Does Jackie & Jet's FORBIDDEN KINGDOM Actually Rock?? The Drunken Reviewer Says So...

Merrick here...
The Drunken Reviewer sent in a look at THE FORBIDDEN KINGDOM. This should release here in the States 'round late April, if memory serves. This is the first time Jackie Chan & Jet Li star in the same project. Strangely, it's directed by Rob Minkoff, who brought us the first two STUART LITTLE films and (unfortunately) THE HAUNTED MANSION. The Drunken Reviewer...liked it. A lot. Presumably he was actually sober while watching the thing, but ya never can tell.
Here's what The Drunken Reviewer had to say...

Harry and AICNers, My buddies and I (all martial arts junkies) just got back from one of the best movies we've seen in a long time, and one of the most outrageous martial arts flicks to come around in a while. I'm gonna try to write a good review, and I really hope you use it. I read Aint It Cool everyday, multiple times a day, and love the reviews, yours and Mori's in particular, but this is the first time I'm attempting one myself. You'll probably get a bunch of reviews for this, since the screening was packed. There's been alot of doubt from fans of Jackie Chan's and Jet Li's about THE FORBIDDEN KINGDOM- I didn't expect it to be anywhere near as good as it is. It's a huge movie, and I've got to hand it to Rob Minkoff. I was worried about this for alot of reasons, the westernization of a Chinese story, and how they were gonna explain the characters speaking English, but the movie itself made me do a complete 180. Since Yuen Woo-Ping is the fight coordinator, and the two main characters are martial arts masters, you expect the fights to awesome without question and they didn't disappoint, but what I didn't expect the script and the direction to not only be worthy of that action, but great. It had an unexpected, unique sense of humor. Almost every one of Jackie's lines got a big laugh, but Jet Li had probably the funniest line in the movie (I'll get to that). The movie is in English when the Chinese characters are with the kid character, but Mandarin when he's not around. When the kid first meets Jackie, whose speaking to him in Mandarin, he says "I can't understand you!" Jackie answers in English; "Because you're not listening." There were a couple of things that were a little wonky, but not more than everything that's right with this movie. So, here's my review of the long awaited Jackie Chan/Jet Li teamup- THE FORBIDDEN KINGDOM. There will be spoilers but mostly towards the end and not without a warning. The test screening was at the Winnetka Theater in Chatsworth, Calif. After waiting in line, the security stop (which they were serious as fuck about) and finding seats, the lady from Movie View told us we (meaning the crowd) were the first people anywhere to see The Forbidden Kingdom with all the usual stuff- unfinished effects, don't record the movie, etc, then the lights went down. As soon as Jackie Chan and Jet Li's names came on screen, everybody cheered, and we realized we weren't the only Jackie and Jet fans there. The movie opens with a prologue about the Monkey King (Jet Li in full Monkey King wear- blond wig, costume, makeup) having a blast kicking the asses of the Jade Warlord's guards on a mountain way high up above the clouds, in a very fluid, magic realism fight. He crashes a Peach Ceremony with the Emperor, the Immortals, and the Jade Warlord (Collin Chou from the MATRIX movies in full badass mode), who wants him to be punished, but the Emperor won't punish the Monkey King for being mischievous. We are then transported to modern day Boston, with the kid, Jason, Michael Angarano (who was in SKY HIGH) waking up in his bed with an old Hong Kong Monkey King DVD playing on his TV. His room is basically covered in posters- which leads into the film's excellent main title sequences, going in and out of 3D versions of Shaw Brothers, Bruce Lee, and other Hong Kong 60's era posters. I really liked the music in this sequence too- it had an eastern feel, but was orchestral and spacey. I don't know if what we heard was the actual music but most of it was pretty damn good. (In the credits, Harry Gregson-Williams was listed as Composer). The story gets cranking when the kid goes down to Chinatown (running into some teenage gangmembers on the way) to an old pawnshop owned by Jackie Chan (in old-age makeup), who is pretty wiley, wisecracking old dude. Jason spies a staff laying on the floor of the storeroom, and Jackie's character tells him it was in the store when he bought it, and it was waiting for someone to take it to its rightful owner. Later, the thugs decide they want to rob the pawn shop and force Jason to get them in. Jackie gets shot in the melee, and Jason ends up running away with the staff. They corner him on the roof, but he is pushed off and falls down towards certain death. But this is where his adventure really starts. He wakes up in ancient China. The scenery here is incredible- vast mountains and rice paddies, all green and pure, very different from Boston. But coming up the road is the Jade Army on horseback. They start terrorizing the village, and chase after Jason, who is still holding the staff. He's saved by a drunkard swigging wine from his gourd- This Jackie Chan as Lu Yan, who takes the guards down in seconds using the Drunken Fist. I'm not going to go into detail in most of these scenes, but they're all inventive and cool as you'd expect from this amazing grouping of talent. Jackie takes the kid to a Tea House where he tells him the story of the staff he's carrying- It belonged to the Monkey King, but was thrown into the middle kingdom when the still angry and wanting revenge Jade Warlord tricked him and turned him to stone (this fight is shown in flashback), and he needs the staff to break free. There's a prophesy that a Seeker will come "through a door where there is no doorway" and return the staff to its owner. That's when the Jade Army