| #52 | 4/23/08 | #6 |
Hey folks, Ambush Bug here. Just wanted to remind you about our X-O MANOWAR Contest that we ran in Monday’s SHOOT THE MESSENGER Column. We’re commemorating the release of Valiant’s X-O MANOWAR: BIRTH Hardcover Trade Paperback.
15 lucky contestants will win the X-O MANOWAR: BIRTH Hardcover Trade Paperback.
5 will win copies signed by the creators.
And 1 lucky winner will receive a signed copy of the book plus a sketch by the creators.
Since Hollywood is in the process of making a HARBINGER movie, we thought it’d be fun to flex your casting muscles and tell me who you think would be good for the roles. As an added bonus, we should cast an X-O MANOWAR film too, since that’s the prize we’re giving away.
Send a short email here with your casting picks for an X-O MANOWAR and HARBINGER movie.
Deadline is Friday (5/2/08). Winners will be announced in next Monday’s AICN COMICS NEWS: SHOOT THE MESSENGER Column (5/5/08).
And now, on with the column.
5 will win copies signed by the creators.
And 1 lucky winner will receive a signed copy of the book plus a sketch by the creators.
THOR #8
Writer: J. Michael Straczynski Art: Marko Djurdjevic (pencils) Danny Miki & Crimelab Studios (inks) Publisher: Marvel Comics Reviewer: Ambush Bug
The story of Thor has always been about a relationship between father and son. Writer JMS continues this tradition with yet another strong issue. In this issue, not only do we get to see where Odin has been since the gods disappeared and reappeared in this series, but we also get a really nice development with Donald Blake and a few other tasty morsels of goodness. This issue is probably one of the strongest that JMS has done with the series and there've been quite a few strong issues in this series so far.What prompted me to write about this title this week was a single page of this issue that perfectly encapsulates JMS' strength as a writer. It is a series of silent panels, so one would think that JMS had little to do with it (although the amazing art by Marko Djurdjevic & Danny Miki does make the sequence all the more effective), but the words that are suggested in the sequence speak volumes and echoed off the page. Towards the end of this story, Thor wakes from his Odin-Sleep and as he opens the crypt he has been sleeping in, we get one panel with Donald Blake on the street, then another with Thor rising out of his tomb, then the third panel is the same street scene with Blake having disappeared. Having read THOR for years, I know that Donald Blake and Thor cannot exist in this world at the same time, but there have been few other times where this swap has been illustrated so powerfully, so elegantly, and so effectively. This page was my favorite moment I read in a comic this week.
Apart from that one page of awesome, the rest of the book is pretty solid as well. The interaction between Thor and his father was really touching (and later exciting) as Thor aids his father in his eternal battle with Surtur in Norse Purgatory. This sequence highlighted the Norse culture while showing more character in both Thor and Odin than has been seen in years. For too long, Thor has been somewhat inaccessible as a character and a lot of writers fail to bring humanity to the godly hero, but in this issue, we get to see beyond the helmet and airs to view a character that still has a lot of growth to go before he can take up where his father left off. There's a nice commentary by two of Odin's talking crows which eloquently delve into what motivates and challenges Thor as a character. This sequence shows that JMS understands how to make Thor interesting by giving him a challenge to become the noble leader of Asgard that his father once was.
Meanwhile, back on Midgard, Donald Blake is trying to put what's left of his life back together. Still somewhat of a shell of a man, he revisits former love interest Jane Foster with some pretty disastrous results. But it's not all melodrama. JMS spices it up with some mystery and suspense, upping the stakes in finding Sif, Thor's lost love, who is the only Asgardian yet to return from the dead. The final few pages of this book were phenomenally paced and amped up the tension.
THOR is one of Marvel's strongest books. Unlike DC, which seems to have lost its way by looking to one up itself year after year with events, Marvel has more strong titles than weak ones these days. Sure Marvel is about the hype too and has their fair share of books that infuriate me, but with books like THOR, NOVA, THE INCREDIBLE HERC, and JMS' other title THE TWELVE, Marvel still has plenty of quality product to offer.
Ambush Bug is Mark L. Miller, reviewer and co-editor of AICN Comics for close to seven years. Look for his first published work in MUSCLES & FIGHTS 3 (available now!!!!) from Cream City Comics. Bug’s Review Fu is stronger than your Review Fu.
