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A more positive, yet far more damning, review of INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL comes in...

Published at: May 8, 2008, 2:58 p.m. CST

Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. I'm doing my best not to let these reviews bring me down. I was shopping last night and picked up some Indiana Jones toys (Belloq and Crystal Skull Indy) as well as some Dark Knight toys (damn ebayers fleecing all the Jokers out of the stores!). I was sent the new DVD box set of all three INDIANA JONES movies and have been watching the special features... RAIDERS is on right now, just finished with one of my favorite scenes, when Marion accidentally hits Indy in the face with the mirror. Needless to say, I'm in full anticipation mode. The review that came in earlier wasn't positive, but I think the below review is more damning, even if it is more positive. I really hope I radically disagree with both of the reviews we've gotten. I want for nothing more than to love another Indiana Jones adventure. Growing up Indiana Jones was as close to my heart as Star Wars was. These films mean a lot to me and I'll be very sad if this one turns out to be either a misfire or just non-offensively mediocre. Fingers are still crossed, though. There aren't too many spoilers below, but I'm posting with a spoiler tag anyway. I'm hoping to go in knowing as little as I can, but it's starting to become more difficult to avoid that stuff now.

I read ShogunMaster’s uniformly negative review because I saw the film myself two days ago, and I wanted to see if his reaction was the same as mine. It wasn’t, but I’m not surprised by what he wrote. The entire audience at the screening was holding its collective breath, waiting for the breakthrough moment that would signal Indy’s triumphant return to the top of the Geek Heap, and that moment never really comes. But that’s not to say it’s a bad movie. It’s just an unnecessary one. Ironically, the problem is that Lucas, Spielberg, and Ford are trying far too hard to give everyone what they think that they want. Look! It’s the Ark! Look! It’s Marion! Look! It’s not the mileage, it’s the years! Everyone’s just treading water in this thing. The result is a movie that could – and should – conceivably have been made about a year or two after the Last Crusade, and would probably have been pretty well received. But after twenty years, everyone expects something that this movie can never be, and the harder the film tries to cram in as much nostalgia and clever references to what’s gone before, the more achingly clear it is that this movie is an empty exercise. It’s all about trying to recapture lightning in a bottle. Nothing about this film stands on its own – it’s constantly leaning on the past, hoping we don’t notice that it doesn’t bring anything new to the franchise. This is the “Free as a Bird” of Indiana Jones movies. Ironically, the movie I kept thinking about as I watched it was “Rocky Balboa,” which I consider the best of the recent returns to the long-abandoned franchise wells. Stallone used nostalgia to further a new story – Rocky’s obsession with the past allowed the audience to relive some of their favorite moments, but it also showed us who Rocky is now – lonely, lost, a little pathetic. It used old story elements to tell something new. It showed us how an ancient, weary Rocky adapts to a new world, and in the process, it deepened our appreciation for the character and capped the franchise perfectly. “Crystal Skull” goes in exactly the opposite direction. Ford is given plenty of asides and one-liners that acknowledge his age, but they’re just obligatory and have no bearing on the story. Indeed, Indy delights in showing up his Wrath of Khan-style Instant Son every chance he gets. And he absorbs more punishment in this thing than in all three of the previous movies combined, which just gets silly after awhile. He’s like Roger Moore at his View-to-a-Kill pruniest – no man of any age could withstand the crap they throw at him, and it’s even goofier to assume a geezer like this could. And where Rocky Balboa succeeded by stripping the thing down to its essence, Crystal Skull bloats everything far beyond what this plot or these characters can sustain. Set pieces just sort of appear out of the ether, and each is bigger and more bombastic than the last, and none of them matter, because you don’t really give a rip what happens to anybody. Which is really sad, when you consider what an iconic character they’re throwing away. What’s especially strange about this movie is how heavily it relies on the MacGuffin, and just how talky it is. I, for one, don’t want to know anymore about the crystalline structure of an alien skeleton or their lost city and how they enhance the psionic abilities of psychic Russians than I absolutely have to, but apparently Lucas thinks I need a PhD on the subject. Had this been a story really been about an aging Indy, it might have been interesting. As it stands, even with all the hokey in-joke references to the first three flicks, the characters don’t matter at all. Instead of Indiana Jones, you could call this Horace the Monkey Boy and replace Harrison Ford with Richard Chamberlain or Harvey Keitel or Booger from Revenge of the Nerds and not much about this movie would change. That’s not to say it sucks. The actors acquit themselves well, especially Karen Allen, although it would have been nice to see her with more screen time. Ford is just fine; he just doesn’t give us anything we haven’t seen before. And for all the Shia hate, LeBoeuf is a long way from embarrassing himself. I couldn’t decide if Cate Blanchett was awful or not, because she’s certainly strange. She’s the most bizarre of the Indy villains but also the least interesting because she’s the least human. She’s all dominatrix weirdness, but you can tell Blanchett is having fun, so eventually you do, too. Ray Winstone is wasted, which is too bad, as his character actually shows signs of being something interesting but never really gets to go there. He’s sort of an amoral Sallah, which might have been fun if it hadn’t been part and parcel with the stupid Skull narrative that crowded out everything else. It sounds like I hated it. I really didn’t. But I have to admit it made me sad. It felt like going to a family reunion where everyone was forced to watch a slideshow or old home movies instead of getting a chance to catch up with each other. Spielberg boasts that this movie looks and feels exactly like the first three, and he’s exactly right. Had he truly made a fourth Indiana Jones movie rather than just a weak retread, I’d have been a whole lot happier. Call me Languatron’s Bane.

Readers Talkback

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  • May 8, 2008, 3:02 p.m. CST

    I hope it's the "Real Love" of Indiana Jones movies...

    by tonagan

    That was the better "Threetles" song, I thought.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:02 p.m. CST

    Will severely underperform; sad but true

    by Laserhead

  • May 8, 2008, 3:04 p.m. CST

    Is John Williams score butchered

    by Samuel Fulmer

    like it was in the prequel films? Does it sound like another Lucas/Burt cut and paste job?

  • May 8, 2008, 3:05 p.m. CST

    That's the sword of Damocles coming down on us gentlemen

    by IndustryKiller!

    SO start the denial machine. I can't wait to see how you people justify this.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:05 p.m. CST

    THIS GOES WRONG WHEN HE SAYS...

    by moto

    ... that he read Shogun's review first. I admit, I was ready to write a positive review of the film and claim that I had seen it at the same "screening" as Shogun did... just to prove a point that AICN will post almost ANYTHING. I didn't, but apparently someone had the same idea. <p> OKAY, WHO WAS IT!? Come on... you know you're dying to admit it... it'd be AWESOME.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:06 p.m. CST

    Raiders=Ticket to Ride

    by Samuel Fulmer

    Temple of Doom=I am the Eggman....Last Crusade=Polythane Pam

  • May 8, 2008, 3:06 p.m. CST

    Indiana Jones is not quite the phenomena that SW was

    by Laserhead

    and it doesn't matter... people simply aren't going to come out for this in droves. A borderline-respectable opening weekend, followed by a 70% drop. Just going on the record with my prediction.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:07 p.m. CST

    HARRY, QUINT, MERRICK...

    by moto

    ... how about, instead of posting reviews that are unconfirmed, you use your contacts and call Lucasfilm, Paramount marketing, etc. and get a confirmation on this alleged screening that took place? Get an official word... even if it is a full denial.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:08 p.m. CST

    yup.

    by Gatsbys West Egg Omlet

    a) of course Lucas over explained the crystal scull idea. he tried to explain The Force to a planet full of Star Wars fans.<p>b) Ford is older than Connery was when Connery played Ford's dad. There is a reason he didn't see and spin-off Indy's Dad movies.<p>c) i'm sure there is a C here somewhere, but i don't really expect great things from this movie.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:09 p.m. CST

    I seriously think everyone is over hyping this movie.....

    by ampersand110

    just go in with low expectations, thats what i do now. Ever since last year when both spidey 3 and pirates 3 both did that to me. I thought those movies would be great and i went in with high expectations. DON'T BUY INTO THE HYPE PEOPLE OR YOUR MOVIE WILL SUCK. Unless it's just a shitty movie that is...

  • May 8, 2008, 3:10 p.m. CST

    gotham_night

    by Gatsbys West Egg Omlet

    are you saying the new Indy movie will be just as great as the prequels?<p>wowza.<p>i think it will suck, but i wan't going to bring out that big a diss.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:11 p.m. CST

    George Lucas, STOP MAKING MOVIES!

    by beetlegeuse

    At least stop fucking up the mythology of the old ones. No more Star Wars, no more Indy. You are not talented, you got lucky. Prove me wrong, make something original and awesome, otherwise please retire, enjoy your money, and STOP MAKING MOVIES!

  • May 8, 2008, 3:11 p.m. CST

    I'm not surprised by how talky it might be

    by Samuel Fulmer

    Did anyone see the prequels. Each film was about 1 hr. 45 mins of people talking about what they were going to do, and about 25 actual minutes of anything happening. Kind of like a Kevin Smith film, but with even worse dialogue.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:11 p.m. CST

    Let'ss top talking about box office right now

    by IndustryKiller!

    Because as fans that shouldn't mean a god damn thing to us, and it doesn't say anything at all about the quality of the film. Whot eh fuck cares how much money a corporation makes off this film? It's going to make its money back in spades and then some, that's just inevitable. It doesn't mean the film is good and if it doesn't meet financial expectations it doesn't mean the film is bad. All that matters to us is the content. Priorities people.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:11 p.m. CST

    wasn't

    by Gatsbys West Egg Omlet

    is what that should have read.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:11 p.m. CST

    When critiqued...

    by Embeedeuce

    You want to be loved or hated. The worse fate is to receive ambivalence. I'm not a hater. I'm just afraid this movie is going to be totally... nothing.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:13 p.m. CST

    and also, gotham_night...

    by Gatsbys West Egg Omlet

    and perhaps why this site is only running bad reviews for the movie is because the movie rally does suck.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:13 p.m. CST

    Iron Man was overhyped

    by Samuel Fulmer

    and I liked it, so I don't buy this "Oh my expectations were too high crap." You either like it or you don't, your expectations got nothing to do with it. If everyone tells me Jingle all the Way is a bad movie, I'm not going to watch it and like it because my expectations were too low. If it's good it's good. If it sucks it sucks. End of story.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:14 p.m. CST

    Will this be better than Hollywood Homicide

    by Samuel Fulmer

    That's the real question.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:14 p.m. CST

    the beard rules

    by Alec.Eiffel

    Spielberg very rarely lets me down. He must have had some kind of quality control in place. I'm going to retain high hopes for this.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:14 p.m. CST

    Just as disappointing, but much better review.

    by beastie

    This guy seems to be a bit more objective.</p><p>That said, it doesn't seem as if his negative points are going to bring the movie down for me. I am not expecting a masterpiece. I think that Indy flicks have gotten slightly worse with each installment. So, I'm expecting this to be slightly worse than Last Crusade, but fun nonetheless. I know that it won't be Raiders and I have come to terms with that. I just hope for fun.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:16 p.m. CST

    spell check?

    by Gatsbys West Egg Omlet

    you know what i meant.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:16 p.m. CST

    So you can either...

    by knowthyself

    ...reinvent the wheel like Phantom Menace and get shit on OR stay the same like Indy 4 and get shit on. Great.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:16 p.m. CST

    Alec.Eiffel: the beard sometimes smells of wank

    by badboymason

    Indy 4 is Spielberg's spiritual successor to Jurassic Park:The Lost World, another unnecessary rehash.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:17 p.m. CST

    There is no such thing as a 2nd 1st time.

    by YakMalla

    IJATKOTCS may be a great movie or a shitty one, but no matter what, it's not gonna give you that same cherry high you got the first time you saw Raiders. It can't. Don't hate it for not delivering something impossible.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:17 p.m. CST

    That's what I thought....

    by Herb West

    Now we have 2 reviews that say basically the same thing. Apparently the movie doesn't totally suck but is really weak. Honestly, it's what we all expected.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:17 p.m. CST

    Okay, better written review, but did he see this...?

    by HarryBlackPotter

    Seriously, if there were no screenings for Indy 4 and these 2 review are fakes, then AICN will be so very, very fucked. Which might not be a bad thing.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:19 p.m. CST

    Samuel Fulmer

    by YakMalla

    No offense, but boy are you dead wrong. Expectations are EVERYTHING!

  • May 8, 2008, 3:19 p.m. CST

    IndyIV better make me Fill My Jeans With Frankenberries!

    by finky089

    But, I'd be okay if it was just count choculas, too.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:20 p.m. CST

    Anything but fuckin Boo-Berries

    by finky089

  • May 8, 2008, 3:20 p.m. CST

    The kids don't care about this one

    by ZoeFan

    And if the movie winds up being as mediocre as these reviews, this could be a financial disaster.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:20 p.m. CST

    DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    by Herb West

    Paranoia will destroy ya.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:20 p.m. CST

    badboymason

    by Alec.Eiffel

    the Lost World was by no means great, but at least it was fun to watch, and I'd bet that was his intention going into it. It's Citizen Kane next to JP3.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:21 p.m. CST

    ...sigh...

    by Rando Calrisian

  • May 8, 2008, 3:21 p.m. CST

    Keep In Mind...

    by Mako

    These reviews were written by people who were in their diapers when RAIDERS came out. They are disgruntled because they want to be in the directors chair and currently are a part of catering or janitorial. If KOTCS feels exactly like the other 3 films... then mission accomplished.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:21 p.m. CST

    Atleast this guy sounds honest.

    by bigbaldpapa

    Bad reviews happen. Atleast this one wasn't dripping with hate like the turd in the other review.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:21 p.m. CST

    DICKBLOOD

    by finky089

    I think it's high time you sent Merrick or Mori YOUR OWN REVIEW as long as they're posting this shit. I'd lay money on the fact that while you're wouldn't be any more 'truthful" than the ones we've gotten so far, yours would easily be the MOST ENTERTAINING.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:22 p.m. CST

    Bull

    by Sithdan

    I don't believe ANY review is legit until the Cannes premiere.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:23 p.m. CST

    And what's that about a Belloq toy?

    by Herb West

    He was the French archaeologist in Raiders right?

  • May 8, 2008, 3:23 p.m. CST

    Samuel Fulmer II

    by YakMalla

    If you think a movie will suck and it doesn't quite, you'll think it's great (e.g.: Jerry McGuire). If you have sky-high expectations for a movie that is so-so, you'll say it raped your childhood (e.g.: Phantom Menace). See, Jerry McGuire and TPM were both about as good as the other - actually kinda meh - but everybody loved JMcG and everybody hated TPM b/c of their relative expectations.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:23 p.m. CST

    Ya know what's sad?

    by BackwardGalaxy

    You know what's most sad? I have to watch this movie. Every single review that comes out, from AICN posters to professional, could be completely negative and hate on it... but I have to see it anyway. And it sounds like this movie could suck. <BR><BR> I don't want it to suck. I don't want it to suck. Please don't suck.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:24 p.m. CST

    He absorbs more punishment than in the previous 3 movies combine

    by TheMcflyFarm

    GOOD! If you have a problem with that because of his age, then you have a problem I do not share. You knew his age coming into it, and clearly belong in the camp of people who never thought the movie should be made long before they started shooting.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:24 p.m. CST

    finky089...

    by ZoeFan

    I second that!

  • May 8, 2008, 3:25 p.m. CST

    Last Crusade and Return of the Jedi

    by tapehead1

    Whether these reviews are true or not it seems clear to me that if you were someone who liked The Last Crusade and Return of the Jedi you will prolly like this one too. If those installments were too light and fun then you prolly wont like this. Personally, May 22nd at the Ziegfeld in NYC cant come faster...

  • May 8, 2008, 3:25 p.m. CST

    yeah, but

    by mrbong

    he will still do that "whip swing" shit over some sort of gap or crevice, right? you don't go and see The Stones or McCartney for something new they've done, you go for their classics. that's all the makers of this are doing, try seeing it in that context.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:26 p.m. CST

    I dunno....

    by Herb West

    he took a lot of punishment in the past ...

  • May 8, 2008, 3:26 p.m. CST

    Alec.Eiffel

    by codymr

    I have to agree with you... SS almost always gives a us a strong show... even with his weaker outings. Spielberg rarely brings an unwatchable film to the screen. This review sounds more balanced and I think this guy has some prospective on the material. ShogunMaster's review seemed dodgy on details and some of his arguments were tepid at best.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:27 p.m. CST

    Why Couldn't Lucas Have Broken a Leg at the Derby?

    by Read and Shut Up

    ...then he could've been humanely destroyed. George - STOP. You milk your cash cows 'till they're as dry as beef jerky. What happened to all that "once I finish the new trilogy I'll shoot some small, art house movie" stuff? Unless, of course, you consider the Clone War BS "small" and "art house." Seriously - how much money does one guy need to buy a real chin?

  • May 8, 2008, 3:27 p.m. CST

    why would AICN want this to tank?

    by Gatsbys West Egg Omlet

    they are all giant nerds who love this stuff. the idea that this site has launched an anti-Indy propaganda campaign is absurd.<p>is it that hard to believe this won't be good? based on the last several "artistic endeavors" of these guys, why would fans even want this movie to be made?

