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Moriarty’s Seen CLOVERFIELD and PARANORMAL ACTIVITY!!

Hey, everyone. “Moriarty” here. Hey, have you guys heard about this film called CLOVERFIELD? Evidently, it’s a giant monster movie that was shot like it’s all a handheld consumer camera in real-time while the things smashes up the city. Sounds cool. Now if only there were some sort of... marketing or something that might tell me when it’s coming out. Let’s start with what I like about CLOVERFIELD: I think there’s a lot of visual imagination in the way certain moments are staged, and I think there are few films that better capture the panic and the chaos of a crisis in a big city. The film sets up some great moments and the way it just hints at the bigger picture instead of spelling everything out is appreciated. In general, I enjoyed it. What I didn’t like about CLOVERFIELD is the way it gives the nitpickers too much ammo to ignore. It’s a film based on one insanely gigantic plot contrivance –- a monster on the loose in New York City –- and asking the audience to swallow more than that is unfair. I love the aesthetic of this film. I love the idea of a found footage documentary that is simply cobbled together from camera phones and video cameras and that makes an unreal event feel absolutely real. And that’s what works for me as I’m watching CLOVERFIELD. I’ve seen it twice now. The first time at Paramount, it was in the super-deluxe Paramount theater and the sound was cranked so loud it broke one dude’s glass eye. True story. The first time around, I was knocked on my ass by that sound mix, and the power of some of the imagery was so fantastic that I found myself needing to see it again. I played those moments back in my head the way you play back real memory, trying to piece together what I’d seen. Like that one quick glimpse you get just before they duck into the subway... did it really look the way I think it did? And what did that parasite thing do to Marlena in the tunnel? It looked like it was stabbing her, but it was all so quick... But the second time... The second time, I took my wife to the Winnetka Shitbox 500 around the corner from my house because it was really close and started at the exact right moment for our schedule, and the sound was nowhere near as tweaked as that first viewing. And part of what made that first viewing work so well for me was the sensory overload. Watching it without that enhancement, I digested it more completely, and my reaction was somewhat muted. I still enjoyed it, but the film’s flaws are more apparent during that second viewing. What I would ultimately compare it to is a Disney ride. I know, I know... the “theme park ride” comparison is nothing new in terms of talking about summer movies, but this felt specifically like a ride you’d go to at Walt Disney World. First you ride through a New York hipster’s apartment, and there’s a party going on with all these animatronic hipsters, and then there’s a sound outside, and then you’re on the roof and there’s a fireball and things blowing up buildings around you, and then you race down through the building while it shakes, then outside in the street for the Statue of Liberty head to land, then... you get the point. It's experiential, but completely safe. The moment in the film that really nailed that feeling for me was when Rob and Hud and Lily are on the street and they get caught between the Army and the monster, and there are suddenly rocket launchers going off and machine guns and the hipsters all have to hide behind cars, and it’s totally fucking ridiculous, but it still feels like you’re right there, and that’s ultimately the answer to any of the absurdities in Drew Goddard’s script. People do the things they do so that you can see the cool things you see. Try to justify the motivations beyond that, and the film will drive you insane. Hud, in particular, is a device. He does two things: he films when no one would keep filming, and he does so in a fairly cinematic way that has just enough “reality” to it to sell the gag, and he makes wise-cracks. T.J. Miller definitely does what he is asked to do as Hud, and it’s a thankless role. He gets a few good laughs in the film, and there are a few more that are at his expense. My favorite is the Superman/Garfield exchange between him and Marlena, played by Lizzy Caplan. I wish more of the film had more of a zing in the dialogue. I appreciate the intent to try to make everything feel improv and loose and real, but I also like well-written dialogue and characters, and I like Goddard’s work most of the time. He’s got a great ear, and he’s funny and he does mysterious and “holy shit!” really well, so more of him would have helped, I think. Still, I appreciate CLOVERFIELD as an experience, and I hope that anyone considering seeing it is going to do so while it’s still in the theater. You need to see it as loud as you can, and in a theater unless you know for a fact that you get motion sickness from first-person video games and handheld video projected. It’s interesting to see just how many people claim to be adversely affected by this. I don’t understand it personally. I’ve never had video footage make me feel motion-sick. However, I sympathize, and I think it must be frustrating and annoying to see so many filmmakers embrace an aesthetic that makes you physically ill. Even if watching CLOVERFIELD doesn’t make you actually vomit, there are people who seem to be almost angry about the entire “found footage” genre. Wait... I take that back. I don’t think you can call that a genre. It’s a device. A sort of a narrative framework. You can do pretty much anything with it... horror or comedy or drama or tearjerker or action film... it just depends on how clever you are about how you use the device. And I think it’s important that you be upfront with your audience... movies like this shouldn’t be sold as “real.” Yes, while you watch it, you’re meant to believe it as reality, but I think it’s important to be clear with people that your film is fiction before they sit down to watch it. I saw just how wrong that can go this year at BNAT when Tim League and I decided to introduce THE POUGHKEEPSIE TAPES as a documentary. I don’t care who you are... if you’re considering selling one of these films... listen to me. Do not lie to your audience. They don’t appreciate it. They don’t think it’s fun. They aren’t going to thank you for it later. Just tell them it’s fiction, and then let them enjoy it on that level. If it works as a film, it will work without you trying to set up an elaborate mythology and pull some big WAR OF THE WORLDS style gag on the viewer. Case in point: I’m not sure who is going to buy PARANORMAL ACTIVITY after it screens at Slamdance, but I’m fairly sure someone will. It’s an accomplished little thriller that uses the “found footage” framework to tell a ghost story that is more effective than any remake of a Japanese ghost story that the studios have offered up in the last five years. So when you buy it, Hypothetical Distributor, do yourself a favor. Right away, play it straight. When you sell it, use the actors. When you put up the website, don’t try to convince me it’s real. The thing about these viral games and this sort of “extended reality” thing is that you have to be careful. Too much of it can turn the audience against your film or create expectations your film can’t deliver. When people invested time and attention in all the online games for CLOVERFIELD (which wasn’t that much, truth be told... a few websites updated sporadically with a few cryptic bits and pieces), they built up this mythology that they thought was going to play out in the film. However, by the very nature of what kind of movie they set out to make, director Matt Reeves and writer Goddard and producer Abrams never planned to offer ANY answers, something which has infuriated some viewers. Right now, PARANORMAL ACTIVITY does not have a page on the IMDb. Right now, the film has a very small web presence, and trying to find out any information about the writer/director can be maddening. I wanted to dig deeper and do some reading after seeing the film, but I ran into a wall. The film was shown twice at the Slamdance festival, on the 18th and the 20th, and it also played at Screamfest in LA back in October. But so far, it’s hard to find any information on it. This trailer was cut for the Slamdance screenings, and it’s a good representation of what to expect:
Evidently, there’s been some work done on the film since that Screamfest LA premiere, and what I saw is what’s playing now, the new version of the film. It’s tight, it’s genuinely scary, and I think it’s got real commercial potential. One thing it has going for it that CLOVERFIELD never quite got right is the empathy thing: star Katie Featherston makes you not only believe, but also give a shit. The film matters more because you care. I know. Seems simple, right? The single biggest complaint about CLOVERFIELD is that nobody likes the kids that you’re supposed to follow through the movie. I’m a little surprised at just how much everyone hates them... they didn’t strike me as “rich fucking douchebags,” as I’ve seen many talkbacks describe them. But I don’t think any of the characters are defined enough or interesting enough to really pull you through the film. What works is the situation, not the people. In PARANORMAL ACTIVITY, it is essential that you like Katie because this isn’t a city-scaled disaster. This is something that is specifically happening to one person. This is a targeted haunting. It is an attempt to break her down, and the film demands that you feel what she feels in order for it to work completely. The night after I watched this one, I gave the disc to my sister-in-law, who was on her way out to spend the night with her boyfriend. She’s a horror fan, and I was curious to see if something that has so little overt material in it, with no gore and no big-budget effects, could win her over. The next day, I saw her at lunch, and I asked her what she thought of it. She punched me in the chest, hard enough to bruise me, and told me that she didn’t sleep at all because of the movie, and neither did her boyfriend. She asked me if it was real, and for about two seconds, I wanted to play PT Barnum with her, but I believe what I said above... that’s a mistake. It just gets people mad later. So I explained that it’s just a movie, and the relief that poured off of her was practically visible. The movie really got under her skin. It’s a film that really does play to the most basic and primal fears we have. Loss of control over our lives. Fear of the dark. Fear of the unknown. What happens when your home, the one place you should feel safest, suddenly becomes unsafe for you? Katie Featherston plays “Katie” in the film, and Micah Sloat plays “Micah.” They’re a young couple who are still fairly new to living together at the start of the film. Micah is the primary cameraman in the film, something that begins because Katie reveals to him, not long after they move in together, that she has experienced several strange things over the course of her life that could be described as “hauntings.” Now a few odd things have happened in their house, and she’s afraid it may be starting again. Micah’s fascinated, and he can’t help but view her problem as a project, something to solve or fix or just plain enjoy. The film’s scares start small, but don’t be fooled into thinking this is going to be a case of never seeing anything. It may not be an effects-oriented film, and it may not deal in much gore... hell, I think this could get a PG if not for language... but the film definitely plays it straight and gives you a haunting for your $10. It delivers. There are still plenty of questions left to argue about after the film’s wrenching conclusion, but you’ll feel satisfied. It’s a real movie, with a real beginning, middle, and end. And that’s the biggest trick with these found footage films... they have to play it “real,” but also adhere to certain conventions of narrative. They have to tell us a story with characters and all the devices of storytelling, and they have to do so in a way that never quite overtly acknowledges that a story is being told. That’s not easy. I sort of liked the way Drew Goddard and Matt Reeves handled flashbacks in CLOVERFIELD, with a glitch in the recording offering up an earlier day that had been taped over with the events of the film. They’re too perfectly timed, a little too perfectly written, but it’s a clever solution to a difficult problem. PARANORMAL ACTIVITY negotiates some of the trickier narrative stuff with ease, and the film never once feels like it’s straining against the restrictions of the device. It never felt to me like the film was trying to cheat. Everything you see could arguably have been taped by the characters this way, and I don’t really see anything here that pushes my credulity to the breaking point. Overall, this is one of those horror films that I would feel comfortable recommending to almost anyone, and that’s rare. The only caveat is “Do you want to be scared?” and if the answer is yes, then I’d say this film’s a safe bet. I haven’t seen DIARY OF THE DEAD or [REC] or REDACTED yet, and I would imagine that there are many more “found footage” films in production or even in post already. I don’t think this device is going anywhere. I just hope that as more filmmakers try their hand at this type of storytelling, they tell stories that are worth telling. Otherwise, it’s just an empty exercise in technique, and at this point, that’s not enough to justify the time and effort.


Drew McWeeny, Los Angeles

Readers Talkback
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  • Jan. 25, 2008, 5:24 a.m. CST

    I wanna see Paranormal

    by brassai2003

    it sounds awesome, finally!

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 5:29 a.m. CST

    Spoiler Warning Mori - For God Sake

    by Samson_K

    I stopped reading at the bit with Marlena being stabbbed - it's not out in the fucking UK yet! Jesus!

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 5:29 a.m. CST

    First????????????????? Oh please!

    by HarryBlackPotter

    Cannibal Holocuast was the first and best Found Footage movie.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 5:31 a.m. CST

    You know what they'll say

    by theBigE

    Dumb Horror fans will be pissed off if there's no gore. I loved Blair Witch myself, and there was no gore in it at all. This looks fantastically creepy!

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 5:32 a.m. CST

    Another Case of Spoiler Going Up after Review

    by Samson_K

    Still the good thing is that I know that one character gets stabbed or something by a parasite! That'll enhance the film when I go and see it. Thanks

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 5:33 a.m. CST

    Sorry, Samson...

    by drew mcweeny

    ... I didn't realize that. I put a spoiler warning on the article now.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 5:33 a.m. CST

    Moriarty's Seen CORVETTE SUMMER

    by Garbageman33

    Love the timeliness of the Cloverfield review.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 5:35 a.m. CST

    No Worries Mori - thanks for the fast response

    by Samson_K

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 5:40 a.m. CST

    Paranormal Activity looks good.

    by Vek

    Hopefully way better than My Little Eye, because that movie was shite.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 5:48 a.m. CST

    Great review, Mori

    by Vamp-AICNchat

    When you reviewing Rambo?

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 5:51 a.m. CST

    CloverField SUCKS

    by sonnyfern

    10 minutes of monster stuff (that's being generous) 10 minutes for the subway attack (again being generous) what the hell happened during the rest of the movie? People climbing up stairs and walking down hallways...that's about it. Biggest scam in movie history. The Host proved that you can show the monster as much as you want and it'd stay cool no matter what...and I still have no idea what the Cloverfield monster looks like...kinda like a Cave Troll from LOTR's maybe? Did it have 6 legs? 10? Two heads? For months we've been told that the monster was something original and special and amazing...but the damn thing lacked any kind of personality whatsoever. Biggest letdown EVER.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 5:53 a.m. CST

    sonnyfern...

    by Vamp-AICNchat

    ...thanks for that description, it doesn't come out here till next week!!

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 5:57 a.m. CST

    Beware CBS

    by Yeti

    Cloverfield Barfing Syndrome. Someone must have been struck by it when we went to a matinee last Sunday cause I was all"Ewww whats that funky smell?"

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 5:59 a.m. CST

    Vamp-AICN

    by sonnyfern

    The scene Mori described, where the soldiers are shooting the monster...could've been amazing...but the guy with the camera points the camera at his friends for 85% of the scene...it's RIDICULOUS, and it really pissed me off. I was yelling at the screen "Point the god damn camera AT THE MONSTER!" But nope...his friend across the street is much more interesting than a giant monster getting shot by rocket launchers I guess...

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 6:01 a.m. CST

    Hang on...

    by TheBigDogg

    You had a problem with a giant monster tearing up New York being contrived? Have you ever seen, like, movies?

