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Moriarty’s Seen TEETH!
Hey, everyone. “Moriarty” here.
If you count my top ten of 2007 list, I’ve got no less than nine reviews due at the moment. I’m chained to my desk from now until I finish these nine articles, even as I post Sundance pieces and other things that come into the inbox. Maybe it’s good that I’ve got this many things to write about. I won’t have a chance to overthink each one of them, and I won’t be inclined to overwrite every review. I just want to get right to it, and I’m going to start this rampage of reviews with my take on Mitchell Lichtenstein’s TEETH, a buzz hit from last year’s Sundance that is just now getting a platform release in theaters around the country. Capone interviewed the director earlier this weekend, and we’ve been running reviews sporadically for the last year as people have seen it. I’m certainly not the first person to weigh in on this, so what, if anything, do I have to add to the conversation about it?
First, I think the comparisons to early David Cronenberg are apt, and I don’t say that lightly. Early David Cronenberg films are among my favorite horror movies, and I think there’s a brilliant diseased energy to that early work that very few horror filmmakers have ever approached in their films. Most horror is, honestly, all about the visceral and not really about the cerebral. If a filmmaker can get a cheap jump scare out of you, that’s somehow more valued in the marketplace than the guy who can make you want to take a shower after the film. Cheap sensation is easier to sell and easier to make. I admire what Lichtenstein tried to do with this movie, and if I don’t think it’s 100% successful, it doesn’t matter. TEETH is worth seeing, especially for anyone who really believes in horror as art. This is akin to something like Neil Jordan’s THE COMPANY OF WOLVES, a dreamy fairy-tale take on superhero tropes, horror by virtue of extreme imagery, but more feminist fable than anything else.
Jess Wexler plays Dawn, a girl who deals with her own budding sexuality by becoming an activist in the purity movement. She is part of a group that makes a pledge to engage in no sexual activity before marriage. Of course, most of the boys in the group are there to see if they can make the girls break that promise. And of course, most of the girls in the group love that push-pull of no-we-can’t/yes-we-can. That’s the game. It’s what gets them hot. And Lichtenstein gives the film a sort of overripe sweaty sexuality that works well as it builds towards what you know is coming. The cold opening, introducing little-kid-versions of Dawn and her step-brother Brad (played as an adult by the always-visually-disturbing John Hensley), is like the origin story in a comic book. It’s quick, tells you everything you need to know, and it sets up a feeling of mounting dread for the rest of the film.
Dawn’s serious about her purity pledge. She really doesn’t want to have sex with anyone until she gets married. Part of that is because of her own fears of her genitalia. She knows how she’s built. What she doesn’t know is that she’s unique. She talks at a purity meeting about how she has a gift that is worth protecting, but she has no idea what she’s really saying. Like with any good fairy tale or superhero story, this is really about the process of gaining control of the gifts you’ve been given, and the way Wexler plays Dawn, you believe not only her decency, but also the desperation behind it. Her purity pledge is also a reaction to the way Brad’s matured into a deviant, a blatant scumbag who flaunts his own seedy sexuality in front of his whole family. Hensley is making a fascinating career for himself out of playing really vile human beings between this and his ongoing role on NIP/TUCK as Matt, troubled son to the two main characters. Here, he’s eaten up by his own diseased feelings toward his step-sister, and that tension between them is a major part of the movie’s dynamic.
I love how the film never tries to explain how Dawn’s mutation took place. There are nuclear cooling towers that stand above the small town all the time, and Lichtenstein seems happy to let us draw our own conclusions from the imagery. In the end, it’s not important why Dawn exists the way she does... what’s important is what she does with what she is.
The closest comparison I can make to another film is CARRIE. They’re not structured the same at all -- can you imagine what a rampage at prom would look like in this film? -- but both deal with someone grappling with their own destructive capabilities and eventually embracing them. I think it’s tricky, turning the premise of TEETH into anything but a joke... a vagina with teeth in it that reflexively bites off anything that’s pushed into it. And there are a few moments that are Troma-level sleaze, total shock effect that I would imagine absolutely destroy in a packed theater. I don’t think it’s a spoiler to warn you that you will see dicks. Plural. And they will be cut off. And you will see it. And, yes, it’s as awful as you think it is. Dawn’s reaction to each of the incidents is where I think Wexler’s performance really shines. The evolution of how she handles it is quite striking, and by the end of the film, it’s hard to believe she’s the same girl we see at that first purity meeting.
