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G.I. JOE Details Emerge Via Access Hollywood!!

Merrick here...
Details of Stephen Sommers' forthcoming big screen pillage of G.I. JOE have been posted by Access Hollywood. The article includes quotes from several actors in the film, and a few specifics about what we can expect.
The film is reportedly an origins story. It could explain why Destro has a chromed head and why Snake Eyes doesn't speak, among other outlandish details of "G.I. Joe" that the cartoon never explained.
...says the article, which you can find HERE. The piece also indicates that the phrase "Now I know...and knowing is half the battle" will somehow be incorporated into the film.
I'm still not-entirely-comfortable about this project...Sommers seems to have an uncanny ability to transform gold into diarrhea. Although, THOSE RECENT IMAGES OF SNAKE EYES were pretty damn cool as far as I'm concerned, so maybe there's hope.

Readers Talkback
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  • March 25, 2008, 9:48 a.m. CST


    by DaBUU

  • March 25, 2008, 9:48 a.m. CST


    by ingloriousjedi


  • March 25, 2008, 9:48 a.m. CST


    by DaBUU

    I dont give an F what you first posting haters say!

  • March 25, 2008, 9:49 a.m. CST

    Fuck you Santi01 you cunt

    by ingloriousjedi to read the post...

  • March 25, 2008, 9:52 a.m. CST

    Your link to the article dosnt work.

    by ingloriousjedi

  • March 25, 2008, 9:52 a.m. CST


    by uss cygnus

    GI JOE, Now a part of the United Nations, gets swept up in an oil for food scandal that secretly finances terrorist attacks against the United States. The Joe team then realizes they should be real AMERICAN heroes.

  • March 25, 2008, 9:54 a.m. CST

    Yeah we should totally hit again but I get first dibs on it

    by judge dredds fresh undies


  • March 25, 2008, 9:58 a.m. CST


    by INWOsuxRED

    I agree the link isn't working

  • March 25, 2008, 10 a.m. CST

    No doubt..

    by DaBUU

    This will suck ass. G.I. Terminator!

  • March 25, 2008, 10:04 a.m. CST



    But seriously.... Can they really mess it up as bad as Bay did to Transformers?

  • March 25, 2008, 10:05 a.m. CST

    Dexter season 3 news

    by blue1622

    up at is going darker apparently.

  • March 25, 2008, 10:06 a.m. CST

    Self Respect

    by Bombadils_Bane10

    Come on guys, at this point haven't we become civilized enough to stop posting "First"

  • March 25, 2008, 10:13 a.m. CST


    by ballyhoo

    Sommers sucks.

  • March 25, 2008, 10:19 a.m. CST

    Stephen Sommers...

    by they call it the dip

    ... a man given 170 million dollars to make a movie with hugh jackman, werewolves, ogres, josie maran, AND kate beckinsale and still fucked it up. so taking a property that's dead even by way of nostalgic value thanks to newer-generation crappy toys and overplayed internet jokes, and what do you think the end result will be?

  • March 25, 2008, 10:25 a.m. CST

    Transformers was awesome...

    by Dreadlock Holmes

    I'll never get the hate it gets on these boards.

  • March 25, 2008, 10:26 a.m. CST

    God damned I love those redubs

    by Undercover Fanboy

    I mean, I LIKED the internet before, but watching the redubs is when I fell in love.

  • March 25, 2008, 10:32 a.m. CST

    and yes

    by they call it the dip

    it can be much worse than what "bay did to transformers". transformers is still great in my opinion because bay knows what he is and is good at making dumb movies. sommers lusts after michael bay can't step to him. what i don't get is why do people get their expectations so high for properties that were only created to sell toys in the first place? LITERALLY. the cartoon: made to sell more toys. the comics: made to sell more toys. the upcoming movie: made to sell more toys. steven sommers: built in an unmarked Walt Disney warehouse.. TO SELL MORE TOYS. do you really expect the coen brothers to be interested in the "layers of depth" that they could explore in the COBRA Organization?

  • March 25, 2008, 10:32 a.m. CST

    Destro used to be,,,,

    by jase4772

    Destro used to be called Red Jackal but after tracking down Baron Ironblood (who became Cobra Commander) he had acid sprayed in his face and was rebuilt and renamed Destro.

  • March 25, 2008, 10:34 a.m. CST

    Cobra Commander's Day Off

    by slone13

    <p>This shit's still funny. Pretty decent Commander costume, too, if I do say so myself.</p> <p></p>

  • March 25, 2008, 10:36 a.m. CST

    "as bad as Transformers"

    by masteryoda007

    BRUTICUS......what a total cuntface. He is not playing with a full deck.

  • March 25, 2008, 10:41 a.m. CST

    will Cobra-La be in this?

    by Boomers_Lips

    since it is an origins story and all. who could play Golobulous?

  • March 25, 2008, 10:41 a.m. CST


    by davsan38

    there's a black man at the bathrooom window.

  • March 25, 2008, 10:41 a.m. CST

    will a woman voice Cobra Commander?

    by Boomers_Lips

    he did sound like a woman in the cartoon.

