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Elvenblade does an Esther Williams in the sugary goodness that is SPEED RACER!!!

Hey folks, Harry here... I'm getting so excited. Summer is almost here. It's almost time to be transported by impossible universes that only can be found in a crazed summer - and SPEED RACER is one of the films I'm most looking forward to this summer. This review - and Moriarty's chat room orgasms - have me fired up to see this all the more. Here's Elvenblade with an early look...

Hey Harry, Moriarty, Quint, everyone… First off, gotta say I love the site to pieces. I sent in another article a long, long time ago about the Steamboy event that Mori hosted over at the Egyptian Theatre – that was one fan-fucking-tastic screening. Today, however, I feel cinematically obliged to speak on a little film I saw last night called Speed Racer. A little history: I'm a pretty huge fan of the anime, having watched it a lot as a kid. As for the Wachowskis, I loved Bound, loved the first two Matrix films, but I thought the third one was uneven. As a result, I was pretty skeptical of Speed Racer – even with such a great cast and their obvious love for anime, I wasn't sure that the brothers would be able to capture everything that made the show so great – the family dynamics, the insane action sequences, the wrongs on the racetrack that needed writing, and finally, the cheese. Well, I was pretty sure after seeing the trailer that they were on track to getting the cheese right. The rest, though? It could have gone either way. Warner Bros. was awesome enough to host this screening and I was lucky enough to know a kid with lots of friends and an extra pass. We were some of the first in line and after a lot of bitching decided to get seats near the back of the theatre. After the screening they had us go to a different house so we could see the first reel again in IMAX. Again, my friends wanted to sit in the way back, so I can't say what the film would be like for someone seeing the film down by the front of the theater, but I can try to put into words my reactions on the experience as a whole. Speed Racer is orgasmic. I will try not to reveal too many spoilers until the end of the review, instead using the first 15 minutes to explain why this film is one of the very best reinventions of a classic series to come out in a long time (that is, it kicks Transformers' ass several times over) as well as a great film in its own right that works on just about every level. It surprises me that Warner isn't marketing this heavier as this could be one of the biggest films of the summer. There's something here for the all-American crowd, for anime fans, for racing fans, for kids and adults, even for your girlfriend (I'm taking mine on opening day). And the cheese is – surprisingly - kept to a minimum. Or at least it felt that way. In any case I was too absorbed in the story (I won't say 'plot' because that word sounds too conventional, and this film is anything but) to notice. The intro to the film is simple enough and takes a cue from the checkered-flag intro of the original series, which is really sweet. From the very first scene, showing young Speed in the classroom making a flipbook of a car crash in his test booklet and imagining an animated fantasy race, we can already sense the giddy exuberance with which the Wachowskis have approached the material. Trixie just smiles at him as he sits there, eyes closed in the middle of an exam, making car noises. The film is jam-packed with adorable little touches like these. Anyway, it was clear that this film was going to be something different, something honest and pure. But I wasn't quite sold at this point yet, as there were so many things that could have gone wrong. But believe me, everything just keeps getting better and better. If I were a kid watching this first classroom scene, I would instantaneously have identified with Speed – I mean, show me a little boy who doesn't secretly harbor fantasies of driving futuristic racecars. Anyway, as soon as the bell rings, Speed races out of the classroom to see his brother Rex, a pro driver, and convinces him to take him with him in the Mach 5 on the racetrack to practice. The first time we hear Speed talk to Rex with lightning-fast eloquence is completely different from any other spoken dialogue in the film, but it's a great little throwback to the dubbed voices of the original show. Anyway, as they race around the impossibly stadium-like track, Rex explains to Speed that a car is a living, breathing entity, and we can see little Speed eating it all up. The film then flashes forward in time, showing us Rex's fate, which begins with a bomb threat, which leads to him leaving the house and racing on his own, and ends with an explosion and an untimely death. Flash-forward again to the present, where Speed is leading the pack in a race on the same stadium track, and racing against Rex's ghost (both figuratively and literally, as the ghost for the best track time runs side-by-side with Speed, a la Mario Kart). There's a lot of back-and-forth between timelines, between Speed's racing, Mom, Pop, Spritle, Chim-chim and Trixie watching from the stands, Sparky giving him advice from the box and the talking heads (many of them International) supplying us with Important Plot Information, but it all goes down smoothly and is all but necessary to prepare us for future time-jumps. The only hitch, really, is that the extreme stylization may be too much, too fast, for some audiences. Personally, I loved it. I ate the whole damn thing up. If you've seen the trailer, well, pretty much the whole film looks like that. It weaves in and out of numerous styles, and just when you think it's pushed the envelope completely with regards to digital compositing, the Wachowskis pull off another ridiculous effect that just takes your breath away completely. A large part of why the film breezed by so quickly for me was that everything was so fresh and new – the amazing production design that makes everything look so much brighter, scenes layered on top of scenes, transitions effortlessly overlapping, timelines switching back and forth with very little allowance for a breather… it's pretty much balls-to-the-wall sugary action goodness. The racing scenes vary in style, but they are some of the wildest ever put to film (and this is coming from a film nut). The first race is the most straightforward, with Speed defying convention, speeding through dangerous corners in order to challenge Rex's record. There are three more races, two of them being major ones. The cross-country race is beautiful and reminded me the most of the original series. It's got elements from some of the best James Bond car chase chases as well as Episode I's podrace mixed in with a lot of wicked car jumping, and it trumps them all in terms of sheer effect and the fun that comes with a sense of teamwork. And the Grand Prix… is just heart-pounding, show-stopping bliss. Rest assured the intensity of the racing scenes are only amplified by the Wachowskis' completely original style. The