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Hola all. Massawyrm here. 28 years ago, two guys named George and Steve got together, giggled like schoolboys, and made a film that took them back to a time when they were kids. A time when strong-jawed heroes with plucky female sidekicks unearthed the secrets of the world through violent, thrilling adventures every Saturday at the local one screen theater matinee. Whether they be the secrets of the ancients or of science or of other worlds, those adventures would come week after week with a brand new fantastical explanation of just how that strong jawed hero managed to not get himself killed this time around. And 28 years ago they put that film in theatres and showed it to a bunch of kids. Kids like me. And Harry. And Quint. And Mori. And most likely, you. Now, these two dorks of old stand before us dorks of new and have built themselves a time machine, one that will not only take them back to their childhood, but also take us back to our own. And god damnit if the damned thing don’t work. Indiana Jones is back, hat in hand, ready to ride headlong into another crazy assed adventure of near miss escapes, bizarre archeology and punching dudes square in the face. And yes, it is fucking awesome. And while it certainly takes me back to my childhood, it is also a film intent on reminding me just how badly I don’t want to grow up – how much I enjoy living here in the Never Never Land of AICN’s shores. It is a movie for those who remember, not one for those that don’t. Lucas and Spielberg didn’t set out to update Indy. At all. This isn’t a new, more mature series. There isn’t some transcendent moment in which the movie becomes something greater than the others ever were. This is the same old series, hell bent on telling the same kind of story in the same way as before. In fact, it adheres readily to the tropes of the previous films. Now I’m not going to list out my feelings and sub-review each and every Indy film, but I will say I’ve grown a little weary of the phrase “Well, it’s no Raiders of the Lost Ark.” Well of course it isn’t. Raiders was lightning in a bottle – one of the greatest mainstream blockbuster movies ever made. More importantly, when Steve and George set out to make it they never said “Look, we need to make a movie around Harrison. And we need to include scenes where he uses his whip, always manages to keep his hat no matter the conditions…and can we work a fear of snakes in there somewhere? That would be swell.” No. They got ubergenius Lawrence Kasdan to write an incredible story based upon their love of classic cliffhanger movies that also just happened to create one of the singularly most awesome action heroes of our day. If there’s anything George and Steve have done in recent years to piss me off it was when they renamed Raiders of the Lost Ark the entirely unnecessary Indiana Jones and Raiders of the Lost Ark. Because Raiders is its own thing. Everything that followed was just an Indiana Jones movie. That’s not to say they were in any way bad or mediocre movies, but every time they sat down to make one of those they followed religiously the rules they set in the first film. To be honest, they had to, because we most likely wouldn’t have accepted it otherwise. But much like the vast majority of sequels ever made, that sad fact is what separates what follows a great film from the original great film itself. No one sat down and said “I’ve got this great story! If only I could think of a killer character to put in it. Wait! This would make a great Indiana Jones movie!” No. They said “Let’s make another Indiana Jones movie. Now, someone think of a story.” So no. It isn’t Raiders of the Lost Ark. But it is on par and just as good as any of the other sequels. So yeah, I dig the ever-loving shit out of it. Once again it feels more Spielberg than Lucas – that is to say there isn’t a single moment of the film that feels it needs to somehow explain the mythology we were just fine accepting as legend – Lucas’s real sin in the Star Wars prequels. But it does have that old Lucas magic. It’s cartoony in all the right ways and reeks of the classic Saturday morning serials they were based upon. It is giddy popcorn chomping fun with all the classic bits you can’t wait to see again. But it isn’t transcendent. There’s no new ground being broken here. It won’t take a break mid movie to step in the back and make you a kick ass grilled cheese sandwich. It won’t blow you right there in the theatre. And it sure as fuck won’t give you a ride home afterward – it’s got another show once the attendants finish sweeping. I have no illusions that despite most likely being the most successful film of the summer that it will also be the best. It’s just a damned good film and another great – if possibly final – adventure of the greatest archeologist to ever don a hat. As many have already said, Ford actually feels like he gives a shit again and turns in a great performance as the tired, old Archeologist turned war hero turned tenured professor always ready for another jaunt. Everyone else pulls their weight and does a great job despite their character’s general lack of depth. If there’s anyone here who has a thankless job, it is Shia who – coupled with Lucas’s “Oh I haven’t told Steve or Harrison yet but I might as well tell the press” bullshit – is having a ton of weight dumped on his shoulders. He’s fucking great in this, and much like many of his other projects proves once again to be one of the very best things about it. But he’s no Indiana Jones. That’s not his destiny. He’s an incredibly talented kid who is just one of us. And when I say one of us, I don’t mean one of the AICN crew. I mean one of US. You and me. Dork. Geek. Filmlover. Just another kid looking for a time machine. And when you’re a 21-year-old kid asked by George Lucas and Steven fucking Spielberg to be in an Indiana Jones movie – you fucking do it. And when they say “Here kid, hold his hat for a second and look longingly off camera as if to intimate a possible sequel” – you fucking do it. But, man. Is he ever going to get eviscerated for fucking doing it. He’s got a hell of a lot of talent, and while I feel that Spielberg’s Brando gag in the movie is a little much, he’s going to do just fine. So, please, take it easy on him this week and remember how solid he is here before roasting him over the open flames of talkback. The real problem here, and what is causing a massive delineation in the fanbase, is the material this story is drawing from. It, well, it steps a little outside the box. And while it’s not like they’re just making shit up willy nilly – there are hundreds of books on the very topics that Crystal Skull addresses – it gets into a different type of religion. And all of my buddies that had issues all said the same thing. But come on ‘wyrm, _____s?. Yeah, sure. Why not? Like a big golden box from God that melts peoples faces off is any more plausible? But that’s different. I like my Indiana Jones to be about RELIGIOUS artifacts. That right there is pretty much the argument you’re going to be having all summer – whether on one side or the other. Me? I’m on the golden box is just as plausible side of the street. I loved this thing. It was a great fun ride that made me feel like a kid again. I smiled, I laughed and the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end every time Williams struck a perfect nostalgic music cue at just the right moment. If you’re hoping that this will redefine the series or return to the brashly original magic of Raiders you’re gonna end up a tad disappointed. But if your looking to have fun, to see Indy crack that whip, put on that hat and show an irrational fear of snakes – by God’s ivory whiskers you’re gonna have a hell of a time. I sure did. And I no doubt will again a couple more times this summer. It’s a great Indiana Jones movie, a time machine to take you back to a time when you first watched and waited and held your breath for another Indiana Jones movie. It’s time to stop holding your breath. It’s here. Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em. Massawyrm
Best of luck Harry.

