Cool News
Massawyrm Has 1201 Words For MEET THE SPARTANS. None Of Them Good!!
Hola all. Massawyrm here.
When God first dreamt of giving awfulness to the world, this is what he imagined.
I almost want to dig into the archives, pull out and dust off my review for 300, run it through a find/replace and post it as my review for Meet the Spartans. But then there's the part of me that knows that not only would many of the readers not get the joke, writer/directors (and I use those words in the loosest of possible terms) Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg wouldn't find it in the least bit ironic. For them, it is standard operating procedure. To say that this movie is mindless, unfunny and insipid is to do disservice to the words mindless, unfunny and insipid. Not to mention, those words seem woefully inadequate after seeing this – much like Friedberg and Seltzer themselves.
I do not say this lightly. I've seen Postal. I've stood toe to toe with the man dubbed the very worst director in the world, Mr. Uwe Boll, and felt his hot breath and spittle as he screamed at me for ten long minutes. There is no love lost between me and the gap-toothed wonder. And yet I stand here today to tell you he no longer deserves the moniker 'worst in the world.' That crown has been stolen. By two thieves masquerading as comedians.
Friedman, Seltzer and their film Meet the Spartans all seem to operate under the assumption that if you make a pop culture reference, people will laugh. They don't seem to think that the reference needs to be in any way insightful, original or humorous. It just needs to be present and accounted for. Does it make any sense that Brittany Spears shows up, shaving her head in a barber's chair in front of the Spartan pit of death? Nope. And it makes even less sense when her kids, Fed-Ex, Ryan Seacrest and the judges of American Idol are all kicked in after that. But that doesn't stop these two from throwing that at you for what feels like five solid minutes and seemingly thinking along the way that this is, in some way or another, actually entertaining.
And when these two short bus riding tools aren't busy throwing non-sequiturs at you, they're surfing youtube for the finest in year old, vintage humor. Remember how funny it was the first time you saw the It's Raining Men cut of the 300 trailer? Well just imagine the comic genius of Friedman/Seltzer marching Leonidas and his 13 Spartans into battle while singing Gloria Gaynor's epic opus, I Will Survive. High-Larious! But wait, there's more. A lot more. In fact, would you believe there's actually humor to be mined…from 300…being somewhat…homoerotic? I…I never would have thought. I mean, Leonidas and all those half-naked Spartans? Gay? Wow. Bold choice for humor there guys. Never would have thought of that tact. Really cutting edge stuff. Last February.
Yeah. There's an old adage about two monkeys and a football that comes to mind.
But they're not done yet. Gay jokes aren't the only weapon in their comedic arsenal. No, when these two aren't sword fighting in the audience's mouth, or mistakenly thinking gay Spartan jokes are still funny, you feel the moments when their 'parodies' run out of steam. The joke seems to wear thin even on the filmmakers…and then they turn to reality television. The Judges from American Idol show up to judge a performance. The judges from America's Top Model show up to judge a body. The Judges from dancing with the Stars show up to judge a stomping of the yard between the Spartans and the Persians. If it has a panel of judges, it is referenced in this movie.
And don't worry if you don't get the joke. It wasn't funny anyway. But just to make sure, they put the signs of whatever they're parodying right next to the joke. Because what good is making a joke if you can't wink at the camera? And if they can't think of a visual cue, they'll explain it to you. There's even a point when Ugly Betty (in the role of the Spartan Oracle) whispers "Save the Cheerleader, Save the World," and Leonidas responds "I don't watch Heroes." Just in case you missed the reference.
I did not laugh ONCE. I did not smile ONCE. In fact the only reaction I had at all was my slack jawed disbelief at the sheer unabashed awfulness that is the final 15 minutes of this film. When Xerxes picks up the Transformers cube and merges with a car – then begins to broadcast the "Leave Brittany ALONE!" kid on his chest…my mind just kind of broke. I found it hard to process anything at all. I couldn't believe anyone, even Fox Executives, would think this was good enough for theatrical release. I mean, I would gladly let someone strap me down in the Clockwork Orange chair with a double feature of Bratz: The Movie and Daddy Day Camp if it meant getting out of seeing this a second time. Hell, I'd even let Harry give me a full monty lapdance complete with a short and curly carwash if it kept me from further viewings of the previous films as well.
It should be no surprise that this thing is riddled with Mad TV actors – and sadly not even the ones that could be loosely referred to as the most talented of that lot. In the previous incarnations of this film (Date Movie and Epic Movie, both also written and directed by these two intellectual giants) they somehow managed to rope some talented folks into roles. People like Allison Hannigan, Kal Penn, Fred Willard and Crispin Glover. Now apparently only Carmen Electra and Kevin Sorbo will take their calls. People are starting to catch on. The word is out about these guys. Even Uwe can scare up a Jason Statham or a Ben Kingsley every now and again. These guys can't even do that anymore.
And that does my heart good. Because this gravy train appears to be over. The previous two movies in this irredeemable series made money only because they were dumped in the unbearable wasteland that is January. But tonight as I stood in line outside of the theatre I heard the people ahead of me saying "Two for Cloverfield." "Three for Rambo." "One for Cloverfield." "Two for Cloverfield." "Rambo, please." Then it came to my turn at bat. The cashiers eyes fell to her cash register as I muttered Meet the Spartans. She gave me that sad you poor bastard look. When I went inside the manager recognized me. "Hey, you here for Rambo again?" I shook my head and told him the truth. "Oh. Oh. Well…you should really ask for me next time. You…you shouldn't have to pay for that."
No one should. The only thing that brought a smile to my face tonight was seeing the emptiness of the theatre before the movie started and seeing it even emptier by the end. If there's any justice in this world, after this weekend, Uwe can go back to being the worlds worst working director. Stick a fork in these douchebags. They're done.
Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em.
Massawyrm
Got something for the Wyrm? Mail it here.
-
+ Expand All
-
...until this weekend. Weird. And I saved $10!
-
"The only thing that brought a smile to my face tonight was seeing the emptiness of the theatre before the movie started and seeing it even emptier by the end. If there's any justice in this world, after this weekend, Uwe can go back to being the worlds worst working director."
LOL that about sums it up as far as these lame parody movies go. AIRPLANE! still hasn't been topped, and that came out in 1980! -
just being an ass. sorry...
-
The trailer looked funny but that's about all the interest I'd have in it.
-
How the fuck do they keep financing theses shitfests I'll never understand. Guh, what next? White Chicks 2?
-
'Meet the Spartans'? Didn't we meet them already? Why wasn't this called 'Epicer Movie' or something only halfway retarded?
-
It's even more awful than it sounds
-
It would suck from the start. These movies from "2 of the 6 writers of Scary Movie" (which also suck, by the way) are an insult to everything that has to do with movies. Somehow, I think on DVD, they make enough money to make sure that these cretins can make another one. Honestly, have they really been sitting in an editing bay somewhere in the 7th layer of hell, reviewed a cut and then said: "I think it's perfect. I think we can release this." You know what the really sad part is? This will even make some profit, but perhaps only because the makers and some Fox exec sucked Satan's cock.
-
I actually have a sick curiosity about this movie. Just to find out if there is one genuine laugh to be had, hell it doesn't even have to be genuine. Just to see if it has the power to move the muscles in my face in any way at all. The only thing holding me back is those pesky 10 dollars...
-
...Tell us how you really feel. Stop holding back!
-
Jan 26, 2008 11:55:22 PM CST
300 IS SACRED - A MASTERPIECE SPECTACLE FOR THE SENSES
by bringingsexyback
Why didn't you pay for Rambo and walk into this POS, Massa?
-
If Friday's numbers hold up, it could be the number one movie of the weekend, beating Rambo... Which is strange, considering that every show on Friday for Rambo was sold out. Sad, really.
-
The 7:25 showing at my work had 214 people in it. Box Office Mojo's Friday Estimates show that Meet the Spartans managed more than Rambo.
Trust me, it's depressing since not only were there a bunch of kids, but a bunch of those douchebag kids.
I saw a few seconds of this movie...I felt like shooting myself. -
Not a single second of any of these fucking things hasn't already been done (and most likely done much better) on YouTube by a 14 year-old kid named Travis.
-
from their graves please, so they can show these fucking morons how comedy is done.
-
Box Office Mojo has this movie at Number 1 estimated for Friday...
http://www.boxofficemojo.com/daily/chart/?sortdate=2008-01-25&p=.htm -
He was all over the place in Transformers.
-
The public needs to be warned against this garbage. Apparently Untraceable is crap too.
-
Jan 27, 2008 12:05:57 AM CST
I actually witnessed someone saying this film would be awesome
by ye olde shiza
Forgive them God, for they are fucking retarded.
After watching 10 minutes of DATE MOVIE and ALL of EPIC MOVIE as part of shit trifectathon (along with NORBIT & NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM), I can safely say that I've sapped all of my interest in seeing these films, not even as background noise.
I'm sorry for you Massawyrm, but happy to see this thing put in its place. I hear that it actually has one good review on RottenTomatoes. I say we find that writer and get him/her fired. -
Though Meet the Spartans is #1 on Friday, the estimates for the weekend show that Rambo will be #1, possibly over $20M. I PRAY that turns out to be true; Rambo was a good ol' unadulterated hurrah for action flicks. This spoof-shit is...how can I put the feeling. It's somewhere between having your teeth locked into crashing each other and the hallowness where your mind used to reside.
-
I beg you not to waste your time. Go see Rambo.
-
Jan 27, 2008 12:12:59 AM CST
I felt bad for the ticket taker at our theater that *wanted* to
by coffeeandcinema
We bought our tickets for Rambo, and as we were going in the kid taking tickets was talking to some people in front of us about how he wanted to see the movie, and how funny it looked. One guy agreed as they handed the kid their tickets. The other guy looked surprised, "Wait, what? This is a comedy? Dude, what movie are we seeing??" I felt bad for the guy. I also felt bad for the ticket taker because he works in a decent theater and has access to some great films, but the one he *wants* to see is Meet The Spartans? Ugh. There's no accounting for taste, I guess.
I also felt bad for the 2 year old kid whose father took him to Rambo. He pooped his diaper right at the beginning of the movie, but his father didn't take him to change it through the whole film. -
Somebody better tell that to Family Guy fans. Zing!
-
The lone voice of defense for "Meet the Spartans" out of 18 reviews. Works for a place called NewsBlaze.
Kam Williams.
judythpiazza@newsblaze.com
Do with it what you may. -
Apparently, afraid of backlash, he actually listed another writer's email under his story. I assumed he was a transsexual at first, but no ...
Here is his weblog, complete with Spartan review right on top. www. kamwilliams. com
-
of Harry? IGN gave it half a star, and mentioned that they even take a shot at Mr. Knowles...
-
honestly the trailers and even the posters for this movie fill me with rage...PLUS the fact that i've heard people laugh at the trailer makes me upset...WHY would anyone find it funny for spiderman to pull off donald trump's toupee after being fired by him? that makes no sense...i hope that if i ever have kids they won't find this kind of production funny or even watchable.
-
So, would that make these movies... Travisties? *rimshot*
-
Even as Harry was taking shit in the other TB about not writing negative reviews and he mentioned "Meet The Spartans", I thought : "Isn't going to the shitty movies Massa's job". And alas, it is. Poor, poor Massa. Thanks for taking one for the team.
-
'Cause this movie just made over 6 million on Friday as the number one movie. Looks like we'll be enduring another one of these soon.
-
I can't believe people would pay to see this shit.
-
Not GREAT, like avuncular, but it is a good word.
-
Drunken 15 year olds who smoke a lot of weed and drop some mushrooms right before the movie starts. And then they buy it on DVD so they can do the same thing every Friday night at home. This is how drugs are REALLY killing America. Just say NO kids....
-
Three years in a row. Big opening weekends. Absolutely no thought put into scripting. They're the American Uwe Bolls. But instead of German tax breaks, these guys can depend on the fact that many Americans were actually excited to see American Gladiators return, along with that new show after American Idol, which I can't even think of the name to.
-
Thanks for the excellent negative review Massa, but Variety say MTS beat Rambo on Friday in North America, by a 100 grand. At least Rambo will have legs in the next few weeks, whereas MTS will easily have a 60% 2nd weekend drop off.
-
Got a review for TRANSFORMERS on deck next? 9 to 5?
-
Are you pissed off because you actually went to watch the movie or something? Sorry the review didn't make it to your desk in time, buddy.
Maybe the next time 2 of the 6 writers of SCARY MOVIE come a knockin', you'll think twice. -
Rambo sold 60-70 tickets at the 7:30 show, while Meet the Spartans sold 200+, and I walked in, they were diggin' it. Sometimes I wish I wasn't an American. I caught about 45 minutes of this dreck, and it's a 90 minute commercial. The product placement is shameless, as is the whole fucking movie, if you can call it one.
-
Simple. It works as a date movie. It may be shit, it may be tired and it may stink out the entire cinema BUT.... a lot of people who go to the cinema on a Friday or Saturday night go with their dates. Do they want to sit there watching a 61 year old guy ripping peoples' necks out? Nope. The girls want to watch something that will make them laugh. They won't have read the reviews. They'll just have seen the trailers.Hopefully, once the weekend is over, the real movie fans will come out in force and support Rambo whilst bad word of mouth finishes this pile of shit off.
-
Well, if you look at the last two (DATE and EPIC), they both had huge dropoffs after the opening weekend. Still, fuck kids and their dates for wanting to see this.
I think the answer is clear. We all know that they're going to try and release another film next January. Some comedy genius out there start making a spoof of the Spoof Genre. Release it on the same weekend. That'd really freak some teenagers out. Take away the box office these dweebs get and let them die. -
just opened in my neck of the woods. I was on the fence as to whether I should see this or Meet The Spartans. Ultimately, though since uttering the phrase "One for Meet The Spartans" is more embarassing than going to Wallgreens to buy maxi pads for my mom, I decided against Spartans.
-
...you're an idiot. If you pay money to go see this, you're an idiot. Never underestimate the sheep like moronic nature of the masses. Seriously, I could make "Shiny Thing: The Movie" and break 100 million dollars. Um, I'll be right back...
-
On Friday it was pretty much even with Rambo, depressingly. I was hoping after "The Comebacks" (which was better, though not by much, than Date & Epic Movie) flopped, the bad-spoof-movies trend would die.
-
I've never watched a Scary Movie, but I saw that transformers-inspired clip on rotten tomatoes (tip o' the hat to the talkbacker that pointed it out). I wish I could muster some sort of emotional response, but I can't. Vaguely greekish people fighting and then there's a car and an alien cube and then cube and car and beardy-guy merge (offscreen) to become a mildly-megatron-flavored robot with youtube and an electrical cord achille's heel. The only thing this clip accomplishes is to blur distinctions between times and places and narrative frameworks, creating an undifferentiated mass of referenceless pablum. People really ought to object to stuff like this, as it deadens our collective expectations and experiences of meaning. Acceptance of stories where anything can happen in a sort of nowhere, untethered from causality, dissolves meaning itself. It's just cheap mining of distinction, playing off stolen elements against each other such that the elements, singly or together, no longer matter. Nice going, assholes.
-
I raided Blockbuster for some weekend movies and picked up GLC for Shits & Giggles. Good Lord!! How can a movie with so many tits in it be so jaw-droppingly boring! And it's as unfunny as, uh, as... Shit! Nothing comes to mind! I've seen a lot of bad comedies in my time, but there was always at least one or two laughs somewhere in there. This one was like a comedy vacuum. The only thing that caught my interest was the featurette about the SFX used to create the 3 breasted woman in the movie. Suprise. They were CGI boobs. If you pick this one up you'll be better off watching it with the sound off.
-
I can't spell surprise!
-
I thought that's how they spelled it in the titty documentary.
-
I copied and pasted the article into MS Word, and the word count says 1215. What could account for the additional 14 words?
-
Jan 27, 2008 2:14:31 AM CST
Did you count the sign-off and "howdy ho" introduction?
by ye olde shiza
That stuff is probably added in later, I would imagine.
-
A lot of people felt that the violence in Rambo was "garbage" yet a lot of the response met was "what do you expect, it's a Rambo film. Soooooo. I guess you guys can apply the same reasoning with these kinda movies.
-
The cannibalization of pop culture will be the death of us all. What do you think most kids today will write in terms of stories when they grow up? References to movies about references? Or will they even be inspired to write at all? Homage and allusion are great - when done cleverly in moderation. This is just the dregs of the Family Guy manatees. And, yeah, I only needed to see the trailer to say that with full confidence. I hope those of you who see this enjoyed it, because all the turn-off-your-brain-at-the-door-and-just-laugh excuses in the world aren't going to change the fact that this movie represents exactly what's wrong with where creativity is going in television and film.
-
Horribly bad and one of the worst things ever made
-
But at least it has some semblance of structure or story or even an attempt to succeed cinematically. Have you ever seen DATE, EPIC, or SPARTANS? This shit is literally some of the worst cinema to hit theaters, ever. And if its successful, I think the fear is that studios will start to pump out even more of them, or films just like them ... especially with the current writer's strike going on. This shit is like reality TV. Even if RAMBO was terrible, it would at least be originally terrible.
-
Buy me a beer sometime and I'll tell you the story. But I will say that there are a few moments in your life in which time stops, your senses become supercrisp and you realize that if you shut the fuck up for just 10 minutes, you'll have a story you can tell over brewskis for a DECADE. And trust me, it's a good one.
-
Apparently something can be too "dumbed down" for North American audiences. Hope springs eternal! Take away the non-sequiter pop culture references and you got nothing.
-
I sense dirt! Juicy dirt!!
-
This will play well to the ADHD crowd that loves Family guy, just like others here have said...
-
that Date Movie and Epic Movie made around $85 million EACH worldwide. One was made for $20 million, the other doesn't say. So, the profit for each was around $50-$60 million, running in theaters for over 3 months. Now, Meet the Spartans is released around the beginning of the year like the other two. The public will probably pay for this shit. The public has no one to blame but themselves.
-
Looking at the-numbers dot com, it has the Friday esitmates as Spartans and Rambo duking it out for 1st place, with 27 Dresses behind in 3rd. I'll bank that this'll be the #1 movie. It is definitely in the top 3. Enjoy! (for the record, I thought Date Movie was okay in a brain-dead pop-culture kind of way, hey, it had Eddie Griffin playing a jerk!, hated Epic Movie, and this one looks even worse.)
-
Holy shit, that this film (even in Jan.) took #1 for a weekend, even over the triumphant return of RAM-FUCKING-BO, confirms something to me, but I'm not sure what yet.
Is our culture officially dead, after only 232 years?
Has everyone lost their fucking minds?
Did weekly-allowances go up?
I mean seriously, this movie is like the very WORST most hack & slash pillaging of some refresh-every-few-minutes old-meme nightmare; It makes the Scary Movie franchise look positively artful & relevant and classic ZAZ look like Fellini, DeMille, & Welles all rolled into one.
I really think that these 2 shitmonkeys, this Friedberg & Seltzer really DO just throw it all & see what sticks. The result? A big ugly fucking mess, sliding down the wall (or theater screen).
Epic Movie 2. Fuck, people! #1? SonuvaBITCH! It hurts, it fucking hurts my head. -
I need to add that, from what I've read, Uwe got busted back to the minors ...
THESE fucks will certainly be returning to the multiplex, unfortunately. -
You use your tongue prettier than a $20 whore. You're welcome.
-
I think Sly needs to post a video response somewhere, ala Ghostface Killah asking what the fuck went wrong, muthafuckas.
-
...I really couldn't care less if the gene pool that enjoys these movies all get auschwitzed. They are worse than war criminals, simply because their lives suck up natural resources that could be better spent on feeding pigs. I really hope someone opens up and fires on a crowd of these cinema goers. They should be branded with the mark of uselessness as they exit the cinema, so we know never to ask their opinion or treat them in any other fashion than a foot stool.
-
I'm just playing. I think it's hilarious no one has even noticed. as if you could spoil a rotten apple any further...
-
think all of these movies should have been DTV with a big 'National Lampoon's' logo on the front?
-
well done!
-
Tourist is apparently a doushbag.
Sorry, folks. -
I can't even bring myself to think of this as a "spoof movie". It's just the cinematic equivalent of every lame fucktard who ever beat a shitty TV joke to death, then attempted to rape the unfunniest corpse ever.
-
All these negative reviews for this movie and they aren't keeping the audience away. Of course, it would probably help if this 'movie's' audience could read....
-
That this movie gets you pregnant, gives you the herps, frames you for illegally downloading music and then hacks your MySpace with gay pictures ... maybe that would keep them away.
-
Instead of Meet The Spartans, maybe they should've called it 'Meet All The Other Retarded People In Your General Area'.... Though I guess that wouldn't really fit on the marquee...
-
lol, Massa! *Sir* Ben'll love that particular comparison...but then you're right - they both got Uwe-ed.
-
I DEMAND IT!
-
Whatever happened to the 'Spaceballs' animated series? Wasn't it supposed to come on in like August? Of last year?
-
Dropped by the local superplex and was surprised to see it packed. I'd already decided to see Rambo (Everyone was talking about the obscene amounts of violence. What was I to do?) and I just stood there listening to people make their choices.
Some ladies went to see How She Move. A few couples going to see Cloverfield or Juno. Older folks heading for The Bucket List. And so on.
The ONLY time I heard Meet the Spartans was by a pair of kids whom the guy at the window had to ask if they were 13. The kid naturally replied that he was. And the vendor turned him away, saying that he needed his parent's permission to go see it.
Dunno if the parental unit returned in a huff to agree to lobotomize his kids' brains, but I am glad that, at least, the men and women behind the glass counter are fighting to keep kids from this garbage.
Oh as for Rambo...nothing like hearing a packed screening go "OOOOHHHH!!" in unison at the sight of a bad guy losing major body parts. -
sounds blunt and elitist but that's the truth here.
-
That style of comedy used to be funny. Kentucky Fried Movie, Airplane, Top Secret, Hot Shots and of course, The Naked Gun. They were stupid and they parodied recent movies but they had jokes. And writing and most importantly, actors with comedic timing to sell the dumbest jokes and make them gold.
This new shit, all they do is re-create scenes from movies you saw 6 months ago and say, "laugh, monkey!". Fuck!
The fucks who write these movies are untalented and even worse, lazy mother fuckers.
