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A Spy Sneaks A Look At The Cancer-Free FANBOYS!

Hey, everyone. ”Moriarty” here. I was at this screening tonight. And there is indeed a version of FANBOYS in which the word "cancer" is never spoken, and in which Linus is not sick. At all. I’ll say this: the film played well. The audience was very vocal and very demonstrative. They enjoyed it. I’m fairly sure they did well in terms of numbers based on the way the audience sounded during the film. They were with it. I’ll have a piece up this weekend about FANBOYS and where it is right now in terms of a possible release. I’d say things look promising for the film, and if anyone else who was there wants to write in... or if you saw the screening on Tuesday, which was a different version... then please... we’d love for you to weigh in:

So I got to see a screening at the AMC l6 here in Burbank, CA. G Ok. So here's a little about me. I don't care that much about Star Wars. Yeah, it's some good movies, and I like watching them. But I wouldn't say I was a fan. However, I do know two VERY hot girls who are fans. Actually, they're fangirls. They both have some funky red tattoo that they tell me is the symbol of rebel alliance. I'm not even really sure what that means, but I'm sure you do. So when I got the chance to see the screening, I decided to take them as a gesture of goodwill (to get into their pants). These are girls who turn heads when they walk into a room. And if I didn't know them myself, I wouldn't believe they existed. But I digress... I absolutely LOVED this film. LOVED. This is going to be one of those films that will become a cult hit. I am not even a Star Wars fan like these girls were and still I found myself laughing nearly every minute the film was playing. The cast, the writing, everything was great. Nonstop laughter. I won't post any spoilers, I don't see the point. Just go see it. This film is good. Real good. And there are some surprise cameos that you will love. And Harry, I didn't know you could kick so much ass. Who knew? Perfect movie. I wouldn't change a thing. I cannot wait for this to come out on dvd. This is one I will watch over and over. With fanboys and nonfanboys. And girls. So yeah, I didn't score with either chick. I asked them afterwards if they would polish my lightsaber. They laughed and told me something about how you can't polish the force. I don't even know what that means... Ironically, my nickname has always been - Solo
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  • Jan. 18, 2008, 3:27 a.m. CST

    Awsome, some more star wars pop jokes

    by taintyourwagon

    Seriously, star wars is dead to me. And movies making fun of star wars nerds, how 1999 of them. Weak.

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 3:35 a.m. CST

    saw this movie over a year ago..

    by bob oblaw

    The version i saw was perfect!!.. i don't understand why Uncle Harvey Weiner wants to cut out the cancer aspect of the movie.. i had reviewed the film on here under the name "djmonkeyboy".. look it up, if you can find it..

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 3:53 a.m. CST


    by Mezzanine

    This guy sounds like a real winner... Hey Mori, can I write a review about how tomorrow I'm getting dragged to 27 dresses, but I'll be able to fuck my girlfriend after? <p>What a tool.

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 3:54 a.m. CST

    Wow, this guy really sounds like a plant...

    by Gremlin517

    a shill, someone who works for the gig bad companies who make stupid decisions about movies and then want us to fall in line. No one, I repeat not one real honest to god non-posing as a geek or fanboy or even a casual reader of this site would ever open his remarks with those lame-ass comments about the girls. That just smacks of someone who is trying too hard to do talkback geek-speak in order to pass as one of us. Anyway, I'm sure as in the Democratic election, the decision has already made as to which way things are going to go. I don't care if it has cancer mentioned or not, but don't try to sell it to us as anything but a corporate decision made by corporate whores.

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 3:55 a.m. CST

    Just Kill Jar Jar

    by Sovikos

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 4:16 a.m. CST

    not a SW fan - but has always had the nickname Solo? Hmmm...

    by ian216a


  • Jan. 18, 2008, 4:20 a.m. CST

    Curious to read Moriarity's thoughts...

    by Prof. Pop-Cult

    ...About this long in development film. Oh, and I don't believe the legitimacy of this review at all. C'mon... SW Fangirls? For real?

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 5:13 a.m. CST

    THe guy's not sick?

    by The Chosen

    Is this a final version? Because all that i thought to be interesting about this movie was the dying guy whose friends froze hell to get him to see Episode I.

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 5:18 a.m. CST

    I want to

    by Mezzanine

    punch this reviewer right in his oversized cunt. <p> Come on, you know he has a big nasty one.

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 5:42 a.m. CST

    Never said this before, but this guy is a ...

    by lex romero

    ..plant. <br> <br> He's told us nothing whatsoever about the film other than that it's the most hilarious film he's ever seen and is brilliant and has no faults whatsoever, and what's even more amazing is he doesn't even like star wars! <br> <br> Yeah the film might be good but can we try and have a little objectiveness? Maybe a bit about the films plot, about what he thought of the lack of cancer plot, anything about the film other than just "it's perfect".

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 6:22 a.m. CST

    Those girls don't exist

    by Oski

    If they did, they probably read this review and now the reviewer's chances went from none to negative.