GNOME OGN
Story and Art by: Dave Dwonch Published by: Super Real Graphics Reviewed by: superhero
As an owner of an actual garden gnome it was pretty much a given that I was going to enjoy GNOME right off the bat. At the same time, I'm also a fan of the cheesy-yet compelling horror/sci-fi/fantasy that is obviously an inspiration to the creator of this book. You know the kind that I'm talking about. Movies like "House" or "The Beastmaster". The kind of stuff that was either Stephen King or “Dungeons and Dragons” inspired that you couldn't get enough of if you were a growing boy during the 1980's.GNOME serves as an homage of sorts to this kind of almost forgotten kind of moviemaking. Stuff that was supposed to be scary or compelling but ended up being more of just a fun jaunt into another world during another boring summer afternoon. Stories that seemed like they were made for adults but ended up being mindless entertainment for teenaged boys in search of an adventure, or at the very least, a cheap thrill. GNOME has all the trappings of this almost lost art of entertainment and that's a big reason why I liked it so much.
Sure, some of what I'm feeling toward GNOME may be a bit of nostalgia for the things I enjoyed during my more youthful days, but there's a very solid and enjoyable story here at the core of this book. Yes, it's nothing we haven't really seen before. There's a mad sorcerer who unleashes an unholy evil into our world. There's the hapless and unknowing hero who has no idea what he's getting into when he moves into his new house. And there's a mystical guardian from a time long forgotten attempting to thwart said evil. It's all there and it's sort of been done before but GNOME does it in a very charming, innocent, and adventurous way that I haven't seen in a long time. It's an adventure tale done with a bit of innocence and straightforwardness that's been missing from a lot of sword & sorcery/fantasy tales that I've read in comics in recent years.
Part of what helps GNOME is the simplicity of its artwork. It's obvious that Dwonch is a bit limited as a draftsman as his pages consist of cartoony characters laid out on top of what look to be digitally altered photographs. But it's a technique that works really well to help GNOME preserve a look and feel that maintains the naïve nature of the setting it exists in. If I hadn't mentioned it before, GNOME actually takes place back in the 1950's and Dwonch has designed pages that capture the feel of a more innocent era because of the simplicity of its artwork. GNOME, along with a book like JACK STAFF, ends up being a testament to the fact that you don't have to be George Perez to make an entertaining comic book.
And make no mistake, GNOME is entertaining. Whether or not you've ever been a fan of old role playing games or cheesy Stephen King knockoffs GNOME is sure to either entertain the twelve year old kid inside of you or any actual twelve year old kid you decide to give the book to. Sure, that kid may want to play Final Fantasy instead of reading a comic book, but if you were going to get them to begin reading comics that might interest them GNOME is probably one of the better places to start.
Discovered as a babe in an abandoned comic book storage box and bitten by a radioactive comic fan when he was a teenager, superhero is actually not-so mild mannered sometime designer & cartoonist, Kristian Horn of Los Angeles, California. He's been an @$$hole for three years. Some of his work can be seen at www.kristianhorn.com.
MIGHTY AVENGERS #12
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis Artist: Alex Maleev Publisher: Marvel Comics Reviewer: Jinxo
With this issue we finally get to see some of the past events in the Skrull Secret Invasion fall into place. I mean…if there were such an invasion. Because clearly, real world, there is no invasion. Skrulls infiltrating and replacing some of us Earthlings. Hahaha. Clearly crazy talk. We are clearly in no danger of a violent overthrow that will destroy the world as we know it and should go about our business as if everything is normal. Because it totally is, my human brothers. Everything is good.But looking at this issue as a purely fictional entertainment, it’s a good ride. Oddly not exactly Avenger-filled for an Avengers title, but seeing as Nick Fury doesn’t have a title they had to put these plot points somewhere. And it’s an enjoyable enough ride to make complaining about the lack of Avengers for one issue sort of nit picky. You do get Nick Fury in his badass glory, kicking ass and taking names. And (spoiler) he does get to make love to a really hot Skrull babe. Of course he isn’t aware of it at the time. He believes he is simply making love to a standard human female…which is just what we human males enjoy. Yes. Yes we do.
One question. Was Nick Fury recast again? He used to be an identical triplet with Reed Richards and Doctor Strange. Then he went Ultimate Sam Jackson. Now I think he’s looking a bit like…I dunno…maybe that guy from “Prison Break” and “John Doe”? Not that it’s a problem, just sort of caught my eye.
So while the first round of books for Secret Invasion had me worried as to how things would play out, this week’s chapters have reassured me. This looks like it could be a pretty good event.
Jinxo is Thom Holbrook, lifelong comic book reader, and the evil genius behind poobala.com. He may appear cute and cuddly but if encountered avoid eye contact and DO NOT attempt to feed.
JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #20
Writer: Dwayne McDuffie Artist: Ethan Van Sciver Publisher: DC Comics Reviewer: Ambush Bug
Man, JLA has been a total hit or miss book lately, with very few issues that fall in between. I liked the first few McDuffie issues of this series. I think he brings character and solid storytelling to the book, even though I hate the stupid developments involving Vixen who must know glom off of super heroes in order to have powers. I liked the inclusion of Firestorm, Black Lightning, Vixen, Red Tornado, and especially Red Arrow into the group and thought that McDuffie was heading into another classic run of DC's big guns. Then he disappeared for a while, only writing back-up features while fill in writers picked up the slack. Now, I don't know why this occurred, but here's hoping that McDuffie is able to stay consistent because this issue was a very strong one.Too many times, I've read a JLA book and been disappointed, or worse yet bored, by the adventures within. I think the problem is that creators approach this book and because the main characters have their own books to develop in, they stick to making the villains interesting or give the 2nd tier characters the spotlight. The icons are often ignored or written with little or no character. They feel like empty costumes most of the time. I can understand this quandary JLA writers seem to face. But a good writer can understand a character and make him or her relevant to a story and after reading this issue, I know Dwayne McDuffie is one of those good writers.
The story focuses on the Flash and how he has been neglecting his JLA duties since he's returned to the red and yellow suit. The JLA thinks he's been snubbing his duties and Flash is more than willing to say that his life has grown hectic since his return. Looking for a job and raising a family has taken him away from monitor duty and team-ups. So in swoops Wonder Woman to delegate and set the Flash straight.
The thing I like best about this issue is that it focuses on two of DC's top characters and treats them as characters. These two heroes have been working together for years and McDuffie highlights that in the story. He also does a great job of making the Flash, who in the past has been one of DC's most accessible heroes, accessible and likable once again. This story is told from the Flash's perspective. We get to see his thoughts about Wonder Woman (which isn't new, but still written pretty strongly). And through some well written panels, we get to see how the Flash's absence has affected the rest of the team (I especially liked Batman's line about replacing him with Jay Garrick).
I liked the art quite a bit as well. It's hyper-detailed, as if you're reading the story in hi-def. Uber-artist Ethan Van Sciver does a great job of bringing out the finer details and making the panels and characters in them move as lively and vividly as possible.
This isn't one of those issues that will fly off the shelves, mainly because JLA hasn't been consistent in the quality department as of late, but this is a strong issue nevertheless; highlighting all of Dwayne McDuffie's strong writing abilities. As long as McDuffie is on the book though, it's going to go to the top of my stack and read as soon as I get home from the store.
UNCANNY X-MEN #497
Writer: Ed Brubaker Artist: Brandon Choi Publisher: Marvel Reviewer: Optimous Douche
As someone who has collected and read every issue of UNCANNY X-MEN from the first issue back in 1963 to almost 500 issues later, it’s safe to say that I have an undying affection for Marvel’s band of merry mutants. Through the good times (Claremont in the 1970’s) to the not so good (Claremont post millennium), I have religiously had UNCANNY as part of my pulls since my childhood in the 1980’s.However, there was a period of time where I almost lost faith and allowed my distaste for the stories to override my obsessive compulsive collecting tendencies. Thankfully, after countless crossovers and a myriad of “events”, Brubaker and Choi have gone back to basics and are telling some wonderfully mastered, self-contained tales. However, in retrospect I have to wonder if I would have been as enamored with this latest issue and the countdown to issue 500 without the mass confusion of the past few years.
Marvel has received a lot of flack over the past few years from the comic community. Fanboys from different ideological camps have raked Quesada and crew over the coals for their handling (or mishandling, depending on your perspective) of an aging continuity and dwindling stable of new young readers.
From the satanic annulment of the Parker clan to the recent discovery that all characters at Marvel, including Quesada, could be Skrulls, it seems that every time Marvel takes their stab at ret-conning or simply blowing up an entire universe it’s met with far more distaste then when say, I don’t know let’s call them Sleuth Comics, does a similar exercise. It makes me wonder if “Brand New Day” was renamed “Crisis of Multiple Spider-Man Titles” perhaps it would have faired better in the grand scheme of things.
The mutant titles have also been victim to universe reconfiguration. A few years ago you will remember a little event called HOUSE OF M, where Wanda Maximoff uttered the simple phrase, “No more mutants”. In a flash, the ever expanding and infinitely confusing cast of mutants introduced during “The Mutant Explosion” of the early 2000’s were obliterated and we were left with the characters that were the bedrock of this universe. I know we can’t call HOUSE OF M a ret-con, but there is no doubt that this event irrevocably changed the mutant universe for the better…eventually.
But even after HOUSE OF M, there was still some clean-up work to be done. And again we were introduced to interweaving storylines that seemed to make almost as much sense as a mutant that controlled intestinal maggots. First there was the concentration camp inspired 198, then we had the Big Brother O*N*E’s introduced to Xavier’s School, and finally there was Marvel’s take at a new testament with “Messiah Complex”. During all of these events, it felt like good storytelling was cast aside for the sake of cross pollination (and cross selling).
