Hey, everyone. “Moriarty” here.

It is not a new thing for me to get e-mail about Rambo.

Longtime AICN reader and talkback regular AB King has had my e-mail address for over a decade. I would estimate that he alone is responsible for over 45 billion e-mails that mentioned the character Rambo during that time. And that’s just him.

Well, okay, so mainly he’s the only one who has consistently been e-mailing me about the character all that time, but in the last year, Rambo’s actually become a major presence in pop culture again. Last year, when I was publishing the series about the best geek movies of 1982, one of the titles that absolutely needed to be discussed in greater depth was FIRST BLOOD. We just didn’t quite get to it. FIRST BLOOD is pretty damn close to a classic. It’s human-scaled and broken-hearted and sort of awesome.

RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II was something entirely other, every bit as much a comic book movie as something like ROBOCOP or DARKMAN, where the aesthetic is right on, the reality just elastic enough to become pop mythology. Yeah, the James Cameron script is part of it, but so is that crazy hyper-confident Stallone cartoon energy of that moment, also apparent in ROCKY III. He knew he'd created icons, and he was determined to keep making them bigger and bigger.

Today, we got this e-mail in from a guy who is evidently sends out a RAMBO newsletter to all his friends. This particular edition of the newsletter is so geek silly delirious that I have no choice but to hand over today’s column to the eloquence and obvious wisdom of "M.Nichols," who wrote:

“Bored at work, created the attached... thought you might enjoy.

Regards,
Mark Nichols
Vandalia OH”

My personal faves are 12, 16, 20, and 27. Read just those, and it's a lovely poem that says it all. Great work, Mark, and thanks for the ear-to-ear smile.

Hey, guys! Welcome to the latest edition of my RAMBO newsletter. Are you as psyched as me that the DVD release of RAMBO is, as of today, only two months away? I bet you are! Since I can’t sleep with all of this excitement, I have spent a lot of time watching the rest of the RAMBO films and feel like since we are II months away, it is II appropriate that we take a few moments to reflect on twenty-seven reasons why RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II is so awesome:

1. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II kills 57 people in order to rescue five decrepit POWs.

2. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II was born 7/6/47 Bowie, Arizona of Indian-German descent. Joined army 8/6/64. Accepted, Special Forces specialization, light weapons, cross-trained as medic. Helicopter and language qualified, 59 confirmed kills, two Silver Stars, four Bronze, four Purple Hearts, Distinguished Service Cross, Congressional Medal of Honor.

3. RAMOB FIRST BLOOD PART II is expendable.

4. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II knows Murdock wasn’t in the second battalion, third marine in Comtun in ‘66.

5. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II knows the second battalion was in Cuzank.

6. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II is no stranger to pain.

7. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II ignores the stealth advantages of a bow and arrow by emitting the sound of a gunshot with each arrow released.

8. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II can transform into a wall of mud in a matter of seconds and then become clean (and dry) just as quickly.

9. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II can incinerate all buildings in an entire wicker village simultaneously with a single explosive arrow.

10. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II can destroy an entire brigade of Vietnamese soldiers using only a chicken and a gallon of gasoline.

11. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II knows that Vietnamese soldiers who dare to grow mustaches must be destroyed with explosive arrows usually reserved for simultaneous incineration of all buildings in an entire wicker village.

12. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II was just supposed to take photographs.

13. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II is smart enough to wait until Co Bao’s death is certain before promising to take her to America where she can enjoy a cheeseburger.

14. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II knows that, if all else fails, you can tell who the Russians are because they have giant red stars painted on everything they own, wear, drive and/or fly.

15. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II would have gotten a second Medal of Honor for this.

16. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II, although created by Col. Samuel Trautman, can be controlled by no man.

17. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II is coming for you, Murdock.

18. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II remains aware that, even though captured and tortured by the Russians, they will leave all of his weapons (and pants) nearby for easy retrieval should he escape.

19. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II knew all along that the Vietnamese and Russians would collude and maintains multiple covert military bases so that they may continue to exploit five decrepit POWs for much-needed free labor in a Communist regime.

20. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II was never supposed to come home.

21. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II is thankful that there is a convenient hole in the windshield of his helicopter just sized right for a rocket launcher to fit through.

22. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II eschews night vision.

23. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II never knows when two little knives may come in more handy than one really, big knife.

24. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II trusts neither pirates nor mercenaries, especially those carrying Russian rocket launchers.

25. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II has little regard for office equipment when reporting to Murdock that his mission is, indeed, accomplished.

26. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II has even less regard for the comfort nor UV protection of a cotton shirt.

27. RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART II will live day by day.

Thanks again, Mark, for a very funny look at a film I always forget how much I enjoy.

Drew McWeeny, Los Angeles