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 7:07 a.m. CST

    PLANTY McpLant

    by Stupendous Man

    is back!

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 7:24 a.m. CST


    by Pennsy

    As in first time I'm calling PLANT! in a talkback.

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 7:28 a.m. CST

    What a dick

    by judge dredds fresh undies

    Yeah talkbackers can be vicious but everyones right this time. This guy is a DICK.

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 7:32 a.m. CST

    Give this guy some Brawndo...

    by Zob10701

    it's what plants crave.

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 7:34 a.m. CST

    true fuckin story

    by mefrog

    what a massive plant. I never thought I would post that but Jesus. You can tell the moment he says he's not a fan.

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 7:56 a.m. CST


    by 1FearlessJay

    ...maybe a tool, but not a plant. Plants would at least have mentioned some technical merit the film had. And hot fatgirls... I mean fangirls? This guy is just so full of hormones anything sounds good.

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 8:53 a.m. CST

    I do know two VERY hot girls who are fans.

    by waylayer

    Stop, please. A statement like that indicates that you don't know two hot girls, period.

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 9:11 a.m. CST

    This review is so FAKE

    by SamBlackChvrch21

    "I won't post any spoilers, I don't see the point. Just go see it. This film is good. Real good." Stellar Review captain, I'll go see it based on YOUR judgement, fellow stranger with two "hot" star wars chicks. This is laughable at best

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 9:11 a.m. CST

    I'll see this movie

    by SamBlackChvrch21

    If you post the picture of the chicks with their tattoo's

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 9:34 a.m. CST

    wide angle lense

    by ArcadianDS

    you can't squeeze the force into an 8x10 glossy.

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 9:36 a.m. CST

    Two Girls, One Force

    by SamBlackChvrch21

    actually the two hot girls were the cloverfield monster and jabba's backfat in a dress

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 10:30 a.m. CST

    Hot girls with a Rebel tattoo?

    by BurgerKing

    Haha yeah sure bud

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 10:39 a.m. CST

    Screw the rebel tattoo...

    by Rei-Ginsei

    If you're a hot chick and a true fan, you'd slap on the slave bikini...

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 10:49 a.m. CST

    fuckin a you guys are nuts...

    by solo550style

    Solo is a nickname from high school. I'm not the best driver in the world, and one day a friend called me John Solo because I was driving like crazy. The name stuck. Donna and Shannon are definitely real. Was I really trying to sleep with them? No, it was a joke. Donna is a good friend, Shannon is one of her good friends. When the guy in downtown Burbank was trying to get people to see the movie, I thought of them. Had they not wanted to see it, I wouldn't have. So no, I'm not a plant. No, I'm not a big Star Wars fan. Yes, I loved the movie. Yes, the girls are hot and have matching rebel tattoos.

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 10:59 a.m. CST

    ...and it was *awesome*

    by ShiftyEyedDog2

    This is barely a step above that Cloverfield "review."<br><Br>and yeah, I'm gonna join the call of PLANT!

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 11:01 a.m. CST

    Are we even sure he saw the "Cancer-Free" version??

    by ShiftyEyedDog2

    Weren't they screening both versions to different audiences on the same night and comparing results? There's nothing in this joke of a review that indicates he saw the shallow non-cancerous one.

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 11:02 a.m. CST

    Cancer free

    by solo550style

    I saw the cancer free one. I didn't even know there was a cancer plot until I read the talkbacks.

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 11:04 a.m. CST

    Can't be a plant

    by norrinrad

    too many comments about hot girls he can't get which have nothing to do with the movie. I don't think they'd pick plants who write so random.

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 11:19 a.m. CST

    This guy isn't a plant....just a twat.

    by StovetopStuffin'

    I'm willing to bet that he met these girls at Niagara Falls, and they live in Canada, and you wouldn't know 'em. "I've laid... lots of times"

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 11:21 a.m. CST

    Plantiest review i've read in a while

    by George Newman

    it tries to appeal to us with his pathetic nature. he tries to win over the star wars haters/apathetics, "Now let me tell you i'm not a fan;I don't even know what the rebel alliance is; But I LOVED LOVED LOVED the movie, and I won't tell you why, you'll just have to see it for yourself"

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 11:23 a.m. CST

    girls do exist...

    by solo550style

    Jeez, you guys act like girls don't really exist... One was a friend from work, the other was her friend/old roommate.

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 11:28 a.m. CST

    What other talkbacks have you participated in?

    by George Newman

    can you point me in the direction of months-old posts that you have made on the site?

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 11:54 a.m. CST

    This post...

    by SergioLeone

    ... reads as real as a letter to Penthouse.

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 12:05 p.m. CST

    Yo, Solo...

    by DarthCorleone

    I'd like to meet Donna and Shannon. I should have gone to this screening.

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 1:02 p.m. CST


    by Emit Brown

    This may have been written by the director himself. haha!

