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Light House Shines dumps on INSPECTOR GADGET
Hey there everyone. Harry here, blind as a bat. I can't find my glasses so I'm squinting like hell at my screen trying to make sense out of these blurry lines of type. Ya know, from the sounds of things, perhaps Disney would have done better to hire the old AICN forum writers to make this movie, cause they knew what they were doing. This is just an advanced review from a test screening though, but.... For me, the problems of adaptation were committed back at the scripting stage. What's with all the sexual innuendoes? This is INSPECTOR GADGET! Sheesh... Well, Here's the Light House Shines....
Go Go Gadget crap fest!" Should be the more fitting mantra
used in
place of Disney's latest promotional ad campaign for the
truly abysmal
and insipid Inspector Gadget. One of the worst cartoon
into film
adaptations to date, especially if you look at in Disney
terms. Even
worse still when you realize that Inspector Gadget was
actually far
more noxious a film than George of the Jungle (If you can
believe
that?)! For unlike the later film, Inspector Gadget was
actually quite
painful to watch. In fact I repeatedly found myself
literally squirming in
my seat during much of this incredibly juvenile and sadly
uninspired film.
In addition to apologizing profusely to my friends
afterwards, most of whom
I practically dragged all the way to Thousand Oaks to see
the film. Just a
mere two months before it's official release date. A huge
mistake on my
part as I know now that I definitely could have waited
until Disney
settled on their final theatrical version, before wasting
a whole hour and
a half of my life on this worthless piece of celluloid
garbage!
For even the plot of the film, which you assume based on
the original
cartoon series could practically write itself, sucks
beyond words can
convey. As one would naturally assume the writers and
director of this
film would (or should) simply build a better foundation on
the original
idea or concept of the much loved cartoon series. Instead
of making up
almost everything from scratch, thus destroying any real
connection
or sense of nostalgia the film had with it's animated
predecessor. A
mistake just about everyone who has ever adapted a famed
TV show or
cartoon series into a live action film has made ( Think
Lost in
Space). Hence Inspector Gadget becomes yet
another unfortunate
casualty of the Hollywood film making process, that not
even the powers
behind this film are immune to. A little something that
Matthew
Broderick's inept security guard character John Brown is
quick to prove,
rather early in the film. When Mr. Brown is fiendishly
blown up by Rupert
Everett's evil billionaire character Stanton something or
other ( I don't
remember Doctor Claw ever having a real name in the
cartoon series?!).
Simply because he attempted to stop Everett's character
from robbing a
local robotics lab run by Brenda Bradford (played nicely
enough by Joely
Fisher of Ellen fame). Where Rupert's character was
successful in
acquiring a recent breakthrough in robotics that allows
for the
intermixing of human and robotics parts in (almost)
perfect
harmony...Essentially the entire plot of the film and the
subsequent
details behind John Brown suddenly becoming the
robotasized Inspector
Gadget, as well as how Rupert Everett became the evil
Doctor Claw (
His hand was crushed in the very same explosion that also
injured
Broderick's lame character, i.e. he gets a claw hand to
replace his
original one).
Thus Doctor Claw and Inspector Gadget are born anew on the
big screen, and
stupid nonsensical mayhem ensues. As the classic battle
between the two
arch rivals continues in anything but classic fashion.
Especially since
Broderick's Inspector Gadget has almost none of the warmth
of charm of the
original cartoon character, which sadly speaks volumes
about the film as a
whole. For it's never a very good sign when a cartoon
character can be
deemed to have more personality or charisma than an actual
living
breathing human being does. Which is similarly true in the
case of Doctor
Claw, who is played well over the top by Rupert. To the
point that it is
just pathetic to behold, since Mr. Everett is a much
better actor than
this and shouldn't have to stoop to such a pedantic role.
Which reminds
me of a lingering negative impression that I kept getting
as I watched
this film. As It's always disheartening when you have to
assume that an
actor or actress only took a role based on the amount of
money that they
were offered. All for subjecting themselves to such a
meaningless and
forgettable role, that is obviously far beneath their
acting range or
abilities. Especially since it is so painfully clear that
both
Everett and Broderick were just going through the motions
with this film,
as they mentally winched their way through each and every
scene and
cheesy spoken word of dialogue. Motivated by nothing more
than the
thought of obtaining that fat paycheck at the end of the
film, that I
sincerely hope they must have gotten for actually agreeing
to work or be
associated with this piece of irredeemable schlock!
For the film Inspector Gadget as well as everything
sadly
associated with this haphazard film has been conspired
and/or inspired by
only one thing, and one thing alone. The quest for the
almighty dollar,
since absolutely nothing about this films reeks of
originality or
even contains evidence of any real creativity. Despite the
updated introduction of the Gadget or Ghettomobile, voiced
by D.L.
