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Vern's DTV Triple Header: LUNDGREN vs. SNIPES/STATHAM vs. SOME DUDE FROM TV I NEVER HEARD OF!!!
I try to watch alot of DTV movies, but I don't always succeed. Most of you have probaly never watched them, and you may assume that they are very good and enjoyable, and capable of adding meaning to one's life. However, this is almost never the case. In the world of DTV filmmaking it seems pretty clear that nobody gives a shit. Most of them are trying to just reach 90 minutes and throw the shit on a shelf. You could argue that more effort goes into pornography, since some poor girl has to take it in the ass. That's elbow grease.
So this is an unusual couple of days because I've managed to watch a bunch of DTVs and all of them were actually okay. So okay, in fact, that I was able to watch them in two or less sittings. In this world that's almost a miracle. Either that or I have somehow increased my attention span overnight.
But what about the DTV viewer on the go who only has time to watch one of the three? Which one should they watch - which one was the MOST okay? Good question.
The candidates:
MISSIONARY MAN by Dolph Lundgren
CHAOS with Jason Statham and Wesley Snipes
ROCKAWAY starring various
MISSIONARY MAN
While our Ain't It Cool pal Sylvester Stallone was off directing and starring in RAMBO, he may not have realized his old opponent Ivan Drago was busy directing and starring in MISSIONARY MAN. This is actually Dolph Lundgren's fourth film as a director (with a fifth in the works) so he's only a couple behind Stallone.
MISSIONARY MAN is one of those small action movies that takes place in the present but thinks it's a western. A gang of bullies controls the town, murders people who won't play along, everybody's afraid to do anything. Also it's real quiet and windy. But then Dolph Lundgren drifts into town, and I would like you to guess what sort of transportation he arrives on.
a) Honda Accord
b) some type of FlexCar
c) those shoes kids have now with the wheels in them
d) a motorcycle, because it's like a horse and also represents that he's a loner because it's designed for one person, also it requires more balance than a four-wheeled vehicle so perhaps represents his physical prowess, I don't know
e) dragon
The answer is D of course. D as in Dolph. And it is explicitly stated by one of the characters that he's a guy who travels around helping people. But in the tradition of BILLY JACK and ON DEADLY GROUND he minds his own business until some rednecks are beating up a Native American man. So he beats them up, then he goes to a funeral and delivers a sermon. The Meat Loaf-looking bad guy Reno calls him "our mystery man - the biker with the fuckin' Bible."
There's alot of mentions that Dolph was friends with the dead man, J.J., who was killed for interfering with Reno's plans to build a casino. I'm not sure it's true, though. We do know that someone has betrayed him, because he has bullet scars on his back. Later we may or may not find out how his fight here ties in with his revenge. There's no way to really know.
I think Dolph overdid the digital washout of the colors, but otherwise it looks pretty good. It was really shot in Texas for once, not some fake California or South Africa version of Texas. The setting is fleshed out pretty good and the tributes to Native American culture are not as condescending as they could be. Of course, there is a wise man who declares that Dolph is an eagle (just like Seagal was a bear in ON DEADLY GROUND and Laughlin was a rattlesnake in BILLY JACK). Also there's a funny part where the wise man talks about 4 being a sacred number, then it cuts to some kids riding a 4-wheeler.
The action is okay, not great. He throws a baseball bat at a guy, shoots up a truck and a bar, announces that he's going to break a man's nose with his knee before he does it, etc. I like the part where he makes a western style hangman's noose on a fire escape. What really stands out in this movie, though, is Dolph. Guys like Stallone and Seagal get shit-talked for showing their age, gaining weight, slowing down. I don't think that's fair but if you're gonna get on them for that then maybe you should get behind Dolph Lundgren. This guy has that Clint Eastwood thing where he just looks more interesting as he gets older. He still has the size, the stature, the blond hair, the square jaw, but he has more lines on his face. In fact, I thought he looked phony painted up to be grizzled in THE PUNISHER, but now I think he could pull it off.
He's also charismatic when he's not playing those meathead Russian roles like ROCKY IV or RED SCORPION, but he knows enough to write his character without too much dialogue. Making him obsessed with the Bible (but not an evangelist) is a pretty obvious badass juxtaposition, but it works. When he's not fighting he's sitting quietly by himself enjoying some Tequila and browsing the good book through reading glasses.
John Enos III has a good presence as an asshole biker who shows up as a lead villain late in the movie. I recognized him from a shitty movie called POINT DOOM (written by David "The Demon" DeFalco) but he was better in this one.
Overall a pretty watchable movie. I liked it. Starts out slow but gets better. Dolph is a competent director and avoids Avid farts and other sins of the shitty DTV style. I hope he keeps directing and perfects his chops until they are powerful enough to kill Apollo Creed.
CHAOS
Speaking of David DeFalco, this is not a remake of his original motion picture story CHAOS. Lionsgate is releasing a Canadian/UK coproduction cops and robbers thriller made in 2005. It's been aging gracefully in a wine cellar somewhere and now it's ready to go.
Jason Statham plays a disgraced cop who has to partner with the goodie two-shoes Ryan Phillipe to try to catch bank robber Wesley Snipes. I know, I was excited too, but I should warn you that it's not really a Snipes vs. Statham action movie. Snipes disappears for alot of the movie and when they fight it's just by exchanging gun shots. Statham does do a little martial arts, and Snipes does get to beat the shit out of Phillipe, but there's no Transporter vs. Blade hand-to-hand.
Both of them are fine, though. Snipes is a little too goofy at the beginning, he talks too much and alot of it's distorted to hide his identity over the phone so you don't even get to hear his voice half the time. But for the second half of the movie he gets to be cool again, he wears a suit and a fedora like he's his sax player character from MO' BETTER BLUES back for revenge. Or like he forgot it was the "Bad" video he was in and was thinking it was "Smooth Criminal." He's kind of a playful, arrogant villain like he played in DEMOLITION MAN, but without the blond hair.
This was obviously intended for a theatrical release. The production values are much higher than your usual DTV, and plus it's Ryan Phillipe, who was in the theatrical CRUEL INTENTIONS PART 1, but not the DTV parts 2 and 3. It couldn't make it to theaters though because of that Wesley Snipes curse, or the blacklist from him suing New Line, or whatever it is that keeps the poor bastard from ever being on a big screen where he belongs. But not seeing this one in theaters is no big loss. It's not terrible but nobody would remember it by the time they got home from the theater. At least now they can watch it and already be home so they will remember it at home for a short period of time.
By the way, Statham is very believable as a rule-breaking Seattle cop. We are known for our well-dressed English badass cops. The movie was obviously shot in Vancouver though. At least they had more establishing shots than in HOLLOW MAN 2. And they knew to have Phillipe refer to University of Washington as "U-dub."
This is one of the better Seattle-based movies I've seen lately, since nobody was fucked to death by a horse in it.
ROCKAWAY
I'm not even sure why I thought I should try watching this one, but it wasn't a bad decision. It has no recognizable stars and looks cheaper than the other two. It's a completely generic premise, and the lead has less presence than one of Wesley Snipes's fingers, and maybe Dolph Lundgren's hand. (Left.)
But somehow this was a pretty enjoyable movie. Some dude who looks kind of like Timothy Olyphant (Nicholas Gonzalez) plays Trane, an American soldier in Afghanistan who gets sent home because his wife and kid were murdered. He comes back, lives on a beach, still wears his fatigues and dog tags most of the time, and gets revenge.
In this one it's not casino moguls in bolo ties who run the town, it's a Hispanic drug gang led by a guy named Juju (Mario Cimarro). These guys are played mostly be actors who seem to be comedians (with somewhat amusing improvised dialogue). Trane prays to the Virgin Mary to forgive him for the asskicking he's about to do and a candle magically lights, maybe offering Her endorsement. (Later there's a bit of supernatural overtones, not too much though, just enough to be unusual.)
Of course Trane has to work his way up the ladder of the drug gang to kill the people responsible for killing his family. I was settled in for a slow picking off one-by-one of these guys but I was surprised how quickly he got to Juju. He pretty much just storms in and starts grabbing people by the face. But Juju convinces him to spare his life so he can bring him to the people he works for, The Russians.
I think the best scene in the movie is when Trane meets with Ivan (UFC fighter Oleg Taktarov), the Russian enforcer. (Of course his name is Ivan. The boss is named Sergei. I don't think they have a Yuri in this one. I don't understand why there's only 3 or 4 names for all Russian characters in American movies. What's wrong with Oleg? Why can't this guy be Oleg?) Ivan is a beefy, scary looking dude with piercing blue eyes. He sees Trane's dog tags and says, "You served?"
"Afghanistan," Trane says.
"Me too," says the Russian.
I thought that was a nice touch, implying a bond between these two because both of them fought their own messy wars in Afghanistan. It still seems a little phony that he buys Trane's story that he's gonna give him a bunch of heroin he stole from NATO impound, so it's nice when it turns out Ivan's not that stupid. As soon as Trane steps out the door he says, "If he has any heroin find it, then kill him."
It's become pretty standard for action movie characters to have been in Afghanistan, just like they used to be Vietnam vets. But usually they don't add any detail to make it current, they just use it as shorthand for "he knows how to kick ass." In this one they do make it pretty specific. Not just in little references (like some corrupt cops asking him why he never caught bin Laden) but in the whole theme of the movie. He flashes back to a conversation he had in Afghanistan about why the Taliban keep fighting, and he seems to sort of channel that fearlessness in his revenge. And here he is outnumbered and outgunned by these Russian gangsters - invaders of his homeland - and he keeps fighting his own little guerilla war. He's like a mujahadeen. Shit, he's RED DAWN!
There's some pretty good violence. He shoots a guy in the dick. He beats a guy to death with a pool ball. He takes some serious damage too, for example he gets both of his eyes stabbed. So that makes the final showdown pretty challenging. Didn't expect that.
The directors are called the Crook Brothers, they've done a couple other movies including some horror picture called SALVAGE. I haven't seen their other ones so I don't know how this compares, but it's pretty well done. I do think they could improve a little stylistically, because there's too many show offy wipes and split screens (especially bad because they use a whooshy sound effect) and I wish they used less digital effects in the action scenes. Blowing up a melon in a wig is always gonna be more gruesome than doing a digital head explosion.
Also, I think they should've made their hero a little more stoic. He has some funny ways of taunting his enemies, but his acting is always more effective when he's not talking. He looks pretty intent on killing people, that part is convincing, but when he's reading lines he's pretty wooden and bland.
Anyway, surprisingly enjoyable. This is a good sign for DTV action movies in 2008.
So which one wins the coveted "most okay DTV movie out of these three" award? It's a close call. CHAOS is definitely out of the running. It's the slickest of the three, maybe the most passable for mainstream moviewatchers because of its crowd scenes and phony USUAL SUSPECTS style twist ending. But it should be better. It doesn't at all live up to the potential of a movie with those two guys in the cast. (Let's forget about Phillipe - the less said about him driving a commandeered motorcycle wearing a half helmet the better.)
I'm leaning toward ROCKAWAY, because that was a big surprise, I kind of picked it out at random and what are the chances that's gonna end up being enjoyable? Also I think you could make an argument that it is just ever so slightly more original in its content than MISSIONARY MAN is. By a tiny bit. Not that either is gonna reinvent cinema. In my opinion.
But then there's Dolph. Dolph does not succumb to the temptations of digital editing and his action is analog. If he wants a small explosion, he uses a small explosive device, not a computer. Kind of ironic considering Ivan Drago was using all those computers to work out when Rocky was pulling a log through the snow or whatever. As a director, Dolph pulls a log through the snow. And it's good to see a good old fashioned action star vehicle Bible themed asskicking revenge thriller in this age.
This is what we need. That's why Dolph is the most okay DTV director/co-writer/star of 2008 so far, congratulations bud. I would like to see Missionary Man travelling around helping some people some more. Although it wouldn't be the same without some revenge mixed in with the help. But I bet Dolph could figure out a way.
thanks,
Vern
http://www.geocities.com/outlawvern
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I'll definitely take a look at Missionary Man.
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That is indeed what we need.
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Sure hope Snipes makes it back to the big screen. Dont let Blade 3 be the death of you!
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Because that's really what we wanted to see from an "I am Legend" film. The last man on Earth fighting mutants with martial arts and a wooden pole, not Will Smith getting all emotional.
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might have to check this out if he's anything like the Pheonix.
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And I can't believe Dolph arrives on a dragon!Oh, I've just checked again and Dragon was option E not D. My mistake.
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Now that's heroics!
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That and all the crackpots on the tbs. Although now they've got rid of M-O-M and GABRIEL GRAY, it's a little bit saner.
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"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE OUT THERE?!! DO YA? WHEN I'M FIGHTING THIS WAR, I KICK ASS, YOU KISS ASS, AND I'M BUSTING HEADS!! And these.. SHITHEADS, These yellow, traitoring motherfuckers.... they're everywhere. And I, Sargeant Andrew Scott of the US Army, I'm gonna teach em....... all........"
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We should have regular DTV action round-ups from Vern. Maybe don't give away all the cool deaths though... not that I'm likely to ever watch any of these, being honest.
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One of the many injustices that still exist in today's society.
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That movie also featured almost no dynamic or charisma or fighting between two leads known for their personas and fighting. Will Jason Statham only fight unknowns? Is that it? Put him up against somebody I've heard of and he just resorts to shooting or something.The wierd part about WAR is that there is a major twist involving the identity of Jet Li's character and Jet Li actually plays the part consistantly through the WHOLE film, not acting charismatically badassed until the big reveal and then suddenly acting damaged and hurt like a "twist" movie usually involves. I guess this is one time when I would actually have prefered weaker less consistant acting as it could've result in some good tough talkin' between the leads and maybe some more fighting. Same goes for Statham, there's a big reveal with him feeling immense guilt, and he actually plays it that way the whole movie. Statham does an okay job at playing a divorced corrupt cop dealing with regret failure and guilt, but I would've prefered his usual brand of smartassed toughguy because this movie was never going to be HEAT, but it could've been TRANSPORTER VERSUS JET LI.I actually think WAR could've been a better movie if had been done worse if that makes sense. They had a good supporting cast of C-list all-stars including C-list queen Devon Aoki (2 Fast 2 Furious, DEBS, DOA: Dead or Alive) and the Yojimbo stuff with Jet Li playing the Triads against Yakuza in the first half was pretty intriguing plot-wise and a good set up for lots of action and hammy dialogue. But they kept the dialogue and action too conservative and realistic. I liked Jet Li killing a guy with a hub cap, but we needed more stuff like that and more Demolition Man level dialogue.
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thats all.
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Just like that crappy One movie with them. I don't exactly remember, but didn't they NOT fight in that one too? Maybe Jet just kicked the gun out of Statham's hand or something?
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Mind you, if you had a situation where a guy is developing superman speed and strength from every alternate he murders, don't you think you should do more than send send just Statham and Delroy Lindo to try and stop him. You know, like a whole squad of people at the very least?
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Jan 11, 2008 7:45:51 AM CST
sax player character from MO' BETTER BLUES back for revenge
by triplefive
so awesome
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"Up the butt, Bob."
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Which film is it the girl takes it in the ass?
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Since poor Wesley Snipes appears to be heading off along the path blazed by Mickey Rourke and Eric Roberts - the path of talented actors making do with material far below their capabilities - I say the three of them get together and make some kind of ultimate badass film about three hard as fuck guys fighting crime and punching people and smoking cigars and whatnot. I would totally watch it. For symmetry's sake, there should be a three man team of villains, but played by lesser actors. Dean Cain, Casper Van Dien, and... um... let's say, C Thomas Howell.I think this idea could work. Any other story suggestions? Obviously, motorcycles will be involved, as will the drinking of neat liquor straight from the bottle. Also, at some point I figure one of our three heroes will set some petrol on fire with a lit cigar. Help me out here, AICN types.P.S. for Shan - Vern's I Am Legend review is up at his site (by which I mean sight, of course) if you want to check it out.
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At this line - ''It's not terrible but nobody would remember it by the time they got home from the theater. At least now they can watch it and already be home so they will remember it at home for a short period of time.''
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man I was JUST thinking last night about writing a movie aobut a former seminary student who gets tired of drug dealers in his neighborhood and starts off with hitting one with a baseball bat and then this morning I read about Dolph's flick MAN! oh well back to the drawing board...or maybe I should just stick with being a critic because you know what they say, those that can't critizeFranklin great concept, also C Thomas Howell needs to be caught and tortured by our trio whcich would include a cigar to the back or balls or something
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I think Shan was looking for Vern's "I Am Omega" review with Mark Dacascos (who I think is also due for some more big screen time)...and not a review for I Am Legend.
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Thanks Mr Marmoset, I must check out Vern's site again sometime soon.
Fiverabbit is of course correct. -
That is an excellent point that you make regarding the creation of these DTV epics. Would you agree that the task is similar to that of Harry Stamper to NEEDED to make 800 feet of drilling before he could get the hell out of that rock in Armageddon? Alas, for poor Harry, he did not make it off the rock, staying the ensure that the nuke went off...
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This is what happens when I fall out of the loop for a bit.In the interest of research, I have now been to the Youtube and watched the I Am Omega trailer, and I would like to say that I, too, am now anxiously awaiting Vern's review of this quickie knockoff starring Mark Dacascos fighting zombies with a stick. Also, possibly nunchucks, a previously unexplored method of dealing with the undead, I think. The film will probably be shit, but Vern's review should be good.Is it wrong for me to look forward to a review more than the film itself?
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In a fit of boredom, my search for info on I Am Omega lead me to the website of production company Asylum Home Entertainment. Holy shit, I want to work for these guys. They just crank out knockoffs of all manner of genre crap and, presumably, sit back back and watch the money roll in. Writing these kinds of films is the perfect job for me.Other recent Asylum releases include Snakes On A Train and Alien Vs Hunter (starring Dedee Pfeiffer but with her name mis-spelled on the front of the box!). How cool are these guys? They can't even be bothered to spell the name of a semi-famous actress who has a much more famous sister with the exact same last name properly!I am absolutely sending a CV to the fellows. Spandau Belly, I suggest you do the same.
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I liked it. It was good. Not great, but entertaining and I guess it would have made its money in theatres, whithout being a blockbuster.
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I've given your idea some thought and come up with an idea convoluted and rigged for action enough to be a DTV classic:
TWO-LANE BLOOD-TOP
Our three lead heroes are a small gang of bikers who hunt serial killers vigilante style. I think Eric Roberts needs to be the leader of the pack with a shady special forces past. Later we find out that he used to be in the FBI but lost faith in the system and went vigilante. Dolph can be an illegal Russian immigrant who is drawn to the group simply because after seeing the corruption of many political systems he now only believes in personal justice. Snipes will play an extreme sports enthusiast who is drawn to the group out of hopes of getting revenge on the serial killer who killed his daughter.
The film will open with the team tracking a serial killer (C Thomas Howell) who enjoys skydiving. Snipes will go on a jump with the killer and confront him mid air about his killings and then inform him that his parachute is sabotaged and leave him to die. The group go out to celebrate their latest collar by hard drinking at a strip club (obviously). Then an FBI SWAT team show up and our team kicks their asses but then notices a bunch of laser sights on them so they raise their hands and smarmy FBI director Falco (Dean Cain) enters and says all he wants to do is talk to Eric Roberts. The two go into a back room and Falco tells Roberts that he doesn't like his biker crew making the FBI look bad and taking their collars, he goes on to threaten them and says he will frame them for some of the crimes they've solved unless they bring in the killer who killed Snipes's daughter alive and let the FBI take the credit.The rest of the film will involve them hunting the serial killer who killed Snipes's daughter (Danny Trejo), and lead the FBI right to him. But Trejo escapes and takes a whole office building hostage, so Snipes has to infiltrate the building using rock-climbing skills on the surface of the skyscraper and kill Trejo personally. Meanwhile Roberts and Dolph take out FBI Director Falco by riding motorcycles right into FBI headquarters and wasting loads of agents and ultimately whipping Falco out the window where he lands impaled on a monument. -
Jan 11, 2008 9:57:36 AM CST
missionary man! masturbates by doing pushups into a watermelon!
by ironic_name
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Jan 11, 2008 10:05:22 AM CST
but really, Dolph kicks ass [almost as smart as Steven Hawking]
by ironic_name
http://tinyurl.com/2235b3 and missionary man sounds fun.
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...he does the hard work of watching these movies so we don't have to.
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words to live by, pal.
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if I ever heard one. The involvement of some bad Fed makes it bigger in scope, but not too big. We wouldn't want that in a DTV movie of course.
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as the evil ENFORCER of Falco!He could have a hefty hand to hand with Dolph.Of course Hulk only shows up for the fight,when Dolph and Eric come in Falco`s office,Hulk is there and says something classy like:"Let me handle this boss!"then looks at Dolph and starts growling!
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Dolph always appears to be having a sincerely good time making films, something that I think elevates them above other movies like this. Dolph's PUNISHER and I COME IN PEACE are two of my all-time favorite B-movies.
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My money is on Cannon. As a kid I knew I was getting my money's worth with that studio...
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small town is rampaged by thugs who want a casino? Oh how our society has fallen when the likes of Buford Pusser has been replaced by Dolf Lundgren.
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Direct To YouTube ™
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Oh and we need a romantic interest for Eric Roberts...let's see Eric Roberts did Mariah Carey a favour by appearing in her videos a couple of years ago. She'd be perfect for this movie since she can't act and she's got big melons...and she could be Dean Cains sister to add an unpredictable complexity to the script.
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I've heard you mention it a bunch of times in your reviews and I'm never sure what the heck an "avid fart" is. Can you help me out?
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Thanks for asking. An Avid fart is an annoying editing technique that involves flashing through a bunch of frames or sped up shots, usually accompanied by a "whoosh" or "thoooom" or "choooonk" sound effect. I believe it was originally used for things like in that Lance Henriksen TV show Millennium when he had a psychic vision. But then they started using it just as a meaningless transition between scenes in many movies and TV shows, because they think it adds production value or style. But it really just makes it seem shitty.
I call it the Avid fart because Avid is the name of the first commonly used digital editing system, and it's this technology that has made Avid farts easy. So editors with no self control start pushing buttons thinking they are adding to the movie by throwing in all kinds of annoying crap that does not add to the movie.
Sorry I had to explain this. I use the term alot because I'm trying to trick people into thinking it's part of their daily lexicon. -
I feel smarter. Thanks.
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I'm there!
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great treatment right there, but you forgot the aformentioned love intrest, but the Mariah Carey suggestion was killer, but I don't know if she'd get nekkid and that's what this needs, also we need at least one explosion casued by the cigars as Franklin orgianlly mentioned...and I still think a torture scene with a cigar to the balls is neededFranklin thanks for the heads up Asylum, crap now I want to work for themor maybe we could just start our own film production company surely there is some rich bored TBer out there willing to pony up for TalkBack Productions?
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What happened to Gallowwalker? This definitely is going DTV so they should make history and make it the first Hi-Def DTV. That'll get Wesley's name in the papers for something other than tax evasion.
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I finally watched URBAN JUSTICE and was not disappointed. Guess I'll have to take a run at MISSIONARY MAN now.
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I'll probably watch that one at one point. Poor Mr. Snipes. He deserves better.
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You guys have some great suggestions for fleshing out this story. I was originally thinking of modelling the Dean Cain character 'Falco' after the villain in Ultraviolet, who was a smug pencil-pushing posh-dressing professional bureaucrat but also suddenly a master samurai when the plot required a big swordfight at the end. But I also like the idea of Hulk Hogan showing up as his goon. Especially if you never see him before. In a good movie you'd have Hogan always standing behind Falco with his arms crossed or something, but I think it would be more DTV to just suddenly add a key henchman at the end, like we could only afford him for one day or something.I also think there's plenty of room for our crew of badasses to toture snitches with cigars for info while they hunt down Trejo. Maybe they could torture a bar owner on his own bar and then when he finally gives up the information Roberts chucks a cigar at the shelves of whiskey behind the bar and they ignite, followed by some one-liner like "This is one hot club."The love interest is easy to write in. We just make her a stripper at the club at the begining. Mariah Carey would be pretty funny, and somebody mentioned the need for big knockers and I figured we could get Keeley Hazell or Gemma Atkinson for the added bonus of a a bad English actress trying to fake a dodgy Yank accent.Thanks for your suggestions guys. Someday when I'm an advanced trash auteur I'll bring you all with me as consultants.
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From what I remember the majority of there films were theatrical
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I still say there has got to be some TBer out there who just won the lottery and instead of spending it on cheap hookers has got to want to go into the DTV buisness...I'm telling ya TalkBack Pictures is GOLD BABY GOLD
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Same vanishing act he pulled to elude the IRS. His new tag line, when confronrted by the bad guys, is "You're all racists" (he tried-out that line in Florida...didn't work very well).
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..lights the gasoline/fuse with his cigar he needs to quip.
"I told you smoking is bad for you."
That line is paramount. -
from a big Blockbuster,maybe for a total Badass action scene,where the main carakters wear the same clothes like the dudes in the other movie(like they did with some Treat Williams DTV,where he looks like Arnie in Last Action Hero)!It needs to be from a biker movie(maybe Vern`s favorite Stone Cold),so we could involve some big explosions for almost zip!And it would be total DTV!And dont forget a voice over from Roberts to explain some shit like:"I was sick of letting the Psychos get away,so I droped my Shield and fired up my Harley...".And THE WURST BROTHERS need to do the score(the dudes really exist,experts for DTV,they did the score for the never released FF4 movie)!Thanks for your time.
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In at least one scene. And a plain grey trenchcoat. Every villian needs a turtleneck/trenchcoat scene.
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..where our three guys are walking towards the camera and the bar is blowing up behind them.
Essential shot and that's probably the money shot for this movie. -
Probably not a wise financial move, but this is for art.
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He's played a lot of villians in his career, so my brain immediately made the assumption. I apologize to the Roberts family for my mistake.
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So I think Roberts could still pull it off.
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He is like our headwriter.Maybe VERN himself has some chops there!
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Jesus, I'm fucking up left and right around here.
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I am out guys!Keep it up,I see some DTV-sequel potential here!Like:Two-Lane Blood-Top2:The Usbekian Connection!(some NUKE smuggling shit,you know the drill)!Good Night Ladies and Gents!
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Better late than never.
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Missionary Man 2: DOGGIESTYLE
Missionary Man 3: REVERSE COWGIRL -
But some fucking hack could be reading this and before you know it TWO-LANE BLOOD-TOP will be opening in theaters all across the country, starring Tom Cruise or some shit.
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Thanks to all for the suggestions. Once again, Mr Belly, you know how to work that DTV-style magic. My only worry now is it seems like Mickey Rourke is being left out of the mix, and he deserves better than that.I say make him a grizzled former motorcycle stunt rider who now fights crime on a bike that has twin chainsaws where the headlights are supposed to be. Also, he smokes cigars and drinks neat liquor and hangs out at strip clubs. Obviously. During the course of the film we will discover that Rourke's wife was having an affair with Danny Trejo shortly before Trejo brutally murdered her. Now, Rourke is out for revenge on the guy who both fucked and killed his wife. It is a rough and conflicted road for Mickey Rourke.P.S. Maybe I'm a little drunk without realising it, but this seems like a pretty good idead to me. I would definitely watch this film.
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But looks like Trejo needs some Psycho partner(four on one is too much!),maybe....SEAGAL!IMAGINE THAT GUYS!Seagal going psycho with his mumbling voice and slow but deadly moves,THATs DTV`s FINEST allstar cast!And the dudes will star for DTV prices!Man great stuff here!
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If only the people who make shitty DTV flicks had an ounce of the creativity that you folks have. Instead we've got to suffer through shit like BOA VS. PYTHON 2: RUMBLE IN THE JUNGLE.
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Except they'll probably pussy out and release it theatrically.
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Probably just another airplane glue-induced hallucination.
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We're always moaning about films and whatnot - this is shit, that's shit, Chris Klein is a douche, etc. It would be a lark, I reckon, to try writing a screenplay as a community and see if it's any good. Everyone from the TB pitching in with ideas and whatnot. I wonder what would happen?Obviously, the Chris Klein problem is beyond our control, but maybe we could end up with a pretty decent trashy load of nonsense with Wesley Snipes in it. That would be pretty damn cool.
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...then you should expect to get Don "The Dragon" Wilson. I hear he works for food.
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We could take a run at my "DIE HARD in space" movie, ASTRONAUT COP.
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orderly manner.And a Rourke/Seagal fight would be the SHIT!
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Must know a rich old meiser who is easily coerced into doing insane shit like financing a movie dreamed up by action nerds with only the faintest grasp on the English language.
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It could use some Moog ARPish John Carpenter-style sounds.
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like from Poison or Europe for the opening when Roberts quits his FBI job!And of course when the credits start to roll we need some Motorhead rippoff song!
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...soon somebody's gonna say there should be a guy in a gorilla suit masturbating on Bridget the Midget while everybody runs around real fast like Benny Hill and Danny Trejo should crap a solid gold turd right into Hillary Clinton's mouth as the Dating Game theme plays.
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So I was that guy.
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I miss the dude!They should call it:AvP3:the Benny Tapes.The Predator and The Aliens chase each other,running in circles and every now and then the Predator stops and snogs an Alien on the bald head,then they start running again(but faster this time),then they stop and a Alien kicks the Predator in the arse,then running again...(imagine that with the great YACKETI-SAX tune from the Benny Hill show)!Should be more fun then AvP2!
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Maybe one can play the guitar with his face, like Howard the Duck at the end of HOWARD THE DUCK.
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Even at the Clover TB is nothing.
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It's about time somebody put that song to good use. Ewok guitar solo, that's what I'm thinking.
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My magical midget powers have no effect!
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As the heroes prepare for the final confrontation with the bad guys. Lots of close-ups of sweaty biceps as they lift weights and swap motorcycle transmissions or something.
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...with them exchanging high fives.
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magical midget powers!Use them on the Clover TB or at Sly TB!Here is the realm of the MIGHTY DTV!
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Eye See You DTV. It looked promising, but I haven't seen it and would like to know if it's worth it or not.
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DTV.Sly`s in it,they had some money.It is no Gold but solid timekiller movie.
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Thats 90 minutes of my life I'll never get back.
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...while it was playing in another room. My findings were inconclusive.
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Jan 12, 2008 1:22:28 PM CST
TWO-LANE BLOOD-TOP: Unrated Special Collector's Edition
by spandau belly
You guys really understand this artform. I like the ideas of having pointless narration from the Roberts character, and I agree with Franklin that Mickey Rourke should be in on this, so maybe we can have Rouke actually do Roberts's narration track. I remember in Vern's Seagalogy he talked about a movie where it was clearly not Seagal's voice during narration moments and that would add an extra level of entertainment.I also like the classic DTV move of using scraps from other movies, so maybe Dean Cain could also have an internal monologue track assembled from Harrison Ford's Blade Runner narration. And of course all the explosions and shots of helicopters and stuff will be re-used scraps from whatever.I like the way you guys all chipping in your ideas makes this like a real DTV film where all the stupid financiers get to have their wish shoehorned into the plot and the result is a more convaluted and bloated film. Maybe we can even add a poitnless flashbacks of Dolph's career as a Soviet assassin who was betrayed by his own government. But we'd have to do it total DTV flashback style where you keep getting the same flashback throughout the movie but with one extra detail each time the flashback occurs. Most DTV heroes' flashbacks result in you seeing the same fucking footage six times by the end of the movie. And it has to be shot in blurry bleached-out shakey cam with lots of whooshing noises puntuacted by ominous rumbling booms. Maybe even re-use some of the stuff from Van Damme's IN HELL. That movie had lots of good whooshy repetative flashbacks that contributed nothing but running time.And I will gladly accept Stuntcock Mike's original John Carpenteresque score. Feel free to sample old Nintendo games. I would be honoured if our production actually reached the level of recognition to get sued by whatever elderly Japanese man wrote the midi songs for MegaMan 2 or Double Dragon or whatever.
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or at least play someone who shows fair amounts of cleavage. And by fair, I mean lots.
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"I'm driving." "Where am I going?" "I don't know, but she does." "She says we need gas, and you know what? She's right." "Dead right." She doesn't know it yet, but it's the last stop she'll ever make." Maybe throw in a line from Naked Gun, "She had the kind of legs you'd like to suck on for a day"
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market for minimum 10years!People will whisper his name in dark streets,gangsters will watch it,some RAP dude will have a Poster of it shown in "CRIBS" and then....TWO-LANE BLOOD-TOP SPECIAL TWO DISC EDITION UNRATED CUT!With never before seen footage of Hogan growling,Dolph`s flashback uncut(it is the same of course,just with some shots from Red Scorpion added)and a BRANDNEW ending where our Heroes leave the FBI HQ through the backdoor instead of the frontdoor and get gunned down in a violent way with Roberts narrating something like:"I knew when I dropped my SHIELD,I would not getaway clean!"Fade to black with gunfire and grunts(Rourke is a master grunter!).
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Funny reviews, I will probably rent all 3 whenever im not so broke..When are we getting a trailer for the zombie western- gallowwalker (I think its called)movie?I hope the snipes curse didnt screw up the chances of that being released in theaters or at all for that matter.
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There must also be at least one flashback to a scene that happened only two minutes earlier. This is another DTV staple (URBAN JUSTICE being the most recent example that I can think of).
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That Eric Roberts narration is some funny shit.
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He is in *The Dark Knight*, after all...and I still contend that I liked him better as "The Master" in *Doctor Who* than John Simm in the same role... Plus, you shouldn't mess with a guy that is so powerful that his loins produces a babe as hot as Emma Roberts. That's some mojo there.
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She actually wrote an article in some magazine I read talking about her odessy of getting implants and then debating getting them removed and when she went to have them removed they found a tumor and she now no longer has her hallmark rack/career.However I'd be happy to enlist Susan Ward to play one of those 'CSI' type FBI agents who wear a black power suit with no blouse and her implants pushed up to her chin and her long hair never tied back but is treated with total professional respect accept for maybe one scene where some thug calls her "lil' girl" and she quickly squeezes his nuts and retorts
"You shouldn't be callin' anybody little, tiny." and he winces to show that he knows he has small balls.And thanks Mr. Caruso for the DTV classic flashback that is really just reusing scenes from earlier in the film. That's a must. Especially when you replay an action scene from earlier and take out the cheesy electric guitar music that was supposed to make the violence cool earlier and now in the flashback replace it with a juxtaposed stark piano cords and the echoed distant sound of children playing so that this time the scene plays with a "haunting" tone.
Anyway, I'm off to a rap concert now. I'll maybe see you guys tomorrow, but in all likelyhood when I go back to work on Monday. Cheers -
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=93569475
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I wonder what Rap concert Spandau has gone to?
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That sucks. Is Dana Plato available?(kidding)
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So hot.
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Would like to hear your tune man.Cool you do that shit!
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Go to MySpace. Click on music. Type COLD MONK into search. Only one result should come up. That's my music page. You'll know right away because the first song is called TWO LANE BLOOD TOP.
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So slow.
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That is the right score for the opening when Trejo drives up to the house of Snipes to kill his wife!Fine work!And you are right,the site kills me too,it is getting worse and worse!
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More to follow. I'm packing it in for the evening though, this bogged down site is frustrating the shit outta me. Goodnight all. Back in the morning. Keep the faith.
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Roberts=James W. MarshallLundgren=Oleg KuzminSnipes=Larry Y. WashingtonRourke=Brad ArmstrongTrejo=Javier"El Diablo Locco"MendezCain=Spec.Agent Whitemoore
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sorry guys!It is:FBI Director M.Falco(M=Mitchel,but in DTV such dudes never have firstnames).
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O.k. see you tommorow.
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Jake Busey as the psycho, Law & Order type prisoner who fills in the missing pieces of the puzzle when offered a plea bargain.
Rutger Hauer as the Kingpin that delivers the long winded but meaningfull monolougue at the films climax.
And Patrick Lussier, king of DTV, as director. -
ok as I work at a newspaper as a movie reviwer I will offer my services as publicity for TalkBack Studios/Pictures/Productions whatever it's calledI honestly think that this has some potential and am also willing to pony up some cash, not a lot as I'm poor, but am willing to pony upas an expirement you know DTV might just be the way to gosome other thoughts. I was telling a buddy of mine, who cannot appreciate a good DTV, about this and he just shook his head then proceeds to tell me that someone needs to make a movie about the Mexian Mafia and the Triad fighting against each other, so I think we need to incorparte one or the other in there. I don't remember where Spandu set the movie but it has to be either in the SW or Cali where it unexplaininly has a large FBI building for Dir. Falco. Finally I think we need to have Cynthia Rothrock as Mickey Rourke or Wesley Snipes wife, the one that has the affair with Danny Trejo. She hasn't done a movie since 2004 (I looked) so she might work pretty cheap
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about your name for Snipes, change Larry to like Elijah or Elisha and have some throwaway line about how his mother or grandmother was a "holy roller" or something
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about your name for Snipes, change Larry to like Elijah or Elisha and have some throwaway line about how his mother or grandmother was a "holy roller" or somethingAlso Jeffery Falcon from Six String Samurai needs to be in this somewhere too
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That is some serious Carpenter-esque shit, man. It immediately forms an image of this film in your mind. Danny Trejo has to be introduced with an EXTREME FUCKING CLOSE-UP on his eyes, as an homage to ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST.
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Nice, travis-dane. Very nice.
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my keyboard sucks, i won't fix the youur
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Imagine the hefty hand to hand with her and Trejo`s "El Diablo Locco",where she does her trademark"dude is holdig me from behind and I kick him over the shoulder in the face"move!And the violent death to a DTV ICON like Cynthia Rothrock would shake the SHIT up from the start(Trejo only wins by cheating of course)!And then everytime Snipes remembers her,there is a flashback of her being cheated to death by Trejo!We are getting some deep DTV love here guys!
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Sounds a little like Ethan Hunt(DTV loves to ripoff names)!And he is narrating something like:"My name`s Hunter,but my friends only call me THE Hunter,because I hunt the scumbags down that THEY let get away,I even dropped my SHIELD for it!"We need more of that.
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Someone start fleshing out the narrative. We must do this!
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See ya later Gents!
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In keeping with the whole DTV theft of ideas theme:
"I only have four words to describe this movie. THERE WILL BE BLOOD!!!" -
Remember that Eurythmics song with Annie Lennox as a robot?
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You guys are really fleshing this thing out. I originally had the setting of a desert like Arizona in mind for most of the road scenes and obviously the city stuff at the end will be shot in Vancouver, but I guess we could act like it's L.A.As for the names, I liked the idea Roberts being called Nathan Hunter, but here are my suggestions:
Roberts - Randy Buckler
Dolph - Nikolai (no last name)
Snipes - Ponner Bounce
Susan Ward - Agent Greys, agents never have first names in these movies.
Gemma Atikinson - Saphire Perkins(a good stripper name)
Trejo - they'll just refer to him by his serial killer name "The Alchemist", it sounds like a good cheesy Zodiac Killer knockoff to me. We could have the FBI characters do one of those expository briefing sessions and Falco says "The Alchemist" earned his name because he thinks he's 'curing' people by torturing them to death and Agent Greys (Susan Ward) can retort "I'd like a few hours in one of our interogation rooms to 'cure' him." -
As for the idea of Triads versus Mexicans, let's save that for the sequel TWO-LANE BLOOD-TOP 2: RAMPAGE ROAD. I think it would be cool if Mexicans were helping smuggle Chinese immigrants into the States by hiding them in pinatas. But one of the head Triad guys is a sadistic serial killer in his spare time, and so our crew of badassed heroes kill him. This results in the Triad not paying the Mexicans on time so the Mexicans smash the pinatas with the illegal immigrants still inside and war breaks out on the streets of Mexico.
I think we could actually write this sequel by taking the scripts for INTO THE SUN and LETHAL WEAPON 4 and just shuffling the pages like playing cards. And since its set in Mexico and has shooting, Robert Rodriguez would get involved and therefore we could count on some slumming from known actors like Bruce Willis or Antonio Banderas. Rodriguez also worked with Jordana Brewster on The Faculty, so maybe we could have her as Roberts's estranged half-Mexican daughter who is somehow caught up in all of this. Maybe make her an inocent pinata artist who knows that if she stopped making smuggling pinatas the Mexican mob would kill her. Even if she won't be in the movie, maybe I could just have her phone number. -
I went to see a rapper called Kid Sister. She was pretty good, if you like oldschool chick rappers like Salt n Peppa. There were two opening acts, a DJ pair that did good scratchy-scratch techno stuff that reminded me of my teenage days as a raver, and this other rap guy calling himself Heineken Root, he seemed like a total poser and his voice was too high to be a regular rapper but not high enough to be Mark "Return of the Mack" Morrison or Curtis Mayfield or somebody whose high voice is their trademark.
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Really.Hope he comes to Usbekistan someday.
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Just picturing that guy sitting at his computer, getting more pissed by the second as a bunch of nerds ask him who he could beat up, etc.
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That's a bitchin' tune, Stuntcock. "Washington Is A Punk" sounds like a techno beat could come in at any time. And the picture of Eric Roberts next to "Prelude To A Gunfight" makes me nervous. And the song is good, too. Will there be a spanish influence on the music, at some point? I mean, you got the desert, motorcycles, Danny Trejo. And, of course, crunchy metal guitars so we know that what's happening onscreen is really awesome.
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i hope he starts going theatrical, if he keeps his "log dragging" in DTV he eventually will i say!
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Movie starts with Stuntcock`s tune and a extreme Closeup to Trejos eyes.As the camera pulls back we see he`s driving down a street in Suburbia(in a 88`s Chevy,brown),then he stops in front of a house(nice family house,green grass,toys laying around...),gets out of the car,wears black boots,leatherpants and nothing else!He`s sweating(it is hot in suburbia)and looks around,reaches back in the car and comes up with a Machete!Some kids see him and run away.He starts moving towards the house.Stuntcock`s tune ends,as we are in the house and Trejo kicks in the door from the outside,as he walks in we see a BIG devilface tattooed on his back!Then we see Rothrock standing in the livingroom.She looks like she knew he was coming,they stare at each other for 3-4 seconds then start to move slowly,circling each other.Then they get in a nasty fight,the whole livingroom gets wasted(one of them falls through the glass table,one crashes the Plasma...),no music,just grunting and the sound of fists hitting flesh.Rothrock disarms Trejo with some fancy tripple legkick and roundhouse kicks him through the panorama window(in slomo)!She`s pretty confident now and jumps out too,just to see him lying flat on the face,then we hear a kid cry,Rothrock turns her head(slomo starts again),Trejo rolls around and sports a HUGE handgun(we know he had none before,DTV magic),a sixshooter and creams her(all bullets of course,huge bloodshet...)!As she starts to fall Stuntcock`s tune starts again and a Flashback beginns(we see her arguing with Snipes about the affair she has with this "mexican gangster",she yells at him for never being around,he loves his extreme sports more then her and his son and she fucks with Trejo because she likes danger too(!),Snipes is shocked,grabs the kid and leaves).When the FB ends she hits the ground.We see from her perspective Trejo`s face coming to frame,as he says:"No BITCH leaves El Diablo Locco!",then he spits blood on her face and leaves(we hear a car driving away fast),Rothrock whispers the name of Snipes and dies with blood coming out of her mouth.Cut toThe Funeral!The Main guys are all there(except Rourke,he comes in later).The narration from Roberts starts,as the camera slowly pans across the faces of them,he says:"Back then we all believed in our justice system,but that is long gone...". As he speaks we see a montage of the three standing in front of a Courtroom and Trejo walks by with a big grin on his face talking to his lawyer(getting away with the kill,because somebody messed up some paperwork and the system does not work in DTV).The narration continues:"That day we started doing JUSTICE our way"!As they walk away from the funeral the ROCK music starts for the main titles,they start the Harleys and drive off in formation(they allways drive in fomation on DTV)!That all should take place in the first 10 minutes before the main titles.After the main titles we learn that 2 years passed since the kill and we are right in the middle of the parachuting action with C.Thomas Howell!That is my take on the start,I would like to see some more parts of you fellas,for the rest of the movie.
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This music is amazing. If I had a car I'd drive around listening to it. I do have an Xbox and a car game, so I can play that with your music. You're very talented.I can definately picture 'Prelude to a Gunfight' playing as Roberts and Dolph roll up on the FBI headquarters with Roberts's Terminator 2 knockoff narration:"We were writing our own destiny with our balls, a pen that never runs out. We knew there there was a good chance one or both or neither of us would come out of there alive. But Falco has to be stopped. He's as much a threat to the innocence of freedom and the freedom of mankind as any of the sorry sacks my crew and I have put down during these many years of hard justice and lonely nights. We were in the beast's backyard, and we sure as shit weren't going to leave without pissing on his Slip-n-slide."Roberts looks at Dolph and asks "You ready, commrade?", Dolph replies "I was concieved ready."
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But no last name, even during his flashbacks to his days in the Red Army, his military supreriors will even call him only by his (common) first name.But I want Snipes to have a first name that ends in 'er' like Trucker or Shover or Thrower. Kicker Washington has a nice ring to it.
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Then that means Mickey will have to be the guy getting revenge for his daughter. I've just been reading through all this and it is one long and twisting road. I'm having trouble wrapping my head around it.
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He stepped on his first skateboard when he was four years old and he's been doing it ever since. Snowboarding, base-jumping, extreme jump-rope. He's done it all. He holds the record for the most consecutive broken bones. He was even shot out of a cannon once.
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Stuntcock:great tunes,but do one with heavy guitar riffs.caruso:Snipes outline is gold!And the Rourke thing can be worked out(It is DTV!everything goes)Spandau:Oleg rules(and for the man VERN,without him none of this madness would have happend!)Give us the fletched out parachute action scene.
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Could Agent Greys be Hunter's old partner/protégé/lover? It would add a personal angle to our heroes doing the FBI's work for them. Greys could resent Hunter for how he "turned his back on the system."
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You know we need it!With cheezy piano music.
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The FBI wants our boys to track down Trejo, right? Well what if they also wanted them to bring in C. Thomas Howell? The problem, of course, being that Snipes has already killed him in a skydiving "accident." Of course, Howell will not truly be dead. This can be explained in any number of ways. None that will actually reveal how he survived the fall, though.
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of a good idea to leave out!:-)
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I'll get to work.
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That, my friend, is the best line of dialog I have ever heard.
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I'll work on both. Anyone have any other ideas? I need a project to keep me busy.
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Stuntcock,you are digging up some gold there brotha(Hulk Hogan voice)!When your soundtrack is done,I have to use it for my RPG group,hope you dont mind?
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Hulk Hogan shall be credited as "Babe, Falco's Enforcer."
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Another brilliant line from Spandau Belly.
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No problem
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so everybody thinks he will be around all the time(old DTV trick),hehe.
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Guys it is 2.30 in the morning here,where is the DTV love.
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And the DTV love is in my pants.
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what about the hefty hand to hand with Hogan and Dolph?Give us some caruso gold here!i am really tired...cant come up with own stuff,so give me some fine moments here Gents.
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This fight will be juxtaposed with the Eric Roberts/Dean Cain fight, which is the most personal of the two because Roberts taught Dean Cain everything he knows. More on that later. Anyway, Dolph and Hogan's fight will take place on one floor. Since they will be fighting through offices and shit (sometimes throwing each other through walls) they will utilize whatever is at hand. They hurl computers at each other, break dozens of those swiveling office chairs. Hogan could actually use one of these chairs to smack Dolph through a bulletin board, or perhaps a window. They might even end up in the bathroom where they will throw each other through bathroom stalls, knocking over a partition and revealing a middle-aged guy taking a shit. The guy jumps up and gets the hell out of there. Then Dolph shoves Hogan's head in the shit-filled toilet and holds it there until he expires. Then Dolph goes over to a sink and (as a tribute to Vern) washes his hands.
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...have to double team Danny Trejo, as they have both lost loved ones to his homicidal activities.
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and the tribute to Vern cracked me up!I assume your "More on that later" means you work on something huge there for the DTV classic TLBT!
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I just have two words: Chainsaw fight.
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that should be the point where the Psycho partner of Trejo enters the picture,I am talking about.....SEAGAL!In a Flashback is revealed how he used his Black-OP`s skills to cover up for Trejo and only then we learn that it was him who killed Rourke`s daughter(he mumbles:"she was a sweet girl,but Buddha called for her")and then goes on to use his nifty Aikido moves to kill Rourke(one of them has to die)and disappear mysteriosly from the rooftop(sets him up for the lead Bad guy in part 2).
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The actual dialogue should be "She was a sweet girl but, uh, Buddha called for her." [cocky head twitch]
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Trejo would have to be a loner by nature. And only a brother would cover up for such a scumbag
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How does Jebediah Hess sound?
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Dean Cain should be DEPUTY Director Falco. The corrupt fuckers are always just below the guy in charge.
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insane this Seagal = Trejo's half-brother shit is!That is the true spirit of DTV(serious),that idea NAILS it so good it hurts!And what a twist!When it came to be a real movie every DTV fan would go nuts(positive).I am amazed how much true DTV is flying around here!Thats what happens when TB`s let it flow!DTV-GOLD!I wish we could pull a Uwe Boll and find some dudes to do it!
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put an F.in for FRITZ and I buy it(it is not importent,but it kills the credits).
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"Mom says hi" or some shit. Just something to let the audience know that they're brothers. Or we can got the extra DTV mile and have there be a fifteen minute scene of exposition with flashbacks that stops the movie dead in its tracks.
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See ya later!
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That's why I chose it. It also sounds vaguely Amish, so you have to wonder about childhood.
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That's why I chose it. It also sounds vaguely Amish, so you have to wonder about his childhood.
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Lets see what the others make of it!night!
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danny should play twins, one a drug lord, the other a dea officer, seperated at birth, I'd watch that.
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hes in every movie ever made.including a trip to the moon, by melies.and cary hiroyuki takanawa.
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it was a murder mystery, like seven.someone was carving "GOTTA EAT!" and "I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH.." into the bodies of talkbackers, and harry, quint and vern were all dead, quint fed to sharks, harry tied to a chair and forced to watch american godzilla till his eyes bled etc.all the talkbackers are suspects, and the survivour are not going to cooperate, because they disagree about how bad the movie transformers designs are.after a while at the alamo, survivors are rounded up by a showing big trouble in little china on the big screen, with kurt russell doing a Q+A after, then the trouble begins as a duststorm rages outside and the nerds from aicn are stuck in a room, waiting out the storm and the killer..john carpenter is first choice director, mcweeny would provide the script, harry would give praise to the script, etcetera.maybe if TLBT makes cash, this could be our second film!
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correction
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DEA Agent Frank Reyes (Danny Trejo) has spent years tracking an infamous drug dealer known only as The Ghost. He has never been photographed and no one outside of the inner circle of his drug cartel has ever seen his face. Reyes is finally pushed over the edge when his ex-partner (Josh Duhamel, television's "Las Vegas") is brutally slain by members of the cartel, while on assignment in Bogotá. Reyes then begins his quest for revenge, turning in his shield and plunging head first into the underworld of the Colombian drug trade. It quickly becomes apparent, however, that all may not be as it seems. For the face that has haunted him... the face that he has been pursuing for ten years... is the face he SEES IN THE MIRROR EVERY DAY.
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chuck norris plays the president. if, y'know there are any good scenes for the president in the movie i.e. vietnam flashback of steven and danny being given purple harts for saving an entire village of hot naked babes, and maybe afterwards, steven throws his medal into a lake in alaska, where he went to live as a medicine man after 'nam. also, cary hiroyuki takanawa would play a serial killer who speaks only in sound bytes ["lucy, you got sum splainin ta do!"] called mister prophet.
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I would watch the FUCK outta that!
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check soon.
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This thing is getting complicated as hell, even for DTV standards. Though I love the idea of Norris playing the President.
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http://tinyurl.com/2oxsev nothin special, will get to work on TLBT.
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Though Danny should be wearing sunglasses. I love the inclusion of Rae Dawn Chong. She could play either the Ghost's annoying girlfriend who mistakes Reyes for his twin, or Reyes' annoying ex-wife who complains too much about how he doesn't spend enough time with their kids. Dafoe can play Reyes' superior who tells him to drop the case and Cary Takanawa can be a high-ranking Yakuza boss doing business with the Ghost.
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Just thought you all should know. Also, I don't speak German, so that probably didn't make any sense.
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Almost correct
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"I am a donut" - JFK or maybe not. http://tinyurl.com/3dcbk8
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The man was obviously on drugs.
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Dammit, I can't get it out of my head. I've got the names of most of the major characters, even a few crucial scenes written or outlined. I'm a sick individual.
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the epic TLBT!Is it the sequel or a stand alone movie?I think one of the 44 sequels to Kickboxer was called "BLOOD BROTHERS"too.
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...I'm trying to refrain from talking about it. We have enough on our plates just trying to sort through the penultimate DTV film TWO LANE BLOOD-TOP. And no. BLOOD BROTHERS is not a sequel, but rather a stand-alone film to act as a starring vehicle for Danny Trejo. This TLBT business has got me thinking. What if each actor got their own DTV film, written especially for them? I have ideas for other DTV films for Mickey Rourke, Wesley Snipes, and Eric Roberts. If curiosity gets the best of you, I might reveal this ideas. Though even I am afraid of what the consequences might be.
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to hit us with BLOOD BROTHERS or any other movie,just do it.I would like to see somebody like you or Spandau(stuntcock is busy with music)round up the TLBT(would do it myself,but it took forever writing the opening and I am a slow typer).Looking forward to your work.Have to shop now.Later.
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That one has enough cooks in the kitchen as is. I'm comfortable pitching the occasional idea, but there are far more capable people here to tackle that beast. Right now BLOOD BROTHERS has me by the balls and I have three other imaginary projects gnawing away at me.
Also, I dug your opening of TLBT. Danny Trejo driving around in a Chevy without shirt. Classic. -
http://tinyurl.com/yrltto
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I love it, man! Nice addition of Mark Dacascos and Al Leong. And I see Hogan's name is appropriately larger.
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...of Danny Trejo as twins in my head. Now I can't rest until I've written a highly mediocre script around it.
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Russian supersoldier is frozen after world war two and subsequently forgotten about, in the present his cryo chamber is found and sold to an American collector of art installations.upon waking he has one thought, "MUST KILL PRESIDENT!"basically, less of a movie, more of an exercise in showing this mad russian's pain threshold.key scene: three quarters into the movie, he stops at a convenience store, and uses concrete, superglue and staplers to plug various gunshots, not to mention he has a backpack full of blood from a hospital, with I.Vs in his veins replacing the 7 pints hes lost.
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THE COLDER WAR.
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Jan 14, 2008 5:47:40 AM CST
caruso_stalker217, fuck talking about it, lets pitch to hollywoo
by ironic_name
we will have cocaine and hookers and sportscars in no time!
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Well, except maybe my Mickey Rourke movie.
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hookers and coke.
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And leave the sports cars and blow for Michael Bay. Maybe he'll get high and drive his Ferarri off a bridge or something.
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I think better that way.
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..truly, the movies they watch Heaven.
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sleep is for pussies and people who can spell properly.
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HELLS YEAH!
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For Rourke, Snipes, and Roberts.
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Jan 14, 2008 6:03:58 AM CST
I'm actually a little frightened to hear them. I'm not being cut
by ironic_name
..I really am a tiny bit frightened that they will be so kickass, the fact that they aren't real movies will break my heart.