The film looks like a very small budget film, and anyone who goes in expecting a conventional horror film is going to feel sadly misled, but TEETH is a film of considerable merit, and it’s promising for both this young cast and the writer/director.
I’ll have more of these tardy reviews trickling in over the next few days. I took my wife to see CLOVERFIELD tonight so I could look at a few things a second time before writing my review. It’s been that sort of week. I sat through one movie three times last week, and it’s not a film I was particularly crazy about, either. I digress, though... I’ve got to get back to work on the 2007 list and post a few more of these Sundance reviews coming in...
Drew McWeeny, Los Angeles
Drew McWeeny, Los Angeles
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i feel your pain with the work swampage
thanks for taking the time to add your take, i meant to check this one out this weekend but circumstances intervened, i'll have to catch up with this one and cassandra's dream this week... also seeing untraceable and that one's been getting better than expected reviews so my fingers are crossed -
Yay!
Ah crap.
I'm not, am I? -
I really want to be first....
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my heart goes out to you. Chin up, petal, I'm sure you can cope.
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you're watching movies, assholes, get over it!!
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is it actually physically fucking impossible for you to actually get anything done even remotely on time? do you realize that most competent reviewers write a review BEFORE the movie comes out? of course you don't. between you and harry this site has become ain't it old news. pathetic.
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... about my pecker.
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great idea! be sure to include lots of shots of nuclear cooling towers in the background so that we can all "draw our own conclusions" about where your appendage got its mutation
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Are you freak'n kidding me? Bitch, Moan, Whine, Waaah,... Give me a break! There are more sissys that come to this site to spend time complaining than should be even allowed.
Who really wants to WASTE TIME doing that kind of thing? "Well golly, I'm bored. Why don't I get on the internet and join a talkback and BITCH, MOAN, AND COMPLAIN, about something, because I have absolutely nothing better to do with my life!"
Thug, you do realize that you are ON the internet. There are movie reviews for Cloverfield to be found EVERYWHERE if you absolutely have to read one.
I've been comiing to this site for a long time and one of the main reasons why is that I like MORI, HARRY, QUINT, CAPONE, HERCULES, and the rest. I consider them all friends. They don't know me from a hill of beans, and that's fine with me, but I come here because I like them and the site.
I don't "surf" the internet looking to see who's "scooped" or "reviewed" the latest film first. I don't have that kind of time to waste. The people who like to get on these talkbacks and point out that their "high and mighty asses" read certain info at another site first, have got to be kidding themselves. If all the free time you have is in searching for which site scoops first, or to then spend that time COMPLAINING, rather than doing something positive, well then that is rather sad.
Mori, don't let these kind of guys get to you. Yes, I'm eagerly waiting on your review for CLOVERFIELD too, but I understand that sometimes things happent that cannot be helped. -
you should help the douchebag get his reviews in on time.
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wait, huh? I'm so confused... lol. EvilGeek1, ya got robbed buddy!!!
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Yeah, that's right.
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Just fucking review a movie.
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SLIME PUSTULE, STALK-EYED HORRIBLE FLESH DROPLET
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i've seen cloverfield, and i have my own thoughts, but i respect mori's opinion enough that i want to see what he thinks, too.