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 6:04 a.m. CST

    Exactly! Flawed But Fun, Derivative Yet Unique

    by LaserPants

    There are so many stupid and nonsensical things that happen in the movie thats its hard to take it too seriously. BUT, it is an entertaining and unique take on the giant monster genre, and for that its worth praise. A good attempt, a good experiment, but ultimately corny, ridiculous, and safe. I liked it, I thought it was fun, but I don't think I'll ever watch it again, and nor did I succumb to the notion that its the second cumming. This is more or less the same way I felt about Blair Witch -- a cool, fun, unique movie, but not nearly as great as the hype pretended it was.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 6:13 a.m. CST

    I love theme park rides!

    by Sakurai

    I doubt Cloverfield has any worth outside of seeing it on the big screen. I enjoyed it in the theaters, but I couldn't imagine sitting on the couch at home and putting Cloverfield into the dvd player and enjoying it even a 1/5 as I did in the theater. Great review Moriarty.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 6:21 a.m. CST

    So your sister 100% believes in Ghosts!?

    by FILMFUNK

    Nuts! I could never for the life of me understand why people thought the Blair Witch was REAL!? I guess most have an inbuilt willingness gene that lets them think stuff like this is the real deal. Would explain the ilogical openness to Miracles and religion and the irational wish to make the on set coincidences like with the Omen or the Excorcist or the death of someone famous or popular like Brandon Lee or Heath ledger into something darker or more symbolic than it actually is! The Joker did not Kill him!?<P>This does look creepy and hopefully it will be technically well done coz i aint been scared by a horror film in ages!

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 6:26 a.m. CST

    Saw Cloverfield last night...it was So-So..

    by jojo-pimp

    great monster...some really cool action scenes...but the whole movie did feel a little too "blair witch"..just like i suspected. Its a gimmick that gets old very quick. Some parts of the movie, it worked, other parts, you just wanna yell at the director for not switching to a steady cam! all in all...i still give it a 7/10

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 6:30 a.m. CST

    HarryBlackPotter

    by brassai2003

    THIRD!!!! Bwahahahahaha...you got owned son!

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 6:34 a.m. CST

    cloverhype

    by palewook

    is last week. lemmings have followed each other. let the dust settle. <p> see if ppl still consider this a great work of film in say 6 months. <p> cloverfield is a one trick pony with a thin script that won't hold up long term. as for hating its characters, what people are trying to express and failing to do so, cloverfield's cast manages to come off as bores. and you couldn't care about one person in the cast after 80 minutes.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 6:43 a.m. CST

    Your point about the audience

    by Avitable

    Moriarty, Blair Witch worked with both the people who thought it was real (and there were many) and those who realized it wasn't. Just because you had a bad experience with one geek audience, I don't think that can necessarily be applied to the moviegoing audience as a whole.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 6:46 a.m. CST

    Cloverfield

    by D o o d

    Ok so I saw this last night here in Amsterdam. Moriarty is absolutely correct in saying that you really don't give a shit about the characters in it. When they die, you just go "whatever". One interesting thing to note is that I saw it in a packed theatre and when the film ended, pretty much EVERYONE in the room shouted at once,"WHAT??" I'm not saying that the film was bad, it was ok, but I think all that hype has had a negative effect on peoples expectations.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 6:51 a.m. CST

    Didn't have a problem with the characters...

    by sonnyfern

    I'm used to not caring about characters in flicks. It's a rare nowadays that the people in the movie are really worth following, if the movie would've had cooler stuff going on, I would've been fine. I just wish they could've thought up some really cool stuff for the monster to do. We don't see it really eat anybody, and when we do (avoiding spoilers) it's really the only moment I liked even a little, but the monster doesn't flip cars over to take cover...or step on people, it doesn't DO anything and again, it wouldn't have taken any mystique or anything away from it at all. It would've given the monster some personality. How did they expect to create an iconic monster if it really never seems to have a brain? Notice how no review ever praises the monster about all the great stuff it did? That's because it didn't do any great stuff...because we never see it for more than 30 second at a time. No thanks... The movie had one of the greatest campaigns in history, I'll always remember the marketing and trailers...but the movie just didn't deliver for me.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 6:53 a.m. CST

    So much for the ultimatum

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    At this point I think Mori owes Harry money.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 6:58 a.m. CST

    I disagree a little about lying to your audience

    by V'Shael

    The same way your sister thought that movie might have been real, and it made it more shocking for her... My sister had that same experience with Blair Witch. While I hated the movie (knowing it was bull) she thought it was real going in. (I lied.) <p> And as such, it scared the crap out of her. <p> A lie can work, sometimes.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 7:12 a.m. CST

    This site waxes JJ's sack

    by quantize

    really, how fucking easy are these guys going on this film?! We haven't had one single review that at the very least vaguely resembles the deep split in critical response to Cloverfield. Pathetic. Yes we know a lot of weenies loved it. A lot were repulsed by its sheer stupidity and given Harry's splooge over it you would think ONE review could enunciate the MASSIVE crater sized flaws in the film, much less that JJ is pulling this shitty mystery stunt over and over and over.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 7:19 a.m. CST

    I´m interested in Cloverfield

    by CuervoJones

    I´ve read like dozens of spoilers now, but still..<br>.Oh, i love Blair Witch. That movie scared the shit out of me.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 7:24 a.m. CST

    Blair Witch > Cloverfield

    by The Decider

    And that is a sad, sad truth.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 7:25 a.m. CST

    Rich douchebags

    by RenoNevada2000

    The "rich douchebags" and similar comments about the characters in CLOVERFIELD has always confused me. Just because one lives in NYC doesn't make one rich by any stretch. I have to wonder about the geographical location of those who have hurled such complaints.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 7:25 a.m. CST

    About the motion sickness.

    by Psyclops

    I was surprised to discover that I'm sensitive to that kind of thing when I went to my first showing of CLOVERFIELD last week and made the mistake of sitting a bit too close to the screen. It was about halfway through the film, right around the subway tunnel sequence, when I got hit with this wave of nausea and had shut my eyes. I had the same problem when I saw George Romero's DIARY OF THE DEAD at Screamfest last October but I didn't realize at the time why I started getting sick. Thing is, I've never had that reaction before. I've seen plenty of films in the same style including THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT and things like rollercoasters have never been a problem for me. I'd say if you're sensitive to that kind of handheld style you might want to try sitting a little further back from the screen. I saw the film two more times over the week and didn't have a problem. And yes, I did enjoy the movie so I risked seeing it again.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 7:30 a.m. CST

    Roger Myers, Jr. Comments on This Review

    by Aquatarkusman

    Bart: I guess you don't need it now, but, we had a plan too. // Myers: Hey, great, listen, write it down and mail it to last week, when I might've cared.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 7:31 a.m. CST

    I'm not so sure there's a difference

    by Monkey Butler

    between this and Blair Witch. In both cases, whether you think they're 'real' or not, you go in looking to be entertained in some way. Mori's right, the found footage is a device, which in both Cloverfield and Blair Witch work particularly well, because both films play to the strengths of the gimick - immediacy and relative isolation. So sure, much of Cloverfield is contrived and obviously framed, but it's still entertaining because it's RIGHT. FUCKING. THERE. If the exact same Cloverfield story had been treated like a Godzilla movie, following the military or the government or the scientists trying to kill it, it would be terrible. But for what it is, it succeeds well enough to be worth paying to see on the big screen, at least once. <p> That said, and I think this may be a pretty common non-American opinion, but I actually cared more about the people that weren't Hud (not that I can actually remember their names or anything). I'm really sick of the American Everyman being the main character. I'd rather have one of the "rich, pretty douchebags" as the cameraman than an annoying unfit loser who makes bad one-liners and can't talk to The Girl but is endearing because, hey, he's just like someone I know. In a found film, characters can't really exist, you need archetypes and stereotypes. Cloverfield seems to try to have it both ways - Hud seems like the Everyman, but he also seems like the uncertain guy who matures and Gets The Girl. The former is annoying, and the latter doesn't fit into a found film. <p>

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 7:42 a.m. CST

    Nothing like immediacy...

    by quantize

    to document a soap opera in a monster attack. really keeps the attention.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 7:47 a.m. CST

    wont get fooled again!! No more SHAKY CAM!!!!!

    by BMacSmith

    i hated the part where Hud the annoying fuck and his friends get caught between the army and the monster. instead of filming the action, he instead decideds to film the two guys across the street, robbing me of the coolest scene in the movie. All I got were people hiding. wow. Fuck this shit. no Paranormal Activity, no Diary of the Dead. NEVER AGAIN!

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 7:48 a.m. CST

    my feelings on Cloverfield

    by Kloipy

    After reading through the more than disappointed tb’s about Cloverfield. I decided to drop any thought of grandeur from this picture. Especially after reading Harry’s MORE than generous review (I believe Harry may have seen the wrong movie, but thought he was watching Cloverfield or maybe he just dreamt about it). After reading peoples descriptions of the monster, not what it looked like, but how everyone said “I loved the way it moved/it was so limber” I kind of figured, I’m not gonna see this thing am I. So I saw it. I thought it was good. But it will also only be good once. Once you see it, that’s it, there’s no mystery, no real reason to watch it again. But I thought there was some really cool stuff in the movie, just not enough of it. However, I think J.J. was completely off balance in doing all the viral marketing. I mean it was awesome having all those secrets and trying to piece together what it was going to be. But then when you see the movie. It’s just like, what’s the fucking point of all that? The websites made it seem like we were going to see an epic, terrifying film. Then it just turns out to be just alright. Which is a bad thing to do when you’ve been hyping people up for how many months. I think blair witch did it better. But that’s just my personal preference. Cannibal Holocaust is probably the best at all out panic and sheer horror at atrocity. But one can only see that movie so many time, ie once.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 7:53 a.m. CST

    Garbageman33.....

    by BilboRing

    That was funny as shit. Corvette Summer. People on this website are insane. But funny. Moriarty's seen Jurassic Park!!!

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 7:56 a.m. CST

    Master Shake Comments on Film Realness

    by Aquatarkusman

    Frylock: The Highlander was just a movie, I mean..// Master Shake: Oh, Frylock. The Highlander was a documentary.. and the events happened in real time.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 7:56 a.m. CST

    Moriarty's chosen the phonograph and here's why

    by Kloipy

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 8 a.m. CST

    How much do you owe Harry now Mori?

    by henrydalton

    Pay it in cakes.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 8:03 a.m. CST

    I get motion sickness from 1st-person video games!

    by chrth

    Tried to play Metroid Prime for the Wii and almost vomited all over the place. I'll wait for DVD.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 8:10 a.m. CST

    chrth

    by Ray Garraty #47

    I have a friend who has to take Dramamine before we play Halo. I'd never heard of that before.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 8:20 a.m. CST

    Moriarty Chooses DVD over VHS and Here's Why

    by BilboRing

    LOL!!!

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 8:20 a.m. CST

    CloverField S**TSandwich...anyone hungry???

    by Tha Tohdouble

    Morz, you've got at least a much better review of C*NTFIELD than Harry. Come On,,,,,,,,how can you not be mad at the POOR CGI that was COMPARABLE TO JABBA THE HUTT IN LUCAS's REDO OF SW 4!!! It was BAD CGI, BAD "Camera" Work, BAD ACTING, BAD SCRIPT, BAD DIALOGUE,,,and these people are claiming it's still good? WTF? HOW IS WATCHING A BAD HOME MOVIE GOOD CINEMA??? IT IS BORRING, GIMME THE REMOTE GODDAMIT AND LET ME SKIP 95% OF THIS SHIT!!! A SHITSANDWICH IS STILL A SHITSANDWICH,,,consider me full...(wait for it...) of Shit?! Ha. ps...please u pathetic fags, don't turn this into another classism debate.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 8:22 a.m. CST

    I don't think thrill ride is really the analogy here

    by FluffyUnbound

    Remember the technology in STRANGE DAYS where the device captured a person's experience and you could do a walk through of that experience if you wore the little tiara? I think CLOVERFIELD is like that. And if you got a disc for that device of someone who, for example, was going to be murdered in a couple of hours, a lot of what they were doing would seem boring and pointless, and you might get pissed that the guy doesn't turn around and look behind him when the murderer is sneaking up on him, and you might think, "If this stupid fucker had just not gone walking around the park at two in the morning none of this would have happened," and essentially you could make all the criticisms of the experience that people make of CLOVERFIELD. But you know what? It would still be fucking fucked up, and would still be so much more intense than a "real movie" that it would have to be illegal, just like it was in STRANGE DAYS.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 8:23 a.m. CST

    Moriarty Catches the Midnight Showing of Terminator..He'll Be Ba

    by BilboRing

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 8:28 a.m. CST

    YOUUUUUU CRANK DAT CLOVERFIELD

    by turketron

    I agree, the sound was one of the best parts. I enjoyed this movie.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 8:32 a.m. CST

    Tanya Roberts!

    by TheBloop

    Oh, I thought we were still talking about MILFs. Any one see the TV Series "Paranormal State"? I wonder how much of that is made up for the camera. If it is all true, holy shit!

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 8:39 a.m. CST

    bloop-MILF'S rule and paranormal state suck

    by Kloipy

    dude, that whole show looks scripted. I live pretty close to Penn State, and although there are a lot of weird paranormal activity here in PA, I think that show is just full of shit. I can't stand the lead guy. "oh no, Belial is after me! Don't say his name! I saw ghosts as a child! I like buttholes!"

