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Vern interviews a guy trying to make a movie about the filming of THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE!!
Vern here...
You might not have noticed this, but I’m obsessed with THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE. I consider it one of the all time great American independent films. I watch it over and over and I still keep noticing things I hadn’t before. I’ve read the book about how it was made, I’ve watched the documentaries, I took the fuckin remake personally like somebody had broken into my apartment and smeared shit all over the walls.
But I’m not the only one. I run into others like me every once in a while. I get contacted by them. We are everywhere, but you will not notice us. We have the power to blend in with our surroundings. You are probably staring right at us right now and you can’t even see us. We are invisible. Whoah – behind you! Too late. Nice try.
Anyway, I was intrigued when I heard that one of us obsessives is trying to make a movie about Tobe Hooper and friends actually shooting THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE. Not a documentary, but a drama, a re-enactment, I guess like BAADASSSS! or SHADOW OF THE VAMPIRE, minus the vampire. The movie is called SOUTH TEXAS BLUES, and the director is named Christopher Garetano. I tried to get him to describe the movie in his own words, but as you will see he got a little abstract there, so you might want to check out this little featurette he made to explain the idea to investors:
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VERN: First of all, could you explain what SOUTH TEXAS BLUES is?
CHRISTOHPER GARETANO: SOUTH TEXAS BLUES represents the struggling artist’s state of mind. There’s a specific scene in STB that emphatically represents the title. It’s a fantasy sequence titled (in the script) “Beyond the Blue Wall.” Tobe’s line from the script (that he reads in narration during the scene) is: ”It’s a wall that separates the artists who suffer from the blues from the industry that despises them. It’s hard to bring the two camps together because they’re always fighting for different goals.”
That particular scene (visually) will be represented by one very long twelve-foot-high (guarded) brick wall. On one side of the wall is a cliché paradise right out of the most extravagant 1930s Hollywood movie set. It’s like David O. Selznick meets Shangri –la except for the heavily armed guards. On the other side is a murky dark blue circle of hell with one hundred or so vicious creatures called the “putrid blue artists.” They foam at the mouth, have razor sharp fangs, blue skin, black hair, and the blackest eyes. Voluptuous blue actresses carry (normal looking) headshots and expose themselves to the wall. Others carry cameras, scripts, etc. From out of the murky crowd comes Tobe wearing streaks of blue from head to toe.
Even his cigar and Panama hat are blue. Tobe fights his way (cigar in mouth) to the base of the wall. The putrid creatures claw at him as he scales the wall to the top. Some of the putrid blues make it to the top of the wall but are swiftly shot through the head by the guards. Once Tobe reaches the top, his body is bathed by the rays of the golden sunset (from the other side) and the blue begins to completely dissolve from his body. Tobe then jumps over into Shangri-la.
V: Of course. How close are you to shooting? Do you have all the financing and everything?
CG: I have been talking with a legitimate production company (about STB) since September of 07. I created a short film titled “On the Road to South Texas” for the purpose of pitching the project to them. It’s a promising situation and so far they seem like the right people to work with. I see so many new movie makers in dire situations of compromise… Situations that they (the filmmakers) allow to happen.
That’s not going to happen with this film. I’d rather make this film creatively for one hundred thousand dollars (my way), than allow somebody to screw it up just because they’re offering a million or two. I will make this film and it will be made the right way. I should have more specific news (about when we might officially start) in the coming months.
V: Have you cast the movie yet? How are you approaching that?
CG: I will find the right actors for these roles. The casting process is so important and if we screw that up, the film’s going to be weak. I seriously don’t give a damn about stars or names. I want actors for this film.
With that said I’ll give you a few details of what I have been thinking about in terms of familiarity. I have talked with Edwin [Neal, who had the second most memorable role as “the hitchhiker” in the original TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE --Vern] about playing the role of Jim Siedow.
It occurred to me that Edwin would be perfect for the role while I was writing the script. It started with simple images. Ed just kept appearing to me as Jim or as the cook driving the old truck and chain smoking cigarettes in between takes.
Edwin knew Jim very well. He knows his personality, his humor and nuances. Ed’s also one of those ex-movie monsters that can actually act really well and he’s full of creative energy. Just think about how damn surreal this shoot is going to be for him. For example there’s a scene in STB where (take after take) Jim is smashing Edwin on his skull with that hardwood broom handle. It’s parallel to that dusty scene in TTCM which appears to be backlit by the Cook’s pick up truck headlights. In theory, (if Edwin officially takes on the role) he’ll be smashing himself in the head with the broom handle.
As for the rest of the cast a few names have been rolling around but the only other person that I seriously spoke with about playing a role is director/actor Jim Van Bebber. I intend for him to play the Kim Henkel character in the film. He’s a few years older than Kim was but what’s important to me about this film is its story and message. It’s ok if a few things are not exactly like they were in real life. Unless someone really knocks my socks off, the rest of the cast will be chosen from open casting calls.
Somewhere out there is a group of hungry and talented actors who will put in their one-hundred percent along with me and my crew.
V: How are you gonna do the house?
CG: We aim to shoot in the real house. It’s been my intention to shoot there since I learned the house was refurbished.
I visited Texas in 2005 to partially scout some shooting locations for STB.
It’s an old (1920s) Victorian Sears Roebuck kit house that was moved from its original location on Quick Hill in Austin, Texas to a rural area in Kingsland, Texas.
I shot a good deal of footage while I was there and I really thought of how (logistically) we could dress the set and shoot there. So my goal is to to shoot most of the interiors and some (if not all) of the exteriors at the actual house where The Texas Chainsaw Massacre was filmed. We also (for exteriors) might find a similar Sears Roebuck house in a more isolated location.