UNCANNY 497 is the first time in a long while where I have been impressed with the title as a stand alone piece. There was no need to understand the happenings in other mutant titles, nor was I forced into traversing my long boxes to refresh my memory about obscure and easily forgettable references.
This book literally jumped off the shelves at me. I have always been a fan of Choi’s work, but the cover for this issue was brilliance incarnate. The hippy trippy, Laugh-In, style font of the title let me know that Scott Summers and Emma Frost were going to continue their investigation into a mutant causing all of San Francisco to have a literal acid flashback of the 1960’s. I didn’t even need to see Emma Frost in her Janis Joplin inspired slutware (although I was happy I did – always loved the whorey hippies) or Scott Summer’s Sergeant Pepper jacket to know that this book was going to be tight all the way through.
I’ve always applauded Brubaker’s pacing, but I’ve been less than inspired with his character portrayal and dialogue. Finally, I realize these shortcomings are not a fault of his writing, but once again an editorial mandate to tie in other titles. The first four pages of this book where Wolverine, Colossus and Night Crawler are trying to escape the Russian equivalent of Sentinels literally had me on the edge of my seat and was one of the best action sequences I have seen in any title, mutant or otherwise as of late. Just when I thought the title could only go downhill from there, Brubaker whisks us away to Scott and Emma’s story where sharp, witty dialogue was interjected into an engrossing and action packed mystery.
In the final analysis the greatness of this book as a stand alone piece can only be determined by someone who has enjoyed the mass confusion of the past few years. I liken this latest issue to being fed Big Macs for the past three years and then for one delectable moment I was fed a piece of melt in my mouth Kobe beef. Did I think this was a great issue? Yes. And I can only pray that going forward Marvel won’t make me go back to the Golden Arches of content.
When Optimous Douche isn’t reading comics and misspelling the names of 80’s icons, he “transforms” into a corporate communications guru. Optimous is looking for artistry help, critical feedback and a little industry insight to get his original book AVERAGE JOE up, up and on the shelves. What if the entire world had super powers? Find out in the blog section of Optimous’ MySpace page to see some preview pages and leave comments.
Every comic shop has them… battered long boxes jam-packed with dog-eared titles ranging from forgotten heroes of the 1970s to multiple copies of chromium-covered “collector’s item” comics from the Big Bust of the 1990s. But if you are patient, and dig deep enough, you just may find something special…
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THE NEW UNIVERSE Part 1: NIGHTMASK series
Publisher: Marvel Comics Total $$$ spent: $5.00 Reviewed by: BottleImp
Oh, the New Universe… where do I begin?
In 1986, Marvel Comics (under the direction of then-editor-in-chief Jim Shooter) decided to celebrate the company’s 25th anniversary by launching the New Universe. Just as Marvel had brought a new sense of realism to comic books back in 1961, the New Universe was going to push that idea even further—there were to be no alien invasions, no mysterious underground civilizations, and nothing supernatural. The characters and their abilities would all come from a single incident: The White Event, in which the entire planet is bathed in a blinding light for 1.3 seconds. This was the introduction of the New Universe.My own introduction to Marvel’s new line occurred when I bought NIGHTMASK #1 off the newsstand. At the time, I thought it was okay (I think I must have gotten the issue based purely on the costume), and it ended up getting tossed into a cardboard box along with a mess of other comics, and was eventually forgotten. Years later I came upon NIGHTMASK in a “50 cents each or 3 for a dollar” bin, and I picked up nearly the entire run (a skinny 12 issues) along with a couple of other New Universe titles in which Nightmask was featured as a guest star.
The series centered on Keith Remsen, a teenager who was caught along with his family in an airport bombing. His parents (who were psychiatrists in the field of dream research) were killed, his sister Teddy was crippled and put into a wheelchair, and Keith wound up in a coma. The White Event brought Keith back to consciousness, and he learned that he had been given the power to move through people’s dreams. He and his sister (who shared a psychic connection with her brother, so that she could see what he saw in others’ dreams) learned that the airport bombing had been planned by Horst Kleinmann, a scientist in the same field as Keith’s parents, who had believed that the Remsens were trying to steal his secrets of entering the dreams of others. In the first issue, Keith (in the dream-disguise of Nightmask) confronts Kleinmann’s dream-identity of the Gnome and defeats him. Issue 2 reveals that Kleinmann was horribly injured by the psychic encounter, and is planning revenge…
… but we never got to see that. For some reason the ongoing storyline of the Gnome was dropped abruptly, and the comic shifted to a more episodic feel—in each issue Keith would go into someone’s dream, help solve a problem, and then they’d all go out for some ice cream! Okay, maybe not the ice cream part, but these stories for the most part were pretty cheesy. There was the high school friend who was hooked on the dope, the gang kid who was angry and rebellious because he had never learned to read, etc.—NIGHTMASK turned into a series of After-School Specials. Soon after that, the series was cancelled… surprise, surprise.NIGHTMASK exemplifies the flaw found throughout the New Universe titles: good concepts, poor executions. A lot can be done with a character who explores dreams—just look at Neil Gaiman’s SANDMAN. Dreams are strange things, mixtures of subconscious thought, memory, and unearthly images. NIGHTMASK should have reflected this in both writing and art. Instead, the series was plagued (for the most part) by bland artwork and boring, un-dreamlike (for lack of a better term) storylines.