  • May 8, 2008, 3:28 p.m. CST

    Highly skeptical...

    by busterkurosawa

    ... of these "reviews." The Indiana Jones movies all feature stand-out action set pieces. The truck chase, the mine car ride, the tank scene, etc. These are the scenes that Spielberg excels at and that always stand out, even if the rest of the movie is so-so. No mention of any such scenes in the reviews. Which tells me they didn't see the film.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:28 p.m. CST

    This is seriously awesome..

    by Jonah Echo

    Someone read the last talkback and literally combined sentences from one of the reviews from IMDB and Shogunmaster's review. Again, they say so little. Is someone out to systematically destroy AICN's credibility?

  • May 8, 2008, 3:28 p.m. CST

    ooops...

    by codymr

    That should read "perspective" not "prospective." Damn auto spell check!

  • May 8, 2008, 3:30 p.m. CST

    it'sjustamovieit'sjustamovieit'sjustamovie

    by AllieJamison

    Argh. Oh God. Reading this is making me sad. The whole age thing was one of my major concerns before Shia/Mutt showed up. I always hoped they would make it part of the story and not obligatory insert it via some dialogue snippets. I always thought that the age-thing was what could legitimate the film's existence. Argh. Damn you Koepp. <br> <br> Yet again. THis is just one more opinion. I remember one year ago I was thinking I would skip reviews for this all together until the second time that I would have seen the film myself..because it's going to be one of the more personal experiences at the movies. The first time I see an Indy-film at the theater. The time I will revisit the franchise that initiated my love of film in the first place. What I find a bit strange about those comments/"reviews" is the complete absence of how intense it was to see Indy back on the screen accompanied by Williams' score. Maybe that's just a side effect of the "unnecessary"-quality the film bears.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:30 p.m. CST

    TheMcflyfarm

    by IndustryKiller!

    I don't think he's saying a lot of action is bad, I think he's saying that it's an example of this film reaching, disingenuously, to resurrect old feelings by just going "bigger! faster! more more more" which I think years of Hollywood sequels prove is a terrible policy.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:30 p.m. CST

    What about the duck scenes...

    by Herb West

    that may or may not make it into the water?

  • May 8, 2008, 3:30 p.m. CST

    busterkurosawa

    by codymr

    VERY good point.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:30 p.m. CST

    now, the LEGO games and toys...

    by Gatsbys West Egg Omlet

    are a whole different story. <p>those are great.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:31 p.m. CST

    Do it, DannyDickBlood, Do it!!

    by finky089

    At least post it here so we can all enjoy it. be sure to include your thoughts on the Crystal fisting scene between Blanchett and Indy when she "tries to make him talk."

  • May 8, 2008, 3:31 p.m. CST

    Expectations are EVERYTHING

    by Samuel Fulmer

    So then why watch anything, because nothing is ever going to be as good or as bad as you think it is. This is the problem with many morons that watch movies, they spend more time studying trailers than the actual films the trailers were made from. Maybe our society has gotten so intellectually retarded that every movie should be a trailer, or possibly just a review from some nameless person on the internet. Then we will discuss how our expectations of how the trailer would be, or how the review would be written have either let us down, or raised us up.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:31 p.m. CST

    Last Crusade will probably look like...

    by poeticwarriorII

    The Godfather next to this insipid shit. One more nail in the coffin. The summer that could've been is now a has been. Fuck Lucas and Spielberg. What a couple of cunts. Someone please let them know VHS died 10 years ago and there's something out there now called Blu-Ray would you?

  • May 8, 2008, 3:32 p.m. CST

    DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    by YakMalla

    That's what I'm sayin', dude. It only sounds like heresy b/c it's real hard to be objective about Star Wars.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:33 p.m. CST

    AllieJamison

    by finky089

    DOn't bother reading the reviews. Real or not, they won't help our anticipation for the movie. <p> Instead, I recommend we stick to ONLY reading the Talkbacks for these reviews. At least we know THEY'LL be entertaining.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:33 p.m. CST

    Ok? That was a review?

    by sleeptones

    i just read rambling about Rocky and one liners.. nothin about the movie, just opinions upon opinions about really nothing

  • May 8, 2008, 3:34 p.m. CST

    How can a crystal skull be made of solid gold?

    by FILMFUNK

    i think i must not spoil this any more for myself!

  • May 8, 2008, 3:34 p.m. CST

    Mistake in Review?

    by Mission Code Z

    "Ironically, the problem is that Lucas, Spielberg, and Ford are trying far too hard to give everyone what they think that they want. Look! It’s the Ark! Look! It’s Marion! Look! It’s not the mileage, it’s the years!" The "mileage" line has been confirmed by Spielberg as NOT being in KOTCS. He even made a point of it in the EW interview. Hmmmmmm.....

  • May 8, 2008, 3:35 p.m. CST

    OK. AllieJamison, said something that made sense.

    by beastie

    Being Indiana Jones and something that we grew up with, it's a very personal experience. I am, now, exiting the TB and reading no more reviews. If I see the words, "Indiana, Jones, Kingdom, Crystal or Skull" in a headline, I will do my best to not even read the rest of the headline. I hope that all reviews written on this site and others, both negative and positive are fake. Goodbye Indy hype, I will see you when Lucas announces the animated TV series.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:35 p.m. CST

    And what's that about a Belloq toy?

    by Herb West

    He was the French archaeologist in Raiders right? Did anyone catch that or know what I'm talking about?

  • May 8, 2008, 3:36 p.m. CST

    There are really POSITIVE reviews elsewhere...why the bad here?

    by HarryBlackPotter

    Why is AICN only printing the shitty ones? Take a look at other sites and they have far more positive reviews. AICN is obviously a site for haters.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:37 p.m. CST

    Samuel Fulmer, again

    by YakMalla

    I agree with you. We're all waaaay too into what the trailer looks like, or what some yahoo says in a review 3 weeks out. It's totally setting us up to love or hate before we go in.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:38 p.m. CST

    or when he annouces the Abner Ravenwood prequels

    by beastie

    or the Mutt Williams sequels. You have to read my previous post to get this one.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:38 p.m. CST

    I hope you guys don't mind...

    by Hawaiian Organ Donor

    But I'm going to sit this one out. I've got nothing left in the tank to discuss Lucas or Robocop or the President anymore.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:39 p.m. CST

    Michael Bay raped my childhood...

    by DrEdwardMorbius

    ...and George Lucas supplied him with the roofies...

  • May 8, 2008, 3:39 p.m. CST

    Not Reading Anything About This Film: Day 715

    by Hikaru Ichijo

    Seriously, Lucas will defy your expectations, as always, especially if you think you're somehow sophisticated now. As with most movies, you already know if you'll like it or not.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:40 p.m. CST

    Looks like it's Suck time then folks!

    by alucardvsdracula

    Oh well, so it's gonna blow after all, sigh, but come on you lot be strong we've been here before when a certain Menace brought our collective hopes and dreams shattering around us. Also lets just look at the shit Lucas has thrown at us in the past anyway. Caravan of Courage, Droids Cartoon, Battle for Endor, Captin Eo, Howard the Duck, Willow, Radioland Murders, The Phantom Menace, Greedo shooting first! Sure there were redemptive qualities in some of EP2 and most of EP3 but on the whole this beardy cunt has shat what remaining talent he had out a long time ago, in a galaxy not fucking far enough away. Sob. Where's the razor blades?

  • May 8, 2008, 3:40 p.m. CST

    Do the math people....

    by Quake II

    Raiders was a masterpiece, Temple Of Doom was decent and Last Crusade was almost a spoof of the previous films. Like a comedy version. Last Crusade had some cool moments but it never took itself seriously. I expect Crystal Skull to be the worst of the series. Why wouldn't it be?

  • May 8, 2008, 3:42 p.m. CST

    Decade+ wait for a sequel? BAD idea.

    by Samuel Vimes

    Sounds like that IJatKotCS will join GODFATHER 3 and THE PHANTOM MENACE as ill-conceived attempts to return to the cinematic well... <br> <br> From GODFATHER II ('74) to GODFATHER III ('90), RETURN OF THE JEDI ('83) to EPISODE 1 ('99), and now from LAST CRUSADE ('89) to CRYSTAL SKULL ('08)---there's just something bound to go wrong when you go back to make a sequel all those many years later... At least Coppola and Lucas "only" waited 16 years to return to their reputation-making properties--- Spielberg (AND Lucas) have nearly TWO DECADES worth of waiting before bringing back Indy. <br> <br> I suppose it's just Spielberg's turn to suffer the critical backlash that his pals Francis and George went through with THOSE attempts of revisiting the cinematic successes of their youth?

  • May 8, 2008, 3:43 p.m. CST

    So many of you sound so hysterical and desperate

    by Laserhead

    to defend a movie you haven't seen from two people who HAVE seen it. There was a screening. This is not news.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:44 p.m. CST

    YakMalla

    by Samuel Fulmer

    I agree, and maybe this is also where you're coming from, but my issues isn't with the films (good or bad), but with this pre-release media blitz conditioning that a lot of people buy into. When it comes down to it, it's got to be about the actual films, not all the other crap that comes with it. I do understand thought that's a hard thing for many people to do.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:47 p.m. CST

    Herb West...Raiders toys

    by Quake II

    are all over the place. Go to Wal Mart or Target. They released Crystal Skull stuff as welll as a ton of Raiders toys. 12" Indy, Cairo Swordsman, 12" Nazi Officer, 3 3/4 Belloque, German motorcyclist, Cairo Nazi truck set etc...LOTS of Raiders toys now on shelves.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:48 p.m. CST

    a bad indy movie is still a great adventure movie

    by zom-bot.com

    so what if it doesn't live up to snuff? you can't top the freshness and perfection of raiders. i expect a good movie for the summer, and it still sounds like that. i have no money or soul invested in the indy franchise.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:51 p.m. CST

    I don't know, this sounds reasonable

    by bravogolfhotel

    Proper spelling and grammar and an evenhanded tone make it more plausible than the first review. There's a lack of new details that aren't already floating around, but it can't be immediately dismissed.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:52 p.m. CST

    I MAY SEE THIS AT THE DRIVE IN

    by Underoos Hero

    Cause I hate people and their bullshit. I don't want to sit next to a dribblin' tard with butter covered fingers going "uuhhhhh" *sniff* "uuhhhhhh" Yea it's happened.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:52 p.m. CST

    AND NO IT WASN'T A FAMILY MEMBER

    by Underoos Hero

    hafgdfad

  • May 8, 2008, 3:52 p.m. CST

    Time for Willow 2

    by Samuel Fulmer

    With Shia La Beef as Madmartigan Jr.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:54 p.m. CST

    AMERICAN GRAFFITI PREQUAL

    by Underoos Hero

    Right Now. And follow that up with an Amercan Graffiti CGI Animated Movied that bridges the gap between the two.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:55 p.m. CST

    Expectations have no bearing on the quality of a movie

    by The Funketeer

    It's not the filmmaker's fault that you've built something up in your head. A movie stands on its own I can't wait to see this and I'm not expecting it to be like the first three movies. I'm not even hoping it will be like the first three movies. Everyone is older and it takes place in a different time period. Why would we expect it to be Raiders part 2?

  • May 8, 2008, 3:55 p.m. CST

    Away with Alien Skull. Bring me Atlantis.

    by The Old New

    Bring me NUR-AB-SAL. Bring me Dr. Ubermann. Now that's Indy 4. Seriously, the trailer disappointed me a lot. They say something about the Amazon Forest then show Foz do Iguaçu. Damn! At least Petra is near the area of the Crusades. Also, I don't get people seeing Temple of Doom was better than Last Crusade. How's that? I really wanted to love ToD, but I watched the whole trilogy over the weekend as a preparation for the movie and the 2nd movie really struck me as the worst in the series. Unless you watch it as a parody/comedy. Anyway, I'm still going to see this movie (maybe at theater), but I'm waiting for at least some redeeming reviews. From what I saw in the trailers, Indy looks tired, Marion is way too happy and Shia I just want him killed off. Bring me more reviews!!

  • May 8, 2008, 3:55 p.m. CST

    AMERICAN GRAFFITI PREQUAL

    by Underoos Hero

    Yea, and have Shia Lashit as a 50's greaser named "Mutt". Do it George Lucas do it !!! Right in the asshole...oh yea...right there...Oh yea...here's my action figure money to daddy!

  • May 8, 2008, 3:57 p.m. CST

    Hook 2

    by Samuel Fulmer

    Still Hookin'

  • May 8, 2008, 3:57 p.m. CST

    George Lucas wouldn't know a good script

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOODS_DUI

    if one sucked his shrimpy cock. Someone stop this jackass from strip-mining his own half-assed creative past.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:57 p.m. CST

    All the bad buzz is making me wonder if...

    by Norman Bates

    they accidentally shot the M. Night script. All kidding aside, the last trailer was boring!! The theater I was in didn't even seem to care. They liked The Incredible Hulk trailer more, and that was terrible too. Of course the trailer is no way to judge a movie, but damn, I should be wetting my pants at the very thought of this movie, now I feel like shitting in them. ^what?

  • May 8, 2008, 3:58 p.m. CST

    really, what do detractors want?

    by zom-bot.com

    i keep hearing people's complaints being that it's more of the same, or reliant on the others,or it just doesn't 'feel' right, or something is missing<P> but nobody has said WHAT is lacking- just that something is. No one is knocking any absurdities of the story, so i assume it's still an interesting adventure....so what is it you folks want? IT WILL NEVER BE THE FAN FICTION YOU HAVE BUILT UP IN YOUR HEAD. and if it was there would be no surprises. and you'd be pissed that they read your mind.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:58 p.m. CST

    GIVE ME THX 1159

    by Underoos Hero

    Then Lucas, You can give me THX 1155, 1156, 1157.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:58 p.m. CST

    Always 2

    by Samuel Fulmer

    Still boring, still Dreyfus.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:59 p.m. CST

    FILMFUNK - you're mistaken

    by Puddleglum

    the skull isn't made of gold, it's the city in which it was kept. Listen to the narration again. I didn't see no "gold" city in the trailer, but I know he wasn't actually talking about the skull.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:59 p.m. CST

    these filmmakers have too much at their disposal

    by LarryTheCableGuy

    these days. they need to go back to he crafting of a film where your cleverness and craftiness comes into play. then they won't write the stories to be so soulless, fantastical and unbeleivable.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:59 p.m. CST

    LUCAS NEEDS TO MAKE A MOVIE ABOUT..

    by Underoos Hero

    He needs to do a documentary on his neck fat.

  • May 8, 2008, 3:59 p.m. CST

    Amistad 2

    by Samuel Fulmer

    The Fog

  • May 8, 2008, 4 p.m. CST

    One Crazy Summer 2: Cassandra becomes GI JANE?

    by Puddleglum

    And goes lezzy for Hoops' new crush, Anne Ramsey.

  • May 8, 2008, 4 p.m. CST

    1942:2000

    by Samuel Fulmer

    With Dan Ackroyd, and John Goodman.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:01 p.m. CST

    ANOTHER Another Stakeout

    by Puddleglum

    this time Rosie O'Doofus just whines about not actually having any STEAK to eat

  • May 8, 2008, 4:01 p.m. CST

    gotham_night

    by Underoos Hero

    Wouldn't that be the greatest?!! I'd beat off so hard my dick would fall off and I'd end up loosing it.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:01 p.m. CST

    The Color Purple 2

    by Samuel Fulmer

    Danny Glover's back and he's pissed!