And they just made more money than I'll make my whole life. -
Take a look at the spoofs of the 80s, 90s and you really see how piss poor these Epic/Date Movie guys are.
Hot Shots - still funny, Airplane - classic, Naked Gun - hilarious, Top Secret - underrated genius.
Even the inferior spoofs of that time like Loaded Weapon and Fatal Instinct seem like Mamet films compared to the present day 'Xeroxed script with this month's pop culture references pasted in'.
Makes me ill.
-
Didn't the Zucker brothers make the last two Scary Movies?
-
Be glad your theater is attentive ... my experience viewing The Mist was ruined when the local shit-o-plex decided that they neither needed to enforce the "No One Under 17 W/O" clause NOR bother to pay attention to where kids went with the tickets that they bought to rating-appropriate films.
Ya know, in retrospect, I almost feel sorry for the little bastards - that movie sucked. They should've been off discoverings sex or something. -
or maybe it was Abrahams....
-
Its like your reading my mind before i even read this article.Weird.
-
Jan 27, 2008 4:41:05 AM CST
RAMBO rocks...SPARTANS makes me want to flee th country...
by kirbymanly
How the hell can that be passed off as entertainment? I fear for those who find it funny.
-
It’s actually not that bad. A full cinema almost. Probably more laughs from the crowd than from The Simpsons Movie. Personally, I couldn’t stop smiling. Maybe not laughing, but geez, there are at least a dozen hysterical jokes that everyone seemed to react to quite uproariously. Let’s not be too judgemental here – Meet the Spartans is a must for 300 fans.
P.S. Massawyrm, your review is actually 1200 words without the intro and outro. Perhaps you’re the one who lacks intelligence. Ass.
-
Family Guy too (as Kojima-san said before me) and there was no reason this couldn't work as well. I know it's easier for me to say so after the first BO numbers broke out (sue me) but according to Boxofficemojo this sad excuse for a movie came out on top friday. I haven't seen Rambo yet but I find it sad nonetheless.
-
It's nothing personal but you really need to kill yourself for the good of humanity.
-
just deport these people to Disneyland. Then sneak in a full combat geared Kurt Russell, give Big John a camcorder. This could be actually funny.
-
People like you are the best argument in the world for eugenics.
-
darrenspool, there's no need for suicide... maybe some rehab so you can stop doing coke before you go to a movie, but not suicide...... yet...
-
nah fuck that shit, lets cook the muthafucka
-
wouldn't know funny if Ace Ventura walked up to him and kicked him in the nuts.
-
Jan 27, 2008 5:27:42 AM CST
Cool, I got the Jalapenos and pepperberry balsamic
by nomoredirtyjokespleaseweareyanks
lets fry
-
Jan 27, 2008 6:16:31 AM CST
wait bibble 3000, are we gonna cook or what?
by nomoredirtyjokespleaseweareyanks
-
This is what I sent Kam Williams:
"you fucking shitbag trannie.
when the word finds out where you live, you will pay.
we will murder your family.
they will have their hearts pierced with spears and sprinkled with salt.
then we will get a horse to dump its shit on your face and you will suffocate and die.
fuck you." -
who is the word.
-
Suddenly it all makes sense.
-
for anyone leaving a theater showing this film?
Massawyrm, entertaining review, from the looks of it, more entertaining than this PoS movie. -
that was the worst movie I have ever seen. movies that don't do anything are bad, ones that make you frustrated are worse. Epic Movie was the latter.
-
http://tinyurl.com/2hwrkh
there's a link for rottentomatoes contacts, if you want to ask for Kam Williams to be removed from their critic pool. -
...another reason to hate Fox. Thank you, Fox and Family Guy, for bringing us closer and closer to Idiocracy one movie/episode at a time.
Oh and darrenspool, I hope Big Jim Slade crashes through your bedroom wall tonight and carries you off for lessons in humor and man-love. You've earned it, chief. -
and now this...oh god!
-
to the #1 BO position it'll be a sad indictment of American society today.
-
Jan 27, 2008 7:24:01 AM CST
It's a damned well, not a "death pit"
by guy who got a headache and accidentally
Christ.
-
WTF? Pneumonia takes another...." Christian Brando, son Marlon Brando, died this morning at 1:47 a.m. at Hollywood Presbyterian Medical Center in Los Angeles, Calif. Last Monday the actor was hospitalized with pneumonia...." Talkbackers, if you have a bad cold maybe you should get it checked out asap.
-
My wife and I saw it too. It really is God awful. I was so pissed I wasted $12! The commercial on TV was better.....
-
Sequel Movie
EMPTY ROOM, ENTER HOST: "We're not going to have any actors or sets because we give even less of a *beep* than we did last year. But hey remember that movie last year where the guy did the thing?""
AUDIENCE: "I DO REMEMBER THAT!"
HOST: "What if he farted?"
AUDIENCE: "ZOMGWTF~ LOLLOLOLOL!!!!11!"
HOST: "And that other movie with the guy, what if he meets another guy from that other movie and they meet and do something funny?"
AUDIENCE: "LMAOLOL! Because those guys are from two different movies and they're talking to each other. I wonder if anyone else got that. "
HOST: "And what about the sequel to that movie they made, wasn't that guy old?"
AUDIENCE: "I DO REMEMBER THAT GUY AND HE WAS OLD!I like comedy that makes you think! Cool, I just got a text." -
have not seen "Epic"....oh lord.
-
You should of bought a RAMBO ticket anyway to help Sly. Now your $ goes to tripe like MTS. DATE MOVIE and EPIC MOVIE are two of the reasons I dropped my Blockbuster monthly pass. A & J suck. UWE is now like CARTMAN , not the last on the list : )
-
I'm really surprised that it's even on the radar here.
-
I thought they closed in the 60's. My mistake.
-
...the filmmakers will have the balls to either come here themselves, like Shane Salerno did, or send one of their plants to try to defend this buttburger in the talkbacks?
The least they can do is try. PLEASE. -
...should be forcibly sterilized.
-
The literary asshole in me just had to say it.
-
...is because they spoofed the GENERAL cliches of movies, the kind you barely notice until someone underlines them. Yeah, there were movie spoofs, but they didn't just replicate said scenes verbatim like the Scary/Date/Epic Movie crap factory. I still laugh thinking about the underwater barroom brawl scene in Top Secret!
-
I saw date movie and imeadiately wanted to kill myself afterwards. I am not a fan of Rambo but at least that has a story (of sorts)
-
Nice review, Massawyrm. Almost as funny as a Neil Cumpston review! I can't believe someone said that the trailer was funny. IT SUCKS! Even the title of the movie is a lame, arbitrary pop-culture reference. Unfortunately - this movie will probably be #1 cuz it's PG-13 and will be seen by a bunch of 14 year olds that have the maturity of 8 year olds and will say the movie was "hilarious". :(
-
You know when parody is funny? When it's served up in little three to five minute chunks on Doctor Demento. Anything longer than a pop song, and parody collapses under the weight of its own awfulness. Extra "Word!" goes to Osmosis Jones for telling it like it is. What is funny in movies is SATIRE, not parody, and the key ingredient for making a good satire is that it can't just make fun of the established conventions of a genre; it must also succeed as an example of that genre! For two relatively recent examples, see Shaolin Soccer and Hot Fuzz. Both movies make fun of the trappings of their respective genres, but they also fit perfectly into the molds they are mocking, and tell real stories as well.
-
I can feel the pain. In a certain sense, crapola like this is review-proof and will probably make it's requisite percent. And that's what's frightening.
(p)
But what you said still needs to be said, even if it's the wailing of the lost in the wilderness, these mothers-of-fuck can't be allowed to stand unchallenged. Great review and keep it up. -
There was actual thought and effort put into the script for Airplane and Naked Gun. All these guys do is recreate a well known scene and rely on audience recognition for laughs. I'm surprised they didn't throw in references to Ken Starr too.
-
Funk - how'd you do the paragraph thing again?!
-
"SPARTANS" BO MOJO totals for friday. Look at that #1. They did sell their souls ! Scary.
-
Jan 27, 2008 8:53:56 AM CST
"This is worse than that time I saw Meet the Spartans..."
by iowa snot client
Cut to Peter Griffin watching Meet the Spartans.
-
Go over to IMDB and you'll see this: "It did contain some pretty childish humor, but that was alright. It also contain a lot of jokes about American Pop Culture and American TV Ads. For me, coming from New Zealand, I didn't get some of those jokes but I still laughed. In the beginning, I wasn't expecting much at all, with the writers coming from doing some pretty pathetic movies. At the start, I was forcing myself to laugh, just because I wanted it to be funny, but then it did something I didn't expect. It actually became funny. What 300 spoof wouldn't be complete with a large amount of gay jokes. This had them all. Even the Fat Guy from Borat. Overall, it was good. Could of been better but its at an acceptable laughter level. Better than any comedy that Ben Stiller has been in. This movie actually makes you laugh. So watch it before you give it a bad rating. I would recommend it."
-
Jan 27, 2008 9:22:04 AM CST
WERE ANY GOOKS HARMED IN THE FILMIING OF THIS MOVIE?
by bringingsexyback
I kid, but it had to be said! I'm sorry, I say what's on my mind, and that's a well-documented problem.
-
Cuz the STUPID ASS MOTHERFUCKERS who made this piece of shit clearly sold their souls. With shit like this being released anyone and I mean ANYONE should be able to march into a studio execs office and pitch any idea they want. I'm sure it would be better than this. Just shameful.
-
Jan 27, 2008 9:30:27 AM CST
MAYBE THE CHINESE WILL PIRATE THE SHIT OUT OF THIS MOVIE
by bringingsexyback
so the makers will get what it actually deserves. I mean, 300 featured lots of perfect manly specimens, but it was hardly gay. I'm always fast forwarding to the Oracle and Lena Heady buff scenes. Nice!
-
Thanx Massa for finally writing a review and commenting on these abberations of nut filled crap sludge series of movies and expressing i am sure is not just my take on them! Kudos
---KillianXX -
Thanks mate.
To paraphrase Seinfeld, at least 95% of the world is unintelligible. Morons, the lot of them. -
Just don't call the NAACP on me.
-
It pisses me off that there are people out there that are able to make PURE SHIT like this into a movie, and that there are PURE ASSES out there that greenlight this movie and that there are PURE FUCKTARDS who go out and watch this shit. There are so many talented writers and directors out there that have a difficult or impossible time trying to get their film made, yet when fuckers like these come buy, they easily make this bullshit suckfest. Pisses. Me. Off. And Massawyrm, I don't think you had to go in and review this for us, I feel sorry for you man. Your IQ must have plummited after this shit.
-
That's what they would've called this movie if they made it for the Internet.
-
Does Uwe Boll smell?
-
Isn't that what you morons say whenever someone dogs a movie around here? They're a hater, they're just jealous they're not making movies! Idiots.
-
Fuckin' do what you can to get this douche ousted from RottenTomatoes. I did some checking. He rated 40 Year Old Virgin as a 0 out of 4, same for Nacho Libre and lots and lots of other good movies, but he gives SPARTANS a 2 out of 4 and defends that shit in his review as being funny. Hardy har har. Here's something he said about 40YOV, by the way:
"The supposed role models in this movie so frequently cross a line in terms of basic human decency that parents ought to consider this fair warning. The 40 Year-Old Virgin, while masquerading as a sweet romantic comedy, is, in truth, an infuriating, offensive, soft-porn primer on how to treat girls as objects who exist to be at the disposal of men."
KAM WILLIAMS MUST BE STOPPED. -
it a disturbing mix
-
for your sake i hope Harry doesn't hold you to that promise you made
-
Spread the word, people!
-
for my critic gig at the local paper. It felt like a dementor was hiding behind the screen.
-
Which is why they don't have to be good.
-
did you say "Want a mint?"?
-
Wow, even cinema managers feel ashamed for showing this shit.
That makes me think there's some hope for the world yet. -
after watching 300, that's not the movie's fault ...
-
Your reviews suck!
-
Jan 27, 2008 9:57:54 AM CST
KAM WILLIAMS MADE ILLICIT MONEY FROM OIL FOR FOOD PROGRAM
by bringingsexyback
Tell all your friends and neighbors.
-
This POS cost 300 some Oscar love, too.
-
Jan 27, 2008 10:03:21 AM CST
KAM WILLIAMS MAKES LOVE TO HIS SISTER ON DAILY BASIS
by bringingsexyback
Okay, not a bad thing if she's hot ...
-
Here's a frightening revelation for ya.
http:// www.eworldwire.com/mediauploads/newsblaze-kamwilliams. jpg -
he dutch-oven's himself all day long
-
But I wanted to make sure the BSB knew Kam Williams, if he has a sister, is definitely not bringing sexy anywhere close-by.
-
http://www.costumeshopper.com/Merchant2/graphics/00000001/fm23099.jpg
-
Seriously though ... that's a naked wrestling match I would definitely pay to see.
-
Kam Williams always comes out on top
-
Eat up the shit, America!
-
Or is it Boll? I can't believe I said that.
-
As most of the intended audience for it won't be willing to stand in the rain waiting for the city Bus and the 1st won't be here for 5 more days.
Movies like this are not made for folks who love Movies and know shit when they smell it; but rather for the great unwashed masses who like their entertainment as dumb and insipid as the people who gave birth to them. Raiders fans with the emblem painted on the hood of their 3rd hand Suburban, guys with the "Lakers" or "Dallas" Logo tattooed on the back of their skulls...16yr old girls pushing strollers while wearing dollar store flip flops and sucking Tampico through a straw.
Look for a neighborhood with a high percentage of high school drop outs, single teenage mothers, graffiti and old rusted cars in the front yard with pit bulls tied to them and you'll have found the intended audience.
This movie will play to packed houses in Places like Inglewood, Oakland or Fresno Ca. and will no doubt turn a tidy profit.
Thanks for jumping on the grenade Massa...but I think we all ran out of the foxhole on this one weeks ago.
-
He loved it! 4 out of 4, says Kam Williams. "This is a schizematic maestropiece! America, if you loved MEET THE SPARTANS as much as I did, you cup will runneth over for this DTV flick. Quite frankly, I sopped up the excess with a biscuit and saved it for later! Delish!"
-
Kam Willaims says Tubgirl is a whale of a tale.
-
I don't understand how they can keep on making the same "spoof" movie over and over again. Are people that dumb? Okay, obviously they are. Remember when spoofs could be funny? Airplane, Naked Gun, those were pretty good, right?
-
lol.
-
is probably funnier than Meet The Spartans. Seriously, Massa, thanks for taking the hit. You didn't have to, but thanks anyway.
-
Jan 27, 2008 10:53:49 AM CST
Yeah, it's playing well with the teenybopper/r-tard contingent..
by kid z
...Over on Yahoo Answers someone asked a question "What was the funniest movie comedy of all time" and literally hundreds of these little douches answered "Meet the Spartans" Its hilairiuss! (misspelling intended). I really wish someone would go to a theatre and switch this film with the Director's cut of Raiders from Southpark. It'd be a joy to have a theatre full of hundreds of yuppie-larvae with melting eyeballs and exploding heads. Or, since the Raiders director's cut is imaginary... they could use Schumacher's Batman and Robin instead. It'd have the same effect. (It's been almost 11 years and I still wake up in a cold sweat occasionally after having a nightmare wherein I had to sit through that thing again.)
-
honestly should never have been made, ROCKY BALBOA should never have either..proves how dead stallones career is when he has to goto characters he made popular before alot of the posters on AICN were born... i will however be waiting to see the new indiana jones movie...at least harrison ford dont look like a fat blob....as for meet the spartans, ill be sure to catch it online, looks hillarious...but then again ive always loved parody movies..
-
who the fuck is KAM WILLIAMS ?
-
... needs to learn how to spell "Brittany"... or maybe she just needs to learn how to spell... or just O.D. already, we're all bored, for cryin' out loud!
-
These retards should take a page from Mel Brooks and the Zuckers on how parodies are supposed to be done. For one, pop culture references get REALLY OLD, REALLY FAST, and the movie will age about as well as a Russian woman in her late 30's. For two, the movie needs to have some kind of coherent storyline and characters of it's own, not cutouts and a flimsy setup so you can cram a lot of "jokes" into it. For three...well, they just plain suck and should stop making movies, because they have no fucking clue how a parody should be done.
-
Just referencing a Pop Culture person, event, etc is the new humor. It proves you are in the 'know' in our cynical media drenched po-mo world. Best Week Ever, all that trash contributes to this. Wit, timing, heart, cleverness, originality, are fast becoming relics of comedy past...
-
Is the Devil. The only "fresh" review for Meet the Spartans at Rotten Tomatoes. He loves shit, literally. And hates good movies. He also loves long walks on the beach.
-
... they had one in Total Recall and they didn't need CGI... plain ol' foam latex sufficed. Interestingly, when Star Trek: The Next Generation was first being planned, the character of Counselor Troi was supposed to have 3 breasts. The FX guys voted it down because they said women have enough trouble with just the two, and besides, it's sort of creepy-looking. (I'm paraphrasing here, of course)
-
... GAHHHH! My eyes... my eyes... burning! Seriously who cuts this dude's hair? Some place in the mall called "JooFro's"?
-
They're brain-dead MAD Magazine spoofs with none of the humor or wit. You can't insert random pop-culture references into a movie and just assume you'll get laughs based on audience recognition. Not everyone DOES get the reference, and the joke needs a context and a punchline within the film's narrative to make it funny. What's worse, in 10 years every one of those references will be dated. If people aren't laughing now, who will be laughing then?
-
At the beginning of the movie, Harvey Dent is giving a speech about balance and justice, it turns out to be a television ad being viewed by some thugs. They talk about how there ain't no bat. Scarecrow, their boss tells them otherwise, then Batman breaks in on the criminals, Batman vs. Scarecrow, his hideout blows up, killing Scarecrow and ruining Batman's batsuit. Bruce gets demoralized.
Joker bank robbery, Joker makes a deal with Maroni - help him kill Batman or I'll burn your money, Dent and Bruce quarel over Dawes, Joker kills Loeb, Gordon becomes new Comish', Bruce has penthouse party for Dent- Joker crashes party kidnaps Dawes, Batman chases Joker but he kills Dawes. Swat catches the Joker and puts him in jail, Batman beats Joker in police custody. Mike Engel announces on his TV show that Batman beat Joker while in police custody - Engel announces that he will uncover who Batman is, Public hates batman, Bruce quits. Gordon smashes batsignal on TV. Dent is angry as was in favor of Batman.
Fake Batmen, Joker escape jail, gangwar, Bruce in Shanghai doin business crap, Joker shoots the Mayor at Loebs funeral- mayor survives- goes to hospital - Joker blows-up hospital, Engel figures out that Bruce is Batman but Fox blackmails Engel and he kills the story, Joker makes threats on TV, Bruce is conviced to be Batman again by Alfred.
Dent tries Maroni guess what happens, Dent goes to hospital in coma, Fox makes a grey & black batsuit for Bruce, Batman confronts Joker - Pod vs. Truck then Pod vs. Joker, fight interupted by the two barge problem, Batman saves both but the bomb was fake and sets off bombs all over the city, Batman tells Gordon he figured out where Joker is, Batman tracks Joker to Amusement park, Batman vs. Joker ala "Killing Joke", fight ends when a knife wielding Joker accidentally stabs himself ala "Batman #2" Joker has a "screen death", Ambulance picks up Joker's body to discover that he is still alive and permawhite.
Gordon meets Batman at the new and improved batsignal - and tells Batman that the Joker was working with Dent who Gordon discovered to be a schizophrenic crimanal who killed crimanal's and created the fake Batmen - Batman tells Gordon to tell the press that he did the killing, to save face for Dent. Dent wakes up goes to bar but the DA is dead, only Two-face remains.
THE END
-
The man must be stopped.
-
Holy shit - it's worse than I thought.
-
...and the good Mel Brooks spoofs is that they can still be viewed as funny decades later. This shit will make absolutely no sense to any viewer in about ten years time. It's utterly disposable shit, a plastic spork of a movie.
-
...the difference between ZAZ/Brooks and the guys behind MTS, not the diff between ZAZ and Brooks.
-
Jan 27, 2008 11:23:59 AM CST
"seem to operate under the assumption that if you make a pop cul
by whodis
So this is a movie for FAMILY GUY fans? *ZING*
-
You are right, I just posted an earlier comment that said the same thing (I even gave the same "expiration date" - 10 years time). Even the good spoofs have some dated references, but they don't rely on those entirely. They contain other material that is not only funny, but timeless.
-
^ was the rest of the subject line
-
And so you did. Sorry, didn't mean to repeat your post!
-
Why do they keep making these piece of shit " spoof" movies? they never do well at the box office.. and personally i think they all suck.. none of them are remotly funny. they just take some shitty cast that nobody knows, and put them in these crap movies.. carmen electra is the queen of these spoof piles of crap.. please hollywood, stop making this bullshit
-
I read Zfisk's blog last night and that guy has gone to extreme lengths of hating you. He's such a douche bag
-
That's amazing that you mentioned that because I just finished reading an interview with Sidney Lumet - a REAL filmmaker - where he discussed Network. That movie is as brilliant as Meet the Spartans is dumb.
-
Teen Movie because they looked just dumb. I loved 300, and the trailer of Meet the Spartans has me laughing my head off. This looks hysterical. C'mon, Britney being kicked into the pit of death should be worth the price of admission alone.
-
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/c4a43aff11
check this out. -
"Good. But was it seriously this bad. Because I loved Epic Movie. And if everybody hates it then I can definitely watch meet the spartans. But too bad my dad says it looks like crap. So I can't. SOB SOB."
Good for this kid's Dad. It's like when parents made you eat your broccoli. Not letting him watch this movie will be one of the best things that has ever happened for him. -
there enough people on the short bus who love this kind of thing that they make money. They're not going away unfortunately, best to just tune it out.
-
and was well rewarded. Sly is still the man.