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 8:43 a.m. CST

    Paranormal State Guy

    by TheBloop

    Yeah he needs to lighten the fuck up, At least the boys in Sci Fi Channels Ghost Hunters have a sense of humor. Plus, I'd tag their case manager. By the way, my fav MILF now is the red headed mom on Flip this House (the one in texas)

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 8:45 a.m. CST

    thank you, mori - but...

    by LegoKenobi

    ...i really wanted to see what you thought about the ending. besides that, though, i'm glad to read your two cents. i really liked it, and i think that your disappointment with your second viewing stemmed from the fact that all the surprise is gone.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 8:46 a.m. CST

    yeah, she's kinda hot

    by Kloipy

    so is the host of that Most Haunted. But i hate that show too

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 8:48 a.m. CST

    Wait..Your Sister-In-Law

    by lecter1914

    Has a boyfriend??? Is her boyfriend your brother that shes not yet married to but you consider her an inlaw or what? I'm confused..sorry.....anyways...CLOVERFIELD could have been great, but I agree with mori. After giving us the already heavy task of suspending our disbelief about a giant monster attacking NYC...dont pile on a bunch of other implausibilities (ROB climbing into a toppled high rise to save some broad he had a crush on) and expect us to eat those too.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 8:52 a.m. CST

    Mori, this is the BEST Cloverfield review I've read

    by ZoeFan

    And I've read a lot. How you describe the movie as a whole is dead on. Your pointing out of the strenths and weaknesses of the movie is perfect. Job well done. I would suggest this review to anyone on the fence of whether to see it or not.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 8:59 a.m. CST

    Good Review, but TOO LATE!

    by TheBloop

    But to the dude who said the Blair Witch Project was better, stay off the drugs. You can't even give that film points for being the first of its kind, that would go to the "Last Broadcast", the new jersey devil fake-documentary

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 9:01 a.m. CST

    HEY MCWEENY - I SHARED YOUR OPINION AOUT CLOVERCRAB

    by BringingSexyBack

    You forgot to mention how hot Beth is. Here's a reminder ... http://tinyurl.com/2uco5a ... she puts Megan Fucks to shame. <p> Although I agree with not putting much, or any, confidence in the characters' motivations, I did think the final scene was very poignant and elevated Rob and Beth's story. <p> Looking forward to seeing Paranormal ...

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 9:05 a.m. CST

    Great job...

    by rutgersjaffo

    Thanks for the honest and fair Cloverfield review. Addressing the bizarre hate of the characters for who or what they are is a nice tip of the hat to the rest of us who have been baffled by persons using that as a 'reason' to hate this film. I think you nailed it here: Fun film, a little different, maybe--like most films you will ever see--it doesn't hold up as well upon repeat viewings. I'm gonna go see it a second time this weekend and check the effect for myself. Again, thanks for the honest and fair approach here!

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 9:07 a.m. CST

    found footage comedy?

    by Kloipy

    on April 4th, 2008 a tape was found in the bathroom. This is the true story of two men living on nothing but refried beans and coke syrup. the govt found the tapes. The tapes are now know as; Fart Town

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 9:07 a.m. CST

    Saw it last night (Cloverfield)...

    by Kid Z

    ...liked it, but agree one viewing is really enough. Things that bugged me: What the fuck kind of consumer-grade video camera can shoot images that are that high-quality? I was expecting more of a ratty Blair Witch look. Also... Hud you dumbass, when a gigantic monster stomps toward you... you RUN! Things I liked: Harry was right... that was one fucked up looking monster... like something out of a Heironymous Bosch painting. And, having lived in New York, every goddamn location was familiar, which probably increased my enjoyment of the movie.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 9:10 a.m. CST

    we need a monster movie set in the country

    by Kloipy

    The monster hides out, living off cattle until it is able to go fucking crazy on hillbillys. Also said hill folk only have muskets and pitchforks to defend themselves. One shot is from the POV from a mountain looking down as the monsters stomps over the pattern fields

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 9:18 a.m. CST

    Let's not even bring up Ghost Hunters...

    by Kid Z

    ...I hate that show and any other show where idiots wander around a deliberately darkened house/hotel/shuttered insane asylum using a night filter so everyones eyes glow in that spooky green color. I mean, they can't just leave the lights on? According to supernatural lore, ghosts can appear any time of the day or night. So you watch this BS for an hour and these morons find only "cold spots" beside leaky old window frames, "electromagnetic readings" while standing next to wall sockets or lighting fixtures, or capture images of "orbs" which are obviously just out-of-focus dust motes floating close to the camera lenses. The producers of these shows are laughing at you all the way to the bank you dumb f**in' feebs!

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 9:21 a.m. CST

    Ghost Hunters OWNS

    by TheBloop

    Non-believer! Outlander! Pussy!

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 9:21 a.m. CST

    it's hilarious on Most Haunted when that dude

    by Kloipy

    gets "posessed" every single show.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 9:21 a.m. CST

    Re: Paranormal State

    by rutgersjaffo

    That show is total crap. Why is it that the guys on Ghost Hunters rarely see or hear anything, but Douchie LaRou and his merry band of chumps manage to catch Lucifer himself on film like weekly?!

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 9:23 a.m. CST

    the worst was Celeb Ghost Hunter

    by Kloipy

    everything was so fucking fake on that shit

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 9:24 a.m. CST

    LOL rutgersjaffo

    by Kloipy

    it's true. I hate how he does those shitty tape recordings of his "diary". "Today I saw a ghost, i pooped my pants. things are getting crazy, must consult the elders.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 9:29 a.m. CST

    WCW wrestler on Ghost Hunters

    by TheBloop

    Come'on, that beats the hell out of Flavor of Love.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 9:33 a.m. CST

    Idea for a show, Cave Chase

    by Kloipy

    you set people in an uncharted, underground cave, turn off all the lights and make them search for the way out. Set tigers loose. Enjoy

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 9:34 a.m. CST

    So Mori...

    by The_Squid

    Where's your top ten dude?

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 9:34 a.m. CST

    I loved Cloverfield

    by Datascream

    people seem to have the idea that any monster movie should look like every other monster movie. When the kids are inbetween the monster and the military with the firefighting going on, the main reason why HUD never shot it was because of pure terror. If you were in the same situation more then likely you would be in a state of panic, you just wanna get the fuck outta there before you get killed. It seems viewers nowadays and more intoned with how the actor would respond in the movie but not an actual person, which who these people are supposed to be. No REAL person would climb out of their hiding place and and walk out in the middle of the firefight to film the fucking battle. It seems most viewers just don't understand human behavior anymore, but completely understand "movie human" behavior. And granted someone continually filming these events are a bit of a stretch, but hell, news crews will still walk out into the middle of a fucking hurricane or a tornado to film that shit too. I also cared about the characters primarily because if one of my friends called me and called me for help (especially in these circumstances) I'd go help them too, there really isn't any other way I couldn't.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 9:51 a.m. CST

    Datascream I agree

    by TheBloop

    I have zero problem with the main character going back to save the girl he loved his whole life, and when you consider what his late brother said to him at the party it makes perfect sense. Now Hud going, I can see that being a little far fetched, but without him, no movie. Like in the Mist, one of my friends said the woman early in the film was crazy to leave to supermarket to go back to her kids. Fuck, I'd do it in heart beat. Guess you don't know what you would do till you have kids of your own.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 9:55 a.m. CST

    Hey conspiracy...

    by rutgersjaffo

    IT'S NOT A TRUE STORY YOU DOLT!!!! You want 'realism' in your 'MONSTER MOVIE'?! You are just a hater, dude. You hate people who look like the people in this movie and you hate this movie for the simple fact that YOU expected something YOU didn't get. Judging a movie based on hatred of people who gave you swirlies in high school and what YOU thought it should be before you even saw it is pretty lame. 'Realism in my MONSTER MOVIE'?! 'Nuff said...

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 9:56 a.m. CST

    Winnetka Shitbox 500

    by utz_world

    Damn, Drew. You shoulda at least took Wifey to Village or Grauman's. Both are a few ticks up the freeway from your hood, dude!

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 9:57 a.m. CST

    "Moriarty’s Seen CLOVERFIELD"

    by Trazadone

    That's so, 'last week'.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 9:58 a.m. CST

    The Mist was a lot better than Cloverfield

    by Kloipy

    it captured what Clovefield was trying to do a LOT better.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:01 a.m. CST

    Paranormal DESTROYS Cloverfield!

    by Kasch

    That's all I'll say.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:01 a.m. CST

    Hmmm...

    by rutgersjaffo

    You mean the way people didn't film 9/11 or the tsunami. Oh wait, actually they did. And I seem to recall many people complained that scenes in Cloverfield too closely resembled 9/11 witness footage...

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:05 a.m. CST

    people will leave their children in a burning building

    by TheBloop

    WTF? I know of people who have risked their own neck for their dog, let alone what they would do for the own children. We were vacation in Australia the summer a couple was killed by a shark while out snorkling with a party. As the wife was getting eating, the husband swam over to save her, in the process getting killed, according to the people their. If seeing a 16 foot great white killing your wife doesn't make you swim away, i don't what would be scary enough to make you leave in terror.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:08 a.m. CST

    sorry for the typos

    by TheBloop

    Typing fast while ay work. By they way, I was disappointed the Mist didn't do better at the box office. Bad time of the year to release it I think.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:08 a.m. CST

    I'd go back to save my wife

    by Kloipy

    when you are in a state of panic most you either go into fight or flight as most of you know. If it's a matter of someone you love or care deeply for you would risk your life for their safety. Otherwise you are a spineless pussy

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:08 a.m. CST

    I love the hate for Cloverfield

    by Strabo

    Overhyped piece of shit. A comment in another thread described it aptly. It's Blair Witch plus Emmerich's Godzilla, and it's pure crap. <BR><BR>The best part about the hate for Cloverfield? That none of the fanbois are connecting J.J. Abrams' smoke and mirrors on this film to the his shitty show. In three or four years Lost will be ending with about as much substance as Cloverfield, and all the fanbois will be bitching. And that's exactly what they deserve.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:09 a.m. CST

    TheBloop

    by Kloipy

    dude I agree. I've been a huge fan of the mist since I was a kid and I loved what Darabont did with the movie. But of cource people don't realize it yet, just like his other films. I'm hoping it's huge on dvd.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:09 a.m. CST

    An example...

    by rutgersjaffo

    I would even risk my life to save conspiracy. You know, so he could keep on looking for realism in his monster movies...

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:13 a.m. CST

    ABOUT TIME

    by messi

    HEATH!!!

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:14 a.m. CST

    The Mist and Lost...

    by rutgersjaffo

    Really thought they did a good job with The Mist. Always liked the story. And yes, I also enjoy Lost, but keep hating. Again, much like Cloverfield, the show is entertaining. I know full well it will never wrap up in a way that pleases all and I am fine with that. Enjoy the ride as it were. By way of an example, a roller coaster starts great and of course it goes downhill from there; that's just the way it is. If you don't like Lost and all you can do since you won't watch is rant and rave about how terribly it will end (based of course on your crystal ball), you really aren't exactly pointing out any brilliant new discovery my friend...

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:16 a.m. CST

    people on this site bitch about anything though

    by Kloipy

    Nothing is as perfect as the cartoon Transformers movie, right guys?

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:18 a.m. CST

    Love it...

    by rutgersjaffo

    Nothing funnier than a (supposedly) grown man who hates a television show(!?) so much as conspiracy hates Lost. True story: I had NO INTENTION at all of getting into Lost. The summer after it premiered, I was sitting at home with no plans one night and happened to catch the replay of the first episode. You know what? It was pretty entertaining! Lo and behold, I kept watching and guess what? I have been entertained by it ever since. I know, I know, you watch 'intelligent' shows like Dr. Who or the BBC version of The Office or whatever else is smart enough for you. But one thing you and I do NOT have in common is the need to spew such venom at things others enjoy in order to make ourselves feel better inside...

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:20 a.m. CST

    Going back for your children

    by lecter1914

    that you gave birth too and will forever be apart of your life is somewhat of a different entity then going back, and taking along your friends with you to rescue some girl you think you may be in love with and slept with once....those two dont compare. and in the Mist the woman left before they knew there were strange creatures in it. The assholes in cloverfield knew there was some kind of giant monster stomping around the city. Also..as far as the humans that no one liked in Cloverfield. I didnt really like them either but it wasnt because they were "pretty rich douchebags." I never got the impression that they were rich and I didnt think they were just drop dead gorgeuous. THey looked about right for that crowd. I didnt like them because they made dumb decisions and they were simply boring, minus HUD who I did actually like.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:21 a.m. CST

    i don't even think 1/2 the people here even like movies

    by Kloipy

    It seems like the major point here is just to say how much you hated everything. Nothing is funny/scary/sad/exciting, it's just hilarious to me.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:24 a.m. CST

    * * * (SPOILER) * * * THE MONSTER THAT

    by BringingSexyBack

    kills them all in Central Park is NOT Clovercrab. Clovercrab is as fucking as the Chrysler Building. The monster that killed them in the park, and was square in the camera and that got destroyed, is much smaller. Maybe Son of Clovercrab. Which can only mean one thing ... SEQUEL.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:25 a.m. CST

    I MEANT TO SAY "AS FUCKING BIG AS THE CHRYSLER"

    by BringingSexyBack

    or even bigger.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:25 a.m. CST

    lecter1914 a question (spoilers)

    by Kloipy

    what dumb decisions do you think they made? Running into a subway because a giant monster was chasing them? Going outside to see what was going on? Trying to save someone they loved? Not knowing that getting bitten by a monster crab thing would make you explode? Surviving a helicopter crash? I'm just curious, everyone keeps saying how dumb they are but I think it's pretty logical given the situation. Not everyone has seen 10,000 monster movies and knows exactly what to do in the situation. And what would you do in the situation?

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:27 a.m. CST

    I THINK CLOVERCRAB IS ONLY GOOD

    by BringingSexyBack

    with a big matinee (cheaper tkts) audience of kids and black people. I don't think I'll be watching it again, even on DVD, just like I've never had the inclination to watch Blair Witch more than once.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:27 a.m. CST

    Wow...

    by rutgersjaffo

    That's the conclusion I came to like a week ago after stopping by the site off and on for like the last year, Kloipy. I mean, it's like if more than 5 people can claim to 'get' or like something, folks on here just can't wait to dump all over it. I started to know most of them were full of crap when I took their advice and rented The Host. Talk about a steaming pile of DUNG!!! The saddest part of the Cloverfield hate--and I am NOT saying it is like the greatest movie of all time or anything--is that these folks CLAIM they want 'different, fresh takes' and yet when something like this comes along, what do they do? 'Waaaa! The camera is all shaky!' and 'Waaa! I don't see the monster enough!' and 'Waaa! I don't buy into the characters!' If they would just be honest about the fact that they are by-and-large bitter people who live to criticize that which they can't do, I would be cool with that...

