Cool News
A Few More Details On That SWORD AND THE SORCERER Follow-Up We've Been Hearing About!!
Merrick here...
Last week came rumblings that TALES OF AN ANCIENT EMPIRE was gearing-up for production. You can find that article HERE.
A few more details have emerged about the film, which is a pseudo-sequel to 1982's THE SWORD AND THE SORCERER (Box Office Mojo identifies SWORD as the 7th highest-grossing sword & sorcery movie of all time...even above EXCALIBUR!)
Yancy Butler (WITCHBLADE)...
and Leah Cairns ("Racetrack" on BATTLESTAR GALACTICA)...
...have officially jumped on-board TALES, joining Christopher Lambert and Kevin Sorbo. Yancy plays half-sister to Lambert, Sorbo, and Victoria Maurette (image HERE).
The project rolls May 5th in Argentina (Buenos Aires) & will end its shoot in Tunisia.
And...
The three-bladed sword wielded in the first film will make some sort of appearance here. Be still my geeky heart!
Readers Talkback
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Worst fantasy movie ever.
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this has a lot to live up to.
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Lambert?!? Sorbo:?!? Three bladed sword!!!!! I am so freakin there!!!
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. . . aren't sword & sorcery but the Scorpion King is? Hmmm, thought I knew my sword & sorcery movies.
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With the stellar talents of Kevin Sorbo and Chris Lambert attached. One can obviously expect this to be a top notch production all the way around. The only way this cast could be better is with the addition of Cynthia Rothrock.
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cheeezy.
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I'd take her over Starbuck anytime!
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It's a testament to the cheesy power of Sword & The Sorcerer that Albert Pyun still hasn't been maligned more than Uwe Boll after such epics as Captain America, Nemesis and Omega Doom.
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I'd give it top billing on Mystery Science Theater 3000!
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and matt houston was also the shit
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April 23, 2008, 11:34 a.m. CST
tell me MATT Houston wast the original Tony Stark ..
by JeanLuc Dickhard
damn what a cool show .... my mom wanted to fuck Lee also ....
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I'm pretty sure this is the first movie I ever remember renting, when I was like five years old. Although my mom probably rented me some of those idiotic seventies Heidi videos slightly before that time.
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I ever saw. It was the absolute tits. Loads of "bare bosoms and buckets of blood" as me dad put it at the time. I'm on for another one, as long as Matt houston is in it somewhere. And that sword. Damn that sword was cool.
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Awesome. Awesome. Can we get Olivia D'Abo to play a villainous queen or something?
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But yea, picked up THE SWORD AND THE SORCERER for like $5. Good stuff, didn't remember nudity being in it though.
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...and Ornella Muti in Flash Gordon as well as Adrienne Barbeau in EFNY made me the man I am today.
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mmmmmmmm....cheeeeeeeeese.
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That's an interesting list of what they call sword & sorcery. Most of them are low budget 80's movies.
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Now that was an awesome flick.
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Yes, Krull was kind of cool in a cheesy 80's way. That could be one of those movies where a remake might work.
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Be good to see him get a decent part in a decent fantasy movie after all those bad-to-worse Highlander sequels he had to endure. Would be a nice bookend to the classic Highlander (1).
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That the Highlander films are considered sword & sorcery. I never thought about them like that.
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FUCK YEAH.
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Has anyone seen the "Salute to the Talkbacker" thing yet? It's Hilarious. http://tinyurl.com/5u3wz8
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Sword and Sandal may include different types of movies like Troy or Alexander.
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Yeah, too bad Highlander has been done to death.
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Yes! Super-fast Elf-type twangy bow shenanigans and Bernard Bresslaw the cyclops<p>I'll have some of that!
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Actually make that sword and pink sock
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April 23, 2008, 1:04 p.m. CST
So THIS is the type of news that gets Merrick excited
by MattmanReturns
Lambert? Sorbo? Cheesy 80s fantasy? You really suck, Merrick.
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"Sword and The Sorcerer" was easily the best. I mean, anyone remember "Deathstalker?" "Barbarian Queen?" These movies were fun, but even when I first saw it as a kid, I knew "S&TS" was a cut above. Also, the difference between Albert Pyun and Uwe Boll is that Albert Pyun at least made one good movie.
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I think you had to be a certain age at a certain time to appreciate Cheesy 80's fantasy.
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should be fun....
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The Sword and the Sorcerer, too?
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And really, if they cast an actress that looked like actual Michael Turner art, the only person with a fucked up enough body would be Tara Reid, with her hair dyed brown. Turner is fucking horrible...just behind Liefeld...
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April 23, 2008, 1:28 p.m. CST
I still can't believe people thought it was a good movie.
by Pops Freshemeyer
Shit, The Sword and The Sorcerer made Billy Jack look like The Insider, and Hamburger Hill look like Full Metal Jacket. Unfortunately, it didn't do anything to make Hawk The Slayer or Krull look better than they actually were...
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Actually I love a lot of 80s fantasy... Conan, Dragonslayer, Willow. But Sword and the Sorcerer was just bad.
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..cheesy 80's fantasy, much like the 60's, can only be appreciated if you were THERE for it. And this flick is at least 25 years overdue. As for Yancy Butler, that woman is about as sexy as her name. While no woman born on this planet actually has Turner-like anatomical structure, Butler's she-male on a bad day looks certainly didn't help matters when trying to watch the Witchblade show.
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Krull was pretty good back in the day, but I havent checked it out in MANY years. Willow was the business though. I wish they made more movies like the cheesy 80's fantasy now adays. I mean they werent always great but they had one thing that most films seem to be lacking....Imagination.
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said today, and in the last talkback. Bring it on. Jarv, tell Abom to get over here if you see him.
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from me. I put that link in the last Sword and Sorcerer talkback. Thief Bagginses, We Hates it. No, actually it's cool that it's up there instead of buried down here.
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We talked those to death in the last Sword and Sorcerer talkback. New opinions always welcome though.
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Feh! Talk about source material that could be vastly better.
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They probably bought the right cheap.
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They probably bought the rights cheap.
