I am – Hercules!!
Yao-Man Chan got voted out during the third episode two weeks ago, which bums me out, man. I hope CBS lets viewers vote him a million in the season finale, as they did with “All-Stars” two-time loser Rupert Boneham. But we still have Ozzy Lusth to root for. And Eliza Orlins, Parvati Shallow and Amanda Kimmel to look at (the network, happily, has elected to not blur out Kimmel’s astonishing buttcheeks this season). About seven minutes in, Jeff Probst announces the two 8-member tribes will swap four members each via a schoolyard pick. Bodybuilder/gravedigger James is first choice. The fan picking Parvati calls her “Poverty,” to the amusement of all. The good news for Cirie? The two power couples – James/Parvati and Ozzy/Amanda – are split between the two tribes. CBS sent along this particular episode, I gather, to publicize the particularly punishing reward competition, an obstacle-riddled game of tag in which teammates are tethered to each other. The winners’ reward is a barbeque feast, and the contestants are plenty hungry. Some players wind up getting dragged around like inattentive dachshunds by beefier partners and it’s difficult not to laugh at the helplessness of those on the wrong end of the leash. Once the tribes return to their respective camps, however, it’s obvious that some of the players have sustained some fairly grotesque injuries, and production medics have to be brought in to offer up some Micronesian medical treatment. We get to see lots of gory field surgery. What we’re denied is footage of one of female cast members catching a 4-foot shark with her bare hands. It happens, but offscreen. We only get to see the mammoth fish prepared for dinner. Curiously, the letter accompanying the screener we received says the episode was sent along with ending intact. (In the old days, the screeners would end right after Probst announces, “It’s time to read the votes.”) But this screener actually ends earlier than ever, before the losing tribe can start its long trek to tribal council! Crazy! The Eye Net’s publicity department has taken to teasing critics? What I do know is the tribes, now evenly deadlocked with four faves and four fans on each, have to engineer fresh alliances forged with new criteria – with the losing tribe divided along weak versus strong. 8 p.m. Thursday. CBS.

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