  • March 25, 2008, 10:47 a.m. CST

    We don't need origin stories

    by IAmLegolas

    Come on, this movie will be like 2 hours and it already has a cast of a 100 Joes and Cobra people. Why do we need to focus on why Snake Eyes being mute or Destro having a chrome mask? All it does is eat up time and nobody cares. Take a page from NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN, and less from HANNIBAL RISING. Thank you.

  • March 25, 2008, 10:53 a.m. CST

    George W. Bush for Cobra Commander!

    by Judge Briggs

    And Dick Cheney as Desthro... perfect, just perfect!

  • March 25, 2008, 10:54 a.m. CST

    Levitt as Cobra Commander?

    by antmanx68

    WTF is up with that? I am praying that this turns out more mummy (far fetched but funny, stylized and cool) and less Van Helsing (adjusted for badassery potential: The worst movie ever made.)

  • March 25, 2008, 10:55 a.m. CST


    by Rocklover79

    You might not want an origin story, but if they want this movie to reach beyond the GI Joe fanbase, they're gonna have to explain, at some point, what the fuck is going on and why these people are the way that they are. I'm not saying that I need Basil Exposition to show up, but speaking as someone who only knows GI Joe as "those toys", I'm gonna need a LITTLE backstory. Sorry.

  • March 25, 2008, 11:03 a.m. CST

    black haired baroness

    by macgruder

    That makes me happy because i saw screenshots of Sienna miller with blonde hair on the set. Also they mention about destro actually having a metal face, which i was sure they'd omit. This makes me happy now. If they'd just recast cobra commander with Peter Saarsgard id be even happier.

  • March 25, 2008, 11:07 a.m. CST

    why was that medic guy...

    by BigTexas42

    hanging out by those kids' bathroom window? Perv.

  • March 25, 2008, 11:12 a.m. CST

    cobra lalalalalalallalalalalalla!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    by ironic_name

  • March 25, 2008, 11:40 a.m. CST

    Hopefully Wayan's character dies early on.

    by alienindisguise

    If that happens then maybe this will rock. Transformers totally sucked balls and I can't imagine this being any worse.

  • March 25, 2008, 11:42 a.m. CST

    blue1622: dexter

    by palewook

    thanks for the heads up. sept cant get here soon enough

  • March 25, 2008, 11:50 a.m. CST

    I just hope the Baroness gets naked. . .

    by Slippy

    and gets nominated for Mr. Skin annual awards. Breast Picture would be nice. And Transformers ruled the fucking planet.

  • March 25, 2008, 12:02 p.m. CST

    This just in: Destro's metal mask designed at Area 51

    by Darth_Inedible

    I wish I could travel into the future and just skip the next 10-15 years of awful Gen XY movie making.

  • March 25, 2008, 12:02 p.m. CST

    Snake Eyes' Origin

    by darthferris

    As explained in the comics, he got blasted in the face by an exploding helicopter discharge or something to that effect. Not sure if Destro ever had anything elaborate to him, besides being the scion of a wealthy Scottish arms dealing dynasty.

  • March 25, 2008, 12:10 p.m. CST

    this was already revealed in Latino Reviews script review

    by IndustryKiller!

    Destro gets bruned and his nanobyte technology forms a metallic mask around his face (that I'm assuming can move with his face), Cobra commander is the Baroness's brother (whom he controls through mind control) and also Duke's best friend whom we are told at the beginning dies at the end, and Snake eyes is near an explosion that shreds his vocal chords. I would post a spoiler warning but the cobra commander shit is so stupid I can't imagine anyone would want to be surprised.

  • March 25, 2008, 12:12 p.m. CST

    Sommers isn't that bad

    by Spacekicker2001

    The Mummy was fun, so was the sequel. I wasn't the biggest fan of Van Helsing to be sure, but have you seen the insanity that is Deep Rising? It's bonkers and fun, or how about his hilarious script of Gunmen? He's not Bay, not even close.

  • March 25, 2008, 12:13 p.m. CST

    Destro's Origin

    by Pariah74

    Was told in the comics in lots of detail. Wikipedia gets it right: "He wears a mask forged from Beryllium Steel, a tradition dating back to the English Civil War, when an ancestor of his was caught selling weapons to both sides. Forced to wear a steel mask for his crimes (neither side wanted to execute the ancestor because they still wanted the weapons he sold), the Destro clan has since turned it into a symbol of pride, passing it down from father to son for over 20 generations."

  • March 25, 2008, 12:19 p.m. CST

    More Script Details

    by Aquatarkusman

    The Baroness becomes The Red Baroness and starts selling toaster oven pizza singles. Cobra Commander fights Lieutenant Marion 'Cobra' Cobretti, played by a 76-year-old Sly Stallone. .. ah, fuck it. I do remember that the original animated movie (1985? 1986?) freaked me out with the malevolent spores and Dr. Moreau-ization of Cobra Commander.

  • March 25, 2008, 12:21 p.m. CST

    Look here Merrick, we've already said this

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    Movie based on cartoon - bad; movie based on comic - good. All the canon, origins, etc. is in the comic. So why keep hashing up what was and wasn't in the cartoon. It was just a glorified toy commercial. Larry Hama is attached, so I have high hopes for this.

  • March 25, 2008, 12:25 p.m. CST

    Gammatron: I concur.

    by Playkins

    Cartoon=Kiddie toy commercial crap. Comic=Descent stories. Even the Flynt/Lady Jaye sexual tension was more hashed out. Although I was always more of a Scarlet guy meself.