-
maybe its different in each province cuz i'm in ontario and that whole "have to be 18" thing disappeared back in 2003. now its just like the states, as long as you're accompanied by someone 18 or older, you can get in. the rating isnt even called R anymore, its 18A. regarding the movie, didnt realize this was from the Date/Epic Movie team....surprised this wasnt called "something" Movie as well. i did see that scene for the Transformers spoof and wow, why are parodies always so cheap when it comes to effects? they couldnt afford some crappy CGI to at least make it look decent? no its a man in a suit, sheesh. lol
-
great review, and sorry to nitpick but her name is Britney not Brittany
-
Jan 27, 2008 11:55:41 AM CST
Wyrm, can you tell us about the Uwe Boll
by lloyd bonafide the korean war veteran
screaming experience? or give us the link? i think thats so so awesome.
-
Was'nt arsed about the film to begin with, sounds like another piss-poor generic lampoon.
-
great review... sadly, it seems your words have gone unheeded! As on Friday it took the number one spot at the box office, with about $160,000 more dollars than Rambo! Hopefully when final numbers come out Rambo will have taken over the top... but i just cant understand people who pay to see shit like this!
-
The majority of the humor in those films is unique to those films. Sure, they include references to other things (and as a whole are references to a genre), but most of the jokes aren't the references themselves. For example, what are some of the most memorable gags in Naked Gun? I'll name several off the top of my head: repeated bludgeoning of OJ (not a reference - just universal physical humor...something I usually don't go for but it works here because it's so ridiculously over the top), "nice beaver" (not a reference), human-sized condoms (not a reference), Herman's Hermits montage (a parody of *all* montages), tiger mauls baseball player (not a reference to my knowledge), the "you're outta here" ump battle (a parody of sports in general, but all Naked Gun)...I think I've made my point.
-
Thank you for pointing out Jason Freidberg and Aaron Seltzer as the true untalented evil they are. Calling them' 2 of the guys who made Epic Movie' or some shit just keeps them safe and anonymous. I'm sure Fox has already greenlit their next abortion---and all they have is $10 million, Carmen Electra and a Cloverfield joke. Think about that for a second--they have no idea what they're going to write until they see what's popular.
So I recommend everyone go here and see their smug faces. Know your enemy.
http://www.imdb.com/gallery/ss/0466342/Ss/0466342/343.jpg.html?path=pgallery&path_key=Seltzer,%20Aaron%20(I)
-
In the future, we'll be a nation filled with people who go to the theater to watch "Ass", and it's just 90 minutes of an ass, farting occasionally. We'll also have TV shows like "Ow, my balls!" and it will be a huge hit.
One need only ride the city bus once, or visit a Wal*Mart, to know this is true. -
Holy shit, these guys must work for Al Quada or something. Watching Date Movie made me feel hollow inside - as if my very human essence was being drained through my eyes. Epic Movie just made me comatose for the whole 20 minutes I lasted with the piece of shit, I literally felt nothing.
Now this abomination, I feel if I actually had to watch this I might just murder those around me in an effort to spare them. I can picture the kind of drooling simpleton that would actually enjoy this movie - and they're invariably teenagers. No one else has that same mixture of ignorance and poor taste in such levels as to gain enjoyment from utter shit. -
Sly's biggest weekend opener ever. Beaten by a margin so close either studio could fudge the numbers just a tiny bit to claim victory. Which wouldn't surprise me. Because the press hate Stallone, they despised Rambo and there's no better story then how it got 'trounced' by Meet the Spartans. Who cares how thin the margin was? The headlines are already boasting Rambo's failure.
-
Yikes; it's got about $65 million so far, though.
-
It riffed on the general cliches of cop shows but it didn't reference anything specific, to my knowledge. Airplane parodied the "Airport" series of movies and disaster films. I never saw any of those films but Airplane was still funny. That's the difference. Who is going to get most of the "jokes" in these new series of movies in ten years (not that they care)? The closest of the older movies to the Meet the Spartans type of humor would be Hot Shots and Mel Brooks' later movies like Men in Tights and Dracula and those are the weakest of the bunch but still genius compared to this shit.It warms my heart to know that this film has drawn so much hatred and blind rage from you all. It's like watching SkyNet wipe out 4 billion people but seeing that there are a few survivors left and that there is hope for the future....
-
Because I just beat the last ones out of my head watching Cloverfield!
-
That's a beautiful analogy. But you missed one thing. It's far from "blind" rage. Oh, we can all see very clearly.
-
He had to know that his movie wouldn't set any records. A hard R based on a character that was last seen before the prime demographic was even born shouldn't have even been able to compete with a PG-13 lowest-common denominator comedy. But I think it did damned good. I saw a lot of teenagers at Rambo. It must suck having to co-opt your dad or older brother's movie heroes. We had Star Wars, Indy and Rambo. They have Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings and...I dunno, The Rock?
-
Jan 27, 2008 1:16:59 PM CST
Funny or not unlike Boll it still MAKES MONEY and BEATS RAMBO
by proman1984
Funny or not unlike Boll it still MAKES MONEY and BEATS RAMBO. People eat it up. Uwe Boll wishes he was as successful.
-
It's heartening to know that with our differences over the prequels, new Trek, Spidey and the classless, venomous arguments that result, we can all come together and say that, indeed, this movie is awful.
-
Jan 27, 2008 1:24:09 PM CST
Massa, I wish you'd been right about these guys being finished
by jack-torrance
But their piece of shit has grossed $18.7m to Rambo's $18.1. A small margin but enough to get these pricks another movie greenlit.
-
Shit ... that'd be like us arguing over whether or not people need air to breathe. MEET THE SPARTANS is so obviously retarded for anyone who care about movies, at all, even in the least possible capacity.
I don't know how people can watch Meet the Spartans or even be tricked into thinking its good. Of course, I don't know how millions of people can sit around drinking 24 packs of Milaukee's Best or buy a Nickelback CD, either.
It's obvious that no matter how retarded we may think of one another on this site at some points, there is a wild, untamed, seething mass of stupid out there. Somewhere over those hills. And it's fuckin' scary. -
I liked it a lot but it's not the type of movie you need to see again. But it made twice its budget back in the first weekend so I don't think anyone's crying.
-
The makers of this forgot that when you make references to Pop Culture, it's supposed to be funny. Like Family Guy.
-
The wife wouldn't watch it with me, she hates shaky-cam movies. I loved it and will be going out with the boys to see Rambo killing some motherfuckers old school style.
-
#1.....
I've lost all remaining faith in humanity...
There are no words. -
The trailers for this shite pissed me off beyod belief. I havn't seen a film this unfunny in years. You truly earned a badge of honor for viewing this shit.
-
See ,even typing about that movie has made me some what dumber.
-
if you think 300 is 'gay' then you have problems and you must be a boring cunt to hang out with.
-
someone remind me why this is a 'great' film? I liked it alot when i first saw it but seeing it again, I don't see why it is the best movie of the year, compared to 2006's bets movie Children of Men, the quality and everything else is just not anything special. I can hardly see myself watching it over and over again.
-
w/the writers of this thing. My anger needs an outlet, and preferably only the people responsible shall be on the receiving end.
-
"Ass"
-
Even the "worst" Mel Brooks spoof is better than this shit. Men in Tights forever.
-
...and wonder if we can convert the theaters that show MEET THE SPARTANS into suicide booths. The gene pool will thank us for it.
-
that only high school and junior high kids are going to see this.
-
Naked Gun, Wrongfully accused, Airplane/flying high, top secret. God, part of Naked Gun still make me laugh hard just thinking about them. When he gets out of his car and it rolls away and he does a roll and starts shooting at it. Fuck. Or the most classic, of Robert Stack just beating the shit out of everyone at the airport.
-
but if current estimates hold this WILL BE the #1 movie of the friggin weekend. BoxOfficeGuru.com currently has it holding a narrow lead over Rambo in the weekend estimates.
-
Jan 27, 2008 2:43:46 PM CST
Why is there such a divide between movie fans and moviegoers?
by hudlives
Moviefan-probablly liked Cloverfiled and passionatly hates Spartans.
Moviegoer- Thought Cloverfield was stupid and is the reason Spartans is No 1 at the box office.
Its like we speak two diffrent cinematic languages. -
and ask them how in the fuck they still have jobs?
Well I know the answer to that, hordes and hordes of fucking dipshit idots thinking this is funny.
The terrorists have won. -
That is the most depressing thing I've read today. Please say that isn't true.
-
I believe Meet the Spartans had about 18.7 million while Rambo had 18.2 million.
-
We get another one of these next year.
-
A. No, because these two can't be considered "writers."
-
MTS should make for a decent Rifftrax
-
Two bowls of hyperbole. Once it hits your lips...
-
No, Xiphos. I will not calm down. Thanks for the mature and balanced perspective, but your composure in the face of artless comedy is a trait which I lack.
-
Yes, isn't zfisk/homewrecker awesome? My favorite bit is the "Homewrecker is located" thing where his enemies are Imperial officers, although the "Why DocPazuzu is getting owned" thesis is a close second.
If you think his site is wacky, you should have seen some of the stuff he posted as homewrecker on AICN.
He asked me once if I carry out my campaign for free or if I get paid, and I replied that my evil masters in Hollywood and Tel Aviv pay me for my efforts on AICN, but not in money but in the freshly bottled blood of Muslim and Christian children. He went absolutely BUGNUTS after that and, I shit you not, actually BELIEVED it. There are witnesses to this event who still post here today.
Good times, good times... -
They train you for that shit.
-
raises arms toward the sky] "Seltzer/Friedberrrrrrrrrrg!" As birds-eye camera crane shot pulls away from extreme closeup of my rage-twisted features. Cut to a view of earth from space, the echoes of my scream reverberating across the vacuum.
-
Who doesn't get paid in the freshly bottled blood of Muslim and Christian children?
-
Does the scent of their blood slake thy vengeful thirst?
-
"When Xerxes picks up the Transformers cube and merges with a car – then begins to broadcast the "Leave Brittany ALONE!" kid on his chest…my mind just kind of broke" Yeah this is where I stopped reading the review, and now not only am I concerned for Harry's health but also Massa's for sitting through this. I too would love to hear the story of Uwe yelling at you for 10 minutes however.
-
I've also been desperately searching for a copy of that book in the sidebar "DocPazuzu is a Big, Dumb, Idiot, and other observations".
-
And heck I'm not even advocating physical violence at this stage. Just, you know, a little verbal abuse.
-
Sure, Meet the Spartans is for 'the shortbus' crowd, and 'who cares' if dumbass people go to see it. The obvious problem is id adds to the cultural void that American art is slipping into. A film parody like Naked Gun, or Brooks' best work is at least pretty clever, and in Brooks' case, artfully done. When we as a people revel in shit films, and spend billions on seeing them, the studios very obviously keep pumping them out, barring original, solid good films from ever seeing the light of day. Perhaps I'm unqualified to speak on the current state of humor, as I consider Buster Keaton to be the penultimate film comic. I guess some of the best comedy being made currently is blended with drama, as in Wes Anderson's case, or as some might say the films of Apatow and Company, of which im not a fan, but at least its better than Spartans. The Box Office is in a sad state of decline, and I doubt a creative rebirth is in the making. We as fans of cinema, in all of its genres, languages, and incarnation, can only continue to support the artists we love.
-
Go see Rambo tonight and try to pack the theaters. Help it get the extra money it needs to beat Meet The Spartans.
-
But I won't.
-
Heh.
-
Yup it got the number 1 BO spot...just barely. DAMN IT PEOPLE. If everyone here at AICN goes out and watched RAMBO tonight, maybe we can make it pull ahead. What's it looking like, half a million dollars? Ah, too bad we don't have that many AICN members. SIGH. Yeah, expect another one of these shitbag movies next. "Superhero" probably.
-
WTF? No way did I think people would flock to see this movie. Its pretty much the same as Not Another Teen Movie, Epic Movie, Date Move, etc. Don't people realize they're all the same film? Go rent that crap, don't give these douchebags money.
-
if he ever met you in real life his head would probably explode
-
c'mon man, leave the boards for, like, an hour...
-
But the sentiment is seconded. I am so glad to see that my small, personal crusade against Kam Williams has blossomed into a slightly larger, yet still small, crusade! Huzzah Internet.
-
And the press will never cease to mock and deride Sly. Yes he is over 60 who give a fuck! He looks in 100 times better shape than when John Wayne was shooting indians in his 40s. I bet in 10 years time they will be sucking his cock like they did with Eastwood. For all Harry et al's faults, I would take them any day over the fucking pathetic, irritating mainstream critics.
-
Jan 27, 2008 6:47:47 PM CST
You may not be able to maim the millions who saw this, but you c
by ye olde shiza
http:// en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kam_Williams
Bother the Hell out of the one dude who thought MTS was a "good" movie. Second paragraph. The campaign has picked up steam at Rotten Tomatoes as well, because it seems that Kam destroyed the possibility that MTS would get the coveted 00%. -
Rambo is currently in the top 200 and MTS has sub 3 points.
-
meet the spartans number 1 film in america.
yup this country is right on track.
burn baby burn -
And oh am I missing those brain cells...This has to go down as the worst movie in all of history...Nothing even comes close. I'll take the worst Hercules episode over this movie anyday...
-
FUCK. OFF.Seriously. If you have seen or are going to see this movie, consider your Geek License...REVOKED!!!
-
you forgot to mention the shout out this website got by carmen electra and that they acknoledged the fact they were ripping off the great 2007 flick 300. i liked the pit of death running gag as well.
-
he's a fucking moron
-
nsui sgut silh nopol di dopl an gopel!"......Screenwriter session for MTS(argh...ugh...gnk)!
-
The only thing more depressing than what I saw was the comments on it. "lol! cnt wait 4 dis, i loved it wen britney said yay we match! lol roxxor soooooooo funny cnt wait hahaha!!!!11!" You really start to question whether life's worth living with so many morons in the world.
-
Scary Movie...the first one was rather funny. There were layers to the jokes and most of the jokes were two jokes in one and didnt rely solely on pop culture references.
-
Good job America you have officially proved that you are no longer allowed to make decisions without superior knowledge supervision. Meet the Spartans #1 at the Box office. $18.7 million. Rambo your people have forsaken you. Please for Allah sake tell me these estimates are not accurate.
-
0 out of 4 stars!
And this guy is syndicated in 100 publications? -
beaten at the b.o. by carmen electra and some transforming... fat... hell, i don't know what!
-
"Friedman, Seltzer and their film Meet the Spartans all seem to operate under the assumption that if you make a pop culture reference, people will laugh. They don't seem to think that the reference needs to be in any way insightful, original or humorous. It just needs to be present and accounted for."
Replace Friedman and Seltzer in that paragraph with Seth MacFarlane and you've got a perfect description of that turd of a show you all love! -
Apparently I was wrong. Le sigh.
-
There's going to be another one of these turds the same time next year. Who wants to bet they'll have a bit where some old man in an Indy costume hobbles onscreen with a zimmer frame for no reason other than, you know- Indy's old now? They'll have 'parodies' of The Dark Knight, Iron Man, Hulk, Bond and whatever is flavour of the month on YouTube five months prior to the movie coming out. It no longer matters whether they call these things Scary Movie, Date Movie, Epic Movie or Meet the Spartans- it's basically "Parody of Every Mainstream Film That Came Out Last Year Movie" These guys seriously sit on their asses and watch movies all year then go out and slap together a pile of shit in two weeks and release it. It's like if a couple of kids playing with their dads camcorder were given a budget by a major Hollywood studio and were told to "Go play".
-
You know it. They've got a well-oiled machine going and the public seems to eat it up, indiscriminately. It's quite fascinating, really. And terrible.
-
at least Scary Movie had *some* sort of framework, in that it essentially only parodied horror films. can someone PLEASE tell me what in the hell does Spider-man, You Got Served, and American Idol have to do with 300/Spartans? i give up on you, America... all is now lost.
-
Did you know that there are thousands of human remains in the tunnels beneath Paris?
-
I really enjoyed it. Loved Day-Lewis' tribute to Ledger. Looks like Brokeback Mountain really gave him a lasting impression, and rightly so. And was anyone else a little verklempt at Charles Durning's speech? I thought Ellen Page should have won best female actor, if just to see the bewilderment on the other actresses' faces. Oh well.
-
"Yes, I did. And don't call me Shirley".
-
It's sad, but you're right. I can already see the lame ass trailers with an "old Indy" in them...
-
Not quite, F69. All they do is watch the trailers. That way, even if you didn't see the movie they are referencing, chances are you saw the trailer and are therefore familiar with the image.I think the reason why I hate these movies so much, and their so-called writers, is that I know I could do better. Hell, most of us here could. It would not be hard. I guess the hard part would be living with the knowledge that that fetid turd was your creation.
-
to sign 10 picture deal at FOX on Monday. The FOX TV division hopes to spin off SPARTANS as both a new drama and comedy series. They also plan to do a Spoof of "24" that would air right after "24" so the jokes would still be fresh in viewers mind. Jason Freidberg and Aaron Seltzer will also branch out into "reality" television with their new shows. "So you think your smarter than CARMEN ELECTRA" and " Worlds funniest EPIC MOVIE out-takes". Also in the works is a radio program " Farts are funny" a Non-Hosted hour of Fart sounds. Jason Freidberg and Aaron Seltzer are set to be paid $20 million for their spec script "FUNNY MOVIE" based just on a 3 word outline they wrote last Friday night " Indy with walker" . Wow how do these guy do it !
-
Is Mel Brooks the only man that can make an all-out silly movie work? Somebody's got to step up and take the reins, Mel can't live forever. Idiotic crap like this gives spoofs a bad name.
-
'Meet the Spartans' number 1 at the box office. Sad, sad, sad...
-
We're still in January and I know it's kinda early, but it's going to be hard as hell to top "Meet the Spartans" as WORST film of 2008 with "Cloverfield" a close second.
-
We're still in January and I know it's kinda early, but it's going to be hard as hell to top "Meet the Spartans" as WORST film of 2008 with "Cloverfield" a close second.
-
Jan 28, 2008 12:06:42 AM CST
Hey some good news " RAMBO #1 on SUNDAY " SPARTANS drop 45%
by mace tofu
from BO MOJO. There is a God lol. Sly , we all know you would of won the weekend if parents didn't buy tickets for Spartans so their children could later sneak in to watch RAMBO after they were dropped off. Little do parents know that crap like SPARTANS will ruin their children with moronic toilet humor more than a RAMBO morality play would of.
-
I just couldn't help but wonder... how long have I wanted to do Carmen Electra?
-
You are a boring cunt because you don't think family guy is funny.
-
...We get another one of these Turdgurgling train wrecks next January! Enjoy America! Apparently THIS is what you want!
-
The original movie is silly enough, as it is.
-
In fact David is doing the ONION's movie and another called "Superhero!"
-
(Or maybe that should be RAMBO II?!) Despite opening in second place this weekend. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I won't see RAMBO until March
-
Check out "Shoot 'Em Up"
-
beating Rambo, Cloverfield dropping by almost seventy percent. Western civilization starts it's official decline....NOW.
-
...how the guys that made it got started? Did they actually make something good a long time ago, or have their mouths been attached to executive cock for the last few years?
-
Remember when, on MST3K they made fun of "Monster A Go-Go"? remember the long pauses of silence where the movie was so stultifying and pointless and bland they couldn't even find anything funny about it? That movie was King Kong compared to Meet the Spartans. You can't make fun of a movie that is already so massively retarded and knows it and actually rolls around in its own feces glorying at being that way. Hobgoblins, for example, was somewhat self-aware, but still took itself seriously enough to be easy to mock.
-
90% of the people that went to see Meet the Spartans were teenagers. They need a filler for a friday night and that is why it is #1. Next weekend it won't even be in the top 10, while Rambo will be there for weeks to come. Cloverfield was a one trip pony, lets see the monster and when word got out, it seems that no one really care. I might wait until it is out on DVD to rent it.
-
Zfisk is a certifiable nut. What scares the shit out of me is some of the stuff that he links to- some of it is genuinly frightening extremist literature. In a few years he's going to be the Unibomber. Has he got any new material or is it stil unchanged?
-
...and that's why I'll never sign a figurative ceasefire with Brokedick/BSB like anchorite did. When the shit went down back in the day, brokedick sided with zfisk knowing full well the extremism the latter adhered to. Long after zfisk disappeared, brokedick would still rush to his defense if other talkbackers were making fun of him.
His David Duke suit & tie makeover never impressed or convinced me as it did many others. -
Pass the Quietus, please.
-
and every time I see him post on 9/11 my blood boils. I also remember the "goy" comments and spiteful, nasty, unfunny anal sex with any other user's sister- because he assumed anyone that argued with him was jewish. Personally, I tend to ignore him, but I have been absolutely disgusted at his performance in the Ledger obits (I was also horrified by Anchorite, Glovedone, and Prof Ikanmano). Those obit TB's were the real nadir of AICN, and as someone suggested, perhaps obits should be locked.
-
it is worth noting that he has turned his arsehole dial down from 11. I wish he'd stop with the painful CAPS LOCK subject headings. They're invariably unfunny and just quite annoying.
-
Spartans will drop off next week, and those who chose it over Rambo will go to see Rambo this week, and Rambo WILL be number one. Make it so.
-
Too bad it was not funny. Just a nod to the site which might bring more people here. They should have used a real review for a one liner. Maybe do a contest for it like TF did.
-
notsee the movie. What was the line?
-
I was kind of regretting not having someone to smack around after making peace with Anchorite. Thanks for filling in. It was getting boring.
You've successfully campaigned against ZFisk the last 2 years, ad nauseum (as you do Ringwearer). Guess who's the better man? You? For your tireless efforts in dwelling on an old Talkback handle of a guy who hasn't since posted or talked to you? Or him, who actually moved on? The answer is ZFisk, just so you know. What do you think you get from bashing him constantly? Superstar status? Hardly. Messi's in no danger of losing that title, I assure you.
And you're right I'll defend ZFisk. I didn't visit all the sites he linked to, so that's not my concern. What I do know is that during that WTC TB, he made all valid points against your pathetic tide of "I own you"s (yeah, you were as pathetic as Glovedone with those). I'm also glad he documented how I totally humiliated you there as well, and the trauma appears it will linger on forever. Not bad for someone who freshly signed on during that TB, huh? Sucker.
Good luck achieving that superstar status, Pazuzu. Word of advice, you may have to actually move on to new topics and flame wars to do it. I'll be sure to give you lots of lead-ins. -
Someone earlier mentioned Robert Stack. The scene in Airplane that makes me laugh every time I think of it..."Our only hope is to build this man up. We gotta give him all the confidence we can.""Striker, have you ever flown a multi-engine plane before?"No, never.""Shit. It's a God damn waste of time. There's no way he can land this plane. We might as well divert them into the river, spare innocent people.