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has anybody heard anything new about the Wanted movie? I heard there will not be a Mr. Rictus.
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...'cuz she was a stumblin' drunk there for awhile.
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The original was dark and very edgy. I can guarantee this will end up something like Xena Princess warrior or some teenage tv shit like that.
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From Wikipedia: "On February 11, 2007, Butler was arrested in her home on the charge of disorderly conduct. Butler had called police to her home to complain that her boyfriend would not give her the keys to her car or let her leave. Her boyfriend told police that she had been drinking and doing drugs and he did not want her driving. She also allegedly threw things at him because he would not let her leave. Butler was released on $500 bail and ordered by a judge to attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings seven times a week until her next court appearance on March 8, 2007. On March 13, 2007, Butler was charged with driving under the influence and failure to drive in the established lane after she crashed her Saab 900 into a wire guard rail in Sharon, Connecticut. The actress was released on a $500 bail and ordered to appear in Bantam Superior Court on March 26, 2007. On March 28, Bantam Superior Court Judge Richard Marano issued a re-arrest order for Butler because she had twice not appeared at scheduled court dates. The judge directed that the warrant not be served until April 2 to give Butler a chance to explain why she wasn't in court." Hope she's gotten her shit together recently.
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Two words, guys: Operation Slipknot
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Are you talking about the Sandra Bullock chick flick or the zombie movie?
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How can such a hottie be such a psycho? http://tinyurl.com/3obwll
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http://tinyurl.com/4e2gko
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I'd say I've always wondered, but I've actually only been wondering about it for like five minutes. I don't know, when you take The Sword and The Sorcerer, and add these "names", all I can see is a movie so bad that even the Sci Fi Channel would be emnbarassed to broadcast...
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one of my all time favorite Marvel characters!Fuck, if not for the last fight scene and the first confrontation with the Red Skull,Captian America would suck as much as Howard the fucking Duck.<p>The way I see it, Pyun is slightly better than Boll, only because I did like both SOTS and Nemesis.So maybe, just maybe I'll give him a pass.<p><p>Maybe..
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http://tinyurl.com/3scw32 I sure wish AICN would do an article on Wanted (Hint, Hint) Imagine all the bitching we could do about that one.
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Anybody know where to find this?
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I really hope they show what happened to him. I hate reimagings. I like when character arks continue.
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April 23, 2008, 4:57 p.m. CST
The Dark Sector game let's you use the weapon from Krull
by Orionsangels
Also the cyclops from Krull is in Harold Kumar in Guantanamo Bay
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April 23, 2008, 5:45 p.m. CST
Will Kathleen Beller come out of retirement & be the Queen?
by Orionsangels
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I loved them all! Just saw Krull over the weekend. The soundtrack always excites me! I have Hawk the Slayer on original video and will own it till the day I die. Witchblade was great also, I heard they pulled the plug on that show with good rating. Just too much budget.
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My best friend has hated Albert Pyun and his films for a loooong time. He still amkes jokes about the guy. I tend to agree with him, except for the fact that I have always thought that THE SWORD AND THE SORCERER was a fun movie, and much better than most of the sword and sorcery fantasies that reared their ugly heads around the early to mid eighties. And, if done wel, I would look forwrd to seeing the sequel.
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I am THRILLED to hear this is getting made. I expect it to be exactly what it will be. I am not looking for an oscar worthy movie I am just looking to be entertained and I am confident that's exactly what this movie will do.
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Highlander is the only movie of his that I liked and he sure is not the reason why I liked it.
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April 23, 2008, 7:47 p.m. CST
I had a dream that lambert lived next door to my family
by ironic_name
he took us hostage in his used bookshop, with the help of his filipino wife we escaped or killed him. don't remembver
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When he rips his hands out nails and all. That was badass! I really hope Talon is in it. Yeah the actor is old, but like I said earlier, just make him a King. Be cool if he showed his palm scars too.
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a new article.
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a new article.
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April 23, 2008, 8:32 p.m. CST
Add in Miles O'Keefe, Marc Singer, and the Barbarian Bros!
by Groothewarrior
it could be the League of Extrodinary Fantasy Heroes
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and Shwartzenegger as Hercules in New York ahahahaaaaaa
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The first movie was a cheesy silly romp, a sloppy but profitable stab at the swordplay genre that Hollywood shamelessly milked after the success of Excalibur and Conan. Its potential sequel not so much...a bewildering attempt to recapture the glory of the yesteryears, with a straight face and chiseled seriousness. Ugh.
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Why the fuck does anyone care about another miserable Albert Pyun movie? Seriously, I know it has already been said in this talkback, but Pyun makes Ewe Boll look like fucking Spielberg. The man has made 30 plus movies and the cream of the fucking crop are Dollman and Nemesis. GAAHHH!! Even if you liked Sword and the Sorcerer as a kid, you must be aware that he has spent the last 25 year making nothing but crap. How can you expect this to be any good at all?
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hollywood has officially cleaned up its act.
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This movie needs naked women.
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Man, you know very little about women.
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For fuck's sake we've been starved of anything resembling cool news for a while then we get to hear of the cheesy awesomeness of a sequel to S&S which MUST come complete with asskicking, seas of blood and enough nekkid boobies to stop the armed forces missing their girlfriends and some of you soulless bastards are moaning "WAAAAAAH IT'S SHIT WHYYYYYYYYYY". <P>Fucking grab some beers, light up a spliff and laugh yourself silly. <P>Wankers.
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April 24, 2008, 3:43 a.m. CST
Sorry Merrick, but don't believe you... think this is BS!
by silentbobafett2
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...if Pyun more or less ripped off the whole "King Conan Crown of Iron" thing and made it about an older King Talon instead? <p> As for Pyun's career, I always had the idea that he was most comfortable doing S&TS and had always wanted to go back to the genre, hacking his way through everything else (PYUN GOTTA EAT!) until this, his moment to shine, finally arrived. <p> Or maybe he's just shit. <p> Either way, I can't wait to see this thing.
