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Heaven must be missing a Bruce Campbell! MY NAME IS BRUCE pics!
Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. Last Wednesday we got a really disturbing rumor sent to us that Bruce Campbell had died of a heart attack. There was nothing else about it on the internet and the original tip-off was one of those “a friend at work told me…” ones, so even though I didn’t believe it, I thought I’d email the man himself.
I don’t talk often with him, but we have chatted in the past. He’s had an open dialogue with his fans as far back as I can remember… at any rate, I sent him an email that had the subject line “Are You Dead?” and the body of the email was like “I heard this rumor. I hope you’re well… and not dead,” and I got a response within an hour. He never addressed the dead rumor, but he did include a creepy-bizarre picture of himself as an angel from MY NAME IS BRUCE… which is a great title, but I almost wish they’d change it… or at least title the eventual sequel THERE WILL BE BRUCE.
I almost ran this as an obituary for a laugh, just to include the angel pic, but I decided I didn’t want 500 pieces of pissed off hate-mail when I woke up. I would have thought it was funny, but I’m a sick fuck sometimes.
Enjoy the pics. Click to make big.
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Yeah baby, first!
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And a hot chick! Give him some sugar, baby!
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A GOD among men
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you have to be born to die, and Bruce wasn't born, he's always just been
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Save Dollhouse DOT com!
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He'll just assume the throne in heaven.
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AWESOME. That is all.
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Groovy.
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Why GOD would disguise himself as an angel. I mean, what's the advantage, when you're GOD?
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otherwise he wouldn't stoop
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I'll bet his boomstick is at full sail
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It looks awesome. Just lots of good ol sarcastic Brucisms. I got fooled because I went to go see Bruce Almighty thinking it was a documentary about the god of Bruce
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If it was, oh, say, Ben Affleck who appeared as an effeminate looking angel, the bashing would be enormous. Why does Bruce Campbell get a pass?
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I don't give a shit what he's in! Bruce Campbell kicks the crap out of cult acting, the world over!
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now if we can have "There will be Burt" and "No Country for 2true" it will be awesome
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it's because he's The Bruce. That simple.
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2for2true belongs in a documentary, like those Bigfoot shows.
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Because Affleck IS effiminate and Bruce is, well, the complete opposite in every way. Plus he has a boomstick, chainsaw, and gauntlet for a hand. Saying we're giving Bruce a pass is like saying Christians go to church to give Jesus Christ a "pass."
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they will distribute free copies of the Warciple Necronomicon by Jarv and will baptize people into the Church of Chang with flaming leg kicks.
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the scriptures
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I hope there is a Europe one in london. I'd queue for hours and hand out many copies of the holy tome to the unbelieving masses,
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he deserves only as much
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...huh? Then the metaphor to God or Obama is apt. It *is* a religion.
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have a blood orgy with his parents and I'd still love him
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using a panda, and then torch a nursing home and murder a convent of nuns, and I'd still adore him
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Feb 29, 2008 8:31:53 AM CST
yes, blind faith always works out in the end greyspecter
by just pillow talk
And you know Bruce levitates Kloipy when he's among us humans.
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force me to eat it, digest it, shit it out, and then re-eat it and he would still rule
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or should I say levitating!
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have you not been following? Bruce is one of the Holy Trinity in the Church of Chang.
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a flock of endangered baby toucans, then drive a school bus of 'special children' off a cliff, travel back in time and have forbidden sex with Mother Theresa, saw off the heads of some homeless people, steal some candy from toddlers at the zoo, go to Disney World and nuke it, and I'd cheer him all the way
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Abom watched our boy Tony Jaa in the Protector last night. His tendors are mighty sore
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It's good enough for all the other religions. At least with the Church of Chang you know what you're signing on for. Just look at the cleft in that chin and those winsome dimples. But don't be fooled, he conquered an army of zombies and a legion of stop motion skeletons
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Yeah, and it's a damn good thing Tony got back his baby elephant, or by now Syndey Australia would be full of paraplegics
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The focus that Tony exhibited in breaking 87 legs and 65 arms was classic. See what drive and determination can get you?
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for when the pencipocalypse comes they will be mightily bleeding from many stabbings.
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Me wants to know! Me wants to know!
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Feb 29, 2008 8:42:10 AM CST
Again, I cannot stress enough the Battle of the Behemoths
by just pillow talk
Fucking up guys who were the size of buildings.