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:27 a.m. CST

    I thoroughly enjoyed Cloverfield.

    by a goonie

    By the way, SPOILERS in here. Watch out! So yeah, I saw it last weekend in a packed theater with a solid sound system and had a great time. The movie feels like it lasts for about ten minutes and, in the long run, I think it's a little forgettable, the overall punch of the film being ultimately upstaged by the fancy gimmick. But that said, I really appreciated that Goddard and Reeves and company stuck to the gimmick. I was really afraid that they would completely gloss the look of the movie, so it at least resembled a more familiar Hollywood picture, but in fact, the footage mostly looks like crap. You can clearly tell what's going on, but it has a very low-grade look. In addition, they left out the score and all the edits really feel like they're in-camera. I also love the fact that it's taped over the Rob and Beth go to Coney Island after having sex the first time tape." It allows for a couple jarring cuts and that sweet and sombre sign-off at the end. Sure, it's ridiculous that the running-through-NYC adventure ends at the perfect time to allow for that final minute to be seen, but I think the narrative approach requires some hefty suspension of disbelief to begin with, so I'm okay with moments like that. Even using the brief (and quickly foiled) helicopter escape is a neat way to provide us with a very revealing shot of the entire monster moving through the streets. All in all, Cloverfield is filled with moments and ideas that can be nitpicked to death, but the movie is first and foremost a sensory experience, a fun take on the giant monster genre, and I think the narrative shortcuts can be forgiven in the face of its gleeful dedication to providing old-school Hollywood thrills.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:31 a.m. CST

    MOST FUN I EVER HAD AT A MOVIE WAS ANACONDA

    by BringingSexyBack

    at the Ziegfeld. It was like a goddamn party. Good time. Thank you Puerto Ricans and black people!

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:31 a.m. CST

    not only did this crack me up but i think its a great quote

    by birdy birdman

    "...but this felt specifically like a ride you’d go to at Walt Disney World. First you ride through a New York hipster’s apartment, and there’s a party going on with all these animatronic hipsters, and then there’s a sound outside, and then you’re on the roof and there’s a fireball and things blowing up buildings around you, and then you race down through the building while it shakes, then outside in the street for the Statue of Liberty head to land, then... you get the point. It's experiential, but completely safe." loved that bit

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:32 a.m. CST

    Node, I always defended the MIst and Rutgers

    by Kloipy

    fucking loved it. Can't wait to own it. I'm going to make a film that is 90 minutes of just a monster on the screen eating people, that shits fire balls that turn into robots, while aliens arrive and fuck women doggystyle, and two people have a conversation about star wars, and baby's wearing jetpacks shoot lazers and ghosts

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:37 a.m. CST

    whalecrab mythos

    by birdy birdman

    mori what do you think about the decision to give zero information specifically pertaining to the monster in the film, do you think this invites a sequel or spin-off, is it just lazy, is it something intrinsic that i missed that makes critics seem to dog the movie in general... or is it something else? i would have liked to see something COMPLETELY realized personally but maybe in true JJ Abrams fashion there are clues embedded throughout the film or some shit. I know the answer is probably somewhere in the viral marketing somewhere but i always thought if you just GAVE US A FUCKIN AWESOME MONSTER instead of a mid-game PSone boss it would energize the geeks and creature fanatics more than the beating of viral marketing

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:38 a.m. CST

    *dog* should read *love

    by birdy birdman

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:39 a.m. CST

    worst experience

    by Kloipy

    charlie and the chocolate factory, had a bunch of tweens sitting behind us talking and using phones and laser pointers, kept telling them to shut the fuck up, and of cource the theater didn't do anything about it

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:40 a.m. CST

    Um...

    by rutgersjaffo

    Actually, conspiracy, there is no 'found footage from the planes' because they, you know, BLEW THE FUCK UP!!! There is, however, lots of ground-based footage of people goiong BACK to help others. As far as that being one in a million, gee, you mean like the one in a million occurance of a giant monster destroying New York?! Just so I am clear, you have NO PROBLEM with the idea of a giant monster destroying New York, it's just that anyone would act with an ounce of human kindness in saving a woman he loves or that good friends would go along with him in the effort that you take issue with? Well, that and the fact that obviously since this is, you know, A FILM, that someone along for the ride had to film it so that we could watch it? Those are your BIG REASONS for hating this? Ok, look, that's your opinion, but I gotta say, if YOU feel it's so unrealistic that people would go back to help or save someone else, then I feel sorry for you and anyone you hang with. Second, as I stated before, IT'S A FILM--NOT A TRUE STORY--someone HAS to film it so we can pay to see it. Sorry you take issue with his camera technique or whatever, but geez dude, what do you want? You do know you can rent Godzilla any day of the week right?!

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:42 a.m. CST

    Friday the 13th Part 3 in 3D

    by TheBloop

    Saw that in a large, old theater in Buffalo that had a balcony, and showed it for $2.00 on a Saturday night. Loved the rowdy crowd clapping along to the "disco" jason theme, and high fives for each kill.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:43 a.m. CST

    Found Footage Genre

    by darrenspool

    Isn't that like saying amateur footage?

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:46 a.m. CST

    Your sister in law has a boyfriend?

    by smackfu

    Cause...sister in law means she's married to your brother, or depending on what state you live in, you're sister. If they're divorced she'd no longer technically be your sister in law, so they're still married. And she's got a date with her boyfriend?

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:47 a.m. CST

    DUMB DECISIONS???

    by lecter1914

    Where do I begin....Not looking for an alternative way out of the city after the bridge incident. Going back for Beth in the first place was a dumb decision. I guess herois but dumb none the less. Leaving a military hospital compoud to, once again go get said girl. While everyone is running around batshit insane, taking the time to steal a cellphone for a battery to call said girl. going up one possibly unstable high rise to climb into another potentially unstable high rise so that you can rescue said girl...thats just off the top of my head. Notice how all the dumb decisions i thought up off the top of my head revolve around Beth. And Im with BSB...Anaconda was also my favorite movie going experience and I too saw it in the Bronx with nothing but the blacks and hispanics. I can say that since I'm black. Thanks.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:49 a.m. CST

    Devil's Advocate

    by bananahammock

    It seems like most of you armchair douche directors automatically take the opposite stance of whatever the review says. Had Mori said that Cloverfield was a giant piece of shit, you'd be all over his jock yelling at him how he missed the greatest piece of cinema since that shit American Idol movie. And you're not supposed to care about the characters. You're to think of it as found footage. If you found a tape of some family barbeque, would you care about any of them?? And seriously, did you pay attention at all in the movie? The scene where they're stuck between the Army and the monster, I'm pretty sure Hud puts the camera down, cos you can hear him screaming. And what's his nuts on the other side is constantly pointing at the camera, when he's not trying to get Hud to come over. Jesus, watch a fucking movie before you come here and talk about how stupid it is.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:53 a.m. CST

    Good point, hammock...

    by rutgersjaffo

    It sort of folds right in with my 'bitter small people' theory. You know, some folks just have to constantly tell everyone else how much smarter they are and why you 'just don't get it.' The movie was entertaining, that's it. The worst ones are the people who really think they made some statement by 'walking out 20 minutes into the movie.' Bravo, Ms. Parks, bravo. You do know that the director was not actually in the theater with you and that he still has your money, right? Believe it or not, seeing Beetlejuice in the theater was a pretty good time. Same thing with Something about Mary...

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:54 a.m. CST

    Hey Mor, no dice on them being legit with Paranormal (from websi

    by oreopimp

    THis is from their "official" website: Q. What is "Paranormal Activity"? A. A young couple suspects that their house is haunted by a malevolent entity. They set up video surveillance to capture evidence of what happens at night as they sleep. Their surveillance and home videos have been edited into the 99 minute feature film "Paranormal Activity". /end quote. So what I get from it is they are going to pass if off as real, which I guess was cute the first few times but seriously, now its getting pretty old. Looks like a good film though, Ill check it out.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:54 a.m. CST

    lecter1914

    by Strabo

    Did anyone scream, "Mother fucker, where's my ice tea!?"

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:54 a.m. CST

    lecter1914

    by Kloipy

    it's not like he just met Beth. He was always in love with her. You wouldn't do the same for someone you loved?

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:56 a.m. CST

    I'll probably never see CLOVERFIELD again.

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    The film wasn't a total failure but, for me, it was a disappointment. I'm really not a fan of the monster movie genre. Yet, I thought the concept of CLOVERFIELD (while seemingly more original) might elevate it beyond the typical fare. In some respects, I suppose it did. But in hindsight, the whole thing just feels dumb.<P>There were a few worthwhile moments: the very beginning of the attack had a visceral, realistic quality. The alley encounter between the monster and the ground troops, the tunnel sequence, and the overhead bombing shot were all done well. (Believe it or not, I enjoyed the opening party scenes more than anything else.) Yet NONE of these moments had a real sense of dread or danger. In fact, the hotel sequence in NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN was more frightening than the entirety of CLOVERFIELD.<P>It may also be worth noting that during the screening, quite a few people were laughing throughout the last 5-10 minutes. (Considering what was happening onscreen, I'm not sure Hud's zingers were supposed to be all that funny.) The final monster reveal drew some huge laughs which quickly turned to audible groans as the film ended. Make of that what you will.<P>And for the record, I never cared for any of the viral-marketing jive or the rumored hidden messages, etc. I don't care that a meteor supposedly streaks across the sky in the final shot (looked for it, didn't see it). And I don't care that Rob either says, "What do we do now?" or "It's still alive." after the credits roll. I just don't care. So much bullshit got stirred up before this film's release that none of this is capable of making me enjoy it any more than I did.<P>And Moriarty, this review is really late...<P>;^)

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:58 a.m. CST

    Last response...

    by rutgersjaffo

    The problem with you saying everyone on the bridge should have been freaking out is that adrenaline does not last forever. By the time they got there, most people would be dog tired and almost like zombies due to the situation and the physical drain. Sorry conspiracy, but some of us have both the balls to wade into a shitstorm for others AND the sense to stay as calm as needed in a crisis. You have my sympathies for apparently lacking both. Have a nice weekend watching anime, chugging Redbull (or whatever is even MORE hip these days), playing WOW, and trashing everything from Mom's basement...PEACE.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 11:04 a.m. CST

    "And we are not alone" that was quite cryptic

    by Kloipy

    They are alive! They're huge!

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 11:20 a.m. CST

    TheBloop, I am so jealous. One of the

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    better Friday the 13th movies, and the birth of the hockey mask. What's not lo love. The only thing that could have made it better was Kane Hodder. I forget which ones he's in, but I don't think that was one of them.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 11:20 a.m. CST

    TheBloop, I am so jealous. One of the

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    better Friday the 13th movies, and the birth of the hockey mask. What's not lo love. The only thing that could have made it better was Kane Hodder. I forget which ones he's in, but I don't think that was one of them.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 11:23 a.m. CST

    A revised re-edited re-imagining of Cloverfield for the haters

    by ebonic_plague

    I figure if MNG can milk the Clovercrab Dance for a string of talkbacks, I can drag out my revised Cloverfield outline from the last talkback and subject you all to the fruits of my boredom once more. <p> I have been reading some of the complaints about this movie, and I think I have come up with a version of Cloverfield they could enjoy, possibly in 10 years when it is remade. Naturally, it would have to be directed by a japanese or korean director that is virturally unknown among mainstream american audiences. <p> The movie would start off with a camera panning around a dingy little shithole of an apartment, cluttered with dirty dishes, grubby laundry, and countless 80's action figures in original packaging that line every shelf. The cameraman sneaks into an adjoining room, where a fat guy in a stained wifebeater is passed out on a bed, dog eared copies of High Society strewn all over his G1 Transformers collectible bedspread as he snores. The cameraman sneaks closer, and giggling, he sticks his ass up to the snoring guy's face and blasts him awake with a resonant fart. They scuffle around for a second then the cameraman says, "Get ready, you fat piece of shit, I'm not going to miss out on my copy of Halo 3 on account of your lazy ass! Now make sure you have your mom's credit card, I'll bring the food and the chairs, we'll get a good spot in the line. Don't forget the Magic cards, dick!" <p> Then there's a bunch of jump cuts as they take the train across town to the Best Buy, mostly snippets of dialogue of them complaining about popular movies and games. <p> Then it cuts to a different scene a few weeks later, a bunch of baggy clothed nerds sitting around a basement, all focused intently on a TV screen showing some FPS multiplayer game, as death metal plays softly in the background. There is little conversation as they play, everyone is cheering on the main nerd (Rob) to unlock some ridiculously hard achievement. Suddenly, there's a terrible roar and a loud explosion, and everyone reacts in horror as the lights flicker, but then give audible sighs of relief to see that the power has not gone out and the X-Box didn't reset itself. The cameraman, Duh, asks "What was that?" but nobody seems concerned, still focused on the TV. "Probably just another garbage truck hit the building. Just keep filming, he's about to do it." Then the power goes out for real, and everyone starts swearing angrily, but nobody gets off the couch. <p> Rob and Duh and a few others try to go find the superintendent, but when they get to the bottom floor, they find everyone in the streets gathered around the statue of liberty's severed head. Duh pans the camera around, and while everyone else's back is conveniently turned, he catches a full body shot of a giant monster standing next to the Empire State building to show it's exact scale, and he yells for everyone to look, but they turn around too late and miss it. <p> Everyone starts arguing about the situation, some people saying it can't possibly be the real statue of liberty because that could never happen. Duh mentions that he got the monster on tape, and it cuts back to the nerds on a train again for a second, then when it cuts back everyone is arguing. Duh swears it's clearly a giant lion, but others seem to think it's Cthulhu. One guy keeps screaming about Voltron coming to save us. <p> As everyone speculates about the monster and where it's headed, the camera pans over to Rob, who has decided he's going back to his mom's apartment. Duh assumes he's going to save his mom, but it becomes clear he's going to rescue his priceless DVD collection and his X-Box with all his saved information on it. But Duh is insistant on not leaving the scene until he can ensure that the video footage he's shooting will be easily watchable, and demands that they look for a steadicam. Rob, however, is a closet Dawson's Creek fan and, remembering an episode, he pulls a disabled guy out of his wheelchair and proceeds to push Duh around in it, providing a smooth, clear shot of their journey through the streets. <p> They make their way through the city, and Rob gets a call on his cell phone from his crying mother, who is paralyzed from fear and trying to fend off alien lion cubs that are trying to break down her door. "Mom, I don't have time for your bullshit right now, just tell me one thing, is everything in my room still OK?" Then the monster shows up again and eats some more people, and our protagonists run away, angrily bickering about the proper classification of the monster and where it originates from. <p> They escape to the subway, and attempt to travel through the tunnels to reach Rob's mom's apartment, but they are attacked by little tentacle faced lion cubs, who bite one of Rob's friends making him break down crying like a little bitch. Then as they exit the tunnels, they are taken into custody by the military, who bring them to a triage center. Rob takes one of the commanding officers aside and demands to know what is going on, and the officer lights a cigarette and launches into a detailed flashback exposition of the previous 3 years of outer space research and everything that has led to the monster showing up and destroying the city. Then he stubs out his cigarette and fixes his steely eyes on each one of them. "Even though we know exactly what it is and where it came from, it's still winning. OK, WE'RE MOVING OUT! Lock and load, gentlemen, tag em and bag em, we need to hit it hard and fast, I want short controlled bursts! Perhaps today is a good day to die!" Before they leave, however, the military officer takes Rob aside and hands him a huge automatic rifle with lots of ammo. "You're gonna need this. Now get the hell outta here before I change my mind!" <p> So Rob and his buddies grab Duh in his wheelchair and roll out towards Rob's mom's apartment, with plenty of gratuitous FPS scenes of Rob blasting of ornery tentacled lion cubs encountered along the way. They arrive to find the apartment building all smashed up, but Rob lives on the ground floor so they just break a window and go inside, where they find Rob's mom gruesomely torn apart on the floor, but miraculously the DVD collection and X-box have survived intact. Rob cries, however, to see his mint-in-box Star Trek figures have been destroyed, but his friends (just Duh and some random fat girl, at this point) group hug him until he calls them queers, and then it's kinda awkward for a second. <p> So they load up and head back to the makeshift military camp, only to find it smashed in the center of a giant lion-esque footprint. But they find a working walkie-talkie on the ground and manage to hear that there is a helicopter waiting down the street to evacuate survivors. They show up to see the monster fighting the military, and the scene lasts for a good 40 minutes, with clear in-focus shots of the monster being attacked by every manner of modern military hardware. <p> Then they get on a helicopter that transports them approximately 50 feet before it crashes. Rob and the fat girl scramble from the wreckage as the monster looms into view, but Duh refuses to comprimise the integrity of his footage by moving the camera around in a jerky attempt to escape, and is gobbled up and chewed thoroughly. The camera then falls to the ground and is picked up by Rob (who is still sifting through the wreckage for his DVD's.) <p> The crackling radio in the crashed helicopter alerts them to the fact that Voltron has been called in, and will be leveling the city within minutes in an attempt to stop the monster. Rob and the fat girl escape to another tunnel, where Rob gets all emotional, reading the summaries of his favorite movies from the DVD covers to the barely conscious fat girl. He starts sobbing when he realizes that the situation he is in now is just a badly ripped-off version of the Blair Witch project, a movie he hated in theaters for "pandering" to the mainstream. Then he hears the familiar approach of Voltron about to impact the city, and turns to his fat female companion as the tunnel begins to shake apart. "LOOK AT ME! I'VE NEVER BEEN WITH A GIRL BEFORE! CAN I TOUCH YOUR BOOBS? I SAID, CAN I TOU--" <p> And then it cuts to black for a second, and then back to the two nerds on the train, victoriously holding their copies of Halo 3. "Today was better than chocolate covered pussy juice!" And off in the distance, you hear a lion roar.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 11:30 a.m. CST