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 1:03 p.m. CST


    by Spacekicker2001

    come on that is one of the most contrived stories ever...lammmmeee

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 1:38 p.m. CST

    Love ya Saxon...

    by solo550style

    lol, ok Saxon. I just happened to know exactly where the screening was, and that it was in theatre 7. Is it really so hard to believe that they have screenings in Burbank? They do it all the time. Some guy stands around asking people to call a number to see a movie. Everybody wants some more details? Ok, first I had no idea there was a rivalry between Star Trek and Wars. And I guess some very high-ups in Star Trek don't like SW. Watch for the Danny Trejo peyote scene. Great stuff. It seems like you talkbackers will bitch about ANYTHING. I saw a movie I liked. Big fucking deal.

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 1:50 p.m. CST

    To Solo

    by FranklinStreet

    The reason everyone thinks you're a plant (or at least an idiot) is that a) you said nothing about the movie except generic meaningless praise, and b) you used most of your "review" to say "I know hot girls, look how hot these girls are that I took." Well congratulations, man-- but no one really cares. We just want to know if you liked the movie or not... and WHY. What was good about it? What wasn't? Your review wasn't much of a review so much as it was patting yourself on the back for knowing a couple of hot chicks. No one cares. You managed to say absolutely nothing of relevance.

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 2:02 p.m. CST


    by solo550style

    I would think the part about me trying to sleep with my friends would be understood as satire, but forget that part. So if you guys want to know more about it, ok. You know the plot, a group of friends decide to steal the first SW movie. Along the way they encounter ST fans, hookers, Danny Trejo, and a couple of great cameos. I didn't get all the jokes, but have seen the movies enough to enjoy the film. Had I not seen it with the SW fans, I don't know if I would have liked it as much, but only because I didn't get some of the references, especially the ones with SW dialogue. You don't have to be a SW fan to like it. You still will laugh at the groups love and devotion to the movies, and how it will make them do anything. Probably the best cameo in the film is the man who gives them the tools to break into Skywalker ranch. The whole theatre cheered on that one. To be honest, there wasn't anything I didn't like. I'm the same way with Wedding Crashers, Spaceballs, Airplane and Old School. Wouldn't change those either. If ya like SW, you'll like it. If ya don't, ya might still like it. Does that help?

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 2:12 p.m. CST


    by Edwoodfan

    Hey man stop bragging about your right and left hands. I agree this sounds like a studio plant. I went to the screening and it was okay that relied on cheap cameo appearances and was average at best. Nothing amazing and probably would like it more if you are a Star Wars fan, but there was potential were it could have been funny and missed out on some great opportunities. If you want to go see Kristen Bell in this movie, you will be disappointed bc of the small screen time she actually has and they really screwed the pooch on this for not having more of her. She is in as a supporting character of myabe 10 mins or so. The cameos are great, but if you love bad comedies this movie is right for you.

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 2:20 p.m. CST


    by Bloo

    you may or may not be a plant but this review READS like a plant and you're not helping your cause, I don't know much about planting movie reviews, but I would assume that the studio would feed the plant the information that they needed re: screening times, place, etc<P>you talk alot about these hot girls but you don't mention how the direction is, the performances, Kristin Bell, etc. And you know what I love most movies, there are very few movies I downright loathe, but I can always find good things and bad things in a movie even in my most loathed movie of all time, Patch Adams. I can point to some great effects and some decent acting from Shia Lebauf in Transformers while at the same time talking about the lack of robots, the dry humping on Bumblebee, etc in the same breath in Transformers. There are NO perfect movies, tell us WHY this movie is so good (i.e. Jorge Garcia is great as Harry {this is the movie where the fat guy from LOST plays Harry right?}, Kristin Bell really sold her part, most of th ejokes worked but these jokes didn't work) those are just some suggestions

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 2:29 p.m. CST


    by solo550style

    Well, Kristen Bell's wig wasn't that great and kinda distracting. And the one I saw wasn't a final print. It needed to be cleaned up in some parts, but they told us that at the beginning. Harry Knowles actually played himself. As far as the jokes, acting, etc they all worked for me. But I had never even seen a preview of the movie and had no idea what to expect. Like I said, I just plain enjoyed the film.

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 2:54 p.m. CST

    Wow you guys are brutal!!!!

    by D.Scully

    Hi gang. In defense of SOLO.. I was at the screening last night for Fanboys also and it was an amazing experience. This movie was wittily written, wonderfully acted and is a true tribute to Star Wars fans young and old. To see Lucas ranch and his archive room on screen..gave me the chills and stunned me in such awe!! Only a Star Wars fan will truly get ALL the jokes and will just plain "get it". From the music to the cameos to the story predicaments it is a treasure for the Star Wars lover!!! I CANNOT wait to own this on DVD and it hasn't even been released yet!!

