort of evil spirit, she speaks in tongues. Her aged compatriots join in her madness. The evil SheDemon then commands all the women in the audience to seal the "chamber" and to offer a sacrifice to them. She demands every man's scrotum, so that they may be silent during their "masterpiece". Chaos ensues, the poor men lie in freshly castrated heaps, and as an added bonus SJP uses her Hulk arms to rip off the director's genetalia. As all of the women chant in sinster sounding Latin, the Head Bitch herself screams, "BLOOD ORGY!" Guys, prevent them from making a sequel and refuse to take your significant other to see this film. Do it for the good of the nation, and the good of your reproductive organs.

  • Exactly! For years whenever I say I don't like this show people accuse me of not "getting it". It's not that I don't get it, I just think the characters are all dispicable, dysthymic, and overall unlikable. And please, is the world still going to pretend that SJP isn't the ugliest actress out there?

  • May 28, 2008, 8:20 a.m. CST

    $600 for a pair of purple fuzzy pumps?

    by Knuckleduster

    That much money for something you step on? Fuck that.<p> Now, if it was indigo...

  • May 28, 2008, 8:21 a.m. CST

    Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a horse!

    by Marxeffect

    oh and its return of the jedi, not the revenge :)

  • May 28, 2008, 8:23 a.m. CST

    A rancid show/movie about trash-talking shrews

    by No Respectable Gentleman

    ... who do an awful lot of shopping. Is this what forty years of feminism has given us?

  • May 28, 2008, 8:23 a.m. CST

    Massa takes one for the team, and Harry...

    by Pennsy

    He deserves combat pay to boot.

  • May 28, 2008, 8:26 a.m. CST

    I never understood the womens fascination with

    by Series7

    transvestites?

  • May 28, 2008, 8:27 a.m. CST

    What? I heard this was good.

    by YakMalla

    Well, except for the CGI gophers.

  • May 28, 2008, 8:27 a.m. CST

    Epic Win

    by tomdolan04

    Nail on the head "They’re not flirty and single because it’s so hard to find a good man. It’s because they’re all completely self-obsessed, neurotic, high maintenance divas". <p> Seriously I've heard female mates throw around the words 'feminist' and 'girl power' around with this pile of shit show. If this is feminism exerting itself then god damn get the whole lot of them back in the kitchen quick. Admittedly it's introduced a lot of nice impressionable girls that being a slut and shagging around is acceptable since ironically all men are bastards, so i guess it balances out. <p> Since the movie seems to have taken the risque element out of the equation though then what ungodly purpose does it serve. Bah.

  • May 28, 2008, 8:30 a.m. CST

    You know what I'd like to see next?

    by fassbinder79

    Carnivale The Movie. HBO make it happen. Tie up those loose ends.

  • May 28, 2008, 8:31 a.m. CST

    maybe a nuke will go off...and when they all

    by just pillow talk

    try and fit into a fridge, the latch won't catch. <p>Problem solved.

  • May 28, 2008, 8:32 a.m. CST

    Two and half fuckin hours

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    Massa deserves a purple heart!

  • May 28, 2008, 8:33 a.m. CST

    No, NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    by BrandonGK

    Massa deserves a congressional medal of honor.

  • May 28, 2008, 8:33 a.m. CST

    what this movie needs it graboids...

    by just pillow talk

    Lots of them.

  • May 28, 2008, 8:35 a.m. CST

    A Theory

    by YakMalla

    You like S&TC if you can sort of imagine being one of those characters: female, rich, hot, lotsa sex, shopping, etc. Not that you ARE female, rich, hot, et al, just that, if you got a couple of breaks, that could be you.<p>Now, if you CAN'T imagine being one of those characters (say you're male, straight, country lovin', non-American, religious, nice, etc.), you see the show through a very different lens, and what you see is shallow, self-indulgent, possibly horrifying.

  • May 28, 2008, 8:35 a.m. CST

    wow, nicely said massa, not watching this shit

    by couP

    maybe if it was just centred around kristin davis

  • May 28, 2008, 8:37 a.m. CST

    marx

    by deSambor

    there were 'revenge of the jedi' posters made because that was its title before georgie changed it; thats why the damn things are worth $1000

  • May 28, 2008, 8:37 a.m. CST

    i'm gay and i hate the show

    by robat

    I also know women who hate it. So don't generalise please. Anyway I hope to never see this film.

  • May 28, 2008, 8:38 a.m. CST

    Smug smug smug smug

    by tomdolan04

    In the show, the voiceover of Carrie is what sent me over the edge. Self-righteous, smug, sanctamonious and patronising wench. Two and a half hours of THAT? Sweet freewheeling christ on a bike.

  • May 28, 2008, 8:41 a.m. CST

    massa I'd fuck a harpie but

    by logicalnoise01

    I'd never fuck sarah jessica parker.

  • May 28, 2008, 8:41 a.m. CST

    This statement alone seals the deal....

    by Jason B. Swaim

    "you might understand why I was beginning to crave the cold taste of steel from the barrel of a colt about 45 minutes in" <p> I promised the wife I would take her. I better get some buttsecks afterwards!!!

  • May 28, 2008, 8:43 a.m. CST

    TWO AND A HALF HOURS OF SJ'S BIG HONKER

    by la_sith

    That would be no, no for me.

  • May 28, 2008, 8:43 a.m. CST

    I hated the show, but...

    by rbatty024

    I was kind of hoping the movie wouldn't suck. Not that I'm going to watch it, mind you. But guys have been damn lucky with some fine genre films of the past eight years and it's a real shame that all women get is 27 Dresses. Why are romantic comedies and other films aimed at women so bad?

  • May 28, 2008, 8:44 a.m. CST

    Another Theory

    by YakMalla

    S&TC is basically an empowerment fantasy. If you find these women's use of power anything beyond trivially appealing, you probably shouldn't be trusted with any power yourself.

  • May 28, 2008, 8:47 a.m. CST

    only to discover that instead he’s entered a two and a half hour

    by Jonah Echo

    genius, Massa!

  • May 28, 2008, 8:47 a.m. CST

    er that should have read...

    by Jonah Echo

    only to discover that instead he’s entered a two and a half hour oubliette from which there is no escape.

  • May 28, 2008, 8:50 a.m. CST

    All you Talkbackers..

    by DonLogan

    that refer to the actresses in this show as 'TRANNIES', 'HAGS' and SJP as 'HORSE-FACED' and 'FUCKING UGLY AS FUCK' are completely and utterly correct. Why women buy this shit and are convinced SJP is some kind of 'style icon' is beyond me, I mean if your girlfriend turned up wearing a fucking tutu with a bow-tie and waistcoat she'd be heckled right there in the street. But for some reason women think that the TINY CRONE-FACED WART HEADED BULIMIC TITLESS NEEDY SHALLOW BITCH looks good!?!

  • May 28, 2008, 8:52 a.m. CST

    Wow this headline

    by egg86

    is incredibly offensive. I get that you really hated this film, but was it necessary to convey that through rape imagery?

  • May 28, 2008, 8:53 a.m. CST

    DonLogan

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    I guess they all wanna fuck Ferris.

  • May 28, 2008, 8:54 a.m. CST

    Fuck the Medal of Honor

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    Massa for President!

  • May 28, 2008, 8:57 a.m. CST

    DonLogan

    by just pillow talk

    "TINY CRONE-FACED WART HEADED BULIMIC TITLESS NEEDY SHALLOW BITCH looks good!?!"<p>Could not have been put better.<p>egg86, what rape imagery? That's just how you viewed the headline.

  • May 28, 2008, 8:57 a.m. CST

    Movie abomination

    by kwisatzhaderach

    hopefully Indy will bury it.

  • May 28, 2008, 8:58 a.m. CST

    Plant

    by menacingphantom

  • May 28, 2008, 9 a.m. CST

    So how long was the film again Massa?

    by Big_Bubbaloola

    I keed I keed!!!!!!!

  • May 28, 2008, 9:01 a.m. CST

    Nice review

    by Bobo_Vision

    This show and movie is like the tub of ice cream that some women eat after they get dumped or when the guy doesn't call. It caters to their shallow, materialistic, man-hating/needing urges, and convinces them that they are empowered and have strength in their mutual shallow numbers. And it also convinces ugly horse-faced women that they are in fact attractive to men. <p> If you ever see a woman order a cosmo at a bar, you can be sure she lives and dies by this show, and you can read her like a book from there.

  • May 28, 2008, 9:03 a.m. CST

    Sex and the City is vaguely feminist...

    by rbatty024

    in that third wave feminist kind of way. You know, the feminism that comodifies everything so it can be sold back to women as empowering when in reality it's just reinforcing the worst stereotypes of women.

  • May 28, 2008, 9:05 a.m. CST

    This was actually once a good show

    by youhatestarwars

    Of course the women aren't going to be flawless male fantasies. They never were. Wish-fulfilment doesn't equate with fiction. Hell, neither does real life. I like all the women to varying degrees (except Sarah Jessica Parkers's character who is a fucking retard), But it's probably fair to say that this movie will resemble the latter-day fag-hag fashion show superbitchfest that it became, rather than the well-written, relevant and poignant human stories it once showcased.

  • May 28, 2008, 9:05 a.m. CST

    If you don't like the show, then why

    by Cruel_Kingdom

    would you think you'd like the movie? That's fucking stupid.

  • May 28, 2008, 9:09 a.m. CST

    If your GF drags you to this

    by I Dunno

    She better give the best head the world has ever seen. I mean better head than Heather Graham and Tom Cruise combined. <p>But I'll repeat my axiom. If you and your girl have to drag each other to movies, if the same movies (or TV shows for that matter) don't click with each other, it's not going to work.</p>

  • May 28, 2008, 9:10 a.m. CST

    Sorry deSambor

    by Marxeffect

    My bad :'(

  • May 28, 2008, 9:16 a.m. CST

    It

    by The Funketeer

  • May 28, 2008, 9:17 a.m. CST

    Honestly...

    by HeyJoe

    Does this review surprise anyone? Did anyone who is a fan of this site and what it represents imagine this would be a good movie for the geek crowd?

  • May 28, 2008, 9:18 a.m. CST

    It's the chick version of Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

    by The Funketeer

    No reason to be made other than to appease the fans of the show who for some reason felt there was a need to keep the "story" going. Haven't seen the movie. Won't see the movie. But my wife watched the show and I saw enough of it to agree (for once) with Massa that these women are all terrible people who deserve every ounce of unhappiness the writers put on them. Who wants to sit around and watch a bunch of people they don't like?

  • May 28, 2008, 9:18 a.m. CST

    rbatty024

    by tomdolan04

    Yeah it is quite bad that realistic/strong female characters are a lot rarer than male ones, without them being reduced to being drippy love/sex objects or foil for the guys to drive the plot along. <p> Which gives them all the more reason to not put up with this trash really.

  • May 28, 2008, 9:22 a.m. CST

    This sounds like the perfect movie

    by slone13

    ...for the men who didn't like Indy 4.

  • May 28, 2008, 9:26 a.m. CST

    Lucky Me....

    by NoCalFlicks

    I guess I would consider myself as one of the lucky fellas out there seeing as that my wife pretty much despises the show. One thing I am truly sick of is when I tell someone I thing the show and ESPECIALLY the four female lead characters, SUCK, I repeatedly get told "Oh you just don't get them" For fucks sake, I get them all right, they are the same shallow, over the hill, neurotic, sanctamonious, self-righteous types that can be found in any public place on a friday or saturday night after the sun has gone down.

  • May 28, 2008, 9:32 a.m. CST

    3 Hookers and their mom...

    by charlie dontsurf

    i do like the dark haired cutie tho...

  • May 28, 2008, 9:34 a.m. CST

    How dare these sluts comment on Star Wars

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    A Super FUCK YOU to all involved in this disgusting display of where our culture is at.

  • May 28, 2008, 9:34 a.m. CST

    The whole argument

    by tomdolan04

    about 'oh you hate it, well your not its target demographic so you're wrong' is the most frustrating one in the world. Its retarded. It didn't work for George Lucas and it doesn't work here. <p> A bad film is a bad film.

  • May 28, 2008, 9:39 a.m. CST

    Is this really a surprise......

    by D o o d

    I mean we all suspected it would be shit and it turns out that it is. This is nothing more than a money making venture by the people involved and as much as I'd love to knock 'em for it. I can't. People will go see this and it will make a lot of money. I'll hate it all the same!

  • May 28, 2008, 9:43 a.m. CST

    wow, bob, wow ...

    by emu47

    The vitriol in this talkback is ... ah, hell, not surprising in the least I guess. The headline is, as has been said, completely tasteless, and the comments here are the most bitter reactions to a 'chick flick' I think I've ever seen. I'm a straight male, and I liked the show, for whatever that's worth. For me, the show always seemed to like and treat its male characters far more fairly than a show like--oh, I don't know--Entourage, for example, treats it's female characters. Sex and the City is less shallow than Entourage, but I guess far more threatening. Wonder why that is.

  • May 28, 2008, 9:49 a.m. CST

    So how long is this movie?

    by Midnightxpress

    :) Great review, made me shoot coffee all over my keyboard

  • May 28, 2008, 9:51 a.m. CST

    Quite seriously...

    by Latauro

    ...when I got the invite to the Sex and the City screening, my reaction was "Hahaha, not a chance, but I can't wait to read Massa's review". So I avoided watching the film, and got to read your take on it. That's called a win-win.<BR><BR> Also, I wouldn't call myself a Trekkie/ee/er/ovski by any stretch of the imagination, but when one of us visits the other's continent and we finally get around to having that oft-promised beer, I *will* tell you why Insurrection is great. No, seriously.

  • May 28, 2008, 9:53 a.m. CST

    emu47, dude its two and a half fuckin hours

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    but fair enough mate, to each their own I guess.

  • May 28, 2008, 9:54 a.m. CST

    "Insurrection" is great...

    by Christopher3

    For testing the resolution of your HDTV, as anyone who reads CNet's TV reviews knows.

  • May 28, 2008, 9:55 a.m. CST

    For what its worth....

    by Bobo_Vision

    ...I hate the show "Entourage" for most of the same reasons I hate "Sex in the City". Those guys are douches.

  • May 28, 2008, 9:56 a.m. CST

    "...convinces ugly horse-faced women.."

    by Silverglade

    "And it also convinces ugly horse-faced women that they are in fact attractive to men. "<p>Love it. Makes me think there is some pool of horse-face chicks out there praising the success of another horse-face. I wonder if all the horse-faces get together for meetings.

  • May 28, 2008, 10:02 a.m. CST

    you really need some female reviwers round here

    by FILMFUNK

    Cum guzzling old harpies aint my idea of a good night out and if the TV show had been men treating women the way these girlpower assheads treated men then it would have been banned! Massa i didn't read the review but spotted the line -<P>''I just couldn’t get over how much this shared in common with BRATZ''<P>Harry give this guy a break! or does Massa actually seek out these flicks over normal movies!?

  • May 28, 2008, 10:05 a.m. CST

    emu47

    by Laserhead

    There's nothing threatening about Sex and the City. The show's about four selfish, cock-crazed neurotics whining about their problems getting cock. It pretends its characters are empowered when in reality they're servile and whiny and build their entire lives around staring at their navels and trolling for cock. The only threatening thing about it is that this when this kind of shallow, narcissistic work is held up as being somehow 'good', then I worry about our civilization. Its fans are people who like having their most shallow, self-absorbed traits legitimized by the four gay men dressed like women on S&TC. You're only defense for it is that men on the show are treated better than women on Entourage? So fucking what? I don't hate how men are treated on S&TC, I hate the characters on S&TC, period. For the record, I don't like Entourage for much the same reason, but I think that show takes itself less seriously than S&TC. The writing is charmless and without insight, yet it treats the most obvious realizations as great profundities that only horse-face could have come up with. It's pretentious in that it dresses up its narcissism and shallowness with a vocabulary that believes it's being deep and insightful. It's anti-romantic.

  • May 28, 2008, 10:10 a.m. CST

    me me me me me

    by hoisin

    I guarantee that that's all this film is about.

  • May 28, 2008, 10:12 a.m. CST

    So how long is this movie?

    by The Seaward

  • May 28, 2008, 10:12 a.m. CST

    Your Opinion Please On This Deal: The Dark Knight and SATC

    by Clarke

    Here's the deal in my house: I have made a promise to attend this 'Sex and the City' movie with my wife, with the agreement on the other end that she attends a July 16 early opening of 'The Dark Knight' in Chicago at Navy Pier. What do you think? Is this a fair trade?! Have I oversold myself?! Is it worth it?!! Massawyrm's review has me thinking I'm gonna be on the losing end.

  • May 28, 2008, 10:15 a.m. CST

    The review and feedback

    by pearlanddean

    is the funniest thing I've read in ages. I can't stop laughing every time I think of the phrase 'horse-faces'.

  • May 28, 2008, 10:15 a.m. CST

    Clarke.....your a dead man

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    Your woman gets to see class, you get to see assfaces.

  • May 28, 2008, 10:16 a.m. CST

    Don't do it clarke

    by Laserhead

    Just don't make her go see Dark Knight, either. Go see it by yourself. Everybody wins.

  • May 28, 2008, 10:16 a.m. CST

    SO MASSAWYRM, I GOT UP THIS MORNING AND READ THIS

    by BurgerTime

    And laughed my fucking ass off. Let's go back to the highlight reel: <p> 1. "Add to that the fact that it is extraordinarily light on plot to begin with and you might understand why I was beginning to crave the cold taste of steel from the barrel of a colt about 45 minutes in." <p> 2. "Montage after montage after montage with each and every problem finding a solution by the fabulously dressed four getting together, squee-ing in a pitch that will deafen dogs and neuter most of the males in the audience, and realizing that friendship will get you through any bout of rampant self-absorption." <p> 3. "Oh, so this is what happens when you leave Bratz dolls in the sun too long." Ouch. <p> 4. "I pity any man who walks into this with his girl thinking he is in for just the usual hour and a half ass pounding only to discover that instead he’s entered a two and a half hour oubliette from which there is no escape. <p> Instant classic. Thank God for this site.

  • May 28, 2008, 10:17 a.m. CST

    You can make a show about shallow people, but...

    by rbatty024

    it shouldn't be anything like Sex and the City. Sex and the City pretended that these shallow characters had depth and were empowered without actually showing us why. <p> On the other hand there's a show like Seinfeld, which had shallow characters, but made it clear they were awful people. They were not heroes. Instead, the audience is supposed to recognize their own failings in the characters without putting the same characters on a pedestal. <p> But what do I know. I can count the number I've times I've seen Sex and the City on one hand.

  • May 28, 2008, 10:19 a.m. CST

    flee the country Clarke...

    by just pillow talk

    It's the only answer.

  • May 28, 2008, 10:22 a.m. CST

    rbatty that was perfect

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    Seinfeld was great because they knew they were bad people.

  • May 28, 2008, 10:24 a.m. CST

    Clarke, this brings me back to my earlier question...

    by rbatty024

    why are there no quality genre films for women? Is it because Hollywood is controlled by men so they pump out caricatures of what they believe women want to see? Genre films for men are widely regarded as just plain good movies (see Batman Begins or Spiderman 2), but it is not the same for women. Even when romantic comedies are positively reviewed, they are usually reviewed as "good for a romantic comedy" rather than just a plain good movie. It's a real shame.

  • May 28, 2008, 10:27 a.m. CST

    Yeah, Julia Roberts and Gere

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    aint no Spencer and Tracy.

  • May 28, 2008, 10:35 a.m. CST

    Exactly Nomore dirtyjokespleaseweareYanks.

    by rbatty024

    If modern romantic comedies were more like The Apartment then I would be the first one in line to buy a ticket. This time the old cliche is spot on: They just don't make them like they used to.

  • May 28, 2008, 10:41 a.m. CST

    I can't watch any made today

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    Even When Harry met Sally is forced trype compared to the golden oldies. Matthew fuckin abbs man Mcfuckahee. Ich don't think so.

  • May 28, 2008, 10:49 a.m. CST

    No...no...they should have let Crispin Glover direct...

    by Kid Z

    ...and had an all-Downs Syndrome cast! 2.5 hours would still be too much, though.

  • May 28, 2008, 10:49 a.m. CST

    Sex and the City was never for dudes

    by blackmantis

    Having a dude review it is just pointless. I watched the show sometime with my wife and it was often funny, but half an hour was about as much as I could take.

  • May 28, 2008, 10:54 a.m. CST

    Did Massawyrm piss somebody off?

    by Lucasblows

    Bratz: The Movie and Sex & the City. What did you do to deserve this torture?!?!?!

  • May 28, 2008, 11:07 a.m. CST

    rbatty024

    by YakMalla

    I was just about to mention Seinfeld as an example of a comedy starring self-absorbed horrible people which is actually FUNNY, and you said it first. Excellent point.<p>The key difference between the shows, other than the respective talent involved, was that Seinfeld never never never never EVER took itself seriously.

  • May 28, 2008, 11:19 a.m. CST

    "real fact" #113

    by just pillow talk

    The fastest recorded speed of a racehorse was over 43 mph.<p>See, related to horse face Parker.

  • May 28, 2008, 11:20 a.m. CST

    BEST ... REVIEW ... EVER !!!!

    by TheCap

    My gawd, Massa, that's frikkin' AICN GOLD !!! If this one doesn't get immediate entry into the AICN Hall Of Fame, there's no justice in the universe. And, just to correct those who think Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a horse : her face looks like a FOOT. A FOOT, people. A big, ugly, over-arched nasty FOOT. That is all.

  • May 28, 2008, 11:22 a.m. CST

    2 and a half long hours

    by moderate

    Sex and the City the movie about a bunch of charitable prostitutes who go around sleeping with any man/thing with a penis. The 4 characters perpetuate the idea that being a whore is totally cool while the actresses who play these characters, bar the one that plays the haggy ultra-prostitute, have normal married lives outside this suedo fiction. The film and the show is a display of how pathetic or bad the culture of the US has gotten in some areas. This is not to say anything bad about the US at all. I think that folks living in the mid-west would happily contest that neither the show or the film properly represent the true cultural value of the US and they are right. No, what Sex and the City represents culturally are the very worst elements of a capitalistic system that has gone mad and is without proper boundries and regulations. These women live incredibly shallow lives, the show never mentions the struggles of many women who live in poverty or lack of support or even the struggles of single mothers. No, this series is all about the collection of over-priced sweatshop made shoes and clothing and whoring yourself out so much that you eventually become a valueless, meaningless, pathetic object. Seriously would any men here even consider one second the thought of marrying or getting into a long-term relationship with any of these protitutes?

  • May 28, 2008, 11:27 a.m. CST

    Haha, alot of insults

    by Novaman5000

    and big internet macho men patting eachother on the back. About what I'd expect from a SATC talkback on AICN. Tell me again why you'd review this film here? So the fanboys could make fun of something that they find so inexplicably threatening? Well, whatever works, I guess.<p> I'd agree with Emu, though. Guys get much better/realistic roles in SATC than women do in Entourage.

  • May 28, 2008, 11:31 a.m. CST

    Also, think about it this way:

    by Novaman5000

    If HBO were to make a Carnivale movie, it'd damn well better be 2.5 hours. This movie is this long because people who like the show want it to be this long. It's all fan service. Imagine if Indy was 90 minutes, how pissed off the fanboys would have been.

  • May 28, 2008, 11:33 a.m. CST

    Indy at 90 Minutes...

    by AgentArchangel

    ...might have been better. Less slow spots, more of the Indy we know and love, and more of a possibility for a sequel. Not that it was bad in its current form, but it could work if done the right way.

  • May 28, 2008, 11:36 a.m. CST

    My uncle owned a Horse, I fucked it

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    but I wouldn't shag SJP on a bet

  • May 28, 2008, 11:36 a.m. CST

    Speaking of Indy 4...

    by rbatty024

    it's damn lucky that Sex and the City is opening up a weekend after its debut. That should probably help its already impressive box office. I don't think the audiencea for these films overlap much. Warner Brothers should have been thinking about this when they decided to release Speed Racer. In a summer this long they could have figured out a weekend that gave Speed Racer a little more breathing room.

  • May 28, 2008, 11:41 a.m. CST

    Best thing about this show/film is the talkback

    by conspiracy

    Well, that and the fact that this Show, and the shallow creatures it spawned at bars across this great nation, allowed me to shed the last vestiges of caring,emotion and heart I had when banging these cosmo swilling, Amex card melting, narcissism adled whores. Flithy tarts like this brought new meaning to the term "Grudge Fuck" Really, this show legitimized whoreism...and gave us guys an entirely new type of barfly to shag...one we truely could not give a flying fuck about nor really could never feel the least bit of emotion for outside the need to drop seed deep within their self centered wombs/bowels. Thank You Sex and The City..from the bottom of my recently emptied ball sack.

  • May 28, 2008, 11:42 a.m. CST

    Novaman5000

    by Bobo_Vision

    Don't take this the wrong way, or respond with a catty response...but are you gay? I'm just trying to understand you.

