Cool News
Moriarty’s One Thing I Love Today! A Completely Random E-Mail About RAMBO!
SPOILER ALERT !!
Hey, everyone. “Moriarty” here.
It is not a new thing for me to get e-mail about Rambo.
Longtime AICN reader and talkback regular AB King has had my e-mail address for over a decade. I would estimate that he alone is responsible for over 45 billion e-mails that mentioned the character Rambo during that time. And that’s just him.
Well, okay, so mainly he’s the only one who has consistently been e-mailing me about the character all that time, but in the last year, Rambo’s actually become a major presence in pop culture again. Last year, when I was publishing the series about the best geek movies of 1982, one of the titles that absolutely needed to be discussed in greater depth was FIRST BLOOD. We just didn’t quite get to it. FIRST BLOOD is pretty damn close to a classic. It’s human-scaled and broken-hearted and sort of awesome.
RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II was something entirely other, every bit as much a comic book movie as something like ROBOCOP or DARKMAN, where the aesthetic is right on, the reality just elastic enough to become pop mythology. Yeah, the James Cameron script is part of it, but so is that crazy hyper-confident Stallone cartoon energy of that moment, also apparent in ROCKY III. He knew he'd created icons, and he was determined to keep making them bigger and bigger.
Today, we got this e-mail in from a guy who is evidently sends out a RAMBO newsletter to all his friends. This particular edition of the newsletter is so geek silly delirious that I have no choice but to hand over today’s column to the eloquence and obvious wisdom of "M.Nichols," who wrote:
“Bored at work, created the attached... thought you might enjoy.
Regards,
Mark Nichols
Vandalia OH”
My personal faves are 12, 16, 20, and 27. Read just those, and it's a lovely poem that says it all. Great work, Mark, and thanks for the ear-to-ear smile.
Hey, guys! Welcome to the latest edition of my RAMBO newsletter. Are you as psyched as me that the DVD release of RAMBO is, as of today, only two months away? I bet you are! Since I can’t sleep with all of this excitement, I have spent a lot of time watching the rest of the RAMBO films and feel like since we are II months away, it is II appropriate that we take a few moments to reflect on twenty-seven reasons why RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II is so awesome:
1. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II kills 57 people in order to rescue five decrepit POWs.
2. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II was born 7/6/47 Bowie, Arizona of Indian-German descent. Joined army 8/6/64. Accepted, Special Forces specialization, light weapons, cross-trained as medic. Helicopter and language qualified, 59 confirmed kills, two Silver Stars, four Bronze, four Purple Hearts, Distinguished Service Cross, Congressional Medal of Honor.
3. RAMOB FIRST BLOOD PART II is expendable.
4. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II knows Murdock wasn’t in the second battalion, third marine in Comtun in ‘66.
5. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II knows the second battalion was in Cuzank.
6. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II is no stranger to pain.
7. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II ignores the stealth advantages of a bow and arrow by emitting the sound of a gunshot with each arrow released.
8. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II can transform into a wall of mud in a matter of seconds and then become clean (and dry) just as quickly.
9. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II can incinerate all buildings in an entire wicker village simultaneously with a single explosive arrow.
10. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II can destroy an entire brigade of Vietnamese soldiers using only a chicken and a gallon of gasoline.
11. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II knows that Vietnamese soldiers who dare to grow mustaches must be destroyed with explosive arrows usually reserved for simultaneous incineration of all buildings in an entire wicker village.
12. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II was just supposed to take photographs.
13. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II is smart enough to wait until Co Bao’s death is certain before promising to take her to America where she can enjoy a cheeseburger.
14. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II knows that, if all else fails, you can tell who the Russians are because they have giant red stars painted on everything they own, wear, drive and/or fly.
15. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II would have gotten a second Medal of Honor for this.
16. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II, although created by Col. Samuel Trautman, can be controlled by no man.
17. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II is coming for you, Murdock.
18. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II remains aware that, even though captured and tortured by the Russians, they will leave all of his weapons (and pants) nearby for easy retrieval should he escape.
19. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II knew all along that the Vietnamese and Russians would collude and maintains multiple covert military bases so that they may continue to exploit five decrepit POWs for much-needed free labor in a Communist regime.
20. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II was never supposed to come home.
21. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II is thankful that there is a convenient hole in the windshield of his helicopter just sized right for a rocket launcher to fit through.
22. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II eschews night vision.
23. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II never knows when two little knives may come in more handy than one really, big knife.
24. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II trusts neither pirates nor mercenaries, especially those carrying Russian rocket launchers.
25. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II has little regard for office equipment when reporting to Murdock that his mission is, indeed, accomplished.
26. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II has even less regard for the comfort nor UV protection of a cotton shirt.
27. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II will live day by day.
Thanks again, Mark, for a very funny look at a film I always forget how much I enjoy.
Drew McWeeny, Los Angeles
Drew McWeeny, Los Angeles
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+ Expand All
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Nothing! You just don't turn it off!
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Eats RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II every day.
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Rambo, Rambo, Rambo.
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in brady bunch.
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It's like someone invites you to a party and you don't show up... it doesn't really matter.
Forget Viet Nam, John Rambo is still even pissed off about what happened to him in high school.