performances are fantastic, especially considering how much of the film was shot over green screen. Like the Lord of the Rings cast, there's not a bad apple in the whole production. Of course, every Speed Racer fan knows that the core family just has to "click", and I'm happy to report that they got it right. So fucking right. John Goodman and Susan Sarandon make the best pair of parents in the world - you just want them to adopt you. Pop is firm but caring, and Mom is beautiful, unconditionally loving and supportive. And she makes futuristic peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Sparky is great but inexplicably British. He's a great source of comic relief without being overdone and he shares a moment with Speed near the end that is just classic. Rex is perfect. And Speed… Oh God, Speed… I thought Emile Hirsch was robbed of an Oscar nomination for his spectacular work in Into the Wild (I can't argue against any of the other nominees, and Daniel-Day Lewis deserved to win, but they should have had a sixth nomination just for him this year, seriously), so I thought he'd be a perfect fit for Speed. I didn't know just how perfect. He has this aura about him that can be so many things – spunky and heroically naïve, romantic and honest, burdened with the weight of responsibility over his family's future, desperately chasing his older brother, worried that everything he loves about racing (his life) is a lie… I thought this was going to be a thankless role, but the Wachowskis give Emile the screen time and range that he needs to create a genuinely lovable character stuck in a world where the odds are stacked so highly against him and the choices are so few that you don't just want to see him succeed, you NEED him to… because you identify with him so much… and Emile delivers, 100%. I do think that if Christina Ricci wasn't so ridiculously beautiful as Trixie, I might have had a man-crush on Emile. Trixie is super hot. Ricci and Emile share brief scenes together in the Mach 5 (no, not those kinds of scenes) where they speak honestly about their feelings and the future – these scenes really flesh out their characters. Every couple has their romantic fantasy, and when these two talk about theirs… it kind of has to make you smile. Matthew Fox is great, an imposing force even when most of his screen time is spent behind a mask. He has a great scene with Speed as well. Roger Allam is dastardly evil as Mr. Royalton, channeling a lifetime of theatrical experience into this despicable character. You might recognize him as Lewis Prothero in V For Vendetta or Adrian from Tristram Shandy. Korean recording artist Rain does a good job as Taejo, though it's a pretty straightforward role and kind of annoying to an Asian such as myself that his character is supposed to be Japanese when he's one of the most famous Koreans in the world. And he looks distinctly Korean as well. Eh, it's not really that big a deal the more I think about it, but it's still kind of weird. As for the kids in this movie, they are all perfectly cast, with Spritle being the best. Paulie Litt is instantly likable in a part that so easily could have been annoying or overdone. The chimps they got for Chim-chim are great, if I could judge chimpanzee acting. As for the writing, it's not apparent at first just how great the script of the film is. I thought it started out a bit rough but just got better and better after the first act, but after seeing the first reel again in IMAX I realized just how tight and brilliant the set-up really is for building up to the rest of the film. Every main character has at least one strong scene with Speed, which is touching, human and extremely important to the story the brothers are trying to tell, as it's clear that family is what keeps him going. Unfortunately Snake Oiler, that dastardly villain from the show, doesn't get much screen time outside of his car. But yeah, there are tons of nods to the original show, with Spritle and Chim-chim popping out of the Mach 5's trunk more than once, Trixie spotting for Speed from her helicopter, there is a scene where the Mach 5 is outfitted with all the sweet gadgets it's famous for, etc… What can I say about the script other than it gets the characterizations just perfectly right and crafts an intricate yet simple story of one boy's dream? While it's idealistic as hell at times, it's got a lot of maturity for a kid's movie, dealing with the difficult and uncompromising nature of business versus art (yes, Speed's Mom calls his racing art more than once, I think, and I did wonder if Royalton was made to represent not only corporate greed, but the greed of Hollywood), and hardly wasting a second of screen time to repeat itself or to preach to kids. Just when it starts to get too serious, it lightens up. Just when it gets too light, we get some delicious action. There is a wicked fight sequence in this snowy valley that… oh, hell. I don't want to spoil it for you, just watch the damn thing when it comes out already. The soundtrack is amazing and makes perfect use of the original Speed Racer theme, but it's up on AICN already so you all knew that. The music can be bombastic at times, but maybe it'd be more noticeable if it weren't, given the epic nature of the images on-screen. The end credits feature a remix of the original theme over some shots of Chim-Chim going crazy, followed by another rearrangement of the original theme that wouldn't be out of place at a rave. Speed Racer goes by ridiculously fast and smooth, and it's the most entertaining film I've seen all year. In terms of artistic liberty, it goes far and beyond what most green-screen-fests (Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, Sin City, 300, etc) have done before. That's not a knock on those films, all of which I love, but praise for the masterful use of cinematic technique that went into the production of Speed Racer. The special effects blend in effortlessly with the world on-screen. Not once was there a scene where I stopped and thought to myself "Okay, I've just been taken out of the film. None of that is actually there, they totally shot this in a tiny studio in Vermont or something". That's more than I can say for either of those three films, as great as they may be. The world in this film exists. This is some of ILM's best work ever, and including Revenge of the Sith and Transformers, that's saying a lot. It takes digital filmmaking to an entirely new level, a world populated by rich, vibrant colors and textures and dominated by an idealized and perfected version of automobile racing. In short, the Wachowskis have reclaimed their former glory. Maybe I'm just a raving lunatic nerd, but this is not just a small summer film! This is a noteworthy fucking achievement for cinema! I just hope that it gets a ton of support at the box office, because quite frankly, it deserves it. If you use this, call me elvenblade.
Readers Talkback
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  • April 20, 2008, 5:05 p.m. CST

    Sounds Good...

    by utz_world

    ...hope you're not a PLANT!