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your demonstration of even basic Cronenberg competency is embarrassing. if you can't appreciate the fever-dream epic of Rabid or the pure unbridled debauchery of Shivers and you really DID see Teeth (you keep trashing it but considering it's limited release unless you're in LA, were in Austin on the 17th, or are nearby the one theater in NYC that is playing it I question if you've seen it at all) and weren't able to draw any sort of comparison...well then I question if you've even seen all of DC's catalog at that point. Seems like you're taking yourself a bit seriously...do you really think Videodrome is his first great film? (Saying Cronenberg's greatest begins with...is a bit of an odd statement in general, I'd say it most certainly begins with THE BROOD if not RABID) I would think you would be able to recognize the merit of THE BROOD and SCANNERS as being keystone accomplishment for him as a director at the very least. i think the cronenberg analogies are a bit off myself, i really felt john hughes+jaws in every way imaginable as i stated at the q and a. not trying to be snappy or witty, but i think it encapsulates what i got from the flick in the most succinct way possible.
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when he said 'not a single moment in this film could be described as 'torture porn'
We see penises. We see penises being cut off. Harry - what exactly is your definition of 'torture porn'?
And can you confirm/deny whether you're being paid ad money to shill this film? I honestly cannot think of another reason for you to falsely mis-represent the content of this movie. Are you just a plant at your own site now? -
It's a good movie. That said, I was lucky enough to see it with very little knowledge before hand. I don't know if it'd stand up to too much hype.
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May you never get married. And again, what's the difference between a vagina with teeth and a blowjob? The potential danger's the same. The girl in this movie is no different than any other girl.
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Harry didn't lie about it not being torture porn, that's not to say that it isn't explicitly graphic. I think for this to be considered "torture porn" there'd be scenes of men essentially getting their dicks yanked off, and it being filmed with a porn-like angle to show it all take place. But, the dickmemberments (yeah, I just made that up) are fairly clean cuts. It's the equivalent of seeing someone get their arm hacked off with one stroke, only more shocking because it's a dick.
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I saw this film at Sundance last year and absolutely loved it. When I told friends about it they all had one question. Do you actually see the Vagina Dentata? In the Sundance cut I saw, you never did. Have they added a shot of it or a new special effect? I don't know if it's needed. I thought the film worked so well before. I might see this in New York this week so I'll soon see for myself.
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No they don't. It might be kind of difficult to film that considering the teeth are supposed to be inside of her.
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Yap! Yap yap yap! Yap yappity yap yap! Yap sad yap yap yap! Yap? Yap yap yap!!! Yappity yappity Cassandra's Dream yap yap!
Yap! -
C,mon man we need to see your Cloverfield Review. Although you can tres pretentious its usually better than some of the sycophantic crap we see on here.
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You need to watch Mori, he's making you look bad man !!!!
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What kind of sad loser posts a licky arse message to a colleague on public forum
Whoah man, thats just diirrrty! -
Thanks. Yeah. I didn't remember seeing anything that graphic. I remembered the teeth were inside her. It was a lot better that everything was left to the imagination. Just wanted to clarify that they didn't add any more gore effects to make it more of a gross out horror film. The penis falling from between her legs is all I need. I can't wait to see this again.
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Jan 21, 2008 2:31:26 PM CST
'porn' in 'torture porn' refers to the graphic indulges of the v
by george newman
the 'porn' in 'torture porn' refers to the graphic indulges of the violence. The film revels in showing the torture.
In the original christening of the term "Torture Porn", it had nothing to do with sex, or some kind of combo or sex and violence. It was about the 'pleasure' the director took in showing the violence.
It's about comparing scare techniques
If the scariness of Horror films like Friday the 13th or ALIEN is like R-rated sex, then HOSTEL, etc is like XXX-rated sex.
It is less 'romantic' for horror fans because instead of relying on suspense and "what-you-do-not-see", the Torture Porn tries to scare you by showing every thing. Torture porn's 'scare' is in the painful display of the horror violence.
Porn is just sex, while R-rated or softcore strive to be Romantic:::Torture porn is just graphic, while standard horror is terrifying in its suspense -
...Is Moriarty sneaking in scripts behind the WGA's back!? Why the huge delays between reviews?