-
You are talking complete bollocks when it comes to zfisk- he's a lunatic with a deeply unpleasant anti-semitic bent. I can find countless examples of his deranged extremism, but for simplicities sake just look at his blog- and follow his recommended links. It serves as a constant reminder of what a toilet the internet can be, and how revolting some of its inhabitants truly are. If you do that, and then still feel the need to defend him, then frankly, you're no better than Anchorite.
-
did you hear the great news about glovedone?
-
Well what the fuck do you think happens in political Talkbacks? An avoidance of 9/11 topics so your cross-Atlantic ass doesn't have to read them? No one asked you to participate in that recent Oliver Stone TB where it was being calmly discussed. But that didn't stop you from being a total shit about it. What else is on Lost Jarv's list of banned topics? The Napoleonic Wars? Idiot.
-
You're not telling the truth when you say that "your tireless efforts in dwelling on an old Talkback handle of a guy who hasn't since posted or talked to you". AICN is a pit of scum and villainy where we all fight constantly over inconsequential subjects. But almost all of us keep the ranting confined to AICN. Homewrecker doesn't. He publishes his own lunatic blog denouncing us all for being the same person- and singles out Pazuzu as his main source of ire. He's a deeply disturbed individual with horrific paranoid tendencies who really should be sectioned for the benefit of society.
-
-Looks like I chose the wrong week to quit drinking.
-Looks like I chose the wrong week to quit taking amphetamines.
-Looks like I chose the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.
-
Yup- kloipy, great news. Don't be a dick, brokeback. Because I don't like reading paranoia, intolerance and horseshit (from both sides) doesn't prohibit you from putting it up there. Find somewhere where I said you had no right to post. I haven't. And I stand by the fact that your performance in the obit TB was a fucking pitiful example of classless ego driven trolling. Cunt.
-
Read my post again, genius. It's not like I'm here everyday extolling ZFisk's virtues or linking his blog and encouraging everyone to visit it like some other moron does. I only defend him against DocSpaz in the context of the old WTC Talkback he keeps dwelling on.
-
Worst piece of shit ever.
-
"paranoia, intolerance and horseshit" ... okay, which posts in that recent TB would you characterize as such? None. You just shit on it because of the topic, not the substance of the conversation.
-
Anyway, the final numbers are $18,725,000 and $18,150,000. I still don't think that's bad. A lame PG-13 comedy is almost always going to make more than a hard R, no matter how much the comedy sucks donkey ass.
-
There was a movie that came out in about 1996 with Leslie Nielsen called 'Spy Hard'. I remember at the time thinking it would probably be as funny as The Naked Gun movies or Hot Shots yet it wasn't, it simply recreated scenes from recent blockbusters (Speed, True Lies etc) with Leslie Nielsen in the main role and that was supposed to be enough to make it funny. All these 'Date' and 'Epic' Movies keep reminding me of 'Spy Hard' and how that movie stuck out like a sore thumb in the 90's when compared to other spoof movies like 'Men in Tights' or 'Hot Shots' Well guess what I just found out on imdb? Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer were responsible for THAT festering turd aswell! It all makes sense now, they are literary the Anti-Christ and they are responsible for 9/11.
-
"Meet the Spartans"
-
I was there and I remember all posts- yours, the docs and fiskys postings. And of all of you (including anchorite) fisky's were the most deranged. Yours were the most unpleasant. Read my post again, shitbag, and see that I didn't once say you extolled Zfisk. I was very precise, and specifically put that he is an appalling individual and if you read his lunacy it is indefensible. If you feel the need to defend it- then you're every bit as bad, if not worse, than Anchorite. Is that clear enough seeing as you are struggling with this today? And for the record, arsehole- I don't give a fuck about 9/11 TB's-either way- and I will go and find you an example of paranoid horseshit.
-
Gridbug at Jan 22nd, 2008
02:44:43 PM. Topic= Consider this. Content= paranoid horseshit. -
You really are stupid. There's no better way of describing you.
On the one hand, you say seeing my post on 9/11 "makes your blood boil", and now you tell me you don't give a fuck. You really are stupid.
And ZFisk hasn't posted on politics in 2 years. Dwell much? Why do I have to hate him when he's not even here, and hasn't said anything in TWO YEARS? Because you and DocSpaz don't like him?
You really are stupid. -
So I can judge for myself?
-
listen up you banjo playing fuckmonkey. I said you posting repeated paranoid crap on 9/11 makes my blood boil. The topic itself is not one I give a fuck about. See the difference? or are you too stupid to make this distinction.
-
It's from the Bush TB from the other day. Gridbug's ridiculous fucking rant about simultaneous plane crashing and Dick Cheney being behind it all then your salivating response having found someone that agreed with you. It made your little pecker stand up strong and proud that you'd found a buddy. And no, I don't like Zfisk. I do like to nostalgically look back at some of the great troll wars from the past. Anyway, how come your not hiding in shame after your classless and embarrasing recent performance? Loser.
-
I bet they're already thinking "It'll be SO funny if we do a scene where Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama argue! The audience will recognize them as Hillary and Barack and they will laugh because of the recognition. We don't need to write anything witty. All we need to do is see what's on TV and in the news and replicate it. Bam! Another $18m opening weekend thanks to the dumb hicks of middle America."
-
Those fucks are taking notes right now. I think the next one will be called, "Old Guy Movie" or something to that effect and they'll riff on how old Stallone and Ford are, despite the fact that either could fuck both those guys' shit up and be home in time for Matlock.
-
having just reread this thread- I have another comment for you: Why don't you try actualy addressing some of the points raised in my reply to you? You say I want to prohibit you from posting. I point out that that is crap. You ignore it. You then say that I slammed you for extolling zfisk. I correct you again. You ignore what I wrote and post some incoherent diatribe, and so on. Is this how you press your argument- by ignoring all counter arguments and moving on without answering? Ever considered a career in politics?
-
Settle down. You're unraveling too quickly.
Go fetch me a quote from Gridbug that shows a "ridculous fucking rant". And while you're rummaging around, fetch me a quote where I gave a "salivating response" having someone who agreed with me. Because your word, quite frankly, doesn't mean much.
Feel free to indulge your nostalgia of antiquated Talkbacks. But if you feel the need to drag me into the shit, don't expect to come out clean. -
cumstain. I've told you the TB. I've given you the reference and I've given you the subject heading. And it's the TB with your civilised adult discussion that your so proud of.Care to answer any of the other points raised- or are you either too stupid to or unable to defend yourself?I have to go into a meeting now, but I'll gladly read any apology for a response that you put up.
-
You can find my short take on the running theme between you, DocPaz, and Lost Jarv back over in the 007 TB.
-
That's all one has to do is read any of your posts, you foul-mouthed moron. Don't you know how to copy/paste, or is that the lesson of the day at your meeting?
-
Meet the Spartans was number one in America, and it united everyone, just like the World Trade Center collapsing.
And now here we go again, pissed off that we bought an American flag made in China, bicker bicker bicker. -
Interesting take. Here's mine.
I joined up on AICN in that TB. What I know about ZFisk is what he said in it, and although I'm a fan of his Photoshopping satires on his blog, I didn't visit any other links. That's his business, and apparently yours and DocSpaz's.
If everyone wants to burn effigies of Zfisk, that's fine by me. Just don't drag me into it - it's fucking dull as shit. And to dwell on the guy years after the fact is just sad. I know my revelation as BBCB came as a suprise to you, but I didn't think it would be. You always knew it. But DocSpaz has been nursing some deep wounds and he can't find closure. I'm sure as hell not going to give it to him. Let him rot while the rest of AICN has some fun. -
for Meet the Spartans.
Midnight Meat Train. -
There was a huge line. I thought it was for Rambo so I got in it, but it was for Spartans. Made sense after I got out of the line and looked at all the kids in it with their cellphones and dingleberries texting each other.
-
Is that the new line of LG Chocolate phones?
-
I'll be honest, I don't have a cellphone and never did, so I don't know what I'm missing. But I can guess. I just don't want people calling me. Ever. When you're a working professional married man, a cell phone is just a leash for other people to tug on you.
It's weird to be at a theater sitting in the dark, and you see like a dozen LCD screen lit up with people doing god-knows-what when the trailers are on, and then checking again periodically throughout the feature.
And speaking of chocolate, Midnight Meat Train will surely be this year's Blood and Chocolate, what with it's laughable title that drew an uproar of cackles from our Rambo crowd. -
I cannot fathom that. I have a Blackberry and wish Harry would put up a mobile version of the site so I can Talkback on the street. You can get a cell without sharing the number with anyone (just keep it on silent mode at work). The technology is incredible, and I find myself surfing (although AICN pages are too big to load properly), texting, emailing, Googlemapping, etc. a lot. It's great. You can always sign up for a plan and phone and testdrive for 30 days.
-
Nothing like walking around like Borg with the blue geeklight flashing over your ear.
-
I'm ascared of that technological sorcery. I'm used to full-size keyboards!
-
Jarv,you made me laugh hard!
-
Well, you certainly won't see me burning effigies of zfisk/homewrecker. His name got brought up in the 007 TB - a question was thrown my way and I answered it. Simple as that. Give me another name and I might be able to recall a story about them, too.I've been on AICN just long enough to have become "acquainted" with some truly fascinating posters and/or Trolls. Even still, there are those who have been here longer (and with longer memories) who could tell you a thing or two about some other infamous characters and their nefarious ways.But the problem you seem to have is that of being mentioned in the same breath as zfisk. Otherwise, I'm not sure why you went to such great lengths to deny your former self. But one might say that it's the risk you take when you, as brokebackcowboy, make him your sort of "comrade in arms". And if the boys want to wax nostalgic about zfisk, let them. But you've got to realize that it's only a matter of time before brokebackcowboy is mentioned. I don't think they're likely to forget and nor should they.Anyways...
-
You don't need a cellphone. I wind up leaving mine at home all the time, anyway. And then I get pissed off when it goes off in a library or a movie theater because I'd forgotten to turn it off.
-
I thought it was going to be a flame war, such as we haven't had for a long time, and then MNG shows up to settle it like an adult. I love me some flame wars.
-
and deliberately let mine run out of batteries. I don't like the fact that work can get me all the time- I'd go mad with a blackberry.
-
Jan 28, 2008 10:06:04 AM CST
ABOM - ONCE YOU GO BLACK(BERRY) YOU'LL NEVER GO BACK
by bringingsexyback
Try it out. Although a buddy of mine has the Palm and I'm thinking of moving over to that. I like the simpler interface and cheaper rates (Blackberry costs more). If you decide to go for a tryout, I would definitely recommend a Palm Treo. Nice sized keyboard, tons of applications, and very easy to use GUI. Like I said, don't cost a thing to try it out for 30 days. Just make sure you return it by the 29th day if you don't like it, so you don't get locked into a contract. And get the full access data plan, even if it costs a little more. Overage charges are a bitch.
-
MNG- they were the best ones. Although Coco has mellowed as a troll. My current pet hate troll is MOM- but he got banned (YES!!!)
-
I'll be pissed on that day
-
I must be getting behind, but I've never heard of it.
-
"Should they" is a matter of opinion. If I minded being associated with Zfisk, would I so adamantly express my admiration for his talent and skills? I think not.
Certainly you're taking things in stride a lot more than DocSpaz. You even look upon the whole thing with humor. I'd say that's a healthier way of approaching TBs than the ever-overwrought Spazuzu does. -
either that or ZachBraffownsmycock
-
"Joy, have you ever been in a Turkish Prison?""We had a choice of steak or fish" "Yes, I remember, I had the lasagna""We have clearance, Clarence" "Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?""Captain, how soon can we land" "I can't tell" "You can tell me, I'm a doctor""We have to get this woman to a hospital" "A hospital? What is it?" "It's a big building with doctors and sick people, but that's not important right now"
-
since the peace thing he`s gone away.
-
It's a movie that spoofs Spoof movies.
-
*jarv hangs his head in shame at his own stupidity*
-
cuz you end up rolling on it laughing anyway. So brilliant. Also Top Secret is classic. Even Spies Like Us is funnier than 99.9% of the shit today.
-
I don't think I was privy to the cocolopez Flame Wars even though I think I was around at that time.I wish I had seen the stuff with Fettastic, Mercier, and the Facer (?). From what I've gathered, that was truly the stuff of legend.I've definitely been in a few Flame Wars - Ringwearer9, zfisk/homewrecker, BSB/BBCB, AnimalStructure, Elvis Cole Lives, etc. My best performance was probably against Jar Jar 4 Prez and the dozen or so screennames he created everytime he got another one banned. That guy was an full-on asshole.Hell, I just remembered that I even had a cordial discussion with Gabriel Gray...and lived to talk about it!
-
I know a lot of people on here hate it, but I still think it's pretty damn funny. I mean come on the full body condoms?
-
had the finest TB fake-out ever performed by Kirks2Pay. It was sheer genius and one of the funniest things I've ever seen at AICN Cocolopez is the least talented musician ever to post on AICN. That was a great week.
-
would actually remake Armaggedon with puppets. That would be the funniest fucking spoof ever. Does Team America count as a spoof?
-
I sure don't hate it. Also Police Academy ... man, I don't ever put comedies in Netflix but I think I'm going to load up on some now.
-
You mean The Zone's Kirks2Pay? I can only imagine...I'll have to make a note to fire up the replign tonight. :^)
-
Spoof movies used to get the humor in it. I'd even say that Austin Powers is a wonderful spoof. But the movies they come out with today just think that showing some figure from pop culture (insert a poop joke) and have a fat person fall on someone=hilarity. These new breed spoofs are just fucking dismal
-
A brief summary: Cocolopez was having a go at the Doc about something or other. Then it escalated, and I accused him of working in McDonalds. It all got out of hand very fast and stretched the ROTS TB To the limit.He made the dismal mistake of posting a link to his "music". and my god.... He also made out that he was a 29 year old millionaire living with a bisexual supermodel, driving a ferrari, and a whole manner of other rubbish. It was insane. Kirk laid the funny down in a major way- the main participants were me, DocP, BanthafodderUK and Cocolopez, but as far as I remember almost everybody got involved. It was a ROTS TB.
-
but the first Scary Movie wasn't actually that bad. It spoofed conventions in teen slasher movies, and although a knowledge of the films helped it wasn't essential. The rest of them were fucking awful.
-
My sister-in-law brought it over one day. And I was fucking adament about not watching it, but my wife and her wanted to see it. I got up after 5 minutes and had to leave. They turned it off after 30 minutes. Well off to lunch. See you guys in a little while
-
here it is- this is the culmination of the war- but it spread through every ROTS TB for about a week. Remove spaces: http://www.aintitcool.com/talkback_display/20077
-
funny how people who just cant get enough of the 'inspired hilarity' of Family Guy are just lining up to slam this movie for its 'random pop culture references' ?
For the same reasons you hate this movie, you're all kissing the backside of The Family Guy. -
...is writing checks that reality can't cash. You see, we were fighting zfisk/homewrecker and GingerTwit long before you showed up and in loads of talkbacks, so don't flatter yourself too much. The difference between me and glovedone is that he actually never owned anyone, whereas EVERYONE who fought with zfisk ended up owning him.
Listening to you take what you would have us believe is the moral high ground, admonishing us for talking about zfisk every now and then, is just another example of the truly nauseating "new" you which we have been subjected to over the past year or so. You would attack and mock anchorite all the time despite his absence in talkbacks, but jumped all over us when we would bring up zfisk, telling us how we sucked for attacking someone who wasn't there to defend himself. Your sanctimonious, indignant posturing is truly vile. This is fucking AICN talkback, you dope - attacking, arguing, bitching and reminiscing about flame wars is, along with movie discussions, the very lifeblood of this forum. If you can't take the heat, then get the fuck out.
It's hilarious to hear you say that you weren't banned for anti-Semitic rants, yet when you returned, all spiffy and D-Duked, you had also reinvented yourself and toned down your usual rhetoric. If you truly had humiliated me in this 9-11 talkback you keep talking about, why was it you who "changed"?
Bottom line: you backed a complete scumbag psycho, and being reminded of it now enrages you because it doesn't fit well with your new image.
Also, you'll gladly extol the virtues of the photoshop bits on zfisk's blog, but then say that the links he posts on the very same blog are irrelevant to how you view him. I'm quite sure they make you admire him even more, and if you had even an ounce of intellectual courage you'd admit it.
By the way, now that you've come clean about your brokedickedness, I feel compelled to tell you how hideously unfunny your all-caps headline spam posts are. Their lack of humor would be bad enough, but they also effectively kill every interesting discussion in the talkbacks you vomit them forth upon. -
Yeah, I fell for Family Guy for a small period of time, and some of the stuff on there is really funny. However it is just the same shit over and over and over again. People constantly bash the Simpsons, saying that the new seasons suck, but mark my words, go back and watch them in a year or so and see that they were just ahead of their time
-
truth about family guy is: its not nearly as funny now as the first 2 seasons.
family guy now is nothing but a bunch of discombobulated non sequiturs. "did i ever tell you about the time i wrote a TB?" cut to peter making a half-assed joke about the USA leaving Vietnam in 1973.
cue the manatees -
And you've had plenty of time to respond, but as suspected, you haven't answered a single point I've given to you. All you can do is hysterically scream in moronic capital letters that I'm censoring/ misrepresenting/ or otherwise doing you wrong. Oh, and I'm stupid. There are 2 very funny things that you have made apparent to me though: 1) You're a hypocrite- In your "TALK ABOUT THE INTERNET BEING A TOILET"
post at Jan 28th, 2008
08:51:55 AM- you say that I am a "foul-mouthed moron". Yet amusingly, I remember your vile "goy guy" anal sex postings as Brokeback. Not to mention the plethora of unfunny CAPS LOCK lewd sex gags that you spam every TB with. Furthermore, hilariously, you express admiration for the content of zfisk's lunatic bog but state that the links are his business. That is palpably untrue- if he displays links then he wants them to be followed- if links were only for the creator then why would any website in the world use them? You can't pick and choose to suit yourself- especially when dealing with an extremist like zfisk.2)You are not actually that smart. If you were, then you would be able to reason and respond to any of the points that I made. Instead, you prefer to lambast me as a foul mouthed cretin. And before you get all sensitive and prissy about this, your version of events is deeply, deeply flawed. You are attempting to rewrite history- but luckily for you (in comparison to Anchorite- who you flay alive for his prefious posts) there has been a purge of your previous record. That does not mean that it didn’t happen. You are not, and nor were you ever a victim.
I don't expect a response to this, and rest assured if it goes unanswered I'll let it go. See you in another TB. -
have a good night man!
-
maybe next time we will get a proper TB to sabotage. we may have to repeat the milf one. That's a topic that never egts old.
-
we need another of 'bear' like proportions
-
That's Val Kilmer's best movie.
-
HHHMMMM.....yummie!
-
but is anyone surprised? surprised that it beat an R rated movie? (albeit, one that should have doubled it's opening weekend take based on Julie Benz's hotness alone) surprised that most people in north america are idiots? (look at the shows with the highest ratings, the books that are bestsellers, the music on most radio stations). surprised that making a pop culture reference is considered humourous enough? (come on, even in back in my highschool days the people that were considered funny were whoever could parrot whatever adam sandler said on SNL on the weekend).
the unwashed masses don't want to see movies that make them think. thinking isn't sexy or hip. they don't want movies that don't tie everything up happily and neatly. they already have the depressing reality of their wal-mart greeting, burger flipping, gas pumping lives to deal with.
which is part of the reason why, when the aliens come, we're all fucked.
to end with a joke: ralph macchio.
-end rant- -
was fucking awesome!
-
This flick will be out of the Top 10 before the ink on the news copy dries. It'll be lucky to gross $30 million when all is said and done. But since these movies are made on the cheap, as long as they make their budget back in the opening weekend then these things will keep coming down the pike every January. The depressing thing about it is that guys like Mike Judge can't get a movie made while these two dipshits are rolling in the dough. Such is life, I guess.
-
Nice, Spazuzu. An essay all for me. Have you been harboring all that resentment lo these many years? You're worse than a woman, I swear.
I don't want to give you the impression I give a shit, so I'll try to keep this short.
I know nothing - nor care to - about your previous conflicts with Zfisk prior to that TB, but I do know you got your ass handed to you royally. And glad he documented it. Because your repetitive "I own you, now shut up" lines were so incredibly lame.
As for toning down my rhetoric, sure I did. But you think I did it for you? You're a legend in your own mind, Spaz. I did it not to piss off Harry, because being banned once is enough. But if you think I ever changed my core positions and beliefs, you should try and find a quote that shows that. Good luck rummaging in the closet.
As for my beef with Anchorite, he's here. He posts consistently; I wasn't chasing a ghost like you are. He always had the opportunity to trounce me back. He never disappeared like Zfisk. Where's the correlation?
And seriously are you explaining AICN to me? Who do you think you are? You put yourself in some kind of self-appointed Talkback moderator position like you own the place. Unless you're buying the site from Harry, kindly step off your pedestal. Like anyone couldn't "take the heat"? From you? You're a lightweight, Spaz.
Read up on what I said to MNG about backing Zfisk. He's your enemy and not mine. Apparently it makes you ill to think someone doesn't necessarily hate those you do. That's your problem, I got other concerns.
And too bad my spam posts irritate you; please file a complaint with someone who cares. I don't have anything to say about yours because I don't read them. They're unoriginal, humorless, sleep-inducing, and as repetitive as a scratched CD.
Oh look, a Talkback about the Hobbit. And there's DocSpaz bringing up Ringwearer9. What a shocker. Keep making your observations of other Talkbackers, maybe you'll have something to harp on 10 years from now.
Loser. -
http://tinyurl.com/375crt Arcadian, I think one reason why Family Guy gets a pass (or, at least, is not as reviled as this crap) is their references tend to be more established. That is, they go for pop culture references that are several years old. Maybe that's changed (I don't watch it as much as I used to). But even some of the contemporary reference jokes can be funny. Who didn't laugh at Kevin Federline asking his reflection if he can be a bigger douche?
-
I think the peace treaty has ended :(
-
Please, we gots to know.
