Hey folks, Harry here… Sorry this was a day late, but I pulled a muscle in my back and really didn’t feel right writing. Sucks – I know… but it’s feeling much better now. This week isn’t the most amazing – but next week is the shit - especially if you love vintage films like me. As always the box art and titles are linked to the titles’ Amazon pages where you can learn more about the title – or you can purchase, thus supporting this column. I hope you dig it. I’m working on next weeks already!

Tuesday, May 6th, 2008

I’M NOT THERE

I love Todd Haynes – and I love I’M NOT THERE! It isn’t a straight Bob Dylan biopic… never pretends to be. The multiple performers playing Bob are amazing – and while Cate Blanchett does indeed still the show – who doesn’t love Heath Ledger’s turn? Or Christian Bale’s? Or Julianne Moore’s “Joan Biaz/Alice”? This didn’t get nearly the theaters, or the attention I would have hoped for. This was easily one of the most fiercely original and wonderful films of 2007. If you haven’t seen it, seek it out.

TWISTER (Blu Ray)

In the first year of AICN – there was this film called TWISTER. I like TWISTER, but then I lived in Tornado Alley up in North Texas… had repeated Tornado drills. But I never did see an awesome bit of Tornado horror. But TWISTER solved that. The visual fx and sound design on this film are absolutely fantastic. Now – I’m not the biggest fan of Helen Hunt’s performance here… but I love Bill Paxton! But as I was watching the film on BluRay the other day – I completely forgot how awesome the cast was for this. Like Philip Seymour Hoffman’s character – who is extreme. Or Cary Elwes’ bastard. Or Jeremy Davies or Lois Smith. The film has so much talent… and fucking flying cows. Did I mention FLYING COWS!?!?!?! How can you not love FLYING COWS? The disc has new interviews with stars and talent talking about the making of the film and their memories about it. They’ve done a very nice job with this disc.

MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000: THE MOVIE

I have a noted history of not liking and actually hating this show. You have to understand – I like the robots, I like their banter… it’s the concept of belittling movies and declaring certain films as being TERRIBLE STINKERS – that I can’t stand. And never was the case more infuriating to me, than with the theatrical version of MST3KTM…. The film is THIS ISLAND EARTH… literally one of the very best 50’s Science Fiction films… With fantastic aliens from the same planet as Dennis Muren… and Apple technology… and Metaluna Mutants… and art deco Saucers… tractor beams, triangular two way televisions with built in lasers! And I just love the film. I grew up with it. Since this film came out… I’ve attempted to see THIS ISLAND EARTH twice in theaters and both times there were jackasses screaming out quotes from this version of the film and laughing hysterically. FUCK THAT! Now – the humor is funny – but my problem with this and the series is that while I love that tons of awesome genre films that could have been forgotten were discovered via the show… BUT – now they got introduced to those films as “trash cinema” and not the films that they were – prior to self-aware ironic glib humor. I really wish that the guys behind the MST3K phenom – had made their own films – their humor was solid enough to not just be a video commentary added to another’s film.

TEETH

This film kicks so much ass it isn’t funny. Actually it is funny – and you’ll never insert anything inside a pussy without flashing to some scenes from this film. It isn’t nearly as graphic as you would think, but is… at the same time, incredibly graphic. Jess Weixler is amazing in the film. Really and truly somebody to watch. And then the rest of the cast works well too. Mitchell Lichtenstein’s debut directorial film is a winner – and has all the markings of becoming one of the great date horror films of all time. It’s sexy, naughty and unforgettably worth sinking your teeth into! Definitely check this out!

SAAWARIYA

I love Bollywood cinema – it makes me giggle and feel like a 14 year old school girl – and for an enormous and hairy geek – that’s an amazing experience. SAAWARIYA is beautiful, funny, emotional, musical, scary and well… like all Bollywood movies – it has a little of everything – and… HOLY SHIT – it’s in BluRay. If you want a film to show off the beauty of 1080p… this is a title to unleash on your unsuspecting friends. And dudes? Girls love Bollywood – even if they don’t know it yet!