  • April 20, 2008, 5:05 p.m. CST


    by Bobo_Vision

    I'm not saying the movie isn't good, it seems decent, but this seems like a Plant.

  • April 20, 2008, 5:06 p.m. CST


    by dauphin534

  • April 20, 2008, 5:08 p.m. CST


    by Jackie Boy

    this review just made me want to see this thing.

  • April 20, 2008, 5:10 p.m. CST

    It seems too sincere to be a plant in my opinion

    by Jackie Boy

    Esp. in little touches like the minor beef about the Korean, etc.

  • April 20, 2008, 5:16 p.m. CST

    Haha, I will watch just for the first speed-speak scene

    by terry1978

    I hoped they would have at least one scene that pokes fun at or homages the run-on sentence dubbing.

  • April 20, 2008, 5:21 p.m. CST


    by travis-dane

  • April 20, 2008, 5:24 p.m. CST

    Doctor Zoidberg, this isn't hillbilly racing.

    by greenstyle92

    Like Nascar or shit. This is fucking awesome! Fuck Iron Man, Make Mine Speed Racer!

  • April 20, 2008, 5:27 p.m. CST

    i dunno.. summer box office is getting crowded really fast

    by Mr_X

    don't know anything really about speed racer. the film looks like complete sfx movie, and those tend to be shite. maybe it will appeal to the fast and furious crowd. honestly i cant see myself going to wtach it at the cinema

  • April 20, 2008, 5:35 p.m. CST

    Ah, spring...

    by Harry Weinstein

    ...the bitter snap of winter has ended, the oppressive humid heat of the summer has yet to arrive, and across the country the hills and mountains spring back to life as the PLANTS receive their life-giving kiss of warm weather, sunlight, and just the right amount of Rain. Truly a marvelous time to be alive.

  • April 20, 2008, 5:38 p.m. CST

    Article poster here...

    by elvenblade

    First off, I swear I am not a plant. Sorry if I come off that way, but I just really loved the movie. Secondly, I do have a minor complaint about how they handled the Racer X story, but I'm not sure I want to mention it as it is a big spoiler. Let's just say the conclusion is kind of cheap.

  • April 20, 2008, 5:38 p.m. CST

    Sounds Insane, I'll See It

    by Saluki

    On the IMAX even.

  • April 20, 2008, 5:39 p.m. CST

    Was going to go anyway...

    by Gabba-UK

    but one of the above was right. It seems too sincere to be a plant. Really looking forward to some hyper-kinetic racing action!!

  • April 20, 2008, 5:39 p.m. CST

    Nah... not a plant

    by Razorback

    I think he is just excited.

  • April 20, 2008, 5:40 p.m. CST

    Go Planty Go!!!!

    by Stupendous Man

    i hope this isnt a plant..cos dis movie looks like its gona be AWESOME! woohooo

  • April 20, 2008, 5:43 p.m. CST well as Episode I's podrace...

    by RaveX

    Danger, Will Robinson, DANGER!

  • April 20, 2008, 5:47 p.m. CST

    The Episode I podrace was great

    by Razorback

    Maybe not for Star Wars but for anything else.

  • April 20, 2008, 5:48 p.m. CST


    by elvenblade

    Amen. Episode I was a mess but the podrace was something else entirely.

  • April 20, 2008, 5:50 p.m. CST

    Is this what AVATAR will look like?

    by Itto Ogami loses Daigoro

  • April 20, 2008, 5:51 p.m. CST

    Re: Moriarty's chat room orgasms

    by waggy

    Um that's nice to hear about, but what do they have to do with Speed Racer? ;)

  • April 20, 2008, 6:15 p.m. CST


    by elvenblade

    Sorry to crush your spirit, but that's a scene from the first race where Speed is challenging the electronic "ghost" of Rex Racer, who set the course record for the track (think Mario Kart). Racer X isn't in the final race, but he kicks ass in the second race and he has a scene all to himself where he takes on a semi with an automatic rocket launcher. And yes, Chim Chim owns.

  • April 20, 2008, 6:18 p.m. CST

    I have to see this

    by kungfuhustler84

    on acid

  • April 20, 2008, 6:25 p.m. CST

    It looks ridiculous.

    by El Fuego

    I just don't know how much I'm going to go for it... the only moment I really dug in all the stuff I've seen so far is when Racer X bounces up to punch the guy who's in the middle of flipping over him. If the entire movie can deliver on that degree of insanity I think it could be a lot of fun. I just don't know how much else is going to be that cool.

  • April 20, 2008, 6:29 p.m. CST

    The Chimp Stays in the Picture

    by Iowa Snot Client

    V for Vroom

  • April 20, 2008, 6:30 p.m. CST

    So did you like it?

    by WerePlatypus

    well . . . jija?

  • April 20, 2008, 6:36 p.m. CST

    El Fuego

    by elvenblade

    Don't worry, the action scenes are all that insane; I just don't know how to properly describe them because there are no precedents for what the hell I saw on that screen yesterday. Oh, and there's a shot of John Goodman tossing a ninja out the window of a Moroccan palace and then commenting "It's ridiculous what passes for a ninja these days."

  • April 20, 2008, 6:39 p.m. CST


    by elvenblade

    And 1930s-style gangsters, and man-eating piranhas too. Also Viking racers. I tell you, this movie has EVERYTHING.

  • April 20, 2008, 6:40 p.m. CST

    Oh, and there's a shot of John Goodman

    by gotilk

    tossing a ninja out the window of a Moroccan palace and then commenting "It's ridiculous what passes for a ninja these days."<br> <br> OK.. SOLD!!! Seriously, that's brilliant.