One-liner that you will not hear this summer: "Hey honey, would you like to go out tonight and, I dunno, have dinner and see Midnight Meat Train?" -
"sigh
by Lost Jarv Jan 28th, 2008
10:04:00 AM
I thought it was going to be a flame war, such as we haven't had for a long time, and then MNG shows up to settle it like an adult.
I love me some flame wars."
You pussied out and then try to make it look like you didn't? I told you to fetch me those quotes and you couldn't even do that. Because you know you were mischaracterizing me and Gridbug. As for Zfisk, I'll spell it out for you.
I don't hate the guy. He did nothing to me. I don't give a shit what links he posted 2 years ago, and whether or not I agree with them, I am not obligated to tell you. Why? Because I don't care enough about you to give you that opinion. And I give less of a shit what you and DocSpazuzu think of him. It's ancient history to me, but to you two girls it's gossip time at the salon.
Feel free to reply, sport. Obviously you have a hard time letting anything go. -
It sounds like a come-on. Hey baby wanna take a ride on the midnight meat train?
-
What's there to apologize for? Nothing. I even told you a few things about that time. And like I said, it was a fun time too as BBCB.
It's all on DocSpaz and his idiot pup Jarv thinking they can berate me for not hating on Zfisk, or trying to drop a "gotcha" on me because I confirmed my BBCB alter-ego. Hey, I never told anyone not to hate Zfisk. They can hate all they want. The guy was not the most appealing person in the world, and like I said, he didn't even back me up.
And don't worry about flame wars - it improves my typing skills. I'll try to keep them at the tail-end of the TBs though, if DocSpaz and Lost Idiot can see fit to keeping their mouths shut long enough. -
Yes, after seeing the trailer for Midnight Meat Train at Rambo, I have once again postponed suicide. Because for once somebody has combined my three of my favorite things into a single film: night, meat, and trains.
I'm kidding, of course. Everyone in the crowd laughed at the title. Worse than when people laughed at the trailer for Blood and Chocolate. It was hilarious. Was that really the title of Cliver Barker's book?
Hey kloipy, didja hear it's getting expensive to ride the Midnight Meat Train? It costs a lot...
(How much does it cost?)
It's an arm and a leg! ka-ching (cue tomatoes being thrown) -
Wikipedia says Midnight Meat Train was a short story in Clive Barker's "Book of Blood." And he INSISTED that the name stay the same for the movie. That Clive. He always cuts me up. Leaves me in stitches. Somebody give him a hand. (cue severed hand)Stop it Clive, you're killin' me (cue tomatoes being thrown)
-
Didja hear about the Midnight meat train in London?
"no, what about it?"
It's 'under-ground'!!! wokawokawoka -
I loved Val Kilmer's singing in that! Skeet Surfin' (First Wave - Aim Higher, Second Wave, Pull and Fire). Get off of that floor, we're gonna hit that carpet tonight! Definity some of his best work!
-
Blackout Beef Boat
-
Jan 28, 2008 1:18:09 PM CST
YOU GUYS ARE SLAUGHTERING ME WITH THE MEAT TRAIN THING
by bringingsexyback
Well done, guys. Well done!
get it? -
i think i actually laughed like 5 times throughout the whole movie. It was a total waste of time and money, go see something worth 8 dollars like Rambo or there will be blood. hell see atonement for god sakes just don't see this movie
-
Jan 28, 2008 1:21:32 PM CST
switching to lower case so as not to piss off docspaz and lost i
by bringingsexyback
HAHA FUCK YOU DUMBSHITS!
-
They're PULLING OUT all the stops for Midnight Meat Train. There's a psychopath PLOWING his way through DARK TUNNELS in the NIGHT. In and Out. In and Out. He COMES before anyone even knows he's there, and it's HORRIBLE.
I've seen the poster, by the way, and it's just a photo of a gerbil with a blindfold on, with a black background. -
...a few old talkbacks with brokedick's (and zfisk's) posts have survived. It's enlightening reading to say the least. Enjoy:
http://tinyurl.com/2po6bf
http://tinyurl.com/34tcv4 -
to ride the Midnight Meat Train. Tubes of hemorroidal ointment will be provided to all ticket buyers. In the event of true anal lesions, please consult your physician. Because this summer, you will be taken to the edge of your SEAT and PUSHED. Hard and repeatedly.
-
somewhere children are crying. this retarded series will keep going. i just wish there was some way to specifically target only those dbags who pay money for this crap and only let them know it exists. for the rest of us to be assaulted like this, is just so wrong.
-
Don't let them push your caboose. When you take the Midnight Meat Train, always insist on being the ENGINE. Because taking up the rear is painful. Coming soon...inside of you.
-
"He's taking me to dinner this friday. And then we're going to see Midnight Meat Train!"
"Oh that's wonderful, sweetheart! I'm so happy for YOU!"
Mother and daughter then hug in the kitchen, like a douche commercial. -
This summer will be satisfying at the cinema. It's RARE to find movies as TENDER as the date film that is "Midnight Meat Train." And once you ride, you'll want to COME again and again. Is it worth the trip? You bet your life.
-
all the live long day. But he's not an engineer. He's a butcher. And this summer, he's carving up the fun. Because this summer...in the subway, when you cover up your eyes, your caboose is unprotected.
-
I wasn't harboring any deep hatred, but looks like Spazuzu's spent the afternoon dredging up old Talkbacks due to his. Nothing like answering a flame with a link. Fucking coward.
But thanks for posting them Spaz. It shows you at your sanctimonious best. Nothing like talking around someone than talking to them when they're in your face. Guess you haven't changed a bit in 2 years. Or the 7 you've been here. -
this summer, your metrocard will be full...of blood
-
a sympony of pain awaits you in Skinning Time Station.
-
Rub a dub dub, you'll die in this tub
-
and all old posts were restored. Now if they would only restore my name I can get back on that horse.
-
The long-awaited sequel to "Twilight Microwave Malaise."
-
This summer...you...will...be...blown...away. The hotly anticipated sequel to "Afternoon Shuttlebus of Blood."
-
If it was done properly, i.e highlighting the complete lack of imagination and wit that goes into a movie like Meet The Spartans, they could get Mike Judge to direct it. The original Scary Movie was pretty funny for the most part because it made fun of the cliches of Horror movies. The same goes for Not Another Teen Movie which I think often gets a bum rap, in that movie they made fun of the cliches like how the climax of these highschool movies is always the Prom or how the supposed 'ugly' girl is so obviously a hot chick with glasses and when she takes them off- OMG! she's hot! Wow, who'd have thought?
-
This summer...your goose is cooked.
-
This Summer: Protect yourself
-
mostly because they parodied the genre, and its cliches. Plus they got Melissa Joan Hart & Molly Ringwald to appear, poking fun at the types of films that gave them careers. And Lacy Chabert playing the Jennifer Love Hewitt character is clever casting.To the poster way above who has the hots for Carmen Electra. Dude, find a photo or two of Dennis Rodman and then tell us if you honestly want to go where he has been.
-
I was unaware the Spartan movie even existed until I got to the cinema for Rambo on Friday. There were big lines for Spartans, mostly teens. I can understand that Rambo probably doesn't appeal to the younger crowd, who weren't even born when Rambo III hit. But have these kids even seen 300? There must have been tons of TV ads for Spartans. I don't know, don't watch much TV. I don't get where all the business for that movie came from. I only know that Midnight Meat Train will roll all over it.
-
The long-awaited follow-up to the master of horror's "Midsummer Greenhouse of Gore." This summer, the seeds of terror are planted...in your skull.
Even the cowardly missionary guy from Rambo, Michael Burnett, would kick Spartans asses. -
From the people who brought you "Tuesday Cakemixer of Chagrin." This summer...let's...get...fecal
-
Don't go in the woodshed. From the people who gave you "The Lonesome Wednesday Vibrator Club."
-
But nothing could prepare them for "The Hamper of Unhallowed Screams."
-
Horror has a brand new bag. This summer, your sanity will be tugged and stretched...
-
is that the one with the robot? If so, then yes
-
"Mommy! Daddy! Hooray! Santa left me the two-disc special edition BluRay of 'Midnight Meat Train' in my stocking!"
"That's great, honey! Maybe tonight we can watch it after dinner with Grandma and Aunt Ethel!"
"God bless us, every one!" -
the safety word is "spoon"
-
Like I said earlier, I toned down my rhetoric quite significantly. And you have too, I've noticed. Some, like Zfisk, have even seen fit to shutter down altogether. He's probably lurking about, but I honestly don't see how anyone can keep from posting. Must take some decent amount of self-control.
-
This summer...how long can YOU hold your breath?
Good one kloipy with the 'spoon.' -
The meat is alive. And it needs to feed.
-
who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? Was it YOU!?!?!?!
-
Stop monkeying around...or someone will get hurt.
-
Flame-broiled. But is it beef? Prepare to find out June 29th.
-
this summer: This isn't just a game
-
This summer...your deepest fears will come to life...and push PUREE
-
But, what is the toy that comes with the meal?
Midnight Meat Train. All aboard...for Torture Porn. -
Peter Jackson takes a stab at Clive's meaty tale of Jimmy and the black dude. Coming soon.
-
Your childhood fantasy is about to become your grown-up torture porn. Featuring two deaths by Slip-n-Slide lawn staples.
-
Everything a child needs to get started on torture porn.
-
The ultimate scary-go-round.
-
gotta clean those ears. Real good.
-
....Do you really - and I mean really - believe that I posted those links because I'm afraid to deal with you face to face?
While we're on the subject of how chronically disingenuous you are, when have I ever alluded to believing that you've somehow changed your politics? As you well know, but are choosing to ignore for current reasons of convenience, I've ALWAYS treated you as though your politics have never changed. Don't pretend to confuse that with the accusations that you went through a cosmetic whitewash in order to rehabilitate your odious reputation.
The very first time we ever had an exchange, I was very polite and tried to have a reasoned debate with you. You chose to respond with profanity, sexual insults and ethnic innuendo. Needless to say, you set the tone for everything that's followed, which makes your fake-ass indignation at the profanity heaped on you by others so disgusting. In fact, it's almost as revolting as the times you've attempted to dry-hump my leg over the past couple of years. You may think you got a break for hating Animalstructure and other right-wing extremists, son, but since you have yet to meet a left-wing extremist you didn't like, it doesn't mean shit to me.
I'm so glad you're revitalizing your earlier persona. Now people can truly see what a complete swine you really are and always have been. -
what's sad (or funny, depending on how you see it) is that someone somewhere in the business probably used that line. If so, I can't think of the source right now
-
from a movie called Prison Hell, the tagline was "there's no paroll, IN HELL!!!"
-
Clean until it hurts...your ass
-
well, there's not. You just burn!Clive Barker's "Snowblower." This winter, the forecast is cloudy with a chance of scattered limbs
-
Feel free to post twelve or so hours worth of retorts, brokedick. I'll be back tomorrow to read them over morning coffee.
-
Carmen Elektra...she one fiiiiine white woman! *runs*
-
It was fun steering this TB way off course. Sorry, massa. We've given Midnight Meat Train more press than it might deserve.
-
Christ you are just tedious, do you know that? I'll see you later. Just read what I wrote above. I fucking hate wasting a day on you.
-
sleep tight
-
have a good one!
-
The story of a psychopath on a snowy day. This winter, Horror is Inuitive.
-
Time for my "Rush Hour of Automotive Hopelessness"
-
Enjoyed all the meat posts but teacher Spazuzu really spoiled the fun. Next time ... later.
-
I'm not getting in the middle of all the flame stuff. I'm good friends with Jarv and DocP so I'm just staying out of that stuff
-
seriously, Clive Barker smokes so much that he actually sounds like a cenobite, like he is talking with the bloody stumps that used to be his vocal chords. And he's gay, maybe Midnight Meat Train is supposed to be both horrible and supremely gay-sounding.
-
Don't be too hard on the guys that made this piece of garbage. I'd like to think they are trying to help the rest of us out. Think about this: The person that willingly goes to see "Meet the Spartans" is somebody we probably don't want sitting behind us druing "Cloverfield". This person will probably talk right through "Charlie Wilson's War" and fart a TV theme song during "No Country for Old Men". "Meet the Spartans" corralled all of those people into one place. And that place was in front of the screen none of us was watching. If it weren't for the fact that crap like this probably takes away from the available cash for a gem like "Once" I would advocate that more of them be made.
-
Now if we could just work out some sort of device that releases anthrax into that screen then we'll be set for life.
-
I'm still laughing at that one.
-
...To Hell.You guys are great.
-
It seemed like the editors of that thing were trying SO hard to say "See, look this is a sophisticated murder story. And there's the guy butchers people on the night train. He takes the bodies to a butcher shop. Thus, "meat" train...get it? See? It's scaarrrrry." So that people will be frightened when they get to the title at the end. Well, it didn't work. I laughed despite myself with the rest of 'em.Now, I think it's a perfectly fine short story title, but when you have "In a World...In a Time...In a Land..." Movie Trailer Voiceover Guy saying "Midnight...Meat Trainnnn", there's just something in the delivery not right. Still, interesting title. Maybe they should just put the title up at the end with no voiceover.
-
Ah yes...finally, the highly anticipated sequel to Grey Sky Gondola comes to theatres.
-
Not stopping on your street this fall to pick you up for school...RUNAWAY DEATH BUS. It's Speed meets Texas Chainsaw when a suicidal drunken parolee with a taste for explosives and pornography hijacks a busload of high school delinquents and makes for the border. RUNAWAY DEATH BUS!
-
It was supposed to be a gift. An engraved knife to cut the cake on their wedding day. But they didn't count on a homicidal maniac crashing the reception. Eclairs and entrails spatter the VFW hall this summer!
-
It's the week before the big tournament. But the bloody bodies of world champion figure skaters are being found in the lockerroom with ice skate blades lodged in their pretty skulls. It was supposed to be a celebration of skating and international culture...but no one counted on a bloodthirsty mutant vampire janitor at the hockey rink.
-
Somewhere in the darkness of the city, a garbage truck rumbles down the streets and culdesacs. Its cargo...the bloody torsos of mangled suburbanites. Will...you...survive...garbage night? Or will tomorrow find you waking up DEAD in a DUMPSTER?
-
Clive is in talks with Gladys Knight on remaking their classic tune for his beloved movie. All they want is higher residuals. Give it to them, Clive.
-
Randomly selected audience member ... come on down!
-
Loco as in crazy. Motive as in motive. Psycho strikes, audience thrills.
-
When it goes up. You go down!!!
-
[p] I'm pretty new to the talkback world but I thought I'd come in and try to be a peacemaker. [/p] [p] Try to imagine, if you will, that instead of being in in an anonymous digital chatroom where you can slander and insult someone with impunity, you are in a real place. A public place. Maybe it's a bar or a courtroom or the floor of the Senate. It doesn't really matter. What does matter is that you see the "talkbacker" in front of you. Imagine what they look like. You see that they are a real person with a real name and not some user ID. You see they have a family and friends. [/p] [p] Now that you can see them, I hope to God that you would address them with some sort of respect or at the very least with manners. Despite the fact that they have radically different political views and/or movie tastes, you guys would still be able to have a passionate, emotional, but ultimately respectful debate. You would do this because it would be in a public forum and you would be face to face with your "adversary". You would recognize that underneath their rhetoric, they're good people. [/p] [p] You guys are very smart. Smarter than me I would say. But you pepper your debates with childish insults designed to incite flamewars and by doing so you make it awkward and unpleasant for everyone. Whatever the hell happened two years ago or whatever, maybe you could let it go. After all, there's probably more similarities than differences among you. You know nothing about each other except politics and movie tastes. I know there will always be annoying trolls and a generally low level of intellectual discourse in the talkbacks. But you guys are different. Which is why it kind of sucks when it happens. [/p] [p] Don't know if this helps, but peace is always better. Peace is good. And it's not that hard. Just swallow your pride a little bit. And I'll do my best to follow my own advice. [/p]
-
Shouldn't have used that post to try out paragraphs. My bad.
-
What an insane, talkback! I will say, however, that BSB and Snowcone provide some of the most hilarious posts here. Okay, back to topic on hand. Saw "Rambo" in a pretty packed house with some decent folks. But walking through the halls of the theater to get to a bathroom was like seeing a Hanson concert. You know, the one where they team with Backstreet and N'Sync. Yeah, that kind of pre-teen carnage.
-
I appreciate your advice, and it's sound. Unfortunately the ball is not in my court on this one. In this case these two douches started on me and got personal - over something that happened, what, 4,000 Talkbacks ago? In any case, I had my say, and for these two there's seriously nothing to add. It's not a flame war, it's Attack of the Bores.
-
Jan 28, 2008 10:31:48 PM CST
THANKS SJB BUT I WAS JUST FOLLOWING SNOWCONE'S LEAD
by bringingsexyback
He put out the good stuff and I was mixing up some leftovers in the back of the kitchen. (Meat cooking reference intended)
-
I've always admired the caps lock in your subject line and the regular capitalization in the message body. It's very bipolar of you. I always imagine you screaming the subject line and then getting very quiet for the main message. That aside, I must say that the ball is always in your court, because you can always choose how you react to them, whether they attack you personally or not. That is all.
-
These titles remind me a lot of Asylum films. Whenever a big Hollywood blockbuster comes out in theaters, they counteract. So we have I AM LEGEND, and Asylum brings out I AM OMEGA. There are a whole slew of them, and my favorite part is the CEO of Asylum refuses to see the connection.
-
so let's all start building that big subject line wall. Someone called Vern an attention whore today but obviously they've missed my posts. I do appreciate your reasoning. I'll try to keep my composure when those two, ahem, people, start in on me again. Much obliged, Terry.
-
to restart the Meat Train train. My personal faves were the Rambo title posts. Lots of meat references there too.
-
I'll have to go to that thread and check them out. By far, the MILF convo had me choking at work.
-
because I felt like it was best if only you did the caps lock thing. Cause if everyone starts to do it, it loses its luster. Then you'd have to be an attention grabber by doing all lowercase.
-
Oh...right.
-
http://tinyurl.com/32jfft
Damn, there were a lot of people doing Capslock in that one ... -
Rocco DiSpirito re-enters the restaurant scene with a new spin on Mama's meatballs. He's putting more than Mama's heart and soul into the meatballs - he's putting Mama into it. Reservations only.
-
Specialty Burmese meats available in a variety of cuts. Bonus head included when you order 10 pounds or more. Ask for a taste!
-
I'm too lazy to scroll up.
-
Bite into a hot crunchy Goredita. It melts in your mouth like beef never would!
-
that's in production. I looked it up today ... check this out: http://tinyurl.com/yqyvf9
-
when the deepvoice trailer guy actually says "Midnight Meat Train". It sounds so stupid out loud.
-
during that trailer. I think that title is on par with Quantum of Solace. "Two for Midnight Meat Train, please?" ... Um, no.
Good night, Terry. Thanks for being peacemaker. -
It's just the regular HTML.It gives yousuch a sense offreedomand suchlikeyou know?I'm started using themway too muchprobably.and suchlike
-
A flawed haikuand one that does not stay true to the form of haikubut that's just how Zen it isfeel me.
-
I haven't seen Meet the Spartans. But it sucks. End of story.
-
like this or like this
-
"It's like thisand like thatand like this and uh...
-
I quote: "Friedman, Seltzer and their film Meet the Spartans all seem to operate under the assumption that if you make a pop culture reference, people will laugh. They don't seem to think that the reference needs to be in any way insightful, original or humorous."
Gee, why the hate? The Family Guy has been doing this for years. -
A Virgin by Terry Malloy Said the virgin while making the love, To his girl that was bouncing above, "I don't want you to stop, This feels great on my cock, But should not it be wearing a glove?"
-
There once were two guys in HollywoodWho made the funniest film that they couldAnd lo and beholdThe shit they made soldBut it wasn't, in point of fact, good.Not my best work.
-
this talkback is seriously off topic and needs some moderating. Like NOW. And that bringingsexyback is a real douche isnt he?
-
There are tales of an actress named Rose,Who was known to do plays without clothes,Didn't care for what part,She would call it her art,That is how she sold out all her shows.
-
absolutely nothing.
-
Just when they're addressed at one talkbacker in particular they seem to throw fuel into the fire. It's not really your fault that you started the outbreak today, but I did enjoy the monkey comment. Funny stuff.
-
My limerick was highly on-topic.
-
And for that I plead for the mercy of the court.
-
It got out of hand. God save me.
-
You have been judged off topic. May God have mercy on your Soul.And may God have no mercy on Meet the Spartans!(see what I did there? I brought it back around. Brought it. Back. Around.)
-
For instance, I could say, "Did you guys see the state of the union address last night?" And then follow it with, "It was kind of like Meet the Spartans: pointless and anti-funny"
-
You're smart. Don't give me that shit. You're also a badass. Which is cooler and more important.
-
Street smarts would kick Book Smarts ass. But then Book smarts would sue Street Smarts for everything he's got. Street Smarts would be so pissed off after the trail he would hunt Book Smarts down and kill him. But then Street Smarts would be locked up for life. So sad.
-
Let's see...staying on topic...like, uh, like I also would tear up at Meet the Spartans. But it would be a bad cry, as opposed to a good cry.
-
"Friedman, Seltzer and their film Meet the Spartans all seem to operate under the assumption that if you make a pop culture reference, people will laugh. They don't seem to think that the reference needs to be in any way insightful, original or humorous. "
So you mean it's like a live action version of Family Guy? Ah, I imagine that sombody has already beaten me to the joke. -
I just wish they would eat a lead salad. Where's Tyler Durden when you need him? Forget the credit card companies, go take care of the jackasses that make these extremely shitty movies possible...
-
as predicted you absolutely failed to answer a single point. You'd rather ignore what I wrote and then post your usual white noise- To make you happy, seeing as you are so hung up on this one point:
http://www.aintitcool.com/talkback_display/35346#comment_1858570Gridbug at Jan 22nd, 2008 02:44:43 PM.
“There are only so many conclusions we can gather from this. Either (1) "the terrorists", in the most fortuitous incident of coincidental timing ever, managed to pull off a well synchronized multiple strike that, in defiance of all practical logic, not only mirrored planned and current simulation exercises conducted by the US military, but executed their attack at the exact same time these simulations were being carried out, or (2) there was some level of collusion between agents within our government and/or military and certain extremist factions with an agenda. Either way, the odds of all this playing out in a perfectly parallel fashion are off the chart.”This is paranoid nonsense of the highest order, and the fact that you, gridbug and your despicable ilk continue to assume that their is some collusion between government and Al Qaeda in denial of all evidence to the contrary (including as I pointed out- Cheney’s well established incompetence), is frankly ludicrous.