  • March 25, 2008, 12:43 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    It's really unnecessary and a waste of a first movie. All you need is some scene where a general explains to the incoming President, or Congress or whatever, who and what these guys are. Done. Then just get into the action. I wish they'd ask me before making these things.

  • March 25, 2008, 12:48 p.m. CST

    by Doctor Land

    the meat of this Access Hollywood article is nearly verbatim 4 days old USA Today nice reportage indeed

  • March 25, 2008, 12:51 p.m. CST

    RE: I just hope the Baroness gets naked. . .

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    Do a Google on Sienna Miller and the world is your oyster.

  • March 25, 2008, 1 p.m. CST

    No No Country

    by critch

    IAmLegolas, you want them to spend half the movie on a character that really has nothing to do with the overall plot, and then have COBRA killed offscreen by some random villians? And then just end the movie because they run out of budget? Using No Country as a template is just a crap idea. Stephen Sommers is perfect for this. It's a movie based on damn action figures and a 80's cartoon, this is far better than what the property deserves.

  • March 25, 2008, 1:04 p.m. CST

    Merrick, Merrick, Merrick...

    by Anna Valerious

    You probably don't realize how many women out there LOVE his monster movies, right? Heck, read a damned book!

  • March 25, 2008, 1:08 p.m. CST

    So Critch fills the idiot spot early this talkback

    by IndustryKiller!

    In that he's the first guy to vocalize how he actually WANTS less quality from his movies using the same old bullshit indefensible argument we've been hearing since Transformers. Plus you get the added bonus of him doing it while bashing a modern masterpiece due to his clear lack of understanding of it. Bravo genius.

  • March 25, 2008, 1:16 p.m. CST


    by rev_skarekroe

    ...they tried it your way. It was called "Megaforce".

  • March 25, 2008, 1:27 p.m. CST

    To everyone bringing up Bay & Emmerich . . .

    by Nice Marmot

    . . . Sommers makes both look like Kubrick. But they all suck, so I'm not going to argue or anything.

  • March 25, 2008, 1:29 p.m. CST

    It can't be worst than TINO

    by photoboy

    Seriously, Bay fucked that one so much it left Transformers ass red and raw. Sommers should be able to make an at least halfway watchable film unlike Bay who made the Transformers look like walking piles of magnetised junk.

  • March 25, 2008, 1:43 p.m. CST

    Mr. Nice Gaius

    by Slippy

    Thank you brotha!!! Need a picture with the Baroness glasses and pig tails and this will be a hell of a movie!!!

  • March 25, 2008, 1:48 p.m. CST

    Do I really need to understand Destro's motivations?

    by kevred

    He's the bad guy. GI Joe are the good guys, and they're quirky and odd as individuals. Really, do most people actually need all the origin stuff? Who cares why Destro has a metal head or Snake Eyes is silent? What's wrong with a little mystery? Give me five or ten more minutes of people punching each other and flying around in cool vehicles, thank you. Save the origins for the DVD extras.<p>Case in point, and the only one that is needed, I think. Star Wars. The most popular movie in the history of the world. And after a little intro text, it just dropped you into the middle of the story with all kinds of weird characters, weirder character names, planets, odd costumes, robots, etc, without taking the time to spell everything out.<p>Who the hell are these Jawas, sandpeople? What's a "droid"? Is it Ben, or Obi-Wan? Wookiee? What the...?<p>WHO CARES. We saw, we experienced viscerally, we picked up the details in passing along the way. And we had the best time we'd ever had at the movies. It made enough sense, and the rest was exciting because it was alien and challenging. And admit it--the more we learned about everything, the less interesting it got. The prequels were basically one long explanation of backstory, and were dreadful.<p>Hollywood: people are dumber now than back then, but not that much. Less backstory, more action. Or, to quote the great Def Leppard, ACTION! Not Words.

  • March 25, 2008, 1:52 p.m. CST


    by nerosday

    That’s the origin version for Action Man, when Hasbro first started they were really shooting for two separate lines; GI Joe in America and Action man in the UK. It was meant to be two totally different franchises, but then they realized this might cause more confusion, so the UK comics and story which were already ongoing were, simply snapped into the existing storyline set up for the larger US market, meaning Hasbro would have far packaging and merchandizing to change. That is the why behind the origin differences, or so I've read. Cross check on wikipedia and some other sources to make sure I’m not leaving a lot out, I may be. And knowing is half the battle.

  • March 25, 2008, 1:52 p.m. CST

    I don't think this is news

    by Rufferto

    I've already heard all the "details" about their origin that is coming from this movie and it should have been left alone. If they wanted an origin for Cobra Commander they could have used the details from the Cobra Reborn book but they didn't. They decided to make it up as they go along.

  • March 25, 2008, 2:08 p.m. CST

    If its as good as Transformers........

    by DaBUU

    i'll be happy

  • March 25, 2008, 2:17 p.m. CST


    by rartus

    the "ninja the a gun" pic is just another tease image to hide a soon to be released, but already poorly executed film. THE EXACT SAME WITH VAN OVERTHETOP-SING, except instead of revamped dracula and wolfman we get guys in neat costumes posing...wise up community.