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The show was absolutely terrible in every conceivable way. Yes, the comic sucks too, but that's not really its appeal either, is it? If you can't make it about a pneumatic redhead barely clad in magic, amorphous CGI armor, then leave it the fuck alone. It's a T&A comic, plain and simple. <p> Yancy Butler in a metal glove and a leather jacket? <p> FUCK OFF!!!!
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April 24, 2008, 3:49 a.m. CST
With Christopher Lambert and Kevin Sorbo starring...
by thedarklinglord
You KNOW it's going to be awesome, with superbly written dialogue, cutting edge special effects, and plot more epic in scale than The Lord of the Rings and Star Wars put together. Oh, in case you couldn't tell, I was being sarcastic.
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April 24, 2008, 3:58 a.m. CST
While we're milking the dried-up teat of yesteryear's fantasy...
by thedarklinglord
We really need Willow 2: Little People, Big Dragon. Val Kilmer would jump all over that shit. Plus, midgets just don't get enough work outside of the circus and reality TV. At least the circus leaves them their dignity.
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I watched The Chronicles of Riddick last night, and while it is a shit film I can sort of see where you are going with Twohy as director for the new Conan. Provided someone tells him to keep the CGI to the bare minimum.
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Twohy has the eye for opulence and good sense when it comes to staging hand-to-hand combat.
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because it isn't but some of the fighting screams out "BARBARIAN" and the bit where they race the sun is quite exciting, not to mention Dame Judy Dench as an Air Elemental/Seer. <P>It's an attempt at a technological S&S film. Sort of Final Fantasy-esque.
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...if you make nothing but absolute shit films through the 80's and 90's, like Albert Pyun did, then you're cool, but if you make absolute shit films now, like Uwe Boll does, you're the worst thing ever and get enternally coated in fanboy bile. Wonder what it's like to be so batshit fanboy crazy where that no longer seems rediculously hypocritical...<p>Albert Pyun isn't as bad a director as Uwe Boll, he's worse. Always has been, always will be. I mean when you've made something like 40 movies, and this piece of utter shit is one of the 'highlights' of your career, well, there just aint any coming back from that.
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April 24, 2008, 4:42 a.m. CST
The only good thing about The Sword & The Sorceror...
by Sledge Hammer
...was the poster art, which, admittedly, was actually pretty cool. But then back in the day even the shittiest films were capable of coming up with cool poster art, as demonstrated by the likes of fellow fantasy films such as Deathstalker and The Warrior & The Sorceress.
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Where's the love?
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...sorry brother, but that's just a step too far for me.
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...would be almost as bad as Casper van Dien as Dar's younger brother in Beastmaster 3.
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is a genius compared to Boll. Have you not seen Alone in The Dark. <P>the difference is that Puyn's efforts are fun, Boll's are not.
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now that was spectacular crap. Still....I did watch them all quite a few times.
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to steal women's clothes while they're bathing.
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In fact, I own the triple feature with Pitch Black and this animated feature which I have not gotten to yet. <p>And I can't believe I haven't seen Beastmaster 3. I never knew Casper was in it. That combo is just earth shattering goodness!
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Strictly speaking, polecats aren't rodents, but it is a cool trick. <p> Ah, the good ole days of titty in PG movies...
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Wait until you see the wig Casper wears in the film.
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...to the man or woman who can explain the whole idea and philosophy of the Necromongers, because that was some dumb shit.
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And yet there is no DVD release of this...<p>One would think this is prime material to be released in a triple-pack.
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They release the Beastmaster TV series on DVD but not Beastmaster 2 and 3.
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like take people's souls, get knocked down and do crazy spins to get back up, communicate through these 'things' laying down taking nice little naps, and whatever the head dude was doing. Really, quite simple.<p>Or...I have no fucking clue.
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was that only the third one?
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...with Marc Singer a few years back and he spoke extensively about Beastmaster and how much he loved being in the first one. He said the sword really was top-notch quality and "sharp enough to cut a Sherman tank in half". <p> Just a bit of trivia...
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That's worth maybe five internets, tops. An excellent attempt, though, and probably the best one I've heard so far.
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The first one was DTV, and the second one a network TV movie, I think. Both were terrible, alas.
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...that 2 was DTV and 3 a TV movie.
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...the proud owner of the original Swedish movie poster of the Beastmaster with exclusive art by Christos Achilleos. <p> Yes, I am a sad Beastmaster anorak.
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And how could Marc ever top his beastmaster role? Sure, V the series was a nice little role for him but cannot begin to compare the role of Dar. I always loved the 'eye' ring.
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I have such fond memories of seeing that in the Cinema because my mother didn't know what she was taking me to. I can't have been more than 8 or 9.
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Can you say; House of The Dead? Only an idiot would show game footage in the middle of a shooting scene.Atleast in the Doom movie,there was a nod to game's first person perspective.Nothing more.Oh and I forgot to mention how Boll tried to capatilize on the Bullet time effect,but with stupid 360 rotating scenes in HOTD.<p>Bloodrayne would have been just as bad if not for Ben Kingsley's lending a modicum of "class" to that shitest.Pyun's Cap was bad, but it's fight scenes far outweigh anything Bollshit has done.
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only once. <p>I've always wondered if kids today feel the same way that we do about our 'cheesy' movies from when we were younger. Probably not.
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I want one badly. And living in Camden I thought that the goth fools would be selling a knock of on one of their shabby market stalls. <P>I was wrong. <P>I am the proud owner of one of the exploding collars from Batte Royale though.
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don't have anywhere near the level of quality cheese that we had. <P>And the wife thinks I'm mildly retarded for my love of it.
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This looks like crap. And this coming from a huge fan of the original. At least I was 30 years ago when I saw it at the theatre like twice with my D&D geek friends. Somebody needs to police these actors and force retirement after they fill their quota. Lambert should have known he'll never see anything as good as the original HIGHLANDER. Sorbo should have realized HERCULES was it for him. There names and backgrounds should have been retired and archived in imdb after their perspective so many minutes of fame.
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very cool! <p> Reminds me of the awesome exploding-collar prison schlocker Wedlock with Rutger Hauer -- or was I the only one who saw that one?
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Just blow him up.