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...that some kid is being paid by some studio to skim through sites like these looking for ideas that they can steal. Imagine if they stole those ideas and twisted them into something awful and generic and destroyed everything that was wonderful about them. This was supposed to be an inspirational speech to comfort you, but actually this is pretty depressing. Sorry about that.
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...that someone wasn't going at you with a knife.
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boborci will be calling Russell Mulcahy tomorrow.Blood brothers and the Colder war © and ™ Ironic_name and caruso_stalker217
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Good work.
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(alternate title: OEDIPUS WRECKS)
That's right. It's a modern re-telling of the Greek tragedy of Oedipus. Mickey Rourke plays Rex Edwards, a man destined to murder his father and marry his mother (as told to him by a blind fortune teller). His father Wick is a wealthy corporate tycoon who made his fortune in polyester. When Rex was born, Wick saw to it that the child was put up for adoption, as he was notorious for an irrational hatred for children. His wife (Oscar winner Cher) was told that the child died in birth.
Now, years later, Rex has returned to the town of his birth, after learning from his parents that he was adopted. He is soon involved in a traffic collision with Wick. An argument ensues and Rex, having battled rage all his life, kills him with a baseball bat. Guilt-ridden, he shows up at the funeral where he meets his birth mother.
It isn't long before they begin a highly taboo relationship, though neither is aware of it. Soon they are married. Throughout the film Rex will have several confrontations with the local mafia, who want to buy the polyester company he now owns. These confrontations will often be violent. Warehouses will be firebombed. Rex will be threatened at home. Eventually it will come out that Rex and Oscar winner Cher are mother and son. Cher commits suicide by OD'ing on sleeping pills and Rex puts out his eyes with a hot fire poker.
Thus begins an extremely ridiculous quest for revenge. Now blind, but having heightened other senses, Rex cuts a bloody swath through the people who have wronged him. He walks straight into mob territory, cutting down wise guys left and right with a sawed-off shotgun. "Keep your hands off my polyester," he tells the mob boss, just before blasting him in the face.
He tracks down the corrupt adoption agency that his parents got him from and learns that they are selling babies illegally all over the world. It's up to Rex to bring the agency down, using nearly every form of weaponry known to man. At some point he will have to one-up Chow Yun Fat in HARD BOILED by saving an entire hospital ward of babies, strapping them to his body, while firing two M-16s simultaneously. -
Even my girlfriend laughed out loud and said:"I wanna see that movie"!AND she HATES:Dolph,Seagal and Rourke!We achieved something here.If she goes with it,it is a winner.
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tears of joy!Insane shit!That reminds me of the whole Johnny Depp being blind thing in once upon a time....And guys I would love to see a movie with Agent Sands Blind Samurai style shit.RR mentioned something like that on the commentary track.
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To tell the truth, I only had those first two paragraphs to start with. Then it completely took on a life of its own as I was typing. Strapping babies to his body? I don't even know where that came from.
I, too, would love to see a movie with Agent Sands. He was my favorite character in OUATIM. -
You would slowly turn into one of the highest paid writers in the DTV business!And a sunlight hating creep!
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...it's the execution that's a bitch. I'm thinking about BLOOD BROTHERS at the moment and I've got points A, B and C. But I know in order to get from A to B to C I've got to write shit. That's why I've got roughly thirty usable story ideas and no way to realize them. I mean, I know writing is a pain in the ass. But it's almost impossible for me.
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Awesome cover. Segal! Too bad Katherine Heigel is so big right now. We could get her to reprise her Under Siege 2 bubble butted-ness.
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Jan 14, 2008 7:08:25 AM CST
you want an Eric Roberts vehicle? I give you THE WICKER MAN 2:
by spandau belly
Roberts plays an ex-cage fighter and the brother to Nicholas Cage's character from the first film. Roberts discovers his brother has gone missing, but can't find out anything without paying a P.I. (Richard Roundtree) good money to investigate. So Roberts agrees to do one more cage fight to raise the funds.Roundtree tells Roberts that Cage was last seen heading for Sommerisle, and he's going to go there to investigate. After not hearing from Roundtree for a week Roberts heads to the island himself and starts asking about Roundtree and Cage and finds the locals hostile. The thing quickly turns into a Seagalist film with Roberts fighting all the ladies of the island.Then I want the thing to go in more of a direction like BLADE, where the High Priestess of Sommerisle (Lena Headly would be good in this role) wants to resurrect some ancient God and gain its powers, but she needs Roberts's blood. So she lures him to a big Temple of Doom style temple where he has to fight the entire village and ultimately traps the High Priestess in a wicker man and burns her alive.
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Tag line: Revenge fueled his fire.
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My Roberts vehicle is also a revenge picture, though it is somewhat... classier. Not to shit on WICKER MAN 2: AFTERBURN.
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"Some BITCHES allways try to iceskate uphill!"and the burns her.
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Richard Roundtree was in on the whole thing, but after he tells Roberts the whole plan and how he played him, the High Priestess chucks Roundtree into a pit of fire.I'd also like to enlist some classier actresses to play the women of Sommerisle than last time when they had Leelee Sobieski and Kathy Bates. This time I'm thinking more Russ Meyer style casting.
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Babe(and sex interest for Roberts),she of course dies a gruesome death,when impaled by a giant dildo like Wicker man made of steel!And Roberts narrating:"She never saw that one COMING!",when he finds her dead.
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(generic North American title: TERMINAL VENGEANCE)
"Everyone has regrets. We've all made mistakes. My regret is that I trusted you with my family. My mistake was not killing you when I had the chance."
So says Eric Roberts' character Max Bentley, just before putting a bullet between the eyes of his old friend Bart Fontaine (David Caruso). But I'm getting ahead of myself. That's at the end of the picture. Let's jump back to the beginning.
Max is a crime kingpin. He lives in the lap of luxury surrounded by every comfort of a wealthy life. He has a beautiful wife and three ridiculously wonderful children. The FBI watches his every move, looking for any reason to bring him in. Everything changes when he enters a deal with a French drug dealer (Tchéky Karyo) and flies to Paris to negotiate. While he is away, his right-hand man Bart (who has been banging Max's wife) stages a daring takeover, killing all who are loyal to Max. He accidentally kills the wife during a struggle.
Max now finds himself a fugitive after Bart provides the FBI with all the information they need to nail his ass to the wall. Protected by France's non extradition laws, unable to return home, he spends the next twenty years building a new life for himself. But always harboring a hatred for Bart. He gets himself a beautiful French wife (Isabelle Huppert) and settles down in a quiet French town.
The film finally kicks into high gear when it is discovered that Max has a degenerative brain disease. There is no treatment or cure. The doctors give him six months to live. He decides it is time to return home. He will have to smuggle himself into the United States. From there he will begin his quest for vengeance.
Meanwhile, Bart is busy doing fucked up criminal shit. He has taken it upon himself to raise Max's kids, who do not know that he killed their mother. Though one may suspect it. This is not a blow-shit-up-drive-a-car-through-a-mall kind of revenge picture. This is much more somber and depressing. There is plenty of badass moments. Max has to work his way up the food chain, since he no longer has any contacts with the underworld. At one point he visits the prostitute girlfriend of one of Bart's enforcers. He coerces some information out of her and she sends him to a bar where he gets ambushed. He survives the attack, smashing a man's head through a mirror, blasting a guy with a shotgun, and then beating a guy's head to pulp with the butt. He returns to the hooker's apartment, not intending to be courteous this time. Before she has a chance to open the door he kicks it in, hitting her in the forhead. He forces his way in and chases her into the kitchen where she has been boiling noodles. As he walks in she flings the boiling pot at him, which he sidesteps. He moves toward her, grabs her, and then holds her face above the hot stove top, telling her to give him the right information or she'll "only have half a face."
Man, I wrote way to much about this. That's just a taste of what I've got. Feel free to tell me what sucks and what blows about it. -
Jan 14, 2008 7:42:24 AM CST
julie strain and shannon tweed as twins anna lee and ora lee
by ironic_name
for wickerman2
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Jan 14, 2008 7:45:35 AM CST
the doctor who tells about the brain disease: robert patrick
by ironic_name
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Hottest woman over 70. I don't care if it IS the cosmetic surgery. I'd hit that. Twice.
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pitch black night. raining. a woman screams.wagon tracks in the mud, raining.a baby cries.horses whinny. a woman screams out.a gun shot [beat]a baby is thrown out into the rainy mud.its screaming, it knows something is wrong.a shakey hand aims a gun.pow!the baby is shot in the head!the man, face hidden in the night seems sorry, but tells the wagons to move out!
they leave.the baby is still alive!there, in the cold, a baby is dying, from cold, from blood loss..the wolves shadows close in..
SON OF A GUNa story of loss, regret and love, coming soon. -
Hahahaha. And who would play our nearly-infanticided-and-raised-by-wolves hero?
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Roberts needs a sidekick,the only loyal dude that survived the kills by Caruso!It has to be.......Michael Madsen(not the good Kill Bill Madsen,but the "I am in it for the money" Madsen)who allways has some bad lines to say like:"Dont put her face on the plate Max,it will smell like shit in here."And Roberts name should be:Max Masseratti.And Madsen is Jack Buick(thats DTV alive and kickin`)
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starring:Jean Claude van Damme!
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a boy raised by wolves, saved by a Mexican priest who teaches him the ways of civilization.starring benicio del toro as 'moses cain' a scarred man, searching for his father.iggy pop as papi ignatius, a man who'd kill his own family to keep his wagon train from being ambushed by apache, and edward james almos as father justice constantinos, a preist who refuses to pay protection fees to federales [led by mickey rourke]not a DTV, but too violent and philosophical for most people.
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HELL CAN WAIT (or TERMINAL VENGEANCE, depending on where you live) is, in it's current form, not quite up/down to DTV standards. It almost sounds like a real movie. It could attract the attention of Denzel Washington and be given a budget of $100 million. I stand to make a lot of money off of a deal like that, but as an artist I have the responsibility to say no
Madsen can be Max's last link to the underworld. The guy who never truly gave up on him, but never stood up and did anything to help. Now he has to make amends by helping Max get terminal vengeance. As potentially cheesy as this DTV version of HCW can be, it will have very strong themes of redemption and Jesus and shit. There will be a scene where Jack Buick waits outside a church while Max confesses his sins to a priest. Religious imagery will appear throughout the film. Most noticeably crosses. These are the kind of pretentious touches that will help ground its DTV status.
I don't want the movie to be too jokey. There can be humor here and there (mostly dark, as evidenced in Buick's remark about burnt flesh smelling bad) but mostly it will be a gritty, ugly revenge picture. Shot quickly and cheaply, and with as much stock footage as we can afford to keep costs down. -
you oughtta hear how he was conceived!
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Sounds like a good cast. And I would love to hear how Moses Cain was conceived.
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http://tinyurl.com/2a54we
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The trailers could stress that it's "Inspired by true events."
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where Buick has taken the kids of Max to hide them of Caruso.Caruso finds them and Buick has to fight alone with a barbedwired baseball bet and a sawn off shotgun.He kills around 10-15 goons while been hit from 20-30 bullets.When he breaks down he starts crawling to where the cildren are(the children crying of course)and reaches for the hand of the oldest one and says:"Tell Max I am sor..."rolls over and dies in a jesus like pose in a pool of blood!Then Max arrives and the final shootout with Caruso and his goons starts.
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I love Jack Buick's heroic effort to redeem himself by saving Max's kids, getting shot a ridiculous amount of times in the process. Also, him dying mid-word is classic. "...dies in a jesus like pose in a pool of blood!" You've got the idea.
The problem is Max's kids would all be grown by now. Of course, this could be remedied by changing the time that Max was away. Cut it down to 10 years instead of 20.
After Madsen dies, Caruso has to have a look of remorse on his face. He shakes his head and yells, "It wasn't supposed to HAPPEN like this!" Then we cut to an overhead shot as Caruso looks up at the ceiling and shouts "God DAMN IT!" Then Max drives through the front of the church with a bulldozer (the church was going to be demolished the next day). -
Keep it going Gents!
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Jan 14, 2008 8:42:00 AM CST
at the end of the movie father and son have used up their bullet
by ironic_name
and so, there is half an hour without talking, or music.just two men, as equals, on a desert plain. finding each other. fighting. getting away. a game of cat and mouse.finally after a week with no food or water, father [real name never mentioned] find a small creek, and buries his head underwater.after a few seconds, something bumps his head, he looks up to see his son, he looks down to see a signpost that hit his noggin:DANGERPOISONas the father accepts his fate and sits down against a rock, he tells his son hes sorry, but he had a responsibilityto the wagon train, a hundred families. if he stopped, they'd all die as the apache were on them like flies on pigshit, moses says; "Tell me about my mother".father says; "she smelt like caramel, and she had a smile that you could feel"."I love you, son.""I love you, dad."they stare at each other, both sitting on the plain.
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the"DANGERPOISON"THING is ripped off from jonah hex, but then, it is a scarred cowboy.
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I'm laughing my ass off. That is beyond awesome. No studio would make it, even with somebody like Benicio onboard.
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He can invent a new wolfman language for the boy and the wolves to speak. I think the plot should have Seagalian environmentalist overtones. Some corrupt tycoon (Ron Pearlman) wants to plow the Son of a Gun's forrest and put a railroad through it. It would lead to an awesome showdown in a wild west town with wolves versus cowboys and the Son of a Gun versus the railroad tycoon.
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how do we end this thing?do they just stare at each other, THE THING style, or does it end this way:father starts coughing."PAPI!""sn, be fine'n a'mnt" "tell me her name"but nothing.hes dead.moses goes from shocked to wryly smiling at his bad luck. he gets up and begins to walk off into the blur from the heat.
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But I dig the "Tell me her name" ending more.
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father starts coughing.
"PAPI!"
"son, 'll be fine'n a'mnt""tell me her name!"
"teresa."
"teresa constanti-"hes dead, mid sentence.moses goes from shocked to wryly smiling, and beginning to laugh at his being raised by his own uncle, the priest.the voice over[!?] begins: "with justice served, and his questions answered, they say he laughed all the way to california"laughing is heard as he disappears into the sunset. -
...Charleton Heston.
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wolves vs cowboys?I think I came in my pants little.
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drinks at the oscar after party are on benicio!
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I'll try to cop a feel off Scarlett Johanssen.
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When I read caruso's treatment I felt the same way as you guys, it was too classy. And caruso is right, Denzel might actually team up with Tony Scott for a story this straightforward. It's not overstuffed and genre mixmatched enough.But here's how we trash it up: make Roberts's character psychic. He can have premonitions that sometimes are just red herrings and other times only make sense too late. Also, limited telekinetic powers might be worth considering. Maybe his brain tumor has unleashed telekinetic powers that he can't always control. I can't think of another movie that's had a psychic telekinetic gangster out for revenge. Let me know what you guys think.
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No alternate title for this one. Except maybe SOLE HEIR.
This would be the black sheep of the TalkBack Productions universe. And not just because it stars Wesley Snipes.
The film opens on a concert hall. Hundreds of rich fuckers in evening wear fill the seats. They've come here to hear Harry Baskin, the famed concert pianist. You heard me right. Wesley Snipes plays a concert pianist. And he wears glasses. He plays some grade-A classic shit. Maybe from Mozart. Or Haydn. Or that Edvard Grieg guy who wrote "In the Hall of the Mountain King." Anyway, he plays well.
So, Harry does his piano thing. After he's done, all the rich people clap really loud and he takes his bows and some woman hands him some roses. Afterwards, he gets into his Rolls Royce with his wife (somebody less famous than Halle Berry but with a better career than Jada Pinkett Smith) and young son. His chauffeur is some guy you've never heard of. Harry and the wife discuss the concert and how awesome he was and they talk about other shows he has to do. New York, Paris, whatever the capital of Holland is.
Since this is a Wesley Snipes movie and also DTV, we know that Harry isn't going to make it to those other concerts. The Rolls gets t-boned by some dickhead who doesn't like to follow the laws put in place to protect people. Harry's wife and son are killed and he is left with nerve damage in one hand. He never plays professionally again.
From there he turns to alcohol and depression. He develops a gambling problem and blows all of his money. On the verge of bankruptcy and homelessness, Harry loses hope.
Salvation comes in the form of a letter, informing Harry that he is the last surviving heir of some old rich white guy. So it's a pretty distant relation. The fortune is mostly gone, but the family mansion in New England remains. Harry seizes this opportunity to start over (at the urging of his psychiatrist, Tatum O'Neil) and moves into the mansion. Here he meets the strange staff that still lives there, including a mysterious butler named Lankershim.
Maybe I should've mentioned this, but this is like some kind of horror movie/ghost story kind of thing. It will have a very strong SHINING rip-off vibe. Throw in some contemporary films like THE OTHERS and any number of Japanese ghost movies and you've got the basic picture.
There is a piano in the house that Harry can't go near or else he will be reminded of his old life and collapse into a tearful mess. Sometimes, late at night, Harry thinks he hears music coming from it. And just what is up with the hollow wall in the attic? Lankershim says it's "just an old crawlspace, suh." But Harry seems to have his doubts.
Other weird shit could happen, like Harry gets visions of naked women. And maybe he can feel the presence of his dead wife. And seriously, what the fuck is up with that crawlspace? Harry might have to knock that wall down once he's reached his breaking point and nearly gone insane. Also, maybe he'll bang Tatum O'Neil.
Like I said, this is the black sheep. -
and man I take a Sunday off and this talkback gets stranger and stranger and stranger...I know I missed some stuff so I'm just going to keep this window open and see if I can catch up somehow
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that's a great premise right there
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At least there's somebody around here who observes the Lord's day.
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Though I've got two or three others floating around.
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he should make a joke about having a twelve inch pianist at the end of the movie to Tatum O'Neil
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Should be said at the end after he's defeated the spirits or whatever the fuck I was getting at. He and Tatum are walking hand in hand through a park. They walk up to the duck pond and Harry leans against the railing. He twirls his wedding ring in his fingers as he stares meaningfully into the pond. This will have some sort of significance. Something about the duck pond binds Harry and his wife together. He kisses the ring and tosses it into the water. "I can let her go now," he confides in Tatum. They walk into the sunset together. End credits.
And there you have it. The first Wesley Snipes ghost movie and he doesn't even fight anybody. -
David Ogden Stiers would be perfect.
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He already costarred with Snipes in a DTV mish mash of Bourne and Leon. Maybe get him to be the guy who executes the will and hands the property over to Snipes. Later in the movie when wierd stuff starts happening Snipes will try to call him and Charles will just avoid his calls like the real estate agents in those Amityville movies. Later when Snipes is going through that whole am-i-crazy-or-is-this-really-happening phase he can spot Charles Dance out shopping and tackle him and scream "What's wrong with that house?!!!?" and Dance can provide any necessary exposition or it can be just one of those embarassng moments for heroes of haunting movies where they act hysterical in public and everybody's reaction only makes him doubt his own sanity more.
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If this were any other movie, I would probably agree with you. But I think the precognition/telekinesis is crossing some sort of line. A lot of DTV movies have the habit of trying to cram three pounds of shit into a one pound bag. The result is, well, you get a lot of shit on your hands. This can work for something like TWO LANE BLOOD-TOP, with its abundance of characters and various plot threads. More is better in that case. But for a film like HELL CAN WAIT/TERMINAL VENGEANCE, throwing in crazy mind powers is probably going too far. Though I did have the idea that his degenerative brain disease would cause him to become psychotic. He would have moments of confusion and rage.
However, the telekinetic gangster idea sounds promising. It should be allowed to grow into it's own film, and not have to be shoe-horned into a low-grade Eric Roberts revenge flick. -
Dance will become flustered and look around at everybody staring. He leans in toward Snipes and says, "Come with me to my office. I'll tell you everything." He then proceeds with the obligatory fifteen minute exposition scene that stops the movie dead in its tracks.
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Snipes grabs Dance and shakes him. "What's wrong with that house!? Goddamnit, you bastard, tell me!" A moment will pass and Dance will quietly say, "Mr. Baskin, take your hand off me." Then Snipes will start to regain his composure and become self conscious and aware of everyone staring at him. "You don't seem well at all, Mr. Baskin," says Dance. "Perhaps you should sit down." This scene could be shot with a lot of Gilliam-esque wide angle lenses, with the onlookers distorted and frightening. Snipes will begin sweating profusely, tugging at his shirt collar. Eventually he will flee and we are left with a close-up of Dance looking utterly ambiguous. Just what does he know?
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well one of us has to be here to save everyone else's soulok since we're pitching movie ideas around here, being from Kansas I think we need to have something that takes place in Kansas, like a ghost story of some sort, we an abandoned farm housealso in poster for TLBT, anything with Eric Roberts name needs to say "HERO's Eric Roberts"
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I see that I have created a monster. In the last 10 hours I have succeeded in developing (or contributing to):
A revenge movie about a rogue DEA agent and a drug lord, both twins separated at birth. Starring Danny Trejo.
A Dolph Lundgren film where he plays a post-WWII Russian supersoldier thawed out in the present with orders to assassinate the current president.
A modern re-telling of the Greek tragedy Oedipus Rex, complete with guns and polyester.
A "bad guy with six months to live tries to redeem himself by killing those who wronged him" movie with pretentious religious undertones.
A western "inspired by true events" about a disfigured man raised by wolves and then by a Mexican priest and has to kill his father Iggy Pop.
And the first Wesley Snipes ghost movie.
Move over Mother Theresa. Your works mean nothing. -
the new hollywood, we're gonna be on vanity fair as "the [new] new thing"interviewed by gore vidal.
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I was thinking EXACTLY that, re: the corny pianist joke at the end. a scene for scene ripoff of the end of demolition man.
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...derailed TWO LANE BLOOD-TOP. It's my fault, really, for BLOOD BROTHER. Though you did give me the idea, ironic_name.
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with my suggestion that the poster/cover needs to say starring "HERO's Eric Roberts"
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Jake Busey can play the guy who t-boned Snipes's car at the beginning. Later when Snipes is living in the mansion and going crazy Busey can come by and say that it's one of the steps in his AA program to come and apologize to Snipes. Snipes is at first furious at Busey, tells him to bugger off. But later Snipes decides to use Busey as bait for the ghosts and invites him back to the mansion for dinner. He feeds him a nice meal and when Busey mentions that he's into model trains, Snipes tells Busey that there are a bunch in the crawlspace up in the attic, but that he can't reach them because his back is still messed up from the accident.
Then either of the following happen:A) The ghosts trick Snipes into accidently killing Busey with a fire poker.B) Busey goes into the attic and comes down all content with some toy trains and thanks Snipes. As Busey's leaving Snipes looks at the toy trains and they go all Devil's Advocate and morph in snakes or something and Snipes freaks out momentarily, but like in Devil's Advocate he looks back at the trains and sees they're normal and tries to brush it off like he saw a mouse and Busey just looks at him weird and apologizes some more and leaves. The next day Snipes reads in the paper that Busey died in his hotel room from a snake bite. Snipes sheds a single tear and scowls.
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Just the image of Jake Busey with an armload of toy trains, thanking him for a wonderful dinner.
I'm picking option B, of course. Maybe the ghosts can trick Snipes into killing Mrs. Danbridge, the rotund maid. -
His death by snake bite will arouse the attention of local Police Chief Carson, hopefully played by Clancy Brown. This will help create tension, since Snipes can't be sure he isn't the killer and this cop is always coming by, asking questions and seeming to grow more and more suspicious. Doesn't stop him from drinking Mrs. Danbridge's tea, though.
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They'll be up tonite.
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that's my vote for Soul Heir's Jake Busey to die
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Cool beans. I'm digging your stuff. Meanwhile, we'll have to continue straying off-top.
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...Snipes has to go into the attic and find that the wall is perfectly intact. His paranoia grows.
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the butler in Soul Heir needs to be eaten by the haunted fireplace like in The Haunting
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Orson Scott Card wrote a book, oh probably 3, 4, 5 years ago with a similar concept about a guy that filps houses and he is working on this house that is haunted and he ends up falling in love with the ghost while trying to solve her murder, it's an f'd up book and reall made me question OSC there for a while
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Snipes finally confronts the butler in the den. He starts yelling and pushing him around. He has a Nic Cage-style breakdown. "WHAT'S in the crawlspace? What's IN the crawlspace? What's in the FUCKING CRAWSPAAACE!??"
Before Lankershim can spill the beans, the big stuffy arm chair slides across the floor, knocking him into the huge fireplace. It's got this cast-iron grate that slides in front of the opening, trapping the butler inside. "Ehh! Ehh, helllp meee, Mistuh Baskinnnsss!" Then a huge fireball erupts from the fireplace, burning Lankershim alive.
Snipes watches in horror. -
"Homebody" it's called. I'd never heard of it.
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it is just to japan horror movie shit!Even for DTV-standards it is boring and somewhat unfunny(which is also a good thing for DTV,it is like a movie you rent and watch and it disturbs you.)And every "no geek" would start running away screaming when he hears:Snipes=Pianist!But I got a great Idea for an Snipes=Pianist movie!read my next post.
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I found it when I was realy getting into OSC and was reading everything until I relized his Alvin Maker series was just Narnia for Mormons and there you go you nailed the scene I had in my mind
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...strange political and social beliefs. They all seem to clash.
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it's a very strange algmation of beliefs. I just read Empire, and while I think it would make a fantastic movie, it's a little out there, and this is coming from a conservative (but not a neo-con like some of the freaks on here)
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http://tinyurl.com/36gpxh
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Okay guys, I'm currently closing in on completing my first graphic novel. But after that, maybe I'll actually do TLBT as a graphic novel complete with characters designed to look like the actors. I think most of them would appreciate it, Snipes might sue, he's not above that. But Trejo will probably buy me brew.I'll warn you guys. I don't work fast/often. This first book of mine is almost a year in production now, and when it's done it will probably have taken 14 months to write and illustrate a 140 page comic book, which I work on during the odd evening and weekend. So it's not like TLBT: the graphic novel would be in your hands tomorrow. I'm just saying, maybe eventually. Unless somehow somebody here gets a contract to actually produce this thing as a movie.
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I love the random hottie showing her ass.
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I'd love it if you'd compose a love theme for TLBT to play during Nathan Hunter's reunion with Saphire Perkins. Maybe call it Saphire's Sparkle.Also, I can't download your songs without signing up for MySpace. Would you mind emailing me the files when you're done with the score? vacancy99@hotmail.com
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Jan 14, 2008 12:00:41 PM CST
shit where am I going to put jake busy, charles dance and clance
by ironic_name
the cover is "erotic thriller" material.
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I'll thank you all on the inside cover of TLBT: the graphic novel.
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Is there some other webpage I can find them? Or a search engine where I type something and they show up?
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Jan 14, 2008 12:03:13 PM CST
jake busy, charles dance and clancey brown on the cover?
by ironic_name
there has to be saxophone an' titties every five minutes.
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...when Snipes is seduced by a ghost in the guise of his dead wife. A rough sex scene will follow with dozens of dissolves. Then the ghost could turn into a rotting skeleton or something and Snipes will flip out, falling off the bed. When he hits the floor it's magically daytime out and there is no sign of the ghost. Then Mrs. Dandridge knocks on the bedroom door and asks him if he'd like breakfast sent up.
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http://tinyurl.com/22uvu4soul heirhttp://tinyurl.com/2fve9sTLBTglad to know I'm not the only slow artist here, I still haven't started a short superman story I promised the parents of a sick child I'd do..
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tinyurl.com/2fve9sif the other one didn't work.
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I'll be back in an hour or so to discuss more of thisSpandu ironically way above I mentioned that I had an idea about a preacher that gets revenge when refering to Dolph's movie, I later got to thinking how cool would it be to have a movie and a graphic novel released a almost the same time, based on the same source material, I might just work up the script myself shoot I'm bored at work today
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Snipes is a son of a black priest and a jewish buisness women,living in Warsaw(Poland),going by the name of Itzak Washinski.He grows up to become an well known Pianoplayer in the late 1930`s.As the WWII begins he and his family are put in the Warsaw ghetto.Snipes keeps his piano skills up by playing on a old piano in the flat of his best friend Rabbi Goldstein(Danny deVito)and gives the people hope.But the lead Nazi dude Hauptmann Günther von Strucker(Udo Kier)despises the "black-jew"for giving the people hope and orders that his hands are cut off in the public at the marketplace!The "Ceremony"takes a turn for the worse when Snipes mother tries to stop the cutting and gets shot by von Strucker(you know 5-6 times,blood and falling on Snipes in tears...)with evil Nazi laugh!The hands of Snipes get sawn off with a old rusty saw(in a gruesome slomo DTV style).We see how his dad and the Rabbi take him away in tears and Snipes passed out.When we return to Snipes,we learn that two month have passed and we see Snipes sitting by the piano,trying desperate to play with his stumps(the dad and the Rabbi sitting in the next room,dad crying,the Rabbi staring to a distant place).Snipes get`s pissed and starts beating up the piano kicking and screaming until it breaks apart!As he see`s the broken piano,Snipes gets the STARE(you which stare I mean!).Now we get a montage of Snipes,the dad and the Rabbi building artificial hands out of the trashed piano(we see them trading parts they need...)and the rusty saw he lost his hands on(right)and a whip out of pianostrings(left)and some training with Snipes learning to use it.Then the pace picks up when the Nazis start to bring the people to concentration camps!Snipes and his crew start a guerillia war against the Nazis and give them hell to pay for their deeds!von Strucker starts to see he is losing control and calls for back up!Now the SHIT hits the fan,when the SS-troops led by General Friedrich Graf von Stahlhand(Mickey Rourke)arrive!The General doesnt like what he sees and beats von Strucker to death with his steelhand!Then his troops hunt down Snipes dad and the Rabbi and hang them on the marketplace with barbwires and tear them apart with horses(violent,friends)!Snipes is on his own now and has to run!They almost capture him and he manages to escape in a church.The SS-troops surround the church and Snipes is ready for his last stand!The Nazis attack and Snipes kills 20-30 dudes(with some nifty capoera/rusty saw/stringwhip moves)but they take him down!The next thing we know is Snipes in Berlin!Caged up like a animal in the REICHSTAG!He is to be executed in a day,on a BIG parade with HITLER watching!As the parade starts going and all is set up(with some speech from Von Stahlhand)for the execution,Snipes has the rope around his neck,he looks up to the sky and prays,his prayers are answered by.....DOLPH LUNDGREN and his band of Russian supersoldiers who parachute in to kill Hitler!A HUGE battle starts and Snipes is set free by Lundgren and gets his revenge on von Stahlhand(bigtime bout Snipes vs Rourke)and Lundgren tries to get Hitler,but he escapes with his secret rocket to the moon(yes the MOON,for the Sci-Fi part2)!The movie ends with Snipes returning to Warsaw and helping rebuild the city with his new Cyborg hands(unexplained DTV magic)!And Dolph returns to Moscow and gets Punished for not killing Hitler and is put in deepfreeze until caruso`s movie!THE ENDHope you like it,give me feedback.
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Just finishing a quick piano diddly right now. I'll email all of 'em when I'm done, no problem.
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I'm telling you, if I had to choose between Wesley Snipes piano movies, I would have to choose THE WARSAW SYMPHONY. It's violent, irreverent, completely offensive and entirely perfect. THE INHERITANCE/SOLE HEIR could star anybody. True, seeing Snipes fight ghosts would be killer, but... mechanical HANDS! Well done, sir.
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THE COLDER WAR is ironic_name's baby. I just came up with the brilliant title.
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like it too,it is my longest post,took me almost an hour to type,but it was a blast writing it!Now I can do the sequel with Hitler on the MOON!
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hope you like my setup for The Colder War!
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Oy vey.
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A "Hitler on the Moon" movie.
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a space odyssey!has something to do with The Warsaw Symphony!
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The part after they kill his dad and Snipes is alone in the ghetto and they're trying to find him. I think they should let a bunch of bears sniff some of Snipes's discarded clothes like hunting dogs and then turn the bears loose in the ghetto and Snipes has to outwit them like in that movie The Edge.He defeats the bears, but he's wounded and a nurse (Kelly Brook as the only actor in this movie trying to fake an Eastern European language) tends to his wounds but then sells him out and the Germans capture him and which point she starts screaming something stupid like "You said you weren't going to hurt him!".PS I love it when movies are set in a foreign country, but the actors are speaking english, and some speak English with the accent of the language they should all really be speaking while others just use their regular voices. I also like the Hollywood attitude that all accents are interchangeable. The big trend lately seems to be French actors playing Russians.
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a HUGE DTV TalkBack Production Universe where all our movies take place in the same universe. In other words someone in TLBT can mention hitler being on the moon and the Pianest guy that looks just like Kicker who helped rebuild Warsaw iwth cyborg hands and Eric Roberts and biker Dolph (Oleg was it) help Russian supersolider Dolph (Nikoli, Ivan, Josef?), etc
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"You said you weren't going to hurt him!" will von Stahlhand reply with the usual "I lied"?
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is semiretired Porn stars trying to break into Hollywood kinda like Ginger Lynn in the vice Academy movies. Jenna Jameson is too big of a name, I'm thinking someone like Erica Campbell who could really slut it up for us by getting nekkid and having a tottally irrelevant lesbain scene
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No place for a Babe in Warsaw!The Bear is good man,of course it would be a POLARBEAR(because he is WHITE)and it has a big necktie made out of leather with the SS sign on it!It would be von Stahlhand`s personal Hunting Polarbear(that`s evil DTV)I love it!Snipes killing a Polarbear is so badass!When he is surrounded in the church,he holds the Polarbear`s sawn off head up high and von Stahlhand goes Apeshit and kills the next Nazi standing to him with a deadly blow from his steelhand and starts crying:"get him alive,get him alive,he KILLED my FRANZ(the bear),I will crush you...."great shit!
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Maybe throw John Saxon(he knows Karate) or Robert Forrester in there as well.
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Travis, I can so see the scene in my head, that's scareygood call Mikegod I'm bored at work, if my boss KNEW what I was talking about on here he'd just shake his head and tell me a)I need to get a life and b)find something constructive to do
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someday we do an ALLSTAR movie with the best charakter`s.We need a title for that one!
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wouldn't that be TLBT, just kidding...howabout something Armeggeddon Apolyspasemy spelling sucks I know but I'm too lazy to change it
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We could also call it:THE DIRECT ULTIMATUM!
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Starring Chadd Damon
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here's what's sad, I actually hold degrees in communications, English and dramaStuntcock, great title, now, that we the title and a star, we need a barebones story
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great!And total DTV without a part one,hehehe.
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Dawn of the Dead meets The Road Warrior.
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Gettin` kind of slow here!
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What do you think of my polarbear casting?
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...Coppola cast Keanu Reeves as Jonathan Harker in DRACULA. No, wait. That was terrible casting. Uhhh... it's the most brilliant piece of casting since Jeff Bridges in THE BIG LEBOWSKI. Yeah, that sounds better.
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He did a decade in DTV. He knows the ropes. Anyway, I'm at home now and on my home computer I can view ironic_name's awesome posters. Good job.Good night guys, this was awesome.
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work is still slow here, yeah Sly is supposed to start today, I figure it'll post tonight sometime
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Because my creativity seems to have dried up. I had a pretty good 12 hour run, though.
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I think there is only a few of us left to try and keep this going...
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Jan 14, 2008 4:58:32 PM CST
Tried to write a sequel,it is all in my head,but it is...
by travis-dane
to late now!But tommorow you get it!Have to stick around until Sly arrives!
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...I'm gonna have to bail for about an hour and forty-five minutes. Got some business to attend to. I'll be back.
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of course we have to cut a trailer for this but I'm at a loss of how to do it, here's what i'm thinkingwe open up on FBI HQ as a cheesy rip off of Trailer Guy goes "In the Justice system there are those who have sworn to protect the system and those that wish to corrupt it" cut to a shot of Hunter (Roberts) and Falco (Cain) walking down a hall glaring at each othe VO continues, "There are those seeking redemtion" cut to Oleg (Dolph) looking meanincing, then taking a swing "and those looking for revenge" shot of Kicker (Snipes) and Jeb (Rourke) walking down a street, kind of Gunfight at the OK Corralish, ie Doc and Wyatt. then cut to a series of fight scenes making sure to highlight a little bit of the Rothrock trejo fight" Then having something like Two Lan Blood Top starring Hero's Eric Roberts, Sin City's Mickey Rourke, Blade's Welsey Snipes, Hulk Hogan. Coming soon to DVD, HDDVD, BLUE-RAY"
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and not mentioned in the trailer,but to be seen on the Box is Seagal(to get the people thinking "what the hell",they dont mention Seagal,that has to be a huge movie),but it is just DTV-tricks,hehehe!
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In the music section of Myspace, type in TWO LANE BLOOD TOP into search. It may not show yet as I made a new page just for TLBT. Keep trying, it's there.
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I've actually started scripting this a little bit man it's fun, I haven't had this much fun writing in a LONG time
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you guys kick ass!It would be great if we could actualy meet and throw some ideas around and drown some cold German beers!caruso,Spandau,ironic and Marmoset are also invited,maybe around 2010 we could set something up!This is the craziest TB I have been in(and the RAMBO midget TB).Thanks guys for a good time!
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That's some great shit, man!
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I may be half insane from being up all the time because of this shit, but it's been a lot of fun.
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I went to the COLD MONK page and scrolled down to the Friends section. Then I clicked "New." It should be the first one that shows up.
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and the picture of Rothrock being kicked to the tits is funny!
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I love the set up!
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and do this, comic style.spandau and I on pencils,Travis, caruso, stunkcock and bloo can do writing and screenplay [yes, some comic writers are specific on what they want on the page, and write "shooting scripts"]sell it to Image,get danny trejo to appear at a launch party, and sell this muthafucker!!!
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gentle ben2: black gold is on, with dean cain playing a park ranger, and corben bernsen as an oil barron named fog!
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Jan 14, 2008 8:27:56 PM CST
I can picture the Eric Roberts thought bubbles now...
by caruso_stalker217
"She had a pussy as tight as a drum. You could bounce quarters off that pussy."
Holy shit, what the hell was that? I've officially been awake too long. -
Vern, you are still my favorite part of this site. Kudos to your kudos for Dolph. I'm still a fan of his.
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I have no idea how the comic thing over there works,but i would love to see TLBT and the Warsaw Symphony in pictures!And then we tie in your storys and carusos insane stuff and do a KING like "The Dark Tower"universething ,where all goes hand in hand like Bloo said earlier!And any reader is given the advice to hear Stuntcocks music while reading!
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Jan 14, 2008 8:40:47 PM CST
As long as Falco and Hunter have that chainsaw fight...
by caruso_stalker217
...I'm happy.
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Hunter narrates as follows:"Back in the good days when I still was wearing the SHIELD,I hunted down that psycho fuck "Chainsaw Charlie"and since it was Falco`s first case as my coffeeholder I gave him one of ole`Charlies supply and kept one for me!So it seems natural to bring the old saw and a Sixpack to the PARTY!You know what they say right:THE SAW IS THE FUCKING LAW!"Then Hunter goes sawing down Falco`s door.
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RAMBO thing seems to start at 11.59pm!FUCK,i know my luck,ten minutes after I go to bed they put the Q&A up!And I will miss the fucking first 7 hours of the TB!Shit!Hope caruso you keep it going with RAMBO!Good night Ladies and Gents
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chainsaw fight!http://tinyurl.com/37co6fand machine girl! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSpCWJnnWVI
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http://tinyurl.com/37co6fchainsaw fight!
http://tinyurl.com/2zwufcmachine girl. -
Why can't Americans make movies like this? Dammit, why?
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I couldn't believe what I was watching...loved it. When the hell is it coming here?!
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lets do this, aicn comics!
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Is that a cool enough find to warrant a high-five? I'm gonna throw caution to the wind and say yes. Unfortunately, this is the internet. There is no high-fiving here.
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I'm doing character designs for TLBT,danny's weapon of choice? a sawnoff with a baseball bat stock, complete with barbed wire around the end, so when he runs out of ammo or hes feeling.. 'generous' he can use it as a club.
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I cannot wait for the masterpiece that TLBT is sure to be. i don't know if you are still open to suggestions, but a homage to Troma starring Warwick Bates and the still alive cast of Time Bandits as a murderous dwarf family of subhumanoid freaks would be awesome. Obviously starring Dolph as the full-sized police officer investigating the disappearance of some big tittied cheerleader type- who will spend the whole film butt naked and tied to a chair.
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Warwick Davis, of course. I just substituted him for Kenny Baker as I think Kenny is dead.
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http://tinyurl.com/2qrkowthere.
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http://tinyurl.com/yvckncthere
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can you not include some navy seal team cut off in the wilds of Alaska who get chomped by mutant bears whilst trying to get home. 'Twould be great.
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The only LOVE he ever knew in LIFE!
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about SEALs fighting Polarbears!The Polarbears have to be RELATED to Von Stahlhand`s huntig Polarbear,and there has to be one Flashback of FRANZ(the bear)fighting Snipes in the church,when his Polarbear fellas remember their meanest member!The movie has to be from the Polarbears point of view,of course(DTV invents new shit).It would fit in to our DIRECT-UNIVERSE(where even the bad Polarbears know each other!).
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Is DTV being fucked by the WGA strike?
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in the fine world of DTV!
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Coffee shot thru my nostrils.
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Let's write the shit up gents.
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http://i9.tinypic.com/7309g94.jpg
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aicn comics, don't sue, Dolph!
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a little something for ya:IMAGINE:space,silence,then slowly,very slowly,a white piano drifts into frame with a artificial hand stuck to it!Snipes narrating:"In space no one hears you PLAY!"end of teaser!
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Dolph v Mutant polar bear is clearly gold.
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I'd better think on this.
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Trejo thinks he's ridding the world of sin by cutting off his victims' left hands (the hand of the devil!) and feeding them Davis, who he keeps in a little cat carrying case, but who he thinks is God.
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But Trejo should be feeding things to the Bates- although the thought of worshipping that is too scary for words. I'm tempted to bring back my high-concept sequel to Beastmaster. It was great.
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Who knew there would be such a torrential response to my request for suggestions? I can hardly keep up with it all. Some funny work here, guys, and I still think there must be some way to wrangle them all into screenplay form.Is anyone up to the challenge? I believe I would actually let loose a small puddle of pee into my shorts if I ever saw the credit 'Screenplay by The Ain't It Cool Talkback Types' gracing the opening to a film. Especially if it had Wesley Snipes in it. Or Mickey Rourke. Or Eric Roberts. Or Warwick Davis.
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hahahahaHAHAHAheheheHEHEHE!Gotta love all my DTV geeks around here!
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I'll be honest I was actually looking forward to this talkback today over the Stallone one, sad huh, anyways, I've got it open in another window. I had to go see a movie for work last night but now that I'm back I'll let you know that I am working up the screenplay but I'm forgetting stuff I know, Franklin was right we have been some busy little beavers, anyways, if I forget something let me know, finally, I'm throwing my email out here for ya'll to catch, if you want to see what I've come up with and remind me of stuff I've forgotten, it's erobert@nwkansas.com, I'll be in and out of here all day while at work and am working on the scriptPolarbears fighting, crap, I've got something in my head now....after Rothrock's vicious beatdown at the hands of Trejo, and her flashback, we cut to Snipes, snowboarding OVER Polarbears who keep snapping at him, when he gets the phone call that his wife has died at Trejo's hands...BTw in my script I've been calling him Diablo, anyone got a better name, it's the only thing I could think of after watching about 10 min. of Predator 2 on SpikeTV the other day
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Bloo can work on the actual screenplay, and in a few months I'll start work on the comic book so that kids can read this stuff in the schoolyard. We'll probably end up with totally different stories with only Danny Trejo in common. Besides, comic book adaptations are big these days and they love changing everything for no reason. So maybe my comic will get optioned for a movie and Bloo will have the screenplay ready to go.
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As I've been working on my first graphic novel (which I think is a trashtastic Commie Zombie story BTW) I've been dead set on doing my prision martial arts epic as my follow-up and didn't think any other idea could knock me off of doing that. But bikers hunting serial killers did it. Funny how things work out.I can only view ironic_name's artwork at home. So I'll see what he's come up with. Maybe we can split the stories up and I'll handle TLBT and maybe he wants to do comics of Warsaw Symphony or Soul Heir or Wicker Man 2: Afterburn?
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calling him nobjockey is better than diablo. Call him shaitan.
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The movie opens with a long shot of a Space ship(Alien like ship)flying from Earth to the Moon(as the ship goes by we learn it is the WARSAW 2,what happend to the first one?nobody knows)A text comes up and tells us:"IT is the year 2059 and Humanity has dryed the Oceans and eaten all meat and therefor has began to colonise the Moon,for his rich water and meat supplies on it`s DARK side!".We also learn that Earth has lost contact to its first colony on the Moon about a week ago!Since BIG Companies run the Earth now a Special High intelligence Threat Team(SHiTT)is send to investigate!As we go onboard the WARSAW 2 we see the Leader of the SHiTT unit,it is.....Dolph Lundgren,who goes by the name of Oleg Popovich.He is about to meet for the first time the Captain of the ship who is played by none other then....Wesley Snipes as Isaac "Izzy" Washington,not a member of SHiTT,but a world famous piano player and owner of the WARSAW 2!As they both meet for the first time Dolph nod`s his head and says:"Do we know each other?"and Snipes answers:"No but maybe you have seen me on TV".We then see the rest of the SHiTT unit in a "getting ready"montage(Trejo as DOC,C.Thomas Howell as S.M.,Jake Busey as Psycho,some Mexican dude as Bean and a black dude as Shadow)preparing for combat!And Snipes playing the piano for his crew of nobodys accept of the ships doctor played by....Cynthia Rothrock as Doctor Riley.From the looks they give each other,we know something is up between the two(love).The WARSAW 2 then lands on the DARK side of the Moon,near the colony and the SHiTT goes out to investigate.We see some scenes of them going through the empty colony,kickin doors in,hacking computers and shit like that.Then we go to Bean and Shadow who are in the Lab`s of the main Building.Since everything is "safe" Shadow excuses himself and goes for a shit(!),leaving Bean alone.Then Bean starts to hear creepy noises out of a room they did not check and goes to investigate.As he enters the room,he finds a strange looking egg-like thing with the face of Hitler on a table and says:"What the Fuck?",then the Hitler egg starts opening and a creature jumps out of it on Bean`S face(he is to busy looking instead of shooting or running).Then we see the SHiTT running back to the ship with Bean on a stretcher and Shadow telling the others what happend.They bring Bean to medical and Rothrock takes care of him in a montage.Meanwhile Dolph talks to his SHiTT and tells them to secure the area while he talks to the Earth command for further instructions.Meanwhile Snipes visits the medical and wonders where he has seen the SS-sign on the creatures back before!Then the usual timefiller scenes come up(Dolph wandering around looking worried,Snipes and Rothrock having sex,Shadow siting at Bean`s bed,the rest playing poker....)and then all of a sudden the creature is gone and Bean is up again!Time to party!As the whole SHiTT unit and the crew of the ship come together to enjoy a exclusive piano hour from Snipes,the pace picks up as Bean starts to cough and spills blood while holding his breast!The others try to help him but become witness to the birth of a new breed of evil when a little steelhand breaks out of Bean`s chest!As they scream in terror and go for the weapons the whole MONSTER breaks out and it is a little Von Stahlhand(Warwick Davies)who looks at Snipes and screams with a high pitched voice:"FRANZ"and runs away!In the meantime the ship gets atacked by the colonists who have been turned in some EVIL-HITLER clones(by Hitler`s clone machine,that he has in his underground mansion,which we see now in a movie stoping 5 minute Flashback.You know what happend to the colonists,so dont ask!).The SHiTT manages to fight the clones off but S.M. dies a heroic death by cleaning the exitramp with his body and some grenades screaming:"DIE YOU HITLEFUCKS!"(the whole thing is a major action scene 5-6 minutes long)and the WARSAW 2 starts,but gets hit from a rocket out of Hitler`s secret underground mansion!As we return to the ship everybody is screaming and holding on to something as the WARSAW 2 crashes in the jungle of the DARK side of the Moon!Fade to Black!have to take a break now guys, my head hurts.You get the Finale later,if you got any suggestions,let me know.hope you like it so far.
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Even compared to outerspace... he's blacker!
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2.Javier"El Diablo Locco"Mendez!choose one.
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that's right it's The Alchemist...one reason I was kind of going with El Diablo was so that when he busted in in Rothrock could go "Cody?" and I could throw a litle Juno jab in there
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my only real complaint is the theft of the facehugger device.
Since the magnificent Alien, and the sensational Leprechaun in Space have covered cock and face impregnation may I suggest that the egg hatches behind his back into a worm creature with a moustache and centre parting that rectally penetrates him- thus infecting his colon.
To make the scene perfect I suggest you cast some unknown big-titted soft porn actress as Dr. Ffiona goodtime- a crack shitt marine and all round qualified scientist, who happens to have a mild dose of kleptomania.
When the SHiTT team lands on the moon she can be seen stealing things from the colonists pad, in an absent minded sort of way- she wanders into the lab and looks at the egg- it glows menacingly, and she picks it up. At that point Bean shouts and she turns to follow him, but neglects to put the egg back. When they return to the ship, there are some drinks available and either Bean or Shadow- in the spirit of DTV I fee shadow should die first- have a long talk and a few bears with Dr Goodtime. Things heat up and they move back to her quarters where we see the egg on the table. They start getting down to it, and eventually are doing it naked (gratuitous tit-shot time)up against the wall in front of the table- when the egg hatches. Dr G. sees it and starts screaming, but shadow keeps pounding away. The creature launches itself off the table and into his arse. Thereby infecting him. Dr G can die in some way that involves loss of clothing soon afterwards. Maybe shadow stuffs her in the airlock to keep his secret.
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hmm, and I used the spellcheck in word on that. Obviously that should read "a few beers"
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a thing that goes anal or oral inside.But I let it go because I needed the "golden" moment of Snipes seeing the SS-sign on the back of the creature.But I like the Dr.G babe,she is in the sequel for sure!
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let me know what ya'll think, this is our introduction to Falco plus some stuff for our sky diving scenecut to FBI HQ, from the back, we see man walking through a plain hallway, surronded by aides, we hear the ring of a cellphone, cut to the front view and we see that the man in the trenchcoat is a good looking man, mid to late 30s, black hair, sunglasses, tailored suit, the works. This is Dept. Dir. Falco. The aide who answered the phone quickly hangs upAIDE: Sir, we have a problem, a rouge agentFALCO: who is it? Vern?AIDE: No sir, it's HunterFALCO: Hunter IS NOT an agent, he threw down his shield, he walked awayAIDE: sir...FALCO: What about HunterAIDE: well it seems sir, well it seems his crew has located another oneFALCO: The Alchemist?AIDE: uh no sir, it's...he motions for a foler which another aide hands himAIDE: it appears to be...the skydiving oneby this point we have reached FLACO's office, FLACO turns in his doorwayFALCO: shit, that means Kicker is with him. Find them, you the usual places. Oh and make sure Mariah (because Mariah Carey is too dumb to remember her char. name) doesn't know, lock her in if you have tocut to a long shot of a man skydiving, we see another skydiver coming at him as a manical laugh pierces the air. Cut to a two shot of the 2 divers one is a plain looking white man, JEFFERY, the other is KICKER.KICKER: hey asshole, you like kicking the shit out of little girls? Well guess what, so do Ithis sets up our big skydiving fight sequence. A series of punchs and kicks on both side. Then JEFFERY pulls out a knifeJEFFERY: You're nothing but a shitkicker KikcerJEFFERY reaches out to cut KICKER, KICKER then kicks up knocking the knife out of JEFFERY's hand, JEFFERY then deploys his shoot as KICKER pulls out a Samauri sword from behind his back and slices the chords on JEFFERY's chute. JEFFERY falls to his death as KICKER deploys descends slowly to the groundKICKER: assface
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As we return to the now crashed WARSAW2,we learn(in gruesome and violent pictures)that most of the crew is dead and the survivors are in bad shape(Psycho`s broken arm,Doc`s severe gut wound,which he closes with his portable welder and so on).Snipes and Dolph get the survivors out,but Rothrock is missing and Snipes enters the now burning WARSAW again and says:"Dont explode on my black ass now baby!".Inside the ship everything is destroyed,but Snipes finds Rothrock stuck under some heavy steel piece!She is KO and the fire closes in on them!Now Snipes gets the STARE(look in part one)again!He grabs the steel and we hear some mechanic sounds out of his hands(this is when we see a Massive FB to part one,the struggle of his ancestor "Itzak Washinski"in Warsaw and shit and then we learn that since then in an secret family tradition the hands of every male son are sawn off at the age of 18 and replaced by artificial superhands to fight evil!Snipes also plays several other members of the family in the FB fighting evil all over the world!)as the FB ends we see how Snipes throws away the steel and rescues Rothrock.As they leave the ship and are 20 steps away it goes of in a huge explosion(the fate of Shadow stays unexplained DTV style)!Now the running part starts,where they run from the Hitler clones(Psycho goes psycho and screams:"We`re gonna fucking die out here,not on EARTH but on the fucking MOON!").While they escape we go back to the remains of the WARSAW2.There we see little Von Stahlhand and how he starts transforming from Warwick Davies to the BIG BAD EVIL FIGHTING VON STAHLHAND CYBORG KILLER(Mickey Rourke)who starts hunting the survivors with his infrared sight!Psycho dies a violent death by the hands of the Hitler clones,as he runs out of ammo and loses his cool,to be impaled on a bough where they leave him to die slowly!The remaining survivors get surrounded and fiercly beaten up,but manage to fight their way through 30-40 Hitler clones(huge hand to hand action with Dolph and Snipes,Trejo gets some Machete action and Rothrock goes all nifty Kung-Fu apeshit on the clones).But without ammo and in the bad shape they are in,things look bad and they make their last stand at an old excavation site!The Hitler clones start coming in like flyies on the shit and Trejo gets torn to pieces after killing 10-15 clones with the machete!As things look really bad for our last three,we hear a HUGE GROWL out of the jungle and the fight stops!Then a Polarbear breaks through the trees and starts killing the Hitler clones!The next FB tells us the story of a young Polarbear and his brother who get captured by Von Stahlhand and get seperated."Franz",the bad one becomes a fierce killer for Von Stahlhand!Hans,the good one becomes the pet of Hitler in his Berlin mansion(he knows Hitler is evil and trys to escape but fails)and as Hitler escapes to the Moon he takes Hans with him,but the rocket crashes and Hans escapes finally,and chooses to live a life of redemption(trying to make up for the evil deeds of his brother,by helping out the colonists secretly...)and has to witness how Hitler takes over!AND NOW IT IS PAYBACK TIME!After our heroes are rescued by Hans,he brings them to the secret underground mansion of Hitler.As they get inside,Cyborg Von Stahlhand shows up and attacks them!A big fight gets going where Von Stahlhand uses all his powers(flamethrower,chain gun,invisibility,THE steelhand..)and kills Hans,but becomes a victim himself to the evil destroying superhands of Snipes(he punches through his head and says:"the war`s over metalhead!").After a short scene for dead Hans,they go on to take out Hitler,but only find an empty rocket hangar and see a white jetstream in the sky above!The movie ends with our three survivors being rescued by the SHiTT-second unit and DOLPH saying:"Next time he wont get away!"looking determined at the sky.thats it folks,it is longer then part one but I had to go the old DTV everything goes for this one.Hope you like it,let me know your thoughts!
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I've got oh 5, 6 pages done for TLBT, I'll gladly e-mail them to you, let me know here or on my email erobert@nwkansas.com and I'll gladly send them to you. I appciate all your inputTravis, man you got a good treatment there as well, I'm curious about the third part because a story this grand needs a part 3...