Readers Talkback
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  • May 20, 2008, 10 a.m. CST


    by Flaggg


  • May 20, 2008, 10:02 a.m. CST

    That pic is scary.

    by eric haislar

    And awesome glad you liked then film.

  • May 20, 2008, 10:02 a.m. CST


    by ZoeFan


  • May 20, 2008, 10:06 a.m. CST

    Massawyrm is the best reviewer

    by Mistar Muffin

    Organized, articulate, and I usually agree with him! Thanks, Wyrm!

  • May 20, 2008, 10:06 a.m. CST

    That pic is kind of distasteful

    by Bobo_Vision

    Especially since Harry is about to undergo surgery.

  • May 20, 2008, 10:09 a.m. CST

    Mass, I venture to say you misread the scene...

    by slone13

    ...where Mutt is holding Indy's hat. As soon as Indy grabs it back from Mutt, it's quite obvious Spielberg was like "Ha! You didn't REALLY think we were gonna pass that torch, do you? Suckers!" The smile on Indy's face alone says it. It's a total "Not a chance" smirk.

  • May 20, 2008, 10:09 a.m. CST

    great review

    by Kingdaddy

    you and Quint nailed your thoughts on the flick without 72 paragraphs of rhetoric. good job!

  • May 20, 2008, 10:09 a.m. CST

    And this site just...

    by Sailor Rip

    ...screams good taste.

  • May 20, 2008, 10:12 a.m. CST

    Puny man-animals.

    by Christopher3

    Aliens are religious.

  • May 20, 2008, 10:12 a.m. CST

    its not good taste...

    by doodah

    but its artsy, so its ok. like the miley cyrus pics. ;)

  • May 20, 2008, 10:13 a.m. CST

    God I want to titty fuck that Busted Tees chick so bad

    by donwillymo

  • May 20, 2008, 10:14 a.m. CST

    crucify me all you want, talkbackers...

    by Gatsbys West Egg Omlet

    but i appreciate the Shia non-hate from Massa. he isn't the reason Transformers wasn't your wet dream. <p>give the kid a break.<p>any one of us would kill to have his career, his bank account, and one page of his phone book. i'm sure he's no Indy, but i bet he makes a good Indy's son.

  • May 20, 2008, 10:14 a.m. CST

    ...oh yeah and IJ4 should be cool, damn those BT tits!

    by donwillymo

  • May 20, 2008, 10:15 a.m. CST


    by Gatsbys West Egg Omlet

    she is waaaaaay distracting.

  • May 20, 2008, 10:16 a.m. CST

    great review Massawyrm

    by teddy_duchamp

    I'm now looking forward to this movie even more... and thats all it is, just a movie..... 2hrs entertainment and escapism..........yeah right! Indianaaaaaaa!

  • May 20, 2008, 10:16 a.m. CST


    by BurgerTime

    Got the essence of what it's like to experience the movie without all the spoilers. I'm going.

  • May 20, 2008, 10:17 a.m. CST

    and despite the trailers...

    by Gatsbys West Egg Omlet

    all you AICN dorks have me wanting to see Indy 4. that and cable running the other three 24 hours a day for the past month.

  • May 20, 2008, 10:19 a.m. CST

    Shia=Furlong+Culkin(divided by) River Phoenix

    by donwillymo

  • May 20, 2008, 10:19 a.m. CST

    DAMN YOU, George Lucas!

    by Motoko Kusanagi

    Damn you to hell!

  • May 20, 2008, 10:20 a.m. CST

    'indiana jones and the' Raiders of the lost ark

    by teddy_duchamp

    I totally agree with your comment on Raiders being its own thing, I mean, why the fuck did fat neck have to change the fucking film title....sheeesh.

  • May 20, 2008, 10:24 a.m. CST

    Chronicles of Riddick: Pitch Black

    by David Cloverfield

    "Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the lost ark" started a trend.

  • May 20, 2008, 10:25 a.m. CST

    Raiders title change.

    by eric haislar

    It's only on the box art. Its still called raiders in the film.

  • May 20, 2008, 10:26 a.m. CST

    Good review Massa..

    by Jonah Echo

    Makes me almost forget the No Country for Old Men review.

  • May 20, 2008, 10:26 a.m. CST

    Good review Massa..

    by Jonah Echo

    Makes me almost forget the No Country for Old Men review.

  • May 20, 2008, 10:27 a.m. CST

    that wasn't a review

    by kungfuhustler84

    yes, you said you liked it, but then you spent most of the time telling us to go easy on Shia, and what we will be arguing about over the summer. I personally am not really borthered that much by Shia. I was when I first found out but I'm just ready for Indy now. And as far as arguing about the story, plausibility doesn't really mean it goes along with the standards of archaeology set by the earlier films. But again, I don't really care. I am ready for Indy.

  • May 20, 2008, 10:29 a.m. CST

    Will Harry post his Prince Caspian review after surgery?

    by Sith Witch


  • May 20, 2008, 10:31 a.m. CST

    The only change from this movie

    by Jor-El23

    to the others, is the move from religious to alien artifact. Sure it's a big leap but everything they're talking about is fantasy in one way or another. What are the standard tropes of 50s cinema and TV? Commies, aliens, commies as makes sense that this is where Indy goes, as a matinee hero.

  • May 20, 2008, 10:36 a.m. CST

    I wish they had made Indy movies in the '90's

    by Beezbo

    Instead of Lucas obsessing about Darth Vader's childhood and make-believe space politics.

  • May 20, 2008, 10:37 a.m. CST

    Massi said it's fucking awesome

    by Abominable Snowcone

    Works for me. And you're right--when you're a 21 year old kid and Spielberg asks you to be in a movie, you do it. You'd think Shia would do it simply because it's Indy Jones, but hey--he wasn't born when the first two movies were relased, and he was still pooping his diapees when Crusade came out. From Shia's point of view, it almost doesn't matter. It's Spielberg, you do it.

