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Massawyrm Says BABY MAMA Only Delivers A Stillborn Mess!!

Hola all. Massawyrm here.

Epic. Fail. Is it possible for me to hate a movie worse than this? Sure. Do I want to even think about the movies that I do? Not even for a second. This. Movie. Stinks. It is a tepid, lame, middling turd bomb that just festers and falls apart on the screen before your eyes. It is not clever. It is not original. In fact, it is everything it looks like from the trailer. It is just another Odd Couple knockoff in which we slap an uptight, successful blue state city slicker into a situation with a dumbfuck red state hick. Hoo boy! Can’t wait to see how this one turns out! I wonder if they’ll come to some sort of understanding and ultimately become friends?

But what is really incredibly frustrating is that despite how bad this looks from its initial trailer, it radiates this odd sense of hope. At least I was hopeful. After all, who would have thought a movie about catty teenage girls starring (then trouble free) Lindsey Lohan would have been watchable or even good? But Fey (who wrote and costarred in it) pulled it off in a big way with Mean Girls. And when NBC was rolling out two different shows in the same season about the behind the scenes goings-ons at Saturday Night Live - one an hour long Dramedy by genius Aaron Sorkin and one a half hour sitcom - who would have bet that it would be Fey’s 30 Rock that would not only outlive the other, but continually get better?

So when you roll up to me with an awkward trailer that looks like someone pitched The Odd Couple meets Baby Boom, the only thing keeping me from listening to my quivering asshole urging me to stay as far fucking away from this as humanly possible was my hope that Fey could pull it off once more. Throw in the fact that she could again riff with Amy Poehler (who together brilliantly manned the Weekend Update desk before Fey’s departure from SNL) - then crank it up a notch by adding in Greg Kinnear, Dax Shepherd and Steve Martin - and this screams surprise hit.

I should have listened to my quivering asshole.

Tina Fey didn’t write this. She sure as fuck didn’t direct it. And I hope to God on high that she isn’t proud of it. It is not anywhere near the standards we have come to expect from her and sadly everything it appears to be. Pedestrian, mindless drek with nary a laugh in sight. What few laughs there were for the audience (I never laughed, not once) were verbatim from the trailer. And what few moments of genuine charisma actually manage their way out of the mire of this stool sample quickly find themselves sucked back in by the powerful vacuum that is all the jokes that fail.

The music is abysmal, a painful cacophony of tones that daintily tell you what a delightful comedy you’re supposed to be watching. It was one slide whistle and a bonk sound away from being ripped right out of Hannah-Barbara. Speaking of cartoons, Poehler is given an embarrassingly bad character to play. Her character Angie isn’t redneck stupid. She’s Homer Simpson stupid. Steve Martin is given a character that is kind of cute for half a scene. Oh look, they’re making fun of the Richard Branson types. Sadly the scene continues and is followed by his appearance in another twelve. And while there are a few lines that sound like they would be great on paper, the ham fisted, amateur direction ensured that not a single one of those really worked. And who the fuck in their right minds puts Will Forte and Fred Amisen in a film, gives them each 30 seconds of screen time and has them play the straight men in a scene? Here you have two guys who deliver great, small dose insanity and you bring them in for walk-ons? And don’t let them be funny? It is just another illustration of how much talent this film had only to squander it to create a senseless, lowest common denominator skid mark.

I don’t walk out of movies. It’s against my religion. Some people whip themselves for forgiveness. Some people blow themselves up for virgins. I watch every last minute of movies like Baby Mama. But this movie tested my faith. Oh it tested me. I wanted to walk out so bad that I had to fight the urge by beating my head against the railing I was sitting next to. At one point I had to relieve myself and when I stood up one of my friends audibly gasped. He thought I had finally broken. Fuck that. I sat through Meet the Spartans and Over Her Dead Body. Both in that same fucking theatre. I wasn’t going to let this rancid plopping ass lemming best me. And while this film is certainly better than those two miserable wastes of my life, it isn’t by very much.

But who knows, you could always make a game out of it or something. I mean you could get a bunch of friends together, rent this with the cinematic masterpiece My Baby’s Daddy, throw 50 bucks a piece into a hat and put a rusty screwdriver in everyone’s lap. The last one with both their eyesight and eardrums intact takes home the pot. Not that I’m suggesting it, just saying you could do it.

Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em.