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I laughed really hard.Thats some good shit!
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I'm seeing cloverfield today, and need to get my glasses fixed, plus the 'ticket' is a myspace page, so I hafta work out where there is a printer.as for handling art chores spandau, I'll definetly do son of a gun, and would love to do some of Warsaw symphony, we can work out a page each type system if you want..sorry I gotta go, I'll find out whats happening tomorrow. and 'new' Dolph in WS2 should get a pointless expository videocall from president Norris at the start!
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Now I gotta read through all of this wonderful trash.
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have fun reading, that's what happened to me yesterday headed out about 6 and didn't look back until this morning about 8, missed so much
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...in that FBI HQ scene. Also, I loved Kicker calling C. Thomas Howell an assface.
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I'm working on Oleg's flashback scene in which Falco's stripper girlfriend Erica played by erica Campbell tries to seduce Oleg, I need some kind of sex reference to go with vodka
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yeah i thought about going the whole Outlaw Vern thing but I figured that wasn't Falco's style
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I am one of the least clever people I know. And I must admit that dialogue is one of my biggest weaknesses.
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I understand, I studied theatre in college so I'm somewhat dialog orinted but not when it comes to like puns and stuff, that's why all C thomas Howell got was "assface"
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One liners are almost an art-form. That have to straddle that fine line between "totally awesome" and "fucking awful."
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i always wanted to change lines so while i love my dialog if an actor has a BETTER suggestion, I'm never opposed to it
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I feel funny now!How do you like the new WARSAW chapter caruso?
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...so, naturally, it's spectacular.
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have a nice nap? I'm still chilling at work, the stupids in another office screwed me up and now I have to work late, anyways
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I thought some stuff members would post too.Maybe the next one is better.
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GANGSTAVISIONDMX plays Sweet-tooth, a low level thug who's never gone to jail because he thinks he has good intuition about scores. The Game plays Hustla Charlie, his partner in crime. Sweet-tooth constantly has premonitions, some help him plan scores, others are total red herrings, and some only make sense after they've come true.Sweet-tooth starts testing his powers and planning bigger and bigger scores and getting richer and richer because he can see things, like stuff about security systems and if the cops are coming. But then he foresees Hustla double-crossing him and refuses to believe his lifelong best friend would screw him. So they go on their biggest heist yet, stealing the blood diamond from a corrupt NSA agent (James Spader). They get away with the diamond but Hustla shoots Sweet-tooth several times in the back and once in the head and throws his body off a bridge.Sweet-tooth washes up miles up the river where a tribe of Native Americans tend to his wounds and bring him back to health. Sweet-tooth notices that he now has telekinetic powers from getting shot in the head, but he can't really control them. And his visions are more cryptic than ever.Sweet-tooth talks to a tribesman about how he can see things and they tell him he must go see The Oracle (Kathy Bates). He climbs up a giant mountain and she tells him that he currently can see bits of everything and move something a little, but if he completes a spiritual journey he will be able to see all and move all. So he takes some drugs from her and we get a FIRE DOWN BELOW style spiritual journey, except at the part where he gets to the cave. Instead of like in the Seagal movie where he must choose between the beauty of a young woman and the wisdom of an old woman, in this movie the cave just has a bunch of hot chicks played by Erica Campbell, Bianca Beauchamp, Veronica Zemanova, and Sophie Howard and he starts having an orgy with them. But a cobra sneaks up him while he's having the orgy and he can suddenly see through the snakes eyes so he turns around and crushes it and then wakes up back with The Oracle and she says "Your jounrey is complete.... you now have the power of the hawk!"The next shot is of Sweet-tooth climbing onto a mountain top with Indian war paint and calmly sinking into a meditation pose and a hawk takes off from a nearby nest. Sweet-tooth controls the hawk to fly in town and Sweet-tooth sees through its eyes that Hustla is living in his mansion, which he's redecorated with statues of famous black musicians, and banging his wife (Megan Good). He controls the hawk to pluck out Hustla's eyes while he's getting a blowjob from Megan Good. Hustla starts screaming at his security guards to follow the hawk! A chase scene involving rapper cars chasing a hawk ensues.His security guards come back later in the evening and tell him they followed the hawk to an Indian reservation and that Sweet-tooth is still alive there. So Hustla calls James Spader anonymously and tells him that Sweet-tooth has the blood diamond and that he's hiding it with a tribe of Indians. So James Spader and a bunch of corrupt NSA guys driving black hummers roll up on the reservation and Sweet-tooth and the tribe must use Apocalypto style maneouvers to kill them all.Then Sweet-tooth rides into town and struts into his old mansion. Hustla can't see so he thinks it's his security guard (who was played by Ving Rhames BTW) asking if Sweet-tooth is dead and then Sweet-tooth reveals that it's he and smashes Hustla's blind head in with a bust of Ray Charles.
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That brought a little joy into my hollow life. Then I caught some sleep. The sleep was not as good as I hoped. I kept dreaming about "Beast Wars."
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i want to see that movie like yesterdaycaruso, yeah mine hasn't gotten answered yet, but here's hoping *raises a glass in toast*
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Good shit, Spandau Belly. And I believe you meant ON DEADLY GROUND, not FIRE DOWN BELOW. Though they are easy to mix up.
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and I'm already thinking about the sequel, with the Triad and the mexican mafia...Mark Decasco must be in there
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I did mean ON DEADLY GROUND. The titles do all sounds alike.
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If you liked that you should rent this DTV blaxploitation flick called WAIST DEEP staring Tyrese and The Game. It makes no fucking sense, and I think Meagan Good took tank-top acting lessons from Jennifer Love Hewitt.
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I remember something about Tyrese's son being snatched and maybe he took his shirt off.
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I'm not sure if you emailed me the score or not. I didn't get it, but I need it! ...so bad!
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He died today.
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he will make an 70mill.dollar Blockbuster out of it!
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The guy had talent.
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Yeah, the set up is that Tyrese is trying to turn his life around after a life of crime, but then an old gang buddy kidnaps his son saying he wants some loot he know Tyrese has from an old score, but Tyrese doesn't have it becoz his babymama stole it and split.So for no reason Tyrese decides he should start playing the two rival gangs against each other. But he doesn't really disguise himself and the gang war he tries to start never goes anywhere. I forget how he ends up with Meagan Good, but they decide to get the money by breaking into a rich white dude's mansion. They get in and find the rich dude has a bunch of safe deposit boxes at various banks around town. So they decide to go to those banks and use robberies as a diversion for uhhhh.... robbing the safe deposit boxes for which they have the keys.Then it turns out that even though those keys were in a rich white dude's house, they're The Game's safety deposit boxes and he gets all mad when Tyrese tries to pay his son's randsom with The Game's loot. (?) So they do what they should've done all along and shoot The Game. There's some wierd dialogue lifted directly out of Shawshank Redemption about the Mexican ocean having no memory and cleansing you of your sins. Then the cops show up and Meagan and Tyrese's son split with the loot while Tyrese tries to distract the cops in a lengthly car chase. Then we get the actual ending from The Shawshank Redemption where several months later Meagan Good is living in an oceanfront mansion in Mexico with Tyrese's son and them both thinking he must be dead. But then he strolls up casually along the beach and they all hug.This movie is WTF after WTF and acted with total sincerity and cleavage that make it hilarious. Rent it.
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Allways wondered why Singer did not cast him for X-Men(one of the older school kids,allways saw him as Iceman).
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I don't know where I'm going to put this out but this is Oleg's flashbackbackground, our quartet has kidnapped Eric (Erica Campbell), Falco's stripper g/f and the snitch that turned our heros into Falco, Jeb (Mickey Rourke) is supposed to be watching her but he didn't, Hunter (Roberts) and Kicker (snipes) are off doing something, so that's where we are atOlef is sitting on the edge of his bed in the rundown hotel they are staying at, the TV is on, but muted, some old B&W movie, peferably something Russian or featuring russians, there is a knock at the doorOLEG: EnterErica walks in, wearing something sheer and lacy, bottle of wine in handERICA: hello, I thought you might like something to drinkHow did you get free, Jeb is supposed to be watching youERICA: oh he's a little busy right nowOLEG: oh...well I perfer vodkaERICA: [insert witty vodka/sex reference here]Erica moves behind Oleg on the bed, and then lets out a little gasp, the camera moves behind Oleg hwere we see a nasty pattern of scars criss-crossing his back and shouldersERICA: what...what happenedFLASHBACK (all flashbacks are either in Sepia or the hazy foggy color distortion)Russian forest, daytime, a Russian Mafiso is standing behind a seated tied up Oleg, Singapore cane in handMAFISO: Tell us what we want to knowOLEG: Never adn when I get free I'm going to kill you, just like I killed your fatherThe Mafiso screams and begins to beat Oleg. ECU of blood falling from the cane. cut to CU of Oleg's face and eyes, we see determination, ECU of the ropes holding Oleg's hands and arms, cut back to MafisoMAFISO:I'm going to kill you and then rape you just like I raped your sistercut to ECU of rope binding his hands and see it strain, then breaking, cut to Oleg standing, back covered in blood, camera does a 180 around the Mafiso and Oleg, you know a fight is going to break out here, The Mafiso lifts up his cane and brings it down hard on Oleg's head where it breaks, then BAM Oleg his the mafiso witha heavy forearm, the mafiso falls to the ground and pulls out a gun, a quick kick sends it flying through the snow. Oleg pulls him up and proceeds to beat on him, showing no Mercy. cut to a broken and beaten Mafiso laying in blood soaked snow, Oleg walkign awayFLASHFORWARDit was nothing neccassary to get revengeoleg then turns and graps Erica and throws her on the bed. A montage follows of them screwing
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oh that does suck, had talented, hadn't done much lately but was always a pretty good actor
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The Russian mafia dude should be played by the SANDMAN of ECW fame(that guy knows how to Singapore cane yor ass!).Nice one Bloo.
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Do it all Mullholland Falls style. Lee Tamahori busted out some mad fading in and out of peach and other wacky solid color screens while Nick Notle puts the blocks to Jennifer Connelly. It was totally DTV style.
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I'm gonna go watch Circle of Iron now. Night lads!
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When the mafioso says "I'm going to kill you and then rape you just like I raped your sister" there will be ANOTHER flashback, this one even more distorted, of the mafioso raping Oleg's sister while a young Oleg watches helplessly.
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...of the DTV film DEATH RING, starring Mike Norris and Don Swayze. I believe Billy Drago was the villian.
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He should do a movie with Frank Stallone called:"The Other Twins:a tale of the ugly side of life!"
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I forgot that Chad McQueen was in it, too. I like how they just used the last names, like it's trying to trick us into thinking that Chuck Norris, Patrick Swayze and Steve McQueen are in the movie.
http://tinyurl.com/3xlknx -
Have to go to sleep soon!They did the name thing on Delta Force 3 too.The Cast was:Norris,Douglas,Cassavates and some other A-list Hollywood actors(!)love my DTV,hehehe!
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...from what a recall. Just another "Most Dangerous Game" kind of premise where these dudes are being hunted. Then whoever wins gets the "Death Ring" which is a ring. I don't know if they get a cash prize or a blowjob from some stripper with fakes tits also, but it still sounds like a shitty game. Norris won, if memory serves.
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that one kicks major ass 80`s style(it is like Most Dangerous Game too)!That`s DTV at his finest and in the 80`s they showed those movies in Cinema!They should start an DTV-Cinemas thing where you can watch DTV movies for 3dollars!I bet they would make a shitload of money!
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They could have Seagal marathons and shit.
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Look up the JLA TB,some good brawls are starting over there!
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...back-to-back. Not the respectable Sam Raimi DARKMAN, but the DTV Vosloo-ain't-Neeson DARKMAN. I fucking love those movies. That scene in DARKMAN II when Durant straps a guy to a golf cart and launches him off a building. DARKMAN III may be less ridiculous than the second one, but it has a secret weapon: Jeff fucking Fahey. Fahey gets all the best dialogue and all the best moments, usually when he's playing Darkman disguised as the villian. It also includes Darlanne Flugel's last film role before she started teaching acting. She laughs a lot because she's an evil scientist.
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He looked totaly crazy in Silverado!Darkman 2&3 are some crazy shit movies!I like it when Jeff fucking Fahey starts shooting with that BIG metal nail gun(have to put that in WARSAW3).
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That was Colin Friels in the first DARKMAN. Though Jeff fucking Fahey does die laughing at the end of DARKMAN III while he is being crushed by giant gears that seemed like they didn't actually serve any purpose. Fahey does most of his acting in that movie with his eyebrows. Then there's a scene where he plays "Pop Goes The Weasel" on the piano with his "daughter" (he is Darkman at the time). By the end of the movie I was wondering why Darkman never got spun off into a weekly television series. It could've been awesome.
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Hollywood movies!I am "In too deep".I have to go now,but will be back in 7-8 hours.Somehow I got a feeling this TB will go on a long time(DTV never dies!).Durant had that cigar thing going right,something with fingers right?ah what the hell!Good night Ladies an Gents.
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DTV will never die. But the nail gun thing was an honest mistake. Giant nail guns are DTV as hell.
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if thats the same movie with carradine playing a blind monk, then kickass, spandau,that movie is called "the silent flute" here in the .au
a great movie.and caruso, there was a pilot for a darkman series! -
Jan 15, 2008 8:48:24 PM CST
also in "the silent flute" david carradine plays a monkey!
by ironic_name
http://tinyurl.com/3yxtyy
http://tinyurl.com/35tbsnsome great scenes..written by bruce lee. "Tie two birds together, even though they have four wings they cannot fly" – The Blind Man -
We could've had DARKMAN: THE SERIES. Damn you, powers that be!
Also, I would like to put forth my theory that DARKMAN III is actually DARKMAN II. In DARKMAN III, Peyton Westlake is an angry man who doesn't give a shit about anybody. The opening of DARKMAN II shows him taking out gangsters while a voice-over talks about how he fights crime. After the events in DARKMAN III, he learns to care about others again. DARKMAN II takes place after this, when he continues his liquid skin research and also gets to kick ass. -
Carradine is awesome.
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“Buddha once sat by a wall.. and when he arose he was.. enlightened."
“Do you compare yourself to Buddha?" “Only.. to the wall.” -
"It's hard to kill a horse.. with a flute"
Cord: How long have you been blind?
Blind Man: How long have you been blind?
Cord: I'm not blind.
Blind Man: Am I?
Cord: Do you answer every question with a question?
Blind Man: Do you question every answer?
Cord: Aww, talking to you is like talking to a wall.
Blind Man: Buddha once sat before a wall, and when he arose he was enlightened.
Cord: Do you compare yourself with Buddha?
Blind Man: (chuckles) No. Only to the wall. -
...mostly because of the references to Chaos Theory - although that surprise twist at the end nearly ruined that...
The ones you come across totally at random can sometimes be the coolest ones, huh?
I remember flicking through channels late one night (a looong time ago) and seeing this film I'd never heard of and knew nothing about called THEY LIVE - oh man! Pure serendipity! It's now one of my favourite John Carpenter flicks... -
Blind Man: A fish saved my life once.
Cord: How?
Blind Man: I ate him.
http://tinyurl.com/3y78lr -
...of conversation with the Blind Man. Eventually I'd get annoyed and tell him to fuck off.
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not with more scenes though, I went over to a friends house and watched The Simpsons movie on his 32 in LCD HDTV, now I'm jelous and need to get one, even bigger though, with tits...ok maybe not tits but yeah, so we need to get this movie going I've got a HD TV to buyDarkman II and III are great films, I remember probably about 97, 98 at the height of Xena populairty I was iwth a buddy in a video store and I don't know i fDarkman III had just ocme out or if they had just rereleased it but the chick that played Gabrielle in Xena was in Darkman III like for 5 seconds but it was really pimped out to make ya think she was in it alot, so this buddy of mine who was really like scary into Xena decides he has to see this movie, but he can't watch the 3rd part until he's seen parts 1 and 2. so we get some beer, rent all 3 darkmans get trashed while watching them
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She was in DARKMAN II as the brother of the scientist that Durant kills. Then Vosloo tried to warn her that they were bad dudes and shit and she totally blew him off. What a bitch.
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That is not accurate at all.
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As the asshole reported who will do anything to get her "big story." She spent most of the movie smoking and trying to expose the truth. After she does her report on Durant she gets killed in a car bomb explosion. Even though it looks as if no more than five minutes could've gone by between airing the report and the bomb exploding, so Durant works pretty fucking fast. Unless the bombing was unrelated. Maybe Delaney was in a restaurant and sitting near this mobster's family the the non smoking section and shit lit up a cigarette and the mobster was like "Do you know who I am?" And she said something like "Yeah, you're Vincent Coletti, the mob boss." And he'd say "I'm trying to have dinner with my family here. Could you put out the cigarette?" But she totally didn't put out the cigarette, so he had his goons take her outside and destroy all of her cigarettes. Then later when Coletti was fucking a stripper and doing blow, he said "Man, that bitch at the restaurant really pissed me off." And his right-hand man Sal said "What bitch?" And Coletti said "That bitch who wouldn't put her cigarette out. I'd like to find her and teach her a lesson. Yeahhh..."
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I knew it was something like that, but wasn't positive, just remembered getting hammered while watching all 3 Darkmans...and yes she was a bitchcrap what's she doing now...Oleg's raped sister maybe?
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Didn't watch it, but I saw the first one for some fucking reason. It was actually a decent if not original or good movie, but the last ten minutes or so were just awful.
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that is all. I think if they ever make Darkman 4 they should set it in Space. All 4th films should be in space.
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steven "ibelievedatsmystapler" root that "phonie" guy from seinfeld, larry david's fat friend in curb..
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...and bring up ROBOCOP 3?
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as I am working on my last chapter of the WARSAW trilogy,I suddenly realised that we have no Fantasy DTV in here!I mean some huge LOTR ripoff has to be done(i hate LOTR)!Any ideas?
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http://tinyurl.com/3xj6bc
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but it's not the most star studded concept in the world,just 200 years on and more dragons, plus people who eat mostly dragon meat become goblin people, big suits of armour that cover the face, infighting, men who wear their suits day and night.. too gloomy/steampunk for a good DTV.
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activates a timetravel device, sending them to the past, they find time is confluxing [sciencey so no explanations] dinosaurs! robots! ninjas! meh, you'll do better.
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Nazis with artificial hands definetly needs an fucking AFRO(also an homage to Black Belt Kelly)!
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drawings. art sounds pretentious.
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Why the fuck we dont work for a DTV company!When some DTV dude sees all that stuff he will go nuts!
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http://img245.imageshack.us/img245/4023/warsaw1sz8.jpg
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http://tinyurl.com/3b9h74
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Dark Angel- I think it was called "I come in Peace" in America. intergalactic Drug dealers harvesting humans as a source of heroin for aliens. Genius. But as it is the sequel I suggest we do a kind of reverse Predator 2 on it and set it in Victorian London- Think about it, hookers, sleaze, drugs, crappy costumes, improbable accents, intergalactic drug wars and (wait for it) a REALLY STUPID ANSWER AS TO WHO JACK THE RIPPER WAS!!!!!!!I'd buy that for a dollar.
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jack the ripper is actually an ailen bounty hunter who was killing infected prostitutes who were about to unleash destruction upon the earth
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as an unlikely victorian copper, with a mild opium addiction and a penchant for hookers. I would also like to see some big breasted type cast as Hooker number 6- the one that Jason saves from the ripper.Warwick Cast as, "Nobby Stiles"- a local dwarf beggar/ informant, and Dolph as OLEG KNOCKEDABOLLOCKOV a horny russian sailor looking to blow his earnings on syphlitic poon, who becomes the only victim to the killings by duty of being with the hooker when the intergalactic drug dealer turned up. And Danny Trejo as the intergalactic drug dealer.
it would be great. -
at least, I think that's what the premise of the original was. The only problem/ bonus is I think I've stolen from about 8 different films (and not even subtly) with that concept.
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If I see any of these concepts produced by some cunty studio. Lionsgate in particular.
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face the truth guys!
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Nice one Jarv!
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http://tinyurl.com/yvv3po
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one of those crap what if some POS studio decides to produce one or an assortment of ideas from these movies...crap we'll have to go to courtI can just see it now JUDGE: yes Mr...Bloo is it? Tell me where did you get the name Bloo ME: umm from Foster's Home for Imaganary FriendsJUDGE: I see from a children's cartoonME: umm yesJUDGE: and did you write "fuck you bitch cunt" and "I'm going to rape you like I raped your sister" and then proceeded that with a flashback within a flashbacME:umm the Flashback within the flashback was Spandu Belly's ideaJUDGE: Spandu Belly?ME: umm yeahJUDGE: and you REALLY want to sue for copyright infringement?ME: I'll leave now
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funny shit!
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oliver clozof
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and the wilheim scream. aiuoghhhh!
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that has to be the longest DTV TB ever!
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do we dare even try to push even further?
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We haven't even begun to mine the potential vein of gold here. I'm actually going to write that Dark Angel 2 screenplay. At least if it gets pinched I can say "Mine WAS better, fuckers"
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be like Monica Belluci in Shoot Em Up? That and Snakes on a plane were totall DTV that just got released in theatres. You know I wonder if they shouldn't have intentionally released them DTV kinda of like King's Bachman books, where he published them direct to paperback. If they had I wonder if they wouldn't have at least gotten some kind of weird cult following? Smokin Aces could concievably go in the same catagory. Theatre releases that perhaps should have gone to DTV, not because of quality but because their storylines were just so DTV
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Yes, Circle of Iron/Silent Flute is the David Carridine flic of which you speak. The wierd thing is the packaging had the title Circle of Iron, but then when you watch the movie the title Silent Flute appears on the screen. Strange.And yeah, Carridine was awesome as the monkey and as that cat of death creature. I didn't think it was him until the end credits, but I spotted him as that gyspsy lord. It was still a good movie with loads of awesome dialogue and some good visuals. On the DVD they interview a present day Carridine and he talks about hwo apparently the scene with Eli Wallach trying to disolve his member in oil was actually added in a rewrite. That was a total El Topo moment in the film.And I agree with you guys on Shoot 'Em Up, this movie suffered from being released theatrically. I'm sure if it had been slated for DTV they would not've recieved the budget to ruin the soundtrack with somebody's 80s hairband mix tape and would've gone with some classy Stuntock Mike score action.Maybe there are a bunch of people out there for whom Poison, Montley Crue, Loverboy etc. holds some sort of folklore or mystique and those people always wished they'd played that kinda stuff during action sequences, but I'm not one of them. And there was definately too much action and too many good ideas that none of them really got built up enough. That whole part where he goes all Home Alone in the gun factory had so much more potential.
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I'd love a The Substitute marathon! I know Treat Williams replaced Tom Berenger in the title role for a while, but maybe we're due for a new substitute? Either make it DMX infiltrating a rich kids school or go the same route as the others and cast some Eric Roberts type. I'm fine either way.
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I like the idea of DMX infiltrating a rich kids school...make it kind o fa Sustitute/Toy Soliders hybridmy little town has an abadndoned theatre, i'm curious what it would take to turn that into a DTV theatre...hmmm maybe cobble togather a $200 projector and a DVD player
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I like the idea of DMX infiltrating a rich kids school...make it kind o fa Sustitute/Toy Soliders hybridmy little town has an abadndoned theatre, i'm curious what it would take to turn that into a DTV theatre...hmmm maybe cobble togather a $200 projector and a DVD player
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van Damme,Sasha Mitchell,Chuck Norris marathon!5 movies for 10 bucks!
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hello Caller thanks for calling into TalkBack Pictures what's our nameChambersME: welcome Chambers, what have you got for usCHAMBERS: Here’s my contribution that kinda ties in with some of the other talkback Movie universe. Hopefully top Shit DTV that will never be made, but would be fun to watch.
Thanks
Presidential Seal
Chuck Norris as we already know from other talkback productions is the president of the USA. An independent president and ex Navy Seal. He ran for office as he wanted to change the system, but he discovers after staff conversations with Deputy Director Falco [TLBT] and DEA officer Danny Trejo{Blood Brothers] that the system is so corrupt even the President of the USA can’t change it by legislation alone.
Falco he doesn’t trust and wishes, from what he had heard about the guy, Hunter was still in the department during this administration [maybe a stand alone or cut scene from another movie of Hunter on his bike riding through the desert and beating up some perps]
Norris respects Trejo who had also served in the military in tough circumstances [maybe a flashback of Trejo being captured and tortured briefly before getting the upper hand on his captives and using machine guns to escape]
Trejo tells Norris of a man named Spin, like Keyzer Soyze he is surrounded by myth and legend feared and is THE man behind the system. Trejo tells Norris he would like to find Spin but is working on another case [Blood Brothers]
Norris dwells on this and a flashback from his days in ‘Nam, tells the motives for his drive against injustice in the system. His platoon was killed in action after being betrayed by a high ranking officer [Michael Ironside].
Leaving the white house via a secret tunnel he goes calling around capitol Hill “ Chuck Norris hands on style” to get more information on Spin.
Norris realises as the web of conspiracy unravels it will need more then him to take down Spin and his secret army, so enlists the help of some former buddies from a platoon that didn’t die. [Peter Weller, Patrick Bergin, Robert Englund, and Michael Duncan Clarke] These guys are too bad assed for that to happen.
They track down Spin’s base of operations to Area 51, and taking command of air force one the rag tag team of commandos head for the final show down.
I also think there would be a scene on AF1 where some of the soldiers have brought on board strippers for a pre-battle party.
AF1 lands and the soldiers storm the base, ass-kicking and shooting there way to get to Spin. They go into the base and get there hands on some heavy alien weaponry [Along the way we see Oleg/ Dolph in his cryo chamber]
As they get closer to Spin, he releases some kind of alien monster super soldier but Norris evades it to his guys to deal with, as he goes off for Spin - revealed as Michael Ironside the officer who betrayed him in Nam.
That’s about it but I would also like to offer another cameo in the area 51 scene for Malcolm McDowell who plays a semi-immortal archaeologist in another planned Talkback Movie Warhead: Weapon of the Gods.
Thoughts ...Chambers is having trouble posting in the Talkback, but I know he's reading so go on and post your thoughtsme, crap I'd see it
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HA! I always forget about him, man, ok I'm custom creating roles for him and a few others for TLBT 2: Blood Vengence
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one of my co-workers found my hand written notes for TLBT and was asking me what I was writeing so I was trying to explain it to her and her response "that's too funny, I wish I was creative like that"
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Norris is former DELTA FORCE(we can use FB`s with him and FUCKING LEE MARVIN!and have LEE MARVIN on the DVD cover!).Not an alien monster,but an clone of General Friedrich Graf von Stahlhand(Rourke)!In an FB we learn how the Russians tryed to use his evil DNA but failed and somehow the evil SPIN dude got posession of him and Oleg!When the heroes close in on him he releases him(imagine the hefty hand to hand between zombie Von Stahlhand and Michael Clarke Duncan!)And of course Norris has to die in the end together with Ironside(beating each other to death,Spin dies first and Norris gives a heroic speech and names Peter Weller to be the new President!In DTV it works!)and that gives us the great chance to gather all living TalckBack heroes at the funeral of the President!Hope you dig my ideas,the Chambers thing is good!We need some feedback from caruso and the others!thank you
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Hans the Polar Bear HAS to be at the Funeral of President Norris...Lee Marvin on the cover classic
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since it is DTV,he can make a cameo somewhere in the background!And we will see Hans again in WARSAW3:Oleg`s Revenge(working title)!I feel some real Polarbear love around here!
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But for now
Thnak you for posting bloo and thank you travis-dane.
At the funeral Weller sees Norris and CGI Marvin as ghosts standing re-united by the coffin just like at the end of Jedi
And then a trailer for
Coming soon
Presidential Seal 2: First Lady starring Brigitte Nielsen.
Also a quick run through of WARHEAD: Weapon of the gods.
It begins in 1902 Malcolm McDowall is a professor and Christian Slater [ in a derby hat] his understudy. They enter a Chinese temple where monks are gathered for the beginning of a ceremony that happens once every 100 years - The light of Eternity. Basically you have to be standing in the right spot in the temple so when the light from a [ DTV science explained] solar eclipse comes through a special glass in the temple wall it bathes the person in a light giving them eternal life. McDowell has come to witness the ceremony for the good of man but a fight breaks out between the monks and McDowall and Slater but they use guns against the Kung Fu. The light begins to shine through the glass and McDowell is standing in the right spot, the beam travelling up his body until Slater shoots him shouting “out of my way I’ve been in your shadow all my life“. Slater gets the full dose.
We then see a montage of Slater through the years as a soldier of Fortune [wearing different hats of the eras] and in different locations, including yes, Warsaw, on the side of the nazis like Belloq. .
However his crimes catch up with him in the late sixties, and through newspaper headlines we see he is jailed for life [Which for Slater would now mean a very long time] until in modern day deputy director Falco appears at his cell door offering his freedom in exchange for locating the Warhead. A DTV mythical helmet that allows the wearer to command the army of the gods. Falco wants it, so he says, for the good of the country.
Racing to reach the warhead before him is McDowell who is also still around but after only being in the light for a few seconds, is not immortal but aging slowly. So in the scene in 1902 he would be wearing a black wig, or would now have the white beard.
I think as well, when Slater comes out of the prison he meets up with his bastard offspring son who didn’t inherit the internal life so could be played by Peter Fonda.
After that I don’t know what happens except it will be good …
And perhaps before they get to the temple at the beginning which is up in the mountains and snowbound they are attacked by Hans the polar bear [again DTV geography knows no limitations to the boundaries of polar bears] and Slater saves McDowell’s life making you think he is a good guy and so the betrayal in the temple is a shock
And perhaps the Army of the gods are ghost soldiers that could now be led by President Norris. Like the dirty dozen. I do see Kris Kristofersson, erick Estrada and Tim Thomerson in that unit.
Yes it will be good …
One last question. Does Rourke have a brother who acts too? Starring alongside the Travolta, Swayze, Douglas Stallone brothers would be awesome. another great post Chambers, Christian Slater in a derby, classic -
when she looks good use your "creativity" on her dude!;-)
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Jan 16, 2008 4:14:14 PM CST
Damn, I always seem to out of synch with this shit now!
by caruso_stalker217
That's it. I'm never sleeping again.
ironic_name, you are my god. Flying dwarves, Dolph punching a polarbear, Warsaw Wesley. Great shit.
PRESIDENTIAL SEAL would be badass, with plenty of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking action. (Could Mike Norris get a bit part as a Secret Service agent?) And I would watch WARHEAD: WEAPON OF THE GODS in a heartbeat. -
and it is a crying shame what goes on there!Fucking insensitive BASTARDS!
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And it's a shame when young people (this is coming from a 21 year old) throw their lives away with drugs and shit.
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good idea, but WAYYY too young and hyper for me...besides she said if it was too violent she wouldn't watch it and you know, there is no such thing as TOO violentcaruso, just catch up and join in the melee, that's how I feel when I miss several hours of talkback
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“Out of my way, I’ve been in your shadow all my life!“
I can totally picture that. -
something to work with guys!Bloo thanks for posting over there and caruso what`s up with Blood Brothers?
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hey man, thanks for directing me over there, but don't let it get you worked up, it's the internet and I swear some people just love to cause trouble because they have empty meaningless lives
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I could express myself better on such things!But you are right it is not worth it and since some TB`s with common sense arrived over there I feel better.Thanks.
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I am currently attempting to write up an outline. Nothing too fancy. Maybe three pages at the most. I was thinking the film should open with the twins being born (obviously). Then the parents give them up for adoption. One will go to a loving home (future DEA Agent Frank Reyes) and the other will end up in foster care (future drug lord Armando "The Ghost" Ramos) where he will spend his childhood being passed from foster home to foster home, being abused and neglected. Naturally (as is the case with all foster kids in movies) he will seek a life of crime, climb the ranks in a drug cartel and eventually take control of it.
I would have jumped in on that Brad Renfro talkback, but there were already a few people there saying the stuff I would have said, only more clearly and better. -
and as for BB:The bad twin needs to be raised from Javier"El Diablo Locco"Mendez(just for a little while and Trejo could pull a short third role to show what an master actor he is)!
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To his old lady: Bitch, why do we have all these damn kids! I'm trying to watch "Perry Mason" and they keep shitting their pants!
EDL's Lady: Goddamnit, Javier, joo idiot! Do joo want that government checks or not?
EDL: Bitch, I don't need no government checks! I'll got rob the fuckin' convenience store down the street. And take this little bastards outside, blow the shit off them with the hose!
Then he could take the bad twin under his wing and teach him the ways of crime -
I'm heading home early for thie first time this week and my home PC is acting up so I probably won't be on tonight, but I'm going to work up some new pages for TLBT hopefully I'll have them here and ready to go tomorrow morning, so check backtravis, caruso, Chambers, Spandu, Franklin etc if some of you are around, I'll see ya too...remember if you need to catch me on the e-mail it's erobert@nwkansas.com
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"Direct Universe"is going strong!Bloo:looking forward to it,the first pages were good shit man!
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...could serve as some sort of social commentary. There are plenty of cases in the States where people have all these foster kids so they can get money from the government and then they neglect and starve the kids. BLOOD BROTHERS can help "make aware" of this problem, even going so far as to have a disclaimer at the beginning, claiming BLOOD BROTHERS is an educational film. Much like CHAOS. Though I don't think we'll need a DVD feature where Danny Trejo takes a tour of a foster home and flexes his muscles while shirtless.
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who gets assraped by El Diablo to show the evil twin what happens to people who dont pay their debts(you know the hard no fun punishment assrape,like Norton gets in History X).And imagine Trejo doing that and saying:"Wat up now BITCH!flex it for me BITCH!"DTV Gold again!
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Hahaha!
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The Ghost wasn't born bad. He was made bad by an uncaring system. Agent Reyes turned out good because he was raised by loving parents who pushed him to be the best that he could be. And after they were killed in an automobile accident caused by a driver high on narcotics, he swore to dedicate his life to battling drugs and those who sell them.
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files of the ADOPTING agency"and below it says:"Learn the shoking truth about two BROTHERS only seperated by FATE!"True storys are allways good on DTV!I should sell my WARSAW trilogy that way!
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The "true event" in this case being World War II.
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...explaining how World War II started, with sounds of explosions and marching in the background. Cut in some black and white footage of Nazi soldiers, aerial dogfights, Hitler making impassioned speeches. This opening sequence must go on for at least five minutes, with a narrator reading along with the opening crawl in case there are illiterates in the audience (see ALONE IN THE DARK and it's two minute opening crawl w/ narrator over a black screen w/o music).
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"What you are about to see is based on secret files of the US and Sowjet intelligence services,which have been recovered from an top secret vault under the white house!This is the TRUE story of...."I bet there are some people who would believe that shit!
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...who believe it right now!
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all that old DTV gold?I mean I am 32 and have watched and forgotten more DTV then others will ever see!But you seem to know your shit!Are you maybe Vern`s lost son?
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I'll admit, I probably haven't watched as much DTV as you. But I've seen my share. At my last count, I've seen over 1500 movies. If I looked through that list, most of those movies would probably be shitty. One of those films in particular succeeded in turning me off of beef ravioli. I have seen CYBORG COP. So I guess I've done my homework.
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and Chad McQueen and that blonde karate dude(his name escapes me right now,he was in the famous real movie version of FIST OF THE NORTHSTAR!The original anime is BTW the best non DTV-DTV movie that I ever seen!check it out if you can it has all the goods)?I think it is called Death Ring or Cage or something.Thats crazy shit!
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Though I had the misfortune of seeing portions of FIST OF THE NORTH STAR, such as Chris Penn getting his head exploded. And I think Ruffio from HOOK was in it.
I believe the movie you're thinking of is FIREPOWER. -
as I was in your age(no offense)I had a little book where I wrote every movie in I ever saw(I lost it somwhere)and as I got older I lost touch with the DTV!But then some years ago I discovered VERN`s work and that brought me back!And now that TB!awesome!
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I started writing the list when I was living in a shitty motel for three months. I was sharing the room with two other people. Luckily, the t.v. got basic cable or I probably would've gone insane. But I spent a lot of time taking walks and racking my brain trying to remember all the movies I'd seen. So I'm still contributing to it. Which reminds me that I still have to watch A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS. I bought it like three weeks ago!
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His review for the WALKING TALL DTV sequel starring Kevin Sorbo is what drew my interest here. Then I checked out his website and was instantly converted.
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will send him an E-Mail.And A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS and the sequels are Masterpieces!In my opinion "The Good,The Bad and The Ugly" being the best!
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I think the opening credit montage should be Norris's rise to power just showing him arriving at debates, roundhouse kicking the other guy, then leaving, and stuff like that.
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is my favroite Leon film. Of the Man With No Name trilogy, I think I actually like For A Few Dollars More most because you get Clint as the ass-kicking opportunist bounty hunter AND Lee Van Cliff with the more personal revenge angle, though I prefered him as the villain in Good, Bad & Ugly.
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Tuco is one of the best dudes ever to appear on screen!
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If I had a Top 5 Favorite Fucking Movies List, that would be pretty high up there. Right along with ROBOCOP, THE BIG LEBOWSKI, GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS, KISS KISS BANG BANG, DEATH TO SMOOCHY (maybe I'm the only one), and ZODIAC. That's more than five, but fuck it!
I also watched ONCE UPON A TIME IN AMERICA recently. I thought the first half was great. The second half was getting into some weird fucking surreal territory that I didn't entirely dig, but overall I thought it was an awesome flick. -
It's funny, I was talking about him disolving his own penis in Circle of Iron earlier. I couldn't believe they got him for one scene to play a guy who wanted to rot his own dick off. I mean, I'd play that part, but who thought to actually ask Eli Wallach? I wonder if they asked anybody else first? Or who would their next choice have been?
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I forgot to mention SEVEN SAMURAI. That movie blows my fucking balls off!
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When his name came up in the trailer, I immediately knew he would only be in once scene. Since he was nowhere else in the trailer.
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Two great actors with just one scene in great movies!;-)
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I just found it didn't really build to anything and wasn't a virturoso style piece like Leone's other stuff. I realize that all his movies are about how conveluted they can make their second halves, but in 'America' it just didn't work for me. I liked some individual scenes, but on the whole it's definately not a film I enjoyed.
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in my hand and was confused!Is it worth it?
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I hear it's not on VHS or DVD, but I got it on TCM back in November. It was one of Eli Wallach's early movies and I think it was directed by Don Siegel. Anyway, Wallach plays this hitman type who is looking for this doll full of heroin. He gets to do some harsh shit like shoot a guy in the back (on camera, with blood!), threaten a little girl and her mother, and even kicks a wheelchair-bound man off a balcony!
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That is the kind of movie you either love or hate. Ebert gave it zero stars in his review, said it was a terrible movie. Personally, I thought it was fucking hilarious and features one of my favorite Robin Williams performances.
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...is that even in it's 230 minute version, stuff still doesn't quite add up. Apparently, there's still about 40 minutes cut out of it that we'll probably never see, but would probably clear some shit up. I have to agree with you that it has some great fucking moments (especially in the first half) but overall the film doesn't quite click.
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you know the steelhand will get you!And i dont know the line up.
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...it's a love it or hate it situation. And General Friedrich Graf von Stahlhand doesn't scare ME!
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I love the DICK line up in ...Time in America!And HULK`s girlfriend was pretty hot!
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Is also missing some key scenes that they claim to have "forgotten" to ever film. I found that pretty mental and hard to believe. Though overall the film still made a fair bit of sense in a more ambiguous kind of way (especially John/Sean's past threesome). But it's okay. I guess Leone was just a frantic disorganized guy who somehow made brilliantly slowpaced films.
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Seemed like a weird fucking movie for Leone.
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I have to say I haven't seen probably 90% of comedies out there. Like caruso The Big Lebowski is one of my favortie movies, and I think that one was supposed to be a comedy even though it's got a good mystery plot. I have a better time laughing at action movies than shit that's supposed to be funny.
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"It cleans out my lungs. And it gives me a hard-on."
For the longest time I thought James Woods was the main character in that film. His face is on the cover of the DVD and I've always only heard Robert DeNiro mentioned in passing. -
On the DVDs they get everybody, including Clint, to talk about Leone's quest to be David Lean and keep making longer films that were bigger and bigger in scope and more melodramatic with more elaborate set pieces. With Duck You Sucker Leone kinda made a film so big that it crushed him. It's a difficult film since it really starts out as a buddy road comedy movie with wacky jokes about raping bourgeousie bitches and other classic gags and turns into a tradgic tale about the human cost of revolution and the brutality of those who claim to fight for humanity but it's got some merit. I wouldn't watch it again, but I'm glad I watched it once.
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I think I stopped watching about the time James Coburn showed up riding a motorcycle and using an Irish accent.
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which one is it?Fuck the Germans for renaming movies!
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Todesmelodie=deathmelody!It has something to do with war and so on,I think it is Leones last movie,but I could be wrong!
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should we decide who wants to make a webcomic for AICN? and in what order? I was thinking TLBT, followed by WS.
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I'm a pretty decent cartoonist and a good dialoguist.But like I said, I'm working on finishing something else right now, but would do it next. But I could work up some mock artwork/covers for you guys to gage my talent and how the TLBT comic would look.
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pretty good stuff.
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see ya later!
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I'm cool with that.
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I think he's the only other guy here with visual arts skills. If you guys want to see a badassed drawing of mine to get an idea of my style, a cage fighter who calls himself Snakefox on account of he beats people with a snake and a fox, wrote me a few months ago asking me to draw him riding a motorcycle, fucking a lady, and ripping the balls off a dragon in a valley of skulls.
http://tinyurl.com/2nvqmb -
Snakefox.
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...called CARUSO STALKER'S TWELVE DAYS OF CARUSMAS. This would be a total ego project where I basically lay out my semi-annual celebration of Carusmas. I get drunk and watch episodes of NYPD BLUE while making belligerent phone calls to family members and masturbating to Bridget the Midget. I was thinking it could maybe be a pop-up book. Any thoughts?
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I think you need to make it scrath and sniff.I'm going to bed, night-night y'all!
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holy cow this Talkback is really disengrating and I love it...the 12 Days of Carusmas and we need to put "based on a TRUE..." on EVERYTHING! At this point we need to do some kind of teen sex comedy too, like the American Camp Presents movies or cheezy National Lampoon moviesand speaking of bad Chuck Norris movies, I have one I need to watch again, it's one of his Christian movies, where he plays a cigar smoking, beer drinking angel who protects these missionaries who crash into some devil controlled town in Texas...I think it was Austin
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...I won't be working on the comic books:
http://tinyurl.com/3bkzjc -
you can be frank miller, I'll be David mazzucelli [and yes, I am aware that frank is an artist too, but we're nerds, and we got the Batman: year one reference, right?] snakefox is cool, he needs to fight the cloverfield monster
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what?
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Though I have a bit of an obsession with ALPHA FLIGHT.
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Back in the fuckin' '70s (this would've been '79, I believe) this team of Canadian superheroes showed up in... I think it was X-MEN. Anyway, originally they were just part of the back story for Wolverine, but they got spun-off into their own series in 1983. I think it ran until '94. Then it had a few revivals, but none were successful. Anyway, the original line-up included a superhuman dwarf named Puck, a guy named Guardian who was the Canadian equivalent to Captain America, this dude named Sasquatch who was basically the Hulk of the team only instead of turning into a huge green motherfucker he turned into a huge fuckin' sasquatch. The series mixed science fiction with mysticism, as there were a few Native-Canadian types who did magic powers and shit. There was this chick who could change into bears and eagles and stuff. And there was this green alien chick who eventually married the Sub-Mariner. The team also had one of the first openly gay superheroes.
Basically, Alpha Flight's job was to protect Canada from dangerous mutants. They were also different from other superhero teams like the X-Men in the sense that they were government-funded program. Mostly what got me interested in the series was the fact that the team was based out of Canada, which was a nice change from most other Marvel superhero comics that take place in New York. Plus, it's got a guy named Sasquatch and a fucking superhuman dwarf! Who doesn't love that shit? -
mentioned X-Men!I played a PC game named X-Men legends2:Rise of Apocalypse and in the game the X-Men spend some time in the Alpha Flight HQ!Cool game BTW,if you like some action PC game check it out!
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I googled the name and got nothing that made any sense.
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You said you be part of the comic because and then posted a link, but I can't open it at work. Could you tell me what it is? Is it some link explaining that you're really Todd McFarlane and therefore too good for TLBT or something?
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The link shows you a pretty shitty picture of Kicker and C.Thomas H. getting it on in midair.I think caruso wanted to say his drawing skills are not so good.
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Jan 17, 2008 7:36:37 AM CST
WTF are you guys still on this thread for?
by nomoredirtyjokespleaseweareyanks
Is this the Lost talkback again?
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time read the TB from the start.Then you get it.If not,nevermind.
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can you sum it up fot me?
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This talkback is a warm bowl of awesomeness with Danny Trejo sprinklings served by Dolph Lundgren with an ice cold glass of Wesley Snipes and some motorcylces for dessert.
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but spandau explained it beautifully for me, thanks man
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what?It has a "Evil Laughing Electric Wheelchair Driving Gangster Boss Midget named:...FALCOn!"the world is a small place!
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There's a bunch of names that are characters in every movie.
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There has to be a secret DTV bible somewhere!
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I don't. I'm not trying to be a pooper or anything. I've barely read any of the stories on this project since mania about it burst out a year ago or so. Maybe if watched any of this J.J. Abrams shows I'd worship him and anything he wanted to produce, but I don't. I only saw his Mission Impossible movie and that wasn't anything special. I guess he's another one of these Joss Whedon types or something.
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I'll see cloverfield, but I'm not a big JJ fan. I like LOST, in fact I LOVE Lost but that's more Lindof and Cruse then Abrams, I think he's a decent director, better then some, worse then others. I enjoyed MI:3 thought it was at least as good as MI:1. A buddy of mine and I have this arguement all the time, he loves MI:2 and I think it's the worst, cuz it's all about Cruise there's no team aspect at all.
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Maybe not even that many.
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anyhow http://tinyurl.com/2ezsz3 theres a page of mazzuccelli art, from batman: year one. I will begin work on TLBT, and try to post something later tonight. spandau, wanna split the difference? 50/50?
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I guess we're the only ones with nothing better to do.
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Show me what you've got. I'm definately not the world's greatest cartoonist and in all likelyhood you can draw better. I definately feel that TLBT should be all illustrated by one person so that it looks consistant. And like I said, I've got something else on my plate right now that I really want to finish, so if you've got the time and the skill, go nuts! I can't wait to see it.What's worse is the 10 year old package I use to color in my illustrations has some bug in it. I've tried reinstalling but it just won't fix it. So I'm affraid that the last thirty pages of my graphic novel will be done with some other program and look like I contracted the work out to some Korean sweatshop or something.
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I know who Frank Miller is, I just don't read many comic books because I don't like superhero stuff. There are a few that more straight up dramas or at least noirist stories that I enjoy. But the medium is so dominated by superheroes that I just don't get into it much. Maybe that means my graphic novel won't have much of a place, but whatevs. We'll see.
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FFFFUUUUUCCCKKKIINNNGGG!!!!!AAGGHHHHH
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hit the POST button AAANNNNDDDDD my FUCKING INTERNET LINE CRASHED!!!!!!it is all gone!i have to write all of it again!!!!travis is sad.
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Nothing pisses me off more than when I get a burst of inspiration and type out some three-page essay on some piece of shit movie I liked or something, only to have my computer crash, or a car drives through my bedroom wall.
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that would be funny somehow!On the Clover...shitload of reviews TB we discuss some alien ET midget love,that helps!
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Making things in genres that I like but in a way that I'm vaguely disinterested and indifferent about seeing them. I mean, LOST seems like a really good show with good acting and clever ideas, but I just can't bring myself to watch it. ALIAS sounded like my type of espionage thing, and I never watched it. I like Godzilla type movies, but just care about seeing Cloverfield.
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starring Swayze versus Meatloaf as crazy truckers?
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Cinemas for one week(I saw it on TV 6-7 years ago)!
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I could've sworn it was, anyway. Randy Travis played Swayze's sidekick who wanted to be a country singer but couldn't carry a tune. Charles S. Dutton played an agent of some kind.
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and then my destiny is fullfiled!or something like that...
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kinda like Shoot 'Em Up, I saw the ads and planned to see it, but it was gone right away. They had to make room for Resident Evil 3. I haven't seen RE3, probably won't, but I bet it was actually more entertaining then Shoot Em Up. What a disappointment.Anyway, my computer is all fritzy. Night lads. I'll see you guys at work tomorrow, where I have a more stable computer.
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I'll do WS.. anyway, here are two pics from TLBT: http://tinyurl.com/2pgh2l http://tinyurl.com/3yqzt6 they don't make a lot of sense, because i was going to use photoshop bullshittery™ to add a drawn car, add children in the road.. even though its 2:30 pm I'm going to go to sleep too.
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so its spandau's project.. I'm officially doing WS.
my public email is needapass @ yahoo.com.au no spaces feel free to send script pages / sign me up for midget porn spam* *actually, don't do that.. I have enough midget porn on my HD. -
You have truly captured the essence of the Trejo.
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after all, our 'blood brothers' story was my baby.. so my drawings of Trejo will still be seen, after WS! my dad is a Piano tuner, I have detailed files on piano parts! and i found a piano hand photoseries online! may the Trejo be with you!
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The magic of Trejo lives on through BLOOD BROTHERS. And beyond...
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it is called SEVEN MUMMIES!IT is a prisoner getaway into a zombie/vampire/Kung-fu-mummie priests town!A wild west town!The prisoners are from today btw!It features the talents of:Billy DragoMatt Schultzea Keri Wuhrer lookalike with big boobsthe evil karate teacher from Karate Kidthe new LeatherfaceBilly Wirth as the Hero named....Travis(yeah)Noel Gugliemi as the mexican dudeand some porno babesit is DTV bad with some nice gore effects and bad dialouge and a chopper!AND....DANNY TREJO as the mysterious dudeit is running 77 minutes so it is up to Cloverfield standard.Check it out!
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I have to check it out!
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he opened a TB for us!
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Right, she was in CABIN FEVER.
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since I dont go to videostores anymore!But on cable they show everything even SEVEN MUMMIES!
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I mostly use Netflix (for the badass movies that Blockbuster is too lame to have, like Kurusawa flicks) but I occasionally rent from the videostore. Usually, the kind of stuff that just catches my eye. Like URBAN JUSTICE or GHOSTS OF MARS. That kind of shit.
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And i love how Carpenter wasted Statham(that movie would have been top if Statham could do his Transporter routine).
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Pam Grier was also underused. And maybe Joanna Cassidy. The scene where Statham is like, "Hey Natasha Henstridge, since we're probably gonna die tonight, wanna fuck?" And Ms. Henstridge, having shown no interest in him before, says "Okay." And then they make out! At first I thought she was playing his ass, but it was totally sincere!
As corny as the movie is, I've grown to like it (kinda). I like that it's basically a western. The overuse of dissolves was mindblowing. And I even like the cheesy fucking ending. -
somehow cool!He has that Badass thing going.And he made THE THING,my favorite horror movie!
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Not only one of the best remakes ever made (THE best, perhaps?) but it's also one of the best horror movies ever made (opinion). I also love CHRISTINE, BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA, THE FOG (even though it falls apart in the last fifteen minutes), HALLOWEEN, etc. The man has made some good fuckin' movies.
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Which also rocks my balls.
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with me.And I dig Vampires.James Woods is so Badass in that one.I am listening to the Ghosts of Mars ost right now,pretty wild stuff.AND he made ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK!SNAKE RULES!
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Forgot about VAMPIRES, too! Another contemporary western. And probably his last decent movie.
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something with L.A.(no not another Snake,sigh!)It is been a long time since Mars,5-6 years I think.Maybe he hits one there!
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He's not coming back in any form we'll like.P.S. I can't wait to get home and see ironic name's drawings.
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Trejo looks "good".And check out Seven Mummies!
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I liked the Carpenter flick though. My favorite remake is probably The Omega Man. Heston;s Ben Hur was also a huge step up from the silent black and white version.
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So I'll try to whip up some TLBT comic action over the next couple months while I'm finishing up my other book and I'll email it to you guys for your thoughts. Then maybe we can pitch it to Harry and have it right here on AICN published in installments. Each installment will have a title and tell a little more of the story. And yes, I will have a chapter called "Oleg's Lament".
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very different from Carpenters version.But for its time it is a good film.
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He and a V-8!
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there is a trailer for a "DAY OF THE DEAD"remake that is DTV!How could they fuck up that movie?It says:"based on the George Romero movie"but the only thing in common is that the military is in it!I hoped they do it like the DAWN remake,which was pretty cool,but this...at least Ving Rhames(in a other role then in Dawn)clothelines a Zombie!SHIT!
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Total fucking horseshit! The same old tired ass Smalltown, U.S.A. (shot in British Columbia, of course) with ugly fucking photography.
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I've got another post from Chambers I'll post that here in a minutreIronic, those drawings are realy really good, I was going to use JJ's Enterprise as my desktop wallpaper, but I think I'm going to switch to Trejo, I love that close up on his eyes, AWESOMEI was just thinking about Black Dog last night, it's a very cheesy movie and it was in theatres, mainly becuase it was orignally scheduled to star Kevin Sorobo at the height of his Hercules fame, well Sorobo couldn't do it, Swaze stepped in and yeah. The reason I was thinking about it is because I was watching this DTV called The Visitation, produced by one of the X-Men producers it stars Randy Travis as this small town preacher who teams up with a veternarian played by the chick that was in Road House and an ex-minister to defeat the devil who has possesed Edward Furlong (or Brad Renfro, but I think it's Furlong), weried movie but not horrible, Randy Travis has this great line where he's doing an exocrism and in that slow country drawl starts quoting Jesus's words in the bible aobut a demon coming out of a manthe reason for the Day of the Dead remake DTV I THINK is because those first 3 Dead movies don't have a copyright, or at least the first one doesn't, I'm not sure about the 2 and 3, I do know that this DTV Day of the Dead has no realtion to Zach Snyder's Dawn of the Dead...at least I think, I'll do some checking and find out
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Guys, The only thing I could think of today [ and I kinda stole, no wait … developed,. the idea from a Reid Fleming comic] and hope it makes a decent scene for the start of a DTV classic.
Opening scene: a station wagon is going along some hill billy mountain road highway when it loses control, rolls like a dozen times and ends hanging over the edge of a drop. Trapped inside is mom trying to claw out of the smashed windscreen, while in the back is unconscious little jimmy.
Gas is leaking out, of the upturned heap, running slowly toward a naked flame.
Other road users stop to help but the gas hit’s the flame and knocks them back. The car is tipping over the edge. Mom is screaming for help.
A low shot of a 4 wheel drive parks into frame and a pair of snake skinned cowboy boots steps out of the cab. The camera pulls back. It’s Trejo. He removes his mirrored sunglasses, steps forward to the scene of the accident and assess the situation. He grabs rope out of the hands of one of the crowd gathered by the roadside trying to help..
“who’s the strongest guy here”
A Muscle bound shit kicker of a trucker in denim vest and baseball steps forward.
“ I am “
Trejo roundhouses him hard dropping the guy flat.
“Wrong Bitch. I am”
Through the flames we see the station wagon tip over the edge out of shot.
Title Credit
MEAN & MEANER -
but be aware- if I see Dark Angel 2 then I'm going to sue you all.