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sell it as an energy drink to celebrities, who in turn would vomit onto a garden which would sprout deadly night shade, which bruce would then cultivate, make a belladonna tea, give it to blind children and put them in a room full of spikes, grind their bones to make his bread which he would then use meat from baby seals and take a dump on the constitution. and he would still RULE
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those dudes are SO fucking HUGE
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Who are we to doubt Ash?
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Who are the behemoths? Are you talking about those huge dudes at the end of Protector? They were freakishly large, like trees. They should not have thrown Tony's baby elephant. You just don't DO THAT!
Bruce Campbell could recreate all the atrocities of Cannibal Holocaust using the populace of a maternity ward at a hospital, then kick my mother in the teeth, and I'd send him money and unconditional love. -
I'm glad you didn't run this article as a fake obit for Bruce. I'd have gone Tony Jaa on everyone in my building, then dispatched an army of flying kamikaze possums on all of Cleveland, Ohio, then I'd have blown myself up. So thanks for not doing that.
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and I would forgive him
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then you'd have unleashed the Army of Darkness that has been hiding from Bruce in the ether. You don't want to do that.
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Feb 29, 2008 9:04:07 AM CST
but Bruce is immortal, so we all would know it was a joke
by just pillow talk
That's like saying when the universe goes dark, you wouldn't be able to still see Tony Jaa's FLAMING LEG KICK.
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but all the guitar songs on the soundtrack by John Frusciante are amazing. They weren't even used in the film.
Yeah, Bruce is immortal. Even when the sun is blotted from the sky, the Chin of Campbell will beam in the heavens like a FLK -
Love that line!
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however I probably would cry like Tony Jaa after they threw Kchorn
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that I was almost embarrassed for him. But then he kicked the shit out of 82 people, and my pity.
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After reading this affecting peice of journalism, I went and checked out the the trailer for My Name Is Bruce again. Pretty funny stuff. I think I would watch ANY film that contained the above line of dialogue. I don't know what it means, or if I even heard it right, but it makes me chuckle all the same.
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I'm going to stop and buy a bell necklace to wrap around my wrist, so that I might jingle like Kchorn when I kick the shit out of people at work. In the future, people will hear that bell and soil their pants in fear of what is to come.
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Who doesn't want their bean curd protected? Really?
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It can't be explained.
The man just reeks of cool!
And, if you don't understand this by now, you are not One Of Us.
YOU ARE NOT OF THE BODY
YOU WILL BE ABSORBED -
this is a great day. I even forgive Bruce for being in Escape From LA- which was a fetid pile of dog turd
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is appreciated. The Church of Chang will ring its bells in your honor noon today.
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...is "He's the protector of bean curd!"Now, I appreciate that is more than one word, but in these special circumstances (ie: me still giggling like a silly little girl over that dialogue) I think we can make an allowance.How goes it with you?P.S. For Jarv - A little harsh on Escape From LA, don't you think? I saw that one again not too long back and thought it was a much underappreciated film. Very funny little satirical remake of the first film, I reckon.
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i haven't seen you in ages my friend.
I didn't like Escape from LA, just for the surfing scene -
maybe I'll give it another go. I generally love Carpenter films.
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had probably one of the best runs I've ever seen by a director
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you ever see the scene in "high fidelity" where john cusak and jack black reference evil dead 2?
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I pop into AICN when I can these days, but not as often as I'd like.I always thought the surfing scene in Escape From LA was pretty damn funny. The effects were ropey as hell (although not as bad as in the bit where Snake dives through underwater Universal Studios), but it still made me laugh.P.S. Does anyone know if Carpenter and Russell have done a commentary for that film? I always love their commentaries, but my LA DVD has no extras at all.
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he nearly redeemed the rest
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I don't know why, but he nearly always annoys me.
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I like most of his work, but I dont fawn over him like a rock fan at the mere sound of his name. I suspect he appreciates that more than the silly fandom that seems to stock this particular talkback.
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He did lose his way a bit after that, but he made some of my favourite films during that time, many of them starring world's greatest and most underappreciated actor, Kurt Goddamn Russell.Another guy who was great during that same period and all lost it was Walter Hill. What happended to that guy? I was watching Southern Comfort the other week and I had forgotten how good that film is.
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although he looks old and fat on that show...
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Another Carpenter 80s classic. I wanna see that again.
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for that he gets a lifetime pass from me. But the new cut of the film sucks--I don't like the cartoon boxes they added in. The movie didn't need it.
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Christine, i mean, holy shit!
