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Capone Takes Body Blows From FOOL'S GOLD, ROSCOE JENKINS, And Paris Freakin' Hilton! Have Mercy!
Hey folks. Capone in Chicago here. I've got three reviews of comedies opening today. Let's just say that I'm grouping them together for a reason.
WELCOME HOME, ROSCOE JENKINS
There's a great deal of talent on display in writer-director Malcolm D. Lee's latest comedy Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins (which follows the filmmaker's largely successful works THE BEST MAN, UNDERCOVER BROTHER, and ROLL BOUNCE) about talkshow host Jenkins (Martin Lawrence), who takes his reality show star fiancée Bianca (Joy Bryant) from Los Angeles to his family's home in the South. Needless to say, the city mice and the country mice don't always mesh. Notable African-American actors such as James Earl Jones, Margaret Avery, Nicole Ari Parker and Michael Clarke Duncan are thrown together with comics Cedric the Entertainer, Mike Epps and Mo'Nique, and the results are fairly predictable. Everyone is vying for screen time and the best one-liners, when a more subtle and thoughtful approach might have resulted in a better movie.
Bryant's character is so utterly insensitive and evil (especially in her dealings with Roscoe's young son) that it impacts our opinion of Roscoe. It's hard to sympathize with a guy who would ever get involved with a woman like Bianca. I know that's the point, but it put me off this film early on. What's worse is that Lawrence is often forced into the role of straight man while other comic actors dish out the jokes all around him. I have always thought Lawrence was a truly funny man who belonged on the big screen, but he refuses to make anything as daring as his stand-up act used to be. When WILD HOGS is the edgiest work you can muster, there's something wrong with your career.
There's not much more to say about ROSCOE JENKINS specifically. The plot is rice-paper thin; character development is non-existent; and the PG-13 jokes are dead in the water, although Mo'Nique always manages to crack me up. But perhaps more significantly, black films need to movie beyond stories centering on large, extended families, with each family member delivering a kernel of homespun wisdom to the audience. There have got to be better, different stories to tell (Malcolm Lee's last film Roll Bounce proved that, even if audiences didn't respond), and I can't wait to see who finally breaks the well-used mold. There have been worse cinematic experiences since the beginning of the 2008, but I don't think the worst of the bunch tried as little as WELCOME HOME, ROSCOE JENKINS to be original.
FOOL'S GOLD
I guess enough people were loopy enough to find HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS watchable enough to want…no, demand a reteaming of stars Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey in this seriously lackluster story of two treasure-hunting lovers (recently divorced from each other) who are traipsing around the Caribbean looking for a shipwreck that both have been looking for since they met. But I'm not here to tell you how intensely boring and shockingly unfunny FOOL'S GOLD is; you can probably guess that for yourself. I'm here to talk about accents. More specifically, I'd like someone to explain why four major characters (that I counted) needed to have the accents they had, or any accent. First there's Donald Sutherland, playing a billionaire with a vaguely British and utterly phony accent. Then you have Ray Winstone, a Brit, doing a terrible Southern accent. Then you get Scot Ewen Bremner doing some sort of Ukrainian thing. And finally there's Malcolm-Jamal Warner doing a generic Caribbean accent. Why? I'll ask that again: Why? Why all the accents? Why is having a Ukrainian treasure hunter funnier than a Scottish one? And how is it possible that McConaughey's lazy Texas drawl is the least annoying accent in this film?
Director Andy Tennant (HITCH; SWEET HOME ALABAMA) has essentially lost control of his rather large cast and this unwieldy script. There are too many cardboard-cutout supporting characters distracting us from what little entertainment value the main story thread offers (it ain't much, folks). As a result, whatever natural charm and likeability McConaughey and Hudson might have to carry the film is buried under an overly complicated backstory on the treasure being sought, and on cartoonish secondary players and storylines. In many ways FOOL'S GOLD is worse than something like MEET THE SPARTANS or this weeks HOTTIE AND THE NOTTIE because it's striving for greatness as it falls miserably short. There's some potential there, but it's squandered on easy gags, way too much broad, physical comedy and more plot than this dopey comedy can handle.