  • April 20, 2008, 6:41 p.m. CST

    Iiiiiiinnnnnnn West Philidelphia, born and raised..

    by BLEST

    a Speed Racer PLANT was grown for days!<p> :p<p>I'm still going with suprise bomb of the summer. This film will make 45 mil opening weekend with kiddies and adults who check it out in IMAX 3D.<p>Then will come Narnia the next week, followed by Indy IV the week after, and this big-budget candy-coated nonsense will be forgotten in the rush.

  • April 20, 2008, 6:51 p.m. CST

    "...the wrongs on the racetrack that needed writing..."

    by Iron-kong

    Why? Are there misspellings on the track?

  • April 20, 2008, 6:51 p.m. CST

    This movie will flop

    by Dark Knight Lite

    and find new life later as a stoner cult film.

  • April 20, 2008, 6:53 p.m. CST


    by elvenblade

    Dude, I am NOT a plant. Also, I don't think Speed Racer is going to make that much. That's insane, Iron Man might even win that weekend based on holdovers from guys like me who will spend the May 2 weekend playing GTA 4. I do hope Indy does better than Narnia though.

  • April 20, 2008, 6:54 p.m. CST


    by elvenblade

    So maybe I was a little hung-over when I wrote that. Sue me. :)

  • April 20, 2008, 6:59 p.m. CST

    is there even doubt that this is a PLANT?

    by Cedar_Room

    fuck me this is the shittiest attempt at real fan writing seen anywhere in eons. What a fucking PLANT. And if he isn't a PLANT, he's a giant douchebag.

  • April 20, 2008, 6:59 p.m. CST

    I'd rather have my teeth removed with a hammer

    by Redundant23

    ... than see this hunk o'shit.

  • April 20, 2008, 7 p.m. CST

    Great Review

    by Underoos Hero

    Written more coherantly than any of these guys here on AICN. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the site but goddamn you guys need to learn how to write. Especially Harry. Anywhoo, I will definately be in the theater to see this one.

  • April 20, 2008, 7:01 p.m. CST


    by elvenblade

    You're being a giant douchebag. I loved the movie and want to talk about it. If my writing is over-the-top, it's because English isn't my first language. Got a problem with that?

  • April 20, 2008, 7:06 p.m. CST

    Fuck Speed Racer...

    by rbatty024

    what I'm waiting for is the Chim Chim spin off film. He can race that Orangutan that makes out with Clint Eastwood in Every Which Way But Loose.

  • April 20, 2008, 7:07 p.m. CST

    not a plant-saw a WB presentation in Denver this weekend

    by darthbauer

    At Starfest in Denver this weekend, Warner Brothers did a duo promo. 7 minutes of Get Smart (looks pretty funny) and a several minute presentation for Speed Racer. It looks amazing. I saw more than the trailer(s) out there. Thousands cheered when the lights went up. I think Warner Bros has a winner in Speed Racer. I'd say $200 mil domestically this summer which is solid with all the competition its getting. It's eye candy galore with a killer script. It'll do well. Anyhow just thought I'd chime in since WB was out in Denver doing a big promo for it at Starfest.

  • April 20, 2008, 7:12 p.m. CST


    by disfigurehead

  • April 20, 2008, 7:17 p.m. CST

    The movie looks too synthetic

    by Orionsangels

  • April 20, 2008, 7:21 p.m. CST

    All Plantery Aside, I CAN"T WAIT TO SEE THIS!!!!!!!!!

    by LaserPants

    Its the movie I've been dying to see since I was 5 years old. GO SPEED GO!!! VROOM!!!

  • April 20, 2008, 7:24 p.m. CST


    by Redfive!

    This is a live action cartoon BASED on a cartoon.Sin City looks fake as hell {especially when MARV jumps from floor to floor after goldie gets killed} and yet it seems like everyones praising that till no end. I think SR looks awesome and the cast is amazing.GO SPEED GO.

  • April 20, 2008, 7:32 p.m. CST

    Go Plant Go!

    by Jugdish

    Didn't WB have Plants for the 3rd Matrix also?

  • April 20, 2008, 7:35 p.m. CST


    by elvenblade

    What can I do to convince you guys I'm not a plant?

  • April 20, 2008, 7:42 p.m. CST

    March of the Anime Film Adaptations

    by Larry Sellers

    It begins now.

  • April 20, 2008, 7:43 p.m. CST

    Too synthetic!!!!

    by Larry Sellers

    Yeah it's not even close to the realism of the CAR-FUCKING-TOON.

  • April 20, 2008, 7:57 p.m. CST

    I am SO there

    by SpencerTrilby

    even if I hate Matrix and hardly watched the cartoon.

  • April 20, 2008, 8 p.m. CST

    No, I don´t buy this...

    by MirageIII4ever

    sell. The trailer gave me a headache. Shame, I was hoping filmakers to do more Michel Claytons but I guess today´s movies are a reflex of our days

  • April 20, 2008, 8:16 p.m. CST


    by alice 13


  • April 20, 2008, 8:20 p.m. CST

    Will Watch...

    by Lashlarue

    but only because I'm Bi-Curious.

  • April 20, 2008, 8:23 p.m. CST


    by elvenblade

    First off, I don't give a shit about Warner Bros. They're not as bad as Fox, but they butcher some of their best films' releases (Assassination of Jesse James as a recent example) and are no different from any other major studio to me. As a big fan of the original show from childhood, I would definitely have posted a bad review if the movie deserved it (I mentioned that I had mixed expectations more than once), but it wasn't. I mean, this had the potential to be as horrible as the 3rd Matrix movie, all glitz with no heart. You could even say that a part of me wanted to shit on the Wachowskis because of that film. But this one is honest-to-God awesome. I'm known among my friends for my hyperbole so just try to see through that. And I don't like it when movies turn out to be incoherent messes, but this one was very well-structured. If you have preconceived notions of what you want your films to look like, then this might be a mess for you. I'm not saying it's for everyone, but it's something new, and that's exciting to me. This isn't a shakicam-fest like 90% of the other action shite out there. This is the first real live-action cartoon.