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My wife thinks I'm insane for loving "crap that's right up my alley". <p>So be it.
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and the exploding collar prisoner schtick was used (with a few minor variations) in both The Running Man and the Lambert stinker Fortress. Which is shit, but light years better than Fortress 2 (I'm disgusted at myself for watching that)
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Isn't it great that 2 consecutive TB's on this have stormed the top 10 and stayed there. If hollywood really does monitor trends then we should be in for a golden age of Sword and Sorcery efforts.
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The synopsis is just....gold.<p>Rutger in a unisex prison.
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I forgot to say- has anyone seen Minotaur- It tries so hard to be as crap as we wish (even down to ludicrous monster and bizarre incest subpolot) but just fails. It has Rutger in it as well and I think Tony Todd plays the king of crete.
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Never saw the second one.
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My son is only two months old, but I already have an indoctrination plan in the works for when he's old enough. <p> He will learn The Way.
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despite the presence of Rutger it never reaches the depths it should.
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They must learn to choose the right one.<p>My daughter is two, but she will learn the ways of the force.
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The dude has such questionable taste. I've seen his post on zfisk's insanity update. Why would you encourage the nutter?
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and working in a school is putting me right off. But if we do I've got it all planned out and the word "Disney" will not feature.
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The properties that they get their hands on...could be ultimate cheese. Instead we get moldy cheese. <p>Take the gargoyle movies for instance, I mean, fucking gargoyles. That's prime material. But if fails miserably in it's attempt for good cheese.
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low rent actors in them- FFS Tony Todd and Rutger? these are cheesy gold and we get crap. <P>And the Minotaur myth is fish in a barrel easy to hit for cheese. <P>Mind you, Tony does stand around spouting some dreadful sub-poetic nonsense, taking bong hits from a goat skull and trying to nail his (admittedly attractive) sister.
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rodents? Polecats? If you're referring to that tiger he had, it was a black tiger right, then you are correct. He just used the tiger to scare Tanya so she could cling to her "rescuer."
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I think Polecat=ferret. I think they're rodents as well. But I know fuck all about animals. <P>I'm not sure that they qualify as sufficiently good to be BEASTS though. Even if they steal clothing
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were the coolest things around too. Dar's adoptive father was cool. The guy seemed just like an average joe, a little on the geeky side, but when you got on his bad side that weapon came out, and that was the end for you.
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April 24, 2008, 7:21 a.m. CST
Here's a science lesson today boys and girls
by Grammaton Cleric Binks
According to wikipedia, ferrets are NOT rodents. Neither, however, are they polecats although they are a close relative. Now we know, and knowing is half the battle.
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April 24, 2008, 7:26 a.m. CST
Dar's adoptive father did have his cool "war" stance
by just pillow talk
He looked like he was at the plate ready to swing at a 3-2 pitch.
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pah. This leaves me confused. I remember being really upset when one of them died. But I was young.
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...The Nozzle?
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Rodents belong to the order rodentia. Ferrets belong to the order carnivora. At least according to Wikipedia.
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Some neighbor/farmer whatever, didn't he take his hat off with that thing. Neighbor was all mad, but Dar and Dad had a good laugh.
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Ferrets (Mustela furo) are intelligent, lively, furry mammals (they are not rodents!). Ferrets are the only domesticated member of the Mustelidae family of carnivores. Cousins of the ferret include the otter, weasel, mink, ermine, skunk and European polecat. <p>That is from miamiferret.org website. Didn't know ferrets were big in Miami.
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have you seen MNG's onrunning fued with gotham_night. <P>It's very funny, and most unlike him.
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That is a one-sided blood bath if I've ever heard of one.
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is that we get to indulge our love of cheesy film and actually stay relevant. <P>Now if we can get one about bears or Leprechaun then we should be away to the races. <P>One thing- Leprechaun has been about everywhere, I think we really need a Lep in Dinosaur Hell. Accuracy has never been a strong point of those, so we could have some barbarians and swordplay and big stupid monsters/ dinosaurs and LEPRECHAUN.
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He's also spanked the drippy little whore as well. <P>It's unlike him because he tends to ignore the trollish ramblings of these fucks. Which makes it even funnier. In the political thread he asked if they had bred yet to produce even more uselessness. <P>I've a feeling Xiphos may be right about them.
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cheesy franchises together into one big cheese ball. Like Beastmaster vs. Leprechaun during the Spanish Inquisition or something.<p>Cause we all know combining franchises works.
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I'll go check the nozzle thread now...
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bleeurrghhhh.
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Gotham certainly reacts the same way when he is attacked, just like the other drippy little whore.
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bastards.
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there is a good chance we can crash number one with this TB- and Nary a title spam in sight.
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Brave old fucker, but I still laugh my ass off after he unsheathes that awesome sword, draws a line of death in the sand in front of him, and then immediately gets trampled by the Junn Horde. <p> Still, life in the village of Emur seemed pretty sedate and cool. <p> "Search for your destiny in the Valley of Aruk."
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along with Samuel L Jackson's big motivational Speech in Deep Blue Sea.
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Racetrack is my favorite pilot next to Starbuck. She had a bit part in 88 Minutes, so she won't have that staining her resume that much.
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...and thinking, "Hey, for a cheesy movie, it's really pretty cool." So maybe they'll manage to capture the same vibe again. Hope so, anyway.
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half of those aren't proper S&S movies.
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...is the greatest kill EVER. So fucking funny and so amaziingly unexpected. In a Renny Harlin film no less.
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It looks horrible. THey keep sliding off the map.
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a couple of nights ago again. I just love when that chick jumps in the water at the end and the shark just chomps her up.<p>And of course LL shooting the shark is great. Such a tough fucking shot, and he nails it, no problem. Tom Jane riding the shark for like 5 minutes is great too.
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There's Batman viral shit over at Joblo. But to stick to the topic, sort of, I still think Christopher Lambert has TWO good films in Highlander AND that Tarzan movie w/ Ian Holm. And aren't ferrets in the weasel family, order, phylum or whatever? They sure as hell aren't rodents.
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How bouta BeastMaster sequal?
