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Joe Hallenbeck reviews.... STAR WARS EPISODE ONE: THE PHANTOM MENACE
Warning.... You are about to read a review by Joe Hallenbeck. The man who always follows through by twisting the knife. This review will OFFEND NEARLY ANYONE INVOLVED WITH THE MOVIE, STAR WARS, ETC.... However, Though I am on the exact opposite polar extreme with my feelings about this film, I can see where Joe is coming from in this review. And I think his feelings are shared by more people than will admit it. I've seen people fall in love with this film, be disappointed by it and loathe it with every fibre of my being. And ya know... I can see all three points of view, but then I'm one of the delusional folks that'll end up on a therapist's couch trying to figure out why I fucked my neighbor's cat (as Joe so eloquently puts it!) Oh yeah. VULGARITY WARNING.... BEWARE.... THIS IS JOE HALLENBECK. His feelings are not mine, and you will feel provoked. Two years ago, he screamed out, "DEATH TO SCHUMACHER".... well... now... well... see for yourself...
The Mighty one here. This will be my final review…maybe. We’ll see what
my future holds. I hope I’m still able to piss everyone off. Well, here
goes
DEATH TO LUCAS!!! I want him DEAD! I want his Family DEAD! I want his
friends DEAD! I want Skywalker Ranch burned down to the ground so I can
go up there and piss on the ashes!
Other than that, how y’all doin’? Oh, I know how most of you are…it’s
like you just came and realized you blew your wad on a 75 year old whore
named Flo. It was your first time and it wasn’t all that great. All the
waiting…the anticipation and now you finally realized that it wasn’t all
THAT. The pathetic thing is you fuckin losers that have planned your
whole life around this second coming can’t and won’t even admit that the
movie pretty much sucked. You’re in such a state of denial. Years from
now, when you’re lying on your Shrink’s couch, trying to figure out why
you beat your kids and had sex with the neighbor’s cat, Psychiatrists
will trace everything back to this tremendous let down and this state of
denial that you have been living in lo these many years. You freaks
actually made Trekkies look cool…a feat that seemed nearly impossible.
For Christsakes, people, it’s only a fuckin’ movie!!!
I just thank my lucky stars I stayed grounded in reality when it came to
this flick. I didn’t get overly excited. I waited a total of 4 hours in
line and THAT was 3 hours and 59 minutes too long. At the end of the
film I turned to one of my buds and said, “GODZILLA’s lookin’ mighty
good.”
I wasn’t devastated that the movie sucked. I had a feeling it would.
However, I didn’t think it would be as bad as it was. I expected some
Ewok lameness, but Jar Jar and the rest of the kiddie-ish antics went
far and beyond the call of lame. Even kids groan at the stupidity and
silliness in front of them. This is not a fuckin Muppet Movie, George. I
expected to see Miss Piggy kicking some Imperial ass in the background.
If you were to combine the lameness of Godzilla, TMNT II, and ID4, it
doesn’t even come close to the amount of lameness incorporated into this
horrendous piece of shit.
Let the Mighty one break down the lameness for you:
THE DIRECTING – For the love of Spielberg, George, let someone else
direct the sequels. Granted, you’ve been sitting on your bum for 22
years, but that’s no excuse. Your total lack of attention paid to your
actors was quite evident. You were more concerned with those phony
looking Gungans than with the flesh and blood in front of you. This was
never more apparent than in the goodbye scene between Ani and his
mother. I’ve witnessed more warmth during a Mob hit. This was meant to
be the tender scene…the emotional core of the movie. It was treated in
such a blasé matter I got the impression he was just walking in the
other room instead of leaving his mother for good! What made this scene
even more excruciating to watch was the stale acting job of Mama and the
wretched performance of that little shit.
The emotional wallop wasn’t the only thing Georgie-boy missed the ball
on. His action scenes(with the exception of the final lightsaber duel)
felt stilted and dull by ANY standards. The Pod race scene was boring
and redundant as hell. The CGI really got to me. The only redeeming
aspect of this boring race was the Sand People blasting away at the
pods. Other than that I could care less. The point to a race is to care
who wins…to cheer them on and to hope and pray they beat the bad guy. I
could give a rat’s ass if Ani won. In Ben Hur, you knew Chuck would kick
some ass, but were completely enthralled in the exciting elements of
that amazing, classic scene despite knowing what the outcome would be.
The same can’t be said for this scene. At no time was I at the edge of
my seat. At no time did I care how Ani did. As a matter of fact, I
wanted the little pissant to die. I think back to a recent film that had
an AMAZING race scene that I knew the outcome to, but was still on the
edge of my seat whilst watching it. The movie was WITHOUT LIMITS. My
God, now THAT was an intense scene. That’s excitement. That’s bravado.
That’s just plain goddamn awesome! THAT’S the way to do a race,
Georgie-boy!
THE WRITING – or should I say, lack thereof? I’ve heard bad dialogue in
my life, but this flick takes the cake. That line of Ani’s concerning
helping his fellow man in the universe made me scream out in pain. It
would have been better if the film was silent. . And the story…well, my
dear George, Plot STILL Matters!!! Why don’t you drop good ol’ Joe a
line when you come up with one.
THE CHARACTERS – a VERY mixed bag.
ANAKIN – Jake Lloyd is perhaps the worst actor to ever act in a big
budget movie. He makes Richard Gere look like Henry Fonda. George could
have gotten a street urchin to play this role and THAT would have been
better. This is the hero of the series and I hated him. This kid
couldn’t act his way out of a wet paper bag. Ground the little son of a
bitch and make him take tap lessons. Never let him in front of a camera
again. His lack of emotions in the tender scenes and his mock enthusiasm
bothered the hell out of me. If I didn’t know any better I would swear
this little bastid was Lucas’s son. Why, in Spielberg’s name did he pick
this little fuck is beyond me. I’ve pulled better performances out of my
dog’s ass.
QUI-GON – Liam is a great actor, but he blew in this film. When he died
I didn’t shed a tear. His rebellious attitude was talked about but never
shown. He was as stale as the rest of the characters.
JAR JAR – This wretched soul officially takes the place as annoying
character ever committed to the screen (The previous title belonged to
Sophia Coppola). From the second he appeared on the screen I wanted him
dead! Never have I been so instantly repulsed in my life (well, there
was that time I saw Bea Arthur naked…). I’d rather be Wookie-raped than
to watch one more second of this abomination. If he’s not killed off in
the first frame after the opening scroll of the sequel I’m leaving. To
be cruel to this piece of Bantha Shit, Jar Jar should be forced to watch
his performance on screen 1000 times over. Ooh, the horror.
OBI WAN – The only redeeming character in the whole lot. Ewan has a
certain charm and charisma very few young actor’s posses. His freaky and
uncanny impression of Alec Guinness sent chills down my spin. I’m
looking forward to this character’s growth in the next two installments.
AMIDALA/PADME – first off, Ms. Portman is instantly boinkable. Sexual
fantasies aside I felt that her portrayal of the royal bitch was
incredibly stale. However, she was playing royalty…as all those
Elizabethan movies showed, Royal chicks are boring. However, her
portrayal of Padme left me wanting more of her. She seemed genuinely
human. I only wished Lucas would have had more of this personality
placed in the film rather than that pale faced Kabuki girl.
DARTH MAUL – cool looking, but served no purpose. It’s as if George had
to throw in a bad dude so he did for a few seconds. His presence felt so
forced. He may be a bad ass, but if you look at his screen time you’ll
see he was wasted. Fuckin Lucas!
THE F/X – ran hot and cold. Some of the CGI shit worked really well, but
other things just looked way too phony. In particular, that damn
underwater city. Not only was that scene a waste of time, it looked
ridiculous as hell. I thought I was watching a frickin’ cartoon. And
Boss Nass…my GOD did he look lame. He looked like an animated piece of
Jell-O. If he would have shook his jowls one more time I swear I would
have killed the person sitting next to me. That shit ain’t funny,
George. It’s just plain lame!
The pod race scene was another part that looked way to CGI’d for me. I
fuckin’ hate this CGI shit! Give me practical f/x ANY DAY!!!
The cities, however, were quite breathtaking. Naboo, in particular, made
my jaw drop. It’s the kind of landscape that can be gazed upon for
hours. After seeing that beautiful place I said to myself MIDDLE EARTH
is going to look incredible.
THE MUSIC – the ONLY good thing to come out of this great
disappointment. Leave it to Johnny Boy to write original music and have
it fit perfectly into the film. I friggin’ love “Duel of the Fates” and
the “Flag Parade.” Them be classic tunes in my ears. I loves ya,
Johnny-boy!
THE ENDING – Kill all the fuckin GUNGANS and phony looking DROIDS, blast
the shit out of those fighters(particular that little fuck’s), but keep
the lightsaber duel. The lightsaber duel was pretty awesome, but could
have been spectacular in a competent director’s hands. Having Qui-Gon
meditate while Maul paces like a caged tiger was the only true touch of
brilliance in this film. However, Lucas had to take all that coolness
away by having fuckin’ Jar Jar act like a dumbfuck and have Ani
accidentally destroy the space station. I FUCKIN HATE THESE FUCKITY
FUCKS!!!! Wipe them out…all of them!!!
But the duel was cool.
Okay, I’ve done enough bitching about the movie so let me tell y’all
what I dug about it:
1. R2’s intro.
2. Qui-Gon catching fuck face’s tongue.
3. The Sandpeople.
4. Maul’s “split” personality.
5. Qui-Gon’s failed Jedi Mind Trick.
6. And, of course, the opening crawl.
Six minor moments of coolness don’t make for a great movie, though. It’s
disgusting to think that George spent 3 years on the f/x but only 3
hours on the script.
In ’77, George revolutionized the movie biz with Star Wars. He
transported the viewer into a plane of existence that seemed
unimaginable. He combined art and commerce and changed the face of movie
making for 22 years. I strongly believe with TPM this concept of f/x
heavy filmmaking will now come to a close. I, for one, am fed up with
this style of filmmaking. The reason why movies in the late 70’s/early
80’s were so damn good and successful was due to the great scripts, fun
characters, and cool f/x. Everything seemed to mesh together
beautifully. Since we entered the 90’s, art in an entertaining film
started to slowly dissipate. The f/x were the prime concern and the
scripts secondary…if that. Good characters, witty dialogue and original
plots went the way of the dodo. They were replaced with great marketing,
awesome f/x, and unmemorable stories. It’s pathetic when more creativity
goes into a 2 minute trailer than into a 2 hour movie. TPM was supposed
to be that one movie…that great film that was going to capture all that
worked in the 70’s and 80’s. It was supposed to wipe away all those hard
to swallow blockbusters of the 90’s like Twister, ID4, Jurassic Park,
Home Alone, Lion King, Batman Forever, etc…It was supposed to spit in
the face of the new Hollywood regime and show them that you CAN have an
entertaining blockbuster with a good script. In a way, it was the second
coming. It was meant to save US, the movie going audience, from sitting
through countless other mindless blockbusters. Like it’s Papa, it was
going to shift the way movies are made…to right a wrong. Instead, it
crushed any and all hopes of their every being the kind of movies that
combined art and commerce. Perhaps I’m living in a dream world. Perhaps
the cinematic utopia that was the late 70’s/early 80’s can never happen
again. I have now completely lost any and all hope in the modern day
blockbuster. If a new Star Wars movie can’t lift the cinematic world out
of those creative doldrums, then nothing can.
Seeing what we have to look forward to this summer and next I just weep
for the future. I give up. I’m at a loss. Perhaps Hollywood should shut
down for a year, clean house and then bring in a whole slew of fresh
faces. Maybe then we might be able to get those kick ass entertaining
movies made…the ones that combine the great stories, cool characters and
awesome f/x. The ones that not only make a shit load of money, but will
be remembered 20 years from now. The shit in the 90’s is already
forgotten. It will continue to be so until WE, the MOVIE PAYING
AUDIENCE, tell those dumbfucks in the ‘WOOD that we’re mad as hell and
we ain’t takin’ it any more. I, for one, am making a stand right here
and now. I refuse to see the recycled cliched shit they’re churning out.
Movies like The Haunting, Wild Wild West, and Mystery Men will be viewed
by my peepers when they come out on tape. Those fucks in the wood ain’t
getting my $8.50 anymore!
Think of it this way, if one good thing came out of this abomination
known as THE PHANTOM MENACE it’s that it forced The Mighty to hang up
his acerbic tongue and rock hard ass and say, “FUCK Y’ALL” to those
hopeless denizens in Hollywood.
T.T.F.N.,
Joe Hallenbeck
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It seems like more of a personal vendetta than a review.
Wasn't Hallenbeck at one time attempting to infiltrate ILM so he could be the first to see TPM? Perhaps his scheme was foiled and he is proceeding to take it out on the movie.
I should also note that this has to be Joe's most vulgar, offensive, and hateful review to date. I usually enjoy reading his reviews, but this one just seems pure evil. -
Maybe I'm reaching here, but I get the impression he didn't like it.
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... at all, because the "shocking" vulgarity is just dull, blunt, and, yes, dumb. It's not offensive to use to profanity and scream and yell and rant and rave, nor is it *inherently* stupid ... but he makes it so. He's just another bullshit-angry riot-nrrd screaming about how things should be darker or cooooler or more whupass and how CGI isn't even that great and blah blah fucking blah. Star Wars isn't aimed at malcontents, people. They're kids' movies, in the best and most glorious sense. If you didn't feel like a grinning ten year old again while watching Episode One, then that's probably your own fucking problem. Because you were probably concentrating on how **you** wished Lucas had catered the movie to **your** whims. I mean, like it or not, Episode One *is* a Star Wars movie, through and through-- it's got strengths and weaknesses, and it's packed full of all kinds of *stuff*, and in the end, it's pretty fucking great. So don't wax nostalgic for the "good old days" of the "great characters" of, say, A New Hope. If you want to get nitpicky, talk about how fucking stupid Han Solo sounds, or how Chewbacca just stands around whining, almost as bad as that little piece of shit kid in Six String Samurai (I thought Jake Lloyd was just fine in TPM-- he was a real kid, he didn't overdo the cuteness, and he was very likable... contrast with the oft-lauded SSS which has the most irritating kid I've seen in a movie in ages... tho i've said it before, I can't stress enough how grating that kid was)... the truth of it is, little silly flaws or dopey things in Star Wars don't really matter. It's not something like ID4 or Godzilla, where the little inanities add up and sink the movie (or at least lower it a few notches; i found both movies pretty fun but also mixed bags)-- because all four of these Star Wars movies *work* as a whole. And no whiny temper tantrums are gonna change that. Even worse are the profanely moronic attempts at becoming some sort of iconoclast-- "i wanna kill georgie lucas and piss on the graves and ashes and stab people in the face because it's so fucking kill i wanna kill ahhh, PS I thought it might suck", or whatever this babbling amounts to. Yeh, whatever, good plan there, Joe. Throwing hissy fits does not equate criticism. If CGI or Jake Lloyd or whatever bothers you, I'm gonna have to say you're just wrong. I don't find you "edgy" or "keepin' it real" or some such bullshit, or some sort of "tellin it like it is"-style prophet-- it's just tiresome. It's childish. It's dull. Hmm, maybe I should throw in some overused/stolen/obvious attempts at sexually "graphic" jokes, as some sort of display of quasi-bravado. Oh, wait, I care about movies more than that.
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I too, from now on, shall refer to Jar Jar Binks as "Fuck-face." Seems appropriate. Well, I certainly enjoyed the movie a lot more than Hallenback did, but I'm also not blind and agree with a lot of points (profanity notwithstanding). Yes, TOO MANY CGI EFFECTS! POOR SCRIPT! POOR ACTING (although, c'mon, Lloyd wasn't THAT bad)! LOUSY EDITING! TOO CONFUSING! But did I love it anyway? HELL YEAH!!! With the exception of the CGI quibble, the above points could be made about any of the other 3 episodes (okay, they're not really confusing). And as for Jar Jar, I really tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and see him as an important character for the kiddies to like and appreciate, but I find it highly unlikely that any actually do. He COULD be a half-decent character, but if Lucas wants to use him in EPISODE II, he better tone him WAY down--cut the schtick, make him more of a background character, and LOSE THAT FUCKING AWFUL VOICE!!! Did George and Ahmed Best actually think that this worked? Holy good Christ...
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I think my subject sums it up. This guy needs to have some aggression therepy right away or else he's liable to be a danger to someone. What's the matter son? Mommy didn't love you enough when you were a kid? Did Santa not get you the Hoth Battle Set? Go out for a run and try to blow off some steam. Oh yeah, I HOPE THIS IS YOUR LAST REVIEW YOU LOSER!!!!!
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May 24, 1999 1:49:16 PM CDT
GREAT COMMENTS! HOPING THAT LUCAS' FAMILY "DIES" .....THAT'S SO
by janedoe33
What an intelligent and well-written critique! This guy should write for the L.A. Times. Harry, why would you even post this review? Sure the movie had some problems, but it was better than most of the shit out there.
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If you look at audience polls, the public overwhelmingly likes The Phantom Menace. Out of 5 stars, 82% at cinescape gave it 4 or 5 stars. Over 90% gave it 3 or above. At Entertainment Weekly, where there arent as many sci fi fans, the 75% of the public said it was very good and will be seeing at least once more and will be recommending it to friends. What does this mean?? We don't need critics...unless there is a food shortage. Sure, The Phantom Menace had some kid humor in it. And Jar Jar got on some people's nerves. But it didn't hurt the movie. The same complaints can be made about any of the Star Wars movies. C3PO can be very annoying. And I couldn't understand Chewbacca or R2D2, but none of that matters. What matters is what the public thinks of a movie. Complain about Episode I all you want because it doesn't matter. This review would have made ripples if it was released before the movie. But now it's not even worth reading. "Godzilla looks good now?" Man, this guy's a joke. I'll see the rest of ya in line to see The Phantom Menace.
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I'm really not sure what to think of Episode 1. I agree with Hallenbeck on things to some degree, but I agree with Harry on others. But I don't think I've read (or written) a review yet that has put the pin on exactly what is behind Star Wars. I don't think I ever will. *** I have found (in seeing it three times in three different theaters and two different sound systems) that I'm growing a fondness for it, but I think I'm going to be real tired of it by the time all the merchandise has come out in the fall. I'm almost ready to move on to Austin Powers 2. *** Episode 1 is just a crutch for the originals, and that's what I appreciate most about it. It's not a real great movie, but if you watch it and start thinking about episodes 4-6, you really start to get into it. *** Maybe that's what's behind Star Wars. Maybe it's not anything in the actual movie, but instead, what isn't in the movie. What the audience is left to fill in. *** The originals aren't terrific movies, but they have years of evolution behind them. *** I dunno. I'd like to read what has to be said.
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I think that Hallenbeck was WAY too hard on it. Sure there were flaws, but I think that it was great. To all of those who criticize it, I wonder if they have actually read Joseph Campbell? Of course it doesn't seem entirely original, mythology never is, especially as a part of the monomyth. The monomyth is something univerally recognized by all people, something ingrained and simple so that a child may understand, for they are for the education of the young people in society. This Episode adds so many layers of depth to the whole saga. The acting was not terrible, sure we aren't talking Olivier here, but it was still believable and quite enthralling. The story was great and the action was wonderful.
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Don't go, Mighty Joe! What would this site do without your particular brand of ass-kicking? Even though I disagree with most of your review, I still love to hear you spew. Teach those Hollywooders humility!
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OK, I've got a question before I start anything else: (spoilers) When Qui-Gon & Crew is on Tatooine and needs something to barter for the hyperdrive unit, why didn't they consider R2??? I mean, sure he saved the ship and all, but they've got a whole planet's people to save!!!! They don't have time to dink around and watch a race while all of these people are starving. Plus, I'm sure R2 must be worth something, considering the line by one of Ani's friends , "Wow! A real astromech droid!!" - it sounds like they're worth a lot. Any ideas???? Furthermore, why didn't Qui-Gon just attempt to go to another junkyard dealer - I can't imagine that they're all Toydarian and ALL resistant to Jedi mind tricks. There's a lot of little inconsistancies in TPM that have begun to grate on me.....
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Ok, so i missed the ET interview with Lucas- how come some Jedis don't disappear when the die?
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Well said Joe Hallenbeck! Couldn't you just feel this movie was heading for disaster in the first five minutes. After the opening crawl the traditonal tilt down was to a tiny transport ship and not something more spectacular, then the Trade Federation characters are introduced and turn out to be complete dorks when one expected them to be mean and ruthless. Obi-Wan toped it off with his opening line "I have a bad feeling about this" So did I.
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It's uncanny how much this review agrees with my own assessment. I could have handled TPM if it was boring and talky, but it actively sucked. I'm angry and sad at the same time.
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Apparently I'm not the only one out there that realizes the the Emporer has no clothes! When did this become a "kids" movie? When everyone involved knew it sucked! I don't remember any stupid lame-ass cartoony characters in Star Wars or Empire.
I thought Jedi was a blip on the screen. Now I realize it's a horrible trend! It can only get worse! -
Has anyone out there read the published "first draft" of Star Wars: Episode 4: A New Hope? If you have, then you'll understand where all the problems with this new film stem from: George is not a writer. That first draft of Star Wars is totally incomprehensible. It took someone with a thick red pen to wrestle that monster into shape. I think George forgot a key step with this new film...He forgot to hire someone to rewrite him.
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i dont pay any attention the joe's reviews anymore...hes been so busy trying to be offensive hes forgotten how to give a decent opinion.
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Hallenbeck may get off a little too much on his own ire, but he's right on the money. This was a story that fits into the SW universe, yes, but it's backstory, and reads and plays out as such--flat, dull filler material that never should have made it to film. George should have called it "The Phantom Entertainment." The original movies were fresh and groundbreaking. And yes...STUPID. But they were a lighthearted and goofy stupid. TPM takes itself WAY, WAY, WAY, WAY too seriously. Except when it sinks to the level of the fart joke. Sigh. I honestly don't know if I'm gonna bother with the next two. I have a bad feeling about this.
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Ah..... Someone that didn't say 'pretty good', or 'ok' or 'it kicked ass'. Someone who said it STRAIGHT-OUT SUCKED. There is a God. Ah...... THANK YOU HALLENBECK!!!!!
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Well, this was by no strecth of the imagination, anything close to a review. It was a childish rant. Hey, next time you want to consider going to a film that you might be reviewing, take a fucking valium. And chant to yourself, "It's only a movie." Doesn't matter if its a new Disney animated flick or a indy film in limited release. Take the god damn pill and forget about it. If you have problems with Lucas or his style of film making, take it up with him personally. Don't subject the regular readers here, to your brand of childish rantings that come off as "I know everything good and right about film making, and nobody else knows shit." That attitude is not gonna get you far.
A lot of people like films (including The Phantom Menace) for one thing, its an escape. If you can't pull the stick out of your ass long enough to realize that, then you need to find another hobby, because writing a review (and I use the term loosely in this case) is not a position you are mentally stable enough for.
Jar Jar was annoying, so what? The Pod Race was tedious at times, so what? The kid blew up the space station accidentally and won the battle, so what? Lots of films have some things that could have been edited out to make them better, or could have been written a little tighter, or relied on old fashioned models on posts, or whatever. There are as many ways to make a film as there are to say.... write a review. There is no right way to do either. Its always going to be hit or miss because taste always changes. You have no control over what the public likes, and you never will. People will see TPM no matter what you write.
I know I'll see it again, in spite of needing a bit of editing here and there. I obviously enjoyed the film more than you did, but then I didn't expect Lucas to deliver a fucking bar of gold out of his ass either.
I expected to see a film that I didn't raise the expectation bar on. I expected to see a film, not a blockbuster, not a record breaker, not a history maker. I expected to see a plain old film. On that level most movies will deliver just enough to be worth the price you paid to see them, unless of course you throw MESSAGE FROM SPACE in there. Which has no redeeming qualities whatsoever.
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Callinf for the death of anyone, serious or not, just isn't funny anymore. Anyway, let me say that I really enjoyed Episode I, although it definitely does have some problems (to me, it was better than ROTJ, not as good as ANH or certainly not as good as TESB). Briefly, here are my two biggest gripes: 1. The story felt very forced at times. I suspected that Lucas wrote it not linearly (as he was going), having the characters react logically, but rather wrote it in "beads." He KNEW he wanted a pod race....he just had to figure out some way to get it to happen. He KNEW he wanted a jedi duel, a space scene w/ Anakin piloting, so he had to write around it to get it to happen. The result was that the dialogue and situations often had a very forced feeling to them. 2. I rather enjoyed the humor in the flick (especially the Tusken Raider scene). However, once they got to the end, the humor should have STOPPED. It was very jarring for me when we had the deadly seriousness of the jedi duel juxtaposed w/ the yukfest of Jar-Jar and the Gungans fighting the droids. The space-battle scene w/ Anakin was also played for LAUGHS. It really distracted from the urgency of the characters' respective situation. Additionally, the space battle scene was easily the worst in the movie. I actually thought Jake Lloyd wasn't that bad....UNTIL this scene. He was HORRIBLE. Not for a second did I believe he was in any danger, or was in a spaceship at all. Then, he blows up the ship BY ACCIDENT. Then, there is some painful exposition ("Look! The ship is blowing up from the inside") No shit!!!! I can see that, Lucas!!! Show me, don't tell me!!!!!
Alright, enough bitching. Overall, like I said, I thoroughly enjoyed it, but there was a ton of shit I just wish was done a little better. -
Excuse me Mr. Hallenback, Eric Bogosian, Dennis Miller and Joe Queenan called and they want their schtick back.
The only thing funnier than his review is the vision of Hallenback checking back every ten minutes to hear the girls scream about it. -
>Furthermore, why didn't Qui-Gon just attempt to go to
> another junkyard dealer - I can't imagine that they're all
>Toydarian and ALL resistant to Jedi mind tricks. There's
>a lot of little inconsistancies in TPM that have begun to
> grate on me.....
Watto said it himself: He's the only one on Tatooine with the part. He said that Qui-Gon could go to other dealers but none would have the part he needed. Apparently the Royal Starship has a rare hyperdrive and the parts are hard to come by in backwater planets. -
Why don't you go shoot yourself? Cause you sure as hell can't write reviews.
Yes, jar jar was annoying, but the speech was cool :) The clumsiness just needs to be tuned down. As for the rest of it, go to hell. Lloyde was decent, Liam was good, etc. Overall the movie kicked ass. -
Hey Joe,
Leave the vulgarity at home, pal. It wasn't that bad of a movie. And rating it worse than Godzilla? Are you insane as well? Sure, it was no Empire, but them's tall orders Lucas has to live up to. I will agree with you on one point, and I think you will agree with me as well, LUCAS NEEDS TO HAVE SOMEONE ELSE DIRECT!! I think that if someone else was the director, Spielberg maybe?, Lloyd would have done much better, as would the other humans. This movie WAS a great film, and Lloyd was wonderful, but the direction slowed parts down. For those of you who think it can only get worse from hear, correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Lucas say that the next two wouldn't be so CGI heavy, and rely more on the already wonderful characters? I sure hope so, and have much faith in the future of these movies.
P.S.--It takes a real man, who is more than likely not an actor himself, to beat up on a ten year old kids performance. You've got huge balls, Joe.
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Mr. Hallenback seems to be off his rocker. He places himself on a podium by saying how glad he is to have kept himself firmly grounded... right after he gives an admittedly sarcastic rant including his desire to urinate on Lucas' incenerated body and homestead.
Who really needs to get a grip here? This all sounds like sour grapes to me.
-Aaron -
So let me get this straight, this so-called Hallenbach guy wants George Lucas and his family to die along with just about everyone else involved with the making of the star wars films also, and yet he sounds quite intent on going to see the next 2 installments. I think he needs to see a shrink before he goes anywhere near another movie theatre.
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That "blockbuster with a good script" that people are pleading for was made... it was called _Out of Sight_ and NOBODY went to see it. Summer movies aren't _supposed_ to have good scripts. They're supposed to be eye candy. They're supposed to be vapid. Which is why everyone thought Saving Private Ryan and Truman Show were so miraculous. He's a couple of movies that are about something (even if Private Ryan was only about something for 45 minutes, and a fight scene for the rest of it). Good flicks both, Truman moreso. Anywqay, Jake Llyod did suck that much, to answer your question, and Jar Jar Binks gives me hives. Darth Maul should've gone florentine with those blades. He's a neat couple of guys, he is... WARWICK DAVIS FOR PRESIDENT! Willow 2, anyone? Eyes Wide Shut... only 53 days! WOO! Watch The Shining, The Killing, and Spartacus RIGHT NOW. TV's Nick is out... of his mind!