  • April 20, 2008, 8:29 p.m. CST

    Larry the cartoon never took place in a future world

    by Orionsangels

    It was just a guy who loved car racing and they'd had impossible jumps, but other than that. The movie seems to take place on another planet. CGI the planet or Spykids 2 3D the planet. It kinda reminds me of Diabolik as well.

  • April 20, 2008, 8:43 p.m. CST


    by ludmir88


  • April 20, 2008, 8:47 p.m. CST


    by elvenblade

    Fair enough. I'm guessing about 87% on the Tomatometer.

  • April 20, 2008, 8:49 p.m. CST

    by ironic_name

  • April 20, 2008, 8:51 p.m. CST

    convinces him to take him with him

    by ironic_name

  • April 20, 2008, 8:54 p.m. CST

    the latest in plant technology: feedback plant!

    by ironic_name

    I'm a 'seeded' plant for indy7

  • April 20, 2008, 8:58 p.m. CST


    by ironic_name

  • April 20, 2008, 9:05 p.m. CST

    So fuckin there...

    by PotSmokinAlien

    and i will be so fuckin stoned. Weed and IMAX is the greatest combo since the blowjob and the back seat. GAnd reat review, Elvenblade. I don't think you're a plant.<P>Speaking of which, happy holiday, everyone.

  • April 20, 2008, 9:13 p.m. CST

    I stopped reading after the 4th sentence...

    by RandySavage

    If you loved Matrix Reloaded the your opinion your opinion is worthless to me.

  • April 20, 2008, 9:19 p.m. CST

    Leave it to the AICN tbers to be complete jackasses.

    by mefrog

    Not every good fucking review is a plant, morons.

  • April 20, 2008, 9:19 p.m. CST

    "What can I do to prove I'm not a plant?"

    by Bobo_Vision

    Tell us the non-plant code. Every who's not in the industry knows it.

  • April 20, 2008, 9:22 p.m. CST


    by Leafy McPlantsalot

  • April 20, 2008, 9:23 p.m. CST

    Ah! Oh! Ah!

    by DerLanghaarige

  • April 20, 2008, 9:26 p.m. CST

    The non-plant code

    by elvenblade Does I win?

  • April 20, 2008, 9:30 p.m. CST

    My favorite plant...

    by DoctorBotanus

    is the Gargoyle Vine! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Muah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

  • April 20, 2008, 9:32 p.m. CST

    RE: I'd rather have my teeth removed with a hammer

    by hopewell1

    Sir I call that bluff. And post it to Youtube please. Oh and "uneven" was the least of Matrix Revolution's problems.

  • April 20, 2008, 9:33 p.m. CST

    Okay, you passed the test

    by Bobo_Vision

    Well done.

  • April 20, 2008, 9:46 p.m. CST

    Spridle and Chim Chims Candy Addiction

    by LaserPants

    I hope this is explored in the film; Spridle and Chim Chims crippling candy addiction. They were always "accidentally" spilling secrets for candy treats like a buncha a junkies! GO TO CANDY REHAB BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!!! I'm sure Inspector Detector has a pamphlet on CA (Candyholics Anonymous) branch near you.

  • April 20, 2008, 9:46 p.m. CST

    Spridle and Chim Chims Candy Addiction

    by LaserPants

    I hope this is explored in the film; Spridle and Chim Chims crippling candy addiction. They were always "accidentally" spilling secrets for candy treats like a buncha a junkies! GO TO CANDY REHAB BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!!! I'm sure Inspector Detector has a pamphlet on CA (Candyholics Anonymous) branch near you.

  • April 20, 2008, 9:55 p.m. CST

    The Adventures of Chim Chim Prequel/Sequel Trilogy

    by LaserPants

    Greenlighted for 2010 release!!! BADOIOIOIOING!!!

  • April 20, 2008, 10 p.m. CST

    Last night Chim Chim jerked me off with his feet....

    by Kai_Mah'gra

    ......only a monkey can give you that kind of love and tenderness......what ?....what's that? Dave Chappelle is not in this? Oh okay then, wrong Chim Chim reference. (.....only the bright uns will get this joke)

  • April 20, 2008, 10:01 p.m. CST


    by PirateEmery

    I know you're not, elvenblade, but I couldn't help but post my initial reaction to your review.<p> You will be vindicated once May 9th hits, but for the moment...<p> PLAAAA-AAAAAAAA-AAAAAANT!!!

  • April 20, 2008, 10:02 p.m. CST

    Not bad

    by kesoze4

    Just saw this clip/trailer for the first time, something about it tells me Elvenblade might be onto something.

  • April 20, 2008, 10:16 p.m. CST

    Laserpants and Tom

    by elvenblade

    Worry not, Chim-chim and Spritle have tons of screen time. They become entangled in a candy orgy. Chim-chim tosses monkey shit at a bad guy's face. And I swear I am not making this up - Chim-chim and Spritle have a couple insane anime showdown moments where they start yelling gibberish while crazy animated effects occur in the background. There's tons more but I don't want to spoil the film.

  • April 20, 2008, 10:24 p.m. CST


    by elvenblade

    Well, he drives it during the end credits as part of a drug-induced music video (I totally have to see this high), but that's it.