The idea is to get it as close as possible but (again) it’s ok if a few things are slightly different. My goal is to make a great movie. This isn’t a documentary.
V: Isn't it still a restaurant?
CG: Last I checked The Four Bears restaurant was out of business, the house was empty and the lease was open. It’s still configured for a restaurant (in terms of a fully equipped kitchen) but the interior is very much a house and from where I was standing I could certainly redress the restaurant into the STB set.
Their restaurant set up can be easily rearranged. As long as there’s no major reconstruction (from now until principal photography) we can pull it off. My production company would just have to work out a deal with the owners so we can commandeer the location for a week or two.
V: When you shoot the shooting-the-dinner-scene scene are you gonna go all night and try to capture that same intensity they had? Do you think it's possible to do something like that on purpose?
CG: My main focus in the story is the shooting stages. SOUTH TEXAS BLUES actually ends during post production of TTCM, so (a large portion of) my third act is mainly comprised of that particularly long and harrowing shoot.
The dinner scene was sort of a celluloid mimicry of the emotions on the set and the extreme location conditions. I’ve learned that the actual set was equally intense and miasmic than what was ultimately on screen. It’s so important that we do create an intensity similar to the dinner scene.
The entire third act of the STB script is like Alighieri’s Inferno and it ultimately leaves the other divine comedies out of the mix. We never reach Paradise.
The only true payoff (after TTCM was filmed) was for us as an audience. We were left with this incredible piece of art. So there’s no triumphant ending to this story. It ends with exhaustion, anger and resentment. It ends with a filmmaker who is unsure of the future of his picture.
Because of the nature of how the film was later handled in distribution (by the notorious Bryanston Pictures), the triumph was sparse and was limited to very few people. Thanks to the notoriety of TTCM people like Tobe Hooper, Mary Church, Dottie Pearl, Daniel Pearl and Ron Bozman went on to make incredible careers for themselves. In my film we simply don’t go there in the timeline.
STB is specifically about what happened on that set. It’s also a fantasy about a movie maker (Tobe) and his odyssey with the dark forces that are driving him to make a motion picture.
V: What would you say is the central theme of SOUTH TEXAS BLUES?
CG: The central theme is simply the lone and sad journey of the artist. To fully understand that, you must allow yourself into the mindset of an unknown group of inexperienced Texans. In 1973 Tobe Hooper wasn’t Tobe Hooper, the horror movie maker. He was a barely known local Texas filmmaker.
At that time The Texas Chainsaw Massacre didn’t exist. To most of the cast and crew it was simply a summer job on a film that many thought would never go any where. It wasn’t until the film made a ton of money that certain people cared or realized its true value. STB tells the tale of a character who (for a while) was one of the only people involved that actually believed in his project.
V: Is Tobe Hooper the main character, or is it more of an ensemble?
CG: Hooper was once described (and I’m paraphrasing) as a Dr. Pepper-addicted Eric Von Strohiem like entity pacing the set and smoking Montecristos.
South Texas Blues is mostly about what’s going on in that character’s head while he’s pacing. We hear his voice (in prose like narration) and we see his daydreams manifested. For example, there are moments where he’s very uncomfortable around some of the (UT Austin) film school students that comprised most of his crew.
When Tobe’s discomfort level rises, we’ll see certain members of the crew as a pack of hyena-like creatures with a predatory gaze reflecting in the Texas moonlight. They circle Tobe with their distrusting eyes. There’s also this God’s Eye POV of all the factual stuff.
It’s the God’s Eye POV that pays respect to the variety of talent that contributed to TTCM… moments like Gunnar Hansen preparing for the role of Leatherface by spending time in the Austin State School for Retarded Persons or (the amazingly talented) Robert A. Burns scraping up dead animals off the road and later teaching himself taxidermy to fabricate the most macabre props for the film.
This God’s Eye POV is a major character in the film as well. It’s a malefic entity that’s driving everything. It’s suggested throughout the story (astrologically) that the ship is truly being driven by a great dark and powerful force. It will be visually represented in the film by both reoccurring images of the planet Saturn, the cosmos and the sun. We never even hear the title The Texas Chainsaw Massacre until the very end of the picture in an epilogue. The title of the film that’s being made in STB is called Saturn in Retrograde.
V: How the hell are you gonna find a guy to play Edwin Neal?
CG: It can be done!
One actor for instance (and I haven’t made an attempt to contact him yet) is Ray Mckinnon who played the role of the Reverend H.W. Smith on “Deadwood.” If you pay attention to his performance on “Deadwood,” you might see a bit of Edwin/Hitchhiker in there. Even if I don’t end up working with Ray, it’s still proof that I can find the right man for the job. I think we need to look outside of the obvious circle of the one hundred most commonly used indie actors and realize there is an ocean of talent and (most importantly) undiscovered talent.
V: I understand you have some of the real people from the original movie involved, the movie will kind of freeze and then they will be there and it turns to sort of a documentary, is that right?
CG: That’s how it was for STB in the beginning but I have since written alternate moments in the script in case those scenes don’t work out.
Unfortunately there are a lot of sensitivities in regards to who lost money after TTCM was a big hit. Some of those good folks still feel cheated and aren’t ready to participate in anything chainsaw related unless it means a big payoff for them. I respect that but my film has absolutely nothing to do with money or greed.
My story ends way before TTCM made any money at all. I’m not telling the dirty little tale of a scandal or who was or was not ripped off. I’m just not interested in that part of the story. South Texas Blues (for me) is a total obsession and a labor of love and I fully intend to keep those old hard feelings off my set. Also I have nothing but respect for all who were involved with TTCM and I hope they all ultimately decide to support my picture.
V: So you did this documentary, HORROR BUSINESS. Have you worked with actors before? Are you nervous about that?