There are a couple of exceptions—the first issue feels much more like a dream; the artwork is moody and the writing (by creator Archie Goodwin) captures that weird feeling of unreality that occurs in our nightmares. Issue #8, also written by Goodwin, is vastly enhanced by Keith Giffen’s abstract, claustrophobic art. Perhaps if Marvel’s editors had tried to push for more stylized artwork throughout the series instead of the everyday Buscema-esque “realistic” comic book art that we got, NIGHTMASK would have lasted longer.
Although the series was cancelled early on, the character survived, although certain changes were made. The city of Pittsburgh was destroyed in a catastrophe called “The Black Event” (more on that in a later column), and Nightmask began to lost control of his powers due to the psychic trauma he experienced from the deaths of the people of the city. The U.S. Government instituted a draft to build a superhuman army, and Nightmask was made a lieutenant in charge of entering the recruits’ dreams in order to evaluate their sanity. PSI-FORCE #22 shows Remsen’s alter ego acting erratically (and somewhat insanely), and Nightmask’s power causing hallucinations (or “waking dreams”) to manifest even after Remsen has woken up. Interesting developments—but unfortunately, the entire New Universe was on its last legs by this point (although I understand that many of the characters made crossover cameos in the “mainstream” Marvel Universe—so much for keeping it “real”, Marvel).NIGHTMASK can be a cheap find for the curious comic book reader, but be warned that fifty cents still might seem too much to pay for some of the cheesier issues. Here’s my picks:
ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN #121Marvel Comics
You know what? In the day and age of huge massive crossovers and story arcs it’s nice to see a simple, solid, one issue standalone story. This issue kicked some fun ass. The basic story is a classic formula with a bad guy, in this case Omega Red, happening to attack an important place in Peter Parker’s life. It is standard that the current Spider-Man cartoon series featured almost the same plot the previous week. That sounds like it should be a complaint I guess but the bottom line is it’s all about the execution and this was well executed. The fight sequence is solid. It isn’t just your standard by the book action. They build in some unique and fun beats. I also like watching the Peter Parker luck being on the other foot for a change. Normally someone is making Peter’s life a pain in the ass – and Peter does get his standard dose of bad luck here – but in this case I really enjoyed the idea that Peter was making one of his villains feel like an unlucky put upon schlub. I almost felt bad for Omega Red. The art as usual was really great, selling equally the action and the comedy takes of annoyance and distress from tons of characters. Good stuff. - Jinxo
HULK #3 Marvel Comics
Guilty pleasure time. I can’t help it. I’m wrapped up in this mystery as to who the new Red Hulk is and how Rick Jones became the new Abomination. I have my theories and writer Jeph Loeb doesn’t really give you much of a cast to pick from since all but one character (named in this issue, but not seen) has had an encounter with this new Hulk. But the mystery and the whys behind it look to be a fun ride. Don’t get me wrong: I hate the name A-Bomb. But there’s something about seeing the sheer mayhem and hulky goodness and wondering which gamma-shit crazy direction this story is going that is keeping me wanting more. Brainless fun, helped along by McGuinness’ puffy people. - Bug
COUNTDOWN #1 DC Comics
Okay, it’s the final issue. Either you’re still reading this book or you’re not. But I had to say something. So this issue is pretty much the postscript on the whole series. Not so much big action as a final wrap up. The weird thing is, for me, this was a better wrap up than the series deserves. Based on this issue, if this was all I had read, I would think I actually missed something worth reading. It really feels like the end to a massive, important and well focused story. It…it’s not but it does feel like it. I would read some of the summary bits and go, “Oh, that was what this whole series was supposed to be about? Wish they had really made that clear much muuuch earlier.” I seriously wish this series had worked how DC had intended it to. - Jinxo
DEAD SHE SAID #1 IDW Publishing
The highlight of this book so far is definitely Bernie Wrightson’s art. Here, the horror-meister pencils AND inks his own stuff for the first time in two decades. The result is a richly textured and finely detailed collection of moody panels with noirish overtones. The story, though, is a bit breezy. It opens kind of typically with the main character seemingly dead, yet still walking around and motivated to solve his own murder. The art and premise have me interested in issue two, but the lack of real meaty content in this issue makes for a light snack that runs the risk of being forgotten in a month when the second serving comes. This is one of those books that, if the next issue comes out, and I have a few extra shekels, I’ll probably buy, but I won’t be chomping at the bit for that day to come, if you know what I mean. - Bug