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Hey Joe, I always enjoy your rants...but I think there is a contradiction in your review. You say to the Star Wars fans that they "planned (their) whole life around this second coming. Yet you call George Lucas to task for failing to save film-making, that he is "supposed to wipe away all of those hard-to-swallow blockbusters of the '90's"...Frankly, I don't think anyone can wipe away the horror of the '90's blockbuster (shudder). But I think what Harry brought up in his review is true: this is a movie for kids, even us 30-something hangers on. When I went into the theater last Wednesday (no line, BTW - the advantage of living in a town in bumfuck nowhere), I recalled the first three Star Wars movies. I wanted to pick up on details that would harken back to that movie (like the Emporer telling Anakin he was going to watch his career with great interest...coooooool) but also enjoy the new stuff - the Gungans, Ms. Portman as the Queen, who I thought was great in her double role, and yeah, even Jar Jar. Ok, Jar Jar was kind of goofy, but I really enjoyed trying to understand his dialect and watching him be a total goober compared to the serious Liam Neeson. The second coming? Not quite, this was like watching a home movie of your parents when they were younger. They looked healthier, but you could see some of the familiar traits that you know now. The nine-year old kid that I was in '77 when SW came out was really excited to see familiar characters as their younger selves. I am anxious to see the love story and Anakin's call to the dark side, as these are obviously more important, but for plot development, and setting up the rest of the prequels, this was an important movie.
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BIG MAN...talks like "street walkin' whore" bag... who misses suckin' on his mamma's titty.
Your the one who is worse than the STAR TREK fanatics.... You take the whole movie way to serious.
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Well this truely is the immature rant that JMS and Funmazer have been waiting for. Personally I don't care if someone wants to make an ass of himself in public like Joe just did but I am genuinly repulsed by his remarks concerning a fourteen year old girl. What are you Joe, some kind of sexual predator? Did the police notify your neighbors when you moved in? Let me say that if I ever caught the likes of you around my little sister I would kill you, your family, your friends, your trash collectors, employers, yadda yadda yadda and piss on your ashes you fucking pedophile.
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Fuck you. It's people like you who see movies and walk out without even thinking about it and saying "Man that movie sucked!". It's people like you who only think movies are really really cool, or really really dumb and stupid. I hope you get a fucking job you crack whore.
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Who is the loser who dared utter Joseph Campbell's name regarding this movie? This movie had NOTHING to do with Joseph Campbell! This movie was like watching someone else play a video game for over two hours. I know all of you people defending the movie NEED to believe this was good just because it was Star Wars, but is your judgement really that clouded that you cannot recognize the glaring flaws? Hallenback's criticisms were 100% accurate. Kid's movies can be good. Babe and Toy story among them. This movie didn't even have a STORY! I defy any of you to tell me what this was supposed to be about. Hallenback's article only missed one thing...the obvious racism. Those asian trade guys and the bumbling horrible Jar Jar and all of the other gungans. He should have gone all the way and given him a rastafarian hat and had him smoking joints through the whole thing. How responsible is it to have such obvious racial stereotypes in what is supposed to be a 'kids' movie?
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Anyone who thinks that movie was good is in serious denial, or is too blind to see the difference between a quality film and a total piece of trash. It's obvious even in your weak defense of this movie. "Well, sure there's problems in the movie that were pointed out" (Terrible story, plot, charaters, editting, DIRECTING) but it was still good!" ????? Good action squences and visual effects DO NOT MAKE A GOOD MOVIE! That was one of the worst movies I've ever seen, but that's not sayin' much these days. Oh, sure, I'm not a kid anymore, I have a different perpective. Hell no. Everything that sucked royally about TPM was 100 times better in the origional trilogy. Return of the Jedi had the lame Ewoks, sure, but I didn't even mind them, they weren't half as annoying as Fuck-Face. And they were well made, had a well developed story, pretty decent scripts, and likable characters. The story telling in TPM was unbelievably bad. It was almost as bad as Wing Comander. For example, the Nagoo Queen's incessant whining about "my people are dying." WHAT PEOPLE??? We never saw any of her people, why should we give a fuck if they're dying? Maybe it's a leper colony, hell, lettem' die for all I care. How many people are there? 10? Oh shit, there's only 9 left! Oh please great senate, DO SOMETHING!!!! Harry, if you're reading this, WAKE UP. I know you're just putting a positive light on this disaster of a film because you don't want to rock the boat. God, that movie sucked so bad I wish I'd never seen it, it's still dwelling in my mind, haunting me like the memories of seing my neighbor rape my cat Yoda.
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Hate to say it, but I completely agree with Hallenbeck, almost point by point. I truly wanted to love "The Phantom Menace," but just can't do it. Heck, I had more fun at "The Mummy" just because Stephen Sommers lived up to my expectations (yes, sad to say, but I am one of those people with a "Deep Rising" poster framed on my wall - I love a really good B-movie). If you want to see a good movie and think "The Phantom Menace" is the best thing out there, obviously you passed over "Election," "The Winslow Boy," and "eXistenZ."
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I have to whole-heartedly disagree. I think we are going to be spoiled this year. Let me see, we got Eyes Wide Shut, Bringing Out the Dead, Dogma, The Blair Witch Project, The Third Man rerelease, The Straight Story, Mystery Men, two new Vincent Gallo movies, The Ninth Gate (w/ Roman Polanski directing, and Johnny Depp starring), Sleepy Hollow, Man on the Moon, the new Takeshi Kitano movie (anyone got any details on this? I know it screened at Cannes, but haven't heard anything about it), and probably a few others I can't think of right now. Almost all of my favorite directors (Scorsese, Lynch, Kubrick, Smith, Kitano, etc.) are putting out movies this year, ANY YOU SAY NOTHING GOOD IS COMING OUT?????? Where have you been?
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Look, I'm sixteen and in 11th grade. Everyone who I have talked to in my grade says that it is not only a great movie, but one of the best Star Wars movies they had ever seen. This includes people who have seen the trilogy numerous times and others who do not even know what an ewok is. They all agree that Jar Jar, iuncluding myself, is funny as all hell. I do not know why everyone keeps on putting him down, but I keep on laughing everyone time he comes in my mind. He was the perfect comic elief. I do not know why Hallenbeck and other keeps dissing Jar Jar. I must be that all these critics are over twenty and can't get that Star Wars is supposed to be FUN. It was one great joyride, and it seems people are too cynical about. They must be out of touch with their inner child. This movie perfectly combined the mythological elements crucial to the movie and made the franchise accesible to a whole new generation of Star War Fans who are know 12 and under.
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as much as i LIKED the filmit does have the big glaring errors..some of that dialogue is hilarious. my feeling is george will HAVE to take a hard look at the writing of EPISODE II now that the boxoffice numbers are in. they don't lie. $102 million is a GIGANTIC disappointment considering the ultra-hype and higher ticket prices over LOST WORLD's release date. i thought it would do at least $35 million more if the reaction was good. it was the REACTION that caused the audience drop off. i don't care if you say "how can $102 million be bad?" . for this film it is truly BAD news for george. time to deal with reality. it has not been accepted with opened arms. i doubt it will top $320 million. so much for sinking TITANIC fan boys.
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Alright, so some of the FX shots didn't work for you huh? Will somebody tell me why this moron(who is going straight to hell for just that statement) should get special treatment and be given a marquee review? Maybe Hallenbeck and Harry should go see THE MATRIX a million more times, go buy some trenchcoats, a couple of shotguns and shoot each other, they will then put at least me out of my misery(and before this becomes a subject for debate its called SARCASM, frequently practiced by others on this site.) If everyone was expecting EMPIRE out of this movie then they obviously weren't paying attention TO EMPIRE, for the fact of the matter is that EMPIRE was the MIDDLE of that particular trilogy. See, the beginning is an introduction, the middle is where CONFLICT happens, and the end is the resolution of that conflict. EPISODE I, much more so than even ANH, is a GRAND INTRODUCTION. Anybody who is expecting some great character development, like what occurs in EMPIRE, is truly mistaken and should go over ANH to see where these two match up. Now after giving Hallenbeck a basic education, let me say that he still should go to hell BECAUSE TPM FX ARE THE GREATEST EVER SEEN ON THE BIG OR ANY OTHER SCREEN, PERIOD. Ya got that moron? Have a nice day.
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After all the chin-stroking that we've all done about "violence in the media", haven't we learned anything? Good Goddess, Joe, wishing publicly that George Lucas and his family would die is NOT FUNNY. It's sick. It doesn't make your 'review' more compelling or add anything to your credibility. It makes you seem spiteful and mean-spirited, not an impartial critic. If you are trying to accuse Lucas of catering to the lowest common denominator, you should not indulge in cheap shots yourself.
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First off, I have to say that I was kind of dissapointed by Episode 1, although it wasn't in a ranting-raving, swearing and foaming at the mouth way that some people have been. I mearly thought it seemed rusty and a bit rough, something that is likely since Lucas hasn't directed a picture in 20 years. Secondly, I'm very dissapointed that Harry even posted another review by Hallenbeck. Although I'm all for free speech (and don't even mind the swearing and other dumb, grasping-for-attention statements), I thought that Harry might have finally reached the point with Aint It Cool News where he dropped some of what made it a bad site and moved on to a point of more professionalism. I know that people already take this site seriously, but I think that once he stops catering to the drooling, idiotic fanboys (who would be best served slugging out their useless opinions in chatrooms or something), this site will more to another level, both in the respect that it commands from others, and the intelligence of people who report and read the site. Oh well, I guess I can look forward to a more highly-evolved site someday, as well as a better Episode 2.
http://i.am/almostcool -
I thought this film was fantastic. It fits right in with the original trilogy. It has the same feel and the same pace. All these people who are bitching about the script and the acting must have hated the first three films too. You bashers are entitled to your opinions but don't tell me I must be in denial because I liked it! Are you really so vain that you think your opinion is the only correct point of view? I feel bad for you nit-picking whiners, while you are sitting in the theatre with your furrowed brows scanning for insignificant bits to bitch about, I'm kicking back for 2 hours and being whisked away to that galaxy far, far away. This film is just a fairy-tale of good vs. evil like the original trilogy was. And I didn't have to pretend I was 10 to enjoy it.
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May 24, 1999 3:06:59 PM CDT
AICN'S SAD STATE OF DETERIORATION AND HARRY'S DESPERATE BID TO B
by henry chinaski
You know what's amazing? The fact
that soneone with such little education, such poor writing style, and with nothing new to say was able to get his review of TPM on this site. Joe Hallenbeck, what is his deal? I'm not going to even bother with the actual points he makes in this review, I am simply going to concentrate on the sad fucking state that this site has sunk to. Harry, are you to Big Time to at least read the reviews before you post them? Hallenbeck's little piece was a rant of a pissed off Star Wars nerd, it was not a review. Gee, Joe, we all feel so bad for you; feel so bad that you didn't get your $8.50 and 4 hours on line worth. This so-called review was filled with vulgarity and some sad fucking metaphor (fucking the neighbors' cat? very creative and very stylish) about the future problems we will all suffer for having spent a little cash and a little time on this flick, and was not offensive, just unintelligent and a waste of my time. I'm always interested in arguing with my buddies about the merits or weaknesses of a certain film, but if one of my buddies could only come up with this argument, I'd have to write him off as just another mindless fuck who thought The Matrix was a strong film. Speaking of which, I'd be very interested to find out what Hallenback thought of The Matrix. His review would probably involve words like awesome and kewl (spelled like an asshole on the net always spells it). Harry, this site fucking sucks! Bits of rumors that add up to dick in the long run, reviews from uneducated wanna-be's, and heading that lead a reader to waste his time. Whatever happened to the so-called newsletter? One lame introductory issue that had nothing to say and it all fades away. You have reached the low level of Film Threat and their sad excuse for film criticism. I don't know anyone that reads their newsletter for anything anymore but the weekend box office ratings. Your site is rapidly approaching this desperate level. As far as The Phantom Menace goes, it disturbs me that the geeks who patronize this site, the sad loveless 21-34 year old nerds who waited all their life to see this film, are so nuts that they think George Lucas gives a shit about what they think. It was a fucking movie and a better movie than the Matrix at that. Hey Hallenhack, did you get a chance to sit next to any little kids during the screening you saw? I did. Throughout the film, whenver the politics are talking head stuff came into play, they bounced around on their mother's laps, but anytime a battle or duel or goofy Roger Rabbit-voiced alien came on the screen, they sat enraptured. "But, Henry, this film wasn't for kids, it was for me, the lonely comic book collecting nerd who spent three days in line so I could say I was the first to see it!" Bullshit! Film today is all about the bottom line (unless it's independent and with few exceptions indie film tends to suck in a big way). Lucas (and I fucking hate Lucas) put all of ILM's money on the line and he sure as shit was gonna cover his ass. And cover his ass he did. The kids love Jar Jar, they loved Darth Maul (in my opinion the weakest character in the flick), and the kids loved all the "Yoda's and shit." And you know what? Even if you don't go to see this movie a second or third time, the kids are gonna buy the flashlight lightsabers, they're gonna buy the action figures, posters, t-shirts, bedsheets, sneakers, lunchboxes, Legos, and official sodas of the Phantom Menace. And with all this merchandising Lucas is gonna cover his ass on the bottom line and he's gonna have enough money to make the second and third films which all you naysaying hypocritical dorks are going to wait in line for all over again. This movie was an exposition to set up the second and third films and you can't lie and say all the additions to the mythology didn't intrigue you. So, while you watched that little vixen Padme and the gay fantasy Amidala and Palpatine and Sidious and the Sand People taking potshots at the pods, the little kids watched Jar Jar, the Gungans, and the funny voices of the battle droids Roger Roger! Hey, Hallenbeck! Get a fucking life, you nerd. Turn to the back pages of your local alternative weekly and order up a handjob for yourself! You can't write coherently or logically and my guess is that you sucked Harry's tiny cock to get your review on this site. Hey Harry! Was the blowjob good? Obviously, it was because you posted the review. You gave us so much advance warning about the vulgarity (like I've never seen the word fuck before)that it appalls me you didn't give us any advance warning about the stupidity and low level of thought. I feel so sorry for you geeks who invested so much emotion into a film; it pains me that you can't find love, or at the very least, a hooker who fits your price range. My fucking God. I'm just so disgusted by this nonsense; the level of talkbacks is rarely worthy of the word intelligent, but compared to Hallenbeck's TPM review, holy mother of Christ! But I forgot, Harry's a player now, he got his sad ass on Ebert and "you gotta see the stats, how many people from Washington, D.C. and Hollywood check this site out!" That's great Harry, instead of paying attention to a site that was for the most part coherent and informative, you're going to concentrate on becoming one of the millions of losers who are peripheral to real deal going on in Hollywood (or as Hallenbeck would say, the 'Wood! another witty piece of wordsmithery!) Hey Harry, nobody cares about your opinion, they only care about the free promotion your site is giving them. So enjoy all the free meals (I know you are) and the free Best Western room when they cart you off to the advance screening in Hollywood. You're not a player, you fat bastard, just another part of the system that makes Hollywood suck! When you're desperately trying to bang that porn starlet like a drug-crazed Pauly Shore, "No, no, I'm not a filmamker, I'm just a guy who put up a website for sad losers to vent about why they feel betrayed by the new Star Wars film!" remember my words. Peripheral loser, just like Hallenbeck. -
Oh, I know, since the Gungans were an obvious reference to Jamaicans, instead of the never ending war at the end of the movie, there should have been a basketball game between the gungans and the evil droids, with a guest appearance by the Harlem Globetrotters. With shots of the asian trade guys eating rice and sushi in the stands. And Anikin's master (the insect thing with an Italian accent) could have been the referee. Except instead of calling fouls, he would call them the "was a matter you's?" That way you have another tie-in to a video game besides the pod race!
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After seeing TPM a small handful of times in very different locations i have been able to see both the flaws and triumphs of this film. i wish, as most of you more than likely do, that this movie was the greatest thing to engulf a screen in the past seventeen years, but it wasn't, and we have to live with that. i don't think that Joe should be shunned for saying what he has about TPM, as a matter of fact i think he should say more, just like everyone else that was dissappointed in it. We should shout from the rooftops every little flaw and intricate annoyance, no matter how petty, loud enough for lucas himself to hear us. Overall, i liked the movie, although i too could do without the Gungun CGIs and blatent lack of writing proficiency. The hype that we all have produced through no real help of Hollywood (admit it, H'wood execs weren't posting in the talk backs about how this film was going to be the four reel version of the Christ child, it was us) has left us with exactly what we all saw last Wendsday, a dissappointment. Had we all sat back and put ourselves in check, perhaps looking in a mirror and telling ourselves "it's just images on celuloid" once or twice during the past three years there would have been a lot more smiles walking out of theaters across the nation last week. i will be the first to admit that Lucas really dropped the ball with this one. Jar Jar? Please? But perhaps that is exactly what needed to be done. Episode one is a bug splattering across the Star Wars windshield. Even if Lucas wrote it in his best possible form it would have been a bland story. This film was exactly what it had to be, exposition. This film could have been made better, but it could not have been much better and still accomplish what it had to, be a roundabout introduction to the entire series as late coming as it might be.
The more i watch TPM the more it does grow on me, and the less i have to rationalize the CGIs and other disappointing parts of it. Personally the disgust heard round the world that we are all becoming very privy to in the past few days is, in my opinion, the best thing that could have happened to the Star Wars saga and the Star Wars fans. Lucas has to know what most of us think (don't kid yourself, he has to be paying attention to sites like this, we're his fanbase for Christ's sake) and with our opinions he can mold Ep2 and Ep3 into something better than they might have been had Ep1 knocked everyone out of their seats. Lucas got a seventeen year pat on the back after Ep4,5,6 were finished and look where it got him and us, with a dissappointing Ep1 and with Greedo shooting first. The shouts and guffaws are the things that are going to beat him over the head like a rolled up newspaper. What we are all doing right now by sitting here pissing and moaning about federation droids who try to be funny in the face of Jedis and reply to each other with "Roger, Roger" is giving Lucas a road map to follow as he reads his shooting script for Ep2, sees that it sounds far too much like Ep1 and says to himself "Christ, these guys are right, i've become a hack". It is what wiil make him grab a pen and erase all and any scenes in which OB1 has to describe the facts of life to Anikin by informing him that an erection is nothing more than inflamed midiclorians. i will make a prediction right here and now. After we have all stopped festering in our own hatred and discouragement over Ep1 and we cool off enough to stand in another line at 12:00 am for a chance to see Ep2 most of us will be happy that we are so pissed off today when we see that Lucas did have his ear to the ground and heard us calling him an asshole.
and just one more thing real quick. Anyone else wonder why, if a droid has a computer memory being infinite lest a case of deletion occurs, C-3P0 and/or R2 never said this line in Ep4: "Skywalker, now why does that name sound familiar?" -
I think phobos is closest to right. The movie was not terrible. It was definitely aimed at kids. Anyone who expected anything else would be true of a summer movie with an 8 year old protagonist was dreaming. Many of the biggest problems can be forgiven in a kids movie (1) BADLY underdeveloped villains (2) a resulting complete lack of dramatic tension (3) a story that makes no sense (4) a slapstick climax (saber duel excepted, but, yes, in a film targeted at adults destroying the control ship by accident by blowing up its main reactor which happens to be in the main hanger would have been very lame). (5) a near total lack of living being casualties (some pod racers and Darth Maul, but did ANY Gungans die in battle?) . Two things, however, can't be forgiven even in a kids movie -- (1) the directing really was awful (2) the script was too complicated for its audience. However, as a kids movie, its decent, and will do well. However, George, if you want the third one to be a big hit, aim a little higher with Episode II.
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Just wanted to point something out. when Luke is passing out in the snow in EP-V, didn't Obi-Wan tell Luke that YODA was the Jedi master that instructed him..???????
Oh, i have seen EP-I three times so far, and i am not as disappointed as I first was, but, it could have been much better..the acting is still dis-jointed.. for example, the guy that says that the jammed transmission "can only mean one thing.......invasion" he almost has a smile on his face..I would think that an invasion is a REALLY BAD THING!! There is a ton of that sort of stuff in this movie...Maybe George should leave his kids HOME next time. OUT -
oh, good, yet another star wars review. im hoping to eventually read what everyone with access to a computer thinks about this movie. oh, and let me throw in a "FUCK" just so people know im cool.
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I have to agree with Joe on this one. TPM should have either focused more on plot/characters than the fx. All three Star Wars movies kicked its ass if you just showed any five min. clip in them. In my opinion, George Lucas should let not only another director do the other 2, but also have another screenwriter work on it. And by the way, never let Lucas fully produce a movie on hos own
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Am I the only one who caught that remark as an obvious reference to a skit involving Stephen Baldwin on one of the late shows?
I think one of the Godfather movies made a similar remark as well. -
You know, Joe, like you said early on in your "review", it's only a movie...
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people like joe and lane myers don't deserve the attention of intelligent, discerning, film lovers. they come here and drop their shocking dirty words, pose as if they were maniacle nihilists, and tell you to fuck off if you don't like it. then the talkback fills up with anger. they're playing us like violins. believe me. pay them no mind and they'll go away. whoever joe is, whether he's one of harry's pen names or not, his credibility drops with each attempt at a kneejerk reaction. that's all he wants... a reaction.. and that's what he's getting. i dislike TPM intensely but that diatribe above was just sad. sad because, whoever the hell joe is, he's scrolling down the talkbacks, right now, feeling cool and, in a petty way, powerful for manipulating everyone here.
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This is the same Hallenbeck who creamed his shorts over Armageddon?! You hated this one so much, why don't you spare yourself the grief and don't see the next two. Oh, but I bet you will. I'll also guarantee that Hallenbeck would have hated the first three movies if they had been made today, or if he had been as old and angry as he is now back in 1977.
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These losers who have their phony names appear on the front page of this site, with their piece of crap reviews where they endlessly talk about themselves for 1/2 an hour before discussing the film finally, need to go. This site used to be about news, not these egomaniacal internet creations who do nothing in real life, other than take 6 hours to write a review about a movie that lasts 2 hours. Just post up the frigging movie in quicktime 4, it'll take me shorter to download it than to read these "reviews".
Who cares about some idiot's review? He's just 1 in 20 million people who've seen it. If this site is to be taken seriously, which it isn't, this amateur stuff has got to be taken off the front page in order for this place to be cool again.
"Darth Maul served no purpose".
Of course he did, his purpose was to die. Did you see Darth Maul in ep's 4-6? Is he anybody's father, son or brother? He's just a throwaway villain, who serves no purpose in the big picture. A cool throwaway villain, but throwaway none-the-less.
-smak- -
oh yeah....Go wish George Lucas and his family Dead you big stupid freak, and yeah SAVE us from any more of your worthless reviews. By the way, this WASNT a review this was "trash STAR WARS". I admit JAR JAR Binks was the lowest point in the movie but he was no more Annoying than the Ewoks were SO STICK THAT IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT! GODZILLA this movie WASN'T. ID4 this movie WASN'T. TMNT II this movie WASN'T. Joe I know what your biggest problem is...you're JEALOUS. So you put too much faith in Lucas and you were let down ...AWWWW shucks Joe..gee thats too bad for you. If you hadnt been expecting "the second coming" if you werent expecting this to slap Hollywood in the face, if you werent expecting STAR WARS: THE PHANTOM MENACE to be what you dreamed it would be...I'm truely SORRY. Lucas said this movie wouldnt meet everyones expectations, it wouldnt light the world on fire, it wasnt out to compete with TITANIC. He never SAID those things...you ASSUMED it would light the world on FIRE. YOU ASSUMED it would be for adults. You ASSUMED that Lucas was GOD born in the flesh...well guess what? HE ISN'T!!!!!!!!!!! He is a filmmaker, he is a familyman, he makes MOVIES...where's YOUR movie JOE?? WHERE's your film that will light the world on fire, where's YOUR movie that will slap the face of Hollywood?? WHERE JOE? WHERE IS IT? LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS!!!!!!!
I've seen some stinkers in my day Joe, I've seen Godzilla, I've seen STAR TREK:Insurrection, I've seen Batman & Robin. THOSE MOVIES SUCKED. George Lucas isnt a genius, hardly. He's just a filmmaker. Still, its STAR WARS ...grow up you idiot. --McK -
posting this review. YOU and I both know why you did. God you are such a dork! That Premiere 100 power list went to your large head my friend. Let me set the record straight for you: You don't actually have any "power". It's a list composed of media personalities so they can sell their fuckin' magazine. Now you decide for the rest of America Episode One sucks so you post this review? This site doesnt give you any power or leverage, it's the people that visit this site that give you power and leverage and right now everyone knows what a shit-kicker you are.
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I haven't seen the damn thing yet, but pretty much felt all of Halenbecks thoughts when I read the published script.
I can't believe Harry, Moriaty et al didn't feel the same all those months ago when they were privvy to the third draft script. -
May 24, 1999 3:42:30 PM CDT
tpm makes return of the jedi look like the greatest movie ever m
by xavier masterson
i think the people defending this movie and calling it a great star wars film are the same people that found the chewbacca tarzan yell at the end of jedi hilarious.
and how does lucas plan on pulling off a romance with episode two when the only character he can instill with any personality or emotions is a flying toydarian junk dealer.
its been five days since i saw this movie and i'm still pissed off! -
May 24, 1999 3:45:04 PM CDT
Ain't It Cools News' Sad State Of Deterioration And Harry Knowle
by henry chinaski
You know what's amazing? The fact
that soneone with such little education, such poor writing style, and with nothing new to say was able to get his review of TPM on this site. Joe Hallenbeck, what is his deal? I'm not going to even bother with the actual points he makes in this review, I am simply going to concentrate on the sad fucking state that this site has sunk to. Harry, are you to Big Time to at least read the reviews before you post them? Hallenbeck's little piece was a rant of a pissed off Star Wars nerd, it was not a review. Gee, Joe, we all feel so bad for you; feel so bad that you didn't get your $8.50 and 4 hours on line worth. This so-called review was filled with vulgarity and some sad fucking metaphor (fucking the neighbors' cat? very creative and very stylish) about the future problems we will all suffer for having spent a little cash and a little time on this flick, and was not offensive, just unintelligent and a waste of my time. I'm always interested in arguing with my buddies about the merits or weaknesses of a certain film, but if one of my buddies could only come up with this argument, I'd have to write him off as just another mindless fuck who thought The Matrix was a strong film. Speaking of which, I'd be very interested to find out what Hallenback thought of The Matrix. His review would probably involve words like awesome and kewl (spelled like an asshole on the net always spells it). Harry, this site fucking sucks! Bits of rumors that add up to dick in the long run, reviews from uneducated wanna-be's, and heading that lead a reader to waste his time. Whatever happened to the so-called newsletter? One lame introductory issue that had nothing to say and it all fades away. You have reached the low level of Film Threat and their sad excuse for film criticism. I don't know anyone that reads their newsletter for anything anymore but the weekend box office ratings. Your site is rapidly approaching this desperate level. As far as The Phantom Menace goes, it disturbs me that the geeks who patronize this site, the sad loveless 21-34 year old nerds who waited all their life to see this film, are so nuts that they think George Lucas gives a shit about what they think. It was a fucking movie and a better movie than the Matrix at that. Hey Hallenhack, did you get a chance to sit next to any little kids during the screening you saw? I did. Throughout the film, whenver the politics are talking head stuff came into play, they bounced around on their mother's laps, but anytime a battle or duel or goofy Roger Rabbit-voiced alien came on the screen, they sat enraptured. "But, Henry, this film wasn't for kids, it was for me, the lonely comic book collecting nerd who spent three days in line so I could say I was the first to see it!" Bullshit! Film today is all about the bottom line (unless it's independent and with few exceptions indie film tends to suck in a big way). Lucas (and I fucking hate Lucas) put all of ILM's money on the line and he sure as shit was gonna cover his ass. And cover his ass he did. The kids love Jar Jar, they loved Darth Maul (in my opinion the weakest character in the flick), and the kids loved all the "Yoda's and shit." And you know what? Even if you don't go to see this movie a second or third time, the kids are gonna buy the flashlight lightsabers, they're gonna buy the action figures, posters, t-shirts, bedsheets, sneakers, lunchboxes, Legos, and official sodas of the Phantom Menace. And with all this merchandising Lucas is gonna cover his ass on the bottom line and he's gonna have enough money to make the second and third films which all you naysaying hypocritical dorks are going to wait in line for all over again. This movie was an exposition to set up the second and third films and you can't lie and say all the additions to the mythology didn't intrigue you. So, while you watched that little vixen Padme and the gay fantasy Amidala and Palpatine and Sidious and the Sand People taking potshots at the pods, the little kids watched Jar Jar, the Gungans, and the funny voices of the battle droids Roger Roger! Hey, Hallenbeck! Get a fucking life, you nerd. Turn to the back pages of your local alternative weekly and order up a handjob for yourself! You can't write coherently or logically and my guess is that you sucked Harry's tiny cock to get your review on this site. Hey Harry! Was the blowjob good? Obviously, it was because you posted the review. You gave us so much advance warning about the vulgarity (like I've never seen the word fuck before)that it appalls me you didn't give us any advance warning about the stupidity and low level of thought. I feel so sorry for you geeks who invested so much emotion into a film; it pains me that you can't find love, or at the very least, a hooker who fits your price range. My fucking God. I'm just so disgusted by this nonsense; the level of talkbacks is rarely worthy of the word intelligent, but compared to Hallenbeck's TPM review, holy mother of Christ! But I forgot, Harry's a player now, he got his sad ass on Ebert and "you gotta see the stats, how many people from Washington, D.C. and Hollywood check this site out!" That's great Harry, instead of paying attention to a site that was for the most part coherent and informative, you're going to concentrate on becoming one of the millions of losers who are peripheral to real deal going on in Hollywood (or as Hallenbeck would say, the 'Wood! another witty piece of wordsmithery!) Hey Harry, nobody cares about your opinion, they only care about the free promotion your site is giving them. So enjoy all the free meals (I know you are) and the free Best Western room when they cart you off to the advance screening in Hollywood. You're not a player, you fat bastard, just another part of the system that makes Hollywood suck! When you're desperately trying to bang that porn starlet like a drug-crazed Pauly Shore, "No, no, I'm not a filmamker, I'm just a guy who put up a website for sad losers to vent about why they feel betrayed by the new Star Wars film!" remember my words. Peripheral loser, just like Hallenbeck.