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 3 p.m. CST


    by Sin86a

    Man please... For your own sake just never come back here. I tried to be open minded but your whole paragraph on the girls was slightly creepy and then the review had nothing. You talked more about the girls than you did the movie (who was supposed to get the joke that you seemed to think was so funny). And not for nothing but everything you've touched on has been in the trailers (including the Shatner cameo, the Trejo cameo, Kristen Bells wig, etc.). If you're going to post a review act like you've read one.

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 4:14 p.m. CST

    Just bizarre, this whole thing...

    by Prof. Pop-Cult

    Reading Solo's replies here (assuming it's really him and not a troll claiming to be him), I was genuinely hoping he would redeem himself and tell us more about this movie. But still he gave us absolutely nothing. Most of us are not asking for spoilers, but maybe some more *insight* into various elements of this film (the actors, the script, a non-spoiler scene description or two here) -- you know, like a real movie review. Even the TBers who claim to have been at the same preview sound suspect, very reticent to talk about anything of relevance and insight about this film. There has been a lot of inside talk that Fanboys is simply a turkey, absolutely unfunny, and its release was held off for well over a year as the studio tried to figure out how to retool it somehow (their decision to axe the cancer storyline is one example). Maybe they need to shoot some more footage -- like write more scenes for Kristen Bell's character (but that's unlikely now due to the strike). I don't know which is most disconcerting -- that this could be yet another plant cynically orchestrated by studio executives, or an actual legit "review" but from a braindead AICNer. Oh, and Harry Knowles does not play himself in Fanboys, Solo. Hell -- you can look this fact up in

  •, which doesn't figure to be delayed, since its release date was actually pushed up to April 18.

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 8:45 p.m. CST


    by Toulon

    Is it even POSSIBLE to read this site, let alone put in the effort to send in a review, and NOT know what the rebel alliance symbol looks like? I'm not saying you need to be a big Star Wars fan or anything, but that doesn't fit in my head!

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 10:20 p.m. CST

    Thought it was Harry

    by solo550style

    Well I thought it was Harry. Guess the actor did a good job. It's not like I've actually seen footage of him before, just some pics here and there. Ya know, you guys really crack me up. I'm not a professional reviewer. I'm not a SW fan. I just went to see a movie about SW and happened to like it. The fact is, you guys will bitch about anything you can think of. If it isn't one thing, it's another. You guys are so used to bitching that when someone comes along and says something positive about a movie, you can't even conceive of someone not having anything to bitch about. I have a screening of Superhero coming up Tuesday. I'll get more in depth on the movie next time. But you guys will still find something to bitch about...

  • "Around every corner there’s something bad or gross or evil. I think just keeping your head screwed on straight you can look past all the bullshit. There’s a lot of bullshit. People bullshit you left and right. I think the worst part is that I can get really work-obsessed. And I need to remember to slow down and enjoy life a little bit. I don’t think I’m really susceptible to the stereotype of the young-actress-party-girl because it’s just not me. It never has been, and I don’t think it will be. I don’t really drink. I rarely, rarely drink. I don’t like going out because clubs are kinda stinky, and I don’t like other people sweating on me. I’m doing my best to stay as normal as possible." <p> As if I needed one more reason to tip my cap to K-Bell. :)

  • Jan. 18, 2008, 10:30 p.m. CST

    interview, sorry...

    by Pennsy

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 12:53 a.m. CST

    AICN whay did you post this?

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer

    I've never had to question AICN in over 8 years....then there's this "review". I just want a fair and honest reponse oh great geeks of reknown.

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 12:54 a.m. CST

    fuck my typo

    by Stereotypical Evil Archer


  • Jan. 19, 2008, 3:34 a.m. CST

    Worst fucking plant ever.

    by DocPazuzu

    Why is it you guys just never learn? <p> 1) You say you like watching Star Wars movies but aren't a fan, yet have no idea what the "symbol of the Rebel Alliance" even means. <p> 2) "I absolutely LOVED this film. LOVED. This is going to be one of those films that will become a cult hit." <p> 3) "I found myself laughing nearly every minute the film was playing." <p> 4) "I won't post any spoilers, I don't see the point. Just go see it. This film is good. Real good." <p> 5) "Perfect movie. I wouldn't change a thing. I cannot wait for this to come out on dvd. This is one I will watch over and over. With fanboys and nonfanboys. And girls." Wow, you mean it won't just appeal to fanboys but that EVERYONE should go see it? <p> 6) "They laughed and told me something about how you can't polish the force. I don't even know what that means..." That's because no real fan would ever utter a contextual non-sequitur like that. <p> 7) "These are girls who turn heads when they walk into a room. And if I didn't know them myself, I wouldn't believe they existed." So I guess good-looking people don't have to worry that they'll be stuck in a theater with coke-bottle-bespectacled nerds and fat, sweaty geeks. <p> 8) You've never posted on AICN before. <p> I thought you guys were here to learn how to deal with us? Why is it that we can serve you countless tips and hints on how to be believable geeks with us, yet you fail every single time? Just how far down do the depths of your stupidity go? <p> Attention clueless film studio: fire these incompetent marketing fucks and hire me. These people are far too fucking imbecillic to walk upright much less sway the geek contingent. Hook me up and I'll bring it home for you.

