Hey, everyone. ”Moriarty” here.

You know what my favorite thing about this movie is?

The official website is www.repoopera.com.

Now, I know what it means, but the Beavis in my looks at that domain and just belly laughs. I mean, come on... www.geneticopera.com was taken? RePoopEra: The Movie seems like one of those films that is going to divide audiences, as this review proves, since the guy who saw it was moved to write in because he couldn’t believe what our first spy reported:

Hey Mori,

I just read the review you put up for Repo! The Gentic Opera. I saw the same screening as the other reviewer, and I didn't think I needed to write in because...I honestly didn't think this movie would get a theatrical release. I thought it was a bad joke. Maybe a hidden camera show. I thought that if I stayed for the whole thing someone would give me a hundred bucks on the way for sitting through their overlong joke. Reward my tolerance. Something...anything. Only it's not a joke, I guess. This is a real movie.

The movie is a horror musical. It's about...um...it's about...organ replacement? Maybe. I don't know. The plot is so insanely convoluted that it eventually becomes irrelevant. You just give up trying to understand it. In the future, a company runs an organ replacement business and they make a lot of money. Then they kill people and take their organs back. Then they have a big opera. I'm pretty sure that's the plot. It's close anyway. The character's relationships are downright silly too. Throughout the movie, comic book panels pop-up and attempt to explain the character's back story. It's all very melodramatic. And the story culminates in a showdown filled with...I don't know. I would ruin the ending if I could, but I don't even know what happened. Sorry.

If I hadn't seen Sweeney Todd, I would have walked out of this movie thinking this particular blend of genres could never work. Only it does work, I know it does, because I saw Sweeney Todd. This movie is like the worst version of Sweeney Todd ever. It's Sweeney Todd without good music. It's Sweeney Todd without a sensible storyline. I need to stop. It's not even fair to mention the two movies together.

It also doesn't work like Rocky Horror. The people behind this movie have no idea how fucking bad it is. No clue. And if they do, they never let they audience in on the joke. There are no nods. No winks. It's all done straight-faced. And not funny straight-face.

The music sucks too. It's all set to the same heavy metal guitar riff. At least it sounds the same. I don't know. It's bad. At one point in the movie, an almost decent song manages to sneak in, but its so out of place that the entire audience laughed at it. During this song, Joan Jett walks out of the main character's closet playing guitar. Why? I have no idea. She just plays guitar in the closet and leaves, never to return. There's very little talking in this movie - it's almost entirely singing. And it is never good. The lyrics are embarrassing. I actually felt bad that people had to sing them.

You might think that a priority when casting for a musical would be to find decent singers. Not so. With few exceptions, no one in this cast is a convincing singer. Paul Sorvino is among the worst. I'm not sure what he does is even singing. Bill Mosley is so bad you'll wonder what the hell he's doing there in the first place. Paris Hilton? Seriously? The reviewer said she was "quite good". Total bullshit. She sucks. You can't really tell though, because everyone is so uniformly shitty that she blends in perfectly. A few people manage to not be terrible. Anthony Head does okay, but his role is laughable. And the grave robber character is perhaps the best of the bunch, but I didn't recognize him (not his fault and not a flaw, I just don't know his name) and his character makes no sense. The lead, Alexa Vega isn't the worst singer in the world, but how she was cast as a lead in a musical, I'll never understand.

The only positive thing I can say about the movie is that it did look good. Not great, just good. I'm grasping though, because it didn't look that good...

I'd say at least twenty people walked out of this screening. That's a low estimate. And laughter filled the audience for much of the movie. I guess, in that way, it's a success. It was pretty funny at times. Not on purpose, of course, but still funny. I have not idea what movie the other reviewer saw - but it wasn't Repo! The Genetic Opera...

Studio Plant