  • April 20, 2008, 10:35 p.m. CST

    You get upset about the Korean thing

    by half vader

    --- but can't tell an Australian from a Brit? Hilarious. Dude, Australia is part of Asia y'know. <p> And "All-American"??? I thought the whole international thing was part of what Speed Racer was about.

  • April 20, 2008, 10:39 p.m. CST

    If that monkey shit thing is true

    by half vader

    I take back my last post and will see this 5 times in the cinema at least.

  • April 20, 2008, 10:57 p.m. CST

    The Matrix Trilogy OWNS your ASSES!!!

    by Johnno

    That Ninja quote is golden! Dont' worry elvenblade, I'm sure the idiots who are calling you out are just edgy because their predictions of this movie sucking or bombing are in jeopardy! The only thing that's going to suck is actually being able to get IMAX tickets for this because those are always sold out for the entire first week...

  • April 20, 2008, 10:59 p.m. CST

    half vader

    by elvenblade

    Of course it's an International thing. The original Speed Racer was inspired by American films to begin with. I only say it's All-American thematically - it's got a bit of a 'The Incredibles' feel to it in terms of how the Racer family supports one another. And Australia, UK... yeah, I guess I couldn't tell the difference. Big deal.

  • April 20, 2008, 11:10 p.m. CST

    The only people that Asian people have beef with is.....

    by Kai_Mah'gra

    ......other Asian people. Like when you call a Korean person Chinese, I've done this; they'll flip out on you:- "HEY!!!!I AM KOREAN!! Do I look Chinese?"..........Yes mothafucka you do look Chinese to me, that's why I said it. To the untrained eye you all look Chinese. Some people say all black people look alike, and we don't get bent out of shape, we just call those people......Police. Just learn to live with it, that's all I can tell you". Okay that's the last of my topical Chappelle joke references - it just felt relevant in light of a Korean plan....I mean poster complaining 'bout it and all.

  • April 20, 2008, 11:14 p.m. CST

    Sorry Elvenblade I didn't mean to imply you're a Korean plant...

    by Kai_Mah'gra

    .....back there. You're most obviously not Korean. Definitely Chinese plant; I mean, anybody can tell.<p> <p> I Keeeeeed. I Keeeeeed.

  • April 20, 2008, 11:27 p.m. CST

    Chappelle's best skit

    by elvenblade

    Was the Blackzilla one where he went to Japan and fucked a volcano. I miss that show. Also, I'm half Korean and I think the Korean-Chinese tension is hilarious. Korea was originally just a province of China long ago...

  • April 20, 2008, 11:31 p.m. CST

    Holy shit

    by elvenblade

    This is almost the top AICN post. lol?

  • April 20, 2008, 11:45 p.m. CST


    by goodwolf82

    The perfect grammar, the pandering to LOTR and Staw Wars fans, and the overall professionalism betray it as a plant. But I still want to watch it.

  • April 20, 2008, 11:54 p.m. CST

    Here's a history of elvenblade's posts

    by goodwolf82 com/search?q=aintitcool+OR+aintitcoolnews+elvenblade&hl=en&filter=0

  • April 21, 2008, 12:01 a.m. CST

    Even in the Steamboy post, Elven blade compares it to...

    by goodwolf82

    Even in his Steamboy post in 2005, he compared the movie to Star Wars and Lord of the Rings. But he's never appeared in the TB before now. So we either have a well-connected fantasy and anime nerd who knows how to write a professional film review, or we have ourselves a plant. BTW, someone mentioned earlier that Moriarty throws the word "orgasmic" into many of his reviews. Does anyone know if Moriarty is also a fantasy and anime nerd with high-up connections and an ability to write a professional film review?

  • April 21, 2008, 12:08 a.m. CST

    Planty McPlaaaaant!!!!

    by Motoko Kusanagi

    This sugar coated brainless kiddie crap can't be good.<p>Plus, there's a fracking monkey in it.

  • April 21, 2008, 12:26 a.m. CST


    by BartholomewNeff

    I guess for him not to of been a plant he would have had to hate the film?

  • April 21, 2008, 12:33 a.m. CST


    by elvenblade

    Your theory is hilarious. I'm not nearly a good enough writer to even be compared to Mori! I am a film student who previously majored in English, and I use LotR and SW as examples because they are two of my favorite series, and they're both epic, like the two films I reviewed. I'm not well-connected, just lucky. The Steamboy event was public, and I just so happened to have a friend with an extra pass to Speed Racer.

  • April 21, 2008, 12:42 a.m. CST

    I stopped reading after

    by Interficium

    "Warner Bros. was awesome enough to host this screening" Rookie plant mistake #1: Suck off the studio in the second paragraph.

  • April 21, 2008, 1:09 a.m. CST

    "Can't be there's a fracking monkey in it"

    by Big Dumb Ape

    Motoko Kusanagi, you have it all backwards. It's because there IS a monkey in it that it will be brilliant.<p>ATTENTION ALL: DO NOT UNDER ESTIMATE THE POWER OF THE CHIM-CHIM! NOTHING STANDS IN THE WAY OF A CLOTHED, CANDY-EATING, RACE CAR TRUNK-HIDING MONKEY!

  • April 21, 2008, 1:47 a.m. CST

    Ah! Now I get it! The monkey fucking rocks!

    by Motoko Kusanagi

    That's what it's all about? A speeding monkey flick? With a fat little fella as a human friend? Cool! Count me in!

  • April 21, 2008, 1:58 a.m. CST

    I never yell "PLANT!" but man oh man, that was such a plant.

    by qualopec

    Planty plant plant.

  • April 21, 2008, 2:14 a.m. CST

    This doesn't seem like a plant to me

    by kungfuhustler84

    He just sounds really into this movie. And who could blame him? Chim Chim, ninjas, a great cast, cracked out visuals, all of it sounds good to me. i dare some of you talkbackers to read a review that says something is good and not call it a plant. I DARE you. But that "Warner Brothers was awesome" shit is pretty suspicious. Still, I am defnitely going.