  • May 8, 2008, 4:02 p.m. CST

    Empire of the Sun 2

    by Samuel Fulmer

    Also known as another excuse for Christian Bale to drop 100 lbs again

  • May 8, 2008, 4:02 p.m. CST

    Neckroll: A story about Lucas' neck fat

    by Puddleglum

    starring Kathy Bates as the "neckroll" and Merrick as the guy who wants to rub his dick in it.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:02 p.m. CST

    Should have made stand alone Shia movie first.

    by Diagnostic

    Then the world could have seen how truly great the character is. Shame.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:03 p.m. CST

    Howard the Duck 2

    by Underoos Hero

  • May 8, 2008, 4:03 p.m. CST

    Three Times Upon A Time

    by Underoos Hero

  • May 8, 2008, 4:03 p.m. CST

    spies like us 2:

    by zom-bot.com

    spies like spies like us

  • May 8, 2008, 4:04 p.m. CST

    Hudson Hawk 2: Still better than this GI Joe movie

    by Puddleglum

    fuckin bullshit pics and stuff

  • May 8, 2008, 4:04 p.m. CST

    The best part of the trailer

    by The Old New

    is when Indy shoots a rocket from a rocket launcher into some crazy Devastator tank in the jungle.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:05 p.m. CST

    Labyrinth 2: Where's Waldo

    by Underoos Hero

  • May 8, 2008, 4:05 p.m. CST

    Oh well, I will wait for the DVD.

    by MontyPigeon

    From that review it sounds as if it's completely mediocre. Had some hope that it would be one of the best of the summer but at this rate, it doesn't look good. Shame really.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:05 p.m. CST

    Fletch 3: Kevin Smith Lost

    by Puddleglum

  • May 8, 2008, 4:06 p.m. CST

    Duel 2

    by jackalcack

    Actually, I'd watch that

  • May 8, 2008, 4:06 p.m. CST

    "I'm gettin to old for this shit."

    by Shepard Wong

    I hear that and I'm walking the fuck out. That said, o review, no matter how bad, will keep me from seeing this opening night.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:06 p.m. CST

    Dark Crystal 2: Gelfling Porn

    by Puddleglum

  • May 8, 2008, 4:06 p.m. CST

    Beverly Hills Cop VIIIIIII

    by Underoos Hero

  • May 8, 2008, 4:07 p.m. CST

    launches I mean

    by The Old New

  • May 8, 2008, 4:07 p.m. CST

    BMX 2: Rad Razor Scooters!

    by Puddleglum

  • May 8, 2008, 4:08 p.m. CST

    PCU 2: Not Another College Movie escapes from White Castle

    by Puddleglum

  • May 8, 2008, 4:08 p.m. CST

    Jurassic Park: The Begining

    by Underoos Hero

  • May 8, 2008, 4:08 p.m. CST

    official word re: moto

    by Quint

    I can ask the publicity guys at Paramount, but that's not necessary. We have long time spies that are indeed in a position to know that have confirmed the film screened the night these reviews are claiming. No, we don't have a George Lucas certified review, so, as always with early word, take these reviews with a grain of salt. We tend to believe them, which is why we've posted them. If they smelled off to us or we didn't know the film was finally screening we wouldn't have run them. There have been reviews earlier that we never ran precisely because we couldn't get confirmation on screenings and the reviews smelled fishy.<BR><BR>The movie is screening now. There have been studio screenings, distributor screenings and 10 days from now it'll play Cannes and screen to critics all over the country. From here on out, we're probably going to see a lot of word about the flick.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:08 p.m. CST

    Idustrial Light and Magic 2

    by Norman Bates

    Old people do cool stuff too.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:08 p.m. CST

    NOrth Shore Part 2: I'm Rad!

    by Underoos Hero

  • May 8, 2008, 4:09 p.m. CST

    Big Man On Campus 2: OOGA MALOOGA! Kathy ! Kathy!

    by Puddleglum

    1 Malooga, 4 Loogas

  • May 8, 2008, 4:09 p.m. CST

    Cocoon 3: Old Fuckers Never Say Die

    by Puddleglum

  • May 8, 2008, 4:10 p.m. CST

    Rad 2: Isn't this Rad

    by Underoos Hero

  • May 8, 2008, 4:10 p.m. CST

    Big diff between the Prequels and Indy 4....

    by EagleDelta1

    Indy 4 has been in the works since the early 90s - it just took this long for Ford, Speildberg and Lucas to agree on a story - the prequels pretty much came outta nowhere. Also, Lucas came up w/ the story, but he did NOT wirte the script or direct - he delegated that role to other players - another difference from the prequels. Finally, you can't always take what a reviewer says at face value - most of Lucas' movies(even the good ones) have always been bashed by reviewers - even the original SW and TESB, but they were pretty good movies

  • May 8, 2008, 4:10 p.m. CST

    Indiana Jones and Who The Fuck Cares

    by Puddleglum

    get off my lawn, you kids!

  • May 8, 2008, 4:11 p.m. CST

    Starfighter 2: The Trailer Park Wars

    by Underoos Hero

  • May 8, 2008, 4:11 p.m. CST

    Down with Shia!

    by fiester

    Can't you see, Hollywood, no one wants this simpering little snot in movies outside of a few studio execs--people go to the movies despite him, not because of him! Arrrgh. Someday soon he will vanish Corey Haim style and the long nightmare will be over.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:12 p.m. CST

    Prequels deserved their bashings

    by Puddleglum

    And I quote: <p> Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

  • May 8, 2008, 4:12 p.m. CST

    Starfighter 3: Back to The Future

    by Underoos Hero

  • May 8, 2008, 4:13 p.m. CST

    Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark: The Lucas Cut

    by Norman Bates

    More kid friendly then ever! Indy's whip has now been replaced with a CGI fairy feather.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:13 p.m. CST

    Teen Wolf 3: Harem Scarem

    by Underoos Hero

  • May 8, 2008, 4:13 p.m. CST

    I can't wait to see ....

    by Herb West

    little Suburb Shia in action. (snicker)

  • May 8, 2008, 4:14 p.m. CST

    Would the "Fake review!" screamers like salt with that crow?

    by IndustryKiller!

    Seriously get a fucking grip. These are real reviews.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:14 p.m. CST

    3 Amigos 2 : lil amigo

    by LarryTheCableGuy

  • May 8, 2008, 4:15 p.m. CST

    The Reluctant Astronaut Meets Darth Vader

    by Underoos Hero

  • May 8, 2008, 4:15 p.m. CST

    People who make box office predictions suck cock by choice

    by Guy Who Got A Headache And Accidentally Saves The World

    What is with that anyway? Who gives a shithow much money a movie makes, and double who gives a shit what your arm chair analyst basement dwelling prediction is? I can't stand it when a real dude whose job it is to do that opens his mouth to spew that shit at me, like it means jack shit.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:15 p.m. CST

    Is anyone surprised? Does anyone care?

    by ScottinDC

    I sure as hell don't...of all the sequels this summer (and blockbusters), this one excites me the least. I loved the first Raiders...I even dug the Temple of Doom. I was amused by Last Crusade until they reached the 'ancient knight' at which point, I wanted to kill myself...it was the equivalent of watching Spielberg and Lucas rape Indy to death then canibalize his corpse looking for spare change. So, when I saw the trailer for the Crystal Skull, I wasn't intrigued - I was bored. It looks silly and not in a Saturday serial sort of way. It's not a throwback; and the movie is truly unnecessary. That's the best word for it.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:16 p.m. CST

    by AllieJamison

    Right on, Finky.<br> I don't remember the "movie geek community" being all excited about IndyIV, Agent Johnson. What I remember is that IndyIV has mostly been talked and thought about with a lot of (very legitimate)caution among film geeks until that first photo of Harrison Ford sitting on that chair hit the web (first occasion of collective jerk-off). I've got the feeling, though, that after some more use of sexual metaphors caution grew bigger again.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:16 p.m. CST

    Alien Skulls

    by The Old New

    Why did it have to be alien skulls? It seems archeology couldn't offer any interesting plot. It's back to being a boring science. Indyana Jones now in ......... SPACE!!!

  • May 8, 2008, 4:16 p.m. CST

    yea i agree who the fuck cares

    by awesomeo3000

    if ur a fan of indy ur gonna see it im excited about this film so im def gonna see it regardless of wat this guy or anyone else says

  • May 8, 2008, 4:17 p.m. CST

    Nice review, Languatron’s Bane

    by jobytack

    Just thought I'd mention that I thought it was fairly well-written and structured...

  • May 8, 2008, 4:17 p.m. CST

    Labyrinth 3: David Bowie Returns

    by Underoos Hero

  • May 8, 2008, 4:17 p.m. CST

    Indiana Malooga

    by spud mcspud

    It not the years, it the loogas. One malooga, four loogas ;D

  • May 8, 2008, 4:18 p.m. CST

    GOONIES: THE LATER YEARS

    by Underoos Hero

  • May 8, 2008, 4:18 p.m. CST

    Need I remind People that

    by EagleDelta1

    Lucas already TOLD everyone in interviews that this one wasn't going to be what everyone expected/wanted - it was a movie that he, Speildberg and ford WANTED to do - the ideas for how they wanted to do it and the themes for the movie have been around in their minds for a decade - even if they are using a different story now. Anyway, point is - you were told, you should expect it.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:18 p.m. CST

    Thank Kali...

    by IronSkillet

    ...they didn't make Chris Columbus's script. Wow.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:18 p.m. CST

    And if the big secret ending is ...

    by Herb West

    Indy getting into a spaceship, I swear I'll puke.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:18 p.m. CST

    "Mileage" line is not in the movie

    by MattmanReturns

    Confirmed by Harrison Ford, as another talkbacker pointed out. Why is AICN ignoring that fact?

  • May 8, 2008, 4:18 p.m. CST

    JACK BURTON AND THE KINGDOM OF THE ARK CRUSADE

    by spud mcspud

    BELLOQ: Mister Burton. Again we see that there is nothing you can possess that I cannot take away. And you thought I'd given up.<P> You could warn them. If only you spoke Hovitos!<P> JACK: Son of a bitch must pay!

  • May 8, 2008, 4:19 p.m. CST

    Indiana not Indyana

    by The Old New

  • May 8, 2008, 4:19 p.m. CST

    Don't jump on Lucas yet...

    by solobear

    C'mon, people. We have two early reviews pop up, and now everyone's ready to damn George Lucas' soul to hell once again. Why not give this film a chance. Wait to make a decision until you've seen it for yourselves. I learned a long time ago not to let "critics" make up my mind for me about what films I should or shouldn't see. It's interesting to hear what they have to say, but it has never been a factor in my movie-watching habits. I'm more interested in looking at what they say AFTER I've seen a film to see if their opinions come close to mine.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:19 p.m. CST

    Battle Beyond The Stars 4

    by Underoos Hero

  • May 8, 2008, 4:20 p.m. CST

    Escaper From L.A.: Again

    by Underoos Hero

  • May 8, 2008, 4:21 p.m. CST

    That's "Escape" not Escaper

    by Underoos Hero

  • May 8, 2008, 4:21 p.m. CST

    Lucas

    by The Old New

    is over

  • May 8, 2008, 4:22 p.m. CST

    Parallels between 2006 and 2008

    by Norman Bates

    Superman Returns == Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of For Fucks Sake Already.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:23 p.m. CST

    I can handle negative reviews. No problem.

    by mrfan

    What I don't like is how vague they are. Throw us something new that you didn't care for in this movie. Be a little specific. So far those reviews have had stuff in them that can be found easily on the internet.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:23 p.m. CST

    What was the last film

    by The Old New

    in which both the trailers and reviews were bad and the film still fucking rocked?

  • May 8, 2008, 4:23 p.m. CST

    Damn George Lucas' soul to hell....

    by Herb West

    Yeah, and his little bitch Suburb Shia too. Sounds good to me.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:23 p.m. CST

    I liked RockyBalboa, but that approach would be completely WRONG

    by togmeister

    ....i don't want to see Indiana Jones moping around like a has-been sadsack ruminating on how he's screwed up his life. I want to seem him talking smack as before('Always glad to help', 'C'mon genius..'), i want to see Harrison Ford taking the hits and being put through the mill on a physical level. I want ugly critters, cliff edges,lost cities, jungles and booby traps. THIS is what we want from Indiana Jones, NOT a nostalgia ride. And by all accounts that's exactly what Spielberg and Lucas will deliver. They made a movie that's of a piece with the previous three and that's exactly how it should be. Remember the mistake of the Pirates of the Caribbean sequels? The first was rollicking fun. the Second and Third were dreary mythologising. They forgot the elements that made the first movie entertaining and tried to build a legend. Sounds like that's a trap that Indy 4 has avoided..

  • May 8, 2008, 4:24 p.m. CST

    This Site Actually Has Changed...

    by TroutMaskReplicant

    Go back and read old talkbacks from years ago. They're more optimistic. It looks to me as if people have become more embittered down through the years.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:25 p.m. CST

    Thanks Quint!

    by moto

    I guess we won't REALLY know until the movie debuts. But thanks for the response. Grain of salt it is. <p> I guess the sad part is, this is proof that many TBers rely on someone ELSE'S review to dictate their own response or "back up" their preconceived viewpoints, be them good or bad. <p> Personally, I'll decide for myself. I actually enjoyed the hell out of Last Crusade. It's no masterpiece, but it entertained. So despite the hate for Last Crusade, and despite any negative review that may come in, I'll decide for myself regarding this next installment.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:25 p.m. CST

    The Influence Of Others...

    by solobear

    Frankly, who gives a shit what anyone thinks about something like this before you've seen it yourself. If you rely on the opinions of others to make up your minds for you, then your nothing but a brain-dead chump. Think for yourself for a change, and let the rest of these pablum pukers see that their prior-to release opinions don't mean jack shit. I'll make up my mind for myself, thank you very much.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:27 p.m. CST

    TroutMaskReplicant

    by The Old New

    If you are looking for optimism go to Iron Man TBs

  • May 8, 2008, 4:28 p.m. CST

    Indiana Jones was never that great

    by The Biomind

    RAIDERS is the only really good Indy flick.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:28 p.m. CST

    It's an industrial light...that's magic!

    by Osmosis Jones

    "Mola Ram, prepare to meet Kali...in HELL...!"

  • May 8, 2008, 4:29 p.m. CST

    AllieJ - everything grows "bigger" when using sexual

    by finky089

    metaphors. At least, that's the case here at AICN where we all posture, all day long.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:29 p.m. CST

    TroutMaskReplicant

    by Underoos Hero

    If you are looking for optimism ask Hollywood to make good movies.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:30 p.m. CST

    the other imdb review ..

    by t40stunt

    for the sake of not been biased liked this site usually does ( love of anything Apatow )heres another review i found on a different site ...shocker i know .I caught an advanced screening of the fourth Indiana Jones movie and I say I enjoyed it IMMENSELY!!! Wow, for years now I thought that after "War of The Worlds" Spielberg has lost his touch; not so here. Here he returns to the basic fundamentals of the lost arts of practicality and just plain good old fashioned genuine storytelling (something that's solely lacking in today's CGI-heavy world) helped along by the big guy himself Harrison Ford along with witty and charming Shia LaBeouf as a newcomer to the franchise with George Lucas lending some support to cinematography. Ford is simply amazing as the venerable adventurer with lots of impressive stunt work. Everything is bigger and better than before, the action is of high-caliber, the plot is thorough and exciting with intelligent writing coupled with awesome special effects. But what really surprised me was that it looked like it was filmed in the 1980's; something that's rare in this Digital Age!!! I'm sure those accustomed to digital film-making may be put off, but it actually works really well and gives the film an added dose of nostalgia and sense of wonder that Spielberg brought so successfully in his past films. Not many films can achieve that feat, but I can strongly say that Spielberg has gone out on top and brought back one the most beloved cinematic heroes around for one more time.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:30 p.m. CST

    I wonder how many people...

    by Norman Bates

    who are telling us not to judge this movie yet have talked shit about Shyamalan or Bay on these TBs? and prejudge their movies?

  • May 8, 2008, 4:30 p.m. CST

    The Biomind

    by The Old New

    I disagree, Crusade is great

  • May 8, 2008, 4:31 p.m. CST

    Spielberg boasts that this movie looks and feels exactly like th

    by Evil Hobbit

    That's all it needs to be. Indy needs to be a fast paced actioner. With more then 3 acts, with fast changing set pieces and objects of desire. Indy is all about a frenziedly changing adventure. I'll wont read any reviews from now on. The trailers didn't show us anything. I'll continue that trend and enter the cinemas open minded. Let it enroll on me and be surprised by a new Indy film.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:31 p.m. CST

    I'm with DANNGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD on this one

    by slone13

    I'm surprised Ain't It Cool is buying this shite. Or pretending to.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:32 p.m. CST

    t40stunt

    by The Old New

    "witty and charming Shia LaBeouf" whatinthenowthen?