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See Grammaton's and my posts above regarding THE question that is on everyone's mind: ferrets: friend or foe or rodent?
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better to burn out, than fade away!<p>Hello ladies!
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is truly an underrated cheesy classic. <P>Although I can find some love for Die Hard 2 I still maintain it's Renny Harlin's best effort.
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excellent.
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In the 70's and 80's you had no FHM's yearly sexiest 100 females list. You could count the number of sex symbols in the decade 1975-1985 using your hands and feet. Yummy Tanya Roberts was one of them.
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movies- extreme hotties getting nekkid. <P>And I seem to remember them all being PG, althoug the BBFC has recently reclassified them as 18. <P>It seems to me to be unfair that they are 18, some of my formative cinema experiences are to those movies.
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...I would've cared. I think I'd rather go and bug Fox to make "Eldest" and not screw it up.
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in Flash Gordon. <P>sigh, spandex just isn't used properly nowadays. It keeps getting wasted in Superhero costumes when it could be applied to sexy women.
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Sommers is part of the reason that these died. <P>The hack.
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are the way of the dodo bird.
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Have to disagree. Long Kiss Goodnight is the closest thing to greatness Harlin has achieved.
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because everything in that that was good is down to Shane Black. LKG represents an absolute missed opportunity- and the blame for it is solely down to Harlin.
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because I do, but it could have been so much more.
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see you later.
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...when it comes to Shane Black's credit for that movie. Still, Harlin could have fucked it up a hell of a lot more than he did.
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...really need to sign up at Cinemageddon. It's a (free) member only torrent site which has the most incredible collection of rare and otherwise unavailable stuff you have ever seen. Obscure S&S and amazing shit you've never heard of but can't believe you've lived without up until this point. Stuff like "Dracula in Pakistan" and the like. Awesome, awesome shit.
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...is so "great" that most of this talkback has been spent talking about Beastmaster instead. I rest my case.
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Yeah, regarding that little gotham fella...he annoys the fuck out of me.
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great stuff in it. Gina could have bitchslapped me around anytime.
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Welcome to the "Drippy Little Whore Hate Club" MNG. Membership is free, as is your #2 pencil to stab them with.
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Funny what threads like this conjur up.<P>And Doc, while he's learning The Way, make sure you get that kid of yours into ninja training...post-haste! The world needs more ninjas!
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Feel free to kick that Gotham whiner in the balls for me, I mean what an absolute douche that kid is.
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Xiphos thinks that him and Braffed are one and the same.
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and bears being man-eating bears.
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we really are very good at this.
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him is that he's usually so good at ignoring them. If I lose my rag it's kind of predictable but scarcity of MNG doing it makes it even funnier.
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...yeah, that wouldn't surprise me one bit. Oh, and I agree, more heavily armed monkeys are always welcome, though I kinda prefer Apes with Uzi's and Chimps with Colt 45's myself. Teach a monkey to fire a gun and you're entertained for a day, teach a monkey to reload and you're entertained for a lifetime...
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Have you seen the Troma Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell. It's great fun- but a horrible misnomer: <P>"She is not a nympho, there are more mutants than dinosaurs, and the man has a mullet, but what can you do?" (imdb review). <P>It's one of the funnier efforts, basically they are descendants from Earth Colonists and she spends her whole time fighting mutants wearing bugger all.
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won't take over the world. With guns, different story. And with Mr. Heston dead, what chance do we have?
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There's a talkbacker named "fat bears" in the superman thread. He's probably the lazy bear type, flinging the good name of bears in the mud yet again.
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Fetch my dart gun.
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but we still have nukes. So I'm not that worried
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the red button. So perhaps we are already under the dominion of apes? There's a certain house painted white that houses such monkeys I believe...
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we shall not spank the monkey, the monkey will spank us.
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YAWN- how dull.
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McFly in the ointment. Dickhead.
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you got me on that one JPT, I was merely thinking of entertainment value, but here you were actually looking at the big picture. Still, we could always compromise and just give the monkey's access to buckshot and rubber bullets. Less chance of any sort of an MMR (Mass Monkey Revolution) then...
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The general populace doesn't get hurt from the monkeys, but the idiots who get to close get knocked off by a wayward monkey buckshot to the head. Everyone wins.<p>Yup, the supes thread is more of the same shit.
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April 24, 2008, 11:27 a.m. CST
Sledge, S&S is great because it was, but also
by Grammaton Cleric Binks
reminds of the other great S&S movies. The talback last week sequed into a bunch of those movies including Yor, Deathstalker, The Barbarians, and yes, Beastmaster.
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you losers have a little "hate club". The problem with Jarv, Pillow, Brokeback, Abom Nice Gays, it that thier life revolves around these little thread. You guys are pathetic...I kinda feel bad for you all. I come in here, own your sorry asses, and take away the only social outlet that you hav in this world. Sorry...
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Again I will pose this simple question to you:<p>Why do you post to a MOVIE website if you never discuss movies?<p>And the only thing you own is the marks around your wrists from the handcuffs your daddy makes you wear after sexually abusing you like the little bitch you are.
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You silly bitch.
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your idea of discussing movies, is crying over Brad Renfro and Leaf Headger, or bullying those who have a different opinion than you. So, get off your pedestal and back on your knees where you can join your mom as she's gobbling my junk
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It's quite a simple question. <p>Why do you come visit a MOVIE site when you do nothing but troll around with your pathetic attempts at attention?<p>Another question: how does your mom feel knowing that her husband shoves his dick up her child's ass on a daily basis? Does she cry herself to sleep every night? Do you apologize to your mom?
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and as far as seeking attention..Thanks!
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But don't take my word for it...Go to your local gloryhole and ask for the "Ma Pillow Special" It's cheap (60 cents or pocket lent will do) and it's a great way to contribute to her crack habit. I'm braffed and i approve this message
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nice one on the 3 blade sword being back. man, this fucking film is gonna fucking rule, big time. it's about fucking time we had some decent fun cinema again.
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who posted inane shit in obits and continually cyber-stalks various AICN talkbackers, seeking to get a rise out of them.
