Ok folks, I'm about to send a chill down some of your spines. Moriarty here has been working overtime to find out what is going on regarding STAR WARS and the theaters near you. Unfortunately... It seems some of the theater chains have had a recent lack of faith. They are no longer sure how BIG this film is going to be. The fact of the matter is this. Right now, this very second.... MILLIONS of kids across the country are playing with STAR WARS EPISODE ONE toys.... They are wanting to find out more on Anakin, Jar Jar and this Darth Maul thing. Meanwhile, this kids have been being raised by parents that ALREADY LOVE STAR WARS. What does this mean? Entire family units that have been targeted and assimilated for STAR WARS. Those children will be seeing this film no less than 15 times this summer. STAR WARS EPISODE ONE will become the biggest babysitter the world has ever seen (since the original). All the Star Wars fans you see lined up outside theaters now... That's nothing. What you are going to see in the opening 4 weeks of this film is going to astound you. People leaving the theater, buying a ticket and going back in... again. Over and over. Recently, Jeffrey Wells (of Mr Showbiz) called me up to ask me about STAR WARS... He was worried about the 'pandering to kids' part of this film. Here's the real scoop.

Star Wars Episode One is the first dose of cinematic crack for an audience you don't know even exists yet. The under 14 crowd. The original STAR WARS (A New Hope) succeeded not just because of College age kids. NOPE! It was people like me.... I was 6 at the time. I made my parents take me to see STAR WARS.... 60 times. They loved going, because they loved to see the joy on my face, the excitement and passion the film illicited from me. THIS WILL BE THE CASE AGAIN. I PROMISE YOU. I get hundreds of letters a day from folks all over this world that have kids that have suddenly become.... STAR WARS fans. Glen, over at Coaxial... Glen's child David... just 4 weeks ago was a MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGER basketcase.... BUT about 5 days ago.... His brain was... Taken over by George Lucas. This kid has never really been in a movie theater before. Same with lots of kids his age. Well... they are about to be addicted to the experience. These kids want POPCORN, SODAS and DRINKS. Their parents have no ability to turn them down. If you have plastic STAR WARS cups.... The kids will bend their parents to their wills. If you have paper STAR WARS POPCORN BAGS AND TUBS.... They'll be doomed. You theater owners will be putting up with certain LUCASFILM demands... but... you are about to tap into an audience that all the Disney Films in the world can't tap into. This is a film that aims for children and takes adults in with them. It won't merely be dropping off the kids.

As for you fans that hate the 'pandering to kids' angle. This is why Lucas is doing it. With the original trilogy he locked onto us kids, grabbed us with the first film.... Let us grow up a bit, then laid on with the serious stuff. The real heart of the mythology he wanted to pass on. He's following the same basic formula. He cultivating a crowd of youngsters, knowing he already has us, then with the next two chapters, he grows the story up with both us... and the new audience. Don't worry... Be happy.

Now... Listen to this tale of horror that Moriarty is about to dish out. Be afraid... Be angry.... Call your SONY and MANN theaters.... Be angry!

Hey, Head Geek...

"Moriarty" here.

Like any good geek, I'm in a state of sensory overload these days. As the countdown to May 19th continues, every single scrap of information is life support. Every new clip, every new thing I find when listening to the soundtrack... it's what keeps me going.

To this end, I've had my henchmen working overtime to gather these tidbits for me. One of them just came slinking into the Labs, afraid to look me in the eyes.

"What?" I growled.

"Um... I just heard some news about, um... the, the, the theaters..."

"What theaters?"

"The, um, the STAR WARS theaters."

Rather than subject you to his terrified stammerings, let me sum up what he told me. Sony has decided not to book the film at all. No Cineplex Odeons, no Loews theaters. That means that everyone outside the Ziegfield officially just became homeless people instead of a line. The Century City Cineplex just refurbished, god bless them, in anticipation of booking the film, and now they're not getting it.