  • May 20, 2008, 10:38 a.m. CST

    That was a fantastic read I have to say...

    by TheBoyFromUlster

    Ok, so not a review per se, but a balanced argument about the film. You nailed it on the head as well Massawyrm about making sequels to classic films and forcing elements that you associate with the original into the story. Also Shia leBeouf, what’s he going to say??.."Sorry Steve, but I'm not holding Indys hat, I might get slated by some nerds on t'internet, so no can do beardy!'...Wish you would write more reviews Massawyrm.

  • May 20, 2008, 10:46 a.m. CST

    Only two days left...

    by DocPazuzu

    ...must not... read... any reviews... on AICN.... Must not.... read.... talkbacks... <p> ooooooouuuurrrggghh.... brain hurts....

  • May 20, 2008, 11:01 a.m. CST

    I just wish

    by tomdolan04

    they hadn't used so much CG. I LOVE location work and it's death with blue/green screen is a real sad time for cinema. <p> George Lucas' enthusiasm for CG work is well known, and Joel Silver in an interview for Speed Racer on darkhorizons remarked something along the lines of 'the intense heat and problems on filming the new Bond flick - ha if only they'd used bluescreen those muppets'. Its ridiculous. Sure its trickier but the results so much more worthwhile - you can 'feel' the actor reacting against the environment.

  • May 20, 2008, 11:03 a.m. CST

    I have never had a problem with Shia

    by Razorback

    I think he is a great actor and I have yet to see him do anything I did not like, at least performance wise. I don't think people hate him as much as the AICN writers seem to think they do.

  • May 20, 2008, 11:07 a.m. CST

    what about the terrible CGI?

    by Jugdish

    no word on that?

  • May 20, 2008, 11:12 a.m. CST

    Is it a requirement?

    by Rei-Ginsei

    I think every single review I've read for Indy 4 included the phrase "Raiders was lightning in a bottle" in some form.

  • May 20, 2008, 11:21 a.m. CST

    How is anything in Raiders better than in Last Crusade?

    by Sith Witch

    Sure there's a few more gags, but overall I think the story and the themes of father and son far outweigh anything in Raiders. And let's face it; Elsa was the hottest Indy girl by far.

  • May 20, 2008, 11:25 a.m. CST


    by Olsen Twins_Fan

    Harry's review was so ridiculous, I was worried that this movie would be terrible. Plus, you can't trust a reviewer who is 24 hrs. away from major surgery. Way too emotionally vulnerable. Massa, for the most part, is trustworthy.

  • May 20, 2008, 11:25 a.m. CST

    title change

    by Bouncy X

    its interesting how they added "indiana jones and.." on the Raiders dvd covers but in the movie itself, it still has the original title. i mean George went through the trouble of adding 'episode 4" to star wars so i wonder why he didnt this time if he's really trying to change it.

  • May 20, 2008, 11:31 a.m. CST


    by slone13

    There isn't any terrible CGI. Probably why no one has been mentioning it. In ANY of the reviews.

  • May 20, 2008, 11:33 a.m. CST

    Sith Witch

    by Mako

    The first 10 minutes in RAIDERS was better than the whole 120 minutes of CRUSADE. "Throw me the idol... I throw you the whip!" "Once again Dr. Jones... there is nothing you can possess that I can not take away. You chose the wrong friends. This time it will cost you"

  • May 20, 2008, 11:36 a.m. CST

    80% fresh at the Tomatometer

    by drompter

    With a total of 61 reviews. I'll be there.

  • May 20, 2008, 11:37 a.m. CST

    Why do people hate Shia?

    by danowen

    Is it only AICNers that hate him? I don't see why? He was good on that old TV show, he was good in Holes, he was really good in Transformers (considering the gig), good in Disturbia. A likeable, ordinary, charismatic kidult. I truly think hatred here stems from silly things like his weird name and a bit of jealously. Most Indy4 reviews I read sing his praises as the best thing after Ford himself in this. I really don't get the hatred, so maybe this will help redress the balance a bit.

  • May 20, 2008, 11:37 a.m. CST


    by ThomasServo

    Yeah, I agree the Shia hate all boils down to the DiCaprio effect. Girls dig him so the nerds in the audience automatically hate him. Dude seems cool to me, and he was cracking me up on SNL.

  • May 20, 2008, 11:45 a.m. CST

    Sith Witch,

    by I Dunno

    Raiders was serious...within its own context of course. Indy was a bad ass. He didn't make goofy faces as he fell down a flight of stairs. He didn't trip over shit and play a Scottish artist. <p>The tank battle in Last Crusade was admittedly immpressive. I've only recently noticed that. But Last Crusade had some goofy, slapstick shit in it. You call out the monkey in Raiders and some other things but nothing as silly as some of the shit in Crusade.</p><p>And Villains? Someone, maybe Ebert said that a James Bond movie is only as good as its vilains. I'd compare Indy to Bond in many ways. So lets see...Belloq vs Elsa. Donovan vs Toht and the lead Nazi (Dietrich?).</p><p>The climaxes between the two movies? Do you really want to compare them?</p><p>Raiders makes Crusade look like a joke.</p>

  • May 20, 2008, 11:45 a.m. CST

    Aliens + Spielberg = Goodness

    by Azby

    I never understood the alien hate. Spielberg has made some of the best alien related movies ever. And the Nazca Lines are pure Indy material. Great review.

  • May 20, 2008, 11:45 a.m. CST

    Massa is a MUCH better writer than Moriarty

    by Alan_Moore

    Moriarty wasted 1,040 words (yes, I ran a count) before getting around to his impression of the film. I'm so sick of that bullshit on this site. Harry is certainly guilty, but I think Moriarty has grown even worse. Moriarty, no one cares about the backstory and your personal history with the filmmakers! All that isn't necessary in order to provide context. And we certainly don't need to hear about what impressions the films you review are leaving on your son. Just tell us whether you liked the damn thing or not! Is that really so hard?

  • May 20, 2008, 11:46 a.m. CST

    Shia does just fine

    by Disgustipitated

    I don't get the baseless Shia bashing that goes on. I've only seen the guy in a couple of things, but I've yet to see anything where he didn't do a great job.

  • May 20, 2008, 11:51 a.m. CST

    Snake Eyes pics...

    by clone-o-mat

    here...! LOL! You guys are ska-rewed!!

  • May 20, 2008, 11:52 a.m. CST

    Title change

    by Zath_ras

    was strictly so the first film could appear alongside the others in your local Blockbuster store without some clerk moving it onto the "R" shelf. Strictly for marketing and filmographic purposes, hence the title remains the same on film.