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It's been 3 days since I've seen it, and I've been pondering on how I TRULY felt about this movie. After reading this review, I find myself agreeing on a lot of his points. I'll cut Lucas some slack, considering that he's laying the groundwork for the entire series here, but still, it was no where in the same class as the previous Star War movies. What bothered me most was there was no urgency or soul to this movie. Lucas really blew it with Darth Maul. He had a great opportunity to develope this character into something more here and in the next two movies. It is indeed a sad fact that Lucas put so much time and effort into the effects, and so little into what matters most- a solid story. I truly hope that Lucas is listening to peoples criticisms about this movie and realizes that the greatest effects in the world can't save a piss-poor script.
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according to Peter Biskind in "Easy Riders,Raging Bulls,"a woman who worked on "Raiders Of The Lost Ark"(1981)told Lucas that her favorite film of his was "THX 1138"(1971).He gave her a puzzled look and said,"But it didn't make any money."
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It's as simple as this...George Lucas has run out of ideas. He does not have anyone who can give him constructive criticism on any aspect of production. There is a danger in having full creative control. What I find most ironic is that for all of his whining about the Hollywood 'system' which he helped create, he is churning out the same crap (if not worse). Joseph Campbell is not alive anymore to give him ideas for story structure, and all he has left to do is copy himself - badly.And for someone who came out with a pervading philosophy in his movies of the dangers of anger, he has enough anger for all of us. If you are to take anything out of Halleback's review, how about this. Stop giving them your money every time they throw another piece of shit at you! Stay home instead and read a book, or talk to friends or whatever. Stop being such sheep. If you don't movies will never get any better, only worse.
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Dont get me wrong, I really liked the movie... but I wonder - "why wasnt it cooler?" Its Star Wars. It seemed that there were a lot of missed opportunities at a cool plot. Problems - 1) the audeience doesnt get the "phantom menace" idea. It just doesnt work. 2) Supposedly tons of Jedi running around the universe, but we only see 2 (and the council) 3)Why was Darth Maul there? He could have been so much cooler... 4) Neimodians sucked. The absolute worst part of the movie. (except for Sam Jacksons performance) 5) too many "serious" human characters. Jedi-noble, Queen-royalty, Senators-politicians, etc... need something to mix it up. Jar Jar and the Gungans worked pretty good though. This is how it could have been fixed (in the scripting stage) -open with Darth Maul already on the Fed. Battleship. Four Jedi arrive as ambassadors (unexpected by Sidios) D.S. instructs Maul to destroy the Jedi or the secret of the Sith will be leaked. Maul destroys the pilots of the shuttle (why would the Neimodioans blow up a ship inside their ship?) and kills the other 2 Jedi but Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan escape. Maul is instucted to follow. A chase begins- Maul after Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon while the rest of the plot unfolds... they go to warn the queen, find Jar Jar, etc... This would have been reminiscent of Empire and would have been really interesting. I hope the Episode II have a more fleshed-out.
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I hate to say it, but for the most part, Joe is right. Luca's direction was poor. The film was devoid of emotion & excitement. It was a real letdown. I do think the Pod race was great cinema and the lightsaber duel was effective, but the rest of the film fell flat. Those damn robots were fake, couldn't hit shit with their blasters and their robotic voices were annoying ("Roger roger." Give me a break). Jar Jar & his entire race should be wiped out. Worst of all: This film had no mystery to it! Hell, the Darth Maul commercial is more mysterious and interesting than this film! What a waste. This is as depressing as it gets. God help us with EPISODE 2.
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Just like the original three, before all that introspective novel writers flushed out the Characters. Yes, Empire was the best of the lot (since it was the first movie where the good guys lost) and then there was Bobba Fett... but I digress.
I could see some of Carrie Fisher's finger prints on the romantic and relationship side (Anakin's gift, his fixation on Padme'). However, most of the juice stuff (from what I read in thre novel, it was the first gamble I won. It explained more stuff then the movie.) that would explain a great deal was cut and scenes like the Pod Race, the fart jokes and explanation of the obvious. Things I wouldn't of shot was the antagonist side of things, who cares about why the federation is doing this since it's never really explained. Could of freed up some needed space for more interesting things, like character development. Show off Anakin's natural abilty to control the force, show him in complete terror when he's surrounded on the battleship with their weapons leveled. However, this is after the film, I'm arm chair quarterbacking. It's easy to improve on things in hindsight, in leu of being under extreme pressure for a script and then having it produced on time and on budget. Lucas took HIS universe in the direction HE thought it should go. While thousands of fans kept harressing the hell out of him trying to sneak a peek at the movie. I do not pitty him in the least (I wouldn't trade pl-- well maybe I would.. $$$), after all he invented movie merchindizing.
We also forget that the face of science fiction has changed in the last sixteen years since ROTJ. Science fiction is much more complex and layered (for the most part... See matrix). So that is also a big factor.
Ok enough defending the film.. Things that should of happened, since they changed the see when Anakin first meets Padme', she should of accepted his gift. Amidala should of noticed something was up with Palpatine (when a government offical benfits from your situation, 9 time out of 10 he's causing it). Quinn should of gotten shot in the back, Darth Maul may of been younger and quicker, but Older jedi have been known to whip out a can of whoop-ass that sends most scrambing to reclaim severed body parts. The council with even of a hint of the Sith lords should of taken Anakin. If he has the possiblity of become a power jedi, he'd make a worse enemy. (Not to mention he should of stayed on Coursecan). Anakin too old to be trained? He's 10, I mean not ever person can be happy if their calling to be jedi is pushed upon them, can they? I thought one choose their path, not assigned to it.
However the biggest of all is Anakin not asking for money to purchase his mother from the Queen. Surely someone owes him something for saving the Naboo people, a favor... That would be the first thing on my mind if I was a ten year old with powers over the force and just save a billion lifeforms. I'd hand them a bill... if nessesery.. =)
Have a nice day,
Joe -
First of all, I loved the Phantom Menace. Someone else said it earlier though, that all those who hated it tell me I'm forcing myself to like it. I'm not. I loved it. I've seen it 3 times already. I'll see it again. There were so many things I liked about this movie...
1)Liam Neeson. I came into the movie thinking I'd hate Qui-Gon with a vengeance. But he was my favorite character. I thought he did as good a job as acting as possible in Star Wars, along with...
2) Ewan Mcgregor. He kicked ass. I thought my friend Mitch did the best Alec Guiness impression, and then he came onto the screen. Uncanny. He's great.
3)Natalie Portman. growr. ;) I didn't think she had much to do as the queen, except, as Hallenback said, act like a bitch, but I did like Padme.
4)All the overtones and implications the movie gave. If you were paying attention, you'd know.
5)The lightsaber duel. Better than all the battles in new hope, empire, and jedi put together.
6) The cities and landscaped were unbelievable
7)The jedi mind trick use. I didn't even notice he was doing it to Boss Nass till the second time.
a lot more things I won't bother mentioning.
What I did NOT like, however....
1)Jar-Jar. Dear God. All 3 times I saw this, I hoped somehow the movie would alter it's course and he would die. In fact, I distinctly remember yelling 'back up! back up!!!' as loud as I could during that droid/gungan battle when Jar Jar hid under the wheel. He was total crap. He served no purpose. And no one found him funny, besides these Japanese schoolgirls sitting behind me the first time. He was awful, and I hope he doesn't show his face in Episode II.
2)Darth Maul, who was totally fucking underused. Wow, a whole 5 minutes of screen time. I wish I had known anything about him. ANYTHING at all.
3)The fact that somehow, Yoda looked worse than in Empire.
4)The fact that some people don't get that Senator Palpatine is Darth Sidious. There were these idiots walking out asking each other if they thought Sidious was the first or second chancellor. God, I wanted to scream. Lesse....Sidious sounds exactly like Palpatine from ROTJ...there were no credits for him....and Palpatine is now Chancellor, putting him in the seat of power, where he becomes Emperor....and even without that, that panb at the end as Windu and Yoda talk should have killed any doubts anyone had. Anyone who didn't see this should be hurt.
5)Anakin...at times. He was ok sometimes, and then he'd be shit again.
6)That god-damned two-headed podracing commentator. Lord allmighty.
7)The shit and fart humor. wow, haha, that monster farted. How funny.
I'm not gonna go on. But geez, stop accusing us people who liked it that we don't want to admit it sucked. I'm not saying it was a perfect movie; It was flawed in many ways. But I think it still made up for it's flaws, and was a great movies.
That's my two cents, anyways.
-=-JSamson -
My reaction to TPM reminds me how I felt two years ago when I survived The Lost World. Then, as now, it hit right in the middle of the Seattle International Film Festival (SIFF). And, thankfully, I had at my disposal a slew of films for grown-ups: movies with well developed plot, story, dialog, characters, etc.
I agree with most of Joe's rant, with the exception of the Pod Race. I felt like that scene worked.
What DID bother me was the bloodless war between the Gungans and the robots. The thing that grounded the original Star Wars was the bloody arm in Cantina, and that kind of realism was lacking here. I'd venture to say that the lesson taught to children by this movie - that the good guys can win a war without a drop of their own blood spilt on the battlefield - is a hundred times more pornographic than your average x-rated fare. Lucas' pal Coppola got this; to quote Apocalypse Now (from memory): "You train men to drop fire on people, but they can't write Fuck on their airplanes... because it's obscene."
As for casting Jake Lloyd, I felt he probably would have been fine with a better director. He had a great look for the role, but his constant "I'm going to save the universe, yippee!" type banter killed the performance.
Anyway, I'll be immersing myself in real films. Anyone care to join me?
Dave Kramer
SIFF coverage and more @
fromscript2screen.com -
Well, no real suprises there. The review just confirms what most of us have suspected all along. The Phantom Menace is just a bigger budget version of Willow and Howard The Duck.
It was always foolish of the cinema masses to expect that Lucas would rejuvenate the genre.
Foolish and dangerous because this CGI nightmare will discourage executives from making innovative sci-fi. JMS showed too much respect to Lucas by delaying the proposed Babylon 5 film, and this was even before the film had opened to savage reviews. What effect will it have on future sci-fi film production???
If only we spent more time supporting genuine sci-fi such as Dark City and The Cube, films that ACTUALLY took risks, we would continue to have films that actually suprised us.
To hail brain dead ideas such as Star Wars and Star Trek, you all encourage this plastic style of film making. You all deserve to be disappointed. The only winner is Lucas, you have all made him just that little bit richer! -
If you don't like the ewoks, if you don't like Jar Jar then you don't like Star Wars. They are characters in the films. They are major important figures in the films. If you hate them you hate Star Wars. The Phantom Menace is my favorite film of the seies and that makes it my favorite film. why do you ask? Let me explain.. To those who say there is no story let me tell it to you simply Palpatine disguses himself as Darth sidious so he can plot his election as Chancellor. He manipulates Amidala to make her callfor the vote of no confidence that will lead him to his nomination and election. You might say why not use the force. Who's to say he didn't. That's the basic plot of the film. A political story. Whoever says they can't understand it are the same people who say they didn't understand the Mission:Impossible movie. Jar Jar is a character in the Star Wars tradition. I loved this guy. He's the R2 of the film and yes I know R2 is in this film but most of you will know what I mean. Darth Maul is a perfect villian. He says little and is all action. What did you want from him? Did you want him to be the typical "talking villian". The effects didn't take anything away from the film they added to it. So TPM is my favorite and you know what I really don't care what you think becauseafter watching it on tape a few times you will see what the film truly is..A MASTERPIECE.
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I feel sorry for you guys who didn't get it, you probably never will. Lighten up. Play with toys and tell poo-poo jokes, you may just end up liking it.
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The writing was on the wall when Kurtz left before ROTJ. The SE changes only increased my anxiety. Hearing about 3PO being created by Anakin, Yoda's new look only added to the fear. Jar jar(he was bad--but I guess I expected worse). But even though my expectations were low--damn! This movie still surprised me how bad it was. I never even went WOW during the effects. What a tragedy. He could have done a better job than this. Maybe if Kasdan hadnt turned the script down. Or if Carrie Fisher or Frank Darabont had said: "George! For the love of Yoda! Dont go with this!"
Even the trade dispute seemed lame. How about a good old fashioned "knights must protect princess until she can ascend the throne." plotline. Dispute between planets. Anakin introduced but not focused on.
I could forgive Lucas for making a bad movie, if it wasnt for his 60 minutes rant against Hollywood and his MARKETING!!---I think i may have enjoyed Godzilla more than this. :(
Talk about Return of the Greedi.
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People have their opinions...so I will not fire back at those who have bad ones. This movie is Star Wars....pure Star Wars. It was a rip-off of the original trilogy, yet the original trilogy copied from itself. This movie was fun, this movie was entertaining, this movie was a trip back to childhood. When I take my 11 year old brother to it this week, I bet he will enjoy it. He won't understand jack about the trade commission or the real "menace" behind it all, but he'll be entranced by the sights and sounds. Just as I was when I was his age, and transported back to then this last weekend.
jz -
I too felt the same way upon seeing TPM Wed. Night, waited 2 hrs in the rain to get good seats, 6 hrs trying to get tix thru moviefone...and it killed me to walk away dissappointed...
...too much CGI...too much everything...
...no characters to identify with...remember the beauty and simplicity of Luke looking up at the 2 suns and just dreaming...when we all wanted to be Luke... or the scene in the cantina when Han is introduced...more character development in 5 minutes than 2 hrs of TPM...
...but then something happened..one of the friends I had seen the movie with Wed., and was equally dissapointed, went with me to see it again this weekend...
AND WE ENJOYED THE HECK OUT OF IT!!!
Do some of the criticisms apply? Abosolutely!
Jar Jar should be raped in the eye socket by Jabba.
Too much CGI? YUP!
Anakin annoying at times..yup...but I think Lloyd was decent...Mark Hammil wasnt shakespearean...
The point is ... once we saw the movie, adjusted to new characters and knew the story..we just sat back and let the movie entertain us...just like the original 3...can we compare ..def. not now ...maybe in 2005...
until then, I can't wait for ep. 2
Jab
ps - don't miss the ETs in the Galactic Senate scene. -
For anyone who thinks that Hallenbeck is a pedophile for saying that Natalie Portman is "instantly boinkable" better do some research before posting. She is NOT 14 years old, she's 18 (in about a week). Now I don't know how old Hallenbeck is, but the girl ain't a freaking pre-teen--she's legal. (And if you don't think she's hot, you got some problems buddy.) Also, I think he was kidding when he called for the death of Lucas, alright everyone? Everybody takes it so fucking seriously. So he didn't like the film, you did, okay, great. But you can't say with any amount of truth that you weren't a TAD disappointed with it. The hype of this movie had everyone thinking it WAS going to be the second coming. I for one hope Lucas gets screwed with all the shit they released--Darth Maul soap holders and the like. Give me a fucking break. The movie was decent, but I would have rather watched another 2 minute trailer, and imagined what the final product looked like.
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No matter how much you people say it isn't. Star Wars has always been geared towards kids. Isn't it obvious buy the reaction of kids. The reason you naysayers don't like TPM is because you have grown up and its no longer mature enough for you. Its time to move on and find a new movie franchise to follow. This Star Wars is a typical Lucas picture. Also Harry please don't post any more of this...persons reviews. Trying to act cool by using profanity shows the intelligence level of this person. Asking to kill people is just so hilarious (yeah right). Complete LOSER.
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I am sorry this guy is a putz, he thinks he is pretty funny pretty much ragging on every aspect that came to mind from the movie. There are plenty of people like him, that is why I am glad Lucas mad this movie a family film. To hell with the critics, even he said that he did not need to make more Star Wars movies, he wanted to do it his way, express his creativity as he wanted. Star Wars rocked, but lets face it in 1977 it was nothing but a highly f/x'ed space story with a simple yet understandable story that was hard for many KIDS to turn away from, now those kids grew up, and some have turned to the 'dark side', become cynical and hypercritical. Am I crazy for liking movies like ID4, Jurassic Park, and Matrix? I dont think so, I thought those movies rocked as does TPM. It isnt the second coming, hell SW wasnt the FIRST! Just great films, the following is my opinion that I wrote up after I watched the movie twice, and read the novel, I welcome all opinions.
The Phantom Menace - Review of Movie/Novel
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I felt it was better to wait until I had seen the movie twice before I gave any kind of review. Better yet, I wanted to finish the novel as well before I could give any kind of comments, because at the time I felt it would be more honest of a review. I felt giving a review right after opening day would cloud my opinions, that just because the movie had tons of special effects would sway me to say this movie better than it really was. No, I felt that it had to pass the 'real-deal' Star Wars test, will I be able to watch this movie several times and not get sick of it?
After all, I have seen the trilogy many, many times, in fact the actual amount of times I have seen them must range in the thousands. As of yet, and I doubt I ever will, I have not gotten tired of watching them. So will Phantom Menace have that magic? Will it be able to capture my imagination and have me completly hooked? Will it BE Star Wars? In this review I will relate to you my feelings for the first two times I saw the film, there were many outer things that affected my opinion and I hope that for Episode II things will change, making it more enjoyable. First of all if you had imagined that this film was the equivelant of two hits of acid, leaving you hallucinating and woozy afte watching the film, your totally wrong. You know what A New Hope, did not have that effect either. Comprehending this might allow you to actually ENJOY the film, and not feel as if Lucas cheated you.
Wednesday, May 19th
Alright I have been in line for hours, best of all, I was FIRST in line! Sporting all my SW gear. Blabbing with fans the entire time about SW nuances, opinions and such for this movie. Right of the bat something happen that detracted from this experience. Suddenly Wayne Huizenga (for those of you who do not know who he is, or care, he is the ex-owner of the Florida Marlins, the owner of the Florida Panthers and Dolphins, also was once the owner of the Blockbuster Video chain), and an entourage of ancient people march into the theatre, I was outraged. Just because he has money, they let him in first, I didn't see him camped out for tickets, or waiting in line for 6 hours like everyone else, and he just arrives in a damn limo and him and 50 people grab all the best seats. Ok, fine, I wanted to block this out of my mind and not let this ruin my SW experience, unfortunately I was so determined to have good seats I had to sit inbetween all of these people and right behind Mr. Huizenga. I had this incredible urge to SLAP him in the back of the head the entire movie.
Anyhow, here it comes, after 5 or 6 incredibly retarded previews, it begins, here it is. Lucasfilm's logo sparkles across the screen, my heart starts pounding, the words "A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away..." I am livid, the Star Wars logo starts flying away and the theatre erupts into a HUGE cheer. The yellow words fade into the background and it begins. Here I pause, I regret reading so many reviews, watching the MTV video of "Duel of the Fates", I regret the times I watched Access Hollywood, or Entertainment Tonight, I regret catching both trailers and seeing all the movie shots on TV. Why? Because that REALLY stole from the fun of the movie, next time, I urge all fans to wear blinders and NOT SEE ANYTHING, maybe 1 trailer but not 2 and avoid EVERYTHING ELSE!! I tell you all the friends that I was with had done just about that, they avoided everything, the only thing they had seen were the trailers, and they all completly loved it, they exclaimed it was better than all 3 of the originals. I have to say that I was dissapointed at first, not because the movie was bad, because some of the surprises and such I had already gotten a peak at. Suddenly I felt like such a fool. However, this is not a cop out, the movie did rock. The special effects are the best ever. The pod-race alone is worth the $7.50 I paid, the lightsaber duel alone was worth the ticket price, not to mention the ground war and space battle. As well as incredible scenes, like Coruscant, Naboo, and the Gungan cities (totally awesome sights).
By the way, to all the critics, there is a plot, all be it a simple one as in A New Hope. There was plenty of good acting beeing thrown down all over the place. Honorable mentions - Liam Neeson and Natalie Portman, they carried the story extremely well. To all those that felt Jake Lloyd stunk, well I have to say your wrong, Jake was tasked to play an 8 year old Tatooine slave boy. He did a good job, 8-year old kids in my opinion do not act like Al Pacino in Godfather II, they act like hopeful wide-eyed kids that run around excitedly. Jake as Anakin was able to stir emotions within me especially during the pod race, and to me that is the goal of all actors, to convey emotions well, that he did.
I did feel that Jar Jar Binks initially sucked, there was a sort of turning point (in my opinion) in which Jar Jar became non-sucky. I fought hard to understand what he was saying and in that case it stole form the movie. Then I saw that ALL the Gungans spoke that way and was starting to get frustrated with this. Believe it or not, they grew on me, I liked the Gungans and Boss Nass by the end of the film. I do not agree that there should have been more Darth Maul, just that he should have SAID more lines when he confronted the Jedi.
(SPOILER AVERT EYES IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE FILM)
When Mace Windu tasks the Jedi to unravel the mystery of the sith (hey is this a plug for the Jedi Knight games?), you'd think the Jedi would try to somehow SAY something to Darth Maul, maybe he would talk back, and you would get more of a Darth Vader vs. Luke scene with all the one-liners and such.
Nonetheless, the lightsaber battles were incredible intense, and joined with an impressive score brought out all sorts of excitment. The ground/space war conveyed that sense of underdog good guy vs. overwhelming evil feeling that was prevelant in the original trilogy. The movie had a story folks, and it is quite simple. Basically an all peacefull planet Naboo (like Alderaan in the sense the Naboo have no real army or battleforce) have become surrounded and blockaded by the Trade Federation over a trade dispute. Under the guidance of Darth Sidious, the Trade Federation tries to take advantage of this peaceful planet by blocking all communications, and not allowing the system to plea to the senate for help. When the Jedi arrive, the Federation as well tries to stop their attempt at reaching peace.
But as Qui-Jonn points out why would the Trade Federation risk losing al of its Trade routes and business over one system? Something evil is a foot, towards the very end of the movie, you find out that all the "forcing the queen to sign the treaty" stuff and the war on the planet, and all of the opression was a little game to get Senator Palpatine into power as supreme chancellor. A masterful plan to use the suffering of a small Republic world to hoist the Senator from that same system into power. Palpatine even tell the Queen this, and at the end once he is Chancellor, he has that wicked grin on his face ( so like is Sidious = Palpatine = The emperor or what? ).
END SPOILER
After watching the film I had only one question, how could such a sweet boy as Anakin turn into Vader? Whatever makes Anakin turn towards the darkside I know will stir everyone's emotions. At first I would rate this film better than ANH but not better than ESB as far as acting or story, and the ending of this movie almost as good as ROTJ's ending. That was then...
Thursday May 20th, Novel Time
Ok I did not go to the movies today, instead I took the time to read the novel. Tell you what guys, if you read any of the Star Wars novels such as Rogue Squadron, or the Jedi Search series, any of those is better than this novel. It was written for the reading level of an eleven year old. The nice thing about the book was that it brought insight into the thoughts of Anakin and Qui-Jonn, as well as that I could finally make out what Jar Jar was saying, and as I thought the Gungans dialog added good points into the movie. But as far as conveying the complexity of the lightsaber duels or any of the action scenes it sucked. If you think it is impossible to convey action into a novel read the Jedi Search series they completely rock. But something happened to me on Thursday, I was dying to see TPM all day long. It was all I could talk about, to my wife (who's opinion pretty much mirrored mine except she hated Jar Jar).
This worried me, I thought for a second after Wednesday, that the movie was good, but not good enough to warrant seeing millions of times as the original trilogy did. I kept thinking about the movie all day long until ...
Friday May 21rst, My Phantom Menace 'fix',,
Ok I am an addict, yep, like I need my TPM fix as a crack addict needs his rocks. This time around folks, I enjoyed this movie so MUCH more, (hey did you guys notice Willow in the movie). I realized just how good Natalie Portman was in this movie swapping between roles seamlessly, she was the perfect queen, so regal and serious, as the novel conveys: wise beyond her young age. The movie to me, never sucked, nothing was slow, it was totally interesting, even my wife turned to me and said, Jar Jar was not as annoying as she thought. My 3 year old daughter seeing it for the first time was transfixed in her seat most of the movie, only fidgeting twice when she had to use the restroom. After the movie of course, all she wanted was a Jar Jar toy. I bought tickets to see this movie Saturday May 22nd, and I have come to this decision: As Star Wars movies go, this movie is better than the 3. I could care less if everyone disagrees with me or not, I am willing to bet if you see the movie twice you will enjoy it more. I spoke with die hard fans that told me that the movie was a dissapointment after their 12:01am viewing opening night, but many have seen the movie 5-6 times after that and now they keep saying the movie is the best of all the three as well. Lucas has the touch people he hasn't lost it, the magic is there and it will grip your heart and reaffect you imagintion, go see this movie, if you want, go see this movie ALOT. My final comment: THIS MOVIE KICKS SOME MAJOR STAR WARS ASS! I am not delisional man, just a regular guy that has been watching Star Wars for a long time, despite the critics, I REALLY REALLY liked this film, and it is a welmcome addition to my star wars collection. -
What a major disappointment. Hallenbeck is right: TPM sucked big time. A movie years in the making and with a trillion dollar budget should have been *much* better than TPM.
And it has little (if anything) to do with the tremendous anticipation for the film. If this movie had been made by some kid in his basement (thus a film with low expectations) with his friends and a laptop, people would be saying the same things: The effects were cool, the acting was so so and the story and characters were *horrible*.
And don't try to feed me any of this "Star Wars and Empire were flawed too" crap. Sure they were both flawed, but they were *far* superior to TPM. Star Wars and Empire *worked*. They just did, plain and simple. The characters worked, the story worked, the humor worked.
In TPM, the humor and silliness were forced down our throat. I was actually uncomfortable watching the movie. There were maybe three times the *entire* movie when the whole audience laughed. And there were *dozens* of times when Lucas was going for that kind of thing. In Star Wars, just about every moment that was scripted to be funny, *was*.
I could go on and on about this movie, but I won't. Those of you who think this movie is great won't listen to reason anyway.
I'll just leave you with one thing: Do any of you who defend TPM really think that if the internet were around when "Star Wars" was released that there would have been such negativity surrounding it? I think not. *Everyone* I knew (parents and kids included) *loved* "Star Wars." Sure there was the ocassional, "It was okay," but virtually no one thought "Star Wars" was a truly bad movie.