  • May 8, 2008, 4:33 p.m. CST

    indiana jones should go after the necronomicon

    by LarryTheCableGuy

    that way you know youd have a dark indy whos really in danger of supernatural evil and the ones who would do anything to get their hands on it. that would make a good indy film.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:35 p.m. CST

    About these supposed "reviews"

    by Termigoonie

    Since when do Ain't It Cool readers suddenly get so squeamish about spoilers? Hm. How come there's nothing in these reviews that I can't glean from the trailers or from the books and merchandise that just came out on shelves? How come there's not one single description of a full scene, recitation of lines of dialogue, or very specific mention of what the reviewers don't like? It's all so ... vague. Is it possible they haven't seen the movie? Just maybe? Here's one for you: The new Indiana Jones movie SUCKS DICK. It's nothing at all like "Raiders." What were Steve and George THINKING? They begin the thing with an absolutely over-the-top, unnecessary and campy MUSICAL number that has nothing at all to do with the plot. Then, when the thing finally gets going (trying too hard to have that "at the end of the last movie" kind of serial feel), we realize Indy is saddled with two of the most inane "sidekicks" ever -- a horrifying, screeching, incredibly unfunny bimbo blonde who brings nothing to the movie like Marion did, and a pidgin-English speaking 10-year-old kid, an obvious attempt to appeal to the kid audience. C'mon, George, we know you SAY you make movies for 10-year-olds, but do you have to PROVE it? And why's Indy going after the three "Sankara stones" in this movie? Not to save them from falling into the hands of the Nazis and thereby saving the rest of humanity ... but because some village got its children kidnapped and he wants to get the kids back. Man, that's about the weakest motivation I can imagine. Then there's about 20 minutes of endless dialogue explaining what the stones are. Who gives a #^$*&? Just get to the action. Yeah, when it comes it's OK, but man it takes forever to get there and there's no sense of pacing at all -- just one set piece after another, none of which really means anything. And that kid and that screaming Willie Scott are always nearby. It's painful. Now ... I happen to LOVE "Temple of Doom." But today's Internet haters would have torn it to shreds before it even opened. Of course, it always helps to actually SEE the movie first. I am dubious that these "reviewers" actually did. You may think George and Steven have dropped a few ticks in your book, but I think Harry and Aint It Cool have dropped in mine, desperate to prove that Indy is disappointing ... even if it means running some of the most unlikely "reviews" I've ever seen on the site.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:35 p.m. CST

    Pessimism

    by solobear

    It's truly sad that so many so-called "fans" feel obligated to tear something apart before they even see it. If we listened to these numbskulls, we'd never see anything. I enjoy movies both old and new. I don't feel the need to constantly compare these films to something I saw in the past. Do I think Lucas and Spielberg can make me feel about this film the way I did about RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK in 1981. No. But I do think that they've probably made a damn good film and I'm going to have a great time watching it. And by the way, how come so many of you know so much about George Lucas' cock, anyway. Hiding out in the bathrooms at Skywalker Ranch again, huh? Get a friggin' life. This crap you spew is frankly insulting and does nothing more than make those of us who do care and have a true love of cinema look bad.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:36 p.m. CST

    If it's as good as Crusade, I'm in....

    by moto

    People need to go back to Raiders and see how many light moments there really were. Last Crusade took the character to another level. The young Indy sequence was excellent, Phoenix nailed it. <p> The action was superb. Ford was great. <p> People complain about Marcus turning into an idiot... you're missing the point/joke. He was 100% out of his element and full proof that Professor Jones is like no other archaeologist out there. That is what Spielberg was shooting for. <p> It was a great flick. If Crystal Skull matches that at least, I'm 100% sold.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:38 p.m. CST

    I'm Not Worried

    by nickdoll

    It's all about how you go into the theater. If you go in expecting Raiders (or even Doom or Crusade) you are going to be disappointed. If you go in thinking it's going to suck, it is going to suck. I'll be going into that theater on the 22nd at 12:01 am expecting a fun movie that reminds me of why I loved the old trilogy, but doesn't live up to it. It'll be fun to see Indy and Marion and their new friends on the big screen, and Spielberg and John Williams doing what they do best. Besides, even if this film only represents a shadow of the old films, it will still be better than the crap Hollywood squirts out now a days. Hell, it could be the best film of the Millennium if it contains half the charm of old school Indiana.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:39 p.m. CST

    We live in a cynical world...

    by moto

    ... and talkbacks at AICN are proof of that.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:41 p.m. CST

    LUCAS SABOTAGED THIS FLICK

    by alice 13

    search your feelings... you know this to be true.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:41 p.m. CST

    OPINIONS IN GENERAL

    by solobear

    I was taught early on that everyone is entitled to an opinion, but what does it say of those who form their opinion without knowledge? Do all of you cinematic nay-sayers want everything that comes out to fail? It sure seems like it. If everyone listened to you, no one would see anything, this site would disappear, and you'd would have to find somewhere else to vomit your inane garbage.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:42 p.m. CST

    Scorcese to release TAXI DRIVER II

    by wilsonfisk89

  • May 8, 2008, 4:43 p.m. CST

    Review is a fake

    by supermansdead18

    There was no screening by Paramount. Why would Speilberg, who has kept the movie under ironclad secrecy, all of a sudden want to preview a movie to a bunch of nobodies, risking negative reviews like the one written. It just doesn't make sense. The world premier is set for Cannes, four days before the world premier. It's obvious the two people whom reviewed the movie negatively wanted press. Every scene mentioned in their reviews are from the full trailer and the TV spots. Indiana needs no press or preview screening! Don't believe a single review until its world premier at Cannes!

  • May 8, 2008, 4:44 p.m. CST

    you know,... i hadn't even expected that the...

    by mansep

    ...film would be bad. I optimistically and foolishly assumed it would be entertaining and exciting and enjoyable. I feel like i'm being pinched awake from a dream and only now beginning to see the nightmare. But i'm not upset about it.. just disappointed... there are other films to look forward to.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:44 p.m. CST

    Indiana Jones has screened 3 times

    by HEADGEEK

    officially.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:45 p.m. CST

    15 year old?

    by Termigoonie

    I don't think it was a 15 year old who "hated" it -- those "reviews" were the work of some embittered 40 year old, more likely!

  • May 8, 2008, 4:46 p.m. CST

    Teens today don't care for Indiana Jones (the character)

    by Prof. Pop-Cult

    It surprises me that the latest chapter of this series probably won't do so well. But when you think about it, it's not too surprising. It's been 19 years since the last movie, and a whole generation of young people have been born and raised into adulthood. They can't relate to this (or Speed Racer), but they do dig the Marvel and DC superheroes.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:46 p.m. CST

    Headgeek

    by Termigoonie

    Could you please name the times, locations and screening rooms/theaters so we have some evidence that what you're saying MIGHT be plausible?!

  • May 8, 2008, 4:47 p.m. CST

    MOTO...

    by solobear

    Boy, did you ever hit the nail on the head! But I refuse to be that way. How much effort does it take to keep an open mind about something? I can tell you from experience that it takes none at all. All you really have to do it ignore the negative crap that these people post over and over again. I find it all very irritating, but at the same time it is strangely amusing. Where do these people come up with this junk anyway. Frankly, if I enjoy this movie, that's all that's important to me in the long run. I don't give a shit whether anyone else likes it or notlikes this movie or not. I have a HUGE DVD collection, and sure I've got stuff in it that a lot of people don't like. But I like it and that's the bottom line.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:47 p.m. CST

    NOT THE MILEAGE ITS THE YEARS IS NOT IN THE MOVIE

    by misnomer

    Spielberg said so himself in an interview....he said it was the the theme of the film, but that the line wasnt in there. Someones lying.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:48 p.m. CST

    Termigoonie

    by The Old New

    News Flash: Temple of Doom sucks

  • May 8, 2008, 4:49 p.m. CST

    BOYCOTT HANCOCK <p> BOYCOTT HANCOCK <p> BOYCOTT HANCOCK

    by Puddleglum

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  • May 8, 2008, 4:49 p.m. CST

    Can someone explain to me...

    by mrfan

    how negative reviews never offer any real insight on why they are negative? The positive ones always have something to back themselves up. The last two reviews of Indy don't really go into detail about why it is bad. They skim the surface. Come on. If giving a negative or bad review then about telling why.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:50 p.m. CST

    I expect...

    by Pariah74

    ...a complete popcorn movie. <br><br><br> Just like the other three.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:50 p.m. CST

    Duel 2

    by Groothewarrior

    Dennis Weaver still driving thru Arizona doesnt know his long lost son, Shia, is after him with a big old Mack truck

  • May 8, 2008, 4:50 p.m. CST

    and so will

    by The Old New

    Alien Skull

  • May 8, 2008, 4:50 p.m. CST

    The review is legit

    by guidotkp96

    As a film buyer in the midwest, there were film screenings all throughout the United States yesterday. I have seen the film, and the reviews are right on.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:51 p.m. CST

    mrfan

    by finky089

    the same reason they want you to boycot Hancock

  • May 8, 2008, 4:52 p.m. CST

    INDIANA JONES WILL RULE ONCE AGAIN!

    by solobear

    Negative reviews or not, sad fanboy tirades or not, Indiana Jones is coming back to theaters on May 22nd. THAT'S what's important. If you don't like that, then keep your fat ass at home at let the rest of us enjoy the kind of movie that makes being a true filmfan worthwhile. I swear to all the GOds, past and present, that if there is someone is sitting near me in the theater before this film starts and they start saying how much this movie is going to suck, I'm going the pepper the floor with their fucking teeth!!!

  • May 8, 2008, 4:52 p.m. CST

    guidotkp96

    by finky089

    can you give us some kind of detail about it that would "prove" you've seen it? Not something reiterated on the Internet.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:53 p.m. CST

    WHEN AND WHERE DID IT SCREEN?

    by slone13

    I'd love to know. I work for Viacom, owner of good ol' Paramount Pictures. Something fishy's going on here...

  • May 8, 2008, 4:53 p.m. CST

    There is no way...

    by Dr Fantasy

    That this movie can meet everyone's expectations. The "Indy" name has become so iconic, it's as if everyone has already produced and cut the "perfect" movie in their heads. I myself have always been an enormous fan of all three movies. The other day I watched "Temple of Doom" again and discovered something interesting. Had that movie been released today, I think it would receive the same type of scrutiny "Kingdom" is receiving. It is FAR from a perfect movie. It has the same cheesy one liners, two dimensional characters and outrageous set pieces, but we still embrace it. Stop over analyzing. Just sit back , relax and allow yourself to be entertained.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:53 p.m. CST

    guidotkp96 - for instance

    by finky089

    can you tell us what the Paramount mountain logo fades into in the opening of the movie?

  • May 8, 2008, 4:54 p.m. CST

    Good points solobear...

    by Rando Calrisian

    I feel the same way. I've been kind of disheartened by this whole talkback (and the previous one). <br> <br> Yet I can't turn away...

  • May 8, 2008, 4:55 p.m. CST

    DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    by Puddleglum

    I drink your dickblood. I DRINK IT UP! <p> But not like those cockpeddlers who slurp up EVERYTHING about HAN-FUCKING-COCKUPTHEIRASSES! <p> They and that movie just piss me off.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:55 p.m. CST

    Raiders

    by Termigoonie

    Anyone actually WATCHED it lately -- the haters, I mean? The thing has dialogue coming out of its ears, is paced like a leaden snail compared with a "modern" (Avid-cut) action movie, and spends more time focused on the nuances of the Ark and the implications of finding it than imaginable. It's a "boring" movie by today's standards. And one hell of a great adventure!

  • May 8, 2008, 4:56 p.m. CST

    Termigoonie

    by codymr

    Great talkback... I chuckled all the way through your post. I tip may hat to you sir.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:56 p.m. CST

    guidotkp96 - drop some answers on us already

    by finky089

    if you are who you say you are. <p> I'll be back in a while to see if you have "proved" yourself.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:57 p.m. CST

    The credibility of past reviews

    by Jonah Echo

    Though there is clarification on there now, obviously, this thing was up for days back in 2001 before corrected. http://aintitcool.com/node/916 7

  • May 8, 2008, 4:58 p.m. CST

    It's days like these when I hate the Internet...

    by sapno_krei

    I saw Indy III completely spoiler and review-free in 1989, and loved the heck out of that movie. Judging by you guys' opinions of that movie today, I think that if AICN had existed back then, I'm certain my spirits about the movie would have been crushed three weeks in advance. Damn you Interwebs!

  • May 8, 2008, 4:58 p.m. CST

    I WAS RIGHT! I WAS RIGHT!

    by Merriman Lyon

    Well, well, after crying out till I was blue in the face that this movie would suck - I am finally proven right. Now, I never say, "I told you so" and I don't like people who do, but......... I TOLD YOU SO!

  • May 8, 2008, 4:58 p.m. CST

    I have seen this movie. Didn't like it.

    by mrfan

    You see it started with this. And ended like this. Then all of the sudden this happens. Too bad. Because this is what I was expecting. Otherwise, maybe, this would do the trick. You see from my review I mean business.

  • May 8, 2008, 4:59 p.m. CST

    i love the complaints

    by j2talk

    i love it when i read the reviews that say "what they should have done was...... " Its Lucas and Spielbergs playground people.....If you dont like what they have done TOO BAD....it might not be what YOU wanted it to be but its their creation and they get to do what they want with it....watch the movie or dont but remeber there ideal was to make an old time saturday matinee serial style film.....its supposed to be a little cartoonish

  • May 8, 2008, 4:59 p.m. CST

    I actually enjoy

    by Norman Bates

    Shia LaBeouf. I will not apologize for it either.

  • May 8, 2008, 5 p.m. CST

    Mission Code Z, I was thinking the same thing

    by heks

    I haven't read all of the other posts, so I apologize if I'm restating something, but I found this review really weird.<br /><br /> In addition to your point about that "It's not the mileage, it's the years" line, this review describes a bunch of problems that people speculated about when the movie was announced but that have been explicitly denied in the past few months.<br /><br /> The line of dialog is one example, but there's also this bit about the movie being overly self-referential with regard to scenes and lines in the previous movies. David Koepp has said explicitly that he tried to avoid that like the plague because 1) that was a fanboy movie and it never turns out well, and 2) because nobody remembers exactly what they said 25 years ago.<br /><br /> And yet, here this review says the movie is full of exactly what the writer said he avoided. And it just happens to be what a bunch of haters have been speculating would be in the movie all along as a reason why it would suck. It seems odd that the haters should have known what would be in the final product more than the writer himself. I just don't buy it. Either this reviewer didn't see the movie, or he's blowing the nostalgia out of proportion, or the screenwriter intentionally wrote a script that included everything he thought would be a bad idea.<br /><br /> That last one just seems to be the least likely to me ... and yet it's precisely what this reviewer is suggesting.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:01 p.m. CST

    Indy?! Why is the floor crunchy?!?!

    by xdiamondxdanx

  • May 8, 2008, 5:03 p.m. CST

    Norman Bates loves Shia

    by finky089

    Hey Norman, go see your mother. I think she has somethign for you.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:03 p.m. CST

    Just what were people expecting?

    by MrJJonz

    A decent film? The 3rd Indy film was bad enough. . .I wasn't excited when this was announced and completely unsurprised by bad reviews coming in now. As much as I love the 1st 2 films I would never pay money to watch this.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:03 p.m. CST

    RANDO and DANNY GLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    by solobear

    You guys have made me feel good. I don't give a rat's ass what any of these pre-pubescent cross-dressers say or think. Fuck 'em all! This is a GREAT time to be a film fan. THEY are the ones missing out here.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:03 p.m. CST

    Fake Reviews - No mention of...

    by Darth-Mike

    I dont believe the earlier review or this "damage control" review. They were obviously made to increase hits on the site. I find weird none of the reviewers make mention of the action sequences. Try reviewing Raiders without the desert chase, the temple sequence or the opening of the ark sequence. THESE GUYS DIDNT SEE THE MOVIE!!!

  • May 8, 2008, 5:04 p.m. CST

    Indy, why are your bedsheets wet?

    by finky089

    Well, Shorty, I've gotten older and my bladder control isn't as sharp as my whip control.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:04 p.m. CST

    Sounds like

    by Archive

    the Pirates sequels. I'm out.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:04 p.m. CST

    Whatever Happens...

    by Rando Calrisian

    The Indiana Jones in My Head would whip all you whiny spoiler lovin' movie hating bitches into the next life where there are no more FUN movies to watch. <br> <br> All Y'all can kiss my ass. <br> <br> Indiana Jones is back, and I'm going to be sitting in the middle of the theater with a big bucket of popcorn and a gallon of Coca-Cola grinning the whole time while you are sitting at home trying to figure out why your life is so damn miserable. I'm going to the movies, baby.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:05 p.m. CST

    Indy, why is my back drippings vit goo?

    by finky089

    Well, Shorty, do you hear that? That's the fluid of a 1,000 rabid fanboys coming this way.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:06 p.m. CST

    Indy, why is their hair stuck in your teeth

    by finky089

    Well, Shorty, I just had me a slice of Marionberry pie.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:06 p.m. CST

    yeah, I was at this screening too..

    by SantosLHalper

    and so were Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy and Bigfoot.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:06 p.m. CST

    No review...

    by guidotkp96

    But for you that want to..At the start of the show, the movie shows the old Paramount logo, then turns into a prairie dog mound, in which a prairie dog comes popping up, then goes back down, and the "Hound Dog" by Elvis Presley is playing in the background. Shortly after they show the prairie dog, the mound is run over by a vehicle from the 50's, and shows four teenagers racing out in the dessert. That's all I will tell you now. Believe it if you want

  • May 8, 2008, 5:06 p.m. CST

    mrjjonz

    by t40stunt

    you think anyone gives a fuck whether your going see this or not . save your money , i doubt its going to need your whooping 10 bucks . enjoy sex and the city though

  • May 8, 2008, 5:06 p.m. CST

    Indy, why is Marion naked in your bed?

    by finky089

    Fortune and Glory, kid. Fortune and Gloryhole. I mean, Glory.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:08 p.m. CST

    guidotkp96 thanks

    by finky089

    whether I believe it or not, it sounds "hokey" enough to work for Lucas and his intro to the 50's.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:08 p.m. CST

    INDY AND BATMAN

    by solobear

    I venture to say that I'm quite a bit older than most folks posting here, but I will tell you that I am looking forward to both INDIANA JONES and THE DARK KNIGHT. In fact, as of this moment there are 15 films I am looking forward to seeing between now and the end of August.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:09 p.m. CST

    Still avoiding the spoilers for now

    by Teddy Artery

    I'm seeing it anyway. In typical fashion, AICN reviewers are apparently looking for the Second Coming instead of a piece of entertainment. It's probably not as good as I wanted it to be, but not half as bad as this guy thinks it was.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:09 p.m. CST

    What kind of dessert?

    by filmicdrummer17

    That alone will determine whether or not I see this movie. It sure as hell better be cheesecake, and if the Beard tries to give me something else, whether it's cake or pie or ice cream or something else equally delicious but doesn't match the vision of cheesecake in my head, I will flame Indy 4 to Kingdom come.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:10 p.m. CST

    Funny story about Shia...

    by young1

    I worked on the set of MTVs "Nick Cannon Presents: Wild'n Out" (this was during the 1st season a couple of years ago)... and Shia visits the set with his brother (I think it was his brother) and Shia is seemingly hopped up on goof balls, drunk or just exceedingly hyperactive... and he starts hitting on the craft services girl to the point when she gets really annoyed (this is before Transformers came out, and I may have been the only person who recognized him as the kid from "Holes", otherwise perhaps she would've been flattered)... so I had get security to keep him away from the craft table, which was only for cast and crew... and he was neither. Anyway, he was pissed and made a big scene and left. In retrospect, this was probably around the time that he would've been cast in Transformers, so he was probably excited about that. Anyway, that's my story about Shia.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:12 p.m. CST

    Believe what you will

    by guidotkp96

    Why should I prove myself to a bunch of bloggers. I know I have seen the movie, and your just pissed that you have to wait 2 more weeks for the film. Sorry guys, but you will just have to wait. I have seen all the films for May already..Narnia, Speed Racer, Vegas, etc. Well, I haven't seen Sex & The City, but that is on Tuesday. Not that I really want to see it, but it is part of my job. By the way, my the top movies of May, in my opinion... 1. Iron Man 2. Indiana Jones 3. Narnia 4. What Happens In Vegas 5. Made Of Honor 6. Speed Racer(Talk about lame!)