  • May 20, 2008, 11:52 a.m. CST

    Religious artifacts

    by I Dunno

    I think the problem there is that all the Indy rip offs have already done stories about all the significant religious artifacts. The Spear of Destiny for instance, would have been cool but that show with that fag from ER already did it. So I have no problem with Indy going after anything that will give him either "fortune and glory" or anything that "belongs in a museum".<p>As for changing the title to Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark, </p><p>INDIANA JONES WAS ONE OF THE RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK!</p><p>Yes, he was the "good guy" but he was still after it and how much more pure were his (or rather the US government) intentions towards it?</p>

  • May 20, 2008, 11:54 a.m. CST

    But what does Merrick's son think?

    by MattmanReturns

  • May 20, 2008, 11:55 a.m. CST

    I'm glad Massa has Shia's back.

    by AdrianVeidt

    Shia has done absolutely NOTHING wrong in his career, and he's a great actor. It's not his fault that b/c of his talent, the media loads all this pressure on him by saying he'll be the next Tom Hanks or the next Dustin Hoffman. Sure, he might be, but for Christ's sake, let him do it on his own. <p> Moreover, everyone needs to give him a break because he is a good actor and he has entertained us in every film he's been in. <p> Haters like to hate on people that are popular, especially when it's fast and rapid popularity. If he were a talentless hack, I'd join the haters, but the fact is that he is quickly becoming someone who I REALLY look forward to seeing in a movie.

  • May 20, 2008, 11:56 a.m. CST

    Indiana Jones and the Magic 8 Ball

    by Bobo_Vision

    "All signs point to yes."

  • May 20, 2008, 12:12 p.m. CST

    Wow Mass, your sig image redefines gastric bypass...

    by Kampbell-Kid

    Going to the midnight showing tomorrow night with some friends who are in their 30's and grew up with these films also. It's going to be great. Indy. Beer. and Joygasms.

  • May 20, 2008, 12:18 p.m. CST

    It aint no Raiders? Thats the problem

    by romanocc

    I agree that sequels rarely live up to the original, but are the state of movies to the point where nobody is even trying to put out the best movie possible anymore? Sequels are sequels, all of them we love, hate, or think they are OK, but the characters draw us in everytime, but now people accept OK sequels! You have to give James Cameron credit, he atleast tried to equal the originals of Terminator and Alien, and succeeded with Aliens, and came pretty well close with T2. Nowadays fans like me are chastised for wanting something great, and only cause we are older we are too hard on films now. The Matrix was original, and fresh, and was a great movie, and I wasn't a kid when that came out, I was 27 years old! I don't begrudge anyone if they enjoy this movie, but I go to the movies to see something great, and when the first sentence in a review is, "Well, it aint no Raiders, well, aint no Empire, well, it aint no...." Well, I will wait for The Dark Knight in July, as Nolan is TRYING to make a better movie then Begins, and hopefully those reviews will start, "It aint no Begins, its better!"

  • May 20, 2008, 12:20 p.m. CST

    by WaitingforAvengers

    0% chance of this being bad, I'm pretty jazzed :)

  • May 20, 2008, 12:27 p.m. CST

    Not much of a review...

    by buffywrestling

    But my favorite write up yet. Way to be, Massa.

  • May 20, 2008, 12:33 p.m. CST


    by TheLastCleric

    I don't think your standards are higher than ours and I really don't think the Matrix is the best film to call out as an example of freshness considering it aped almost everything from other, superior sources. Indy 4 is the fourth movie in a pretty great film franchise so either you can hang with that or you can't. Not everybody considers Raiders the best film (and some people just love them all and don't worry about rankings) but I'm willing to bet Indy 4 will be a pretty great flick.

  • May 20, 2008, 12:33 p.m. CST

    the Shia hate is all down to jealousy....

    by Gabba-UK

    pure and simple. Don't pretend its otherwise, you only look like an idiot!!!

  • May 20, 2008, 12:38 p.m. CST

    Massawyrm, if your Shia comment about...

    by Ohiofile

    holding the hat and staring into the sunset is the last image in the film and you gave it away without a spoiler warning around your article, I'm going to punch you square in the face with a Mutt Williams and the Secret of the Last Frame knuckle sandwich.

  • May 20, 2008, 12:44 p.m. CST

    The Last Cleric

    by romanocc

    I don't want anyone to think I am thumbing my nose that my opinion is right and I know movie quality, etc. I just feel that Hollywood is out of ideas, and of course this will be entertaining, but is there any originality anymore, or are we going to rely on Diehard 4, Rocky VI, Rambo 4, and now Indy 4? I grew up with all these franchises, love the originals, and the sequels to all these were good, but there is reason these movie series got tired and didn't produce films for 15-20 years each. I want these guys to TRY to put out something that knocks our socks out, rather then something entertaining and safe. I love that Spock dies in Wrath of Khan, I love in Empire the good guys get their asses kicked and Darth Vader turns out to be Lukes father, I love that Rocky loses at the end of the original. Those movies didn't paint by numbers, they tried to do something different, and that is why they sorta stand out 20 years later.

  • May 20, 2008, 12:45 p.m. CST

    Lightning in a bottle

    by MetiphisLabs

    EVERY review in the past month has used this term. Lets break out a thesaurus people.

  • May 20, 2008, 12:49 p.m. CST

    stone 13 - check out Garth's review at Darkhorizons

    by Jugdish

    his pretty legit about his reviews

  • May 20, 2008, 12:50 p.m. CST

    clone-o-mat - JAYSUS FUCK!

    by Mosquito March

    I was holding out hope for GI JOE, but those Snake Eyes photos are abominable and I can't defend it anymore. The first shot looks like gay TMNT jack-off porn. And I love the shot of Scarlett mowing down on that falafel, or whatever the fuck she's eating.

  • May 20, 2008, 12:52 p.m. CST

    I don't look at them as religious artifacts

    by kwisatzhaderach

    but as mythological artifacts, religion is just another form of mythology. So the alien angle makes perfect sense really. Besides, it would have been pretty boring if Jones had been after another religious artifact, the alien angle juices things up a bit, not to mention ties into the sci-fi B-movie craze of the 50s. Oh and Sith Witch, WTF are you talking about?!