    I was wondering if you'd mind if I dated Beth

    by Iowa Snot Client

    That is all.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 11:34 a.m. CST

    Love it or Hate it...

    by Rando Calrisian

    You gotta admit, Cloverfield has created quite a shitstorm from the Talkbackers. It's been funny to read all the comments over the past couple weeks. In my opinion, that's what makes this movie successful. The people who love it really love it, and the people that hate it are pissed as hell.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 11:36 a.m. CST

    Some people aren't screamers.

    by FluffyUnbound

    I've been in a subway fire. I saw smoke, I got up and walked out. No screaming. Once the shitty Ford I was driving caught fire inside the driver door when the electric window shorted out. I pulled into the parking lot at an auto parts place, asked the people there for help in a conversational tone, and helped the mechanic guy pull off the interior door cover and use a fire extinguisher on the door. No screaming. I am not a particularly brave person. In fact, I'm kind of a pussy. If want you to fight me, I'm probably running. If I see a snake, I'm definitely running. But I won't scream, because screaming is just too ridiculous to do. "AAAAAAAAHIIIIEEEE!" Nope, can't do it. Some people just don't see themselves as screamers and if it's not in your repertoire of emotional responses there really isn't a provocation that will produce that reaction.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 11:43 a.m. CST

    Sister in law

    by Toonol

    It's simple. Mori's Wife has a sister, and she has a boyfriend. That's assuming Mori's married. If he's not... I can't explain it.<p> And everybody that criticizes this movie as 'unrealistic' because Rob tries to save Beth is revealing to the world that they are far, far, worse than the average person.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 11:46 a.m. CST

    They did NOT nuke NY.

    by Saluki

    New York City was not nuked in Cloverfield. The EMT blast would have destroyed the camera if the explosion didn't. Instead, the bombed Manhattan block by block. You can hear the explosions getting louder and louder as the get nearer Central Park, and explains why there are TWO explosions that hit Rob & Beth. One near them, and one on top of them or on the OTHER side of them.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 11:48 a.m. CST

    Strabo

    by Trazadone

    To refer to LOST as a "shitty show" means that you might just be a fucking idiot. Nick at Nite has Home Improvement reruns if your looking for something more your speed.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 11:54 a.m. CST

    Conspiracy you tool

    by arrangedletters

    Who said it was a nuke?

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 11:55 a.m. CST

    I cared about the characters (spoilers)

    by MattmanReturns

    They were good, brave people. I didn't like watching them die, because through the camcorder I felt camaraderie with them. When Marlena beat that spider off Hud and saved his ass, I felt like she was saving MY ass. I don't get all the "I hate them because they're rich" nonsense. What does that have to do with anything?

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 12:01 p.m. CST

    Motion Sickness

    by Hive Mind

    1St person 3D video games give me a headache, I got queasy at Bourne Ultimatum and Death Sentence...but I was fine at Cloverfield. I kinda expected the worst, but it wasn't a big deal. That having been said, Shaky Cam can't die a quick enough death to suit me.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 12:14 p.m. CST

    The reason Cloverfield sucked

    by acebandage

    was because the characters were bland average real people in an unreal situation and reacting like average people instead of heroes. If you were carrying a camera and a monster were attacking the city and the military was attacking the monster OBVIOUSLY you would be more concerned with speaking in witty contrived scripted dialogue for those eventually watching the tape and showing them some kick ass footage of the monster itself than being concerned for your friends on the other side of the street. And NO ONE in their right mind would EVER go back into danger to save the girl that he has loved for most of his life when he is faced with the idea that both running or going back could lead to his own death...he only slept with her ONCE! You have to bang a chick at least 15 times before you would care enough to risk your life to save her! GOD YOU PEOPLE ARE FUCKING IDIOTS!!! This is what you sound like to me when I read all your hate about the dialogue not being scripted and witty enough. About the monster not being seen enough. And about not going to try to save a girl just because of the lack of physical intimacy in comparison to the emotional involvement. I have gone into a life or death situation for a girl I never had physical relations with but cared for none the less. Why is that so hard for you ass-monkeys to wrap your heads around?!?! I have nothing more to say on the topic. Blast me for my point of view but you will not get anymore from me.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 12:26 p.m. CST

    D.VADER - I SAID AS BIG AS THE CHRYSLER *BUILDING*

    by BringingSexyBack

    Maybe Cloverlice were the sizes of Chryslers.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 12:28 p.m. CST

    ON THE SUBJECT OF DREW MCWEENY'S SISTER IN LAW

    by BringingSexyBack

    Hello ... it's his wife's unattached sister. Make sense now?<p> Drew, you got pics?

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 12:29 p.m. CST

    SORRY TOONOL

    by BringingSexyBack

    I didn't read your explanation.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 12:39 p.m. CST

    HEY DREW I'M GONNA FIGURE OUT YOUR SECRET IDENTITY

    by BringingSexyBack

    1) Has sister in law<p> 2) Lives near theater named Winnetka Shibox 500 <p>

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 12:47 p.m. CST

    acebandage

    by eXcommunicated

    This is important... <p> Did your act get you laid? <p> Just askin. Ain't hatin on ya.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 12:51 p.m. CST

    Trazadone

    by Strabo

    No thanks. I'll stick to shows like The Shield, BSG, Rome, Deadwood, Damages, and Rescue Me. Thanks for your concern though. <BR><BR>Anyway, I reiterate: Lost is a piece of shit.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 1:03 p.m. CST

    Caring about characters!

    by adeepercut2k

    I've never understood this argument. Why in the fuck would you need to care about a character in order to enjoy a movie? So long as the characters seem like real people, that's all I need. If the character comes across fake, I'll complain about a character because it removes you from the film. But I've never discounted a film's impact if I don't like a character. If that was the case I'd hate The Godfather, The Departed, Deadwood, Goodfellas etc.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 1:03 p.m. CST

    Mori, where you saw a thrill-ride, I saw a dream.

    by LoneGun

    Not that I disagree with your assessment about CLOVERFIELD being intended as an amusement ride of sorts. I'm entirely with you on this point. I felt too, however, that there was another quality to the movie that I haven't seen mentioned yet in reviews - its dreamlike nature. Maybe because of the handheld video imagery, the obvious way to describe CLOVERFIELD is as a "realistic" take on a fantastical incident. But a great portion of the film felt so surreal to me as it played out, like something strange ripped out of a long night's sleep. The scene of a young man and his friends marching through a hideous subway tunnel, while a creature of mythical proportions stomps around on the ground above. His whole quest to find this girl, while in the crossfire between the military and a creature that defies description. The conveniently placed camera angles served only to punctuate the bizarreness of the whole crazy scenario. I liked the film, both as a thrill-ride and as a work of art. And personally, I did empathize with the characters in CLOVERFIELD, especially with those flashbacks that crept in from time to time. The love story felt very real.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 1:08 p.m. CST

    Ebonic Plague- - - Nice one!

    by ZeroCorpse

    Ahh... That was a good read! It takes me back to the glory days of AICN when you, me, and a select few other talkbacker geeks were posting some entertaining shit on this site, and when Mori was banning everyone for saying his name with the wrong tone of voice. <p> Have we really been coming here that long? Damn! <p> Anyway, thanks for that "improved" Cloverfield. It was an excellent bit of satire. Good to see the ol' wit is still bubbling inside you.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 1:20 p.m. CST

    Grammaton Cleric Binks, here is how i rate them:

    by TheBloop

    The Friday the 13th films. 1. Part 4, the final chapter 2. Part 3 in 3D 3. Part 6. Jason Lives 4. The First one 5. part two 6. Freddy vs. Jason 7. Part Seven , the new Blood 8. Part 8, Jason takes NY. 9) Part 5, the one WITHOUT Jason.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 1:23 p.m. CST

    Strabo

    by Trazadone

    Ah, now I understand, you like crap. Okay, I'll give you BSG but the rest of those shows are dreadful.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 1:25 p.m. CST

    Saw it, have a different take (Spoilers...maybe)

    by rbrog77

    So we see the beginning...the very beginning. The words on the screen. It's found footage. It goes through from begiining until end. I don't remember words at the end other than credits, correct me if I'm wrong. After the credits we here barely spoken/whispered words.<P> Maybe spoilers here. I think this was a prequel to the real monster flick. JJ and company have been known to set things up...not to tell a complete story. If you stayed past the credits like I did, you still might not know what those words are. But those words do lend themsleves to this idea.<P> So let's say I'm right. Next movie begins with the projector being turned off, the people (probably military/govt officials) in the meeting/viewing deciding what to do, and we get the "Godzilla/gargantuan" type movie we've a;ways wanted. Sounds to me like JJ to the Nth degree. All he has to do is show a healthy profit from this "low budget" effort and next time it's bigger than life.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 1:30 p.m. CST

    Trazadone

    by Strabo

    You are a moron.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 1:36 p.m. CST

    I'm actually in the minority in that I love...

    by Lenny Nero

    ...how regular and non-heroic the characters in "Cloverfield" are. Yeah, they're pretty paper-thin, but so are most of the people I meet. I know this is completely anti-narrative in a lot of ways, because who doesn't want fully fleshed-out characters in a horror film to really scare you? <p>For me, in actuality, their ho-hum presence scared me more. Why? Because the film made me feel helpless, and with this handful of characters, I got the heartrending feeling that if a large-scale disaster struck me in any sort of metropolitan city, my life, my stories, my memories would be worth zilch in the overall scheme of things. This movie terrified me, that my life isn't as important as I think it is, that my life really will go out with a whimper. That's what's terrifying to me. <p>Like somebody said about "No Country," how after the final shot there should have been a title that says "FAIL!" I feel that way about "Cloverfield." Nothing the characters could have been or could have done would have made one lick of difference in the grand scheme of things. Instead of something like ID4 or War of the Worlds, the universe does not revolve around the characters just for narrative's sake. <p>I do not expect people to agree with me, but that's okay. I just wanted to express why this movie shook me to the core. It's the most nihilistic thing in years, and it made me ill.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 1:46 p.m. CST

    Conspiracy

    by Datascream

    people leaving their kids in burning buildings in a crisis? If you actually HAD kids of your own, or CARED for someone important to you, you would know this comment is complete ludicrous bullshit. I would jump into the fire to save someone close to me. For you to actually understand anyone in this movie you actually have to have "loved" someone in the first place. Your reaction outright sounds like some coward that would let someone else die for you without a minimal thought. And to counter your "point" on HUD filming during that scene, where else are they going to run? you have monsters from one side and gunfire to the right, the panic you were watching was both confusion and terror. Didn't you HEAR Hud freaking out calling to his friends across the road? He was in shock and terror and didn't know what to do. Plus you have to realize when someone is in shock, it takes a while for the mind and body to finally comes to terms to what is actually happening. Like when someone loses an arm and thinks nothing of it till later. It's difficult for most people to understand what it would be like in such circumstances and how they would actually behave unless they are actually in them.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 1:47 p.m. CST