CG: I’m looking forward to it. I’ve worked with actors before on a bunch of different short form projects over the years and I’ve learned what not to do.
The idea is to find and cast good actors and not to cast for any other reasons. If you hire actors because of an amount of fame, nepotism, or because of their look then you’re making the wrong choice.
Casting that way is analogous to (when principal photography begins) trying to shoot a bull’s-eye in the dark. If you interview actors you should spend some time with them and really make sure they have the goods to pull off the role. It should make for a much better directing situation.
V: Is there a making-a-movie movie that's an influence on yours, or that's your favorite of that type?
CG: Well, I loved how Ingmar Bergman and Alejandro Jodorowski both addressed themselves as making a movie in The Holy Mountain and Hour of the Wolf. Those two films are a huge influence on me. Tim Burton’s Ed Wood is fantastic. Fellini’s 8 &1/2 was about a filmmaking dreamer and that is sort of an influence on STB.
The inspiration for STB is mostly about things I could personally relate to. There are specific parallels to my own life that inspired me to write much of the script.
V: What do you think of the TEXAS CHAIN SAW sequels?
CG: I’m turning thirty two this year. The first sequel came out when I was about ten years old so I grew up with these movies.
My feelings about them now are that they’re entertaining as long as you can separate them from the original. In my opinion they have nothing to do with the original film.
That movie is untouchable. Most of these modern day goofballs couldn’t reproduce the tone of TTCM if they had all the money in the world. Great filmmaking is not about a large sum of money or who has the latest toys.
V: Brad Shellady, in his excellent documentary TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: A FAMILY PORTRAIT says that Leatherface in part 2 has no personality. I disagree - I think it's a different take but I like how he's portrayed as a timid, horny teenager. Who's right?
CG: I enjoyed the sequel for what it was. I have no problem separating them. Hell, it had some hilariously satirical writing (LM Kit Carson) and Bill Mosely was great. Jim Siedow almost made me piss my pants… Tom Savini and Dennis “maniac” Hopper! What more can you ask for in a movie?
Bill Johnson’s Leatherface was perfect for part 2. It totally fit the mood and style of the picture. Nobody’s right about anything anymore. It’s all subjective. I met someone a few days ago who tried to convince me that Night of the Living Dea was a “bad movie.” I wanted to take her life.
V: Let's say a magic genie or some shit makes you a deal: cut off one of your pinkie toes and the TEXAS CHAIN SAW remake is erased from existence forever. Which toe would you choose?
CG: I’m keeping my toes Vern. What’s done is done. I would instead talk the genie into lending me Javier Bardem’s big cattle air gun and I would threaten the clueless benefactors of filmdom until (next time) they put their money to good use and do something original.
V: Do you follow Tobe Hooper still, the one's he's made in recent years like TOOLBOX MURDERS and MORTUARY?
CG: I still check out everything he does. I even saw Crocodile for God’s sake! I saw his “Masters of Horror” episodes but there is nothing even remotely like the original Chainsaw. It was so influential and so goddamn unique. Sir Ridley Scott even described Alien as his sci-fi version of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It had a huge influence on Scott and so many others.
V: Why do you think he's fallen off the map for most people?
CG: When you debut with a film like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, how the hell do you follow it up? Eaten Alive didn’t have the same mojo. The planets were aligned for TTCM. I suppose the gods wanted it to happen. They moved on after that.
What was left was a talented director who made some very entertaining films (Funhouse, TTCM 2, Lifeforce, Poltergeist.) Watch out though: Tobe may surprise the hell out of everyone soon with a new picture.
V: What is it about TEXAS CHAIN SAW that makes it worth making a movie about?
It’s the mysterious way of the cosmos. I believe that when those silver halide crystals first exploded back in 1973 there was a divine spirit that was burned into the film emulsion. The cosmos was the true maestro of that film and it’s that same celestial entity that’s driving me to make this film. It’s just meant to be.
--Vern
http://www.geocities.com/outlawvern
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Readers Talkback
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I still think you're the man, Vern. Don't get the recent hate for you ...
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everyone take notes I will be calling for interviews soon.
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it aint news
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you do realize that this guy is going to kill these actors don't you? hahaha
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Just listen to this and Tom Cruise nararating "Stanley Kubrick: A Life In Pictures".
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But every time I read his discriptions of what this film is going to be like, I couldn't help but think of that American Movie guy.<p>What happened to Coven, anyway? Did it ever get finished?<p>On a final note, I would like to add that I thought the TCM remake was OK. Not great, not a patch on the original, but pretty enjoyable when compared to its contemporary peers like House Of Wax and Saw and whatnot. Come on, Vern, just relax and give it another go. Set that bag of hatred down, buddy.
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Coven got finished and it is on the American Movie DVD. As a huge TCM fan, i can't agree with you on the remake, i despised that piece of trash.
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I may actually check that out.<p>P.S. The remake is OK! I am a fierce and passionate defender of the OKness of that film. I will defend its right to a score of six out of ten with my very life. Alright, maybe not my life, but I will thumb-wrestle anyone who suggests the TCM remake is not slightly better than average!
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It's not that good, but I'll give Mark tons of credit because you can tell that dude loves movies and tries to live for his passion so you have to hand it to him. TCM Remake-the problem I have with it is just that it doesn't understand what TCM is all about. It just wants to make Leatherface the new Jason/freddy/MM and it doesn't capture the crazy-ass tone of what made the original so fucking classic and scary. I did like the camera zoom through the headwound though. But otherwise I fucking hated it, and when it ended my theater clapped and I heard people saying that is was the scariest movie they ever saw. And that just depressed me
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The '86 sequel is a masterpiece. It is by far one of the craziest and most turbo-charged horror films of all time. I can understand some of the hate it gets but good god, that film is one of the most insane mainstream horror films ever released. <p> Chop top scratching skull boogers off his own head and then eating them? What in the fuck is that all about?