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and said that they re-watched it and the effects didn't hold up. I just watched it about a month ago and I wholeheartedly disagree. I LOVE the effects work Rob did in that movie. I think it looks about as crazy as you could imagine
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...love the scene, love the movie. "The soundtrack kicks fucking ass!" Nowhere in that scene do they reference the mortal deity, however.
Don't get me wrong, I adore Army of Darkness. I even saw Bubba Ho-Tep simply for Bruce, and what turned me on to Burn Notice was his inclusion. His cameos in the Spidey films rock, the only redeming factor in Spidey 3. I've attended the Church, guys. Just not a convert. -
and I actually far prefer them to CGI. but that's just me.
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In the Mouth of Madness, The Fog, Dark Star, hell I can even find some love for Vampires and Ghosts of Mars (Which may as well be called "Assault on spacestation 13)
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seriously. Look at the effects work on The Thing compared to last years I am Legend. The Thing will stand up, whereas even now I am Legend's CG work looks like shit and their bugets are miles away from each other. With practical its right there and it is real. CGI is most of the time hard to suspend disbelief for
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of the most definitive horror films of ALL time. and I loved In the Mouth of Madness. Just a great creepy HP inspired horror flick. Like the scene when he's having a dream, and wakes up to that dead cop on his couch and then wakes up again. Or the white haired monster on the bike.
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Feb 29, 2008 10:23:28 AM CST
You know for a fact there will be some drooling Fanboy tool
by lost jarv
like skywalkerfamily come on now and tell you that you're a fucking dinosaur and CGI is far superior.
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bugs me
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Anyone who says the effects in The Thing don't hold up is an ass. The only part that's a bit shakey is that stop motion part near the end, but the rest still looks amazing. Gods bless Rob Bottin, that is some of the freakiest shit I have ever seen."You have got to be fucking kidding!"
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is one of the craziest things ever put to film. Or the stomach teeth amputation. Jarv, there were a lot of parts I didn't care for in ITMOM, but I just love the movie regardless
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don't get me wrong, I just felt it was unsatisfying- especially after the chase sequence.
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Anyone seen the Lego version? It's up on Youtube (http://youtube.com/watch?v=YUiDWJ-o3fM) and it's pretty well done. The video quality isn't great, but it's sort of funny (especially when they start blowing each other's heads off) and worth a watch if you've got seven minutes to spare.
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Because that end is perfect. I hate the idea of a sequel so much.
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The effects are still great, but it's so much more than the effects of course. It's the mood, music, and like Frankie said, Kurt goddamn Russell!
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If so, what'd ya think?
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Halloween cuz for a moment there they were just discussing Carpenter's 80s shit, and Halloween was, what, '77-78
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but I hated the fact that he was an undercover cop. Is it the first part of a trilogy?
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In the second photo.
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We are talking about Man-god Bruce here.
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in both photos.
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That is one of the lamest angel costumes ever.
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if it looks lame, it's only because Bruce WANTS it to look lame. And his budget is infinity. Infinity budget. Because if he calls me and says, "I need money for my movie," I get out the checkbook.
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It matters not what the budget is.
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I liked it a lot more than History of violence, which to me was WAY overrated. I didn't mind that he was an undercover cop because it seemed as if he'd gotten too far in and the lines of good/bad had blurred for him
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I really liked the beginning of HOV...the whole setup. Eastern Promises took a different approach, and him being undercover I liked too. Especially, like you mentioned Kloipy, the the lines are definitely blurred over. You don't even know how long he'll survive doing what he's doing.
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I liked the first hour or so of HOV, but the ending was horrid I thought. But EP just is a story that sucked me in from the start and I want to see more of it. I think Viggo will be vying to become the head of the Mob in the next one(if they make it)
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a Medieval mechanical Hand can be sensitive too guys!good grip.
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did you gum up his finger-joints? He once rammed his stump up my corn-shooter. It was divine
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funky!
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and i bet he smells beautiful as well.
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and I'm 100% hetero male.
Sorry about the smell, Trav. I'll be sure to clean up down there before he assaults me again and yells "Who's laughing NOW?" -
in watchmen...its the only casting that zach messed up on....bruce is god
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People lika Bruce is the counterbalance to all effete/emo/whathaveyounot wannabies out there. Bruce and the likes of him keep the popculture interesting. Well to me anyway.