  • March 25, 2008, 2:24 p.m. CST


    by ArcadianDS

    Destro wears a mask that his ancestors wore in battle as knights or something like that. Snake-Eyes was in a helicopter crash that badly disfigured his face and ruined his vocal chords (but somehow he breathes)<p> And with that, on with the film.

  • March 25, 2008, 2:28 p.m. CST

    It's been said, but most of these 'details'

    by Reel American Hero

    That were never explained in the cartoon series were explained in the much better comic. With Hama as some kind of story consultant I'm hoping it's more off of that. Elsewise I wonder if we'll be back to the cobra shoots red lasers, the joes shoot blue, and there are convienent parachute/ejector seats with the cobra logo on them whenever one of their planes explode. I just hope to hear a 'Cobra, retreeeaat!' At least once in this thing.

  • March 25, 2008, 2:45 p.m. CST


    by Se7en

    Transformers was just great. It was a movie that succesfully served it's purpose. Yes, the director is a loudmouth and sounds like a jerk. Somehow I get the feeling he's not like that in real life. Somewhat of an act. Parodying himself silly in that new ad confirms this. He KNOWS that he's not making an insightful movie. And he's having the time of his life. Don't like his movies ? Don't watch them. I'll be in the front row eating popcorn laughing WITH him.

  • March 25, 2008, 2:54 p.m. CST


    by IndustryKiller!

    I will absolutely ignore Michael bays movies, that is until he makes a property that I have an emotional investment in. You liked Transformers? Fine. But don't get on my case for not liking it and since I have this aforementioned attachment, being vocal about it. My reasons are numerous and justified, I'm not disliking it for no reason. And I know people who have had personal experiences with Michael Bay, none of them overly pleasant.

  • March 25, 2008, 3:12 p.m. CST

    I hated Transformers too. I am surprised by how much love it get

    by IAmJack'sUserID

    It was a terribly painful thing to watch, the humor was anything but and I thought they totally went the dumb, easy route with TINO. I expected nothing less though, considering Michael Bay is one of the worst, most soulless directors working.

  • March 25, 2008, 3:13 p.m. CST

    You know the more I think about it.

    by nerosday

    Between the Real American Hero line and the Action Force lines in Europe the origins of these guys, especially the villians is so muddled they really could use some streamlining, but even I have to admit the "Baroness is CC sister, and Dukes lover" thing is stretching things a bit thin. Sure they could know eachother, but they don't all have to be eachother's second cousin's nephew's babysitters love child by his wife's uncles mistress' dentist either. you know? the more tied up they are in prolonged backstories the less fun this is gonna be. And with Sommers directing any semblance of a plot is just not going to be there so I'm holding out for the wow factor and all this cross pollination shit is eating into my wow here.

  • March 25, 2008, 3:19 p.m. CST

    Oh yeah...

    by nerosday

    And lets not forget the Snake-Eyes, Scarlet love thing handled side by side with the Snake-Eyes, Storm Shadow, Zartan, "You killed my Master," plot line. This thing holds the potential to be all over the place. Here's hoping they mainly deal with the Duke Cobra Commander, Baroness crap and let this movie suck on its own. Then maybe there can be a Snake-Eyes solo movie and they can get into the rest with a better director and script and then finally, FINALLY, the great Rau park will have a franchise of his own. Poor guy keeps being a one man show in bigger deals. Lucas never should have killed Maul

  • March 25, 2008, 3:20 p.m. CST

    Stephen Sommers...

    by poeticwarriorII

    is a no-talent cunt, they call it the dip is right. If you haven't learned that by now you're never going to. This movie will suck major ass.

  • March 25, 2008, 3:23 p.m. CST

    Herb West

    by nerosday

    rumor, but as they keep bringing it up again, and again, and now even Access is showning Levitt as CC and IMDB had shown him as "Rex Duke's friend," coupled with the full plot and script review posted more than a year ago on Latino Review, that matches what we keep hearing(long before anybody started getting real press discriptions)and its a pretty solid rumor. (whew)

  • March 25, 2008, 3:27 p.m. CST

    Aw man, i thought that'd be the Fenslerfilm with Doc

    by finky089

    I'd rather see the a string of Fenslerfilm get a theatrical release than this movie from Sommers.

  • March 25, 2008, 3:33 p.m. CST

    It's good to see Saïd Taghmaoui playing a good guy

    by IndustryKiller!

    I've enjoyed him in the small things I've seen him do and I always thought it sucked that he'd probably get typecast as a terrorist forever. Looking forward to seeing him in this.

  • March 25, 2008, 3:37 p.m. CST

    I'm surprised no one has mentioned a Sgt. Slaughter cameo

    by IndustryKiller!

    Seriously that would be rad. Even if he is just some chief of defense for the president or something. I remember as a kid we would always fight over who got to have the Sgt. Slaughter figure for their team.

  • March 25, 2008, 3:38 p.m. CST

    "Who wants a body message?"

    by Meglos

    I will be disappointed if this phrase is not incorporated into the flick. That or "Pork chop sandwhiches!"

  • March 25, 2008, 3:39 p.m. CST

    And I don't literally mean...

    by IndustryKiller!

    he should be playing Sgt. Slaughter. Just that the wrestler (whose real name I don't know) should appear somewhere in the film as a minor character. Just thought I should clarify that.