POWER PACK: DAY ONE #2 Marvel Comics
Okay, back when it became clear the new POWER PACK comics had no continuity with the original series I said I washed my hands of them. And I’m sure most people could give a crap about Power Pack anyway. But the idea that they were going back to the origin story of the group got me a little interested. I really enjoyed the original series and missed some of the elements of that series in the new books, like their spaceship Friday. So on the one hand I wanted to check out the new book out of nostalgia and wanting to see those elements in play again. I also was curious to see if the new book would do right by the original book or utterly muck it up. The first issue didn’t throw me too far in either direction. Didn’t love it, didn’t hate it. This issue…I have to say I warmed to it a bit. It isn’t the original but I think it does right by the material and is a suitably fun ride. It was fun to be reading about Snarks and “magic” space horses. And it seemed like the writers were having some fun with the material. A Pink Floyd reference joke in a kid’s comic? I like that. In particular that it was a visual joke that they could have drawn in a very blatant almost parody-ish manner. Instead they went more subtle. On top of that the book opens and closes on lines that made me smile more than I expected to. Still don’t know how they’ll push what should still be tons of plot into just two more issues but for now, I’m a happy camper. - Jinxo
THE DEATH OF THE NEW GODS #8 DC Comics
I don’t know what’s worse--COUNTDOWN sucking for 52 straight issues or this miniseries which drops the ball horribly in the last few. Last week’s battle between Orion and Darkseid in COUNTDOWN was anti-climactic enough, but at least that one had some results. In this issue, we get yet another Orion/Darkseid match, but this one happens before the one released last week, so guess how edge-of-your-seaty this battle of the titans is? Worse yet, before Orion’s soul arrives to battle Darkseid, we are treated to around eight to ten pages of two god-like beings screaming at one another like two kids in a schoolyard who don’t really want to fight, but are afraid to back down because everyone is watching. Starlin had me throughout this entire series and I was extremely intrigued with the mystery behind who the God-Killer was, but after the lame reveal (it was the same guy who we thought it was…I think), everything went pear-shaped fast. Starlin shovels the discourse down our throats as if we had a hole in our collective necks and the only thing that can heal it is a shitload of discourse. The way this series worked (or failed to work is more like it) with the ending of COUNTDOWN is a blatant statement of how much of a mess DC is right now. They’re event crazy and tossing things like cohesion and continuity out the window in favor of rushing out product and staying on a weekly schedule. Knock it off, DC, and get your shit together! I’m a huge fan, but you’re losing me. - Bug
SHE-HULK #28 Marvel Comics
It might partly be because I’m originally from Ohio and the idea of She-Hulk not only stomping around Cleveland but actually going to a Browns game makes me smile but I thought this issue was another solid fun outing for the Jade Giant. Or is the Jolly Green Giant the Jade Giant? Hell if I remember. I just know I’m consistently enjoying this book. What other hero would end up in jail twice in two issues? Ain’t easy bein’ green. The plot as well as the art popped for me. I think I want to frame the drawing of the Brown’s Dawg Pound. She-Hulk looked impressively heroic in what were really silly circumstances. And check out Jazinda avoiding being stabbed. She is really impressively bendy. She’s supposedly a Skrull but that girl might actually be goddamn Gumby. I did get confused at one point as characters were introduced that made me feel like I had missed an issue somewhere along the way, but then when it became clear that they were part of the missing chapters between the creative teams changing hands I actually sort of enjoyed being temporarily perplexed. I really like knowing that every month I can count on She-Hulk putting the comic back in my comic books. Too on the money? Too bad. She makes me laugh. - Jinxo
ROUND TWO / BRACKET TWO
Sixty-four of comic bookdom’s best fighters enter, only one will be crowned THE SECRET TOURNAMENT OF INFINITE @$$-KICKERY Champion. It’s comics’ version of March Madness, only it lasts a bit longer. Ambush Bug here, on behalf of the @$$Holes at AICN Comics, welcoming you all back to a contest unlike any other: boiling fanboyism down to its basics...whether one guy can kick the other guy's @$$.
Round Two continues this week. Sixty-four fighters have been whittled down to thirty-two. But before we move on to this week’s fights, let’s see the winners of last week’s bouts. There were a ton of submissions this week, but many weren’t used because combatants used weapons or powers to win. Remember: no powers or weapons!
