I am – Hercules!!
“Cinematic Titanic” FAQ
What is “Cinematic Titanic?” “Mystery Science Theatre 3000” vets Joel Hodgson (the original Joel Robinson), Trace Beaulieu (the original Crow T. Robot) and J. Elvis Weinstein (the original Tom Servo) have reunited to mock more movies, this time for DVD release. They are joined this time in the mocking of the movie by fellow MST3K icons Frank Coniff (the original Frank) and Mary Jo Pehl (the original Pearl Forrester). So there are now five voices mocking the movie at once? Correct. How long has it been since Joel Hodgson did this sort of thing? A while. His last regular episode of MST3K, “Mitchell,” was cablecast almost 15 years ago, Oct. 23, 1993, but he also guest-starred on one 1999 MST3K episode, “Soultaker.” Is CT as funny as MST3K? Maybe a little funnier! I found myself laughing aloud a lot. “Is that a really tiny desk or is he wearing wooden pants?” may have elicted actual tears. Which movie does this pilot mock? “The Oozing Skull” (1972), a.k.a. “Brain of Blood,” “The Brain,” “Brain Damage,” “The Undying Brain” and “The Creature’s Revenge.” It’s about a brain transplant gone terribly wrong. It stars Grant Williams (“The Incredible Shrinking Man”) and dwarf Angelo Rossitto (“Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome”). Is a pre-feature short mocked? Sadly, no. Do we see the commentators’ shadows in front of the screen? We do! The shadows of all five commentators adorn the lower right and left corners of the screen, some of them standing on risers. I believe they are situated, from left to right, thusly: Weinstein, Hodgson, Pehl, Coniff and Beaulieu. Isn’t this already downloadable on Mike Nelson’s website or something? You might be thinking of rifftrax.com, which offers audio-only commentaries that you’re supposed to synch up with expensive DVD swill like “The Phantom Menace,” “Star Trek: Generations” and “Fantastic Four.” Nelson often does these with Kevin Murphy (the latter-day Tom Servo), and sometimes with Murphy and Bill Corbett (the latter-day Crow), and other times with his hot, funny wife and at least once with the dude who played Doogie Howser. Nelson, Murphy and Corbett also have their own direct-to-DVD series, “The Film Crew.” Are there CT skits? After a fashion, but no one ever leaves the “screening room” on CT. The feature is freeze-framed, and the performers, always in shadow, perform strange little sketches. Hodgson is central to none of them. Do the commentators dwell in space on a super-secret satellite? Are the commentators put there to see how much filmic torture they can endure? There are no robots or character. The five commentators plays themselves, although a sixth figure appears briefly as the shadow of Al Hirt. Is there a funny title song explaining the premise? Is the phrase “you should really just relax” employed? No and no. What kind of pop-culture references can we look forward to? Referenced are The Pussycat Dolls, Mapquest, Tammy Wynette, “Close Encounters,” Burning Man, Birdseye frozen dinners, Jiffy-Pop, Jack LaLanne, “M*A*S*H,” Amy Winehouse, Phil Spector, “The Addams Family,” Lindsay Lohan, Cat Stevens, Whammo, A&W, Nancy Sinatra, Howard Stern, “The Amazing Race,” “Spider-Man,” David Blaine, Quinn Martin Productions, THX-1138, “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon,” “The Love Bug,” Ikea, Dean Martin, “Sunset Boulevard,” “Fantasy Island,” “Valley of the Dolls,” The Pep Boys, Underdog, “The Blair Witch Project,” Slinky commercials, Pepperidge Farm commercials nerf, Melanie Griffith, Kenny Baker, Dinty Moore, Clint Howard, PinkBerry, Syd Field, TicketMaster, Google Earth, Diet Squirt, Benny Hill, Walter Brennan, the George Foreman Grill, Doug McClure, Mel Blanc and Tennessee Ernie Ford. Do you miss the bots? The bots are missed. How can I get my hot little hands on a copy? The launch party in Minneapolis isn’t until Feb. 12, but you can already purchase the disc online here.

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