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Listen ass-rag, if i defend myself in a thread because someone says something to/about me that is not cyber stalking. Other people might let you talk about them and let you get away with it, but I'm not one of them. As for the obits...well, sometimes its just fun to mock dead, dead-beat actors who off themselves. Oh, and your moms a whore and you are a pickle sniffer.OWNED.
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You work in a school, you have ALL this time to post on a TB, and you went off to a meeting mid-thread.<P> You're a TEACHER, aren't you, Jarv? :D<P> Braffed - Your name is based on conjugating the noun Braff (BRAFF, n. To be the bitch in EVERYTHING HE STARS IN. To be John C. McGinley's bitch in everything HE'S in, so we hope McGinley gets cast as Starr in PREACHER) into a fucking verb. You call everyone on here losers, yet your name means "to tar someone with the gross accusation that they are as wet lettuce as famed bitch Zach Braff". And that makes you a sad, sad bitch indeed.<P> Get your lame ass to bed. Streetlights are on.
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when you show up in threads that we post in and immediately start proclaiming your owned/gay spiel. <p>Make sure you put on your jammies with the footsies, wouldn't want you to get cold.
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spouting that shit in the obits.<p>Never mind, I can believe it.
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right, when you get all stressed and whatever, yeah, like you are now, why not go and have a wank, or maybe a pleasant stroll and a cigarette and just try to remain calm? typing such venom, disdain and contempt for each other and your respective mothers cannot be doing all that much good for your blood pressure, and i dare say your fingers are getting sore from bashing the keyboard in. actors, and indeed movies, are transient things. we love em, hate em, defend em, slam em, but all things must pass eventually. oh, and if you don't smoke, then why not head to Gibraltar for a weekend? they are going to start shooting the monkeys on the rock just now. i seem to recall monkeys upsetting at least one of you, so perhaps shooting some of the thieving little bastards might help you get a sense of perspective, yeah?
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never do well at the box office. fantasy themed movies like that and movies set in medieval times have no interest to the movie going public. i don't know why. they just don't. and wasn't there a short lived fantasy TV series in the 80s with that jerk from "taxi" and julia duffy from "newhart" with the same name? or was it "wizards and warriors"?
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not all moviegoers are 30+somethings who refuse to grow up and leave their childhood behind them. fuck nostalgia.
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Oh yes we are. And some of us aren't even ashamed about it. What th3e fuck else is there in this life besides movies? Politics? Religion?<P> Ah, don't get me started.
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politics and religion are as false and empty as the movies. i wouldn't even attempt to suggest that one should fill their life with those. but what about personal pursuits that don't have to do with vicarious entertainment and fantasy wish-fulfillment? creating art, whether its music or your own movies. how about travel? or quiet contemplation? conversing with friends? drinking beer at the beach? getting high and climbing some rocks? look, i don't know anything about you and you know nothing about me so let's not get into one of those stupid online arguments. i just think that there is more to be offered than recycled material that pushes our buttons. but that's just me.
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Sorbo was a guest that stuck around for the entire show and I have to say he came off as a pretty damn likable guy with a good sense of humor. He just seems like someone who is completely at ease with himself and having been essentially typecast as HERCULES for life (which ran for 7 years) followed by ANDROMEDA (that ran for 6). Then again, he should be at ease -- that's a solid 13 years of steady, paying work as an actor which is no small feat in itself. In fact, he made a good joke about that (sustaining a career in Hollywood) when asked about guest-starring on the O.C. and now being the older guy who had to work with younger kids who were now technically the stars. At which point he basically joked back, "Yeah, they all thought they were hot shit, but how many of them are working now!"<p>During the course of the show, they also pointed out two things I never knew. One, that Sorbo was actually the alternate choice for Superman in CLARK AND LOIS (but lost out at the last minute to Dean Cain), and second that at one point Sorbo was actually ranked the Third most bankable TV star in Hollywood (behind Oprah and Regis) and that at its height of popularity, HERCULES was actually the MOST watched TV show in the world. To which Sorbo joked back, "Yeah, we were BAYWATCH BC."
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They could have given the role to some droopy eyed broad like Maggie Gyllenhall. Jesus Christ, she reminds me of Beaky Buzzard. "My mama done told me, 'Maggie, go see a fucking plastic surgeon.'"
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Cool News has reported that this sequel is indeed now being filmed and that Lee Horsley, Christopher Lambert, Kevin Sorbo, Victoria Maurette, Inbar Lavi, Yancy Butler and Leah Cairns have all been confirmed as cast members.
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Sorry bud, but you lost a loooonnnnggg time ago. I find it both sad and funny that you keep operating under some sort of delusional fantasy that you're somehow contributing here. The truth of the matter is, you're not. Quite frankly, I don't know that you ever have...aside from making ghoulish statements about the deceased.<P>You say you "discuss movies all the time". When?! Where?! Because it sure as Hell ain't on this site. All you do is keep a lookout for a handful of Talkbackers (who have all destroyed you on several occassions) and as soon as you find them, you attack them with a bunch of weak-ass trollishness. Trust me - I've seen and dealt with some memorable trolls...but your shit is WEAK.<P>So, what it comes down to is this (like I've told you before): I'm infinitely cooler than you. And so are the guys who continue to trounce you at every turn. Now, I'm sure you're already beating yourself up trying to think of some sort of crazy comeback. One that you'll probably tag with "OWNED" or some other ludicrous remark. And I could challenge you to say something...anything...that might appear to be intelligent or even clever...but I know it's something you're not capable of doing. Unlike deepthroating pickles, it's really not your bag.
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they were a crazy cult <p> killing on a cosmic scale for bizarre "reasons"
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Spud- No, I'm not a teacher (thank the lord- well, the next generation should thank the lord), I work for a posh school and do "marketing". Which isn't particularly difficult seeing as the government keeps arse raping the state education system forcing people to go private. <P>MNG- that was funny, alas wasted, but brilliant none the less. <P>Pillows, the monkey revoution is set to start. But I predict it will be curtailed by the Bear uprising. Simply because monkeys serve as a mid-mayhem snack for the large bear. <P>Novembre, do you know what's really sad? posting here criticising others and telling them to get a life. We all do things other than post here, it's just a fun place to kill some time.