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hows that for waxing poetic you miserable deushbag yeah i was waxing poetic and i'm patting myself on the back, serves me right for trying to articulate a point. sorry i just hate catty fucking losers like you who feel the need to let their opinions known, the dude was behaving like an asshead and attacking the movie probably without having seen it and i tried to make a good point and i have to take shit from you? fucking eat a dick man don't even fucking respond, just shut the fuck up and find something else to do, FUCK now i have to fuckin smoke this bong and chill out... that shit pissed me off
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AS I HIT THIS AND ENJOY LIVING IN THE FUCKING BEST PLACE TO SEE FILMS IN AMERICA
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They really should have made the slogan for this movie
"A SNATCH WITH A CATCH" -
are not waxing poetic, fatass. mori's description of rabid in this very review is along the same lines, and if you don't call a man walking about with two naked 10 year old girls on leashes pure unbridled debauchery then what the fuck do you call it. and they are avaliable at hollywood video, it's not like they are hard to track down, so why the hell would I be proud of myself for seeing them? And also, how is The Brood less of a better looking film than Videodrome? I love videodrome but this statement "The man is a genius. TEETH does not deserve to be compared to his work. Also, his old horror movies are waaaaaaay pverrated. B-movie bad. CRONENBERG's greatest begins with VIDEODROME" brings up several issues with me. First, is the comparison being debated valid? Probably, yes, I saw it in a different way but yes. Second, Has this person seen the film? If you're going to say a film does not deserve to be compared to someones work, then you better have both seen the film being discussed AND demonsrate basic knowledge of the subject you are talking about. So don't try to fuckin' throw pebbles at me for no good reason because I have every right to address these issues because guess what, I loved the movie and I think the comparisons stand, and I love Cronenberg and I want to defend him as well from pretentious deushbags.
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Jan 21, 2008 7:42:40 PM CST
This is more interesting than anything McWeeny has to say...
by randie1313
...about anything.
www.paramount.com/startrek/ -
your eyes are rolling cause i just decapitated you, resin balls and jizz-stained comic books sounds like someones projecting memories of high school, nah i was the one making fun of you back then too, and "anyone reading this" will probably see that i safeguarded myself pretty well against your attacks considering i was making fun of the image you were going to paint of me and then you went for it full throttle, you're using ammo i gave you read the fucking posts. pretentious dork twat dude you're coming weak man go for a run or some shit. stand up next time before you impulse post a little prose never hurt anyone. Read Mori's description of Rabid. Watch Shivers and tell me it isn't pure unbridled debauchery. sit the fuck down PIERRE
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"Carrie" is one of the best horror films ever made, period. Whether or not you want to take the subtext (the power of female sexuality, blah blah blah) the movie works brilliantly. And it didn't have to resort to putting TEETH in her cooch, either. I respect and admire most of Mori's work, honestly. But you could not pay me to sit through "Teeth". Gee, how refreshing: all men are basically scumbags regardless of age, and the best way to emasculate 'em and show just how much better we women are is to BITE THEIR DICKS OFF! Such art, such symbolism, such depth of thought! But then some people thought that a photograph of a crucifix in a glass of piss was art, too; so is this really surprising?
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in a post that precedes their actual attempt to flame someone, congratulations. by the way, someone who would roll their eyes instead of call the person out in person if they thought they were being pretentious, is a bitch.
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and to clarify the reason i said stand up is because the fact that i was using an angry, heightened sense of sarcasm to rant about how fucking asinine your concepts are seemed to zing by and nick your fucking bald spot on the way over, shit for brains. AND WHO THE FUCK SCRAPES RESIN? let me guess you were the one BUYING the pot in high school... dude if i tried to like rebuke your FUCKING HILARIOUS interpretations my the person i am and my lifestyle on a point by point basis there is no way i wouldn't sound pretentious let me just put it at that with COMPLETE confidence that you are a timid, passive aggressive pussy piece of shit.
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Jan 22, 2008 12:23:27 AM CST
seriously i feel like i have to rebuke this dude on High School
by birdy birdman
since that's the fuckin interpretation this geek seems to have of me, trust me fuckin lardo i do alright for myself, you wouldn't know me if you saw me that's for sure but i bet i'd know your geek ass on sight. i don't give a fuck if you think i'm trying to sound cool man just because i am not afraid to speak up with real talk then you sound a little fuckin THREATENED bitch, see i think there will always be people who roll their eyes at people who aren't afraid to speak from the heart because they are too pussy to do it.