JUDOMASTER VS TPYHOID MARY
Typhoid Mary looks across the ring to see Judomaster kicking the air, punching invisible targets and generally look like she could kick some serious ass – if she wasn’t wearing such a ridiculous costume. “You’ve gotta be kidding me, they sent Rainbow Brite after me!” Typhoid laughs. Judomaster jumps across the ring in one leap and punches Typhoid Mary in the face. Typhoid, for her part, just keeps laughing as the blood starts gushing down from her nose. “Ooh, you think that was a punch?” Typhoid says, “I’ll show you a punch!”.Judomaster braces herself for whatever attack Typhoid might bring… but is completely bewildered when Typhoid starts punching herself in the face. “You ever see Fight Club?” Typhoid giggles in between a couple of broken teeth, “It went something like this!” Typhoid lands a few more punches on her own face, knocking herself down to the canvas.
Judomaster looks on in puzzlement. “That is one crazy mofo!” she says in Japanese, then turns to walk away. Big mistake. Typhoid suddenly pops up, and immediately lands a punch right in Judomaster’s neck, sending the human test pattern to the floor. “I freaking HATE yellow!” Typhoid rages, landing a punch that mercifully knocks Judomaster out of consciousness. “And green! And purple! And pink!” Blow after blow lands on Judomaster’s lifeless body, until she’s just a twitching mass of blood and dead flesh on the floor. Typhoid finally gets up and smiles. “But I gotta say, blood red looks absolutely AMAZING on you!”
WINNER: TYPHOID MARY
KATO VS BULLSEYE
“No weapons!” screams the ref. “Only your own bodies and wits.”Kato paces across the ring as the ref frisks Bullseye. At his feet, a deck of playing cards, a butterfly knife, three throwing stars, a pair of spikes, six darts, and a box of paperclips fall. The ref throws a frown to Bulleye who returns with a shrug and a smile.
Kato bows to his opponent, yet eyes him suspiciously while doing so. His suspicions are valid, as the man with the target on his head takes the sign of respect as an opportunity to attack.
The cheap shot was to no avail though, since Kato easily evades the blow and responds with a flurry of his own.
Bullseye’s head lolls right and left from the impacts. Kato is fast and doesn’t give him a chance to recover. More kicks and chops fly and connect, forcing the assassin to stagger backwards.
Kato silently moves in for the final blow with a swift roundhouse across Bullseye’s face.
Bullseye’s head spins, his body following suit, and after a 360, he lands on his back onto the mat.
Kato stands in a ready stance, bobbing back and forth from right leg to the left, not sure if his opponent is down for good.
Bullseye wipes the blood from his chin and smiles. A mad look in his eye. “Thank you.” As he smiles wider, his lips part to reveal a dark gap where his front tooth once was.
Bullseye spits the tooth across the ring and imbeds it deep into Kato’s eye socket. Kato slumps down slowly, leaking eyeball fluid all over the mat.
The ref makes his way to the ring and looks at Bullseye with discord.
“What, I didn’t use any weapons!” shrugs Bullseye, “I only used my body…”
WINNER: BULLSEYE
IRON FIST VS TUROK
“You bear the mark of the dinosaur on your chest, masked man.” Turok’s screams echo across the canyon.“Oh this?” Iron Fist points to his chest. “Just a tattoo I got after a particularly wild weekend in Vegas.”
The Native American isn’t amused. “I’ve spent my life hunting those creatures and you dare joke about them?”
“It’s the mark of Shou-Lao the Undying, chief. It allows for me to harness the power of the mystical kingdom of K’un Lun and make my fist like unto a thing of iron…which…uhm…doesn’t seem to be working right now.”
PAFF! Iron Fist’s fist puffs with energy for a moment then fades. PAFF! He sighs, “Well, looks like we do this the hard way.”
Iron Fist leaps, right leg extended and intended for the chin of the barechested Native American. Instead, Turok dodges and wraps his strong arms around the martial artist’s chest and clenches his fists together, squeezing the air from his opponent’s lungs.
Iron Fist drives the back of his head hard into Turok’s nose. His grip loosens and the large man staggers backward.
Seizing this opportunity, Iron Fist swings his leg and connects with a roundhouse kick across Turok’s face. A wash of blood splatters across the mountain wall, but Turok is still standing.
Iron Fist tries another roundhouse, but this time Turok catches the leg, uses his momentum against the martial artist, and pushes Iron Fist over the edge of the cliff.
Turok listens for the impact below. But no sound comes. Moving to the cliff edge, he sees Iron Fist clenching the rock face with a powerful grip.
Iron Fist grunts, “My pop spent quite a bundle on mountain climbing lessons. Wouldn’t have made it to K’un Lun without ‘em…”
“He taught me about which rocks to hang onto…” His free fist is clenched as well, “and which ones give.”
He punches the cliff, loosened by the battle, which crumbles and falls to the valley below--Turok along with it.
Iron Fist pulls himself up to safety then holds his depowered fist in agony. “Owww!”