There are thousands upon thousands of us who saw TPM and think it sucked big time. -
I don't see 105 million in 5 days as a disappointment for TPM. So it didn't beat "The Lost World" for a weekend. You'll have to remember that "The Lost World" opened on almost twice as many screens, and premiered Memorial Day weekend. TPM opens on a Wednesday before a non-holday weekend, on half the theaters Lost World opened on, and rakes in around 63 million for a weekend, about 10 million less than Lost World. It beat Lost world in 5 day total, and is the fastest movie to 100 million ever. I don't see this as a disappointment at all. By the end of the month, TPM will have 200+ and by the time Austin Powers 2 hits, it will have around 300 million. I think it will stop around 400-450 million. A disappointment? I don't think so. I thoroughly enjoyed TPM. For the past 16 years, I was creating my own prequel trilogy in my mind, and does TPM resemble it? No. Do I care? Not really. I'm really glad we are able to see the Prime of the Jedi.
As for Hallenbeck's review. He's entitled to his own opinion. Even though he goes about it in an idiotic and immature manner. -
Okay, so am I the only one that see the homage in the first line uttered by Obi-Wan in the opening of the Menace?
Luke says the same thing when the Millenium Falcon first approaches the Death Star in A New Hope.
All you stupid ex-fans are complaining; "Ugh! Why'd he say that? From that moment on, I felt the same way! Blah Blah Blah, gripe gripe gripe."
Luke said the same thing in A New Hope! It's words! get over it.
Like some have said before, after watching Phantom; watch the original trilogy and see how awesome everything works together and watch how certain characters act in the original trilogy and all the references to everything and how they all corellate. It's very interesting and makes Phantom look almost genius with how everything is set up. I simply cannot wait for the remaining episdoes, so I can see what happens with Clone Wars, Darth Vader killing the Jedis, and the build up of Alderaan (that way, when you watch A New Hope again, the planet blowing up with make much more of an emotional impact).
But please, remember...these movies are made like serials. Some of you take this WAY too seriously.
For the perhaps 5 minutes of combined lameness in Phantom, there was 2hours and 8 minutes more of fun film. -
Hallenbeck is quoting Robert De Niro's Al Capone from THE UNTOUCHABLES.
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Sorry Harry, you blew it this time by posting this drivel so prominently. I don't mind an intelligent reviewer who didn't like the movie, but someone who begins a review by wishing Lucas and his family dead has no place on AICN -- let alone in a featured spot on your site. I can't imagine what you were thinking when you allowed this past your editor's desk. "Offensive" and "vulgar" I can handle, but "hateful" has no place here.
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I didn't wait in a line to see TPM, I only paid 5 bucks at a matinee and had empty seats on both sides of me. It wasn't worth any more than 5 bucks and it certainly wasn't worth waiting in line for 4+ hours like that HowlinSchmuck did! If Georgie-Boy had jotted down the "plot-elements" of TPM on a 3x5 card and mailed it to me, I'd have gotten the basic idea and STILL had time to RENT a really good movie. I wasn't waiting to compare this to the other SW flicks, I just went to see a flick. It wasn't all that. The acting DID suck, and it was George's direction that made it so. Jake Lloyd IS a lousy actor. Yeah, he's cute but he can't act worth shit. I didn't care when Qui-Gon snuffed it (BTW--the reason he didn't disappear was because he didn't SACRIFICE himself like Obi-Wan did in ANH--he just frickin' LOST the fight. Darth Maul kicked his ass.) Anakin leaving his mom had NO emotional impact on me. I knew it should, but it didn't. (You wanna see an emotionally wrenching mom-and-kid separation scene, watch Dumbo.) HowlinSchmuck is right--ObiWan was the best thing about TPM. I want to bear his children!! I didn't find J-J (aka "FuckFace") as annoying as HowlinSchmuck but he had FAR too much screen-time. That whole underwater city thing should've been CUT and the time used for character development. The lightsaber duel was good but it was over WAY too fast--as if George speeded up the film because he was running outta time. I hope next time George lets someone else do the directing--AND write the dialogue. At least we know that lil Jake won't be in any more episodes! Oh JOY! Overall, I'd say I had more fun watching The Mummy than this latest installment of the SW saga. I go now to see if I can find Jar-Jar and score some fine Jamaican off his rastafarian ass. . . maybe I'll enjoy TPM more that way when I go see it again with HowlinSchmuck . . . The OB out.
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I saw TPM with my wife and three children, ages 5, 7 and 10. They were not too enthusiastic about it. I remember when I saw Star Wars I was 10 and my sister was 7. We and our friends couldn't stop talking about the movie for *weeks*. Oh well.
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Wow, another negative review of TPM catered only to the retarded fucks who believe the only true Star Wars is the original and TESB. These people, by the way, comprise less than 1% of the world's population. I have the advantage of knowing "Normal People". These "Normal People" have lives that do not center around science fiction and have what are known as "girlfriends" (though not the fat, acne covered variety that most fanboys have come to pretend they like). One day I mentioned to a "Normal Person" that a lot of internet freaks didn't like ROTJ. He was shocked and asked why. I told him that they felt it was too lighthearted and that the ewoks were too cute. He cocked an eyebrow and shrugged as if to say that hating a movie for that reason was pathetic. I nodded my head and we went on our way. It turned out that all the NP I talked to like ROTJ. Last week I found out that the NP approve of TPM as well. Most of the people in the world are "normal" so I guess it was pretty good after all. So for the "Normal People" of the world and myself, I'd like to apologize. Sorry TPM wasn't lit like fucking episode of the X-Files. Sorry there was no blood or nudity. Sorry the characters never ran out of snappy one-liners (not every movie can live up to Armageddon). Sorry the character development was subtle and that you had to pay attention to see what was going on. Sorry there was a character with a high pitched voice who was clumsy. You see "Normal People" can let themselves enjoy some of these things and get past others on their way to enjoying themselves. It's dumb fucks like John what's-his-name and the other little bitches on this website that are way too "cool" to enjoy a lighthearted movie. Sorry I'm not "cool" enough to find all of the comedy in TPM pathetic. Maybe I, like the rest of the world's normal people, am just too stupid to hate ROTJ and TPM. Maybe I liked it a lot (even some of the comedy). Actually I think the funniest part of TPM is listening to all of these dumb shits on the internet complain that they're too cool and sophisticated for it (when in fact they've probably never kissed a girl or at least a pretty one).
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As in every word of this review, and actually there were probably way more then a thousand words.
However I want to talk about something you said in the very begining.====="For Christsakes, people, it -
Funny review Joe, but I'm afraid that you're just looking for something to bitch about. The fact is that the Star Wars universe belongs to Lucas. Not you. Makes you kinda mad, doesn't it?
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Everyone in here ought to think about what critics are for. I think it is a good time, given the mixed reviews, and the acerbic Joe. To me, a critic's only purpose is to help me. To decide if I should spend 8 bucks and actually get the big screen experience. If I know I'll see a movie no matter what, I'll read the review afterwards, and compare with my own views. That will give me an idea about that critic for the future, how much I trust them. That's pretty much their only purpose. Evaluating a movie against expectations is not criticism, its called subjectivity. I have read only one review out of about 15-20 that came close to judging the film without considering expectations or hype. Ebert's. Whether they realize it or not, one who subjectively judges TPM is setting it against a different, probably higher, standard than for other movies. In the case of TPM, I don't think anyone in here needs a critic. Just read the reviews after you see it, so you will know who to trust the next time you aren't so sure.
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It's only a movie...I think you should pay more attention to your own words, Joe.
You sure are getting angry at "only a movie". I think maybe it's more than "only a movie" to you. I think you're genuinely angry at Lucas.
But remember...it's only a movie.
And stop eyeing the neighbor's cat.
Sam -
Realizing the review is but a gimmick, I
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Realizing the review is but a gimmick, I
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Sorry...but there's a definite "Romper Room" thing going on in TPM that was NOT present in the original Star Wars (brief aside: no Force will ever get me to call it "A New Hope"--it was just plain STAR WARS, DAMMIT!--end aside). I ain't gonna sit here and defend Star Wars as some sort of literary masterwork...but the cutest thing in there were the Jawas and they were like, little hustlers. I mean, think about these scenes...Ben cut off that guy's arm in the bar. Solo fired FIRST. Luke almost got drowned by some sort of slimy garbage monster. Grand Moff Tarkin blew up a whole freakin' PLANET just to make a point. The wookie's kind of cute and fuzzy, but piss him off, and out come your arms from their sockets. And damn, I didn't want to be anywhere NEAR Vader's torture droid. Show me one scene in TPM that was even comparable. The "menace" truly was Phantom-like in this film. Watered-down to the point of barely being a presence. Never one word or hint of motivation for the "evil" characters, who, as see-through holograms, were even less substantial than the cardboard heroes. Yech.
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I'd never read such funny review in my whole life. And it's so goddamn true too. And by the way Joe if you are gona kill Geroge's Family PLZZZZ leave George for me.
Thx
Outkaxt -
I agree with review 110 percent.
Movie blew! It's simply exists
to sell toys...
Lucas is the real Dark side! -
It just occurred to me. Joe Hallenbeck must be a pseudonym for Joe Eszterhas. The vulgarity. the desire to seem apart from Hollywood when he is so obviously a part of it. The shared first name. It has to be the one and only author of Basic Instinct, Jade, and the amazing Showgirls. Seriously, have you ever seen them together?
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Well, I saw the movie last Tuesday. Well, really 12:01am Wednesday morning. I had been up for about 30 hours by that time. The movie started and I watched it and half the audience was fairly pooped from being awake for so long, and we went home after the movie. I woke up the next day at about 2pm and had images in my mind. I couldn't resist. I went to the 4pm showing. My god. Was it amazing. I must admit that I am a fan of computer animation, so at the least, I was impressed with the amazing work done by ILM. Not only that, but believe it or not, those characters are great. From Liam to Watto, they all play good roles. The story and plot do exist. I guess you could say all they do is fly to Coruscant from Naboo. But then, you could say that all they did in 'Saving Private Ryan' is have a guy looking at a cemetary. Or that in 2001, a ship flew to Jupitor. This movie is a ride! And a good one at that. I have paid money to go on some rides before. This one is worth $20 at least. Ok, go ahead and call me crazy, but I have watched it 4 times already. The last time I saw it, was with a bunch of friends. We went to one of those new fandangled stadium type theaters. The movie house was filled with all ranges of ages. But mainly there were kids around 6 to 12 years of age, with their parents. I had a smile. I was enjoying the movie, and was laughing along with them. I remember a lot of people , on this site even, saying how they couldn't wait to see the movie, and in a way recapture the feeling that Star Wars gives us. Well, for some reason, and from reading some of the main reviews, I think that some people cant do it. But, when I heard those kids cheering along with me...I could feel that energy once again. They weren't concerned with the bad non-reviews they have heard. They liked Jar Jar for crying out loud! They loved the way Boss Nass went 'blllllalalal' and all that saliva ran out his mouth. They laughed when Jabba flicked that rodent off the ledge. As did I! There are a lot of new characters with little quirks in this movie and they are all as memorable as a wookie. The easiest way for me to remind myself how I felt when I was blown away by SW4, was during the pod-race. Tell me, folks....how many of you smiled or laughed joyously when you saw those SandPeople (Tusken Raiders) shoot at the racers. How about that brief moment that you see 2 Jawa's scream 'too-tee-dee' or whatever, as the pods go flying by. Georgie put those shots in there, for us. To remind us of the characters he gave us in A New Hope. But also, for you old farts to realize...there are new characters. And that in 20 years, if he made a new set of movies, he would have even more vibrant new characters....and the kids today, that associate with Jar Jar now, will be the age our generation is now. But Jar Jar would only be in that movie for 2 seconds, just as those wookies are in this one...to remind them of that same feeling they're having this summer.
Oh, and I read the review from the guy that uses excessive amounts of profanity. I thought it was a cute review. If you do like reviews like that, then I suggest you just put the F-word in the above paragraph every so often. If it make the review better for you, then so be it. Anyways, I cant say that I dont see his point of view, but then scrolling through some of these other posts, I see that this reviwer liked 'Armageddon'. Now, personally, I did not appreciate Armageddon. But, if you're going to praise Armageddon, for anything, then maybe you should re-read that review, and go see Star Wars again. The reason I say this, is because most of the time, you critics turn out to be really horrible hypocrite's.
P.S. how much do you get paid to give your reviews? These types of forums are good for one thing, at least. In the end, hopefully, it'll teach everyone that the only critic that matters is yourself, and maybe your close friends. But, remember folks, that no review can be wrong. So, since everyone is a critic, then either we all should be paid the same amount, or critics should find a job that they can specialize in. I mean..I just put my review up, and I aint gettin squat. Bye for now.. -
This was info from Corona's Coming Attractions page. It has some basic plot points for the next in the series.
Logically, there is no reason that Jar Jar will follow the other characters to the next movie:
The next flick is at least ten years later, focusing around the romance of Ani and The Queen; it won't be taking on place on Naboo.
Jar Jar regained the acceptance of his people, he has no reason to leave them- no Naboo, no Gungans, no Jar Jar.
Why would any Jedi in their right mind insist that Jar Jar continue to follow them since his job as liason to the Gunguns is no longer needed? Did Obi-Wan even interact or say two words to Jar Jar in the whole movie? The only person he really "talked" to was Annikin (can't spelll), but do you really think that they'll have Jar Jar messing up the romance, Jedi training? Don't think so.
Chin up anti Jar Jars, he's already gone.
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Harry, I have now lost all faith in you. You have printed a review that requests that a man and his entire family be murdered. What kind of sick, uncaring bastard are you?
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I think your comments are rude, and you are way upset about a movie...I say that again..A MOVIE. Also I find your comments regarding Natalie Portman sicking, she is a 17 year old girl. You should be ashamed. The comment about Jake lloyd is also uncalled for he is a little boy. I would just wonder what you are so upset about? Maybe you have some deep rooted problems.
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Harry, fire this 'critic' now before someone takes legal action against his dumbass. YOu should never have allowed this review to be posted.
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If Hallenbeck is so cool and knew that it was "only a movie", then why does he want to kill somebody over it?!! I agree that TPM has good and bad points, but thats the most pathetic piece of worm-ridden filth I've read so far about it.
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Keep the hits rolling in people. We're driving the numbers up for Harry's IPO. HooHaa!
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Ok, granted Hallenbeck made some good points, his vulgarity and stupidity at times were totally unnecessary. When I say, stupidity, I refer to comments that call for the death of Lucas and his family. Star Wars was Lucas' vision, and as a result, it's totally up to him as to how he interprets it and in turn presents it to us. Hallenbeck, if you didn't like it, fine, but don't bag on everybody out there who waited in line when you're the moron who wants Lucas dead. If you didn't give a shit yourself, you wouldn't be writing. Hallenbecks' stupidity aside, I think what we have to understand is that this backlash from a number of people comes from one thing: PURE DISAPPOINTMENT. How many of us have been waiting, not months, but years for this movie? How many of us have visited sites like this on a daily basis, waiting for any morsel of information? How many of us held our breath when we saw the trailer for the first time? Almost anybody who calls himself a diehard fan. I like to think I'm one of those people, but I have to admit, that I expected much more in this movie. Certainly, it had its popcorn entertainment value, and by no means did it suck. And, of course it was worth waiting in line for 4 hours for the 12:01 AM showing and forking over $8.25. I wouldn't even think twice about doing those things again, even knowing what I now know. The problem was, TPM just didn't deliver and where it really hurt itself was the lack of emotion. I can understand that people might have enjoyed this movie, but I can't and won't agree with anybody who says they felt for the characters, or that there were scenes that transceded the movie screen. There weren't any. NONE. I was hoping for emotion beyond the effects. What about scenes from ANH like the one where Luke stares off into the double sunset? or where he rides his lanspeeder home to find the burned remains of his family, or where Obi-Wan looks at Luke and lowers his sword, sacrificing himself. It was scenes like those that defined the Star Wars trilogy (or at least ANH in these examples). You felt for the characters, and reached out for them. That's what I loved about them, special effects aside. Perhaps it was the cinematography, or the simplicity or even the music, but whatever it was, it worked and it was painfully obvious that TPM had nothing of the sort. Everything that stuck out in TPM was visual, not emotional. Sure, the POD RACE was amazing (I dunno what the hell Hallenbeck is talking about, but it blew me away), and the end Lightsaber duel was fantastic, especially some of the panoramic shots. But other than that, I couldn't find much that was spectacular, and let's face it, spectacular is what many of us were looking for. Where were the space dogfights? The pilots had no personality. They simply sat there. Where were the guys like Porkins, Wedge and Biggs? No one on one combat, no ,"Turn to point O-5, and I'll cover you." I'm not sure if that's the actual quote, but you get the idea. Perhaps the only thing that bothered me with the lightsaber duel, was the lack of dialogue. Where was quips between saber strikes? Why did we have to sit through a silent battle? What the hell was up with that? Then, there were characters like Jar Jar Binks and Anakin. Hands down, Jar Jar is one of the worst characters in the Star Wars universe. He was difficult to understand, annoying as hell, and contributed so little to furthering the plot. It could have been done so differently. Jake Lloyd, although not a terrible actor, was at best mediocre. Dialogue like, "Yippee I'm going to be a Jedi" or whatever it was came out just plain horrible. Of course, that's probably Lucas' fault, but Lloyd didn't help it any. Then there were little things that bugged me like the excessive amounts of cgi characters (the friggin' double-headed announcer), the terrible voice overs with the bad oriental accents for the Nemoudians, the stupid toilet humor, the "accidental" victories etc etc. So, all in all, TPM failed to meet expectations. It just didn't have the feel of a Star Wars movie. Lucas went away from raw emotion and tried to please us with visual spectacle which could only be ephemeral. Hallenbeck was right in that Lucas failed to bring us a true Star Wars, but by no means did it suck. It was simply different and not in a way that I liked. And yet, I find myself looking again, and waiting... For Episode 2... My own foolishness? Perhaps... But I have I believe that Lucas can still deliver...
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I think your comments are rude, and you are way upset about a movie...I say that again..A MOVIE. Also I find your comments regarding Natalie Portman sicking, she is a 17 year old girl. You should be ashamed. The comment about Jake Lloyd is also uncalled for he is a little boy. I would just wonder what you are so upset about? Maybe you have some deep rooted problems. Harry, I am disappointed in you.
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Hallenbeck, you're full of shit. I find your lack of faith in Star Wars: Phantom Menace disturbing, as Darth Vader would say. It is NOT that BAD. I want everyone to know that Phantom Menace is nothing like ID4, Godzilla, or these other so-called "quality entertainment motion pictures" we see these days. Hallenbeck, if you think George Lucas should die, well, then you are no Star Wars lover. You should be saying these feelings toward Titanic, cause that "My Heart Will Go On" song is annoying and insipid (although there are those that say it does represent the meaning of the story), James Cameron's statement, "I'm the King of the World", and the highest percentage of Titanic's domestic success is in part due to 13 year old girls wanting to see Leo, really pisses me off. Now I really think Phantom Menace needs its support in beating Titanic.
Ya know, I really had faith in your review of Soldier. Now that is one story. But to treat Phantom Menace like it's that bad? OH PALEASE! I don't mind your outlandish way of critiquing films, but liked Armageddon and not Phantom Menace? Hallenbeck, what was the deal with the animal cracker scene in Armageddon? Mind explaining that? Oh and you know, Armageddon's graphics are a lot similar to what's on these IBM/Apple commercials! Phantom Menace has a much better story than that, even if it's not perfectly written! Now this is going too far! -
You start off your review by calling or the slaying of the director and his family but then go on to say that it is only a movie. How does that make sense.
Also, do you feel that you are contributing to the violent feeling that caused the Columbine tragedy by calling for such slayings and burnings? Slayings and burnings Hallenbeck? Like you said, it's only a movie. -
Uh,Harry didn't write this review. He also warned you about the profanity, so, um, ah, what's the basis for your dissapointment in him??
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Boy. The honor. People know me now as the Star Wars Hater or something. But, anyway ------------------- What is so wrong with Hallenbeck's swearing? After seeing The Phantom Menace and talking to a friend about it, I used most of those exact same words to emphasize my disliking for the film! Ok, I want to say this: I wanted to like this film! Heck, even JMS probably wanted to like it! But when we watched it, we didn't. A friend of mine told me I was being biased against it. That's bull. I remember back in '95 I said "Jeez, a movie about a talking pig?" and trashed it and what not, then, when it came out, proceded to see it 5 times in the theatre and watch it get nominated for Best Picture. So, I don't think a bias, or determination to not like something, really pertains to a movie such as this. I would like to bring up another point. When people say this movie is GOOD, the only points they make to back up their statements are contradictions to complaints made by people like me. For instance- "This movied sucked! Jar Jar was horrible." Response- "No, it was good. Jar Jar wasn't THAT bad." Has anyone else noticed this pattern? Or, of course, the always-popular "IT'S STAR WARS!" Sure, people say "We'll watch your career with great interest" was a cool line, and yes, it was. But it was only 1 line. Please give more specific examples, who knows, maybe those of us who didn't like it were missing something! I think those of us that didn't like TPM have a hard time understanding WHY someone else would. And maybe it works vice-versa for the people who liked it. I guess people, in general, just like to share their opinions.
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May 24, 1999 6:03:43 PM CDT
I stayed home. Now, unlike you sorry saps, I'll be able to watc
by themalcontent
I announced my plans to boycott here on this site before the movie came out, took heat for it, stuck to my guns, and prevailed. How stupid can you people be? Didn't you see the preview? Didn't you read the reviews? Why deliberately seek to tarnish your memories? That being said, Hallenbeck is wrong if he thinks that the Phantom Menace disaster signals the decline of Hollywood. If Star Wars makes 20 million this week, then disappears, that will be it -- the era of the blockbuster will be over and the stage will be set for another renaissance in American film just like the 70's. People are cretins, yes, but even the most gullible blob out there knows that movies can be better than THIS, and the demand is starting to be heard. And hey, even if Menace does make money, the second installment won't. So it's either a matter of waiting one year or three or four. But the day will come. Maybe it already HAS come. We're now getting challenging, provocative movies like Eyes Wide Shut and Fight Club in the middle of summer. SUMMER -- when mindless filler is supposed to prevail. I'm beginning to see the light.
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To accuse the reveiwer of being a "sicko" concerning his comments about Natalie Portman is simply absurd. She was 14 when she appeared in Leon and that was filmed in 1993-4, so she must be around 18!
Besides, she is attractive...and many people who will see this film will think so. Getting back to the main point, those who "liked" TPM seem to be resorting to personal attacks and sweeping statements such as "those who hate the film are not real fans, but geeks with fat ugly girlfriends etc!" Please, please please come up with a better defence than that!!!!
As to the comments made by the reviewer about Lucas, he was quoting from a film and it was just a jest! Lets move on from whether the tone of the review was "offensive" and get back to the valid points he made.
A The film has no plot
B The characters have no charater
C The CGI look like cartoons
D Overall, the film is crap -
What joy I feel at finally having the cloud removed from my eyes; that I can finally see the world and filmmaking and effects work with the clarity that this repulsive moron heretofore had only known himself.
Some people choose to make themselves known (if they seek to be known in the first place) by actually building something, creating something - but not here on AICN (well, not you Harry).
No, instead we get (mostly) a bunch of 17 year old masturbators from Westwood who get to go to a lot of preview screenings and every frustrated screenwriter/pretend filmmaker/failed journalist wannabe that thinks they are the world's gift to film insight spewing their drivel here.
Instead of a reasoned opinion (even if laced with profanity)and a forum where people that actually like movies can communicate, the pipe-jerkers can only hope to break through the noise by demonstrating to everyone why they didn't like a movie. Not by what they say but by how they say it.
"Oh if only I could come up with an idea that didn't include an ass or a reference to death!"...And you rail on another's (GL's) capacity to create?
Wow - you're either really smart or one of the dumbest fuckers God ever gave opposable thumbs to.
Let's be honest asshole - we both know what I'm really talking about.
The inescapable lesson is that all rock and rollers-especially the self-delusional type, eventually choke on their own self-loathing induced vomiting (re: internet bs), so will it be with you.
Hey, how's that script coming?
That's what I thought.
Pathetic pig-fucker. Die yourself. Or at least show Lucas and the army of people who labored on this movie how it's supposed to be done.
Idiot. It's not like movies (even TPM) cannot be critiqued or that you're not entitled to an opinion....it's just that it is painfully obvious to all that you don't have one. All I read is a frustrated attempt to reach orgasm played out on a computer keyboard to a bunch of film geeks. I think you should at least try using your hand in private before signing on to your internet account.
You make Jar Jar sound like fucking Einstein - I gotta say I didn't think you could pull it off when I started reading your stuff but you did! If you really feel the way you do why even see a movie ever again - especially Episode 2? Or are you the type that only "talks" a load of shit but cannot haul one? Fact is all the fools bitching about this movie are probably surfing for EP2 news when they aren't reading AICN.
I guess we'll just wait and see if you choose to show us your balls and actually do something in real life or to keep playing with them on the internet.
Although I was provoked into writing - which is your ploy - you bore the hell out of me. I won't think about this stupid post of mine for one second after I sign off - can you say the same or is your only happiness in inciting others to tell you what an idiot you have become?
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I'm not a cynic. I worship Star Wars & Empire. I wanted this to be everything it could have been. IT COULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH. It could have brought so much happiness to so many loyal fans. I guess Lucas never claimed to give a shit about what the audience wanted. I should have known something was funny when Frank Darabont was off the project. He knows how to write and direct. Lucas should resign to being conceptual head of ILM. It is clear to me that he does not like human beings nor working with them. We need a Special Edition of this film now, not in 20 years. First thinks first...put back in the character development you left in computers trash bin, and turn those Gungans into Calimari troops with Admiral Ackbar in charge. What was the producer of Eps 4 & 5 and American Graffiti? Get him back. I like a lot of this film. But it's not enough. A huge throwaway of glory. G
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May 24, 1999 6:25:18 PM CDT
Get the hell out of here Hallenbeck! Let the real fans love the
by clockwork taxi
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Wow.
Hallenbeck might have an opinion, but his constant need to remind the reader that he can swear was ludicrous...and this from a reader that was duly warned.
Aside from that fact, all I can say is "I disagree." Sure, TPM isn't a great film, but it isn't a BAD film either...IMHO. Which is all this is about.
The one thing that DID shine through was his apparent need to hate the flick. It was irrational, inexcuseable, and, pointless.
Color me unimpressed by his verbal diareha, and mildy impressed by TPM.
Boogaman
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Thanks Joe for speaking the truth.
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May 24, 1999 6:35:44 PM CDT
HEY, HARRY!!!! I KNOW IT'S KIND OF LATE BUT WHAT IS THIS MORON
by zerocool
I know it's your site, but this is shit. Not only is it a bad review, but it's written by a man (Boy?) that has as tight a grip on reality as a fifteen year-old schizophrenic. I not only VIOLENTLY disagree, I think calling for the death of anyone is totally fucking uncalled for.
Why has this ass continued to warrant a spot on your site? What do you see in him? He probably still uses racial slurs and is the biggest homophobe on the planet!!
YOU BAN PEOPLE FOR POSTING CRAP LIKE THIS!!!!!!
But, since you don't care and while were one the subject of who Hallenbeck should and shouldn't kill, here's my suggestions: Your Parents! Let's face it, we wouldn't have to read this crap if your daddy had never gotten the itch and your mother had never squeezed your worthless ass out would we? 2: The doctor who cut your bastard ass from your mother's womb! There's no excuse a medical professional shouldn't have realized that you were a total waste of skin. 3: how about the first person who ever told you that you could write! Your vocabulary runs along the same lines as a retarded, drunken parrot who just watched an entire season's worth of gang rape pornos. And last but, certainly not least, KILL YOURSELF YOU WORTHLESS BASTARD!
HARRY! DO NOT POST ANYTHING ELSE WRITTEN BY THIS ROTTEN FUCK OF A HUMAN BEING! I'VE NEVER WANTED TO KILL ANYONE SO MUCH IN MY LIFE! (Although I realize that was the point and I'm fully aware of this fact.) I could care less if this is the last review you write.
I sincerly hope you never, ever write anything again. I think this entire review was just his little pissed off rant for not getting to review the film in Harry's much lauded "HALLENBECK ADVANCE REVIEW!!!" (What happened to that anyway? Is Hallenbeck really Akiva Goldsmith and Lucas had him beaten off of the Ranch? Just a little question in my mind.)
But, I could care less if you ever write again, Joe. The world would be better off and little less venom heavy wihtout your worthless ass clogging the oxygen content of the planet, not to mention decreasing the worthless loser population by the number of ONE VERY LARGE ASSHOLE! Fuck you, Hallenbeck! Burn in Hell you worthless Dick. (Oh, and "The Last Boyscout" fucking sucked!!) -
lets face it , the first Star Wars was as adult as it was going to get, Yoda brought it down to the pre-school level, and the Ewoks were the last straw. i think Ridley Scott or James Cameron or even Steven Spielberg should direct the next ones.