HOTTIE AND THE NOTTIE
In order for you to even begin to accept--let alone enjoy--the comedy Hottie and the Nottie, you have to be willing to accept one very basic premise: that Paris Hilton is the living, breathing example of ideal beauty. With her wonky eye, piles of extended hair and monotone delivery, Hilton is meant to be our object of worship in the same fashion the film's lead character, Nate (Joel David Moore), worships her. Nate apparently met Cristabel (Hilton) when they were in the first grade, was separated from her shortly thereafter, and has stayed infatuated ever since. Cristabel's lifelong best friend is a hideously ugly girl named June (played as an adult by Christine Lakin). When Nate tracks down his childhood crush years later, it turns out she's still friends with June and has pledged that until June has a man of her own, she won't date. Nate's mission, should he choose to accept it, is to find a man who would not just date June, but enter into a long-term relationship with the beast.
If I sound like I'm being harsh and focusing too much on June's looks, you clearly haven't seen this movie. June is made up to be hideously ugly, with her rotting teeth, blotchy, scab-ridden skin, patchy baldness, hair on every other part of her body and a generally abrasive personality to go along with all of these lovely attributes. But as much as the film thinks it's about helping out the ugly girl, it's really just an exercise in mean behavior and idealization of Paris Hilton. If we all can't strive to be as pretty as her, what reason is there to go on living? It should come as no surprise (nothing in this film should) that June goes through a gradual ugly-duckling-to-swan makeover that makes her attractive by conventional standards and finally makes her worthy to lose her virginity. The film's PG-13 jokes and mentality make it mean-spirited enough to be deplorable without having the teeth to back up its cruelty with truly appalling humor. But what's worse is that the film spends an extraordinary amount of time showing us how much every man in the world falls over themselves for Hilton. Why wouldn't she take this role? Fifty percent of the film is people telling her how beautiful she is, and I never got thirsty enough to drink that Kool-Aid. HOTTIE AND THE NOTTIE is a brainless, laugh-free experience with a pinch of evil and a pinch of general unpleasantness. Enjoy!
Capone
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I wish the media would stop reporting on her. She does nothing for me. Along with Brit brit. Although I am partial to Lindsay...gotta love those redheads.
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You meant "move" right? And I'll glady trade Paris for Heath Alex.XD
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then i realised i had the contrast waaaay down. Turned out 101 Dalmations wasn't that dark after all.
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I opened it thinking Fool's Gold was a Stone Roses Biopic. I forgot it was that shitey rom-com.
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Thanks for taking it for the team, man.
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one girl is a bonafide whore, the other is a mental wack job, see the hinjix that ensue as Paris takes in 345 dicks at one time as the nutty 'whitney'(har-har) shaves her head and eats some cheetos. Thanks for the funny reviews Capone, but there was more laughs in the review then in all those movies put together
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=Six Days and Seven Nights. With the crazy toned down a bit.
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Maybe Im being sensitive this morning but as a black man I'm a little offended by that comment. So does that mean every other movie that doesnt have a majority black cast a white movie? And then to act like movies featuring majority black cast are somehow inferior to the rest of them is just kind of offensive and ignorant.
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You took the words right out of my mouth...
It's not like the films are shot in another country... say Asia (Asian Cinema)
That is the same mentality that puts a "Black Cinema" section in Virgin Megastore.
Last time I was there, they had HITCH in that section!!!!!!!!
I know Capone didn't mean anything by it, but it's that kind of ignorance that keeps up the barriers we still have today. And it is ignorance because for a movie to be made by Americans speaking English yet to then be described as a form relating to their colour is stupidity.
I am black and have ALWAYS been offended by that term.
I'm off to see that White movie, "There Will Be Blood" today. Sounds ridiculous doesn't it. -
Would be a gray movie, then?
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for watching these for me!
Huzzah, Huzzah, Huzzah! -
And I hate people chosing the term Indian to describe English speaking movies with Indian characters. THE NAMESAKE anyone?