  • May 8, 2008, 5:12 p.m. CST

    HILARIOUS!! The PHANTOM MENACE all over again

    by Merriman Lyon

    I'm splitting my sides laughing at the Lucas apologists falling over backwards to discredit these two (clearly authentic and accurate) reviews that have dashed their hopes. I remember how they howled in rage at the negativity directed at TPM - how they tried to insist that it was a good movie....until the harsh reality gradually sank in: that it stank to high heaven. Anyone care to defend The Phantom Menace today? Thought not.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:13 p.m. CST

    guidotkp96

    by filmicdrummer17

    ANSWER THE DESSERT QUESTION, DAMMIT!!!

  • May 8, 2008, 5:13 p.m. CST

    Mummy 3 DANNYGLOVERS_

    by Norman Bates

    are you fucking serious?

  • May 8, 2008, 5:14 p.m. CST

    filmicdrummer17

    by guidotkp96

    What dessert question are you referring to?

  • May 8, 2008, 5:16 p.m. CST

    no t40 stunt not bothered by sex and city either

    by MrJJonz

    just prefer it when the cinema shows some more original films than crap rehashes of good films like Indy 4 will probably be. I try to save my money for more original films although do aometimes get sucked in by the shite tha gets released week in week out with little or no thought

  • May 8, 2008, 5:17 p.m. CST

    DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD

    by guidotkp96

    Why should I waste my time, when no matter what I say on this site will be shot down. I could care less..I just want people to believe that there are people out in the United States that see the film before the general public. I can tell you this, I am watching The Incredible Hulk on May 29th, Zohan on May 22nd..Not that you care...

  • May 8, 2008, 5:19 p.m. CST

    Just spoke to a woman at Paramount...

    by slone13

    ...in the distribution department. She said she had to pass through like 5 levels of security when she attended the screening in the Paramount screening room here in NYC with an audience of about 35 people. She was very curious as to where these other supposed screenings took place as well...

  • May 8, 2008, 5:20 p.m. CST

    George stopping wrecking your classics

    by hallmitchell

    Please. Wreck something new. Do something else.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:21 p.m. CST

    Lucas is in a no win position here

    by kwisatzhaderach

    If the movie is great Spielberg will get the credit. If it sucks Lucas will take the flak. Whatever. The silhouette of Indy putting on the hat is the greatest image in a summer blockbuster since the mid 90s. I'm going in expecting a fun, old-school adventure film, not the second coming of christ.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:22 p.m. CST

    Now that the reviewer has brought it up...

    by liljuniorbrown

    Why did'nt they make a movie like this starring Booger from Revenge of The Nerds? That would fucking rule and we all know it.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:22 p.m. CST

    I just saw Indy 4

    by MattmanReturns

    It's on bittorrent because Lucas was dumb and screened it early for no reason at all. It sucked because Indy gets hurt too much, which made the movie unrealistic.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:22 p.m. CST

    AICN has it in for Indy

    by merricks14yearoldson

    By the way Mori, please don't bring Toshi to anymore screenings. He ruined Speedracer for everyone.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:23 p.m. CST

    Yes

    by guidotkp96

    DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD...From what I saw, and what they wrote, they look very authentic. Truth be told, I am a terrible person to review films. I can never remember names, or other essential stuff, but I have seen the film. I know that most of the United States had screenings yesterday. I live in Kansas, and our screening happened yesterday morning at 10am.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:24 p.m. CST

    Run, fanboys, run!

    by Merriman Lyon

    Ah, you can't blame me for enjoying my moment of glory. I've said from the start this movie would suck - any fool could see that it would. And yet, still the fanboys shrieked and whined and clung to their hopes. How the puny have fallen! Oh, I'm enjoying this, I really am. HA HA HA! Go on fanboys, tell us again how AICN has deliberately planted two fake negative reviews. Please - go on tell us! HA HA HA! Oh you guys are killing me!

  • May 8, 2008, 5:24 p.m. CST

    Merrimen Lyon....

    by SubliminalJones

    Yay! There's a minute possibly you were correct about something for once in your life. Since you have reached the likely zenith of your miserable existence, please feel free to hop off the nearest suspension bridge in glee.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:25 p.m. CST

    Laserhead is a capitalist fuckwit...

    by Bono Luthor

    more interested in how much money a film makes than how it makes you feel. I hate capitalism and I hate cunts like you.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:25 p.m. CST

    DickBlood

    by finky089

    There's no way we CAN tell if it's the truth, but it doesn't really matter. <p> Besides, if he is who he says he is, he probably is reluctant to bust up in here and crap on his job credibility "offline" by talking all about it. Even though we Indyfan geeks would sell or own mothers and brag about it on here if we saw Indy this early, legit movie theater execs (or whatever he is) probably wouldn't. I'm alittle surprised one would be on here at all, but hell, even Sly Stallone read TBs early on. And Shitty LeBeef admitted last year to reading TBs.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:26 p.m. CST

    They screen all movies early

    by guidotkp96

    All movies have screenings early. In fact, when I was at Showest in March, they screened Kung Fu Panda, which was about 95% done, some of the scenes actually were still just drawings, but all in all still cool to see it. I agree with why they still screen some films, but sometimes you might have a small theatre company that has only 2 screens, and it might be a tough decision on what to play.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:27 p.m. CST

    Merriman Lyon

    by t40stunt

    just wanted to know if you realize your a fuckin douche bag . i mean pretty much everyone here thinks it but i was just wondering if you shut off you computer at night and think " man i'm a fucking douche " and cry yourself to sleep in your batman underoos . just saying

  • May 8, 2008, 5:28 p.m. CST

    Harry Bolzonnia...

    by Dr Fantasy

    It's hard for me to compare the two. The Indiana series has to live up to three other movies produced by filmmakers that some call "iconic." I feel the bar has been raised a little higher for Kingdom than Dark Knight. There has also been a shorter span of time between the two Batman films. Fans are expecting a certain style of film making along with a style of story telling that has been absent for 19 years. My point being that it's a bigger challenge for Kingdom to meet expectations than it is for Dark Knight to meet expectations. I believe Dark Knight will be amazing too, but like Kingdom, we haven't seen that yet either.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:28 p.m. CST

    Hey Agent Johnson

    by guidotkp96

    Sounds like you need your pampers changed from all your whining and crap you shoot out..Hope you enjoy life in the crapper. You talk big, but have nothing to back it up with. I just see your lips flapping!

  • May 8, 2008, 5:29 p.m. CST

    the same goes out

    by t40stunt

    to all you other tdk loving fruits . yeah.. i'm calling you out. if you don't like it we can always have a little uwe boll publicity type stunt . let me know if you live in the l.a. area

  • May 8, 2008, 5:33 p.m. CST

    The Happening will own

    by Norman Bates

    June 13th can't come sooner.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:37 p.m. CST

    guidotkp96 did answer the question

    by finky089

    signs of a fake #1. <p> There may be SOME small theater chain owners left, but in the day of the moden multiplex and conglomerate theater chain owners, why would they need a major screening event on both coasts just for owners to see if they want to show it? Doesn't make sense? <p> If you really are in the business you say you are, you shoul dhave loads of technical talk about "how it works" to bestow on us, even though we might not understand it all. <p> It's like when people ask me "what I do" and I give them the basics on commercial loanunderwriting. You're gonna know 5 seconds into my explanation I couldn't make this boring shit up and I obviously do what I say I do.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:37 p.m. CST

    ^--- that should have benn "DIDN'T" answer the question

    by finky089

    goddamnit

  • May 8, 2008, 5:40 p.m. CST

    Not the first time I've been right about a movie!

    by Merriman Lyon

    Last time I called a movie six months before its release was a little number called 'The Phantom Menace'. Anyone remember that piece of crap? As soon as I heard the rumours about the midi-chlorians I said right here on AICN that the movie would most likely be a turkey. This was back in the time when EVERYONE had complete faith in Lucas, when EVERYONE expected TPM to rock. But I called it first. Same with Indy 4: as soon as I heard that they were calling it, 'Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull', I knew it would stink and I called it THAT VERY DAY. All right here on AICN.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:40 p.m. CST

    the only HAPPENING there's gonna be is

    by Puddleglum

    when HANCOCK shits in the face of all those fucking slugs who pay to go see it. You fuckin losers! <p. Hey Kansas movie guy, did you see Hancock yet? Was it not a filthly, stupid, and terribly acted movie? We know you're lying if you say "no".

  • May 8, 2008, 5:40 p.m. CST

    Again...

    by guidotkp96

    I don't need to prove myself to anyone. I know what I do, more than most of the morons on this sight. Most of you young puppies have nothing better to do but spend your parents money, or whacking off to Brittany Spears. Some of you really do understand, but I put that into the small percentage. Like I said, and I am done after this, I don't care if you believe me or not. The reviews that were stated earlier are good reviews and not made up. Go back to poppin holes in your blow up dolls.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:41 p.m. CST

    M Night Can Do No Wrong?

    by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOODS_DUI

    You're out of your motherfucking mind. If he's not ripping off an old Twilight Zone, M Night can't do anything BUT wrong.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:42 p.m. CST

    I knew as soon as I heard "Tonight He Comes" it would SUCK

    by Puddleglum

    When they changed it to "Hancock" it was like a joke to show just how fuckin BAD that movie will be. <p> WWW.FUCKOFFHANCOCK.EATCOCK!

  • May 8, 2008, 5:44 p.m. CST

    "They screen all movies early"

    by MattmanReturns

    Nope. They screen MOST movies early. Lucas movies are never screened early. This is unheard of.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:45 p.m. CST

    guidotkp96 - GO BACK TO FUCKING TOTO! Ruff!

    by Puddleglum

    Get your ass back over the rainbow, sunshine! And break out the peanut butter so Toto can keep SUCKING YOU OFF!

  • May 8, 2008, 5:47 p.m. CST

    WTF? DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOODS_DUI

    by finky089

    Dickblood, I think you have an admirer

  • May 8, 2008, 5:48 p.m. CST

    oh, I guess you saw that, huh?

    by finky089

  • May 8, 2008, 5:49 p.m. CST

    LOL! It's too much! So long, turkeys! LOL!

    by Merriman Lyon

    Oh, God, I love it! I LOVE it! The Lucas lovers are having the worst day of their lives. Hey, guys, I just want to say one thing....... I TOLD YOU SO! LOL! Oh Jesus, it's too good. How do you apologists sleep at night? Answer: Under a Star Wars quilt, snuggled up to your jar-jar dolls. Ha ha, but of course you'll still go to see Indy and the Crystal Skull ("Crystal Skull"? LOL!). And then you'll cry yourselves to sleep. While you guys are having your childhood anally raped by three old men, I'll be laughing it up, boys, LAUGHING IT UP!

  • May 8, 2008, 5:51 p.m. CST

    Screening - sure they have them, but not like this

    by finky089

    Entertaiment Weekly regularly has shit about advanced scrreenings (which are usually only a day or two early) and there are definietly press screengins for movies all the time. <p> But what people are saying took place for these reviews was some kind of specific screening for theater owners or something? I don't really get that, but Mori said it and if he knows it goes on then, I believe it. Is this other "guido" guy one of them? I dunno. He's from Kansas and they only screened in the East and West Coasts, and he never said which one he went to, so I'm saying he probably didn't see it. <p> But, fuck yeah, of course alot of movies have early screenings, people. But when was the last Lucasfilm movie to have a normal press screening TWO WEEKS EARLY? try not this century.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:53 p.m. CST

    It's Fun Reading The Old Phantom Menace...

    by TroutMaskReplicant

    ...rumours and reviews on this site. "It's Star Wars, it has to be great!" Although I suppose it's quite sad in a way...

  • May 8, 2008, 5:56 p.m. CST

    "It's Star Wars, it has to be great!" = bwahahahaha!

    by finky089

    Trout, that's hilarious. In a way, it's almost hard for me to remember a time where people really could believe that. I used to be one of them.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:57 p.m. CST

    Merriman...

    by SubliminalJones

    I'm far from some Lucas lover or prequel apologist, but your inexplicable delirious joy over the possibility that this film may stink is speaks volumes to your damaged psyche. Apparently, the only one raped in the ass by Lucas was you, 9 years ago, and you still haven't moved on.

  • May 8, 2008, 5:57 p.m. CST

    Agent Johnson, Lucas does NOT do that

    by finky089

    and certainly not with movie theater people. He might show SS or Coppola a cut to gettheir feedback, like he did on the prequels once or twice, but he works without public input. He doesn't need the public to make it "right". He's too good for that. Phantom Menace just proves it, right George! Right?

  • May 8, 2008, 5:58 p.m. CST

    Indy IV may suck, but these reviews are fake

    by barnaby jones

    After all the secrecy surrounding it, i can't believe that these so called reviewers wouldn't offer a little more detail and really let the cat out of the bag.

  • May 8, 2008, 6 p.m. CST

    LOL! LOL! LOL! This is like sex!

    by Merriman Lyon

    Oh Jesus, I need a cigarette - this is BETTER than sex: to see the Lucas-lovers getting their deeply-held beliefs crushed - CRUSHED! Oh God, even I am surprised at how accurate my predicition was: Lucas-lovers, I OWN YOUR ASSES! You can whine, you can whinge, you can cry, you can scream! You can blame AICN, you can blame the reviewers, you can blame ME - but it's all a waste of breath. YOUR MOVIE IS A TURD. A TURD. Made by old men who DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU, old men who have THEIR HANDS IN YOUR WALLET as they RAPE YOU from behind. And you LOVE THEM FOR IT! LOL! LOL!

  • May 8, 2008, 6:07 p.m. CST

    Sorry, Johnson, but NO DEAL!

    by Merriman Lyon

    Don't forget that when I was a lone voice predicting the direness of this movie, I had dozens of Lucas fanboys BASHING me and DISSING me and saying that I was crazy, deluded - that I couldn't possibly be right. But I STILL held to my convictions, STILL held to the truth that was right in front of my eyes. Well now we know I WAS RIGHT! AND NOW IT'S MY TIME TO GLOAT! Don't take this moment away from me.

  • May 8, 2008, 6:08 p.m. CST

    George Lucas and Expecations

    by Frank-Stallones-Balls

    Lucas is once again crying about people expecting the Second Coming and it is "only a movie". The only reason people expect a biblical event is there is always such a long wait between installments. And imagine if Christ returned after 2000 years and he looked like Vern Troyer and danced like Rick Astley. That is the equivalent of our beloved franchises being turned into something slightly more entertaining than a Carnie Wilson workout video. Stop defending this guy. He is Uwe Boll with a flannel fetish. Everything he has done since the 197os is pure shit!!

  • May 8, 2008, 6:08 p.m. CST

    merriman

    by t40stunt

    someone needs to reach out and pimp slap this fuck seriously. my god are you 2 years old . so you don't like lucas big fucking deal .get over yourself you fucking bitch , hope your looking forward to seeing sex and the city with your mom

  • May 8, 2008, 6:12 p.m. CST

    DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOODS_DUI...

    by poeticwarriorII

    That shits not cool, he works hard to maintain the highest quality of work in his posts and you go and try to fuck it all up by impersonating him?

  • May 8, 2008, 6:12 p.m. CST

    THE CURSE

    by Mr. Cairo

    As long as there's a Lucas, there's always a smell in the air...

  • May 8, 2008, 6:13 p.m. CST

    Jesus, keep up, can't ya?

    by Merriman Lyon

    I have said for MONTHS that wild horses couldn't drag me to see this movie -it's one of the reasons I took so much flak - people COULD NOT COMPREHEND that I would not go to see this pile of crap. I don't NEED to see it - I know it's not worth my time. These two reviews - and the many others to come -all confirm it. I have not been suckered - the idiots who have butchered this franchise will get NO MONEY FROM ME!

  • May 8, 2008, 6:15 p.m. CST

    Off to lie down after all the excitement...

    by Merriman Lyon

    So long, suckers!<p>Enjoy the movie!<p>LOL!

  • May 8, 2008, 6:16 p.m. CST

    Agent Johnson

    by Frank-Stallones-Balls

    Good point but those movies were a long time ago. I mean Chevy Chase used to be funny and now he is just balding, bitter and unfunny. I think a lot of people who bash Lucas used to like him but are just pissed because the dude is a shameless money whore and he does not seem overly concerned with anything but driving his franchises into the ground. Most insulting is how he blames the fans now and has this bitterness towards the people that have lined his pockets for all of these years.

  • May 8, 2008, 6:20 p.m. CST

    Whats all this 'Like' crap ?

    by barnaby jones

    Lucas is fat and wears flannel, Spielberg is so beardy, Ford is old ?? !! I don't give a shit about how they look or whether or i like them. I will never be seen in public with them or become best buds with so... so exactly what the fuck has any of what most of you idiots are yapping about got to do with the quality of Indy IV ?