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You guys are soooo funny!!
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The quality of comment in Talk Back is so far superior to JH, I've learned to skip it. THE PHANTOM MENACE was awesome. I go so far as to say that it's technically better than A NEW HOPE, though we all have profound personal attachment to ANH and EMPIRE STRIKES BACK IS CLEARLY THE BEST.
To those who harken back to the greatness of ANH, consider these: [1] When Luke discovers Owen and Beru have been killed he makes a rabbit face and whines, "NOOOOO." Actually his whine is so distinct it sounds more like "NEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!" I could write a whole treatise on the weaknesses of Mark Hammil, but why dwell in the Dark Side? [2] Yes, thank god, ANH gave us Harrison Ford. But it's no wonder Ford acts like a brat when asked about STAR WARS in general. He had some of the corniest dialog in any of the movies. His character is one-dimensional and even worse, greedy. [3] Just to throw in some FX comments, [a] the logic of the death star is incomprehensible, [b] StormTroopers armor is pointless, amounting to the Red Shirts of Star Wars, or even worse, an excuse to not show blood, [c] the original explosion of the death star sucked, a bunch of stupid sparks, like LOVE AMERICAN STYLE.
The point is not to bag on ANH. I love it. Leiah, Vader, the Droids, Solo and Chewie--they're all GREAT CHARACTERS. It's just that you either like Lucas, and his ambition, or you don't. I happen to think that the whole 6-9 part series will eventually be taught to our kids and their kids. Episode One should appeal and speak to kids first and foremost because the films must ultimately reach for something higher when viewed sequentially. I went in expecting to hate Jar Jar, but kept laughing [Oh, no!]. Remember that Lucas is going to take Annakin from a happy-go-lucky prodigious cute little kid to a cyborg who orders the destruction of races and planets. For the grand arc of STAR WARS to work, our kids [the only ones who will be able to experience it perfectly, from beginning to end] need to associate with Annakin and feel his promise. I attribute alot of Jake and Annakin's akwardness to the character traits of prodigies. Have you ever hung out with little kid geniuses? They amaze you with their ability, but like mockingbirds they are repeating the opinions and words of adults. That's what was wierd about Jake, Even as I believed Annakin saying, "Are you an angel?" It sounded forced.
If you think the prodigy idea just a gimmick with no relevance to the grand spiiritual themes of STAR WARS, see Buddha, Jesus, and the Dalai Lama as examples of prodigies in religion. It's just my opinion, but I think his akwardness is perfect for his character.
PAUSE: if the Sith have not been seen for centuries or whatever, why is that? Did the Jedi eliminate them? If they are all but gone, then the force is totally unbalanced in favor of the light side. Mace Windu and Yoda are wary because while "bringing balance to the force" may sound nice, in reality it means a rise of the dark side. It's not some big revelation, but in the end, Shmi raised her kid wrong, Qui-Gon is like Hitler's art school teacher, and once Obi-Wan raises Annakin, ANH is just as much about Obi-Wan's redemption of Qui-Gon as RETURN OF THE JEDI is about Luke's redemption of Annakin.
BOTTOM LINE: This trilogy amounts to a tragedy of epic scale, Annakin's fall will comment on politics, epistemology and sport some bad-ass special effects. We have been buttered up big time. If the whole point of the title is that Palpatine is the phantom menace of the force, then why should we get all pissy because TPM the movie appeals to kids? I thought the film was enormously satisfying. The introduction of midi-chorians as bio-symbiont channelers of the force takes the whole Star Wars religion outside the rubrick of God or gods or whatever, and frees it up to operate on a more physical Buddhist level. People who want darkness and ambiguity should rent BLADE RUNNER. It occupies the field, so to speak. People who want to see Lucas create an epic mega-trilogy akin to THE ODYSSEY in space, which can communicate to all ages across time, should get a load of THE PHANTOM MENACE. It rules.
MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU. -
i realize this is a bit off topic, but to the poster who said "portman will be 18 in a week, shes legal!" i think you'd better check your local, state and federal laws before you head out on your next stroll by the local high school. i can see it in court now, "but your honor she'll be 18 next week.", "but your honor he was dying of cancer when i shot him", "but your honor that someone already stole that car when i stole it." and to joe really how about a little bit of respect its beer swiling, frat-boy, rapist comments like that make me embarrased to be a guy.
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Remember, this is the guy who loved Armageddon. And what a worthless piece of shit that movie was. Saw Phantom Menace yesterday, and it was awesome. Opinions are like assholes (i.e. Hallenbeck), everyones got them and they all stink. The simple fact is that some people like crap like Armageddon. Ugh! Didn't that schmuck talk about creaming in his jeans when he saw that shitfest. Hallenbeck, you are an idiot.
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I believe someone already pointed out that it's a quote from The Untouchables. It might help to actually glance at the other posts before going off on a tirade. As for his comments about Natalie Portman being sickening... she's 18 and did you see the same person I did?
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Of course kids will like this... but will it affect them the same way the original affected you? Be honest with yourselves. Most kids will be fascinated with a candle's flame flickering, or anything with a spaceship but if the film does not grab their sense of wonder.. then they will just think of it as some cool looking film... big whoop. However, this was supposed to be Star Wars! It's SUPPOSED to flashy, it's SUPPOSED to have action, it's SUPPOSED to have cool SPFX, it's SUPPOSED to be liked by most kids but it is SUPPOSED to also have a sense of adventure, it is SUPPOSED to NOT have racist stereotypes dressed in pixels and the audience is SUPPOSED to care about the characters...yes even the kids are SUPPOSED to understand this.
You low expectation... (My apologies to Chris Rock.)
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I'm about as hardcore as it comes when you're talking about Star Wars, but I really, really have to agree with this review. I still cannot see how anyone can sit back and say "It's for kids!" Anyone who thinks Jar Jar is even an ACCEPTABLE character has no idea what they're talking about. I don't think anyone, ANYONE I know can honestly say they liked this movie without having mixed feelings. And I know a lot of people. To all those bitching about Joe, well, I could care less if you're bitching at him for making personal attacks at you, but read the review again. Read what he's talking about and the points he's making. Think back to the movie you saw. You can't tell me he didn't hit the nail on the head in about 90% of what he wrote.
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Wow, thank you brother Joe! I thought I was the only one who felt that way about things. Granted, I don't share the wanting to kill and piss on Lucas and co. the anger and frustration behind that are shared.
For what it's worth, let me wholeheartedly recommend to everyone the novelization. This includes some much needed scenes that would have greatly helped this movie. It still doesn't change the fact that this was a mediocre, subpar effort, unworthy of the name Star Wars, but golly, the extra 15-20 minutes of scenes that this would have added would have really helped. Whoops! That's right, we had to keep it under 2 hours so we could max out the number of showings in the theater per day. Must make more money! Here's my two cents on this whole thing. I salute you if you actually read this whole thing!
First, before I give my review, let me make a comment on something that was mentioned on AICN the other day. If Leonardo DiCaprio comes into Episode 2, what a strange oddity that will be. It might work, but he is too skinny, short, and feminine looking to be Anakin! Ugh! I will be damned if I have to stand in line and listen to all the teeny boppers say the word "like" every other second and talk about how hot he is and how much they want to get his action figures and what not. You think the marketing is insane now? Just imagine: Pictures of Leo adorned in SW gear EVERYWHERE! Who will buy more Leo action figures? The girls or the guys? If they do sign Leo, that is super genius all time for marketing. Since they have proven with Episode 1 that all they care about is the money, I would say the odds of Leo sigining are damned near inevitable.
Episode 2 could be the worst piece of crap of all time and with Leo in it, you can add the crowd of ditzy teeny boppers who saw Titanic 100 times because Leo was in it. It's guranteed money in the bank. If Leo is in it, I gurantee Episode 2 will break all the records with the greatest of ease. Now, all they'll have to do is get Celine Dion to sing us a Star Wars love theme for part 2. Don't discount it, folks. SW seems to have sold out to this Generation X BS. Why don't they cast Winona Ryder as well, and we can have her and Ethan Hawke in there swearing and smoking their cigarettes. Just go ahead and finish it! Leo is the first step..
Now, onto Episode 1:
WARNING: Don't read until after you have seen the movie!
RATING: 1-10, 1 being worst, 10 being best
VISUALS: 10
SOUND:10
MUSIC:8 (Williams has done better, but this is pretty good!)
PLOT:2
CHARACTERIZATIONS:2
GETTING THAT AWESOME HEARTWARMING FEELING THAT YOU GET WHEN YOU WATCH THE STAR WARS TRILOGY AND FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE BEEN TO ANOTHER WORLD:1
This obvious lean to the technical strengths says it all.
I feel really sorry for the poor suckers who have no life and no dignity that camped in front of the movie theater for any length of time. They have to be feeling pretty jipped right now. Also, the people that went out on midnight on Tuesday and stayed out late; you all got to be feeling pretty jipped, too. And you people that went to a toy store past midnight just to get some damn toys to a movie you hadn't even seen yet... what happened to jobs? What happened to school? What happened to having a life? Did you all know that there are people starving right here in America? Did you know that we are in a (stupid, meaningless) war right now? And it goes on... you get my point...
My verdict: Way short of expectations. All flash, no substance, no heart, no originality (i.e. ripping off from other Star Wars films), the kiss of death= catering to the damned kids with all the cute alien sidekicks. People hve been telling me lately, in lame defense, that SW is a kid's film. Since when?!
BTW, Jar Jar Stinks (not typo) is one of the worst characters I have ever seen. I think I liked this character better when he was called....Roger Rabbit!!!!
Could anyone understand a freaking word he said? How many comic relief sidekicks did he rip off? Also, I think George has been spending too much time with the brats watching Beavis and Butthead and South Park whilst gaining a bunch of weight: What is up with all the "doo-doo" references. Jar Jar says it, steps in it, and has a donkey like creature do it in his face! ha..ha.. oh no, I am just laughing too hard... Well, if it looks like shit and smells like shit...
Next, no characterization whatsoever. I hated the chick who played the queen and the kid who played Again. They couldn't act their way out of a paper bag. And the 15 year old chick getting it on with a 9 year old... sorry, only in my dreams! How gross is that!!! I am not too keen on the idea of Anakin being younger than her as is, but the idea that this brat is making eyes at her and she is actually reciprocating!! No way, no how! How many of guys wished that had been the case. Hell, at 9 years old, kids are still saying "cooties" and hate the opposite sex.
I know it is supposed to be like having a crush on your teacher, but for the older girl to actually respond. Hello, child rape?!?! Jail-bait, robbing the cradle, can I puke please?!
TOTALLY UNBELIEVABLE!!! I am almost wondering if Lucas is trying to tell us something else here as far as the adult having feelings of a certain nature for little boys and vice versa ... Is he friends with Micheal Jackson?
Zero chemistry, zero acting. Let me tell you, we all imagined what Luke and Leia's mother might be like, and I have to tell you, she ain't it!! I can't ever see her using the Force, wielding a lightsaber, or defending two twins from unspeakable evil. No way, no how! Of course, in real life, Portman is another one of these skanks who can't speak without saying the word like every other word. I rest my case.
BTW, "Ani" as a nickname? For a boy? Do you know what would happen on any playground in the world, to any guy, at any age, if they had a nickname like that? It's even worse for a dignified character that Anakin is supposed to be. See the above question about MJ again.
The most absurd and offensive thing I saw, that almost ruins Star Wars is the the so called fact that Anakin was "immaculately conceived." Or "Virgin Birth." The only way this can and must be rectified is that we find out in part 2 that Shmi outright lied. That is the only acceptable answer to this.
So, Anakin is Jesus Christ in other words?! (with a Catholic twinge) I tell you this 9 year old is pretty amazing! He can fly ships, race vehicles, build droids, and do everything with the greatest of ease! Sorry, but the super kid thing goes only so far... unless you are Jesus Christ of course. (In which case, how in the hell did Luke win? This kid in 1000 times better than Luke was as an adult. Unacceptable.) He's too good at too young an age. Get real! I don't care what the hell he has in his body, he still is a 9 year old in a weak. small, pudgy body.
I despise the way the entire ending completely ripped off the first Star Wars and Jedi together. Talk about easy and happy coincidence! The 9 year old brat just fumbles through, and lo and behold! he fires the torpedoes into the old Star Wars standby: The main reactor. Way too easy!!! Give me a break!!! He wins by sheer accident. The autopilot takes him where he needs to go and he accidentally wins. Again, this is a 9 year old! You get the idea that I don't like this kid too much? I thought he was a surly little runt. That is not Anakin! We are supposed to absolutely love this character so that way we are weeping when he turns evil. Right now, I can't wait to see Vader again... at least that will be something recognizable.
Interesting convenience that both R2 and 3po knew Anakin, served along side him, etc. and I guess just have this real convenient memory loss and/or conspiracy not to ever reveal to Luke and/or Leia ANYTHING about what had happened before. Don't you think some of that information might have proven useful to Luke et al?
I guess the old memory swipe it is.
Obi Wan and Qui Jon: Only by name. Who were these characters? What about them? What's their background? To me,these were two British dudes going around with lightsabers and what not. Okay, so that is supposed to be Obi Wan... so what? They could have named him Sam and it wouldn't have made any difference... BTW, when he and Anakin meet for the first time, one of the key moments in the entire saga is brushed over quickly just like everything else. Once again, very anti-climatic.
Darth Maul- strictly put into the movie for the fight scene near the end in which Qui Jon is killed. He's no Vader or Boba Fett. I thought he looked very cheap. Oh no... some guy in black with red and black face make up and horns on his head! I am really scared!!!
Yoda- didn't look right in this. All he did was repeat stuff we heard in other movies. More could have been done here. He almost speaks in a sing songy caricature of the way he spoke in the real Star Wars movies.
The Emperor/Sidious/ Palpatine- This part I was actually please with. So, Palpatine was snowing everyone with his "I want to help the Republic and end the politics" spiel. His character was handled pretty much the way everyone expected. More, of course, could have been done, but this was good and laid some foundation and foreshadowing of the future.
Jar Jar and his people- the #@$%ing Ewok curse returns!!! Brat alert!!! Ugh, they were terrible! When Jar Jar says "Exsqueeze me" I said out loud in the theater "Baking powder?" What the hell, I was waiting for Wayne and Garth to come out and start doing Wayne's World. This is worse than the Ewoks. At least they were pivotal to the story, somewhat. When and if TPM gets its Special Edition in 15 years, since the whole movie practically is CGI, it would be very easy to completely erase them. DO IT!!!
BTW, what was the story and plot to this movie? I am someone who loves Star Wars and science fiction and I have to say that, even with all the forewarning over the past several months I have had about this movie, this still ranks as probably the BIGGEST disappointment of all time. George Lucas cannot direct or write. He is awesome with technical prowess, computers, etc. but considering that he has even been quoted as saying that he hates filmmaking (on 60 Minutes and in several magazines) I have to say I can see it here. This movie was an ILM showcase and was a computer genius's wet dream come true. But that is where ALL the focus went.
I didn't give a crap about anyone in this move, I didn't know or embrace any of the characters in this move, it felt hard and cold and it felt like it was all computer generated. (90 percent of it was.) I am sitting here now as I write this and all I am remembering are some of the cool visuals. I don't care if I ever see this thing again and as of now, I don't acknowledge it as real Star Wars.
Some people may say that, now that I am an adult, there is no sentimentality from childhood washing over this one, etc. but let me tell you, seeing those Special Editions last year sent chills up and down my back and yes, even brought some tears to my eyes. It was like seeing those things again for the first time, and I can say with all my heart that those movies are damned good! (They are the best) This should have been like that but it wasn't Not even close. Heck, I can still watch the others and get engrossed, even after the 1000th time.
The script was horrible. No catchy one liners and quoting every line from this thing. All I can remember is "How ruuuuuddde!" and "C3P0, Human cyborg relations." (This is a line from the other movies anyway.)
Episodes 2 and 3 have a lot of damage control and clean up to do. How they come out will determine this thing's place. I am hoping that they are really awesome, in which case, I can just view this is as one overglorified prologue, but, the way film making, writing, music, and all of the other arts have been on the decline for the last 10 years or so, my hopes aren't too high. I feel as Joe does, though, and my hopes are almost permanently shattered. If I see Episode 2 is going to just be another CGI gen X skank fest, I will say "fuck it" and walk away.
This thing is not going to be the box office master of all time like they had hoped it would be. This movie had no love, and no heart. All this was was a glorified computer demo. I should have just gone to the E3 instead.
When the Star Wars DVD's come out, I will swoop those up faster than you can blink. Should this come out, I will pass it by a few times, and get it eventually with some left over money for the sake of completion. The speed difference will be astounding.
So, as of right now, I say "Star Wars prequel? What Star Wars prequel?"
The pros: This isn't all complaints, and believe me I have many more, but some good things were, to summarize: the visuals, the sounds, and the music. Period. That is it. Nothing beyond that. It was an interesting eye and ear candy and God knows, I could have done worse, but in a way, since Star Wars is something so special, to see it get the typical 90's flash over substance half-assed treatment (pardon) really hurts. Maybe I couldn't have done worse after all... this is personal.
Whether you all agree with me or not about any of this, thanks for letting me vent my spleen. When all is said and done, it is just a movie after all.
Another God-awful thing that happened that almost decimates the Star Wars mythos was the gibberish nonsense attempt at an explanation of what the Force is. This was one of the greatest mysteries. The Force is just...well....The Force!! Don't need to try and explain it!
The whole slavery thing on Tatooine was just kind of glossed over and didn't seem to be that bad. I gurantee you if that element had been in the other Star Wars films, it damn well would have been addressed and those Jedis WOULD HAVE done something about it. And BTW, why the hell couldn't they take Shmi (Anakin's mother) with them? I know about the chips, but super kid had almost found a way to take care of that problem, too. I just can't believe that two Jedis would up and leave that mess without a second thought. I mean, who's gonna stop them? Was their some kind of "Prime Directive" I wasn't aware of?
The fight with Darth Maul: Gee.... isn't it convenient about those force fields separating Obi Wan from Maul and Qui-Jon while they fight. I know this was done for dramaic/aesthetic purposes, but man, was this cliche! What a coincidence! The fight takes place in a very familiar looking generator/reactor room, complete with long winding tunnel for the bad guy to fall down a la the Emperor at the end of Jedi.
Also, you have these two opposing forces facing each other. Isn't it amazing that, there was so much mystery about who this dark Jedi was and where he came from, but there was NO banter, NO dialogue WHATSOEVER between the two Jedis and Darth Maul during the entire fight! I understand in real life that if someone is trying to kill you, that you aren't gonna be doing to much talking, but this is Star Wars! Remember all the talking Vader and Luke did?
There was even some dialogue earlier in the film between Obi-Wan and Qui-Jon about finding out who this guy was and what it was all about. An important threat, and no questions asked. Usually the bad guy at least talks some trash or says something witty and pithy like Vader did during his fights. But again, we come to what I said before. NO writing, no script. The script to this movie could have been written by a 9 year old. (Anakin? Super kid? Demi- god?) Nope. Just in case it sounds like I am being arrogant and could have done a better job, the answer is yes. ANY of us could have written a better, more satisfying story and script than this! None of us HAVE to be pros to see that. That is how bad it is! Lucas badly needed a system of checks and balances on this movie. 3 years on F/X and 3 hrs. on the script just isn't going to cut it.
Back to the fight: All we had was some mug shot close ups that made it look like WWF Wrestlemania. Mug it up for the camera some more, boys! Sure woulda been useful if maybe Obi Wan had baited him and talked some trash or SOMETHING to get SOME kind of information.
Last thing: Use CGI for aesthetic mop ups, but I felt like I was watching ANTZ 2 or Bug's Life 2. Anyone suffer any epilespy from watching this? Models and real costumes are better because they look and feel concrete and real. Everything was "too slick" in this film.
Anyway, that is it for now. I have seen it twice and am disgusted with it. I don't care if I ever see it again. One way or the other, it sure is going to take me a while to get over this one. Can't you tell?
Best Regards,
Eric W.
Miami, FL
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I really didn't know what to say when I first saw TPM. I was in shock at how bad it was. After another viewing today, I am convinced that it sucks for all the reasons mentioned above. Jake Lloyd and the corny dialogue are my biggest complaints. I think this film would have bombed if it weren't a Star Wars movie.
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In the past I have always looked forward to Mighty Joes reviews. They are honest and sometimes funny. Naturally I haven't agreed with many of his reviews, this one stung the most. I loved this film. It was everything I hoped it would be. What is the big problem??? Star Wars isn't about dialogue. It is supposed to make you say "Wow, how did they do that?" It's a metaphor for the human spirit. The underdog. It reminds us of the dreams we had and the dreams we still hope to achieve. That's what Star Wars means to me. As for Mighty Joe, his remarks remind me of my baby sister throwing a temper tantrum. If he hated the movie so much and wishes Lucas dead, than why can't he wait to see the next installments of the series? Maybe Joe should have waited in line to get the new BackStreetBoys CD instead of seeing TPM. Who is Joe Hallenback, and why is he who he is? That is the question I shall ponder for many nights.
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I just saw TPM, again and I had the same smile on my face that i had at the 12:01 opening night screening. In honor of Joe i will see the film once just for him in his honor. mommieslittlemonster out
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And so what if it was a line from "The Untouchables"?? It's called TASTE! My original statement stands.
Natalie Portman? I have a feeling one day she'll be writing a huge article in ESQUIRE about how it felt when some daffy bastard tried to assassinate the president when Joe Hallenbeck tried to kill him in her honor. But, thank god she's 18 and officially no longer a child molester's wet dream! You can all stop feeling guilty now.
(Hey, I'm not gonna lie! I was 15 when "The Professional" came out and I thought she was HOT then, now she's very, very Hot and that's about the only thing in this review that even barely rings true.) -
Smoke a bong-load before you see the movie. Then you will definatly have a blast!! I really cant stand how people constantly put down movies just for the sake of putting them down. I have to admit The Phantom Meance was'nt oscar material, but in my opinion it beat the hell out of A New Hope.
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Joe,
Beautifully said. The only reason I perhaps will see TPM again (on video) is so that I can make a careful list of the couple of hundred little things that are painfully wrong about this film, and then derisively spell them out in print (or on the web, etc.). What a pure piece of shit. Imagine my hell, too: I'd read a rumor that said, "Yeah, Jar Jar is annoying, but he's actually not on-screen very long." So there I was, watching this painful bitch, thinking "Supposedly he'll be gone soon... he'll be gone... c'mon, you bastard, please, die, die!" And of course, it turns out that he actually has more screen-time than any other character (at least, so it seemed - it's close, if he didn't).
What bothers me the most is that this film actually makes the original trilogy worse. Suddenly they're now part of a larger story we're learning about, and it's a story that sucks in the beginning. And supposedly this mitachloridian (sp) bullshit is in effect, but if so, why didn't we hear about all of it in the trilogy, what with a Jedi being trained from neophyte to master in the course of the films? Did Obi-Wan and Yoda just forget to mention it due to senility? And the very notion of this scientific oddity helps to ruin the otherwise beautiful mystery of the Force, an elegant if cheesy spiritual invention of a younger and far more clever Lucas. Vader's virgin birth is Lucas's lame-ass attempt at trying to insert some mythology into TPM. Problem is, he did it in such an abbreviated, obtuse, cliched way, whereas the trilogy's invention of the Buddhist-like Force, and the Greek myth-inspired hiding the children from the rampant father, etc., of course was all classic stuff. TPM was full of these shitty token gestures toward story-making, trying to paste together this giant advertisement for plastic action figure bullshit. Boy am I glad I only coughed up $5 to see this garbage. Anyone who stood in line for days upon days just to eat Lucas's digital diahrrea deserves it. Lots of these poor fools have staked their meaning of life on this movie, and now they're in denial of how completely unfulfilling it was, just to cling to their empty religion. Was waiting in line the Woodstock for your generation (as some weirdo put it), or was it just another sad sign of how lame and lost people have become? -
This guy actually praised Armageddon? What a moron! And then he has the guts to say he wants innocent people killed!? This stuff fully invalidates a person's opinion, and it's no exception here. The movie was great and Armageddon had that horrendous animal cracker scene (I wretch and shudder every time I think of it). I think he's just one of those annoying people from forums who just like to make people mad. It's sad seeing a waste of space like this occur. This review should be removed immediately for the vulgarity and lack of taste. KILLING PEOPLE IS NOT FUNNY, OK?!
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You hit most of the points on the head, and your favorite scenes were mine. i sat through the film four times and the third & fourth felt strained. I can't say that for any of the previous Star Wars flicks, and it hurt deep inside but I knew it was true.
This was not a good movie, his lack of directing/writing over the last 15 years or whatever showed unfortunately. I desperately want it to do well so Ep II & III come out, I hope the stories improve greatly. I however fear that Ep II and III will crash and burn if the rumors circulating here and on TV shows that Leonardo DiCaprio will be Darth Vader in the next flicks....
I will have a hard time going to see them if that were the truth. I didn't take Leo seriously in any of his flicks, and didn't watch Titantic and never will...the boat sank, people that loved each other did die, it happens every day, get over it.
Tom -
First off its disapointment,(check your spelling) but we will over look that. I am disappointed in Harry for publishing this review. Free speech is fine until it infringes on someone else. Its not just the profanity its how it is used. "Lucas must die his family must die" "Jake Lloyd is a a Little S*&t" and an S.O.B. The remark about Natalie Portman was sicking. No wonder she keeps her last name a secret. She is not 18! She is still a kid. I also think the Critic is a little more upset about the movie than he should be. I do not think he is normal. No need to attack me about it. I really should not even participate in this garbage. I am just adding fuel to the flames.
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I will make it my point to blackball this site, and let every advertiser know my opinion as well. Joe has put his dick in his Harry's mouth for the last time. Consider this site removed from my surfing pattern...and it's not that he hated it and I liked it...but does he have to be a beligerant punk about it? He makes your site look like a gathing of whitetrash, rednecks swilling down beer while they shoot their guns into the sky. Pathetic!
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TPM had problems, yes. I cringed at every Jar Jar antic, every Boss Nass jowel shake, every lame (but humorous for some reason) battle droid remark, every time Anakin did or said pretty much ANYTHING after he got into the fighter...but the fact is, I came out of the theater with the music looping over and over in my head, and a big smile on my face. THAT'S WHAT MATTERS. Making people happy. Now, you might go "well, yer a fuckin simpleton then". You can rot in hell. I'm tired of complaining about every little thing that comes along. I'm all for perfection in most things, but when it clouds your enjoyment, time to take a look at yourself. Joe, I feel and understand your anger, but perhaps if you'd written a little more calmly, more people wouldn't have stopped at the 912th occurance of the word "fuck". :/
Here's hoping Episode 2 learns from the flaws of the first episode. :S -
Please, would Joe stop being so vulger and annoying. I'm sure he likes to talk and write to hear himself, but come on Joe, are you really this lame. I haven't even seen TPM and I can say that all that I have seen so far looks good. It is pure Saturday Matinee like the old days. It is for kids and adults alike. You seem to me to be so uptight and weird that no one can really take you seriously. With all the violence in schools lately, why would you advocate killing Lucas and his family, just because you don't like his film...It sounds like you need some help and maybe have the authorities investigate your threats to Lucas's life. You say that "it is only a movie", but you write like it was suppose to be the second coming, and because it wasn't you are now throwing a temper tantrum. I'm a trekker, but I don't dress weird and talk Klingon at work, but I do enjoy Science Fiction. Movies are made to entertain and sometimes make us think, cry, laugh and feel good to be human. They are not for us to idolize and threaten people with death if they are not quite up to your standards. I hope you come to your senses and be responsible for a change and grow up. Harry has the right attitude...relive your youth for a couple of hours and get on with your life...