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I agree, that movie is fucking crazy
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is that the one where Leatherface and Dennis Hopper get into a chainsaw duel?
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Jan. 28, 2008, 10:54 a.m. CST
I'm going to make a movie about the making of the 2003 remake.
by Frank The Rabbit
It'll be 2 hours of closeups of shit falling into a toilet.
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was dogshit, but it is depressingly probably the best of the recent remakes. <p>And that's sad.
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With some current CGI effects the frogs could be much more scary. Get'er done, Tim Story.
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They should contact Justin Urich, in Monster Man he looks like a young Gunnar.
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someone should do a movie about the real story. b/c TCM is loosely, very loosely based on a real story. so loosely you might say TCM has little to do with the real story of Ed Gein.
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The guy from the Coors commercials, Mark Hammond, was the teacher - I'm surprised you guys dont remember it.
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I think Vern's right. We'll have to see where he is later in development. <p> I got to thank you Vern. I never really got into TCM, but after reading your posts, I finally sat down and really watched it. I am definitely a fan now. <p> The scene where they pick up the hitcher makes my skin crawl no matter how many times I watch it.
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"There’s a specific scene in STB that emphatically represents the title. It’s a fantasy sequence titled (in the script) “Beyond the Blue Wall.” Tobe’s line from the script (that he reads in narration during the scene) is: ”It’s a wall that separates the artists who suffer from the blues from the industry that despises them. It’s hard to bring the two camps together because they’re always fighting for different goals.” That particular scene (visually) will be represented by one very long twelve-foot-high (guarded) brick wall. On one side of the wall is a cliché paradise right out of the most extravagant 1930s Hollywood movie set. It’s like David O. Selznick meets Shangri –la except for the heavily armed guards. On the other side is a murky dark blue circle of hell with one hundred or so vicious creatures called the “putrid blue artists.” They foam at the mouth, have razor sharp fangs, blue skin, black hair, and the blackest eyes. Voluptuous blue actresses carry (normal looking) headshots and expose themselves to the wall. Others carry cameras, scripts, etc. From out of the murky crowd comes Tobe wearing streaks of blue from head to toe. Even his cigar and Panama hat are blue. Tobe fights his way (cigar in mouth) to the base of the wall. The putrid creatures claw at him as he scales the wall to the top. Some of the putrid blues make it to the top of the wall but are swiftly shot through the head by the guards. Once Tobe reaches the top, his body is bathed by the rays of the golden sunset (from the other side) and the blue begins to completely dissolve from his body. Tobe then jumps over into Shangri-la." WTF?
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Like.....really bad. Suffering artists? Guh.
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It ain't no "Pink Floyd". <p> The only way I see that scene play out is tongue and cheek. Ala: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088846/trailers-screenplay-E11666-310
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At what point in the interview did you realize this guy was moonbat crazy? I figured it out as soon as he described his "Night Of The Living Blue Man Group Cannibals" thing with the giant wall and the blue women being exposed. If I was conducting this, my next question would have been "geez where'd the time go?" and I would have put as much distance between me and this guy as can be considered reasonably safe.<p> Miles Davis taught us all that the blues aren't always a bad thing. Having to choose between Mr Davis and this lunatic looking for work, I'm going with Mr Davis.
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and a glazed donut. Ta go.
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I actually asked that one last, after it occurred to me I should have him explaining what the movie is instead of me trying to sum it up at the beginning. So I meant for him to describe the movie, but I guess he thought I was asking about the meaning of the title.<p> Anyway yeah, I did not expect that kind of answer but oh well. He did mention HOLY MOUNTAIN so I guess I should've known it was gonna be a little more out there. And I'm glad to see somebody giving Tobe Hooper credit as an artist. We'll see what happens.
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I share your irrational love for TCM, Vern, a classic American comedy of manners that I've seen at least 40 times now, and it never fails to surprise me with how perfect it is. People around me get frightened for their safety when I talk about the remake. I might watch this guy's film. Maybe have a cocaine-snorting Hollywood producer named Mike Albay who wants to remake old horror films be one of the victims. He can get his sack lobbed off with a chainsaw and fed to him. I'd watch that.
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I've loved a lot of the guys stuff. I think guys like Hooper, Romero, HGL, and the like never get the recognition that they deserve. People never seem to mention that these guys have created films that go beyond genre and have become iconic
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Had that awesome scene where like the principal walked in and everyone was all dismembered and impaled and jst really bad looking. Turns out it was just a makeup gag the students pulled. I always wanted to do that to someone.
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Obviously you've never seen the original TCM, because if you did, you would know it is not "gore-laden". So move along
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I love the idea of this movie. You should call it headcheese over the original title. Sorta like a homage to the original title and in a way a commentary about the mentality of the production itself. I would often find myself wondering more about the production of the film then the film itself while watching it. Even more so while watching documentaries like A Family Portrait and so on. I think the biggest problem to tackle will be in reviving the look and setting of the original film. I love those masks in the first film more than anything. Whenever I see a replica of them. I judge it too much and I always see how much they don't look like those original 3 masks. But then again too think of how cool your film could possibly be. I think you have to go back back to a time before the film was being shot and focus more on the time just before it. Show Tobe and Kim working on the screenplay, Show the original guy that got the leatherface job, show him getting smashed, and locking himself up in his hotel room, refusing to come out, Thus opening the door for Gunner Hansen, and Tobe asking him if he was crazy or could pretend too be. Show Bob Burns riding around Texas collecting dead animals to stuff and make furniture out of, have him show up at funeral houses asking about procedures and taxidermy, and going to vets and asking for dead bodies, and farms asking for bones. Show Dotty Pearl and Bill Barnes making life mask off of Jay Parsely and a few other friends to make the leatherface masks and Bill sculpting the wax dugan mask that would become the grandfather appliance. Show Tobe and Kim going to that club that Jay Parselys Father owned to ask him for that 60 thousand dollar loan for the film. Show Tobe convincing whats him name to let him use the van making comments about how it wold be better if they could remove the door to film certain shots and him getting pissed off. So much stuff happened just before they began filming that it could also make a great film if you focused on that. Once your out there making the movie about the movie and we see the masks and the setting lots of the hardcore fans are gonna compare to much. Maybe if you never show leatherface. And if you do, only shots from behind him. The saw used is a Poulan 245 A. I don't know if that helps. I'm a TCM nut.