  • May 8, 2008, 6:21 p.m. CST

    All the people bashing Lucas

    by kwisatzhaderach

    don't seem to realise he had pretty much fuck all to do with the movie. He came up with the macguffin and some story details. Spielberg said Lucas was on set for 3 or 4 days. This is a Spielberg flick, through and through.

  • May 8, 2008, 6:22 p.m. CST

    A matter of taste

    by AlphaWolf2k7

    These rants will never end because people have different tastes in movies. I LOVED Phantom Menace because it featured what I already loved (lightsaber fights) with something new and awesome (pod racing). I don't watch a sequel to look for something completely different, I want to see the same character be put in a different situation. I'm not expecting a new, captivating story or take on Indiana Jones, I'm expecting him to be the archeologist/treasure hunter that I know and love, and see him in this new situation/time frame. I also think that film makers like Spielberg, Lucas, and even Michael Bay are all incredible artists. I'm pretty sure they could care less of your expectations, they'd probably even say "Fuck your expectations." They make the movies they want, the way they want (Bay loves explosions, he'll make explosions; Lucas loves digital effects, he'll create a whole world; etc), and I think that's fucking awesome. Stop hoping the films will be the way you want them to be and start appreciating them for being the product of an artist's imagination, and above all, interest. I'm gonna love IJ4 whether or not the rest of the pricks like it or not. To quote an earlier post by solobear: "if there is someone is sitting near me in the theater before this film starts and they start saying how much this movie is going to suck, I'm going the pepper the floor with their fucking teeth!!!"

  • May 8, 2008, 6:33 p.m. CST

    Where are those eclectic films anyway?

    by Frank-Stallones-Balls

    If he really seemed to show any legitimate interest in doing anything without a huge commercial kickback than I would probably perceive him in a different light. He has chosen a highly mainstream form of art that is going to be scrutinized far more than these imaginary films he will never make could ever be.

  • May 8, 2008, 6:35 p.m. CST

    by MIkeYH

    Whats with this concept that AICN has an "agenda against Indy 4"? lol How fucking ridiculous. You know why these reviews are negative? Because the film is wholly unnecessary, as someone pointed out already Ford is now older than Connery was in the third movie, and GL is a talentless hack without an original idea in his fucking head. That's why the reviews are negative. Who the hell has an agenda against an Indiana Jones movie? I know AICN has a slight to moderate liberal agenda, which makes me slightly to moderately nauseous, but I'm used to liberal agendas by now.

  • May 8, 2008, 6:36 p.m. CST

    I enjoy some of their work

    by barnaby jones

    But i don't 'like' any of them. It's hard to judge where on earth half of you are coming from with all you raping and hating and what not. Get a grip.

  • May 8, 2008, 6:42 p.m. CST

    The big question is...

    by DANNYGLOVERS-DICKBLOODS

    Does Shia get naked? If so, I am totally there! Even just a shot of his taut booty would satisfy this curious fellow, let me tell ya...

  • May 8, 2008, 6:56 p.m. CST

    I love "Free as a Bird"

    by Trazadone

    So I guess I"m in for a good time!

  • May 8, 2008, 6:59 p.m. CST

    This movie is going to be awesome

    by Trazadone

    I have no worries.

  • May 8, 2008, 7:08 p.m. CST

    Great Review

    by robzass

    Bravo Bane.

  • May 8, 2008, 7:18 p.m. CST

    Gotham Night

    by SubliminalJones

    John Rhys Davies voices the CGI male escort who fucks closeted homosexual Bruce Wayne up the butt.

  • May 8, 2008, 7:19 p.m. CST

    COMPLETE BULLSH*T

    by joel007

    There is not a single thing in that entire "review" that is in any way specific to the story - it is simply a bunch of crap pulling info from spoilers out there in the ether. complete bullshit.

  • May 8, 2008, 7:31 p.m. CST

    My Uncle Stosh is a security guard at Paramount

    by FlyingToupee

    And he said he was able to sneak into the last 20 minutes of the screening this week. According to him, Christian Bale as Batman makes a surprise cameo at the end and saves Indy. Also, one of the Crystal Skulls is really the Phantom's skull ring. Sounds neato.

  • May 8, 2008, 7:36 p.m. CST

    Yeah, my uncle confirmed that too

    by FlyingToupee

  • May 8, 2008, 7:44 p.m. CST

    Latest review on the site says...

    by heks

    It's a good Indy movie. Better than Last Crusade. Who could ask for more? He think some people might not like it for personal reasons but doesn't see how anybody could actually say it's bad.<br /><br /> Merriman may have to start repenting as new reviews from non-haters come in.

  • May 8, 2008, 7:49 p.m. CST

    Heard the same thing gotham_night.

    by mrfan

    I even heard that there is a small clip at the end of the movie where Nick Fury tries to recruit an older Shortround. Should be good.

  • May 8, 2008, 8:07 p.m. CST

    This review just got me more excited!!!

    by Orionsangels

    If AICN doesn't like it that much then you know it's good! I love that it's gonna be like the first three movies. I want it to retread ground. It's gonna be like the 80's again! I'm beyond excited!!!

  • May 8, 2008, 8:19 p.m. CST

    let's all calm ourselves

    by joel007

    what is it about people? People are like self destructive nuts or something. Even when it's something as small as a movie they've been looking forward to. It's like they are so filled with frustration and negativity in their everyday lives, they have to wreck things for themselves before they even have a chance to happen! Go over to rotten tomatoes.com, they've got the old reviews for the porevious 3 Indy flicks. There were critics who flat out ripped those movies everybit as much as the so called critics on this website who have in all likelihood not seen the damn thing. It's Star Wars all over again. Let me give you a news flash people. YOU ARE NOT TEN ANYMORE. THIS MOVIE WILL NOT BE LIKE IT WAS WHEN YOU ARE TEN. GET THE HELL OVER IT. Christ.

  • May 8, 2008, 8:25 p.m. CST

    Nobody has seen this film yet

    by Trazadone

    Jesus, people, don't you realize that?

  • May 8, 2008, 9:06 p.m. CST

    No matter how bad the early word of mouth is...

    by HoichiTheEarless

    I'm there opening week. I never had high expectations and they're only getting lower, so maybe I can just enjoy it so long as it doesn't completely suck. In all honest Raiders is the only truly great film in the series anyway.

  • May 8, 2008, 9:18 p.m. CST

    Are these reviewers seeing the final cut

    by Crimson Dynamo

    or is Spielberg still editing and tightening up some of the scenes? Hopefully he works on it right up to the release date

  • May 8, 2008, 9:53 p.m. CST

    Merriman - you worthless cunt

    by Laserbrain

    If reveling in the disappointments of others is, to you, better than sex; if seeing the passions of a few harmless film geeks' trampled upon and invalidated is your idea of a good time; if *that's* what constitutes a great day for you then you truly are an emotionally stunted piece of social waste and someone to be pitied. That you have been at this behaviour for almost ten years now makes the tragedy even more poignant. A few years from now when you elect suicide in lieu of what you now call a life I sincerely hope you you will honor us all by posting the note here at AICN. Godspeed, you magnificent asshole.

  • May 8, 2008, 9:53 p.m. CST

    Temple Of Doom-Ass Kicking Cinema

    by Dr. Temple Of Doom

    One of the most exciting, enjoyable, scream out loud, ass kicking movie experiences i have ever had was during the last 45 mins of temple of doom.As much as i truly believe that the truck chase in raiders is simple the best, most thrilling, multilayered action sequences yet to be topped in the history of movies, as far as the Indy films are concerned, temple of doom has without a doubt the strongest ending of them all. The thugee ceremony, the fight for willie, the voodoo doll fight on the conveyor belt, the escape from the cave, the mine chase ( to me one of the weaker sequences) waterfall hang on, the sword fight, the trapped bridge sequence ( which to me really humanized Indy Jones when trapped saying "aw shit".) Temple of Doom emerges unrivaled by movies today which rely on effects and pyrotechnics and rapid fire editing as a substitute for excitement. to thrill. and then there is mola ram......goddammed, now that's a villain for your ass. he is simply on of the most vile, scary, threatening movie villains since Darth Vader.the scene where he is hanging on the bridge with Indy, fighting and trying to pull out his heart..accented by that kick ass haunted chant music, damn i still get goosebumps watching it 25 years later. as far as the humor that people seem to love so much about last crusade,,, great....but humor is not why i go to see an Indy film. humor in an Indy film is the cathartic release after scenes so thrilling and intense you either laugh or die from sheer exhilaration. what i loved about Indy was that he'd get into these dangerous situations where you were reasonably sure he was not going to die...... but how in the fuck is he going to make it out alive! You just didn't know. Crusade didn't give me that once. for me crusade was soft. no threatening villain, lame and contrived sequences that tried to mimic tone of others (tank chase-inferior reconstruction of raiders truck chase, boat chase- lame re working of conveyor belt fight.) no deadly traps, no big man Mano e Mano and most disappointing to me, no threat in recovering the mcguffin. I'm sorry for me a funny father and son love story does not make an Indiana Jones Action Extravaganza. Raiders got it right, TOD was hot on its heels despite over the top first 20 mins, crusade..........well.... i love Indiana Jones..love.. and what i loved most is that it had the danger, the energy the thrills,it was clever and dangerous and while raiders set the standard and temple met it, crusade is too much like a lethal weapon 4 where the thrill is gone. i liked crusade, it was fun and cute but that's not why i go to see an Indiana Jones film. I go to see an Indiana Jones film to see a man armed with his wit, passion, knowledge, resourcefulness and a little luck, go to the uncharted mysterious ends of the earth,in search of a mythical object with mysterious powers against odd so impossible you know there is know way he can possibly succeed, but he does.. every damn time. to me...i got that with raiders and temple....... with crusade i got a "father and son on the run" movie. overall score Raiders-Gold, Temple-Silver, Crusade-Zonk Prize. PS- can we cut back on the Spielberg/Lucas hating, these two men are the reason we are discussing this 25 years later. Dr. Temple of Doom

  • May 8, 2008, 10:17 p.m. CST

    Crusade... Cool fun, less thrilling

    by Dr. Temple Of Doom

    hey guys i feel your love for crusade, im just saying from my POV as compared to Raiders and TOD...all I can say is "where's the beef" Crusade is Indy lite..... ill be the first to admit TOD opens kinda hokey but the end has some of the best indy moments of the series....

  • May 8, 2008, 10:21 p.m. CST

    AICN dogpiles ontop of a Lucas/Spielberg movie...THAT'S A SHOCKE

    by TallBoy66

    No, really, I didn't see this one comming.

  • May 8, 2008, 10:22 p.m. CST

    I'm really surprised there are negative reviews on here

    by TallBoy66

    Yeah, as if this has never happened before for a big summer blockbuster. Right.

  • May 8, 2008, 10:51 p.m. CST

    one of the best...

    by joel007

    Indy adventures is in the chronicles. Young Indy and the Phantom Train of Doom. Flat out great stuff. Indy with a bunch of old and thought to be washed up former soldiers trying to find a German train to blow it up. Plus had Paul (Belloq) Freeman in it, though in a non-Belloq role.

  • May 8, 2008, 10:52 p.m. CST

    trench warfare

    by joel007

    ones were pretty damn good too.

  • May 8, 2008, 11:08 p.m. CST

    Studio screenings suck

    by Pizza The Hut

    Totally ruined my virgin mind going into this movie. Now I feel violated. Wish I'd never read these reviews.

  • May 9, 2008, 12:22 a.m. CST

    Last Crusade didn't take itself seriously?

    by AntoniusBloc

    Sorry forgot who wrote this, but i disagree. The least serious of the three was Temple of Doom, and my least favorite. I think the Last Crusade was actually an improvement of Raiders, in terms of the depth of the story, but Raiders benefits from being the original story. But Connery's character adds a perspective that Raiders didn't have, and that was the perspective of one who actually believed the mythology surrounding what was being sought, and unlike the aftermath of finding the Ark in Raiders, finding the Holy Grail has meaning for the characters, especially Indy's dad. There are more levels of meaning other than just keeping a weapon from the Nazi's. Last Crusade also added much more depth to Indy's character, and to understanding his motivations. But the Last Crusade should have been the last Indy film, especially after all this time has passed.

  • May 9, 2008, 12:39 a.m. CST

    Crusade was forced slapstick

    by Prossor

    While Raiders and Temple had sarcastic/cynical humor, sharp and full of wit.

  • May 9, 2008, 1:15 a.m. CST

    Antonius

    by Iron Manga

    Anyone who thinks Crusade is better than Raiders needs a CAT scan. Something is wrong with your head mister.

  • May 9, 2008, 1:30 a.m. CST

    AntoniusBloc

    by heks

    I agree with everything you said ... except the last sentence. I can't wait for the new movie. I think I'm more excited to see it than I have been for any other movie in my life.

  • May 9, 2008, 1:40 a.m. CST

    Iron Manga

    by heks

    I don't think he was saying that Last Crusade is better than Raiders, period. I think he was saying (and I agree) that there are aspects of Last Crusade that are an improvement on Raiders. Of course, on the flip side, there's stuff about Raiders that's better than Last Crusade.<br /><br /> All in all, Raiders is probably the better the movie, but I think Last Crusade is more than a worthy entry in the series for the very reasons that AntoniusBloc mentioned.<br /><br /> For me, I will say that I think Last Crusade suffers from waiting too long to get into the trademark outfit ... other than brief bit on the boat at the beginning. Because of that, Last Crusade only REALLY starts feeling like an Indy movie for me in the scene immediately after he knocks out the butler. It starts feeling like an Indy movie from the scene where he tells Elsa that he thinks his dad is in a particular room in the castle, and when she asks why he says, "because it's wired".<br /><br /> That having been said, I do really like the scene between Indy and Donovan where you're getting the backstory on the grail. That feels right. And it's not to say that I don't like the rest ... it's just that the other parts feel slightly off up until the scene I mentioned.

  • May 9, 2008, 1:51 a.m. CST

    "Spielberg boasts that this movie looks and feels exactly like t

    by CuervoJones

    That´s all i need.

  • May 9, 2008, 2:57 a.m. CST

    Speilberg made it for you!

    by Darth Fart

    And that's why it's not good. Never make films for the audience. You primarily make it for yourself.

  • May 9, 2008, 3:07 a.m. CST

    "Not the first time I've been right about a movie!"

    by Lost Jarv

    And that pharase is exactly what is wrong with you misreable bastards and your pre-emptive gloating. <P>Fuck I hope this is good, not just for its own sake, but so I can jam it down your simpering frowning maws.

  • May 9, 2008, 3:09 a.m. CST

    "LOL! LOL! LOL! This is like sex!"

    by Lost Jarv

    good lord. <P>You sad pathetic loser.

  • May 9, 2008, 3:52 a.m. CST

    Bottom line is I wanna see a new Indy movie...

    by Orionsangels

    and I want to stay in the Indy universe. That means be like the other Indy films, even a retread. I don't want a different Indy or worse a modern shallow Indy film. I want it kept traditional.

  • May 9, 2008, 3:54 a.m. CST

    Yes, Jarv...

    by Laserbrain

    Apparently, attempting to destroy other peoples' happy anticipation of a film is a comparable sensation to back-dooring a tranquilized goat. Ya learn something new every day.

  • May 9, 2008, 5:28 a.m. CST

    Anyone yell plant yet?

    by Knuckleduster

    Why not?

  • May 9, 2008, 5:37 a.m. CST

    "back-dooring a tranquilized goat"

    by Lost Jarv

    LOL. <P>I heard he doesn't tranq them. It's better for him when they fight back.

  • May 9, 2008, 5:47 a.m. CST

    I mean seriously - did anyone expect this to be good??

    by geraldbeans

    I've been trying to tell you Indiana Jones nerds since this trailer came out - THIS MOVIE LOOKS LAME! The second movie was lame and disjointed. The third movie I didn't even like as a 12 year old it was so self-evidently about the money. Now this movie? Which is CLEARLY made to give Harrison Ford a career again. That's the only reason. And you guys all thought it would be good? Also, this movie suffers from "20 year absence but we're still going to pretend that video games never existed syndrome". It's a new day. And I've seen these set pieces in lara croft cutscenes. Heck, I've seen them in the Lara Croft movies! And the Mummy movies! I don't care if you're "the original". Unless you bring something new to the game, nobody cares. Prepare to be diappointed nerds!

  • May 9, 2008, 6:01 a.m. CST

    Schadenfreude is such a loathsome spectacle

    by Lost Jarv

    and always comed before a spectacular plummet from your positions of self-righteousness. <P>You'd all do well to remember the price of hubris.

  • May 9, 2008, 7:16 a.m. CST

    Fuck the haters

    by Rickey Henderson

    AICN has no problem slobbering all over the candycane colored cockmeat sandwhich that is "Speed Racer" but they can't show a little love for one of the greatest franchises of all time? Rickey calls bullshit. Get me a review from AN ACTUAL Indiana Jones fan, then we'll talk. Enough with the ADD riddled geekdom love for stupid cartoon franchises already. This is goddamned Indiana Jones we're talking about people, you dig?

  • May 9, 2008, 7:53 a.m. CST

    DAMN YOU MICHAEL BAY

    by Abominable Snowcone

    Awesome Pool!