  • I bought her the whole show as they came out on DVD for her birthdays...but it had been years since she watched them. Now it has been three weeks of every episode, back-to-back..while I try to get my work done.<p>Help me. I am in Hell.<p> This show, while vaguely entertaining in small doses years ago, is incredibly annoying now--and Kim Cattrell's hot body is not enough to make me watch it. I will be seeing Indy for the first time this weekend, rather than "Horseface, Her Shoes, Her Bitchy Friends and Their Mom in the City".

  • May 28, 2008, 11:45 a.m. CST

    PS I Love You

    by xevoid

    I haven't seen a chick flick in a while because I haven't been forced to. But my girfriend wanted me to watch a double header of Juno and PS I You last night. I am still recuperating, but I managed. The last one was over two hours. <br><br>If she asks me to go see this though I will use the bonus get out of chick flick movie free card and instead go watch Iron Man again. Or go kill myself.

  • May 28, 2008, 11:46 a.m. CST

    The Phantom Menace...

    by TwinkieTheKid

    ...came out 9 years ago Massa. Nice math skills.

  • May 28, 2008, 11:46 a.m. CST

    Kim Cattrall was hot in Police Academy

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    1000 years ago. When Guttenburg had a career and Micheal Winslow was hysterical.

  • May 28, 2008, 11:46 a.m. CST

    Good point, rbatty024

    by AgentArchangel

    Speed Racer could have thrived on the "I've seen Indy already, and I'm not going to see that Sex and the City shit" market. I think the reason Warner released it so early was the IMAX window of opportunity, since Kung Fu Panda is being released in IMAX as well and they wanted a clear month or so of lead time before that monstrosity dropped. Still, these bitches could have given Speed Racer the audience it deserved. If only...

  • May 28, 2008, 11:46 a.m. CST

    headline

    by AnnaChron

    I'm with egg86 on this one - that headline is awful. First thing after years of reading AICN that has pissed me off.

  • May 28, 2008, 11:47 a.m. CST

    And she was hot in Mannequin, too...

    by Pennsy

  • May 28, 2008, 11:48 a.m. CST

    Bobovision, don't talk to him

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    poofta germs.

  • May 28, 2008, 11:50 a.m. CST

    really AnnChron? Whattabout Harry for fucks sake?

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    Pussy juice flavored reviews and this offends you? I don't get it.

  • May 28, 2008, 11:50 a.m. CST

    Moderate, you are wrong.

    by xevoid

    Life in highkly urban environments is vastly different than life int he midwest. My friends in Arkansas got married when they were 19 and have kids already in puberty. I am 35, happily unmarried in San Francisco. We all choose differently. Who are you to say thatw hat goes on in NYC doesnt represent the country? It sure the hell does...just a different part of the country. One thing both parts have in common is they think it's all about me, me, me. You folks in the midwest can't imagine, for example, some gay folks wanting to get married and live happily ever after...it's not part of your life. But it is part of other people's lives. And I agree the sad hags in SATC are pretty shallow, but no more so than folks in the midwest in rural environments. People are people. They will grow old too and find their happiness where they can, and just because you have kids right out of high school doesn't make you any wiser in life.

  • May 28, 2008, 11:51 a.m. CST

    Don't sugar coat it.....

    by WickedChicken37

    Tell us how you really feel.

  • May 28, 2008, 11:52 a.m. CST

    Yeah, she was hot in Mannequin

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    If I was old enough, I certainly woulda jerked it to that.

  • May 28, 2008, noon CST

    Novaman5000...whats threatening about easy sluts?

    by conspiracy

    If the characters were powerful, dominant, confident, yet likeable women..you might have a point. But it isn't...it is about exactly the kind of self centered sluts we like to shag and kick to the curb as soon as thier shit outweighs their fuckability..usually within a week. I'm sure many a guy remembers the last time he bagged a chick similar to these characters...I do..I drove home look as smug as Bush under a "Mission Accomplished" banner, happy I dropped my load, but relieved I'd never actually have to be around her again.

  • May 28, 2008, 12:03 p.m. CST

    3 Hookers and their Mother

    by ukharry1971

    I dont get the show, mainly because i have testicles and am not gay.

  • May 28, 2008, 12:08 p.m. CST

    Did anyone know what an oubliette was before Labrynth?

    by half vader

    Or what a plethora was before Three Amigos? <p> That's sorta rhetorical. I know the answer.

  • May 28, 2008, 12:09 p.m. CST

    Labyrinth even.

    by half vader

    Bloody typos.

  • May 28, 2008, 12:20 p.m. CST

    Your right vader, when I use plethora, and the person

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    looks at me blankly, I say "Youv'e never seen the Three Amigo's?"

  • May 28, 2008, 12:24 p.m. CST

    You're review title:

    by JMiles_T

    Love it!

  • May 28, 2008, 12:27 p.m. CST

    I hope in the next headline

    by Vern

    the movie gets I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE style revenge on Massawyrm.<p> (In his defense Massawyrm probaly didn't write the headline - I don't usually write mine. That still doesn't explain why he went to see the movie, but he may be innocent of raping it.)

  • May 28, 2008, 12:33 p.m. CST

    Now, now, now Vern...

    by Massawyrm 1

    Don't get anyone else in trouble. That vile, despicable, intentionally offensive header is 100% mine. Love it or loathe it, I'm to blame.

  • May 28, 2008, 12:34 p.m. CST

    And half vader: yeah, I did.

    by chrth

    Heck, almost everything I learned in life was from Dungeons and Dragons. I'm sure Oubliette was in there somewhere (for a second there I thought it was in the Deck of Many Things, but that's the Donjon).

  • May 28, 2008, 12:35 p.m. CST

    Even Monty Python couldn't be funny for 2 1/2 hours straight!

    by kevred

    ...and they were the funniest thing in the history of humankind.<p>My favorite line of this review: "squee-ing in a pitch that will deafen dogs and neuter most of the males in the audience". The icing on a great cake.<p>I have no concern for or interest in this film, but sight unseen, 2 1/2 hours still sounds staggering. Even two-part season finales on TV don't go that far.

  • May 28, 2008, 12:39 p.m. CST

    A movie for and about

    by Dark Knight Lite

    unattractive women possessing more money than intellect. Thank God my wife is more about Indy and Batman than this kind of nut-shrinking assfest. I feel sorry for any MAN who gets dragged to this. If you do find yourself watching this in a theater sitting next to a woman who guilted you into going, remember what a friend of mine always says: "Running is an option."

  • May 28, 2008, 12:43 p.m. CST

    nice review and all...

    by RaveX

    ...but how long is the movie?

  • May 28, 2008, 12:44 p.m. CST

    Look, the solution is really simple

    by chrth

    Develop the habit of keeping paperbacks in your back pocket. Then, if you find yourself dragged to something like this, pretend you have the runs, getting up every ten minutes to go to the bathroom, spending fifteen minutes there. And take the time to read.<p> Note: don't do this trick for the second or third date, and don't do it too often. Also, your best bet is to continue having problems for the rest of the night, even after you've left the theater.

  • May 28, 2008, 12:47 p.m. CST

    I have an image in my head...

    by andrew coleman

    Of half you guys just saying nasty things and then seeing the movie this weekend. I never watched the show but I KNOW I'm seeing this movie because the gf wants to. But I made a deal if I see this movie with her she has to come see Hellboy 2 with me. So if I just take a nap during SATC I win!

  • May 28, 2008, 12:49 p.m. CST

    For those of you who get dragged to this....

    by Bobo_Vision

    ...when the movie reaches the One-and-a-half hour mark, yell out in the theater: "Oh Dear God, isn't it over yet?!!!" That would be gold.

  • May 28, 2008, 12:55 p.m. CST

    spectrebeeyatch: you think half the guys here

    by chrth

    have a girlfriend?<p> really?

  • May 28, 2008, 1:01 p.m. CST

    My wife dragged me to see some Kate Hudson movie...

    by Big DM

    She said I snored so loud and kept yelling "TIME TO GO?" whenever she tried to wake me up that she'll never force me to see a movie again. Take note...

  • May 28, 2008, 1:05 p.m. CST

    Big DM

    by Dark Knight Lite

    That's gold.

  • May 28, 2008, 1:06 p.m. CST

    Indiana Jones and the City

    by pokadoo

    Sorry...I have nothing!

  • May 28, 2008, 1:13 p.m. CST

    Marxeffect

    by Abominable Snowcone

    Don't know if this was clarified above, but yes, Return of the Jedi was originally titled Revenge of the Jedi, and there were teaser posters printed and released to that effect. Then they added Ewoks and changed the title. Nice try, Lao Che!

  • May 28, 2008, 1:21 p.m. CST

    I've only seen one episode

    by Mattyboy122

    Of this show and it was pretty awful. And what's with Kristin Davis being the only good-looking one on the show? Kinda like how Eva Longoria's the only hottie on Desperate Housewives. Oh well.

  • May 28, 2008, 1:28 p.m. CST

    SK229...

    by AgentArchangel

    Yeah, Grey's is pretty bad too. At least in Sex and the City, it isn't a monotone monologue that makes you wish you were deaf. Though, I'm sure somewhere out there, in the deep recesses of the internet, some poor bastard with the misfortune of enjoying both shows has written a crossover combining both shows. One big perfect storm of stupid and shit. I'm gonna go sulk in a corner now.

  • May 28, 2008, 1:30 p.m. CST

    Ooooookay...

    by Archive

    ...thanks. This is exactly the kind of thing I would have walked into, just to see what millions of women were so whooped up about... I'm that guy who saw "In Her Shoes" because I couldn't figure out why Ridley and Tony Scott were producing Toni Collette vehicles, and loved it. Massawyrm, this review is a kindness. You. Saved. My. Ass.

  • May 28, 2008, 1:44 p.m. CST

    I can't wait to see this!

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    Oh no.<p>I think i've confused this movie with The Dark Knight.<p>I don't want to see this.

  • May 28, 2008, 1:44 p.m. CST

    I can't wait to see this!

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    Oh no.<p>I think i've confused this movie with The Dark Knight.<p>I don't want to see this.

  • May 28, 2008, 1:45 p.m. CST

    Kim Catrall Is The Smoke Monster

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    And I double posted. Sorry.

  • May 28, 2008, 1:46 p.m. CST

    "Relationships are like chocolates because blah blah blah"

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    Oh shut up horse face.

  • May 28, 2008, 1:51 p.m. CST

    Oh, so this is what happens when you leave Bratz dolls in the s

    by christian66

    Brilliant. I'm stealing this.

  • May 28, 2008, 1:59 p.m. CST

    Wow

    by quentintarantado

    Wyrm is totally the wrong audience for the movie.This entire website probably is. It's the most incongruously funny mismatch between reviewer and movie I've ever read. More! More! More! P.S. And the talkbacks aint too shabby either!(excluding yours truly)

  • May 28, 2008, 2:01 p.m. CST

    Now that Chris Noth has gotten his final paycheck

    by skimn

    for this, would someone cast him in a retro detective flick? This guy has got '50s detective noir written all over him.

  • May 28, 2008, 2:17 p.m. CST

    xevoid

    by oisin5199

    last time I checked, there were cities in the Midwest, many with thriving gay scenes. They don't call it Boys Town in Chicago for nothin'! Just correcting another generalization. Not everyone in the midwest is a Bible thumping farmer. <p>And I saw one episode of this show and never wanted to again. The 'insights' of the voiceover were laughable, especially since the writers seemed to think that what they were seeing was all deep and insightful about relationships. Instead, it's just shallow, narcissistic bullshit. I will never see this movie.

  • May 28, 2008, 2:19 p.m. CST

    Serious question for you Massawyrm

    by Vern

    When you went in, you were planning to write a review like this, right? I mean I'm not gonna lie, I can understand having a weird fascination going to movies that you know you shouldn't, and of course I watch alot of DTV movies. But most of the time I don't bother to review them because yep, turns out it was crap like you'd expect.<p> But come on, BRATZ, MEET THE SPARTANS, SEX AND THE CITY... if you honestly went in expecting to like these movies that would mean you were either insane or brain damaged or something. And then you write these gleefully negative reviews acting like you're shocked and surprised that a movie designed for little kids or for women who watch a TV show that you hate turns out to be exactly what you and everyone else already knew it was. Climaxing with this review where you not only go over the top in describing how much you hate it, but you actually describe yourself as BRUTALLY RAPING THE MOVIE, and then proudly take credit for that. "Ha ha ha, I am a rapist. Get it?"<p> I know you're not just some dumbass so I'm curious what your thoughts are on this. I know you do like some "chick flicks" because I've scratched my head at those reviews too, but I don't buy your pre-emptive brush off of the "why did you go see this?" question. I mean I hate this show too, that's why I wouldn't go see the movie that is made to follow up on that show. Or if I did I wouldn't be surprised when I hated it. (to say nothing of raping it.)<p> And everyone assumes you were assigned these movies out of some cruelty but it's my impression that you choose which movies to review. So I guess my question is if you know what exactly drives you to go see all this fucking garbage if it is so upsetting to you and drives you to commit unspeakable metaphorical acts.

  • May 28, 2008, 2:20 p.m. CST

    Loathe the misogynist headline...

    by Boromir

    ..but the review is great. Finally, someone articulates the helpless sense of "What the FUCK?" I experienced when people raved about how great the TV show was.

  • May 28, 2008, 2:29 p.m. CST

    Vern, Vern, Vern ...

    by TheCap

    So bitter. So very, very bitter. Have you never taken joy from swatting a hornet's nest with a big stick ? So sad...so very sad. I weep for thee. That is all.

  • May 28, 2008, 2:30 p.m. CST

    AICN CLASH OF THE TITANS: VERN VS. MASSAWYRM.

    by blckmgk13

    Trouble in paradise? I bet on massa. Vern has been following the ways of Segal for too long.

  • May 28, 2008, 2:31 p.m. CST

    Why is this review on this site?

    by Rupee88

    I don't see the review for the latest romantic comedy of the week, so why is this one featured? Of course it is a stupid movie if you are male and over 16 y/o and have a brain. Thank god a significant number of women will find this film worthless too.

  • May 28, 2008, 2:36 p.m. CST

    Oh Christ, you people are predictable

    by gruntybear

    Threatened much by adult women actually taking an interest in sex? For all those "he-men" out there that had a never-ending rockhard boner for rancid shit like "300" and yet would rather slide bamboo shunts under their eyelids than watch four women act out the letters page from some old issue of Cosmpolitan, methinks there's something you aren't admitting - not even to yourself. Thou dost protest - oooooh - a bit too much. Ching-ching, sweeties.

  • May 28, 2008, 2:37 p.m. CST

    vern's got a good point

    by frankenfickle

    as usual.

  • May 28, 2008, 2:38 p.m. CST

    Why review this on AICN? One word...

    by AgentArchangel

    ...schadenfreude. Sometimes, it's fun to be cruel and tear something a new one. ESPECIALLY when it's something that's become a pop culture "sacred cow", such as SATC has been. It helps us all cope with the fact that this film exists. Oh, and as for the "controversial" headline, I thought it was funny because it was concerning the movie. If it were concerning a person, it wouldn't be so cool; but the movie deserves it. Plus, you get a funny image...a man trying to fuck celluloid. It's a win/win situation.

  • May 28, 2008, 2:41 p.m. CST

    Gruntybear...

    by AgentArchangel

    It's not that adult women are taking interest in sex, it's the way that they represent those that they are supposedly against...shallow, stupid people who fuck and run at the first sign of commitment. They complain about their male counterparts, because in the end it's not fun being left alone to cool your bed instead of having some post sex discussion about how "fabulous" you both were. It's supposed to be empowering, but it turns out to be an egomaniacal and cheapening experience.

  • May 28, 2008, 2:43 p.m. CST

    not a clash of the titans

    by Vern

    More of a My Breakfast With Andre. Or at worst Hell in the Pacific. I'm betting Massa is up for a thoughtful discussion of the topic. I apologize if I put a damper on all the great discussion of horse faces, bitches, faggots, chinks, boners, etc. but I thought this would be worth bringing up also.

  • May 28, 2008, 2:44 p.m. CST

    How long is it?

    by Drunken Rage

  • May 28, 2008, 2:48 p.m. CST

    SATC Colon Movie Film For Theaters

    by The_Fredo

    Am I surprised it's God-awful? Absolutely not. The show was shallow, self-centered and pseudo-intelligent (like the characters within it). I can't fault most women that they followed it. Sadly their options tend to be limited on the tube and in theaters. <BR> <BR> BTW, I agree with the dap given to The Apartment. Great, great film and funny. <BR> <BR> And Entourage is the male SATC. Shallow, self-centered, dumb and pointless. I don't watch either show.

  • May 28, 2008, 2:52 p.m. CST

    SATCINO!

    by bobjustbob

    I guess Harry is gonna have to think of a different title for his review.

  • May 28, 2008, 2:53 p.m. CST

    I am however enjoying

    by The_Fredo

    all the mud getting slung at the critics. Remaining anger from the Indy bitchfest I think. <BR> <BR> Why is AICN reviewing this movie? Because it's the big opening hit that's coming this weekend. Next week I'm sure we'll get reviews of Kung Fu Panda and You Don't Mess with the Zohan. <BR> <BR> If you liked the show, then don't let anyone's comments in here (not even Massa's) stop you. Go and enjoy yourself.

  • May 28, 2008, 2:53 p.m. CST

    "Sluts" in the city

    by Tarl_Cabot

    I hate chick flicks/shows but the S&TC show was funny as I recall when it had the novelty of being an R rated TV comedy(first couple seasons) but you can't take it seriously.The women have the sexual MO of their gay male writers so it's a waste of time to "hate these women". They're gay men telling stories vicariously through women. Anyway, I did see the final show(friend's wife is a fan and I was forced into it) and they wrapped it up...I see no reason for this especially now that there's no young member of the quartet.

  • May 28, 2008, 2:53 p.m. CST

    I disagree completely...

    by Golitsyn1

    she looks more like a goat.

  • May 28, 2008, 2:55 p.m. CST

    Kristin Davis

    by FailureAtTheCave

    "There were tables full of shoes, and bags... all the new ones you haven't seen in the stores yet... I mean it was just like Mecca." Really?

  • May 28, 2008, 2:56 p.m. CST

    That is a goat...

    by caruso_stalker217

    ...that I would bang.

  • May 28, 2008, 2:57 p.m. CST

    Pure.Fucking.Gold

    by Sin86a

    Thank God my wife has no desire to see this shit. Her and her sister are big on romantic comedies (much to my dismay) but she's never liked this shit. She actually told her sister to skip it and go see Indy so I don't think I'll have to sit through it ever. Serisouly though Massa... Fucking gold. I wish they would show some of these quotes on the trailer. The number 1 romantic comedy of the summer has the critics saying..."This is what happens when you leave Bratz in the sun for forty years."

  • May 28, 2008, 2:58 p.m. CST

    Just a Guess.

    by YakMalla

    Controversial, misogynistic article about a movie totally against AICN's target demographic + black box sniping between contributors = increased site traffic.<p>Not that I'm complaining or anything. That's entertainment, baby!

  • May 28, 2008, 2:59 p.m. CST

    Vern

    by Massawyrm 1

    <p>To be honest, I walk into every movie wanting to like it. I'm a movie lover, pure and simple, which is why you often finding yourself scratching your head at why I even bothered, let alone liked, watching certain movies. I go to them because I know few others in our profession will give them the chance. Too much Pre-hate out there. I'm not gonna say Bratz sucked until I sat through it.</p> <p>The upside is that if it is particularly awful - it might lend itself to an entertaining review, which people like to see every once in a while. People love blood in the water. But to think that I only pick limping horses to shoot, I would have to point out several of my unpopular positive positions on films other people sniped. Like The Shaggy Dog. Or Just Like Heaven. Or Stick It. I LOVE it when a movie that looks awful turns out to surprise and even delight me.</p> <p>But honestly, I had ZERO idea how long this was. had I known, I might not have been so brave.</p>

  • May 28, 2008, 3:03 p.m. CST

    Round 2: Coming UP!

    by Flying Spaghetti Monster

  • May 28, 2008, 3:06 p.m. CST

    The title of this article is not okay

    by theclassic

    I know the nature of the title is supposed to illustrate how you like the film, but "bleeding and crying"? Not okay. Seriously. Even if the movie is awful and too long, you shouldn't joke about that shit. Not fucking okay, okay? Not okay. I am about as offended as I could possibly be right now.

  • May 28, 2008, 3:10 p.m. CST

    Massa

    by Flying Spaghetti Monster

    I'm pretty sure when people see a review up by you they clicky. It's nice to read a review with some heart behind it (Good or bad) instead of the regular regurgitated mess that most people write.

  • May 28, 2008, 3:11 p.m. CST

    theclassic

    by dr_john_zoidberg

    ...is right. Say what you will about the movie, but references to brutal rape never seem to be in high taste.

  • May 28, 2008, 3:14 p.m. CST

    Ah, but how does it stack up to The Wizard of Speed & Time?

    by uppercanuck

    Now that was a classic. Ahem.

  • May 28, 2008, 3:16 p.m. CST

    At first I thought Massa was the one bleeding...

    by rbatty024

    on the mattress. I wondered what all the fuss was about. Then I read it again and realized the movie was bleeding on the mattress. I think we need to get Fran Drescher in here to explain to Massa why the title is inappropriate. Funny review, though.

  • May 28, 2008, 3:16 p.m. CST

    by Flying Spaghetti Monster

  • May 28, 2008, 3:18 p.m. CST

    I'm with Vern on this

    by necgray

    I mean, I get that Massa purportedly wants to love a movie going into it. But Vern's point is well taken. Massa hated the show. The movie is a cinematic follow-up to the show. There was no way, NO WAY that this movie was ever going to appeal to him. And if in some hell-frozen world it DID, then it actually failed in its purpose. Because it's meant to be a cinematic follow-up to the show. And he didn't do himself any favors with that shitty, mysoginist article title. You know what's hilarious? Massa talks about Episode I apologists or Star Trek apologists in his article, and some of you are being Massa apologists. I dig Massa most of the time. But this review was unnecessary and pandering. Bad form.

  • May 28, 2008, 3:18 p.m. CST

    horse face

    by El Borak

    horse face, horse face.

  • May 28, 2008, 3:19 p.m. CST

    But he's reviewing it for us?

    by Flying Spaghetti Monster

    Not for him...

  • May 28, 2008, 3:21 p.m. CST

    I disagree.

    by theclassic

    If this was some sort of anti-rape activist campaign where violent imagery was meant to provoke a reaction and desire for change, it would deserve more consideration. On a review for the Sex and the City movie, a movie inherently FOR and ABOUT women, referencing violent rape does not get you a reward for "indirect advocation." Rape is not a coy headline.

  • May 28, 2008, 3:22 p.m. CST

    One of this site's not-so underlying themes

    by Boromir

    has always been the self-perceived inadequacies of the boys who post here. Sometimes I've found it amusing; other times I wonder how it is that some men manage to maintain the will to live when they're so deep inside this stiflingly inhibitive locker-room-cum-cave environment they create for themselves.<br><br>Perhaps the fact that I'm a gay bear makes me just as prone to nausea over lowest-common-denominator male chest thumping behavior as I am over self-absorbed, neurotic, "empowered" women on shows like SatC. Perhaps--but I doubt it. As Vern has pointed out, thoughtful discussion is just more interesting than shallow neuroses-induced idiocy.

  • May 28, 2008, 3:25 p.m. CST

    For the haters...

    by dr_john_zoidberg

    You're justified. This movie was only made to appeal to the people that watched nearly every episode of this show. I'm a 27 year old, straight male, and I've seen this series beginning to end. I watched through all the DVD's with my girlfriend over the course of a year or so, and must say that the outside perceptions of this show from people who have either not seen it, or seen only a handfull of episodes, are dead on. What's more, is some of the women that religeously watch this show, agree. My lady and I spent the whole of this series talking shit about the way these whored out female leads choose to live their fictional lives. How trashy they were, how terrible they treat other human beings, the ridiculous amount of money they spend on shit that looks too horrifying to be "fashionable". The payoff of this entire series was the last season. Not because it was "last", but because these women were FINALLY having to deal with some real shit, and every one of them was starting to resemble a vessel that might have a hint of a human spirit within. From breast cancer to barren vaginas, the 6th season starts to pull some emotional punches. Sure, they're cliche and predictable at times, but seeing these wound up whores finally start to simmer down and deal with the fact they're full blown adults works in the long haul. That's where this movie comes in. Anyone who watched that ENTIRE show, including the last 6 or so episodes, is fucking curious as to where things lead next. It's not as if we're proud of having to go and see this movie(god forbid at 2 hours and 30 minutes). The thing is we HAVE to know what happens. Whether we rent it or see it in theatres, the curiosity of whether or not the train wreck was cleaned up is too high. I'm a straight male...and I'm admitting to wanting to see this movie. Sorry, guys.

