Hey everyone. Capone in Chicago here.

I've certainly endured my fair share of bad movies over the years. Hell, I've stomached an overflowing handful of crap cinema in the first 31 days of January 2008.

But it's that rare, plugged up shitter of a movie that actually makes me wish I were in another line of work. Now before you email me saying, "I could tell from the commercials that the new Eva Longaria Parker film was going to be a turd monster. Why are you acting surprised?" I'm not acting surprised. If a comedy can't find seven or eight funny scenes in its 95-minute length to construct a decent trailer, trouble is just a $10 ticket price away, my friends.

Remember how I began my review of CLOVERFIELD? I said, "You really have no idea what you're in for." That's exactly how I feel about OVER HER DEAD BODY, only the other way. Some who see this film may feel that life is no longer worth living if copies of this movie are allowed to stay alive and reproduce like a poop virus. Some may swear off movies forever. This movie has that power. Only the strongest among us should even walk past a theatre playing this film that somehow manages to make even Paul Rudd look like a bad actor. Shame on you writer-director Jeff Lowell; have you no decency?

Here's the premise: Longaria Parker plays Kate, who we barely get to know before she dies on her wedding day. She goes to a big, empty white room, is visited by an angel, and is dumped back on Earth to fulfill an unknown (even to her) mission before she can move on. I don't think there's a person in the audience who didn't know that her mission was to help her grieving boyfriend Henry (Rudd) move on and find new love. But dumb-ass Kate thinks she should protect Henry from all other women. One woman in particular, an ethical psychic/part-time caterer named Ashley (Lake Bell), seems to be top on Kate's list of women Henry might be happy with, so she sets her sights on allowing Ashley to see her and scaring and otherwise dissuading the relationship.

The biggest problem I had with OVER HER DEAD BODY is that Longaria Parker is the wrong color. No, I'm not saying that I have a problem with a Latina marrying a white guy. What I'm saying is that Eva has applied so much spray-on tanning product that she has become a shade of orange that doesn't exist in nature. There are also huge chunks of the film where she isn't even on screen, so the idea that this is somehow her first starring role is almost a joke (maybe the only funny one within a mile of this movie). But more importantly, when she is on screen, she's a miserable shrew of a woman who we never even get the chance to like for two minutes.

And poor Paul Rudd, one of the most likable actors working today and one of the funniest. He gives the best that he's got here and gets off a few one liners that made me smile, but he walks through this movie with a look on his face that screams, "What the fuck am I doing here?" He is put through the ringer on this movie and it may take him seven or eight years of therapy to really work out his pain. Strangely enough, I managed to make something of a rediscovery watching OVER HER DEAD BODY. I remember liking Lake Bell from the early seasons of "Boston Legal," and seeing her in this movie made me remember how much I enjoy watching her. Sure, she's attractive, but she also has an easy-going, casual delivery that seems very natural. If anything she's too understated for this alarmingly broad material, but she comes across as very sincere playing this character. I look forward to seeing her in something that might actually use her talents for good rather than evil.

OVER HER DEAD BODY plays out about as predictably as a child's color-by-number paint set, and I spent the entire film going back and forth between bored and angry. If that sounds appealing to you, go to hell, and enjoy this film on the flight down there. If a comedy plays to an audience and nobody laughs, does the film truly really exist?

I say, no.

Capone