And what's with the freakin Indian accent stereotype? Freakin' Retards. -
As a film geek I'm also offended that Capone insinuated that somehow the epitome of high minded and experimental...BLACK MOVIES...was Roll Bounce. That in and of itself is an afront to the progress of African Americans in film.
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you better take a long rest this weekend after enduring those..thanks for taking one for the team!!
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I understand the sensitivities around the term 'black cinema', but I (although I'm not a black person) reckon the reaction to Capone's comments is misguided. Spike Lee makes "black cinema". As in, relating the experience or perspective of African Americans. That can be political or not, but as a whole it's just a point of view. I think what Capone is saying is that films like Roscoe Jenkins purport to be "black cinema" by only focussing on the black experience, and they do it a great disservice. It's not about black versus white, it's about a minority perspective being represented in the media, and when films like Jenkins only show the sassy black chick or krumping or large extended families which include Eddie Murphy in a fat chick suit, films that properly show what the "black experience" is like are going to be marginalised.
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Feb 08, 2008 10:01:22 AM CST
In order for you to even begin to accept--let alone enjoy--the c
by dr.poots
That some jackass would actually entitle a film as such. Capone, buddy, you're a good man. Looks like you took a couple of shots right to the inner-thigh for those of us looking for something to watch this weekend. You rock, man!
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Feb 08, 2008 10:02:11 AM CST
comedy Hottie and the Nottie, you have to be willing to accept o
by dr.poots
Is how dat shouldda ended.
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The movie poster artist of Blade Runner, E.T., and many others has died. :(
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Like I said, I may have just been a little sensitive this morning, but to me it came off an a rather unnecessary add on to a review of wat sounds like a substandard film. Kinda like when that one "reviewer" was discussing how he had a terrible time at the movie and instead of saying the people behind him were talking to much, he unnecessarily said A black couple was talking bahind him. It was totally uneccesary. Capones wasnt that bad, but its still pretty offensive in its own way.
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..isn't Malcolm his nephew or something?
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Feb 08, 2008 10:47:55 AM CST
Yeah, because I never hear black people say "white" this or that
by iamjack'suserid
Whatever. If a black person had a bad experience with a white person, you can bet your bitchy ass they would let you know it was a white person when describing the scenario.
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But do they make Meet the Spartans look like There Will Be Blood in comparison? ;)
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you must enjoy torturing yourself. I can't believe you actually watched any of these movies...let alone all three! You are noble in your pursuit, good sir!
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Spike Lee makes "Black Cinema"? Where did you hear him refer to his movies as such?
Inside Man? Summer Of Sam? 25th Hour?
I'll even put Jungle Fever on that list.
It is ABSOLUTELY IGNORANT to continually describe a movie based solely upon the colour of the people starring in it.
I wouldn't even call Brokeback Mountain a "Gay" movie, and we all know how that Mountain got it's name.
And that isn't being over or hyper sensitive, it's just being intelligent.
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Is exactly what it is. Films with predominately African American casts, filmed by African American directors, and marketed for the Afican American audience. Do you believe Tyler Perry made his millions from Mr. and Mrs. Caucasion America?? What I think is more offensive is the easy stereotypes that these films perpetuate. While I have not seen Roscoe, from the trailer I can easily determine that Mike Epps plays the n'er do well relative (as tho Mr. Epps can't play any other role). And, from a review, Cedric plays an owner of a Cadillac dealership. What, they couldn't find someone to man a roadside watermelon stand...?
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Feb 08, 2008 11:36:28 AM CST
Blacks have no problem labeling their station "black'
by iamjack'suserid
...in the case of BET. Or the Black Music Awards or whatever its called. I guess if whites label something as being "black" its bad, but not so if a black does it. The "n-word" syndrome I suppose.
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If you guys think its okay that a reviewer on a site that is seen by quite a few people can just create a genre of film i.e. BLACK MOVIES, and then categorically dismiss that genre by pointing out that some of the films are a little repetitive, then I guess i'll shut up now. SOrry, sometimes pseudo prejudiced(not necessessarily racist) freudian slips kinda irritate me.