  • May 28, 2008, 3:37 p.m. CST

    I would rather watch Superman Returns

    by teethgnasher

    Ha!

  • May 28, 2008, 3:38 p.m. CST

    This review is utterly pointless.

    by Luscious.868

    You just wasted several hours of your life. If you don't love the show, there isn't a chance and hell you'll like this so why in the world would you waste your fucking time watching and reviewing it? It's not rocket science. When a movie based on a TV show comes out features the cast members from the show and produced by the people behind the show, chances are about 100% that if you hate the fucking show you'll hate the fucking movie. <br> Jesus H. Christ on a bicycle man.

  • May 28, 2008, 3:38 p.m. CST

    What's all the hate on Sarah Jessica Parker?

    by dr_john_zoidberg

    You keep talking smack like that, and Ferris Bueller's going to give you all the ass whooping of your LIVES. Seriously, though. Everyone here seems so keen on talking shit about her, when I can guarentee that 98% of you couldn't get inside a girl that looks half as decent as her. Come on, how many of you are laying next to some hippo right now reading this from your lap top while watching Firefly reruns in the background? Honestly, show of hands.

  • May 28, 2008, 3:41 p.m. CST

    oh...

    by dr_john_zoidberg

    and nothing against Firefly. Good stuff, that. And my lady, isn't a hippo yet. I've been with her 7 years. I'll give it another 7 before things fall apart. Then I get fat, then we can have fat sex. Life is good.

  • May 28, 2008, 3:42 p.m. CST

    headline

    by El Borak

    when i come on this site i'm ready for comedy. i didn't read it and think, "omg that's so sick and terrible, lol." i was like, "ha! ha! i'll read this article."

  • May 28, 2008, 3:46 p.m. CST

    Fuck this shit

    by dioxholster

    that movie is for feminists who cull on men and themselves. i rather watch 2 girls 1 cup.

  • May 28, 2008, 3:47 p.m. CST

    SATC. a curious spectacle

    by Kizeesh

    It's an interesting take on vapid dumb middle aged women. I didn't really like it, but then again I like plot. It was vapid, dumb, self-satisfying, sexist and hypocritical.<p> Much like the women who it portrayed, and a lot of the ones who watched it undoubtedly saw much of that in themselves.

  • May 28, 2008, 3:49 p.m. CST

    Headline "humor"

    by theclassic

    Since when is rape funny?

  • May 28, 2008, 3:52 p.m. CST

    theclassic

    by Flying Spaghetti Monster

    rape is funny when you are talking about a movie..not a person

  • May 28, 2008, 3:53 p.m. CST

    yah, what KanekoFan said

    by Flying Spaghetti Monster

  • May 28, 2008, 3:54 p.m. CST

    Conspiracy,

    by Novaman5000

    There's nothing threatening about them, and yet everyone on this talkback is so defensive, as if you have to attack the show to prove you're a big man.<p> And I haven't seen a ton of episodes, but I have seen enough to know that they're no more sexually promiscuous than alot of tv characters. They have alot of sex, but the only one is who fucking people off the street is Kim Catrall's character. Kristin Davis' is the epitome of the prude. I actually admire how upfront the show is about sex, wish more shows had the figurative balls to follow suit. I found the show to be fairly entertaining, if shallow. It is not on my top 20 list of favorite shows or anything.<p> As for them being whores, I don't think i need to point out the obvious double standard here. Men can have casual sex till the cows come home and it's fine, but when women do it, they're branded sluts? or cougars? How many single, 40-year-old men would turn down sex with a good looking woman 10 years younger than him? Not many. <p> I just don't get the hate for something so innocuous. Especially when there is so much love on this site for its male counterpart, Entourage.

  • May 28, 2008, 3:54 p.m. CST

    Rape is funny

    by Kizeesh

    But only if you're raping a clown.

  • May 28, 2008, 3:54 p.m. CST

    KanekoFan, what are you a post-structualist?

    by rbatty024

  • May 28, 2008, 3:58 p.m. CST

    Must be the end times...

    by REDD

    Otherwise we would have a "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" movie. I want my "Fatty McGoo Vs. The Aluminum Monster" in IMAX!

  • May 28, 2008, 3:58 p.m. CST

    Oh, and the title of the article is funny.

    by Novaman5000

    What? it is.

  • May 28, 2008, 3:59 p.m. CST

    Oh if only Sean Connery would voiceover the commercial

    by skimn

    "Thish Shummer the one film to shee is Shex And The SHITTY!"

  • May 28, 2008, 4:10 p.m. CST

    Nobody go see it because

    by dioxholster

    i will be there jerking off and cum all over the audience and at the screen, followed by cheering at my masterpiece. anyway i will try eating honey to make my semen tasty.

  • May 28, 2008, 4:21 p.m. CST

    To all da Haters

    by Rufferto

    The movie is second place despite you geeks and yur bitching. Money= Good! <p>.........</p> <p>YES I'm being sarcastic. Even trying to sound like an AIC apologist makes me feel a little sick inside. :(</p>

  • May 28, 2008, 4:22 p.m. CST

    Misogyny - so much more fun than getting laid!

    by odessa21

    The title of this article is physically repugnant to me, but I have to admit it's completely appropriate for its blatantly mysogynistic content. I have no idea why anyone would want to go see a movie based on a show they never liked, but that's certainly no reason to take it out an ALL women. Cuz hey, guess what?? If you hate us, we'll hate you back. We're kinda funny like that!

  • May 28, 2008, 4:24 p.m. CST

    girl wants me to see this

    by turketron

    girl i'm seeing at the moment mentioned wanting me to see this with her. I lauged and laughed. She also wanted to see that fucking Ashton Kutcher movie that came out. No fucking way. We did go see Forgetting Sarah Marshall, which was pretty damn funny though. But seriously... FUCK this movie. 2.5 hours? You'll be able to smell hell from there.

  • May 28, 2008, 4:30 p.m. CST

    Odessa21

    by Kizeesh

    What you never realised that Sex and the City is one of the most unashamedly sexist shows ever made? That it's about a bunch of vapid idiots who are psychologically incapable of forming coherent adult relationships with members of the opposite sex, and that it shows all men as either morons, sex-fiends, or emotional cripples while villifying them at the same time as heroising the lead 4 women, who ultimately are as bad, if not worse than any of them? Maybe you missed that amidst the tampon throwing and shoes.

  • May 28, 2008, 4:30 p.m. CST

    your girlfriends want to see this

    by Rufferto

    I'm sorry. Sure not all women, but that's the only explanation for it or anything like it making any money at all.

  • May 28, 2008, 4:35 p.m. CST

    NOT SINCE 1979...

    by DucksNRoses

    ...Have I had to sit through a movie like Massa describes here. Tess (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0080009/) was excruciating

  • May 28, 2008, 4:44 p.m. CST

    I'd still rather sit through this

    by JackinNYC

    Than see Speed Racer again. At least there is some eye candy, with all the babes in the audience!

  • May 28, 2008, 4:46 p.m. CST

    REVENGE OF HORSEFACE

    by turketron

  • May 28, 2008, 4:46 p.m. CST

    NEVER GO BACK TO HORSEFACE LAKE

    by turketron

  • May 28, 2008, 4:46 p.m. CST

    THE HORSEFACE PROPHECIES

    by turketron

  • May 28, 2008, 4:47 p.m. CST

    CITY FUCKERS 2: THE LEGEND OF HORSEFACE'S GOLD

    by turketron

  • May 28, 2008, 4:48 p.m. CST

    ok, i'm done

    by turketron

  • May 28, 2008, 4:49 p.m. CST

    YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE HORSEFACE

    by turketron

    haha, no i'm not

  • May 28, 2008, 4:50 p.m. CST

    MEAT THE HORSEFACE

    by turketron

    lulz... i can't stop

  • May 28, 2008, 4:59 p.m. CST

    JackinNYC...you have a point...

    by conspiracy

    Here is your choice... Get some ear plugs...Spend $12 and suffer through this extended tv show too hook up in the lobby with one of the Samantha worshipping slits milling about... Or... ...Head over the the closest tart laden bar...amusingly they usually seem to congregate at some half assed chain joint like Cheesecake Factory or Elephant Bar, since they can't really afford to booze at the "IN" places... and buy her a Cosmo. Either way your getting laid.

  • May 28, 2008, 5:07 p.m. CST

    Novaman5000...it actually isn't the promiscuity

    by conspiracy

    but rather the vile way these characters, and the real life spawn they exemplified, behave. There are PLENTY of sexually active women a guy can actually respect and treat with dignity, intelligent, down to earth gals they simply like to have some fun are great... ...but cosmo swilling, overly materialistic, divaish whores on Prada hoofs slits like the ones on this show aren't them.

  • May 28, 2008, 5:08 p.m. CST

    SEX AND THE CITY OF CORUSCANT...EPISODE 1.9

    by Robo-Obi

    I FEAR THE WORST...

  • May 28, 2008, 5:09 p.m. CST

    Is it just me...

    by conspiracy

    or does anyone else get the feeling Ferris is taking a strap fueled horse fucking now and then?

  • May 28, 2008, 5:11 p.m. CST

    LOL conspiracy

    by JackinNYC

    You nailed my point exactly...not the only nailing I will be doing after the screening. Something poor Ghost of Señor Nixon will never understand. Not sure why he's attacking me, but he's probably only had the company of Inflatable dates all his sad life so I guess he has my sympathy.

  • May 28, 2008, 5:14 p.m. CST

    Seriously, change that fucking headline.

    by Kurutteru Yatsu

    Instead of the wholly unnecessary rape "joke" you could go for something more truthful, like "Come shit on the SATC movie that none of you were going to see in the first place, lulz!" And bonus, some asshole's going to be screaming about "bitch ass chink faggots" in all caps. But then maybe you thought that was funny too.

  • May 28, 2008, 5:17 p.m. CST

    SEX AND THE CITY OF AIDS... EPISODE 2.3

    by Robo-Obi

    THAT GIRL IS POISON......

  • May 28, 2008, 5:19 p.m. CST

    INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF CARRIES SKULL...

    by Robo-Obi

    YOU CALL HIM DR. JONES DOLL!!

  • May 28, 2008, 5:19 p.m. CST

    Kurutteru Yatsu

    by Kizeesh

    Tar everyone with the same brush much. <p> Also lay off the title, it's perfectly in keeping with his style. There's a good chance that he might have liked SATC if it was a good film. Now go buy yourself some pretty shoes and let us guys talk, ok toots?

  • May 28, 2008, 5:22 p.m. CST

    INDIANA JONES AND THE CONDOM OF DOOM...

    by Robo-Obi

    KEEP THE GIRL I'LL GET ANOTHER...

  • May 28, 2008, 5:25 p.m. CST

    Wow, stop this gay talk

    by infinite_zero00

    I think at least 10% of these posts contain some reference to how the characters all act like gay men. I bet less than 1% of you have a gay friend, or know a gay person at all. Not all gay people are materialistic whores. Maybe if you guys would get out of your caves and talk to some people you'd realize that. I for one am a gay person, and I'm just as normal as any of you; I don't spend $400 on shoes, or screw every guy I can get.

  • May 28, 2008, 5:25 p.m. CST

    HORNY WHITE BITCHES LOOKING TO GET DICKED DOWN...

    by Robo-Obi

    AKA SEX AND THE CITY...

  • May 28, 2008, 5:28 p.m. CST

    SEX AND THE SAUCERMEN FROM MARS CITY

    by Robo-Obi

    INDY 5 SON!!!

  • May 28, 2008, 5:28 p.m. CST

    SOMEONE SHITS THEMSELF?!?

    by eoneon

    AWESOME I'M THERE JUST FOR THAT! ANY CHICK FLICK W SCAT HUMOR IS A OK WITH ME! BRING ON THE PUSSY AND QUEEF JOKES :)

  • May 28, 2008, 5:30 p.m. CST

    KIM CATTRAL AND THE WRINKLED COOCHIE...

    by Robo-Obi

    COMING TO SHOWTIME!

  • May 28, 2008, 5:32 p.m. CST

    ORAL SEX AND THE CITY...

    by Robo-Obi

    THAT MOVIE SUCKED!

  • May 28, 2008, 5:42 p.m. CST

    tasteless title

    by Ray Gamma

    .....

  • May 28, 2008, 5:57 p.m. CST

    More Barbie Doll pink than any human can stand

    by Bot-Bot

    I just don't get how the women of Sex and the City are supposed to so modern and liberated when half of it comes across as a grown-up ad for Barbie and the accessories. If they could drop the fluorescent pink and tacky colors, stop talking so much, maybe I'd watch. A show about sex isn't supposed to be boring

  • May 28, 2008, 5:58 p.m. CST

    Vern and Massawyrm 1

    by starscream1

    I can count on one hand the number of times I've commented in the last two years (although I check the board everyday)Vern - THANK YOU for a direct post that asked the exact question I wanted to ask Massawyrm! I appreciate SaTC but, it was the last movie that I'd expect to see a review of here. Massawyrm, I know you like movies, even "chick flicks" and all that BS but, didn't you even think for a second how your "expected" and humorous review of SaTC would bring out the underbelly of straight male geekness at it's worst? The headline of your post doesn't offend me because it's not a personal attack on any one person but, the geek squad is launching personal and horrendous attacks against the actresses... specifically SJP. It's not cool. I doubt there is a website run by chicks exploiting how "long in the tooth" and utterly unrealistic Harrison Ford is as Indy. I usually like your reviews but this one was not cool Dude.

  • May 28, 2008, 6:01 p.m. CST

    Those of you offended by the title...

    by Blue_Demon

    of the review are hysterics. Think of all the vitriol hurled back and forth on this site that you've waded through and then you'll realize that you saw the title, and just decided to bitch about something. No doubt you have been offended before over something real. But this title didn't do it. You're just in PC overdrive and this is the wrong place to be stuck in that mode.

  • May 28, 2008, 6:09 p.m. CST

    Thank god I don't have to see this...

    by ckane123

    My wife watches Lost, Galactica, CSI, The Office and Doctor Who. She was never the least bit interested in this show. <br> God, I love my wife.

  • May 28, 2008, 6:31 p.m. CST

    Jesus

    by Kizeesh

    Most of you need to man up and stop getting so pissy over a few comments and a chauvanistic review of a crass chick flick

  • May 28, 2008, 6:31 p.m. CST

    Massawyrm is worse than my father

    by merricks14yearoldson

  • Granted most of AICN's mostly male readers aren't the SATC film's target audience and that it probably is 30 minutes too long, it'd still be fairly interesting to read both Harry and Mori's separate analysis of it, as Mori has mentioned several times what a huge chick flick genre fan his wife is.

  • May 28, 2008, 6:49 p.m. CST

    Umm...

    by Marvinatmiddleage

    Now, I didn't read every one of the above posts but, just in case no one has said it yet: "So, it's a movie about three hookers and their mom?"

  • May 28, 2008, 6:59 p.m. CST

    148 minutes IS NOT TWO AN A HALF HOURS FUCK YOU

    by Proman1984

    This movie will own.

  • May 28, 2008, 7:15 p.m. CST

    PLEASE DONT MAKE DEALS WITH YOUR GIRLS

    by Phategod2

    Fellas I went to see CON:PC monday and in the row was this bored girlfriend with her man and half way though the movie this bitch starts texting people I was five minutes away from punching this skank in the top of her head. Don't drag a chick to a movie you know she won't like, she could wind up getting you knocked out.

  • May 28, 2008, 7:27 p.m. CST

    Werewolf Ass Fuck

    by Kloipy

    that's all I have to say

  • May 28, 2008, 7:52 p.m. CST

    Proman1984

    by Flying Spaghetti Monster

    you sir are funny

  • May 28, 2008, 8:01 p.m. CST

    As Kevin of the Kevin and Bean show said today...

    by Pennsy

    "Is there any theme to a movie or TV show that says 'MEN, STAY AWAY!' more than Sex and the City?"

  • May 28, 2008, 8:08 p.m. CST

    YakMalla

    by pr0g2west

    They were cgi prarie dogs, not gophers. Its good to see people bitching about a different movie other than KOTCS for a change.

  • May 28, 2008, 8:11 p.m. CST

    "Attractive only to gay men and other women?"

    by s00p3rm4n

    Yes, because we're so much less discerning, and so much easier to please. Because we're softer and less tough. Because we're stupid. Don't insult my intelligence and taste offhand, Massa. This movie looks insulting enough.

  • May 28, 2008, 8:44 p.m. CST

    THE MAN SHOW: THE MOVIE

    by TheNorthlander

    Give me two and a half hours of that.

  • May 28, 2008, 9:02 p.m. CST

    I bet all four ladies...

    by mrfan

    end up in a fridge to escape a building that is about to be blown up. Sounds like I will be watching this.

  • May 28, 2008, 9:28 p.m. CST

    okay, thats just wrong

    by jax9999

    you didn't like the series, so why exactly did you see the movie? the movie was supposed to be a big love letter to the fans of the show. I imagine the experience was the same as taking one of the stereotypical fans of the show and sticking them in the middle of blade runner. At best they are lost, and at most they are pissed off.

  • May 28, 2008, 9:29 p.m. CST

    PWNED by Vern

    by Fleet

    Totally have to agree with him 100%...

  • May 28, 2008, 9:29 p.m. CST

    how long was the movie?

    by Jubba

    i think i missed that...

  • May 28, 2008, 9:31 p.m. CST

    ...and PS

    by Fleet

    It's absolutely no wonder this talkback has turned into what it has - It's the perfect opportunity for all you fucking wankers to compare dick sizes and get all up trash talk'n women and homosexuals... Oh that's big... real big of you.

  • May 28, 2008, 9:36 p.m. CST

    "So it's about three hookers and their mom?" - Brian, FAMILY GUY

    by LaserPants

    Brian, the talking dog from Family Guy, trying to figure out what the appeal of Sex In The City is after his gay relative gets him to try and watch it.

  • May 28, 2008, 9:36 p.m. CST

    I liked Episode 1.

    by Cotton McKnight

    So shut the hell up. Even if you were to call it a bad movie (which I don't), you have to rate these things on how many redeeming qualities they have. Star Wars fans were rewarded with Darth Maul, a double bladed lightsaber, a kick ass fight scene. You know, things like that. But this... what the hell is there?

  • May 28, 2008, 9:46 p.m. CST

    Massawrym is one of my favorite AICN reviewers

    by Rupee88

    I read the first few paragraphs of this one and though it was funny, but didn't care about the details. I still think this is a non-genre film and really doesn't need to be mentioned on this site, but I suppose the case that it will do great at the box office and have high visibility could be made as to why Massa bothered to review it. And I love the headline....I'm sure it is the "feminist" men with little testosterone who have a problem with it.

  • May 28, 2008, 9:47 p.m. CST

    pr0g2west/Gopher Controvesy

    by YakMalla

    I concede your point. When I saw the animal, I mistook it for a gopher of the Sciuridaes family (Richardson's Ground Squirrel being the best known variety) - a foolish mistake, considering the range of Richardson's Ground Squirrel barely extends south of the high plains region of North America. Also, the family Geomyidae is obviously more associated with "true" gophers, especially in popular culture, from which IJ&TKOTCS surely cannot be exempted.<p>I think this should pretty well settle the S&TC debate.

  • May 28, 2008, 9:52 p.m. CST

    for "effeminate" gay men

    by Frizzurd

    Us average gay men never get noticed. Its the minority within a minority of fems that have control over all the pride bullshit and thus make it activism a joke only fueling more stereotypes.

  • May 28, 2008, 9:59 p.m. CST

    Frizzurd...

    by Fleet

    ...Couldn't have said it better myself.

  • May 28, 2008, 10:06 p.m. CST

    INDIANA JONES AND THE SEX AND THE CITY

    by Johnno

    Someone should take a whip to those horsey bitches!

  • May 28, 2008, 10:22 p.m. CST

    I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS MORE THAN I WAS KOTCS

    by BringingSexyBack

    I still think Aidan should've been The One, but Mr. Big ain't too shabby.

  • May 28, 2008, 10:26 p.m. CST

    this or spice world?

    by El Borak

    if you had to watch one?

  • May 28, 2008, 10:33 p.m. CST

    The Real question is, why have you seen...

    by slicer

    the BRATZ movie?!?! Not only did you see it, but you remembered it enough to compare it to other movies! Something is very wrong with you!

  • May 28, 2008, 10:44 p.m. CST

    Dear God, what have I got myself into

    by jingle_balls

    Upon agreeing to see this movie with the missus, I was clinging onto the hope that it would be a 1 hour 30 minute type of thing like the South Park movie / Simpsons MOvie. But over 2 and a half hours. Mental note - bring IPod and/or WMD. Fingers crossed it goes to IMAX so Horseface is plastered to EPIC proportions.

  • May 28, 2008, 10:48 p.m. CST

    I would only see this....

    by seniorspeilbergio

    If in the first five minutes Julianne Moore, Jennifer Connely and Judie Dench show up and kick the shit out of these annoying, self absorbed bitches. Call me crazy but I like female actors who can play characters that are smart, capable and fucking likeable!

  • May 28, 2008, 11:15 p.m. CST

    bluedemon re: title

    by necgray

    Yeah, there's plenty of vile crap spewed hereabouts. The difference is that usually the offensive horseshit that I wade through on this site comes from chuckleheads in TBs. People whose opinions carry little weight, so why should I care? Massawyrm, on the other hand, is a contributor to the site and a moderator. I expect better from the people who run the show. And it's got nothing to do with PC or un-PC humor. It's got to do with the fact that, as has been pointed out, it's not particularly funny or relevant. It's not like the movie's about a virgin's first time, is it? Then no, blood and tears don't really apply. UNLESS it's a reference to rape, which I don't think was the intent. I don't think it was a malicious act on Massa's part, but it was pretty stupid. And now that some of us have given good, solid reasons to change it I think the dude should consider taking down the review entirely or at least changing the title. Is that really unreasonable?

  • May 28, 2008, 11:22 p.m. CST

    Wait, so how long was it?

    by YouAreAllMyBastardChildren

    300 posts? You've gotta be fuckin kidding me!

  • May 28, 2008, 11:23 p.m. CST

    Gotta love Massawyrm reviews!

    by br1947

    Funniest damn things on the site! Never would have clicked a SATC review unless it was Massa writing it. Harry should really force Massawyrm to view one really bad movie a week just for the pure entertainment value of the review alone! Massawyrm, congratualtions, you survived a 2 and a half hour tampon commercial.

  • May 28, 2008, 11:26 p.m. CST

    incidentally, I'm neither gay nor suffering from

    by necgray

    lack of testosterone. Just so the chest-thumping fuckwits who love to sling those accusations around know. Kudos to every single homosexual who posted on this TB, by the way. Admitting your preference around this place is like painting a douchebag target on your forehead. Thankfully it looks like there haven't been many attacks. "God speed through Texas, Faggot" - Kids in the Hall, 'Running Faggot' sketch

  • May 28, 2008, 11:28 p.m. CST

    AWWW SHIIIITTT

    by thebearovingian

    There goes my movie-going summer 2008 into the shitter. Now only The Dark Knight can salvage it. Sex and the City needs a reboot STAT!

  • May 28, 2008, 11:29 p.m. CST

    You know...

    by seniorspeilbergio

    All this movie makes me think about is all the other great women in film I love to see in almost anything. Instead of pointing out how much I can't stand these 4 actors, I think we should throw the all the other ladies in film some props. You know, those women who aren't on the cover of every fashion magazine and on every talk show but the ones when you see she's in a certain movie you think "hell yeah, she's solid. She actually looks like a real woman and not some glammed up bulemic model and she always delivers the goods, acting-wise." I'll start off with a few: Alfre Woodard, Julliette Binoche, Lili Taylor, Gillian Anderson, Joan Allen, Cate Blanchette. And how about those lady actors you wish they would bring back like Julia Ormond, Debra Winger, Melinda Dillan (still my favorite Spielberg mom). Fuck these S&TC hoes. I like real women in my movies.

  • May 28, 2008, 11:47 p.m. CST

    Redeeming qualities of Star Trek: Insurrection

    by TallBoy66

    I liked it when the Enterprise smashed into the Romulan ship, that was pretty badass no matter what crappy movie it comes contained in.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:41 a.m. CST

    film shoulda had Queen Latiffa in it

    by Groothewarrior

    Hollywood has been shoving her fat ape face in a movie every three months shes just as ugly as horse faced SJP

  • May 29, 2008, 1:14 a.m. CST

    That review sucked!

    by Motoko Kusanagi

    I still don't know how long that movie is! :-D<p>Jokes aside, that was one of the funniest things I've read here in a looong time! Thanks, Massa!

  • May 29, 2008, 2:01 a.m. CST

    As for the past twenty four hours...

    by andrew coleman

    This story has the most posts. Not Hulk... Sex and the City and I'm not helping because adding one more, but I just wanted to note that on this site Sex and the City for now is number one in posts haha.