  • March 25, 2008, 3:43 p.m. CST


    by ironic_name

    ge eyyyyyye joooooooooooooooe

  • March 25, 2008, 4:07 p.m. CST

    Kat Williams for Roadblock

    by Brians Life

    KAH KOW!!!

  • March 25, 2008, 4:11 p.m. CST

    Porkchop sandwiches!

    by abulafia24

    Anybody want a body massage?

  • March 25, 2008, 4:12 p.m. CST


    by random dude

  • March 25, 2008, 4:34 p.m. CST

    Gracious, my bones are aching!!!

    by Queerbait

    Storm's coming on Annie. You'd better get home quick!!!

  • March 25, 2008, 4:35 p.m. CST

    Yo, Joe!

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

    Cheesy, but I love it.

  • March 25, 2008, 4:46 p.m. CST


    by one9deuce

    I have to concur with IndustyKiller! You're ignorant. 99% plus of the population doesn't know the difference between poor filmmaking and great filmmaking. They only know what they like or what they don't. They have completely subjective opinions and couldn't analyze a film to save their life. You're in that group. What IAmLegolas was trying to say is that we didn't get an origin story for Chigurh and we didn't get an origin story for Llewelyn Moss. Because you don't need them. We hear a little here and there in dialogue that is serving another function already. In other words: a very brilliant way of doing it. The opposite of clumsy exposition or pointless character origins.

  • March 25, 2008, 4:48 p.m. CST


    by BizarroJerry

    Both of those details have been revealed more than once! Snake-Eyes doesn't speak because of an accident during a helicopter crash that scarred his face (why he wears the mask) and damaged his vocal chords beyond repair, leaving him mute. He was trying to save Scarlett at the time. It was only a mystery in the cartoons! As for Destro, the mask is a family tradition that started hundreds of years ago. During some war in England (I forget when exactly) one of his ancestors was caught providing weapons to both sides of the war. As a punishment, they forced him to wear a metal mask, ala "Man in the Iron Mask". Instead of accept it as a mark of dishonor, the family started wearing metal masks as a badge of honor! I suppose this may be some bad reporting or the producer thinking people didn't know about the real origin. I hope it doesn't indicate that they've come up with an all-new reason for these things.

  • March 25, 2008, 4:50 p.m. CST


    by one9deuce

    Your post is brilliant. STAR WARS is a perfect example of putting an audience right into the story. When a film is concentrating so much on an origin then it's painfully obvious that there isn't much story.

  • March 25, 2008, 4:52 p.m. CST


    by one9deuce

    I love this comment you wrote about VAN HELSING: "adjusted for badassery potential: The worst movie ever made". <p> That says it perfectly.

  • March 25, 2008, 4:54 p.m. CST


    by alice 13

    again reiterating for the chronically brain dead.

  • March 25, 2008, 4:54 p.m. CST

    I guess I rehashed some stuff

    by BizarroJerry

    But let me add, there's fan site that details every damn thing about the comic series, with looong profiles for some characters. Their origins are naturally at the start of the profiles, so you need not read it all:

  • March 25, 2008, 4:59 p.m. CST

    This will not be good.

    by Underoos Hero

    I just cannot see this being adapted to live action unless you went with a cartoony approach like Sin City or 300. Then maybe.

  • March 25, 2008, 5:19 p.m. CST

    I hate when people blame the director

    by Jor-El23

    of big budget summer action movies. Really they should be blaming the writer or writers. Of course Sommers wrote a lot of the crap that he directed but he's not writing G.I. Joe...granted one of the guys who is writing it also wrote Hitman and Swordfish but the other guy writing it was involved with the Pirates movies, 30 Days of Night and Collateral. I don't get how people can complain about the director in most of these big budget movies...the thing I hear al the time about these movies, and what I usually take away from it is "It looked great but the story sucked ass" or something like that. See: Transformers, The Mummy etc...without a good script those movies falter every single time. As long as the GI Joe script is good, I'm not worried.

  • March 25, 2008, 5:26 p.m. CST

    I'm pretty sure it was both, Paragon Complex

    by Reel American Hero

    I could be wrong, but I'm almost 95% sure that both were used in different spots. Some with the kid of the spot saying Now I know, and then others with the Joe of the spot saying, Now You Know.

  • March 25, 2008, 5:32 p.m. CST

    Thanks one9deuce, and I 2nd your motion re: antmanx68

    by kevred

    That "adjusted for badassery potential" line is utterly fantastic and sums up everything I hate about Van Helsing in far fewer words than I always use.<p>Such a brilliant setup for a film, such a worthless CG-slathered, hokey, mess of a result. Wolverine, Faramir, and those actresses, with monsters, and we get gatling-gun crossbows. The fools!

  • March 25, 2008, 5:45 p.m. CST

    Jack Colby, you're right, in a sense

    by kevred

    Wanting all the backstory and no backstory are both legitimate views, if the film is made well. I like not knowing who the fat guy with the deadly bowler hat in the James Bond flick is, for example, or exactly who Rain in Big Trouble in Little China is and how he/it came to be, and I kind of feel the same way about the main characters in those films, too.<p>Something we can probably both agree on is that Hollywood seems to have forgotten how to do either approach well. Again, citing Star Wars--that had a fairly slim storyline yet never felt dumb, because it did a wonderful job of explaining just enough during the flow of the story while hinting at deeper backstories. Hollywood seems to either make something that's so empty-dumb it's not even fun, or so bogged down with backstory that the main story ends up feeling rushed and unsatisfying. (I feel this way about the first X-Men movie, which got so much else right but not that.)<p>Whatever angle they take, is it too much for us to ask that they just do it well?