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I Love this guy!!! I completely agree with him claiming you can not make a knock off or a remake about this to pay tribute to TCM, that this is the way to do it. Fucking Genius..I hope this gets made. It gives me hope as well, that I can make a film like this. Good luck and Props! Peace
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Sweet idea!
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and I can understand somewhat being that you've only been fed shit movies like HOstel, Saw, and remakes of GOOD horror films
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I'm an old turd of 37. I grew up on the classics. <p> http://www.70shorrorfilms.com/study.htm
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There is a ton of stuff in there, that I totally forgot.
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Exorcist and Poltergeist are great horror movies too, however so is TCM. It is def not a 70's version of Hostel though. It's insanity. I think people have become so desensitized to violence that when people who haven't seen the original TCM see it for the first time might say "this sucks it wasn't even scary". But it is. It is so fucking insane and such an example of being out of your element and losing reality. I used to work with people with mental disabilities and let me tell you, spend enough time listening to people go on about seeing monsters that aren't there is enough to drive you kind of crazy. It is just such a raw movie that to me feels real and the second one is just crazy as fuck and fun as hell
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there is a ton of great shit on that list
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Holy crap.<p> Agreed, Kloipy.
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we only get a glimpse now and then any more
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Yup. TCM 2 is also the one where Crazy Dennis Hopper kicks a wall in an amusement park and gallons of blood and guts come spilling out....and it's also the one where the heroine is forced to wear the bloody wet face of her dying friend...and it's also the one, eh, you get the point. <p> TCM 2 is fucking crazy, man.
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It's different, yet hopefully the same. I hope it's as good as that bit in Ed Wood where they're making Plan 9. Thought that was awesome!
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it will be just like ed wood except for being cool, it will have a naked "tobe hooper" covered in blue paint twirling his dick around like a helicopter blade and flying to mars with wings made out of bread
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Huh...Sounds pretty good
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Man you should seriously get in on this WGA thing. You'd make a great scab!
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Darma & Greg meets Lost Highway....on crack! Darma finds a severed head in Greg's saxaphone, so Greg suggests they watch reruns of The Teletubbies and have a masturbation contest while eating fistfuls of jam. Works for me. But what about the demographic???
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Seriously, THIS guy gets interviewed on AICN? Hey, Vern, my new script just got financed. Are you going to interview me? Or do I have to act batshit crazy? I stopped reading when I realized that it's the same guy who made that awful "documentary" Horror Business. Worst. Fucking. Documentary. Ever.
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New script huh? What are you remaking? Only kiddin'...
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Grace is sitting topless surrounded by apples that are bleeding purple drops of blood which splash on the floor and turn into lotus blossums. Monkey's hang from the ceiling and a woman is tap dancing backwards (and she is the only thing in black and white in the room). "Honey I'm home" cue laugh track which is the sound of hogs getting slaughtered
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I don't think I can top that. I think the best I can summon up is The Smoking Hot Francis Mc Dormand Show. Rather pathetic.
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Now a musical would really be genius..and i fucking HATE musicals, but THAT, i would line up for.
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just an hour of her skeleton placed by a fireplace a la Master Piece theater. There is no dialouge just the sound of the crackling wood and the slow process of bone turning to dust
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The rest are completely un-digestible for any creation without a vagina and thirst for romance novels.
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The Aristocrats joke played out with sock puppets! Including the voice talents of Mark Wahlberg, F. Murray Abraham and Stephen Hawking.
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I'd go back and kill off the bleedin leprechauns once and for all. Then I could wear green and not be laughed at.
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Look out! Oh My God Guy sounds like hes wet himself. I wasnt going to post on this thing but after watching the trailer what I cant stand are jealous fucks who cant handle the fact that someone is getting recognized and theyre not. If your shit dont stink why arent you the latest news? Some of you geeks on here should ask yourselves that question before you share a mouthful of heaping hot shit like if your so great. Suckers! Everyone is a critic nowadays even if all they do all day is sit around posting on shit like this all day. By the way TCM IS GREAT no matter what anyone says and Im looking forward to at least checking out what this guy will do with this.
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Jan. 28, 2008, 7:59 p.m. CST
I think this is a great idea, but it would be better off as a co
by RedwingsHoolihan
I love TCM. This guy has an enourmous amount of passion for this, but I think he's approaching it wrong. I agree with ThePilgrim's comment. That's how this movie should be made. A blue Tobe Hooper scaling a wall to reach Shangri-La? There were some really funny stories behind the making of this film. Please don't make it pretentious, and artsy fartsy.
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I bet you feel really dirty now that you've sunk to our level. God what fiends we are! talking about movies! Debating, discussing, arguing....What right have we to do so!?! I'm not going to lie. There's a lot of cynicism in these talkbacks (and god knows my hands aren't clean), but sadly Phantom, that's the species you belong to (I think). People are cynical, prejudiced and bitchy. Get over it! I'll tell you something, these TB's would be boring as fuck if it wasn't for the bitchiness. Coz even if you get into a filthy argument with someone, it usually resolves and you learn a thing or two. That's my sentimental bullshit finished. I don't know what's more sad. Us or you going to the trouble of putting in a username and password just to dis people who you think are pathetic. If I was you, I wouldn't give a shit!