  • May 29, 2008, 2:19 a.m. CST

    This talkback needs to be sent to one of those ranches

    by Vern

    that Montel Williams and Sally Jesse Raphael used to send troubled teens to for boot camp. I never believed in them before but you fuckers have opened my eyes.<p> Earlier I asked Massa about why he wrote this, and I accept his answer, but in retrospect that's inside baseball film criticism business. I kind of feel like an asshole for not being more harsh about the woman-hating bullshit going on here which is the issue that really bothers me. I know I'll get hell for this but so be it. Have you ever had a buddy or a relative who embarrasses you in public, they get way too drunk and pick fights for no reason or they start being an asshole to your waitress or your uncle starts talking about "colored people" or some shit? And it's your uncle but you feel like you gotta say something?<p> Ain't It Cool really is my belligerently drunk buddy or racist uncle. I've been through alot with Ain't It Cool. I've written here and talkbacked here for years, and never got a dime for it. But I've tried writing on film.com, nerve.com, cracked.com and others, all paid (or promised to) and the commenters (if any) weren't as mean to me. But it wasn't the same. I didn't like the format as much or didn't get as much freedom and I missed mixing it up with everybody here. Nowhere else could I get challenged by Dave the Demon or ask WalterB questions or argue with Thunderballs or somebody. In interviews and emails sometimes people ask why I write for Ain't It Cool, say we are ruining film criticism or literacy or some shit. On Chud and Dave Poland's thing they talk shit about this place all the time. One time I saw a critic I really admire, Jim Emerson, talk about us like we were beneath contempt. (In fact I think that was the term he used.) I see Empire and Total Film making derogatory remarks about talkbackers in their bullshit reviews of AVP dash R. And all of these things piss me off. I always stand up for The Ain't It Cool even if I don't always like the writing or fit in here or if I get fed up with some of the attitudes. We're family.<p> I believe we're cousins or half brothers or something so I gotta scold you when you track dog shit onto my living room carpet. This whole episode dishonors our family.<p> Like some of you I know and speak to actual real life women, and have ended up seeing parts of that show. I hate it too. I can't abide by a sympathetic portrayal of buying $600 shoes, and don't get why women who are as poor as me relate to these characters' troubles vacationing in the Hamptons.<p> But if we agree that these characters or this show is vapid and superficial and has poor values then what the fuck is this talkback about? How are you fuckers going off on Sarah Jessica Parker's "horse face" not as bad as or worse than those characters? How do you write this shit about how to get laid, about who's "fuckable," about cumming, raping, bitches, skanks, sluts, whores, slits, faggots, chinks, etc. and still have the delusion that you are better than those characters? Do you have any clue that you're even a worse and more pathetic stereotype of your gender than the women on that show? And without the excuse of being fictional?<p> I know Massawyrm didn't ask for that shit but he sort of started it with that headline. And don't give me that "politically incorrect" shit. Just because you're being politically incorrect doesn't mean you're not being a fucking asshole. Maybe we should start doing headlines about lynching blacks and burning Jews in Auschwitz and about who we think should get AIDS. That would be pretty fuckin edgy. It would be censorship NOT to be a douchebag all the time and write stupid shit, wouldn't it? What good is freedom of speech if you don't use it to be sexist, racist, homophobic and cruel and then call people pussies for pointing out that you're a dickhead? It's what the founding fathers demanded! Ben Franklin especially loved a good light-hearted "crying, bleeding rape victim" metaphor. I don't know why they didn't cover that in National Treasure 2 but it's true.<p> Anyway man, I noticed some of you trying to turn the thing around to an actual discussion of why you don't like the show, or innocently singing the pussywhipped blues, or at least making an amusing smartass comment here or there, so I appreciate that. I know there are good people here and don't mean to lash out at everybody. But I worry this place is threatening to really become the pathetic shithole all those pricks say it is. I think we're better than that so I encourage everybody to try harder and for people who have something intelligent to say to chime in instead of saying, "ah, fuck it, what's the point?" like we do too often.<p> All right, WHO'S WITH ME? TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL! SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND etc.

  • May 29, 2008, 2:37 a.m. CST

    Hey, guys, I just got here...what's goin' on?

    by Brians Life

    Yikes! Every talkbacks got morons, that doesn't mean you can hurt my eyes with that black post to tell me.<br><br>That said, two things:<br><br>Who the hell is Vern? And...<br><br>I'm up for givin' Miley Cirus AIDS.

  • May 29, 2008, 2:43 a.m. CST

    Vern is like the uncle who distributes nuggets of wisdom

    by caruso_stalker217

    And now I feel guilty about saying that Sarah Jessica Parker is "a goat I'd bang." That was just kind of my smart-ass way of saying I don't think she's ugly. Still, it was a bit insensitive. <p>Thank you, Uncle Vern.

  • May 29, 2008, 2:47 a.m. CST

    Hey Vern, who the fuck cares about what...

    by Motoko Kusanagi

    ...CHUD, Empire, Jim Emerson, Dave Poland or TotalFilm think about us? Fuck them! Let them bitch about AICN. Who gives a damn? We don't!<p>We AICN TBers are like a family and so we go through good times and bad times. This may be more a bad time but what the hell.<p>What I'm trying to say is, I LOVE YOU ALL GUYS! AICN ROCKS! YIPPIE-KI-YAY MOFOS!!!

  • May 29, 2008, 2:49 a.m. CST

    And "I love you all" includes even YOU Vern. :-D

    by Motoko Kusanagi

    Just in case...

  • May 29, 2008, 2:54 a.m. CST

    yikes

    by menstrual_blitz

    that headline is fucking awful. shit movie, shit show, but oh to watch the misogyny in action...

  • May 29, 2008, 3 a.m. CST

    Vern, Please GROW UP.

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    This movie is pure CRAP, and the reason there are so many "negative" posts regarding it is simply because Massa's review was SPOT ON, not only on the film's content, but who it appeals to.<p>The ONLY people at my workplace who are excited about this movie and won't shut up about it are a gay guy I work with and two of his female friends.<p>Your politically-correct, "oh-so-sensitive" and overly- longwinded whining over the "misogyny" you claim to see in this talkback really comes off as not only mealy-mouthed pandering to some imaginary PC entity, but pure BS, considering that you've seen (and contributed to) FAR worse than this EVERYDAY for years, working for AICN.<p>So, please... spare us your self-righteous "shock" and stop wasting all of our time with your crocodile tears of "sensitivity".

  • May 29, 2008, 3:02 a.m. CST

    Hey, Abominable Snowcone

    by Droogie Alex

    If you're going to claim "FIRST", you have to do it with conviction. You can't just ease into it and hope you made it, you gotta own it. "mea causa est mea veritas"

  • May 29, 2008, 3:06 a.m. CST

    I see Verns point....

    by seniorspeilbergio

    Yes I agree I have a problem with the "values" that show represents and I know that how women are portrayed in film is varied and I was trying to remind everyone of that but I guess no one cared. There seems to be a lot more mean spirited talkbacks here lately. I was hoping more people would be interested in discussing the flip side of this particular coin but no luck. The characters on that show and the actors who so lovingly give them life scare me and my girlfriend as well which is why i thought now would be a good time to remind us all of the women in film that make me feel just the opposite. But I guess it's all about the ying and the yang is just too boring for everyone to talk about. Too bad. Say what you will but Vern has a point about the venom in these talkbacks, especially this one.

  • May 29, 2008, 3:09 a.m. CST

    Vern

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    Well said. Yours is an interesting observation; one that's been noted and discussed before by a few fellow Talkbackers. Unfortunately, I think there is only one real way to "clean up" the Talkbacks and help focus them into more intelligent discourse (one that's not mocked by other websites on a routine basis). And that would be an increase in board moderation.<P>There really is nothing like AICN Talkback. It is the Outback of the Internet. So, I find it strange to think that the TBs have somehow overshadowed the efforts of the site's editors and contributors. But I'm not really surprised when I consider the various rogues and scoundrels that we as a messageboard community are sometimes left to police on our own.<P>Anyway, I never would have commented here as I have no interest in the SEX IN THE CITY film. However, I saw your big ass post and thought it deserved a tip o' the hat. Cheers.

  • May 29, 2008, 3:13 a.m. CST

    Dear Mr Vern

    by Kizeesh

    I have previously enjoyed your product on an almost daily bases, however in ligh of current events I am unable to find the comedic element in your latest Tlakback post and as a result needed to have a retarded friend describe it to me, in order that I might fully enjoy your meaning.<p> Please return normal service so that I may continue to keep a narrow-minded view of reality in keeping with what George Bush tells me.<p> Many Thanks<p> Gunther P. Olaffson

  • May 29, 2008, 3:16 a.m. CST

    And the Moderator Brown-Nosing begins...

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    Sheesh... I've gotta to to bed before I vomit. :P

  • May 29, 2008, 3:38 a.m. CST

    Sex and the City for me. No-Sex and the City for you.

    by psifire

    A straight man giving a chick-flick a scathing review...how surprising. Stick to National Lampoon's and Rambo. Now for a spoiler-free review from an actaul fan of the series. (which actually begs the question, why watch the movie when you weren't even a fan of the series in the first place? Are you a masochist?) I was fortunate enough to have been invited to the premiere of "Sex and the City-The Movie". Being a HUGE fan of the series, the free ticket was like manna from heaven. I couldn't hide my anticipation. And that anticipation was not for naught. Don't worry; this review is absolutely spoiler -free. It is for those die-hard fans that are worried about how the movie lives up to the success of the series. And to those fans, I say you can finally heave a sigh of relief because the movie does not suck at all. In fact, to use Samantha's words - IT IS FABULOUS! Me really likey!! Now, for those who aren't fans of the series (meaning the men, you'll probably hate it. But then again, the movie wasn't made for you guys. It takes a fan of the series to have a deeper appreciation of this movie, otherwise percieved by some to be brainless, cliche, chick-flick that will waste 2 hours and 30 mins of your life. The movie has all the elements of the TV Series that we all love and missed. The sardonic wit, the it-feels-good-to-be-in-love moments, the bonds of friendship between our four lead girls, the sense of fun and abandon, the turning-the-table-on-men, the fashion, New York City, and of course the sex - -albeit toned down just a teensy-weensy bit. And I get that, because these girls are no longer 35 year-olds, they are now more mature and are taking their lives, loves, and relationships to the next level. It was also nice to see familiar faces;all major and key players in the series that had a significant role in Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha's lives join them on-screen. Before watching the movie, I was able to read some lukewarm reviews about the film and that got me down a bit, but after seeing the film for myself I understood why these critics gave such a critique - -they weren't fans of the series. Some thought the movie was too long, but for us fans the 2 hours and 30 minutes were enough if not short. It's because watching the movie was like spending time with old friends you haven't seen for the longest time. I remember that when I tuned in regularly during the show's run, after each episode, I recall thinking that I wanted to spend more time with these girls. Every episode was not enough. Watching the show was like hanging out with real friends. And that's how I really saw and felt for Carrie, Miranda, Samantha, and Charlotte. So after a few years of not seeing them and hearing from them, I expected this movie to serve as some sort of a reunion. For us to get re-acquainted, get an update on what’s been going on with their lives, and to hang out with the girls we’ve grown to love. And the movie does not disappoint. It’s everything you want and wished for an SATC movie to be. If you were a follower of the series. If you're not, go watch another flick. Because chances are,you'd be another Massawyrm. So to all SATC fans, see you at the theatres. Because I am definitely going to see this movie again to hang out, laugh with, cry with, and have fun with our girls and our friends Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha. It is because life rarely lives up to our fantasies, and we need friendships that are real or reel to get us through it all.

  • May 29, 2008, 3:52 a.m. CST

    Vern I love ya but...

    by blckmgk13

    ...you are asking to clean up the internet. Half the folks here probably frequent 4chan and other bottom of the barrel type websites. AICN isn't better. Taking it out on Massawyrm who, and let's be honest here, used a colorful way of describing the film in a way that would have been acceptable if Harry himself wrote it, but because he's either at the same level as you or below you feel you can criticize him (and I am just being honest, discussion or not, you commented to chastize him) which is hypocritical unless you start at the top and work down. I think nearly every single person here saw the humour in the article and realize Massa isn't propagating stereotypes and making the jump to auschwitz is a little bit of a stretch. This fucken world of today has pandered to so many sensitive sensibilities that good people get caught in between of each radical end of the spectrum, which in turn only makes them into a target. Basically, don't be criticizing Massawyrm when Harry delights, DELIGHTS in using much more mysogynistic metaphors and making most of the general public lose their lunches. I am not saying Harry is wrong for the way he writes, it's his website for crying outloud, but don't act like this site is a fucking church amongst a bunch of brothels. I mean this in the most respect Vern as I enjoy your reviews just as much as I do Massawyrms, but I do feel that you unfairly targeted him for what is obviously a much bigger issue for you elsewhere in management.

  • May 29, 2008, 4:37 a.m. CST

    Thank the lord

    by Lost Jarv

    The good MRs Jarv fucking despises this show, so I'm not seeing it. <P>I pity you all that may have to.

  • May 29, 2008, 4:41 a.m. CST

    Clarke

    by Lost Jarv

    You got fucked. Seriously. <P>Better find things to add to it. <P>I took a hit with the Devil Wears Prada, but luckily read the book first so managed to worm out of it.

  • May 29, 2008, 4:53 a.m. CST

    Great, great post Vern

    by sHapesHiftinLizard

    I don't post here much but read all the time, as well as your own websight. I'm usually on a uk based sfi fi forum, someone started a AICN thread there and I was the only one defending it, and the talkbacks, as there are some damn interesting ones(yeah, i was there reading all the Demon Dave stuff before it got deleted, best night ever on these boards, legendary.) I'd like to see a better standard from those intelligent enough to know(and write)better. Keep up the good work Vern , you're the best film reviewer I've ever read.

  • May 29, 2008, 5:06 a.m. CST

    Props to Kloipy- funniest post in the history of AICN

    by Lost Jarv

    I give you the Werewolf Ass Fuck: <P>"The SATC girls are the type of girls, that are older and you know you can fuck. So you take them home, do the nastiest shit possible that you can think of to do to them, then laugh about it with your buddies the next day. That's what the show would be like if they did it from the guys perspective. "Dude, last night I was fucking doing this old chick like all doggy style, and my buddy was hiding in the closet. So I pulled out, and he jumped in and shoved it in her ass. Then he put on this Werewolf mask he has, and she's got like no idea he's there, so he spits on her back, pulls out, she turns around, screams and he spooges all in her stupid face. Werewolf Ass Fuck. Classic. That bitch was dumb."

  • May 29, 2008, 5:29 a.m. CST

    psifire- You TRIFFID

    by Lost Jarv

    You fucking plant. And worse than that, you are the tumbleweed of marketing whores. <p>You are never, ever going to generate positive buzz for this here, so why waste the time? <P>Let me count the ways you are a fucking plant: <P>1) New ID. Always a giveaway. <P>2)"I was fortunate enough to have been invited to the premiere of "Sex and the City-The Movie". Being a HUGE fan of the series, the free ticket was like manna from heaven. I couldn't hide my anticipation. And that anticipation was not for naught." Revolting. Loathsome. Vile. No-one writes like that other than puff-writers preparing their press kit. (I used to do it, before you say anything)- and nobody posts on the internet like that. Classic Plant Speak<P>3)"The sardonic wit, the it-feels-good-to-be-in-love moments, the bonds of friendship between our four lead girls, the sense of fun and abandon, the turning-the-table-on-men, the fashion, New York City, and of course the sex - -albeit toned down just a teensy-weensy bit."- Did you cull that from the TV guide? and why tell us it is toned done in such a pretend cot fashion? Why is it toned down anyway? Sorry, digression. <P>4)"Some thought the movie was too long, but for us fans the 2 hours and 30 minutes were enough if not short" Classic attempt to spin a negative into a positive. BTW 2 hours 28 minutes is far too long for a chick-fick. It is too long for most things. <P>5)"So to all SATC fans, see you at the theatres. Because I am definitely going to see this movie again to hang out, laugh with, cry with, and have fun with our girls and our friends Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha" Emphasise the positives. That's very good. But down turn it into some sort of "experience". Nobody is going to fall for that. How the fuck are they "our girls" anyway? <P>6)"It is because life rarely lives up to our fantasies, and we need friendships that are real or reel to get us through it all."- I'm actually lost for words by this. The most nauseating piece of PR prostitution I think I've ever seen here. <p>7)No Spoilers. Plants never spoil <P>8)No actual information about the film. Not a single word mentioned about plot points, performances, direction, score, script etc. Your review is a sales sheet puff piece, and worth only contempt. <P>What gets me is that most people here with significant others (gay or straight) are probably going to have to see this. They have accepted it and there is a sort of grim gallows humour among the condemned. Don't reply to this post, it's a waste of your time and a waste of mine.

  • May 29, 2008, 5:31 a.m. CST

    I wish I'd read Vern's post before reposting the

    by Lost Jarv

    Werewolf Ass Fuck. Because now I feel bad.

  • May 29, 2008, 6:09 a.m. CST

    Yeah I feel bad about saying it now

    by Kloipy

    but then again it was written in the form of most of the men in my age group, not my own voice. I despise SATC, i think it creates an unrealistic allowance for women to feel that sleeping with anyone and everyone a license. It would be just as wrong if the show was from a man's perspective.

  • May 29, 2008, 6:11 a.m. CST

    I'm Not A Misogynist

    by LaserPants

    but women do tend to enjoy some really god awful entertainments. Anyone who has ever been in a relationship of any duration with a woman knows that there's that dividing line that exists between stuff thats cool, and stuff that she likes. Its not misogynist or wrong to point that out. Its a fact of life. And women, by and large, are disinterested in the stuff that the menfolk like. They smile and nod and pretend to not be bored out of their wits, but they are. Its a wonder why men and women get together at all given the near complete disconnect between our points of view. I believe it has something to do with a genetically programmed urge to procreate, and the underlying pleasure principle that drives it. Otherwise, everyone would be gay.

  • May 29, 2008, 6:12 a.m. CST

    and in my defense

    by Kloipy

    I be seeing this on Friday due to my wife's love of the television show and the fact that her friends are going to Philly to see it and we can't afford the trip due to the baby on the way. So my consequence for my words of werewolves and sodomy will be sitting through this film. It's my own Atonement. I'm James Macavoy. Goodnight

  • May 29, 2008, 6:14 a.m. CST

    Don't feel bad Kloipy

    by Lost Jarv

    It's funnier than anything in that movie would be- and you're right. I did forget to mention that it was written in Character.

  • May 29, 2008, 6:15 a.m. CST

    What's up Jarv!

    by Kloipy

    Yeah, at least i didn't stoop to a beastiality comment so, I guess +1 for me

  • May 29, 2008, 6:20 a.m. CST

    on Good Morning America right now

    by Kloipy

    they are actually doing a piece about a lawsuit between the makers of Barbie and Bratz dolls. Thank God I never got into journalism. The only place I could feel good about working for would be The Daily Show

  • May 29, 2008, 6:32 a.m. CST

    I don't think all the talkbackers deserved to get lectured

    by Bobo_Vision

    ...on this one. I too have been disgusted by AICN talkbackers before, for some of the threads which have turned particularly racist. And yes, there are some offensive and mysoginistic posts here, but I think the majority of posts are normal reactions to guys responding to this show. I think guys on any site would respond the same way. <p> Calling SJP a "horse-face" doesn't make someone a sexist just because she's a woman - cruel, maybe, but not a sexist. And neither does despising the superficial aspect that the show promotes and caters to. There are some sexists who have posted here, but that doesn't make every single person who criticized and hated on this movie a sexist. <p> As for the Massawyrm title, that did make me cringe a little. But AICN is all about the suggestive sexual titles. I've seen titles which suggest pedophilia. Massa seems to be following the trend which already exists on this site, and the more shocking, the greater the reaction. <p> This site reeks of bad taste and offensiveness quite often, like the time Quint and his joke contest chose a racist joke involving a parrot calling a black man the "N" word and asking if he wants watermelon. The worst part was, no blackboxes came to voice their disgust. <p> But as for this talkback, its pretty tame. You have normal guys voicing their dislike for a superficial chick flick and show, then other guys getting offended and calling the talkbackers names, and then a few bigots peppered in throwing around slurs of all kind. As far as offensive talkbacks go, this one is not even close to being up there, and the offensive comments are limited to a few isolated people, so the outrage is really blown out of proportion. Pick your battles.

  • May 29, 2008, 6:38 a.m. CST

    Wait until the Tropic Thunder boards

    by JackRabbitSlim

    Can't imagine how quickly that'll wallow in the sludge of racism

  • May 29, 2008, 6:40 a.m. CST

    I'm on half days at the moment, Kloipy

    by Lost Jarv

    Thank the lord- so am about less this week. I'm glad to see you got some internet freedom back in your veal fattening pen.

  • May 29, 2008, 6:41 a.m. CST

    yo Kloipy!

    by just pillow talk

    How have you been fellow warciple?

  • May 29, 2008, 7:04 a.m. CST

    psifire = FUCKING PLANT

    by Motoko Kusanagi

    Get off this site NOW, you fucking marketing tool!

  • May 29, 2008, 7:24 a.m. CST

    Fucking and whoring in the city

    by dioxholster

    i love feminism and my penis thanks them everyday for turning women into dad's little whores and sluts that i can fuck comfortably. its easy now just go to a bar and stare at them for awhile and they get the idea. i dont even have to talk. its like a whore giving free sex or in this case, defiling her pussy/ass. -----happy now vern. okay i will stop now i like AICN

  • May 29, 2008, 7:26 a.m. CST

    On Misogyny...

    by OBSD

    I'm gonna get a little political here, but bear with me. I'm an Obama supporter. On many left-leaning political websites there has been very distinct "If you don't support Hillary, then you hate all women vibe", and I'm more than a little sick of it. It's tired and it smacks of simplistic thinking, but what it does most of all is create a "cry wolf" scenario. To me the Obama (or McCain)=misogynist school of thinking is hyperbolic bullshit, but what's worse, is that it actually helps to deaden the senses to things that are actually misogynist. And now we come to this review. I don't think the review itself is misogynist. In fact, it's the funniest review I've read here since Vern's Transformers review. But the the rape headline was a bit offensive. I also think, however that it's a very short leap from "chocolate covered pussy juice" and other extremely crass things Harry has written to this headline. The talkbacks are another thing entirely. I've done my share of shit-talking on these boards, so maybe I shouldn't say anything, but I feel I have to. Guys, you aren't in a locker room! When you type something on these boards, everybody on planet earth (with an internet connection) can read them forever (or as long as the sites stay active)! If you hate Sex and the City because you don't find it funny, or you can't relate to the characters or setting, that's completely fine. But once you start bringing some truly hateful speech into it, you've crossed a line. But I get it. Some people here are just trying to be funny and I understand that in that spirit the oneupmanship can easily go off the rails into some truly offensive shit. I would never go so far as to call anyone a misogynist on this board because that's a heavy word not to be used lightly and I think it's thrown around way too much these days, and you really can't tell anything about a person's character from one line in an AICN talkback. But I will ask people to remember that what they say on here doesn't disappear into nothing. Re-read your post before actually hitting the "post talkback" button. Maybe you'll change your mind, maybe you won't. But think twice before saying what could be some truly offensive and stupid shit.

  • May 29, 2008, 7:26 a.m. CST

    psifire u dumb

    by dioxholster

    seriously we can spot u miles away and probably will run over you. and leave u on the side of the road so pple can look at ur mutilated body.

  • May 29, 2008, 7:37 a.m. CST

    Hey there's Kloipy!

    by Abominable Snowcone

    Impending fatherciple of Chang, atoning in a purgatory of Sarah Jessica Parker proportions, she with her equine profile

  • May 29, 2008, 7:46 a.m. CST

    I can see how

    by Abominable Snowcone

    some TBers and moderators are taking offense with the seemingly misogynist slant to some of the responses here. But I think most of those responses are done in jest (and admittedly without a lot of discretion). But I also think it should be acknowledged that S&TC is ABOUT four women who are kinda...well, superficial and promiscuous, yet desperate for committment from men. If this were a Star Wars TB, it would be open season to slam it (or praise it) for the subject matter. A women's movie shouldn't be granted special protection because it's a women's movie. Next thing you know, we won't be allowed to make fun of bad movies about blind lesbian dyslexic wheelchair racers who get magical superpowers and fight CGI robots from space. Heh.

  • May 29, 2008, 7:47 a.m. CST

    Sweet Review!

    by BeyondStatic

    Dude! Awesome review! Loved it!

