Hola all. Massawyrm here.

There are few actors, actresses or directors in this business that I actively dislike – people who just rub me the wrong way, you know? We all have them. But for some reason, I seem to have far fewer of them than pretty much anyone I know. Somehow, my passion for film makes me much more forgiving of the types of things that drive other people up the wall. And that goes for pretty much every actor out there except Ashton Kutcher. No, he never fucked my girlfriend or picked on me in high school or has so much as uttered a bad word about me (to my knowledge.) And yet he rubs me the wrong fucking way.

The best I can figure is that it all stems from his period of overexposure a few years back when it seemed like he had a stake in almost every tabloid out there and required that he appear on the cover of each and every one. His whole Hollywood Iconoclast White Trash Frat Boy routine pretty much laid the groundwork for the current trend of celebrity train wrecks and the tabloids fascination with them. No, it’s not like he was the first celebrity to be splashed across the front pages – but he was the first of his generation who not only seemed to actively encourage it, but enjoy it. Without Ashton there would most likely be no Lindsey. Or Paris. Or Britney. Not in the way they are covered and respond to the media these days. Ashton proved time and again that you didn’t really need much talent to be the most talked about person in the world. And then, magically, as if wishing had made it so, he vanished off of the radar.

And now he’s back. And if that weren’t bad enough, he’s back starring opposite Cameron “Magic Swirling Ass” Diaz. It’s not that I dislike Diaz in the same manner as Kutcher, but she’s always comes across as the cutesy sorority girl type – and that gimmick has an expiration date. In Diaz’s case it was 2004.

Now one of the things I’ve always loved about AICN is that Harry has always refused to cover all that gossip/tabloid/who’s dating who bullshit. It’s all about the film around here. So why am I spending so much time talking about these two now? Because I know I’m not alone. These two have passed the curve of being at the top of their game and odds are you feel the same way as me. So when you saw the trailer to What Happens in Vegas your eyes probably rolled into the back of your head as far as mine did. It doesn’t look smart. It doesn’t look funny. In fact, more than anything it looks like a pathetic comeback vehicle put together by an agency desperate to get their clients back into the limelight. And never one to shy away from a cinematic car crash, I woke my ass up early in the morn to gawk at this one.

To be honest, I was rooting for this one to fail. And I hate that shit. It’s my number one beef with many of my fellow critics who plop down in their seats, fold their arms and stare blankly at the screen muttering Impress me. And yet, that’s exactly how I walked into What Happens in Vegas. I fully expected this to be a tired, ridiculous turd. Sure, I still hoped for the best, but secretly, deep down, I was fighting liking this movie.

Which is why I was so fucking surprised that I was laughing so often and that while I was muttering how much Ashton Kutcher chaffs my sack like a sweaty pair of jeans, I was doing so through a smile. This film was cute. Despite its leads, despite its cornball premise, despite its rampant predictability, it was sweet, adorable and had a genuine wit to it. It is one of those rare films that genuinely won me over.

But it wasn’t the leads that did it. No. In fact, the whole time I was kicking around the thought of how good this could be if they’d casted differently. I mean, the set up, the execution, even the style of off the cuff one liners – it all felt very much like a classic Hepburn-Tracy screwball comedy, tramped up a bit with the sex and sleaze of Vegas, but altogether focused on the I hate you/I really hate/I hate you some more/No Wait, I love you model. Had this instead starred Clooney/Zeta Jones or Ruffalo/Witherspoon or, staying with the young premise, Gosling/McAdams, this would have been a highly anticipated summer film rather than the chick flick counter programming that this obviously has been slotted to be.

Sure, not all the jokes work, but most of them do. Kutcher and comedian Rob Corddry have a fantastic chemistry that sells every bit of their buddy-buddy comedy. And Lake Bell, who was embarrassingly bad earlier this year in the unbelievably awful Over Her Dead Body is perfect as the mean, pit viper of a best friend to Diaz. Every moment of Corddry and Bell viciously ripping into each other is hilarious. In fact they hate each other so much you get the feeling that this thing is about to veer into the predictable territory of hooking them up, which thankfully they never do.

And between the best friend in-fighting and the antics of these two hopelessly different yet destined to be perfect for each other lovers, the film finds a charm that wins you over and never goes too far with any of the jokes to lose it. Despite its raunchy, lowest common denominator appearance, this thing has some pretty classic comedy roots. It’s funny, fairly well written and the jokes that don’t work are never lingered over of forced down your throat. Sure, I rolled my eyes every now and again, but I never hated watching this thing. And truth be told, I enjoyed almost every moment of it. Would I actively seek it out to watch again? Probably not. But if it came on, I might not find the urge to change the channel unless I knew there was something compelling on another station. And I certainly don’t hate myself for seeing it a first time.

So if you’ve got a significant other that is trying to drag you to this, or you yourself are a big lover of romantic comedies – there’re much worse things you could be subjected to. I won’t tell anyone to bend over backwards to see this or anything, but it’s worth a watch for those who enjoy such things. Kutcher fans probably aren’t going to find themselves too pleased. This is a more toned down, less “AWESOME!!!” ™ Kutcher - same fratboy delivery with 50% less crassness. But he comes across sincere enough, charming enough and definitely likable enough that not only am I willing to give him another chance, but I think, if he stays with this direction, the women this movie is aimed at probably will too.

Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em.

Massawyrm

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