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There is nothing wrong with being a Geek! Not one thing! I'm one and damn proud!
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The original was nothing special.
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So what you're saying is that this guy's shit DOESN'T stink BECAUSE he's being interviewed by Dee Snider? <p> There are quite a few bastards on the talkbacks but I'm willing to bet all the ill will directed at crazy blue Tobe Hooper guy has nothing to do with jealousy. Other times, other directors: yes, without a doubt. This time? No fucking way.
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HOW LONG DO WE HAVE TO WAIT!!!
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was the best hands down. Who would even want to watch a crap movie about the making. Somethings are left better alone. BOO!
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Why do you care then? Why does anyone care about anything for that matter?! The point is EVERYONES SHIT STINKS kids and thats that. I just wanted to say what I think like everybody else "has a right to" like you said cause you just know it all (not really). Im not saying hes fucking Martin Scorsese by any means but it would be smart to actually watch the film before you make some half wit comment because you dont get what hes trying to convey. Since I went to so much painstaking and physically taxing trouble just create a username I might as well put it to use right?
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Well that's fair enough. I'm not expecting it to be cinematic gold either, but I'll most likely check it out as well. TCM is a classic. It's influence in the horror world is unparalleled. So anything to do with a chainsaw and a certain crazy hick family, and I'm there (that said, I abhor the remakes completely). Personally I care about a lot of things. Case in point: Flying to Mars with wings made out of bread!
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'I took the fuckin remake personally like somebody had broken into my apartment and smeared shit all over the walls' - I think you need to get out a little more Vern
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Poor bastard. I take it you had to move.
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This film sounds bad to the bone, the pitch film is fucking awesome, and the only thing that's shitty are all you morons who have no idea what you're talking about. Everybody bitches about remakes and "torture-porn" yet a unique project comes along and everybody shits on it. I hope they remake your precious TCM film a million times over you dickfags.. that's what you deserve. Hail Satan.
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Is your movie about TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE? If so email me and I will interview you. looking forward to it bud congratulations
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the movie.
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I wonder who Hailsatan is.
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but this film sounds like complete and utter arse. This is no reflection on Vern who is the most entertaining contributor to this site by far - but the other guy sounds like a total douche.
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Being raised in a sad and repressed little country I didn't actually see it until I was 19. <p>And first time I saw it, it didn't actually do anything for me. However, this is purely because my expectations where fucking completely wrong. <p>Now at the ripe old age of 29, I do appreciate it- and that is something you will never, ever, ever be able to say about anything from Roth, Zombie and those two Saw dickheads.
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Hey Vern, I share your passion for the original 'Chainsaw Massacre', coincidentaly I live in Bastrop TX ,which is like ground-zero for TCM locations; (the gas station/BBQ, the road, the slaughterhouse, the bridge from the sequel). I hope that guy tones down his "Hollywood-sushi-fag" vibe if he intends to shoot out here. I really doubt if wearing his hat backwards and sunglasses indoors, will help him enlist local cooperation. I also hope he's prepared himself for every Texan he talks to, to tell him that this is central Texas not south Texas.
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You all do not know SHIT. Atleast the guy has guts to make a film and to have the passion he does. All you fuckers can do is criticize and be GEEKS. Got your fucking Gold Passes for your next convention? Vern, thanks for the interview with Chris. Loved it.
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Hahaha what Chaos that was
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he wasn't talking about fa-TAL-aties in a crypt. That was the best fucking review ever. That and the Zoo review+talkback. That was the weirdest day
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Has to be the guy Vern just interviewed. Either that or his mom. And speaking of the guy... <p> Dude, Christopher, if you're reading these comments, please don't take them to heart and go on a shooting spree somewhere. Such an act is incredibly counter-productive to getting your film made.
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Hahahahahaha! Vern, fucking interview THAT guy pleeeeease.
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You stupid fucks dont know the first thing about making movies and you act so self righteous without even knowing who this person is or what hes about. I bet you all the little cunts that wanna talk shit about this film and its director are gonna be the same idiots still watching when it comes out... like the buttfuckers you are. Because your pin sized brains cant comprehend a 2 minute sequence description doesnt mean its "artsy fartsy". HAS ANYONE SEEN THE BIG LABOWSKI? If you read a 2 minute description of any of the fantasy scenes in that you wouldnt understand them either cause youre a bunch of retards. This shit rocks and all of you maggots will eat SHIT when it comes out. Ill be as annoying to you as you are to the people that are actually doing something with their lives while you sit and complain about it like whiney bags of shit.
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when Demon Dave gets assraped,is he still flexing?
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look dude, I like stuff that is artistic and touches of fantasy and weirdness are great. However showing that Tobe Hooper is unlike hollywood by painting him blue and having him fly to shangri la is just fucking retarded
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in this crypt of SOD-O-MEEEEEEE
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He came into the talkbacks? Whoa, I missed that one. I just remember the review of Chaos and the stories about him at screenings. "You've seen what I did in the movie, imagine what I can do in real life..." and all that shit. Where can I find the talkback where he showed up? <p> Phantom Terror, several talkbackers on here ARE filmmakers and just because you haven't heard of them yet doesn't mean you won't someday. Everyone has their chance to shine. It's like a cosmic thing.
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WRONG- Im not even a dude. So Hailsatan and I and whoever sticks up for him must BE HIM is that it? Nope. Or am I his mom now too? You people are so dumb its hilarious.