WINNER: IRON FIST
BATMAN VS CAPTAIN AMERICA
When Steve Rogers thumbed the ID screen outside his Brooklyn safehouse, it made a noise he hadn't heard before. A shadow shifted behind the dumpster and the hair above his elbows stood up. His knees dipped into a ready bounce and he cocked his chin to the left."Bucky?" he asked the shadow.
"Batman," it answered. Rancid air flapped around the corner and it was on him. The punch sent the air out of his lung but he blocked the elbow aimed at his windpipe. Cap found purchase on the masked man's wrist and heaved him across the alley. The Batman hit the wall of the brownstone and rolled off.
"It was harder to find you than I thought," Batman said. "You're not registered."
"Not another one," said Cap. "Did Tony give you a couple of toys?" He feinted left and brought a roundhouse right. Batman caught it and was behind him in an instant, his arm snug around Cap's throat.
"Who's Bucky?" Batman asked.
"My partner," said Cap. "He died."
"I've been there," said Batman.
Little fireflies started to swim in on him and the dim orange light grayed. Steve took a half step to the left and stomped down hard on the top of Batman's foot, the first move they teach you in basic. He heard the crunch and the sweaty grip broke free.
"AGGH!" the shadow screamed. Batman fled to the left toward the opening of the alleyway, his limp uneven but swift. Cap was still wheezing for breath, but he stretched out and caught a fistful of cape.
"I'm surprised... this doesn't happen to you... more often," he said. He wrapped the heavy fabric once around his fist and heaved Batman behind him into the wall. "Always said these things were stupid."
WINNER: CAPTAIN AMERICA
Congratulations to all the winning participants. Winners will move on to Round Three. Be sure to check out this week’s bouts. But first, the rules:
@ To even the playing field, contestants are powerless and weaponless upon entering the ring. They must win on fighting prowess and character alone! @ Check out the fights listed below and send a 300 word (or less) fight scene to us determining who the winner is and how the fight should play out. (Remember: it’s best to SHOW, don’t TELL in these submissions. That means write the scene as if it is happening, don’t tell us what will happen…it makes for more interesting readin’, don’t cha know!). @ Be sure to indicate winner of each match in the subject line of your email. @ Submissions are judged by a select group of @$$Holes (hint: we’re looking for the most entertaining one to win, not necessarily the one that has been done and over done in comics before. ORIGINALITY RULEZ!). @ Winners of each match will be announced in the column a week later (that means if the fights were introduced in Monday’s SHOOT THE MESSENGER Column, the winner will be announced the following Monday, same for Wednesday’s reviews column). @ Submissions can be sent in to @$$Hole HQ via the link below until midnight Friday. @ THIS CONTEST IS NOT FOR PROFIT but done out of love for Fan Fic, comic book store trash talk, and online comic book debate. @ Have fun and enter as many times as you’d like! There can be only one winner, it’s up to you who that turns out to be!Here are this week’s combatants! Be sure to follow the links to find out how our fighters have gotten this far!
Bracket Two
Fight One
SILVER SABLE VS MOON KNIGHT
Silver Sable hardly broke a sweat against Manhunter in the first round. But don’t expect this round to be such a cake-walk. Moon Knight took out the second man to wear the Robin costume in the first round with his quick wits. Both characters are weapons masters, but they are leaving them home for this weaponless match-up.Which hero in white will make it to Round Three?
Bracket Two
Fight Two
NIGHTWING VS MVP
Since Blade resorted to cheating in the first round for using weaponry in this no weapons tourney, we’ve decided to disqualify the vamp hunter. So it looks like Nightwing gets a second chance in this tourney. But Round Two isn’t going to be any easier. MVP shocked us all when his youthful exuberance proved to be the better against Mr. Terrific’s skills.Will the perfect human specimen have what it takes to beat the protégé of the Bat?
Bracket Two
Fight Three
KA-ZAR VS SHANG CHI
In our bloodiest battle yet, Ka-Zar proved to be King of the Jungle and beat Catman in a close match. But in Round Two he has to face the Master of Kung Fu. Shang Chi served Richard Dragon in Round One, not in a fight, but a dance off.Will it be the Jungle King or the Martial Arts Master advancing to the next round?
Bracket Four
Fight Four
BLACK CAT VS WOLVERINE
Black Cat used a little manipulation to make her way to Round Two against Batwoman. She’ll have to use more than that when she faces one of the tournament’s most dangerous contestants. A Spelling Bee between Wolverine and Conan spelled defeat for the Barbarian from Cimmeria and victory for the feral mutant. Remember, this being a no power or weapon tourney, Wolvie is without his healing factor, claws, or enhanced senses. Same goes for Black Cat’s bad luck power.Having teamed up in their own miniseries a while back, which fighter will win when they go head to head?