storms into the Tea House, and all hell breaks loose. This is a huge fight sequence, with lots of great Jackie moves- he even uses the kid as a prop, with him absorbing alot of his blows, being wielded as a weapon, etc. It's great, vintage Jackie. They get away with the help of a mysterious girl whose been watching them. This is Golden Sparrow, played by Liu Yifei (so beautiful and yet so fresh and young we felt pervy for oggling her). The three get away on a wild horse gallop through the Tea House and a bath house next door. This is the beginning of the group that will make the journey to free the Monkey King, but Lu Yan isn't really interested in the quest. Sparrow tells Jason that he is the Drunken Immortal, and a powerful kung fu master and Jason begs him to be his teacher. The only way he can get back home is if he can complete the quest. The first teaching sequence is brutal and funny (Jackie whacks him and says "That's a strike. Tomorrow I'll teach you to block.") He also learns that Sparrow was the only survivor of a village massacre by the Jade Warlord that killed her parents and she's after revenge. Meanwhile, the Jade Warlord learns that the Monkey King's staff has been spotted in the village. He of course kills the messenger, and sends for "The Witch" (my second favorite character in the movie, who is obviously inspired by the Bride With White Hair). Jason wakes up alone, and before he knows what's happening a mysterious Monk shrouded in all white steals the staff and rides away. They follow the Monk to a temple, and the next section of the movie is pure bliss- one of the most epic, outrageous fight scenes in history. Seriously, this is the martial arts fan's wet dream- something like 20 minutes of pure fighting in every style under the sun. It's hardcore, with bone crunching sound design and crazy moves, just the most intense fight scene I think I've seen in my life. This is what you've been waiting for- Jackie Chan versus Jet Li- fighting with the staff, for the staff, crunching heads, twisting arms, leaping and kicking, throwing each other around, smashing through walls and statues, just kicking the crap out of each other fast and furious, incredible. The whole theater exploded with cheering when it was over, it was so monumental. The fight ends with the staff falling into Jason's hands, and when Lu Yan explains to the Monk that this kid's the Seeker, Jet Li looks him over and goes "He's the Seeker? He's not even Chinese!" then both of them bust up laughing. This moment in the film really made me give in to the fantasy, the humor and the uniqueness of this movie. The Monk becomes Jason's second teacher, but Monk's style is very Zen, not aimed at revenge but focus and bringing balance to the world, as opposed to Jackie's brutal take no prisoners approach. These training sections really show that Michael Angarano knows his shit. I was looking for a stunt double, but it looks like he did it himself. He was never obnoxious about it- there are no cutesy lines, but truly seemed humbled and confused, and serious through the whole thing. SPOILERS The group continues their journey, trekking through these vasts deserts where they get close to death (in this scene is Jet Li's second big laugh- when the Drunken Immortal tries to summon rain). They do make it out of the desert and into the valley below the Jade Warlord's palace, but these peaceful scenes don't last long. The White Haired Witch and her surly gang of mercenaries soon show up and spoil the fun. My future wife Li Bing Bing is wicked and sadistic, but incredibly hot, a total standout. The good guys get away, but the Witch fires an arrow into Lu Yan's back. They take him to a monastery in the mountains, but he needs an Elixir carried by the Jade Warlord (who has promised it to the Witch in exchange for the staff). Monk wants to wait until the time is right, but Jason wants to move fast to save the life of his teacher. Of course they will end up at the Palace, where they will stage an epic massive, all-in battle, with amazing choreography, lots of wirework, flips and flying, running up walls, etc. Shot in full scope, so you can see what's happening, and it looks like they're all doing their own fighing. The story takes a few twists here, which I don't want to spoil. But the whole thing was pretty exhilarating. When I realized it was ending, I wanted to go back and watch the whole thing again, it went by way too goddam fast. The ending was really good though, and ties back into Journey to the West (which it's based on) and the adventures of the Monkey King. My card for the Movie View people was basically a rave, like this review. END SPOILERS The good- There's philosophy in the action, and a really fable like feeling to the whole thing, without pulling it's punches- it lives up to the promise of what you'd expect from these exceptional martial artists. The movie is fantasy / action, but it's about what it means to find your purpose and figure out what you're going to fight for, and how the archetypal Monkey King character fits into that journey. Also, high marks for the script and well drawn characters, outstanding acting, epic cinematography that makes me want to go to China, and of course, amazing fights. The bad- Why does there always have to be a kiss? The film doesn't need a romance angle, but I guess it's to be expected. I can't blame Jason, considering who he's kissing (Liu Yifei). There was also one wtf moment when fireworks are going off- it definitely looked out of place. Also, they warn you that the effects aren't done, but there were a couple of spots where it was either a painting or a storyboard and we totally cracked up. They've got alot of time before April 18th, so I really hope the finished effects are on par with the rest. The standout- The epic battle in the temple between Jackie Chan and Jet Li- this will be legend! Hope the review was okay. If you use this, please call me the Drunken Reviewer.