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Dazzler, you're my hero for the day!
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Wait, are you telling methe studios, the producers, and the stars of these "black movies" don't consider them black movies and don't advertise them to that market (because it IS a market)?
Just movies or with everything?--because I'm pretty sure all the political hubub this week has been about which way the female, white male, and black vote will go with Hillary & Obama, and which one will get the Latino vote. Clearly these candidates tailor their speeches to whichever audience they are in front of to win that vote. Same here: clearly when Martin has a "you so crazy" moment or two or three or eighteen, it's written for a specific audience. -
...I speak jive.
Ma bros...what be upwid all da hate? Chill, if yo ol lady be all in yo shizzat no need to be all in da bros! Capone be supafly- cut the bro slack. -
A film that at least makes an effort but still fails miserably is much better than one like Meet the Spartans. Nothing is worse than lazy filmmaking just to make a buck; making the least amount of effort in the hopes of fooling enough people to get a big box office. There's a reason Meet the Spartans was not screened for reviewers. Minimize the possibility of negative word-of-mouth until after the weekend. They knew they were selling the public a steaming turd so they kept it under wraps hoping people would mistake it for warm bread.
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Are you giving Capone credit for "creating" a film genre that gets a total of 2,169,200 combined hits on Google under "black cinema", "black movies" and "black films"? Better tell the founder of Blackflix.com (the "most complete Afican American movie we site") that Capone should get some credit..
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Unfortunately, I believe the people that bought a ticket for Meet The Spartans knew exactly what they were getting...and enjoyed it. See Epic Movie and Date Movie from prior years, and both opened at number one. Its not just lazy moviemaking its lazy filmgoing.
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Movies with predominantly white characters be calle White Movies? And should I not want to go see them since I'm black? And should the White Movies not be advertised to any african americans?
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Only if they have Hugh Grant in them.
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I think he did a dead on SImon Cowell in American Dreamz with a Z. And..he does black prostitutes..
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There are plenty of movies with black leads/black casts that aren't made for black audiences. "beverly Hills Cop" comes to mind. Hell, "American Gangster." Spike Lee's movies, John Singleton's. But, yeah--there ARE movies geared toward particular black/white demographics. It's fair to say "Tyler Perry Crossdresses Like His Grandma" is going to have as little white crossover appeal as that "Git her dun" redneck stand up comic's flick has black crossover appeal. There's a reason the term "crossover appeal" exists and it's because there are specific black & white markets. Again, that doesn't mean ALL films by white people are for whitey and ALL films by black directors are for black people. But there is a range that are and Sir Martin Lawrense more times than not does comedy flicks geared toward a black (and I'm guessing male) demographic.
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Feb 08, 2008 1:35:59 PM CST
So should Movies with predominantly white characters be calle Wh
by skimn
No lecter, they should be called GOOD movies........
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....
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Feb 08, 2008 1:39:08 PM CST
And now that I've made the case, maybe we should read between th
by www.valiens.com
So perhaps when Hollywood churns out "white" and "black" comedies, what they're really saying is, "Completely unwatchable movies that will appeal to people who just like watching their own." What else is Carrot Top for? Or Shawn Wayans?
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Examples of movies with black leads that arent targeted specifically at Black Audiences. Many of the pics that Martin Lawrence has done (Black Knight, Big Mommas house) Eddie Murphy (all of them except Nutty Professor)and Will Smith are also black leads in movies who dont target directly towards Black audiences. Heck, Bad Boys had two of the biggest black stars at the time in it and its not geared towards specifically black audiences. I know more people who are white and hispanic that saw the Friday movie than black ones. My point is that just because a film stars black people and has a predominantly black cast does not mean its a BLACK MOVIE. And that was my beef with Capones review that he just kind of lumped a movie in that category and then subtly called the whole genre garbage and claimed they should try to be like Effing Roll bounce....Roll Bounce for gods sakes. Im sure Capone doesnt care what this one African American has to say but believe it or not, that whole last portion of his review was rather insulting.