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and yes you are his mom
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you need to let your son fight his own battles. I mean, I'm all for someone who loves TCM, but a flying Tobe Hooper is a little much don't you think. But as his mom you probably know him best so I guess I can't judge because he didn't come out of my birth canal
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Well if in fact they are filmmakers which you dont really know that unless its all the same losers that talk shit about people and you know each other, why dont they understand this shit a little better? These are not filmmakers on here. If they are theyre simple minded jealous fucks who wish they could be the latest news on a major website. TOO BAD THEYRE NOT HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Phantom OUT...I do actually have a life.
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Well Folks, I've read some of your posts and (not to be confused with anyone else on here) I figured I would step up to the plate and put my two cents in. For what it's worth....here it is: So there's this movie I'm going to make and it's called South (meaning southern united states) Texas (meaning the state where TTCM was filmed) and Blues (meaning the state of mind of the artist with all of the odds against him). I'm well aware that I was in Central Texas when I was in Basdrop, thank you. However I didn't wear a hat that week and I was welcomed with nothing but kindness and encouragement. So I suspect that when we do the shoot in Texas (later this year) we will be met with the same spirit that made me appeciate Texas so much in the first place. The "sunglasses" however are tough being those are my prescription glasses and I wear them sometimes. I don't eat sushi and I'm actually from the mean streets of New York. Not LA. Now. As for my much maligned "blue wall sequence" it's far from artsy fartsy.. I hate that shit too and It would never play out like that in my film. It's a short sequence that plays out more like Richard Mathison's I AM Legend (novel), you know those parts where the vamps are coaxing Robert Neville to come out of the house.. if you read the book then you'll know what I'm talking about. Most of the (rest of) film was painstakingly researched and is filled with all of the best known and unknown moments that surround the making of TTCM. Otherwise I guess just wait and see how my film plays out before you try to crucify me. Anyway thanks for your time .. If anyone has anything to ask or say to me I would prefer them to give me the same respect and let me know who they are and send me an e-mail. Here it is STBMOVIE@AOL.com . I'll be more than happy to answer your questions. Thanks again Vern for the interview.
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thanks for the insight. I think it's cool that you are such a huge fan of TCM, however I was pretty worried after reading the "blue" stuff. Just didn't seem to make any sense. Thanks for the clear up and good luck with your movie. Hope everything turns out well. Just quick question, is phantomterror really your mom?
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Thanks for stepping up and out of the shadows. I have a feeling this TB is about to get real interesting.
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Jan. 29, 2008, 3:45 p.m. CST
it's funny that phantom terror left a couple minutes too soon
by Kloipy
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lol!! Not to my knowledge Kloipy. I don't think she even know's what Aint it Cool News is.
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I think the problem a lot of people have is trying to envision Tobe Hooper as some sort of "hero". While TCM is a monumental achievement, it seems like your idea of this "creative hell/utopia" and the literal translation of "blues" is too far outside the realm of TCM. <p> First of all, blue is the LAST color I think of when I think TCM. I think I get what your trying to convey about the creative process being torture. I'm just not sure the idea of a crazy blue fantasy sequence is the way to do it.
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Where did Phantom Terror go? Hmmmmm....
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Always nice to have the film maker come in and talk to us and you seem like a good guy, so I'll def give your movie a look. Just one more question for you, what are your feelings on the remake of TCM? I for one fucking hated it with a passion
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You can hear a tribute to the original TCM, featuring interviews with cinematographer Daniel Pearl and documentarian David Gregory by visiting the following link: http://blogtalkradio.com/hostpage.aspx?show_id=100193
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Point made!!!!!!!!! Im glad he said something. Now all the faggots who talk shit are feeling exactly like the dingleberries that I said they were ESPECIALLY KLOIPSY the annoying little freak that posted 50 times. And to answer youre question if youre still wondering Im not his mom, you just feel like an asshole cause your little cyber bullshit is shattered now pick up the broken pieces and SHOVE EM jerkoff. Why would his mom be on here that is so dumb you just didnt know what to do with yourself. Peace kids.
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The remake is what it is. It's not like they destroyed the original film (in the process) so it makes no difference. To me it was just another sequel. It was created with the intention of making a return on the investment. Everyone was well paid and it was a much different situation.
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Also Chris cleared it up that you aren't his mom, so no worries
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I appreciate your answers. The saw is family!
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go to Vern`s website and look it up,the link is in there(I think in the CHAOS review,the old CHAOS,not the new one with Statham and Snipes).Hope I could help.
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I make one remark about how I think this guy is an untalented filmmaker and you come back and fuckin insult me? Are you a relative or something? I wasn't saying anything about you at all but way to take it personal anyway. And let me get this straight. You're only interested in hearing about a new genre movie if it has something to do with TCM? Sorry, mine's an original. Christ, Vern, don't be so fuckin touchy.
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http://www.aintitcool.com/node/24309
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...I stopped reading after the first paragrah. "SOUTH TEXAS BLUES represents the struggling artist’s state of mind. There’s a specific scene in STB that emphatically represents the title. It’s a fantasy sequence titled (in the script) “Beyond the Blue Wall.” Tobe’s line from the script (that he reads in narration during the scene) is: ”It’s a wall that separates the artists who suffer from the blues from the industry that despises them. It’s hard to bring the two camps together because they’re always fighting for different goals.” Yeah. Okay. I've seen the behind the scenes dude. It was really hot and smelly apparently. I don't know what else you hope on bringing to the table on this overexposed flick. Really, really crap title by the way. Also, Im curious...I understand interviewing, say, the guy who made the I Know What You Did Last Summer guy. He made a movie. It was even coming out soon. But lately...A pretentious loser who WANTS to make a shitty movie and some dude who WASNT in Star Wars? Are you honestly that desperate for content that youve started interviewing the talk backers?
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Thanks. I'm reading it now. You guys are right: that is one epic TB.