THE CAR

Do you love killer car movies? This is the gold standard, by which to compare all others. THE CAR is super genius. It’s about 100 times more awesome than CHRISTINE or MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE could ever aspire to be. THE CAR is eight shades of badass – and there is shit that happens in this fucking movie that you’ll scream, “HOLY SHIT” at – repeatedly. It’s basically an evil car that can’t be destroyed… and will fucking kill you, the person to your left, the person to your right… and all the rest of the people in the 50 mile proximity of you. You do not fuck with THE CAR. THE CAR will fuck up KITT. THE CAR would destroy AIRWOLF. THE CAR makes the Atom Bomb seem like a fucking firecracker… and I’m not talking about the dangerous kind. I’m talking about those fireworks that have a string at either end and you pull and it goes a disappointing snap… instead of boom. THE CAR is THE CAR. You need to get out of its way you pansy ass bitch!

HIYA KIDS! A 50’S SATURDAY MORNING BOX

Ya know… I often times wish I grew up in the 1950’s. I really want to be 11 in 1957 – but I don’t want to be around for the draft a decade later. But man… Movies were miracles, TV had cowboys and puppets and Atomic Train Sets – and amazing space gear – and the future had limitless possibilities – and you knew when you grew up that you’d have a jetpack and you’d have the ability to play football on the moon. Well – this 4 disc set is FILLED with a sampling of everything you’d want a sample of… if you were a kid of the fifties. For a rundown on everything on this set – check out the Amazon link. It’s excessive and necessary. Especially for Nostalgia junkies like me!

COLLECTION OF 2007 ACADEMY AWARD: NOMINATED SHORT FILMS

Here ya go! You can finally see what all the hub bub was all about. The 3 animated nominees are genius. And the Live Action shorts are outstanding. If you didn’t catch the theatrical run of these – this is the only way you’ll see more than those tiny clips you see at the Oscars. That said – it’s completely worth every penny. Great stuff.

MACON COUNTY LINE

One of the great White Trash Grindhouse films of all time. If you love films like the original WALKING TALL series and JACKSON COUNTY JAIL – well this movie is for you! While never a critic fave – this is a film that too often finds itself in film rating books at 2 1/2 stars – but really – nobody actually saw it. Cuz if you saw this film, you’d know that it absolutely fucking owns! It’s a story of 3 folks basically entering the wrong county at the exact wrong time – and getting royally screwed over for that mistake. Wonderful film!

HOTTIE & THE NOTTIE

One of the worst films in the history of films. Like a kick to the balls followed by a rubbing alcohol douche. It stings and burns and fucking shits between your eye and a contact lens. However, if pain is your thing – and you’ve nailed your cock to a 2x4… don’t attempt this. It hurts more.

LEGEND OF BRAVESTARR – THE MOVIE

Because – BRAVESTARR kicked ass! And you need to refresh your memory. Sci fi Cowboy, living skeletons, robots, cows, magic, monsters, fucking dragon, quasi druggie shaman and so much more. Bravestarr rules!

DEVIL TIMES FIVE

Are you scared of evil fucking children? This is the movie you’ve been waiting for. Essentially you have a story about 5 kids that escape, essentially, Arkham Asylum, but Batman doesn’t catch them – and they fucking get LORD OF THE FLIES on a group of rich dumbshits that these kids are going to kill. Some idiot reviewed this film on Amazon – but really is clueless. DEVIL TIMES FIVE is one of the best EVIL KIDS ON THE LOOSE films. It’s very WRONG and EVIL. It’s pure 70’s Exploitation glee – and nobody exploited kids into evil fucks – quite like adults of the 70s that knew us 70s kids were evil, dangerous and capable of being adult killing machines. This is the movie that really proves it.

Next week we’ll be looking at the new DVD set of the Indiana Jones films, LION THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE on BluRay, SHINOBI, SNL Season 3, MASTER & COMMANDER (BluRay), Fox Western Classics, Classic Sci-Fi Ultimate Collection, RAISIN IN THE SUN, BUTCH CASSIDY & THE SUNDANCE KID in Blu Ray, a proverbial shitload of Frank Sinatra films, MAN OF THE WEST, AUTISM THE MUSICAL, THE SECRET OF SANTA VITTORIA, THE LOVERS – Criterion, GUNFIGHT AT DODGE CITY, THE BIG TRAIL, THE FIRE WITHIN – Criterion, THE WAY WEST, YOUTH WITHOUT YOUTH, LA CHINOISE, THE SECRET INVASION and much much more!!!