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lazy filmgoing. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me; fool me three times, obviously I will never learn so just keep churning these movies out as I will pay for anything.But it is also lazy film making. I saw Date Movie and that was enough for me. It's the only movie I have seen that I felt had been a complete waste of time to watch. All the reviews I read for Epic Movie and Meet the Spartans claims Date Movie to be the better film. It seems the creators have no aspirations to move beyond the puerile crap that was their first film. No desire to make a good movie, just something that will make them money.It's one thing if a director loses control over his actors, or loses control over his film in the editing room, and the result is a failure of a film. It's quite another thing when the writer and director know it's a bad movie but make no effort to do better because they know from past experience that the studio will be able to sell it.
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And studios know who their target audience is when they promote an Ice Cube/Tracy Morgan comedy (urban set comedy with funny ethnic characters), an Ice Cube "Are We ___ Yet?" (cute family slapstick sitcom), a Larry The Cable Guy "comedy", or even a Rambo..These "targeted" movies will generally see a strong opening then will fall the following weeks, and because they tend to be lower budgeted they make their profits quickly. And lets not forget the most powerful color in Hollywood is green.
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Although I haven't seen "Roll Bounce." I can neither confirm nor deny its suckiness.
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And had more homosexual undertones than 300. Not that homosexual undertones are a bad thing, but it can be when those are funnier than whats actually taking place in the movie.
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Oh I agree completely, it is lazy filmmaking at its worst. They will insert any pop culture reference out of context and call it comedy. I'm afraid that a lot of people think that it's actually funny (Hey lookit, they's makin' fun of Britney..hehe). So look next year at this time for a "parody" of whatever proves to be a popular hit in the next six months.
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It will go like this; they will show Iron Man fly onto the screen and Magneto will show up and get stuck to Iron Man's crotch and then Indy will come out with a walker and shit his pants, and then I'll die inside even more
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shirt on?
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He did, it was called A Time TO Kill
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he did have his shirt off, it was just in a deleted scene :)
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Whats scary is that you'd shown more follow through with your description than the makers of Date/Epic/Spartans. They'd be happy just to show Indiana with a walker, you capped that with the pants shitting..bravo sir.
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a Spoof Movie one of these days. I strive for excellence, skimn
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The Duchess? Go check it out. I say it now, the build-up and reveal of Keira Knightley in the trailer will be a bit in their next movie. Why bother trying to be creative when you can just watch trailers all day and do what Mad Magazine has been doing for 50 years, and get paid for it?
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I'll have to check it out. My sister in law brought over Epic Movie one time and had us start watching it, within 15 minutes it was out of my house for good. What a useless waste of time
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I kept watching Date Movie because I thought eventually I would find some redeeming quality. I felt that if I laughed even once it would be worth it. But it was not meant to be. I won't watch MTS or Epic Movie because I know it will be more of the same. Yet I like watching bad movies. When I see a review of a supposed thriller with a laughable ending I can't wait for it to come out on DVD so I can see it (I enjoy a good laugh). But Date Movie (and from what I have heard Epic Movie & MTS are even worse) was so bad it was beyond the point of even laughing at it. These films embody everything that is wrong with the entertainment industry.
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No shit? sorry you had to see it capone. that's awful. was it worse than alien vs. predator? there's no way.
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I always thought Capone was black. His review of The Fighting Temptations and subsequent knowledge of Angie Stone was deep. One comment he made, I was like "Capone is black".
For the record, I know Caponizzle never meant anything by it, it was just a term. I just dislike it... even when black people embrace it.
Capone's at home like... WTF? My best friend's black!!"... just kidding.
Viva Capone... down with "Black Cinema"!!! -
"One minor complaint: in no sane universe should Ms. Angie Stone be singing backup for Beyonce Knowles. Only in the movies, brothers and sisters. Knowles is a great pop star, but Stone is an angel. End of music lesson."