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From a live radio performance of Live Wire!
http://tinyurl.com/yupsa9
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having a man-crush on Bruce is not gay. in fact it confirms you are a real man
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He does shitty movies aside from Spider Man. I DON'T GET IT!!
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Not him.
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When is Burn Notice coming back??
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in The Thing, a classic in of itself. And you got to love the cast of great character actors..Brimley, David Clennon, Donald Moffat, Keith David, etc...that supported 'ol Kurt.
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I'd love to be wrong, but this doesn't look like the sort of material that will make me laugh.
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Typing that out, I realized that the best theoretical movie ever could be produced by Walter Hill, directed by John Carpenter and star Bruce 'Man-God' Campbell. Plot unnecessary.
I attended my first book-signing a few years ago (something I would normally avoid on general pretense, just to feel like less of a fanboy) simply because Mr. Campbell happened to be promoting If Chins Could Kill at one of my favorite comic shops. He gave a great little speaking engagement, before signing a fuckton of books and other assorted materials, and took at least a minute to chat with almost everyone that came up. He came off as a seriously nice guy, and a damned sight humbler than most, if the stories I've heard regarding a plethora of other signings featuring other B-list luminaries are to be believed. -
... that whoever it was that suggested Bruce as The Comedian was spot-on, and I also think that Raimi should have scrapped the Venom, Sandman, & (halfass)GG2 combo of Spiderman 3 and worked in Mysterio - with Bruce Campbell as Quentin Beck.
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Oh, wait...
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Mar 01, 2008 6:47:48 AM CST
skywalkerfamily, hes popularr for all the reasons you aren't
by ironic_name
good looks, talent, a good attitude..
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That is not what Bruce would want. Bruce would endless days of nonsense chit-chat in his honour!Anyway, if JPT is still listening, I have not gotten round to Eastern Promises yet, but it's on my list so I'll let you know. I'm a long term Cronenberg die-hard, though, so I'm sure I'll like it. I did see another of your recommendations - Black Book. You were right, it was a very good film. I thought the bucket of shit scene was pushing things a little far, but everything else was excellent. Great to see Verhoeven's still got it.
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we will add Bruce to the hall of heroes at /35248
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Glad you liked Black Book, and I hear ya on that bucket 'o shit scene. Fortunately every thing else is great.And skywalkerfamily, you are quite hopeless I think. Seriously. ironic, before there was any hall of heroes, Bruce and his chin were there.FatherMcGrude, that's pretty damn cool to hear that he's as cool as we all think he is.
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Your posts are needed sometimes my friend. BTW, what was the last bad movie you saw that was good? I was watching a couple of days ago Night of the Creeps, hadn't seen that in forever. Some great camera work on slugs and dead people's feet.
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I do miss the banter here at the Cool News.On an entirely unrelated note, I was just watching that new Iron Man trailer again. How fucking amazing does that look? Jesus, I hope it isn't a giant let down, because I've gone and gotten my inner nerd all sorts of excited about that one.P.S. I joined that Hollywood Stock Exchange thing yesterday to see what it's all about, and did you know you can't buy shares in Warwick Davis? That is just plain WRONG. I got Kurt and Bruce and Billy Bob and Wesley, but I was looking forward to seeing my Warwick stock rise when Agent 1/2 comes out this year.
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Iron Man looks pretty damn good. With that, Indy 4, The Dark Knight, I'm hoping that they all hit it out of the ballpark to some degree. You would think I would have learned from Spidey 3 not to get my hopes up. Nope.That is completely and utterly wrong that Warwick Fucking Davis shares are not available for purchase. Agent 1/2 will put in back on the map!
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Anyone else around yet? I can't remember which TB we were last converting
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saw some good shit over the weekend. Darjeeling Limited and Margot at the Wedding. And of course, the classic Candyman of which I've seen many times, but my wife having seen it just yesterday and last night needing a light on in the hallway.
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I guess he's just too cool for that
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Forgot to put Candyman on the list. Sorry I cut out abruptly on Friday, kloipy. Something came up at work and they wanted me to like, do stuff. There were pencil casualties.
