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Patrick Bateman looks at MYSTERY MEN
SPOILER ALERT !!
Every now and again, I get a spy that... disturbs me. This fella, named himself, "Patrick
Bateman, a real American Psycho." Be... Afraid. Anyway, I hope this genuine American Psycho comes to be a constant contributor, but... It's only a matter of time before the proper authorities seek him out. Remember, this review is of an incomplete movie, that is still in it's finishing processes. So take note...
Harry-
I’ve never written to you before, but that’s because I’ve never really had a
reason. But last night I saw a sneak peak at a little movie called “Mystery
Men”… and lets just say, its something worth writing in about.
I heard about the screening at Universal city at about 3:00pm, got in my car
and shot up there. 5:30 I was in line- ticketless. By 6:00 I had a ticket
(thanks Andrew) and I was moving into the theater. The lights dimmed, the
crowd got a little rowdy, and heres what I saw (I’ll keep it spoiler free….)
In case someone’s been living on Mars for the past year, heres a little
background on the movie: it’s the story of a group of misfit wannabe
superheros who band together to save the city when its true superhero
(Captain Amazing/Millionaire Lance Hunt/Greg Kinnear) is captured by his
arch enemy (Cassanova Frankenstein/Geoffrey Rush).
The first thing I noticed was the enormity of the movie, everything about it
was huge.. the sets, the stars, even the effects (which weren’t quite
finished). First, the stars… who isn’t in this movie? Ben Stiller,
Janeanne Garofolo, and Hank Azaria were great as always. These guys are
great actors and they did what they always do. The standouts, however, were
the other members of the team Paul Ruebens played The Spleen (a grotesque
whos powers were his bodily functions). One thing to say PEE WEE IS
BACK!!!! Kel Mitchel was hysterical, as was straight faced Bill Macy (the
Shovler). The villains, unfortunately, were a little weaker- Geoffrey Rush
as Cassanova Frankenstein was good, but not amazing. Lena Olin as his
girlfriend- why was she in the movie again? The two other main bad guys
(one white, one black) were great together, but indivually they were just
ok.
One super standout: Greg Kinnear. He is the man and this role proves it.
We’ve seen him in dramas, romantic comedies, and now this. His role is so
subtley funny its Amazing (pun intended.).
Ok, I’m stopping about the cast. The sets were great, the effects were good
but not done. Now this movie was far from perfect, and not yet finished.
So here are my suggestions (this is the part the director, producers, and
especially the FILM EDITOR!!! Should look at:
Ok guys the biggest mistake is the length. Please, for the love of God,
take 15 minutes out of this movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Every scene in this movie
could have been trimmed. Please editor: shorten the opening fight scene,
shorten the training scenes, take frames out of every shot in this movie and
it will be that much better.
Here’s my biggest problem. It really dragged near the end. Theres this one
part where Macy makes a speech. I won’t tell you what he says, but its one
of those sappy ra ra sis boom ba speeches where you’re ready to stand up and
go kick Cassanova’s ass yourself… but then what happens? Nothing. They
don’t go kick ass! They go say good bye to their loved ones. Which in
Macy’s case was funny. But then in Stillers case there is this entire
subplot about his love making him lose his superpowers. Which sucked. So
here’s my suggestion. EDITOR THIS IS FOR YOU!!!!!! Take this entire stupid
subplot out of the movie. It can easily be cut out in its entirety. Have
them build the battle tank before Macy’s speech and have them go kick ass
when we’re all in the mood!
Ok, a few more things. When did Cassanova kidnap Claire Forlani? Why did
he kill Olin (and why was she in the movie again?). Why is the white bad
boy (not Cassanova) in so much of the movie? He wasn’t that good. I’m a
big Claire Forlani fan, but her part either wasn’t big enough or was too
big… I can’t decide.
And DIRECTOR THIS IF FOR YOU: Please add more sappy speeches like the one
macy gave to his men, that shot of all of them walking down the street all
bad ass was amazing.
To sum up my ramblings: Everything about Mystery Men was amazing, it was
just too long!!!! This is guaranteed going to be one of the biggest hits
of the summer if they just make it short enough that everyone can sit
through it more than once!
Patrick Bateman, the greatest american psycho... Patrick Bateman is here...
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whatever happened to making a film about The Watchmen? It's the best graphic novel I've read. Mystery Men sounds like a nice simpler version.
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i know it's probably not central to the plot, but i don't want to know if lena olin's character dies or not, no matter how pointless you say her role is...
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Shite! Major spoilers spilled out in Psycho's review! I am looking forward to this movie sooo much and this guy screws with some major plot points. I wish I could un-read what he wrote. Anyway, the movie sound fantastic!! I love the fact that Pee-wee is back and NOW in a scandal-proof mode. He is such a great persona for freaks all over the world. Opening weekend I'm there.
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Is Tom Waits the white guy you're talking about? If so, I understand why you say he's a bad actor, but I will see absolutely ANYTHING Tom Waits shoves his ugly mug in. That man is a damn interesting piece of work.
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He was the best thing about Dracula... and he was also good in something else i saw but i can't remember what it was...
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This guy is a great actor, no offence smilin'jack, but he has been great in everything I've seen him in, including the awful Queen's Logic and Dracula (which I loved but then I'm a little sick). Even on his own recordings he's playing a role each time, Rain Dogs, Big Time, Black Rider etc. even older stuff like Nighthawks at the Diner he's still playing a role...ah well, Janeane and Tom in a movie, I can't wait!
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The white henchman the review refers to is played by British comedien Eddie Izzard, the black one is played by Pras of the Fugees. Tom Waits apparently plays a mad scientist type, tho I'm not sure if he's a good guy.
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As I understand it, Terry Gillium had a woody to make The Watchmen based on the Graphic Novel put out by DC Comics back in the late 80's. He was riding high on the Hollywood popularity hog with the success of Brazil and had attracted a butload of money to make his next extravaganza - The Adventures Of Baron Munchausen. After that would be the Watchmen, which I had heard Gillium was really looking forward to do as a true Comics fan. Unfortunately, Gillium crashed and burned with the Baron's box office failure. The Watchmen went with him. Be interesting to see if MM is a hit, might we see a resurgence in quality Super Hero movies?? Done right, The Watchmen would be a GREAT movie.
By the way, all this is from memery. Anyone have anything eles to add to the Gillium/Baron/Watchmen story that goes deeper than my surface remembrances???? -
Just for creating what is one of the greates American albums, Rain Dogs, Tom Waits should have his ass kissed wherever he goes. When I heard he was in this movie, my mind was made up. Ok, I had also heard that Stiller, Rubens and Co. were in it as well.
For the record, even without the awe of Rain Dogs haloing him wherever he goes, Waits would still be quite a good actor.
Watchmen is totally unadaptable to the screen. I would prefer someone do The Tick.
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"The Adventures of Baron Munchausen" was a great film that was unjustly ignored in it's original release.
I'm glad "Watchmen" never made it though, it would've been perverted and rewritten until it resembled my other fav comic turned film: "Tank Girl". (Have you even seen this? No? What a lucky soul are you.)
And about all the bitching about Spoilers, reality check, this is the birth place of Spoilers. Sometimes it's a good thing and others not, but unless it's about STAR WARS, I don't care. It's the only film I want to stay fresh. The rest are all interesting interludes in between and I mean that.
Good review AP, I'll check it out.
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