AMC, Edwards Theaters and Pacific Theaters are onboard, though, and they're already running newspaper ads that give times and places to buy advance tickets. Oddly, there's another theater chain which isn't running any ads mentioning STAR WARS yet. It's a chain you would assume would already be trumpeting time and place for the tickets to go on sale, but instead... nothing.

There's a reason, too. Mann's Theaters hasn't decided yet if they're going to book THE PHANTOM MENACE. In fact, there's a good chance they won't. Their decision to pass would be based on the same factor that Sony's decision was. Without hearing confirmation from inside Lucasfilm, I'm not going to say what that factor was, but it goes to the issue of control. Essentially, it comes down to no one wanting to set a precedent with Lucas that they aren't going to offer to anyone else. It's dangerous in their eyes. If I were them, I'd probably accept Lucas' terms. It's obvious that certain companies believe there's plenty of money to be made by everyone.

More importantly, though, I would strongly encourage Mann's to consider the public relations disaster that would result from their not booking the film. That would mean it couldn't play at the National, or more importantly at the Village and the Chinese.

I know you understand what's at stake here. You're running some of the finest theaters in this city, and the reason this would be a disaster is because you would be denying the public the best STAR WARS experience possible.

I have many friends who are die-hard Village lovers, and they're planning to see it in Westwood no matter what. Me, I prefer the Chinese -- both for historical value and for comfort. I've been dreaming of that first show at the Chinese since they announced production on the film. If I have to settle for the Dome (a great theater -- don't get me wrong), I will, but I'll be heartbroken. I can't help but feel that part of the experience will be lost if I don't see it there.

Of course, that's not even taking into account the lines that are outside the two theaters. Those Countingdown guys are going to go apeshit when they find out. I would, too.

Please, Mann's... talk to Lucasfilm and Fox and see what you can work out. Please make this happen. I wouldn't presume to lecture anyone or tell you how things should be. This is just me, speaking as one of your customers, asking you to consider your decision carefully.

I've got a couple of reviews for you in the next few days, Harry. Keep your eyes open. Until then...

"Moriarty" out.

Alright folks, meanwhile, I'll tag on the first FEMALE review of STAR WARS EPISODE ONE that I've seen thus far.... Hmmmm.... A different angle?

I've never written before, but I lurk on your site regularly. I feel like the luckiest girl in the whole galaxy, because I just saw Phantom Menace last night (Thursday), and I thought I'd give you my perspective on it. Perhaps it'll vary from the guy-geek reviews.

First off, can I just tell you I didn't feel like I had even close to enough good karma built up to get so lucky as to see Episode One *two weeks* early and *free*. My friend in the film industry called me up 45 minutes before the show and I think I set land speed records driving over to the theater. My knees were nearly knocking together as they strapped the day-glow pink wristband on me.

But on to the film:

I was nervous about seeing it after reading some of the early feedback from hard-core SW geeks. But thank Lucas, I have to disagree. I LOVED IT LOVED IT LOVED IT.

There's two things you have to realize to like it. 1. It's not made for hard-core SW geeks. 2. It needs to be judged first as a stand-alone movie and second as a part of Star Wars as a whole. (And since we won't have the piece as a whole until Lucas produces Episodes Two and Three, we can't really do that for several years.)

Here's the deal: Phantom Menace will stand well on its own as a summer blockbuster and it's also a light, fun start to the Star Wars epic. (This is key, because things get really dismal later on, i.e. Empire.) Jake Lloyd does a great job. I really feel drawn to the kid. Jar Jar is NOT an ewok. If anything, he's a Chewbacca. Queen Amidala is fantastic. She constantly looks stunning (those costumes!), her voice commands complete respect, and, like another royal gal after her, she packs a blaster with the best of 'em. I could go on, but I don't want to spill anything.

There's a lot of things in this film that will resonate through the whole series. I need to watch Episodes Four, Five and Six over again in the new light Episode One shines. It's an introduction. A "once upon a time" (or "long, long ago..." as the case may be).

And the best part about Episode One: I'm dying to see Episode Two.

Thanks for letting me share with someone who cares! Battle on, Harry.

Leitha the Mighty