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 7:12 a.m. CST

    8) the most telling to me

    by Garbageman33

    I love when a plant posts a story that Harry and Company are gullible enough to post (invariably it's for a movie they have some interest in, either because of its subject matter or because they've accepted advertising from it) and the planter is someone you've never heard of (and never hear from again) and, yet, there they are in the talkback trenches for one shining moment, slugging it out with the regulars, trying to prove they're not like Pinochio, that they, in fact, are "a real boy". And then they disappear again. Just like the wind.

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 8:33 a.m. CST


    by DocPazuzu

    Exactly. Just check out the recent AvP-R talkbacks.

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 9:22 a.m. CST

    "blah blah blah, PLANT, blah blah blah"

    by solo550style

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 9:28 a.m. CST

    Solo, do you think the studio is still gonna pay you?

    by Garbageman33

    Or does your miserable (and transparent) failure mean that you violated some sort of performance clause in your contract? Is that why you're still here "defending" yourself?

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 9:31 a.m. CST

    No, I'm not a plant

    by solo550style

    Sorry boys, I'm not a plant. I know it just seems impossible to you that someone actually enjoy something and not dissect every little thing and bitch. Sometimes people actually don't have anything to complain about. I know that's hard to believe for you guys.

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 9:38 a.m. CST

    Oh, and your friends are stupid too...

    by Garbageman33

    You're a bad driver so they gave you the nickname John Solo? That's the best they could come up with? They didn't go with irony and call you Mario Andretti or Popeye Doyle? Or they could go straight with it and call you Ted Kennedy. Actually, that's pretty damn good. From now on, your nickname is Ted Kennedy. Now maybe you can "review" a political film and explain that you've had the name Ted Kennedy for years and that you're not really a plant. Just a really, really shitty reviewer.

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 10:09 a.m. CST

    Plant tell Nr. 9:

    by DocPazuzu

    Defending yourself by saying what amounts to "So if I like something, I'm a plant?" <p> Absolute horseshit and you know it. It has nothing to do with liking or disliking something. This is your cardinal marketing sin: believing that we're dumber than you are. <p> Go fuck yourself, Solo, you condescending, whorish cretin.

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 10:19 a.m. CST


    by solo550style

    Yes, someone actually has a nickname of Solo who doesn't like SW. Oooooohhhhhhhhh... IMPOSSIBLE... like I said,you guys will bitch about ANYTHING.

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 10:23 a.m. CST

    So Doc...

    by solo550style

    So if it has nothing to do with liking or disliking, what is it? Where is all this proof you guys have that I'm a plant? I was a guy who saw a screening of a movie. Big fuckin deal. Ya wanna know why you never see me in talkbacks? Because all you guys do is sit around bitching and moaning about everything.

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 11:10 a.m. CST saw a movie?

    by Garbageman33

    I'd never know it by your review. Why don't you tell us a bit about it? You know, plot, characters, that sort of thing. Seriously, with all the time you've spent defending your lame, plantlike review, you could actually go back and write an actual review that provides some insight into the film.

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 11:21 a.m. CST

    well fuckin a...

    by solo550style

    Yeah, and if I had written a more professional review, you guys would have said that it seems like someone from a marketing team wrote THAT too. You guys will bitch no matter what.

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 11:27 a.m. CST

    I've never heard of you either, ChocolateReign

    by Garbageman33

    I think I smell a second plant brought in to clean up the mess of the first plant. Chocolate Reign must be the Harvey Keitel in Pulp Fiction of plants.

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 11:29 a.m. CST

    And no, I don't work at a Best Buy

    by Garbageman33

    It's a Circuit City. And I sell DVD players. Get your facts straight.

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 12:18 p.m. CST

    I feel like Joseph McCarthy

    by Garbageman33

    But instead of going after communists and communist sympathizers, I've made it my mission to smoke out plants and plant sympathizers. At last, my life has meaning.

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 12:46 p.m. CST

    Um, yes, Chocolate Reign, it's all a gag

    by Garbageman33

    Incidentally, Spinal Tap was not a real band. In case that also confused you.

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 1:49 p.m. CST

    I picture this kid

    by samsquanch

    as the son from "Married with Children", doing a voice-over during a dream sequence.

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 3:37 p.m. CST

    garbageman 33

    by solo550style

    "Chocolate Reign must be the Harvey Keitel in the Pulp Fiction of plants" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Man all the shit I've been taking from you guys was worth it after reading that. That's fuckin genius...

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 4:44 p.m. CST

    Well, I did check you out, Choc...

    by DocPazuzu

    ...and it seems that since your AICN debut in November 2007, you have participated in a grand total of four talkbacks. In one of these your only input was to malign a couple of talkbackers who expressed their disdain for AvP-R. <p> What a surprise.