Hughley. Which I personally think all of the Disney exec's
behind this
film should burn in hell for! As I know for sure the only
reason why the
ebonics spouting Gadgetmobile is in the film in the first
place, is to
help trick a more ethnically diverse crowd into seeing a
film that would
otherwise be dominated by a mainly white audience ( I know
how you
Disney people work!). Another marketing stunt which
succeeds in
further trivializing the overall look and feel of the
film, that under
such conditions should never really have been made in the
first place.
Since Disney obviously had no intention of ever making
this film the way
it should have made, with an actual heart and soul as it
were. For as the
films stands now, it actually succeeds in destroying so
much of the fond
childhood memories associated with the original series. By
once again
rearranging or altering way more than was necessary about
the
beloved original cartoon into an almost completely
incoherent mess
of lame sub plots, bad special effects and really, really
bad dialogue!
Which you don't want me to get started on, as just the
fact that Brain and
Madcat's fluffly little imposter actually spoke in this
film makes me
sick to no end! Just as the over abundant use of
ridiculous sound
effects and music from just about every single major film
to come out in
the last decade or two did as well ( Specifically Star
wars and Godzilla
among many, many others, too numerous to mention). All
seemingly thrown in
randomly at the last minute, none of which works to actual
the benefit of
the film. Which is what gave me the distinct impression
that Disney is
deftly aware that their film has some majors problems and
are desperately
trying anything and everything in their power to fix it.
Alas from
what the mangled mess we saw displayed on screen, nothing
they can do
short of a complete overhaul is going to resurrect this
film from the bad
cinema canyon is has fallen into. So they might as well
save their money
for more worthwhile projects, like hiring people who can
actually
successfully adapt cartoon series into watchable film
projects! Otherwise
the only truly redeemable thing about this film is going
to be you get to
hear an updated version of the Inspector gadget at the
film's end, and
that's sadly the just of it!
P.S. Awhile back I noticed that quite a few of you had
some objections or
problems with the manner and style in which I wrote more
than a few of my
reviews. Mainly in regards to the large number of spelling
and/or
grammatical errors contained therein, for which I would
like to take the
time to apologize for now. As I really should have
monitored my reviews
more closely than I have in the past before submitting
them, as well as
taken the time to proof read them more thoroughly. Though
truth be told,
all of this is really just a fun hobby for me. Therefor I
really do not
have all that much time to be constantly double checking
each and
everything I write or say, as I do have a life outside of
seeing an
ungodly amount of films ( I do not think any of you
realize how many
films I see or how much time all of this takes, just ask
Harry). As such I
hope that you are all able to keep that in mind the next
time you read a
review of mine that has more than it's fair share of
mistakes, and can
enjoy the essence of the review nonetheless. Either way if
you have any
comments or questions about anything I have just said or
written about,
please feel free to email and someone will get back to you
right way. As
such I hope to hear from you all very soon, take care
Light House
Shines
Sincerely,
Light House
Shines
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This guy is RIGHT! This movie should die, diE, dIE, DIE! I have a feeling that if this movie will become a success (most likely won't), then Disney will burn in hell. I used to watch Inspector Gadget as a kid practically every day. But this insepid movie? WHY? Why the hell should we care of the origin of Gadget or Claw? We don't care about this shit! Us Inspector Gadget fans want to see Gadget in action! This new female companion is ridiculous! The only companions Gadget has are Penny and Brain. By the way, I heard Brain is played by a real Beagle! OH GOD NO! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE FILMMAKERS! BUT I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE THE CLAW CHARACTER IN THIS MOVIE! JUST SHOW THE CLAW, NOT THE ENTIRE PERSON! OH AND THE VOICE IS WRONG, WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG! CLAW'S VOICE WAS WAY TO DEEP AND AMPLIFYED IN THE CARTOON SERIES! WHY DISNEY, WHY?! THIS MOVIE IS GOING TO BE AS BAD AS THE SUPER MARIO BROS MOVIE! PLEASE STOP THIS MOVIE FROM MAKING MONEY!