From The Fighting Temptations review;
CAPONE IS BLACK!!!!! Black people ain't even that hip to the truth. :-) -
It looks decent, much like Sahara, as long as you go in knowing what it is.
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I'm gonna go watch Knocked Up and Superbad in a double feature.
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Um hummmm. Also, to answer the question of why movies with predominantly white casts aren't referred to as "white movies", one reason is because of the racial double standard: it's taboo for whites to distinguish, take pride in, or categorize themselves as white, unlike for black people who seem to enjoy doing it constantly. If someone had a whiteflix.com, it would no doubt be considered racist, yet a blackflix.com can exist without anyone batting an eye. Same with a black oriented TV station, publications, schools, awards shows, websites, movies, music and about a million other things. I'd love to see how long WET would last!
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Does that count?
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Next time you all want to slag film critics for their pretension and inability to agree with your own opinions, just remember...they HAVE to see films like this. Imagine how many hours of their lives they will never get back...
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No one listens to them. Everyone hates them, and they have to sit through crap like Fools Gold.
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if the film makers wanted this to be a hit, they shoulda had the two reverse rolls...that i could buy
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Wait, didn't she already do that film?
Oh, how I love to detest her.
Her tears in the courtroom tasted delicious... -
The need to movie Transmetropolitan like I need another hole in my dick. Spike Lee likes to movie about the black experience. I movied the other night but Untraceable was utter shit.
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For one, Martin Lawrence was the only black person in the film if memory serves and I worked at a video store when it hit dvd and video and trust me...if it wasnt aimed at a predominantly white audience the marketers did a terrible job. I'm not going to combat you on your point of racial double standards because that really doesnt belong here and we wont convince each other of anything anyway.
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or have you not seen the trailer for "Superhero Movie", which from what I saw looks like a direct spoof of Spidey 1
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Got a 0 out of 5 on IGN, first time I've seen that.
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I think they missed the point of the very story the third film was trying to say. Why the hell aren't more movies with Bridget Jones and Tracey Turnblad-type characters? Or, better yet, why not remake "The Girl Most Likely To..."? I was very, very upset at how they treated that overweight girl in "Good Luck Chuck". And I was hoping this would be the reverse. But falling for June AFTER plastic surgery? Look, she's not attractive, but there's really no need to be shallow and hurtful.
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Feb 09, 2008 8:11:06 AM CST
Isn't Fool's Gold just Sahara with a hot chick
by grammaton cleric binks
for a sidekick this time? And it's set by an ocean instead of a desert. I never saw Sahara, but I saw the commercial,and it seemed to give all the main points.
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PEREZ FREAKIN' HILTON, HAVE MERCY.
Bless Me, Uncle Jesse, for I have sinned. -
Is there a hot chick in Fool's Gold!?!? Wow, surprised they don't show her in the trailers. They only show that skank Kate Hudson who could be considered hot if you'd had 3 beers or were a lonely fanboy with no women in your life.
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Letterman publicly apologized to Hilton for recounting her so-called jail "sentence" on his show. He begged forgiveness with flowers, et al. And then, he offered her the liberty to consistently plug this ego-stroking, masturbatory turd of a movie (this one may make even less money than BLONDE AMBITION). Hell, I'm switching to Adult Swim. Fuck Letterman.
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Who'd you piss off to get these assignments?
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Premise sounds sort of like 90210 where just about everyone had to constantly tell Donna (Tori Spelling) how beautiful & smart she was and um, well...no.
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All the elements you see in black fim are same formula that White movie execs want in black films. Black people don't want to see the samn d@mn shyt every freaking time a so called black film is put out. Films such as Roscoe Jenkins are a safe choice for major studios. That's why the same elements are always placed in black films. It's like the majority of black actors aren't even allowed to show their acting range becauSe they are put in the same exact characters ala Mike Epps. Everything is always the exact same cliche in 98 percent of black films.
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Is kind of amazing in that it got made in the first place. I haven't met anyone that actually likes Paris (male or female, human or alien). And trust me, I do extensive querying! Okay, maybe not, but then again that stupid "reality" show with her performed well for a time.
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