  • May 29, 2008, 7:48 a.m. CST

    I pretty much co sign with Vern...

    by hillingdon

    But I'm not gonna lie THAT review and this talkback has been one of the best in a LONG while... It's made everyone at my office wonder what the hell I've been laughing at in my lunch hour... Oh and SJP - Why the long face? ;o)

  • May 29, 2008, 7:51 a.m. CST

    heh

    by Lost Jarv

    "blind lesbian dyslexic wheelchair racers who get magical superpowers and fight CGI robots from space" <P>I'd buy that for a dollar

  • May 29, 2008, 7:54 a.m. CST

    Vern

    by DocPazuzu

    *clap.... clap... clap....* <p> (stands up) <p> *clap... clap... clap... clap, clap, clap -- clap!clap!clap!clap!clap!clap!clap!!!!*

  • May 29, 2008, 7:57 a.m. CST

    Doc Paz

    by Abominable Snowcone

    Your "clap-clap" parody of that "rent-our-theater-for-your-next-corporate-meeting" trailer rocks! <p> Jarv: best line spoken by Clarence Boddigger in Robocop: "Bitches leave."

  • May 29, 2008, 8:01 a.m. CST

    Yes, but my wife gets upset when I quote that one

    by Lost Jarv

    She's OK with "Hail to the king" though. <P>Robocop is great.

  • May 29, 2008, 8:01 a.m. CST

    psifire

    by DocPazuzu

    You unbelievable whore! What, you didn't get the "talkbackers eat plants alive for breakfast" memo? Take it out on Philbrick at the water cooler. <p> Seriously, how fucking retarded are you? And how fucking retarded do you think we are? Jarv pointed out your most obvious tells, but at this stage I would have thought your marketing cunts would have adapted a bit better. <p> Go fuck yourself.

  • May 29, 2008, 8:01 a.m. CST

    Note to 'Werewolf Ass Fuck' Types

    by YakMalla

    The more you brag, the more obvious it is that you're a virgin.

  • May 29, 2008, 8:06 a.m. CST

    YakMalla

    by Lost Jarv

    I feel that I should explain the context of that post- it was actually a joke and what Sex and The City would be like if men with the same personality flaws as those women were the central characters- Basically they meet up in the pub and then brag about......

  • May 29, 2008, 8:10 a.m. CST

    Doc

    by Lost Jarv

    He's the most insulting plant I've seen for a while. <P> I couldn't believe the brazen audacity of it. What a dick. <P>"What is it Philbrick?" <P>"Sir, it's the Talkback hordes, again, they're getting restless. One of the reviewers has stirred them up." <P>"Whaddyamean restless? Don't they like tits and ass? Doesn't everyone love that show?" <P>"No sir, they think it's reprehensible, and the women are ugly" <P>"Call in the Plants, Philbrick, call them in now"

  • May 29, 2008, 8:16 a.m. CST

    "Ain't it Cool (?) News"

    by Drunken Rage

    It frequenty isn't, and I wonder why Massa would write such a venomous review of something he hated and which he could very reasonably expect the TBers would either refuse to see or also hate. It's shooting fish in a barrel, waaaaaaay too easy. The quality of feedback is pretty mean-spirited (some of mine, also), but it begs the point: what about this movie would make it noteworthy of being on a site which is called "Ain't it Cool News"?

  • May 29, 2008, 8:20 a.m. CST

    Please gas the theaters showing this.....

    by classyfredblassy

    do us all a favor. after this comes out, there were be waves of fat chicks in fake designer clothes going out to get drunk and try to hook up with guys out of their league. RUN!

  • May 29, 2008, 8:21 a.m. CST

    And, Vern, nice "Hell in the Pacific" reference

    by Drunken Rage

    Made me laugh out loud.

  • May 29, 2008, 8:22 a.m. CST

    Hey Vern, get off your fucking high horse......face

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    This talkback is relatively tame compared to some of the crap that gets said when it gets political or religious. For craps sake, what the hell kind of reaction do you expect for this review of this cunt of a movie.

  • May 29, 2008, 8:24 a.m. CST

    I saw the ad for this...

    by classyfredblassy

    And thought it was a sequel to the "water horse" for a second. I did love horse face in "Real Genius" as young boy whiz kid Mitch. How long has she been a girl?

  • May 29, 2008, 8:35 a.m. CST

    Vern, stop being the voice of reason, goddamnit!

    by rbatty024

    If I wanted a reasonable, intelligent discussion I wouldn't come to AICN. All those fancy movie magazines and websites can look down on us because we don't do things like "make a logical argument" or actually "discuss movies" but I don't come to AICN for things like discussions and movies. I come here to make turrets like outbursts. Bitch! Fuck! Cunt! Look at me, look at me!

  • May 29, 2008, 8:36 a.m. CST

    Classyfredblassy, great Real Genius reference

    by krullboyisback

    I remember when there was a TB about a possible Real Genius sequel, and tons of fanboys where saying that Sarah Jessica Parker should play Mitch; HILARIOUS!!

  • May 29, 2008, 8:50 a.m. CST

    Have no desire to see this...

    by Darkman

    ...and after learning of its nasty jokes and running time, I have even less of a desire to. <br><br> However, any guy that wouldn't want to put it in Kim Cattrall = perfect audience for this movie.

  • May 29, 2008, 8:52 a.m. CST

    She changed sex after The Black Stallion

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    she was AWESOME in that movie.

  • May 29, 2008, 8:54 a.m. CST

    The Black Stallion Returns was shit however

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    They recast her for the Winner of the 82' Melborne Cup!!!!

  • May 29, 2008, 9:14 a.m. CST

    Hey krullboyisback

    by classyfredblassy

    Did you ever notice the Red headed chick on "sex" looks just like david bowie, from the ziggy stardust era?

  • May 29, 2008, 9:15 a.m. CST

    SJP sucked ass in Mars Attacks

    by classyfredblassy

    as did the kid with big fucking ears from Witness.

  • May 29, 2008, 9:16 a.m. CST

    You know what's funny about SJP in Ed Wood...

    by rbatty024

    She actually referred to her horse face. In the beginning of the movie she reads a negative review of her stage performance and asks the other actors if she really has a face like a horse. It was actually pretty gutsy of her. I'll give her props for that.

  • May 29, 2008, 9:17 a.m. CST

    TB Cherry bursting all over SJP's face.

    by Diamond Mike Inferno

    This is my first ever post on the TB. I've been coming on Ain't It Cool for years but have never felt the need to sign up, post a rant or whatever. There's been films that I've adored over the years that I haven't felt the need to sing their praises or discuss etc but I had to over this movie. I haven't seen it. I'm never going to see it. I know it will just annoy the piss out of me and it'll annoy me even more when it makes a shitload at the box office. But why? That's the thing I don't get. Why does it annoy me that much? Yeah, I hate the characters. They're not likeable in the slightest and seemingly have no redeeming features. Seinfeld has characters similar in the way that, they're not really nice people but they always got their just desserts in one way or another. I'm a big fan of that show and loved the characters but at the Season 7 finale where the death of Susan was met with near indifference, it made me realise how horrible these characters were as people. And in some way, that added to Seinfeld's brilliance. SITC had no such "payoff". The characters never seemed to learn anything or be held accountable for any of their actions. It was always someone else's (usually a man) fault, never theirs. I could go on forever but I can't be arsed. I guess it comes down to this. I know a lot of girls who love this show and I know have been saying that this is one of their all time favourite films (before seeing it!) but at the end of the day, whether we like it or not, this movie is an event movie. And we're not invited. After years of dragging my girlfriend to the Star Wars prequels, superhero flicks, Spanish horror films or boring the pants off her with me going on and on and on about how they're getting all the Avengers together, she's finally got something that she's been looking forward to and is getting excited about. For her and her friends, this is escapism. Where it's all about the girls. She knows how I feel about it and knows that I'll just end up ranting in the cinema. Same way she knows it's best to watch Grease when I'm not there so she doesn't have to put up with my usual rant about how fucked up tha film is. But my attitude is simply this movie is her payback for all the stuff I love that she hates but she puts up with, be it Rocky, Star Wars, Wrestlemania etc. I'm excited for her but personally I'd rather gouge out my eyes and stick hot toffee apples in the holes before I go and see this movie. This movie is for her. Not for me. And not for most of us here. So instead of trying to understand it or wonder why in Sweet Jesus' jelly bean collection's name does this show/movie even exists, I'm gonna take comfort in the fact that this summer I've been spoit and this one blot on the landscape will not ruin my "Geek Season". Loved the review by the way. Might not have agreed with all of it but it made me laugh and kept me reading without distraction from beginning to end. And that's why it's a good review.

  • May 29, 2008, 9:25 a.m. CST

    I promissed to take my wife to this, WTF was I thinking??????

    by Nerdgasm

    At least you guys who are taking your girlfriends will probably get a blowjob after (or maybe during the picture if you're lucky?), but like I said...I'm taking my wife, and as all my other friends who are married know, putting a ring on a girls finger makes her completely forget how to smoke a pole.

  • May 29, 2008, 9:27 a.m. CST

    SJP just came 3rd in the fifth!

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    That bitch can run, she came third by a nose. mwahahahahahaaa

  • May 29, 2008, 9:31 a.m. CST

    Vern - Well said, but you missed a few people

    by toadkillerdog

    There is no doubt that this site lends itself to a more uh, freewheeling, form of expression than some of the other movie sites you mentioned.<p> However, there is no doubt that the tone is set from the very top. <p> When I first joined this site, I did so because I wanted a 'geek clearinghouse' and like it or not, AICN is the most recognized geek fan site name out there (by the casual fan at least). <p> It was only after I had experiecned the 'no-holds barred' mentality around here, and the childish glee of being able to say any word in any combination about any topic, that I realized thoughtful discussion, while possible, is not the norm here. <p> This site was founded by geeks who have never left their childhood behind, and that same feeling is rapidly is picked up by the TB'ers. <p> It is not a surprise then, that some extremes of childish behavior are common. <p> And I raise my hand an plead guilty to indulging in that childsh side more than once myself. <p> But, where I applaud you, and a few others, who have tried to be a voice of reason, is that even in a wide open frontier such as these TB's, there should be some decorum. <p> Someone else posted that perhaps we should pause before pushing the 'post talkback' button. <p> That is one of the best ideas I have heard around here. It will not stop the wildness, but any little change will help.

  • May 29, 2008, 9:34 a.m. CST

    SJP once crapped on my front lawn

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    at least I think it was her.

  • May 29, 2008, 9:36 a.m. CST

    dickblood, you're correct about Ed Wood & Mars Attacks

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    I'm just havin some fun

  • May 29, 2008, 9:59 a.m. CST

    SEX AND THE HORSE RANCH

    by BringingSexyBack

    Neigh I say!

  • May 29, 2008, 10:04 a.m. CST

    Hey I'd gladly plow any of them SATC chicks

    by studmaster

    with the possible exception of the dike. And I'd do Kristin Davis in every sweet little hole she's got.

  • May 29, 2008, 10:07 a.m. CST

    I acknowledge that I said

    by Abominable Snowcone

    SJP does have an "equine profile." That said, I'd gladly park my bus in her garage.

  • May 29, 2008, 10:08 a.m. CST

    Remember that scene in L.A Story when Steve Martin

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    fucked that horse and it fuckin SPOKE?

  • May 29, 2008, 10:10 a.m. CST

    Didn't she play the judge in Nuthin But Trouble?

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    oh sorry that was some other cocknose.

  • May 29, 2008, 10:11 a.m. CST

    Kim Catrall needs bukkake

    by Abominable Snowcone

    Sex and the Bit'n'Bridle Stables.

  • May 29, 2008, 10:12 a.m. CST

    Nomoredirtyjokes

    by Abominable Snowcone

    Great nose reference, Ackroyd in NBT. One of the worst, most surreal movies I've EVER seen. EVER. And it had Demi in it, who is (or at least was) to DIE for

  • May 29, 2008, 10:12 a.m. CST

    I once saw this movie

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    it was a barnyard scene and a chick was suckin SJP's cock!!!!!!

  • May 29, 2008, 10:13 a.m. CST

    RE: "They're not 35 anymore....."

    by NoCalFlicks

    That line really makes me laugh, AS IF 35 year old women should be whoring around in clubs. If you are shallow and self-centered still at 35, you probably will be at 40,45,50 as well. The show might have been more accurate if the characters were in their late twenties and approaching 30, but most of them were already in their mid to late thirties and acted like they were teenagers, neurotic, self absorbed, materialistic teenagers at that. Oh and lucky me, my girlfriend would rather go with me to see Dawn of the Dead & They Live at our local Trash Film Festival http://www.trashfilmorgy.com/2008-new/2008-Schedule.htm then to see this flick. She was never a fan, thank goodness. Me Happy!!!

  • May 29, 2008, 10:14 a.m. CST

    Demi was severly fuckable in that flick

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    and yes it is one crazy movie.

  • May 29, 2008, 10:16 a.m. CST

    Nomoredirty

    by Abominable Snowcone

    Yes, my balls ached just looking at Mrs. Willis with her cute little short hair and tight little....mmmmmfph!

  • May 29, 2008, 10:17 a.m. CST

    I bet Chevy tried some moves

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    and came off looking like Chevy Chase.

  • May 29, 2008, 10:20 a.m. CST

    Just lookin on Wikapedia

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    it says SJP first role was horse 57 in the classic Aussie war film The Lighthorsemen. I actually remember it. She had a fantasic death scene.

  • May 29, 2008, 10:25 a.m. CST

    before she made it in hollywood

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    SJP worked part time driving cattle.

  • May 29, 2008, 10:26 a.m. CST

    She was great in Clerks 2

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    has that already been said? If not ....BOOYAAAAHHH

  • May 29, 2008, 10:29 a.m. CST

    I wonder if SJP

    by Abominable Snowcone

    gets Naaaaaaaaaykid

  • May 29, 2008, 10:40 a.m. CST

    My favorite bit in Zelda for the Wii

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    When you first ride the SJP motion captured Epona over the fields of Hyrule for the first time.

  • May 29, 2008, 10:42 a.m. CST

    Geeze

    by hairlesspet

    I could write a discertation on social dynamics that centered only on this talkback. Massa's title is funny, and I laughed at a lot of jokes that were blatantly sexist, homophobic, and just plain tasteless in this talkback. Enter Verne: Buzz Killington. Though he does make a very good point, it should be noted that his post is a reaction to said tasteless jokes, not only from this review and TB, but also from his own previously less than G-rated reviews. It's like watching a Doug Stanhope comedy special: the man says the most deplorable things in the world, you laugh your ass off, then afterwards you feel like you should do some good in the world. I for one will not denote myself a sexist or anti-femenist if I snicker at a tasteless joke here and there. And now I'm off to the real world to put forth some beneficial effort.

  • May 29, 2008, 10:49 a.m. CST

    I love that scene

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    all the courtroom scenes are bizarro comedy gold.

  • May 29, 2008, 10:54 a.m. CST

    I have SJP grandpa stuffed in my den.

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    He's a great centrepiece and cost a mint!

  • May 29, 2008, 10:56 a.m. CST

    DGDB

    by toadkillerdog

    Ok, that made me laugh! But, can you or anyone tell me what the girl screams at the end of the movie to Bastian?<p>

  • May 29, 2008, 10:57 a.m. CST

    It's easy to play six degrees of seperation with SJP

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    the bitch is in like 80% of movies from Phar Lap to Beowulf.

  • May 29, 2008, 10:59 a.m. CST

    sorry guys, i was just in before work and now on break

    by Kloipy

    and again now having to leave. It sucks

  • May 29, 2008, 11:02 a.m. CST

    that's okay Kloipy

    by just pillow talk

    The CoC bids you many happy pencil stabbings today at work.

  • May 29, 2008, 11:02 a.m. CST

    I laughed my ass off when Kramer fed her chilli

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    and then drove Susan's parents around. Classic episode.

  • May 29, 2008, 11:03 a.m. CST

    it was just one possible idea

    by Vern

    we could go back to talking about cunts and blowjobs if that's what you guys want.<p> I avoid the political talkbacks that have been referenced but seriously, I think the fact that several people have said this one is "tame" kind of proves my point. It's hard to get away with racism and to some extent homophobia these days but nobody gives a shit if you talk about your own wife as some stupid bitch you're trying to trick into getting sex from. There's about a hundred angry dudes up there talking about bitches, cunts, whores, bukkake, and you don't see what's wrong with it, and yet you can't tell your wife or girlfriend "I'd rather not see that one, is it okay if I don't go?" I'd love to hear you explain this talkback to her. "Yes dear, I did write that I would like to 'stick it in' that 'stupid cuntface whore bitch' but only because I hate her for being a slut, not because I don't love you. Do you need me to mow the lawn or anything? I love you sweetie."<p> This is a little off topic but I would also like to mention that there are women with good taste in movies, and also women who are willing to go see SEX AND THE CITY by themselves and you can go see RAMBO by yourself. Don't mean to blow your fuckin mind but the guy with that "women are from mars" book is a fuckin liar. There is no spoon.<p> Anyway thanks for your thoughts everybody, but I stand by what I said, I do think "ha ha, I raped a bitch and she cried and bled" is worse than "chocolate covered pussy juice".

  • May 29, 2008, 11:04 a.m. CST

    BIG CASTING NEWS

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    SJP just landed the role of Zoltars steed in the new 500 million dollar Micheal Bay adaption of the classic cartoon.

  • May 29, 2008, 11:05 a.m. CST

    or was it Zoltan?

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    remember that dude with the Clydesdale? Thats the one.

  • May 29, 2008, 11:08 a.m. CST

    sorry Quint, I'm to busy tryin to think of more horse jokes

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    quit killin my buzz. Fuck the true zealots, me is havin some fun.

  • May 29, 2008, 11:11 a.m. CST

    Quint must be tryin to get laid guys, give him some slack

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    I mean shit dude, are you even reading this anymore? Or does the image of some chick in a barnyard sucking horsefaces cock truly offend thee?

  • May 29, 2008, 11:18 a.m. CST

    Fuck that, I read my barnyard joke to my wife

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    she thought it was funny shit. She hates that fuckin show too. Get it Vern, we don't hate women, we hate this piece of shit show which shows more spite to the character of women than most of us buffoons on this talkback.

  • May 29, 2008, 11:20 a.m. CST

    SJP doesnt like sex

    by dioxholster

    she said it on conan o brien that she doesnt even say the word. so why is she playing a whore or is she one of those dirty skanks who keeps things on the downlow.

  • May 29, 2008, 11:21 a.m. CST

    Dammit, I was about to do Krull

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    oh well, she was also great as Shadowfax.

  • May 29, 2008, 11:23 a.m. CST

    NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    by dioxholster

    comon u actually read it to here comon man we now the truth

  • May 29, 2008, 11:25 a.m. CST

    if one fucks SJP

    by dioxholster

    would it be bestiality? its not like im planning on fucking her but just curious

  • May 29, 2008, 11:25 a.m. CST

    Yeah Vern

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    and this is more rant worthy than most. Like many have said, this is tame. Grow some balls, or get a fucking sense of humour. Better yet, stop reading if your so offended.

  • May 29, 2008, 11:27 a.m. CST

    what was that blabber dioxholster?

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    was that a compliment or a plagarism accusation?

  • May 29, 2008, 11:30 a.m. CST

    Remember in that movie Let It Ride with Dreyfuss

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    when SJP won him over 600 thousand dollars. That was great.

  • May 29, 2008, 11:31 a.m. CST

    They are talking about u here

    by dioxholster

    hey guys they are talking about u: http://www.belowtopsecret.com/forum/thread354078/pg6#pid4399675 this talkback is big on other forums

  • May 29, 2008, 11:32 a.m. CST

    DGDB

    by Abominable Snowcone

    I see Quint's point, but I agree with you ultimately. I wouldn't tell my signficant other what I post here, because some of the comments are admittedly juvenile, especially after a movie TB has digressed or "died out" and the jokes start flying. But inane comments and verbal banter doesn't mean I'm an idiot or woman-basher. Like you said, lots of us come here for geek movie talk and goofin' around, like a clubhouse of sorts. I don't have anything against SJP at ALL. She's been fine in everything I've seen her in, and I should say I never saw a single episode of SiTC. At the same time, I feel at liberty to joke about other actors I admire and don't admire. No reason why SJP warrants an exemption. At the end of the day, I would hit that.

  • May 29, 2008, 11:34 a.m. CST

    check out what they are saying about u guys

    by dioxholster

    here thats better: http://tinyurl.com/5pc29f

  • May 29, 2008, 11:37 a.m. CST

    Nomoredirty what do u think

    by dioxholster

    i wrote it wrong man i meant u told HER what u write here. because i will never do that

  • May 29, 2008, 11:39 a.m. CST

    "His Jiz taste funny...."

    by Mace Tofu

    Can the movie top the TV show without any funky spunk? I think not. Is there any fucking in the movie because that was the funniest part of the TV show. ATM is the only thing the TV didn't do.

  • May 29, 2008, 11:40 a.m. CST

    Yeah mate, she has a sense of humour

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    and knows when I'm joking around.

  • May 29, 2008, 11:45 a.m. CST

    SJP's grandmother starred in Rob Brownings Freaks

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    unfortunately she was just a horse.

  • May 29, 2008, 11:45 a.m. CST

    they probably did ATM

    by dioxholster

    we just didnt see it. u know because it would be against the rules. if that show had SJP as beautiful women wouldve not fallen for it

  • May 29, 2008, 11:46 a.m. CST

    fuck, should have been Tod Browning

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    or something like that. I'm drunk and excited.

  • May 29, 2008, 11:49 a.m. CST

    SJP stunt double starred in True Lies

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    Sarah was on coke at the time and kept attempting the jump ya see.

  • May 29, 2008, 11:51 a.m. CST

    In fact there is a video on the Net

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    of a hardcore Coke n'sex party with Tom Arnold, a horse, and a cow called Rosanne.

  • May 29, 2008, 11:54 a.m. CST

    Wow, I am drunk

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    just realised I was calling Vern Quint. Man, that's like doing SJP and accidentally calling her Seabisquit.

  • May 29, 2008, 11:55 a.m. CST

    Nah man

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    just shootin the horse.

  • May 29, 2008, 11:59 a.m. CST

    She was great in Trainspotting as Sick Boy

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    That was actual equine shit that covered that English breakfast.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:01 p.m. CST

    Remember when she had the heart attack in Animal House

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    I shit my pants with laughter. SJP is the equine Buster Keaton.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:01 p.m. CST

    Again Vern...

    by blckmgk13

    Massawyrm has not done anything that hasn't already been established as "fair game" from previous reviews. Reviews that have been homophobic, racist, misogynistic and worse. Seriously dude, I like you reviews but get off your fucken high horse or start with Harry before you try and reform this site. And one thing to note as well, the majority of your reviews have been borderline austic with the randomness you use in describing films. You do it for humour but by no means does it create more intelligent discussions about Segal films and similar ilk. This site has long been established as being "cool" but a far cry from film school debate class. I can't stress it enough, lighten up or start with the creator of the site.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:03 p.m. CST

    Whatabout in Police Academy when Harris

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    went up her ass. I just found out it was a butt double. It's only SJP in the closeups!

  • May 29, 2008, 12:06 p.m. CST

    Her second cousin Larry played the head in Godfather

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    it's okay though, he had terminal throat cancer due to his pack a day habit. Kid's, don't smoke, look what happened to Larry.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:08 p.m. CST

    SJP must be pissed

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    she's been completely cut out of that Mongol banner up top. She's the lead horse for fucks sake.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:08 p.m. CST

    SJP was gangbanged by horses

    by dioxholster

    horses at times mistake SJP for a female horse and they gangbanged her once.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:10 p.m. CST

    Stephen King once said...

    by Blue_Demon

    when he got letters for writing a scene where a dog is kicked to death: "There was no actual dog kicked to death." Sooooo..."There was nobody actually left bleeding and crying and Massa doesn't advocate such actions." AS IF we have to actually point that out for some of you. Madre de Dios, will everything have to have a disclaimer?

  • May 29, 2008, 12:12 p.m. CST

    seriously sex and the city makes america look bad

    by dioxholster

    people around the world hate BUSH but they hate sex and the city more for exhibiting whoreness and unneeded slutness. and SJP is a fucking horny horse which is way its a big hit in BORAT's homeland. BORAT: "SJP nice! remind me of pony! SJP want sexytime with me, my cousin, uncle, and a horse. nice!"

  • May 29, 2008, 12:13 p.m. CST

    "You wouldn't tell your wife or gf......"

    by NoCalFlicks

    Well of course we wouldn't, but we also wouldn't repeat to her half the stuff we would say anytime we are together with our buddies "shootin' the shit" Not any different then what women probably say when they get together with their girlfriends, and quite frankly I can careless. There are a lot of comments/rants/spite/anger/irony etc etc expressed in good fun on the internet, on this site, in this talkback that is harmless b.s. but it is no different then what goes on when with a group of friends.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:16 p.m. CST

    the title was bad to be honest

    by dioxholster

    i was shocked by it. rape isnt something to joke about.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:16 p.m. CST

    SJP & John Candy....

    by NoCalFlicks

    Those two were a great team in Hot to Trot!!!

  • May 29, 2008, 12:18 p.m. CST

    Hey diox holster, whats black and blue and hates sex?