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 4:53 p.m. CST

    "So if it has nothing to do with liking or disliking...

    by DocPazuzu

    ...what is it?" <p> Again, you're too stupid to have the job you have. It has fuck all to do with whether you like or dislike a movie. The tells are all in the delivery, the lingo, the sad failed attempts to blend in and the marketing touchpoints "subtly" referenced in an effort to lure as broad a crowd as possible. <p> Also, you would have us believe that you never post here because all we do is bitch and moan, yet the first thing you do after attending a screening is post a "review" here on AICN? And then jump in to defend it afterwards? <p> By the way, I must once again point out your laughable and phony story about the two hot fangirls who said "you can't polish the Force." There is not one single talkbacker, Star Wars fan or not, who would for an instant believe that fans dedicated enough to tattoo rebel symbols on their bodies would say something as asinine and nonsensical as that. <p> You're simply a liar and a plant, Solo, and a failure at both. <p> Now fuck off.

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 6 p.m. CST

    Doc, will you marry me?

    by solo550style

    You don't even know what job I have. I said I never post on AICN, never said I don't go here. Of course I'm gonna jump in the talkback on the review I wrote. You still haven't shown any proof I'm a plant. Just because I'm not a SW fanatic and still liked the movie doesn't mean I'm a plant. And of course I didn't actually say the lightsaber thing my friends. That was satirical. Which I already mentioned. Keep reaching for the straws...I love you.

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 6:17 p.m. CST

    "That was satirical."

    by DocPazuzu

    Worst. Cop-out. Ever. <p> Perhaps you should look up "satire" before you claim to have employed it. You lied, plain and simple, and got busted. What you attempted was a ludicrous form of shorthand, a "pidgin geekese" if you will, thinking we'd be too thick to know any different, but it blew up in your face like an ACME cigar making you look like a complete ass-pickle. <p> I know what happened, son. See, you had been following the plant-demolishing on this site for a while now and reckoned you had us figured out. I'll bet you even bragged to your fellow marketing teammates that you'd slay us big time and to just sit back and watch a master at work. <p> Wow, I can't even begin to imagine the humiliation you must be going through right now. If it's any consolation, I'm sure your buds are gauging their odds right now, thinking maybe they can learn from your pathetic failure and succeed where you did not. Rest assured, they are as fucking stupid as you are and will be as grotesquely eviscerated as you were. When that happens, maybe your pain will ease. <p> Hey, Mr. Weinstein and Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, I don't know if this film is any good or not, but your plants suck hobo balls. Dump these losers, look me up in the Zone and maybe we can work something out, yes?

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 6:25 p.m. CST

    Doc, are you hitting on me?

    by solo550style

    Like I said, you have absolutely no proof of me being a plant. Just because I said that non SW fans would like the film doesn't mean I am a plant. Hey I liked Wedding Crashers and I'm not a big wedding fan. Uh oh, more "plant" talk, right? And of course, no one could possibly like Spaceballs unless they were a SW fan, right? Ya know what, I really liked Anchorman, but I don't watch the local news much. I guess that makes me a plant. Why is it when I tell you that I love you, you never say it back? Are we really that bad off now?

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 6:44 p.m. CST

    The proof, Solo...

    by DocPazuzu in virtually every sentence of that "review". You people are so predictable it's embarrassing. The more you try to blend in, the funnier it gets because you try to splice the geek factor with mainstream which is why the results are invariably hilarious, such as with your ludicrous "polish the force" story. You're the real-life equivalent of that scene in Die Hard 4 when Warlock asks McClane if he likes Boba Fett and he replies that "no, I'm more of a Star Wars guy". <p> It would have been enough to say that you watch Star Wars and like it, but that you aren't a big fan. Instead, you had to embellish and add that you didn't know what the hell a "symbol of the Rebel Alliance even is". You could have just said that you went to see it with two fan girls, hot or not, and not made up the shit about their tattoos and that cringeworthy lightsaber line. You fabricated a story about these people using your very tenuous grasp on the subculture, thinking its members would be too stupid to know the difference and that you could use the story to lure both geeks and mainstreamers to the theaters. <p> You're trying to have the cake and eat it too, but you're failing horribly. <p> The least you could do is take your lumps like a man and learn something from it. <p> What a fucking loser.

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 7:01 p.m. CST

    Jeez Doc, if you want a date, just ask...

    by solo550style

    Yup, I actually didn't know what the symbol was. I do now. I know that you can't possibly imagine someone not knowing that, but there it is. Now ask me some stuff about Batman, I'll go geek on you. And I told you that "polish the Force" was satirical. Yes, Doc I don't know everything about SW. And yes, Donna and Shannon have rebel tattoos. Yeah, a guy gave me a flyer and told me to call a number for a free movie. And because I know Donna and Shannon are SW freaks, I invited them. And yes, I loved the movie. The fact that you think that all of this is farfetched just shows how outside of reality you are...but I still love you.