  • March 25, 2008, 6:17 p.m. CST


    by Err

    a 40 minute shootout with red and blue laser guns with no one actually getting hit despite the fact that these are the best people in the world at what they do, just like in the cartoon?

  • March 25, 2008, 6:24 p.m. CST

    Check out Bridget...


    Riley. The latest StuntGirl to sign on to G.I. Joe to double Sienna Miller. She's a 5-time World Kickboxing Champ and just got done filming Watchmen in Vancouver. Her videos and pics are at

  • March 25, 2008, 6:27 p.m. CST

    the real video

    by BadMrWonka

    this is the real GI Joe message much better:<p>

  • March 25, 2008, 6:30 p.m. CST

    Destro and Snake Eyes Background...

    by red1701

    Destro is part of an eastern european family line that traditionally has the head of the family wear the mask...something from midevial times... Snake Eyes got his face f-ed up in vietnam and is badly disfigured...

  • March 25, 2008, 6:32 p.m. CST


    by Err

    I'm tired of this ******* SNAKE EYES in my ****** BASE!

  • March 25, 2008, 6:38 p.m. CST

    Levitt as Cobra Commander is some strange shit

    by Drath

    Granted I'm now rooting for him to get the role of the Joker in future Batman movies because he looks so much like Heath Ledger and isn't that bad an actor either...but casting him as CC seems very strange to me. I suppose if they do what they did with Edward Norton in Kingdom of Heaven, it could work. But he's so damned young! How could he possibly be this enigmatic figurehead? And isn't it creepy that CC had a son in the comics who would probably be a stronger fit for JGL anyway? I don't know why but that's the riskiest casting I've seen for this movie. Course all my choices were called old by the infants on here because they might have earned a pay check in the 70s, so whatever. I think Arnold Vosloo as Zartan and Christopher Eccleston as Destroy should switch roles, Vosloo is much more Destroy in my mind even if he isn't Scottish. And I still think Cillian Murphy should play someone evil in this, maybe Tomax and Xamot (thouth I also still think that Michael York is those guys).

  • March 25, 2008, 6:47 p.m. CST

    cobra commander

    by smutpeddlar

    John Kreese?

  • March 25, 2008, 6:52 p.m. CST

    TOO SOON!!!!!!!!!!!

    by Pageiv

    As long as there are hot women like the cartoon and comic I'm there.

  • March 25, 2008, 7:38 p.m. CST


    by one9deuce

    The smart way: A character's backstory is revealed organically within the narrative. <p> The hack way: Clumsily showing us every little unimportant detail.

  • March 25, 2008, 7:55 p.m. CST

    Channing Tatum let it slip in an interview on

    by SID 8.0 that Levitt will be playing cobra commander. Plus he said it's more cartoon than anything else. They are using pulse rifles (read as laser rifles)instead of conventional weapons. The pictures of Snake Eyes were cool but this is going down the crapper fast.

  • March 25, 2008, 8:05 p.m. CST

    calling all film fans

    by metaluna

    Can I just point out here that it's a bit pointless expecting this to be anything other than the sum of it's parts i.e. a pile of utter crap, so it's pointless arguing the merits of this? Just let some dipshit in Hollywood write a big cheque, watch it sink without trace and please a few fanboys who still play with dolls. Meanwhile, the rest of us can move on and ignore this childish bollocks, huh?

  • March 25, 2008, 8:42 p.m. CST

    please no cobra-la

    by _SnakePlissken_

    it ruined it for me as a kid

  • March 25, 2008, 8:44 p.m. CST

    Jamaica mon fus, mi naily ded wid laugh

    by The Awful Goggle

    a watching de people rush de door like harbour shark, So come! Fun time deh yah, a time fi di bus ride, sunshine deh yah, a time fi di bus ride. Suhshine deh yah, a time fi di bus ride, fun time deh yah, a time fi di bus ride, Go!

  • March 25, 2008, 8:51 p.m. CST

    Tomax and Xamot....

    by Loosejerk

    always struck me as queer. Maybe it was because I found them in the basement sodomizing my dad.

  • March 25, 2008, 8:55 p.m. CST


    by Prossor

    oh fuck all yall

  • March 25, 2008, 8:56 p.m. CST

    Samuel Jackson as Doc

    by Orionsangels

  • March 25, 2008, 8:57 p.m. CST

    Tomax and Xamot played by Adam from Dynasty

    by Orionsangels

    That was me casting in the 80's as a kid.

  • March 25, 2008, 9:09 p.m. CST

    I'll out up with this..

    by ZeroCorpse

    If it leads to a GI Joe versus Transformers movie.

  • March 25, 2008, 9:16 p.m. CST


    by BurgerTime

    You've gotta laugh at that. Such vivid imagery. Thanks Merrick. An early classic for 2008.