  • May 20, 2008, 1:06 p.m. CST


    by Abominable Snowcone

    it's okay to say it, Wyrm, everyone hear knows that this movie deals more with the extraterrestrial than the theo-spiritual / supernatural. Good review though, I was able to read it and know what you felt about it without worrying much about, "Oh shit, he's gonna drop a spoiler." See, that's how you write up an event movie like this. You discuss and analyze the elements, not give a plot synopsis. Kudos

  • May 20, 2008, 1:09 p.m. CST

    I Dunno...

    by Sith Witch

    All I can say is, my eyes tear up every time I see the climax of Crusade, and while I enjoy the one in Raiders, it certainly doesn't make me feel emotion as strongly as that. It's the combination of music, the father-son dynamic ("Let it go Indiana..."), and the mystery of the Grail that chokes me up every time. And I know different people have different reactions, but I still think Elsa is one of the best villains ever because she's just SO drop-dead beautiful yet SUCH a bitch!

  • May 20, 2008, 1:09 p.m. CST


    by TheLastCleric

    I think you have to look at these films case by case. Rocky Balboa was a great movie and technically, he lost at the end of that film too. I also think Rambo was an excellent coda to the franchise, especially the ending that had Rambo on the road headed towards home, which I assume was his destination in the first film. Die Hard 4 is a different story however, as it could have been so much more but they sold out to make money. The unrated version is certainly a better film but I agree it's the weakest of the franchise. As for Indy 4, I think bringing back Indy at age 65 is a pretty bold move despite the great shape Ford's in. That said, there are certain things we expect in an Indy film so I don't think this is the right movie to look for radical innovation. You could get ballsy and kill Indy or Marion but I can't honestly say that's a film I'd want to see. I understand what you're saying and in theory agree, I just don't think it applies to the Indy franchise.

  • May 20, 2008, 1:11 p.m. CST

    Mosquito March

    by clone-o-mat

    I can't belive a professional costume designer LITERALLY carved a mouth into a ruber helmet based on a painting that was only meant to show Snake Eyes was wearing a tight mask. Real JV move there.

  • May 20, 2008, 1:11 p.m. CST

    Garth's Review

    by Mako

    He normally is spot on... but the one thing I do 100% disagree with him (and that I think he didn't get) was that the quicksand scene has a lot more resonance than he gives it credit for. Considering it has some of the best comedic moments in the movie and also contains one of the bigger revelations in the film. Which is why it's great. Why not reveal a big twist in the middle of a "we're going to die" moment.

  • May 20, 2008, 1:15 p.m. CST


    by eric haislar

    I think T2 is not only better then the original but i use to compare all other action films too. T2 set the bar for me and there really has not been too much that has ever topped it. I am in no way dissing you i was just wondering What where your problems with it?

  • May 20, 2008, 1:22 p.m. CST


    by The Marquis de Side 3

    ...actualy, no. Harrison Ford shows us you can still kick ass at 60-something! =0p

  • May 20, 2008, 1:44 p.m. CST


    by codymr

    I read somewhere that the only reason ROTLA was changed to "Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark" was due to Lucasfilm/Paramount wanting all of the Indy films to appear in section "I" of your local video store. That way impulse movie renters/purchasers could pick them up in one fell swoop. For that matter, people new to the series would never be "confused" as to whether IJATROTLA was an Indy film or not... Kind of like A Shot in the Dark being part of the "Pink Panter" series. Altough to me it will always be just Raiders... period.

  • May 20, 2008, 1:48 p.m. CST

    Taun Taun Harry!

    by thebearovingian

    Love it.<p>Massa, you know what's as cliche as "It's no Raiders..."? <p>: "Raiders was lightning in a bottle." How many reviews does that statement pop up in? BOOOOOOOOOOO

  • May 20, 2008, 1:51 p.m. CST

    Finally this site has an Indiana Jones review

    by chrth

    I didn't think they'd ever post one

  • May 20, 2008, 1:58 p.m. CST

    Is Wyrm doing the surgery?

    by PirateEmery

    That is a sickening picture to bring back, today of all days... I love it.

  • May 20, 2008, 2:12 p.m. CST

    Hollywood out of ideas?

    by tuddlefo

    1989 I was ten. The movies I went and saw were Last Crusade and Batman. 19 years later I'm going to see Batman and Indiana Jones again. Has anyone mentioned this?

  • May 20, 2008, 2:13 p.m. CST

    The Shia hate

    by MovieWhore

    I'm glad we're finally starting to end the Shia Hate on here. Its been goin on too long and I never understood it. He's been great in everything I've seen him in and is a very talented and FUNNY actor. He ad libs like no other and seems to be a genuinely honest and good guy.

  • May 20, 2008, 2:19 p.m. CST


    by Abominable Snowcone

    your subject line mentions Indiana there a new movie or something?

  • May 20, 2008, 2:22 p.m. CST

    Slant magazine review

    by Azby

    From the review "Alas, there's more zip found in Temple of Doom's Shanghai nightclub opening than in this film's entirety..." With all the positive press on this film this is the first line which put me on a downer. I really enjoy that sequence and was hoping this film would give me more of that, just with clunkier dialogue and the odd Lucas slip up. Massawym...thats not true is it?

  • May 20, 2008, 2:22 p.m. CST


    by romanocc

    Don't get me wrong, I really like T2, and I think it is a perfect compliment to T1, as the 3rd movie was pretty bad. I really like gritty sci-fi movies, and I think T1 is as gritty as a movie gets, and I think T2 got alittle cheese in the movie, which happens to many sequels. The part where Arnold comes out with the shades and Bad to the Bone plays takes away the grit from the movie, and is more a wink-wink joke to the audience because Arnold was a star at that time. I also think the middle plods along, and I am not a big fan Ed Furlong, as he was a bit annoying. I still love the movie, and I think it is a great sequel, but T2 was much better paced coming in at 1 hour, 45 minutes, I thought Michael Biehn was great as Reese, and Arnold as a pure bad guy is as cool as Darth Vader. Just my take.

  • May 20, 2008, 2:25 p.m. CST

    Mutt Williams and the Handkerchief of Christ

    by Abominable Snowcone

    It's 1965. Mutt Williams is in college and attending Beatles concerts at Shea Stadium. But now only he can find the legendary shroud of Turin and the remains of Noahs ark before the russians do. Because if he fails, well...then the russians will have it, and Mutt's american museum won't. So there.

  • May 20, 2008, 2:29 p.m. CST

    erichaislar, part 2

    by romanocc

    Sorry, I meant T1 is much better paced coming in at 1 hour 45 minutes.