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 7:13 p.m. CST


    by D.Scully

    Hi Doc, Please forgive my friend Solo for his amatuer posting. He truly was enamored with the film and is NOT a SW fan. It's brutal watching everyone attack him on this site so I finally decided to step in whether anyone believes I'm real or not. My name is Donna and I do have a rebel alliance tattoo on my back. My best friend Shannon has the same exact one on her ankle. You give me site and i will post the picture to satisfy the curiousity. We don't claim to be hot (well Shannon is!) but that is Solo being proud and It's flattering but Wow did he get crucified for that. Thee "polish the force" comment was never said and I agree it sounded stupid but give the guy a break. He's fan of the site and was excited to have been posted and now the back lash is just ridiculous and I feel bad for him. As for Solo...Let it be! Lay off and quite making an ass of yourself trying to explain. Now it's just getting stupid and heated for no reason. LAY OFF!!

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 7:19 p.m. CST

    ""polish the Force" was satirical."

    by DocPazuzu

    Dude, just stop. For your own sake. <p> I never said you had to know ANYTHING about Star Wars, but don't fucking claim that you know hot chicks who are identically rebel-tattooed Star Wars freaks called "Donna" and "Shannon" (Real Doll names, I'd wager) and then proceed to make them sound like people who know less about Star Wars than you do. <p> There is nothing farfetched about going to previews. I lived in NYC and went to them on numerous occasions. <p> Like a talkbacker earlier observed, you've had every opportunity to address the tells you have been accused of, but since you have a strict professional framework within which to operate, you can't. You concocted a ludicrous fable thinking it would appeal to SW fans and the casual moviegoer alike and it failed. <p> The sooner you accept this the sooner you can learn from it and move on. <p> I can't wait to see your next "review".

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 7:33 p.m. CST

    K, I was asked to stop

    by solo550style

    Ok, as fun as this has been, Donna has asked me to stop, so I'll let it go. But I still plan on going to see Superhero with Leslie Nielsen. And I'll send in a review. With character and plot description. I'll even try to find something I don't like, just for you guys. Peace - Johnny

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 7:34 p.m. CST

    Good God...

    by DocPazuzu

    ...this just keeps getting better and better. <p> Well, "Donna", I didn't want to attack you for your first hideously obvious post ("From the music to the cameos to the story predicaments it is a treasure for the Star Wars lover!!! I CANNOT wait to own this on DVD and it hasn't even been released yet!!") because it seemed about as sportsmanlike as hunting down and kicking a quadruple-amputee dachshund to death. However, since you insist on intervening on Solo's behalf, let's see what else you've posted on AICN, shall we? <p> Well, it seems you've only posted one item before, yesterday, in a BSG talkback: <p> "I'm damn curious and can't wait for this season to start! Last season folks (VERY SAD!) and it's gonna be balls to the wall riveting!!! I think the prequel is a good idea to give BSG freaks like me more to absorb and enjoy but I'm READY READY for the new season and I'm excited. Who can the last cylon be? Any thoughts?... Theories?" <p> Even disregarding the goonish, marketing ejacu-speak, isn't it the slightest bit odd that a self-confessed "BSG freak" who is "READY READY" for the new season had nothing else to say? How about some of your own theories? Or even discussing it further at all? <p> Perhaps you should heed your own advice to Solo and "Let it be! Lay off and quite making an ass of yourself trying to explain."

  • Jan. 19, 2008, 7:45 p.m. CST

    Wow, Solo...

    by DocPazuzu

    ...Bailed out in the nick of time. What an unexpected and fortuitous turn of events, yes? What were the chances of that? Since you've been asked to stop, then surely there is nothing you can do about it, is there? I'm sure you were on the verge of posting a devastating reply which would have validated everything you've claimed and put us all to shame. <p> Maybe next time, eh?

  • Jan. 20, 2008, 3:46 a.m. CST

    This is the funniest talkback

    by Mezzanine

    I have read in quite some time. Still though, this dude is a plant. plain and simple. Hey Donna, if you're real and this is all bullshit, look me up in the Zone. I go by Mezz. There is a link to my facebook there. Add me as a friend, and let me see the pictures of your tattoo. I'm a nice cool dude, I promise. <p> Otherwise this whole thing becomes transparently obvious and laughable.

  • Jan. 20, 2008, 8:50 a.m. CST

    "I'm a nice cool dude, I promise".

    by Garbageman33

    That's what Ted Bundy said. Then, I added him to my friends and, next thing you know, he's poking me all the time and sending me stupid 'Celebrities without their makeup' quizzes and fucking up my Super Wall. What a dick!

  • Jan. 20, 2008, 9:21 a.m. CST

    I'm still laughing...

    by DocPazuzu the very notion of two hot SW fangirl roommates called "Donna" and "Shannon" who have matching rebel tats. <p> Geek porn fantasy? Naahhh... couldn't be. Perish the thought!

  • Jan. 20, 2008, 9:48 a.m. CST

    He forgot to say....

    by DocPazuzu

    ...that they were chest-bumping in the lobby after the film.