  • March 25, 2008, 10:02 p.m. CST

    Ray Park Porked Again!

    by RosebudsStarfish

    Does this guy stutter or something? Why else all the non-speaking roles? Dubbed over in the Phantom Mucus and now this. A couple of lines as Toad? I hope he gets paid for a speaking role or at least gets to see Sienna's cooch.

  • March 25, 2008, 10:08 p.m. CST

    "GI Joe is....

    by 23GreatWoundsAllGotInBattle the codename for America’s highly trained special missions force. Its purpose, to defend the world against Cobra - a ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world." That is the only backstory necessary, hopefully read by the same bassy voiced guy from the cartoon. GI Joe was one of the first comics I collected. Hama did write some great stories in there. The ninja clan stuff, Zartan invading Joe HQ (and getting decked by Sgt. Slaughter), the death of Storm Shadow and his resurrection in the Serpentor origin issue were all top notch. Destro with a nanite facial and "Rex Duke" being involved with the Baroness are GAYYYYYYY. I hope all the Latin Review spoiler crap is bullshit, because if it's not this script is already shite.

  • March 25, 2008, 10:35 p.m. CST

    will Serpentor be in this?

    by Boomers_Lips

    i think Marlon Wayans could play him.

  • March 25, 2008, 10:57 p.m. CST

    More Origin stories?

    by br1947

    Just once, I'd like a film adaptation to just kick off with a 2-3 minute "Here's where we're at" synopsis, then jump headlong into the badassness. Not that there will be any badassness in this movie to jump into... I only wish Bay directed this too so I could keep up the simple mantra "Damn you Micheal Bay!". "Damn you Stephen Sommers!" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

  • March 25, 2008, 11 p.m. CST

    And TomBodet, Giant Robots just might help this...

    by br1947

  • March 25, 2008, 11:22 p.m. CST

    Channing Fucking Tatum!?

    by Skankardly

    makes Van Damme look like fucking Daniel Day Lewis! fuck!

  • March 25, 2008, 11:33 p.m. CST

    NO Origin story...change the script.

    by nieman

    I'm glad someone agrees with me about them using an origin story for the movie. I think nothing good can come out of that. What was the last great movie that was an origin story? It seems like they are taking an easy way out. Cmon, the Destro clan goes back centuries with wearing the mask so are they gonna show all of that? How can they stuff 20-25 years of backstory into one movie without it being congested and rushed?

  • March 25, 2008, 11:41 p.m. CST

    don't blame the script

    by sarsy

    Hello? Stephen Sommers, director of masterpieces like Van Helsing and Mummy Returns.. theres no chance in hell this will be watcheable

  • March 26, 2008, 3:24 a.m. CST

    Make it just a hair above realistic. A little bit of lasers goe

    by captain omega

    I'd like it to have the same flavor that first few comics had. I hope the movie doesn't get too far out there. Go back to the first few episodes of the comic and you'll see that it was almost realistic. What I mean is that it was cool because, it was only a hair above actual cutting edge stuff. Later on, it was too fake with all of the weird equipment and characters. In the beginning, it was a big deal that there was one guy who had a laser rifle (backpack powered) and there was one piece of equipment that fired a lazer (HAL, the heavy artillery laser). Otherwise, it was just our actual Delta Force with a little extra. The only caveat to my "go back to the original comics" bit, is that the Storm Shadow, Hard Master/Soft Master stuff was cool. I liked it better when it was more of an elite "team", rather than a small army. I read that Larry Hama, the creator had to keep making up that wierd shit, and new characters just because Hasbro wanted to sell more toys. (probably stating the obvious or something somebody here already said) I hope the movie never has the guys utter "Yo Joe!" or "Knowing is half the battle."

  • March 26, 2008, 4:22 a.m. CST

    Cartoon was garbage compared to the Comics..

    by Monkey_King

    Hama and Devils Due did G.I.Joe justice

  • March 26, 2008, 7:21 a.m. CST

    The funny thing about the comics.

    by Stalkeye

    ..involved two car crashes that involved snake eyes and a relative of both cobra commander and the baroness, which was their motivation by way of revenge to kill snake eyes.<p>Did Hama run out of ideas at the time or what?Anyway props to the comic as it was the only one to finally knock Xmen off it's winning streak back in the day.<p>Cillian Murphy as Tomax/Xamot might work even if he looks a bit ghey.

  • March 26, 2008, 7:44 a.m. CST

    Stalkeye, are you sure?

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    I need to dig through my comics, because I remember young Destro seeing young Baroness crying when her brother died, but I don't remember it being a car crash.

  • March 26, 2008, 7:49 a.m. CST

    "knowing is half the battle"?????? NO!!!

    by FleshMachine

    thats stupid...this film should ignore the show and stick to the comics.

  • March 26, 2008, 7:55 a.m. CST

    "Ask A Neighbor For Help"

    by BigTuna

    Yeah like your neighbor wants to be bothered with that shit.

  • March 26, 2008, 8 a.m. CST

    And, what if your neighbor goes by a

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    first, middle, and last name like John Wayne Gacey?

  • March 26, 2008, 8:03 a.m. CST

    Since Hasbro owned Joe, you gotta admit

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    Hama did a great job of keeping the balance of a great comic while sliding in the required toy when Hasbro needed it. Truth is I never even noticed the toys in the comic. That's how good a job he did. Since Hama sent pics to AICN directly, I hope he's monitoring these talkbacks.