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must have called me out about 20 times, when I wasn't there. <P>You don't get the same quality of troll nowadays. They're always pathetic like Braffed, moronic and unfunny like Gotham or bitter and stupid like McFly. Or downright fucking unpleasant like AnimalBRaneBalls- who makes me sick.<P>I miss insanity and pointy-headedness, so am thanking the lord for the return of Ringy. We just need zfisk/ gingertwit/BSB to abandon his makeover/cococococolopez to tell us about music/ or mercier to give us a truly scary insight into the mind of a basement-dwelling loony.
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So I will post alone if needs must.
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and it confirmed my suspicion that 2007 was the fucking nadir for horror movies- everything was either a remake or a piss poor sequel or a poor adaptation or FUCKING Torture Porn.
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I give you Jarv's 3 worst Horror movie of last year: <P>In reverse order- <P>3)28 weeks later: boneheaded, dull, badly acted, badly written rehash of the first one- except this time they decided to ignore London geography. The most unnecessary sequel since Matrix Reloaded<P>2)30 Days of Night: This film makes me want to punch everyone that recommended it (Harry) in the face. Fucking terrible waste of an excellent concept- with ridiculous cliched characters, a dearth of acting, and an ending that makes me want to never watch a vampire film again. And I HATED the vampires: poorly conceived neo-goth wankers that inexplicable communicated through annoying echo-location and shrieking, they also didn't haev fangs but had whole mouths full of pointy teeth instead. Not scary. Note to Hollywood- shrieking is not frightening, and what made sense in the Descent does not make sense anywhere else. <P>1)Halloween. I didn't watch it, but there was no way this wasn't going to be number 1. How the fuck dare you remake the archetype slasher movie. A film so fucking perfect that it still scares the shit out of people nearly 30 years later. And to make Michael Myers a trailer park redneck? You should be fucking ashamed of yourselves. <P>Jarv would also like to give honourable mention in the shit parade to Hostel 2, Captivity, The Hitcher, AvP:R, Resident Evil 3, anything with Saw in the title, and many, many others- just because I haven't named you don't think I'm not aware of you. <P>A fucking awful year. I'm struggling to think of a good horror film from 2007.
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complete cretin, and The_lion was just priceless. <P>They are a far superior breed of troll to the dicks kicking around at the moment.
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Fear not, no stress here. As MNG as pointed out, he's just a troll who follows around certain talkbackers.
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Since you don't "know" anyone here, why make your sweeping generalization that whomever posts here, this is all they do? Posting here is great fun during work, and much preferred by the way. I would also suggest not climbing rocks and getting high at the sametime. Wouldn't want to get a boo-boo.
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there's a prime sabotage thread on the front page- fucking drill teams or some such shite. <P>I'm sorely tempted to make another epic BEAR thread out of it.
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I hadn't seen it in a long time, but I really enjoy that movie. Why did DeNiro have to veer away from what he was meant to be? Can I blame Stiller?
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Oh, and good point about monkeys being bear-appetizers. Though monkeys with guns vs. Bears would be interesting, or samurai monkeys vs. Bears.
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and although agile, I reckon Monkey's with guns would probably win. But who can say. <P>To think science is wasting time with a cure for cancer when they could be looking at this serious subject.<P>Ronin has an epic car chase, and the decline of Deniro into some comedy fucknut/ weak horror actor just makes me sad.
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in your Drill Team post. I think it has the makings of an epic movie.<p>It's also got Sean Bean being ambushed by DeNiro with a cup of coffee.
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My main priorities for the day are keeping this thread live, kicking trolls and sabotaging that one. This will be fun.
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thread. What is wrong with these...things???
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AICN is pretty troll-tastic at the moment, without any of them being any good. <P>I couldn't believe that SR thread where Mcfly continued to call for me in every post and re-use the twinkie insult I gave him. <P>Mind you, I haven't seen such a spectacular meta-pwnage in ages as when the site printed that poster he was jeering about. <P>What a dick.
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we've actually got some semi-decent news today. And they're just wasting bandwidth.
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in the Hobbit thread. He never seems to respond to me when I call him a bad ass. He's much like 2for2true in that regard, poof! he's gone. <p>Plus I think he's above us mere mortals.
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and I love the idea that there is some sort of geek heirarchy: he's at the top, because he isn't a geek (despite having AICN log in), and can inflict violence (uh-huuuh), and everyone else is below him especially "basement dwellers"
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It makes for some great laughs.
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and what would actually happen if they tried?
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April 25, 2008, 7:49 a.m. CST
I think the "Q" would implode with anger if called out
by just pillow talk
I'm hoping he eventually responds to my posts.
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you actually insult him.
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What would be truly gigantic would be if Q and 2for2true appeared in the same thread. The amount of threatened violence would be vast.
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the white hot heat of their rage
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Crockett and Tubbs.<p>Laurel and Hardy.
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Thanks again for proving my point!
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comments regarding a movie at this site.
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you pathetic little submoron. <P>We're not talking about you, to you or about anything that you might be interested in. <P>In fact the only thing you seem to be interested in is us. Give it up.
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not having that.
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They're like a more destructive version of Belushi and Arnold in Red Heat.
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I posted a whole bunch of mob=vie stuff onthe Renfro/Ledger thread. What happened to all my comments?
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it back in the top 10.
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You did NOT post a whole load of movie stuff in the Obit thread. What you did post was a lot of vile slander and you used it to pontificate (at length) in a truly repellent fashion, with no foundation, and you thoroughly deserved your banning.
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I have never once seen you post anything that could be called movie stuff. <P>All you do is chase us around like a fucking half-starved mongrel dog. Your one example was you posting a lot of vicious crap about an ACTOR. If he had been a fucking bin-man it would have been the same shit. <P>Now fuck off until you have something useful to contribute.
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Batman movies suck balls. The new one will suck balls. Heath Ledger is a bad actor and will single-handedly ruin the already sub-par francise.