  • May 20, 2008, 2:31 p.m. CST

    I would trade in...

    by Prague23

    Hook<p> Amistad<p> A.I.<p> Catch Me If You Can<p> The Terminal<p> &<p> War Of The Worlds<p><p> For a new Indiana Jones film to have been made during the 90s. Could have completed an entire new trilogy by now. Look what we have instead. Bunch-o-crap (see above)

  • May 20, 2008, 2:34 p.m. CST


    by billis3811

    Pull your tiny head outta yer fat ass! AICN has great reviews on their site! Why don't you go back to CHUD and read summa their bullshit.

  • May 20, 2008, 2:34 p.m. CST


    by just pillow talk

    While I don't think all of those are crap, I would completely agree with you that having Indy films instead of those would have been so much better.

  • May 20, 2008, 2:35 p.m. CST


    by billis3811

    Fully agree! how about adding "The Lost World" to that shit list!

  • May 20, 2008, 2:36 p.m. CST

    No Hate For Shia Here

    by BilboRing

    Weird name but I like him as an actor. He was very good in Transformers, which, as a movie, sucked balls. Terrible terrible terrible terrible terrible terrible movie. But I like Shia. I am seriously looking forward to seeing Harrison Ford back in an iconic role. I honestly forgot just how much ass he kicked. Han Solo, Indiana Jones, Jack Ryan, etc.

  • May 20, 2008, 2:38 p.m. CST


    by Prossor

    search your feelings. you KNOW it to be true.

  • May 20, 2008, 2:39 p.m. CST


    by billis3811

    You're on a meth binge right now, and it's clouding your already simple thought processs. Go to CHUD. They welcome movie haters over there

  • May 20, 2008, 3:05 p.m. CST

    by eric haislar

    Haha i hear you man.

  • May 20, 2008, 3:30 p.m. CST

    Superman would destroy hulk


    Raiders= Gili TOD= freddy got fingered last crusade= dirty little whores 7. cum on me Take that fan boys

  • May 20, 2008, 3:38 p.m. CST

    Abom: Apparently ... but you wouldn't know it

    by chrth

    from reading this site

  • May 20, 2008, 3:51 p.m. CST

    Where is the guy that will not see this movie?

    by JLo

    He was posting here a few months back and claimed he would never see this movie cause he was positive it would suck.<p>I can't remember his name but he vowed to return when the reviews started coming in.

  • May 20, 2008, 3:52 p.m. CST


    by tuddlefo

    They can bring back Shia for another Indy, but do it in another 10-20 years when hollywood is searching for ideas, and when Harrison absolutely can't don the fedora anymore.

  • May 20, 2008, 3:55 p.m. CST

    Indy 5 & The Case Of Insane Lucas

    by Violator90

    Seriously. Lucas is thinking of different ways to bring back Jar Jar Binks

  • May 20, 2008, 4:02 p.m. CST

    Yes this looks like nostalgic fun

    by skimn

    and I'll be there this weekend with (hopefully) a constant big ole grin on my face. It'll be good to see Harrison in a recent film role he doesn't sleepwalk through and nobody frames and edits action better than Spielberg. But from what I've seen of the most recent trailer, the action movie to beat this summer looks to be The Dark Knight. Ledger looks to be scary good, and as the old saying goes the better the villian the better the movie.

  • May 20, 2008, 4:08 p.m. CST

    Message to Paramount (I know you're out there):

    by kolchak

    Indy film in which Indy takes a back seat to Shia = certain failure. DON'T DO IT.

  • May 20, 2008, 4:09 p.m. CST

    I'm sold

    by Nuck81

    Especially If Massawyrm liked it, he hates EVERYTHING

  • May 20, 2008, 4:23 p.m. CST

    Shia was one of the better things about Transformers

    by stuatfunnyordie

    He was funny, especially the interaction between him and his dad...he added a,dare I say, human element to the movie...I for one am looking forward to his performance in Indiana Jones.

  • May 20, 2008, 4:34 p.m. CST

    Is harry really that fat?


    If so stop watching movies and run in the park for a while you fat slob!

  • May 20, 2008, 5:51 p.m. CST

    ...and the Fortress of Rap

    by RTDInternational

    The Chorus is unforgettable. If you're a geek you gotta represent on this. It speaks to us. From the mouth of THE LORD! Shekitout!

  • May 20, 2008, 5:58 p.m. CST

    The three things Spielberg has always done right...

    by GreatWhiteNoise

    1) Archaeologists. 2) Aliens. 3) Nazis. (We'll see how he does with the Commies, but I'm betting pretty well.) And if Massa's on board, I'm on board. One more sleep!! ONE MORE SLEEP!!! Woooooooo hoo hoo hoo hooooooo ----

  • May 20, 2008, 6:17 p.m. CST

    That probably the sanest review of the new Indy...

    by FlickaPoo

    ...I have seen yet...way to cut through the bullshit...

  • May 20, 2008, 6:23 p.m. CST

    I thought they smelled bad on the outside...

    by Heretic3k

    Great sig, Massa!

  • May 20, 2008, 6:30 p.m. CST

    messy slop of feces>Last Crusade

    by Prossor

  • May 20, 2008, 6:39 p.m. CST

    Always get Lawrence Kasdan...

    by Gnasche

    when doing an action/adventure story. He has a great knack for character development in quick moments. It seems like every one of his characters get a "cool" moment at some point, generating empathy and investment from the audience. Empire, Jedi, Silverado, Raiders. He should be hired for every one of Lucas' projects.

  • May 20, 2008, 7:06 p.m. CST

    what the hell?

    by Bouncy X

    so all day long this article was "spoiler free" and now i check tonight and it has the spoiler tag? i read the thing, where the hell are there spoilers? i mean he barely talks about the movie itself. and on the same note, why is Harry's post about his surgery spoiler tagged?

  • May 20, 2008, 7:52 p.m. CST

    Sanke Eyes

    by bswise

    Love those rubber love-handles.

  • May 20, 2008, 8:19 p.m. CST


    by Mockingbuddha

    Tens of thousands of people (look it up) believing in something for which there is NO evidence outside their own subjective experiences? Alienism IS a religion, so Massa's summer argument is moot. Re: The other argument, the Shia one: I don't like him. Short, skinny, goofy, schticky. He'll end up as a Rom-com lead, or, at best, Will Smith, (tall, skinny, goofy, schticky).