My movie fare this weekend consisted of Phantasm I-IV, Runaway (the '84 Tom Selleck robot thriller by Michael Crichton) and of course Cannibal Holocaust at the nursing home with grandma and her friends. -
trust me I understand. I'm flooded here at work most of the time
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it looked so real that the Italian govt. made Ruggero Deodato and the actors appear to make sure that they didn't kill anyone, and they made them remake the whole spike through the anus out the mouth thing, to show again, that they didn't really kill anyone
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The Phantasm series is okay, but just okay. They each move kind of slow, and nothing is ever resolved in any of them--they 'cliffhang' into whatever the next movie is. Even the last one, IV, ends with a hero chasing after the bad guy. That hero, balding / ponytail ice cream vendor Reggie Bannister, should probably be added to our manly list. He kills dwarf zombies with a quadribarrel shotgun, which is enough for me to put someone in the club. Angus Scrimm is a good creepy bad guy in the series, the 'Tall Man' who exhumes dead bodies and turns them into dwarf zombie slaves. But he's almost like Pinhead in the latter Hellraisers in that he gets precious little screen time.
Runaway holds up pretty well after 24 years. Gene Simmons was a good bad guy. The only weird thing about the story is that it's set in the near-future, which means near-future after 1984. Society uses robots in all parts of life, and sometimes they go wrong. Only prob now, viewing the movie in 2008, is that nothing else in the movie seems as technologically advanced. Apart from the robotic society, all else is as we recall 1984 to be. Right down to the Apple II computers the cops use. -
I really liked the first 2 Phantasm movies a lot. But then again I haven't seen them in years. So i'm not sure how well they would hold up for me. I think you will really dig Candyman. It's Clive Barker, so it's got that strange sexual undertone between monster and maiden. Def. one of the better 90's horror movies. The first time you see it is the best because it's just so fucking crazy.
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Yeah, I read about that on wiki. I like reading up on my movie fare. I run into that problem a lot--my bosses are always asking me to convince them I didn't pencil stab somebody, and they insist I produce a living body. I told them it's not rational to insist that I prove that whoever they name is in fact someone I have not killed. It's nonsense.
The most unconscionable thing about CH is that they butcher a turtle, but don't balance out the ecosystem by also clubbing a panda or a baby seal. At least they slice the face off a monkey--that's close. The camera crew kinda deserved what they got, so you don't feel too bad when they get speared and dismembered. It's pretty funny the way the pretty soundtrack music kicks in at the most gruesome parts of the film. I'll remember that technique when we score Tremors 5.
Funny thing I read about 'Runaway' on wiki is that it was slated to be the big sci-fi action hit for summer 1984 or whenever it was released. But they didn't count on another sci-fi thriller starring a bunch of relative unknowns and a then-obscure director named James Cameron to drop 'Terminator' on the world, and after a while time forgot 'Runaway.' -
will consist of Tiny Tim songs and banging on trashcans
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I just do the 'ol Weekend at Bernie's 2 magical voodoo corpse thing
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by Ladyblack Mambazo. That's always good listening when you're bombing graboids with Radio Shack trucks
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I splooged all over the place Saturday afternoon...Conan the Barbarian was on. Time for high adventure indeed!
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with a duet with Oats from Hall and... fame
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I need to rent Conan again, it's been so long since I've seen that
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What is the power of steel to the hand that wields it?
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I watched a few episodes of the original 1966 Batman TV series. I downloaded 'em for my kids. I used to love that show when I was like 4-5. And I must say that Yvonne Craig is WAY hotter than Alicia Silverstone with batears.
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I think we should add him to the list. After rewatching his amazing performance as the poetic, yet homicidial spirit in Candyman, his eloquence with the verse to his malevolence with the hook, seems that he deserves a spot. Also his voice is like dripping hot pitch into your ears
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with bees in his mouth like, fo' real?
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I wouldn't do that shit.
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in a still from Man from Uncle. Anyone who thinks Alicia Silverstone--or anyone else--makes a sexier Batgirl is mentally impaired. I just wanted to state my position on that.
http://tinyurl.com/ysu3x9 -
I'm getting paged to do some work. shit
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They're trying to make me do stuff here. I don't know who they think they are, but clearly they don't know they're gonna have to reckon with a warciple of Chang.
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if they throw his baby elephant through a pane of glass
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as found on You Tube. Features clips from the movies, with all the best Burt stuff for Church of Changians.
http://tinyurl.com/yr69o4 -
Thanks for the link Abom, I'll check that shit out tonight. I probably wont be on until tomorrow. I'm the only one in my dept today and I'm fuckin slammed. So if I don't see ya, have a good one my friend!
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makes me earn it, the bastards.
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that pencil you stab people with?
http://tinyurl.com/2d5hu4 -
the above set about pencil-making features pencil factory videos set to porno music
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vKVQlvt tgskIK
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LPmSuSg wLSaiaT
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