  • May 9, 2008, 8:15 a.m. CST

    Timing is Everything

    by toxicbuddha

    Let's face it: this flick is at LEAST 20 years too late. Make up and an unlimited cache of goodwill aside, Ford playing the character at damn near 70 just deflates the role and the span of years has only made the vintage of the earlier films all the headier. I'll catch it on DVD for old time's sake.

  • May 9, 2008, 9:19 a.m. CST

    Fuckin A, Orcus...

    by Rickey Henderson

    Sorry, but people who can't get excited for an Indy movie are dead on the inside. And these people will gobble down some rehashed Japanese cartoon import instead? Sorry, but you're not a worthwhile member of society at that point.

  • May 9, 2008, 9:34 a.m. CST

    Jarv would like to add

    by Lost Jarv

    that although he has no idea who Rickey Henderson actually is, he more than agrees regarding Speed Racer

  • May 9, 2008, 9:36 a.m. CST

    Big difference

    by Abominable Snowcone

    between Sean Connery in 1983's "Never Say Never Again" and 1989's "Crusade." He actually looked pretty damn good in "Never." I guess the subsequent six years hit hard. Either that or, he allowed them to hit hard so that his 59 years showed more. He's always been a handsome muther.

  • May 9, 2008, 9:49 a.m. CST

    Plus, he nailed a young Kim Bassinger

    by Abominable Snowcone

    she was smoking hot in that.

  • May 9, 2008, 9:52 a.m. CST

    Iron Man was definitely over-rated...

    by Kid Z

    ...Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it. Robert Downey Jr. turned in an amazing performance. Jeff Bridges was surprisingly good as a villain, even Gwinneth didn't suck(!). But taken as a whole, it just seemed a little flat overall. I think the problem was the source material, Iron Man was always in the second tier of Marvel characters, sort of like a Daredevil that never had a Frank Miller to turn the concept upside down. Still, whereas Daredevil had a crappy movie adaptation (even though, it's a guilty pleasure, hey, sue me) Iron Man had a pretty good one.

  • May 9, 2008, 9:55 a.m. CST

    "Cockmeat sandwich"...

    by Kid Z

    ...actually, I think Andrew Zimmern actually ate one of those when Bizarre Foods featured food from Morrocco a couple months back.

  • May 9, 2008, 10:01 a.m. CST

    Agreed, Kid Z

    by Rickey Henderson

    Iron Mensch got a little too much fawning here at AICN. It was an adquately made superhero flick, but it certainly was not the orgasm inducing event that some of us seem to believe it was. Let's be honest now: there were two action pieces to it and both weren't exactly incredible. Yes, Downey Jr. was great as we all expected, but it would be kind of a shame if he ended up making Iron Man movies for the rest of his life.

  • May 9, 2008, 10:02 a.m. CST

    Anrdrew Zimmerman claims to have a wife...

    by Rickey Henderson

    No kidding--he makes multiple references to this shadowy woman in the show. Man, if that's not a beard, Rickey doesn't know what is...

  • May 9, 2008, 10:07 a.m. CST

    I'm an old man of 46...

    by Big DM

    And I understand exactly what the reviewer means by mentioning Rocky Balboa as a worthy sequel. The Wrath of Khan covered Jim Kirk's aging without sacrificing a rousing story.

  • May 9, 2008, 10:07 a.m. CST

    geraldbeans

    by just pillow talk

    Yes, and since you dislike TOD and TLC, we strongly disagree as to what is a good movie.

  • May 9, 2008, 10:09 a.m. CST

    Megaforce

    by Abominable Snowcone

    Now there's a good movie. There's never been an action hero quite like ACE HUNTER. Deeds not words, people.

  • May 9, 2008, 10:11 a.m. CST

    Rickey...

    by just pillow talk

    Iron Man continued...<p>You have mentioned that IM was by-the-numbers superhero movie, and that may be, but what elevates any sort of similar story (no matter the genre) is the main character. <p>Now, I totally agree that I wouldn't want RDJ to do the Iron Man thing for the rest of his career (he won't), but he certainly makes IM stand out for me. <p>Oh, and I completely agree with you on your "fuck the haters" post.<p>Good to see you posting in the present Orcus!

  • May 9, 2008, 10:12 a.m. CST

    Don't mess with...

    by radio1_mike

  • May 9, 2008, 10:12 a.m. CST

    Don't mess with...

    by radio1_mike

  • May 9, 2008, 10:14 a.m. CST

    don't leave us in suspense radio1_mike!

    by just pillow talk

  • May 9, 2008, 10:16 a.m. CST

    Don't mess with... again.

    by radio1_mike

    1) Don't mess with "Free as a Bird"- that is a great song. Even if only as am homage to John from the other three. 2) I am excited for the Indy Movie, but this is about 17 years too late... Christ. What? Was Regarding Henry aching to be made? Or HF just HAD to take over as Jack Ryan, when he should have been doing the final Indy movie??

  • May 9, 2008, 10:19 a.m. CST

    You gotta slap these people...

    by radio1_mike

    Harrison Ford is a decent leading man but ultimately an actor who plays characters. I am glad he has done all his movies, but you have to know where you bread is buttered... Also, this should be a warning to Sigourney Weaver-- don't leave Alien 5 until you are 66!

  • May 9, 2008, 10:20 a.m. CST

    Orcus posted in the present tense?

    by toadkillerdog

    Where? Did the Earth stop rotating?

  • May 9, 2008, 10:22 a.m. CST

    toadkiller...

    by just pillow talk

    No, I meant he's posting in a current talkback, ie, the present. <p>I fear armageddon if Orcus were to post in the present tense... *shudder*

  • May 9, 2008, 10:23 a.m. CST

    Orcus posted recently

    by Abominable Snowcone

    as in, earlier today. But not in the first person. Orcus always refers to himself in the third person. Which I love.

  • May 9, 2008, 10:25 a.m. CST

    If Orcus were to ever use "I"

    by Abominable Snowcone

    referring to himself in the first person, the universe would implode and it would mark the spontaneous and cataclysmic end of all creation.

  • May 9, 2008, 10:27 a.m. CST

    JPT

    by toadkillerdog

    Thank goodness, you had me sacred there for a moment. I was about to convert the cash to krugerands and dive into the bom shelter!

  • May 9, 2008, 10:27 a.m. CST

    not even 2for2true could prevent the impending

    by just pillow talk

    catastrophe of Orcus first person....

  • May 9, 2008, 10:28 a.m. CST

    sorry toad!

    by just pillow talk

    I'm the boy who cried out Orcus first person.

  • May 9, 2008, 10:29 a.m. CST

    The phenomenon

    by Abominable Snowcone

    known as "O-1P" has seen the destruction of more outer-ring planetary systems than Galactus.

  • May 9, 2008, 10:29 a.m. CST

    Agreed, JPW

    by Rickey Henderson

    Downey was terrific and that's what carried the movie. The point is that we've seen our share of lousy superhero movies now and when a decent one comes our way, the response should be more along the lines of "it's about time" then "OMFG IRON MAN RULEZ!" Also, little more action in this movie wouldn't have been bad. You had two major set pieces and one of them was too dark to see much. For a $150 million movie, I was kind of unimpressed. Nothing really blew my hair back and singed my eyebrows. Yes, I know, "just wait until the sequel! Then they'll really cut loose!" but you know what? Some of us don't feel like waiting three years. Give us balls out fun action movie NOW, already?

  • May 9, 2008, 10:29 a.m. CST

    I meant scared not sacred - damn this lack of edit

    by toadkillerdog

  • May 9, 2008, 10:30 a.m. CST

    what if....

    by Lost Jarv

    Orcus' future self bumped into Orcus posting in an Indy TB? <P>The possibilities are frightening.

  • May 9, 2008, 10:32 a.m. CST

    Rickey's right here Orcus

    by Rickey Henderson

    Sometimes Rickey posts in third person, and sometimes Rickey doesn't. It all depends on the mood Rickey's in (and how irritating the other TBers find it).

  • May 9, 2008, 10:32 a.m. CST

    JPW????

    by just pillow talk

    Who's that Dave Henderson? :-)

  • May 9, 2008, 10:33 a.m. CST

    I wonder if Orcus

    by Abominable Snowcone

    is one person, or perhaps a plurality, like a collective entitity referring to "itself" in third person. I'm starting to think that if "he" is singular, he's probably a giant robot with lots of onboard weapons and a cool tracheotomy robot voice.

  • May 9, 2008, 10:33 a.m. CST

    if that happened Jarv....

    by just pillow talk

    Then the only movie that would be played in a repeated loop would be "Timeline".

  • May 9, 2008, 10:35 a.m. CST

    Orcus is one person and many Abom...

    by just pillow talk

    Singular and plural and neither....<p>He's here and there and everywhere....<p>He's Keyser Soze.

  • May 9, 2008, 10:35 a.m. CST

    Or perhaps "Timerider"

    by Abominable Snowcone

    starring the great Fred Ward as motorcycle champion-turned-time traveler Lyle Swann. That movie's right up there with "Megaforce," and even back then you can see the greatness Ward would bring to Tremors I and II.

  • May 9, 2008, 10:39 a.m. CST

    Damn it,

    by Lost Jarv

    I've got embroiled in a political TB. <P>Note to self LEAVE THAT SHIT ALONE

  • May 9, 2008, 10:39 a.m. CST

    I have to see that.

    by Lost Jarv

    Where's my lovefilm password. I bet they don't have it.

  • May 9, 2008, 10:42 a.m. CST

    I got raped by these reviews.

    by dioxholster

    my ass got pounded thanks to those nifty reviews. next time ainitgoodnews should stick to only to GOOD news.

  • May 9, 2008, 10:44 a.m. CST

    Do you have a 3 headed dog?

    by Lost Jarv

    no self respecting Underworld keeper should be without a triple headed beast that swallows the souls of Banned users. <P>Unfortunately it keeps pooping them out in new repugnant forms.

  • May 9, 2008, 10:44 a.m. CST

    Luckily, the underworld allows visitors...

    by just pillow talk

    I've renewed my underworld visa for 2 more years, very reasonable fees...

  • May 9, 2008, 10:45 a.m. CST

    off to lunch....

    by just pillow talk

    Later boys...

  • May 9, 2008, 10:46 a.m. CST

    heh, sorry pillow!

    by Rickey Henderson

    Rickey misspoke.<br> <br> Lost Jarv: you fool! politics has no place on AICN. Unless you're arguing that "Speed Racer" is a fascist movie. Then it's both appropriate and hilarious.<br> <br> Rickey really does suspect that Orcus is a school of Borg-like robotic porposes that speak in unison.

  • May 9, 2008, 10:53 a.m. CST

    too late now

    by Lost Jarv

    I hang my head in shame. <P>I was on a zoological expedition examining some of the species that inhabit the TB jungle, and was so horrified I had to get my Changian Elephant gun to ensure that they were driven to extinction. <P>Unfortunately they seem to posess thick, scaly hides and I'm reloading like a motherfucker to annihilate them. <P>I did pray to the holy trinity and Ash himself promised me a larger boomstick. <P>Confuscious say "never swat a mosquito with a cannonball". But Burt says "Where's the fun in that, anyway a cannonball can frequently be appropriate ammo"

  • May 9, 2008, 10:53 a.m. CST

    Rickey is well, Orcus

    by Rickey Henderson

    Rickey relishes the upcoming weekend. Rickey's also trying to figure out which Indy TB to post on...

  • May 9, 2008, 10:59 a.m. CST

    I always wondered about Zimmern's wife, too...

    by Kid Z

    ...Maybe she's that Wachowski sibling! I mean really... wife??? What with how he's always describing scorpion potpies, or monkey-brain stew (or whatever) as "FAB-ulous!"??? What's really funny is how all the foreigners look at him like, "WTF???" Seriously, I think they work it out beforehand, "Hey Akhmed, let's just through the nastiest s***t imaginable in a pot and cook it so the fat, gay Yank'll make a fool out of himself by actually eating it! It'll be hilarious!"

  • May 9, 2008, 11:03 a.m. CST

    Badly/

    by Lost Jarv

    Stupid political TB. <P>See you next week

  • May 9, 2008, 11:08 a.m. CST

    There was only ever ONE good IJ movie

    by Sepulchrave

    ...and everybody knows it.

  • May 9, 2008, 11:10 a.m. CST

    Lost Jarv

    by toadkillerdog

    Stay out of that one, it is pointless.

  • May 9, 2008, 11:12 a.m. CST

    You living on the Northeastern Seaboard, Orcus?

    by Rickey Henderson

    Rickey is (the greater NYC area) and it sucks up here.

  • May 9, 2008, 11:19 a.m. CST

    My thoughts, for what it's worth...

    by tylermo

    Admittedly, this movie should have probably (if it at all) should have been released just before, during, or after Harrison's Tom Clancy-movie years. That said, I'm still excited to see it. The passage of time, and the age we were when the first three movies were released will have an effect on some viewers. I was at least 10 when I saw Raiders, probably 13 for Temple, and 18 when Crusade came out in 89. I enjoyed them all, probably ranked in order of release. Raiders is just GREAT, GREAT, GREAT! And, I still enjoyed Temple very much. Sure, Willie Scott and Short Round(although) were no Marion and Sallah(from the 1st film), but they were no Jar Jar either. Don't remember being bothered by them at the time, or much now. As for Crusade, I still love it. Does add some depth to Indy's character. At the time, but definately in the later years, it was quite obvious that Sallah and Marcus were complete buffoons. Marcus maybe had a reason to be there, but Sallah(and I love the character dearly) was about like Rhys' other character in the Two Towers, "Gimli-comic relief". That's two John Rhys-portrayed characters, who were well used in the first movies, and later used for laughs. ANyway, where to start on this new film? I've seen some still photos, and sometimes Indy looks great, and sometimes Harrison just looks too old. I would think the acting and directing will still be pretty good. Afterall, it's Ford and Spielberg. Will it be Raiders? No. Just like Phantom Menace(even with better dialogue, direction, no Jar Jar and Midichlorians)would have never been A New Hope or Empire. That's almost a fact. This film will not live up to the hype either. That said, I think most of the hype is from the late 20's, 30-something, 40's-60's crowd who probably enjoyed the old films. For them, seeing Harrison in an action movie wouldn't be unlike the old Eastwood fan coming out of the wood work to catch one of his films. Who cares whether the movie tops Iron Man's gross? It will still do well in the first week. I've heard complaints about the rumor of the film having the same 80's filmed look. By and large, I welcome that. It shouldn't look too out of place. And, say what you will, but some of the space battles in Jedi hold up to, or surpass some of the digital look in the prequels. When done right, those models were the key. Ask me if any of the digital look from today's Doctor WHo, or 1990's Babylon 5 hold up to those old effects. No, they don't. Partly due to budget. I realize some will hope for modern day effects, even if they look comp-generated. The only shots those should be used for(by and large) is for face-melting Raiders type effects, that may look dated. As for the rest, the more cgi it is, the more it will feel that way. Enough about that I suppose. In closing, I still marvel at the Lucas, Speilberg, and Ford bashing. I'm not asking people to not be critical of the SW prequels. I have plenty of problems with those films. I don't feel like this elementary school kid who saw SW back in 77 or 78 was raped in the ass. People begged GL for more movies (for years). Swore up and down that his off-handed comment (taken out of context) about 7,8,9 was the real deal. Felt cheated because they didn't get more than three movies. Either way, they were kept at bay with Raiders films, and the like. Spielberg continued to dazzle with the Jones films, his involvment in other movies. Not to mention coming back to the director's chair with the likes of Saving Private Ryan, and a late 20th century masterpiece, Schindler's List. Yet, people want to savage these men because every movie they ever produced was as big, or as good as Jaws, Close Encounters, American Graffiti, Star Wars, Empire, Jedi, Raiders, even the other two Jones films, etc. Doesn't mean you have to like or apologize for the bad movies, but you have to realize one thing. Realistically, directors, rock bands, actors, and the like, are not going to ahve hit after hit after hit after hit. (Bad example)remember George Michael? uugghh, I know :-( Some big hits with wham, and then at least 9(?) number ones or huge hits. Some thought his success would be a solo artist second coming. Well, guess what? He ain't shit now. Eventually, Madonna(if she hasn't already) will run out of steam. And, the same for Lucas, Spielberg, John Williams, etc. Not apologizing for their less-than-stellar efforts, or mediocre entries, I'm just being realistic. ANd, it's a damned shame when some guy(who probably smells of B.O., lives with his perfectly healthy mother when he's 39 years old, never feels the air on his 3/4 exposed ass crack when he's bent over at the gaming table(not putting down gaming-I'm an enthusiast of the hobby), and can't find a big enough t-shirt to cover his 300 lb. belly, is pissing all over Spielberg, and even Lucas. The Lucas neck comments are the most juvenile. Yes, he is like most other people who get old. SOme put on weight. He is criticized for not spending the SW bucks to have surgery. ANd, they'd still criticize him for having plastic surgery like the bimbo-Simpson clan. I damn well guarantee that most of us will not look as good as Lucas at 63. This guy was a big part of our childhoods. We rallied around his projects, and when he didn't deliver the goods in 1999, people claimed they had been raped. Fuck, I've complained about the prequels, and that Lucas shouldn't have directed, or written the screenplays, but I'm not going to ignore his other talents, or made childish comments about his appearance. For you people who genuinely like everything about the prequels, good for you. I like parts of em'. You guys (unfortunately) take it up the ass from these basement dwellers that can't get over the disappointment from nearly 10 years ago. Fuck em. Crystal Skull is coming May 22nd. It might suck worse than Mummy 2. And, (as much as I love my old franchises), it's just a damned movie. *shatner snl quote coming from a self-proclaimed geek-sophisticate(hence I bathe, have a life, a job, a family)"Get a life."