  • April 21, 2008, 2:14 a.m. CST

    I love podrace in Episode I

    by CuervoJones

    And the car chase in MAtrix Reloaded. But i think i won´t like Speedracer.

  • April 21, 2008, 2:23 a.m. CST

    I know I'll love this film, but that scoop is such a PLANT!

    by Live.

    I'm almost embarrassed how clumsily this obvious plant was done.

  • April 21, 2008, 2:36 a.m. CST

    Can I just say...

    by elvenblade

    FUCK WARNER BROS!!! I hate that dickshit that introduced the film! I hope you never fucking hire me! ....anyone else still think I'm a plant? :p

  • April 21, 2008, 3:07 a.m. CST


    by Deathpool

    Seriously, Mr. Plant?

  • April 21, 2008, 3:48 a.m. CST

    I agree 100% with this reviewer.

    by Psyclops

    I saw SPEED RACER a few days ago and I was surprised by how much I enjoyed it. The movie is campy and silly at times but that's mainly because it fully embraces it's cartoon origins. The film has real heart and while there's plenty of action and digital mayhem whenver Speed is burning rubber in the Mach 5, the movie is actually a very sweet story about family and love. I'm curious to see how audiences will react to this as it's very different from the traditional summer event films.

  • April 21, 2008, 3:50 a.m. CST

    No diff between a plant and PREVIEW blowjob anyway

    by quantize

    Harry has demonstrated how that works...those 'special' screenings..hard to really get the critical faculties working when you're high on 'special invite' geek juice King King was shit, and lets face it..nobody has sung it's praises convincingly like LOTR, Cloverfield was not so much genre redefining as the same cheap tricks JJ has been using in Lost repackaged.

  • April 21, 2008, 3:51 a.m. CST

    King Kong

    by quantize


  • April 21, 2008, 4 a.m. CST

    Elvenblade - I AGREE

    by supermansal

    Not sure if you'll see this, given that it's so far below on the talkbacks section but I COMPLETELY agree with you. I happen to have received an invite for the screening as well... It played last thursday at the Bridge Cinema Deluxe in the Howard Hughes Center. I wasnt with the press so my seats werent in the main section rather, I sat on the fourth row from the front. It was pretty close but it was still great seats. You're review was spot on and I have to agree with what you put in. I wasnt sure what to expect. I knew I wanted to see this movie but I had NO IDEA how BAD ASS it was going to turn out! it was a total thrill ride from frame number one! Warner Brothers has another hit on their hands and I only pray that people dont miss this on the big screen. Like I said before, I didnt have the press credentials so I wasnt able to go to the IMAX screen after the first viewing but I'm definitely going to pay to see the IMAX version and bringing more people to see it with me... If WB can keep giving us great movies like this I'll be happy to pay the full ticket price. All I kept thinking was how freaking amazing the movie will look on my 52' HDTV at home! SWEET!!!!!

  • April 21, 2008, 4:15 a.m. CST


    by elvenblade

    Thank you! That's the same theater I saw my screening at, only mine was on Saturday. As for the IMAX presentation, it was absolutely gorgeous and probably the optimal way to see the film. The audience emitted a collective 'awww' noise when the demo ended. I might go see it in IMAX if I can afford it and if there's decent seats left...

  • April 21, 2008, 4:19 a.m. CST

    Yes 52'... ALSO!

    by supermansal

    Yes I have ONE GIANT SCREEN! haha, 52" screen that is... anyhow, hey elvenblade dont be giving away too many details of the movie in the talkback. A huge part of why I liked it so much is because I didnt know what to expect around the corner... It's the little things that go a long way in a movie and you're blowing some good moments (I wont bother repeating). You cant convince the world to watch it. People will see it. Word of mouth goes very far. People are far more likely to see a movie from word of mouth. From people they know and trust. this movie is AMAZING but my opinions arent going to change what people think on this talkback. Anyhow, no more spoilers for the others!

  • April 21, 2008, 4:20 a.m. CST


    by supermansal

    This summer is going to kick ass for movies!

  • April 21, 2008, 5:05 a.m. CST

    Fuck everyone. I'll be the first in line for this

    by random dude

    Although I made my mind before this review, but damn this sound like the hottest thing ever.

  • April 21, 2008, 5:31 a.m. CST


    by kwisatzhaderach

    The Matrix Reloaded is the worst film i've ever seen in my life. The silence of the audience at the end of it was deafening.

  • April 21, 2008, 5:52 a.m. CST

    Speed Racer Is A Dead Ringer For Elvis In Spinout

    by LaserPants

    Their race cars even have a similar color scheme! I'm sure it was intentional. Also, thanks for the clarification elvenblade! This really sounds like its gonna be a ton of fun. I don't know if your typical sullen, rageaholic teenager is going to go for it (but they 'hate' everything, even whilst consuming it, so, whatevs), but kids and nostalgic adults are gonna go nuts for it. I'm already in line in my mind for the IMAX version.

  • April 21, 2008, 5:55 a.m. CST


    by LaserPants

    Now DOMINO is the worst movie I've ever seen in my entire life. The MATRIX sequels were a mess, but I enjoyed them. At least the set pieces were cool even if the story got a little muddy and up its own ass.

  • April 21, 2008, 6:09 a.m. CST


    by CuervoJones

    The new Clyde or the new Jar Jar?

  • April 21, 2008, 6:15 a.m. CST

    Does anyone know what camera they used?

    by Knuckleduster

    Just curious. And too lazy to look it up.