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Come on, folks--the CG was surprisingly decent. All the federation forces were extremely well done. Even the Gungans were more realistic than rubber mask aliens. Yes, there were numerous little flaws and gaps in logic, but only 2 were really responsible for bringing this movie down to the level of Jedi: An underdeveloped Darth Maul, and a severe lack of action in the middle. How Lucas could have solved BOTH problems: Make Maul the commander of the federation armies early on, sent in to take over the invasion after the Nimoidians' bumbling at the beginning. Then we could see him being cruel and evil, and have his character be more developed throughout the movie. We just didn't get to see Maul doing anything truly evil--he never choked people, tortured his own daughter, or blew up an entire planet like Vader! ALSO, this would solve the other problem--lack of action in the middle. Lucas missed a golden opportunity for a kickass ground battle as federation forces sweep through the capitol of Naboo. Oh yeah, and the score didn't seem to pack the same dramatic punch as the originals. Oh well, it was still pretty decent, let's hope the sequels have more tense, on-the-edge action sequences, and less chatter (unless it is used to actually flesh out the characters). Take it as a good sign if Lucas hires an outside director, script editor, and maybe a action scene choreographer (is there such a thing? There was a swordfight choreographer, imagine if the action scenes had that kind of energy!!!) He has good ideas but sometime they need to be tempered by an outsider, as was the case with the original trilogy.....
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I really like the film. I'm not
in denial. Yes, It feels different
from the first three films, but
that's cool. It's a whole new movie. The Podrace sequence looked
like nothing i have ever seen on
the big screen. Fake looking?
Let me tell you. It's the most outrageous movie i've ever
seen in my life and i've seen a lot of movies. The sheer boldness of the special effects in this movie are insane!!!! Unprecedented is a good word to use. They should get the Oscar for best special effects in any movie ever! Hands down! You have to see it to
believe. Put it that way. I felt like a kid again. The Pod Race sequence in the movie is like being at Universal Studious or Disney World. It's like those virtual reality rides. You'll know what i mean if you see it. It's really weird. Because it gives that effect, but your seat isn't moving. Make sure you sit pretty close to the screen, like in the middle. It's just amazing.
Don't wait till video. Because this movie works great on the big screen. and for the price of a movie ticket. It's the most fun you'll have this summer at the movies. I gurantee it.
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... I should add that I don't agree with Joe's hope for Lucas & co. to all die. I'm sure he said it for comedic effect, as have others in their postings, but I do agree that even as a joke, wishing someone's death isn't that funny; especially when it's just in print, and hard to tell when someone's being serious or not, etc. Along those same lines, my last post's subject header ("patiently awaiting the first TPM-related suicides") isn't to imply that I want people to go off themselves; it was more a comment on how ridiculously upset some people have made themselves by putting their meanings in life in the hands of Lucas, their deity. My snideness and sarcasm aside, my message is this: TPM blew big chunks, not just because it missed high expectations, but because, plain and simple, it was poorly-written and poorly-directed. The technical stuff - fx, sound, etc. - were OF COURSE stunning, but, who cares? I've seen stunning FX and all before, so it's nothing new, even if he does it all pretty. And some of the eye-candy I've seen before actually had great story and scripting elements, like Star Wars, Empire Strikes Back, hell, even Matrix. And Blade Runner, and Prospero's Books, and 2001, and The City of Lost Children. These were all technically stunning, but also worth following in terms of a story. TPM was simply insulting: not only was it poorly written, but it even had the people of Jamaica re-invented as dumb gibbering dorks, the Japanese as an evil, conniving trade federation, and the slave-owning vaguely ethnic guy - basically almost all the jerks in the flick were represented as being non-whites. How charming.
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Mighty one? I think not.
I do hope this is his last review. If I was sitting next to him in the theater and heard this crap it would be. In other words he achived his goal and pissed at least me off. As for his family, I hope he has none because stupid fuckers like him should not breed.
The only way I would like to see Skywalker Ranch burned to the ground is if Joe Hallenbeck was the only one inside when it was torched.
I suggest he find "Flo" and get himself a B.J. He certainly is in dire need of it.
Obviously his neighbors must have very nervous pets.
I thank my lucky stars I and most star wars / sci-fi fans are not grounded (a very good choice of words) in the same derisive reality that that he is.
Why did he stand in line 4 hours
for "just a fucking movie"?
How could anyone watch the pod race and find it boring?
Easy.
Hallenbeck already knew he was going to trash this flick. He even waited in line so he could do it quicker. The hype, the wait, the crowd, and the fanatacism, just made the neighbors pets more nervous.
Does it really surprise anyone that he "screamed out in pain" when "the little pissant" talks about helping his fellow man in the universe?
THE STORY - Has he really ever seen episodes IV, V, and VI? Does he really find them more meaningfull than episode I?
ANAKIN - Hallenbeck deserves an ass whipping just for G.P.'s. Ever been raised as a slave since the age of three? I believe he did pull something out of his dog's ass. His "buds".
QUI-GON - Liam was perfect. Obviously he has missed what a Jedi is supposed to be. What did he expect "The Three Musketeers"?
JAR-JAR - I hope he does appear in the opening scroll of the sequel so we will not have to endure this kind of bantha shit from this pathetic fucker again.
OBI WAN - What really sent a chill down his spine?
AMIDALA/PADME - Royal chicks boring? HMMM. 75 year old hookers, various animals, and underage human females. Who is the "freak" here.
DARTH MAUL - Not wasted, just not enough.
THE F/X - Nobody has ever seen anything on this scale before. Again I wish I was the "person next to you".
THE MUSIC - I hate to agree, but I do.
THE ENDING - Again, I wonder if he ever saw IV, V, and VI? FUCKITY FUCK.
In 77 I stood in line to see a basically word of mouth promoted science fiction movie. It started as almost an underground type of thing. No previews, trailers, etc. Being a sci-fi nut, I dragged my girlfriend down to see it. I was blown away. She was blown away. I was amazed and elated how much the "general public" was too.
In the last 22 years I have seen good and bad sci-fi brought to the screen.
This is good sci-fi.
So, Joe Hallenbeck FUCK YOU VERY MUCH for your review.
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May 24, 1999 8:17:59 PM CDT
who is joe hallenbeck and why does he think his opinons mean any
by zooty
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There's problems with the phantom menace but it's still a fun film. you can check out my review at sunnews.com.
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Memo to American teenagers.
To say "I could care less about blah blah blah" does not make sense.
Think about it.
You >couldn'tcan< hardly wait. Here is an example....
I can hardly wait to see The Phantom Menace, and I couldn't care less about what the critics are saying.
Make a note of it!
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May 24, 1999 8:33:48 PM CDT
I bought a bootleg video of TPM, and the movie is so bad I want
by youngsage
It's true, folks. This movie sucks. I'm just glad I didn't shell out $9.50 to see it. How bad is it? Very bad. There are a few good moments, but over all the movie is dull like hell. The worst problem of the movie is its pointlessness: you get to the end of the flick and you wonder "that's it?" When I bought my bootleg copy of TPM on the streets of NY I did so because I wanted to watch it several times and catch every reference to the SW trilogy, every cameo by old characters. Alas, I barely was able to force myself watch it once in its entirety. And it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm watching it on video, this bootleg tape is top-notch, obviously recorded by someone who was using good equipment and knew what he was doing. No, the problem is Lucas. Goddamn a--hole should've let someone else direct the movie and write the script for him. I'm just praying fan backlash grows so powerful that he'll have to do so for the episode 2. So, you know what to do. Join the backlash: if you must see it, buy it on video from your local bootlegger.
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Hallenbeck, I am glad that you won't be reviewing any more films. Folks, this is the same guy who hailed Armageddon as the best summer movie since Terminator 2. We all know it pretty much sucked hard and didn't even come close to T2. This is the same cussing shit who hailed BASEketball as the greatest comedy since Airplane. Uh, yeah I don't think I even need to attempt to convey how fucked up that notion was.
This is why I'm not surprised that Hallenbeck hated TPM. He's a foulmouthed cynical jerk. The type of people that seem to run way to rampant on the internet. He is not a fan. He doesn't love movies like Harry does. He has a prevailing cynical outlook.
I can see why he really liked BASEketball.
As for TPM, it is simply an awesome film. And most who claim to hate it seem to be overly analytical curmudgeons who somehow forget that STAR WARS is meant to appeal to all ages. Kids of all ages. TPM will be the lightest of the prequel trilogy. Anyone who says the effects in the Pod Race sucked just has some kind of inner hatred for CGI that I will never understand. TPM is an triumph of imaginative filmmaking. Never before have full CGI characters interacted with real actors in this way, or alien worlds have been portrayed in such an incredible way. The thing that is really silly about the people who trash the effects is that one of the things that realy makes STAR WARS unique is that all of the spectacle and wonder of the STAR WARS universe is portrayed to us as being mundane. This is the everyday world for the characters, so no extra time is spent to explain how things work, like other sci fi films. The alien worlds are simply the backdrop to the story. The story of TPM is very good. It is the most complex of the SW films. It maintains the mythological elements and IS very moving. I teared up when Anakin left his mother, and during several other scenes. The story of Palpatine's manipulation and rise to power is excellent and has likenesses to real world events, such as Hitler's rise to power and the trade disputes. Jar Jar Binks is a good character. He adds needed comic relief as C3PO did and is a nice contrast to the always calm and together Jedi Knights. Jake Lloyd is perfect as Anakin. You were apparently expecting him to deliver a DeNiro type performance playing a 9 year old genius in a SW film? Please. Natalie Portman is great as Padme and Amidala. As Amidala yes she is wooden but that is how royality truly acts. Besides there are several scenes that are very touching involving Amidala, such as her expression in the Senate hearing as she realizes how helpless she is to help her people, and when she tells Palpatine she is going back to Naboo... She does that little head movement thing, that was great. The accidental destruction of the Droid Control Ship is fine in that Anakin is the chosen one and has Jedi reflexes... Same with the Pod Race. As Qui-Gon said "He can see things before they happen, it's a Jedi trait." He can use the Force without trying. Darth Maul was handled flawlessly, his actions and expressions speak louder than any words could, and in this case less IS more. As he is a mysterious and deadly assassin.
TPM is an amazing film... I recommend giving it another chance if you are at all dissapointed, Hallenbeck's negativity is obviously coming from some other need in him, obvious by his hatred for CGI. Based on online polls only 3% don't like TPM. I am as big as Star Wars fan come. I grow up with SW. I've seen the originals hundreds of times. I loved TPM with every fiber in my being. I feel fortunate that none of this negativity has kept me from enjoying the film.
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I saw the flick Friday nite, and I gotta say you two guys are the ones I agree with most. Sure, the script and directing weren't the best I've seen and heard, but it didn't ruin the film for me. As for my critical companions who say that Anikin should have had at least a hint of evil, I think it was th director's intention for him to appear as normal as possible- to convey the notion that evil is a choice that we make, and that even a seemingly good kid like Anikin can be corrupted. isn't that the idea behind the title of the movie anyway? It breaks my heart to see such a sweet kid become a monster in the future. And dammit, I'm GLAD Jar Jar stepped in a giant pile of shit! C'mon, gang, all those giant beasts wandering tatooine, and not ONE of them expells solid waste or gas? I'm surprised C3PO or Luke didn't step into a heap. Remember those Rontos in ANH Special Addition? They're droppings must be HUGE, man!
It really is all about expectations and the big picture. I wasn't waiting for the second coming of Jesus, I was waiting for Chapter One of the StarWars movies, and thats what I got. Its hard to step back and squint your eyes to see how this movie stands on its own, because I can't get it out of my head that this is just one part of a six part miniseries, done on the big screen in grand scale. With all the unprecedented hype, I knew that when this movie would be picked apart under a dissecting microscope. -
With each new review of TPM that I read, I become more convinced that no one quite knows what the hell to make of this movie. Any movie that gets such extreme reviews at both ends of the spectrum is a paradox. And no, I don't think the people who love the film (like me) are just deluding themselves. After three viewings, I have decided that I honestly adore it, even if I'd rather blot out parts, such as certain scenes with Hallenbeck's aforementioned Fuck Face, who gets more damn screen time than Obi-Wan. Yet I love this movie, warts and all, just as I love the other SW movies, warts and all.
I watched TPM with a theater-full of kids the other day. And you know something? Adults really have no fucking clue about what is cool. This isn't to exaggerate the innocent widsom of children or some such bullshit, it's to highlight our own, adult demands on what George Lucas should or shouldn't do with his creation.
I'll give you Jar Jar, Hallenbeck, and I'll agree with the emotional shallowness I felt with some of the scenes-emotional shallowness that could have been filled in with a more skilled directorial touch. I agree that Lucas should bring in someone else to at least help him polish the script. May I also say that TPM, like ANH, is the episode that sets the stage for the whole trilogy. It has a lot to introduce and not a lot of time to slow down. So in that respect I side with George. Anyway, this particular criticism has been leveled at Lucas throughout his career.
The kid is more than adequate as Anakin (as I wrote in another post, he reminds me of another adequate but not-great actor playing a young Skywalker). And TPM's cast outclasses the cast of the original films, minus Guiness and Harrison Ford. Maul is fascinating because of the fact that we see so little of him, in my opinion. And I agree with Harry anyway about Maul-Maul was just an attack dog at Sideous's disposal, not a thinking man (or whatever he/it was). This is an excellent film, overall, and I'm damn happy that Star Wars is back.
And if it doesn't earn more than Titanic? Fine. I've been watching these movies in my living room for 20 years now, and never gave a shit about what they earned. (Note from my Titanic comment: please, please, PLEASE George, do not cast Dicaprio as Anakin -
Oh yes I do, not to knock you off that high horse that you are on, but Joe it is only a movie. And to post to the world that you want to murder Lucas because you felt ripped off then I pitty you and I hope that you seek some type of mental help. I mean even in jest saying that you are going to murder Lucas is not funny and to go as far as to say that the man's kid should die as well makes me sick. Moving on to Harry, dude I have been an avid reader of your page for over three years ,and never have I been more dissapointed and appauled at a member of the media. How could you let him get so out of hand thinking that he is some type of demi-god of film reviewers. Not only am I dissapointed in you Harry; I am ashamed to be one of your readers right now. One last question, Joe do you feel proud of yourself now that you have got that off of your chest?
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Way to copy real movie critics reviews of The Phantom Menace. It's obvious that you just ripped off other negative reviews of the movie. You wanted to hate this movie just to be different and to piss people off and I must say that it worked (really, really well). It still doesn't change the fact that whether or not The Phantom Menace is good or bad you're still a worthless fuck that just wastes space that would be better used by crack dealers and junkies. Fuck you!
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Finally someone with balls to tell it like it is. Anyone who actually liked the Phantom Mess is merely blinded by their own geekness. One more thing...CGI sucks!!!!!!! CGI artist out there...quit using film as your experiments. Stick to SEGA games and call back when you're ready to make something look real.
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First off: I would like to say I was overall disappointed by the movie. I think too many people are letting Lucas slip through an average film by saying "you have to wait for the rest of the prequels!". Secondly: Everyone is also sitting back, congratulating Lucas on producing a film that is his own unique vision. Let me just say that TPM was like letting a kid into a candy store with no supervision and unlimited funds. What Lucas really needed was a 'parent' to stand back and say "first we get the meat and potatoes, then you can get to the sweets." Thirdly: There are so many things I would have changed. I would have pretty much cut everything in the movie before the escape from Naboo. This would allow us to get straight to Anakin and give us a flow of events similar to ANH. Additionally, the cut scenes could easily be explained to another character (such as to Shmi or Anakin by Jar Jar or Qui-Gon). This would have saved a small fortune in FX but kept a lot of the story in place. Additionally, I would have had JarJar a Luke-'type' character, someone who felt trapped between xenophobic Naboo and Gungan societies (and a personal servant to the Queen) who wants to escape into space and explore and finds his exit in the form of the Jedis (not as one, but as a travelling companion). Additionally, having the Gungans being servants to the Naboo would be a nice juxtaposition to humans being slaves on Tatooine. Having the Gungans gain their freedom by fighting against the droid army when the Naboo are helpless (I think) would be at least as uplifting as what we were given. Also, a little more darkness when it comes to several of the characters would have been great. I would have enjoyed to see an Anakin who had instant mistrust of non-humans because of his own slave-status and his fate being decided by a nearly all alien Jedi council. Finally: I got the feeling the main point of this film was an extended "Consider ILM for your FX needs"-commercial.
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Harry - You should be ashamed. I do agree that since you gave the film a positive review it is only fair to post a counter opinion. Out of all the reviews you could have posted that would have accomplished this end, you choose to post a non-review that gives us vulgarities rather a true critique of the movie. I am not a person who is easily offended but I take issue with you posting a "review" that starts with the writer stating that he wants the director, his friends and family dead, suggests that we also kill a 10 year old boy and describes a girl who is only 17 (15/16 when the movie was filmed) as "boinkable". I suggest that you remove this posting and provide us with a real critique of the movie. You have destroyed much of your credibility by posting this so called review.
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I'm curious
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I agree with you 100%. CGI sucks. Backgrounds are cool, but having whole CG characters is lame. One more thing you forgot that ruined the movie for me: Girl with braces. Nuff said. Oh yeah, and that "Kitster" kid too. Speaking of bad acting...
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I didn't think people would get all worked up about it. I get the feeling that alot of people look like the comic store owner on "The Simpsons". Sorta pathetic. It's a movie! Just a movie, folks! Everyone worked themselves up and came in their pants. I didn't wait in a line and still saw the movie on the first night. I consider the movie to be a "Return of the Jedi". It's SW-Lite. My theory: that the current trilogy will work in a reverse manner as the first trilogy. When put together the series will start and end on the lite side. I believe the second movie will be darker and the third- more heroic. Lloyd played his part well as that of a child. Neeson and MacGregor where great, the first reserved and wise; the second eager and brave. Portman was good almost playing the role of a split-personality patient (part queen, part maiden). Darth Maul served his purpose- a figure of things to come. Setting the stage for Vader and riding Kenobi of a mentor. Thus making him a mentor. The story was parallel to European history during the Renaissance. Treaties, blockades, and politics. To those who are full of movie trivia and empty on real world stories, the impact of the aforementioned plotline is lost. How unfortunate... Anyway, the next two films will be more like "Empire" and "New Hope", and in that order. With grown-up characters and the droids as the primary comic reliefs, a love story, a dark seduction AND Samuel Jackson (I mean Mace Windu) showing that he can kick serious Sith ass! I invite your comments (please, make them thought-provoking and not a sign that you're still waiting for your GED- like that other reviewer). ;)
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Mr. Hell-and-back is retarded. Pure and simple.
BTW, I WANT... NO... I NEED A BOOTLEG OF TPM!!!!! IF ANY OF MY FELLOW GEEKS OUT THERE CAN HELP ME, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!!! -
Lighten up, I say. Most movies are crap all the way through. Anyone see that Election or The Mummy or how about Thin Red Line? At least this one is STAR WARS at the core.
And so what if STAR WARS is now a bit like Disney?? (And, yes, it is more like The Lion King than the Empire Stikes Back.... but so what??) Where it rocks, it still rocks.
The major problem stems from George's failor to answer this question, "who's story is this?" It isn't Ani's. It isn't really Qui-Gon's -- that would have made it too down at the end -- but so damn cool, by the way. So it's the Naboo's - kinda. But who cares about the Naboo? Nobody. Big problem.
The script needed polishing, the characters needed to by flushed out. The story needed to be brought more into focus, but... who cares?? It still beats the hell out of most movies because... it's STAR WARS!
After all, it's not like Star Trek V or any of TNG crap they're pushing on us.
Remember, deep down, Return of the Jedi really blows in places, too. But it still beats the crap out of so many other films because at its core... its STAR WARS!!
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Everything he said, I second. (Maybe without all those darn tootin' curse words though. My goodness!)
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May 24, 1999 10:36:08 PM CDT
Proving once again that Star Wars is not for the microencephalic
by dchris
Star Wars is not for the small-minded; the joyless psuedointellectual; and definitely not for the vulgar and obscene.
This was an extremely ambitious movie, which, as the unprecedented "first" of an already established series, had a lot of difficult roles to fill. For the most part it succeeded grandly in capturing the Star Wars Spirit, and fulfilling its multifaceted purpose,with only minor glitches.
Lucas has always taken risks in these movies. Some of the risks have worked admirably despite enormous danger(can you imagine how annoying a four-foot tall zen spouting green muppet could have turned out in another film series). Some of the risks just didn't (Ewoks). Jar Jar and all the Gungans are somewhere in between. Critics can point out which of Lucas's risks do or do not work for them, without the need for ad hominem attack.
These have become, after all, Lucas's movies, much more completely than any similarly budgeted studio production. If you don't agree with his vision, don't watch. Its not mandatory. But don't try to spoil the enjoyment those of us who liked the movie have by pouring your vile bile on the internet.
ONE FINAL NOTE: The best thing about this movie finally being released, no more need to listen to to Netheads on this and similar sites, who have no life, condescendingly inform us, based on their supposed "inside" information, what we are going to think about this movie. I'm taking a pass on cruising the net for any more images, spoilers, or rumours on the next two. The only thing that diminished from my enjoyment of this movie was knowing too much, and seeing to much, before getting to view it fresh, like I had the last three in those glorious pre-internet 70s and 80s.
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the star wars movies are for kids come on people when you were little you loved the ewoks and every lil dude out there is pretending to be jar jar and anakin after they see the movie lucas made this films to be jus like the ones he enjoyed as a kid so for every one of you 30 something virgins living in your moms basement get over it myself i loved the film
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The Mighty hit the nails on their collective heads. My wife and I (both huge fans of the first 3 films) could not believe this was a film connected to those earlier films. In fact, I cannot remember the last time I sat through a film in the theater and had sooooo many uncomfortable, akward moments. I mean, Jar Jar, the dialouge, the wooden acting...I could go on, but y'all have heard it all before...I do however look forward to Ewan's development of Obi-Wan's character; the only redeeming part of the entire movie.
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Step #1: Get rid of the site gags, the fart joke and steping in the crap in the city were just two things i really hate about this movie and Jar Jar
Step #2: Rewrite most of the lines so they sound more realistic and have the actors ACT! EXAMPLE: "A block in transmitions can only mean one thing, invation" this line could have been cool, but the guy who says it says the line with out any emotion behind it. i mean, your planet is going to be invaded! try to care a little more!
Step #3: Loose the computer characters. I know the gfx were cool and all, but i don't think computer animation has reached the point where you can have realistic characters made on computer. In New hope, there were some kick ass aliens! the whole bar scean was awesome! and guess what? NO COMPUTER CHARACTERS. Sure the flying guy was cool, but it looked a little to fake for me... so less computer characters
Step #4: Why do the native aliens always have to suck? Ewoks were tolerable because they would use the land and make believable weapons, though i thought teddy bears killing storm troopers and AT-AT's was sorta crazy. in this movie, JAR JAR aliens used some blue goop that shorted out the robots... LAME! I would love it if the native race on Naboo were the wookies or something. some race that truly kicks some ass. and would rip the robots apart!
Step #5: can someone answer me this? WHY DOES ANI DESTROY THE SHIP ON ACCIDENT?!?!?! What the hell? it doesn't get much lamer then that! well yeah it does, the fart joke was pretty bad. Make Ani really fly that fighter and shoot down some bad guys! In fact, make that whole scean more interactive, it seemed like it came and went in the blink of an eye... btw, where did all the bad guy ships go? that thing launched a ton of them... they all seemed to dissapear...
Step #6: loose Jar Jar... this isn't disney, he sounded like a 4year old
Step #7: Darth Maul? did i miss him? i must have blinked.... #@)%$*@)#$* HE WAS SO COOL! WHY ONLY 8 MIN OF SCREAN TIME@#)$* Why did he only have 1 line!? (don't quote me on this, its been almost a week since i saw this movie so i don't remember exact times he was on the screan) Arg i would love it if he had a better part in this movie... remember Vaders entrance into IV? god it was awesome! darth maul just pops up on the video comunicator "oh yeah, ill send my aprentice over to help. His name is darth maul, hes a bad ass" well he is, but how can you tell? he never had a desent intro in this movie, he just showed up, fought, and died! ARG!
Step #8: Now i don't know about you... but it sure seemed like the Pod race was forced into this movie... like they really wanted something they could make a game out of so they shoved in this race to make the computer game... the sand people shooting at them was funny i will admit... but the race on a whole was stupid.
Step #9: Use the force luke... or rather use the clamidians or whatever.. those cells in your body that control the force and talk to you...
HELLO? ARE YOU AWAKE? THE FORCE IS RUN BY A BUNCH OF ORGANISMS IN YOUR CELLS?! AAAAHHHHHHH WHY???? Why couldn't they leave it alone.. the force is a force! its nothing tangable... its something you feel, it a force outside the physical world! Why did they have to explain the force!? it was like a magician telling his secrets! ARG
Step #10: Hmm anyone else think the Trade Federation aliens sounded like japanese? i think that they really should have gotten their own language.. we can all read subtitles... or have we de-evolved since the last movies...
that is what i would have done to fix this movie...
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I don't understand why everyone is jumping to the front of the line to bash Episode One. There is an incredible amount of Star Wars trashing going on by both the ambulance-chaser industry critics and the newly self-appointed, "populist" critics. Let me say that all of these people have an absolute right to their opinion and are perfectly entitled to publish it as they see fit. What is most disturbing about these, "opinions" or "critiques" is their errie similarity. It's as if someone is issuing a talking points list on, "How to bash The Phantom Menace." In response to these mindless mantras, I will address the so-called conventional wisdom point by point. (1.) Jar-Jar Binks ruins the movie~~I have to admit that Jar-Jar annoyed me for the very first 5 to 10 mins he was on screen. Then he amused me and finally he grew on me enough to be genuinaly likable. That's the real point of his entire character. He's a clumsy oaf who, (almost by accident) helps save Naboo.Is that so strange? Is everyone who becomes a hero a swaggering John-Wayne type or a smart-aleck Han Solo? Hardly. Jar-Jar DOES provide comic relief and fills some of the slot left open by the mostly-absent C3P0. Jar-Jar may, in fact, make the film work by adding a grounded "human" element to the elusive and sometimes aloof Jedi warriors. (2.)The acting is "Flat"~~What is good acting? Dustin Hoffmon in "Rain Man?" Maybe Anthony Hopkins in "Silence of the Lambs" or Tom Hanks in "Saving Private Ryan?" The truth is that "good" acting really depends upon both the situation and the character-acting is revealing the truth from your character's point of view.With that in mind, I will address the anti-Phantom Menace bad acting mantras by actor/actress'. (A.) Jake Lloyd~~He has been lambasted for being everything from dull and lifeless to being "too kid-like." Not to mention the now-tired saw of "we didn't see any dark side in his portrayl of Anakin." Let me say it so you can understand it--ANAKIN IS A NINE-YEAR-OLD CHILD!!!! Nine-year-olds are energetic, full of life and sometimes precocious. The intellectual development of a nine-year-old is still very raw, and the world (or galaxy) is a very black and white place. What forms an evil man at 30, 40 or 50 years old may not occur until he is 16, 21 or even 35. Adolf Hitler, Ghengis Khan, Joesph Stalin and Pol Pot were probably pretty good kids at age 9. Indeed, if we could easily identify all evil people at an early age we would have a perfect world. This is a hugely silly and completely foolish criticism. But, if you must see anything, please look closely at Anakin's expression when the Jedi Council refuses Qui-Gon's request to train him. Notice his harsh retort ("I'm a person"), when Padme calls him a slave, look at his demeanor at Qui-Gon's funeral pyre. I know this might actually require you to watch the film, so I don't expect much from the "critics." Jake Lloyd does an excellent job. The idea that he does not bring life and vibrance to his character is baseless and fails to examine his performance in the proper context. (B.) Natalie Portman~~She has continued to be assaulted in her portrayl as Queen Amidala/Padme as "stiff" and "lacking depth." Once again the dime-store critics fail to understand even the most basic of acting context. The queen is a REGAL and FORMAL figure. She is not Princess Diana or Evita Perrone. You have to see her in the context of an Elizabethan or Far Eastern context.When she is in her disguise as Padme, however, Natalie Portman shows the true depth of her character, (as well as a fine bit of acting). Watch her as she interacts with Anakin or Jar-Jar, and you see her as a caring, thoughtful and enthusiastic young woman. When she revels herself near the end of the movie, you can see her strength as a leader and as a strong woman warrior who will later give birth to the determined Princess Leia, and future Jedi Luke. Now that I have rambled I will break the rest of my post into points. EWAN McGREGOR~~role is a subordinate one-still a learner. Great emotion is shown when Qui-Gon is killed.-Great "bravado" in fight scenes.-Even sounds like a young Alec Guiness. LIAM NEESON~~Calm and collected-Jedi Master is not an emotional buffoon.-Shows compassion with Anakin.-Headstrong defiance of the Jedi Council.-Genuine feeling in character-facial expression when he can't sway Watto and toughness when Watto tries to squirm out of the bet. DARTH MAUL-NOT ENOUGH SCREEN TIME~~More time and less lines than Boba Fett(in 2 films)-Has PRESENCE-more important than LINES-Remember Vader's entrance?-Key to the plot~>He is the apprentice of the the much darker master (always 2 there are..Yoda)--RACIST VOICINGS~~Voice types exist..get over it-Not racist if characters are aliens-racist??-Two strong African-American characters: Mace Windu and Capt. Pannaka.-Nitpick--Jawas are midgits and Jabba is a fatass. Please people..get real.--KID'S MOVIE~~What do you expect? "Gone With the Wind?", "Elizabeth?", "Saving Private Ryan?"--fantasy film--not about, "look at how bad the world and life today is."--PLOT HOLES~~Trade Federation are weak-that's the point. Plot holes?? Were you paying any attention, or do you just need a 12-hour epic to give the back story for every tree, building and waterfall in the galaxy?? Well that just about sums up my feelings. Thank you for giving me the space to voice my rants. I loved the movie..I love Star Wars for it's ability to transport me to a place long ago and far away. For this I heartily THANK GEORGE LUCAS AND EVERYONE INVOLVED IN ALL OF THE FILMS!! May the Force Be With You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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To those who suggested that R2-D2 be sold, perhaps you should re-think it a bit. Although possibly being a rare sight in the slave quarters of Mos Espa, an astro droid might not be anywhere near a fair trade for hyperdrive parts... As for Darth Sidious being Palpatine, after considering what others had said and seeing the film again, it is readily obvious they are the same. Witness the scene of Sidious and Maul on Coruscant, the railing decor is the exact same of the one that is seen outside of Palpatine's Quarters. I had hoped actually that the Clone thing would be in effect for possible future mind-fucks, but alas no. BUT what's up with Padme and the Queen lookin' so aliken? Hmmm, Clone perchance? Also, the Neimodians did kinda suck, but if you see the Making Of TMP, the book, they were actually supposed to resemble the battle droids, but were replaced at the last moment.