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    a rape victim. Sorry.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:19 p.m. CST

    Vern cleaning up Dodge on his high horse

    by Massawyrm 1

    <p>Vern, While I appreciate your attempt to put on the silver star and clean up Dodge, do me a favor. Watch where you're shootin', Tex. First of all, this talkback would have been this talkback with or without the headline. You know that. Many of these guys were waiting to pull out a series of jokes about this movie, and mine was the first review out of the gate here. Don't pretend that I whipped them into a frenzy. There's nothing here deliberately inciting this. You said it yourself, you've been here long enough to know better.</p> <p>The headline has proven to be an interesting mirror of the minds of readers. It's a reference to an old joke about getting fucked hard. When people started talking RAPE yesterday, it threw me for a loop. That's not how the reference was intended. Some people saw the humor, some people got the metaphor...others envisioned darker, more horrible things and then put their demons on me. Fine. It happens. You write words without definitive context - you take it in the ass when people go all squibbly about it. I wrote it, I'll take the angry mail. But you're another writer. You should know better, and if you don't, you should have the common courtesy as a fellow writer to drop me an e-mail and ask me what the fuck I was thinking before calling me out into the street for a gunfight.</p> <p>And please, for the love of god. read the review. There's one "rape" joke, if you will - which isn't about raping this movie or its cast or inferring that I desired to do anything unsavory. It was a tasteless joke about the combination of influences that involved the wholly improbable happenstance of 3 FILMS attacking another FILM. So seriously, stop with the "ha ha, I raped a bitch and she cried and bled" horseshit. That's nowhere in the piece. That's not what was intended. And if you don't know that, come down here to Texas, I'll buy you a beer and we'll have a long talk about context.</p>

  • May 29, 2008, 12:20 p.m. CST

    VERN - I HAVE AN URGENT QUESTION FOR YOU

    by BringingSexyBack

    At any conventions you've attended, have you ever noticed a guy come up real close to you and smell you? Like, really take your essense in?

  • May 29, 2008, 12:21 p.m. CST

    MASSAWYRM - THAT QUESTION GOES FOR YOU TOO

    by BringingSexyBack

    Forget the horse face. This is important.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:23 p.m. CST

    I WASN'T THINKING RAPE WHEN I READ THAT HEADLINE

    by BringingSexyBack

    I thought the bitch was having her period and acting emotional.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:23 p.m. CST

    KINDA LIKE MORBID

    by BringingSexyBack

    Except when he's emotional he takes it out on himself, because that's who he's dating.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:23 p.m. CST

    I'm with Vern on this one.

    by Gilkuliehe

    Yes I am.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:25 p.m. CST

    I was raped by SJP

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    I can't be sure but I was told the bitch who did it could trot 4000m in 3 minutes and I had hoof marks on my shoulders.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:27 p.m. CST

    THIS LOOKS LIKE IT'S GONNA GET UGLY

    by BringingSexyBack

    I hate when people fight on talkbacks. CHILL VERN!! CHILL MASSA!!!

  • May 29, 2008, 12:27 p.m. CST

    CAN WE GET A WOMAN'S OPINION ON THIS?

    by BringingSexyBack

    Where's Brane?

  • May 29, 2008, 12:27 p.m. CST

    funny BSB, I just thought he beat her up

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    cause woman beatins funny, just watch Temple of Doom.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:30 p.m. CST

    BSB

    by Abominable Snowcone

    That's the way I interpreted as well. She's menstruating, and after the guy withdraws, there's some spotting on the sheets, and she gets weepy from embarrassement. All of which I took to mean that Vern was suggesting the four leading ladies should be embarrassed by the movie.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:30 p.m. CST

    Best SJP moment EVER

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    when she took that epic plunge over the cliff, Tom Burlinson on her mighty back, to create in visual form The Man From Snowy River.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:31 p.m. CST

    Go team Vern!

    by rbatty024

    When I re-read that headline (at first I thought Massa was the one bleeding) I assumed it was a reference to rape. Others did as well. I don't think it's a terribly out there assumption given the context. Instead of the violent image of blood you could have left the film begging for more or something along those lines. Glad to hear that rape was not your intention, though. <p> Those who are complaining about Vern citation of misogyny in the talkback, I think you misunderstand what misogyny is. It's not just calling someone ugly or saying you don't like a TV show. It is referring to women in general, or even women who watch a particular show, as sluts who you want to bang in whatever orifice and toss to the side. Read his posts if you don't believe me. He very clearly picks out those posts and differentiates them from the "chocolate covered pussy" or gross out posts. For some reason misogyny is more acceptable than racism. Why? I have no idea.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:32 p.m. CST

    maybe the title meant she was deflowered

    by dioxholster

    hymen collapsed or something who knows she bleed didnt she.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:34 p.m. CST

    didn't she play a cameo as ahead on the wall

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    in Evil Dead 2? I believe they made her up as a deer, much to her anger, as she hates blackface as should we all.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:36 p.m. CST

    rbatty, get a grip

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    we are making fucking horse jokes here.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:38 p.m. CST

    Kristin Davis sex pics

    by dioxholster

    why do people leave their video/pics of them with their ex is beyond me.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:38 p.m. CST

    Vern, I've always supported you, and you couldn't be more wrong

    by Laserhead

    Your bleeding heart, PC correctness is a horrible thing to behold. PEOPLE SHOULD BE ABLE TO MAKE FUN OF ANYONE. As somebody with a hot wife who's a wonderful woman, I can say that women get up to some stupid, nonsensical shit, and if that makes me a misogynist, then boo-fucking-hoo. Sometimes honesty and truth doesn't line up with your idealized version of the world, where stereotypes have no basis in reality. I don't think misogyny should be more acceptable than racism. I think we should be able to make jokes at the expense of people's races, sexuality, and genders because it's only fucking words and the minute you start applying all these powers to language that it doesn't have, you're abdicating responsibility from the individual to notional language. On a related note, NO ONE IS MORE MISOGYNISTIC THAN WOMEN. Women don't even like being with other women! Women hate on each other all the time, for nothing at all! AND your losing sight of the main issue here: which is that Sex and the City is a shallow show about four narcissistic characters that's been passed off as being intelligent pop for too long. But Vern, if we're your embarassing cousing or whatever, let me offer this solution: get the fuck out of here and don't come back.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:40 p.m. CST

    breaking news: SJP joined the circus

    by dioxholster

    and all the woman who liked the show did the same. to their dismay they joined a donkey show.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:40 p.m. CST

    Hum, Massa...

    by Gilkuliehe

    I think that rant about CONTEXT was pretty off-base. I'm a writer too (in another language, mind you), and despite any given context the phrase "Massawyrm Has SEX AND THE CITY And Leaves It Bleeding And Crying On The Mattress!!" still sounds derogatory. It may not mean literally RAPE, but it's pretty damn close, don't you think? It still takes pride in the act of dominating someone physically through the act of fucking, in this case resulting on both physical (blood) and/or emotional (tears) damage. And it's not just the title dude, there's a lot of "ooh look at me I'm so harsh and funny" types of jokes in your review and that pretty much sets the tone of the following conversation. It's true talkbackers are waiting to piss on this movie, and previous news about this film have proven so, but still... Don't dodge the bullet like that. You wanted to write that review and you wanted to be that guy. That was Vern's first question. The pride in your answer bothered me too. And now it bothers me that you are telling Vern HE should know better. He does know better, buddy. And asking for courtesy and not calling you out sounds pretty whiny to me.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:40 p.m. CST

    I studded my mare with SJP just last week

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    I paid top dollar so I better have some action.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:40 p.m. CST

    I didn't see the title as rape either...

    by Bobo_Vision

    ...I saw it as rough sex, and then no cuddling afterwards. Will Smith told an anecdote recently where he told Jada during an awards show, "Daaamn girl, I'm gonna tear that thing up tonight", only to find that Ellen Degeneres was a few feet away looking at him as he said it. Thats what came to mind when I heard the title. That the movie got torn up. There were no clues that it was not consensual with the movie. It was cringeworthy, but not necessarily criminal.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:43 p.m. CST

    I am not a white American woman

    by Abominable Snowcone

    But I play one on TV, and I do think that American women can often be very shallow, and that's what this film appears to depict, therefore opening itself to the ridicule seen on this TB. Shoes and shopping and wanting to get laid by Mr. Cromagnon Man, while also hoping Prince Charming comes along and takes me away to our dreamy new home in France.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:43 p.m. CST

    And for the record...

    by Massawyrm 1

    I do agree that the headline was a mistake. In my greed to squeeze in one more tasteless joke, I shifted the conversation from the content to the packaging. Rather than discussing the body of what I had to write, we're arguing over whether or not a joke was appropriate. I don't care what your point of view on the appropriateness of the joke, I have failed as a writer to convey what I had to say all because I wanted to be funny. What was supposed to be a funny attention grabber became an offensive distraction. That there is what we call a lifelesson.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:44 p.m. CST

    SO WHAT IF IT SOUNDS DEROGATORY?!?!

    by Laserhead

    THIS seems like something to get upset about-- because the idea of having rough sex with a piece of film offends your delicate sensibilities? Oh dear, whatever you do, DON'T BE DEROGATORY. Fuck your high horse.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:44 p.m. CST

    I BLAME GANGSTA RAPPERS FOR THIS CONTROVERSY

    by BringingSexyBack

    and French people. Name one French film where a woman don't get smacked.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:45 p.m. CST

    Fuck yeah Laserhead

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    Thats what I said. Don't fuckin read it.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:46 p.m. CST

    hard fuck girls u hate

    by dioxholster

    iam guilty of that.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:47 p.m. CST

    Good one dickblood,

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    so obvious, but so perfect.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:48 p.m. CST

    THIS MOVIE WAS ASKING FOR IT!!!

    by Laserhead

  • May 29, 2008, 12:49 p.m. CST

    "For some reason misogyny is more acceptable than racism."

    by Bobo_Vision

    "Why? I have no idea." <p> I have an idea why. The thing about this show that irks me is how it represents the relationship between men and women as an "us against them" type of battle. A strategic war. And yes, there are many guys who see it that way too, like guys who hang out in clubs, but they aren't necessarily the majority. <p> But now you have these damaged reactionary females who think that playing these games and viewing relationships in this way is part of empowerment. So I see a lot of the comments in this talkback as reactionary to that mentality, which plays the relationship between men and women as a type of battle, and this show feeds into that. <p> Is it the reaction acceptable? No. Understandable? Yes.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:49 p.m. CST

    SJP hates Babe

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    its so synthetic.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:51 p.m. CST

    Why misogyny is funny:

    by Laserhead

    Because like all good humor, it's rooted in truth. This is also why racist humor is funny.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:52 p.m. CST

    Gilkuliehe

    by Massawyrm 1

    <p>"You wanted to write that review and you wanted to be that guy. That was Vern's first question."</p> <p>Do you know that? Do you know me? There is pride in that answer, because I take pride in what I do. Like vern, I write for a couple of other site, but unlike him, it is how I make my living. I take this very seriously. It is why I am where I am in my career. That was Vern trying to understand my methodology from his point of view. We've never met. But that hasn't stopped him from taking cheap shots with little to nothing backing them up. I didn't walk into this wanting to hate it - I walked in wanting to like it. Go back and read my "What happened in Vegas" piece - you'll get what I mean.</p>

  • May 29, 2008, 12:54 p.m. CST

    SJP's pratfalls in The Mask of Zorro sell that film

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    forget Hopkins, Banderas or Zeta Jones. I want more SJP tomfoolery.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:56 p.m. CST

    ONLY LASERHEAD FINDS RACIST HUMOR FUNNY

    by BringingSexyBack

    The rest of us find racial humor funny.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:56 p.m. CST

    Hey Massa

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    we makin you laugh or what?

  • May 29, 2008, 12:57 p.m. CST

    Let's play a game.

    by rbatty024

    First off, I understand that Massa was not trying to use a rape joke. However, let's replace misogyny with racism and see how that works. What if I wrote the title RBatty just lynched Stomp the Yard. I think that would just as inappropriate as many of the comments made in this talkback. I don't give a shit about the horse face jokes. That doesn't bother me. What bothers me is when people refer to women who watch Sex and the City as "cunts" who they can then fuck and not feel guilty about. As Vern noted, this is just as shallow and obnoxious as the show itself. <p> Let us extend the it's just words argument. Sex and the City is just "words." They really aren't going around having sex with a bunch of guys and buying expensive shoes. Words signify something. In the case of Sex and the City, the show signifies a shallow view of women. Some of these talkbacks signify a lack of understanding of the hurtful nature of rape and display a shocking dismissal of women in general. Women are far more varied and complex than this show makes them seem, and how apparently some of the talkbackers view them.

  • May 29, 2008, 12:57 p.m. CST

    Go Massawyrm Go!

    by classyfredblassy

    SJP = John Elway = Mr. Ed

  • May 29, 2008, 12:59 p.m. CST

    racial humor is racist humor

    by Laserhead

    in that it indicates bias based on race. You big fucking baby.

  • May 29, 2008, 1:02 p.m. CST

    I'm outta jokes

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    hence, I'm outta here. It's been as fun as when SJP helped me get the Newcastle 3rd race quinella.

  • May 29, 2008, 1:04 p.m. CST

    Shit before I go, we should promote Vern vs Massa

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    It'll be like Rocky vs Apollo. Verns black right?

  • May 29, 2008, 1:10 p.m. CST

    I read that review, Massawyrm.

    by Gilkuliehe

    And I agreed with you there. I also had to review that movie (for money, yes) and I didn't hate it also, which was very surprising to me. So cheers for that. But this piece made me think of something Moriarty wrote (I believe) about how sometimes critics over do the "negative review" thing, how they set up for "revenge". That's this review for me. I'm talking about the tone of it, the jokes, the emphasis. I have zero problems with that as a reader, and I also enjoy this kind of stuff when I hate the subject matter as much as the writer... But in this case I believe it does invite for this kind of talkback. That is all. The tittle does its part, and the rest of the review does too. That's why I think "you wanted to be that guy". I'm not talking about your personal life of your choices as a person. I'm only saying Vern is right calling you out, and you are wrong saying you were simply misunderstood. Nothing else. Peace, man.

  • May 29, 2008, 1:14 p.m. CST

    SJP starring as Triple Crown Winner: Big Brown

    by krullboyisback

    with prequel rights to "Secretariat: The Movie" already in progress

  • May 29, 2008, 1:15 p.m. CST

    It's simple....

    by Darth Macchio

    When you first start dating...ask her (or him or whomever you're dating)..."What is your favorite movie?". My ex used to buy DVD's every time she went to the store and name it..she had it (ok...she didn't have LotR but she had Ghostrider! Fucking Ghostrider!). And even me, multiple black-belt martial-arts extraordinaire, 375th generational grandmaster of the black/mystical arts, jetsetting playboy, MIT quadruple doctoral graduate (their first!) in esoteric physics/neurosciences/cinemology/tantric sex, billionaire philanthropist, MI5 secret agent, mutagenically charged super-human, Navy SEAL, God-Emperor of the Universe, yes even me....I used to watch SatC and enjoyed it too on occasion...I'm not afraid to admit it (on an anonymous forum)! Altho Kim Catrall isn't near as kitten and lovely hot ness as Kristen Davis.

  • May 29, 2008, 1:18 p.m. CST

    I enjoyed SJP's performance in Raiders and Last Crusade

    by krullboyisback

    when Harrison Ford rode her in both the Ark truck chase sequence and the battle against the tank in the Canyon of the Crescent Moon

  • May 29, 2008, 1:21 p.m. CST

    LASERHEAD

    by BringingSexyBack

    Don't mind me, I'm just fucking with you.

  • May 29, 2008, 1:24 p.m. CST

    SJP is a gender-bender role: A Man Called Horse

    by krullboyisback

    brought to you by the Hallmark Hall of Fame

  • May 29, 2008, 1:27 p.m. CST

    Don't worry guys, SATC will eventually become the Golden Girls

    by krullboyisback

    if they pump out enough sequels

  • May 29, 2008, 1:27 p.m. CST

    Wait-- Vern's black?

    by Laserhead

    I always thought he was too well-reasoned and articulate to be black. Though, obviously, such a fact would explain his references to having spent time in jail.

  • May 29, 2008, 1:28 p.m. CST

    Massa don't sweat it

    by Abominable Snowcone

    If anybody truly read that title and thought you were alluding to rape, or for an instant thought you approve of or condone rape, or truly find humor in it, they're being silly. Or at the very least, too sensitive. Everyone else knows better, and silly headlines is part of the reason we come here. Come. Get it?

  • May 29, 2008, 1:30 p.m. CST

    I agree Abominable Snowcone, he was merely

    by krullboyisback

    talking about grunge fucking or sport fucking

  • May 29, 2008, 1:38 p.m. CST

    Krullboy and Aboniable.

    by Gilkuliehe

    I want to ask you guys, you really thing there's nothing wrong with sex which results in the woman bleeding and crying? Really, is it funny? <p> I know it says SEX AND THE CITY and not A WOMAN, but being this particular show/movie so women-centered, and being Massawyrm a guy, it's fairly obvious to read the title as heterosexual sex, so don't go there either. My point is, I don't think is funny, nor the epitome of mysoginy, but it does set the tone of the pretty fucking childish and offensive talkback that ensues later...

  • May 29, 2008, 1:45 p.m. CST

    We really should leave Seabuiscut alone.......

    by Stuntcock Mike

    all she needs is a good brushing.

  • May 29, 2008, 1:46 p.m. CST

    Gilkuliehe, all that I am saying is that there

    by krullboyisback

    is a line, albeit a fine one, between rape, rough sex, and bondage type sex. .. whereas all three can and do involve pain, rape is inexcusable, bottom line. Though my comments may be a bit sophmoric, to say that pain/tears automatically equates to rape is a bit of a rush to judgement...I am by no means an S and M type, but I am sure that there are some here in the TBs (both men and women) that won't deny the fact that pain and power is part of the eroticism they choose to practice as consenting adults. Taken in that context, Massa's review title should not be that offensive, but taken within the context of rape, then it is offensive. As he said, he was not meaning it to come across as rape related, more likely rough sex

  • May 29, 2008, 1:48 p.m. CST

    "I walked in wanting to like it"

    by necgray

    You've said that a couple of times, Massa, and maybe you believe it. But if that's the case, then I don't think you were honest with yourself before you walked into that theater. I've said it before and I think Vern may have made the point, but this movie was a follow-up to the show. That you already hated. You acknowledge that you hated the show. So I have to ask you, did you really, HONESTLY think there was any chance in hell that you would like the movie? It's not like The Fugitive where it was a movie version of a show from decades prior. This is a DIRECT follow-up film featuring the EXACT same characters played by the EXACT same actresses based on a show that ended in the last decade. It was written and directed by one of the show runners of the show, so it's not like there was a possibility of fresh outside perspective changing your mind. You were predisposed to hate this. You talk about journalism and being a real writer. Well what about conflict of interest? You had a bias going into this movie. I acknowledge that bias is a difficult beast to tame, particularly when we're talking movies. Trailers and advance screenings will always influence our opinion. But you didn't just have trailers and advance screenings. You had six seasons of a TV show. You'd already seen those characters played by those actresses in similar situations written by the same writer. You should have just acknowledged your bias and let this one go. That's what I would expect from a professional journalist. Which is what you claim to be. Again, bad form.

  • May 29, 2008, 1:49 p.m. CST

    Didn't SJP get an oscar for Zoo?

    by Stuntcock Mike

    Neeeeehehehehehehheh.

  • May 29, 2008, 1:51 p.m. CST

    Gilkuliehe

    by dioxholster

    the title is bad but the review was cool.

  • May 29, 2008, 1:51 p.m. CST

    Danny Glover, nothing like talking about blood wings

    by krullboyisback

    on a movie website. Priceless!

  • May 29, 2008, 1:53 p.m. CST

    MEN UNITE

    by Dark Knight Lite

    We cannot allow this atrocity to become #1 at the boxoffice. My wife and I are going back to see INDY on Saturday to do our part in keeping the hags at bay. Even if you didn't like KOTCS, we still need to band together to keep it #1.

  • May 29, 2008, 1:54 p.m. CST

    Is this Time magazine? Is this the New Yorker?

    by Laserhead

    Then get off your fucking high horses. If words offed you, then you're CHOOSING to be offended, and other people aren't responsible for adhering to your sensibilities. So shut the fuck up. You're not scoring points with any women who admire your sensitivity. Also, women don't admire sensitivity.

  • May 29, 2008, 1:56 p.m. CST

    DICKBLOOD

    by dioxholster

    is it really as good as u say it is u know period fucking and ur name kinda refers to the aftermath of that right

  • May 29, 2008, 1:57 p.m. CST

    I have a lot of a lot of things

    by Laserhead

    Am I supposed to be using that lotion on you? You sound concerned.

  • May 29, 2008, 2 p.m. CST

    Going to KOTCS this weekend

    by dioxholster

    a real movie that deserves to be watched. dont let them castrate us with their stupid sex and the city mnovie

  • May 29, 2008, 2:03 p.m. CST

    what if

    by dioxholster

    all four character in that movie all get fucked by me at the same time.

  • May 29, 2008, 2:05 p.m. CST

    Blood and Semen mix together make

    by dioxholster

    ...SJP's horse face come alive.

  • May 29, 2008, 2:13 p.m. CST

    necgray

    by Massawyrm 1

    The basis of your argument hinges upon the idea that I've SEEN this show. There's a reason I don't share my feelings on it as I've watched 10 minutes at a time of a handful of episodes on syndicated television. I've been told repeatedly that it is much better with the swears and really offensive stuff. So I gave it a shot. Silly me. You know whats bad form? Attributing malice where none is present.

  • May 29, 2008, 2:18 p.m. CST

    Massawyrm 1

    by dioxholster

    why do u think women like that show. i dont get it.

  • May 29, 2008, 2:18 p.m. CST

    Laserhead and Node

    by Abominable Snowcone

    It puts the lotion in the basket. Or it gets the hose.

  • May 29, 2008, 2:18 p.m. CST

    dannyglover and laserhead

    by necgray

    I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to Massa. Who has HIMSELF made claims to journalistic integrity. I'm only engaging the man on his own talking points. That's called lively debate, boys. And for the record, laserhead, if AICN is going to be quoted on movie posters in the same way that Time or the New Yorker get quoted, if I'm going to come to this site and read movie reviews by writers who consider themselves professionals in the same profession as the writers for Time or the New Yorker, then I'm going to expect the same level of professionalism. Is every bowl of soup I eat at a restaurant going to taste as good as a bowl of soup prepared by Wolfgang Puck? No, of course not. But it should still taste good.

  • May 29, 2008, 2:19 p.m. CST

    ROUND 3: COMING UP

    by Flying Spaghetti Monster

    With Vern against the ropes, can Massa finish the job? Or will SJP carry Vern off into the sunset....stay tuned to find out.

  • May 29, 2008, 2:20 p.m. CST

    and women do bleed when their virginity is lost

    by dioxholster

    hymen stuff works in mysterious ways so maybe the title refers to that

  • May 29, 2008, 2:28 p.m. CST

    I admit

    by dioxholster

    some pussy out there are way too damaged. pple should take care of themselves. i know i do no more dipping honey on my penis, the cum gets trapped. but seriously scary looking weary battled pussy out there. my dick shivers as it enters

  • May 29, 2008, 2:33 p.m. CST

    10 minutes at a time of a handful of episodes

    by necgray

    is seeing it. You formed an opinion about the show, yes? You saw enough to know that you didn't want to watch any more of it. That equals a bias. You didn't like what you saw of the show, so how could you have liked the movie? Again, it's not like you were walking into the theater blind. Written by, directed by, starring the same cast and crew as the TV show. Which didn't hold your interest long enough to watch an entire episode. Let's pretend for a moment that the movie was only an hour and a half. That's three times the length of a half-hour episode. If you couldn't make it past 10 minutes of the TV show, what made you think you could stomach a full film? Fine, so stating that you "hate it" was overstating. Bad form on my part, totally acknowledged. But you DID have a bias which DID lead to an unnecessarily vitriolic, unnecessarily long review. You belabored the point. A cynic could claim you were drawing it out for the bread and circuses affect. Which, given the feedback on this talkback, seems plausible.

  • May 29, 2008, 2:37 p.m. CST

    necgray relax Roger Ebert hated it more

    by dioxholster

    he bashed it big time. ebert said: "the movie give me a bad taste in my mouth and at the end makes you feel the early stages of vomit" he hated it real bad man he basically cummed over it and showered the film with cum.

  • May 29, 2008, 2:42 p.m. CST

    dioxholster re: ebert

    by necgray

    When Roger Ebert titles his review "I fucked this movie until it cried and bled" and follows it up with 3 pages of hyperbolic bashing that could have taken one paragraph to say, then I'll get uppity at Ebert. Can I just say for the record once again that this isn't personal, that I actually like Massa most of the time? I just think this was a bad review.

  • May 29, 2008, 2:45 p.m. CST

    OMFG!!! BUSH IS INVADING IRAN!!!!!!

    by BringingSexyBack

    Nah - just wanted to lighten the mood here.