    Lecter and SmackFu, it's his wife's sister.

    by Lenny Nero

    Therefore his sister-in-law, who has a boyfriend.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 1:49 p.m. CST

    Oreo, that synopsis of Paranormal...

    by Lenny Nero

    ...doesn't say anything about them trying to make it real. It's about a young couple [yes] and it was edited down to 99 minutes [yes]. I fail to see where they say it's real.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 1:51 p.m. CST

    ebonic

    by Kloipy

    just read your story and dude, I was cying. that shit was golden

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 1:54 p.m. CST

    SISTER IN LAW

    by lecter1914

    Okay, I didnt make that connection but now I have lol.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 1:57 p.m. CST

    Lenny Nero

    by Datascream

    I completely agree. I love how none of the characters actually "knew" what was going on, none of the military knew either. Why would they? This thing just appeared and started destroying the city, why would we stop and go "hmmm...I wonder what this thing is, I think we should study it. Hey let's try and capture this thing and bring it back alive...you know, FOR SCIENCE!!". I'm so sick of movies doing this. It's just not normal behavior. I've had a lot of people (and friends) tell me they didn't like it because it doesn't tell you why it was happening, what the monster was and if it ever died. I was annoyed by this considerably, why does a movie HAVE to tell us these things? I'm tired of monster movies or sci-fi movies spoon-feeding us information just so we can shut our brains off for two hours. No one has the information we need in this movie, no one understands it all. It's "holy shit what's going on, we HAVE to get out of here!". It feels like a real-life scenario in an extraordinary crisis. I felt real and close-to-home. I loved this movie. By far the best movie of the year...so far.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 2:10 p.m. CST

    and Ebonic_Plague

    by Datascream

    that was fucking genius...I'd like to subscribe to your newsletter. and somehow sponsor your ascent to Hollywood fame.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 2:13 p.m. CST

    ebonic_plague can you get working on versions

    by TheBloop

    Of the Hulk and Iron Man? sure they will be needed. Thanks

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 2:14 p.m. CST

    no i agree

    by ballsxcrew

    except for the whole BSG thing (i seems to be the only person not obsessed). deadwood is good, but everything else listed is cheesy as fuck. rescue me?!?!?! dennis leary?!?!?! are you a lonely middle aged woman, because thats the typical demographic for that garbage at my video store.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 2:14 p.m. CST

    ebonic and Datascream

    by Kloipy

    you know that if they actually made that movie there would be people on here bitching that they screwed up the name of the extra from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom who accidently tripped while filming during their geek conversation. They would probably say something like "I hated Nerdfield, it's SO unrealistic! I didn't get to see the monster enough waaah waaah. YOu got pwned"

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 2:17 p.m. CST

    I loved when Zooey Deschanel's clone...

    by Mosquito March

    ...exploded. I can't fucking stand Zooey Deschanel.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 2:21 p.m. CST

    Ballsxcrew, are you on the wrong talkback?

    by Lenny Nero

    This is Cloverfield.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 2:26 p.m. CST

    Zerocorpse and Kloipy

    by ebonic_plague

    Thanks for the sycophantic ass-kissing... er, sorry, I meant "kind words." At least when I concoct some bizzare vulgar parody in my head, I know there's a forum where at least a few people will get it (cue Cheers theme.) Zerocorpse, it HAS been that long, hasn't it? Jesus. Every time I think I'm done with this place, it pulls me back in. I think it was the TINO drama that got me hooked again, and now I'm back to thinking everything would be better with werewolves and dead raped deer. "I'm getting too old for this shit!"

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 2:28 p.m. CST

    ebonic-your welcome *picks up mouthwash*

    by Kloipy

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 2:28 p.m. CST

    oh and for all of you Glovedone fans

    by Kloipy

    he's still trolling Heath's obit page

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 2:28 p.m. CST

    the cloverfield backlash..

    by soup74

    of course now that the hype for this movie worked so well and it's become the second coming of christ, all the haters are out in full force. but damn, for a relatively low budget movie ('27 dresses' cost 5 million more to make) they took a great idea and had fun with it. the effects were incredible, and its not just because they seen from a fake 'video camera.' <br>sure, if this really happened, people would probably stop taping at certian points, but i didnt feel cheated because they didnt.. because its still a fun monster movie. <br> <br>whatever, i guess im just as lame for defending it, because i know i enjoyed it, and ill be right there to buy the DVD when its released..and thats all that should really matter to me.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 2:30 p.m. CST

    I've seen Paranormal Activity...

    by cinemaniac1979

    ...and it was awesome!<br> But seriously folks, I caught it last year at Screamfest and was blown the fuck away. I can't remember the last time ANYTHING had the effect that P.A. had on me. Furthermore, how is it possible for a movie that cost $8.50 and a case of beer to be so goddamn scary? I remember walking home (alone) from the Chinese freaked out of my mind. I live in a creaky old Hollywood apartment and jumped at the slightest sounds-- and had to keep a light on as I walked room to room. Mostly, I think it's because I saw this movie with ZERO HYPE. So, in fairness to everyone else, I'm going to shut my yap about it now. <br> Also, if anyone saw it at Screamfest and Slamdance, I'm dying to know what they changed in the new cut. I thought that the version I saw was quite solid.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 2:30 p.m. CST

    Bloop and Datascream

    by ebonic_plague

    ...with a steady enough supply of weed and whores, there's nothing I can't put a DTV turd-shine on. Thanks for the encouragement, when rehab looks imminent, I'll hit you guys up for bail money in exchange for executive producer credits.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 2:31 p.m. CST

    Dude! I saw it! It's Alive! It's HUGE!!!!

    by otm shank

    and It's very, very, average.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 2:35 p.m. CST

    (REC) , another camcorder movie, saw it, loved it

    by TheBloop

    Now that is some scary intense shit. Last 20 minutes or so are balls to the wall intense. I wonder how bad the remake will screw it up

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 2:38 p.m. CST

    ebonic-you should make Rambro

    by Kloipy

    the story of the nerd who fought back against the jocks and won the talent show and the girl

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 2:42 p.m. CST

    Lenny Nero

    by Strabo

    I think Ballsxcrew was responding to my discussion with the moron, Trazadone. With a name like "Ballsxcrew" though, I imagine clarity and specificity are not areas where he exhibits very much proficiency.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 2:50 p.m. CST

    If you think of Cloverfield in the context of....

    by ufoclub1977

    ... a dream, then it becomes very successful and resonant. This movie felt like any epic monster dream I might have on a good night of vivid scary REM. It's POV, and it's not entirely logical, but more impressionistic. I think Cloverfield is great. And the monster itself gave off such an eventual human/anthropomorphic feel of rage and confusion, that it made it even more like a non scientific dream. It's great!

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 2:52 p.m. CST

    Wow.

    by Tourist

    Pretty concise review. And I was getting ready to bitch and whine and poke holes in it. Nice to piggy back a smaller film with no exposure onto a review you know will get read too.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 2:53 p.m. CST

    PS I'm scared to see...

    by ufoclub1977

    Paranormal Acitvity or REC... but I can't wait to see them!

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 2:56 p.m. CST

    Lizzy Caplan

    by BIG BOSS

    Was I the only one jonesing BAD over this chick after watching Clo'field? lol

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 2:59 p.m. CST

    No nukes in Cloverfield!

    by Zardoz

    That wasn't a nuclear explosion at the end of the film, but rather a series of very large, but conventional bombs. How do I know? There's no "white flash" that is the hallmark calling card of a nuclear detonation. Rather, there's a series of powerful, but again, conventional explosions. It would take a LOT for the U.S. to drop a nuke on any city, let alone Manhattan. The radioactive fall-out alone would kill many more thousands of people than the initial blast. (NJ would REALLY be fucked afterwards!) There's a great FAQ page about Cloverfield that's linked to imdb. It'll answer a lot of lingering questions about the film...

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 3:12 p.m. CST

    BIG BOSS...

    by MattmanReturns

    No, you weren't the only one. She's gorgeous, and that take-no-shit, sarcastic sense of humor does it for me.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 3:21 p.m. CST

    but, is it better than mortal kombat: devastation

    by RustyStardust

    is it, moriarty, is it?

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 3:29 p.m. CST

    Thank you for a great, honest review

    by Evil Lincoln

    I know we've been giving you hell but I'm glad you finally did post it.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 3:30 p.m. CST

    Winnetka Shitbox 500

    by Maj.Havok

    I think it's only 20, it was much better as a Drive-in, but still not "that" bad. Manns Chinees or The Cinerama Dome are much better, too bad they are over the hill.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 3:39 p.m. CST

    Good review, but a week late

    by Mullah Omar

    Why hold this review so long?

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 3:40 p.m. CST

    MattmanReturns...

    by BIG BOSS

    "She's gorgeous, and that take-no-shit, sarcastic sense of humor does it for me." ....You said it, brother!

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 4:14 p.m. CST

    I so wish

    by Melis

    I'd read your review before finally seeing Cloverfield.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 4:22 p.m. CST

    About that motion sickness...

    by freerangecelt

    I get it too. I was ok through Blair Witch in the theaters, but on one of those motion rides at Busch Gardens (where you're shrunk down by Merlin and put on a hawk) I damn near fell out. Also, a few years ago a PS1 game called Machine Head came out. I literally could not play that game without wanting to pass out. So, there is something to it, maybe I didn't get that gene from our alien overlord masters like the rest of you did. Now I know why I can't be an X-Wing pilot, wiping puke off R2-D2 doesn't sound that appealing.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 4:31 p.m. CST

    Trazadone, you just negated several of the...

    by Lenny Nero

    ...best shows on television as far as respect from both critics and viewers. <p>But Strabo, I think "Lost" belongs in that category, too. Well, to each his own.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 4:39 p.m. CST

    So unrealistic

    by reagon

    It was so unrealistic in the film when instead of filming their movie in Manhattan where it would obviously be cheaper, they just decide to board a boat to some uncharted island that might not even be there? Then they get there and there's killer natives and giant dinosaurs and killer insects and we're supposed to believe a camera crew is going to stop and put this girl in front of the camera and make a movie instead of running screaming from all these nightmares? Ridiculous. And how would you get a giant monkey on a stage on broadway in the first place? Did they have other giant monkeys to manhandle him there? Ridiculous! Even the ending was retarded. There should have been tons of monkey blood and guts strewn from one end of 5th Ave. to the other. The whole movie was completely unbelievable!

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 4:44 p.m. CST

    Geeks love backlash

    by Larry of Arabia

    And that is why there is so much Cloverfeild hate. Sure it could have been better, but it was fun. Now, let's commence with discussing how disappointing the end of Lost will be.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 5:12 p.m. CST

    I'm not the only one!

    by Biggie Kaiju

    Big Boss and MattmanReturns, I'm with you. Lizzy Caplan made such an impression, I want to travel into the smouldering ruins of Manhattan, find her five thousand pieces, sew them back together, send a jolt through her body and make her my Bride. "She's alive! Alive!!" That may be a bit much for you cats, but she's a special girl. Gorgeous eyes, great smile, and attitude to spare; Daddy like.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 5:22 p.m. CST

    So unrealistic

    by quantize

    yeh but they didnt film any of those in 'documentary' 'wow this shit could be real' style you idiot douche

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 5:27 p.m. CST

    BS about the sound in Cloverfield...

    by quantize

    It's the same shitty fucking template they've been using for movies for years...OK so the 'genius' is they had no music so you can actually hear it for a change. Otherwise is was bog fucking standard sound design. Fuck people are deaf as posts.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 5:46 p.m. CST

    Loved Cloverfield

    by mooseaka

    Had lots of fun. Managed to easily block out all loopholes, continuity errors, and improbable acts of the characters and enjoyed the ride. Been thinking about it for a week and a half. Want to see it this weekend with my wife. Guess I like gimmicks and rich hipsters. Silly me.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 5:49 p.m. CST

    Lenny Nero

    by Strabo

    In the first season of Lost, I would have agreed with you. I _loved_ the show in the first season. However, the second and third seasons have proven that the writers have no fucking clue what they're doing. They will never be able to answer the questions raised over the course of the last two seasons.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 6:06 p.m. CST

    Strabo, I can guarantee you...

    by Lenny Nero

    ...the writers know what they're doing. Just like a movie, they have their points plotted out entirely, but may stumble between them. This is nothing new, and with the endgame in sight, they don't feel the pressure to mosey along until they feel they NEED to hit these points because of naysayers who say exactly what you said. Like Locke, you need to have a little faith. Nobody, and I mean nobody, sets out to do what they did without knowing exactly what they were doing. If they hit a few traps on the way, well, that's just the way a show works when the network expects more episodes than you can deliver.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 6:47 p.m. CST

    Instruction, there's low standards...

    by Lenny Nero

    ...and then there are subjective opinions. Welcome to the real world.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 6:52 p.m. CST

    Cloverfield - unoriginal and exploitative

    by Laserbrain

    Aside from the monster-shot-by-a-handycam conceit this flick didn't have an original bone in is body. It IS nothing more than Blair Witch fused with Godzilla 98. It exactly apes the desolate tone and denouement of BWP with characters perishing while the camera reaches the end of the document. _______The monster was not particularly original or even that horrifying in its design or characterization. It's nothing but a giant, freaky monkey-lizard thing, an apparent mutation of nature or previously unknown creature from the ocean's floor. I'd hoped to look upon this thing and *lose my fucking mind* but no, it's just an unimaginative variation on the giant lizard idea we've seen a bunch of times before. _______And, hey, you'll never forget those squealing CGI bugs! Okay, you may get them mixed up in your memory with every other CCI bug of the last 10 years, but you'll never forget em!_______ And yes, the film *does* exploit 9/11 because it appropriates imagery from the day without making any attempt to *say anything* about the event. Crumbling buildings, famous monuments shattered, paper fluttering to the ground, survivors fleeing from a wall of dust and perhaps *human* debris, all presented without a shred of allegorical or even satirical weight. What's it all in the service of, if only to provide an adrenalin hit for the audience by reconnecting them to the original and real atrocity? "What a ride that 9/11 was, huh, kids? Remember? That was some great TV, wadn't it?" Abrams has also had the gall (or stupidity) to suggest that Cloverfield is an important way for Americans to process the tragedy. Does he actally believe that shit? Is he really THAT shallow and/or idiotic? Don't worry, JJ, if most Americans aren't up in arms about Cloverfield than plainly they have *already* completed the greiving process. It's cool, man, you can have fun with 9/11 now. ______ I'm not saying the movie is a total bust, it has a few effective moments but in the end it's superficial junk. Disposable and derivative, with paper-thin characters and a way-too-contrived visual aesthetic. A passable night at the movies (if you turn the brain off, of course) but is it some kind of modern classic? Original? The new wave of fantasy film-making? Is it fuck.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 7:40 p.m. CST

    INSTRUCTION

    by MattmanReturns

    "If you want me to see it so much, buy my ticket. This movie is beyond bad." Gee... there's a tiny paradox here... need I point it out?