  • May 20, 2008, 10:24 p.m. CST

    Don't knock Shia

    by ddschneider1972

    Shia did a damn fine job, one of the best parts of the movie (the best being the way too few and too short scenes of Indy and Marion verbally sparring)...but next time Lucas says he has a great idea, punch him. OK, it's not a horrible McGuffin...but the execution of the climax was a "huh?" moment...not a "what the Fuck were they thinking" moment, that involved the monkeys and Shia LaTarzan. Not awe inspiring like the Wrath of God, not tense like the battle on the rope bridge, not touching like Indy saving his dad..but literally a whiz-bang "look at what my SFX company can do!" finale...other than that it rocked.

  • May 21, 2008, 3:13 a.m. CST

    Indiana Jones and the Three Musketeers

    by CuervoJones


  • May 21, 2008, 3:16 a.m. CST

    Is that the picture..

    by Hamish

    ..of Harry's lap band op?

  • May 21, 2008, 6:20 a.m. CST

    Watched this last night...

    by Ecto-1

    Y'know, considering it's been 19 years since The Last Crusade, I think they would have been better relaunching this franchise with a new actor in the role of Indy. From seeing the trailers to watching this one last night, it was painfully obvious that Ford is just too old for this shit. Plus, I didn't want to see an old Indy. I wanted to see Indy in his prime, kickin' ass and not staggering around like an old fool. So yea, going into this I wasn't really too excited. I love Raiders and I even like Temple of Doom a lot. Except for the stupid Willie Scott character which was a major come down from Marrion, and Short Round was annoying as hell. Plus they ramped up the humour in Doom which was pretty stupid. I think that with each sequel Lucas and Speilberg have wanted to make this franchise more and more for kids, dumbing it down with each new film. The edge and darkness that there was in Raiders, and to a degree in Doom was gone from Crusade and is likewise non existent in Crystal Skull. It's a shame that these two film makers have gotten so soft in their old age. I'm really hoping that we don't get any more Indy movies from Lucas and Speilberg as Crystal Skull was just so silly and goofy it was almost farsical at times. They'd probably have Indy singing and dancing in the next one.

  • May 21, 2008, 7:58 a.m. CST

    Do you think we can have some spoiler tags on this site for a ch

    by the_scream

    I'm sick of reading reviews here and getting spoiled. If you want to have an opinion on something spoilerish, WAIT UNTIL EVERYONE HAS HAD A CHANCE TO SEE IT FIRST or use spoiler tags, no matter how small the spoiler you think it is.

  • May 21, 2008, 8:01 a.m. CST

    I'm referring to the comments about Shia

    by the_scream

    BTW. Now everyone who has read this review will be looking for this moment. It's inconsiderate to drop in details like this without warning.

  • May 21, 2008, 9:44 a.m. CST


    by slone13

    <p>You're an idiot. "...with each sequel Lucas and Speilberg have wanted to make this franchise more and more for kids." Temple of Doom is way darker than Raiders ever was. It's the reason the MPAA launched the PG-13 rating.</p> <p>And the fact that you suggested they relaunch the series with someone else playing Indy renders your opinions on anything entirely moot. Good day.</p>

  • May 21, 2008, 10:54 a.m. CST

    Lucas replaced the "Truck off the Cliff" Scene in RAIDERS.

    by NoDiggity

    This really kinda bums me out. The original had a more immediate sense of the depth of the plunge from the first frame, and the cliff itself looked more majestic. Why can't Lucas just leave well enough alone? OR (remove the spaces inserted by AICN) wthread.php?s=&threadid=18 8856

  • May 21, 2008, 10:56 a.m. CST

    Lucas replaced the Truck Off the Cliff scene in RAIDERS

    by NoDiggity

    This really kinda bums me out. The original had a more immediate sense of the depth of the plunge from the first frame, and the cliff itself looked more majestic. Why can't Lucas just leave well enough alone? <br<br> OR (remove the spaces inserted by AICN)<br><br> wthread.php?s=&threadid=18 8856

  • May 21, 2008, 11:02 a.m. CST


    by slone13

    I think the new shot looks better. This is hardly like Spielberg changing the guns in the FBI agents hands into walkie talkies in E.T.

  • May 21, 2008, 11:10 a.m. CST

    I don't think it looks better, slone.

    by NoDiggity

    Dramatically, the first frame of the old one immediately gave you a sense of the depth of the plunge. And the cliffs are more elegant in the old one. The new cliffs are all jagged and bulgy, like they were created by a sculptor lathering on globs of clay, rather than referring to natural formations. Plus, the background mountains are too bright, it distracts from the focus on the foreground.

  • May 21, 2008, 11:13 a.m. CST

    Saw this last night

    by apaulyo

    And it was great... they throw alot of stuff out there for fans of old... btw when it gets to the ants... all i can say is fun.

  • May 21, 2008, 11:25 a.m. CST

    1 thing to have made it better

    by apaulyo

    They could have used alot more whip action in the new movie.

  • May 21, 2008, 11:28 a.m. CST


    by cryptmagic

    When you hype Shia, so much as to be the replacement for harrison ford, it bothers people. I mean boy meets world was a joke, and in transformers i walked out of the movie. Oh yeah he had some side roll in IRobot, but otherwise Shia is nothing. He is being hyped by spielberg, as being perfect and a great actor. He is getting gigs, because of spielbergs clout, not because he is actually a good actor. I wouldn't mind to have someone who is very highly respected hoisting me above the crowd and singing my priase. Some people say nerds dont like, but its more widespread. I have regular friends and when i mention his name and how he is replacing ford, they get angry. He has doen nothing in his life to stack up to harrison ford.

  • May 21, 2008, 11:58 a.m. CST

    There is no Shia hate...there is only Jonah hate...

    by Darth Macchio

    Seriously...I've seen've seen LaBeef...he's not the same as a shattered glass dildo. But Jonah Hill? Fucking subversive mutant-hybrid intent on stealing all Earth women for their home planet of Jewfropia?