And the next post: Brokebackcowboy- “Hey I support your stance man. You'll get flamed for sure by the wingnuts, but hang in there.”-
next up, from this TB- "You pussied out and then try to make it look like you didn't? I told you to fetch me those quotes and you couldn't even do that. Because you know you were mischaracterizing me and Gridbug". Erm no, I didn't I told you where the paranoid post was, I told you what TB it was in, but I couldn't be arsed to go and actually get it. This is not "Pussying out". "Pussying out," to quoth a genius, is to not present anything whatsoever, this is not what I did. Is that enough cutting and pasting for you? On Zfisk- I (can't believe I'm repeating this, in fact, seeing as you love cutting and pasting so much...."You then say that I slammed you for extolling zfisk. I correct you again. You ignore what I wrote and post some incoherent diatribe, ") Now, you call me Pazuzu's idiot pup. If I'm Pazuzu's idiot pup then you're, obviously, zfisk's useless mongoloid cousin that the family keeps in the attic and feeds nothing but fish heads and anti-semitism.The fact that you persist in trying to make yourself a persecuted victim and keep sucking up to previous enemies such as MNG is a sad indictment of both your true personality and your new respectable facade. Show some fucking balls and answer the points actually made rather than screaming that I'm an idiot, bullying you, unable to cut and paste, needlessly profane, etc (ad nauseaum). Or at least post some defence to your nauseatingly classless behaviour in the Ledger obit. However, to be honest I don't expect you to do either. -
I did it in stretches and didn't realise how long it had gone on for. Apologies all,
-
And he said he was funny. Not as funny as some stuff but he said that audience were all laughing at the jokes. I dont know who to believe. My brother is pretty reliable.
-
You do realize this flame stuff is of no consequence, and is total dogshit compared to your accomplishments and valor. That really goes without saying, Xi. I mean, typing on a board compared to battling Taliban and working with tribal leaders? No way.
-
1) Gridbug's point - which, like I said, I supported - may be "paranoid nonsense" to you, but not to me, nor others. We have our opinions that we elucidated upon at length in that TB, and you have yours. They differ. Get over it.
2) Yes, indeed I am "zfisk's useless mongoloid cousin that the family keeps in the attic and feeds nothing but fish heads and anti-semitism."
I like fish heads with tartar sauce. Tasty. And my favorite dish is Anti-semitism With Sweet and Sour Sauce and Fried Rice.
3) MNG and I somehow became cordial, though not as buttfuck friendly as I prefer, through the last 2 years. Obviously it's reciprocal. Would you prefer I flame him for no reason, to escape your 'indictment'?
4) As for my nauseatingly classless behavior in the Ledger TB, I don't have to post a defense to you. Simply put, I don't owe you one.
That's all you get from me today, out of respect for Terry's point. -
point 2 was funny, though.
-
What I meant is- you should at least acknowledge bad behaviour and not repeat it. that first effort was incoherent. Sorry.
-
Take 3: "What I meant is- you should at least acknowledge bad behaviour IN AN OBIT (I'm in typo hell today)and not repeat it.
-
wish you were here yesterday for the Midnight Meat Train fun
-
I just took the Runaway Death Bus into work.
-
Yesterday kloipy and I derailed the TB by making fun of the title of an upcoming horror film, "Midnight Meat Train." The trailer played at "Rambo" and the title drew uproarious laughter. Meanwhile, Bringingsexyback has been occupied with educating a couple of the lower-browed TBers. I'm not even sure at this point who it was.
-
i got a ticket to die and I don't care
-
All aboard for Torture Porn. Last stop, Venereal Station. Strap yourselves into these leather ligatures, and put this ball in your mouth. It might hurt.
-
It's a one-way trip. Because in the subway, everyone can hear you scream. 'Cause there's like, an echo and stuff.
-
don't blink
-
Game Over
-
That light at the end of the tunnel is the front of an oncoming Meat Train
-
good shit
-
Clean up, aisle six. This summer, there's murder at the market.
-
I liked "ticket to die." Nice play on the Beatles. Someone should be paying us for this.
-
this winter, the stockings are filled with MURDER
-
look out for No. 2
-
From 5-7pm, the buffet is $4.99 for all you can bleed.
-
That line should, in all seriousness, be the movie's tagline. Thank you guys for restarting the meat train. I'm going to make some coffee for this show.
-
This summer, the sprinkler will drench the lawn...in blood.
-
it's un-bearable
-
OOHHHH NOOOOOOOO
-
to Hell.
-
open the gates of Halitosis
-
In Chicago, death moves at 60mph on an elevated platform. This summer...don't...miss...your...stop
-
this summer: This must be bran, cause I just shit my pants
-
This summer, it's bad dreams for this dermatologist.
-
Barker's serving up a BLT: Blood Letting Terror
-
No plotholes in this one, just bullet holes.
-
This summer, don't...give...him...decaf.
-
this summer Clive Barker will paint the sky....with BLOOD
-
When pennies from heaven become the devil's two cents, all hell will break loose.
-
This boy is 'scouting' his next kill
-
A chaste young high school girl. A diabolical surgeon. This summer, their paths shall cross. No one gets out of this operating room alive.
-
From Craigslist:
"Circle jerk on the Lexington express.. meet at 34th St. 2PM -- cum on someone only w/ permision."
(And no, I've never participated in one. Thank you for asking.) -
5 go up, none come down
-
Nope, I'm not chiming in on this one as I missed the train. Curses.
-
Girl scouts are disappearing in this peaceful suburb. Bloody thin mint cookies are found on front porch steps. Can the councilman help the police catch the killer in time? Or does his kitchen cupboard hide a terrible secret?
-
He'll check your luggage. Then your skull.
-
there's always room for one more!
-
the place to store your gore
-
The spirit of Richard Pryor will punch your ticket on this ghost train.
-
don't forget to take your "braining" wheels
-
Beneath these blood-soaked sofa cushions you'll find more than loose change.
-
It'll have you in 'stitches'
-
You're about to have Tummy Trouble
-
You're about to have Tummy Trouble
-
Next fall, this dry cleaner is turning up the heat. Prepare...to...be...steam-pressed.
-
The UTI that makes you die!
-
Those aren't just any old meatballs.
-
this aint no san francisco treat
-
On A Meat Train Heading For A Hostel.
Directed by Len Wiseman. Rated PG-13. -
This cabbie doesn't play FARE
-
Thank fuck I can walk to work. Has anyone done the Journey lyrics yet?
-
In this busy metropolitan business district, there's a maniac leaving bear traps around for pedestrians. This summer. Are...you...ready...for...Gush...Hour?
-
What do you need, Jarv?
-
Hold on to your colon
-
There's a million ways to die...when you're locked inside a Home Depot.
-
with open sores, hoping you'll pee some of your love onto me...open sores.
-
Journey??? hahahaha :^) Good catch Jarv
-
Someone is towel-snapping the high school basketball team to death. This summer, death gets gay.
-
and a hint of Britney's perfume ... ugh.
-
he fills in the gaps, with his caulk
-
In case anyone is interested, Christopher Nolan has a tribute to Heath Ledger up at Newsweek.
http://www.newsweek.com/id/105580 -
a smile on my face. Thank you.
-
YYYYAAAAHHHHHHOOOOOOOO!!!!
-
this summer: The cows have come home to roost
-
Periodically I may also check out to, ya know, work. But I'll be back and forth. Go, take the Sexpress Train BSB
-
All Aboard!!!!
-
Inspired by the makers of "MILF Train." This summer, someone is picking off the soccer moms. Honk if you want to live.Good one, travis!
-
hhhmmmm....yummie!
-
YYYYAAAAHHHHHHOOOOOOOO!!!!to you SIR!!
-
this bean will curdle your blood
-
Just a small town girl, livin in a fucked up world
She took the midnight train to the abbatoir, Just a mutant boy, born and raised in West virginia, He took the midnight train to the abbatoir,
A singer on a corpse built stage
A smell of gore and cheap entrails
For a smile they can share the night
The Pain goes on and on and on and on
Corpses waiting, stacked up and down the station
Their bodies rotting in the night
Shadow people, living just to eat brains,
Hiding, somewhere in the night
Working hard to get my fill,
Everybody wants a thrill
Payin anything to eat some brains,
Just one more time
Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to eat some brains
Oh, the hunger never ends
It goes on and on and on and on
(chorus)
Dont stop chompin'
Hold on to your napkin
Streetlight people_____________That is surprisingly easy, actually. Probably because they suck and do literal as fuck lyrics -
More blood feeds the pyre, he'll crush your heart's desire...I won-der who's dying now
-
have a beer on me!
-
that was wonderful!
-
They called him the quiet boy. nipples! But deep fucker inside lurked a terrible pussylicker! secret.
-
you know where that one is going!
-
with almonds
-
salute to Jarv.
-
The long-awaited sequel to "Almond Joy." In this quiet town lurks a killer...sometimes he feels like a nut...sometimes he don't.
-
this trolly brings your folly
-
what was that noise outside dear? Oh nut 'n honey!!!
-
In this wilderness shop, people are being suffocated with pieces of rubber from inflatable rafts. This summer...will you live oar die?
-
very tiny people fight over land on a paper towel.
-
those things are a pain in the ass
-
This summer, this homicidal circus clown is satisfying his hunger...for blood.
-
EAT ME
-
homophobia doesn't generally get you banned- but sustained homophobia might.
-
I hear ya. But I think kloipy and I are mocking the title of the movie rather than what it COULD mean. In fact, according to wikipedia, the filmmakers wanted to call it something else because they feared the title "Midnight Meat Train" would easily turn into a homosexual joke. Clive insisted it stay. So I'm not making fun of homosexuals, I'm making fun of the title. I think most people, including any moderators here, will see that the funny names have more to do with the horror and transportation aspects than anything else. All aboard!
-
very true. Not so much homophobia as it is a joke, but you're right, I'm not looking to get glovedoned
-
This summer, there's something alive in the toilet. It's big, and it smells really bad and has yellow kernels for eyes
-
i was suprised I didn't get banned for that TB
-
taking the old Cancer Stick Subway
-
Jan 29, 2008 9:22:57 AM CST
What happens if "The Midnight Meat Train" goes in REVERSE!
by travis-dane
ever thought about that guys?
-
or the milf one, or the warwick one, or the remakes one, or the (and on)
-
comes up AFTER the people who had to say something important have said it allready(and as for MTS,there is nothing to say).
-
That's funny, cuz I just went to have one.
Travis, as for the train going in 'reverse,' I try not to think about it! -
that's the truth. Travis, we hijacked the Caspian/Bear TB pretty early on. The Sex and the City/warwick/aerosmith/oldlady drillings that is the one I don't know how we made it out of alive
-
clearing out the old lungs
-
Yup, the SATC one with the nostalgia drillings and the "Soundtrack by Aerosmith" remakes was hijacked about 3 posts in. But SATC has no place here anyway.
-
well done gents!And Jarv is absolutely right, SATC has no place even remotely close to this site. And the power of Bears just needed to be shared. And the excellence of Warwick...and who doesn't love a good MILF discussion? All valid threads in my humble opinion.
-
that day made me pee my pants
-
but the chicks are all MILF`s for me!Other then that,you are right Jarv.
-
glad to see you pop up here. I was sending mental waves to get you in here as this is rife for your humor as well
-
http://www.aintitcool.com/node/33233
-
Unfortunately, work is kicking my ass in seven different directions right now, so I hear to read a few laughs before heading back into the fray. Carry on!
-
"so I'm here to read..."I think I need to start drinking at work.
-
No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o: SJP has a face like a blind carpenter's thumb. The ginger one looks dreadfulCharlotte is still probably the best looking, Kim Cattrall is a heinous saggy old boot. Out of all of them the only one that is worth a shagging is KC as she has contributed to some damn fine genre movies. And even then only for nostalgia's sake.
-
so I understand my friend.
-
she was worthy then, but not now
-
thing here!And I would love to come on SJP face!And I think KC would fuck us all to death(I like them old sluts)!And the Charlotte babe....I love it when MILF`s giggle while getting fucked in the ass!And the redhead is just for fun!But I sure would prefer a Carrie-Anne and Monica sandwich!
-
All aboard the Twilight Salami Express Train to Hell. I was over at the new TB with the jokes on it. Funny stuff!
-
the new Radiohead album In Rainbows? It's fucking amazing
-
*Starts Drumrull*
-
yeah I posted the first joke on there and set off a wave of pedophile jokes
-
are the type of girls, that are older and you know you can fuck. So you take them home, do the nastiest shit possible that you can think of to do to them, then laugh about it with your buddies the next day. That's what the show would be like if they did it from the guys perspective. "Dude, last night I was fucking doing this old chick like all doggy style, and my buddy was hiding in the closet. So I pulled out, and he jumped in and shoved it in her ass. Then he put on this Werewolf mask he has, and she's got like no idea he's there, so he spits on her back, pulls out, she turns around, screams and he spooges all in her stupid face. Werewolf Ass Fuck. Classic. That bitch was dumb."
-
...and I respect your wish to make things better. However, I'd wager that most horrible people on Earth have friends and family and I don't believe in turning the other cheek.
I wouldn't share a beer with brokedick or zfisk in real life any more than I'd share a beer with Animalstructure or anyone who supports him in real life. There's politics, and then there's extremism. -
Werewolf ass fuck wins every time :)
-
just imagined a Werewolf with shaved dick and balls(that would have made Van Helsing a better movie!).
-
his hair was perfect
-
I don't think I've heard a more apt description of the SATC bitches. Abom, Michelle Monaghan will be a bit late over your place today. I've given her a "mission very easily possible" to pleasure me at work while I crunch numbers. She has accepted, and is willing to put in a little overtime. She says she left the werewolf mask at your place, so double check.
-
and that was what put me over the edge laughing
-
I'll look for the mask. It might have gotten ripped. Just make sure Michelle washes her mouth out when she's done please, she's a dirty girl. I've got a dog collar and a pile of dirty dishes waiting for her.
-
It was chilli. I started the remakes.
-
it started with warwick, then lep in da hood, then post master p, then anime and kathy bates, then flaming leg kicks with tony jaa, then panda dicks which then turned into 1000 posts about bears which ones suck, which ones rule, how there should be more bears. That was epic right there, the battle between us and AVP. God that was great
-
"I've got a dog collar and a pile of dirty dishes waiting for her." fucking great, man!
-
see ya soon
-
Beware the Midday Meat Sandwich
-
And I've posted the little johnny joke there. I'm so ashamed.
-
raunchy? I agree. But I've been laughing at it all morning. And before that, I was laughing at our Midnight Train stuff.
-
mind you, I'm also partially to blame. Just as well I didn't go with the sexist one I was going to go with originally.
-
Some of them I heard ages ago. But I'll admit my sense of humor can be pretty dark, and I find myself laughing at some gross ones.
-
yeah, sometimes the darkest stuff can be hilarious
-
I've read that tortoise on the freeway one 4 times, and I still don't get it. I was originally going to post the one about the woman and the fridge, and then Little johnny's christmas present, but I was reminded of the frog one and that's my favourite. Little Johnny is a right little fucker.
-
q: what do you call a man with no arms or legs floating in the ocean? A: fucked
-
Q- What has a fridge got in common with a woman? A- They both drip when they're fucked
-
Little Johnny was walking down to the market one day when he saw a duck being sold. He turned to the woman at the counter "Hey I'll fuck you for that duck!" she agreed, the fucked, he got the duck. So then Johnny was strolling along and someone came up to him and said. "Hey I'll fuck YOU for that duck." so he fucked the person but in the middle of it the duck escaped and got hit by a truck. the truck driver got out and went up to little johnny. "kid, I'm so sorry i killed your pet. Here's 15 bucks go buy yourself another." So johnny went home and was looking through his wad of cash when his mom walked in. "what did you do today johnny?" he replied "Well mom, I got a duck for a fuck, a fuck for a duck, and 15 bucks for a fucked up duck"
-
Q: What's the difference between a priest and acne
A:Acne doesn't come on your face until you're 13! buhdumpba -
a woman is giving birth and once the baby comes out the doctor takes one look at it and spikes it on the floor and starts kicking it and throwing it against the wall. The woman screams "Oh my God! You killed my baby!" the doctor replies "April fools, it was already dead!"
-
I'm ready to go back to working.
-
that guys usually laugh and girls just look at you in horror
-
...Superbad takes the cake.
Superbad = Supergay.
It was like watching the first Police Academy, only instead of training to be cops they were training to be cock-gobbling homo's. -
scha-weet! They may have to kill this TB, but it will never die.
-
get all sensitive about babies. 'Specially dead ones. So uptight. But I know what they need. A complimentary ticket for the MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN.
-
Casey Jones you better cut off your feet
-
This summer, horror gets phallic. A group of explorers stumble upon a lost city in the Amazon, and a mysterious giant totem reveals its horrible powers...
-
When you ride this train, your trip is not complete without some meat in the seat.
-
a woman goes into her kitchen and opens the fridge. THe light doesn't come on so she calls out to her husband "Honey can you please fix the light?" he laughs and says "what the fuck to I look like? and electrician?"
so the woman goes outside to sit on the porch and sees that the step in broken, so again she calls out to her husband "Honey can you fix the steps?" again he laughs "what the fuck do I look like, a carpenter?"
The next day she is outside crying on the porch when a young man comes up and say "what's wrong ma'am?" She says "my husband is a worthless man, he won't help me out at all." so the man replies "Look, I will fix this for you but you have to..." he whispers the rest in her ear.
that night the husband comes home and see's that the step is fixed and say to his wife "did you fix the step?" She replies "no some nice man did. He said either I could sleep with him or bake him a pie as payment."
The husband asks "what kind of pie did you bake him?"
the wife says "Who the fuck do I look like, Betty Crocker?" -
Can you hear the captain shouting?
-
the grain brings the pain
-
I wouldn't throw that chick from the train. She was sooo hot in Goonies. Man, I'd love to get her bent over a table.
Kloipy, are you eatin' a nutrigrain? I'm scarfin' a Payday. -
A young boy finds a dusty subway token under a bridge. Deciding to use it one day, he learns it opens a DOORWAY TO HELL, where he arrives via a subway car full of DECAPITATED BODIES.
-
Anne Ramsey is a wet dream come true. And yes i've a got a nice nutrigrain to help smooth the afternoon over
-
Guess we get our nicotine and snack jonses at about the same time. Yeah, I had Anne over the other night 'entertaining' me. I had to tell her to just keep talking, because I couldn't finish without hearing the sound of that beautiful voice. By the time we were done she was reading the back of a cereal box. Then I donkey-punched her and said, "This is for trying to swindle One-Eyed Willie!"
-
yeah she did the truffle-shuffle for me once. It was perfection. she went down town and was like "It's our time down here!"
-
...she's been dead since 1988, so she was a bit stiff. And when I punched her, her beret fell off.
-
it comes out in May(revisited Edition)!
-
her beret, i just love the fact that we see her as only ever wearing that beret
-
I can't wait to get that book man
-
she did because part of her tongue was missing, cancer or something. That's leaves room in her mouth for other things.
-
she's full of suprises! Did you know she could hit a midget on the head with a 2X4 and they would turn into 40 gold coins?
-
I'd buy that for a dollar.
-
bumps on his head. I bet she shit out midgets every time there was a rainbow. Her own little "lucky charms".
-
Anne Ramsey was a decent woman, not just some trollop with a hot body and a voice to die for...um...
-
I don't know why everyone looks down on him. wink
-
She's the only man that 2for2true is scared of.
-
Because that was sure a fine caboose to be pushin' I tell you.
-
great stuff my friend!
-
Anne Ramsey
-
Midnight Meat Midget!Co-starring Bridget!
-
http://www.warwickdavis.co.uk/index.php?page=279
-
Dude looks the same as he did in 1985. How's he gonna cut anybody's hair? He'll need a stepladder.
-
Demon Barber of Stepladders
-
Take a little of the back and the sides, but don't touch the top. And shave me, Ewok bitch.
-
in a cryogenic freezer, hence the no-aging bit. Plus he's magical (in a different way) like Anne Ramsey.
-
The heartwarming story of an unknown genious who needed stilts to earn his cosmotology license.
-
Was in the movies "The Longest Yard" and, more recently, "The Game Plan?" Yeah, he was a football
-
I'm totally serious check it out on imdb. It's called. Get this. Agent 1 1/2
-
I was looking for old posts of ours on google once and our names came up on a Warwick Davis Celebrity Forum site
-
He was a cannonball stunt-double. He's that versatile.
Gotta cut out kids, thanks for the fun. Nice starting and ending the day with kloipy, making fun of dumb shit (well, Warwick isn't dumb--just fun, 'cause he's like, short). -
it's been a blast my friend!
-
Oh, hi Aishwariya Rai. Oh, you want to have sex with me! Of course!!!! What? Oh, you just saw Meet the Spartans. You paid to get in. It was funny, you say. I'm sorry, I have to wash my hair. Bye. No... no I'll call you. (replace her name with the name of anyone in existence)
-
Except for like one guy, and that other army?
-
Of that Curb Your Enthusiasm where Larry can't bring himself to sleep with the hot babe in The Producers because she has a framed picture of George Bush in her room.
-
I'm guessing you'll never read down this far, but...
Maybe I'm not the first one to guess it, but it would strike me as being an incredible coincidence if you weren't also the critic known as "Carlyle" over on Spill.com.
Your reviews for this film on this site and the other on Spill include some of the exact same phrases, events (being approached by the theater manager) and jokes (being strapped down in a "Clockwork Orange chair... Daddy Day Camp & Bratz).
If I'm right, do any of the rest of the Spill crew part of the AICN gang of critics? -
Warwick Davis has barely aged at all. Maybe he drank from the fountain of youth. MUST HAVE NEEDED A FOOTSTOOL.
-
anybody remember that joke that Bender doesn't get to finish in Breakfast Club, when he's in the air duct? He falls down mid-joke, and he never finishes it. Anybody now how it ends?