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Oh, Don Adams, where art thou? This is just another prime example of how a well-remembered classic is trashed on the big screen. With very few exceptions (THE FUGITIVE, MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE), movie versions of classic TV series absolutely pale in comparison. These remakes are wastes of time, money, and talent for all involved. Damn it, I HATE these movies!! They cast actors who have absolutely no resemblance to their original TV counterparts (Tom Arnold for Ernest Borgnine in MCHALE'S NAVY, Will Smith for Robert Conrad in WILD WILD WEST, Mel Gibson for James Garner in MAVERICK, Leslie Nielsen in MR. MAGOO, Rosie O'Donnell in THE FLINTSTONES, and Matthew Broderick in GADGET). Worse, these "updates" have no scripts. They're written on toilet paper, and are filled with sight gags, dialogue, and situations that the originals wouldn't dream of participating in. Remember the proposed GILLIGAN'S ISLAND movie a few years ago? Rick Moranis as Gilligan and John Goodman as the Skipper. Please. And what about the supposed big-screen incarnation of THE HONEYMOONERS (sacrilige)! Tom Arnold filling Jackie Gleason's shoes. Uh, no. BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD? Adam Sandler and David Spade. Now they're talking about casting Jim Carrey in a proposed version of GET SMART. The only good thing about these big-screen turd pies is that they allow the viewer to re-watch the originals, and remember how good they were/are.
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I forgot to mention this in my original post. The BEST TV to movie adaptation is THE X-FILES. Why? Because it was lovingly made with the cast and crew of the TV show. THE X-FILES managed to create a very entertaining feature film, without dumbing it down for x-philes (like myself), and also allowing mainstream audiences to enjoy it. A very rewarding film, which, unfortunately, was buried by last summer's GODZILLA shit.
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YES! BURN, GADGET, BURN!!! Ever since I saw the teaser for this (paired with Bug's Life) I knew it would suck the big red dick. Rupert Everett, why??? Did you really need the money that bad??? If I'd known I woulda taken up a collection for ya! Oh, and for this and Godzilla Matthew Broderick must receive 40 lashes. BTW--what's up with the lame-brained Get Smart revival? Remember when they tried to resurrect the show on Fox?
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Ah...I remember this well- we were all submitting our ideas and someone was compiling them to write into a script. Those were the days, my friends. Back when I was "Keys". Oh, W. Leach- Maverick ruled, and was much better and truer in spirit to the series than the other pieces of crap you listed.
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I have never watched an Inspector Gadget cartoon as they never appealed to me. But I thought the trailers I saw, esp. the newest one, quite campy and thus funny. Most remakes of tv shows are crap so why not have some fun with one? Rupert looked like he was having fun, spoofing a villian. Yeah I like real villians over comical ones anyday but this is a kids flick with some adult humor thrown in, nothing more. Pure drival and it should be judged as such.
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Why the fuck does every pleasant childhood memory have to be fucked up by some corporate shithead with a piece of shit idea that wont even work? I dont give a fuck if they make a shitty movie, just come up with a fresh idea instead of raping someone else's
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I too liked Maverick, and yes I have seen the TV show. I thought it was a fun ride and Mel Gibson did strike a resemblence to James Garner, my only complaint was the fact that it didn't have Bret's brother in it. Other then that it was a fun movie. However I was watching TV Land last night and Hogan's Hero's came on. Now someone better keep Mel away from that one, I just don't see it working, but it probably will happen. As for Inspector Gadget, it'll make money only for the fact that the trailer did LOOK good and the had it up there with Star Wars, at least where I saw it, right after the mystery men trailer, what was disheartning was that people WEREN'T laughing at Mystery Men and were laughing at Gadget, I hope that Gadget's stupidity DOESN'T hurt Mystery Men.
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and one of them is bound to write a tax code book. Get it? Hollywood thrives on excess. It's the only way those entire collection of suited nitwits can ever make any money in the first place. Just throw in a big budget, mega-stars (not necessarily good actors), a few magazine covers and loud flashy visual effects and four times out of ten you'll hit the bullseye. This movie is one of the six missing marks.
And by the way who said actors stooping beneath them to take a role for the money? Are you insane? All actors do it for the money. Don't buy that actors studio sense memory bullshit.
By the way, I heard a rumour somewhere that Chancellor Palpatine is Anakin's father - weird huh? -
all you naysayers are coming out of the woodwork and i just have one thing to say... whoops... wrong forum.
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I can't say I'm surprised you've had complaints about your reviews. How are we to trust the artistic opinions of someone whose writing ability is only at about the sixth grade level? I know that seems insulting, so I apologize, but really: you need to stop watching cartoons altogether and get back to school in a hurry...
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What did i tell you? All these bullshit remakes and movies based on cartoons are a result of the lack of imagination and the oversupply of CGI in Hollywood. They think just because anything can be rendered ALMOST realistically on the screen, that a good story is unnecessary. That's why i liked Matrix and didn't like that new release, the half-cartoon, half Star Wars movie called The Phantom Menace.
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May 25, 1999 12:58:20 AM CDT
LightHouse, are you sure you didn't hear the temp track?
by martin q blank
You oughta know that most test-screenings feature music taken from other films to establish mood, because the film's own music hasn't been written yet.