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in the BALLs!A roundhouse is to nifty for Trejo!
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such a Trejo picture(in the car)?
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i"m still around, I refuse to let this talkback died, but I was wondering the same thing
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midgets...midgets...MIDGETS!Lets just post on until the others come back.
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I think our styles are actually pretty close. You're more realistic and I'm more cartoonish, but your Trejo looks like my Trejo. I'm working on a little TLBT art over the weekend. I'll post it here and try to email it you guys as soon as I can.
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I'm sure Harry will post our comic here. AICN could use its own original comic inspired by the grindhouse schlockfest films it honours. I mean, if they can have eighty different guys chip in reviews on the same fucking movie, why not throw in one comic strip while you're at it?
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okay, I worked on some sketches at my desk at work today. I've decided to make Eric Roberts look younger, his hair is its old brown and not grey. I'm drawing more as a 40 year old guy. Oleg is Dolph with Ivan Drago's spikey blonde hair but more wrinkles on his face to look a bit older, like how his face looks now. Snipes basically looks like Blade Snipes.
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looking forward to seeing it.
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http://tinyurl.com/sc4za
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Got some sleep?
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Which was weird. Either I don't sleep at all, or I sleep a long fucking time. Seven hours is pretty decent.
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we both forgot Assault on precinct 13!great low budget movie!
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I could listen to that shit all day. Well, not really. But it's awesome.
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I wonder where Stuntcock is.
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work has been kinda crazy today, plus my brother came in and started scrapping paint off his arm, yeah it's weird, our town's big basketball tournement is this weekend and he plays in the band (there is a 13 year difference between my brother and I, 20 year between my sister and me) anyways, so I've had kinda crazy day at work, but I'm going to keep postingI can't wait to see some art work, I'm curious how you're going to flesh out the middle Spandau, I've got the beginning scripted and the end plotted, ironically inspired by my watching The Princess Bride the other night, I loved how the switched back and forth between Wesley and Indigo and their own fights, I also like the idea of 3 or 4 guys breaking into a building guraded by 60 guards, so that's going to figure in a little bit of that, imagine a violent DTV inspired by a Rob Reiner family friendly movie. Anyways, I gotta go see Alvin and the Chipmunks or August Rush tonight for my movie review colomn for my paper, but I'll probably be back on tonight, I'm going to need some violence to wash either of those out of my system
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13 year difference between you and your brother? Twenty between you and your sister? Were your parents pandas by any chance? Not that I've got anything against pandas. I'm not, like, anti-panda. I mean I went to a few rallies, but that was just to impress this girl. Anyway, it's cool that your parents were pandas.
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That's harsh. On the one hand, you got singing chipmunks. On the other... Robin Williams. That is tough.
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poor you.I hope you survive!
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movie!He could be a Machete swinging Klingon(they dont need Make-Up)!hehe
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yeah, I live in a really small town, about 6,000 with one movie theatre, if I ever want tos ee anything remotely fun, it's at least a 3-4 hour drive to Denver CO or to Wichita KS. So yeah singing chipmunks with Jason Lee or singing Robin Williams with Kerri Russell
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There were about 60 or 70 students in my high school. Now I live in a town of about 12,000 with a movie theater just a few blocks down the street. Unfortunately, a lot of the shit I really want to see doesn't play here.
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Robin Williams has, like, red hair and a goatee and he's got piercings. Does that help?
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yeah, I went to college in a ncie big town, big theatres, home town video store (you know before DVD), could watch tns of Troma and DTV and bad sci-fi along with the good stuff, but now I moved back to my hometown, and while I love my job, great job reviewing movies, I get to, have to see some real stinkers and then try and find a way to polish it so that our theatre thatis an advertiser doesn't get too upset so I'm wearing out my theasurus...I can't imagine robin Williams with that stuff, I mean I've seen the trailers and stuff and I'm still like 'wha...' like the professer in Futurama
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It is New York,L.A,Boston...I allways forget how huge your country is!I live in a town with a little over 500.000 people.wow,I thought I was the smalltown dude here(no offense).
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I would lose my fucking mind. I've visited Portland a few times and it has a population of a little over half a million and I just can't stand it. Yeah, I dig the tall buildings and shit, but I hate crowds.
I'm referring to Portland, Oregon, by the way. Just to keep the facts straight. Portland, Maine, is small potatoes I believe. -
I have real love-hate thing with them. There was a time when I just kept watching TOXIC AVENGER IV over and over. I mean the movies are basically shit. On a technical level and a creative level. But they have this odd sort of charm. I can't put my finger on it.
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I think the Ghost should have just one eye!He could have some coke in the empty socket(for da bad times,brotha).And it would be cool shit if the Brothers had to work together in the end to fight some Columbian overlord(like Sosa in the alltime great SCARFACE).And when they defeat him they turn on each other again.
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Toxie:ATOMIC HERO!I watched a lot Troma in my "Story of Ricky"phase.Do you know "Redneck Zombies"my alltime favorite from Troma.
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...that the Ghost would be doing business with the Yakuza. I hadn't elaborated on it yet, but it would be cool if they teamed up against a Yakuza boss.
I love the idea of the Ghost having one eye. It would help in discerning which is which (though the Ghost would also have long hair and a mustache).
I know that Reyes will have to kill the Ghost at the end. I'd like to kind of rip off the end of SPIDER-MAN. The Ghost says, "You can't kill me. We're hermanos." Then Reyes would say, "I had a brother. His name was Billy Taylor." Then he'd blow the Ghost away.
(Billy Taylor being the Josh Duhammel character) -
Or a whole lot of Troma for that matter. I've seen the four TOXIC AVENGERS, TROMEO & JULIET, TROMA'S WAR, THE FIRST TURN-ON! and TERROR FIRMER. But the movie that got me into Troma was CANNIBAL: THE MUSICAL. And I remembered seeing THE TOXIC AVENGER III on television as a kid and it scared the shit out of me! I also remember the TOXIC CRUSADERS cartoon show.
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when the Ghost and Reyes have the final stand off(all bruised and battered) and the second before they start shooting each other,we see some remorse in Ghost and he doesnt pulls the trigger and dies saying."I´m done with killing"!That would be deep and we see Reyes staring at his dead brother with some mercy in his look.
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I am sorry to say that I dont know part4.I lost sight of Troma some years ago.Class of Nuke em High is also crazy shit!
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...he lifts the patch over the Ghost's eye socket and takes out the key to the safe deposit box containing the evidence that Reyes' superior, Winston Caruthers, was in cahoots with the drug cartel.
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...where Evil Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD drives past an old lady, then turns to Toxie and says "I can't pass THIS up!" He does a u-turn and runs the old lady down, crushing her head, and she pisses herself. Those movie are insane. I'll have to check this out:
http://tinyurl.com/2ynlt7 -
Ron Jeremy,hehehe.I almost forgot that "Surf Nazis must die" exists(check it out)!sometimes I have the feeling I know to many crazy movies!But I have a Girlfriend so maybe it is not that bad.
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Will in part 2 of BB a third twin come up,maybe called:REAPER?
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Good Night Ladies and Gents.
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...you can watch whatever the hell you want without shame. It's the poor single fucks like myself who have to sit in the dark and cry while watching HOUSE OF THE DEAD.
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...of the Beef.
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I used to eat notdogs, back when I was a vegiterian, then one day I thought: carrots are alive too, they're just easier to grab. if THE LORD didn't want us eating animals, they wouldn't be so tasty.
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...when I'm eating chicken or something, I think to myself "Would I want to be butchered, cooked and eaten?" I feel bad for the cows and shit, but damn they taste good. I won't eat pork though. I imagine that's what it would be like to eat a person. Like eating ham.
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Jan 19, 2008 4:32:44 AM CST
if chickens knew how tasty they were, they'd understand..
by ironic_name
why we eat meat.
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I've even seen the fuckers eat rotten eggs.
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The premiere of my first web comic. Using my own brilliant imagination and Microsoft Paint, I have created a stunningly original and ingenious piece of work. It will be studied for decades, I'm sure. Okay, that's all bullshit, but here it is:
http://tinyurl.com/2j756c
Notice that I'm such a lazy fuck that I didn't even bother to give the girl boobs. -
The people in that strip are based on my friend and his fiancee. And, yes, they really are that boring. When it comes to the animal and insect kingdom, anyway.
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right now and Kate Beckinsale is a hot lady!But the rest of the movie is shit!The sudden "moral" turn is fucking boring!
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I think the last movie of his that I kinda sorta maybe liked was ANGER MANAGEMENT. But that was 90% Jack Nicholson. And the other ten was John Turturro and Luis Guzmán. So fuck you, Sandler.
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his old style of 90minutes "laugh your ass of"entertainment!The trailer for that one gives me hope!
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That motherfucker needs to clean his act up immediately.
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thing.You can still find it in the news section.I wonder if they did it because of the "Goblin"dude,that would be so PC,that it stinks!
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Man, those gremlins have to ruin things for everybody!
I'm joking, of course. But I don't think it was the article itself that offended him. Maybe it was my overwhelming Bridget the Midget love. Who knows. -
I'd better hit the sack if I want to get up at a semi-reasonable hour (for me at least). I'll be back in a few hours.
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the old Saturday shopping routine is calling!See ya later.
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wesley's dad will be played by richard roundtree, with full Jewish jheri curls on the side of the face, like a rabbi!
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shelley winters, lainie kazan, Robert Forster as abdul, Joey Bishop, George Kennedy, Martin Balsam,
Robert Vaughn, Shelley Winters, and a young Kim Delaney as a
nun!
http://tinyurl.com/29hgv8fuck yeah! -
The movie opens with a shot of a empty Highway somewhere in the desert(small text tells us:somewhere in Usbekistan 2069!).Soon we hear the distant roar of an engine,maybe a Jet or an Rocket,just to witness how a CAR comes flying over a small hill landing on the Highway(the roar is from the car of course)and it is.....a V-8!black with an huge open block engine!We see the driver behind the wheel(but not clearly)and then 7-8 other cars show up going after him(we know how they look)!The camera shows us how the cars are heading toward the Skyline of a city(Tashkent the capital of Uzbekistan,all destroyed).Then we see the driver of the V-8 and the narration begins:"I told them this would happen,but they refused to listen!Damn Companies!Now it is all gone,the citys,the people,the whole planet all wasted by one man...HITLER!(FB starts,we see spaceships in form of the Nazi-swastika laying waste on Earth ID4 style,then the main ship lands on the remains of the capitol of the world New York City and a huge army of Hitler clones storms the city and kills the survivors in gruesome fashions)!Now it is just ME and THEM!Now it is my WAR!MY WAY!MY JUSTICE!MY TRUTH!OLEG`s WAY MOTHERFUCKERS!!"The narration ends as they reach the city and Oleg finishes the others with his crack-driving skills and the help of the wasted city!Thats the start guys,you can see where this is going,if you got ideas for some cool shit let me know!It is the final chapter so Hitler will go down and some old buddies will show up,but I need some new Mad Max style dudes so I am open for your ideas!Thank you guys.
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And Steve James AND FUCKING LEE MARVIN!
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cool shit!But he is a Catholic priest married to an jewish business woman.
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"Now it is my WAR! MY WAY! MY JUSTICE! MY TRUTH! OLEG`s WAY MOTHERFUCKERS!!"
That's priceless.
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the rest will follow soon!
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After the high octane opening,we see Oleg looting Tashkent in search for some things(we dont need to know what)and some more FB`s start(since Oleg IS the last living human except for Hitler and his clones,we have a lot of Flashbacks in the movie).We learn what happend after part 2:Oleg,Snipes and Rothrock returned to Earth and were locked away for some time,since nobody believes the "Hitler BS"!We see how Oleg tryes to tell his superiors from SHiTT what went down and they laugh at him!Olegs pissed and quits!He gets to work with Snipes and Rothrock on a new ship,the WARSAW3(they build it from scratch,A-Team like).When they finish the ship,Snipes and Rothrock start setting a renegade merc unit up(with guys like Lorenzo Lamas,Sasha Mitchel,Ken Wahl and so on),to go after Hitler!Oleg stays behind with the words:"I got the feeling it will END where it began!"and gets the STARE as the WARSAW heads for mars.Now we go back to Oleg looting,fighting some Hitler clones in his way and narrating:"Thats my life for the last 6 years,but they keep on coming!I like it that way,so I dont need to search(FB how he "cleans"London,L.A.and other cities)and the PORTALS are really helpfull!"We see him driving to an "Futuristic"looking place where in the middle of the place is a huge hole in the ground.Oleg tells us:"The last great invention from the Companies!They were so proud of themselfs!But it was their DOOM(FB of Hitler clones tacking over the cities through the portals),BUT it is MY ticket to BERLIN!".In the next FB we learn how Oleg found out,that Hitler took over the control of the Portals and sealed them of so that nobody could go to Berlin anymore(one Company dude told him in the battle for N.Y.before he was torn to shreds by Hitler clones)."BUT Hitler forgot one and now I found it!It is TIME for your last Salute Adolf!"Oleg tells us and drives his V-8 into the hole(we never learn how it works,it is just Blue light and DTV magic)!With a blue ligtflash Oleg arrives in Berlin!Later you get the final act guys.
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Man, you just keep bringing the DTV gold! And I love the idea of building a new ship from scratch "A-Team like."
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and I am still missing Stuntcock Mike.Hope some of the other dudes will show up again!We are going almost 9 days now,thats cool.
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I'm almost done, but my computer keeps crashing. This is pissing me the shit off. My computer has been fritzy all week. It's five years old so it's probably starting to die.
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What have I done with my life?
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thats all!
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at least you have a computer,something to eat,a bed and a roof over your head!When we reach day 32 I will start to worry too!I wonder if Bloo survived the movie he had to see?
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arg...gnizlefrizzBAD!
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I don't envy him. You couldn't pay me to watch ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS. Okay, yeah, I'd watch it if I was paid to. But I'd still be annoyed.
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I actually liked it. It's problem, though, is it isn't bad enough. It's actually a pretty competently-made film (I thought). But as a ___ ON A ____ movie, it could have been so much better/worse(in a good bad way). They should've just gone all-out and made the craziest fucking movie they could. They could've had Sam Jackson doing some hand-to-hand kung fu shit on the snakes, yelling "MotherFUCKER!" with every punch.
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that there was an Kickbox dude on the plane and they did not use his"skills",but I have to see the whole movie first.The premise is to funny to be ignored!
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I also wondered why they never used that guy! I think Vern had the same criticism.
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I hope he does Cloverfield.He is the only dude who has allmost the same taste of movies as I have(the AICN stuff not the TB´s).
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I mean I love a good Oscar-bait picture as much as the next guy, but let's face it. It's all about the boobs and 'splosions.
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Thanks very much.
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At least THE ROCK is enjoyable. And maybe BAD BOYS, but I haven't seen it in years. BAD BOYS II, though. That is just fucking terrible.
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and the Island has Scarlett(oh god shes hot)Johansson!and Ewan(he is a cool dude).
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have to rethink some of it,so you get it tomorrow morning(your time).It is worth the wait,you will see Hitler`s UTOPIA!And OLEG destroying it!
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People shit on it, but it's a decent flick. I look forward to the conclusion of WARSAW.
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did you fell asleep again?Over two hours without a post!You are not trying to get a life out there,are you?:-)
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see ya tomorrow.
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Dinners served, lads. Let me know what you think.
http://tinyurl.com/2qp3de
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Actually, I've been hanging with my cousin. His life has recently gone to shit so I'm giving him some of that old fashioned emotional support and shit.
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I'd love to write a movie. Problem is I've got too many fucking ideas. In the course of this talkback I've come up with three or four. And I'm working on two of them right now. This talkback is the greatest thing that ever happened to me (not true). It's made me happier than I've ever been (false). It's helped me be more confident and it makes the ladies crave my junk (blatant lie). But, seriously, I've had fun.
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that was a great 80's video action movie. alot of that shit is what I grew up with. but my favourite martial arts 80's movie apart from American ninja 2: the confrontation. has to be The Perfect Weapon.
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http://tinyurl.com/22ubeo
It's sure to render my copy completely obsolete! -
greatest thing i've ever heard.
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okay, richard roundtree is the dad, but hes not jewish.. the jheri curl jewish sideburns thing doesn't work..von stalhand is the little person, correct?
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WARSAW2:Hitlers Moon.As he breaks out of Bean he looks like Warwick Davies and later grows up to be Cyber-Mickey Rourke.In THE WARSAW SYMPHONY Mickey Rourke plays Von Stahlhand the whole time(read my plot outline for further info).
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now I can finaly get my copy of Seagalogy over here in Germany!It is hard to wait until May(but my Birthday is in May,best present ever to myself!).
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Jan 20, 2008 7:49:41 AM CST
I'm still alive. Barely. Nice to see you guys still flogging thi
by stuntcock mike
Spent most of the week reinstalling programs on a new hard drive. Old one crashed. Spandau, I'll be sending your emailed tunes asap. "Hitler's clone loved bald pussy."
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Fucking Dolphins
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WRESSLIN`Dolphins!Thats good!I see what I can do!
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Fantastic!
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part1-563 rock!part65 is a little weak though!
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Glad you liked it. My computer seems to be in its death rattle and that comic cover might be one of its last production. There's something that all of a sudden has started attacking my Corel graphics applications and causing my system to crash.I would draw a bit, saving my file every second, and then my machine would crash, I'd get pissed off, go crack open a brew watch an episode of Twin Peaks, then come back and draw for another ten minutes before it crashed again.Anyway, I'll type up some sort of formal pitch and email Harry about getting this series going some time later in the week when I have my computer situation worked out. And I'm also gonna do an album cover for Stuntcock Mike's brilliant score.Today, a buddy of mine is coming over and we're gonna get drunk and play Burnout Revenge and not think about Corel product malfunctions. Talk to you guys tomorrow.
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Looking forward to the Burnout Paradise for X-BOX360,allways loved the crashes!
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Then again all beer tastes shitty to me. But this was recommended by a friend who seems to know his shit when it comes to alcohol. Some fucking friend. Now I'm out $7.99!
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...I watched PLANET TERROR and PUNISHER '89 back-to-back to get inspired. It didn't work, but at least I was entertained for three hours.
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We return to Oleg as his V-8 shows up in Berlin at the Portal place!We see Oleg`s face in a state of shock and surprise.As the camera leaves the car,it pulls up(the only expensive crane/CGI shot in the movie,which still looks cheap)and shows us a futuristic "silverlined"view over NEU-GERMANIA(formerly known as Berlin)with huge Skyscrapers,Big Hitler statues and a lot Hitler clones(imagine everybody is a Hitler clone,kids,woman just anybody)!As the camera returns to Oleg we see that he has a GRIM look on his face and he pushes a button on his steeringwheel!Then two huge MG caliber.50 spring out of the hood,left and right to the open block engine!Now we get a FB where we learn how Oleg started to build his car(A-Team style again) after Snipes and the others left Earth!The FB ends and Oleg says:"This UTOPIA shit is OVER!"and starts blasting away every fucking Hitler clone in his way(heavy violence,exploding bodies,Hitler-kids get shot to shreds,all the shit never shown in Hollywood)!Now a HUGE ACTION scene starts(10-15 minutes)!Oleg`s V-8 starts creaming everything in his way,then security forces come in with Choppers,Tanks,Roadblocks and Minefields(yes),Footsoldiers and all the shit!But Oleg`s V-8 has all the goods:Laserguided shoot away Chainsaws(for the soldiers,violence brothers!).Ground to Air missile`s(big explosions).Flamethrowers(burning Hitler clones-allways good).Shoot away ACID bombs(HAHA).And all the crazy shit happens:Oleg drives into buildings,jumps from roof to roof,drives through the subway(chased by two choppers)and so on...!When the shit is over,we see a shot of the destroyed city in the background and Oleg driving up to the REICHSTAG!As Oleg arrives at the scene we see a Mercedes-Maybach standing in front of the Reichstag,a dude standing at the drivers door.It is......Jean-Claude van Damme as Hitler!We see him for the first time now!As he sees Oleg he gets in the car and a crazy carchase begins(around and inside the Reichstag)!In the end they come to the STANDOFF(inside the Reichstag in a huge room,with statues of all the bad Nazi dudes)!Both fire up their engines and start going frontal at each other!Oleg screams:"HHIIITTTTTLLLLLLEEERRR" and Hitler goes:"OOLLLEEEEGG" Then the two cars collide frontal with a HUGE crash!The camera goes in circels around the two crashed cars and all of a sudden the door of the Hitler car springs open and Hitler crawls out of the wreck!He starts crawling away as we see two boots in front of him,the camera goes up and we see Olegs face(bloody and smiling),saying:"No more HEIL for you Shitbrick!"and kicks Hitler in the face!But Hitler replies:"Nothing`s ohver Ohlegh!NOTHING!"and we see he has something in his hand and pushes it!After that we hear a loud ROAR!Oleg`s face shows disbelief!AND THEN SOMETHING BIG BREAKS THROUGH THE DOOR!it is:UBERHANS!Now the final FB starts,where we learn that poor Hans did not die fighting Von Stahlhand but was later picked up by Hitler who transformed him in to a Evil killing cyber UBERHANS!The FB ends and Hitler says triumphant:"Ih tink youh khnow each ohhther!hahaha!"And you know what happens next!Oleg gets creamed by UBERHANS real bad!But then,just as we think it is over for Oleg and Hitler screams:"KHILL DHAT COMMIE SCHWEIN!",Hans stops and thinks!Then we see understanding in Hans face and he lets go of Oleg(heavilly wounded)and turns to Hitler and growls in anger!Hitler runs away and NINJA Hitler clones start storming in!A HUGE battle between the NINJA clones and Hans starts(Hans kills 50-60)but gets overpowered and badly wounded!Then we hear a cartrunk jump open and see Oleg standing by his car and reaching inside!He pulls out a INDUSTRIAL STEEL NAILGUN combined with an CHAINSAW and says:"LET GO OF HANS YOU NAZIFUCKs"and starts nailing and sawing the Ninjas to shreds!After killing them all,Oleg gets to Hans and holds him until Hans dies with a sad growl!Oleg gets the STARE!Oleg finds Hitler on the glass roof of the Reichstag and they start a hefty hand to hand fight on the collapsing roof until the roof finaly breaks and they fall down in the great hall again!Both get up again,but we see Hitler`s tank is empty and Oleg has the "Finish Him"look on his face!Oleg picks up the chaingun of HANS and says."HEIL this MOTHERFUCKER!!!"and blasts Hitler to hell(in slomo)!As Oleg leaves the Reichstag,some heavy-metal tune starts and the screen freezes on Oleg`s bloody face for the credits.Thats it folks,hope you enjoyed the ride!
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Lets get some creative shit going!My heads empty now for new things!
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wow.Hope they show the Superbowl.
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maybe I am a little bored right now.
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show in a Steelbook edition.
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I can do it!
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that sucks.
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and it is cold in Green Bay!
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I think we need to work all these fantastic ideas into the classic "12 words or less" pitch, and submit them all to Troma, Asylum etc. We may well be a bit too high concept for them though.
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Pah, one of the greatest TB's ever? NOT ON MY WATCH, MOTHERFUCKER
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and has anyone seen Rutger's mighty DTV resume- He's been in loads of shady low rent horror.
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blind fury! that one where he hunts ice-t!
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a sign!
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and you don't ever want to let the man upstairs down.
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out there!
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I'd love to see an Argento-Snipes surrealist horror collaboration! I haven't seen all of Snipes's work, but I don't think he's ever worked with a surrealist virtuoso. It would be great. Especially if Argento busted out that old synthesized keyboard disco music for the freakout scenes.
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I'm hoping for some sort of shady Suspira-esque thing where Wesley is the devil running a martial arts boarding school for nubile teenage women. new girl arrives, skimpy nightgowns and horror ensue- with a bit of ass kicking thrown in.
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*Jarv delves into his hat with "cool sounding words in it and plucks out...*Satan's ninjas. or maybe not. the problem is with the devil, teenage girls and martial arts all set to a trippy synth score with some bizarre psychadelic visuals I may be over-egging the pudding. Unless I cast Danny Trejo against type as the menacing doorman/ servant that comes good in the end to save the nightie clad heroine from being butchered at the hands of wesley's hell cats. That might be cool
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ok so I made it through Alvin and the Chipmunks but that night I found out that two of my best friends were dating and it kinda put me in a funk, because that leaves me one of the few single guys left in my little group of friendsnow here's the sad part, I went and saw Alvin and the Chipmunks, but my mom called me just before I went and invited me over to play cards, I turned her down because I had to go to this movie for work , and I found out Sunday that there was a cute single college aged girl at their card party, believe me I was al little pissedSunday I had a gig with my band and then I watched some Venture Brothers and worked on my A&TC review and some more on TLBT
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the last 5 minutes of Blade 2 and the first 15 min of Blade 3...I hadn't seen 3 in awhile and it's not as bad as I rmeember it being, not great and you can tell that Goyer (that's who directed it right?) hates snipes and Kris Kristofferson and wanted to make a Nightstalkers movie but it's not horrible, it's just not a good BLADE movie
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but I wasn't head over hees in love with Blade 2.
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hmph. Disaster.
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I'm not a HUGE fan of any of the Blade movies really, they are sorta if they are on TBS or something I'll watch them, but I'm not like have to watch them or I'll diewhat is surprising to me about AICN is that there are that many Jack Ryan fans or Ryan Gosling haters out there to propel that talkback into the top 10
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supermodel's old liposucked fat and noses - with some toxic waste - come to life! can ex model sally van zandt [julie strain] and a veteran cop harley banderas [benjamin bratt] stop the model frankensteins from taking over LA?
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Jan 21, 2008 10:45:43 AM CST
I voiced an opinion of vague indifference to Jack Ryan
by spandau belly
I guess I find these movies as bland as they come. They're somewhat amusing at times, but I don't think anything to do with a new Jack Ryan movie could really get me all that excited.Okay, I'm lying. If it were Nick Cage as Jack Ryan I'd be counting down the days until I got see him sputter and stammer and freak out about global security.
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with a special guest apperance by Traci Lords as a former pron str who gets taken over
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yeah I voiced an opinon aobut ryan too, but I'm an old-school Clancy fan but could really care less about any movies past Hunt,
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they were hilarious, but Blade 3 just made too many jokes to be funny. This stuff is always funnier when they play it straight. And I'm sure I'm not the only one who finds Parker Posey inplictly funny, but her part in Blade 3 seemed like a serious role. Her lines weren't funny on paper, but she could read the want ads and I'd crack up.I also thought Blade 3 was supposed to be the end, but then the end was kinda leaving it open for Blade 4, which obviously wasn't going to happen until they reboot it five years with some rapper in the lead role or something.
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I just read that Wesley Snipes wants to do a Blade 4 as soon as his lawsuit with New Line and goyer is settledhe's suing because he belives he was asked to give to many lines to Ryan RynoldsI would have loved to have seen a Blade 3 with more emphisis on Blade and then an introduction to NightStalkersand what the hell was Cumpston (Patton Oswalt) doing in that movie, like anyone is going to belive that freaking Patton Oswalt is a vampire hunterone other thing about Blade, how many comic book movies has Donal Louge been in, I know Blade 1, Ghost Rider, seems like there has been some others
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I wonder where caruso is?
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Hell, if Snipes came back, I'd be there openning night. But it won't happen. Snipes has been branded DTV.
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right again?
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give us an review.It is your job man.
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The Biel buns had something to do with it. Ryan Reynolds stole the movie though.
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it seems to be working ok for meSpandau, I wouldn't mind either a Blade 4, I don't see it happening unless Marvel gets the rights back and for some strange reason decide to go that route with theri Iron Man/Hulk/Thor/Avengers moviehard to belive it's been almost 10 years since Balde doesn't itBTW didn't Vern give a steller review of the Blade TV show, I never saw it but heard mixed things
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it had some good violence and some nice babes.A second season could work but you know....
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was an interesting mess...David Cross was funny as usual, Jason Lee was pretty good but not as good as he is with facial hair...that's my rule re: Lee with facial hair is always funnier then without facial hair, but he makes the most interesting movie choices, Cross that iswhat really struck me though was how errily real to life it is. It details the rise of the Chipmunks to fame and how the record company gives them everything they want and spoils them and how it leads to their burnout and realization that Dave was just looking out for their own intrests with his rules and discipline, etc. It actually made me wonder if some of these young hollywood types could use some good old fashioned discipline in their lifebut I don't think that was the message they were shooting for, overall it was pretty cheesy with a weird add on love intrestI'd call it comparable to like the first Garfield movie
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good thing none of us our like WGA writers, we'd be in so much crap!
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we cracked the top 10 again WHOO!
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yes,he was great in Dreamcatcher!SSDD!
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I haven't seen Dreamcatcher, I always get worried when "workhorse" directors (like Kasden or in a previous generation Wise--you know ones that make good servicable movies in a variety of genres) try and tackle King, for some reason it just doesn't work as well, I like my King directors either unexpected (Riener, known for his light comedy tackling Misery well), a little crazy (Kubrick on the Shining) or just seem to "get" King (Darabont)
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and an EVIL Morgan Freeman.I know many people hate the movie but I think Kasdan(Silverado is a great movie BTW)got it right.The end is a little shaky but the rest is great stuff(Lee`s redneck dude is great).Watch it if you can.
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It sounds interesting, plus how can you go wrong with an EVIL Morgan Freeman
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Do they think this website is frequented by many supermodels or tycoons?
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I am here to restore this talkback to the Top Ten where it belongs. I might even propel it to Number One, which it is. These bitches can whine about the Goz playing Jack Ryan until they're blue in the face, but I have spent a few hours watching movies like MARKED FOR DEATH and PREDATOR 2 and my mind is clear. Where are the Oleg's of the world? Who will fight the crazed Nazi polar bears? It won't be the girl with teeth in her pussy. It won't be TOM CLANCY'S THE NOTEBOOK. It'll be motherfuckers like Danny Glover and Action Jackson, blowing away predators with shotguns and taking down Craig T. Nelson. It'll be Kevin Kline in that fucking movie THE JANUARY MAN where he spends most of his time freaking out the establishment with Alan Rickman and banging Maid Marion instead of trying to track down the serial killer who isn't Harvey Keitel like you were expecting and when he finally does find the guy it's some motherfucker you've never seen before and some '80s action-comedy chase music plays. Really, what the fuck was that all about? And Susan Sarandon was there. Not fighting polar bears, though.
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And I would nail that shut.
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I still don't know what was up with his fucking eyebrows. He had fucking Dr. Seuss eyebrows in that movie. I was waiting for them to reach out and strangle Tom Sizemore. Then Sizemore could say, "That's pretty fuckin' weird!" I think the movie would have benefitted from that sort of shit. Anyway, I saw it in the theater and by the end I was clawing my face off. "This isn't how it was supposed to happen!" I allegedly screamed. I thought the book was decent. Not anything to really write home about, but it had some good shit. Then when they made the movie they cut most of the good shit out. Like Mr. Grey eating raw bacon and having diarrhea attacks. That would've been a great scene. And then Morgan Freeman's eyebrows could say something clever. I fucking hated the movie. I'll put it like that.
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So I have no excuse for whatever the fuck it is I'm typing. Anyway, travis-dane, the $7.99 wasn't for one beer, it was for a six-pack. But that's a six-pack of beer that I'm not going to drink, so it's like I spent $7.99 on a prostitute only to find out that she's got genital warts or a dick or something and I'm like, "Well that's a bummer!" but I already paid for the hour. You'd think I would've known something was up when she(?) was only charging eight bucks. But I don't like to think ahead. It gives me gas.
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I can't believe they're running that shit on here. If this tumor wasn't benign, I'd be suing Harry for everything he's got.
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I can feel it in my balls. Nothing before August is going to be nominated. The Academy makes me sick. I think I'm shitting myself as I type this. By the way, travis-dane, OLEG'S WAY is giving me a hard-on. Van-Damme as Adolf Hitler? That's fucking genius. If I wasn't so busy shitting my pants, I'd be creaming my jeans. The fuckin' leads are weak? YOU'RE weak.
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His yelling and ranting gave me wood. Then Danny Aiello yelled "FUCK!" really loud. Kevin Kline was awesome as the hippie cop-turned-fireman-turned-cop, but there needed to be more scenes where he is fucking Gene Hackman's daughter from CLASS ACTION, the film that was not about a class action. Then a car could exploded and she would show her tits to the jury, just like in JANUARY MAN where I was the jury and she showed me her tits.
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Rod Steiger's acting was so over the top it was laughable! And nice job pointing out Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio's tits, you stupid douchebag.
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You one of those gays or something? You got a problem with me popping wood when Ms. Abyss whips out her sweater puppets? You've got some nerve, asshole. I'd like to meet you in person so I can shove your lame-ass post up your backwards communist ass.
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...write JANUARY MAN? Didn't he win an Oscar for that?
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Yes, John Patrick Shanley won an Oscar for MOONSTRUCK. But personally, after watching JANUARY MAN, I think he should give it back. Like Helen Hunt in AS GOOD AS IT GETS or SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE, which should give all of its Oscars back.
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It deserved every Oscar it got.
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What a shallow piece of crap. You, sir, are a fucking chimp.
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SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE should have been made by chimps.
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Jan 22, 2008 12:02:45 AM CST
its official: DOLPH LUDGREN is tougher than CHUCK NORRIS
by ironic_name
node/35350
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I would like to see a special "Composed by TB monkey's" category in the Oscars. Wouldn't it be great to see one of our little efforts destroy Snakes on a Plane?
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who is a fucking genius. And he used to bang Felicity Kendall when she was hot.
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What a let down. Laturo is a cunt.
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10(ten)years before that shit came to Germany!Crazy!Kevin Kline rules!
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Best one man conversation ever!Funky!
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Most years I've seen at most two of the five films nominated for best picture. And overall I've seen about 10% of the films in the other categories. The Oscars don't make me want to see the films they nominate because I find it a meaningless recommendation seeing as the Acedemy is made up of loads of people I don't know. But it's an honour just to be nominated.
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I can't check my email here at work, hotmail is blocked. I'll check it later and let you guys know what he thought, if he got back to me at all.
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and I bet almost nobody knows his greatest works:TLBT and THE WARSAW TRILOGY!poor schmucks!
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that's the only artwork I've got right now. If he greenlights this thing I'll start working on the first chapter. Even though my home computer is mental, I can still draw the outlines on paper. By the time I have the outlines done, I'll probably have my computer back and ready for the colouring. (fingers crossed)And yeah, long live Oleg!
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but Dark Angel is still the shiznit.
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and our outlines for TLBT and WARSAW.I E-Mailed Vern some days ago but got no response about it.
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carasuo that was freaking hilarious, easily best one man convo ever!cool spandeau I can't wait to hear what Harry has to say, I'm glad my job is so laid back they reallly don't care what I do with my computer as long as I get my work doneOLEG LIVES!
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Dark Angel 2. I'm being put to shame by you guys.
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my response WTF?do you get your questions answered by Sly if you're one of Harry's cronies I mean comeon?
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shopping routine!See ya in an hour!
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I flayed it and Mysterious Yobo came out defending him. I wanted to ask that about his question, as I don't believe that it would have got through if a non-staffer had submitted it.
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Jan 22, 2008 10:13:55 AM CST
in all likelyhood, Vern probably thinks this is stupid
by spandau belly
But don't worry guys, we've got each other, and we've got Oleg.
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Jan 22, 2008 11:04:23 AM CST
Oleg rules the universe!He could be the Master of the....
by travis-dane
oh,uh,nevermind.
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can I request some opening "screenplay" pages for WS? the fight is the only part thats "fleshed out" and how cartoony should I go? animated style or proper comic style? [haven't drawn in a comicy style in a while, a bit rusty] and yeah, I know doing a webcomic for AICN without any confirmation is silly, but we can make a site in, like 4 seconds that they could link to, or preferably they just host the images.. anyways, whats a good opening? needapass @ yahoo.com.au OLEG. no explanation necessary.
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at this point all we have is each other and OlegOleg is our hero our savior, ourumm never mind...although I would be curious what Vern does think of this DTV talkback that won't die
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our hearts.
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y'know.. cause oleg = gelo = jello = cosby's always room for jello ads.. nope? okay..
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I wonder if it's possible to put him in Every DTV film to be made.
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I was gonna try to explain this scene, but.. just see for yourself http://tinyurl.com/ywhf6cgary busey!
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an screenplay for WARSAW.In the plot outline I did is everything you need for a comic(I think).If not,let me know what you need.And it would be nice if you do it proper comic style.Thanks.
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at the end of WS. maybe hes cloned?
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THE TREJO stars in the second one.
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Jan 22, 2008 11:48:15 AM CST
travis-dane. ok, so it starts with silly narration. stock pics
by ironic_name
stock pics of nazis.. maybe that scene turns into wesley's hands playing the piano.. I don't know..
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last night my housemate and I watched a movie where jeff daniels dismembers a giant baby.. and there is a crawling, dismembered finger. I think. I might have been dreaming that.. the movie was called chasing sleep. if you see it advertised.. don't watch, 2 hours of jeff in a house wondering if he killed his wife. is it normal to hear the toilet say "I love you"? I need sleep.
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the WARSAW sequels are set in 2059+ and I think it is the real Oleg(the russians made him immortal),but I never brought that up before.And the opening of WS sounds good.
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after dark angel... dolph is enlisted to fight crime by the 'angels', an alien race. trejo is an alien and a murderer who has seen the light, and wants to make amends. rivals and allies, friends an enemies, intergalactic bounty hunters..
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tell him to kill the president, and the dali lama! he learns about life and death from Tenzing, [after he kills the president and james bond, and the yakuza, and the mafia] and becomes immortal!
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When bioweapons are unleashed, Oleg's immortality spares him the same fate as the rest of the planet and he becomes The Omega Oleg.
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Yeah, that passes for clever in my world.
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I've got the opening of SOLE HEIR, but that does not help at all.
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If those Academy fuckers nominate one more quirky comedy for Best Picture, I'm going to nuke the entire state of California.
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My lame fucking theater is going to be showing NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN this weekend, so at least I'll get to see ONE of the nominees.
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Jan 22, 2008 12:46:23 PM CST
I was watching CHILDREN OF MEN on HBO last night...
by caruso_stalker217
...and I liked it again the second time around, so it wasn't like I wasted two hours or anything. Before that I was trying to wrap my head around THE LAKE HOUSE. Keanu Reeves actually ACTING? The secret of Sandra Bullock's continued fame eludes me still. Before that was NINE TO FIVE, which I thought might be the movie where Jane Fonda took off her clothes and hung out in space all day, but it turned out to be some lame comedy about her hedonist boss Dabney Coleman. And Dolly Parton's tits were there.
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Colder war and WARSAW2&3 is some time left for Oleg`s other outings!Like:Omega Oleg or I AM OLEG!Oleg meets the Spartans (shortfilm)Samba Oleg(some kitchen fury)8MM 3:the Oleg Tapes(he knows how to snuff)and one season of 24(shows how he invents the laserguided shoot away chainsaw)OLEG
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Short-lived television sitcom where Oleg plays a wise father seeking vengeance. Every week his family will be killed in horrible ways and Oleg has 22 minutes to get revenge.
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gets caught in an maze of "sex,crime and violence"(which he starts of course).
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I think that movie needed a more engaging story in the foreground or something. I liked the movie, but it was all subtext and atmosphere. Brilliantly created mind you, but I guess I needed more of a main story beyond the non-stop chase.Feel free to call me stupid. I probably am.
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That and the most agonizingly slow getaway I've ever seen in a film. Those two things are enough to make me love that film.
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Guys, that is the BEST 10 minutes in cinema history! Imagine Wesley Snipes talkin' that speech VERBATIM in TLBT.
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where we dont call each other "stupid"!Children is a fucking great movie.From start to finish.Anybody who thinks different is STUPID!;)
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Did not get it.
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Alec Baldwin's only onscreen apperance in that movie? It should be plagerized directy from that movie and Snipes will recite it at some point. "FUCK YOU, THAT'S MY NAME!"
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but just saw it in German translation!Have to see this again!
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I'm way behind on this TB.
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I need THE TREJO!Let him loose!
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dude named caruso....oh!wait a minute!caruso pulled an Superman3 on us!shit.
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It's funny, when all those reviews for NO COUNTRY were being posted and a bunch of people found it frustrating that the climax was chopped out of the film and everybody retorted "You're stupid!" or "If you can't appreciate why a Coen Bros film doesn't need a climax then you're stupid!" or "That's the way it is in the book you stupid stupid! Learn how to read!", but nobody actually defended axing the climax AS A CREATIVE DECISION. Nobody who defended the movie said WHY they felt it strengthed the film to have the climax missing. I understand the whole faithful adaption arguement, but then tell me why it worked in the book.I'm not voicing an opinion on the film, I haven't seen it. I just found it funny that all the "smart" people who liked it couldn't explain why they thought cutting the climax was a better narrative move than leaving it in. My brother in law went to see it, and the Prime Minister showed up to watch it and so he saw the whole movie with some bodyguards pacing around all the cinema exits. But he still enjoyed it.
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here think their opinion is the only opinion!Thats sad.
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Great flick. Climax shmimax
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between Brolin and the bad guy.In Germany it is not out yet.Shit.
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Ultraviolet!Let`s see if it is really that bad!See ya later.
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It really IS that bad. The first time I watched it I had no fucking idea what was going on. I watched it a second time with commentary, but Milla Jovovich would go ten minutes between comments and I would forget I was watching a commentary so I'd be like "Woah!" when that shit would happen. Then I watched it a third time and a lot of stuff made sense, but the entire movie makes no sense.
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Shitty.
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I just looked this up, hoping it was a bunch of bullshit, but it looks like... well... that just fucking blows.
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my Girfriend is sleeping,she`s a big fan of Heath.I have to tell her in the morning,I feel bad now.
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make an great action movie with MILLA?She`s got it all,but they allways blow it!SHIT!
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guys I"m on my way home, but it's been a bad day for me and just to end it hearing about Heath Ledger is just awful, I really feel for his family at this point, great actor that left us too soonanyways, I'll see ya'll here tomorrow, sam bat time same bat channel
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I'm not much of a fan of the RESIDENT EVIL pictures, but I like Milla Jovovich. I was watching RESIDENT EVIL: APOCALYPSE the other night because it's somehow watchable and if only there was a real movie backing up the Jovovich, cuz she can kick ass convincingly onscreen. I thought EXTINCTION was fucking boring as hell and APOCALYPSE has definitely got it beat.
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Don't want to get sucked into that bullshit Heath Ledger talkback.
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Heath is dead.. a shame.
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wow,when some famous dude dies all the maniacs come out.Sorry I missed you caruso,we need some DTV fun to lighten up!
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Jan 22, 2008 6:52:28 PM CST
she could play oleg's sister, but even Milla's worst goes theatr
by ironic_name
goes theatrical
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And I think she would be up for some fun with Dolph!
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ex GRU and member of russia's fighting fox squad of female pilots! just as impervious to pain and cold as her brother.. and her brother is VERY protective of his 'little fox'
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but I am not sure about the name.....maybe Jelena,Ivancka,Katharina or maybe Natalia.Anna-Natalia sounds good.I am on it.
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I'm gonna go draw.. see you in the evening!
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I am out for tonight,see ya all tomorrow!
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That's fucking brilliant!
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...is her best. It's probably tied with her role as Christian Slater's girlfriend in KUFFS.
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blue lagoon 2. ok, thats including a number.
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Jan 23, 2008 2:19:04 AM CST
Still haven't seen BLUE LAGOON 2: ELECTRIC BOOGLAGOON
by caruso_stalker217
Still haven't seen the Brooke Shields one neither. Should I be ashamed of that?
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She was my favorite part of DUMMY. She "stole the show." Maybe. I don't know. Anyway, I wouldn't mind getting her, Vera Farmiga and Illeana Douglas in a tasteful late-'70s soft core porn scene starring me as the gardener with mutton chops. Something like YOUNG LADY CHATTERLY.
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never seen it. but blue lagoon 2 has 16 year old milla nipple slipage.. by the way whos seen RED HEAT? arnold is Ivan "ironjaw" danko. russia's most "persuasive" police officer!
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Directed by Walter Hill himself. It also paved the way for Viggo's nude fight in EASTERN PROMISES. At least that's the story I'm going with.
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Didn't really bother paying attention though. It really did not impress me.
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the one scene where Ivan switches on the tv, and sees some porn, he switches it off, and says; "Kepitelizm".. coolness.
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leg off!hehehe.
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you know I worte in Oleg's sister, but had mentioned she had died at the hands of The Alchemist, that could easily be changed if we get the Milla, who would be perfect5th Element is the first time I remember seeing Millaand I saw the 3rd RE movie in theatres without seeing the other 2 and wasn't compeletly lost, I think Mulchay is an ok director, better then Anderson by a long shot
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"Designed by German engineer E. Grotte, under contract with power-hungry Communists, this beauty had 24,000 horse-powers multiple engines, weighed 1000 tons, had 6 turrets and crew of sixty people. O... my.... God...." http://tinyurl.com/2rl67 http://tinyurl.com/232srl http://tinyurl.com/2rfjwr http://tinyurl.com/2ysfud
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I remember Arnie in that, but was the American cop played by Jim Belushi? Or am I getting confusedhere's one for you guys, Black Rain(?), wher Micheal Douglas plays a cop in Japan or somewhere
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that thing is massive...I don't know how but I'm SOOO incorparting one of those into TLBT
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tinyurl.com/2m5xuo
tinyurl.com/3bx93p
and check it out, polish uprising female soldiers tinyurl.com/3x9g6h -
tinyurl.com/2m5xuo
tinyurl.com/3bx93p
and check it out, polish uprising female soldiers tinyurl.com/3x9g6h -
Jan 23, 2008 9:47:38 AM CST
yep, jim belushi was officer art ridzik, and black raaiiiin!
by ironic_name
the swords and bmx bikes in the parking garage! the rampant racism! finger chopping! andy garcia sliced on half! chocolate rain sucks black rain's balls. just like sharon stone suc- actually, I won't finish that thought.
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I thought Belushi was in Red Heat, it was right around the time Jim left SNL and was trying to escape John's shadow or something and thanks for not finishing, I'm checking out those links now
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in the morning, and I have to sleep.. oleg lives!
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and Resident Evil drives me apoplectic with rage. Why did they bother twatting with the plot of the game? Because they thought they could reinvent the wheel. And what was the result? Amnesia- the screenwriters equivalent of the square wheel. Bollocks. Complete and utter Bollocks.
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ka-zam!
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Oleg finds out the sister he thought dead is alive and in a [bunch of letters string togather]stianso he recruits a ragtag team of mercs and friends{I see Kicker, maybe Jeffery Falcon, Mark Decascos, Sasha Mitchell, and some chick-maybe Filipino so we can steal some Bourne moves) have to rescue Olga (at the halfway point) then at some point everyone but Oleg and Olga dies and they have to battle their way out at the end
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I finished 2 more tunes but the file size is too fucking big to send or put on the MySpace page. SHIT!
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I feel shitty even reading half of that shite.
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ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE U.D.S.S.R.!An epic tale of a frozen supersoldier his smokin`hot sister,the fall of an empire and tons of violence!
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Switch the father-daughter Arnie-Milano dynamic with a brother-sister Oleg-Olga dynamic and the thing just writes itself."I eat Uzbekistanian rebels for breakfast, and right now, I've got many food stamps."
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It's pretty classy. I did the outline at work yesterday. Maybe I'll finish it up tomorrow night.
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Sweeeeeet. I gotta work out a way to get a disc out to all you guys when all is said and done. I've got 4 or 5 more songs in the works right now.
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when I'm writing, I listen to your music, it really does just fit perfectly and inspires me
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Try to send me the songs zipped. That might let you sent them to me. If you can't do that, try splitting them in two and just tell me to merge them.You can even title them stuff like old soul songs like "Roadhouse Rumble Pt. 1".Also, I'm working in a character called Mystic Cowboy, who I originally was thinking would be Mickey Rourke as a mysterious informant, but now I'm thinking of drawing him more as Seagal. If you could write him a Twin Peaks theme style new age flowing piano ballad song, I'd really appreciate it.
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Once I know all the song titles, I'll start working on a back cover that will probably feature Saphire sprawled on a motorcycle.
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Shouldn't be too tough.
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I am so fucking there.
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hot for that!
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like yesterday!who was Saphire again, I'm too lazy to scroll back up 900+ postshow soon till we reach 1000
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Better known as the Queen of CLUBS!
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but I could be wrong.
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Saphire was Rothrock but wasn't sure...I named Falco's stripper girlfriend Erica because she's based on Erica Campbell
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first name that is.Have to read again....allways makes me smile!
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There are many twists and turns. I sure as hell can't keep up and I'm partially responsible.
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Oleg lives in the sewers of Moscow(in `88)and is a renegade fighter against the KGBMilla is the Boss of an KGB special unit who hunts Oleg...And it will have a HUGE car chase with all the KILLER cars of the time:Lada,Skoda,Yugo and so on....this will be fun
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Jan 23, 2008 6:18:22 PM CST
A Yugo has to get launched fifty feet through the air...
by caruso_stalker217
...and take out a Soviet gunship! And no LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD business where the bad guy jumps out and survives. Instead, the bad guy will jump out and fall directly onto a landmine!
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a chainreaction of 50-80 mines taking out12 tanks in front of the fucking KREML(just saw that in my mind),thats HUGE!
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...should just degenerate into mindless off the wall action. Lots of explosions and body parts and Dolph riding a motorcycle with rocket launchers mounted to it.
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an chopper and shoots rockets into the KREML!Together fighting the bad guys(thinking,we need at least 3 main dudes)on the golden Roof of the KREML!
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Jan 23, 2008 6:39:09 PM CST
So, it'll be the whole "enemies become allies" thing
by caruso_stalker217
Even in really shitty movies I dig it when the good guys and bad guys join forces.
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That's some good shit.
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SEAGAL as the supersecret KGB agent only known as "THE TRAVELLER"(and the half brother of El Diablo as we learn in TLBT years later).Milla vs. Seagal,oh what a great moment in DTV history!And Milla has to die in the end.Oleg could have a FB in WS3 when he holds Hans and we see in the FB how he holds Milla dying!
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because they find out they are brother and sister!
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...that he will carry with him always. Or she could give him a necklace. Something significant that he can look at later and have flashbacks about.
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I think that might be a given.
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I know a few movies with that title.One is about skiing(Willy Bogner).
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Swords and magic and buxom young women. That kind of shit.
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I think I saw that one a long time ago.....yeah in the "Heavy Metal"craze me and my buddies went through(brings Julie Strain to my mind,we could use her too).
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This'll never beat out Aquaf@g.
By the way, you just know Moriarty's going to come on here and tell you guys to bugger off to the Zone any day now. Fair enough if you don't, though. I don't see what harm you guys are doing. -
amazing..
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just to give everyone an image of oleg. and right now I'm watching "extreme ops" a movie that opens with.. SKYDIVING! so far it has a korean guy playing a japanese businessman, rufus sewell thinking about his paycheck, and a guy skateboarding on a train!
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In my mind I'd based her on Gemma Atkinson. I also had another character based on Erica Campbell in mind for later in the story.
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is talking about?I dont get it.
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aquaf@g was a tb thread [before my time] about... something.. it was probably as long and slow to load as the lost tb.. if we move to the zone, thats cool.. but theres something so analog and old about posting here good for DTV brainstorming.
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but is it worth it?
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It better not be that diet thing. I'm skinny enough.
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as does motion capture.
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with bullets, shotgun is the king, grenade, from T2 launcher style could be rook, rifle bullet is the horse one.. for tlbt
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bigfoot on mars! tinyurl.com/2z79mp catjuggling.ytmnd.com rentalcars.ytmnd.com cat juggling!
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I hope we don't get asked to move to The Zone, I love the Talkback featureAquaf@g is a TB thread from several years ago, in the 1st or 2nd season of Entourage, Harry and AICN were mentioned as saying that the lead actor dude in Entourage was going to be cast in an Aquaman movie but was called Aquaf@g, right after that there was specualtion that...Cameron maybe was wanting to get into the comic book movie thing and do an Aquaman movie so it was posted as Aquaf@g gets a greenlight or something to that effect, it went on forever, I believe it and the LOST season finale TB may be the two longest TBs in histroy of AICNI've been coming to this site for WAYYY to long now, started in fall of 96? Winter of 96/97...right around the time Blues Brothers 2000 was released. I missed the big Batman and Robin controversary but I remember when Howard Stern was supposed to be Scarecrow rumors and many many many other rumorsironic, that's some good stuffApandeau that works too (Saphire is Falco's g/f, Erica C is another stripper who falls for Oleg)Oleg and Olga (or Nikita or Anne-natalia or something) for Milla
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thats cool.I dont think we have to move,we have not reached 1000 yet so keep it up.
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of many a flame war, many a battle, many a discussion, etcthis site in fact is what inspired me to finally read LOTR, I was an English major in college and had never read it, when I heard the movie was coming out, I went out to my local bookstore and bought a copy of the 3 books togather and devoured itin fact the only time I'm not on this site at least once a day is when I went overseas in 2006 and didn't have a laptop with a wireless connection *laugh* I'm planning on going overseas this summer and hope to have a laptop with an internet conenction so I can keep in touch
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Europe?
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I'm looking at spending 2 weeks in Afghanstain with a buddy of mine, filming him. He's an EMT here and went over last year to teach CPR and First Aide to Afghans he wants me to go with him and film him doing it and the country side and the people and put togather a type of documentary, then I'm looking at going back to the Philippines and spend some time there with some friends of mine
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wow man,you sure see something of the world.Let me know how Afghanistan is(I just know it as seen in Rambo3 and the news).
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I mostly come here during idle moments at work. It's pretty rare that I hit this site on weekends. I usually only use a computer at home when colouring my comic book. But my home computer is currently evil, so I'll try and finish the album cover tonight and then look at other options for future illustrations.I guess I've been coming to this site for a bit over a year. Since I started working in an office environment. It's a nice place to come and chat. People always talk about how we're so anti-social these days and everybody is always blocking social interaction out with headphones and PSPs etc. and how nobody ever just chats on the bus. I think that's nonsense, I know I could never meet people like you guys on the bus or at a pub. The internet has helped like-minded individuals or at least people with a common group of interests converse more than ever.I'll bet I could hit a different pub each day and try and start up a conversation about Predator or Dario Argento or whatever and just get wierd looks and blank stares. But, I can come here every day and chat with many people from all over the world about topics that interest us.
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should do an Predator giallo!With Asia and Milla!
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as mentioned somewhere above, I live in a small town when I saw Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, one of the few foregin language films I've seen in the theatres, quite a few people were there, by the time the movie ended I was the ONLY person in the theatreEYES WIDE SHUT, the only Kubrick I ever saw in the theatres was ruined by some hick rednecks who couldn't understand what was going on in the moive (of course I still struggle with the themes of that movie but I digress) and loudly made it knownif I tried to go to a pub or bar and talk aobut the mythology of Predator or Alien or Dario Argento or Kubrick or Hitchcock, I'll get a few comments but not much of a discussion that I can get into herelike this DTV conversation, I could never get into because either a)that sounds stupid or b)that is stupid something like thatmy town is the town that held Transformers here for 2 extra weeks but couldn't get run baby Run (or theatre manager hadn't even heard of it) or The Assisnation of Jesse JamesI just saw August Rush and while it's not a great movie it brings up some interesting concepts in regards to music, like is it born in us or do we learn it or what. Similar iwth movies, I don't know how I got into movies like I did, I think I can blame Kevin Smith for seeing Clerks in 94 just before I graduated HS, and then several years later reading Spike, Mike, Slackers, and Dykes by John Pierson. This site really has proved valuable to metravis, I'll be sure to let you guys know aobut Afghanstain, I've seen very little of it myself so I'm anxious to go over and see what happens. I've always wanted to visit Europe, espically Italy and Greece, but I haven't made it over there. I haven't even hardly made a dent in the US, I've been to California twice and never stepped outside the airport, but I've been to Guatamala, The Philippines, and Taiwan, so I guess it levels out
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My cousin did two tours over there. Luckily, he's still the same lovable asshole he always was.