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 8:02 p.m. CST

    The J.J. Abrams Formula

    by Geekgasm

    "great premise; lazy execution"

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 8:25 p.m. CST

    Even better the second time, ebonic

    by 'Cholera's Ghost

    Well done.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 9:15 p.m. CST

    Paranormal Activiy- good, but maybe too low-budget

    by SkinJob69

    Saw this on the 18th at Slamdance. Agree that the movie develops the characters well- they're believable and you care about what's happening to them (an escalatingly scary hauting by a demon). There are a few variants on the found footage format (e.g. many of the scariest scenes are time-lapse video of the couple sleeping in their bedroom as freaky shit happens around them). Also, the sound effects/editing are fantastic, probably the movie's strongest point in creating mood, tension and major scares. I did enjoy the film, but I have concerns it might not make it to distribution. Despite the above strong points, it does move painfully slow at times. There is some redundancy in the development of the 'haunting'. The overall look is decent, but it seems a bit too low budget to make it beyond an art-house release, IMHO, anyway. Maybe a good edit would help, but the movie would still feel 'too small' for a major release. Still- it's quite a ride, and a creative new variant on the hand-held genere- hopefully the writer/director will parlay this into something with a bigger budget- he clearly has talent.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 9:41 p.m. CST

    Excellent analysis Mori

    by BDuncan

    After the mediocre and disappointing Cloverfield reviews written by Massa and Harry, it was a wise idea for Mori to hold off and catch a 2nd viewing of it, in order to write a more balanced review of this piece of shit, mediocre film, so the delay is fine with me.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:01 p.m. CST

    Mori-thank you

    by Kloipy

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:14 p.m. CST

    Did the monster have googly eyes?

    by BrandLoyalist

    I thought I saw googly eyes. Actually to me it looked like a kind of backwards Godzilla: huge stampy tank-flattening front legs & short, relatively useless back legs.<br><br> Like the ride analogy - it really was like that. I had a blast.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:29 p.m. CST

    Thankyou Laserbrain

    by quantize

    beautifully put.. cue next gump 'duhhhhh i had a good timmmme!gaaaaaaah, it wadnt tho baaaaaaadd'

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 10:48 p.m. CST

    Hey Mori!

    by boogy110

    So you thought Cloverfield was real at first? JK, I agree, with loud sound and giant screen it was cool, but no fucking answers to anything.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 11:29 p.m. CST

    Cloverfield needed...*spoiler*

    by Boober

    puppies, old people, and children so that you cared. It actually needed a monster that was pissed, menacing, and awe-inspiring. Not some drunken-style, adolescent and confused "bumper-cars-with-buildings" wingless rat-bat with princess-leia inflatable balloon-bags on its head. SHEESH. The single biggest betrayal in this movie was the explosion/thrown SoL head "set-up". You really thought something was pissed and out to bring Armaggedon (sp?) to New York AND your candy ass...awe, wittle big monstur wost his mommy. Sigh.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 11:36 p.m. CST

    rbrog...brilliant

    by Boober

    That would be a BEAUTIFUL premise if true. The first ever "90 minute" trailer released to fund a HIGH-DOLLAR-BUDGET in your F*CKING FACE monster movie. Not that JJ is that smart...but you get extra credit. Bring on the soldier's "unknown enemy" point of view and make it topical! Band-of-Brothers meets Godzilla meets LOTR!!! WOOHOO...or not.

  • Jan. 25, 2008, 11:58 p.m. CST

    sorry mory

    by oZpublic

    i've seen cloverfield twice already. you took too long to review. don't take this long with ironman k? thnks bye

  • Jan. 26, 2008, 12:09 a.m. CST

    Paranormal Activity

    by TattooedBillionaire

    That movie looks awesome. I know quite a few people who love it. The trailers are rocking.

  • Jan. 26, 2008, 1:59 a.m. CST

    Heh, I made that exact same...

    by cinemixtape.com

    theme park ride comparison. It's like all of the classic Universal and Disney rides. It's the line/queue, the ride, the whole experience in one package, like nothing else I've ever seen. Truly a thrill ride. I've only seen it once, but I loved it. Don't get the motion sickness thing either, but the guy in back of me threw up (in the bathroom, thankfully). I hope I don't find the same flaws on repeat visits, but the first time was a hell of an experience.

  • Jan. 26, 2008, 4:58 a.m. CST

    laserbrain nailed it, i saw it yesterday and agree

    by JimmyJoe RedSky

    i only really perked up and leaned forward when i thought i might see a monster between buildings etc. - which was not often enough - the sound design and overall sense of panic and destruction was cool - but how did this 50 story high destructive force manage to sneak up on people - it did this like 3 times - quietly even - it did look kinda cool but im still not sure what it looked like at all - i do know from what i saw i wasnt completely blown away - it didnt look like a cave troll - some people said it did - nor a rancor - the parasites were creepy - but again nothing mind blowing - just dog sized bugs/spiders - they did look real though - the cgi and effects were good - some people said otherwise - what i really didnt care for were the characters - i actually kept yawning during their "moments" - they struck me as self absorbed and immature and irrational - tv people - i did find it hard to swallow that he filmed "everything" - every moment no matter how inappropriate - "blank just died, let me tape your grief" - *SPOILER AHEAD* - funny how the lead wasnt immediately affected by seeing his brother die so horrifically - the exploding girl, however cool and real looking, made me laugh outload - there should have been more bug bite victims blowing up - *END SPOILER* - aside from the camera technique, general mayhem/destruction and hard to see monsters little else in this movie felt/looked real - and the afore mentioned stuff was pushing it - the characters, their dialog, their choices, their stamina after severe injury all felt tv-ish - in other words, fake - i liked "the mist" a lot more - ill actually buy "the mist" dvd - i just want the monsters from cloverfield in toy form

  • Jan. 26, 2008, 5:10 a.m. CST

    oh i forgot, how can anyone sit through this twice

    by JimmyJoe RedSky

    it wasnt that great a "thrill ride" - all the talk about the "shaky camera" and "dizzy fast paced roller coaster" effect is bs - i felt they couldve amped it up even more - even the real crazy stuff like the chopper scene near the end didnt have me reeling - this was a good idea executed to a minimum - i wanted more spectacle more running more scares more monster - and the hype lead me to exect more

  • Jan. 26, 2008, 5:37 a.m. CST

    D.Vader...

    by JimmyJoe RedSky

    the monster was big enough to bite the head off the statue of liberty and spit it all the way into soho - and it left teeth marks - SPOILERS AHEAD - so im an idiot for thinking hud should look messed up after being bit, shook and spat out by a monster with a head the size of a large building? - there wasnt a mark on him - he wasnt even slimed - too much to swallow - if this really happened huds corpse would show signs of physical trauma - it would at least be wet - is this monster from the sea bone dry - the teeth were so big that hud wouldve either slipped between them or gotten caught between two closing on him - and since he was picked up and shook it appears it was the latter - we saw what it did to the chopper - speaking of hard to swallow, this thing took a pounding from the attacking army/air force - big-ass bombs hitting it dead center and not a dent or scratch - whats it made of?

  • Jan. 26, 2008, 8:15 a.m. CST

    CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST and CLOVERFIELD

    by LaserPants

    Feature more or less the exact same impossible to believe documentarians filming things no actual human being would film in the midst of a protracted disaster. The key difference being that CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST actually gives you the moneyshot(s), whereas most of CLOVERFIELD is a huge tease. <br><br> Again, I stand by my idea that the entire movie should have been made up entirely of various forms of footage -- frantic news broadcasts, handheld cameras, phone cameras, surveilance cameras -- all edited together to show one complete narrative from a multiple of povs and no one single group of characters. So it would be this brilliant post-modernist document without any real center character, just the event, edited in such a way that the unfolding disaster becomes more and more intense until the last reel which would be the most horrifying and apocalyptic of he bunch. <br><br> Of course Abrams, being the mainstream, safe, middle of the road guy he is, wasn't able to go there. Then again, the movie did make a mint, so, clearly he speaks to the mass market much more than I do.

  • Jan. 26, 2008, 8:33 a.m. CST

    By the way, to everyone "thanking" Moriarty for

    by FluffyUnbound

    "cutting through the hype" - you do realize that this review says that the first time he saw it he was blown away, and that he deliberately went to see it a second time to get a more muted reaction? Don't you realize how fucking stupid that sounds? "Oh, you know, the FIRST blowjob that girl gave me made me pass out, it was so good - but the SECOND one was just average." Isn't that a lot like saying, "You know, the second time I saw SIXTH SENSE the twist was a lot easier to figure out. It was a real letdown how much less surprised I was the second time." I'm perfectly happy to grant that the Laserpants movie would have been better. But once again if your criticism is "WAH! It exploits 9/11!" - it's fucking supposed to. And if your criticism is "I was less stunned the second time I saw it" - what the fuck kind of stupid standard is that? If the movie blew you away the first time you saw it, maybe that's what it is designed to do, McWeeney. OF COURSE the effect is less pronounced the second time around. "You know what, I cheer less now on my 5000th viewing when Luke blows up the Death Star. I guess it wasn't that exciting after all."

  • Jan. 26, 2008, 9:27 a.m. CST

    Exploiting 9/11

    by LaserPants

    Totally agree Fluffy that people crying about exploiting 9/11 are being ridiculous. Horror movies are supposed to exploit your fears! Thats why they're scary; thats why they work, thats why they exist. I'm actually surprised 9/11 hasn't been exploited more in this way. AND, furthermore, I found the exploitation of those fears to be the strongest element of CLOVERFIELD. The opening attack sequence with people all dazed and confused and freaked out and upset is the best part of the movie. Basically that first teaser trailer, and the moments right after that are the best parts of the movie for me. It was the only part that felt 'real' to me. The rest of it gets progressively more and more ridiculous until the unbelievably corny ending which is actually a very standard Hollywood ending disguised as something darker -- to whit: the guy gets the girl and they live happily never after in the dreamland of Coney Island memories. Lame.

  • Jan. 26, 2008, 9:31 a.m. CST

    I miss the Cloverfield TB

    by EvilGeek1

    I loved talking about this movie, even with the people who hated it! I haven't even seen it yet and I know pretty much what's to happen in it from reading the spoilers. I miss all the buzz and hype that came with this movie. I mean even the unmovable naysayers and negative nancy's were fun to argue with! But now it's gone....sniff sniff

  • Jan. 26, 2008, 9:40 a.m. CST

    Good point Fluffy

    by EvilGeek1

    Damn good point!

  • Jan. 26, 2008, noon CST

    Well, Fluffy, some of us...

    by Lenny Nero

    ...also judge a movie on repeat watchability factor, which speaks far more to the future performance and respect of a film than many people think. This, for instance, is why I in 1998 I enjoyed Saving Private Ryan more than The Thin Red Line, but after seeing both three times I saw through the veneer of the Spielberg meh-ness and his tricks and yet was still utterly entranced by Malick's poetry. You're saying film should only be a one-off? How many times have you seen your favorite films? Mori was completely right in doing this. A terrifying movie can be just as terrifying the second time around.

  • Jan. 26, 2008, 1:07 p.m. CST

    Mori, you gotta chill out on this

    by CaptainGilgore

    You're totally overreacting. People don't get mad any time you tell them something fake is real. People get mad when you tell them something that's REALLY BAD and OBVIOUSLY FAKE is real. I don't know much about this Pougaheesie Tapes, but from what I've seen it's just so obviously cheesy fake. That Paranormal Activity actually looks like it could've been filmed by real people. Part of the fun of Blair Witch was going in thinking it was real, finding out it wasn't, then tricking your friends when they went to see it. It never made anyone mad. It actually made the whole experience more fun. So chill out and stop overreacting just because you made a mistake and are still upset about it.

  • Jan. 26, 2008, 1:22 p.m. CST

    Fluffy: screaming saves your screaming kin

    by BrandLoyalist

    Say you're a monkey, and you see some wild dogs creeping into the vicinity of your troop. Screaming might help most of your troop escape, but it might also give away your position and get your screaming self eaten, maybe before you ever had a chance to breed and pass on your urge to scream. How could evolution select for this kind of altruism? Because you're related to most of your troop & they too have the screaming impulse; the gene responsible for screaming isn't extincted, it lives on in your relatives, who as a group will live to have more offspring than the troop of non-alert-sounding predator-bait monkeys downriver. This is known as "kin selection" and/or "group selection". <br><br> So watch out, sounds like we could lose most of the Unbound family in a tragedy at a wedding reception or something. J/k, actually these days I think most of us live most of our lives in situations where kin selection and group selection don't really pan out. Your silence is probably a selective advantage. Let those subway riding bastards burn - maybe next week you'll find it easier to get a seat! <br><br> (Is there an emoticon for "tongue in cheek"?)

  • Jan. 26, 2008, 2:49 p.m. CST

    Now now, Vader, we can let Strabo know...

    by Lenny Nero

    ...that Lost is going somewhere without insulting him. You attract more flies with honey than with vinegar, good sir.

  • Jan. 26, 2008, 2:52 p.m. CST

    “rich fucking douchebags”

    by BrowncoatJedi

    There is a lot of petty, miserable hate from losers who sit on their couch all day playing Xbox directed towards people who actually make a success of their lives. So you get a lot of internet losers blaming yuppies for their failure. Get over it, guys.