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what a gay medium i can't believe i even wasted my time with this. bottom line, there will always be people like you and there will always be people like me, pussy. i know what type of person i am and don't assume to know shit about you (all i can tell is you're a pussy who probably can't speak up for himself in person) so don't go trying to make assumptions because you might reveal more about yourself and your experiences than you'd like to, fuckin LOSER. seriously. i bet you're the type of dude who is the 'fat ugly best friend' of hot chicks who makes fun of the guys they secretly fuck. introduce me to your wife or girlfriend and i'll demonstrate this point first hand! if you have one!
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Who is this "birdy" person, and why is he having a conversation with himself? Or is this some strange new viral marketing strategy for "Teeth"? And whoever first made the blowjob reference makes a great deal of sense: just because there are teeth there doesn't necessarily mean they will BITE. With some girls, the choppers do a little scraping, yeah; not the most pleasant sensation, to be sure, but not quite the same as a chomp! Other ladies have demonstrated what I can only describe as a RETRACTION of the teeth up into the gums; that is, you feel nothing but lips and tongue...presumably, if the gal in the movie gets stretched out enough, you might not notice them canines and bicuspids at all!...Now isn't that more fun then aimless rantings in which the words "pussy" and "loser" figure prominently?
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saw it tonight, thought it was pretty good, had me laughing pretty hard in spots, and cringing (in a good way) during others... little slow in the middle but jess weixler and john hensley (forgive the spelling) were both great... overall, definitely better than i expected it to be, wish they had used that score though... a much more reliable horror pick than leslie vernon or hatchet
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how did you find time to post that insightful comment seing as you are suffering from "work swampage"? see, petal, I told you you'd survive. Wanker.
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Just the 'concept' of this movie is enough to make me cringe. Fuck, fuck off. Stupid utter shite.
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...MiraWhiff's prose that makes me homicidal and suicidal by turns? Seriously, after about two sentences I get so aggravated I'm fantasizing about either jamming knives into my own or other people's eyeballs.
Yap! Yap! Yap! Yapyapyapp!!!!! -
let the talkbackers decide, you got fucking owned
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you'll get owned again you fucking loser, just clarify that you were/are the guy who had the hot female friends, tried to rip on the 'jocks, frat boys, or druggies' to make her laugh, then cried in secret in trying to ignore the fact that she was fucking them, crying yourself to sleep every night right?. i can tell this is your big moment to finally stand up againsr guys like that when you couldn't do it in public (trust me you wouldn't do it if this were in person, i'd call your ass out if I saw you roll your eyes at me and I bet you'd start stuttering like a bitch cause that just strikes me as the kind of person you are). hey but at least Zeke has your back. seriously, borderline middle aged, obese soft-spoken manchildren fumbling around on talkbacks trying to posse up with their softspoken brand of bitching need to GET THE FUCK ON. if that's not you yet it's what you will be. every aspect of this little flame war you got shit on, all you could do was try to mock me for being crude and an asshole while i systematically debunked every argument you had, some IN ADVANCE. i was TRYING to talk about the fuckin movie and have a discussion about cronenberg but you jumping in with your fucking high levels of estrogen have ruined that. so instead of your weak ass shots, square's version of what you think a stoner to be, and gross misinterpretations of me getting heated at you (fuckin please man do not mistake me getting heated for me systematically and consistently providing counterpoints that you regularly just either gloss over or ignore completely because you're a fucking idiot). bottom line dude there's always going to be people like you and there's always going to be people like me, you can have the talkback i'll just keep living my life, if it's really as pathetic as you project your own to be i guess i couldn't say with complete confidence that i'll be fucking a girl tonight i have not yet met. gotta go to class, old man, enjoy your internet porn and shitty menial existence.
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Get out.
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birdy birdman sounds like a right cunt
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and look at him tear up this talkback now
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