  • May 9, 2008, 11:42 a.m. CST

    Promblem...

    by Pariah74

    Problem is that too many people on this site (and others) lack the ability to differentiate between a popcorn roller coaster ride movie and an epic. <br><br><br> I don't understand why they can't just accept that most of the movies released in the summer are not made to be thought about and are entirely for cheap laughs and thrills. (Cheap meaning easy because they spend big buck trying to entertain the ingrates!)<br><br> It baffles me that so many are expecting so much from this film.<br><br>Only those morons think this movie should be equal in quality to RotLA, or ToD. Nobody else, not even Lucas, Spielberg, and Ford think of this film as anything but a fun little nostalgic exercise that market conditions said was economically viable. THAT'S IT!<br><br> If you can't go to the theater and enjoy Indy's last ride for what it is then why bother to go at all?

  • May 9, 2008, 11:42 a.m. CST

    Yeah it sucks mighily here...

    by Rickey Henderson

    Damn, why can't Indy be opening this weekend? Cause Rickey sure as shit aint venturing out into the rain for this Speed Racer garbage.

  • May 9, 2008, 11:43 a.m. CST

    I want to see the look

    by Series7

    On some High school history teachers face when he over heard some kids talking in class next week saying, "Who the fuck is Indiana Jones?" The man that this poor teacher has admired and masterbated too thoughout most of his career. <P> Its ok Harrison, you didn't have to do this, no one remembers the crap you did after What Lies Beneath anyway...except for the Fucking Ben Affleck video. Oh well enjoy your money because you know this movie is going to bank.

  • May 9, 2008, 11:49 a.m. CST

    I said two weeks ago...

    by trojanwilliams

    That there was a 5-/50 chance Hancock would be a better movie and no one took me seriously. Read it and weep George Lucas lovers.<br><br> Don't you wish now that Spielberg was allowed to make the Darabont version everyone but Lucas loved.<br><br> George Lucas is a HACK and needs to be put down (or at least entombed in some sort of egyptian pyramid)!

  • May 9, 2008, 12:02 p.m. CST

    INDY 1-2-3 we all great...so were SW 1-2-3

    by FleshMachine

    sure we have our favorites...but they were all good films... eps 1-2-3 were trash in comparison....and indy 4?...yep fingers crossed...but this does not bode well.

  • May 9, 2008, 12:03 p.m. CST

    once these films become self-aware..its all over.

    by FleshMachine

    postmodern does not make for a good film. good simpsons ep maybe.

  • May 9, 2008, 12:07 p.m. CST

    Pariah74

    by FleshMachine

    we expect a GOOD FILM...like all the previous indy films. *i'll grant some crusade critisism..but basically its a fun GOOD movie." so were the first 3 SW movies....the prequels were BAD FILMS on many levels. "dumb action popcorn flick" or not..a good movie is a good movie and bad one is a bad one. Jedi was a good film (yes even the ewoks)...Sith was not. in my opinion anyway.

  • May 9, 2008, 12:15 p.m. CST

    There's a difference between an intellectual film and...

    by rbatty024

    a well crafted film. Indiana Jones might not be an intellectual film in the way that Ingmar Bergman's films are, but that does not mean they're not well crafted. Just saying they're a popcorn flick does not mean you can't judge them on their craftsmanship. There are both good and bad popcorn flicks. I happen to think all three Indiana Jones films are well crafted popcorn flicks. <p> Now, those who are looking for some sort of transcendental experience where you are transported to a time of childhood might be looking in the wrong direction. However, if you're looking for a good flick with charismatic characters made by a director who wants to have some fun, then I think Indy 4 might just be up your alley (only time will tell).

  • May 9, 2008, 12:20 p.m. CST

    The reviewer sounds like a cunt

    by I Dunno

    But that kind of opinion is all relative.

  • May 9, 2008, 12:28 p.m. CST

    what are the odds Rickey, that the Met game

    by just pillow talk

    is played tonight? I hate trying to decide if the attempt is worth it when it's raining...

  • May 9, 2008, 12:29 p.m. CST

    rbatty024

    by just pillow talk

    I like that differentiation for a summer flick. I happen to agree with you, the Indy films have a good 'feel' to them, and I certainly hope this one continues in that direction.

  • May 9, 2008, 12:33 p.m. CST

    FleshMachine

    by Pariah74

    Good is very relative.<br><br> Someone else said "well crafted" and according to the reviews it is, so what's your prejudgemental beef, FleshMachine?<br><br> The SW Prequels had their issues, especially TPM but they were far from the horrible mess whining fanboys make them out to be.<br><br>Anyone who has read the Marvel Comics Star Wars from the 70's and early 80's can tell you just how bad Star Wars could have been. Not only that but anyone who has read any New Jedi Order books and thinks they are great is not allowed to have an opinion on Star Wars films IMO because they obviously don't understand the point of the movies.

  • May 9, 2008, 12:38 p.m. CST

    I agree with rbatty024

    by Pariah74

    These look something fun to do on a Saturday afternoon with my nephews and brother in law. <br><br><br>Another problem haters have is that they don't understand that now they are the adults going to the family films. There's a reason you don't see many 60 year old Star Wars fans. They all took us to see the movie, and they enjoyed it too...they were just grown ups and saw how silly it was.<br><br> Maybe some of the haters should try taking kids with them to see these films? <br><br>Or at least realize that they are grown ups now and can't be enthralled the way they once could.

  • May 9, 2008, 12:43 p.m. CST

    Pariah74

    by just pillow talk

    Let them hate. It does no good to try and reason with them. Those that enjoyed the previous incarnations of Indy (I think) will enjoy this one, as that last trailer really worked on me.

  • May 9, 2008, 12:45 p.m. CST

    Indy will "enthrall" me in my pants

    by Abominable Snowcone

    I'm not saying I disbelieve these recent reviews, but in the case of a new Indiana Jones movie after almost 20 years, they're not gonna stop me from seeing it, probably two or three times, in the theatre. Probably with my hand on my wiener.

  • May 9, 2008, 12:47 p.m. CST

    We had a meeting at work today

    by Abominable Snowcone

    and when people raised their hands for questions, I said "Put your hands down, you're embarrassing us." They just looked at me funny, because they didn't get the reference yet. So I said "Gimme some sugar, baby" to the cute blonde, and mauled her in her chair.

  • May 9, 2008, 12:50 p.m. CST

    Indy is one of the reasons why I go to the movies

    by just pillow talk

    Raiders was one of those first few movies I saw in the theaters as a kid. Guess what? Iron Man made me happy as a little kid and I'm hoping this succeeds as well.<p>Abom - better space out your viewings.

  • May 9, 2008, 12:52 p.m. CST

    my boss asked me today if I was ready to go

    by just pillow talk

    into a meeting this morning. <p>I said "ready? I was born ready."<p>This rather large, big-boned Accounts Payable clerk was blocking my way in the hall, so I said "She-bitch...let's go." I then took her out with a paper clip and my #2 pencil. <p>It's been a good Friday.

  • May 9, 2008, 12:53 p.m. CST

    I'll say it again

    by tylermo

    the prequels had loads of problems for me. I watched them, I own them, still enjoy PARTS of each movie. All that said, (and I hate Jar Jar, Midichlorians, etc) if everybody's least favorite cgi character had been around in 1977, or in place of the Ewoks, he would have been big thing. Kids would have lapped it up. I don't think the handful of adult critics who praised the old films would have been as keen on Jar Jar, but the young audiences would have been enthralled. Probably would have been cooler than threepio and artoo. *uugghh* If you can imagine that. The prequels would have been well-recieved if they had been released in the late 70's and early 80's. And, if 4,5, and 6 had been released in 99,02, and 05. At best, they would have been sort of well-liked. But might not have lived up to 20 years of speculation about Qui-Gon Jinn, Watto, Amidala, etc. Not defending the prequels, just merely pointing out what might have been if the films had been released in numerical order. Just a thought.

  • May 9, 2008, 1 p.m. CST

    I dispatched two clerks and a scheduler

    by Abominable Snowcone

    with one stapler and a paper-puncher. Just a little while ago, I sprinkled a pack of thumbtacks along the back hallway to discourage any hooligans from trespassing.

  • May 9, 2008, 1:02 p.m. CST

    a billing clerk was becoming tiresome to me...

    by just pillow talk

    So I ran him through the paper shredder. On the positive side, he'll be recycled.

  • May 9, 2008, 1:06 p.m. CST

    JPT...

    by Rickey Henderson

    the weather report calls for soaking rain all day and into the evening... no way will they be playing tonight.

  • May 9, 2008, 1:43 p.m. CST

    We're supposed to see the Indians game

    by Abominable Snowcone

    tonight. Rain is in the forecast but right now it looks okay. If we're lookin' at a rainout, I wish it would happen soon, because I'd just as soon go to the game another day when it's nice out. If I have to sit in yucky weather, I'll probably stab some vendors with a pencil

  • May 9, 2008, 2:16 p.m. CST

    yeah, we just bagged it

    by just pillow talk

    It's fucking pouring out here...<p>The Indians are playing the Jays though, Halladay is throwing. That's a quality game Abom. Me, I'm not sitting in the rain to watch Pelphrey go 4 1/3 innnings, 4 BB, 5 runs...yeesh.

  • May 9, 2008, 2:18 p.m. CST

    Prequels released in the 70's and early 80's...

    by Kid Z

    ...original trilogy released in 99, 02 and 05. Yeah.... I think that actually happened in that evil parallel universe where everyone has a goatee.

  • May 9, 2008, 2:22 p.m. CST

    My Review Of The New INDIANA JONES......

    by thelordofhell

    Cereal. Kellogs' Limited Edition Indiana Jones Cereal At first I was waiting in anticipation for the new cereal. After all, it seems to have the best parts of two of the most popular cereals in the line (Cocoa Puffs with Marsmallow Bits), and by looking at the preview on the box, it appears to be quite delicious. My taste buds were prepared for what must be a flavor paradise. I mean, this cereal is being made by the titans of the worlds' cereal makers. You would think that these genuises of the genre would not put out a cereal that would disappoint. I was wrong. The flavorless cocoa puffs get soggy fast and taste like pieces of mush in the mouth. The marshmallows suffer from the same blandness as well as looking for the most part like rotten eggs. It's just amazing that I was snookered by the familiar look of this cereal just by looking at the box and the name, it just wasn't the same experience as the other cereals. Shame on the cereal makers for playing with my emotions. My rating: 2 stars **

  • May 9, 2008, 2:31 p.m. CST

    lordofhell

    by Abominable Snowcone

    Nice cereal review, a good spin on the movie reviews. People should submit reviews of anything Crystal Skull-related.<p> Pillowtalk: Yeah, it's still clear here so we'll be at The Jake tonight watching Sabbathia (It's called Progressive Field now, but everyone in C-town hates that name)

  • May 9, 2008, 2:34 p.m. CST

    lordofhell

    by Abominable Snowcone

    Is it true that in specially marked boxes of Crystal Skull cereal you get a free latex glove for prostate exams? Wow! Too bad the cereal itself is not a "flavor paradise."

  • May 9, 2008, 2:42 p.m. CST

    Abom, I would go if I was in your spot

    by just pillow talk

    That's a pretty good matchup, and the beer will take out the chill. Maybe.

  • May 9, 2008, 2:56 p.m. CST

    OH NOES!!!

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    Indiana Jones and the Return of Memories-Of-Murder! HA, HA!<P>Where have you been, M-O-M? We all thought you walked into the Valley of the Banned.

  • May 9, 2008, 3:05 p.m. CST

    Memories-Of-Murder

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    Yes, IRON MAN was good, I enjoyed it. I'm not sure that would have been the case had Robert Downey Jr. not been the one to play Stark. IRON MAN works because of his charisma and performance. The movie belongs to him.<P>So, no tales of adventure from your mysterious disappearance?

  • May 9, 2008, 3:15 p.m. CST

    Quint you make me laugh!

    by Miguel De Barioz

    'I bought some toys!' man you take the piss so much! I love it! 'buy some toys!' 'I'm a little girl!' 'where is my Zorro toy!'. You guys are whacked! I told my dad you said this and he is still pissing himself laughing man! He says that I should tell my mama (RIP). Man you are a funny guy!

  • May 9, 2008, 3:19 p.m. CST

    At Least It's Better Than "Temple Of Doom" Frosted Flakes

    by thelordofhell

    That stuff gave me heartburn.

  • May 9, 2008, 3:19 p.m. CST

    Ghost of Nixon

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    FYI - I'm an expert with the replign.

  • May 9, 2008, 7:28 p.m. CST

    "I should have mailed it to the Marx Brothers!"

    by chromedome

    The best line in the best of the lot: the Last Crusade.

  • May 9, 2008, 8:17 p.m. CST

    STAR TREK

    by Ethan Big Nuts McKinley

    MAYBE LIKE THE STAR TREK MOVIES... YOU KNOW ODD NUMBERS VS EVEN NUMBERS. MAYBE THE NEW LONG TITLED ONE ARE GOOD AND SHORT BAD??? (Indiana jones and the) RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IM TALKIN' ABOUT

  • May 9, 2008, 11:56 p.m. CST

    The Trailer For 'Lego Indiana Jones' Actually Looks Better

    by skoobyx

    http://tinyurl.com/6ffege

  • May 10, 2008, 2:48 a.m. CST

    Spielberg was once content to be the "new Disney"

    by thegreatwhatzit

    Now he's gotta be the "new Bergman." Where's the magic?

  • May 10, 2008, 6:12 a.m. CST

    STAR TREK

    by Ethan Big Nuts McKinley

    MAYBE LIKE THE STAR TREK MOVIES... YOU KNOW ODD NUMBERS VS EVEN NUMBERS. MAYBE THE NEW LONG TITLED ONE ARE GOOD AND SHORT BAD??? (Indiana jones and the) RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IM TALKIN' ABOUT

  • May 11, 2008, 12:02 a.m. CST

    U Want Honest? Its painful, but TRUE

    by vestaxwax

    no holds barred: http://eattheblinds.blogspot.com/

  • May 15, 2008, 6:35 p.m. CST

    LEAVE TEMPLE OF DOOM ALONE!!!!!!!!!

    by Ethan Big Nuts McKinley

    You Guys are sooo WRONG!!!!. "Temple", In many ways Is an even purer version of the serials its homaging and an even purer version of Raiders. Its a non-stop ride, from James Bond style Indy at the start, It's episodic structure, fast pace all those iconic moments "No one's flying the plane!!", Diner Time, Spike room, Heart rip scene,, Its so 1940's style EC comics Horror Pulp, You could Argue IIt's even closer to the Serials and paperback fiction that inspired it existance in the 1st place! Also Indiana Jones Is "INDIANA JONES" In this. from his totally badass trade off of the diamond, to his total 24 carrot male chauvinism when he is about to seduce Willy..."years of field work"...He is in the tradition of those 30's/40's film stars - Clarke Gable, Charlton Heston, John Wayne, he'll save the world and probably try and shag your sister (and succeed). But also Temple has great heart to (Indy and Shorty Exchanging Hats, when shorty stops "evil" Indy) and the end, Oh my god!! How fucking bad-ass Is Indiana Jones???!! He risks the lives of A woman and child just so He can Fucking Kill Mola Ram!!! THAT FOLKS, IS THE INDIANA JONES FROM THE CONCEPT PAINTINGS. A total mercenary grave robber alfa male whip cracking superhero!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And yeah Willy IS annoying but she is a one dimensional High society spoiled bitch ( a art deco Paris Hilton if you will....) So deal with it, she was meant to be that way!!! in total opposition to Marion's two fisted tomboy Character from the first. So onto "CRUSADE"...... like "return of the Jedi", The film makers Terrified that they went to Dark, Different direction and edgy with second Instalment, End up Re hashing all the elements from the first movie, (Death Star destruction / Nazi's Religious artifact race) As for "CRUSADE" It did'nt have a great pre-movie adventure (Boy scout Indiana Jones?? puurrleez!!) A lot of the set pieces a poor knock offs of Raiders and much of the film takes place in very dull set based rooms and does'nt have the epic cross-continent sweep the previous two seemed to have in spades. It even looks like it was done on a fraction of the budget, The aeroplane sequence, the boat sequence, filmed in Londons docklands, Looks just that. AND THE END...Melting/ageing Nazi, Blah, Blah, Blah.. But You know what I have been unduely harsh. I Love All films, Even their weakest moments stand head and shoulders over any action adventure made today. I just want this silly hate of TEMPLE OF DOOM to STOP! jUST COS SPIELBERG SAYS ITS HIS LEAST FAVOURITE, YOU ALL JUMP ONT HE BANDWAGON. WELL HE AND YOU MY FRIENDS ARE WRONG. CRUSADE INDY IS A PUSSY. BUT ITS STILL A GREAT FILM. JUST LEAVE THE TEMPLE OF DOOM FOR THE REAL MEN!!

  • Sept. 24, 2012, 6:08 p.m. CST

    Sad sad review . . . but true. Oh well.

    by JMoe

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