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And Clerks was the shit back then(and today),have to see part 2.Have you guys seen part 2?AICN gives me the possibility to chat with dudes like you guys.Here in Germany it is heavy to find some DTV love.
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And it was a good time, I thought. I was pretty doped up on Flintstones vitamins at the time, so for all I know it could have been terrible.
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caruso I have to see clerks 2(Rosario Dawson).
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But I looooove MILFs!
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sorry!my balls sometimes take over!
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The power of... balls? I don't know.
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I'll give her that. Actually, CLERKS 2 is one of the few movies I've seen her in where she didn't annoy the fuck out of me. Then I watched it a second time and she annoyed the fuck out of me, though her boobs were real bouncy in the scene where she dances. So now the only movie I've seen her in where she doesn't annoy me is that bit part she has in SHATTERED GLASS. Man, the Sarsgaard fuckin' OWNS that movie!
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Yipes Bloo, that sucks. My city is kinda strange, it's plenty big and there are lots of opportunities for people into off-beat stuff to enjoy it. We've got one arthouse cinema and one grindhouse cinema. Nobody used the term grindhouse until that Grindhouse double feature came out, but now that cinema actually advertises itself as an official authorized house of pure grinds(TM). And we've got several cult video stores that specialize in various niches such as martial arts, camp, artsy movies, horror etc. We've got a semi-world class art gallery that occassionally attracts something at least noteworthy and several theatres and we attract lots of good musical acts.
But here's where it gets wierd. All most people talk about is sports and like you Bloo, everybody around me saw Transformers twice and loved it but wouldn't even give Black Book a chance. They can talk sports until the end of time. And it's not a deep analysis either. It seems like a competition to make the most moronically obvious statement possible. Statements like "If they'd scored more they would've won." or "They just need to keep the other guys from scoring so much." or "Yeah, they won last night, that's what they need to do all the time."
I realize that the grindhouse and the arthouse are a minority compared to the amount of multiplexes they've got out in the sub-urbs and that it doesn't take that high a percentage of our population to sell out a concert, but still. I almost never meet anybody who's into any of the same stuff I'm into. Somebody's there at all those concerts I go to, but then they vanish the rest of the time. I had a bunch of friends with similiar interests from secondary school, but they're all in semi-abusive relationships now where their wives don't seem to let them leave the house and they constantly claim to be "tired" so I rarely see those guys. So when we all go to a concert or a movie, and the show lets out, they've all got fifty messages on their mobiles from their wives telling them to get home now, or they're "tired" so we don't get to have the great post-show conversations like we used to.Anyway, like I said before, it's nice to come here and chat and hang out. And we've got Oleg, and nobody can ever take him away from us. Hopefully I'll check my email tonight and get a reply from Harry on the TLBT proposal. -
Stand aside, Abe. I am no longer a Vigoda's Witness!
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PORN!....talk about perspectives.But I like it.
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While I'm sitting in the shit here! Fuck you! I'm only a three-block walk from a Blockbuster Video, the library, and the movie theater! It ain't much, but god damn it I make the most of it!
Uh, except for the library thing. I don't even have a library card, which I need to get. Cuz I love to fucking read books. -
Hilarious.
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that was great!The dude from Alias throwing up.....YEAH!!
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are the lambs still screaming?" "No, but the dolphin sure as fuck is."
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I had forgotten there was even an Oleg vs. Dolphin discussion.
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"Flip this."(fires rocket launcher at point blank range)
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after UBERHANS gets killed,where he says:"Ih shouldh hhave gothen meh shome DELFINE VERDAMMT(german)!!!!"but I forgot it!damn!
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we did it!
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guys I didn't think the 5 or 6 of us could pull off a 1000 plus DTV talkback where everything from Dolph to Clerks gets coveredClerks 2 was fun, I enjoyed it but not as much as the first one, that one was greatspeaking of Rosario Dawson, I just read a book called the Year of Living Bibliclly where this writer for...Vanity Fair or the New Yorker spends a year trying to live as close to the commands of the bible as he can, anyways he has to interview Rosario while he's on his "no impure thoughts" part and she talks about, in detail her sex life, it's a pretty funny page or 2 in that bookI'm so happy to see she's out of Miri and ? make a porno moviein favor of the chick that was in Spiderman and Fred Claus, she's smokinI ventured a little into the Indie talkback but been having a little bit of a busy day at work, so I've just been scanning the headlines and reading some stuff and writing in here
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Jan 24, 2008 2:58:55 PM CST
Hitler does a line of Kokainium and cheats on his girlfriend
by stuntcock mike
Eva Braun is PISSED and shacks up with Oleg.
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"Spiderman and Fred Claus",what?tell me more man!
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http://tinyurl.com/28mx8b
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for the DTV.Come on guys,I am working on The UDSSR movie and need some funky shit to read while thinking(bringing the DTV gold is not easy).YOU CAN DO IT BROTHA(Hogan voice)!
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Kevin Smith is making a movie called Zach and Miri make a porno I couldn't remember the name Zach thus the ?. Anyways the chick that played Betty Bryant in Spiderman, who was also in Fred Claus, Elizabeth Banks I believe her name is, anyways she's in the movie. Origianlly Rosario was going to be in but couldn't because of some other movie (sin City 2 maybe, I don't remember) anyways, the story is about this young couple Zach and Miri who are like dirt poor or in debt or something and to get out the make a porno
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A small part of me has died this day.
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...will NOT be showing RAMBO. It's time to go John J. on those hateful motherfuckers!
At least I'll be seeing NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN this weekend. Unless they really want to kick me in the balls and yank that at the last minute. -
I'm not a machine, travis-dane! This shit takes time and dedication!
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This idea is not in the true spirit of DTV, I'll admit. I've had this nibbling at my brain for some time, long before this life-altering talkback. I had the delusion briefly that this would be a "classy" picture, but I'm starting to get the idea that I'm not good enough for that kind of thing. Instead, this will be a small bloody exploitative Roger Corman-ish affair. Not the DEATH RACE 2000 Roger Corman, but the ST. VALENTINE'S DAY MASSACRE and THE INTRUDER Roger Corman. The "it's like a real movie" Roger Corman.
I give you THE NOTORIOUS RAFFERTY BROTHERS. Set in the 1920's at the height of prohibition, it revolves around four brothers who get caught up in bootlegging and other unlawful activities. They'll shack up with lots of loose women and pull bank jobs and get into shoot-outs and get caught up in double crosses and (SPOILER) will all eventually be killed in terribly graphic ways. (END SPOILER) And maybe some other shit will happen. I still have to work on it, but I've got a lot of the major plot points and developments in my head already. I'll get some shit out to you as soon as I can. -
KINKY!
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Sounds pretty "OPUS" to me!:-)
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"CINEMA GUERILLIA"movement!NO FUCKING RAMBO!OH SHIT!!!!
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It's kinduva a J-horror meets a Conan movie about this whole Facebook phenomenon. It's calledFACEBOOK: THE MURDERATION OF BLOODIFIED KILLENINGS
http://tinyurl.com/22hzzq
I'm also working on something new for you guys. I'll type it up over the weekend.Glad Travis liked the album art.
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Sounds like it needs Marky Mark as the lead Rafferty, Max. And maybe Michael Rappaport as the dumb one, Charlie.
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I'd watch that, I'd watch it as a Bish movie a DTV or an all-star A list George Cloony/Brad Pitt movie directed by Soderberg or Spielberg (or any -berg)
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Cast for DTV:Val Kilmer....the old oneJohn Leguziamo....the crazy oneMark Dacascos....the martial arts oneRob Schneider....the strange oneand Mickey Rourke as father figure/mentor!just my take,hope you like it.
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or an Elliott ness-ish cop.
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sheriff!It works in DTV(and Trejo with an redneck accent,hehe).
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W.I.P
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Keep it coming BROTHA!
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THE TREJO as wesley!
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Jan 25, 2008 12:13:15 PM CST
this is an earlier version.. before I studied snipes' face
by ironic_name
http://tinyurl.com/ysd5lf WS = WS!
wesley warsaw symphony snipes! -
thats cool!Dont forget that Snipes "hands" are:Right:a rusty saw.Left:a whip made of pianostrings(the hands on your drawing could be the hands he`s got when he returns from Berlin to Warsaw).But again man:Amazing stuff!(I cant draw a straight line,so I am extra impressed!)
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I like how everybody knows that one of the brothers has to be crazy. There's the oldest who is also the coldest, the crazy fucker, the smart one and the greenhorn.
Spandau, how the hell did you know the oldest was named Max? I think I've got a Bill, a Danny and a Sam. Never thought of a Charlie.
I'll try to whip up some script pages later. I kinda have an opening in mind. -
Looks like shit is starting to come together. Looking good, brother.
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and I just saw Leguziamo as "FLOYD RAFFERTY"in my mind(tweed dress,funny hat,black&white shoes)oh lord,funny!
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And I could have an Eric Roberts type play the corrupt police detective.
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we almost have no fat dudes in our DTV!Some guy who really sweats like hell and drinks bad shit(like the dude in Batman `89).Any ideas?
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Clarence Raymond Elmer Eugene Floyd Walter Edwin Clyde
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The corrupt police dude should be called Cletus Spring,or something.
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I was thinking he could have the weapons come out of his hands.. I grew up looking at, and working on piano guts. if its really important to you, he can have just a saw and whip.. but I was thinking about the silly over the top DTV sort of thing, plus it reminds me of army of darkness!
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by the way, when i said "weapons would pop out of his hands" I meant the saw and the whip.. I know i did a buzzsaw, but thats just a quick image, to prove that I was drawing.
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may the OLEG be with you.. the TREJO, too.
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movie having no "hands" for the better part of the movie is so DTV(like my girlfriend would say:"how does he eat or whipe his ass....and me having no argument but "ITs DTV").You could do the Enter the Dragon thing with changing "hands".
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if not WATCH IT RIGHT AWAY,ASAP!Forgot about it,but one of the dudes over at CHUD mentioned it and I rewatched it and....HOLLY SHIT!one of the BEST DTV´s ever!!!DOLPH as badass merc!!and fucking VIOLENCE!!have to calm down...fuck.watch it guys!
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ahh....the good times.But we got the 1000 and are 14 days and running.
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had a crazy day at work today so I didn't get much work or posting done, our tech guys was trying to put a new computer in for me, transfering my harddrive and everything on it
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I hate that computer shit!
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in fact he crashed our server at one point trying to do it, that was fun. When I left several hours ago it wasn't ready yet, I guess I'll find out Monday
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do you at least got an good computer?
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...and was pleasantly surprised. Not a bad way to kill 90 minutes and I actually cared about the characters. Well done, CLOVERFIELD.
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Was that the one with B.D. Wong?
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My left nut!
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Pass! I'd rather take it up the ass by Alvin and the Gaymunks than watch a bunch of lame yuppies whine about how their lives are so hard because of giant fucking clovers. Horseshit!
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as merc babe Yeah!
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Jan 25, 2008 10:17:05 PM CST
"I'd rather take it up the ass by Alvin and the Gaymunks"
by caruso_stalker217
Yeah I bet you would, caruso. And I bet you'd let the Muppet Babies fist your asshole awhile.
Anyway, you're way off base about CLOVERFIELD. It's not "giant clovers" attacking the city. It's a big lizard-bat-squid thing that shits spiders the size of border collies. -
Good lord, yes. The only thing I've actually seen her in was BRUCE ALMIGHTY, but that was enough. Oh yeah, baby!
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Yeah, that sounds real interesting. Tell me, caruso, is it difficult to talk with J.J. Abrams' cock in your mouth?
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thing by the second post.hehehe...my girl will kill me later...shit.
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I just think that CLOVERFIELD was a good movie that lived up to the hype. The effects were very good and there were some very intense moments, such as the scene where they are walking through the subway tunnel. And that Marlena chick was hot!
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J.J. in MY LIFE!Get out J.J.you sick FUCK!gnarl whatever comes to my mind....
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I knew you were just some undersexed nerd jerking off in your mother's basement. "That Marlena chick was hot!" That's the best you can come up with? Weak, dude. Weak.
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I've seen ten minutes of LOST. I saw Quentin Tarantino on ALIAS. I have heard of FELICITY. This Abrams fella doesn't impress me. And I'm somewhat disturbed by this whole STAR TREK thing. I don't know where J.J. Abrams got all this cred.
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and with that I leave you caruso,keep it up man,you rule!And to caruso:SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH!!!
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caruso that liked Cloverfield, good to hear from one of the DTV guys about that movie, I dig LOST and MI3 but was unsure about the spider/lizard/bat/squid monstercaruso, JJ RAWKS, like White Snake rawks shut up before i come over there and knock your nuts intravis, my theatre got Charlie Wilson's War and another week of Alivin and the Gaymunks, but I may be travelling this weekend to see Rambo, either way I'll get to review it. I was talking about it all day at work today. I don't know what kind of computer I'm getting, I know it'll be a mac, but I"m not sure what kind it's going to be though
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haven't heard of it, but if it's got BD WONG and CATHRINE BELL in it, I'll see itI saw Missionary Man at Wal-Mart today and got a big old smile seeing Dolph on the cover of a DVD,
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Looks like somebody else has got J.J.'s cock up their ass.
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We all know you are the one getting cornholed by Abrams. You're just pissed because FELICITY isn't on anymore and Kerri Russell doesn't have a career. CLOVERFIELD fuckin pwns your ass!
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Every time I walk past that MISSIONARY MAN DVD I make a promise to myself that I'll rent it eventually.
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I think I'm going to start writing that in random places, like rest stop walls and overpasses and what not
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dolph is a samurai!
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See you in Hell, "Give Peace A Chance"!
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Heard good things, yet I still haven't seen it.
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I was thinking that could appear randomly on walls in TLBT you could spay it on things, with a message to go to the maybe soon to be in existence aicn/comic URL once we get some of WS done!
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I want to see that so fucking bad. In ANY medium.
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And having impure thoughts about her friend with the red wig.
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Hannah Montana has the possibilty of being a very...impure show
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And it's not the fact that Billy Ray Cyrus still has a small amount of fame left.
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I mean this bitch is forcing her friend to lead a double life with her. And since it's a kid show they make it seem like a double life is only slightly annoying, but they are so wrong. I myself have often masqueraded as a platinum blonde named Tess and it has brought me nothing but grief. And scabby knees.
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I did it! I'm a fucking wizard from beyond the Moon!
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He gave me five bucks for standing outside with him while he smoked a cigarette!
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Jan 26, 2008 2:38:24 AM CST
Having impure thoughts about Hannah Montana's friend!
by caruso_stalker217
And I've got a crisp five dollar bill in my pocket!
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Jan 26, 2008 2:40:55 AM CST
I snorted a line of moon sugar with my rolled up $5 bill!
by caruso_stalker217
Yeah baby! Back in the Top Ten!
OLEG LIVES! -
Oleg does a backflip on his motorcycle while firing two chain guns and jumping twelve tanks.
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OLEG LIVES!!! I was just looking at some anime and while I don't like Anime for some reason I keep thinking of an anime called Oleg Lives where we basically violate all the rules of anime, in which intead of having the good guys have the big wide yes they all have little eyes and the villians eyes are always like popping outI hear you caruso, Hannah is something...strange, I have a 10 y/o sister that despies Hannah Montana and yet watches the show, I think there is some kind of hypnotic holdor large amounts of cocine being snorted by older men with 5 dollar bills who are sometimes called Tess
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So the Tess thing will only get creepy when I hit maybe 40.
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Also, SPIRITED AWAY and PRINCESS MONONOKE. But that's about all the Anime I've seen.
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I guess once you hit 30 (like me) then you assume everyone is getting old...and creppy
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...befriending people on the internet who are ten years older than me?
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...called CREEPY ROBOT ASSASSIN! It's basically 90 minutes of a Japanese schoolgirl crying while a happy rabbit smiles from a hot air balloon and a robot flashes his creepy assassin eyes at the screen.
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I'm not one of those guys on "To Catch a Predator", until recently I was always the youngest in my group of friends, in the past couple of years, I've gotten a new group of friends and now I'm the oldestthat is so existential it might just work for an Anime, theyowould love something like that
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...but it's a rough and tumble world out there. And those 14 year olds are crazy as hell.
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I'm a little sleep deprived.
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May cause seizures and crapping.
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it's almost 4 am here in Kansas and I'm stil up, why I'm up, I don't know but am
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But I'll probably be up past four watching HARD TO KILL or something.
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...to catch a 1:30 showing of NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN.
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...this talkback will never die.
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an hour and a half, to two hours, buy my own ticket and a friends just to see Rambo tomorrowI can't waitI noticed next week, because I have to do thtis cut and paste thing for my papers TV GUIDE section, that there is going to be some killer USA Segal movies on
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I'm going to torch my theater.
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shoot a flaming arrow right through the window that would be AWESOME
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...THE NOTORIOUS RAFFERTY BROTHERS or maybe BLOOD BROTHERS, but I'm at my cousin's house right now. Either I need to figure out a way to easily transport my clunky PC from place to place, or I need to get a laptop.
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You can't go wrong.
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I've got a mac at work and a PC at home and tey don't like to talk to each otehr, so if I spend my lunch brak at work working on TLBT then I've got to email it to y home account and not ust as an attchemtn I've got to copy and paste into the body of the email and then fire it off, it's a pain in the butt
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...doesn't help. My brain is completely incapable of making DTV magic right now.
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No compatibility problems.
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the Journaryman TB that reappered, I don't know if it's because there hasn't been much new news outside of Sundance coverage, or they got jealous of us or what, but man, one did was just posting random stuff in thereI'm sure glad WE would NEVER do that
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So I haven't looked at the talkback. Actually, I don't watch much t.v. these days. The writers' strike has cured me.
Yes, we're too classy for random posts. -
I am the first Jewish space commander. Occasionally I battle space nazis. My special abilities include being good with money and musical aptitude.
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Ghost in the Shell 1&2Vampire Hunter D Bloodlust and the other oneAkiraFist of the NorthstarNinja ScrollCOWBOY BEBOPthose all are movies,not TV shows!Anime TV Shows you have to see:COWBOY BEBOPHellsingGhost in the Shell:Stand Alone ComplexGantzthose above are FUCKING masterpieces,so look them up and enjoy!
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but OLEG is with me!See ya guys later.
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I'm glad I'm not the only one who likes hannah montana's friend, "she sees horny people" I like the purple wig thing.. walker would give her aids, das fo sho!
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don't bad mouth the plan.
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http://tinyurl.com/2qcj2y
can't be bothered adding the t
Oleg is immortal, oleg is the plan, the plan is perfect, don't bad mouth the plan. -
Showdown is funny,but Men of War is the SHIT(DTV wise)!
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Back in the Top Ten! I'm gonna rape a water buffalo! YA-HOO!
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yummie!Catherine Bell rocks!She gets a part in UDSSR!
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And maybe she could show her sweater puppets!
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but the truth is......she is a Nazi sleeper agent,trying to kill Oleg(because Hitler fears Oleg up there on the moon,knowing that one day Oleg will come for him)).And Milla and Catherine fight when the truth comes out(hahahaha PUPPIES!!).
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Articles of clothing may be lost.
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like in Matrix3 just without flying but with white Tanktops(oohhh...).
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I've got CREAM in my JEANS!
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14 again!But the battle is already up in my head.and I got an new BAD dude for us.......Tiny Lister!That huge fucking killing machine got me the creeps watching Men Of War again(what an animal)!
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...in ARMED AND DANGEROUS. As I recall, hilarity ensued, etc. Actually, I think John Candy roughed him up a little.
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But in a good "Oleg lives" kind of way.
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You didn't mention that Charlotte Lewis was also in MEN OF WAR! I definitely gotta see that shit now!
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Fifth Element(best pres. ever!)!So he knows Milla!
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Even better than Kurtwood Smith in STAR TREK VI.
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allstar cast!and Brian Tighe,Kano from MK,Greg without Dharma,the priest from Vampires,an gipsy pirate,Tiny,hot chicks and the plot evolves around SHIT(really)!SEE IT!
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Yeah baby! Catherine Bell! Charlotte Lewis! Back on the Top Ten, brutha! Bell!
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"uncut"version.Had to go to the Netherlands to buy one!You sure dont have that problem,enjoy!
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..is how Germany can have PUNISHER '89 uncut and I'm sitting here in the dark with my crappy-but-still-awesome-as-fuck Region 1 DVD!
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I want that Roddy Piper/John Carpenter commentary, goddamnit!
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that was one of the worst cut movies ever(together with Robocop),they cut 10 minutes,the finale...well there is none....no blasting away the samurai...no fighting the mute chick...no hands and heads cut off!Had to buy that one in Belgium on an crappy DVD bootleg!
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Damn my incompetence! I know there is a version out there with an extra 15 minutes (I think it's mostly pre-PUNISHER character development stuff) but I don't know where the hell it is.
I love the samurai massacre. 30 motherfuckers with swords, Castle and Franco just mow them down. -
maybe some German company did that,but I am not sure,since such movies arent allowed to have ad`s or to be sold in public!Maybe I have to go to my old Videostore again!But I got the Criterion version of ROBOCOP(that was expensive to get!).
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Dolph reloads his rifle in the elevator.The door opens.....Dolph stands somewhere else and loads his rifle again!Later Gosset Jr. comes out and the room full of dead samurai is shown for the first time!!great!
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I can sleep now.
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...to secure this shit in the Top Ten, but I'm bone dry. I haven't watched a single movie in two days. I can feel my internal organs drying up.
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I'm ODing on shitty movies!
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http://tinyurl.com/2t67rc
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is he playing for the nazis, or for an underground resistance group? have the nazis invaded?
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yesterday I could not post here and some other people tryed too but it was broken!puh glad I am back!
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montage of Snipes how he grows up and learns how to play the piano....and then the Nazi`s invade Poland and start the WARSAW ghetto....
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maybe he falls in love with a girl? [she can be working for the nazis, or obliterated by them as they invade, if we want to get rid of her quick] sounds more and more like a conan style revenge movie!
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tinyurl.com/253bvg I mean hitler was a cunt, and Oleg is a cunt-destroyer, but THOUSANDS of people died.. maybe this shouldn't be too tongue in cheek. in better news, tinyurl.com/26r8mz tinyurl.com/295hqo http://isurvived.org/TOC-I.html#WarsawGhetto
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That was a damn good film. It doesn't even really feel like a T.V. movie. And it's got David Schwimmer and Hank Azaria blasting nazis!
THE PIANIST was also very good.
And I'm not sure there IS a way to do this tastefully. Personally, I don't see anything directly offensive about it. But then I'm only a quarter Jewish, so maybe my opinion doesn't count. -
tinyurl.com/2u29x8 mingthemerciless.com g'night!
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Snipes is a son of a black priest and a jewish buisness women,living in Warsaw(Poland),going by the name of Itzak Washinski.He grows up to become an well known Pianoplayer in the late 1930`s.
As the WWII begins he and his family are put in the Warsaw ghetto.Snipes keeps his piano skills up by playing on a old piano in the flat of his best friend Rabbi Goldstein(Danny deVito)and gives the people hope.
But the lead Nazi dude Hauptmann Günther von Strucker(Udo Kier)despises the "black-jew"for giving the people hope and orders that his hands are cut off in the public at the marketplace!The "Ceremony"takes a turn for the worse when Snipes mother tries to stop the cutting and gets shot by von Strucker(you know 5-6 times,blood and falling on Snipes in tears...)with evil Nazi laugh!The hands of Snipes get sawn off with a old rusty saw(in a gruesome slomo DTV style).We see how his dad and the Rabbi take him away in tears and Snipes passed out.
When we return to Snipes,we learn that two month have passed and we see Snipes sitting by the piano,trying desperate to play with his stumps(the dad and the Rabbi sitting in the next room,dad crying,the Rabbi staring to a distant place).Snipes get`s pissed and starts beating up the piano kicking and screaming until it breaks apart!As he see`s the broken piano,Snipes gets the STARE(you which stare I mean!).
Now we get a montage of Snipes,the dad and the Rabbi building artificial hands out of the trashed piano(we see them trading parts they need...)and the rusty saw he lost his hands on(right)and a whip out of pianostrings(left)and some training with Snipes learning to use it.
Then the pace picks up when the Nazis start to bring the people to concentration camps!Snipes and his crew start a guerillia war against the Nazis and give them hell to pay for their deeds!von Strucker starts to see he is losing control and calls for back up!
Now the SHIT hits the fan,when the SS-troops led by General Friedrich Graf von Stahlhand(Mickey Rourke)arrive!The General doesnt like what he sees and beats von Strucker to death with his steelhand!Then his troops hunt down Snipes dad and the Rabbi and hang them on the marketplace with barbwires and tear them apart with horses(violent,friends)!Snipes is on his own now and has to run!They almost capture him and he manages to escape in a church.The SS-troops surround the church and Snipes is ready for his last stand!The Nazis attack and Snipes kills 20-30 dudes(with some nifty capoera/rusty saw/stringwhip moves)but they take him down!
The next thing we know is Snipes in Berlin!Caged up like a animal in the REICHSTAG!He is to be executed in a day,on a BIG parade with HITLER watching!As the parade starts going and all is set up(with some speech from Von Stahlhand)for the execution,Snipes has the rope around his neck,he looks up to the sky and prays,his prayers are answered by.....
DOLPH LUNDGREN and his band of Russian supersoldiers who parachute in to kill Hitler!A HUGE battle starts and Snipes is set free by Lundgren and gets his revenge on von Stahlhand(bigtime bout Snipes vs Rourke)and Lundgren tries to get Hitler,but he escapes with his secret rocket to the moon(yes the MOON,for the Sci-Fi part2)!
The movie ends with Snipes returning to Warsaw and helping rebuild the city with his new Cyborg hands(unexplained DTV magic)!And Dolph returns to Moscow and gets Punished for not killing Hitler and is put in deepfreeze until caruso`s movie!
THE END
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Snipes is a son of a black priest and a jewish buisness women,living in Warsaw(Poland),going by the name of Itzak Washinski.He grows up to become an well known Pianoplayer in the late 1930`s.
As the WWII begins he and his family are put in the Warsaw ghetto.Snipes keeps his piano skills up by playing on a old piano in the flat of his best friend Rabbi Goldstein(Danny deVito)and gives the people hope.
But the lead Nazi dude Hauptmann Günther von Strucker(Udo Kier)despises the "black-jew"for giving the people hope and orders that his hands are cut off in the public at the marketplace!The "Ceremony"takes a turn for the worse when Snipes mother tries to stop the cutting and gets shot by von Strucker(you know 5-6 times,blood and falling on Snipes in tears...)with evil Nazi laugh!The hands of Snipes get sawn off with a old rusty saw(in a gruesome slomo DTV style).We see how his dad and the Rabbi take him away in tears and Snipes passed out.
When we return to Snipes,we learn that two month have passed and we see Snipes sitting by the piano,trying desperate to play with his stumps(the dad and the Rabbi sitting in the next room,dad crying,the Rabbi staring to a distant place).Snipes get`s pissed and starts beating up the piano kicking and screaming until it breaks apart!As he see`s the broken piano,Snipes gets the STARE(you which stare I mean!).
Now we get a montage of Snipes,the dad and the Rabbi building artificial hands out of the trashed piano(we see them trading parts they need...)and the rusty saw he lost his hands on(right)and a whip out of pianostrings(left)and some training with Snipes learning to use it.
Then the pace picks up when the Nazis start to bring the people to concentration camps!Snipes and his crew start a guerillia war against the Nazis and give them hell to pay for their deeds!von Strucker starts to see he is losing control and calls for back up!
Now the SHIT hits the fan,when the SS-troops led by General Friedrich Graf von Stahlhand(Mickey Rourke)arrive!The General doesnt like what he sees and beats von Strucker to death with his steelhand!Then his troops hunt down Snipes dad and the Rabbi and hang them on the marketplace with barbwires and tear them apart with horses(violent,friends)!Snipes is on his own now and has to run!They almost capture him and he manages to escape in a church.The SS-troops surround the church and Snipes is ready for his last stand!The Nazis attack and Snipes kills 20-30 dudes(with some nifty capoera/rusty saw/stringwhip moves)but they take him down!
The next thing we know is Snipes in Berlin!Caged up like a animal in the REICHSTAG!He is to be executed in a day,on a BIG parade with HITLER watching!As the parade starts going and all is set up(with some speech from Von Stahlhand)for the execution,Snipes has the rope around his neck,he looks up to the sky and prays,his prayers are answered by.....
DOLPH LUNDGREN and his band of Russian supersoldiers who parachute in to kill Hitler!A HUGE battle starts and Snipes is set free by Lundgren and gets his revenge on von Stahlhand(bigtime bout Snipes vs Rourke)and Lundgren tries to get Hitler,but he escapes with his secret rocket to the moon(yes the MOON,for the Sci-Fi part2)!
The movie ends with Snipes returning to Warsaw and helping rebuild the city with his new Cyborg hands(unexplained DTV magic)!And Dolph returns to Moscow and gets Punished for not killing Hitler and is put in deepfreeze until caruso`s movie!
THE END
PLEASE:NO GIRLS,NO LOVE STORY! -
No place for a Babe in Warsaw!The Bear is good man,of course it would be a POLARBEAR(because he is WHITE)and it has a big necktie made out of leather with the SS sign on it!It would be von Stahlhand`s personal Hunting Polarbear(that`s evil DTV)I love it!Snipes killing a Polarbear is so badass!When he is surrounded in the church,he holds the Polarbear`s sawn off head up high and von Stahlhand goes Apeshit and kills the next Nazi standing to him with a deadly blow from his steelhand and starts crying:"get him alive,get him alive,he KILLED my FRANZ(the bear),I will crush you...."great shit!
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I am glad we can post again!And I cryied too caruso.
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good night.
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I went and saw Rambo last night and it rockedEric Roberts has a movie coming out in theatres...cool rightNO! He's palying (and this made me smile) and FBI agent in Larry the Cable Guy's new movie "Witless Protection" along with...YAPHET KOTTO...I was like WTF, couldn't believe it
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great news, yaphet and eric! Travis, coolness!
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I just had nothing to contribute. Though I did manage to get home finally. I was visiting my cousin who lives 40 or 50 miles from me and they closed the highway due to multiple wrecks or some shit, so I was stranded for a day or two. Haven't had a chance to fuck around with BLOOD BROTHERS, RAFFERTY BROTHERS or anything!
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Rubbing your RAMBALLS in my face! And I still haven't gotten around to watching NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN. I'm such a procrastinator.
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I saw an ad for that on the television and nearly shit my pants. Fucking Larry the Cable Guy! First he dragged Tom Wilson through the mud in that health inspector movie and now he's hijacked Eric Roberts! Damn you, fucker!
Roberts needs to do BEST OF THE BEST 5! And he should bring Phillip Rhee with him. -
That movie fucking kicks ass! Much much better than I remember. Makes BLADE 2 look like BEST OF THE BEST 3! Makes BLADE: TRINITY look like LEONARD PART 6!
And Donal Logue deserves better than that GHOST RIDER shit! -
Just as I remembered! Shockingly decent! THE ISLAND joins THE ROCK as one of Michael Bay's two good films! THE ISLAND is like TRANSFORMERS' non-retarded twin! I felt for the clones! Sure, Bay's stink is all over it (garish commercial photography, gratuitous "trailer" moments, obvious product placement, indie actors forced to slum it, musical score reminiscent/ripped off of Hans Zimmer, stereotypical sassy black people) but the good far outweighs the bad! So much so that I didn't even notice the bad! Except for the aforementioned sassy black people who only exist in shitty movies.
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I suppose the exception to this rule would be PEARL HARBOR! I haven't seen it myself! Since it is a period piece, I doubt that there are any sassy black characters in it! Though Cuba Gooding Jr. was in the movie and I wouldn't put it past Bay to "sass" him up a little! Please let me know the sass level of PEARL HARBOR! Anybody who may have been exposed to PEARL HARBOR please alert me of the sass level!
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CAPITAL LETTERS!!!
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...was in the opening scene at that "blood rave" or whatever and Blade shows up and they give him the "hero shot" where the camera starts on his boots and pans up. What I fucking loved is how you immediately know that this guy is a badass. That is the power of the fucking Snipes. Then he cracks into that little smile and I shit in my pants!
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...where Blade is shirtless and his mom is talking about how cool it is being a vampire and caressing him! Awkward!
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thats who that was.. HAHAHHAHAH!!! I'll never look at fatty the same way again!
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He was actually SLIM in that movie! And he was completely believable as a somewhat badass vampire! Then he got that completely mundane death! I love it!
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Catherine Bell! Oleg Lives! Even Milla's worst gets released theatrically!
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You KILLED my SON!
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But he did yell after Whistler blew up in the extended version of BLADE TRINITY. So I'm guessing he has emotions.
I'm a little confused about Traci Lords' involvement with the first BLADE. I couldn't seem to find her in that movie! -
SPACE WALRUS!
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Okay, I'm still at half-mast. But this is disappointing news.
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huy means guy.. if you cut a slit in a cherry tomato, and paint eyes on it, you have a red smiley face that can puke if you squeeze it hard.. just fyi
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...but ranked it below SPAWN? Fucking SPAWN?? And he said BLADE II improved over the original. Ridiculous.
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I'm gonna be a naughty vampire god! oh, thats our quinn!
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...but I couldn't be sure. But her name did show up in the credits when she first appears on screen, so I thought for sure it was her. Then I think Blade blew her away, so I wasn't sure if it was her or not. I mean if I put Traci Lords in a movie, I'd put her to better use than that.
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Every exchange between him and Frost is gold.
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..and not in the good way.
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Along with that husband of hers, Bendy? Or Benji?
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even better than beedogs.com
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bodhi + dharma = http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bodhidharma http://tinyurl.com/3y6oyg
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But Sandra is just shit.
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Oh those crazy celebrities.
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http://tinyurl.com/23t7qg
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whoops
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Damn you to Hell!
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Just awful.
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Blade 2 is the FUCKING best BADASS movie!Blade 1 was good.Blade 3 "sucked".thats all!
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I just didn't really care for BLADE 2.
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...is "just."
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for the caruso to forgive you the Blade2 thing!:)
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Though it is lonely being the minority.
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the review from Vern and seeing it from the BADASS side of life(the Blade/Nomak fight made me cum a little)and fucking RON PEARLMAN!!give it a shot caruso!
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"the smell of the city, the smell of justice.. it makes my dick hard."
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But I just (dammit!) couldn't get invested in the film. I may have to rewatch it. BLADE 2 deserves that much, at least.
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http://www.theperlmanpages.i12.com/bsmovies/engaterev1.htm
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Ed Harris gives a great "Nazi" performance(evil as hell),I wish he would do that for DTV.
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...I've been trying to write a romantic sci-fi drama, but it keeps coming off as "THE ABYSS in space." Damn my lack of originality!
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"a dick, hardened for justice, tempered by lady liberty.. I'm gonna find you, hitler's brain!"
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oh lord!But maybe with the TREJO.Would love to see him do an "romantic" take on The Gost.....hehe!
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they sliced it up for "research"(really)!
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Crazy DTV action and 'splosions and Catherine Bell are the shit and all, but sometimes you've got to stretch your creative legs and crap out a cancer movie or something.
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But I've got a detective book in the works and the murder victim is a midget.
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...I'm not sure at this point. But midgets will be involved. And by midgets, I mean goblins.
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a dark detective story!
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It's all up for grabs at this point. I'm terrible with plots. Especially mysteries and shit.
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...my detective is a blackout drunk. So if some shit starts to look like its not adding up, I can blame it on him. I might even start the book with the case already solved, but he doesn't know that because he's a piece of shit alcoholic.
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be your P.I.!He and a goblin partner.....an hot midget babe!
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Probably the last guy I would have considered for Lewis Valentine, Private Eye. But it actually sounds like a brilliant idea.
The femme fatale can be a midget! -
Now I'm going to hear Perlman's voice whenever I'm writing this guy's internal monologue. And I had always imagined somebody like Peter Sarsgaard or Paul Rudd. I know, neither one really screams "private eye" but I like to think outside the box. Way the fuck outside the box.
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great name!
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Jan 28, 2008 8:32:15 AM CST
I wanted a really clever title to go with the name...
by caruso_stalker217
...but I am so fucking far from clever. I'll probably have to go with something midget-related.
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just a thought.
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http://tinyurl.com/22u5vd
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I've seen her in numerous television shows. She gives me the horny.
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...is you really can't have a clever title playing off his name. I'm limited to Valentine's Day. I can't work with that! So it looks like I've got to work "short" or something into the title and have it sound like a hard-boiled detective yarn.
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if I try long enough some good will come.
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"she had legs that, well.. didn't go on forEVER.."
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Or THE SHORT ARM OF THE LAW. Or SHORT CIRCUIT, if the diminutive femme fatale races stock cars.
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seal of "Fuckabillity"!If she is good enough for the SHAT,she is good enough for us!
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"She was just tall enough to see her reflection in my belt buckle. And if things got dull she was the perfect height to make them interesting."
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...we went this long without name-dropping Shatner. How does that happen?
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A DAY LATE AND A DOLLAR SHORT
SHORT NOTICE
A SHORT LEASH
TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT -
someone had to say it!Boston Legal rules!Shat and Spader are great(two fat dudes fucking all in their way,my idols)!
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trying.
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Shat IS the shit. And I still haven't gotten around to watching BOSTON LEGAL. But it's for ethical reasons that are David E. Kelley-related.
And THE SHORTEST VALENTINE might actually work. -
wow, just.. wow.
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...that might give one the impression that the DETECTIVE is the midget. Or I could set it on Valentine's Day, in which case naming the detective Valentine would be out of the question. Unless I set it after the New Year, which would affect nothing but would allow me to call the detective Valentine. Or maybe I'M the midget!
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The guy is kind of a scumbag.
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"I never believed in fairies, till one walked into my office.. and I don't mean lenny, the hairdresser downstairs"..
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Jan 28, 2008 9:13:00 AM CST
she said good things come in small packages, I told her..
by ironic_name
..she didn't know the half of it..
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http://tinyurl.com/22pcwa
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Jan 28, 2008 9:13:56 AM CST
I never bothered to write out any of his internal monologue...
by caruso_stalker217
...before now. I hadn't even really thought of it. I think the only line I had was "This case had more loose ends than the cast of a gay porno." I was not entirely satisfied with it.
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You did indeed. Except I think it was an earlier version.
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to make him bulletproof.. they hurt, and they arren't fancy, like logan.. they continue to hurt until he, with a video camera and a tv, and a scalpel, he cuts his own nervous system [in an all night megastore, like how they built robot bill and teds]beneath his skull. then he can barley feel anything.. but he doesn't do the job completely..
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he did some of the best TV shows ever!and he got RHONA MITRA in it!!!Rhona....yawn...baby.
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I wish he were real so he could beat up all the mean kids for me.
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Cuz you preachin' to the choir, brotha. Back in the day I was heavy into THE PRACTICE and BOSTON PUBLIC. I even saw an episode of ALLY MACBEAL once. And I got vaguely interested in THE WEDDING BELLS just one week prior to its cancellation. I dig Neil Patrick Harris and all, but fuck that kid doctor shit! Okay, that's not why I'm anti-DEK. I just got tired of his ass.
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because then maybe instead of gay porno, he could say grenwich bathhouse
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psycho killer midget who goes by the name of "Lenny Scuff" aka "Babyeater"!He is in jail(Lecter style) and Valantine needs to question him for leads.He narrates:"The little fucker is tough,he killed 7 cops before I kicked him in the balls 11 times and threw him down some stairs(Seagal rip).Now he`s just a bitch!".
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I'm seriously considering actually writing this as a cheap hard-boiled paperback type thing and I've got several other ideas for Valentine's further exploits. I was even thinking I could sprinkle various anachronisms around. So in one book it might seem like it takes place in the '40s and in the next it could be 1985. I also thought I would leave his location a mystery, even going so far as to have him live in an entirely different part of the country each time. The idea is that Valentine is so out of touch with the world due to his alcoholism that he doesn't even know where the fuck he is.
It's just some pretentious writer stuff. -
he'd probably steal a nuclear capable hercules and make a tactical strike on their city.
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Good stuff.
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Jan 28, 2008 9:42:29 AM CST
didn't dolph do a movie as a detective who couldn't sleep?
by ironic_name
whiteout or something. by the way a P.I is called a private dick, so maybe you could work some jokes in like "she said I was the biggest dick she'd ever seen.."
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I wanted to work them in somehow, but hadn't really thought too much about it.
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http://www.badmovies.org/movies/tinytown/
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I might have to expose myself to that sometime.
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I got my new work computer so I should be BLAZING nowDonal, is Blade and ghost rider the only 2 comic book movies he's been in, cuz I seem to remember him in something else, but can't think of whatcaruso, I dig the noirish movie idea, I love me some good noir, weather it be int he past, the future, or the presentRAMBO indeed rocked hard, and wellw orth the 1am getting home time for me
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are the Merc`s really that cool?Is it really that violent?
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Though he was in COMIC BOOK VILLIANS, which obviously does not count. I thought it was cool he was in ZODIAC. Even if he didn't do much. Apparently, he's also in THE THIN RED LINE, but I've yet to spot him.
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cuz her name is mercy! get it? got it! good!
http://www.invasionofthebmovies.com/anklebiters.html http://tinyurl.com/2ba8z2 -
Good lord.
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And try not to have impure thoughts about Miley Cyrus. :(
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I know it's hard to not have them naughty naughty naughty thoughtstravis, the mercs are pretty col, i didn't much care for hte their leader/commander/etc, He overaccted a little bit for my tastes but the others, espically Micheal marsden's Schoolboy were AWESOME. My favorite scene is when the mercs relize that Rambo isn' just some washed up vet who lives in Thiland but soemone they really need to bel istening too. Violence wise, Stallone said he was setting out to make the most violent movie, and i don't think it's the most violent I've ever seen but it's up there. One thing he does that I really liked was, I call it the anti-matrix, where in that movie everything slows down during the action, here everything is sped up, so it's much more stylized. It jolted me at first and I htought something must be wrong witht he film but no, that's the way it is and it works though because it makes the slower scenes that much more poignet and throught provoing. Another thing I liked is that people die, as weird as that sounds, it's not just the bad guys, others die too. It's got that 80s action flair with a 00's realism
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but I also love the RAMBO trilogy(have to wait to the 14th Feb. to see the new one).RAMBO rules the old school I grew up with!
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OLEG!
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I've never seen Part 3 of the matrix, I was drunk and confused whilst watching the 2nd one and never got around to watching the 3rd, I've seen parts on like TBS and stuff but never have sat down to watch it from beginning to end.
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because OLEG`s in it!
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The movie opens with a long shot of a Space ship(Alien like ship)flying from Earth to the Moon(as the ship goes by we learn it is the WARSAW 2,what happend to the first one?nobody knows)
A text comes up and tells us:"IT is the year 2059 and Humanity has dryed the Oceans and eaten all meat and therefor has began to colonise the Moon,for his rich water and meat supplies on it`s DARK side!".We also learn that Earth has lost contact to its first colony on the Moon about a week ago!Since BIG Companies run the Earth now a Special High intelligence Threat Team(SHiTT)is send to investigate!
As we go onboard the WARSAW 2 we see the Leader of the SHiTT unit,it is.....Dolph Lundgren,who goes by the name of Oleg Popovich.He is about to meet for the first time the Captain of the ship who is played by none other then....Wesley Snipes as Isaac "Izzy" Washington,not a member of SHiTT,but a world famous piano player and owner of the WARSAW 2!As they both meet for the first time Dolph nod`s his head and says:"Do we know each other?"and Snipes answers:"No but maybe you have seen me on TV".
We then see the rest of the SHiTT unit in a "getting ready"montage(Trejo as DOC,C.Thomas Howell as S.M.,Jake Busey as Psycho,some Mexican dude as Bean and a black dude as Shadow)preparing for combat!And Snipes playing the piano for his crew of nobodys accept of the ships doctor played by....Cynthia Rothrock as Doctor Riley.From the looks they give each other,we know something is up between the two(love).
The WARSAW 2 then lands on the DARK side of the Moon,near the colony and the SHiTT goes out to investigate.We see some scenes of them going through the empty colony,kickin doors in,hacking computers and shit like that.Then we go to Bean and Shadow who are in the Lab`s of the main Building.Since everything is "safe" Shadow excuses himself and goes for a shit(!),leaving Bean alone.
Then Bean starts to hear creepy noises out of a room they did not check and goes to investigate.As he enters the room,he finds a strange looking egg-like thing with the face of Hitler on a table and says:"What the Fuck?",then the Hitler egg starts opening and a creature jumps out of it on Bean`S face(he is to busy looking instead of shooting or running).
Then we see the SHiTT running back to the ship with Bean on a stretcher and Shadow telling the others what happend.They bring Bean to medical and Rothrock takes care of him in a montage.Meanwhile Dolph talks to his SHiTT and tells them to secure the area while he talks to the Earth command for further instructions.Meanwhile Snipes visits the medical and wonders where he has seen the SS-sign on the creatures back before!
Then the usual timefiller scenes come up(Dolph wandering around looking worried,Snipes and Rothrock having sex,Shadow siting at Bean`s bed,the rest playing poker....)and then all of a sudden the creature is gone and Bean is up again!Time to party!
As the whole SHiTT unit and the crew of the ship come together to enjoy a exclusive piano hour from Snipes,the pace picks up as Bean starts to cough and spills blood while holding his breast!The others try to help him but become witness to the birth of a new breed of evil when a little steelhand breaks out of Bean`s chest!As they scream in terror and go for the weapons the whole MONSTER breaks out and it is a little Von Stahlhand(Warwick Davies)who looks at Snipes and screams with a high pitched voice:"FRANZ"and runs away!In the meantime the ship gets atacked by the colonists who have been turned in some EVIL-HITLER clones(by Hitler`s clone machine,that he has in his underground mansion,which we see now in a movie stoping 5 minute Flashback.You know what happend to the colonists,so dont ask!).The SHiTT manages to fight the clones off but S.M. dies a heroic death by cleaning the exitramp with his body and some grenades screaming:"DIE YOU HITLEFUCKS!"(the whole thing is a major action scene 5-6 minutes long)and the WARSAW 2 starts,but gets hit from a rocket out of Hitler`s secret underground mansion!
As we return to the ship everybody is screaming and holding on to something as the WARSAW 2 crashes in the jungle of the DARK side of the Moon!Fade to Black!
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As we return to the now crashed WARSAW2,we learn(in gruesome and violent pictures)that most of the crew is dead and the survivors are in bad shape(Psycho`s broken arm,Doc`s severe gut wound,which he closes with his portable welder and so on).Snipes and Dolph get the survivors out,but Rothrock is missing and Snipes enters the now burning WARSAW again and says:"Dont explode on my black ass now baby!".
Inside the ship everything is destroyed,but Snipes finds Rothrock stuck under some heavy steel piece!She is KO and the fire closes in on them!Now Snipes gets the STARE(look in part one)again!He grabs the steel and we hear some mechanic sounds out of his hands(this is when we see a Massive FB to part one,the struggle of his ancestor "Itzak Washinski"in Warsaw and shit and then we learn that since then in an secret family tradition the hands of every male son are sawn off at the age of 18 and replaced by artificial superhands to fight evil!Snipes also plays several other members of the family in the FB fighting evil all over the world!)as the FB ends we see how Snipes throws away the steel and rescues Rothrock.As they leave the ship and are 20 steps away it goes of in a huge explosion(the fate of Shadow stays unexplained DTV style)!
Now the running part starts,where they run from the Hitler clones(Psycho goes psycho and screams:"We`re gonna fucking die out here,not on EARTH but on the fucking MOON!").While they escape we go back to the remains of the WARSAW2.There we see little Von Stahlhand and how he starts transforming from Warwick Davies to the BIG BAD EVIL FIGHTING VON STAHLHAND CYBORG KILLER(Mickey Rourke)who starts hunting the survivors with his infrared sight!
Psycho dies a violent death by the hands of the Hitler clones,as he runs out of ammo and loses his cool,to be impaled on a bough where they leave him to die slowly!The remaining survivors get surrounded and fiercly beaten up,but manage to fight their way through 30-40 Hitler clones(huge hand to hand action with Dolph and Snipes,Trejo gets some Machete action and Rothrock goes all nifty Kung-Fu apeshit on the clones).
But without ammo and in the bad shape they are in,things look bad and they make their last stand at an old excavation site!The Hitler clones start coming in like flyies on the shit and Trejo gets torn to pieces after killing 10-15 clones with the machete!As things look really bad for our last three,we hear a HUGE GROWL out of the jungle and the fight stops!Then a Polarbear breaks through the trees and starts killing the Hitler clones!
The next FB tells us the story of a young Polarbear and his brother who get captured by Von Stahlhand and get seperated."Franz",the bad one becomes a fierce killer for Von Stahlhand!Hans,the good one becomes the pet of Hitler in his Berlin mansion(he knows Hitler is evil and trys to escape but fails)and as Hitler escapes to the Moon he takes Hans with him,but the rocket crashes and Hans escapes finally,and chooses to live a life of redemption(trying to make up for the evil deeds of his brother,by helping out the colonists secretly...)and has to witness how Hitler takes over!AND NOW IT IS PAYBACK TIME!
After our heroes are rescued by Hans,he brings them to the secret underground mansion of Hitler.As they get inside,Cyborg Von Stahlhand shows up and attacks them!A big fight gets going where Von Stahlhand uses all his powers(flamethrower,chain gun,invisibility,THE steelhand..)and kills Hans,but becomes a victim himself to the evil destroying superhands of Snipes(he punches through his head and says:"the war`s over metalhead!").After a short scene for dead Hans,they go on to take out Hitler,but only find an empty rocket hangar and see a white jetstream in the sky above!
The movie ends with our three survivors being rescued by the SHiTT-second unit and DOLPH saying:"Next time he wont get away!"looking determined at the sky.
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The movie opens with a shot of a empty Highway somewhere in the desert(small text tells us:somewhere in Usbekistan 2069!).Soon we hear the distant roar of an engine,maybe a Jet or an Rocket,just to witness how a CAR comes flying over a small hill landing on the Highway(the roar is from the car of course)and it is.....a V-8!black with an huge open block engine!We see the driver behind the wheel(but not clearly)and then 7-8 other cars show up going after him(we know how they look)!The camera shows us how the cars are heading toward the Skyline of a city(Tashkent the capital of Uzbekistan,all destroyed).Then we see the driver of the V-8 and the narration begins:
"I told them this would happen,but they refused to listen!Damn Companies!Now it is all gone,the citys,the people,the whole planet all wasted by one man...HITLER!(FB starts,we see spaceships in form of the Nazi-swastika laying waste on Earth ID4 style,then the main ship lands on the remains of the capitol of the world New York City and a huge army of Hitler clones storms the city and kills the survivors in gruesome fashions)!Now it is just ME and THEM!Now it is my WAR!MY WAY!MY JUSTICE!MY TRUTH!OLEG`s WAY MOTHERFUCKERS!!"The narration ends as they reach the city and Oleg finishes the others with his crack-driving skills and the help of the wasted city!
Thats the start guys,you can see where this is going,if you got ideas for some cool shit let me know!
It is the final chapter so Hitler will go down and some old buddies will show up,but I need some new Mad Max style dudes so I am open for your ideas!Thank you guys. -
After the high octane opening,we see Oleg looting Tashkent in search for some things(we dont need to know what)and some more FB`s start(since Oleg IS the last living human except for Hitler and his clones,we have a lot of Flashbacks in the movie).We learn what happend after part 2:
Oleg,Snipes and Rothrock returned to Earth and were locked away for some time,since nobody believes the "Hitler BS"!We see how Oleg tryes to tell his superiors from SHiTT what went down and they laugh at him!Olegs pissed and quits!He gets to work with Snipes and Rothrock on a new ship,the WARSAW3(they build it from scratch,A-Team like).When they finish the ship,Snipes and Rothrock start setting a renegade merc unit up(with guys like Lorenzo Lamas,Sasha Mitchel,Ken Wahl and so on),to go after Hitler!Oleg stays behind with the words:"I got the feeling it will END where it began!"and gets the STARE as the WARSAW heads for mars.
Now we go back to Oleg looting,fighting some Hitler clones in his way and narrating:"Thats my life for the last 6 years,but they keep on coming!I like it that way,so I dont need to search(FB how he "cleans"London,L.A.and other cities)and the PORTALS are really helpfull!"We see him driving to an "Futuristic"looking place where in the middle of the place is a huge hole in the ground.Oleg tells us:"The last great invention from the Companies!They were so proud of themselfs!But it was their DOOM(FB of Hitler clones tacking over the cities through the portals),BUT it is MY ticket to BERLIN!".In the next FB we learn how Oleg found out,that Hitler took over the control of the Portals and sealed them of so that nobody could go to Berlin anymore(one Company dude told him in the battle for N.Y.before he was torn to shreds by Hitler clones)."BUT Hitler forgot one and now I found it!It is TIME for your last Salute Adolf!"Oleg tells us and drives his V-8 into the hole(we never learn how it works,it is just Blue light and DTV magic)!
With a blue ligtflash Oleg arrives in Berlin!
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We return to Oleg as his V-8 shows up in Berlin at the Portal place!We see Oleg`s face in a state of shock and surprise.As the camera leaves the car,it pulls up(the only expensive crane/CGI shot in the movie,which still looks cheap)and shows us a futuristic "silverlined"view over NEU-GERMANIA(formerly known as Berlin)with huge Skyscrapers,Big Hitler statues and a lot Hitler clones(imagine everybody is a Hitler clone,kids,woman just anybody)!
As the camera returns to Oleg we see that he has a GRIM look on his face and he pushes a button on his steeringwheel!Then two huge MG caliber.50 spring out of the hood,left and right to the open block engine!Now we get a FB where we learn how Oleg started to build his car(A-Team style again) after Snipes and the others left Earth!The FB ends and Oleg says:
"This UTOPIA shit is OVER!"and starts blasting away every fucking Hitler clone in his way(heavy violence,exploding bodies,Hitler-kids get shot to shreds,all the shit never shown in Hollywood)!
Now a HUGE ACTION scene starts(10-15 minutes)!Oleg`s V-8 starts creaming everything in his way,then security forces come in with Choppers,Tanks,Roadblocks and Minefields(yes),Footsoldiers and all the shit!But Oleg`s V-8 has all the goods:
Laserguided shoot away Chainsaws(for the soldiers,violence brothers!).Ground to Air missile`s(big explosions).Flamethrowers(burn ing Hitler clones-allways good).Shoot away ACID bombs(HAHA).
And all the crazy shit happens:Oleg drives into buildings,jumps from roof to roof,drives through the subway(chased by two choppers)and so on...!When the shit is over,we see a shot of the destroyed city in the background and Oleg driving up to the REICHSTAG!