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-that movie literally changed my life.
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we all need to know the truth about DEMON DAVE(since he will rule the world one day)!;-)
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don't forget that he opened the doorway to PURE evil
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DEMON DAVE!HAHAHAHAHA!dave.....funny.
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to a wraslin match
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back in the good old WCW days?
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Jan. 29, 2008, 7:38 p.m. CST
Are fucking kidding me? How does Vern always bring in these guy
by Guy Who Got A Headache And Accidentally Saves The World
I wonder how many directors of movies verns reviewed DON'T announce themself in the talkback. They could be any of you... or me!?
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Jan. 29, 2008, 7:40 p.m. CST
Tourist, you must be new here.
by Guy Who Got A Headache And Accidentally Saves The World
Or a troll. Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Common Fucking Sense, of which you have none. What is that like, being an idiot?
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Holy fucking shit. I just finished reading it for the first time. That has got to be some of the funniest stuff I've ever read anywhere. Thanks for directing me to it. <p> It does seem like some stuff has been taken out, though. Did Juggfuckler say anything other than his inital challenge? I didn't really see anything else substantial. Though what he said was plenty. Also, it looks like "Pantera's" posts were all deleted. <p> Either way it was incredible. The smart-ass comments are partly the reason I visit the site daily...and in that talkback EVERYONE had something funny to say. Brilliant.
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FLEX it BITCH!;-)
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I'm glad pantera got booted cause he was a douche bag. But yes it was a great TB and a hilarious read
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Thanks for haveing a good sense of humor about everything. Good luck with your production.
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That was a nice docu, Kloipy seems like you got my taste in horror, i think you'd dig it man.
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I go dressed as Frank BTW people!
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Just out of curiosity, what's wrong with what tourist said? I'm not trying to start shit at all, I'm honestly curious why you think he's an idiot for voicing his disapproval on interviewing this guy. If you think he's an idiot, I guess you could call me an idiot too. I said roughly the same thing as him and Vern jumped all over me (for some reason, I think he took it personally when I didn't mean it that way at all so, Vern, if you're reading this, it wasn't an attack against you). <p>My take on it was that you could throw a rock in any AICN talkback trying to hit a wannabe filmmaker and a lot of people would get knocked the fuck out. Probably half (or more) of the TB'ers on here have either written a script or want to get a movie made (or already HAVE movies made and released) and they chose to interview someone who...has an idea. I didn't get it. Anyway, just thought I'd ask.
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I'm sorry folks but I have to say something to this worm. Anonymity seems to keep you very courageous. I think you're the one who's taking this all personally pal. By the looks of it it seems like you're someone who clearly has out for me. Why don't you be a man Mr. Talent and tell us all about YOUR "newly financed" script and YOUR real name. I'm sure everyone here can learn something from a cinematic genius like yourself. Then you'll get your wish and everyone will learn about your greatness on AICN. Your move buddy. Or better yet chief.. why don't you e-mail me in private and we'll talk about it. STBMOVIE@aol.com
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thanks man, i'll have to check it out
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Interview the guy that did "I Know What You did Last Summer"? Here's a quick rendition of how that interview would go: <p> Vern: Why do you make shitty movies? <p> Creator of "I Know What You Did Last Summer": Doyyyy! Because I'm retarded. <p> Seriously Tourist, more guys like Christopher NEED to be interviewed. Read the interview again and tell me it's not infinitely more entertaining than some douchebag that makes piss-poor "horror" films.
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Zowie, Chris, do you want to meet in the schoolyard at 3:00 too? Or maybe get our gangs assembled to rumble by the playground at midnight? Now who's taking it personally? Yes, Chris, I'm going to out myself for you because you called me a girl. I can see you haven't developed that thick skin as a filmmaker yet. Don't worry, it'll grow. In the meantime, here's a word of advice. Actually two words and I'm giving it to you because you really seem to need it. Calling people out and asking for their real names SCREAMS amateur filmmaker. The real ones just quietly take the criticism and move on (but you haven't made a real movie so...never mind). If you want some reference, check out any independent movie on IMDB and you'll be able to find hundreds of filmmakers in your class. You can swap stories with them and generally spend a lot of time being angry. It takes a while but you'll get past it. Second, flame wars and insults don't ever work on me but I love to see people try. I've got the mother bitch of all girlfriends and I've always said, if you think you can say something to me that she hasn't already said, go for it. Buddy, you're not even on the same planet much less in the ballpark. So, unfortunately, your worm and girl comments didn't really work. Next time, try "worthless piece of shit untalented filmmaker". I haven't met one yet that liked to be called that. Witness your last post. <p>Anyhoo, you'll have to forgive me if I'm really not too keen on the idea of giving out my real information just to win a flame war with you, as CRAZY as that sounds (hey, "crazy", there's a word you know a lot about). After reading that interview, I do believe that you are actually the LAST person I would want having my personal info and I would rather my email not end up posted all over the internets for everyone to see. So, sorry, but I can't really accommodate you there as much as I know you would like it. <p>By the way, respond back if you feel that you must, but I'm done with this TB. If you want to do it so other TB'ers can see what a witty scribe you are, that's fine but don't do it to try to get a response from me because I can guarantee you 100% that it will never be read. I'm just trying to help you out, chief. Okay, buddy. Buh-bye now.
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That's exactly what I thought he would say.
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The Oh My God Guy is a shivering little twat hahahaha. I bet he hasnt done anything worth shit and hes just burnt inside cause he cant be on the site. LOSER. He didnt even have the balls to back himself up what a little bitch.
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"I've got the mother bitch of all girlfriends and I've always said, if you think you can say something to me that she hasn't already said, go for it" How many times has she said, "I am having your AIDS baby !!" And that is totally an illegal use of 'mother bitch'
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