Massawyrm

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Fuck Baby Mama
by Bobo_Vision
Apr 23rd, 2008
08:48:42 AM
daddy's moma's baby's daddy
by g-ride9000
Apr 23rd, 2008
08:50:07 AM
Uh-Oh
by Sw0rdfish
Apr 23rd, 2008
08:53:35 AM
The title just screams Fail.
by palewook
Apr 23rd, 2008
08:56:45 AM
GOOD!
by BanAllFIRSTPosters
Apr 23rd, 2008
08:59:59 AM
Poehler! I meant Poehler.
by Sw0rdfish
Apr 23rd, 2008
09:00:15 AM
so
by Mr_X
Apr 23rd, 2008
09:05:15 AM
It wasn't that bad
by retrocrush
Apr 23rd, 2008
09:07:30 AM
But does it matter when Amy Poehler is that HOT???
by James_O'Nasty
Apr 23rd, 2008
09:07:57 AM
Am i the only one who things that.....
by johnyaztec
Apr 23rd, 2008
09:09:57 AM
I dunno....
by Kentucky Colonel
Apr 23rd, 2008
09:10:28 AM
Movie Walking Faith Testing
by Kentucky Colonel
Apr 23rd, 2008
09:14:14 AM
Poehler
by chewyou812
Apr 23rd, 2008
09:16:34 AM
Damn Shame.
by toxicbuddha
Apr 23rd, 2008
09:19:15 AM
Enough with all the doubletalk
by Mr.Meanie
Apr 23rd, 2008
09:37:18 AM
Wait a second
by Mooly
Apr 23rd, 2008
09:38:46 AM
Tina Feys Frumpy Cynical Fem-Intelectual gets old
by wilsonfisk89
Apr 23rd, 2008
09:41:58 AM
"I should have listened to my quivering asshole."
by Big Jim
Apr 23rd, 2008
09:47:07 AM
Unless Poehler is running around in circles yelling "RICK!!!"...
by Shermdawg
Apr 23rd, 2008
09:51:46 AM
I love Poehler and Tina Fey
by norrinrad
Apr 23rd, 2008
09:55:37 AM
the jokes in the trailer kinda grossed me out
by BMacSmith
Apr 23rd, 2008
10:03:10 AM
devilcat
by Freakemovie
Apr 23rd, 2008
10:22:52 AM
Baby Mama Ad this way ======>
by mithrandir16
Apr 23rd, 2008
10:25:26 AM
Fallon sucked because...
by wilsonfisk89
Apr 23rd, 2008
10:28:38 AM
Poehler makes me laugh even when the jokes suck.
by beastie
Apr 23rd, 2008
10:39:02 AM
Way to insult every genius that ever lived, Massa
by Nice Marmot
Apr 23rd, 2008
10:39:26 AM
rancid plopping ass lemming
by xevoid
Apr 23rd, 2008
10:42:18 AM
You're not a girl...
by Marbeque
Apr 23rd, 2008
10:57:32 AM
AHHHHH!!!
by Series7
Apr 23rd, 2008
11:06:59 AM
"You have a playdate with Banjo and Wingspan"
by BitterMan23
Apr 23rd, 2008
11:20:43 AM
'Epic Fail'
by The Thinker
Apr 23rd, 2008
11:27:08 AM
I loved it
by pumaman
Apr 23rd, 2008
11:28:28 AM
Tina Feye is the kind of girl you'd bang one time.
by GibsonUSA
Apr 23rd, 2008
11:31:28 AM
Emperor's New Clothes
by Bubba Gillman
Apr 23rd, 2008
11:31:59 AM
I didn't react to the trailer with shocked hatred
by myspoonistoobig
Apr 23rd, 2008
11:36:54 AM
wow
by sharpie
Apr 23rd, 2008
11:37:18 AM
Thank you Bubba!
by wilsonfisk89
Apr 23rd, 2008
11:37:55 AM
Michael McCullers sucks
by exie
Apr 23rd, 2008
11:39:34 AM
also
by sharpie
Apr 23rd, 2008
11:42:18 AM
In other words, this one should've been aborted.
by Yeti
Apr 23rd, 2008
11:57:55 AM
Bubba Gillman, thank you for speaking up
by Shut the Fuck up Donny
Apr 23rd, 2008
11:59:20 AM
Let's get Tina Fey and Diablo Cody together
by Shut the Fuck up Donny
Apr 23rd, 2008
12:00:19 PM
i hate Poehler
by JackDonkey
Apr 23rd, 2008
12:13:43 PM
"rancid plopping ass lemming"
by Doctor Phibes
Apr 23rd, 2008
12:38:36 PM
RE: JackDonkey
by Hunter-X
Apr 23rd, 2008
12:44:06 PM
You're stupid for even hoping this might be decent.
by Kid Idioteque
Apr 23rd, 2008
12:53:26 PM
Lets see
by skimn
Apr 23rd, 2008
12:58:57 PM
Tina Fey.....
by SubliminalJones
Apr 23rd, 2008
01:13:14 PM
TIna Fey did not write Mean Girls- get this straight