As Oleg arrives at the scene we see a Mercedes-Maybach standing in front of the Reichstag,a dude standing at the drivers door.It is......Jean-Claude van Damme as Hitler!We see him for the first time now!As he sees Oleg he gets in the car and a crazy carchase begins(around and inside the Reichstag)!In the end they come to the STANDOFF(inside the Reichstag in a huge room,with statues of all the bad Nazi dudes)!Both fire up their engines and start going frontal at each other!Oleg screams:
"HHIIITTTTTLLLLLLEEEERRR"
and Hitler goes:
"OOOOOOLLLLLLEEEEEGGGGG"
Then the two cars collide frontal with a HUGE crash!
The camera goes in circels around the two crashed cars and all of a sudden the door of the Hitler car springs open and Hitler crawls out of the wreck!He starts crawling away as we see two boots in front of him,the camera goes up and we see Olegs face(bloody and smiling),saying:
"No more HEIL for you Shitbrick!"and kicks Hitler in the face!But Hitler replies:"Nothing`s ohver Ohlegh!NOTHING!"and we see he has something in his hand and pushes it!After that we hear a loud ROAR!Oleg`s face shows disbelief!AND THEN SOMETHING BIG BREAKS THROUGH THE DOOR!it is:
UBERHANS!
Now the final FB starts,where we learn that poor Hans did not die fighting Von Stahlhand but was later picked up by Hitler who transformed him in to a Evil killing cyber UBERHANS!The FB ends and Hitler says triumphant:
"Ih tink youh khnow each ohhther!hahaha!"
And you know what happens next!Oleg gets creamed by UBERHANS real bad!But then,just as we think it is over for Oleg and Hitler screams:"KHILL DHAT COMMIE SCHWEIN!",Hans stops and thinks!Then we see understanding in Hans face and he lets go of Oleg(heavilly wounded)and turns to Hitler and growls in anger!Hitler runs away and NINJA Hitler clones start storming in!
A HUGE battle between the NINJA clones and Hans starts(Hans kills 50-60)but gets overpowered and badly wounded!Then we hear a cartrunk jump open and see Oleg standing by his car and reaching inside!
He pulls out a INDUSTRIAL STEEL NAILGUN combined with an CHAINSAW and says:"LET GO OF HANS YOU NAZIFUCKs"and starts nailing and sawing the Ninjas to shreds!
After killing them all,Oleg gets to Hans and holds him until Hans dies with a sad growl!Oleg gets the STARE!
Oleg finds Hitler on the glass roof of the Reichstag and they start a hefty hand to hand fight on the collapsing roof until the roof finaly breaks and they fall down in the great hall again!Both get up again,but we see Hitler`s tank is empty and Oleg has the "Finish Him"look on his face!
Oleg picks up the chaingun of HANS and says."HEIL this MOTHERFUCKER!!!"and blasts Hitler to hell(in slomo)!
As Oleg leaves the Reichstag,some heavy-metal tune starts and the screen freezes on Oleg`s bloody face for the credits.
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now you can read them without searching the whole TB(even I had problems finding them)!
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maybe Oleg can set a self destruct on his car, and we get a flashback of him using a small nuclear reactor as an engine.. that way, nu-germania is guaranteed to fail. he can leave hitler, shot with a nailgun, impaled on oleg's nuclear car, as the place blows up! he jumps into the portal that takes him to russia, where we see a large nuclear mushroom cloud over neu-germania in the distance!
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he has a look of accomplishment, till he sees a large alien ship hovering.. he stares, sighs, and cracks his knuckles.. end.
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for a second.. after 200 years of fighting.. then starts again against an alien threat!
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cracks his knuckles..
end. -
that's the only way that it can end, Oleg looking up, empty gun in his hand, it falls, slow mo, cracks his knuckles
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http://tinyurl.com/22kpdl http://tinyurl.com/ysk5zb concept art.
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good work Ironic
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I am two steps ahead of you(I had the feeling Oleg may go on)!THE ALTERNATE END FOR WS3:Oleg leaves the Reichstag and goes to the portal.All of a sudden the WARSAW 3 shows up!Loading bay open,stops in midair and Snipes standing there screaming:"OLEG......THE MARTIAN SKINHUNTERS ARE HERE!!!!"and throws down an BIG LASER RAILGUN!The moment Oleg catches it we see 15-20 Martian Skinhunter ships(big ships made of human skins and bones)atmo jump over Berlin and Oleg gets the STARE THE END?Rock music starts and credits roll!So guys it is your turn now for Oleg`s new adventure!
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Hookers and coke! OLEG'S WAY! Meredith has the Denny Crane seal of fuckability! In the Top Five and it feels soooo good, baby!
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Well, I've got nothing. Unless I shoehorn him into my romantic sci-fi drama, but Oleg doesn't have time for that shit.
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Oh yeah, baby! We'll be hanging tough and doin' the New Kids dance, motherfucker! Are you tough enough?
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a funny challenge for Wesley and Oleg.And I think caruso you have enough stuff going on(BB,The Raffertys...),but Bloo and ironic could do something with Oleg.And I am working on UDSSR,so the sci-fi Oleg is free to go....
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...the detective yarn I've been promising myself for several years I'd write. That's my problem. I've got these ideas and I want to work on all of them, so nothing ever gets written.
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LISTEN UP!SIT STRAIGHT!......Envision the TREJO!See "The Ghost" in your MIND!START typing BLOOD BROTHERS in the "comment"box!Just a little bit....like the start of the movie!It is all IN YOUR HEAD!Let it flow!DO IT!I believe in the CARUSO!TRAVIS stops starring at you and mumbels:"Do it for Buddha."
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what I've found is I jsut need to sit down and start writing, not worry about the form and the technical stuff, just write what you'd like the see, the other stuff comes
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It fills my filthy procrastinator's heart with good feelings. It's true, my weakness is I over-think things too much. However, I think I'm just about to bust off a chunk of DTV magic, so bear with me.
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for support caruso!YOU wrote one of the BEST lines in this TB(made me laugh hard again)!Go.caruso.Go
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The film opens in a hospital back in the day (yes, there will be a subtitle reading "Back in the day" instead of "1953" or something) or maybe it opens in a car on the way to the hospital. A young hispanic male is behind the wheel, scared shitless and driving like a maniac. The reason: his equally young and hispanic girlfriend is in the backseat, going into labor. She screams at him in Spanish (likely "Stop driving like a maniac, young hispanic male!") and they argue while he weaves in and out of traffic.
Since our protagonist is currently in utero, there is a very low chance of gunplay at this point. They make it to the hospital unscathed and young hispanic male helps his girlfriend out of the car.
So she goes into the room where babies are had and we are left with young hispanic male in the hallway, smoking a cigarette and looking most definitely like he's not ready to be a daddy. Then the doctor comes out and brings him into the room and holy shit! Twins!
Young hispanic male responds with the Spanish equivalent of "fuck me." So, they put the kids up for adoption. One gets adopted by some middle class latino family while the other ends up in foster care. Which will be the EVIL twin?? -
OEDIPUS WRECKS is fighting for every last ounce of my concentration. Concentration I need for BLOOD BROTHERS. Though I have several badass action scenes in mind for OEDIPUS WRECKS. Including one where he fights a nun! But I've got that on the back burner for now.
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do a scene where we see the "good" twin driving up a nice suburbian house(not him driving,he`s a baby)and the "evil" twin comes to an "Psycho" like house in Idunnowhere.
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just came to my mind!Dont know why!shit!
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...of adding the extra shitty angle and have them grow up in the same city and never meet. Although I've heard true accounts of such things.
And I don't want to spend too much time on them growing up. This is a revenge picture after all and the quicker I can move the story along the better. There could be a few scenes to establish these two guys and their backgrounds. Maybe I could even throw in some stuff how they even been to some of the same places but were always missing each other... because they're TWINS and prone to STRANGE COINCIDENCES.
Now the way I normally do this, I write a short little opening like what I did a couple posts back and then I will do nothing for about a week and never write about it again. But I'm trying to turn over a new leaf here, so I'll try to soldier on. Though it is my nature to second-guess myself. -
As Ashley Judd's kickboxing teacher.
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I remeber him from the Billy Blanks work out shit(name escapes me right now)and some flic with Bolo(did you know Bolo turned 70(!)this year).
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seeing The Crow in the Cinema was tough!
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feel bad(and the house was full)somebody started to cry(!).That was the strangest thing that ever happend to me at the movies(and a buddy of mine passing out over the violence in "Demon Knight",then running away and locking himself in the bathroom and refusing to come out until the movie was over.In an fucking Multiplex!wow...).
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I used to watch THE CROW all the time when I was a kid. Michael Wincott is a bad muthafuckin' Canadian! And criminally underused in ALIEN RESURRECTION.
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and his crew rocked!Again a fine Perlman performance!
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see ya tomorrow.
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I must ponder the equation that is BLOOD BROTHERS. Ponder it... with a vengeance.
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...had a nice ass. Too bad she wasn't played by Catherine Bell. :(
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Man, that's an underrated film, in my opinion. It's a decent ENTER THE DRAGON spoof, it's got Christopher Walken, my lover Maggie Q, Cary Hiroyuki-Tagawa, and fucking James Hong! What's not to like? Well, there's George Lopez, but I liked him in the movie.
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with him looking up and deciding to do it: OLEG'S WAY! and yeah, the best part of alien resurrection was that ass.
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Jan 28, 2008 11:18:03 PM CST
..as in ending on a cliffhanger that won't be resolved..
by ironic_name
poignant
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or SOMETHING WICKET THIS WAY COMES! [remember warrick t. wicket? the ewok?] "I am the wind that blows WILLOW away!" I dreamed that wicket thing, it was so kickass, I woke up to post it!
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when ghost is fuckin his lady, trejo gets a boner in "FBI school" and has trouble concentrating.. this only happens in the plot when its convenient, like one shoots another
and doesn't notice, but later, the trejo is able to stop th ghost from escaping by hitting himself in the leg!
like that jackie chan movie.. but better than that JCVD movie.. -
Jan 29, 2008 12:02:38 AM CST
I caught some of that Jackie Chan movie on cable once
by caruso_stalker217
It was awful.
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...to incorporate Jeff Fahey into anything?? This man is prime DTV material!
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Apparently there's an Asian dude with my first and last name. There's five people with my name in Oregon alone, excluding me. You won't find me anywhere on the internets. Believe me, I've looked. Only 66 people across the country are listed with my name, so take that John Smith! I'm somewhat unique!
Okay, so I'm tired and bored and rambling about a bunch of nonsense. Time to bust off a little BLOOD BROTHERS, I think. -
So after the 10 to 12 minute opening explaining the twins' origin, we flash forward to right now. ("Right now" is also subtitled)
We open, unfortunately, on a debriefing scene. Luckily, Frank Reyes (the TRE-fucking-JO) is there, so it should be somewhat interesting. Reyes is a color-outside-the-lines kind of DEA agent, like most action movie protagonists. But he has a strong sense of duty, honor etc. His superior Winston Caruthers (Willem Dafoe) is briefing Reyes and his crew on their latest operation, which is to bust up a Miami nightclub and capture a high-ranking member of the Colombian drug cartel run by that infamous Ghost fellow. The guy is one of the few people ever to have seen the Ghost's face and has intimate knowledge of the inner workings of the cartel. Caruthers hope is that they can threaten this guy with enough prison time to give up the Ghost (woah, unintentional pun).
Reyes' partner is Billy Taylor (Josh Duhammel), a young dude with a pregnant wife and is also Reyes' best friend. So this is the guy we're waiting to see die. We can tell that Billy and Frank are close because they bump fists and call each other "brotha" and "bro" all the time. The rest of the team is filled out by a few unknowns and Mark Dacascos. Unfortunately, he will have little to do as he is shot several times during the nightclub siege and in a coma for the remainder of the film, never to be seen or heard from again except for a brief mention in the "you fucked up" scene (more on that in a minute).
I hope I didn't spoil it, but the nightclub operation kinda gets botched. As in the entire team gets wasted, except for Reyes and Taylor (and a comafied Dacascos). Reyes and Taylor will chase the cartel guy on foot, finally catching up to him on a bridge. They try to take him in, but he pulls a MARKED FOR DEATH and chooses to end his own life by leaping in front of a semi rather than face the Ghost's wrath.
We then move on to the "you fucked up" scene where Caruthers yells at Reyes, telling him all about how he "fucked up." He chews Reyes out for getting his team killed. He mentions that Dacascos is in a coma and may not live through the night (whether he does or not is never revealed). "And to top it all off," Caruthers says, "you even got your suspect killed!" Taylor tries to defend his friend, but Reyes asks him to stand down. He "fucked up" and he knows it. Caruthers puts Reyes on suspension, at which point Reyes asks, "What about the case?" Caruthers stares him down. "There is no case. Quintano was the only link we had. You FUCKED UP."
After his righteous ass-chewing, Reyes goes home. We learn that he is divorced when his ex comes over to give him another lecture about how he doesn't spend enough time with the kids. The second "you fucked up" scene. "I've been working," he says. "You were always working!" she shouts. "That was the problem! You FUCKED UP!" Later she leaves and Reyes gets drunk and looks through his personal "Ghost" files, going through photos and documents, a man obsessed. Then he looks up and sees a framed photograph of his children. He looks guilty and puts the files away.
An undetermined amount of time later, Taylor invites Reyes to a barbecue at his house. Taylor's pregnant wife and four-year old daughter are there to remind us that he is young and has a beautiful family. They shoot the shit for a while before Taylor reveals that he's going on assignment in Bogotá, Colombia. "We might have a lead in the Ghost case," he says. Though he cannot elaborate further. Reyes tells him to "watch your ass, brother." Then they bump fists. -
In the very next scene we're in Bogotá. But since nobody knows what Bogotá looks like, it will look a lot like some place in Los Angeles made up to look like whatever we want Bogotá to look like. There will be lots of Vallenato music and also the occasional donkey walking around.
I don't have anything in mind really for the "Taylor in Bogotá" sequence. All I know is he gets killed fairly quickly. We don't have time to watch him wander around like a tourist doing secret DEA stuff. I'm guessing he will be working with somebody in Colombia. A law enforcement type or maybe an informant. A double-cross is very likely. I wish I had something crazy and inventive for Taylor's death, but for right now I'm going to have to settle for a simple shooting. If you guys have any ideas about how we could get him blown up, or shredded or crushed let me know.
Back in Miami, Reyes learns of Taylor's murder. Now we enter the revenge portion of the film. That is, the last hour and twenty minutes or so. Reyes has strong suspicions that the Ghost is behind Taylor's murder, though the official word is it was an accident or robbery gone wrong or some stupid shit like that. Reyes goes to the funeral and talks to Taylor's wife. He asks her if Billy mentioned anything about the case he was working on. She will give him some small bit of information that will convince him that the Ghost ordered the hit. Then, in a MAN ON FIRE rip-off moment:
"What are you going to do?" "What no one else could. I'm gonna find the motherfucker."
We cut to Reyes walking down a hallway in DEA Headquarters (or whatever the fuck it's called) to Caruthers' office. He asks to be reinstated so he can pursue the Ghost case.
"What's to pursue?" Caruthers asks. "The trail has gone cold."
"Not for me," Reyes replies.
"Look, I know you and Billy were close. His death was a tragic loss for all of us. But I won't have you turning it into an excuse to wage your own personal vendetta!"
Some heating words are exchanged before Reyes gives in, seemingly defeated. Before he leaves, Caruthers says, "You give me your word, Frank. You won't pursue this."
We move in for an EXTREME CLOSE-UP on Reyes' expressionless face:
"I give you my word."
We cut immediately to a 747 screaming overhead, coming in for a landing. A subtitle reads "Bogotá, Colombia." Reyes comes off the plane decked out in full badass garb. Sunglasses, motorcycle jacket, combat boots, and one piece of carry-on luggage. From there he immediately hails a cab. Of course, the cabbie is a real chatty motherfucker who gets on Reyes' nerves just enough that we might suspect that he will come back later as a comic relief type sidekick. Don't worry, though. We'll never see this dumbass again. -
maybe he hangs on to the undercarriage of the plane, and parachutes out. or not. its your story, esé.
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I was just looking through these two posts, not finding a single grammatical error until "Some heating words are exchanged..." So close, though.
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I had to laugh after reading that. Unfortunately, that just leaves too many question marks for me. It would be funny as hell, but I can't stop the rational part of my brain from rejecting it. I'd start to wonder if maybe he missed one of his connecting flights or something and had to hitch a ride on another plane. Then I'd get to thinking about where he got the parachute. And why did he feel he would need it in the first place? Still, I might be tempted to write it into the script just to see how it reads.
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Bregaste Cajita e pollo! ("you handled it like a box of fried chicken")
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just thought he wouldn't want his name appearing on flight lists.. unless Caruthers is, like.. telling him not to and throwing a Colombian travel brochure at him.. nudge wink, como estas?
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...would be cool. I'm still debating whether or not Caruthers is in cahoots with the cartel, though. There's so much I don't know, which is not very reassuring.
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buried up to his head at low tide on the beach, with a children's bucket on his head.. or drinks a whiskey, and is told "don't drink the water, esé!" and dies. or ground into mince, and sold as american flavour tacos.
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Good lord, that's funny shit.
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You just gave me an idea, amigo. Taylor gets snatched by a few of the Ghost's lower-level henchman (given degrading names such as Chilito, Babosa and Culero) and buried up to his head at low tide on the beach. Then the Ghost himself pulls up in a limousine. His right-hand man Rico (Raymond Cruz) gets out and opens the door for him. The henchman avert their eyes as the Ghost steps out. The most we see of him is from the elbows down. He starts to say some intimidating villian shit to Taylor. "So you're the puta they've got investigating me" etc. Then at some point Taylor will notice the resemblance, but by then he will be getting kicked about the face and neck by the Ghost's cackling henchmen. Then the Ghost will say some more cold ass shit and they'll all leave him there as the tide is coming in.
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The Ghost could have a pet, like a snake or something, that he can taunt Taylor with, saying "A motherfucker who sees my face is a dead motherfucker, motherfucker!" Or something slightly more clever.
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Gotta recharge the DTV batteries so I can deliver "BLOOD BROTHERS; Continually Continued" and "The Conclusioning of BLOOD BROTHERS."
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and best friend killed him!He yells:"You scum,all those years I trusted you...."and then starts sobbing."The Ghost" has no idea what the hell he`s talking about and has some fun with him.
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http://tinyurl.com/375moe
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you DA man!
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must wear a patch tooI love billy's death, I was thinking that he needed to be decapitated with a guilotene
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where Roberts shows up as N.Hunter and gives Reyes a sportsbag full with weapons and claymores and stuff(as a little nod to our DTV-Universe).
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we hear the roar of the Harley and then bam here comes Hunter up, just throws him a duffel bag, Reyes looks in it and then up at Hunter and smiles (we don't ever see what's in the bag so when we need some weapon or something, we can just pull it out of the bag)
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around AICN.All the Vern haters,the hardcore LOTR and G.I.Joe dudes(for which nobody outside the U.S.gives a shit).and so on.Have to take a break from that.See ya later guys.
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I loved having a vehicle, and little people to put in..
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will finish in a few days. http://tinyurl.com/2jzztl
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that is excellent ironic, nice and stylized
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.. I didn't realise toys could look embarrassed by their own existence.
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sleeeeeeeeeeep.
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designed by McFarlene Toys
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and Oleg`s V-8!
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That's exactly how I pictured the Ghost! Even the shirt is the same color!
I love the pet iguana idea. -
hope your brain got some rest!
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That remains to be seen.
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damn it!
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we need DTV!
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draft?
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Catherine Bell's sweet ass! Oleg lives! Meredith and Milla kickboxing on Denny Crane! Yeah baby! Top Ten!
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Time to down a handful of Flintstones vitamins and blast some Metallica. Whoo baby! Hookers and coke!
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all the other Vern haters?Looks like some dudes just dont get the irony and the fun of the Vern!He wrote some fucking books!And people are buying them!Even fucking AMAZON picked Seagalogy up!
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And who says the only way to enjoy Seagal is in an ironic "oh ho look at this moron!" kind of way? Many of his films are pretty good. Especially the early ones. And I have a very special place in my heart for FIRE DOWN BELOW.
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that one is pure gold!William Forsythe as raging crack killer maniac,beastie boys music,Gina Gershon and tons of violence!And for the ironie thing:Almost all Seagal movies up to Fire down Below were good stuff!But then the PATRIOT movie became the turning point for me.He started to suck(in an funny DTV way)!Then Joel Silver kicked his fat ass and Seagal lost some weight and did Exit Wounds and I got NUTS!I thought he`s back,the movie was good and made good money!And then............Half Past Dead!shit(back to funny DTV)!Since then Seagal has become a caricature of his old self(the movies are still funny),but he is nowhere near the Badass dude he was back in the Under Siege 2 times.
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I'll have to queue that shit up on the Netflix.
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Though I've seen URBAN JUSTICE and liked it.
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kicks a dude 11 times in the balls and throws him down the stairs(read it in Vern`s review)?It is not out in Germany yet!and Out For Justice and Men of War would be a gret double feature!
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why is it special to you?
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I believe he kicks the guy five times in the balls then throws him against a wall then kicks him six more times then tosses him down the stairs. And Danny Trejo even has a part in it!
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Seagal movies!Guess I have to wai just some time.
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I'm not sure why that movie is significant to me. It might even be my favorite. Maybe it's the main credits, which incorporate footage that was obviously part of a longer opening sequence (see THE 13TH WARRIOR). Maybe it's Seagal's full range of skills in the film (playing guitar, flying, carpentry, snake handling, wooing the local misfit) that interest me. Or when the movie stops and turns into a truncated version of DUEL briefly. Or Randy Travis' thankless cameo. Or Seagal's line about ointments. Or the fact that the movie ends with Harry Dean Stanton dancing! There are so many great things about that film. And by great I mean laughable, but in a good way.
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even when he repairs the stairs for Helgenberger!
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...to buy those groceries for her when she couldn't afford them. And then he forgets to give them to her!
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he was beating the cops up for that right?never noticed that he forgot(makes him human I guess).
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...but I don't think he beat anybody's ass over the groceries. I think there was just one of those sad moments where she realizes she can't buy all of her groceries because she didn't sell enough honey, so she has to put some of them back and after she leaves Seagal's like "Um, I'd like to buy that peanut butter and, uh, how about all of that fuckin' honey. I love it here in App-uh-latch-ee-uh." (paraphrase)
But I think he did beat the shit out of the sheriff's men after they tried arresting him for assault. Which sounds a little ironic to me. -
never saw 3.Did you?No Roberts right?But Rednecks or some shit.
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But Phillip Rhee was. I guess he passed the torch to him. I haven't actually seen it, but judging from the cover there is at least one explosion and a hot blond in the film.
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I can't believe this $1.4 million fine the FCC is slapping ABC with over "NYPD Blue." First off, I think the episode in question aired about four years ago, so I don't know what the problem is now. What I do know is our prudishness has cost us the wondrous sight of Charlotte Ross' naked ass!
I present it now for historical and personal reasons:
http://tinyurl.com/2c2mtg -
...I think it was a bunch of stations that got hit, because they aired the episode before 10 p.m. or some shit.
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Showing a nude woman on television is amoral and wrong! You're all going to Hell!
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We show people getting their brains blown out on t.v. all the time and nobody makes a stink. What's wrong with a little T and A?
And I actually saw them show tits on a cadaver once on CSI, so I don't know how they explain THAT shit. -
watch shit!I dont live in America,but since I am a wrestling fan and a Huge fan of Mick Foley I read his books and he wrote a whole chapter on that Bozell freak!Look the chapter up if you can,it is really funny how Mick destroys Bozell(in the PB of his second book,called"Foley is Good").
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...on regular television in the middle of the afternoon and they didn't censor a single n-word. Explain THAT one, FCC!
And I get a kick out of the occasional broadcast of a movie where the occasional "fuck" or "shit" slips through. I have a good laugh and think about the fines! Only in America, children. Only in America. -
work's been kinda crazy today but i'm back babymy fav Segal movie...by far Under Seige, it's got Tommy Lee Jones, Gary busey (now there's a name we haven't talked about much) naked Erka Elneik or however you spell her name)
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...but Mick Foley is the shit! I've only read a little bit of one of his books, though.
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I enjoy a good wrestling match too and Foley's books were great, his Bozell chapter was a classic study in how wrong that group is
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it's like CRAZY DTV on every week
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My dad and brother are really into it and they are not wrestling fans at all. I get a kick out of it, too. It's hard not to.
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of SCARFACE?There is a clip on the DVD-it is the shit guys!They killed the movie,see it if you can!
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On television or otherwise. Well, I saw the first five minutes or so on AMC, but wasn't interested enough to watch and knew that it would be cut to shit anyway.
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IF I HAD THE MONEY,I WOULD SIT IN A PLANE RIGHT NOW,FLY TO WHERE YOU LVE,SHOOT YOU AND WATCH THE MOVIE WITH YOU(or so)!MAN FORGET ALL OTHER MOVIES AND WATCH SCARFACE!!!!!DO IT AS FAST AS YOU CAN(you shocked me there man.....big time,like a kick in the balls!).
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Is that really necessary?
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...just to get around to watching THE GODFATHER. Now I own all three and I masturbate to them regularly.
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a little bit!
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IMO.I like part 2 the most,it is a fucking OPUS!
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You fuck with me, you fuckin' with the best!
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I love the DeNiro storyline. I still don't know which one I love more, but I think I'll have to go with the first. Brando like a motherfucker!
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Jan 29, 2008 6:56:56 PM CST
Though I do have a weakness for flawed third installments
by caruso_stalker217
RETURN OF THE JEDI, ALIEN 3, DAY OF THE DEAD. All my favorites of their respective series.
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I am so fucking old I saw part3 in the theater!I liked it,but it was much more interesting to see the making of on the Quadrilogy DVD(great set btw)!And it spawned Pitch Black,which I also like.But for me Aliens is the shit!!
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...the less I like ALIENS. I don't know why. I've watching it since I was dick high, but it just doesn't get me as hard as it used to.
And for the record, I fucking love the ALIEN 3 Assembly Cut, but the theatrical version is ass. -
I don't think ALIEN 3 is the best, it's just my favorite.
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"I don't think ALIEN 3 is the best, it's just my favorite."But you should think it is the Best if you like it the most.Or am I confused?
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Okay, a week has gone by and I have recieved no reply from Harry on the TLBT comic going on AICN, so I'm assuming it's not going to happen. I am currently away on business, so I haven't got to check this website until now for about a week, but I doubt he's posted some big announcement about this going up.shucks
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Today is "Super Tuesday" or not?maybe not in your state?
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the comic department of AICN?Maybe they pick it up.Have fun reading the shit we wrote while you been away.
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Jan 29, 2008 7:41:57 PM CST
I recognize that ALIEN 3 has certain glaring flaws...
by caruso_stalker217
...that prevent it from being up to the standards of the first two films. For those reasons, I cannot in good conscience call it the best of the series. From a technical standpoint, ALIENS is the winner. It still holds up very well and doesn't feature an alien that looks like a guy in leather pants (see ALIEN). However, I would say that the first one is the best, as it doesn't have the stigma of having spawned a lucrative franchise, lunch boxes, video games, etc. which ALIENS is certainly guilty of. Anyone bitching about the AVP movies need look no further than that film. It is the reason those movies exist. If ALIENS hadn't been such a big hit and had such an influence on action films, we wouldn't have the ALIENS VS. PREDATOR comic books and video games to begin with. The asshole prop guy who thought it would be a good joke to put that alien skull in the pred ship at the end of PREDATOR 2 should also share the blame.
ALIEN was a very well made low-budget horror film and would never inspire a lunchbox. I consider it the best because it is what it is and nothing more.
And then there's ALIEN: RESURRECTION. The redheaded stepchild of the ALIEN series. It definitely ranks dead last in quality and as an ALIEN picture, but taken on its own merits it is a good silly sci-fi action horror comedy. And Ron Perlman pwns us all! -
I apologize.
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is one of my alltime greats!And Ripley is total Badass.I just love all 4 movies.Still hoping they do a proper standalone sequel for both franchises.
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I guess Oregon isn't important enough. :(
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no need to apologize.
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Jan 29, 2008 7:51:46 PM CST
I had written a huge essay on all four ALIEN pictures...
by caruso_stalker217
...to post on my MySpace blog (ugh), which is where I usually write a lot of long-winded shit about movies to annoy my friends and family. Except the whole thing got deleted before I could finish it. In it, I pointed out that in ALIEN: RESURRECTION, Ripley is one of the few virgin action heroes of cinema. In fact, the only other I can think of is Danny in UNLEASHED (or DANNY THE DOG, if your country isn't lame). And maybe Reese from THE TERMINATOR, except he lost his cherry before the third act, so it doesn't quite count.
Anyway, as far as Ripley goes, I don't think that's a cherry anybody would want to pop. -
is your whole blog gone or can you still be found there?
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do you know how I can copy the WS posts on my PC?I tryied everything I know and cant get it done.
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I haven't posted anything for a long time, though, since the stuff I usually write doesn't come to me until 4 a.m. and then I rant for a few pages and go to bed. Then I check my MySpace and have to read through all the complaints from my friends about how I wasted their time.
I never got the ALIEN thing posted because I was still working on it when it got deleted. I was also working on my analysis of the LETHAL WEAPON movies that I ultimately lost because I'm completely incompetent. -
Nicholas Cagein a Spandau Belly production:MAGIC STICKNicholas Cage plays Frank "Checkers" Tracketo, a kickboxer who has bleahed blonde hair and always wears tear-away checkered flag trackies. The film opens with Checkers winning a tournament by kicking the shit out of some guy and then Frank and his girlfriend, Shirlee (played by Carla Gugliano or however her name is spelt) go out for dinner to celebrate.At dinner Shirlee starts talking about how since they've started dating she's never been sick and has banked up lots of leave and the two can finally go on a trip to the Dominican like the always wanted. Checkers thinks that sounds great and orders some champagne. While the two are walking back to their car a The Warriors style streetgang comes out of the shadows and asks to give over all their money. Checkers isn't having any of that and kickboxes the shit out of them, but one pulls a pistol and shoots Shirlee in the head.At the hosptial we find out Shirlee's in a coma and the doctors say it's a slim chance she'll ever come out since her skull was so badly crushed in and her brain damaged. Checkers is enraged and starts taking it out in the ring fighting stronger than ever before then quickly ducking out the post-fight victory celebrations to go and wheep at Shrilee's side in the hospital. Months go by. While visiting her he kisses her on the lips and her vital signs take a leap. He gives her a full on smooch and she actually wakes up, but still severly brain damaged. He takes her home and feels awkward about fucking a retarded cripple but goes through with it because after all, it's still Shrilee. Suddenly she's totally healed. Not even scars.She starts telling Checkers that it was her love that healed her, but he refuses to believe it. She tells him they still haven't taken that trip, and he starts crying about how for him it was a year ago that they were planning that trip, but for her only a few moments because of her coma. She suggests instead of the Dominican that they go to Haiti since it's cheaper. Checkers doesn't know much about world politics he agrees. They get to Haiti, and naturally the place is a fucking riot zone. They see a woman get stabbed in the gut with a machete in the middle of a riot-ridden street. Shirlee says Checkers must "heal her", Checkers says he won't, but Shirlee insists it's her only hope. Checkers sees a guy weeping at the bleeding lady's side claiming to be her brother. Checkers pushes him aside and starts fucking her. The brother gets all upset and pulls Checkers off the lady only to find her totally healed. Checkers realizes he does have the power to heal people by fucking them. Shirlee tells him he can't be selfish with his gift.We cut to five years later where Checkers is fuck-healing the last diseased person in Africa onstage at the Superbowl while Bono sings behind him and the crowd cheers. He leaves the stage and tells a reporter that he can't do an interview, he's got some "healing" saved for Shirlee. He goes to his trailer to meet Shirlee and they're kissing when somebody knocks at his door. He opens it up and it's a little sad looking lady who gives him a heartbreaking story about how she needs his healing. Shirlee says "It's okay, I wouldn't be here at all if it weren't for your gift, help her." But Checkers doesn't even have his dick out before the lady pulls a machete and tries to cut it off and a bunch of ninjas burst in and Checkers beats them to death, but they kill Shirlee. He tries, but this time he can't bring her back. And nobody knows who the ninjas were.Checkers is mourning at Shirlee's grave, when a man gives him an envelope telling him about Togliati City in Russia and the rampant AIDS problem and he decides he has no life left in America and heads off to live in the Russian village and intagrate and heal the locals.He moves into the village and tries to live a humble life in peace. A local woman named Olga (Milla Jonovich) introduces herself as a nuclear genetic rocket bacteriologist doctor and they become friends. Then one day there's a big explosion off on the horizon and Olga comes running into town. She says that the lab where she does research was attacked by ninjas and destroyed. The ninjas show up behind her, but this time Checkers keeps one alive long enough to find out he's North Korean working for Kim Jong-Il. Checkers rushes back to the lab and Olga looks around at the rubble and does some investigating to figure out that the Koreans stole all the data on disease research. She then finds an invoice for a space suit and figures out that they must plan to interfere with the next Russian shuttle launch. They boot it to Sputnik, but they're too late. The ninjas already hijacked the shuttle. But there's a spare!They fly up to the space station and the scientists unveil that they've created a being that is pure disease (played by Michelle Rodriguez) made up of every disease possible and that she's going to jump into the atmosphere and burn up and her disease blood will rain all over Earth kill everyone faster than Checkers could possibly fuck them. We then get a Kurt Wimmer style attempted rape scene where Checkers tries to use dick-kata to fuck the Diease Being, but she's too fast and keeps beating him. Then he pulls a Fifth Element and appeals to her softer side by showing her the goodness of humanity and she then just lets him fuck her, at which point she just disolves.Then we cut to Kim Jong Il openning his email and its a sex video of Checkers and the Disease Being. He jumps back in surprise and finds Checkers and Olga standing behind him. They kickbox him to death. THE END
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I wrote an analysis of the Lethal Weapon movies. Check it out:http://tinyurl.com/2zyqsw
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Sweet Jesus!
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Yeah, I read that the other day and in typical asskissing fashion agreed with everyting you had to say. Having said that, I was wondering which LETHAL WEAPON is your favorite? And which one do you think is the best?
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You got the LOVE!dick-kata rules!
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interviewed VERN!I read that some time ago and thought:"Lucky Bastard"!And I never have some cool links......I feel bad now.
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Caruso, I'd probably say Lethal Weapon 2 is my favorite. It's by far the most violent, has the best action, best villain, best lines, and like I said in my essay, it actually works in a revenge plot in an organic way. Most sequels that are revenge movies are a vengeance that result from something that happened in an earlier movie, but this is revenge for something that was part of the exposition for the first movie. Which is brilliant. Riggs thinks his wife's death was an accident until this movie, but it makes sense that it was a hit.
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What did you think of the interview? It was my first time doing an interview, I thought it went pretty well. Vern thought the intro was "too sacrastic", I didn't mean it that way. But Vern also said he liked the questions I asked him during the interview portion.
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It's probably one of the greatest sequels ever made. I'd say it definitely kicks the first one's ass. LETHAL WEAPON is great and all, but it's also a little silly. Like the fight between Riggs and Joshua at the end. It's a badass fight, but it kind of reminds me of THE GAUNTLET where Sondra Locke blew away the corrupt police captain guy and all the other cops just kinda stood there and then she and Clint Eastwood walked into the sunset.
What I love about LETHAL WEAPON 2 is how it builds on the first film and feels like a natural extension rather than a rehash. It's funnier, but still has great character moments like Murtaugh on the toilet and the "Gold Pen" scene. It also has the best ending of the series, with George Harrison punishing my balls with "Cheer Down."
Then Warner Bros. had to go and get greedy with LETHAL WEAPON 3. I'm not a fan of that film really. Except Riggs and Murtaugh have some pretty good exchanges in that film, such as when they're walking a beat and arguing. Joe Pesci's presence was completely unnecessary, however. -
take(great work).I like LW1 the most.But guys my ass is killing me(need a new chair)and I have to sleep now.I will read more of your website tomorrow Spandau and let you know then.Good Night Ladies and Gents,see ya tomorrow.
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I've got some second and third act problems with BLOOD BROTHERS that I'm going to try to hash out. In the meantime I thought I'd post a film review I wrote for my shitty MySpace blog about a year ago. Hopefully, it will give you all a window into my genius. I never realized how ridiculously long it was until now, so I've broken it into two separate but equally important pieces. I'm sure you will all agree that this is possibly one of the greatest contributions to film blogging in some time. I hope you enjoy it and give me tons of praise about my awesome reviewing powers and nurture my dangerously inflamed ego. I hope I don't fuck up the paragraph breaks.
A Film Review of the Forgotten Gem
MOON PRISON
Recently, as I was browsing through the selection at the local Blockbuster, I came across this little-known Hong Kong sci-fi actioner entitled MOON PRISON, starring action-legend Chow Yun-Fat. I had never heard of this particular film before, but the cover art looked promising. It depicted a late-eighties/early-nineties-era Chow Yun-Fat running through a narrow corridor, holding a gun in one hand and what appeared to be a can of Milkis carbonated dairy beverage (which I know for a fact, Mr. Yun-Fat was a spokesperson for) in the other, all the while being pursued by a billowing wall of flame. In other words, your typical action movie cover. I had a nice chuckle over the blatant product placement (which I had never actually seen incorporated into a film's packaging before) then flipped the DVD around to read the synopsis.
According to said synopsis, Chow Yun-Fat plays Detective John Kim, a futuristic cop of some kind. I guess this should have been obvious as the film is called MOON PRISON, which would imply that the film takes place in the future and to my knowledge there are no prisons on the Moon. Yet. I should have known he was a cop, too, because Chow Yun-Fat always plays cops and also I think he was wearing a badge in the cover photo. So guess I really dropped the ball on this one.
So, anyway, Detective Kim (or Chow) is part of a police force on this huge space station orbiting Earth. It's never addressed explicitly in the film why all of these people are living on a space station. Maybe the Earth was becoming overpopulated, or there was a nuclear war or something and so a few thousand Chinese people left to pursue a better life or whatever. No one ever comes right out and says this or anything like that. In fact, nobody even mentions Earth at all (even though there are several shots of it in the movie and it's hard to miss). So maybe they're ashamed of their past and just try to pretend there's no planet out there, I don't know. It still doesn't explain why they built this massive space station (which probably cost a shitload of yen or whatever the Chinese currency is) especially when there's a perfectly good moon just a few hundred thousand miles away. Actually, the issue isn't really dealt with implicitly either.
I'm not sure who the city planner was, but my guess is he fucked up big time. I mean, you can only have so many people on a space station, reproducing and so on, before you have to deal with overcrowding, and they're not really using the Moon for anything at all, except for the prison that they built on it. Hence, MOON PRISON. But the prison itself doesn't take up a whole lot of space, so I don't know what the problem is. Seems to me that you could build a city on the Moon that could support plenty of people and move all the prisoners to the space station. It's larger than the prison, I'm sure, because it doesn't seem to have the overcrowding issues that the prison does. Unless criminals are the majority of the population, which begs the question, "Why were these people brought along in the first place? Why weren't they left on Earth?" But maybe I'm completely wrong and there is nothing wrong with Earth and all those people living on the space station are only there for the hell of it, and there's this prison on the Moon.
Yeah, this movie makes you think.
That's the set-up. Space station orbiting Earth, police force, moon prison. Chow is your typical loose-cannon-rebel-playing-by-his own-rules kind of cop, but in space. The film opens with a chase. On foot, because it's inside the space station, so there aren't any crazy jumps or explosions or anything like that because there are no cars. The interior of the station itself often looks suspiciously like a mall. There are escalators and potted plants. The whole deal. But it's a Chinese mall so it's more advanced than the shit we've got here and it's dressed up enough to look futuristic. Or maybe it was all shot on a soundstage. Who cares.
So Chow and his partner Chub (nobody has Chinese names in this movie, apparently) are chasing this punk-ass drug dealer. They're running up and down escalators, pushing people over the sides, leaping through the air in slow-motion. The works. Chow is especially good at the slow-motion and jumping. Of course, being on the heavy side, his partner has trouble keeping up. It could be because he's a little tired, or he's just a fat bastard. I'm leaning toward fat bastard. He even stops in mid-pursuit to take a bite out of a little kid's donut. What an asshole.
Anyway, Chow chases the guy into this spacedock-looking place. It's where all the space ships and shit come and go, so Chow's got to deal with the crowd, just like any cop movie where the main character has to catch some fucker. He finally catches up to the guy as he's trying to jack a shuttlecraft. He beats him up pretty good before handcuffing him, so I guess they're a little loose with the rules in space. Like the ones about beating suspects. I should mention that the movie is dubbed, because this is America. This was when Chow was still making movies in Hong Kong, though, so I guess he wasn't doing his own English dubs back then. They've got some American dude dubbing his voice. It isn't horrible, but it ain't Chow.
After he's done brutalizing the suspect, he tells everyone to "stand back. There's nothing to see here." Then he kicks the guy while he's on the floor. It's pretty funny. Chow finally gets the drug dealer guy on his feet, then immediately lectures him about staying in school and getting educated, etc., even though the dude looks like he's in his early thirties. This was a little confusing for me, but maybe it's a Chinese thing. Chub arrives just in time to not have to do anything, which is typical of overweight sidekicks in the movies. He drives up in this futuristic golf cart which he must have stolen or something because they didn't have it earlier. It's got one of those blue spinning lights, though, so I guess it's supposed to be a police car. Only it's a golf cart. That's the best they've got in the future. Golf carts.
Now that I think about it, this space station really is like a mall. It's like a city-sized mall in space and the police force is like mall security. Except I didn't see an arcade or an Orange Julius and the cops all have guns. And not those phaser-type guns that Kirk uses, either. These ones shoot real bullets, which probably isn't safe, seeing as how they're in space and all. But they do have better uniforms. They look a little like janitor's overalls with yellow piping running down the sides, but it beats wearing shorts, or whatever mall security wears. Anyway, the place is like a mall. But instead of clothing stores and shit, they've got apartments and offices and restaurants and even a park right in the middle with fountains and people take their kids there and stuff like that. So it's like one big city in space, not on the Moon, which in my opinion would be more economically sound, but whatever.
The police station has its own floor, so you can just step off the elevator and you're at the police station. It's convenient, because you don't have to worry about traffic. That's the essence of space station life. Convenience. Anyway, nobody seems to mind that they live in a mall.
The beginning of the movie is typical Hong Kong action fare. Actually, it's pretty typical action fare in general. Hong Kong or otherwise. Chow gets chewed out by his captain, whose duties seem to amount to nothing more than chewing people out. Anyway, Chow gets lectured about being a loose cannon, etc. and how he gives the force a bad name, etc. Chow basically tells the guy to go fuck himself and all the captain does is warn him that he's skating on thin ice.
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Chow leaves. His shift is over. One more scumbag caught. To celebrate, he decides to have a few drinks at the local watering hole, which features a jazz band, as all Chinese cop bars do. Chub happens to show up, because that's what partners do in these movies, and he and Chow have a thoughtful conversation about life and police work. There is absolutely no reason for this intimate and introspective scene to be in the movie, except to get you emotionally invested in the Chub character who will be killed fifteen minutes later and whose murder will get pinned on Chow. So you can see where things go from here. Chow gets framed for his partner's murder and gets sent off to Moon Prison, which is where most of the film takes place. Although you probably wouldn't know it, because there aren't any windows and the gravity is Earth-normal.
Also, I didn't know it at the time, but this is actually a sequel. After I watched the movie I did a little research. There was this other Chinese flick from the early eighties called ASTRONAUT COP, also featuring Chow Yun-Fat, only in more of a supporting role and playing the same character, but with a different name (?). Also, the mega-hot-and-talented Michelle Yeoh (of CROUCHING TIGER and MEMOIRS OF A GAY) played his girlfriend or partner or something. Anyway, that movie is pretty obscure and I guess it never even made it here to the States. So when this movie was released in the U.S. they retitled it MOON PRISON, because no one ever fuckin' heard of ASTRONAUT COP. It was the same type of thing they pulled with THE ROAD WARRIOR, because no one in America knew who the fuck Mad Max was. So I guess this was a good idea, because I never would've watched this movie if it had been called ASTRONAUT COP 2. I would have wanted to see the first one beforehand which, as you may recall, isn't available here so I would've missed out big time, I guess. Anyway, it gives you an idea of what goes into promoting a film overseas. Or maybe I just wasted your time, I don't know.
I probably should talk about the drug dealer punk that Chow caught at the beginning of the movie. See, he was selling some new narcotic that is supposedly highly addictive and cops are getting hooked on it and becoming corrupt and so on. You know the story. It's ROBOCOP 2 meets OUTLAND meets Chow Yun-Fat. That's why the captain is pissed. His own people are getting corrupted. Also, the government is a little shady. Do they have something to do with the drugs? Will Chow uncover this? Will he get out of prison and marry his scientist girlfriend? At least, I think she was a scientist. There is a scene where she wears a lab coat, so I don't know, maybe she develops film or something. They never really explained that. Also, they don't say what happened to Michelle Yeoh's character. I think she lived in the first one so I don't see why she shouldn't be in the sequel. I think we got robbed big-time. You need Michelle Yeoh in this movie. She could jump a motorcycle onto a speeding moon-train or beat up Jackie Chan like in SUPERCOP. Something like that. But now she's in that new space movie coming out this year where she and the Human Torch have to blow up the Sun or whatever, so I guess she's come full circle.
Anyway, back to this Yeoh-less space cop movie.
Prison is a bad place for Detective Chow, because he's a cop. Also, he is the reason that most of these guys are in prison in the first place, so they all want a piece of him. So Chow spends the rest of the film getting into fights with prisoners, doing work detail (breaking moon rocks and shit), trying to find out who is manufacturing the drugs, befriending the less-deranged prisoners, getting thrown into solitary confinement, trying to prove his innocence and pretty much killing a lot of people. It's a lot like FACE/OFF, with the prison angle and all. It's also nothing like FACE/OFF.
Chow doesn't get to use a gun at any time whatsoever during the movie, so the cover fucking lied. He doesn't hold a can of Milkis either, but to be honest, I wasn't looking for it. Maybe the filmmakers put a can in the background somewhere. I'd have to watch it again to find out. Anyway, this is pretty different from your typical Chow Yun-Fat picture where he shoots the crap out of everybody. Instead, he gets to whip a few people across the face with a chain, strangle a guy with a chain, snap a guy's neck with his feet, set two people on fire, drill a guy through the eyeball with a giant drill (for work detail), and also gets to use his fists and stuff. Also, he gets into trouble a lot with the Warden, who is played by some British guy. I think he's the only white dude in the whole damn movie and his voice is also dubbed (badly), even though he is clearly speaking English. I don't know what's up with that. This also shoots holes in my theory that the Chinese left Earth because of overpopulation and/or nuclear war, because if that's what happened, why the fuck is this white guy here? And why is he speaking English when everyone else is speaking Chinese? It's just like the STAR WARS movies where all of Jabba the Hutt's dialogue is subtitled, but Luke Skywalker talks to him in English. How does Jabba understand him? How does he understand Jabba? Does he read the subtitles?
At the same time that Chow is trying to survive in prison, his scientist/film developer girlfriend is trying to find out who really killed Chub, since she knows Chow didn't do it. There are a few scenes where she sneaks around restricted areas of the space station and promises sexual favors to guards to get information, but we know she won't make good on them. She also gets the captain in on it, but his hands are pretty much tied, because that's how these movies work.
It isn't really surprising when it turns out near the end of the movie that the Warden is in on the scheme. I guess having a moon prison all to yourself will eventually cause you to become corrupt and shiftless, just like Darth Vader or the British guy in this movie. Chow pretty much has all the information he needs to tear the corrupt government folks a new asshole, but he's got to get off the Moon first. Naturally, he has to fight the Warden to do it. He's already done most of the hard work by getting all the prisoners to riot like crazy, killing a lot of innocent prison guards (well, some of them were corrupt, too) in the process. But at the end, he gets to have a fight scene with the Warden. It's a pretty good one, too. The kind where people get knocked off of catwalks while shit explodes and the bad guy explains everything. Eventually, of course, the Warden gets the upper hand, mostly through cheating and trickery. He starts to get cocky like they all do and gets to recite the kind of shitty dialogue that is reserved for the main villian in these types of movies. And Chow? Chow doesn't have to say anything at all. He just squints and wipes blood off his mouth and you know he's going to fuck this asshole up.
And, boy, does he ever. He hits this fucker with a flurry of blows, making the guy's nose bleed all over the place, slamming his face repeatedly against a hand-rail, making him whimper like a bitch. Then, in what can only be described as a frame-for-frame recreation of the climax of ALIEN, Chow manages to blast the Warden out of an airlock and onto the Moon's surface, thereby causing him to implode. Quite graphically, I might add. I'm not convinced that this could be backed up by any sort of scientific evidence, but that doesn't make it any less impressive.
When Chow gets back to the space station, he's ready for action. He's got the evidence, he's ready to go. Everybody still thinks he's a corrupt drug-running murdering cop, though. Luckily, he's got his girlfriend and the captain on his side. And the captain even gets the honor of arresting the corrupt government official who masterminded everything. So everything turns out pretty well in the end. Don't worry, there's no lame-ass wedding in the park or anything like that where Chow looks over and sees Chub's ghost or some stupid shit. In fact, he doesn't even kiss his girlfriend at the end, which is usually what happens. Come to think of it, he doesn't kiss her once during the entire movie. I'm not even sure if she's his girlfriend.
The last shot of the movie is clearly an EMPIRE STRIKES BACK homage/rip-off, where Chow and the scientist lady are standing at a window and looking out into space. And right outside the window, right in plain sight, is Earth.
And nobody says a fucking thing.
MOON PRISON is not a perfect film. The special effects are a bit dubious at times. Some of the dialogue is kind of lame, but I blame the folks who did the translation. I bet the Chinese dialogue kicks ass. Overall, I liked this movie a lot. Mostly because it is nothing like any of Chow's other movies. Also because of the ultra-violence and Chow Yun-Fat's undeniable screen presence. Normally, I would recommend that you look for this movie at your local video rental chain, but unfortunately, it doesn't actually exist.
There may come a day when I might "accidentally" encounter Mr. Yun-Fat in the street and the opportunity to slip my unsolicited MOON PRISON screenplay into his jacket will present itself, whereupon he will read it and think to himself, "This kid has got something." Then, maybe, this film will become a reality. In the meantime I will continue sending copies of the script to his agent, who will continue to send them back unread until I finally accept defeat and ask Seagal do it. -
http://tinyurl.com/3basl2
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http://tinyurl.com/2fpzl7
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for a short time I thought "how could I miss that one?"......puh caruso,great shit!
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http://tinyurl.com/yud3cg
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been kinda of a busy day at work today but I'm here...Moon Prison...wow that is awesome
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OLEG LIVES!
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Jan 30, 2008 11:55:39 AM CST
Oleg........Milla..........Catherine..........IN........
by travis-dane
ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE U.D.S.S.R!Co-stars:Tiny Lister!Steven Seagal!Billy Blanks!the ghost of BRUCE LEE and CHRISTOPHER WALKEN!COMING SOON!
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http://www.myspace.com/OLEG_LIVES
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OLEG!
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we have to pick up the pace again my DTV-Brothers!See ya.
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I can't imagine what sort of friends he'd make.
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In addition to writing reviews about films that don't exist, I also have a habit of reviewing films I haven't even seen. Such as CHILDREN OF MEN, INSIDE MAN and MADEA'S FAMILY REUNION (though I did get around to seeing the first two eventually and was disappointed that they weren't as shitty as I had imagined). Then there are the films I have seen, which I then write fake reviews for.
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I supplemented my income (i.e. had beer money) by writing reviews for my college paper. I wrote my review of I Still Know what You did Last Summer simply by reading the negative reviews on here and making up my own stuff. then i went and saw the movie and MST3Ked the hell out of it and pissed off all my fellow (and stupid) college students who were all shrieking and getting scared
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So I think I'll post something that was very important to me as a child. Very likely it helped shape me into the person I am today:
http://tinyurl.com/2egggb
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I never really got into the mid- to late-nineties slasher stuff. I prefer the old school stuff, which is why this NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET news kinda bums me out.
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My best friend actually wants to watch MEET THE SPARTANS, but he lives a couple hundred miles a way and I can't stop him. He refuses to listen to reason and I can't afford the bus fare to go over there and introduce his ass to my foot. Short of mailing him a hefty does of anthrax, my hands are tied. What can I do? I've known this guy for ten years, but it's like he became this whole other person. I think college may have killed that little voice in his head we all have that says "for fuck's sake, DON'T!" I'm at my wit's end.
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Knocked off the Top Ten again! Oleg wants to live, you fuckers! Let him LIVE!
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There was a point in time when I actually considered writing a script around this idea. Michelle Yeoh would be Chow's new partner who would later be revealed to be an android. There would be a chase scene outside the station with Chow and the villian in space suits. No sound, no music, and these two guys running in slow motion. It would be about ten minutes long. Then later Chow would moonwalk on some guy's face (that was my sister's contribution).
My sister and I also had another project we were passing around for a while, mostly as a joke. Then I kinda got serious about the idea and started to write a script, but it was so ridiculous I couldn't even write more than a paragraph. I'm not sure I could explain the plot of that film to you, so I'll put it this way. Imagine if David Lynch, Takashi Miike and David Zucker got together to make a hard-boiled noir in the style of John Woo. I give you COFFEEHOUSE FUNK. -
And I'm still slightly stumped and/or procrastinating on BLOOD BROTHERS. So I thought I'd drop something on you in a few moments. This is not your everyday mainstream action fare, nor is it kickass DTV. This next idea (which I have had stewing in my brain for years now) falls into that magical category of "shit that'll never get made because nobody could make a profit off it." I'm bored and I hope you enjoy it.
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Yozu mentioned AC very early in this TB.Lets see what it is.
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Day 19? Almost 1500 posts? Our lives circling the drain as we spiral into madness? Catherine Bell?
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About a million years ago, it seems.
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back in the top10!
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Fucking FUCKS!
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...on my non-marketable non-profitable romantic action horror comedy rock-n-roll zombie musical starring Milla Jovovich!
No, really. -
IF you ever do that one.Can you give me an link to your MySpace blog?
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so here are some upcoming attractions!
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Kubrik will come back for that one!
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about his short but succesfull music career.
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no fucker gets a free pass from OLEG!
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OlEG never sleeps!
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if you can see OLEG,he can see you!
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the Russians used some T-REX DNA on OLEG!
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So we can all bask in my madness.
A link to my blog? And destroy the anonymity and mystery that my caruso_stalker217 persona has given me? Well, okay.
It's got a lot of ramblings and poorly conceived essays on stuff that annoys me. I actually haven't even looked at it in a while. I think there's even some stuff on there that I wrote in high school. And I think a pretty poorly-written 300 review that I wrote on no sleep that didn't really go anywhere. And a few samples of my wonderful poetry. And by wonderful I mean awful.
Anyway, if you'd like to subject yourself to all that crap, here's a link... which is not working.
Here, try this one:
http://tinyurl.com/2xwcgd -
he could do it!
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when we are back in the top10!
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Oleg enjoys an uneventful train ride, aside from a mild delay due to an obstruction the track.
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an 180minutes doc about OLEG`s life!
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an in depth look on the Berlin raid!
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an deeply moving love story in the cold winter of Sibiria.