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The fall of Lucas started with the Solo scene in the S.E. when he softened
the Greedo scene. I got a little worried,when I should have gotten alot
worried! I take that back it may have started when he had his daughter in
1981/2 during Jedi.I also think that Episode 1 was made for his 6 year old
son.
SPOILER BELOW
Lucas should of had Darth Maul fight a savage scene with some Sand People on
Tatooine at least!But he probably didn't want anymore violence than
necessary.
Killing Maul showed some of the old Lucas guts! Don't worry Lucas can just
create another different Darth just as cool, or use Anakin/Vader in the next
two
Episode's.
Also after seeing Episode 1, I think it ranks with Jedi.The next two better
not be as wimpy, after all this is Star WAR(S)! -
As far as I am concerned, I no more wanted to see this film than an Atheist wants to be dragged to church. After thoroughly being inundated with hype, commercials, tie-in products, hype, newspaper articles, TV news stories, hype, week long Entertainment Tonight coverage, Sunday paper advertising inserts, radio talk shows and hype, I hated the movie before I had a chance to see it. A bad movie, though, is a bad movie. There is a level of excellence that should be demanded from a film
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It's amazing how someone(Hallenbeck) so unaffected or grounded about TPM can be so vehement in his opinions and , frankly, foolish (thats a massive understatement, I know). I have to admit that I didn't particularly like 'Menace' the first 2 times I watched it but for some strange reason the third time was the charm. I had bought three tickets right off the bat and after the first showing, questioned whether I would bother to view it again. The film I thought had its moments but I watched it half-heartedly and thought some characters under-developed and the film rather aimless in structure and scenes. I too bitched a little at Jake Lloyd's performance (more specifically the "I'm a person and my name is Anakin!" line) But slowly I began to work out certain aspects of the film in my head (why Darth Maul's character is seldom heard or seen etc). I contemplated these many things and...well needless to say I'll be seeing it multiple times. I'm not conceding that the film is weak and that everyone should lower their expectations. Quite, the opposite; I think most of those that don't like the film have forgotten what thrilled them in the first place. The performances were all excellent IMHO and I appreciate the film in its many (and occasionally subtle) layers. Odd that I thought that the die-hards would more readily embrace the film than those of us who did not have the privilege to grow up with the entire saga (I was only 1 when ROTJ came out). I can empathize with some of you as I did not love the film from its initial viewing. All I can do is recommend it to those of you who haven't seen it (it's great) and encourage the jaded ones out there to give it another go. I think in a few years with the later installments many of you will be eating your own words. Later.
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HALLELUEH HALLENBECK!
Thank God someone finally stepped up with the balls to stick it to this flick! Every comment was right on the money.
Folks, I'm not a fanatic, I haven't bought a single toy, book, or taco with sponsorship of this movie. But I love the old movies. Characters were vivid and lively. The plots were just your basic b-movie re-treads...and there's nothing wrong with b-movies.
But Hallenbeck, you f-ing nailed it in crystal clear, no BS style. This movie SUCKED!!! And believe me, there was no one out there who wanted to love it as much as I did. But it lacked the fun of the first series. Not only that, but in 4-6, you get the sense that the lead characters are always in trouble, constantly in peril, and constantly escaping by the skin of their teeth (call that the INDIANA JONES RULE), but in Episode One..nothing. I never even once, got the feeling that the heroes were in any mortal danger. And the battle droids? PUHHHHLEEEZEE. Could they have been any easier to beat? The Gungun/Droid battle could have been epic in the "BraveHeart" sense...but again..nothing. Instead of mortal danger, we get JarJar getting his f-ing foot caught and killing a couple droids..ha ha ha. Plus, I'm in the minority who thought the Lightsaber battle at the end blew. Talk about your Jacki Chan rip offs. So many blown opportunities. In 4-6 Vader always talked smack throughout the battles..adding to the tension and at the same time building the character...but Maul, nothing. HE HAD SO MUCH POTENTIAL!!! PLEASE..STAR WARS TWO: THE SEARCH FOR MAUL!!! LET HIM BE PUT ON GENESIS AND RE-BORN!!!
And let's be honest, the acting in 4-6 was nothing notable, but thie acting here blew!!! And the sad fact is, every actor in this movie was capable of doing better. Liam, Ewan, Natalie..on down the line, every one of them is GREAT!! So how did they end up sucking so bad? LUCAS!!! The thing is, in the first movies, you had a cast who didn't have a GOD complex about Lucas. He's not a GOD!!! Therefore, in the first three, you have lively language and scenes that have something resembling language! Case in point...Han going into Carbon Freeze..in the original script, Leia screams "I Love you" and Han says "i Love you, too!" Enter Harrison Ford, who says "wouldn't it be better if...and the line "I Know" goes in...changing the face of not only the scene, but making the character and the film that much richer! Harrison's right "YOU CAN WRITE THIS SHIT GEORGE, BUT YOU SURE AS HELL CAN'T SAY IT!"
Back to the drawing board Lucasfilm!!! You've still got two episodes to focus on acting, story, and character. MAKE THE SITUATIONS FUN, NOT JOKEY!!!. Special Effects, CGI..they're a means to an end. The should ENRICH the story, not BE the story.
You guys CAN do it... -
Aye,
After reading Joe's review of Episode 1 I had to think about something. Alot of the problems Mr. Hallenbeck mentions probably derived from one simple thing, George Lucas was stretching himself way to thin on this project. Look at the difference between Episode Four (directed be George) and Five and Six (written by George but directed by others). Clearly, what we have here is the problem of a writer who is too deep into his own work to really interpret it. Thats why Episode Five and Six were better than Four, because their was another man in the creative loop who could interpret George's writing before filiming it. Anyway, I just figured these forumn are here for a reason, and thats to share ideas like this one. Maybe Episode 1 wasn't as great as it could have been, but Episodes Two and Three will make Episode 1 classic, the same way Empire and Jedi make A New Hope great.
Bill -
I really really wanted to be entertained by this movie, i wanted to leave the theatre satisfied with what i saw.I wasn't expecting it to be some kind of life changing event, or filmic salvation, or some unreasonable expectation like that. I wanted to see as good a piece of entertainment as episodes IV-VI, something that grabbed me vicerally, something that made me want to cheer for the good guys, or at least feel SOMETHING when they were in danger or victorious, surviving or dying. But nooooo what did Georgie produce? A hollow, emotionless movie, one that leaves the audience with no feelings, apart from "wow, neat effects". He said "it can't live up to the hype", and "it's just a saturday afternoon adventure for kids", well, that's exactly what it was. Unfortunately, the original trilogy was never just a saturday afternoon adventure for kids, even though they had somewhat 2 dimensional charcaters, lots of neato effects, and not much in the way of serious emotional development, that never bothered me. They were tremendously entertaining, well paced, highly involving adventures where the characters were a bit more than cardboard, the silliness only secondary to the story, and always, always entertaining, even in the rare moments when people were doing nothing more than talking. The dialogue was to the point and memorable, and you gave a damn when something bad happened. The Phantom Menace was just not involving, it had even shallower characters than any of the original movies, the silliness of Jar Jar overwelms the movie when he appears, {although i didn't find him extremely annoying, he was just a distraction from the rest of film}. The "suffering and dying" and the people of Naboo that Queen Amidala opposes? I didn't see a single freakin' civilian of Naboo treated badly, there were fighter pilots sitting on the floor of the hanger under guard, but no people running for their lives from those battle droids. In fact i couldn't of cared less about destroying those droids, man, they barely seemed able to kill a single Gungan, and for droids, they're about as good a shot as dumbass storm trooper. Anyway, since I never saw anything bad happen to people on Naboo, i didn't feel that the Republic Senate was actually wasting time, i didn't feel good when that Trade Federation ship was destroyed, and i therefore didn't feel that the big celebration at the end was in any way justified. I mean, those crowds of people were the first i saw of the people of Naboo. All the characters seemed to have cameo roles, they barely reacted to each other on an emotional level. They at least did that occaisionally in ANH. Oh yah, now that i've built up to a ranting speed, aside from the big music in the lightsabre battle, the final celebration and the opening title crawl, this film is devoid of memorable music. Can you remember anything aside from the Duel of the Fates? Not that im blaming John Williams, he can do no wrong when given good material, it's just that the film had few scenes where there is room for a characters theme to make a strong impression. There is not a single moment that matches the musical impact of Luke looking at the two suns setting in ANH. I would of thought that Anakin's theme could of soared to a big cresendo when he leaves his mother, but noooooooo, we get more flat unmemorable background music. I am shocked that im about to say this but, when Independance Day was on Fox just this weekend i thought, "wow, this has some pretty good music, better than most of the Phantom Menace", and you know, that's a real shame. Because i also thought "hm, there's more emotion in about 5 minutes of Independance Day than in all of The Phantom Menace". There has to be something wrong when a Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich movie, for all it's cringingly bad stereotypical moments and characters, actually contains more genuine entertainment value and emotional content than a Star Wars movie. Oh yeah, why put a HUGE picture of Darth Maul's face on the posters when he says only a few lines, you get no impression of his character and he bites it before you can build up any desire to see him die. So, he takes out Qui Gon, so what, you never give a damn about his character anyway, his death has no emotional impact. Geeze, there's more emotion in Return of the Jedi when that one little Ewok gets toasted by an imperial blaster, you know, the Ewok that just didn't get back on it's feet.
And another thing, where in the hell is the atmosphere of this movie's soundtrack? You know how the cockpit of an xwing has a certain sound, how a tie fighter sounds different from that, how the Millenium Falcon's engine has certain sound. Well this movie seems to have none of that. It also lacks the sense of place, aurally, that the other films sound. No "room tone", for all you people that know what i mean. Sure it was shot mostly with bluescreen on sound stages and such, so there would be little realistic room tone picked up on set, but it makes a lot of the dialogue sound like it was added later. Yes, i did see it in a THX certified Dolby Digital EX theatre, so i know i got the best sound i could. Basically this film has no emotional impact, mostly unmemorable music, lackluster atmospheric sound design, uninteresting characters, too damn silly, therefore not very entertaining, not involving, therefore not nearly as good as original Star Wars movies. Final lightsabre fight good, pod race nice, very nice effects {though i still think actual sets and models have a certain quality to them that's better than all the CGI in the world}, almost perfect casting and great overall art design. Still, a movie that tries only to be entertainment, and dosen't even do that as well as Independance Day, ouch, now that's a dissapointment. If it had only been really really entertaining, then i could forgive most of it's problems, however that just ain't so. Hell, i still think Tron is a damn fine piece of entertainment, and Johhny 5 from Short Circuit was pretty funny, so you know i can be forgiving. The Phantom Menace left me feeling nothing, and my reaction was mostly "hmmmm, i wonder if liked that? i didn't dislike it.... how odd". -
I loved the Phantom Menace. It is my 2nd favorite of the 4 (behind ESB). I think that there is a bit of a disconnect (on the fan side). In reading many of the reviews and "commentaries" by press, fans, etc... it seems to me that the audience has been lost (on the fan side not the production side). The Phantom Menace is targeted to the same group that the original trilogy targeted. Lucas himself said that the original trilogy was written for a generation of children who were growing up without fairy tales... look on the side of the trilogy packaging (the edition released on VHS prior to the remastered editions). The biggest issue is that the group targeted in the 70's and 80's grew up and has forgotten that there has been 16 years of developmental growth and life experiences framing their person. The Phantom Menace was supposed to introduce us to key characters and environments that create the cause - effect relationship we see in 4, 5 and 6. I think that in time (especially after the other 2 episodes have been released) thoughts about the Phantom Menace will shift. For the time being, someone below noted that like 90 to 95% of the public really likes / loves this movie. Judging from the (lack of a better word) critique offered above I'd say... "well... guess you can't please everyone." Lucas got your quid to make the next couple so you can all say what you want; I'll be back in line in 2002 and 2005.
Harry's review was the only review that I felt captured the experience and was fair; I would hope that intelligent, thinking persons would steer clear of the advice offered by persons such as Joe. -
This guy should be put in a little/padded room somewhere so he can ponder or write his own Fucking Movie! The movie wasn't made to make all people istantly become Star Wars--It was made to be a start to a Great Epic and it came from the vision of one Man, So get off his back and go out and write/direct your own epic tale and see if you can get more than 3 people to see it!
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Some of you TPM lovers need to get a fucking life. Joe's comments on Lucas' family and Natalie Portman were obviously jokes. And besides how many of us haven't had (or at least thought of having) sex with little children. Hell, I've got two dead ones in the cellar I'm gonna screw right after I finish writing this.
By the way if you want to send computer viruses or hatemail to me, my email adress has changed to "longschlongleong@yahoo.com." I'll be happy to receive your comments, rip them to shreds, and beat the hell out of you in an argument.
Peace, out! -
shit yeah shes still 17, thats a year older than me and i dont mind saying she pumps my 'nads, shit id get thrown off here if i went into what i want to do to her (or what i want her to do to me ;))...fucking hell, im tired of these mother fuckers with jobs and a wife and fucking kids giving us their half-assed opinions onfilms like they even have the time to appreciate them, im 16, and i just want to say that when i should be studying for my GCSE's im not. im watching movies, but im bright, and ill get enough passes to get me into college (in the UK)...SHIT THIS SITE IS FOR US, ITS FOR THE 'GEEKS' AND THOSE DROOLING MASTURBATORS WHO WANT TO GO INTO INSANE RANTS AND FUCKING TEENAGERS IS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT, FUCKING, HOW CAN YOU YOU 30 YEAR OLD BASTARD CLAIM TO LECTURE MY MAN HALLENBACK ABOUT BEING IMMATURE WHEN WE'RE DISCUSSING A FUCKING STAR WARS MOVIE? FUCK THE KIDS, AND FUCK GEORGE LUCAS, KIDS ARE STUPID, ITS A FACT...DO THEY PAY TO GET INTO THE THEATER ?? NOPE, DO THEY FILL IN OPINION CARDS?? NOPE, IN FACT ALL THEY DO IS FUCKING GO 'WOW!' WHEN THE SHITTY CGI COMES ON SCREEN, GET ONe IOTA OF INTELLIGENCE LEAKING IN AND THEY ARE FUCKING *GLAZED*...INFACT, WHY DID LUCAS MAKE THAT FILM THAT WAY?? ITS NOT THE LITTLE FUCKING DUMBASS 7 YEAR OLDS WHO ARE YOUR CORE AUDIENCE HERE YOU DAMN BASTARD ITS THE ~TEENS~!! THE TEENS, PEOPLE LIKE ME! I DONT ANT TO SEE FUCKING JAR JAR BINKS, IM 16, I WANT TO SEE FUCKING LIGHTSABRE DUELS AND FUCKING STAR WARS MYTHOLOGY BEING DISCUSSED... hmmm,yeah, so all you fucking PARENTS out there go rent pocahontas or some such disney shit and keep your AVERAGE IQ rugrat away from thaters for the next 5 years, or at least until he can appreciate, say..The Godfather
****PS**** What's the difference between an STD and an intelligent midget? Well, one is a cunning runt, and the other is a -
(The following should be read as not a frothing attack or an attempt to sound like I fancy myself "above the fray". It comes from a guy who swam in the primordial soup of Star Wars and had a great time with all of the first three episodes, even Return).
My overall take: Yawn.
Specific thoughts:
-- With all the wizardry and money spent, a good portion of the thing still looks fake and chintzy. Lucas, of course, is partly to blame, considering the standards he set with the first one. But that one actually looked like it was taking place somewhere. This one looks ... well, animated.
-- Childishness -- can we please lose the fart and burp and drool and shit jokes? Good christ, is Lucas wearing a diaper or something? This is NOT childlike wonder, this is out-and-out infantilism. And so is the "If you don't enjoy it in a state of child-like-wonder, then you just don't get it" attitude that seems to be the height of dialogue from the backlash to the backlash. It's almost like people are being faulted for wanting a good movie that could address the desires of both kids and adults -- which, by the way, A New Hope (aka Star Wars, back in the day) accomplished, with a mere fraction of the pre-hype.
-- Unnecessary complication -- Does anyone expect a 5-year-old to understand all that garbage about a trade conflict? In the first one, if a child didn't understand, it could be boiled down by a parent to "Darth is mean, he wants to hurt people" or "they're trying to save the princess" or "if they don't destroy the Death Star, it will blow up their planet". This one ... "Well, the Chinamen Aliens have made a deal with the Sith, who haven't been seen in a long time, and the deal requires them to pretend that they are upset about taxes not being collected on trade routes so they're blockading the planet, but the blockade is actually a cover for an invasion, which they're undertaking at the behest of the Sith, who want the planet enslaved because ... well, no one really knows. Sorry."
If I have to revert to a state of childlike innocence to truly enjoy the flick, then don't make me have to follow that crap.
-- Heard of an editor? I'm assuming you've all seen the trailers; they were immensely more interesting and foreboding that anything in the movie. Battles are only fun if you can keep the players straight. I couldn't tell which were Gungans and which were Robots in the final battle. There's no sense of scale in this thing. The first one had the Death Star (now THAT's a bad-ass ship name), and bottomless canyons and a sense of real consquence and danger. The biggest threat in this one seemed to be of a scraped knee. Which brings me to...
-- What "Menace"? Was there any one time that you wondered just how evil the bad guys could be? Darth Vader could choke a guy without touching him, and he'd go after his own people as soon as he'd go after the others -- he was controlled chaos and nihilism encapsulated. Here we get evil personified by ... political maneuvering and a guy who dresses up like Old Scratch (he had potential but he was around for, what, 10 minutes tops? Good God, there's scads more threat and terror in your average Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode, and infinitely more humor.
-- Acting -- can't blame the actors, because they're dealing with the Imagination Fascist's world view, but they might as well have been puppets too. The little kid was as vacuous as outer space; there was no gravity of character to indicate that he was either to be the Chosen One or Darth Vader. All we had to go on was a bunch of Jedi intoning that they sensed something about him.
That's a serious cheat, especially when NONE of the Jedi seemed particularly accomplished -- and Qui-Gon actually seemed like a guy who was traded for a Jedi to be named later. He couldn't sense anything was up early, couldn't sniff out Amidala's ruse, got schooled twice by Maul and after talking about how he'd protect Amidala at all costs, he leaves her just when she's really starting to get mixed up in the fray. Ewan McGregor is a terrific actor with a lot of swagger, and he just sort of ... hangs out here.
-- Dialogue: "This is a battle that I do not think that we can win". In other words "We can't win this battle". Which one is more urgent? Which one do you need to say 3 or 4 times before you get it?
-- Characterization -- Hm. Let's see. Treacherous slant-eyed Charlie Chan race. Jive-walkin' jive-talkin Jamaican frog race. Big nosed skinflint guttural Jew race. Backstabbing money-grubbing Caucasoid race. Get a bone-white drunk Irish race and a race of stoic red, feathered creatures who only say the word "how" we'll pretty much have the entire group set.
-- Jedi crap -- Midichlorians as indicator of spirituality (if so, where's my booster shot?)? Anakin's "too young" for training (What about Luke Skywalker)?
-- Thievery -- Ben-Hur's chariot race (without the internecine subplot between Messala and Judah). Captain Nemo's fight with the Giant Squid (without the issue of Nemo's hubris). HIS OWN DAMN MOVIES!!!! Wacky native race defeats seemingly invincible invading force (only won by virtue of a deus ex machina, as opposed to tree traps), mother ship destroyed by a tiny "infecting agent" (but this time with a lucky shot presumably unguided by the Force), master felled by bad guy's light saber (if the master Obi-Wan was actually kind of a screw-up who couldn't sense his way out of a paper bag), end-of-movie parade (without any sense of cathartic triumph), forced stopover for ship repairs after improbable escape past a blockade (without any sexual chemistry or mystery of surroundings or sense of accomplishment in getting away) ... etc. etc.
-- And the worst of all -- BOREDOM! Jeez, even the kids in the audience I was in were squirming. That stuff on Tatooine was interminable. Let's walk to the city, then walk back, then make a bet, then watch a pod race, then walk back to the ship, then walk back to get Anakin, then walk back to the ship ... ugh.
The underwater scenes were fun; the light-saber battle was nicely done. The pod race was energetic. Natalie Portman did a pretty nice job, considering. And that's about it. For the next one, I suggest Lucas should not write it, or direct it, or oversee the "special" effects. Just give them the money and get the hell out of the way.
And do away with Jar-Jar.
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I agree with Hallenbeck (spelling? who cares), although I don't know if I agree quite vehemently. I was looking forward to the flick, but not LIVING for it like a lot of people I knew. Yeah, the majority of the CGI sucked. I missed the models and latex make-up from the first trilogy. By the time yoda got some screen time, after looking at all those CGI characters, I could never get over the fact that YODA'S JUST A MUPPET! I never really had that problem in Episodes 5 and 6. Like Hallenbeck, I was praying for Jar Jar's death from the moment he ran into Qui Gon. There's no true reason his character should be back in Episode 2, so hopefully he won't be back. But if Lucas was hoping to reinvent the Ewoks (most fans' LEAST favorite part of the original trilogy), congrats! These cutesy, overly annoying aliens seemed to attract the same following as the Ewoks. I saw the flick with 11 other people. There were six of us guys, and six of them gals. After the movie, just for shits and giggles, I decided to take a poll. I asked everyone who liked the Ewoks and who hated the Ewoks. Every single female thought the Ewoks were cute (they also agreed that "Jedi" was better than "Empire Strikes Back") and every single guy wanted them to all die. I then asked everyone who liked the gungans... same exact result as the Ewok polls. Only problem for Lucas, the majority of the hardcore fans of Star Wars who have watched every Star Wars flick over a hundred times are males... and in their 20's and 30's! These are the people who have been yearning (yeah, yearning) for this movie for over half their lives! That's why so many people are pissed. The loudest voices are the ones who have waited the longest and most anxiously. And they're the ones who are going to be the most pissed... because for most of them, this is not the film they were hoping for... it's the film they were afraid Lucas would make.
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I guess I just enjoy movies and still feel like a kid. I loved TPM and will see it several times, I think its a great star wars movie. I also like Godzila, ID4, and terminator 2. Anybody can find things to hate about any movie, but why? I thought Jarr Jarr was an amusing character and he turned out to play an important role in the movie. Jake Lloyd did very well, he acted like a 9 year old boy. kids get excited easy, have a fantasy view of life, and say some goofy things. There wasn't a character I felt was portrayed badly. Seeing Darth Maul more would have been cool but he isnt a major focus if this trilogy like Vader was in the previous one. Each of the first three movies can be disected and we could find many things to complain about but these are revered as works of greatness because we seen them we were kids and we hadn't become synical dickheads yet. If you want to bash a movie pick on "spawn" or "the avengers". Two of the few movies I failed to find any enjoyment out of. I'm not sure why this guy goes to see movies if he hates everything. As for me I'll completly enjoyed TPM and look forward to the next 2 movies. Mabye i'll even enjoy Austin Powers and Wild Wild West this summer too.
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So, Mr Hallenback likes to swear and be all vitriolic and such....well, bend over, Joey, cause turnabout is fair play.
I was less than thrilled with Phantom Menace, but to call for the death of Lucas and his family is beyond sickness. You may think you're being cute quoted DeNiro in The Untouchables, but your really just showing what a sick, twisted little filthy miscreant you are. Its too bad your mother did'nt use a coathanger to wrench the evil little gelatinous blob that was to be you out of her womb when she found out you were on your way. You pathetic little dick....find another way to release all that hostility besides hunching over your keyboard like a syphillitic troll. Work out,or find some blind, deaf and dumb woman to have sex with you. Just spare the world your insane, futile attempts at being heard or acknowledged as anything other than the silly maladjusted fool that you are. I would love it if Lucas gets wind of your comments regarding him and his family. I hope he shows up at your filthy little hovel with brass knuckles on and knocks the scurvy teeth out of your malformed skull and lets his children play mah jong with them. Bastard! It is you who should die, you sad, pathetic little piece of excrement. Get some professional help before you end up in aschoolyard with the blood of children on your hands, you cocksucker. -
Joe, my boy...with all of this ranting and raving it seems that you have forgotten your own caveat..."it's just a fucking movie!"
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The five truths about episode I:
1) Maul rules. I like the suggestion: "STAR WARS TWO: SEARCH FOR MAUL"!! Attention Lucas - bring this bad motherfucker back! And next time, let's see him tear through a crowd with that windmill lightsaber. (as a side note, ever since I saw TPM, I've been dreaming of a scene where Maul is unleashed on the crew of the Star Trek Enterprise! First up, the beheading of Kirk!)
2) Ani was annoying in parts, cute in others. Very cool when they played the ominous force theme as he walked away from his mother. When he asks Portman if she's an angel, the terrible acting blew it. Same with the stuff about listening to all the starpilots, etc. Lame.
3) Ob-Wan rules. I loved how he was bouncing on his toes like an ultimate fighter right before getting his final crack at Maul. Then, when the red wall disappeared, those two wreaked fucking havoc!
4) Midi-Cholrians are highly questionable. They threw EVRYONE off. They better be important, George.
5) Jar Jar grows on you. In the end, he's a good character, and endearing. Anyone who disagrees has psychological problems, and is projecting something bad about themselves onto him. The role of "The Fool" is an important one in any myth.
6) Boss Nass CGI was shitty. Watto, on the other hand, was awesome - a great character. Sebulba was barely passable.
7) Here's the key to the whole thing: The Finale. Here's how it could have worked: 1) Anikin should have stayed with Qui-Gonn and Obi-Wan, or wandered onto the lightsaber battle at some point. This would have added major danger and excitement, in so many ways. As it is now, the duel rocks, but is not very emotionally involving - explaining why no one on earth will cry when Qui-Gon dies. If Anikin was there, Maul might have sensed the "vergence" around him, and decided to kill the little sucker. At that point, the danger of the duel would have exploded. Also, the space battle was a load. Why didn't that one guy - Rick Ollie - lead the assault? At least that way, we would have know at least one person in that battle. Maybe he could have stolen the queen's ship back or something. The point is, this finale did not come together. The characters were all off in separate places. That is the NUMBER ONE flaw in TPM.
8) The last and final truth is this: STAR WARS TWO: THE SEARCH FOR MAUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I hate to continue such a boorish debate, but I feel compelled to. Natalie Portman shot TPM two years ago, people. She was in her mid teens, and the fact of the matter is that she is not at all sexually mythologized in the film. The fact that Hallenbeck refers to her in such a crude manner is simply indicative of one of two things: he was trying to piss off women or that he really is that much of a misogynistic asshole. Either way, it was a cheap and pathetic comment. I won't read his reviews any more, and Harry - if you read these responses - please don't continue to allow this miscreant to write for you any more. Don't be compelled to continue to give him an official sanction because he is controversial and therefore attracts readers to the site. Leave those tactics to Howard Stern. I come to this site because I love movies-- like most of your readers, I suspect-- but I will soon take AICN out of my daily rotation if more care isn't taken with choosing reviews/comments for posting. It's not the profanity or even the shameful threats that offend me here. It's really just the obvious fact that Joe Hallenbeck isn't capable of conceiving a mature, critical thought. Harry, you should know better.