  • March 26, 2008, 8:19 a.m. CST

    It's been awhile since I read the comics, Gram

    by Stalkeye

    but if i got one plot arc confused with another, I must retract part of my previous post. But no doubt CC and the Baroness hold Snake Eyes responsible for the death of their relatives/brothers and I found that too much of a coincidence.For the most part Hama did a outstanding job managing the Joe comics unfortunatley as the years went by, there were too many Ninjas (Zartan, hell yea as it made more sense.but firefly? WTF?)and Villians switching sides kinda lost my intrest.<p>But as you hinted part of the fault goes to Hasbro starting with far-fetched concpts like Serpentor and Battleforce 2000 (However I did love the BF 2000 toys.)Thank god Larry put his foot down by refusing to add Cobra la in the comics, but that was'nt good enough to omit Transformers from the latter issues. Talk about fan service.

  • March 26, 2008, 8:24 a.m. CST

    I would love to see a Movie based on

    by Stalkeye

    The Micronauts which as far as I can recall was the first comic to be based on a toyline.Marvel/Bill Mantlo did a great job with the comic and although easily compared to Star Wars, the plot was different and unique. A live action version would kill.

  • March 26, 2008, 8:30 a.m. CST

    The Three Snakes

    by Stalkeye

    Snake Plissken,Snake Eyes and Solid Snake. Ultimate team up or deathmatch? we all know who would win. XD

  • March 26, 2008, 8:46 a.m. CST

    I'm not saying you've confused Stalkeye

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    You could be right. I just don't remember. I forget if my box of Joes is here, or in my parents house. I've gotta start digging, maybe later tonight I can find the answer. I'm with you though, turning Firefly into a ninja was dumb, and I loved the ninjas. I like how Hama included the "new" Cobra Commander so Hasbro could get their toy out, then got rid of him in a storyline which was quite compelling.

  • March 26, 2008, 8:50 a.m. CST

    Get LeBron James to play Big Lob

    by SID 8.0

    Now that's casting. Hey it couldn't make this movie any worse.

  • March 26, 2008, 9:29 a.m. CST

    It seems Lebron is in a bit of controversy regarding

    by Stalkeye

    that Vogue cover. Ouch!

  • March 26, 2008, 10:23 a.m. CST

    "Knowing is half the battle"

    by sapno_krei

    Personally, I don't mind little winking references like this, as long as they are done tastefully and in a non-distracting way. The phone booth gag in SUPERMAN: THE MOVIE is one of my all time faves. It's in-your-face, but in keeping with the fun of the movie.

  • March 26, 2008, 10:34 a.m. CST

    i'm still pissed they didn't cast Claudia Black as

    by CrichtonAstronut

    the Baroness. That would have been perfect.

  • March 26, 2008, 10:55 a.m. CST


    by zombiezeus

    I have yet to see anyone get specific about why "Transformers" was good at all. What exactly worked about that movie? The action moved so quickly it was confusing, the 'relationships' between the robots were nonsensical, there was no sense of grandeur or suspense at any point whatsoever, and the WHOLE REASON these two 'races' had a war--the energon cube--is simply ABSORBED INTO MEGATRON'S CHEST AT THE END?!! THAT's the whole reason you enact a milleniums-long war? And it can be simply absorbed into nothingness? And Megatron, a fucking 13-foot-tall robot who can turn into an alien jet CLIMBS UP THROUGH A BUILDING to take away this precious device from a 17 year old kid? Are you fucking kidding me? I wanted to like Transformers. I had hope. But when you can't make a movie about GIANT ROBOTS FIGHTING EACH OTHER actually be fun, or have all that much robot-fighting in it, for that matter, then you've done one thing. You've failed. Somebody PLEASE tell me what there was to like about Transformers. I want someone to change my mind about it, seriously. What'd I miss?

  • March 26, 2008, 11:25 a.m. CST

    some black person for roadblock

    by ironic_name

    cobraa lalalalalalala!!!!!!!!!!

  • March 26, 2008, 1:17 p.m. CST

    Sommers better not fuck this up!

    by Space Disc Jockey

    The Snake Eyes pics are fucking bad-ass, but Sommers's track-record is concerning. The only movie I like that he made was "Deep Rising". Fingers crossed that he will get this right.

  • March 26, 2008, 3:17 p.m. CST

    sommers sorry. michael bay would be awesome with this


  • March 26, 2008, 7:43 p.m. CST

    Yeah, Sienna Miller is not the Baroness

    by Drath

    I can only hope to be massively surprised by her in this. RE the comics vs cartoon, they were both good for what they were. I loved the supernatural stuff in the cartoon because that's what cartoons did back then anyway. I think the intrigue of the comic would not have worked in a cartoon, and I didn't miss it on the show and I think it helped me appreciate how complex things were in the comics because it was so different. Also I for one liked that Cobra La was like something right out of a Kirby/Lee Marvel comic plot. It fit fine with what the show had been, and I was cool with that. Pythona was one of the best 80s monster women! But yeah, I think a new movie needs to be extra careful about using that stuff in a movie just as I think you want to avoid the Krang and Dimension X stuff of TMNT.