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...ended up bearing almost no resemblance to the final film, thanks to Sly "I can write it better" Stallone. JC wrote about a team of soldiers who went in to go do the job, Stallone wanted it to be pretty much all about him. It's allright, though... what Cameron studied about military and guerilla warfare for Rambo, he applied (along with certain character elements) to the marines in "Aliens," a film I'm much happier to re-watch 20+ years down the road as opposed to Rambo II.
But that list above is fairly damn funny. -
is going on
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That's really interesting considdering how much Rambo 4 seemed influenced by Cameron.
The plot is really similar to Aliens, There's a character called Reese, the actor playing School Boy looks a lot like Michael Biehn in a lot of the shots, and I think one of the thai characters were called Bien.
Finding James Cameron connections in Rambo 4 is a great drinking game. -
all over your posts by accident. I can imagine why you have such sarcastic sentiments towards Rambo First Blood Part II, and it made this post more interesting. That's an asset to your writing style that you should cultivate. This might not have made much sense but I'm being serious.
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It's not funny nor is it remotely interesting.
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Nice to kick it off with some non-divisive entertainment.
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Mar 28, 2008 6:03:58 AM CDT
I didnt realise I enjoyed it for all those reasons!!
by theycallmemrglass
Funny shit, man. oh and 45 billion is uh...a lot of emails on Rambo, perhaps mis counted?
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glad i never saw the movie
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That's AICN for ya.
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on par with first blood dare i say -
RAMBO2&3 are some of the finest Action movies ever made.RAMBO4 is fucking awesome!
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And on and on and on and on with no end in sight
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Unfortunately not too many good things ever happen to me :P
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I mean, I of course know First Blood 2, but it was a good idea to think about the generation of moviegoers who never heard about Rambo until a few months ago. (Even if there is hardly any spoiler to find here...)
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for COBRA?!? Just tryin to help make MARION COBRETTI happen next.
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...is undoubtedly #17. My dad says that all the time.
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or a Demolition Man Sequal.
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you LOVE this email? I kinda find it semi amusing but not even in the ballpark of love..pull your head out of your ass and redo today's column.
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..Doggy Style
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"HuuuuuaAAAAARRRGGGhhHGh!!"
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...would be a fun, nostalgic blast. It was, but what really surprised me was how much and how hard it kicked my ass. The epilogue was pitch-perfect too.
Can't fucking wait for the next one. -
...but this really was lame as all fuck. And then some.
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ALL four RAMBO movies are some of the GREATEST ACTION FILMS ever put to cinema. Sly is smart fleshing the character out even more with a 5th film. Can't wait to hear his idea for the next movie. Watch this 1 minute "in honor of clip" and tell me it doesn't KICK UNHOLY ASS: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcGr_RDenjY
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcGr_RDenjY
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Stat!
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It would be bigger than King of Kong, which I really enjoyed. Have you met Sly and Arnold in real life?
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Rambo is god.
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...I have practically NO regard for office supplies AT ALL! This is VERY cool news.
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"Rambo" was an unexpected blast, and the ending was indeed perfect... but only cos we knew that the saga ends there. Or thought we did. I'm afraid that another one will only screw things up. Let it go.
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I always laugh when the hot Asian chick says that!
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'nuff said
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It is just the "Medal Of Honor". It's a common mistake made by many films.
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Mar 28, 2008 3:24:23 PM CDT
Technically everyone should have been saluting
by grammaton cleric binks
Rambo's ass because the way it works in the military is officer's are saluted first by those lower in rank. Enlisted men, warrant officers, and NCO's are not saluted. The exception being those with a Medal of Honor. I may be a bit off but I beieve correct protocol is that these individuals, regardless of rank, get saluted, and saluted first. Any general would have to salute Rambo first instead of receiving a salute. Okay, Rambo is no longer in the military, and I guess technically doesn't get saluted anymore, but you get the idea.
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"Rambo ignores the stealth advantages of a bow and arrow by emitting the sound of a gunshot with each arrow released." That's hilarious! Is there really a gunshot when Rambo shoots an arrow?! I gotta watch it again.
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1. There is never anybody upstairs in a bar
2. If you've got the balls, Ritchie'll give you the bread
3. Gino is fair game
4. Never complain about losing some of your teeth, or you'll lose the rest -
a dark brown shit wedge from in between Rambos ass with that knife as they pulled him up from that pig shithole.
Blood would run from the removed incrusted shit too.
I had a mental animated image of this playing around in my head from time too time when I was a kid.
Never could figure out why. -
Oooookay....
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The original Rambo was brilliant. A vet that had been fucked over by his country.
The sequel was just pathetic pandering to rednecks and people who like to see shit blow up.
More over, there's a sad savage ignorance in many of this movies fans, who look at the world and see only Black and White issues with problems that can only be solved by high explosives. -
happen to read the novelization of the second movie? Pardon me as I've been drinking, but I forget the name of the guy who wrote the original book. He wrote the novelization for the movie. There's all this incredible internalization going on which, of course, the movie never gets to convey. Best of which is Rambo thinking about Co after he meets her. There's all this stuff about how her name, apparently, means "virgin" in Vietnamese (much like talkbacker does in AICN world. Ha!) and how John was immediately attracted to her. Even better is the internalized line about pleasuring himself. Morrow, right? The author? He includes a thought from Rambo where he "... only masturbated on special occasions." There... get THAT image out of your heads without getting drunk first.
Just thought I'd share that with y'all. Cheers. -
Never build your base out of wicker.
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