by Jugdish
Apr 23rd, 2008
01:22:43 PM
Is it just me...
by Bobo_Vision
Apr 23rd, 2008
01:38:26 PM
Bobo- Tina Fey doesn't have Breasts!
by Jugdish
Apr 23rd, 2008
01:48:44 PM
Couldn't Disagree More
by Bungion Boy
Apr 23rd, 2008
02:01:48 PM
So...
by Teddy Artery
Apr 23rd, 2008
02:07:25 PM
HAHA... flaying the movie all while...
by tailhook
Apr 23rd, 2008
02:42:37 PM
Tina Fey for Austin Powers 4!
by spidermanfreak20
Apr 23rd, 2008
02:44:22 PM
I walked out on The Time Machine.
by Lashlarue
Apr 23rd, 2008
02:51:12 PM
Tina Fey really isn't an actress.
by Lashlarue
Apr 23rd, 2008
02:53:06 PM
Gene Kelly had a "joker scar."
by Lenny Nero
Apr 23rd, 2008
03:27:34 PM
"TIna Fey did not write Mean Girls"?
by BillBrasky2620
Apr 23rd, 2008
03:45:16 PM
She got that scar from eating pussy
by Bobo_Vision
Apr 23rd, 2008
03:45:21 PM
Not as bad as he says
by grendel25
Apr 23rd, 2008
04:09:27 PM
lashlarue
by Larry Sellers
Apr 23rd, 2008
04:26:42 PM
BillBrasky
by StarskyandHushky
Apr 23rd, 2008
04:43:03 PM
tv censoring
by JackDonkey
Apr 23rd, 2008
05:20:49 PM
a ahole's thoughts...
by mr ahole ramirez
Apr 23rd, 2008
05:28:30 PM
A little bit of Poehler
by Mattyboy122
Apr 23rd, 2008
06:02:05 PM
I've learned
by SithMenace
Apr 23rd, 2008
06:15:03 PM
You lost me at...
by Dataset
Apr 23rd, 2008
06:55:53 PM
Comedies In General
by solobear
Apr 23rd, 2008
07:06:31 PM
James_O'Nasty
by mr.brownstone
Apr 23rd, 2008
07:11:30 PM
wilsonfisk89
by mr.brownstone
Apr 23rd, 2008
07:12:13 PM
Hold on here...
by GhostKiller
Apr 23rd, 2008
07:13:45 PM
Hell! you have will power!
by FILMFUNK
Apr 23rd, 2008
07:18:20 PM
This film will make a fortune.
by GQtaste
Apr 23rd, 2008
07:51:46 PM
Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?
by SamDonovan
Apr 23rd, 2008
08:01:11 PM
hah
by sharpie
Apr 23rd, 2008
08:40:42 PM
Like Massywrm ever had a chance of liking this?
by geraldbeans
Apr 23rd, 2008
08:48:18 PM
Brownstone:
by James_O'Nasty
Apr 23rd, 2008
08:53:28 PM
SNL sucked for decades, SCTV quit while it was good
by Groothewarrior
Apr 23rd, 2008
09:57:50 PM
listened to your quivering asshole, luke!
by ironic_name
Apr 23rd, 2008
10:16:13 PM
Branerobot
by Bobo_Vision
Apr 23rd, 2008
10:53:01 PM
hmm
by slkboxrman
Apr 23rd, 2008
11:49:54 PM
I saw Harold and Kumar tonight
by Rocklover79
Apr 24th, 2008
02:35:49 AM
Ok people upset with Steve Martin
by Series7
Apr 24th, 2008
07:31:31 AM
Also
by Series7
Apr 24th, 2008
07:55:27 AM
Brilliant Review
by Chadley BeBay
Apr 24th, 2008
08:39:20 AM
30 Rock is great
by INWOsuxRED
Apr 24th, 2008
09:37:17 AM
Funniest replacement of cursing I have ever
by Big Jim
Apr 24th, 2008
09:58:28 AM
Another good cursing replacement
by Bobo_Vision
Apr 24th, 2008
10:33:13 AM
"stillborn mess" - good description of HANCOCK
by Puddleglum
Apr 24th, 2008
11:34:51 AM
No, bobo_vision
by Harry Weinstein
Apr 24th, 2008
12:16:56 PM
Another good cursing replacement
by Series7
Apr 24th, 2008
12:45:00 PM
Count me in...
by mrfan
Apr 24th, 2008
12:56:43 PM
SHOCKED!
by Dokkalvar
Apr 24th, 2008
02:51:02 PM
fey and pohler
by novembre13
Apr 24th, 2008
04:05:45 PM
Exie
by Merkin Muffley
Apr 24th, 2008
11:36:40 PM
Tina Fey is funny
by Samuel Fulmer
Apr 25th, 2008
01:12:11 PM
Another vanity project
by thegreatwhatzit
Apr 26th, 2008
02:44:35 PM
It's just an amusing little movie.
by Borgnine JR
Apr 28th, 2008
09:24:03 AM

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