  • May 21, 2008, 12:06 p.m. CST

    Nobody ever told me but since we're here..

    by Darth Macchio

    ...I presume the whip is actually real and not a CGI-abomination? Remember long ago prior to the Shia shit-hate-fests beginning that Lucas (who may or may not be the first fully CGI created human) was insisting on shitting all over Indy by using a fucking CGI whip? I look forward to anything Indy even with Lucas at the helm but I can't say I'm thrilled (much less surprised) with the apparent obsessive use of CGI. Lucas should just TRON himself and then we won't have to see another poor talented actor miming shit in front of a non-existent environment in a blue screen to non-existing film elements because fatmanbearpig won't work where there's no fucking air-conditioning (jesus dude...get a fucking astronaut suit already! built-in a/c AND a toilet! think of the fun, Lucas! THINK!!!)

  • May 21, 2008, 12:09 p.m. CST

    The whip is real but...

    by apaulyo

    the big climax towards the end is heavy heavy CGI just as a warning.

  • May 21, 2008, 12:23 p.m. CST

    Holy shit

    by kwisatzhaderach

    There's a new Indiana Jones film opening tomorrow.

  • May 21, 2008, 12:26 p.m. CST

    Saucer men

    by apaulyo

    They do make a reference to saucer men from mars though I think I was the only person who laughed at that in the theater.

  • May 21, 2008, 3:03 p.m. CST

    Anytime M-O-M

    by Massawyrm 1

    I never tire of your endless, unwarranted screed. It's guys like you who remind me daily why I do this.

  • May 21, 2008, 5:12 p.m. CST

    The least you can do Massa

    by the_scream

    IS PUT SPOILER TAGS IN YOUR REVIEW. Otherwise, it is a good review.

  • May 21, 2008, 5:25 p.m. CST

    My eyes are bleeding already at the thought of Shia LaJones

    by ShiaLaDouche

    I will toil the rest of my life away in hopes of creating a time machine so that I can find the laboratory of hell Shia was created in and I'll do this world a huge favor.

  • May 21, 2008, 5:49 p.m. CST

    crypmagic, Shia was never in Boy Meets World

    by DreamKeeper

    that was Ben Savage. Shia is a much better actor that Fred Savage's little brother.

  • May 21, 2008, 7:02 p.m. CST

    M-O-M continued

    by blazeoflglory

    You are a fucking idiot

  • May 21, 2008, 7:06 p.m. CST

    M-O-M again

    by blazeoflglory

    Clearly you have a grudge against somebody. Did someone moleste you as a child? It's okay, their are psychiatrist's for that sort of thing.

  • May 21, 2008, 9:56 p.m. CST

    the reviews on this site aregetting worse...

    by themagus

  • May 21, 2008, 11:07 p.m. CST

    Lucas, leave RAIDERS alone, you CUNT!

    by Laserbrain

    Oh, it starts with one "improvement" to a matte shot (which was an effective and ingenious piece of artistry in its day and ought to be retained out of respect to it's creators) then, before you know it, we'll be subjected to a 3-D converted version jazzed up with ostentatious CGI flyovers of the truck scene to replace the "antiquated" and "static" 2-D locked imagery of the original. I want my hi-def Raiders un-molested, you prick. I LIKE matte paintings, I LIKE the brushstrokes, I LIKE CHARACTER in my movies; as antithetical to your specious creative mantra as that preference may seem. Fuck you, you fish-necked waste of space.

  • May 22, 2008, 5:10 a.m. CST

    he is more neck now, than man...

    by david-reynolds

    Im pretty sure the idea of a 'hero adventure' like this is that at some stage the hero is, well, heroic. Raiders - he is the ultimate badass that goes in and saves the girl. Doom - he battles the eeevil cultists to rescue an entire town whilst protecting woman and child. Crusade - by his faith, brains and courage he saves his ol' pa and preserves the grail etc etc. And now in KOTCS - uuum, he is along for the ride? Aah but we have mutt and marion who... oh yeah, they do nothing either, except play at tarzan. Well at least we are on the edge of our seats the whole time right? Well we would be if this movie a) didn't have the worst case of 'stormtrooper syndrome' this decade and b) didn't have the most implausible stunts EVER. It all starts with the goddam fridge - no human could EVER survive that, so now we are set to thinking, CAN this guy get hurt? and all our fears for his wellbeing melt away. This is only compounded with the waterfall rubbish and the jumping of a vehicle off a cliff into a bendy tree. What about a truck full of crack rusky troops with automatic rifles, in an elevated position, aiming at a chick in an open topped vehicle around 20 feet away. Don't be ridiculous - you can't hit her! she 'ducked'. I mean seriously! How are we supposed to give a damn about the characters if we are led to believe they can survive ANYTHING! We were told this wasn't going to go the way of the Star Wars prequels. Very little CGI they said. Traditional stuntwork they said. I say bollocks - the CG in this movie was little short of gratuitous - the stunts totally OTT and CG'd - and Third act heroism stank. If you are going to call a movie 'Indiana Jones and the whatever .....' you had better make damn sure it is about INDY. If this lonely man has just discovered he has an ONLY SON - you would have thought that was a pretty big event in his life over the span of the movie. Surely that is what the film is about? Finding a relationship with a young man after years of... No? Really? It's not about Indy and his son? Oh, there is something better - a more poignant message this movie has to tell? More important than Indy's own son with the love of his life... Hold on, you mean ALIENS??!?! There is one thing that could have saved this movie for me. Indy enters the temple at the end, opens the door to the chamber of the aliens, the stone rolls back, the smoke clears... a small glowing light appears in the darkness... "ouuuuch..."

  • May 22, 2008, 7:34 a.m. CST

    saw id4 last nite midnite and 'meh' not great...

    by donwillymo

  • May 22, 2008, 7:35 a.m. CST

    the aliens thing was over the top and unecessary

    by donwillymo

  • May 22, 2008, 7:36 a.m. CST


    by donwillymo

  • May 22, 2008, 7:38 a.m. CST

    LOL Massy....

    by just pillow talk

    Be sure to hear how M-O-M tells you what is and is not a good movie, why your opinion is wrong, and how is is never, ever condescending.

  • May 22, 2008, 7:39 a.m. CST

    he is = is is

    by just pillow talk

  • May 22, 2008, 1:05 p.m. CST

    What's to hate about Shia?

    by u.k. star

    seriously, I don't get it? He's not a bad actor, in fact he's a very good one. Love or hate Transformers he was good in it, and he was good in Indy. As for the the Crystal skulls, The Jewish Ark, The Hindu Stones and Christian holy grail, Tchnically 3 different relegions ALL being "true" and powerful, but this people have a problem with? life is strange.