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and never came back!
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for the ladies.
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Oleg goes undercover to bust the Russian mob. But when everybody who knew he was undercover gets killed, he finds that he's gotten in too... DEEP. Featuring Al Pacino as Russian mob boss Alexi Dubovidich.
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the call-center days.
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OLEG takes a dump.
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umpa-lumpa my ass.
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sequel to DEEP!
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OLEG infiltrates an Zombie infested mall and shows them how to "Life".
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While testing an experimental space craft that can bend time, Oleg finds himself flung billions of light-years from home. Sold into slavery by alien overlords, Oleg must escape with the help of his fellow captives, including a beautiful space princess. What Oleg doesn't know is that the true threat... is Himself!
"Timewarp can do strange things to a man," says an older cyborg version of Oleg!
Now Oleg must free the space princess' people from annihilation at the hands of UBER-OLEG!
"I'd like to stay and chat, princess, but I've got a Universe to say... from Myself!" -
we have gone far out of the top10.
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I was thinking the same thing! Surely, Indiana Jones holding a bazooka can't be THAT interesting!
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OLEG saves himself in Cleveland!
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He should visit:THE TEMPLE OF OLEG!
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OLEG saves the daughter of the Latvian primeminister!
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in that movie OLEG is on Mars and fights demons.
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the high school days.
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an Fan doc about his short music career.
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and see what happens.
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I'm there.
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OLEG throws Sean Penn in the old Mystic!
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INCHES!
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never gonna happen.
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is a lot of Fun.
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Joel Silver gotta eat too.
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an Discovery Channel doc narrated by Sylvester Stallone!
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have no idea from where.
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no top10!argh
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no plot for that one!
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OLEG!
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to get some respect!
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head is going to explode......
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I like the UBER-OLEG thing.
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OLEG!
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I hope he`s allright!
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Maybe he got a life. Good for him!
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Yeah baby! Back in the Top Ten! Milla fo' President!
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Can I get a HAL-EH-FUCKIN'-LOO-LEE-YUH!!?!?!
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with OLEG!cant get any better.
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I felt dissed after missing the 1000th post. I gots my vindication, brutha! Catherine Bell!
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http://tinyurl.com/2b7ebu
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travis sobs a little!
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is in that clip!
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at least we got back in the top10.and 1500.not bad for the DTV!
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Sleep well, my brutha.
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OLEG must hunt and kill rutger hauer.. no, not roy batty.. rutger hauer. and he gets priss, and zhora..
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hes going to kill, and eat, your family.
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OLEG rips the bus sized head off a giant robot, and uses it as a handgun.
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and everything else ended..
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the punisher now spends his time at shady acres sanitarium, sucking his thumb in the fetal position. his thumb, by the way, is the only piece of his limbs they could find.. he keeps it on a chain around his neck.
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meadow soprano now knows the violent touch of oleg.. tony has the photos to prove it.
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BBQ style GOJIRA ribs.. yum!
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two guys tallking at a bus stop.. oleg nukes them at the end.
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coz he has none.
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he destroys the deathstar.. with a screwdriver.
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jfk looked at oleg funny..
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oleg tells thor to cut his hair. ragnarok starts
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Paul Walker bets Freddy Prinze, Jr. that he can't take Oleg and make him presentable to high society. But all bets are off when Oleg shoves Freddy up Paul.
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Even Snake Plissken won't fuck with him.
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A case of mistaken identity leaves Oleg with pee stains on his rug. And marmot or not, he's gonna get vindication.
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Motherfucker ain't gettin' away this time.
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OLEG kills everyone, starting with dick van dyke.
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maaaaaatt daaaaamon!
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actually, president bush doesn't live anywhere, since oleg urinated on his corpse.
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Hi, little friend.. say Hi to MY BIG friend!
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his pants are made of patrick swayze's skin.
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http://tinyurl.com/32gnt2
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a man isn't a piece of fruit! but you can peel him.
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Oleg kills him while being blown by moneypenny.
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I have to see that shit, like, right now!
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I thought everybody around here knows it!Now I am a little ashamed that I did not mention it earlier!Ricki is like the little chinese brother of OLEG.
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...but I've never seen it. I've just Netflixed that shit, though!
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Maybe later I can squeeze a little magic from the DTV tits for BLOOD BROTHERS. The bitch is all tapped out for now.
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thats some good stuff.
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http://tinyurl.com/2yoaw6
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Jan 31, 2008 7:32:29 AM CST
riki is the pacifist, feminine little chinese bro of OLEG
by ironic_name
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but he does not like V for Vendetta!ah....we are still united by the DTV!
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Oleg fights vampire thingys whilest driving in Ford's and hunting deer in NYC
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Oleg fights Smokezilla (the Lost monster) while hiding form creepy skinny people on a mysterious island
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Oleg is an aging beekeeperok I don't really know where that one came from, I'm just excited, I love LOSt and it's back otnight and I love Oleg and DTV I don't htink I'm actually going to see anything else posted on AICN today
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Lucky you Bloo!
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http://tinyurl.com/2whcko
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tinyurl.com/3bhevv -
TREJO!
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I MUST BREAK YOU!
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I've been catching up on Season 3 the past week, as soon as i get off work I'm planning on watching the rest of it to lead into the premiresorry you can't catch it until later...try the bit torrents? Don't know where though I'm pretty retarted when it comes to that stuff
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and I pay fucking money for my Cable so i will wait until March.But man it is hard not to download it!
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I don't think I'd normally pay for cable as much as I love TV, I'm just kinda cheap like that, but my cable is included in my rentI wouldn't mind learning where to download stuff as I don't get like HBO or Showtime so I can't check out The Wire, Dexter, etc
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is only one Big Cable/satelite company(there are 2-3 others,but they suck)called "Premiere" and they buy/have all the rights to the TV shows and show it on one channel(BSG,Sopranos,Deadwood,Sarah C.Chron.and so on).So for 20€ a month I get a lot of stuff,just have to wait a little.
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But I fucking hate Lost. The Lost in my name refers to my lost ID not that horrible cocktease of a programme.
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Jan 31, 2008 11:25:46 AM CST
bought some rocky toys, will have oleg finished in maybe
by ironic_name
in maybe a month!
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NOW!
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but he never does!
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he goes Killin`!
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not all of us like the same thing. A lot of my friends don't like LOST, but I'm not a big fan of like 24, so it's all cool
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did you see that?If not look the RED wolfman TB up!Crazy shit.
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NEW WORLD OLEG!OLEG 4Life!
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in an Punisher movie review death match!
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that's crazy, I need to check that out
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poor soul.
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for it
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I'm sitting in the shit here!
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Normally I'm not a documentary kinda guy, but I'll make an exception for the fucking TREJO.
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welcome back caruso!You should too check out the RED updated TB for some MiraJeff love.
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I guess that's what you get when you support/defend/do not outright hate Brett Ratner. Personally, I've got nothing against the man. I'm not a fan of his films, so I don't watch them. Though I kinda liked THE FAMILY MAN (up until the end, when the evil Don Cheadle cheats Nic Cage out of his new life) and RED DRAGON was decent.
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and got me confused.
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Anybody know which movie that scene where he blows the dude's head off with a shotgun is from?
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but that he called Jarv out to a fight in LA.As AICN staff member he should take the shit not so personal.He should know better.
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It's also hilarious.
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hahahahahahahahaha.best line ever!
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It looks good, it sounds good, it's about something that interests me, but for some reason I have no interest in watching it. I wish I understood myself on this one.
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I think it was the first five minutes of the second season premier. Good lord, it was so interesting. It was like really interesting. It was so interesting that I kept watching and became a fan instantly and watch it to this day.
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...I am obviously being facetious. Fuck LOST. Nothing against any of you LOST-heads out there. But if you want a REAL people-stuck-on-an-island-after-a-plane-crash story then look no further than TROMA'S WAR! "Airborne!"
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I don't hate it. I actually consider it a well made simple action movie. I'm not the type of guy to get all pissy about unfaithful adaptations. The book was a very clever satire about how extremists justify each other. And it was a great book. The movie was just Batman Versus The Nazis, another supersimple story about why fasicism is bad with some fun action. And on that level the movie worked.
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no particular orderThe ShieldSopranosDeadwood24 LostBuffyDark AngelBSG(new)Dead ZoneMiami Vicejackassand some more
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...was that it was too slick. Too polished. Too "Hollywood." I felt like it should have been a grittier film. This is supposed to be some George Orwell shit going down. It's got to be dirty. It's got to be ugly. And that crap at the end where V busts out some kung-fu MATRIX bullshit totally lost me. However, I thought Hugo Weaving was great. Natalie Portman's accent was a little dubious, but I can look past that. Overall, I didn't think it was a bad film, but I'll never watch it again.
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killed me!Great work!But we all love MILLA!
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but I am used to it!DTV unites us!And the TREJO!And OLEG!
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I used to watch MY NAME IS EARL, THE OFFICE, 30 ROCK, SCRUBS (that was my entire Thursday night). I'd watch HOUSE, CSI, MEDIUM, FAMILY GUY, AMERICAN DAD, CRIMINAL MINDS. I don't watch anything now. And it never felt so good!
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I type up a small rant against ULTRAVIOLET and the site takes a fuckin dump in my mouth!
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It took me three viewings just to realize that the samurai business man had a flame-throwing pistol at the end, that Violet doused the flame by throwing a drop of her blood at it just as he was pulling the trigger so only the fluid sprayed out which she blocked with her sword so later when she scraped it on the ground it made sparks and set it on fire. Three. Fucking. Viewings. I remember sitting there the first time saying, "Why the fuck is her sword on fire!?" I don't think my brain had even registered the absurd idea of a gun that sprays fluid. What good is that? It just didn't click. Three. Fucking. Viewings. Is it too much to ask to ESTABLISH the gun before hand? Just have a little scene early on where he uses it on a subordinate, or there's a bee flying around the office and he fries the fucker? Jesus.
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and I dont know in which movie Dolph does the Shotgun Beheading!Which is cool shit.
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Which is what got me thinking about that fucking gun to begin with.
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do you know that Madame Butterfly chick?
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Unfortunately, I don't have many friends so I'm stuck with them.
I've never met her in person because she lives 2,000 miles away, but we've been corresponding for a year. She's a lot like my sister in that she never misses an opportunity to bust my balls. So I guess we get along alright. -
your Caruso "Fuck youuu" thing made me laugh!
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...where Caruso points and says "Fuck you!" but I ended up finding that one, which is not the same one. So either I'm crazy, or he points and says "Fuck you!" in at least two movies.
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some time in the near future.At least there are some good folk over there like you or Stuntcock.
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I generally don't like people. But I guess with my friends and family scattered to the four winds it comes in handy.
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what the fuck!people here are crazy.
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...look like Vera Farmiga in that picture.
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Jan 31, 2008 5:33:14 PM CST
Yeah but she`s hot.She has that strange Lady thing going on....
by travis-dane
she sure is a "Bitch".or so......
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If it came right down to a Cate vs. Vera debate, I think I'd have to side with Vera. She always looks like she just bit into a lemon. That's hot for some reason.
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That short-lived television show starring Heath Ledger. It was only on for a short time, but I remember watching it as a kid. Pretty good show, I recall.
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It was on back in '97. It lasted maybe eight episodes, but the entire first season is on DVD. If I remember correctly, Heath Ledger played a young Irish chieftain fighting Roman encroachment. Okay, so I got that off IMDb. I believe magic was also involved.
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who stabbed Jesus(!)right?
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He was immortal or some shit. And there was an evil queen, I think. I'm going to assume there was an evil queen. There's always an evil queen. And a big dude with an axe. He was one of the good guys. There's always a big dude with an axe on the good team.
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good times!
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They're just too controversial these days.
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nah what the hell!The midgets will strike back!
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...and Bridget will be their queen!
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last man on Earth!
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...to be HIS queen! Then maybe they could take Oleg's time-bending spacecraft and tour the Universe and Oleg could go see Uber-Oleg in Moon Prison and they could make amends. Or he could DESTROY the Moon itself!
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and the Indy TB is going in a strange direction....with people saying "Red Dawn"was good.....and talking "commie".....ah it never stops.
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I don't see the connection myself. As for RED DAWN, it's good in a cheesy '80s way but the biggest thing going for it is the nostalgia people get when talking about the first time they saw it and so forth. But we know the truth.
As for communism, well, I've got nothing against it personally. And I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with it. But it doesn't really work as a form of government. -
It killed her career. At least, that's the theory I put forth in my essay on FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF.
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it is dead.But some folks think there is still danger there.Sure Putin is an ass but he`s not the only ass with power and Nukes,right?I am more afraid of the Chinese.They are coming out HUGE.shit.
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never liked her!My Girlfriend is a huge Dirty Dancing fan.........BABY......Johnny....argh!
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...in the coming years. We're fucking up big time. But no empire lasts forever. Britain was top dog for a long time, then us crazy Yanks. China is going to punish our balls, I think.
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Thank Oleg. I still think her nose was the source of her powers, though.
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I'm completely fucking stuck on BLOOD BROTHERS and it RAPES my BALLS (makes me mad). And to make matters worse, I can't get my retarded rock-n-roll zombie musical out of my head.
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here in Germany the Chinese are comming out with some cheap shit cars for under 10.000€(new).The cars are so cheap that they fall apart completly when you hit something with the "speed" of like 15mph(no joke).fuck that.And the product piracy.....oh Oleg save us!
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go ahead.
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...if I drove at all. Which I don't.
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it is good.The Japanese build good cars.
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I give you GIRL BAND. It's an awful title, I know. I was just using it as a working title, but it's so generic that I think I'll keep it. This thing has been years in the making (which means I've thought about it for years and made no progress on it) and now it seems like I'm ready to write the script. If I can gather all of my thoughts into one bag, that is.
It takes place in a small town in the mythical year of 1992. Two young nobodies, Ray "Toke" Malone and Monty "Blax" Blackstein (Nick Cannon and Shia LaBeouf respectively) dream to make it big with their rap group Toke N Blax. (Didn't I tell you this was a terrible idea?) Since they live in a small town and have no talent, they have to make ends meet by working as gravediggers at the cemetery.
This is a source of great shame for Ray's father Marvin (Bernie Mac) who runs a Mom 'n' Pop store of some kind and says "motherfucker" a lot.
Monty has family problems of his own. His grandfather (Ron Perlman) is staying with his family for a while and makes Monty call him "Pappy." Luckily, Pappy Goldman is a Korean War vet, so he'll come in handy when the undead show up later.
The first half of the picture is pretty normal. Small town guys with big dreams, working a nine-to-five job digging holes, having romance problems, etc. But everything changes when the punk rock girl band Dixie Dare and the Risky Twins (it was the first thing I thought of and it was so retarded I decided to keep it) come to town. They have a gig in The Big City, but their tour bus breaks down. Naturally, Ray and Monty think this is the perfect opportunity to try and get their demo tape to a record company rep. This might involve Shia LaBeouf breakdancing. God, I hope so. -
I just need to gather my thoughts.
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and how about "Dixie and the ZombieChicks"as band name?
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She's the lead singer/guitarist. Then there's PJ on bass and Rhonda, the angry lesbian, on drums.
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played by Lindsay Lohan!hahahaha!She is DTV gold!
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One is TWIN PEAKS. I was a little kid back when it was on, so I never watched it then and am working my way through the DVDs now. The other is DEXTER. I've been watching the DVDs of the first season. I can see it being a show that totally loses it, but I'm liking it so far.
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This movie blew me away, and yes I love Milla. It wasn't until this commentary track that I found out she was stupid. I'd never seen her outside of a movie before, but hearing her retarded valley girl speak about this stupid movie gave me infinite respect for her as an actress. In movies she comes across as a totally competant asskicking machine, in real life I wouldn't let her babysit my dead goldfish.
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But she's not tough enough for Rhonda. We need a real butch bitch.
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it is coming next months to Germany!And Twin Peaks was the shit back in the 90`s!It is good stuff!I forgot Six Feet Under on my list!great show!
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I'm not sure if I'd go so far as to call her stupid. It seemed to me more like she was just trying to say positive things about the film. I seem to remember her saying stuff like "this is a really great scene because of stuff that makes it great" and "everybody was really great" and "I liked worked with everybody; they were great."
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commentary with MILLA and Michelle Rodrigues!Shit MICHELLE is perfect for the angry lesbian!
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...but didn't want to just "go back to the well." Though she would be perfect and she's pretty much the only person I imagined.
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Funny stuff. The RESIDENT EVIL: APOCALYPSE commentary is crazy though. There's this one part where Milla laughs for about two minutes straight and (this is probably my imagination) starts hacking and coughing. That's what you get for smoking, I guess.
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...Kerry Condon (of ROME and UNLEASHED fame). She'd be the disgustingly bubbly and upbeat chick in the group. She'll wear a schoolgirl uniform and pigtails!
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and they all have no problem getting "nekkid",which is important in an zombie/Girlband/white rappers movie.
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Toke N Blax is only HALF white.
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I confused him with the dude who played "Nash Bridges"father and thought you pulled an DTV about an old white dude and an young white dude trying to be rappers!And BernieMac could play the dad of an 75 year old white dude(he is Bill Murrays brother after all)!Sorry my bad!
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Seriously, get those guys back. They could come full circle on the personas they established in the HOUSE PARTY movies. But still make them play young guys with big dreams who go to high school even though they've probably 50 now.
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Anybody know what movie this is from?
http://tinyurl.com/39pjlu -
That could be a movie all on its own!
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I thought it might have been.
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is one of the Evil enforcers of the Prison Warden!She has some flying steel stick on a wire thing going!
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With a little luck, I should get RIKI-OH within a week. Fuckin' slow-ass mail service.
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and the Ricky dude is an indestructable killing machine!And it has an little fat chinese boy in an school uniform!
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That scene where Oscar tries to strangle Ricky with his intestines! Holy shit! It's got the over-the-top gore of Troma, only much better executed!
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I'm not sure if that's grammatically sound or not. Man, I hate english.
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the "choking" scene is just for babies man,believe me stay away from youTube and you will see things you never dreamed of seeing in an "real"movie!
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I want to be surprised by all the crazy shit.
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Good Night and keep it up,tomorrow is a busy day but I will try to throw some DTV love in(the Milla movie got me excited)!See ya!
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Jan 31, 2008 9:19:13 PM CST
Doesn't any body go to bed at a decent hour anymore??
by caruso_stalker217
Later I'll do some more work on GIRL BAND
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Jan 31, 2008 9:19:28 PM CST
Doesn't any body go to bed at a decent hour anymore??
by caruso_stalker217
Later I'll do some more work on GIRL BAND. Hopefully that'll knock something loose for BLOOD BROTHERS.
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I seem to recall travis saying he would start to worry when we hit day 32. That disturbed dream may become reality after all!
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http://tinyurl.com/2c5suu -
caruso, that movie looks amazing!
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David Caruso, that is.
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...since I mentioned DEATH RING. And you're only now bringing it up? You crazy, man!
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rip yer fuckin head off, man.
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...that I'm actually still here to reply to this.
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...there's no response to that.
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...I never thought you'd be the first to lose your mind. I was certain it would be me. I had you begged wrong, pal.
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Will I be the next to crack?
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For the DTV!And thats a good thing!I say we keep going until they(AICN)kill us!But the DTV cant be killed!HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
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I'm one of the few sane ones left. It's just me, Bloo, Spandau, Stuntcock, and this sock puppet that I've named Kevin.
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It'd better be damn fuckin' scrumptious, or I've no sympathy for you.
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and fucking MUSTARD!!!!My Girlfriend is not cooking today,so I need my SANDWICHes!with MUSTARD!
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Travis has turned into a sandwich! With some wurst and käse!
I'd eat right about now, but it's almost 4 a.m. Not early enough for a late snack, not late enough for breakfast. I am in Hell! -
love me my yoghurt!
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Or at least that's what he was telling me as I was stabbing him to death!
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thats some hard shit man!
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Motherfucker was givin' me the Look.
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I'm living proof of that.
Oleg lives! -
not healthy!NWO for life!
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...I don't know WHAT I'm gonna tell his wife, the shoe.
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had to die!She will understand,maybe fall for you,because she`s a free shoe now!who knows(great DTV stuff btw,a guy fighting his shoes,who wont take his stinking feet no mo`)!
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Past tense. Motherfucker's nothing now.
I think I know what to tell her. I can tell her "Oleg happens." Hey, that's not a bad slogan. I can see it now. "Oleg Happens" bumper stickers. "Oleg Happens" coffee mugs and T-shirts emblazoned with a stylized drawing of Oleg standing in front of a mushroom cloud. And the gravy train just keeps on rollin'... -
he can do it!
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Fuck off, "I Hate Mondays"!
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and nobody knows what the hell it means!giggle.....
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...five or six motherfuckers in the whole world with an "Oleg Happens" shirt or cup and no one else is gonna know what the hell it means. That's 6.5 billion motherfuckers NOT in the know.
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...and I'm trying to sort out GIRL BAND, I thought I'd whip up an album cover for Toke N Blax. This is all I have so far:
http://tinyurl.com/2p754x -
imagine you go on a trip to ....italy and you bring your OLEG cup.Then you meet a dude who wears a OLEG shirt!What would happen?Would the world blow up or time stops,who knows?
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When(if)we ever do the old white/young white dudes wanna rap thing,the old dude must be called:"SPARKY"!
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That is a real puzzler. I the universe doesn't implode, I might have to kill him and take the shirt.
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My dream of a breakdancing Shia is coming true...
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that he would give to you!Leave the killing to OLEG and the TREJO!
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Carrie-Anne!asshole.
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...he's a true believer. Cuz I'm getting that shirt, one way or another.
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getting between me and the DTV!Have to change that!Will be back soon!
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You're lucky that I'm the understanding type.
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...for a very short amount of time. Hopefully I won't wake up at 4 p.m. or some shit.
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have to go to the Netherlands in about an hour.Have to buy some DVD`s and some fla with chocolate flvor.
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Pretty soon we'll see icons on every webpage saying they support Oleg and people sporting Oleg shirts and so on.
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and your RAMBO review.Still have to wait until the 14th to see it!
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OLEG loves the taste of napalm in the morning! He kills larry fishburn, the vietnamese, the chef, the french, superman's dad, james earl jones, hunter s. thompson, tintin, the dodo, iowun gruffid, the cast of two and a half men, tom cruise, john millius, bruce lee, dinosaurs, North Dakota, george mcfly, the remaining beatles, apollooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo creed, peter lorre, chuck norris, the gish sisters, solid snake, tony soprano, archduke franz ferdinand, david spade, yanni, the michellin man, riki, ricky lake, rick springfield, jesse, his girl, seth mcfarlane, bobby brown, the internet, duke and the gi joes, erin brokovich's ex husband, uwe boll, leeroy jenkins, boba fett, Toshiya Fujita, neil diamond, hitler, bush, Patrick McGoohan, osama, obama and yo mama!
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tinyurl.com/yub58k tinyurl.com/24ktxk
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Yeah, all the reviews in my local newspapers and on some of the other websites I read all treated Rambo 4 like some standalone movie and kinda wrote like they'd never heard of Stallone before and didn't bother mentioning this was part of a series like they didn't know. One review even suggested that Rambo was inspired by Michael Bay's movies instead of the other way around.The reviews for this movie generally baffled me. This fellow who writes reviews for a local newspaper is totally whipped and everytime a movie like this comes out he wastes half the review talking how you'll have to "sneak out" to see it or "beg permission" from your girlfriend to let you watch it. Then he wasted the other half of his review feeling guilty for enjoying the film's sadism. It's kinda amazing they keep publishing this guy.I think Rambo 4 deserves some sort of award for most mis-reviewed of the year. Vern wrote a good piece expressing mild disappointment because the film was more like the sequels than First Blood and not enough of a bookend film like Rocky 6 was. I didn't really react to the movie the same way Vern did, but he was one of few reviewers I've seen who analyzed the movie in an appropriate context.
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Oleg Happens!
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myspace.com/12inchghettopianist
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Itzak Washinski!
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http://tinyurl.com/355wux http://tinyurl.com/2t7zor http://tinyurl.com/36n4sb http://tinyurl.com/3b4y8g http://tinyurl.com/3dwskb
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...but still groovy. From my favorite BATMAN film:
http://tinyurl.com/2sv8y5 -
lot of Animalporn there!
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The Netherlands is like the fuckin' capital of animal porn!
And that's a pretty odd statement. "I am back from the Netherlands!" That's like if I said "I'm goin' to Nevada. Be back in a few." Damn your small countries! -
TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION on the Indy TB!The dude is great.
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TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION. He's good people.
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picture for my Shirt!
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It's what Oleg would want.
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http://tinyurl.com/2cwvff
Okay, so I've still got nothing to contribute. -
Seagal/Lundgren/van Damme/Snipes DTV movie!I laughed out loud!WE GOT IT ALL!
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you are crazy!
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HIIIIIITTTTLLLLEEERRRRRRR!
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I've been on a bit of a nostalgia binge lately, so I've been looking for all the "In Living Color" sketches I can find.
THE MIST DVD will have a black and white version! That ought to be groovy. -
Feb 01, 2008 3:39:18 PM CST
Is the Mist good?It looks like a love it or hate it movie.
by travis-dane
Have to see that one......missed it in the cinema!I like Tom Jane,his Punisher was really good and so 80`s.The brawl with Kevin Nash was THE shit!
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It's totally a love or hate situation. Either you're the guy saying, "That sucked!" after the credits roll or you're the guy laughing all the way out of the theater (that would be me).
Single best filmgoing experience of my life (KING KONG would be #2) -
I like the Tom Jane version, but for me it's PUNISHER '89 all the way. It's got more action, it's goofy as hell, and there's an actual genuinely dramatic scene between Louis Gossett Jr. and Dolph Lundgren. Which I never thought I'd see.
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I was happy they renamed it,because "MIST" means Garbage in German!and DEPP means Idiot(poor Johnny).
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and both were hated when they came out!The torture scene in the Dolph punisher was funny.
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CITY SHARK 2: ELECTRIC MISTALOO?
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...all the critics were talking about how violent it was. That's pretty much all I heard. The violence was "so dark" and "graphic." Then I watched the movie and it's one of the tamest revenge flicks I've ever seen! I don't know what the critics were smoking.
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Der Nebel=The Mist.And it was "THE" City Shark!please.....
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here in germany?I think I did,if not Buckle Up!
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For leaving off the "THE" but in my defense sequels tend to lop off that definite article. See TERMINATOR 2.
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Lame Cops Dont Bite!.......i know.
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That... doesn't even make sense.
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...underrated Tom Hanks comedy?
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I almost died laughing!
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tomorrow!
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A childhood favorite of mine. I think I'd have to go with THE 'BURBS for the obvious choice. That film was pretty much panned by all the critics when it came out. It's one of the funniest fucking movies ever! And for my underdog choice, I'd have to go with VOLUNTEERS. When I was a little fucker me, my brother and my sister used to hang out at my grandparents' place a lot. My grandpa had hundreds of tapes of movies that he had rented and then made copies of and he had these HUGE fucking bookcase full of VHS cassettes. They'd have maybe three movies on each of them. You could watch the entire STAR WARS trilogy without having to put another tape in! Anyway, one of the movies I used to watch the shit out of when I was a kid was PREDATOR. But PREDATOR was at the end of the tape, so before you could get to it you had to go through VOLUNTEERS. Since we never wanted to wait around to get to PREDATOR we'd always fast-forward it, so for years the only part of VOLUNTEERS I'd ever seen was the last twenty or thirty minutes. But those twenty or thirty minutes were burned into my memory. So imagine my joy when I finally got around to watching it and discovering that last half hour had a good solid hour of great shit preceding it! Then imagine my confusion when I look on the internet and see all the hate. Fuck you, assholes! VOLUNTEERS rapes your balls!
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You crazy son of a bitch!
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Nice to see the Lethal Weapon love around here.
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Gotta keep the count up.
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Bruce Dern is better in this than he was in Coming Home and Marvin Gardens.
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Feb 01, 2008 6:21:12 PM CST
I saw There Will Be Blood and Rambo back to back yesterday.
by stuntcock mike
It was a good day. Kinda confusing though.
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I got tired of looking for the fucking thing all the time.
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We were afraid you'd gotten a life.
I'm gonna go see NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN tomorrow. Yeah, I know I've been saying that for about two weeks now. But this is for real. For REAL. -
And here I am with nothing to contribute. I'm a piece of shit.
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That's one hell of a live act.
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Somebody might've mentioned this, but Snipes was found not guilty of tax fraud today. He could still go to jail on the 3 misdemeanor charges he was convicted of, but I doubt it.
Anyway, clearly the justice system agrees with me that there should be a Blade 4. -
Bring del Toro back!They should go the "Road Warrior" way now,end of civilisation and so on.
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law thing?Is it over,or is Snipes still pissed?Do you know something?
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Snipes baby! Back on top!
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I just got up to show some DTV love!
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I can't believe I'm going to tell you this, but I'm actually writing songs for Dixie Dare and the As-Yet-To-Be-Named Twins/Sisters/Girls. I'm a sick individual.
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and turned the wolf man thing down!Thats some crazy shit!
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Well, up until now there wasn't shit going on. But that's crazy.
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are dudes like Harry saying:"Mangold would be cool",fucking funny!
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is calling.See ya later.
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I can pass the time by working on my songs and wallowing in my secret shame.
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Keep 'em coming.
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...that takes place in the future and vampires rule the earth. Like what Goyer was originally going to do with BLADE 3. This will never happen, of course.
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I'd pay to see that shit right now!
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Must sleep or perish.
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I wanna see the mist on TV, then complain that the reception is bad to the channel.
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http://tinyurl.com/39vde5 http://tinyurl.com/2qn8gw
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oh, that OLEG..
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NOT GUILTY! just like u.s. marshals!
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been feeling ill lately so not on as much but man, this morning I got to watch Submergered with Steven Segal as a mercenary and TimeCop with Jean Claude Van Damme and last night US Marshals with Welsey Snipes, it was bliss
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good to see you in here updating us on Snipes Vern, I was at my local pub/bar/grill when I heard the news, it realy made my day
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Nice to see some VOLUNTEERS love up in here!
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Didn't Ron Silver get merged with himself in that movie and he turned into this big fuckin' blob thing?
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...I'd like to do a trailer that combines JOE DIRT and WINDTALKERS. I just need the technology!
I was also thinking I could recut THE PHANTOM MENACE into a Tony Scott/Jerry Bruckheimer TOP GUN/DAYS OF THUNDER shit-fest. -
Guilty pleasure? Fuck no! This song is the shiitzzit!
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I don't remember Ron Silver mergering with himself, but I was pretty tired and fell asleep in partsI could so see a Tony Scott cut of the Phantom Meanace, which I'm a little ashamed to say I owned a movie poster of. It was a gift from a cousin, one of the few gifts she evr gave me, she knew I was a huge star wars nerd and so I got a copy of that and had it proudly on my wall...until I saw that movie...man was that a disapointment...except for Ewan McGregordid you ever see the Ewan McGregor/Nick Nolte thriller called NightWatch, it might have been DTV, but if it wasn't it should have been.that's what TalkBack Pictures needs to do, Nightwatch 2 because all these copmanies are releasing crappy sequels to movies from the late 90s...like I just saw a preview of Lake Placid 2 with the dude from Smallville and The Dukes of Hazzard
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it is from the same director,who remade his own film for the states.The original is from Sweden or Denmark,try to get it,it is really good.
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Though I have no real love for the movie, I have to give it credit for getting me interested in film. I remember when it came out they published the illustrated screenplay. I'd never seen a screenplay before, so I bought it. And I read it. And that's what got me interested in how movies are made. So thanks for that much, George.
For the recut, I was thinking I'd mainly go the DAYS OF THUNDER route, since there's all that podracing shit. And Anakin is such a cocky little Tom Cruise fucker. And Qui-Gon could be the dude telling everybody how great the kid is. Slap some Hans Zimmer on there and I think I've got something.
I've never seen NIGHTWATCH, but I'll watch anything with Nick Nolte in it.
LAKE PLACID 2 looks so fuckin' shitty. Not that the first one is all that great, but I enjoyed it. Weird fuckin' movie. Thanks, David E. Kelley. -
and the movie was not bad and there is an sequel for the DTV with Jason Scott Lee and of course the Time Cop TV-show.
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That's one of the worst pieces of shit I've ever seen. Toby Hooper should be ashamed. Even for a guy who's spent most of his career failing.
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some dude did an cool recut(professional stuff)and he cut Jar Jar out and some other shit,the movie is shorter and better.Search the internet and you will find it!Also for good fun search for "TURKISH Star Wars" and "Turkish Star Trek",that shit should kill you!
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travis, I remembered that the directior did the original NIghtwatch but I've never seen it, I really need to sign up for the netflix thingI remember the TimeCop TV Show but had no idea there was a DTV sequelwhat is with all the DTV sequels and the DTV National Lampoons and American Pies, just give me a good DTV action with tits, or a good DTV comedy with titstrust me, adding American Pie Presents or National Lampoon's isn't going to get me to watch it, because it got gaurentted tits...espically the National Lampoon stuff...last good NL movie, Senior Trip with a very young Ezri Dax as a...lesbian? was she the lesbian or the class president anyways I'm digressing here...umm...Nightwatch, Jason Scott Lee...TimeCop..umm Wesley Snipes...crap I think I'm overloading
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http://tinyurl.com/2d33nv
Oh yeah, this can definitely be applied to TPM. -
Just say "Oleg happens" three times, turn in a semi-circle and punch the first person you see. That always gets me focused.
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no love for ol`travis tonight.Thanks Bloo.
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At least it was shot on film, so it looks nice a majority of the time. AOTC and ROTS just look too fucking slick and fake. TPM looks like a real movie. Then there's the bullshit with Darth Maul. Making him "cool" to sell toys. And how about those shots we all remember from the trailers? Where the camera zooms in on the faces of Darth Maul, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon? And it's exactly the same in the movie. I hate gratuitous "trailer" shots. (See THE ISLAND. "Lincoln, what was that?" "I don't know..." DOLLY IN on MacGregor: "BUT I WANT ONE.")
One thing that really bugs me about the prequels, though, is how poorly fucking shot they are. All those fucking shots of a big room, everybody standing around, as the camera slowly zooms in. I fucking HATE that! It's in every fucking movie! And more than once! -
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" fuck that shit!
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I remember when I saw it I said to myself "This will either be the best X-MEN or the worst." That scene where Magneto flips that car and it smashes into the front of the truck. Yeah baby! Then I watch the movie and that fucking shot isn't even in it! Magneto just "smooshed" two cars and threw them to the side. What the FUCK!
That being said, after I viewed the film three or four more times it started to grow on me. Yes, there are too many mutants. Yes, it's too short. Yes, it's a piece of shit. But it has an odd sort of charm that works (for me). I thought it had the best score of the three (I bought the CD) and for some reason I kinda dug Storm and Wolverine leading the team, even though I hate Halle Berry in those movies and in real life.
But I'm not a huge X-MEN fan. I only think the movies are okay. In my opinion, the best these films ever got was the first fifteen minutes of the first film. That was some truly good shit. But after we got to the mansion, it kinda went downhill. Everything before that was great. -
X-3 was total crap.X-2 was great.X-1 was a good setup movie but wasted sabretooth.Sorry have no time to go deeper into the subject,have to go,but maybe tomorrow.Long night for me tomorrow because of "Superbowl".See ya later.
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Still working on music. Still ashamed.
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I JUST I mean JUST told a friend of mine that I've taken craps that are better then X-3. There are some cool stuff in there, I was particuarlly impressed with Kelsey Grammer as Beast, and after seeing 3:10 to Yuma, I realized that the Rat totally wasted Ben Foster.speaking of ol Kelsey Grammer I watched a comedy with him from the 90s called Down Periscope also last night and it was funnier then I remembered
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my friend and I are watching The Avengers 2 animated movie and I had to defend my choice for Black Widow--MILLA
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"I don't think it's good policy for the Navy to hand over a billion-dollar piece of equipment to a man who has 'Welcome Aboard' tattooed on his penis!"
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...should be cast in anything that would allow her to kick somebody.
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I think they should make a HELLFIRE CLUB movie. I don't read comic books, but I would love to see a movie about supervillians for once.
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:I know having a woman on board is making things hard on all of us.."
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I will try to keep it short,since almost everything in the movie sucks IMO.Jean Grey/Phoenix:total waste,she was only there to kill off some charakters without explanation.Why was she written like a 12year old child with superpowers?it would have been more effective,if she would have known what she is doing and she should have been the MAIN EVIL in the movie(destroying the humans who invented the cure and maybe an City....).In the movie she was wasted as Magneto`s puppet.Iceman/Rogue/Kitty:oh shit!LET THE BITCHES FIGHT!jesus...come on,the whole "subplot" is worth nothing.All three charakters had nothing to do except:Iceman vs. Pyro is the shittiest face off in film history,it could have been an epic "sub-battle!and they end it with a fucking headbutt!!???!!?fuck!...Kitty was just there for the Juggernaut chase("Juggy"!argh)!....And Rouge had nothing to do in the movie,but looking sad!I could go on for hours,but I give you just some quick points:Cyclops death had no impact!The final battle was a joke!Angel was not in the movie(that was some dude with wings,not Angel)!The Danger Room shit was cheap(show the Robot!)!And 1000 things more!
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Still, I don't completely hate the movie. For reasons not even I understand. I do agree that it's a piece of shit, but I found it pretty watchable. I think I've gotten it out of my system, though, so I'll probably never watch it again.
They've been wasting Rogue since the first film. Taking away her powers of flight and super strength. She isn't worth shit without those. They also completely dropped the older brother/father figure angle with her and Wolverine. They set them up in the first film to be the "outcasts" but they barely have any interaction in the second and third films. -
Man, I'm pissed that they're remaking it. Sure, the original isn't scary. Sure the effects are hokey and the acting kinda blows. But it's got charm. That's what these fuckers don't understand. Look at John Carpenter's THE FOG. It's not scary and the effects are kinda cheesy, but it's just got this quality. A lot of those old horror movies do. Maybe it's because they were made by people who knew what the fuck they were doing, were trying to make good movies and actually had a love for the craft. Whatever it is, those movies are still loved to this day. While shitty remakes like ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13, THE FOG '05 and BLACK CHRISTMAS are piling up in the Don't Fuckin' Bother section of your local Wal-Mart.
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Still in the Top Ten and we've barely been on here.
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because they kept the basic shit but,and thats important,DID NOT TRY to copy "Napoleon"Wilson(one badass dude),the Fishburne dude was complettly different.And I like the rest of the cast.BUT The Fog was really bad,I think the dudes who did this NEVER saw the original movie!
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I thing next week I can post UDSSR.And I got a Idea for a new epic:"Chainsaw Zombies vs Catholic Schoolgirls on Mars"!with Milla and Catherine as "Schoolgirls"(imagine the uniforms)on Mars!
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...but I thought the movie was shit. And I saw it before I saw the original, so it's not like I was comparing the two the whole time. The remake felt like more of the same shit I've already seen. The John Carpenter version was this weird RIO BRAVO meets NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD in a police station with a badass black hero and a simple but kickass fucking score. That movie has a shitload of shortcomings, but it's got an energy that the remake completely lacks. Though I liked the opening of the 2004 version (or was it 2005?). Even if it was shot with all artsy-fartsy handheld "fuck, aren't I hip?" camera work.
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I'm way ahead of you, my son.
CHAINSAW ZOMBIES VS. CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRLS ON MARS. Sounds totally old school and completely fucking awesome! And I'm looking forward to ONCE UPON A TIME...
I myself have been fairly unproductive. No progress on BLOOD BROTHERS or GIRL BAND, except for the songs I've been working on which don't help at all. Hopefully I can squeeze something out in the next few days. -
the TREJO will comeback when he wants!
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...nothing will get done. As a life-long procrastinator, I know this very well. Very well indeed. Indeed, quite well.
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They bore the living shit out of me. Though I was addicted to Madden '05 for Playstation. Yeah, I don't get it either.
Badminton or ping-pong is more my speed. It's fucking sad, I know. -
http://tinyurl.com/ypzlaw
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good work!looking forward to see the whole thing.
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Semites unite!
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Ashton Kutcher cant act for shit,but I like Costner.Demi Moore should have played the Kutcher part!
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see ya in 2-3 hours.Then I will go "FULL OLEG" on this TB!
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And not even the good awful. It was bland awful. Then that shit at the end with Kutcher narrating and that cheesy fucking guitar jizzes all over the soundtrack. Why didn't they just have Clancy Brown narrate the ending? Motherfucker already narrated the beginning, so I don't know what the problem was.
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The Guardian was shit(caruso is right).But Demi Moore is hot.
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just for himself!Do you know E.P.with Nick Nolte,where Clancy plays an Badass Merc,alongside Michael Ironside and William Forsythe and Tiny?Great Fucking Movie by Walter Hill!watch it.
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where is everybody?
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How about a few movie suggestions for this afternoon folks?
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just looked up to one of my DVD-shelfs...there is more,but I am lazy.
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http://tinyurl.com/3aenst
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http://tinyurl.com/24ll9z
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Feb 03, 2008 2:44:57 PM CST
Hey ironic,you have to put a "Red Star" on OLEG`s belt...
by travis-dane
just a touch of "commie"!
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the dude is fucking hilarious!The Pam thing was fucking genius and the NUDE wresslin`was the shit!
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and his buckle is probably a bit much anyway.. got to sleep.
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it has to be in YOUR face!But man I really enjoy your work!Good night to you.
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gold.
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and the frezzeframe on Seagal almost killed me!Forsythe as psycho killer is THE shit!
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I'm back. And still haven't got shit to contribute.
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It's OLEG! And he's magnificent!
[creams jeans] -
OLEG welcomes you!
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And not in the good way that I'm used to!
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$29 million opening weekend! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCKKKKKKKKKKKK!
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...I see I added an 'h' to Montana.
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poor USA.Looks like Borat had some points.But RAMBO has 30mill.by now,that`s ok for the first week.
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...are vapid mouthbreathers who probably don't have a brain cell among them. It makes me weep for the future.
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Thats why I have so much respect for Sly!He took the "R" instead of the "13"!He could have made 10-15mill.more if he did an Die Hard4 like movie for the kids.But Sly`s a dude with balls and did the right thing!ACTION needs VIOLENCE(DTV knows that)!
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In the good way that I like!
Yes, Sly could have compromised. He could have pussyfied the rating to get more asses in the seats. But since teens probably don't give a shit about Rambo, that movie probably wouldn't have worked anyway. It's the older folks who have gotten soft. This film is for you, you dirty sons of bitches! -
Killed your theater manager yet?
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from American Idol!WTF!Doesnt America have real STARS?shit.
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And the weather has been pretty bad lately, so I don't feel like walking down there just to kill one lowly theater manager.
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AMERICAN IDOL winners ARE real stars. The people have spoken.
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for THE Superstar"and the winner lasts about 3 month and then vanishes!And the dude who invented "Modern Talking"(maybe you know it) is in the jury.
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my first SB while I am on the internet.
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That would be a dream come true.
I'm afraid I'm not familiar with Modern Talking, or most any German pop duo from the '80s. -
but somebody could do a DTV castingshow(Corman or so),for new DTV-Star!
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...a failed sports star with legal issues!
I gotta go for now. Must "jam" with my bro. -
Great gig Tom!
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They used the ball to make more points! Take that, New England's Pat!
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It's wierd, for the most part I don't like superheroe movies. I can count the one I like on one finger: Batman Begins. If you want to count Blade 1 & 2, then fine, but I've still got plenty of prime real estate left for coutning on that hand.My reasons are always the same two reasons:1)They don't explain the desire to wear incredibly goofy costumes. It was only Batman Begins where they actually put some dialogue in the movie discussing the importance of myths and the power symbols. It just seems that most of these guys get a superpower and the first thing they do is dress like a figure skater and I just don't get it. Blade just dressed like a bad muthafucka, that makes sense to me. But Spiderman? Daredevil? I'm sure there's some others I've seen where I couldn't believe any man would think he'd be precieved as an authority figure dressed the way he was.2)The obsession with justice, especially vigilante justice seems to come out of nowhere as soon as they get a superpower. I think if I woke up one morning with Spiderman's powers I'd just become an athlete or a performer or start some sort of business that capitalized on these powers, but all these guys immediately go Death Wish with little to nothing in their background to explain it. Even if they believe so strongly in justice why not join the FBI or whatever? That Daredevil guy made the least sense of all. A blind motherfucker who worked his way through lawschool reading the law book in braille and slaving all day to make the system work goes out at night dressed as satan and just hits fuckers with sticks? You don't need a law degree to hit crimminals with sticks. Before Spiderman got bit by that spider he was interested mainly in photography, science, and pussy but afterwards: vigilante justice!But X-Men 1 & 2 actually bugged me for totally different reasons than all other superhero comic book movies. I mean, I did wonder why none of these guys found profitable uses for thier powers, but I was fine with a movie that just promised big monster showdowns and let that slide this time. But the plots were so formless, when that second one ended I actually had trouble thinking back and deciding on what the climax was. I figured that dam bursting must of been it, but not because it was all that dramatically significant, more just because it was the most expensive thing to happen in the second half of the movie. The characters kinda came in and out, and I always felt like they either left loose ends or overdeveloped a minor character. And the ones with the most interesting powers got the least attention. The main character just seemed to be a guy with switchblades in his knuckles. His plotline was basically a Bourne deal about an ex-special forces assasin guy figuring out his past and striking back against the system that used him. And that was fine, but then maybe just make a movie where he's the only mutant or something or don't waste so much time on the other guys.A lot of my friends defense was the typical "it's like that in the comic book". Well, there's things that work in serial installment entertainment like comics and television shows but not in one shot deals like movies. People (me) want some sense of story structure and closure. If I wanted a bunch of loose ends and random scenes and watch LOST with everybody else.
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Why did Julia Stiles receive second billing?
Why did it take three films to tell this guy's story when there was really nothing to say?
Other than that, I thought it was okay. -
He's da bomb in Pet Semetary 2.
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http://tinyurl.com/ypl2ga
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blood of kings!
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comic movies is that you dont like them in "general".Take X-2 for example:Here in Germany comics are not big and the most people never read an X-Men comic,but the movie was huge simply because everybody knew it is the middle part of an trilogy(you could make the same points that you did for SW2 or TTT).And I think in X-Men 1&2 Singer did a great job and the movies work.The "universal" appeal is there(X-3 was also huge because the people knew it is the last one).Like I said above,here in Germany most people dont give a fuck about comics,but the movies worked and it seems that everything was well enough explained.I would like to make some more points,but I just got up and need to get my head straight.But I can understand your problems with those movies Spandau,it looks like they are not your "thing" at all."To each their own" or so.....DTV unites us!
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The music of Queen and Clancy Brown were the only good thing in that movie.
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http://tinyurl.com/2c8xba
oleg? -
voice would tell you there is nobody left to KILL?
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Feb 04, 2008 6:13:08 AM CST
Highlander....Connery was sweet too.
by nomoredirtyjokespleaseweareyanks
Its amazing how people thought Lambert should share the silver screen with Connery or Clancy Brown, let alone be in other movies(outside of Greystoke, for some reason he's great at playing a monosyballic raised by chimps).
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more.He had that"easy money" thing going in that one(the DC of part 2 is not bad).And Mario van Peebles playing Clancy Brown in Highlander3 was the shit!
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Everyone on this TB. Good job folks.
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a frenchman playing a scot, a scotsman playing a spainiard.. yowza.
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yowza too!
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I realize the problems I have with most of them are actually part of the appeal so I don't get all harsh on these movies on account of I feel I basically don't understand them.Like I said, I feel X-Men was something I could've enjoyed. It just felt more like an episode of television show or a companion piece to a comic than a self-contained movie. I haven't seen X-Men 3 and nobody has told me I should.
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although they make more good movies than superheroes. Das Boot keeps it real. The Tin Drum keeps it surreal. And I'm still waiting for approval from Tom Tykwer to do Drive Lola Drive.
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if you thought the second movie had inflationary over use of "heroes",then you want believe your eyes seeing X-3!"Heroes" popping up left and right,just to get wasted like some RAMBO enemies!Give it a try.........it is too bad to be ignored!
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but they are to fast for me!;-)
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Feb 04, 2008 7:24:09 AM CST
And dont forget "Name of the Rose" and "The House of the Spirits
by travis-dane
great movies!
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All the comic book fans hated Spiderman 3 but I got way more entertainment value out of that film than the first two, so maybe X-Man 3 will work on that level for me too. Is it like Spiderman 3?
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where the "moviemakers" try to put in about 10 new "heroes",just so the "moviemakers" have a better Movieposter to sell the movie.And the new "heroes" have about 3 minutes screentime.But X-3 is a great example for different "superheroes movie" style.Most people who like X-2 hate X-3 and the other way around.And they have bad "day-night cuts" and so on.But I liked Spiderman 3 better.
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10 seconds of the best Xman!
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I'll leave X-Man 3 on that list of movies that I'll expend no effort or money to see. Which means if my friends put it on or I catch it on the telly. Otherwise, no.
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what a shitty movie.It was so bad,that I got the special edition DVD to listen to the commentary tracks,but nobody said something usefull(but they mentioned the unexplained day-night cut and told "me",in such a great movie little details are not of interest!).
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I rented this Nick Cage christmas movie one time that was directed by Ratner. The movie was pretty bad, but this was back when DVDs were new technology so I still checked out the special features and it was just Ratner in full jibber-jabber mode blathering about how he was a "genius" because he had the "greatest idea in the history of modern cinema" of putting Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker together on screen. He seemed like a Chris Farley character. He just kept saying "Jackie Chan" (right hand guesture) "Chris Tucker" ( left hand guesture) "together!" (smacks hands together). It was beyond nauseating.
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on the set of Red Dragon(on the DVD extras)!I think they have some "LOVE" for each other.
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"I'm Bret Ratner, I'm a genius, that's what a Bret Ratner film is: pure genius. Me. Bret Ratner."Then he just shot off box office stats as proof of his genius the same way Michael Bay calls himself a great director because of how much money his movies make.I really wonder about these guys. I get that they like money, but I'm sure that on some level they must appreciate movies for their entertainment value. If you asked Michael Bay to list his favorite movies (that he himself didn't direct) would he pick them based on profit? I wonder. I'd actually love it if they invited total commercial hacks like these guys to do commentary tracks analyzing great films what would they say? I'd actually love to hear these guys thoughts on Cool Hand Luke or watch them try to grasp stuff like The Tin Drum or The Holy Mountain.
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Actually, I want P.T. Anderson as a joke for the DVD to invite all these Bay, Ratner types to do commentary tracks and interviews about There Will Be Blood. Maybe get them to explain how it differs from Transformers or Rush Hour and what they would've done differently. I think Anderson is just that type of ironic sadist to do it, too. I just saw it yesterday, making it the only film nominated for an Oscar that I've seen and therefore my favorite of the nominees.
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c. thomas howell!
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good morning and welcome to another week of great DTV talkbackingI have X-3 on DVD and have yet ot watch it, Im' a little scared of the commentary trackjust a question, I've never really paid attention but have any DTVs done a commentary track and can you imagine the commentary track if we did one...it'd be all Milla, Oleg, Cathrine Bell, and Hannah Montana, and Clancy Brownoh and for you Clancy Brown lovers out htere, he's beeno n 2 or 3 episodes of LOST playing a CIA type agent
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There is a fake DVD commentary on the DVD of Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story with Rawson Marshall Thurber, Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller arguing. 40 minutes into it, all three exit and the commentary is replaced with the audio commentary from There's Something About Mary. The real audio commentary can be found as an easter egg on the DVD.
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http://twistededge.org/death_by_cinema/Heroes_Of_Cheese/Dolph_Lundgren/
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* One time, Seagal bit famed Daily Show TV star John Stewart right on the ass cheek, leaving bite marks so big and deep it'd give a saber toothed tiger a hard-on. To this date, no-one has had the balls to ask why.
* Every Thursday afternoon, Seagal literally shits live trout. As of time of writing, medical science is baffled as to why.
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Feb 04, 2008 12:39:17 PM CST
I seem to recall listening to Ratner's X-3 commentary...
by caruso_stalker217
But I don't remember how often he mentioned himself.
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I remember listening to the fake commentary, I didn't relize the real one was as an Easter Egg, i may just have to look that up..
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you know he did a movie in 2003 with Micky rourke called "Spun" anyone know anything about it. It also has Jason Schwartzman in it
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Never seen it though.
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heheh zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
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I hadn't heard about it but now I want to see it
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So I'll probably have to check it out.
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I love that movie!Dont get all the hate for it.
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Mickey Rourke in a Chef's hat, I NEED to see that
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Heard nothing but bad things, though. Sometimes kids can be so cruel.
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and Mickey Rourke is an real Badass in the movie.and RHONA MITRA is in it too!
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in DOA:Dead or Alive!
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Because Rhona Mitra wasn't enough to save it.
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I had the feeling they cut out about 30 minutes of film.But for Rhona I would watch an DC.
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Where Frankie Faison "shoots" Colm Feore, though it was obviously a shot from earlier that they doctored to look like he fired the shotgun, thus ending the film with a "bang" and also completely going against Faison's character.
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He's just reprising his role as Sad Trumpet Player from ANGEL EYES. He just happens to be getting some fuckin' vengeance. And doing a pretty shitty job of it. I mean, he knew the guy's routes and still it took him years to catch the fucker?
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really strange.A better director could have done a "scary" film around that dude.And since "JESUS" i cant take the "Viezel" serious anynore.
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DOA yet, is it bad or is it good bad
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There's this guy with all these braces and a bionic arm and shit... it's pretty goofy. And not in a good way.
If they wanted a badass Jesus for HIGHWAYMEN, they should've gotten Willem Dafoe. -
but know how to look great,Kevin Nash playing Hulk Hogan,Eric Roberts strange fingers and fun action!Perfect movie for me!
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is a good actor, just not a good "action" actor, I can't imagine him in anything but seirous dramas and rom-coms
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...was when Jack Coleman put two caps in his head in "Heroes." Or maybe that was my favorite Jack Coleman moment. Or maybe we need to put Jack Coleman in something. Father O'Malley in CHAINSAW ZOMBIES VS. CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRLS ON MARS maybe?
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I can't really see him acting opposite Kate Hudson or some other lame asshole.
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mainly because of my crush on Devon Aoki (or however you spell her name)someone in hte Iron Man tb mentioned they'd like to see the cool explosion scene where someone is walking away from an explosion and then get hit in the head, man I'd love ot see that, like right at the beginning of the movie, where someone you think is going to be cool and the hero gets decipated right off the bat, kinda like Steven Segal getting killed in Executive Order
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Cavizel with Kate Hudson or Drew Berrymore in a rom-com. maybe a play on ou['ve got Mail where instead of Tom Hanks being a succesful buisnessman who dats online you have Caveziel (or funnier Jorge Garcia Hurley from LOST) as some basement dwelling AICN viewing loser who hooks up with the hot chick
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THE THIRD WHEEL
starring Jim Caviezel, Kate Hudson, Mark Ruffalo and Joan Cusack.