  • Jan. 20, 2008, 12:59 p.m. CST

    They should make a movie about this talkback

    by Garbage

    Solo goes "into the wild," so to speak, as so many have before, to confront the geeks and knock them down a few pegs. He gets ridiculed in the Cave of Sorrow and, after an ever-flagging defence, departs in shame. He comes back only after training with an old, grizzled, failed plant who accompanies Solo on his mission of redemption, and who dies saving Solo. Then Solo defeats and destroys his enemies and becomes their new champion . . . This talkback is the equivalent of an early Guy Ritchie movie--hysterical and disgusting. Although I've found some of the gentle, yet respectful accusations re: Solo's alleged plantship rather amusing, come on, folks-- Solo's a human being, had a review posted on AICN, and you're turning his dream-come-true into a nightmare. His review did sound a little chlorophylled, but I'm willing to take his word that he's not a plant and actually knows attractive women. By the way, how do you look up a talkbacker's AICN history? I started posting years ago, then took about five years off because of cramps. I want to have my story straight if Garbageman33 ever puts me in front of the HUAPC.

  • Jan. 20, 2008, 2:17 p.m. CST

    I just want to see who the studio hires

    by samsquanch

    to play "Donna" and "Shannon" (I keep thinking they'll look like Betty and Veronica)on whatever photo site to "prove" they exist. will the tattoos be drawn with a sharpie? <p> Doc, you are fucking hilarious. Keep up the good work.

  • Jan. 20, 2008, 2:35 p.m. CST

    Yeah, I never do this either but...

    by Novaman5000

    This dude is a fucking plant. Like, seriously. If I was ever to do a screening review, i'd spoil the shit out of the movie so people would believe i saw it. I don't know why more reviewers don't do that, and when they refuse to spoil it and instead say 'go see it', it rings false to me.

  • Jan. 20, 2008, 10:59 p.m. CST


    by solo550style

    In the end they do get a copy of the film without SFX. It's all greenscreen stuff. They decide to wait until the film comes out. Then the last scene is them in the theatre right before the film starts. One of them looks to the other one and says "What if it isn't any good?" The End.

  • Jan. 21, 2008, 5:29 a.m. CST

    there's loads of foilage in here.

    by Lost Jarv

    Be ashamed of yourselves- you dirty marketing whores. WE don't fall for this shit anymore.

  • Jan. 21, 2008, 5:40 a.m. CST

    that is downright fucking hilarious

    by Lost Jarv

    You stupid planty fuck. I quite admire your balls, but to post a spoiler about 8 hours after the thread officially died is fucking unbelievably lame. <p>I would also like to nominate myself as a plant- I've got impeccable AICN credentials, understand the subculture, and can write reasonably coherently. <p>I'd certainly be better than the last few dickheads that have tried.

  • Jan. 21, 2008, 6:25 a.m. CST

    We should go into business together, Jarv.

    by DocPazuzu

    Think of it: Jarv n Doc's IronWeed - for all your planty needs. <p> We'd be foliage for hire, lending our services to any studio, distributer, screenwriter or hack needing an edge in the geek community. <p> We'd make a fucking killing.

  • Jan. 22, 2008, 1:05 a.m. CST

    I can confirm

    by Mezzanine

    That at least D. Scully is real. To her credit she stepped up to the plate and found me on facebook. She seems like the real deal, AND a pretty cool person.

  • Jan. 22, 2008, 7:03 p.m. CST

    Ok...this Bullshit has GOT TO STOP!

    by Hanno Solo

    This is in "Donna and Shannon"....the non-existent Star Wars fans with Rebel Alliance insignia tattoos. After much talk and text with my best friend Donna I have found that I can no longer sit back and be silent. The shit you guys have been posting about us and our friend Johnny (Solo) is just ridiculous, childish, stupid, self-righteous, and a waste of everyone's time. I thank Mezzanine and ChocolateReign for their diplomacy and open minds on this whole matter. John really is just a regular guy...who knew Donna and I fucking LOOOOOOOVE Star he was kind enough to bring us along. We all really Frakkin' LOVED the film...John was excited to get some words posted on AICN...he was even more excited to talk about Donna and me apparently and now he's getting senseless and meaningless ass-rippage for some angry virgins who have nothing better to do. Bottom Line: We all saw the movie together, we all Loved it, John was excited to share, Donna and I do exist, leave the fucking matter alone!

  • Jan. 22, 2008, 11:35 p.m. CST

    You guys will bitch no matter what

    by solo550style

    Do plants tell you the ending of films? I did that, and some of you STILL bitch. You bitch because you have nothing better to do. It's easy to make accusations against people over the internet. The only way I could prove I don't work for a studio is to give you my personal information, which I am in no way gonna do. No matter what, you guys will bitch. Oh yeah, the nerdy guy with the glasses ends up with Kristen Bell. Oh man, the studio is gonna kill me now...