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First, to the poster who took shots at LightHouse...what is the point? Is it really necessary, or a mature respone? Agree or don't agree, that is all that is really required. Second, LightHouse's point is well taken. Has there ever been a truly good remake, or a decent cartoon adaptation? All it proves to me is that Hollywood is sorely lacking in the imagination department. How many of these films have to bomb before they start turning to original material?
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To all those talking smack about "get an original idea". Maybe you need to head to your local video store and take a look at all the movies there. EASILY 50% of said flicks were based on a novel, or play or short story or something else. Secondly, an original idea does not equate with *Good* just as an oft used idea does not equate *bad*. All that said, I have to agree with mr. lighthouse.
From the little I've seen of the trailers, this movie is going to be a BIG P.O.S. AND I'm sick and tired of half assed shlock being passed of as a "kids movie". I'm sorry, but even as a kid I knew a crappy movie when I saw one. Also, why oh why do they ALWAYS have to re-invent a story for the big screen. It's retarted. I don't mind recycling old stories, but for crying out loud, take the GOOD stuff from the old story. The fact that they show Dr. Klaw at ALL is FUBAR. You never but NEVER saw him on the toon, that's one of the reasons he was so cool. Anyways...enough ramblings for today. -
Oh , I like before so mutche the "animaited movie of DISNEY ...to bad now !!
THEY d'ont know what the FUCK there doing !!!!
I HATE there movies and they are SO onoriginal , I THINK !
THE SUK (the life out of the children )and boy , what the FUCKING things are they doing in these movies --->SEX ?
No , they are even KISSING (I do'nt mind that , but jeases what will the children think ...
SEX is a game or what ???
NOW way ....
I think they better change or some day there is gonna happen some thing -->protest of the mothers and fathers ??
I DO NOT want to believe this ...!
If you have any reactions , wel type also a comment !!!
GREATINGS : POUCKY , FROM BELGUIM
PS Where is this website (in with land it was made , in AMERICA ?)
WEL BYE , you better READE this !!
POUKY -
READ it
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OH GOD NO! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE FILMMAKERS! BUT I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE THE CLAW CHARACTER IN THIS MOVIE! JUST SHOW THE CLAW, NOT THE ENTIRE PERSON! OH AND THE VOICE IS WRONG, WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG! CLAW'S VOICE WAS WAY TO DEEP AND AMPLIFYED IN THE CARTOON SERIES! WHY DISNEY, WHY?! THIS MOVIE IS GOING TO BE AS BAD AS THE SUPER MARIO BROS MOVIE! PLEASE STOP THIS MOVIE FROM MAKING MONEY! -
I was invited to a sneak preview up at the Burbank offices on Tuesday. Those Nazis at Disney forced me to sign some "non-disclosure" thing, but, you know what? Fuck them.
This movie is so fucking bad that people NEED to be warned.
If you were a fan of the catoon series, then DO NOT go to see this film...you will be bitterly disappointed and 8 bucks poorer.
Everything sucks...it's almost unbearable.
I don't have any respect for those assholes at Disney....they made families with little kids sit on the pavement in a hot parking lot for over an hour while they had a gorgeous gigantic air conditioned office building just a few feet away.
PLEASE, friends...spread the word about this stinking bomb. Urge everyone you know to avoid this film!! IT'S A FLOP!!
Any posts to the contrary come from Disney spies and spin doctors. -
I've had the misfortune to see the Gadget trailer twice in the last week.
I have never heard such a deathly silence in a theater as the hush that fell over the crowd after the trailer. It was scary--not a whisper, not a gumwrapper's crinkle, not a giggle, not even a curse rose into the air.
Two different audiences which, moments before, had been happily looking forward to seeing Phantom Menace were instantly thrown into stunned stupor.
I bet there would be fewer negative reviews of Ep. 1 if people didn't have to sit through this lame premonition of an even lamer excuse for a movie.
Although I think we should all pitch in and buy some verbs for Light House Shines, the review hits the nail on the head. -
I can only hope that this movie deviates from the cartoon show it has taken its name from, because the cartoon was one of the most stupid things I ever watched in my youth. It was the worst of the "same villian every week" shows, with idiot Gadget ALWAYS bumbling his way to solving the case, Penny ALWAYS pulling strings with that ridiculous book, Brain ALWAYS steering Gadget back on track and Claw ALWAYS underestimating Gadget and getting screwed in the end, only to escape so the same trash could start again the next time. So the fact that the filmmakers have taken strides to expand this scenario is a good thing. Of course, it's not like this review will affect whether or not I go to see this movie, as it has absolutely no opinions on the quality of acting, plot, or effects. Hopefully some more substantive reviews, not so hung up on inexplicably trying to protect the moronic cartoon series, will come along soon.
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