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May 25, 1999 5:33:04 PM CDT
FEAR leads to anger. anger leads to hate . hate leads to sufferi
by ione washington
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I try to live by the motto that, "No matter how bad a movie is, someone, somewhere, thought it was a good idea." I don't hate Lucas for TPM, I hate TPM for what it has wrought upon the small town cinemas. I work in a cinema in a small city with only 6 screens. Our 2 biggest screens are going to have to hold TPM for the next few weeks, and not only that... But we have but only ONE DTS theatre (that we cannot use the DTS in for TPM because of TPM. Long Story...) that will be tied up for the next two months thanks to TPM. Meaning, no Austin Powers in DTS or any othr film for that matter. We will be loosing money because one of the few things that were able to draw a few picky customers to our theatre was our one big DTS screen. Without that, people have said they will travel 30 miles to see TPM as well as other movies in digital sound. To top it all off, TPM has been dead at our theater. I said from the start of all this that I had a bad feeling about TPM, do you know why? Because the demands by Lucas are not the demands of a company with faith in their movie. The demands of Lucas are the demands of someone not only scared that they might fail, but are scared someone might do better than them. If they had any faith in TPM, the theatres would be allowed to shove TMP into the smallest screens when the movie ceases to be profitable. Sure, the theatre owners made their beds when they agreed to get the movie of the century, but should this have to cost other, smaller films and theaters their chances of survival this summer? Someone please correct me if I am wrong on this. PLEASE correct me, because I fear for several smaller theatres if those early rules for showing TPM are still in place.
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Well i'm not going to agree with hacken-whatever's need to swear every 2.68 words or so, btu i have to admit that he had some decent points about episode one.
I went to see it opening night with some friends of mine and, for the first 1:45 was . . . bored. Yup. Bored. Bad writing, stale acting and way too much time on tatooine (trim out 20 minutes on dirt ball and it's a much better movie)
It was a kids movie and I guess i'm not a kid anymore.
I hope Lucas gets a good writer and director for the next installment because it looks like the clone wars could be extremly cool.
wee
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(The cheesiest... apologies if this duplicates)
Hallenbeck is one of those types who has a perfectly valid perspective, but chooses to push it too far with his attitude. If you look past his gratuitous profanity and 'shock' speech, he has several good points to make.
It seems to me that everybody has their own nitpicks and gripes about this movie, even those who loved it overall. I for one agree with Hallenbeck on Jar-Jar, but not on the Anakin/Jake Lloyd performance. I do agree that the CGI was a mixed bag, though I liked some things he didn't, and vice-versa.
I also agree that Lucas is a massive jerk. He's so obviously sold out for the 'kiddie' dollar that it's not even funny (literally, in Jar-Jar's case). There was just something fundamentally *wrong* with this movie, which I can only attribute to Lucas' total disregard for directing (and possibly casting) of characters. (Or to a great disturbance in the... well, you know.)
I'm beginning to think that this is one of those movies that you can't really decide on until you see it a second time (Exactly what Lucasfilm's Jedi mind tricks want you to think...) It shouldn't be, though; a good Star Wars movie never leaves you with any doubt as to its fun and (relative) genius. This one leaves you doubting your own moviegoing instincts.
Oh well, I guess you can't win 'em all. I did think that Palpatine was perfect, though, the one shining performance in the film. To think that the almighty Emperor arose from a little planet called Naboo...
Anyway, good day to you all, and may the 'Midichlorians' be with you!
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I hope this guy doesn't have kids.
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Its truly amazing, Hallenbeck states that "IT'S JUST A MOVIE" yet rants and raves like an uneducated lunatic for pages and pages about it. Really strange to waste all that time for a "MOVIE"!
Which is what it is. All it is. 2 hours to get away from reality and all the real horrors of life.
Anyhow...did anyone catch that ObiWan's braid is on the right side of his head for the whole movie except the scene where he asks Qui-Gon about going back for "another pathetic life form"...its on the left (screen right)! -
I noticed the braid-switch. Anyone else see the two wookies, and the (Spielberg) E.T.s in the senate scene?
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Yes, I saw the wookies, ETs...missed the gremlins tho...
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Yes, I spent the first 40 minutes going..."this is not the pace I want." Yet I cannot shake these images out of my mind... Ive been unable to write anything since then (except of course bout diss movie)
But damn, Oh damn are things set up nice for EP2! Palpatine is so setting things up to give everyone the old mudjack.. (and of course the small matter that he is Sidious)
And why do you think he introduce those midi-chloridian? my theory is because if they are in the blood they can be duplicated, hence THE CLONE WAR? maybe
ive growned obsessed w/ the small details now... and boy there is so much that fail the eys on first viewings... some implications are
mindboggling...
still, hope theres a scene at the beginning of EP2 were Jar jar bids us farewell, or maybe is killed which pisses off our heroes?
no more telecasters please, and no more talk like "are you braindead?" "WizarD!" and "slimo"
keep the dialogue timeless, methinks
Hi Azakite -
After seeing the film and enjoying it considerably, reviews like this just bore me. It may have been more troubling had it come out before I saw the movie, but now I just feel sorry for people that can't enjoy this movie. Guess everyone couldn't stay on the bandwagon.
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Don't worry, I'm a woman. ;-) And I LOVED this movie! Jeezus H. Christ. I've only been able to see it once (midterms0, and I really want to see it again. And again. And again. It makes me nervous when I read all these venomous criticisms. I enjoyed this film. Sure, it had its winceable moments, but it's a hell of a lot better than RotJ! Why are all these people treating anybody who liked TPM as some sort of weirdo? (C'mon guys, the pot is speaking to the kettle.) I liked it! And I'm not THAT weird.
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I realize that your review is mostly designed to piss people off, and so by reacting to it, I'm stooping to your level, but what the hell. I hope YOU die. I hope a serial killer comes and cuts your head off just so I can have the pleasure of shitting down your neck. I hope you catch a particularly painful intestinal bacteria that eats you alive from the inside out. I hope you catch one of those types of VD that makes your genitalia fall off. You think you are such a fucking badass with all your cursing and trashing of a film just to piss people off. You would know a good film if it came along and shattered your fucking skull. And I wish it would. Anyway, I've spent more time on this shithole of a website than it deserves, so I'll be going, you shit-eating bastard. Have a nice day.
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yo joe,
i hear and understand all your petty quibles with TPM. however, your expectations were too high. star wars was NOT a great movie - it was a very cool movie, but there is no character develop., no real plot (with twists and turns, etc) and quite a few "remarkable" coincideces. in comparison, TPM is a better movie - the characters grew, the plot was less forced, ect. so get over it, please. -
Who the f#ck cares about what Hallenbeck thinks about Ep.1? He's just another lame example of what happens when you hype a movie to be more than it is actually is. Just a plain old goddamn 2 hour and change form of entertainment. He's just proven that he's not a fan of film but a fan of hype. And now, because Lucas didn't cater to every fanboy's eternal wet dream of a 2 hour Jedi phalic duel, he's whining like a little bitch. You are pathetic, Hallenbeck. Thank god you're not going to write anymore reviews. Maybe try writing an actual good screenplay. You know the kind you always expect but can't write? Maybe he'll go back to school and finally graduate kindergarten. Who knows? Who really f#ckin' cares?!?!? You seem like the kinda guy who would enjoy getting torn a new asshole, Hallzy. So why don't you write me and I'll be happy to oblige, you taco eatin' pudsniffer.
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In the off chance that someone actually scrolls down far enoughto read this (I'm killing time, obviously), let it be said that Hallenbeck's reviews are best ingested before your morphine drip runs out, and the realization that, on the bright side, at least we didn't have to hear about any blowjobs. After you've calmed down, put down the sharp instruments and head over to www.cinescape.com if you want to read a calm, balanced, and fair critique of TPM - it's the one by Steve Harris, giving seven reasons why TPM "failed." At least Steve still says he _likes_ the movie, and he does have (I hate to say it) some valid points, even if one or two are overstated. Let's hope Lucas takes all this criticism to heart (and some good writers to his payroll), because I think, now that the fun and Jar Jar Hijinks are over, our expectations for Episode II and III are much higher. And you know, I'm not such a bad pilot myself.
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Wow -- Interesting review, Joe. You know, after I saw TPM, I was so glad to be alive -- I was once again inspired by the work of an entertainment genius. I was so glad that I'm not in a category of blase individuals like yourself who don't ever DO anything as great as TPM, but sit back and slam it -- like you're anything close to a George Lucas, or any other talented and famous person for that matter. I'm 30 now, so I feel that TPM was a film made more for younger people, but I liked it for that reason ... I hope that it inspires younger people in the same way that SW reached thousands of younger people back in '77, (including myself at age 9). Joe, have you inspired thousands of people? Do you feel good working against someone who has? The thing I got out of it was this: Strive for excellence and follow my dreams (regardless of people like yourself in the world). You might sit back, and I'm sure that's what you'll be doing for quite a while, and look at the opening day's ticket sales for TPM, the 1.5 million TPM toys sold at Toys R Us the first day they were available, etc., and THINK ... I guess someone out there 'gets' this movie. It ain't you, but that's a good thing. Otherwise, the world would be full of people who do nothing more than cut down other people's achievements as the world passes them by. Free advice = get out of the weeds and stop to smell the roses sometime ... you're missing out.
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And it fittingly describes this review(er).
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Aside from the fact that Phantom Menace was not very good, that it was too cute, that the cutting of lots of the action scenes was dead, that some of the acting was the pits, that lots of the peripheral make-up on alien "extras" looked like rubber masks...did anyone else see the two ET's in the senate chamber? down in the bottom left of one of the medium shots.
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Hellenbeck what the fuck is up
your ass, asshole. Star Wars is just a fucking movie. And just becauce there is a few things wroung with it you have to act like a little fucking baby. It was a good movie but not the best of the saga. I think its a good introduction to the whole saga. And I will never read anything buy the asshole Shittenbeck again. -
Yes, as most people posting here, I was a kid when I saw SW. i was 4 when I saw the first one, 7 when I saw ESB, and 10 when I saw Jedi. The thing is, though, that watching those now the only one that doesn't still thrill me, the only one that hasn't "aged" well, is RotJ. Watching the first two now, as an adult (26 for anyone that cares), I can see that, for all their flaws, these were great movies. Sure, the effects have aged a bit, things have started to look a bit cheesy. But there's a certain magic in them. RotJ lost something of that. I don't enjoy that film anywhere near as much now that I'm older. While I liked the Ewoks when I was 10, the idea that teddy bears with sticks and rocks defeated the Empire that gave the Rebellion so much trouble in the first one is just too inconsistent with the rest of the trilogy for me to really take it seriously. That being said now, I personally feel quite strongly that TPM has only continued, even made it worse, this trend in the Star Wars trilogy. The fart/poop jokes, the racial slurs that were the Nemoudians and Gungans, Fuckface, the inconsistent plot (yes, I got the whole political backstory about the rise of Palpatine, but there were so many better ways to go about this), the out-of-control over the top use of CG for EVERYTHING.... all around it made this movie crap, pure and simple. I went into this movie with very very low expectations, figuring it wasn't the 2nd coming.... I'd admit that when the opening line flashed on the screen I did almost give in to those kind of expectations.... but really truth to tell, I didn't expect much more than RotJ had to offer.... a movie that was very much aimed at kids. However, the "kids" turned out to be the worst kind. I mean, FART and POOP jokes in STAR WARS?? The originals never had to stoop down so low to be thrilling to kids. I predict that, like RotJ, this film will not age well. It will be one that people see again when they're older and go, "oh my god, I can't believe I liked that." It makes RotJ look damn good. When you combine this movie with what George did with the special editions, I think it pretty well proves that George can no longer write good stories, if indeed he ever could. For him to bash Hollywood for the crap it churns out, and then turn around and make this stinker... it's hypocritical. Without the FX, this movie would be nothing. The FX are there in place of plot. With the original the FX were always there to help the plot along, sometimes even stealing the show a bit. Sure, in TPM, the FX are unbelievable... but FX can't carry a story.... the original wouldn't have been anywhere near as good without the stories... it's the stories that inspired me when I was little. This one doesn't have that. Instead, it has cartoony idiocy, a plot that can't decide which way it's going, that is written merely to set up FX shots. Lots of people like to say that Lucas doesn't owe anything to his fans, the older ones, that these movies are for kids. Maybe they are, but the originals never had to deliberately leave the adults out. They reached out to the child inside, yet with something for the adult to enjoy as well. I went to see TPM with my dad, the same way I saw the original back in 1977.... we both didn't like it, whereas we both liked the original.... I hope, I really hope that the criticism will get thru to Lucas. But I sincerely doubt it. He's obviously surrounded himself with "yes" men, who are afraid to tell him when his ideas need work, need help, need someone who can do direct or write or just plain provide some feedback to better the final product. The seeds of a good movie are lost in TPM, but they are never allowed to grow.... it's sad really. I for one won't be standing in line for Ep. 2; after this, I'll wait until I hear everyone who said this one sucks to say, "you have GOT to see this one, it blows away The Phantom Menace." Until then, Mr. Lucas, I'll be keeping my money in my wallet. Lucas has certainly become more P.T. Barnum than Homer (or any other competent storyteller). Joseph Campbell must be spinning in his grave. Midi-chlorians (directly contradicting "lumnious beings are we, not this crude matter"), just about everything Joe ranted about in his review. Sure, he could have been more polite or mature about the way he said it, but it very much needed to be said. I personally would be interested to know, if those who are saying this film was great now, still feel that way six years from now.... will it stand the test of time? My own opinion is obviously no.... I guess we'll have to find out...
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...because it is always more difficult to forget a movie if you've seen it with someone else. This is how much I hated this movie. ***My Take on this movie***
Intro: Cool. Expected. Reminiscent.***
Trade Federation: Racial Undertones of Chinese Imperialism. But, to be honest, if I were a Chinese Imperialist, I would be pissed off. What a bunch of pissy, whiney, whimps!***
Gungans: Again, racial undertones a plenty. How absolutely offensive to anyone of Color. That Lucas can get away with this just because these are CG aliens just goes to show the power, and arrogance, of Hollywood.***
Battle Droids: My 2-XL robot from 1978 had more personality. It had no legs and played 8-track tapes, however, I think I found it more menacing than these Stephen Hawking impersonators.***
Amidala: Natalie Portman: I can't wait to have wonderfully creative thoughts about her when she is in the next episode. Why Lucas demands his actors to sound halfway British is beyond me. Portman is a great actress...just not in this movie. Watch The Professional or Beautiful Girls if you want to see any emotion from this fine young lady.***
Anakin: Seeing Jake Lloyd in TPM makes me long to see another McCauley Culkin movie! My daughter, who is three, can act better than this twirp. I could just see his "stage mom" on the set saying, "It's OK, little Jake...Mommy is "taking care" of Mr. Lucas in his trailer...so you just act the way you want to. (Guess he followed Mommy's advice...because George certainly wasn't giving him any!)***
Qui-Gon: Poor Liam. Stick by your guns, Liam. George is destroying the art of filmmaking. Don't be a prop!***
Obi-Wan: Ewan is a great actor. He, like Liam, were used like mere props in Lucas' paint-by-numbers world.***
Jar Jar: I have to honestly say that this creature...this pathetic example of humor...is the only thing I will really remember from this film. Lucas has not learned: just because you can make a CG creature move in every which way, doesn't mean it has to. That's what makes CG so distasteful. It ignores the Laws of Physics. I thought I was watching the antics of Jim Carrey in The Mask!***
Darth Maul: Menacing? NO I think I have seen this guy tending bar in downtown Chicago. And did anyone notice how short this guy was? 5'6"? (With lifts, maybe!) He definitely wins the award for most underdeveloped character of the year!***
Overall: So many useless, patronizing, scenes. For instance: where Amidala is thanking R2D2 for saving the ship. I saw better creativity and depth from my grandmother's nursing home acting group. TPM is filled with exhaustive CGF/X. Too much of a good thing...well...you know what I mean. I long for the same spirit and enthusiasm I had after seeing ANH and TESB. I used to hat ROTJ...and those fuckin' Ewoks, too. But, after seeing TPM, ROTJ moves up a couple of notches. And I even find myself having a little respect those furry woodland bastards! -
This time I'll type something.
I'll say it again--I loved TPM! It is a great addition to the Star Wars story as a whole. I think some people need to start thinking about TPM for what it is--Chapter 1 of a 6 chapter story. We know how the story ends. I think most of us would say it ends pretty damn cool. And whether you liked TPM or not, this is how Star Wars (as a whole) really began. And yes, I know all of the original background stories and original EP1 ideas--I've been Star Wars infected since seeing the original in the theater. But guess what? EP1 of Star Wars is TPM. Deal with it. -
This movie couldn't have sucked more if it was a Dirt Devil vacuum. Somewhere in the middle of the 100 billion dollars of merchandising and the 22 years of fingering his own asshole and sucking his cock, George Lucas forgot what is important in a movie. THE MOVIE HAS TO BE FUCKING GOOD FOR FUCK'S SAKE, YOU STUPID PIECE OF FUCKING JAR JAR SHIT!!!!!!! This is terrible. This is the biggest disaster since the Hindenburg. . . since Cherynobal. . .since Adam and Eve ate the apple of knowledge. You fucked up big time Lucas. Get someone else to direct the second one, stop selling your soul to every marketing company that has 30 million, and shoot yourself in the head. 16 years and this fukcing piece of crap is the best you can come up with. I would rather bludgeon my eyes out with rusty spoons, be drowned in a boiling vat of my own piss and vomit, and then during the last seconds of my life be butt-fucked by a one ton gorilla with a 150-horsepower strap on dildo, then watch that piece of shit you call a movie one more time.
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VULGARITY WARNING....
BEWARE.... THIS IS JOE HALLENBECK. His
feelings are not mine, and you will feel provoked.
Two years ago, he screamed out, "DEATH TO
SCHUMACHER".... well... now... well... see for
yourself...
WARNING, this review has been altered by me, and is done simply for humorous purposes, NO claim to ownership is made by me in any way shape or form...
BEWARE OF THE CONTENT, IT MAY BE DEEMED OFFENSIVE!!!!!!!!
The Mighty one here (mighty mouse). This will be my final review (thank god) -
Sigh. For those of you who are quailing over Hallenbeck's "Threat" to Lucas and his family, try renting the (very good) Brian DePalma film "The Untouchables". The threat is a pseudo-quote from DeNiro's Al Capone character. So please relax.
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Harry, face it, you were let down like the rest of us. Admit it! You know that this thing doesn't light a candle to any of the other SW films. This doesn't even deserved to be called a SW film!
BTW, since when the hell have Star Wars film been "kiddie film?"
The last time I checked, those movies were rated "PG". Most kiddie fodder is definitely "G".
There is a difference between being young at heart, which is who the SW films were targeted for, and dumbing it down to the banal kiddie level, like most Disney films these days and all that other dumb stuff, and what TPM unfortunately is as well.
MISTAKE NUMBER ONE: George even did a better job back in '77 because there was a system of checks and balances back then, and other writers, producers, even actors would get up in his face and help make changes. The people on the set of TPM were either "yes men" and/or in such awe of Lucas's mystique.
MISTAKE NUMBER TWO: The fact that Lucasfilm and everyone says that the intention of this film was directed towards the brats, and the fact that abominations like Jar Jar were made exclusively for that reason. The other Star Wars films were not made with that mentality; I gurantee it. Go ahead and look it up. Oh, and BTW everyone: Now that you have seen this thing x number of times, I invite you to watch your tapes of the real Star Wars movies. Even you people who adamantly defend this film will have to agree that there is no comparison.
Anyway, back to you Harry: I loved your Freudian slip when presenting Joe Hallenbeck's tome of truth about this movie. Allow me to quote directly:
"...I have seen people fall in love with this film, be disappointed by it, and loathe it with every fibre of MY BEING."
(Emphasis mine) HUH?
Harry, I am sorry you wasted a month of your life in front of that theater. I hope at least you made some new friends, and you seem to have found that experience in and of itself to be rewarding, for which I say "More power to you", but beyond that, admit it, Joe was right and he was talking about you.
Man, Trekkies are starting to look cool...
-
Firstly, Harry, please ignore all the people who get upset because Hallenback talks like a real person instead of a plasticized drone. This is the real world and people really say "fuck" from time to time, especially when they're on a good rant, which he was.
Secondly, anybody who gets upset because Joe finds Natalie Portman boinkable needs their license revoked. I'm not sure which license exactly, but they definitely need to have it yanked.
Thirdly, Joe's right aboutt his movie. I'm not as upset by it as he is, but let's face it: it just isn't very good.
Fourthly, as others have suggested, when Lucas produces "The Phantom Menace: The Special Edition," he *really* needs to edit out every single refernce to that Jar Jar thing. Up till now I hadn't thought it was possible to outdo Chris Tucker's Ruby Rhod in "The Fifth Element," but somehow Fuckface does it.
And lastly, a pithy quote: "The original Star Wars was made for the child in all of us. The Phantom Menace is just made for children. -
No, I'm not in denial. I didn't wait in line a month and a half to see TPM. I went to a matinee about a week after it opened and spent about 15 minutes in line. I didn't listen to all of the hype surrounding the film. I went to a movie with my friends and really enjoyed it. The special effects were outstanding, the score was awesome, and the fight scenes were incredible. Sure Jar Jar was pretty annoying, but overall it was pretty good. Too bad they killed off Darth Maul, he was a pretty f&ckin' cool villian. If you had never heard of "Star Wars" and went to this movie, then you would have thought it was pretty awesome too. Of course you would feel let down if you stood in line for a month and a half...it's just a movie! It's not supposed to be a religious experience. Besides, Star Wars is a six-part series. All this movie had to do was set up the other five, and I for one am waiting patiently to see what happens next. (I wish George and his family well and I hope he doesn't die before he completes 2 and 3...that would really byte).
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some comments on the new star wars. The most important:
reserve
judgement until you've seen it a few times. 2. see it at a thx screen.
this movie has the most dialogue in all the star wars movies. in fact it
may have more dialogue than the previous 3 movies combined. 3. watching
it on vcd or reading the screenplay does not count.
okay, now that all that is out of the way, let's get to the meat. how
was the movie?
after my first viewing, i was having reservations. i thought that it was
better than rotj for sure, but other than that...
my brother gave it 7.5, sw 6, esb 6.5, rotj 4. he thought it was the
best sw ever.
my 2nd viewing was bad. i couldn't get into the movie. the sound was
off. i couldn't hear the dialogue. the whole cinema was restless. no
good. i thought that was it: i was over it. last night, i saw it for the
3rd time, and hey, it was the best viewing! everything was good! i was
over the moon. as of this moment i rate it just below esb. definitely
better than anh, miles beyond rotj.
and i can only say this: al the critics who panned it have... missed the
bus. they are the past. this is the future! they're lost. they can't
catch up. all their reviews about this movie are lousy! way off point.
even the good reviews were not well written. most of them just appeared
confused. i've only read a few good reviews about this movie, all from
the fan sites. deep reviews that analyse the plot and characters: very
insightful.
a few comments: for a long time i was not happy with the opening. the
main problem is with the accent of the actors. i'm very sure that is why
the americans couldn't get into the movie: they want everyone speaking
american english. on repeated viewing, the opening is okay. my only
reservations: !spoiler! the part after qui-gon and obi-wan just down
from the ventilation shaft was qui-gon said: this is most unlike the
federation... we must inform the senate & chancellor....
also i thought the first apearance of amidala was bad: too formal.
distances the audience rather than draws them in.
other than that, i think the whole opening was okay.
the first screening i didn't like the deep core bit: seemed off, just
lts of sea monsters without any point, but on my 3rd viewing: i liked
it!
i liked every bit set on tatooine. i now rate tatooine as my favourite
sw planet! all the creatures were wonderful. and surprise, surprise: i
loved the character of anakin. i think he is the most matured 9 yr old
character i've come across in movies, any movie. come to think of it, i
think anakin is the best young child character in any movie, except to
kill a mocking bird, where the scout character has long been my
favourite. watch closely, and you will see that anakin is not the corky
character a lot of reviewers see. neither is he an immature brat. he is
actually a very mature 9 year old, and jakc lloyd played him very well.
watch closely: anakin is a melancholic character, for all his childish
dreams. this same meancholy is evident in all the skywalkers, from his
mother shmi, to luke (remember in anh when he was looking at the setting
suns?), and this melancholy and resignation is already apparent at the
begining of esb ('that's 2 you owe me, kid!' and luke smiles sadly),
becoming established in luke when he learns his true origin. in rotj,
this melancholy becomes apparent also in leia, when she learns she was
luke's sister, and when she spoke of her mother amidala.
so, i can see the arc of consistency in lucas's story: these are
characters caught in event that have been preordained, and they can only
accept their fate.
the rest: the podcar race was wonderful. a large no. of beautiful shots:
the curve of the track before the grandstand, the curve in the valley.
and the lightsabre fight: the best sword fight i've seen in any movie.
and i am beginning to love everything else, including the jokes of jar
jar (i think he is definitely necessary in this movie, altho admittedly,
he could have been a better character (still not as good a chewie), but
i seewhere george is going with this: a cartoon character in a live
action film: can it work? will he be believable?)
all in all i am beginning to like this film more and more, even george's
directing. he is a good director in the sense that he is not there to
show off (like spielberg: always advertising his presence). george as a
director isthere for one thing: to move the story on. he is a great
story teller.
i seriously believe that as time goes on, this show will age very well,
and may even surpass esb as the best sw to date (come on, the story
alone is enough - the plot has moved so much in this story, and the many
layered storyline is only deceptively simple: george's major themes are
more strongly present in this movie than in the others)
p.s. i really like all the moments between anakin and padme, between
anakin and his mum, anakin and qui-gon.
i am really beginning to like this movie. -
Jun 06, 1999 4:55:43 PM CDT
Far below Empire Strikes Back; equal to Revenge of the Killer T
by jcrane
I saw the second showing of Star Wars in San Francisco and stood in the lines around the Coronet for another 18 times that summer. Then I waited for "The Empire Strikes Back", which I thought was a much better movie.
Then came "The Return of the Jedi" which I have since referred to as "Revenge of the Killer Teddy Bears (Ewoks). It was bad.
"The Phantom Menace" is a little better than "The Return of the Jedi". The graphics are way cool and over all, it is better than the TV show "War Planets". But as I watched this movie, I found that by the end of the first hour, I frankly didn't give a damn about any of the characters. I was watching a whiz-bang special effect creation of a cartoon, and I didn't care about anything other than waiting for the damned thing to end.
This piece of junk making the millions that it is tells me that our society is a lot sicker, shallower, and stupid than probably any other generation in history. -
The torrent of vulgarity aside, this review is right on the money. The Phantom Menace is truly pathetic. Stick a Fork in it, George, and PLEASE do better next time. It seems you almost have to TRY to make a bomb this bad.
There we were, ten minutes from the ending, and the 'ol Monk is still waiting for a movie to break out.
George, was this the result of being too full of yourself? For the prequils, please have Spielburg and Kasdan on hand BEFORE you release it, and please, Spiel and Kas, if the movie stinks, let George know in no uncertain terms. And George, have the humility to go back and od it right. -
Well, its pretty sad when you wait all these years and finally get into the hype, then while your watching the flick all you can think is....Im bored. Too bad.
JarJar wasnt that bad and there were several awesome scences. Too bad Jake Loyd ruined it. Sorry kid
you belong on a Hawaian Punch commercial not StarWars. -
Did anyone notice Jake Loyd looks like Nicholas from Eight is Enough? Doesnt that scare anyone out there? Does that mean Willie Ames is gonna be old Annakin/Darth? Who wants to see Darth in an intergalactic pinto with mags blubbering about Nugent tickets?
Thank you. -
If this was printed on paper, I wouldn't even wipe my bum with it. Can't wait for AOTC to school people like Hallenback.
Yes, I can see the future! -
Unemployed
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I'm writing from the distant future, year 2004! We're now awaiting Episode 3, which will f'n rule! Oh, and Harry has gone nuts a few years ago, poor bastard.
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Ah, I remember that quote.
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