-
of next years Indiana Jones spoof festival of greatness? Can't wait! I just pooped out a turd ALMOST as funny as Spartans. BUT in a tight race I feel that the turd wins by a kernel.
-
that celebrity scissorhands thing made me sad on so many different levels. Shame on you BBC for putting Warwick in reality tv drivel. And shame on you warwick for doing it. And don't tell me it was for charidee.
-
I know my friend the picture of him shrugging his shoulders that seems to say "what the hell am I doing here" just makes me sad
-
He can't even use the "Gotta Eat" excuse (not that it counts for much) as he didn't get paid for it. Fuck you, Children in Need, you will NEVER FUCKING EVER receive a penny of mine because of this.
-
for what they've done to W-wick
-
I'll talk to you soon Jarv gotta head to work
-
so Jarv...which thread was it that finally did in M-O-M. Orcus is besides himself in glee that he got banned, and is looking for further details.Oh, and no worries. When the Apocalypse comes, Warwick will rule over all. Him and the talking bears of course.
-
He made one forlorn post in the Fincher TB just after it and then (to misquote usual Suspects) *pouf* just like that, he was gone. I fucking let off fireworks. But who am I going to beat up in the TB now- I'm feeling some hatred for Nodiggity and those 2 assholes that disrespected the god that is John Carpenter in the other TB.
-
I fucking hate it. It was bad enough when it was on for one night, but now the've discovered that they can spread reality dreck over 3 months and it is beyond criticism because it's for charity. And not just charity, it's "for the kids". It also encourages every humourless admin managing cunt in the UK to force their long suffering staff to pay to turn up at work in Jeans or some such shit. I would shoot Pudsley (their crappy 1 eyed cunt of a bear mascot) in his good eye and then laugh as his brains dripped out on to the carpet.
-
http://www.bbc.co.uk/pudsey/A true fucking disgrace to bearkind. I can't believe I forgot the cunt in the mighty Bear TB. The only Children in Need that a bear should give a fuck about are those that "need" to be breakfast. He's worse than Paddington- and that's saying something. This makes me sound like a bit of a twat. But honestly, it pisses me off no end.
-
http://www.bbc.co.uk/pudsey/A true fucking disgrace to bearkind. I can't believe I forgot the cunt in the mighty Bear TB. The only Children in Need that a bear should give a fuck about are those that "need" to be breakfast. He's worse than Paddington- and that's saying something. This makes me sound like a bit of a twat. But honestly, it pisses me off no end.
-
And I believe Nodiggity deserves it after his absurd posts about Indy/Alien crap. The solution is easy to the Children in Need: feed them to the Bates. And we'll have 2for2true come and stab Pudsley in the mouth with his #2 pencil.
-
Ciao
-
But on the one hand, at least he doesn't wear a coat or hat. And clearly he got his ass handed to him, probably by some little shit raccoon or something....hence the eye patch.
-
He's a cunt. Really off to lunch now
-
Both bring smiles to children's faces when they should be bringing terror and angst to all the little children. The bottom line is that they both need to be eliminated via FLAMING LEG KICKS.
-
is what I meant to say...um yeah *FLAMING LEG KICK* to my own head
-
how dare you call yourself a bear!
-
We are waiting for you!DTV forever!
-
I'm having small problems with the intergalictic drug dealer laying waste to an opium den scene. And I'm writing in Dick Van Dyke Cockernee. Which makes me ashamed.
-
The meat train was crowded with commuters this morning.
-
I think we should set up a website called www.crapbears.com List all of the shitty bears, their crimes against bearity, and suitabe punishments for them. It can't be worse than homewrecker returns.
-
Jarv-we should make that site!
-
And I won't stand for the U.S. not being a part of this group. Pussy bears will not be tolerated.
-
heh, If you stand too close to someone your on the morning feel some meat train
-
Lucky you!
-
about the TCM movie he was doing came in to the TB last night and answered my question asking him if a whiny TB'er was his mom
-
we have to remember that California has a bear on it's flag
-
and death to Koala Bears. For not really being bears and stealing the name
-
oh god, if we could all get together and go see it that would be some good times
-
1. You will not co-mingle with humans unless you are attacking their camp.2. You will never wear any article of clothing which is unbecoming of a bear. 3. Human flesh is required 3 days out of the week. The rest of the week may be devoted to forest animals.And so on....
-
I'm a little weary of them. :-)
-
I only think it applies if the food at said picnic is human flesh
-
that's true, also the bear is just standing there it isn't eating anyone
-
www.schwabenhandel.de.....Sorry if you know it already guys,if not you will have a good time!
-
is the buffet all you can eat?
-
I hope one of us wins that joke contest, and it would be even better if we won for this tb, there is some classic funny shit on here
-
For example, on a reasonably large picnic blanket you can only probably get 8 people around it. And most of them are kids. So that is merely a snack for a fully formed kodiak bear.
-
You've got to remember, this is the bear's "night out". It's like their Denny's or Waffle House, etc. They've been out drinking, screwing some bear whores...and lo and behold...a family of four camping outside. Instant.Buffet.
-
Plus they get to unleash their anger on these whiny little kids using the word "cub".
-
eats whatever it wants. Children are like popcorn shrimp to the kodiak. Whereas the adult is more of the hot bar section of the buffet. Pillow, I love the idea of Bear Whores. Are the customers called Pooh's instead of Johns?
-
cause they want some honey, the dirtier the better.
-
or maybe he would. He is, after all, a Bear of very little brain Heh, the idea of a HIV infected pooh bear laying waste to Disney's legacy is fucking hysterical
-
do they pay in bees?
-
I got it from sticking my paw into the wrong HIVE
-
But I've just finished reading the second Abarat book. They're fucking good, and wikipedia just informed me that Clive Barker was going to film them in a 5 part series with Disney, but fell out over creative differences. What a shame.
-
Script for a hellraiser remake. I wish that this remake grabage would stop.
-
I like Barker's stuff, loved Hellraiser and Candyman, even Lord of Illusions was alright, but I feel ya on the remakes. Just let the series stand on its own. And now this news about the Nightmare on Elm Street remake. Makes me sick
-
Opens with a shot of Freddy tied down to a table as the towns people take turns slice up bits of his skin a la hostel. Then they set him on fire and we watch him burn away to nothing but as the fire dies down, in the midst of the crackling we here freddy cackling. Fade to title which flies at the screen splats and leaves a blood trail. We open on a pair of tits bouncing up and down during coitus (in the background Soulja Boy is playing), the two teens finish up and fall back on the bed. First dream sequence happens-girl walks into the woods and sees a baby deer, the deer (which I forgot to add is CGI turns and talk to her in freddy's voice and says "It's fawn of the dead" and then pulls out a gun and shoots her and then puts on a cap and says "It's huntin' season, bitch". Soon we learn that freddy is able to come into the real world at any time and decides to drop the whole "dream-kill" thing because it's much easier to just stab someone. So he stabs a couple of kids, then the kids figure out how to destroy him with Nyquil and then it ends.
-
That makes no sense.
-
he has AIDS. Pooh's response?
Oh bother. -
the 100 acre wood, but I guess a 10 inch wood spent a lot of time in Pooh.
-
Silly bear!Now let's play "find the honey" in my pants.
-
That little nancyboy 'wiggled' on Pooh and popped his ass-seams. Oh, bother! What's worse is that Christopher told Pooh that 'it' was honey.
-
When he saw Pooh going down on Kanga?
Get out of my garden! -
Unfortunately, he uses a lot of his product, hence the reason he's always "busy busy busy".
-
when Piglet invited him to the Christmas party?
Go fuck yourself.
Trivia: in the recent Pooh movies, Eeyore is voiced by none other than PETER FUCKING CULLEN -
when Tigger 'bounced' on her suddenly?
Get out of my pouch, you pervert -
Jan 30, 2008 8:40:54 AM CST
one questions the relationship between Roo and Kanga
by just pillow talk
Roo, after all, is 32 (he's a little person), and yet still wants to be in his mom's "pouch".
-
when Kanga suddenly came to life in his room?
"Wow, you came to life! Now suck my dick." -
with the nail on his tail
-
That's funny. I did get that from Wikipedia so I wouldn't bet on it. Did you see that dickhead the other day (and Mori)that said Hellraiser is TP. I was fuming.You know there's a cyber bear in The Dark Tower books. Except it dies. And in Spaced Simon Pegg's character was trying to sell his comic book called "The Bear". Which was sort of like the hulk. Except it was a kid that turned into a bear.
-
Is he off doing his 'thang?' Did he have a drug problem? Does he pay 'joey support?' What an asshole.
What did Eeyore say when Owl wished him a happy birthday?
Doesn't matter, you fucking bird. -
was it Mir? I think it started with an M at least, that was a big ass bear too
-
when Rabbit asked him to help the gang pull Pooh out of the hole?
"Fuck you, and fuck him." -
was some Russian comic book character that turned into a Bear from Marvel as part of some super Russian group. It's been so long, I can't remember.
-
I gotta meeting to go to, i'll see you guys later
-
Someone's a pussy in the meeting, tell them to "Not be a Paddington".
-
when Pooh asked, "What's that big mound in your pants, Christopher?"
"It's my heffalump. Now bend over, silly bear." -
These monthly reports are absolutely 'grizzly.' I can't 'bear' to see the company in the red again.
-
it happens to all of us on occasion
-
after he fucked Lumpy the elephant in the ass, and Lumpy cried out?
"See, little people can DO big things." -
I'm going to do that on the next one of these. IN fact, I've got to give a presentation soon, and I'm going to throw "Don't be paddington into it". Course you'll just have to take my word for it.
-
I promise i'll make a bear comment for you guys.
-
would be variations on the word "bear." Like, "These numbers don't bear out your theory" or "that secretary's typing is unbearable." I can't think of many other bear words.
-
the meeting is canceled! Yay
-
Our records show that we are on a midnight meat train to nowhere
-
Our business is like a Kodiak Bear, grand and powerful. However we are in a Bear market right now and we cant bear to lose our profits.
-
"I think after that bear of ameeting I'll go to the cafe and get a Klondike Bar...that guy just micromanages so much...he's got his paws in everything."
Nah fuck it those were lame. -
I liked the "paws in everything" line :)
-
a la Nic Cage in Wicker Man and punch a woman
-
hahaha
-
Westwood in the Elm St TB: "They spent years developing FvJ, which reinvigorated both franchises" Christ, laugh? I couldn't bear it.
-
Is that guy a tool? Does a bear shit in the woods?
-
fucking "v" movies are worse than remakes. FvJ squandered the bird from Ginger Snaps, but it did have one redeeming feature: the skip to a death scene on the DVD. I could watch Kelly Rowland get hit in the head by a machete for hours.
-
was pretty fucking sweet
-
I just got back from a smoke break. The cold outside is unbearable
-
tell me about it, we have 40-50 MPH wind out here today, fucking freezing
-
Fucking freezing here. I hate the stupid smoking ban. You know the first people to try to ban smoking were the nazis.
-
plus windchill factor. Smoking Bans are retarded. Seriously if you want to ban smoking you need to ban All you can eat buffets as well because that just as unhealthy
-
I laugh in your general direction! Heh-heh...C'mon, suck it up. Don't be a bunch of Paddingtons!
-
it's a bad habit, but I do enjoy it
-
I fucking NEED it
-
Though I completely agree with you that it's ridiculous to have smoking banned in bars (specifically). The reason people go to bars is to blow off steam, etc, so leave them the fuck alone.
-
I said it was unBEARable bwahahahhahah...aw, nevermind!
-
that's some shit I thought i'd never see.
-
my favorite bear type comment is "bearwell"
-
He's a good doctor, and he does his job well. But I joke with him that unless he can get me a raise, make my wife lose 50 lbs, and make my kids be obedient, this guy ain't quitting.
-
One of the reasons for it in the UK is public health and the strain on the NHS and someone worked out that the average smoker puts in 10x more than he takes out from our decript victorian health system
-
yeah, I love it when the doctor tells you to quit, yet they are 180lbs overweight and probably smoke themselves
-
It's cool and chicks dig it.
-
But I never miss a chance to whinge about this one.
-
It sucks so much here in the US, I'm stuck with a $10,000 bill for 2 days in the hospital, where they did nothing for me.
-
Jan 30, 2008 9:55:31 AM CST
whoa...who do you have Kloipy, if u don't mind me asking?
by just pillow talk
I have Anthem, which kicks all sort of ass. It cost me a total of $5 for my wife to have the baby. I believe if I had to stay in the hospital for 2 days, it would cost me $25.
-
If you have an accident or some emergency procedure then it is generally very good. If you need something done like a hip replacement then it's crap. It's also nigh on impossible to get registered on the NHS for a GP, dentist or other things. The big problem is that it is the 3rd largest employer in the world and the vast majority of these postings are admin/ management jobs. That do fuck all. A few years ago I temped doing data entry for Camden NHS. It was by far the shittest posting I've ever had. I was in a room the size of a shoe box with 5 other people typing baby names into (FUCKING) 2 different databases, because the new one that cost £40 BILLION pounds never worked. Worse than that- there were 2 temps and 3 managers in the room- they were paying about $30 per hour for the temps and about $60-80,000 per year per manager. This is a scandalous waste of tax payer money, but no-one dare reform it. It's beaurocracy up the arse.
-
or I'd have to pay a mint to get my teeth/ eyes/ ears etc. seen to.
-
was curious after seeing Sicko if it was just kind of a glamorized thing or not
-
I didn't have any insurance at the time, my job didn't offer it and I couldn't afford to get it myself. Now I work for a medical company and have full coverage with Blue Cross which I lucked out because I had to stay in the Hospital for over a month and have to intestinal surgeries plue wound care because of an infection. I got a summary bill for it, it could have cost me over $80,000 dollars
-
it isn't as perfect as Moore makes out, but it's far, far superior to the money hungry US version.
-
Well, at least, like you said, you had Blue Cross.
-
My bubble is burst.
-
That is not funny at all. US medicine is a fucking disgrace, and before all the Atlas Shruggled disciples turn up to berate me for this, socialised medicine is a good thing.
-
I'm generally quite capitalist, but I think the US version is just dreadful. There's some things that should be non-profit, health is one of them, and I didn't use to think this, but personal experience is showing me that Education is another.
-
seriously, if you aren't covered you are fucked. When I wasn't covered, I got treated horribly, didn't even get seen for 8 hours and I was doubled over screaming in pain, and all they did was give me some morphine and sit me in a bed. When I was being discharged I asked if I could get any meds for the pain and the doctor told me that if I needed anything stronger than advil I could just stay there
-
I feel sorry for whoever is the next president though. They have a lot of shit to clean up
-
Now my hospital bill is on my credit report. I'm not rich so I can't just pay it off. I pay like 10 bucks a month on it because I don't feel obligated to spend tons of money on something I shouldn't have to pay. However, even if I live to the full male life expectancy, I still won't have it paid off
-
I'm proud to say I didn't vote for Bush either time. I love how in the media and in general, people diss Bush...but nobody ever owns up to voting for him.
-
even from the first run, I knew there was something about him that set me off. I know what you mean, I still see people driving around with W stickers on. People who even still support him and think he's doing a good job?!?! One of my friends voted for him and now hates him after I discussed it with him for a long time, so I don't let him forget that he voted for him
-
of those fucking disgraceful 'W' stickers on his car. And let me tell you this "tax rebate" is again utter bullshit. But that is all the politician's fault. How do they pay for it? Loans. So to give the American family $1,000 (using as an example), it'll cost the gov't more in the long run. And who pays for it? Yup, us. This will not give the economy a 'shot' in the arm.
-
don't forget all the other assholes in Congress who went along with his bullshit.
-
it's just a temp fix (they think) and of cource american's love it because they are thinking "wow, free money, I can buy whatever I want and don't have to pay for it", but they forget that we will pay this money back sooner than later. It's not going to fix the economy. When the govt is spending billions of dollars a day to the point where our deficit doesn't even mean anything a puny 1000 dollars isn't going to save us
-
I also blame the american people for just sitting by and not trying to change it. It's just this fucking attitude "well, we can't do anything about it, so just do whatever you want to us, we wont fight you on it". I was watching the state of the union the other night and Bush was talking about how he thinks we need a govt that isn't in our business and yet does he not remember how his administration tapped public phones!
-
Fish some salmon from a stream...with your teeth
-
My stomach is GROWLING...
-
If you want to be a politician that should automatically disqualify you from the job. We've just had a load of them caught for corruption.
-
great shit!And you can have private insurance if you want too.I allways shake my head in disbelief when I see ER on TV.
-
ciao guys
-
Travis. Or I'll say some very bad things. Europe's just as bent as the UK.
-
Didn't you know? You can't say 'Klondike' anymore; you can't say 'KlonLesbian' anymore; you gotta go with 'KlonWomanInComfortableShoes' these days.
-
is good.Never had any problems with it.And who`s talking EU?EU sucks!
-
*cries*
-
Quick, throw a salmon at him. Or better yet, throw NoDiggity at him.RUN!
-
Real fucking bears don't cry!
-
Everyone gots ta know the 411 on AiCN's newest Gentle Ben.
-
They play Limb tearing or Mauling innocents.
-
they just end them
-
Coming this summer to a redlight adult bookstore near you. The erotic DVD of the season, yes it's "Grizzy Man Sauce." The story of a man and his girlfriend, making love freely in the wilderness as they coexist with bears, who they encourage to breed. Sadly, the end of the film (as depicted on the hero's own camera) features his repeated ass-rape and mauling by the bears he taught how to love.
-
When Tigger fucked him in the ass?
"Jesus! That HUUUURRTS!" -
when she caught him in bed with Winnie?
Don't talk with your mouth full of pooh! -
Now, that's the kinda "bears" I'm talking 'bout. Woof.
-
when Eeyore's tail fell of?
He nailed him. -
I hate typos.
-
the midnight meat train keeps on rolling along
-
by Vince Vaughn and Freddy Krueger, but we've kept it alive thanks to such hot topics as Midnight Meat Train, Warwick Davis, and Winnie the Pooh and other bears. Only twenty-some posts to go before 1000.
-
I know we can.
-
Jan 30, 2008 1:26:48 PM CST
EVERYONE LISTEN UP! EVERY DOLLAR THAT RAMBO LOSESEVERYONE LISTEN
by proman1984
EVERY DOLLAR THAT "RAMBO" LOSES TO "MEET THE SPARTANS" is going to a good cause. "Meet The Spartans" is by far the lesser of two evils. So when it beat Rambo I was happy. We should be happy that this piece of shit isn't #1.
-
I wanted to love Rambo, but was mildly disappointed. I don't think it was 'evil.' It got poor reviews, but critics completely panned Spartans. But I do think that neither Rambo nor Spartans had much competition this week, save each other. So they came in first and second. Not exactly high art at the cinema this weekend. Whatcha gonna do?
-
I agree with what you are saying. I guess "Rambo" just bothers me a little more despite the fact that Spartans has no redeeming qualities. But yeah, I guess we'll just have to hope that next week will bring us better movies.
-
Now, things will be completely different when "Midnight Meat Train" opens. How well that plays will truly speak to how sick and depraved moviegoers have become!
-
RAMBO should rule the BO for 5 more weeks!It is NO.1 now and that fucking dreck Spartans is almost gone!But I still love your MILF`ing ass!BEAR ON!;-)
-
Oh yeah, I agree. Given the choice, I'd rather Rambo be #1. Thank God "Midnight Meat Train" didn't come out this week, because then I wouldn't know whose side to be on. Rambo. Meat Train. Rambo. Meat Train. Hmmmph.
-
with some chocolate pudding(yummie)!
-
I can taste the meat
-
was that I am 100% hetero, I love women
-
honestly it was quite good, stuck to the 300 story closer than i thought it would...and was much more watchable and enjoyable than date movie and epic movie combined...seein the spartans prance off into battle singing "we will survive" was priceless...as was hearing kevin sorbo say he was gonna go "hercules" on someone
-
oh wait you saw meet the spartans, nevermind. Why did you see meet the spartans? Do you hate comedy?
-
would be in a terrible movie? I find that hard to believe.
-
just thought I'd help
-
back to work for me.....
-
About the guys who make these films. Call it Meet the Retards.
-
On putting us past the meter mark. What was it Judd Nelson said in Breakfast Club? We're sad and demented, but social? Warwick Davis will be over in a Pooh costume later to present your trophy, which is a train made out of meat on a wooden plaque shaped like a railroad tie.
-
I already met the retards. A bunch of them were in line to see Spartans when I saw Rambo. They were drooling and everything and wanted to hug everybody.
-
is "meat train" any good ?? lol
i love comedy and it wasnt that bad for a so-called "parody", like i said it was better than date and epic movies, even rivaled scary movie 4... -
and not even really a proper hijacking. And a BEAR showed up. Now if only we could persuade Warwick Davis or Tony Jaa to show
-
Mirajeff offered to fight me on the wolfman thread. How funny is that?
-
and then stop
-
That's about as frightening as being savaged by a duck. I've seen him fight and he's useless.
-
that is, a pretend, uselss geek on a geek site. he's rubbish and should lose his black box.
-
It's fucking freezing here. I bet the weathers nice in LA
-
I've gotta check this out.And yeah, still surpassed 1,000 posts without even trying...not even full strength. THE POWER OF THE BEAR. STEP OFF BITCHES!
-
the fool
-
bad news with Ratner, but at least we got a bear in here
-
Kloipy, this is our chance to get 2for2true to stab MiraJeff in the mouth. Hmmm....I wonder if he's registered in the zone.Oh, and good work on the second shift finky.
-
At least under that name.
-
he's like the wind
-
smoooooth....
-
*waits* *continues to wait*Fuck, Kloipy, he's not showing up.
-
when did this 2for2true stuff start
-
And I quote:
"Charlie Murphy obviously isn't watching his movies in my neighborhood...because if some shitheel tapped me on the shoulder and made a snotnosed comment like that, he'd be typing his asinine garbage with a pencil stuck in his mouth."A legend is born. -
2for2true, the man the myth
-
and that vile parasite AnimalStructure was awful in that TB as well. I couldn't give a monkey's about cloverfield so never went in. They lost me with "Shakeycam"
-
he sounds like a pro-wrestler
-
As of yesterday, Rambo was number one and Spartans was down at least to number three (how's that for a lame attempt to act like we're keeping this on topic?). MEATTRAINMEATTRAINMEATTRAIN
-
2for2true is a real man. If people were rated like movies, he would be rated 'R'.