  • April 21, 2008, 6:17 a.m. CST

    Chim Chim Predates Both Clyde and Jar Jar

    by LaserPants

    Your question makes no sense!!! REPHRASE!!!

  • April 21, 2008, 8:11 a.m. CST

    "Speed Racer is orgasmic"

    by bobsullivan

    Looks like somebody's been taking lessons at the Harry Knowles school of journalism.

  • April 21, 2008, 9:17 a.m. CST

    Elevenblade bleeds chlorophyll...

    by Raymar

    Or else is just too easily excited. "Oh my stars! A moving picture show!"

  • April 21, 2008, 9:23 a.m. CST


    by Lost Jarv

    That's right- you're a higher form of plant. <P>It looks like you've been paying attention during the AvP fiasco- and are using a previously established ID to try to pretend you aren't a fucking marketing stooge. <P>"Philibrick get yourself a latte- you've fooled the TB hordes"

  • April 21, 2008, 9:45 a.m. CST

    saw it too

    by slutpuppy

    if this guy's a plant he's got it right. i've actually never posted on here, but this movie seriously made me have to. i wouldn't go so far as orgasmic, because i wouldnt want to raise expectations too far, but this movie was pretty fucking sweet. editing that has never been done before, beautiful images and stellar performances. both compelling and kick-ass (though i couldve used a little less spritle). i know this movie will probably be crushed under the weight of a lot of the other big movies coming out in may and ealy june, but it shouldnt be - soup to nuts it'll definitely be the best constructed film of the summer.

  • April 21, 2008, 9:49 a.m. CST

    I like monkeys!

    by Drunken Rage

    But the trailers look ridiculous and I probably won't see this movie.

  • April 21, 2008, 9:50 a.m. CST

    Let me rephrase that:

    by Drunken Rage

    I LOVE monkeys, but there's no way in hell I'll see this.

  • April 21, 2008, 10:03 a.m. CST

    Um, I don't think you got it, Elvenblade

    by half vader

    The Australian/British "Whatever" thing is exactly why you're a hypocrite about the Asian thing. Is that clearer? <p> So were you just monkeying around about Chim Chim hurling his shit? Or is it true? Because I soooooo want it to be true!

  • April 21, 2008, 10:37 a.m. CST

    Re: Moriarity's chat room orgasms

    by jackofhearts29

    Was wondering why the cleaning lady was crying on her way out of the chat room... that explains it

  • April 21, 2008, 11:01 a.m. CST

    "There's something here...

    by DocPazuzu

    ...for the all-American crowd, for anime fans, for racing fans, for kids and adults, even for your girlfriend (I'm taking mine on opening day)" <p> "the wrongs on the racetrack that needed writing" <p> "And Speed… Oh God, Speed…" <p> "First off, gotta say I love the site to pieces." <p> puh-LAAAAANNNNT!!!!!!

  • April 21, 2008, 11:21 a.m. CST

    Here's the thing.

    by Novaman5000

    He says he'll spoil the film later, and then he doesn't. That reeks of plant to me. If I ever decided to do one of these advance reviews for this site, I'd spoil the fuck out of it, just so everyone would know i wasn't lying. That seems to be the only way prove you're not a plant these days.

  • April 21, 2008, 11:34 a.m. CST

    There's other ways.

    by Lost Jarv

    Not writing either marketing dreck or deliberate grammar/ spelling mistakes. Avoiding what they think are AICN catch-phrases (because they never get them right), not saying shit like "First off, gotta say I love the site to pieces." (note misspelling in attempt to be kewl.)Having an established ID, not a dead one only used to give a previously glowing review. Not turning up in the TB to defend your legitimacy only to disappear in a puff of sulpher after the film is released etc.

  • April 21, 2008, 12:56 p.m. CST

    Esther Williams? Oh, I was thinking Esther Roll from Good Times

    by finky089


  • April 21, 2008, 1:32 p.m. CST

    You lost me at...

    by HueyFreeman

    "Orgasmic." I don't think this reviewer's a plant. I think he's a teenage horndog who hasn't had a woman, not counting the Playboys.

  • April 21, 2008, 4:09 p.m. CST

    wow, this TB really died

    by finky089

    almost as dead as a TB after an appearance by Braffed.

  • April 21, 2008, 5:41 p.m. CST

    it's "teethies"

    by finky089

  • April 21, 2008, 7:59 p.m. CST was deleted (at least on my comp)

    by BLEST

    Here 'tis again: :p Even if it's not, and this guy and the other guy really like the film, it still looks crap. It's gonna be talked about and adverstised about and be the surprise bomb of the summer. Look at the timing: Iron Man is out May 2nd, big money. First "summer" film, lots of good buzz, people are gonna see it. Prediction: 95- 105 mil Some who don't will catch it on the 2nd weekend, and some will go as repeat business. This leaves the kiddies and grown geeks as the primary audience for Speed Racer on the May 9th weekend. I'm still going with 45 mil, maybe 55 mil tops. Then the very next weekend is Narnia: Prince Caspian. That's a kids film, a family (christian) film, fantasy/adventure that is a sequel to a movie that made over 200 mil. It will own that weekend. Prediction: 70-85 mil. Followed directly after by Indy IV, which everybody and their mother will go see. Prediction: 120-130 mil (possible record breaker) So you have the 3rd week after it's release that people may get around to Speed Racer if they didn't go that first weekend. And with repeat/delayed viewings for Iron Man, Narnia, and Indy IV also going on, Speed will only get like 25% of that weekend. My guess is that it'll just clear 100 mil domestic. Overseas however may be a different story....

  • April 21, 2008, 8:06 p.m. CST

    oops, its in the other TB. Effin n00b.

    by BLEST