  • Jan. 26, 2008, 3:05 p.m. CST

    Vader, I've been known to...

    by Lenny Nero

    ...sink to their level, but it never works out in the end and I feel like an ass. Instead, why don't you try to let him know that Lost IS going somewhere using points and counterpoints. This way, the show may actually gain a loyal, respectful viewer again, not breed another contemptuous relationship with fans and non-fans.

  • Jan. 26, 2008, 3:12 p.m. CST

    Re: Exploiting 9/11 Imagery

    by Mullah Omar

    I continue to hear people say they dislike CLOVERFIELD because "Films that show the destruction of New York City are tasteless and exploitative in light of 9/11." <br> <br> My question to those people is: <br> <br> At what point will it be okay to resume destroying NYC in films? Ever? <br> <br> So far, nobody I have asked has answered the question.

  • Jan. 26, 2008, 4:19 p.m. CST

    Cloverfield was unsatisfying...

    by Bones

    Imagine a film made of multiple sources, like when the camera breaks or the battery dies...If this is just raw footage, then there should be better notes at the beginning and end of the movie, to put it in some kind of frame of reference...If it was a monster movie. But it is not a monster movie, it is a cloying knockoff oc Miracle Mile DISGUISED as a monster movie. The next "found footage" film would be better served if it was made as a faux documentary, like I hear the WORLD WAR Z movie is going to be. Then, on top of techincal achievement, there might be a little something called PLOT and RESOLUTION. You know, those things.

  • Jan. 26, 2008, 4:20 p.m. CST

    And another thing...

    by Bones

    Why the hell did the cool chick explode? W T F ???

  • Jan. 26, 2008, 4:40 p.m. CST

    vader...

    by JimmyJoe RedSky

    i know how to watch a giant monster movie - i "get" them - im a huge toho fan - i love godzilla - but gamera is my favorite - the thing with this one (cloverfield) is that it paints itself as a "real" depiction of the genre - which is a great idea - some parts are frighteningly real - but others ring as "these are the big-monster movie rules" - like a monster that doesnt bleed - who knows. maybe it does - but we saw so little of it it was impossible to tell - but it did appear unscathed - (maybe the movie was an allegory for the terrorist threats and the fears we face now - try as you might, theres no stopping it/them - or maybe not - ?) - i just think it cant have it both ways (successfully imo) - you cant rope me in with very real depictions of destruction and mayhem (i.e. 9/11/2001) then cop out and stick to tired conventions from movies that are the same in theme but looked on as inferior - well you can, but it just doesnt do it for me - SPOILERS AHEAD - and i still insist hud wouldve looked messed up - he suffered more than the girl that was bit by the bug - and she was very messsed up - her wounds looked very real - i actually thought he was going to get up and shake it off - a wiser directorial choice wouldve been to have the camera land at his legs - his twisted saliva soaked legs - maybe missing a shoe - the female lead was indestructible - she appeared unfased by her horrifying wound - and seemed to stop losing blood - she was running and everything - bs

  • Jan. 26, 2008, 4:50 p.m. CST

    laserpants had a good idea...

    by JimmyJoe RedSky

    have the event documented by cobbled together different video sources - personal camcorders, local and national news, military feeds, cell phones, security cams etc. - forget the characters narrative - the boy must save girl crap - really - how many of you went to this for that - a clinical, no bs document of the event would be cooler - might not sell as well - but id prefer it - plus wed see more of and learn more about the creatures - wheres that movie - id see that more than once

  • Jan. 26, 2008, 4:59 p.m. CST

    Bones, because she was infected...

    by Lenny Nero

    ...by the parasites.

  • Jan. 26, 2008, 5:13 p.m. CST

    I really had a great time watching this

    by TerryMalloy

    but I'll never see it again. I think Mori's right.

  • Jan. 26, 2008, 5:32 p.m. CST

    get perspective on comparisons, people.

    by Boober

    Americans created Godzilla with the atomic bomb. A 400' tall mutated T-rex that feeds on radiation with a bad attitude... Japanese created Cloverfield (or just woke it/pissed it off) with a 7-eleven Slurpie knock-off ingredient. (OMG LAUGHING SO HARD NOW). Cloverdud monster is either a mommy or mommy/baby combo or it just grows/shrinks at will. Godzilla is iconic for what it represents...Cloverdud monster is a con in the form of "Amercian original". Are you kidding me? Hey, JJ, you genius writer. Guess what...the Monster in MONSTER MOVIE is what makes it work. FRANK CASE AND POINT: DRAGON WARS WAS MORE FUN TO WATCH THAN CLOVERFIELD.

  • Jan. 26, 2008, 5:33 p.m. CST

    can you hear the military types while watching the found footage

    by JimmyJoe RedSky

    "i cant believe this idiot went after that girl - he coulda got out of the city safely - stupid civilians" - actually they probably hit fast forward and skipped a lot of that stuff

  • Jan. 26, 2008, 6:11 p.m. CST

    Boober, I wouldn't say that Cloverfield...

    by Lenny Nero

    ...was any fun to watch. I also don't think that was the intention. See my above comments.

  • Jan. 26, 2008, 6:17 p.m. CST

    Gotta be fucking kidding...

    by Biggie Kaiju

    Looks like "Cloverfield" has had a massive Friday drop, and even "Rambo" will come in sloppy second to that fucking piece-of-shit anti-comedy "Meet the Spartans." Jesus rimjobbing Christ, shoot me now.

  • Jan. 26, 2008, 7:09 p.m. CST

    stupid people that dont like being challenged...

    by JimmyJoe RedSky

    ...love going to the movies - hence the success of shit like "meet the spartans" and "wild hogs"

  • Jan. 26, 2008, 7:36 p.m. CST

    One Laser has pants, the other a brain

    by quantize

    I'll stick with the one with a brain thnx.

  • Jan. 26, 2008, 10:15 p.m. CST

    Laserpants (and Mullah Omar)

    by Laserbrain

    Well, I respect your opinion but I stand by mine that the flick is exploitative. It isn't so much the overt visual references to 9/11 that bug me - it's that the movie is so casual about appropriating such loaded imagery for the purposes of a few cheap thrills. Cloverfield is just an e-ticket theme park ride - that's all. The people who have completely enjoyed it and defend it as such, well, that's fair enough, okay, but it should still function, I would hope, as a decent, well rounded film, and the best films need better characters, smarter action, a bit more of a plot and concepts that aren't borrowed lazily from so many other movies. It could have been done way better. I don't necessarily think 9/11 references should be totally off-limits - just off-limits to knuckleheads who use them thoughtlessly in their frivolous monster movies. __________I agree whole-heartedly with you (Laserpants) that different camera perspectives would have provided more interest and credibility. The single handycam conceit is okay for certain scenes but once you try and use it to capture every piece of action then suspension of disbelief goes out the window. It *is* preposterous that Hud would keep taping while climbing from one skyscraper to the next (by the way, can skyscrapers actually lean at such an angle without collapsing?) and it's precisely those moments where my mind started to wander - I stopped believing it it. I couldn't quite understand Beth's injury either- was she impaled? Fuck, that's one tough cookie. She's not much of a bleeder. Doesn't go into shock too easy. Maybe John McClane has another daughter he doesn't know about. Supposed "regular" people shrugging off horrific wounds like they're in an action movie. It doesn't jibe with the aesthetic's insistence that "this is really happening". Too dumb by half. And I so wanted to like the fucking thing.

  • Jan. 27, 2008, 12:15 a.m. CST

    Surviving the helicopter crash was too much

    by thebearovingian

    Sorry. Too much. The pilots couldn't survive the impact but the chick who had already been IMPALED by rebar could. <p>The Loch Ness-whale-crab-dragon-monster didn't look that great either. <p>And the damn shaky cam did not sit well with my super-buttered popcorn and Goober snackfest. I'm human. I can only take so much!

  • Jan. 27, 2008, 1:43 a.m. CST

    I'll watch a sequel to Cloverfield if...

    by Mr.F.N.Sunshine

    it involves Godzilla kicking the living shit out of Clovy. Rodan and Anguirus can join in. And I still think the Statue of Liberty's head came off because he donkey punched her too hard.

  • Jan. 27, 2008, 7:06 a.m. CST

    .

    by Laserbrain

  • Jan. 27, 2008, 7:25 a.m. CST

    Whoops

    by Laserbrain

    Sorry bout the accidental period. I wasn't trying to close the debate. Just wanted to ask - does it bug anyone that a lot of the teaser material in the viral campaign wasn't explicitly referred to in the actual film? All this business about Slusho and whatnot? From what I can gather Cloverfield is supposedly some kind of monster from the ocean floor that chased the tanker to Manhattan and capsized it because Slusho corp was mining it's food supply? The film comes in at at 74 measly minutes they couldn't take another ten to explore any of this? Oh what... I forgot, it's Abrams. I guess we'll never know for sure.

  • Jan. 27, 2008, 9:17 a.m. CST

    An Irish person has seen Cloverfield

    by EvilGeek1

    I know it's old news to you guys but I finally saw it! After months of hear-say and trying to seek out every spoiler I could find, I finally saw it with my own two eyes! And I fucking loved it! Not the great cinematic revolution some people suggested but a damn fun movie to watch! And I don't agree at all with any of the negative feedback that it got. For once my gut feeling was right on a movie. I loved the characters and I thought the monster kicked ass. They didn't over-do it with monster shots. They gradually built up to a good reveal of the creature. Some of the scenes amazed me though. How were they able to shoot those kinds of scenes on public streets? I think a lot of the arguments against Cloverfield are a bit ham-fisted. I can understand if some people didn't like the shaky cam element of it, but other arguments that the characters were douche bags are ill-founded. They were people! And to anyone who found the film bland or unoriginal, I ask you this: What do you want from movies? What great hope/expectation do you hold for cinema? It's a goddamn survival movie with a mean looking monster in it! I mean I have my purist moments like anybody else, but I withhold it when I'm watching movies for entertainment's sake. To ask for more from Cloverfield would be unfair. It wasn't perfect but what is? It's kind of the "in" thing now to take apart these kinds of movies. It's the norm. I personally think it's sad and I feel sorry for the people who sat down to this movie without a shred of objectivity, ready to hate it because it's there. I loved it! That's all that needs to be said and I'm so fucking happy I finally saw it!

  • Jan. 27, 2008, 10 a.m. CST

    Thursday...

    by rutgersjaffo

    I can't wait for Lost to come back. And I still fucking miss Deadwood too. That might have been the best show in the history of the World. Cloverfield still kicks ass. That is all...

  • Jan. 27, 2008, 10:22 a.m. CST

    BrandLoyalist - Good point.

    by FluffyUnbound

    I hadn't thought of that. I think that in a situation like the Great White fire not screaming is a survival advantage in a "I'll just duck out of here quietly before the panic starts - hey I'm out the door now - wow, nice stampede behind me" kind of way. The fact that I'm not warning anyone else didn't occur to me. Read into that what you will. And as for the discussion about whether the monster should bleed - the problem with making it bleed is that screws up the movie by inverting it. One gigantic problem for me about 1998 Godzilla [among many] is that the monster isn't threatening. It's a giant spotted owl. As soon as a couple of missiles hit it, it's dead. So the whole movie is a bunch of nonsense about the monster "hiding" in order to make sure it doesn't get killed too early. If those missiles killed it, enough police machine gun fire should kill it, too. Fucking getting hit by a few taxis should kill it. If our weapons can easily hurt it, it's not a monster - it's just another weak and helpless part of the natural world that we can fuck up at will and that we probably need to pass a law to protect or send it to Yellowstone or something.

  • Jan. 27, 2008, 10:24 a.m. CST

    In other words, it's Jackson's King Kong.

    by FluffyUnbound

    I should have mentioned that. King Kong is a tragedy FOR THE MONKEY. This is not supposed to be a tragedy for the sea slug. It's got to be supertough to avoid that.

  • Jan. 27, 2008, 10:31 a.m. CST

    my favorite hater nitpick is

    by Kloipy

    "How is possible for his battery to last so long? Hahaha i'm so smart!" What the hell is wrong with some of you? I'm sorry the movie wasn't 30 minutes long. If this is an actual complaint than you are an idiot and don't deserve to watch movies because how can you enjoy anything if this is supposedly a valid complaint for you.

  • Jan. 27, 2008, 1:49 p.m. CST

    Piltdown Joey

    by EvilGeek1

    Awww. Now I feel guilty (inserts gun in mouth)...

  • Jan. 27, 2008, 3:18 p.m. CST

    KurtLockwood, neither piece...

    by Lenny Nero

    ...has anything to do with Watchmen. If you're going to pick on anything, pick on Heroes (a show I very much like, so this is not a Lost-Heroes war veteran here), but seriously, that's a paper-thin argument.

  • Jan. 27, 2008, 4:19 p.m. CST

    Cloverfield fell down to 4th this weekend

    by NoHubris

    It made $12.7 million, which is a huge drop off from last week's $41 million. I guess some people really did see it as a gimmick.

  • Jan. 27, 2008, 6:09 p.m. CST

    Watchmen and Heroes spoilers...

    by Lenny Nero

    In Watchmen, Veidt, an evil genius, creates a disaster (through a monster) to hit New York in order to end war and unite the world against a fake villain, and in unity may save humanity from itself. <p>On Heroes, Malcolm McDowell, an evil genius, concocts a disaster (through mutants) to take out New York in order to save humanity from itself. <p>In Cloverfield, a deep-sea monster terrorizes New York. Nothing points to it being created by man. <p>... <p>Watchmen was not the first to put a bunch of scientists on an island. This is a comic staple, no? <p>I agree with you about "Incredibles," though, but it definitely doesn't bother me.

  • Jan. 27, 2008, 9:49 p.m. CST

    Watchmen...

    by rutgersjaffo

    For what it's worth to Watchmen fans: My very good friend of the past 18 years is an executive producer on Watchmen. They are doing a lot of filming in Canada right now and he swears up and down that he is extremely pleased with the with the work they are turning out...

  • Jan. 28, 2008, 7:42 a.m. CST

    Hud clearly drunk. He's MOST sensible character.

    by dcartist

    Hud obviously gets himself fairly drunk around the time he hits on Marlena at the party. It's dead obvious. He gradually sobers up over the next 6 hours. I thought his dialog and behavior were brilliant. His behavior is actually the most believable (as is his dialog).