-
some guy tried to get back on topic yesterday, but that lasted for 2 posts and then he was gone
-
non-related shit about bears, midgets, shitheels, etc, someone actually tries to post about the thread topic. That makes 2for2true angry.
-
they must just get excited thinking that people really love Meet the Spartans and then realize that they suck
-
when we give them shit for it, they must be thinking "What did he mean by telling me to go Bear myself?"
-
Is 2for2true a wrestler or something? I'm out of the loop on that one. Don't know who it is.
Regarding staying on topic, yeah, sometimes I'll arrive to a TB late, and I'll want to say something on topic so I won't even read the prior posts. Of course, usually the topic has strayed by then and my comment is like peeing in the wind! -
Will be at the Oscars this year. He'll be the podium. So when you see Javier Bardem walk up to accept his golden guy for his great role in "No Country for Old Men," that's Warwick right there with him. He's so friggin versatile, that guy.
-
is in Pillow's post above that's headline is #35294
-
Warwick is all about diversification of roles.
-
I've read lately, about shoving pencils in peoples' jaws.
-
Warwick will be at the oscar's he will be playing the role of stagelight #3
-
and you do not want to know the pain of a pencil +mouth + stab equation. It equals DOOM
-
Jan 31, 2008 7:43:16 AM CST
yeah, we've been pimping the legend every chance we get
by just pillow talk
It's like we're living in the times of fables that you hear about. You'll be able to tell your grandkids about 2for2true.
-
it will be a punishment. "If you don't go to be right now, I'll call upon the powers of the dark one; 2for2true. He will come and stab you in the mouth with a pencil." then the kids will say "Yes pa-pa we shall do whatever you say" (they will talk like that because I will only let them read Dickins)
-
I did a google and that moniker comes up for several people at a variety of forums.
As for Dickens, I took a class on him as an undergrad. My papers were so friggin' good the prof accused me of plagiarism. I ruined his shit for him. How dare he call into question my analysis of the literary chiaroscuro of Agnes Wickfield and Dora Spenlow. Ladyboy cunt! -
but I did call a professor a cunt. Turns out it was 2for2true and he stabbed me in the mouth with a pencil. it hurt, but at least this was before his magic marker kill spree.
-
Jan 31, 2008 8:20:30 AM CST
yeah, back when he was a kid growing up in da hood..
by just pillow talk
He went through his "felt pen phase". Oh yeah, a lot of mouths FELT his pain.
-
in an underground bunker, just sharpening pencils all day long and mumbling stuff about shitheels
-
Jan 31, 2008 8:25:20 AM CST
Is it just pencils or will he work with any office supplies
by lost jarv
I heard he's a crazy man with a pritt stick.
-
he massacred a whol building with only a roll of scotch tape
-
in ohio armed with nothing more than a paperclip and a lump of blul-tac
-
with a ruler. the dude's a weapon of mass destruction.
-
also he is the only known enemy of the Bear
-
He shaved paddington's backside with a ring binder and then jammed 46 HB Pencils in. It was hard to give a shit, because, well, it was only paddington.
-
with an eraser. That's why he has an eyepatchSadly, pudsey didn't die.And as for what he did to Winnie.... Well it was messy and involved elastic bands.
-
and used it as a bayonet...gorged the whole marketing department. Talk about "market penetration".
-
Jan 31, 2008 9:24:59 AM CST
He cut the cord on an elevator shaft with a mouse pad and string
by kloipy
and as they were falling to their doom he cackled "Going down??? hahahhaa shitheels"
-
on himself. He then goes about putting staples in peoples heads, all the while screaming "SHITHEEL".
-
when people send him chain emails he doesn't even open them, he just deletes them. He doesn't believe in luck, he only believes in Pencil stabbing
-
like two minutes late! He's the fucking John Wayne of pencil stabbers.
-
let voicemail pick up instead of answering the phone.
-
that passes from mouth to ear in dark pubs, where his legendary feats are discussed by cowed marketing assistants over watered down lager, that once he..... No, I can't say it.....*pulls himself together* that once he didn't put the lid back on the milk in the office fridge properly *gasps and runs away*
-
Is that he held the door open for Lucy, the nervous intern. He then went and threw his wireless mouse at Bob the accountant's head, and let me tell you, Bob is his little bitch now.
-
But I'll be back and forth periodically for more bear-laced, Warwick-ridden, shenanigans. Lest 2for2true ruin my shit
-
now sleeps with the light on. Who knows what evil 2for2true wrought on him. I hope he didn't use the post-it notes again
-
once drank an entire water cooler by himself then talked to himself around it.
-
Everyday is Casual day for 2for2true, and if you even mention that it's a tuesday, you best believe you will get a mouth FULL of lead
-
And instead of going pee later, he let it build up, then he peed a couple old folks to death because it had the pressure of a fire hose
-
and I heard once he stumbled on some poachers in the woods. Lacking a pencil, he felled a redwood with his bare hands, gnawed it to pencil size, and proceeded to stab the poachers to DEATH
-
that's been passed from generation to generation. It tells of an almighty warrior who calmed his turbulent 'hood with nothing more than a box of office supplies. However, his greatest triumph was when he single-handedly faced down the almighty "boss" and fetched a coffee with 1 sugar rather than 2 in it. But it's only a legend.
-
the legend also has it that people saw an Almighty Warrior in the middle of the street using an un-folded Bostitch stapler like an automatic machine gun. At least 23 thugs were stapled to death, and 6 others died of blunt force trauma when this Mighty Hero hurled rubber band balls at them.
-
because I heard he drives around with a trunk full of dead squirrels. and he only has a moped.
-
Another one says that he can only get moisture from sucking on water birds,
-
is that Mirajeff once threw up on him. And he didn't care.
-
he just loves animals, and if he didn't kill them (lovingly), nobody can. As for the moped, I heard he doesn't even drive it. He just walks around carrying it over his shoulder, occasionally beating people with it.
-
used the company car for a monster truck rally and won it, but it wasn't actually a car, it was just him on a big wheel
-
a lonely basement dwelling white man, went to a NAACP meeting in a Klan robe. Without the mask.
-
but I doubt that this can be true, that he's the guy that married Britney Spears.
-
he archives his victims. Joe from shipping felt his wrath one day when he mistakenly took 2for2true's parking spot. Suffice to say, good ol' Joey has erasers for teeth now.
-
I saw the alarming story of a "terrorist attack" downtown, with three major buildings damaged or toppled, and about a hundred fatalities. Turns out later it was 2for2true, he had gas from an enchilada and ripped a juicy fart
-
He killed two birds with no stones. Just the power of his will.
-
he hasn't stopped puking since
-
OJ paid him in filing cabinets.
-
and when the poor teenage clerk accidentally served a Grande decaf, true gave the kid accupuncture right there on the counter--with 67 papermate mechanical pencils. Doctors removed most of them, but now when the kid moves any muscle at all it goes, "click click click"
-
and an eggo.
-
You can trace 2true's passage of devastation across the world. Last week he made that plane in London crash by blinking at it.
-
but before I go, just wanted to let you guys know that one time 2for2true drank a can of paint thinner, took 18 cyanide pills, and stabbed himself in the mouth, he did it to cure the common cold, and it worked
-
thanks to the #1 opening of this piece of crap, thanks to the movie public swallowing the crap studios throw at them, where there's a dollar to made you'll find shit
-
2for2true and throw a #2 pencil like a javelin 225 yards.Into a 30 mile an hour wind.
-
and just so you know, 2true has been known to swoop down from the sky and carry his victims away with the crack in his ass.
-
Can't you see we are singing the praises of 2for2true????
-
escaped from the circus by flinging a manhole cover at it and beheading it. Only the manhole cover was really Warwick Davis
-
he sticks his cock into a blender. Don't ask how, but it works. Then he goes and fucks MiraJeff up the ass.
-
True is on it. That's why Rambo is number one now. True personally tore the throats out of 2,100 union projectionists across the country to make it happen. So if you do happen to see Spartans, and there's blood spattered randomly on the print, you know why.
-
with an eggshell. Just to see if he could.
-
that he's behind the writer's strike. Just for kicks.
-
but was able to climb back up by ripping out his own intestines and using it as rope. Then he just tucked 'em back in and sewed the wound with a bootlace
-
and gnawed his way out with his belly button.
-
and wipes his butt with sandpaper, steel wool, or kittens, if he wipes at all
-
that he killed 37 hell's angels with just his toenail.
-
his scrotum has it's own gravity field. Make of that what you will.
-
just last week were able to subdue a gunman who was holding hostages in a residence by tossing one of 2true's dirty jockeys through a window. It took six days for the guy to wake up, and when he did he was blind and mildly retarded
-
with his left nut.
-
is missing several fingers, because the big guys sphincter keeps snapping them off
-
Think I'm gonna honor 2for2true and start stabbing people who are before me in lunch line. I ain't taking any shit today. Fucking shitheels.
-
I heard about that. Instead doctors having to pull bits of glass and shrapnel from his scrotum, engineers were plucking pubes embedded in the engine and cars for weeks. One lady was impaled by a pube and died
-
have been attributed to True furrowing his brow
-
NEVER queues for lunch. That shit is not befitting his legend status. He makes Jim, the office intern that is desperate to impress, queue and then page him when his lunch has been collected.
-
and caused a typhoon in china.
-
True does not wait for his meal, that's asinine. It is brought to him with all due haste or people get hurt. People were preparing tomorrow's dinner for him yesterday
-
here pretending to be tough: true, panterarocks, abking, juggfuckler, "dipshit" Dave Defalco, Wanahahara7, and now mirajeff. why you have to feign that you are going to hurt someone in a TB is just bizarre.
-
is the reason why America will never sign the Kyoto treaty. He breaks the regulations just by breathing.
-
also hunts down people that call him "true". He hurts their pets for the inconvenience they've put him to. That's why I'm alright, and can call him True. I don't have pets.
-
bought a geiger counter because of him
-
is encased in frozen carbonite. True keeps her around because he likes her as an ornament.
-
in high school went to a drive-in movie with him on a Friday. By the next day, she loss use of her legs and was moving her bowels out her vagina
-
but he ain't tellin'. 'Cos he's like that.
-
Jan 31, 2008 11:15:55 AM CST
2for2true is the only survivor of TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION
by lost jarv
Some things can't be destroyed.
-
last year when they found the headless body of a 24 year old woman in an ally. Her knees were dirty, and on the brick wall they found bloody DNA from the woman, and other DNA which they traced back to true
-
with his foreskin. I'm off guys. Have fun.
-
he had his penis hanging out and he was swinging from it like a prehensile tail, also he was chewing on a baby
-
have a good one though!
-
True is the real entity that they worship in scientology. About 4000 years ago True made Xenu his bitch. Tom Cruise CAN move shit with his mind. true said so.
-
he can turn invisible if he wants. Once when he went swimming at a lake, the water level rose 4 feet and all the fish floated to the surface
-
and keep that Mirajeff offering to fight me TB on the top 10. His bitch-ness should be remembered for ages.
-
One time he drank the entire Pacific ocean and when he took a piss he created life
-
I'll make sure that bitch never forgets it
-
by sticking his dick into a pine tree. He then builds a cabin out of the tree with his right nutsack (the "worker bee").
-
One time his mom asked him to take out the trash. She's been dead for 20 years now.
-
it collapsed dead after five seconds and its balls had been absorbed by the rest of its body.
-
he tried to make him eat. He was five at the time.
-
one time he ate a ton of red markers and toothpicks. Then he took a huge shit. That shit today is known as the Redwood Forests of California
-
I want to leave. true once spoke only in tongues, and yet was still understood.
-
In utero. oh yeah, he's also responsible for all the music piracy.
-
he can pop corn just by glaring at it
-
"If You Leave Me Now" by Chicago. No wait, that's Chuck Norris
-
he is allergic to cute
-
that bird was called The Dodo
-
and he has three rows of teeth, which is odd because the teeth in the first row never fall out, even after chewing girders
-
and read them a book about 'being special.' When he was finished, that class defeated the New England Patriots in a scrimmage and built a new highway overpass
-
he hurls his refuse into orbit. He onced squeezed some coal into a large diamond with his bare hand, then he crushed the diamond and polished his teeth with the dust
-
2for2true got really mad and started pounding the ground with pencils. We call that spot the Grand Canyon
-
and I like it!;-)
-
the had to change the name to Everybody Poops *except for 2for2true
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2triiYXSY8
-
2for2true wrote Shitheels for every answer, he got a perfect score, and then had sex with all his teachers at once
-
because true can will his fecal matter to disintegrate, and his body simply absorbs it. After all, his white blood cells can strip the paint off a car. Back in 2003, 2true took a plane ride to Vegas. His eardrums popped when they reached a certain altitude, killing several varieties of birds, and 250 miles away the space shuttle Columbia burst into flames.
-
he never sat for the SAT's...he just busted in there when they were taking them and starting stabbing everyone in the mouth with THEIR #2 pencils.
-
2true can send a chick into a multi-orga-spasm just by muttering, "You want me." Many women have been reduced to wet pools of sardine-smelling liquid because of this
-
You know 'the Untouchables'? 2true ass fucked each member.
-
cause he can fly.
-
God will be his right hand man and the universe will achieve total consciousness
-
if you look close you'll see that every one of those guys is wearing a small circular pin that says "True Bitch."
-
nothing else comes to my mind!2for2true is to masculine for me!Sorry guys.
-
2for2true.
-
2true did a cannonball. New Orleans has never been the same
-
to various things in the Wolf Man thread. Kloipy, ya gotta start posting there my friend.
-
The Marianis Trench is no longer the deepest spot on earth
-
Jan 31, 2008 12:11:45 PM CST
i was posting in the Universal one, do you mean the first one?
by kloipy
-
but the reason Christopher Reeve's horse fell is because 2true leapt out from behind a bush and punched it in the face. Turns out 2true had been eyeing a chick across the road, when the horse came into view and blocked his sightline. Asked for his comment after regaining some speech, Reeves was quoted as saying, "Thank you, 2true. Without this accident I would have been deprived some wonderful life lessons. I hoped you nailed that chick."
-
Jan 31, 2008 12:15:19 PM CST
yeah...need to post to where the actual challenge was made
by just pillow talk
-
2true buffs it with his razor stubble.
-
we are busting on mirajeff
-
Now transferring...dzzzt
-
is FUCKIN hilarious
-
He thought that if he did that it would make him tough. It just made him puke.
-
just beat the crap out of JJ Abrahams and made the cunt actually write an episode of Lost that answer all the questions. He also called him a "useless cockteasing bastard"
-
because she'd been up for 60 hours. She couldn't sleep because last week True told her he was going to teabag her in her sleep, and she was terrified of being crushed to death by his massive gonads.
-
he gets royalties.
-
wrote the star wars prequels. but Lucas rejected his version, apparantly C3P0 cornholing Anakin Skywalker is not acceptable family viewing. But true didn't care. Because he's like that.
-
he has him naked and in a cage. Occasionally true throws peanuts at hulk. Just for laughs.
-
see you later guys
-
the smell of his farts are enough to age a person 30 years
-
bizarre. It's because True put stupid pills in the water supply for my building.
-
He's like Santa...only violent and my fucking idol.
-
I was expecting a banning. Yay!
-
is a true story of the time someone cut in front of 2true
-
Feb 01, 2008 6:46:51 AM CST
in his case, the pen(cil) is mightier than the sword!
by just pillow talk
-
Feb 01, 2008 6:49:58 AM CST
I started the morning right...like 2for2true would...
by just pillow talk
I waited for my opening...lurking around the corner from the coffee machine...when this dude from sales stopped for coffee. He's been hounding me for a report. Well, not no more. I stapled him to the bulletin board, and then proceeded to bludgeon him with my calculator. It not only crunches numbers...it crunches bones!
-
Luckily I had my wooden ruler with me. The bitch is actually typing this for me right now.
-
and top work in the mirapoof thread. Loved it.
-
I hope Mirabarf never shows his face in here again
-
"totally agree harry, and may I say that you look like you've lost a few pounds recently, oh you and mori are the bestest friends a girl could have, I'm so glad that you both love me so much" tool.
-
I think he is in love. I just love that I've never seen him talk to one of us before until he challenged you to fight him. What a total douche.
-
that it inpregnates men
-
but he had to go and open THE DOORWAY TO TRUE EVIL and unleash the vengeance of the TB hordes on his flabby nerdy ass. Even Buffywrestling, one of the few known women, said that I should punch him in the cock. I'm off to prepare some gloves- like in kickboxer with broken glass to do it.
-
It's very messy and I've no idea where I'd get blowfish spleen from.
-
He should have known better than to say some shit like that to one of us. Seriously I bet he went home and read our posts last night and was puking through his tears
-
he got lead poisoning
-
There's some loathed TB'ers (AnimalStructure, M-O-M) that wouldn't provoke this shitstorm. I don't think I'm one of them
-
We were not gonna let that bullshit slide.BTW...saw Bad Boys again ('82 film with Sean Penn) a few nights ago, and I realized that they stole 2for2true's idea for beating the shit outta someone: throwing unopened coke cans into a pillow case (made a tear come to my eye of course), and proceeded to swing away.
-
it was pretty damn good. No mouth stabbings, but you know, you can't win them all
-
if not spoiler, there's a scene where Russel Crow is stabing someone in the face with a fork or something, it made me think of 2for2true
-
Though with you mentioning that scene, what a shout-out to 2for2true.
-
Feb 01, 2008 8:02:46 AM CST
come to think of it there is a face stab in Pan's Labyrithn too
by kloipy
2for2true has made it to the world of cinema
-
he can stare at the sun and the sun will go blind
-
2for2true is credited on the film> Because he'd finished sharpening his biro (he's hard but not bright) and there was going to be some serious mouthstabbings if he didn't get recognition.
-
stabs someone in the neck with a biro and they die. But I may be imagining it.
-
had a foot stabbing with a pencil, not as cool as a mouth stabbing, but that was just 2true's apprentice
-
Stabbed in the eye...I chuckled when I saw that.
-
I wish it was a pencil though.
-
I'll have to think about it. did you know that true performs tracheotomies with used biros on badgers just for kicks.
-
I realize she got stabbed in the throat...
-
how about the eyeball gouge in Zombi 2? It was a wood slinter, pencil's are made from wood
-
It was that crappy neck thingy she had on.
-
in movies these days
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zfBuvA2cS6M
-
Have to wait till I get home for that one
-
It just never fucking works
-
I'm so ready for spring
-
dude sharping a pencil and then shoving said pencil up nose, and then slamming head against desk to break pencil.yeah, I can't wait for it to warm up. It seems to be just raining here.
-
It's sunny here. It's still fucking cold though.
-
esp. here on the east coast, it's either freezing and snowing or hot and humid. and Pillow, I can't wait to see that vid
-
so I really shouldn't be smug.
-
it only rained when I was in Ireland
-
Seriously, last summer was the wettest in history. Massive swathes of the country flooded.
-
they had such a drought they were running out of any water at all.
-
he just looks up to the sky and says "give me your best shot, I can take it".
-
he know goes under the handle Braff08, just thought I'd let you know
-
Perhaps he needs to fly to LA and combat drippy little vomiting whore to the death.
-
he's over there in the top Indy TB right now
-
but glovedone just got a Total Fucking Destruction! hahaha
-
Warwick Davis will play a hunk of bear meat in his next film. The meat will appear on a table in the dining car of the 12:00am subway train. In another shot, Warwick will also play the table itself. 2true told me these things.
-
for nine years. No wait, that was Chuck Norris.
-
2for2true challenged a volcano to a duel. Guess who's still standing? Not the volcano.
-
Climbed Everest? When he ran out of supplies he used his watch face to catch the sunlight and attract vultures, and killed them with precisely aimed icicles fashioned from his own urine. No wait, that was me.
-
2for2true taught me how.
-
that 2for2true adopted fifteen orphans, raised them to the age of twelve, and then had them fight each other to the death for a college education and a pack of smokes.
-
Never double dips the chip.
-
2for2true tied a man to the railroad tracks, but when the train came by on a different rail, he died anyway out of fear. 2for2true turned and said to me "let that be a lesson to you."
-
on his SAT's.
-
Plus one point over perfect.
-
In the pencil industry. He received a lifetime supply of free pencils.
-
thanks for the help on these, we can always use more people to add to the legend
-
I am very very displeased
-
he got banned again this afternoon Hahahahaha
-
I having joygasms.
-
he kept spewing his stupid shit, total fucking destruction even came in to thrash him, then next thing I know I reload the page and he's gone
-
That is, a different one from the CoC. I see him occasionally, but he stays away from CoC TB's. If Batman or Indy TB comes around, he will be there
Readers Talkback
User Login
Top Talkbacks
- Whitney Houston 1963 - 2012 -- 325 total posts 322 posts
- New JUDGE DREDD post production footage pops up -- 106 total posts 106 posts
- HANNA's Saoirse Ronan to boss around seven little people -- 63 total posts 60 posts
- Does ‘SNL’ Rhyme With ‘Deschanel’?? Learn Which SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE Vet Hosts After Sexy Zooey!! -- 74 total posts 58 posts
- There's a STAR TREK video game that is going to lead into JJ's STAR TREK 2 apparently... -- 159 total posts 51 posts
- If the Behind the Scenes Pics of the Day drops her pen, pick it up, but don’t look at her legs or else it will be on your record. -- 47 total posts 41 posts
- AVENGERS enemy revealed as pink boardgame pieces... You might suffer some form of elation... SPOILERS!!! -- 161 total posts 34 posts
- To Commemorate The 3D Release Of STAR WARS EPISODE I: THE PHANTOM MENACE, George Lucas Wants You To Know...Greedo Shoots First!! -- 488 total posts 33 posts
- Friday Brings SWEEPS DAY NINE!! Gab Here About Tonight’s FRINGE!! Plus Einstein on TIM, Wiig On PORTLANDIA, MAHER, CLONE, GIFTED, GRIMM, SPARTACUS, SUPERNATURAL, GOLD RUSH And More!! -- 121 total posts 23 posts
- Here's The Red Band Trailer For Drafthouse Films' THE FP! -- 70 total posts 20 posts