  • May 29, 2008, 2:49 p.m. CST

    dannyglover

    by necgray

    No, I come here expecting people to live up to their word. This site wants to be thought of as professional, I didn't think this was a professional review. It's got little to do with my expectations. And the request for me to grow up is hilariously ironic when contained in the same sentence as "fuck" and "little bitch", to say nothing of the very mature, "Dude, you are fucking lame." Yep, that's very grown up of you.

  • May 29, 2008, 2:54 p.m. CST

    "Site wants to be thought of as professional"?

    by krullboyisback

    Necgray, I am not sure if that is what Headgeek and Fathergeek see as the mission of AICN. . . this site is about movies by people who geek out over movies.. . while many of the contributors are part of the movie making industry, I doubt you will find evidence that Harry wants to be part of the Hollywood establishment

  • May 29, 2008, 2:59 p.m. CST

    i like Ebert hes not bad but

    by dioxholster

    he has a weird way of saying things like olde people. massa is cool because he describes things as they are but the title was confusing. it either meant rape, violent sex, period sex, fake blood sex(ketchup), deflowered the poor girl, killed a whore, or that bitch liked it soo mucch that she cryed and eventually ejaculated blood or he deep-throated her and made a wrong move.

  • May 29, 2008, 3 p.m. CST

    MNG: I FIGURED OUT BRANE'S REAL IDENTITY

    by BringingSexyBack

    He has got to be Michelle Malkin. <p> http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080529/ap_on_en_tv/dunkin__donuts_ad_pulled;_ylt=AgsgDtQtLLFxleSMOXbBrCEDW7oF

  • May 29, 2008, 3:03 p.m. CST

    SORRY - WRONG TALKBACK

    by BringingSexyBack

    Politics, not rape.

  • May 29, 2008, 3:04 p.m. CST

    necgray

    by Laserhead

    No, just because some movie posters might use AICN review quotes, it doesn't mean you should expect the kind of journalistic impartiality (or the appearance of) one sees in major print journals. This is a big fat guy with a computer who started an internet site. That is, there's a time and place for arguing principles, and expending your energy on this particular fight, in this particular venue, would seem to indicate a fundamental misunderstanding of both the site, its writers, and its fans. You think 'this site wants to be thought of as professional'? Have you noticed that Harry, the guy in charge, has about the same command of the English language as a reasonably intelligent 2nd grader? That the dude can hardly string together a simple, coherent sentence? You're trying to get somebody and something change their basic natures when they have no reason or desire to do so.

  • May 29, 2008, 3:12 p.m. CST

    Hollywood establishment does not = pro

    by necgray

    Krull, I appreciate the point and agree. I don't think Harry necessarily wants to be part of the Hollywood establishment. But that's not the same as professional. I made the point with the Wolfgang Puck soup metaphor, but apparently that wasn't as clear as I intended. Would you disagree that Harry and the site have some personal investment in being taken seriously? There is an integrity to these proceedings. Yes, this is a site for "people who geek out over movies", but what about that definition states that the level of discourse is necessarily dropped? Yeah, Harry has used the "chocolate pussy juice" statement in a movie review. Was it hyperbolic? Yes. Was it professional? Not really. But the review itself, that silly moment aside, WAS professional. This review, on the other hand, is almost all hyperbolic attack. And I have nothing against saying that it sucks. I believe Massa's claim that it was a painful experience. But the review is painfully long, too. And it's also shrill. And I believe that Massa went into the movie with a bias that made this review unnecessary and unprofessional. The standard I hold him to is his own. I've read far better reviews by this same writer. Do I expect The New Yorker? No. Do I expect Roger Ebert? No. I expect Aint It Cool News. Which can be hyperbolic and silly, qualities that I enjoy, while also being reasonable and professional, qualities that I respect. Do Harry or Massa or Mori or whoever give a shit if I respect their site? Maybe, maybe not. But if there's a forum here for talking back, and that's what this is, then I'm going to talk back. You can "fuck, twat, cunt, shit, piss" all you like. I'm going to "this is a bad review" all I like, too.

  • May 29, 2008, 3:13 p.m. CST

    i fucked my english teacher in the ass

    by dioxholster

    and she still gave me an F. that whore.

  • May 29, 2008, 3:14 p.m. CST

    Awesome talkback

    by Bono Luthor

    It's like therapy.

  • May 29, 2008, 3:17 p.m. CST

    The "controversial" headline

    by Lando Griffin

    Honestly I did not think "rape" when I read it I thought sex with a menstruating woman AKA Crime Scene Sex (and no that does not imply rape) Everyone who is a frequent visitor to the site knows that the headlines are meant to be humorous and often times contain sexual innuendo, its nothing new. But because humor is subjective it's bound to be misinterpreted and can then be "offensive" to someone. Its too bad there aren't that many female site contributers or talkbackers here to let us know what they thought of the headline. But beyond that their is no such thing as a RIGHT to be offended.</p> As someone who has visited this site for years we all know what role each site contributer plays. Both Massa and Vern are the contributers who write humourous reviews. There is an audience of talkbackers to cater to. Honestly I see where each of you are coming from however I do consider it to be poor form when one contributer calls out another in the talkback. Sure this place isn't where one comes for , and I am using the term loosely here, "professionalism" but can't there be a little decorum shown. Massa has gotten called out by Mori many a times (I have witnessed this and even tried to engage/moderate the two in a past talkback) and it just reaks of spiteful public flogging, humiliation for the sake of it, unprofessionalism, resentfulness and maybe even a little jealousy. (yeah I said it, ya wanna fight about it?) All because you guys disagreed on a movie or didn't like the other guys review. Seems kinda silly. In regards to Verns "family" analogy - sure you can be ashamed of your family and sure they deserve to be spoken to about it but do you really air your familys dirty laundry in public? It seems like any "beef" you or Mori have with Massa (and I love all three of you guys) should be taken up with, I don't know, Harry - the big cheese, the owner of the site. If you feel Massa to be a poor reflection of this site and thus yourselves by association - why not either take it up with Harry - as by letting Massa continue to write for the site obviously he likes what he brings to the table - or quit the site if you hold your convictions to be just THAT true? Which would be a shame really because all of you have qualities that we all, as talkbackers, enjoy. </p>I'm not saying that Vern doesn't have a valid point in regards to misogony but unfortunately vern you're not going to win that fight here or any other place on the internet. If you're so ashamed of this place Vern, why stay? I am not telling you or asking you to leave because I really do enjoy your contributions here but I mean its really a personal choice for you - if this place is such a disgrace why bother? Idiot talkbackers aren't going to change just like idiots out in the real world aren't going to. Yes its sad but thats just how life is sometimes.</p> Never got the answer to this but was wondering what the hell MiraJeff did to get his black box revoked?

  • May 29, 2008, 3:22 p.m. CST

    DannyGlovers...

    by Dark Knight Lite

    Really? You hate Indy so badly that you would let the Oprafication of America go unchallenged? I'm sure that there's at least 20 years of difference in our ages, but I was hoping you would know what being a Man really means. Sometimes it means doing something that may be personally painful for a noble cause. Keeping SATC from becoming #1 is just such a cause.

  • May 29, 2008, 3:22 p.m. CST

    Lando Griffin men get raped too

    by dioxholster

    in prison and poverty streets. which is why i dont go out in the dark alone, i take my girlfriend with me for protection.

  • May 29, 2008, 3:24 p.m. CST

    Dark Knight Lite

    by dioxholster

    im with u brother, sex in the city is going down! GO INDY! btw indiana jones now is the only american hero there is. GI joe got drained

  • May 29, 2008, 3:32 p.m. CST

    lando - good point, BUT

    by necgray

    I appreciate that Vern responded. I agree that maybe it should've taken place behind the scenes. But the whole "why bother" question is a good one. I can't speak for Vern obviously, but the reason that *I* have been so active in this talkback and so vocal is because the world may not change, but that doesn't mean you have to lay down and take it. I don't have to accept this review, I don't have to accept these TB posts. At some point I'll have to let go for sanity's sake and so I can go foodshopping, but until then or until I've received a satisfactory reply to my quibbles, I'll keep quibbling.

  • May 29, 2008, 3:36 p.m. CST

    btw is it wrong to

    by dioxholster

    fuck a women in the ass without telling her first. like no warning just surprise ass fuck. lol man im degrading this talkback right now,

  • May 29, 2008, 3:36 p.m. CST

    Guys, guys, guys...

    by Blue_Demon

    Let's be clear, okay?<p>People you CAN make fun of: The Rich. The White. The Christians. Males. Any combination of these is okay to mock mercilessly.<p>People you can NEVER make fun of. Ever: Minorities. 'Cause if you do, you're racist. Women...if you do, you're misogynist. Gays. What are you, a homophobe?! Radical Muslims, yep, you're an Islamophobe. The Disabled. That's just wrong (TIMMYYY!) And probably animals. Those PETA people are hardcore.

  • May 29, 2008, 3:45 p.m. CST

    Necgray, actually you DO have to lay down and take it.

    by Laserhead

    Take it hard. Also, you meant 'lie', not 'lay.'

  • May 29, 2008, 3:48 p.m. CST

    DICKBLOOD

    by dioxholster

    u are so wrong. women see us as they enemy, why else would they always refuse me a shot of cum at their face and yet their cheeks smell soiled.

  • May 29, 2008, 3:50 p.m. CST

    ah yes, "lie down". good catch, laserhead

    by necgray

    I'm glad we've resorted to grammar and spelling nitpicking. I was worried you might address my actual point.

  • May 29, 2008, 3:51 p.m. CST

    I did address your actual point.

    by Laserhead

    A long time ago. Your point is that you're in a snit. We heard you. Good luck with your snit.

  • May 29, 2008, 3:56 p.m. CST

    maybe so, laserhead, but what about this

    by necgray

    review doesn't strike you as a snit? Which was actually my ORIGINAL point way back when...

  • May 29, 2008, 3:58 p.m. CST

    i like women...

    by dioxholster

    especially when they suck...as in sex in the city sucks that is and also a blowjob.

  • May 29, 2008, 4 p.m. CST

    actually a better headline would be...

    by dioxholster

    "Massa and Vern take turns fucking SEX IN THE CITY"

  • May 29, 2008, 4:02 p.m. CST

    i said in the city lol

    by dioxholster

    i meant AND the city me so stupid time for a quick sloppy fuck

  • May 29, 2008, 4:03 p.m. CST

    It was a snit--

    by Laserhead

    --and it described this reviewer's reaction to the movie. His review was his snit. I for one found it a fairly insightful, articulate and entertaining snit, and it's led to a really entertaining talkback. I know that you do not feel the same, but to what ends are your repetitive complaints directed?

  • May 29, 2008, 4:05 p.m. CST

    Massawyrm and Vern take turns fucking SEX AND THE CITY

    by dioxholster

    Massawyrm and Vern take turns fucking SEX AND THE CITY ------ yep that is better.

  • May 29, 2008, 4:07 p.m. CST

    or the title should be

    by dioxholster

    Massa slipped it in on SEX AND THE CITY while it was asleep.

  • May 29, 2008, 4:13 p.m. CST

    HOW ABOUT THIS TITLE: MASSAWYRM TRIES OUT SEX AND THE CITY

    by BringingSexyBack

    AND WISHES HE REMAINED A VIRGIN!!!!! <P> Good one! No?

  • May 29, 2008, 4:16 p.m. CST

    WAIT!

    by BringingSexyBack

    Make that "AND WISHES HE REMAINED A VIRGIN IN A SMALL TOWN!!!" <P> There, much better.

  • May 29, 2008, 4:17 p.m. CST

    MY repetitive complaints???

    by necgray

    How many times did Massa point out the running time of the movie? And you're going to ask me to what ends MY repetitive complaints are directed? How was that insightful, articulate, or entertaining? The ends I'm trying to meet are articulating my dissatisfaction with this review, the responses I've received to my dissatisfaction, and the general depressingly lowbrow response on this TB.

  • May 29, 2008, 4:21 p.m. CST

    Good one, BSB.

    by Gilkuliehe

    But nowhere near as good as your Bourne sequel written by Diablo Cody. That one made me actually fart.

  • May 29, 2008, 4:22 p.m. CST

    SEX AND THE CITY 2: ALL THE PRETTY SARAH JESSICAS

    by BringingSexyBack

    I've met Matthew Broderick. Nice guy, smells good.

  • May 29, 2008, 4:23 p.m. CST

    THANKS GILKULIEHE

    by BringingSexyBack

    That's a fave of mine too. "Jeebus!" hehe!

  • May 29, 2008, 4:23 p.m. CST

    This review and talkback is completely consistent

    by Bobo_Vision

    ...with the tone set at this website. I mean, haven't any of you opposed to misogyny read Harry's DVD picks? Each week normally includes a sexploitation flick. Sometimes they include torture and rape scenes with a short commentary from Harry about it being messed up, but still getting him hard. A few weeks ago there was a alien beastiality porn flick he recommended. Is there anyone here who doesn't yet know that Harry is a complete perv in a deviant way??? Most of us don't comment on the sexploitation flicks because most of us have never seen them. <p> This is something we've come to expect at this site. The perverted DVD picks and sexually suggestive titles and sometimes explicit reviews which make you cringe. So is anyone here truly surprised by this??? A "Sex in the City" review on this website??? The review and response were completely predictable. So in response to those asking why racist articles or titles are different, its because at this site that is not expected (yet). So when I see an article containing racism with a talkback that follows suit, I'm left saying: "Whoa...what?!!" I'm genuinely surprised and normally disgusted, but in this case this was run-of-the-mill. <p> I still come to this site nonetheless, so I haven't reached my breaking point or been totally disgusted yet. Or maybe I'm starting to accept it, which can't be good. But, for those of you who claim to be outraged by this, of all the things to be outraged on at this site, I wouldn't have picked this, because this was totally predictable and inkeeping with the website's decorum.

  • May 29, 2008, 4:26 p.m. CST

    Necgray

    by Gilkuliehe

    Just give up, bud. I think no one here's up for a genuine debate. Just check the responses I got when I asked if someone considered "bloody and teary sex" funny in any way. I keep refreshing the page to see if there's something worth answering, but nothing. Maybe even Vern gave up... It is depressing. Very.

  • May 29, 2008, 4:26 p.m. CST

    You articulated your dissatisfaction

    by Laserhead

    --from that point on, you've been restating your opinion in the face of disagreement, spending time and energy doing that, without any change in the results. The lowbrow response on this TB is a response to a lowbrow movie, as was the review. To answer your question: I suppose I found the language of the review articulate, and insightful regarding the shallow idiocy of the characters and plot, and entertaining in the way it voiced its rancor at these characters being lionized by using hyperbole and, er, colorful expression.

  • May 29, 2008, 4:30 p.m. CST

    SAMANTHA WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE OTHER THAN SMITH?

    by BringingSexyBack

    She's fucking nuts. If she doesn't want him, I'll take him. And I'm not even gay!!!!!!!

  • May 29, 2008, 4:34 p.m. CST

    the only time on this site i was really disturbed

    by Kloipy

    was when people were talking about their favorite 'grindhouse' movies and saying things like 'there's this awesome part where this nun gets fucked with a knife! It's AWESOME!" <p> that was really uncomfortable

  • May 29, 2008, 4:35 p.m. CST

    DID YOU GUYS EVEN CLICK ON THAT MURDER SET PIECES BANNER AD?

    by BringingSexyBack

    I fucking threw up, and it was a damned trailer.

  • May 29, 2008, 4:37 p.m. CST

    Bobo_Vision.

    by Gilkuliehe

    I disagree. Sexploitaiton is something completely different. First of all is something that's easy to laugh at since it is something we've come to accept as "wrong". With sexploitaiton we expect to find something that will be embarrasing, or that we won't accept, so we find it funny. "Hey, look at how hot the chick in chains is!". And even then, when Harry pulls one of his, hum, "one liners", even then someone gives him at least a little shit about it. <p> Right now I don't have a particular beef with this review, nor its title. I just find it a little tasteless... What surprised me (and Vern and others) is the incredible amount of bile in the TB. I think this particular talkback is more childish, grotesque and offensive than anyone I've encountered recently, and it does make AICN seem like a sad angry Internet community. And trying to explain this TB I got to the conclusion that the reviewer is at least partially responsible for setting the tone of the "conversation" <p> I love AICN and that's why this bothers me. I'm starting to feel like a Star Wars fan now. I remember a time when it was great being one... Then suddenly they became cliches and even though one could still love the movies, now it wasn't so proud to say he was a fan. That's how I'm beggining to feel about talkbackers. And the least I can do is say something. Cheers.

  • May 29, 2008, 4:38 p.m. CST

    I WAS PRETTY DISTURBED BY THE PIC MORBIDOBESITY POSTED

    by BringingSexyBack

    of him sucking his own dick. Good thing the mods saw fit to remove that offending post.

  • May 29, 2008, 4:39 p.m. CST

    Hey SJP speak up....stop whispering....

    by NoCalFlicks

    .....

  • May 29, 2008, 4:40 p.m. CST

    Danny, it was back when Grindhouse came out

    by Kloipy

    I can't remember a specific name. But just look up grindhouse in the search.

  • May 29, 2008, 4:40 p.m. CST

    SEX AND THE CITY SAT ON MASSAWYRM'S FACE

    by BringingSexyBack

    AND IT SHARTED!!!

  • May 29, 2008, 4:47 p.m. CST

    Gilkuelhe

    by Bobo_Vision

    Its okay to be disgusted and hate talkbackers and this site now and again. It means you're normal.

  • May 29, 2008, 4:52 p.m. CST

    Thanks, Bobo.

    by Gilkuliehe

  • May 29, 2008, 4:52 p.m. CST

    CGhost you got banned for that?

    by Kloipy

    that's crazy

  • May 29, 2008, 4:57 p.m. CST

    600 posts, you deserve a badge of honor for that

    by Kloipy

    not a banning

  • May 29, 2008, 5:01 p.m. CST

    Well i believe that you did the right thing

    by Kloipy

    it needed to happen, it happened, and it shall always hold a special place in the land of AICN

  • do's were da days!

  • May 29, 2008, 5:07 p.m. CST

    *sniff* they grow up so fast!

    by Kloipy

  • May 29, 2008, 5:17 p.m. CST

    Tom, as usual. Thank you

    by Kloipy

  • May 29, 2008, 5:17 p.m. CST

    Massa

    by Vern

    When I thought Harry wrote the headline I was about to email him about it, but then I tried to defend you and you proudly took credit for the "vile, despicable" headline. I took that to mean it was fair game to discuss in the talkback. And my beef was as much or more with the talkbackers talking about "dropping a load" in the "sluts" and "whores" and "cunts" and all that shit. But if you think it was out of line for me to debate it in talkback I apologize.<p> Despite what everybody says here, talkback used to be more than a bunch of dickheads talking hateful, moronic bullshit behind secret identities while their wives were out buying shoes. In fact the people doing that were the minority who everybody hated. Now I'm an outcast for suggesting we could do more than that.<p> What bums me out is that you guys don't even have a clue what I'm talking about. Danny Glover's Dickblood, by all appearances a courteous young gentleman, thinks I'm talking about cursing and pussy juice. No, it has nothing to do with obscenity or vulgarity. I curse more than you do. There's a difference between saying naughty words and degrading an entire gender or race. I might have to draw up some diagrams and charts for you guys but for now just trust me, they are completely separate issues.<p> (the post about Hidalgo made me laugh, by the way. I might rent that.)<p> As for the headline, what is bleeding and crying on a mattress supposed to mean if not rape? Is the movie regretting losing its virginity to you? And why didn't you clarify when I brought it up in the first place?<p> I don't know man, I agree with you that the headline was despicable, and since everywhere I go people call me "Ain't It Cool News writer Vern" I'm not just gonna ignore it, I'm gonna say something. And I did.<p> So anyway sorry for ruining all the fun fellas. Anybody heard Carlos Mencia, he says what you WISH you could say. Him and David Duke.

  • May 29, 2008, 5:22 p.m. CST

    Him and David Duke...

    by Blue_Demon

    And Al Sharpton, and Louis Farrakhan, and Jesse Jackson and...oh forget it.

  • May 29, 2008, 5:27 p.m. CST

    Dannyglovers...

    by Blue_Demon

    We are living in the age of the easily offended. Waaaay too easily offended.

  • May 29, 2008, 5:28 p.m. CST

    Vern

    by Kloipy

    I understand what you are saying. You are talking about the all out speech about demeaning women and treating them as nothing more than 'sluts'. Yes in my time on AICN I'm sure I've said some insensitive things in a manner of joking. But most of the time after it and looking back, I've wondered if this was the appearance that I want to show for myself, since it's all over the internet where tons of people who don't know me will see. <p> What you are saying is what I believe to be that just speaking the words of hate enough starts to grow a seed of actual feelings. It's how racism has lasted so long. I don't think things will really change here because of the open format. But I think I'll try to think of my words before they come back to haunt me. As always I appreciate your voice on this site and on your page as well. I agree that I took the title of this article to be rape. It might have been better if Massa were to stick with the whole rape thing to go with. Massawyrm and the Not so Virgin Spring

  • May 29, 2008, 5:44 p.m. CST

    Dannyglovers

    by Blue_Demon

    I think he is trying to compare Massa's use and defense of his title to racist talk. Once you do that, well...that's the argument ender. I think he's saying he has the moral high ground.

  • May 29, 2008, 5:45 p.m. CST

    I just saw that banner ad...

    by Blue_Demon

    Man, Brendan Fraser got fat!

  • May 29, 2008, 5:47 p.m. CST

    Massawyrm, I know you've admitted a mistake ..

    by NoDiggity

    .. but you WERE dishonest in your reply to Vern about your "joke" headline being a rorschach test, and taking a bad interpretation from it was on the heads of the readers. How exactly can it be taken as anything other than rape? You have to really stretch to find a POSITIVE interpretation of that headline. What kind of loving, mutually enjoyable sex ends with someone (since this is a chick flick, that someone seems more likely to be meant to be female) bleeding and crying on a mattress? And, if you really think it's a mistake, WHY DON'T YOU CHANGE IT NOW.

  • May 29, 2008, 5:49 p.m. CST

    Vern

    by Bobo_Vision

    Even though I don't agree with you 100% in this instance, I see what you're saying, and am glad you voiced your dissent on this issue and hope you continue to do so, and I would hope the other moderators would speak up if they sincerely take issue with anything at this site instead of having an 'anything goes' 'lowest denominator' attitude.

  • May 29, 2008, 5:49 p.m. CST

    NoDiggity...as God is my witness...

    by Blue_Demon

    I didn't take that headline as a rape joke. I took it for hard sex, or insensitive-bastard-does-a girl-sex. That's it. I swear. Maybe I read it wrong and you're right, but I think it's subjective.

  • May 29, 2008, 5:53 p.m. CST

    Vern is a sensitive little bitch

    by rhcp2sweet

    Jesus get off your high horse Vern. If this talkback offends you that much than don't fucking read it. Sure the people on this TB are making some politically incorrect jokes, but it's not like they're being serious, they're just messing around. Danny Glover had it right on when he said that some of the shit Harry writes is just as bad as the stuff on this TB. Just leave it the fuck alone Vern.

  • May 29, 2008, 6:44 p.m. CST

    My God, I've been following this talkback since the beginning...

    by BendersShinyAss

    ...And it's time to chim in <p> Personally, I don't mind the show. but thats because ima big fan of seinfeld and this was always felt like it was grounded in the same universe - don't get me wrong, I know there is a big difference in the comedy and formatte, but for all intensive purposes the spirit is the same.... <p> Sort of like how Iron man is in the same universe as Two and a half men. <p> Is it just me?? Thats ok if it is, I like my little world view. it's safe and rarely do the good guys get hurt. <p> Which brings me to Massa and Vern...... <p> would you believe I'm on both side here. And i respect that you guys can be on this level of discussion. I can't stand the little fuckers here who miss the point and start cheerleading, but it's aint it cool and I guess we're stuck with it. I've been here since the beginning of AICN and while there are a lot of 'dudes' here, there's a LOT of fucking cockroaches that make me keep changing my shoes or not even entering the premises. <p> so in finale.... I can't wait to see this film. I love the show. but you really have to watch it consistantly to know and understand and respect the vibe. anyone can hate a show without watching it.... like me with smallville. What a piece of shit!! i refuse to watch it. because it's shit. so i don't watch it, so ill bag it, and ill call people out who do like it, because i know better, because i don't watch it, because it's shit.