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see, this is the point: <P>Explain why Batman Begins sucks balls? all you have done here is post a trollish statement intending to provoke. Then when you have done that explain why you think Heath Ledger is a bad actor. <P>Troll
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Please read my previous post. I'll expect your 3-5 essay on why you lose on my desk in the morning.<P>Thanks!
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Braffed here, Mcfly in the Batman TB and Ringy in the Hobbit. <P>What a day.
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you are such the John McClain of the talkbacks. you are so sad. You have this inflated image of yourself as this holy monitor and it really is pathetic. However, since i havent givin my donation the special olympics this year, I 'm going to indulge you and your soft skull...Batman Begins sucks becasue there wasn't a batman until an hour or so into the movie. The Scarcrow was lame and so was the Raz guy. Katie Holmes is a fucking horrible actor and what the fuck was that microwave device. Fucking stupid. Oh, and his voice when he was in "character" Fucking horrible. AS for Leaf Headger...Seriously, have you seen the Patriot or Knight's tale? He's totally forgettable in movies, and from what I've seen in the previews of DK, he's not really playing the Joker that I'm use to. I bet Bill Fingers and Jerry Robinson are so fucking embarassed. There...I did my noble deed for the day. Sorry Mr Nice Gays... I might have more compassion for your pointless observations next year
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venturing forth opinions, riddle me this: <P>Batman Begins was an origin story- although Batman wasn't present his training and roots were. Bruce Wayne was very much there. <P>I liked the scarecrow, and I thought Ras al Gul was a clever adaptation of the comic. <P>The microwave thing, whilst shit is not the worst idea I've ever seen, and I have to agree that Katie Holmes is awful. Overall I give it a solid 7 out of 10. <P>Leaf HEdger (very clever) was an emerging actor, I have seen the films that you mention and they are pretty forgettable movies. However, he had a hell of a lot of potential and did not stink up the screen like Haydn Christianssen. I understand that you have a vision of the Joker, and that's fine but it is OK to enjoy someone else's portrayal. I'm looking forward to it. <P>See isn't this more fun?
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Quote: "I might have more compassion..."<P>That's good to know because I will have NO compassion for you.<P>And regarding very astute and salient observations - you know I'm right.<P>Class dismissed, loser.
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I admit...it is fun.
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a rest?
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And you really can't say Heath is not the joker, cause from my understanding, there's been different variations of the joker. No one's version will be the same that is in your head. What matters is that you feel this could be a crazy villain who can do heinous things to Batman and Gotham.
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we can call a truce.
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You are the least of my troll problems at the moment.
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That's all I've got to say.
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you had to slip in that "trool" comment..
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It was unnecessary- especially as you've just agreed to stop.
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old habits die hard. man, now that was a great fucking movie!
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was no masterpiece, but it was kind of fun to watch. that snow blower thing with the massive chainsaw like thing on it was ace at least. yeah, 2007 was not the greatest for horror films. did that thing "Severance" count as a 2007 'horror', though? a "homage" to every other horror film of its kind, for sure, but decent fun all the same.
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was surely more "Sorcery And Swords" than it was "Swords And Sorcery", no? it was a number of other things too, but as a gesture towards the goodwill that appears to be developing here, i shall remain silent.
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fire away!<p>And Braffed, that is the best thing you have posted I think regarding Die Hard.
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i still don't understand why exactly everyone got all excited about Lord Of The Rings, really. ostensibly it was about short people walking over fields with an item of some value for 9 hours, interspersed with slightly taller and considerably taller people twatting each other with swords, hammers and what have you. and, of course, the two sorcerer types twatting each other and a range of other things. 3 sorcerers i suppose, if you count that massive eye thingie. the books were rather tiresome and in need of a rather good editor. there you go, pillow talk. hope this helps keep it in the top 10.
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I wonder if old ' Manimal ' himself will make an appearance in the sequel as he was in the original... Fuck, I'd love to see Manimal again..
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See, for me, I found them enthralling. FOTR was by far the best of the three, and was of the best movie-going experiences for me personally. I absolutely loved that movie and was blown away by it. I though Jackson nailed it, and to me, that was the world I was expecting. I still enjoy the hell out of the next two, just not as much.
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nice one mate, and i appreciate i am in the minority of film lovers who just didn't quite get into LOTR. oh well. Jackson did an excellent job from an adaptation point of view, but me not particularly liking the books meant that no matter how good the films were they were not going to do much for me. ho hum.
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here's a sad claim to fame. i met Simon whilst we were on a family holiday in Malta in the mid-80's. he was a really good sport - he guided the way for our family around all the various Maltese film sets, although at the time the big one there was the Popeye set. he was rather impressed with my tapes of Frankie Goes To Hollywood remixes. call me sad if you want, but at least i met someone that was in the ace S & S!!!!!
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Up until the whole Josh Hartnett gaining super vampire powers thing. Then it was just as lame as Hostel or Touristas or whatever. Zob Rombie's Halloween was good because of Malcolm McDowell. He saved the movie. The rest was garbage, especially Robbie Z basing Michael Myers on his own childhood with the stepdad calling him a fag. The whole rape scene at the asylum was just incredibly stupid...reminded me of the whole "let's turn Hannibal Lecter into a hero by having him kill people more evil than him" thing. Zzzz...
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never saw it before. was that two cast members of Prison Break i saw in it? not really all that memorable to be honest, although attempting to mix Die Hard with The Towering Inferno was at least an interesting idea.
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just noticed your response...i was in no way telling people what to do. i was responding to spud mcspud's response to my original post. he suggested that movies are all there is, besides politics and religion to believe in and i was simply offering my opinion. if there is one thing i cannot stand, it's being misunderstood and having someone jump to conclusions after taking some simple words out of context.
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Hey men, I saw your post about the new cast. I have tones of new info and pics of Yancy Buttler (how HOT is she???). But I’m trying to find some info about Victoria Maurette and Inbar Lavi. I have some but not the best…. Also, what are they going to play? Thanks!
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Fair enough.
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....quit wasting time on a sequel and put some effort into cgi'ing kathleen Beller into Hawk the Slayer. Now that's some good Sword & Sorcery.
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