  • May 29, 2008, 6:49 p.m. CST

    Vern, come on now...

    by br1947

    This whole debate is really idiotic. This is the same "difference between fiction and reality" thought pattern that has people thinking video games are responsible for all violence in the world. It was meant as humor. If Massa had sais something like "I hate this movie, SJP should be raped for being in it" THAT would be offensive, then there is call for outrage. But he didn't, he made a JOKE. It wasn't even blatent, it was implied! Ever watched 'Blazing Saddles?'<br><br> Taggart: We'll work up a "Number 6" on 'em. <br> Hedley Lamarr: "Number 6"? I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that one...<br> Taggart: Well, that's where we go a-ridin' into town, a whampin' and whompin' every livin' thing that moves within an inch of its life. Except the women folks, of course.<br> Hedley Lamarr: You spare the women?<br> Taggart: NAW. We rape the shit out of them at the Number 6 Dance later on.<br> Hedley Lamarr: Marvelous. <br><br> Comedy is fair only when it pulls no punches. Saying even one thing is off limits is creating a standard that sets someone off seperate from everyone else. George Carlin said it best: "I think it's hillarious, how do you like that? I can PROVE to you that rape is funny! Picture Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd!"

  • May 29, 2008, 6:58 p.m. CST

    Harvey Korman reminded me of the line

    by br1947

  • May 29, 2008, 7:10 p.m. CST

    Superman raping batman

    by BendersShinyAss

    Now THAT would be funny. <p> however superman raping wonder woman would not be. <p> That reminds me of a joke when superman flies faster than a speeding bullet, in and out again, fucking wonderwoman while she lays spread naked on her bed. <p> she jumps up in a start and says "what the hell just happened??" to which the invisible man say "I don't know by my ass is really sore all of a sudden"

  • May 29, 2008, 7:20 p.m. CST

    br1947 hit the nail on the head.

    by Blue_Demon

    I think of all the times I read the phrase "raped my childhood" on this site, and even the spins on it like, "made sweet love to my childhood" or "fondled my childhood" and wonder how many people in here cried against using a child molestation metaphor to make a point. We KNOW child molestation is horrific. But humor goes through the barriers. It's supposed to. It bends the rules. How many of us were actually horrified at those stupid dead baby jokes we heard in Jr. High? Hell man, I'm Mexican-American and I laugh my ass off at Mexican jokes. And so I leave you with:<p> How many Mexicans does it take to grease a car?<p>One, but you gotta hit him just right. ;)

  • May 29, 2008, 7:22 p.m. CST

    SPOILER ALERT: Mr. Big tells Carrie

    by krullboyisback

    that he is gay and running away with Steve, Cynthia Nixon's character is sued for defamation of character, is disbarred, and committs suicide at Niagara Falls, Charlotte turns to rubber bondage porn to make ends meet following a nasty divorce, and Samantha decides to have a sex change and become a man

  • May 29, 2008, 7:28 p.m. CST

    Ghost of Nixon, tell them

    by krullboyisback

    that Sam will get an "anal transplant" from Carrie, a la Terrence giving Phillip an anal transplant on South Park

  • May 29, 2008, 7:29 p.m. CST

    Ghost of Señor Nixon, you are a brave man

    by br1947

    or stupid, depends on if you survive :-)<br><br>Even better, tell them they all gave up men and became a 4 way lesbian group.

  • May 29, 2008, 7:33 p.m. CST

    Yes Ghost of Senor Nixon!!!

    by krullboyisback

    that is what I am talking about. Tell them that Charlotte's husband, Harry, decides to move the family to a Kibbutz in Israel and Charlotte must decide if she will stay or go

  • May 29, 2008, 7:43 p.m. CST

    "As for the headline..."

    by Iowa Snot Client

    Holy shit. Isn't this the same site that endlessly pimped "Hostel" (and Hostel 2) as the second coming of horror? And publishes reviews likening a movie to "skull-fucking Mother Theresa on a pile of stillborn babies?" But this headline is offensive?

  • May 29, 2008, 7:59 p.m. CST

    clarification for Danny Glover

    by Vern

    Sorry bud, I was just making a smartass comment about the whole "politically incorrect humor" concept. Carlos Mencia is a corny, unfunny plagiarist but by dressing up in blackface or promoting stereotypes (or pretending to be Mexican) he portrays an image of being "edgy" and people say "he says what you WISH you could say." But my point is you only wish you could say some things if you're an asshole.<p> Again, just because it's politically incorrect doesn't mean you're not being a huge asshole. That's my whole point. I don't think I need to explain it anymore. I didn't ask for censorship, I didn't say it would cause rape, I didn't say any of the other bullshit people have to pretend I said in order to get mad at me. I just said that to put that rape shit in a headline is an asshole thing to do.<p> And as for this new argument that it wasn't supposed to be about rape, I would love for an explanation of what it actually refers to. If I understand correctly Massawyrm had consensual sex with the movie THEN beat the shit out of it and left it crying and bloody. Is that the idea?<p> Reporting live from high atop the horse, this is Vern signing off.

  • May 29, 2008, 8:14 p.m. CST

    GET OFF THE HIGH HORSE VERN

    by BringingSexyBack

    Don't you know that's bad for Sarah Jessica's back? <p> BWAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAA!!!!!

  • May 29, 2008, 8:16 p.m. CST

    VERN - DID YOU EVER SEE THAT MURDER SET PIECES TRAILER?

    by BringingSexyBack

    Now that was fucking offensive. I can't even believe people are making "movies" like that. This is why I watch Dancing With The Stars and Top Chef. I want to see the good in people, not the horrid.

  • May 29, 2008, 8:33 p.m. CST

    This talkback is having a perverse effect.

    by YakMalla

    There's so much controversy here, I'm actually now tempted to see this.<p>Obviously, the average AICNer will hate the film. But we must acknowledge that there are LEGIONS of fans of S&TC, and it makes me curious as to what the appeal is.<p>Here's my best guess, in AICN speak: Tony Stark's armor is to us as Carrie's thigh high pumps is to them.

  • May 29, 2008, 8:33 p.m. CST

    Number 1 talkback

    by YouAreAllMyBastardChildren

    You muthafuckin' bastards. If you weren't already bastards I'd disown you so fast! SO FAST!

  • May 29, 2008, 8:39 p.m. CST

    Michael Emerson really needs some awards...

    by br1947

    I would say Emmys, but they are a joke. He needs a GOOD award.

  • May 29, 2008, 8:40 p.m. CST

    ops, wrong tb...

    by br1947

    was watchin' Lost...

  • May 29, 2008, 8:41 p.m. CST

    this talkback=nuked the fridge

    by Prossor

  • May 29, 2008, 8:47 p.m. CST

    don't worry, I'm leaving

    by Vern

    after one last analogy. Everybody here knows why they shouldn't tell their grandma to eat a dick. If they choose to do it they can defend it on artistic grounds. They can pretend it actually doesn't mean to eat a dick and that I have a dirty mind for assuming what it meant was to eat a dick. Feel free to do as you please but personally I'm against it.<p> Anyway Massawyrm, sorry for the shitstorm, nothing personal, just felt like I had to say something. You can feel free to derail one of my talkbacks too. thanks bud. And that's my final thought, take care of yourselves and each other, etc.

  • May 29, 2008, 9:23 p.m. CST

    "That movie wasn’t for you"

    by Napolean Solo

    There, I said it. Sorry, but I'd much more trust an objective review from a fan of the show. If 'objective' would be at all possible. <br> <br> I think 24 is the best show since sliced bread but if they make a movie out of it, I'll go in there with my film head on and not review it as a tv show because they've taken it out of it's medium BUT I still would have had to be a fan of the show for the review to have any merit because it's not a Charlie's Angels 70's tv remake, it's an extension of a recent series. Once again... That movie wasn’t for you.

  • May 29, 2008, 9:48 p.m. CST

    i hate this show - i get pussyfied

    by messi

    fuck that shit. i'm a man. give me predator.

  • May 29, 2008, 9:51 p.m. CST

    TRIES GET TO IMAGE

    by Phategod2

    OF TELLING GRANDMA TO "EAT A DICK" OUT OF MY HEAD.

  • May 29, 2008, 10:30 p.m. CST

    I Agree with Vern.

    by NoDiggity

    I've been annoyed by "Sex and the City" in the past. But it plays at midnight here on a local channel, weekneights, and if you let it on in the background you start to get to know the characters, and forgive their pettinesses. You start seeing them as people. Which, even if you don't share women's interest in shoes, you ought to do. Massawyrm's headling (and really, the bulk of his revies) expressed a deep, obnoxious, die-hard refusal to see fans of Sex and the City as people. His headline saw them as despised bitches who deserve an violent and humilating rape/abusive-sex act. The bulk of his review concentrated on playing up the HORROR, oh, the HORROR of spending more than an hour and a half doing something that might help him understand the opposite sex. The movie can be bad without introducing the "Women are annoying bitches that we'd like to punish sexually" element, and as funny as it might be on first look, talking about blowing your brains out because of a movie does nothing to inform a reader as to whether the movie has any value at all. I've noted that Massawyrm models his reviews after Harry's style. Harry's shown himself to be an insensitive jerk, very very often. He really shouldn't be emulated. Massawyrm, you have talent. Get it as far away form Harry as possible.

  • May 29, 2008, 11:13 p.m. CST

    THIS ARTICAL IS BULSHIJT!!

    by ebonic_plague

    Pull a train? You RUN trains on hoes! Somehow I don't think we'd all be as offended if Massa had left his D&D 4E article on the mattress all crying and bleeding, but, through the magic of movies, not specifically raped. And nobody got (as) mad at Harry for decrying the lack of "dead raped deer" in that one torture porn Hills Have Eyes ripoff/sequel/remake he reviewed. I think the offense comes in because this is a chick flick with "Sex" in the title and Massa's first instinct in denigrating the movie is a rape/brutal sex/unpleasant coupling metaphor. Yeah, Elmer Fudd raping Porky Pig would be funny, but the mental image of a guy raping a dumb chick flick isn't as funny. The context is important. And, if it WAS funny, I'd be more inclined to defend it, but yeah, this whole article comes off as the guy at the strip club who makes disturbingly hateful (and unfunny) jokes about the strippers.

  • May 29, 2008, 11:13 p.m. CST

    This review

    by Tony Is A Little Boy

    is one of the funniest fucking things I've ever read. And a life saver.

  • May 29, 2008, 11:35 p.m. CST

    sounds like a winner

    by BurgerKing

  • May 29, 2008, 11:46 p.m. CST

    Vern's growing up

    by BurgerKing

    He's becoming too mature for this place. I didn't read all of the arguing, just Vern's long one. The rest are too personal for me to care. But he's got some points, a good wake up call to this fucked up (but lovable) community. <p> However, while this movie looks self-indulgent, materialistic, shallow, and harmful for our battered society. I dig guy movies that are the same thing on the opposite end of the spectrum, replace materialistic with overly masculine or something and there you go, so I can't really complain. Mass said it well in the review, we do our thing with Star Wars or whatever, the chicks do their thing. Let it be.

  • May 29, 2008, 11:51 p.m. CST

    I think Massa is a funny guy

    by buffywrestling

    but I think the jokes were kinda obvious in this one. I actually liked the repetitive writing technique he used to drive home his point about how fucking loooong the movie seemed to him but I was hoping for better jokes than just blah, blah, blah bitchcakes. I think he was on the right track when he started to list things guys would do NOT to see this movie.h

  • May 30, 2008, 12:51 a.m. CST

    Vern wants his grandma to eat my dick?

    by rhcp2sweet

    interesting

  • May 30, 2008, 1:40 a.m. CST

    Good to see this went so far

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    Vern is right, I feel ashamed for every horse joke I posted. Still, I'll remember the good times, Capt Harris up SJP' butt doubles ass. Her dopplganger in Nuthin But Trouble, or even when she won Richard Dreyfuss all that cash. Good Times.....

  • May 30, 2008, 6:20 a.m. CST

    Plant?!!

    by psifire

    Hahaha, how jaded and cynical can you guys get? Sorry to burst you "plant conspiracy theory" bubble, but contrary to your beliefs, i am not a plant. Last time i checked i was made of flesh, blood, and bones and i just happen to be a fan of the series and the movie. That's why i gave that overview, to bring some blance in the forum. There's too much testosterone in here. I didn't give away plot details and such becuase i saw it before any of you guys did. I didn't get the "we eat plants alive memo" all right, but i sure did get the "we eat spoilers" memo. So lighten up. Geez.

  • May 30, 2008, 7:33 a.m. CST

    I was waiting for you to stick your head above the

    by Lost Jarv

    metaphorical parapet. <P>Plants are people too- we get that, and you are not your job- we also get that. But we do judge you by the content of your post and when your first ever AICN post is something so unsubtle and transparant as that we are going to rip a strip off you. <P>I used to write Sales Sheets and other marketing puff for a living and even if I was only giving them to buyers/ distributors etc I would have been fucking ashamed to turn in something so utterly sick-making as your first post. <P>It doesn't matter how many times you say "I'm not a plant" or "I'm trying to give balance", you are doomed simply because of "Because I am definitely going to see this movie again to hang out, laugh with, cry with, and have fun with our girls and our friends Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha. It is because life rarely lives up to our fantasies, and we need friendships that are real or reel to get us through it all." <P>So give it up, leafy.

  • May 30, 2008, 9:49 a.m. CST

    Vern, your equivocations don't work

    by Laserhead

    Postings on AICN do not equal telling your grandmother to eat a dick. One is a victimless transgression, the other victimizes your grandmother. It seems like the only way you can make your argument is through spurious analogies. AND you don't acknowledge that the lowbrow tone of Massa's review was a reaction to a LOWBROW MOVIE; i.e., it was the kind of reaction he felt the movie deserved. WORDS DON'T VICTIMIZE, VERN. Fuck, Mahnola Dargis has all the same criticisms as Massa in her NYTimes review of Sex and the City, but, being AICN, this one features more hyperbolic, transgressive language. Take a thirteenth step off your high horse. Bud.

  • May 30, 2008, 10:18 a.m. CST

    My respect for Vern has dropped several notches...

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    For his continually hypocritical, reactionary and whiny posts accusing people of being misogynistic and/or racist on a website where the guys who RUN said 'site (including Vern) constantly post things FAR worse than the talkbackers he's condemning.<p>Vern... if you're willing to stomach rape/snuff exploitation films like "Cannibal Holocaust" being on some AICN moderator's "Top 10" lists, then you have ZERO right to complain about people calling SJP a "horseface"... which she IS. Or that the characters on SATC are a group of used-up, self-absorbed, old whores still under the delusion that (1) they're still hot & young and (2) their shallow existences have any meaning.<p>If the stuff in this talkback offends you, Vern, after ALL the stuff you've tolerated over the years, here, then either SHUT UP or simply QUIT.<p>I could, at least, respect THAT.

  • May 30, 2008, 10:47 a.m. CST

    Wow...The Most Polarizing Talkback Ever...

    by Bones

    Who would have thought it possible?<p> And over misogynistic comments about SEX AND THE CITY?? On Ain't-It-Cool???<p> I hate to be the one to break it to everyone, but this site is famous for being the equivalent to a gigantic mass of 14-year old boys taking dirty about movies...It is not the journalistic center of the universe, it is not Film Review, hell--it isn't even Rotten Tomatoes.<p> Now I agree in part with what both Vern and Massawyrm have said--Rape is NOT FUNNY (sorry there, Rapists--but it is not), nor is brutality against women of any kind (and hwy I am in the minority about Horror Movies). However, making fun of people because of their physical appearance is...because all humor is based on cruelty. That is historical fact--but the defining line is how far you allow yourself to take it. Why are moles on people's faces or people's weight acceptable to ridicule and skin color is not? Because of Cultural Mores.<p> Mores (mor-ays) are the customs and manners of a social group or culture, NOT THE EELS. Every culture has them. And a lot of humor is based on pushing those boundaries beyond what is considered acceptable. Sarah Jessica parker has an equine face. That is a legitimate adjective which is not insulting--it describes her long face and the pronounced shape of her nose. Equine also means HORSE...and ta-da, "horseface".<p> Easy joke. And one that is easy to make when you have a wife that has watched every episode of the show, therefore YOU have watched every episode of the show, multiple times. In our household it is as perennial as the 1995 BBC miniseries of Pride and Prejudice--you wince, get caught up in it and then move on.<p> Massawyrm pushed boundaries (possibly too far--but that goes back to the 14-year-old boy mentality of the site), but his review comes from an honest place--he really didn't like the film. Vern called Massa on his taste, which he has every right to do...and a Culture War erupted right here at the AICN Ranch. But keep things in perspective--This site is a celebration (and condemnation) of things from the viewpoint of "COOL or UNCOOL". It is a way to tap into that youthful energy, and usually is not very PC about it.<p> But that is all that it is--and after ten years posting on this site, I can say it is also why we like it.

  • May 30, 2008, 11:04 a.m. CST

    Hit the nail on the head...

    by Bono Luthor

    "They’re not flirty and single because it’s so hard to find a good man. It’s because they’re all completely self-obsessed, neurotic, high maintenance divas. And I found each and every one of them thoroughly unlikable." Manages what is so thoroughly repugnant about so many women of that generation.

  • May 30, 2008, 11:46 a.m. CST

    I've already chimed in on another talkback but...

    by crankyoldguy

    let's just say I don't know one straight male, other than a 'metro-sexual' type at my wife's office who actually wants to see this or is willing to go with the wife/girlfriend. If the quartet in the film stand for all contemporary NYC women have to offer, supposedly vacant L.A. looks really good right now. Where's the crappy Cloverfield creature when you need to it to eat the SATC cast? Mass - 2 and 1/2 hours of your life you don't get back....I feel so bad for you.

  • May 30, 2008, 12:16 p.m. CST

    Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

    by crankyoldguy

    it's clear in this review from Batman-On-Film: This woman (I don't know her age), is quite delusional about men, it seems. SEX AND THE CITY Thursday, May 29, 2008 Author: Christina Han RELEASE DATE: May 30, 2008 STUDIO: New Line DIRECTOR: Michael Patrick King SCREENWRITERS: Michael Patrick King, Candace Bushnell (characters from the book) CAST: Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis, Cynthia Nixon, et al. OFFICIAL SITE: SEXANDTHECITYMOVIE.COM "Many men do not understand the cult of SEX AND THE CITY." - Christina Han From the exterior, it looks like flashy clothes they don’t quite understand worn by older women who seem to live beyond their means. But just like Superman and Batman, these four women serve as the archetypes of what it means to be modern heroines. They overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles, possess Achilles’ heels that prevent them from attaining perfection, and wear costumes that are laughable yet intriguing. Where Batman has his utility belt, Carrie Bradshaw and her cohorts wield Louis Vuitton. SEX AND THE CITY -- THE television show -- spanned six years of broken relationships, frank sex talk, and ultimately, friendship. One of the issues critics had with the ending was the fact that after six years of preaching female empowerment, the series finale included all four ingénues in tidy relationships. The film version offers a more realistic conclusion. And without giving anything away, not all of the ladies end up in a relationship. The gratuitous sex scenes the show was known for are present yet they are there for a purpose. Every superhero has a main mission in his or her life and in this case, the mission is love. Now, before you reach for the nearest air sickness bag, SEX AND THE CITY offers enough genuine wit and spark for even the most masculine of audience members. Kim Cattrall as Samantha Jones stands out with her straightforward attitude and sharp tongue. And although the protagonist is supposed to be Sarah Jessica Parker’s Carrie Bradshaw, Cynthia Nixon shines as the acerbic but vulnerable Miranda Hobbes. Miranda has always been the one to roll with the punches on the show, allowing herself to be seen in the most awkward of positions (sometimes literally) and yet getting through everything with sarcasm and a sense of humor. Bradshaw is noticeably prudish for a sex columnist, as the audience has never truly viewed her in any sexual situation. Even the scenes of her affair with Mr. Big were stylistically sensual, but no skin was shown save for some navel and a collarbone. Cynthia Nixon and Kim Cattrall have always been the ones to portray sex the way it really is…sometimes great, sometimes not, and always what it really looks like when your body isn’t Hollywood perfect but it can do some awesome things. The movie is a visual extravaganza with a wedding, couture, and the Manhattan skyline. There are bigger than life characters -- like Mr. Big -- whose name is revealed to be John James Preston. Mr. Big has grown into a caring and sympathetic man who truly cares about Carrie and no one can deny the chemistry between Parker and Chris Noth. But... The glue of the group has always been Kristin Davis’ Charlotte, and it’s truly rewarding to see her finally happy and settled. Whether she will remain to be so up to the mind of the audience member. Her role has always been the romantic optimist who perseveres despite all negativity. Davis delights with her cheerful blend of idiosyncrasies and empathy in her position as the heart amidst the sex. New York City has rarely looked as beautiful onscreen and Michael Patrick King wrote a heartfelt script with the care that comes from being well acquainted enough to showcase the cast’s talents with complexity and depth. These characters are flawed, but they live in world that is just magical enough to take you away from our reality. And even though they go out and take on their universe every day, they are relatable because you know that they come home to stacks of bills and crying babies. The world may not have many female superheroes besides Wonder Woman and Batgirl, but there are four intimate heroines named Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda, and Samantha who invite us to go along with them on their mission to believe in love. Christina Han is a writer from Southern California. Her work has been published in publications such as Jane Magazine and she is currently a press deputy for the Clinton campaign. She is working on her first book and wants to marry Batman.

  • May 30, 2008, 1:28 p.m. CST

    CHOCOLATEREIGN

    by BringingSexyBack

    First of all, I only post my subject lines in caps. That's my signature move, if you will. Lots of people have them. Excuse me, but I strive for a sense of individuality and try not to follow the herd. If it bothers you so much, consider your protestation duly logged and noted. I hope that gets you through the weekend.<p> Secondly, I don't have "online arch-enemies". That's just silly. <p> Thirdly, I was talking about Samantha, and not Carrie. And if you watched the show at all, you'd see where I was getting at. You see, in Samantha's life, Smith was the best thing to ever happen to her, the best man she ever met. A hottie who wants nothing from her and only wants to give what little he has, because he loves her unconditionally. He was a nice guy in a sea of assholes. But because of her experiences and insecurities, that made her fear him. She, along with the rest of "the girls", had flaws just like most women. To a man watching this show, it gives you a lot of insight into real women, despite whatever perceptions that these characters don't resemble real women. I think they do, even if remotely. So my comment reflects my opinion that Samantha, after realizing Smith was the best thing to happen to her, is crazy if she risks that away again. <p> And even if you don't care about that explanation, it's for the benefit of one or two fans of the show in this talkback. So there.

  • May 30, 2008, 1:47 p.m. CST

    Wow.

    by The-Duke-of-New-York

    For the record, the first thing I thought when I read the headline was "cherry popped". Which in incongruous to the SEX girls, but whatever. But anyway, to the heart of the matter.Sex and the City will never see a fucking dime from me. It's convinced several women of a certain generation that its okay to be terrible to other people and use the vagina as a weapon. In fact, Entourage, having never seen it, seems like generally the same thing except with "fame" replacing "vagina". So, in summary, fuck every show that glorifies shallow behavior. On the other topic in the talkback, Massa and Vern are two of my favorite reviewers on the site. Vern is probably my favorite film critic period. But on this, I think he might be wrong, on parts. Massa wrote a review that I think many readers of the site wanted, the reaffirmation of their belief in the unholiness of SEX. And sex, for those whose inner prudes aren't reflected by their misogynistic and crude exteriors. And as a fan of chick flicks myself, at least in a broad sense, I can understand going to see that movie expecting to be entertained in at least a base kind of way. Sure, he could have made the headline clearer, or gone with something else, but I don't really think Massa is a rapist, at any rate, and I would even bet he doesn't advocate rape unless its one of those kinky fantasies where he's tied up and at the mercy of a busty supervillainess. On the other hand, Vern's right about this: Just because you're edgy, or trying to be, doesn't mean you aren't a dick. There is room for real discussion on the talkbacks. And it does happen from time to time. One thing's for sure, though. The "Bratz left out in the sun" comment is gold.

  • May 30, 2008, 3:02 p.m. CST

    If you watch this movie you are GAY!

    by Leafar the Lost

    If you are a man, and you willingly watch this movie, then you are gay. This movie is for straight women and homosexuals only. It is not a date movie. Also, the HBO series was an overrated piece of crap.

  • May 30, 2008, 3:35 p.m. CST

    Bones

    by YakMalla

    "Most polarizing talkback ever"?<p>This is a love fest compared to the bitchfest over Neill Cumpston's Cloverfield review.<p>To wit: http://tinyurl.com/yqelvg

  • May 30, 2008, 5:21 p.m. CST

    I broke up with my girlfriend cos of this movie

    by messi

    so I wouldn't have to take her. Fuck that.

  • May 30, 2008, 7:40 p.m. CST

    BEST AND MOST HONEST REVIEW IN THE HISTORY OF ALL MANKINF

    by pr1c3y

  • June 2, 2008, 3:18 a.m. CST

    Wow Messi

    by Lost Jarv

    That's the most stupid thing I've ever seen anyone post. <P>Congrats.

  • June 2, 2008, 3:44 p.m. CST

    As an actual real live woman

    by kinksy

    who reads this site I can say that the headline didn't offend me in the slightest. I interpreted as Massa felt his eyes and senses were raped from seeing this POS.