Jim Caviezel plays Wes Brock, a handsome and brooding architect with commitment issues. Mark Ruffalo plays his best friend, Monty Kramer, a fun-loving man-child with great aspirations but no motivation. Enter Kate Hudson as Mona, the sexy waitress who accidentally spills water all over Wes' crotch. Sparks fly. Before you know it, we're talking walks on the beach, a ride on a ferris wheel, various love montages. Monty couldn't be less happy about this turn of events. Now that Wes is spending all of his time hanging out with Mona and staring creepily through most of his scenes, Monty finds himself pushed aside. He then plots to break the couple up. Using his knowledge that Mona is a manipulative bitch, he sets into motion a series of events that will end his friendship with Wes, leave him jobless, and may bring about a few revelations. Then there's a convenient happy ending to wrap everything up. -
you did not SPOILED something out of HEROES did you?Fuck man,over here is mid-season1!DAMN!argh....gwrznitzshit what have you done!OK,you did it!Please watch out next time(when it comes to TV Shows like Heroes or Lost).Sorry about the "fucking ass" thing,got carried away a little.
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Really sorry about that. I forgot that you folks are always behind on that stuff. I'm gonna go stick my head in the toilet now.
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Dont do that caruso!Tell me just one thing about Heroes,is the second season really that bad?
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...with my ignorance. I must redeem myself somehow.
And yes, the second season is fucking awful. I've heard of a sophomore slump before, but this was a fucking nosedive. I've never been more disappointed in a television show.
And I truly am sorry. Damn, I hate it when people spoil shit. I hate it even more when I do it. And the fact that it was by accident somehow makes it worse. -
I heard the Creator of the show did an apologie to the fans and said he knows they fucked up.I like it when some movie/TV dudes know they fucked up and confess it.Michael Bay should do that!
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Unless they can somehow erase the entire first half of the season. It's not that all the episodes were terrible, it's just they were mostly mediocre. I think there was one episode where I felt like it was on par with the first season, but then came a string of real duds. None of the characters' actions had any real logical motivation behind them. Then they just became complete fucking morons. All of my favorites either turned to shit or were left with nothing to do and pushed to the sidelines (think X-3). I didn't even bother watching the mid-season finale.
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And I still like it. So the shittyness of the second season hasn't tainted it for me.
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awesome seasons.They should have gone for a all new cast every season.
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I've moved on to Joan Jett now.
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Nina Hagen is the worst piece of shit alive!
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"Worst piece of shit alive" made me laugh my ass off.
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season 2 is wrecthed, I think it is redemmeable for a 3rd season or 2.5 or whatever but it's going to take a lot of workand the addition of a new heroOLEG the only man who can pose a threat to HRG
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...is by dumping every single character. Every last fucking one. Except Bennet, of course. Obligatory COMMANDO quote in 3... 2... 1...
"Come on, Bennett. Let's PAHty." -
He'd mop the floor with those assholes.
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but make him to be the badass we know he's capable of being, and Bennet, add some brand new Heros adn i think they need to add someone, like an internet blogger, who is on the trail of the heros kinda of like what's his face in the Incrediable Hulk TV show
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any ideas?
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...when Ando is tagging along. Whenever they're apart I lose interest. Ando's actually my favorite character on the show (after Bennet).
Get Paddy Considine to play the blogger, basically reprising his role from THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM. Of course it would probably turn out that he has a special ability too, like he can blog better than everybody else or some shit.
Anyway, Monica is the worst fucking character on the show. So booting her ass would at least get me to watch again. If she's still on there when (if) they come back, I won't bother. Okay, I probably will, but I won't be happy about it. -
But he could probably get something on SHOWTIME or something.
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on HBO were OLEG plays an "Tough as nails" russian undercover cop and Catherine Bell is his partner.
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She's the only chick who could work.
They should take it easy with the fuckin' shaky cam, though. The handheld camera work on those shows is ridiculous. It was hip and now when "NYPD Blue" did it, but I think they should give it a rest. -
Oleg Popovich and his sexy partner Irina Dicksnovich fight the violent Russian Mafia overlord Andrey"THE CZAR"Gulogov(Eric Roberts)!
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Could there be a car chase in every episode with Irina saying "Oleg, you maniac!" as she fires out the window?
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"you know OLEG`s way".
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...onto the other vehicle!
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pulling out a Bowie knife in midair and cutting the roof open,then ramming the knife in the head of the driver saying:"I break for nobody" and then jumping back in the "Lada" and watching the BMW crashing in a schoolbus and exploding!.........Next scene OLEG`S boss yelling:"You are lucky that there were just Russian mafia kids and retards in the bus!"
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"You are lucky that there were just Russian mafia kids and retards in the bus!" That's classic. Then he has to rip into Irina for not "keeping him on a short leash."
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gives her the "look" and the boss starts screaming:"Get the fuck out of here!".
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One of my favorite action movie cliches.
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...because you're going to be naked on this one! It's on the line for you! People are going to be watching. Now you blow it, you're going down! You screw up, you're going to be hung out to dry! You drop the ball, you're going to be left twisting in the wind! If you embarrass this department, your pants will be dancing with figs! Is that clear!?"
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who gets killed by "The CZAR" in mid-season,having OLEG go in full Punisher mode!
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It should be something really showy like a car bomb, so Oleg can fall to his knees and yell "GUUUUUUUULOOOOOOOOOOOGOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVV!!!"
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and dont forget the captain from Last Action Hero!the dude was the shit.
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total hot "Funeral" outfit!
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He was even played by the same guy, Frank McRae. I think he used to be a football player back in the day. I think LAST ACTION HERO and LOADED WEAPON 1 even came out in the same year. I think his first "yelling police captain" role was in 48 HRS. "Fuck you, convict!"
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That's it, brother!
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or better it gets hit from a Rocket Launcher,that was aiming at OLEG,but OLEG dodges it and his bosses car gets it!And of course OLEG sees how the CZAR launches the missile(for some great FB`s later on).
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It had a DTV vibe with a slight Canadian stink to it. Pretty good.
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...is its 75 minute running time. You can pretty much watch it whenever you want, if you need to kill some time. But it doesn't overstay its welcome. Kinda like WALKING TALL. Though it had the Rock going for it, too.
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and see how the DTV universe keeps us together!Highwayman.....has to be fate.RHONA!!!!!!
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Caviezel = superman
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Always thought he was kind of a stupid character.
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SUPERMAN!The cock and balls of Routh are so HUGE,they had to digital "reduce" them!Caviezel looks like an fucking JEHOVA WITNESS!His best part was in The Rock.
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should he hook up with Catherine?
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Caviezel looks like he's in a fucking cult.
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Caviezel = superman ADMIT IT, GERMAN!
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They have a "history."
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shook the windows, it was far away.. but damn!
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http://tinyurl.com/2jujod
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Midnight Jehova Train!;-)but the pic is great.and OLEG and Irina having history is good.She now has an stupid "left" anti-violence lawyer friend who allways tryies to fuck with OLEG,but OLEG lets him live out of respect for Irina.Then Irina breaks up with the dude and he gets killed by the CZAR too!
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...for a little "emotional support." Ending of course in a tasteful shower sex scene.
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http://tinyurl.com/38tfb2
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http://tinyurl.com/2z97kj
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funny!
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I like it when the dude jumps off the ship... and into the shark's mouth!
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and the CZAR`s business partner who gets killed by Irina with an Crackpipe(after he tries to rape her)!
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...and jab him in the neck with it?
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penetrating "THAI-balls" action!
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THAI-balls action. I might've known.
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Feb 04, 2008 7:54:50 PM CST
There's gotta be a place somewhere for Catherine Oxenberg
by stuntcock mike
She still actin'?
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that one Stuntcock.I think I saw her in Thunder in Paradise the last time.But she could be the wife of the CZAR,who helps OLEG getting in the mansion of the CZAR in the season finale.
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Looked her up figuring I'd seen her in something... no dice. Though I do recognize the name.
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called "THE COLBYS"(shit I am old),together with Charleton Heston!
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...to fuckin' Casper Van Dien?
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2000!not bad,not bad.
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Yep, she is.
Hey, I'm post 1986. The year I was born! -
the Challenger explosion and the Chernobyl thing.....some great DTV storys!
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ALIENS, BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA, PLATOON, BLUE VELVET, STAND BY ME, LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS, THE FLY, CROCODILE DUNDEE.
Okay, that last one wasn't so great. -
Feb 04, 2008 8:26:25 PM CST
Not to mention one of the greatest metal albums ever
by caruso_stalker217
MASTER OF PUPPETS.
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caruso.Good Night Ladies and Gents,see ya tomorrow.
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But I'm no miracle worker.
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Feb 04, 2008 8:39:33 PM CST
croc dundee has that nervous mexican.. he was in bulletproof
by ironic_name
YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE BUTTHORN!!!!!! http://tinyurl.com/25pax9 http://tinyurl.com/ywhf6c http://tinyurl.com/yr3oza
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marlee matlin is hot.
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http://tinyurl.com/2rjc87
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...was HEAR NO EVIL. With Martin Sheen as the bad guy and D.B. Sweeney as the guy who wasn't bad.
Too bad she's deaf, because she's totally typecast. She'll never play anybody but a deaf person. Too bad. -
See THE GOOD SHEPHERD.
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and ticking her off that "girls I want to see naked" list in my head
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my brother dated Cate blanchet's roommate in '92, she was deaf.. Cate was in THE GOOD GERMAN.. mix the movies together? THE GOOD GERMAN SHEPHERD. nowadays, my brother was tricked into marrying a BAD german. as Lauren hill said: "everything is everything"
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danger is his last name!
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the la police in hang glider suit.
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I was hoping that it would be more of a direct adaptation of William Shakespeare's play, with Jet Li and Aaliyah doing the love thing (Jet never gets play in his movies, except in THE ONE, but he was already married to that chick so it doesn't count).
I'm glad they didn't have a depressing ending like the Leo DiCaprio version and instead went with Shakespeare's original ending where the bad guy offs himself and Romeo leaves victorious.
Aside from some stilted acting on Juliet's part and some goofy wire-work, I felt it was a solid Jetsploitation flick. I might even watch it again some day, so I can figure out which guy was supposed to be Mercutio. Was it the guy who looked like the Chinese Kyle MacLachlan? -
an old man kisses a baby penis! a sheep has it's neck broken!
no effects! http://tinyurl.com/3bqodu http://tinyurl.com/2kmnsc shaoliiin, shaoliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin, shaolin!!!!!!! -
Feb 05, 2008 5:45:28 AM CST
BLOOD BROTHERS Pt. 1 (reposted and it feels so good)
by caruso_stalker217
I noticed that I haven't updated BLOOD BROTHERS in about a week. Mostly because I've had nothing to update. Since I'm trying not to fall back into my old patterns, I'll try to get something new out to you later today. For now I thought I'd repost the shit I already wrote so you don't have to go looking for it. Enjoy(?).
The film opens in a hospital back in the day (yes, there will be a subtitle reading "Back in the day" instead of "1953" or something) or maybe it opens in a car on the way to the hospital. A young hispanic male is behind the wheel, scared shitless and driving like a maniac. The reason: his equally young and hispanic girlfriend is in the backseat, going into labor. She screams at him in Spanish (likely "Stop driving like a maniac, young hispanic male!") and they argue while he weaves in and out of traffic.
Since our protagonist is currently in utero, there is a very low chance of gunplay at this point. They make it to the hospital unscathed and young hispanic male helps his girlfriend out of the car.
So she goes into the room where babies are had and we are left with young hispanic male in the hallway, smoking a cigarette and looking most definitely like he's not ready to be a daddy. Then the doctor comes out and brings him into the room and holy shit! Twins!
Young hispanic male responds with the Spanish equivalent of "fuck me." So, they put the kids up for adoption. One gets adopted by some middle class latino family while the other ends up in foster care. Which will be the EVIL twin??
I was thinking of adding the extra shitty angle and have them grow up in the same city and never meet. Although I've heard true accounts of such things.
And I don't want to spend too much time on them growing up. This is a revenge picture after all and the quicker I can move the story along the better. There could be a few scenes to establish these two guys and their backgrounds. Maybe I could even throw in some stuff how they even been to some of the same places but were always missing each other... because they're TWINS and prone to STRANGE COINCIDENCES.
There is a sequence with a young Armando "Eventually To Be Known As The Ghost" Ramos living with Javier "El Diablo Locco" Mendez and his lady, along with eight or nine other foster kids whom they are exploiting for "that government checks" as Mendez's lady puts it. There will be a couple scenes where Mendez shows little Armando the ropes and how to be a criminal and so forth.
Juxtaposed with these scenes will be the "good" twin's childhood. Growing up in a decent neighborhood with loving parents, he excels in school, plays on the football team, etc. Then one day his family's house is broken into by a drug addict, who ends up murdering his parents. He vows then that he will fight crime and shit, but not with gadgets and a cape like Batman. He gets involved in law enforcement, etc.
So after the 10 to 12 minute opening explaining the twins' origin, we flash forward to right now. ("Right now" is also subtitled)
We open, unfortunately, on a debriefing scene. Luckily, Frank Reyes (the TRE-fucking-JO) is there, so it should be somewhat interesting. Reyes is a color-outside-the-lines kind of DEA agent, like most action movie protagonists. But he has a strong sense of duty, honor etc. His superior Winston Caruthers (Willem Dafoe) is briefing Reyes and his crew on their latest operation, which is to bust up a Miami nightclub and capture a high-ranking member of the Colombian drug cartel run by that infamous Ghost fellow. The guy is one of the few people ever to have seen the Ghost's face and has intimate knowledge of the inner workings of the cartel. Caruthers hope is that they can threaten this guy with enough prison time to give up the Ghost (woah, unintentional pun).
Reyes' partner is Billy Taylor (Josh Duhammel), a young dude with a pregnant wife and is also Reyes' best friend. So this is the guy we're waiting to see die. We can tell that Billy and Frank are close because they bump fists and call each other "brotha" and "bro" all the time. The rest of the team is filled out by a few unknowns and Mark Dacascos. Unfortunately, he will have little to do as he is shot several times during the nightclub siege and in a coma for the remainder of the film, never to be seen or heard from again except for a brief mention in the "you fucked up" scene (more on that in a minute).
I hope I didn't spoil it, but the nightclub operation kinda gets botched. As in the entire team gets wasted, except for Reyes and Taylor (and a comafied Dacascos). Reyes and Taylor will chase the cartel guy on foot, finally catching up to him on a bridge. They try to take him in, but he pulls a MARKED FOR DEATH and chooses to end his own life by leaping in front of a semi rather than face the Ghost's wrath.
We then move on to the "you fucked up" scene where Caruthers yells at Reyes, telling him all about how he "fucked up." He chews Reyes out for getting his team killed. He mentions that Dacascos is in a coma and may not live through the night (whether he does or not is never revealed). "And to top it all off," Caruthers says, "you even got your suspect killed!" Taylor tries to defend his friend, but Reyes asks him to stand down. He "fucked up" and he knows it. Caruthers puts Reyes on suspension, at which point Reyes asks, "What about the case?" Caruthers stares him down. "There is no case. Quintano was the only link we had. You FUCKED UP."
After his righteous ass-chewing, Reyes goes home. We learn that he is divorced when his ex comes over to give him another lecture about how he doesn't spend enough time with the kids. The second "you fucked up" scene. "I've been working," he says. "You were always working!" she shouts. "That was the problem! You FUCKED UP!" Later she leaves and Reyes gets drunk and looks through his personal "Ghost" files, going through photos and documents, a man obsessed. Then he looks up and sees a framed photograph of his children. He looks guilty and puts the files away.
An undetermined amount of time later, Taylor invites Reyes to a barbecue at his house. Taylor's pregnant wife and four-year old daughter are there to remind us that he is young and has a beautiful family. They shoot the shit for a while before Taylor reveals that he's going on assignment in Bogotá, Colombia. "We might have a lead in the Ghost case," he says. Though he cannot elaborate further. Reyes tells him to "watch your ass, brother." Then they bump fists.
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In the very next scene we're in Bogotá. But since nobody knows what Bogotá looks like, it will look a lot like some place in Los Angeles made up to look like whatever we want Bogotá to look like. There will be lots of Vallenato music and also the occasional donkey walking around.
I don't have anything in mind really for the "Taylor in Bogotá" sequence. All I know is he gets killed fairly quickly. We don't have time to watch him wander around like a tourist doing secret DEA stuff. I'm guessing he will be working with somebody in Colombia. A law enforcement type or maybe an informant. A double-cross is very likely. I wish I had something crazy and inventive for Taylor's death, but for right now I'm going to have to settle for a simple shooting. If you guys have any ideas about how we could get him blown up, or shredded or crushed let me know.
You just gave me an idea, amigo. Taylor gets snatched by a few of the Ghost's lower-level henchman (given degrading names such as Chilito, Babosa and Culero) and buried up to his head at low tide on the beach. Then the Ghost himself pulls up in a limousine. His right-hand man Rico (Raymond Cruz) gets out and opens the door for him. The henchman avert their eyes as the Ghost steps out, holding an iguana (possibly with one eye). The most we see of him is from the elbows down. He starts to say some intimidating villian shit to Taylor. "So you're the puta they've got investigating me" etc. Maybe he'll kick sand in his face while the henchmen laugh. Then at some point Taylor will notice the resemblance, but by then he will be getting kicked about the face and neck by the Ghost's cackling henchmen. Then the Ghost will say some more cold ass shit and they'll all leave him there as the tide is coming in.
Back in Miami, Reyes learns of Taylor's murder. Now we enter the revenge portion of the film. That is, the last hour and twenty minutes or so. Reyes has strong suspicions that the Ghost is behind Taylor's murder, though the official word is it was an accident or robbery gone wrong or some stupid shit like that. Reyes goes to the funeral and talks to Taylor's wife. He asks her if Billy mentioned anything about the case he was working on. She will give him some small bit of information that will convince him that the Ghost ordered the hit. Then, in a MAN ON FIRE rip-off moment:
"What are you going to do?"
"What no one else could. I'm gonna find the motherfucker."
We cut to Reyes walking down a hallway in DEA Headquarters (or whatever the fuck it's called) to Caruthers' office. He asks to be reinstated so he can pursue the Ghost case.
"What's to pursue?" Caruthers asks. "The trail has gone cold."
"Not for me," Reyes replies.
"Look, I know you and Billy were close. His death was a tragic loss for all of us. But I won't have you turning it into an excuse to wage your own personal vendetta!"
Some heated words are exchanged before Reyes gives in, seemingly defeated. Before he leaves, Caruthers says, "You give me your word, Frank. You won't pursue this."
We move in for an EXTREME CLOSE-UP on Reyes' expressionless face:
"I give you my word."
We cut immediately to a 747 screaming overhead, coming in for a landing. A subtitle reads "Bogotá, Colombia." Reyes comes off the plane decked out in full badass garb. Sunglasses, motorcycle jacket, combat boots, and one piece of carry-on luggage. From there he immediately hails a cab. Of course, the cabbie is a real chatty motherfucker who gets on Reyes' nerves just enough that we might suspect that he will come back later as a comic relief type sidekick. Don't worry, though. We'll never see this dumbass again. -
DTV rules us all!
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it's sad, I almost look forward to this more then anything else in the morning. watched Steven Segal's "Attack Force" on USA last night, the world premire at 10:00 right after Raw, fun movie even if I couldn't understand the plot ofr the most part, Segal plays some military intelligence dude who gets shafted by the goverment but some hot blonde in a short skirt/power suit thingy was helping him outbtw it's snowing like crazy here today, so it's going to be a slow day at work
the Good shepard, is that any good I have it on DVD and haven't watched it yetCathrine Oxenburg wasn't she in one of Van Dein's stright to DVD christian flicks? -
I just read he got a 2 film deal with Danny Dimbort based on the success of Rocky and Rambo, yeah for Sly
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Some of you guys were mentioning it earlier. If you haven't seen it you really should. Eric Roberts is awesome. It's actually tied for my favorite movie of last year with I Know Who Killed Me.
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I'm sold, I'll find it and see it!maybe even today, they are talking about closing the office due to the snow which would be AWESOME
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that Amy Adams was in the DTV Cruel Inentions 2 (which was nowhere near as cheesy and as bad as Cruel Intentions 3 or Wild Things 2 and 3) but I just remembered when someone brought it up on and EW article
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Filmed in my hometown
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purple haired girl! jamie preisley in a bikini.. 4 girls against a ninja army!
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I love those hot babes!
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I will chek back later.
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I was so dead certain it was Rachel Leigh Cook, but it turns out it was somebody else who looked the exact same. And for the record I fully support more women looking like Rachel Leigh Cook and would be willing to donate to such a cause.
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About using Cafepress to sell TLBT: The Album? Hotmail and my computer can be pretty unreliable. Anyhoo, let me know if you need more artwork. I love your music.
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this is just a bit of fun, Oleg actually crashes a plane into a nazi squad. http://tinyurl.com/23mnh8
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Rachel Leigh Cook is a hottie!
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well I got the afternoon off of work so a buddy and I just watched Con Air, what a strange mix, you got Trejo, Ving Rhames and Malkovich, and Mr. Friendly from LOST as the bad guys and the good guys you have Nic Cage and John Cusak and O'Brien from Star Trek. If it wasn't a Bruckhimer production that movie would so be DTVI'm still trying to get the image of Amy Adams in Cruel Intentions 2 out of my head...
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Good shit, man.
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I thought it was one of the best films of '06, but it's not an easy one to love. I had to watch it twice just to know what the hell was going on. Luckily, I like movies I have to watch more than once to understand. So if you like Matt Damon and deaf chicks, THE GOOD SHEPHERD might be right for you. It's even got Joe Pesci in his first screen appearance since LETHAL WEAPON 4!
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And the guy who made the mistake of NOT putting the bunny in the box was Nick Chinlund, the bad guy from ULTRAVIOLET! Though I remember him more from his small role in LETHAL WEAPON 3 as the guy who says "We need a new fuckin' dog!"
CON AIR is good shit. With kickass music. -
Feb 05, 2008 4:29:05 PM CST
I've been thinking about WARSAW SYMPHONY a lot lately
by caruso_stalker217
And even though the last thing it needs are more action scenes (I think the rule is you need to put stuff in between the action, like character development) I have a few in mind that could potentially blow some balls off (probably not).
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Dolph Lundgren is Oleg PopovichCatherine Bell is Irina DicksnovichEric Roberts is Andrey"THE CZAR"GulogovWilliam Forsythe is "Captain" Ivan KuzminSamo Hung is "Druglord" Bong Lei WongDean Cain is "Leftist Lawyer" Eli MoskvichCatherine Oxenberg is Anya GulogovCasper van Dien is "the hired U.S hitman" Don"the Duke"Steeleand Bill Paxton as "the Random Dude" Peer von der Hees
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Motherfucker's gonna be 40 this year. Now he actually looks old enough to be a believable (albeit bland and mannequin-like) hitman.
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Romero and Fulci did that too on Dawn of the Dead!Go on bro.....Let Itzak do some damage!
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after OLEG and Irina have gone Apeshit on the CZAR`s organisation.He calls his old bussines partner "The Ghost" for some backup and he sends "The Duke".cool names btw!"THE" is cool!
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Obviously, WS doesn't exactly stay true to historical events. But I was wondering if the Warsaw Ghetto uprising would play any factor in this "DTV Universe" or would it be a one man army facing impossible odds, etc. Though I'd love to see Itzak lead the uprising, I also dig the one man army of countless shitty action movies. WS is basically a blaxploitation flick in graphic novel form, so the more over the top and the more goofy it is the better.
I guess judging from the subject line I should've asked a question at some point, but I didn't quite get around to it. Oh well.
No wait. Here's a question. Did the "hands" or "no hands" debate get settled? Cuz the he way I see it, the guy should have at least ONE mechanical hand. Even if it's just a crude rudimentary hand. Just my two cents. -
I"m digging it
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...where one of them is called "The Jew." It's like that scene in PUNISHER '03 when Travolta just turns to Will Patton and says, "Get the Russian." Except in my movie, the guy would say "Get me the Jew!"
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that everything should play into our DTV universeat least one mechnical hand
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start fighting alone in an guerilla war like thing.The uprising begins after the Dad and the Rabbi get torn appart by horses and von Stahlhand captures Itzak!The people realise they have to fight for their heroes.But at this point Itzak is already in Berlin.
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So all hell kinda breaks loose during Itzak's Nazi killing spree?
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after Itzak and they have the final stand off in a Church,were Itzak kills Fritz.In the meantime von Stahlhand and his goons could fight the people(gruesome and violent).
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...it was just a real quick mental image of Itzak on the run, sprinting along rooftops, while a tank blows the buildings out from under him! It was such a ridiculous thought that it stuck with me.
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it down man!We can allways include it in the plot outline and repost it!Like I said,if there are 2 versions of Dawn,then we can have 2 too!
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...aren't huge action set pieces most of the time. Usually it's little moments. Like when the Nazi soldiers finally capture Itzak they force him to his knees (he's exhausted from fighting a fucking bear) and von Stahlhand walks up. "So, zis is ze bleck Jew who keeled mah Franz? MAH Franz??" and he could smack him a few times with his STEELHAND, but since Itzak is better than normal men it won't kill or concuss him. I was also thinking that von Stahlhand could "admire" Itzak's "hands" and compliment him on the craftsmanship... just before he crushes them both in the killing grasp of his STEELHAND! That way, when he is brought to Berlin for execution, he is completely defenseless. Then, when Oleg parachutes in with his supersoldiers to save the day, he could give Itzak a modified machine gun that he latches directly onto his arm! Now he's ready for his big showdown with von Stahlhand.
Just my thoughts. -
was the shortest of all three.Such small details "deepens" the story.
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Itzak could pull a PUNISHER '89 and snake his piano string whip around a Nazi's neck, yank him into the rafters and take his rifle! This would be when von Strucker is in charge and Itzak and co. are starting to cause shit.
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throwing stars!hahahahah......DTV!
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Holy shit! That's brilliant, man!
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with golden Ninja throwing stars on his belly!I fell of my chair laughing!oh lord......
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If only...
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and she gets killed when Itzak`s hands are sawn off,but who could play a middle aged jewish bussines women who is married to an catholic black priest.Any ideas.....
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I've got nothing!
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So, I'm now certain Harry is not going to reply to my proposal. One of you guys suggested submitting to the folks who run the comics section on this site. Any suggestions as to which one or anything else. I read that column occasionally, but don't really have a feel for its editors.Caruso_stalker left a nice message in my guestbook saying that my other almost finished graphic novel "raped my {Caruso_Stalker's} balls with its awesomeness" and that made me proud. I've submitted it to some publishers, but haven't heard anything back yet. I'll probably end up using self-publish Lulu like Vern does.
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"Oh DXL-113005-A."
Laughed my ass off and made my fuckin' day! -
he seems to be cool,but he does ANIME,so I am not sure.But what the hell,try!
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but it is huge!I try to read all of your stuff!I did not know you had a guest book,have to write something nice in there.Maybe we could "polish" the WARSAW SYMPHONY and you put it up at your site,like some joint venture together with TLBT.
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try Ambush Bug on the comics section I think he's the main editor
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try Ambush Bug on the comics section I think he's the main editor
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the movie "Brick"?Let me know if it is any good.or bad.
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I'm kinda on the fence about that one. It's not a bad movie, but it seems kinda full of itself. "Look, it's a modern high school but everybody talks like they're in a detective movie in the 1930's!" I watched it twice and still didn't really know what was going on. Luckily, at the end they just tell you what happened, so it's okay if you have trouble following along.
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Hannah Shygula(sp?),she was in Best of the Best1 and Delta Force,she could pull it off!
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Don't thank me. Thank IMDb.
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I thought so anyway. Spandau, I don't really make music for anything more than a hobby anymore. I sure as Hell wouldn't charge you guys for my music. If there's any way possible, I'd happily send anybody that wants it a free copy. Shit, I'll pay the postage even. I wouldn't post my home address on here though, if I were you. Let's work something out. I'll post my gmail address or something like that. The music part of the cd is done. Spandau needs to finalize the cover and it's all done.
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I agree with Stuntcock on that. He made me believe he could kick somebody's ass.
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can I download it from MySpace?I have to register there to do that right?
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and his dad is Joe Washinski!
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ironic needs to do a family "portrait"."The Washinski`s"celebrate "Christnukkah"!
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I dig it!
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Coming Eventually!
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yup still snowing got over a foot hereI'd love a cd of mike's music, i love itHaven't seen Brick yet, but have heard good things
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...his masterpiece of TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION
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and a picture of Itzak holding up the head of FRANZ!Everybody will go:"FUCKING POLARBEARS!BLADE!NAZI´s!SHAFT!"...... BESTSELLER!
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he would be a great "mentor" kind of dude!Like the Yoda of the Warsaw Ghetto!
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I have to get some shit for M.U.N.and some sleep.See ya tomorrow!Keep it up folks!
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...so I slapped this together for no reason:
http://tinyurl.com/24rkg6 -
.. OLEG is fighting [with an "elephant gun" http://tinyurl.com/2r62nf and an ax] against the nazis. also lainie kazan could be mother washintzki. ninja stars of David blew my mind! this isn't oleg's story, just imagine if the terminator showed up to help jack burton against lo pan in btilc.. you'd go WTF? and want to see more of him.. and about the hands.. I was thinking he could have his cyber hands, with a piano wire whip in one, and a blade in his other. I must stop procrastinating!
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we killed journeyman!
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ok, so Oleg is introduced after itzak kills the bear.. okay!
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So I'll give whoever created that font the credit. "Even Badder Mofo" it's called.
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parachutes in over Berlin in front of the Reichstag.He comes down,when Itzak prays to god and gets answered by OLEG!You should read WS again,it is all there.
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Megan Fox. I don't know why, but I just want to punch her in the face.
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will be back in an hour.
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He answers all prayers... with a vengeance.
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with my dick in her pussy!
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And what a mental image!
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1.1:Let`s kill some commie!In this premiere episode we get to know all the key players.OLEG,Irina,the Captain,the Lawyer and the CZAR.We get some dialogue about OLEG`s and Irina`s "lovestory",we learn that Irinas "boyfriend is a "leftist lawyer" who hates OLEG and the Captain goes in full "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" mode(not for the last time).And we see the CZAR doing some BIG bussines deals with Bong Lei Wong.The main plot of the episode is set around Boris Jelzin`s psycho-Son(C.Thomas Howell)who is on a killing spree,because he believes that some "old-commie" dudes have caused his dad to drink himself to death!We learn that he killed 7 guys allready and the Captain gives OLEG and Irina some hard time because Psycho-Son allways escapes!The showdown takes place in the Mansion of the CZAR,because the Son thinks that the CZAR is the mastermind behind the death of Jelzin!Psycho-son takes the Wife of the CZAR hostage,but the CZAR is not giving in and will let his wife die but OLEG and Irina arrive in time and save the Wife(thats why she falls for OLEG and lets him in the mansion,in the season finale).Thats the first episode guys.If you got some ideas for more episodes post them,it should be fun to see different takes of OLEG`s cop carrer.The casting list is above,but feel free to add some more charakters to the main players.
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Dolph Lundgren is Oleg Popovich
Catherine Bell is Irina Dicksnovich
Eric Roberts is Andrey"THE CZAR"Gulogov
William Forsythe is "Captain" Ivan Kuzmin
Samo Hung is "Druglord" Bong Lei Wong
Dean Cain is "Leftist Lawyer" Eli Moskvich
Catherine Oxenberg is Anya Gulogov
Casper van Dien is "the hired U.S hitman" Don"the Duke"Steele
and Bill Paxton as "the Random Dude" Peer von der Hees -
Feb 06, 2008 7:23:40 AM CST
When Meaf Loaf sang "I would do anything for love..."
by caruso_stalker217
...but I won't do that" do you think he was talking about scat?
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I've got nothing at the moment. Though Meat Loaf should guest star at some point. As a guy who "won't do scat!"
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they could pull it off.And what is "scat"?
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he was high up there and now gone?Thats strange........
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World of OLEG!
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That would be the slang term for coprophilia, a sexual fetish involving feces.
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hmmm I'd have to give some thought to MUN but I bet I could come up with something...the only DTV TV showanyone ever catch the blade TV show, I've been watching it on late nights on Spike TV and it's not as bad as I figureed it was going to be
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It was really funny, the dorms in the main Lomonsov building where I lived had fire escapes that were locked on each floor at night for "security".Maybe we can have an M.U.N. where Oleg finds out about a bunch of students who are who have an entire floor of the dorms set up as a conterfeiting money factory. Oleg tries to bust them, but they use their counterfeit money to bribe their way out of it. So the episode ends with Oleg locking them in and setting a fire and letting them cook.
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I have a friend that went to Russia in the mid 90s and said they were served a roast beef dinner, potoates etc all included but that everything was encased in clear geletin.also he said that the traffic there is crazy but if you're crossing the street and get hit, it's your fault not the driver or the car
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Feb 06, 2008 2:20:48 PM CST
travis, you were just in the netherlands, scat! scat! scat!
by ironic_name
also, I thought meatloaf was saying he wouldn't eat pussy.. celine dion did that song with him, she was hot for about three seconds.. but that was before she met the meat, a long time before she sang that awfull song about dicaprio freezing to death.
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some violent shit and hot babes,sad that they canceled it.If you have ideas for M.U.N. write them down.The University story is good!We can put Hulk Hogan in there as the "Russian wrestling teacher"! Nikolai "The KAUKASIAN hammer" Bronencko.
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it is legal over here.I saw a VHS cover once,were a dude was eating the "shit" out of the ass of an ugly women..............yes i have seen that.........damn!
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then shat on him.
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can't stand in the wrath of Oleg. A good show, I'm sure, but not in the same league as Oleg, for Oleg is immortal 9thanks to his Russian super solider serum) the journeyman can only travel in time
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I was in HS at the time that song came out, I remember it being really popular adn for some reason i thought she wanted anal or he wouldn't do that, don't ask me WHERE I got that idea but that was my htoughts
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thats a fine movie.9 days and I can finally watch the new one!
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nsfw
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HAHAHAHA!............argh
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it was thanks to this site that I first heard about 2girls1cup
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might see it today, should I? anyone? is it up to snuff [forgive the pun]
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then you are cRaZy!Go see it!
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is AWESOME Ironic, do yourself a favor and see it for yourself, turn around and see it again for me, it's really that good
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RAMBO!
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That video had me laughing my ass off.
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in a cup?
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A bucket was required.
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Now I kinda want to see it. Though I am no fan of Lindsey Lohan. I haven't seen her in anything since THE PARENT TRAP and that was the only movie of hers I've seen. And it blew.
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I took the violence and the sounds, and made this:
http://tinyurl.com/2rmvru -
I find her hot!She has that "young drug rich bitch" thing going!That turns me on..........bitch!Verns review is also great(for I Know....).
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That was fucking hilarious! I done favorited that shit, son!
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http://tinyurl.com/2wrv6s
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...she's got nice hooters, but I can't stand the bitch. And I like bitches. I like a woman who will tell me what to do and KNOW that I'll do it!
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Feb 06, 2008 4:35:42 PM CST
thanks caruso_stalker217, I'm gonna have to make one with
by ironic_name
dolph, maybe the 'shooting poker machines' scene from punisher.
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and downloaded that right away!My buddies will eat it up.Thanks!
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Cillian Murphy based his performance in BATMAN BEGINS on Peter Weller in NAKED LUNCH! Tell me I'm not wrong!
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I fucking love that scene! It's two minutes of Dolph just shooting the shit out of the place!
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OLEG!
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Feb 06, 2008 4:42:15 PM CST
DAMN!I need to learn that fucking "Moviemaker" tool......
by travis-dane
that comes with XP!
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...but it won't let me save my files! FUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKEEEERRRRRRRR!
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this gonna take a week, but I'll be happy to have a real Oleg scene!
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the 89 Punisher with Dolph, I saw it one night in the $5 bin at my Wal-Mart and I didn't pick it up and I've regretted it ever since
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And not just for cheesy '80s action movies. That's where I scored ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST, THE THIN RED LINE and BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA!
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Big Trouble in DTVtown!
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I got those 3 plus both Escapes, a great cheezy Christmas gift (the Essential Ernest), Robocops 2 adn 3, all 3 Rambos at one point, great stuff
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I keep looking for three but the fuckers never have it. Kinda like when I had to spend an eternity waiting for THE GODFATHER PART III to pop up so I could finish the collection. Then I see it there one day, I snag it, and a few weeks go by and they've got the the trilogy box collection with a bonus disc! MotherFUCKers!
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I run away screaming!In Germany the good stuff begins at €7.99!
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...AMERICAN PSYCHO there.
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The bonus disc is REALLY good!
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That's for classier pictures like the EVIL DEAD movies and TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES.
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I apologize. That was uncalled for.
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But the book man!I hope you read that one.Great stuff.
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the $5 bin (and in my town the PV copies of new movies from the video store usually run around that price), the $7,0-$7.99 bin, the 13.50 (sometimes with 3 movieso n one disc like Misssing in Action 1, 2, 3 or Death Wish 2, 3, 4 or National Lampoon wahtever, watever,and whatever), then the new releases around 20, 25 bucks...what kills me is the TV sets, espically HBO stuff and Star Trek, I just can't see the need, no matter how good it is, to pay $90 for a half season of Deadwood
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I only read popular fiction.
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YEAH!ICE!.......and Bebop&Rocksteady!sad they never got the kudos that they deserve!
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But since the majority of what I read is Stephen King (say about 98%) I guess there is some truth in that. But I have "The Road" and "Fredy Neptune." And I've read some other shit, too, like "I Capture The Castle." But, yeah, I'm more the Stephen King/Dean Koontz type.
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caused me one of the worse drinking episodes I ever had, in the book Bateman drinks rum and diet pepsi, so I made that my drink of choice, go to the strip clubs, the bars, the parties whatever. Well I was at this one party adn poured me a HUGE amount of rum and a little bit of Diet Pepsi, on top of seveal beers and no food...I took it in one big gulp and subsequently HURLED badly, then passed out for several hours...while I was trying to "get my game on" with a chickadee
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I got all three for €39.99 each!WTF!
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Feb 06, 2008 5:25:38 PM CST
The problem with the 5$ bins and $7.99-$13.50 racks...
by caruso_stalker217
...is they go months without changing the selection. Also, it pisses me off when I see something that I would totally buy like CHILDREN OF MEN or CASINO ROYALE or THE GOOD SHEPHERD and I pick it up and the fucking thing is full screen! It's always fucking full screen! FUCK YOU, WAL*MART! FUUUUUCK YOUUUUUU!!!
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great stuff from him in the past, but some of his newer stuff..ehhh. I really wish noone had ever found out e was Bachman, and it's a shame that Rage got pulled form the Bachman books and whatnot, that is a FABLOUS book, I was actually working on a stage version of Rage to be produced locally when colombine happend, and given the fact I live like 3 hours away from there, it never happened, I never even finished my script
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a "must" read!Bret Easton Ellis is good!And Koontz rules too!
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I may be exageretting al ittle bit on Deadwood but I know Rome was right around that price as is The Sapronos
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that crap in Germany!The last full screen i got was a VHS tape of Episode1.
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"Roadwork" is my favorite. Followed by "The Running Man," "The Long Walk" and "Rage."
As for King's newer stuff, I kinda agree. The last book of his I bought was "Cell." I haven't bothered to read "Lisey's Story" (it sounds too much like "Rose Madder" to me and seems like it would be annoying) or "Blaze." Though I have some interest in that one. I remember reading in a biography on King and it talked about some of his unfinished works and one of the was "Blaze." It sounded interesting, so it was cool when he actually went ahead and finished it. -
it really sucks and all my stupid friends love it, these are the same friends that make me watch stupid crap like Rush Hour 3Ellis is a GREAT writer, caraso you really should read him, and if you want a really freaky mindtrip type stuff, belive it or not, but WP Kinsella (the guy that wrote Field of Dreams) has got some great stuff mixing metaphysical stuff the supernatural and baseball. The Iowa Cornfeild Conspirarcy is a AWESOME book, let me see if I can find a wiki link
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I've met people who PREFER full screen! It makes me want to shoot blood out of my eyes!
I remember the first time I saw a movie in widescreen (it was a VHS of THE ABYSS) and I was like, "Oh the baaaars! They take up too much rooom! The movie is too smaaall!" I was ten at the time, though, so I've learned a lot. Some of these fuckers need to be learned. -
his nonfiction stuff is FANTASTIC, on Writing is an awesome book that I gave to a writer friend of mine who at the time was an english Teacher working on his harry Potterish American ghost story type book, helped him a lot, whenever he was teachinga dn would come across a writer in his class or something he'd always give them a copy of On WritingDanse is great too
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Rome season1:€50!Sopranos season1-6:€39.99 eachlooks like I am on the good side after all!hahahahahaahahahahaahha! sorry
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how can you see anyhting there's all that black at the top and bottom it's so small ,I just want to punch them in the neck
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Feb 06, 2008 5:37:37 PM CST
Dude, I totally read THE IOWA BASEBALL CONFEDERACY...
by caruso_stalker217
...in high school! That was some weird crazy shit! I also took a look at SHOELESS JOE. I got about ten pages in when I realized "Shit! This is FIELD OF DREAMS!"
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way to KEEP rubbing it in our facesyou know what's strange, I'm a pure blooded American blah blah blah, but I love English and Australian girls, I so want to marry one, forget the california Kelly or the midwest susan or the East's Elaine...i want a Fiona or a Emilie or something
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but gave up after 100 pages!Rose Madder was great(if it is the one were the women gets assraped by an tennis racket),that was very violent.And of course THE DARK TOWER and THE STAND!
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Hadn't read RABBIT, RUN. But I thought it was a pretty good book. I also couldn't shake the feeling that King might have been channeling a little Updike when he wrote ROADWORK.
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except it was in college, I missed like 3 days of classes huddled in a corner o the library reading IBC adn Shoeless Joe, I actually stole SJ from my college library, crazy...some of his short stories in the Dixon Cornbelt League have that same messed up quality to them...it's great...it must be something in the mixed Candian/Iowa atmopsher that Kinsella breathes
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Okay, maybe not frumpy. But kinda homely. Well, not really homely. Anyway, I don't go for that fake blond shit either.
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the DVD wonderland!Now it was the first time some guys(you and caruso)destroyed that fantasy!Sad to hear that "full screen" and price shit!
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in my reading of the modern classics, sinclair, Updike, hemingway, etc...give me Verne or Twain or Clancy or King or Kinsella and I'm happy as a pig in shit, the "American classics" bore me, but when I took my world lit class in College, I fell in love with Latin American magical realism and the short story tat Rashamon was based on and some african stuff
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Yep, that's ROSE MADDER. I liked it, too, but it was a little irritating. It's the feminist stuff. King had that whole feminist period with ROSE MADDER, DOLORES CLAIBORN, GERALD'S GAME and to a certain extent INSOMNIA. DOLORES CLAIBORN was pretty good and I love the movie, but GERALD'S GAME suffered the "three pounds of shit in a one pound bag" syndrome. I would actually love to see a movie made from it, if they cut out all the unnecessary and irritating crap and boiled it down to its basic elements.
There there was INSOMNIA, which I fucking hated. And King is not easy to hate for me. -
Redheads on the other hand...wow! give m a british redhead named Fiona or something and i'm like in heaven, will let her do anything yeahtravis, yeah prices and American's stupidity sucks, however one thing I noticed when I was in the Philippines a copule of years ago was that our DTV stuff goes stright to theatres in a lot of places. Like they were showing the Butterfly Effect 2 in theatres over there to a big deal, it was like huge
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handcuffed to the bed and the dude dying?And some monster?
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Had to do it for a book report. I gave up after twenty pages, it was so fucking boring! So I b.s.'d my way through the report. And failed, if I remember correctly.
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is the title story in Hearts in Atlantis...the way he contrasted the game with what was going on in that time period, and the writing was great
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There wasn't a monster. What it was is she kept seeing this weird looking fucker in the corner of the room and she didn't know if he was real or imaginary. Well, instead of leaving it ambiguous which is what he should've done, King wrote this tacked-on fucking ending where she finds out that he was some deformed serial killer or something and she went to his trial and he taunted her so she spit on him. No fucking joke.
Cut out that bullshit right there and you'd have a pretty decent 85 minute woman-handcuffed-to-bed-and-comes-to-terms-with-her-demons movie. -
yeah that's Gerald's gameI HATED the Scarlet letter when I read it in sophmore english and let it be known that I hated ithoweve the Demi Moore version was trashy, only because she was going through her naked phase where she had to get naked in every movie, so there is a gratious shot of her driping wet getting out of a bathtub
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I loved "Hearts In Atlantis." It felt a little DEAD POET'S SOCIETY at times, but it was good. "Low Men in Yellow Coats" wasn't so great. And though I love the movie, I wish they hadn't used that title because "Hearts In Atlantis" would make a great film itself.
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Cuz I dig Demi Moore nudity as much as the next fella, but fake tits don't really do it for me.
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because it didn't have the HiA story which would make a great movie, I'd love to see Darabount or even Reiner tackle that
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everything she did naked was after the boob job
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good stuff,I like how King ties in Roland and the Tower story to his later works.And the "Hollywood Jack" books he wrote with that other dude are good.
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Shame on you, Demi.
A "Hearts In Atlantis" movie would be great for a Darabont or Reiner. Rob especially, since he needs to get back a lot of his cred after... what is it? 15 years or so of shitty movies?
HEARTS IN ATLANTIS is pretty good, though. It's a lot softer than "Low Men" but it also doesn't have the Dark Tower stuff dragging it down. That's what really ruined that story for me. Come on, Steve. Leave the Dark Tower out of it for once. -
Really good and the movie is good too.But it is just the "TED" story.
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I JUST MADE A GREAT OLEG VIDEO, AND IT WON'T LET ME SAVE!
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...I couldn't quite bring myself to love BLACK HOUSE. I thought it was a good book with great shit in it, but again... the Dark Tower....
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I'm reading Black House amoung other thigns right now, that's the Hollywood jack stories...I know they (King and Straub) are planning a 3rd book to wrap it up
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I was on this Dark Tower obession where I thoguht everything needed to be about the Dark Tower and I was mappiing it all out, and then bam, I got tired of it, right around Wolves of Calla I think, like hearing about the Little Sisters of Ellira in black House, I mean what you take a short story with minimal contribution to the DT saga and make it a meeting place for Hollywood jack, I couldn't believe Straub let him talk him into thatsame with low men
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And I made it sound like I didn't dig BLACK HOUSE because of the "Dark Tower stuff." Mostly, I guess it isn't really as engaging as THE TALISMAN. I mean, THE TALISMAN is a good solid fantasy horror. It's easy to get into. BLACK HOUSE is a weird serial killer story with giant rabbits. I rest my case.
Though I found myself getting "emotional" at parts while reading the book. I'll give you that, Straub and King. -
...that Straub himself wrote the Dark Tower stuff into BLACK HOUSE. I don't know if that's true or not, but that's what I've heard.
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Black House before reading Talisman adn then here recently I picked it up againi've also been revisitng books form the 90s like Primary colors and it's sequel the Running Mate
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Feb 06, 2008 6:22:49 PM CST
I read the first hundred pages or so of BLACK HOUSE...
by caruso_stalker217
...then stopped reading. About seven months went by before I picked it up and started where I left off. And I don't even use a bookmark. I'm a weird motherfucker when it comes to reading.
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Suprises me.I love the books!
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Hollywood Jack is cool.
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Don't get me wrong, travis my boy. I fucking love THE DARK TOWER. WIZARD AND GLASS is one of my all-time favorite books, despite its shortcomings. But when WOLVES OF THE CALLA came out and King started getting all metaphysical (I hate metaphysical stuff) it really hurt the series I thought. WOLVES was really tough for me to get through. SONG OF SUSANNAH, though not the greatest book in the world, was a breath of fresh air. That book fucking FLEW. I finished it in a couple hours. Then came THE DARK TOWER, which was one of the weirdest messes I've ever read. There was some really truly great shit in there that almost made ol' caruso squirt a few, but then there was a lot of shit where I was like, "What the HELL? What IS this? What is going ON?" And then I said the same thing, only emphasizing different words.
The way I see it, the first three books are just about perfect. Four is when things started to get weird (the WIZARD OF OZ stuff, which I didn't particularly care for) and five through seven are interesting failures with periods of great success.
Just my two cents. -
Not "periods."
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what was up with the "Buick" book.I read it,but did not quite get it.And now I hear they making a movie out of it?why?
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OLEG!
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All I know is it's about a car that is a portal to another world where MIST-like creatures come out. Or some shit. So, I don't know why they'd make a movie out of it.
I really hope they scuttle THE TALISMAN. I know it keeps getting pushed back and I hope it stays in development hell for many more years to come until a good writer and director can bring it to the big screen and not turn it into a piece of shit miniseries. -
but the Stand was ok for a TV movie thing.I have to read The Mist and see the movie,cant believe I missed that one!
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Probably the only good King miniseries. I love IT, but for all the wrong reasons. That's the kind of movie I watch at three a.m. with a friend so we can make fun of it. But I kid out of love. I love you, IT.
But THE TALISMAN needs to be a feature film. I feel this in my bones. It's one of my favorite books and I want to see somebody do it right. And we won't see that if it's turned into some TNT miniseries.
THE MIST is good stuff. The novella and the film. -
Feb 06, 2008 7:14:31 PM CST
A movie that will never be made but I want to see badly...
by caruso_stalker217
...would be TICKTOCK by Dean Koontz. It's one of my all-time favorite books. I've read it more times than I can count. The male lead is an Asian-American who doesn't know martial arts and actually gets the girl at the end. The female lead is a hot blond who races cars and blows shit up. And to top it off, it's a supernatural screwball comedy thriller. I love it to death and it makes me sad that it will never be a film, though it reads like one. Which would make it about perfect for adaptation, but the studio system just has to keep an Asian brother down.
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So I guess I won't be watching DIARY OF THE DEAD anytime soon. Though, honestly, I never had any interest in it. And everything I hear about it just doesn't sound good.
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I never saw an good Koontz movie,they all sucked.I had hopes for the Ben Afleck movie but they fucked it up bad PHANTOMS,sorry just remembered the title!And the Jeff Goldblum thing.....argh.I like the books about the kid who cant go out at daytime and his buddy Bobby Halloway,I read two and dont know if there is another one.Then there was this book with that crazy psycho family,were some dude can "jump" to other planets and shit.That was a good read.And of course the Psycho killer thing with the women hiding in his Wanabago,that was sick!And Watchers
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Just TICKTOCK, HOUSE OF THUNDER and THE GOOD GUY. I've got a lot more to read. THE GOOD GUY reminded me a lot of TICKTOCK. It's basically a chase story, taking place over 10 or 12 hours, quirky male and female leads, car crashes, gunplay, humorous rapid-fire dialogue, kinda fizzles out at the end, but leaves one feeling good.
PHANTOMS was terrible. I saw some of HIDEAWAY ("the Jeff Goldblum thing") on T.V. and thought it looked like shit. Saw a T.V. movie with Jay Mohr called BLACK RIVER or something that was also shit. Koontz doesn't have a great track record when it comes to films. -
good stuff.I had an "intense" Koontz phase about 10 years ago and read a shitload of Koontz books.I will try to find out the titles for you(they rename almost any book in Germany too),so you can read them if you like.
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It's just a couple blocks down the street and I still haven't gotten a library card. Need to check out some Koontz, Phillip K. Dick, Cormac MacCarthy. I think I might even start hitting the Louis L'Amour. Never really cared for his books, except SACKETT'S LAND. It about how Barnabas Sackett came to the America's in the 1600's, before all that handlebar mustache western shit. It's got swordplay and everything!
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Feb 06, 2008 8:07:06 PM CST
Ok I dug some shit up and realised that I read Tick Tock...
by travis-dane
too.Man my memory is bad.So here are my "TOP" Koontz books(I hope i got the right ones,again,my memory!)The Bad Place:that one rocks!It is about a Psycho/incest/teleport/sextwins/ telepathy/detective story!Fear Nothing and Seize the Night:two books with the same charakters and some weird military/killermonkeys/ DNA experiment thingINTENSITY:this is intense!the Wanabago story!really good.Dragon Tears:that one has it all:a Psycho-killer who can stop time,gore,an tough cop and sex.Watchers:Koontz classic,nothing beats the Golden Retriever/Mutant killer monster combo!Phantoms:The book is great!the movie not.I read a lot more,but these are the ones that stood out for me.Enjoy!
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the music and action are slightly off, they were quite good last time. upload tonite!
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Good Night Ladies and Gents,see ya tomorrow.
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I've picked up some real gems over the years in ye local bargain bin. I recently got one called The Quiet Earth based on Vern's recommendation and I quite enjoyed it.
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Feb 06, 2008 8:37:14 PM CST
I can't believe some of you guys haven't seen RAMBO 4 yet.
by spandau belly
I thought I'd be bumping into you all on opening weekend. Except for Travis-Dane, because he's in Germany and probably sees his movies there and that's a bit of drive for me. Seriously, you'll have a good time.
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It could have been stunningly mediocre, but Renny kicked its ass into high gear! Lots of show-offy (and phony-looking) CGI! Kip Pardue as the pretty underdog! Robert Sean Leonard as his scumbag brother! Estella Warren being sad! Gina Gershon being a bitch! Synchronized swimming! Sly delivering inspirational speeches! Humming magically makes cars go faster! Techno! An unlikely high-speed chase in downtown Chicago! Burt Reynolds in a wheelchair! EXPLOSIONS! Love triangle! Montages! Gratuitous booty shots!
Bottom line: great fucking movie! -
"It is about a Psycho/incest/teleport/sextwins/ telepathy/detective story!"
Sounds right up my alley! -
Feb 07, 2008 1:42:59 AM CST
I must admit, I too love me some Driven
by nomoredirtyjokespleaseweareyanks
Even though it is one of the most implausible films ever made, i love it.....but not as much as Hudson Hawk "Damn Photomat arseholes."
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I loved him in my mid-teens. I read everything of his and Kings I could get my hands on.My two faves were Phantoms and Strangers(the one where the people from different places all have a memory of abduction from a hotel on a certain night). I still read King and no longer read Koontz. I couldn't figure out why for years, then I read a new Koontz novel and it hit me. I can't remember the name of it, the premise was great(a couple wake up to what appears to be an alien attack and ends up being Satan scourging the Earth of sinners) but at a certain point I realised it had happened again. I was dealing with a strong, determined man, A woman with more resilience than she is aware, and a curiously smart dog. The Fucking same fucking characters from 85% of Koontz novels. WTF!
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Feb 07, 2008 1:58:46 AM CST
oh and for those who say Kings endings are short
by nomoredirtyjokespleaseweareyanks
or ill concieved, I give you Dean Koontz, the only man who can end a novel in three or less pages. Say what you may about Tommyknockers, but that is one flat out amazing, lengthy and satisfying ending(not to mention IT). Koontz wouldn't have a clue how to do anything that comes close to that sort of brilliance.
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The ending for TICKTOCK is seriously a page and a half long. And now he's got THE DARKEST EVENING OF THE YEAR out and it's ABOUT a fucking dog!
I haven't read TOMMYKNOCKERS in years. The only part I like is the fifty or so pages that introduce Gard. I would have preferred a book written around those pages. A drunken poet assaulting people with umbrellas while preaching about the horrors of nuclear power. That sounds like a good read.
IT is fucking amazing all the way through. -
Feb 07, 2008 2:56:25 AM CST
It is up there with LOTR for an epic tale of good vs evil
by nomoredirtyjokespleaseweareyanks
unfortunately the novel is unfilmable. I don't want a movie(I HATE HATE HATE the miniseries, except for Tim Curry), it would just detract from the images I have in my head(The Turtle, Paul Bunyan statue, the group tripout in the hole). Not to mention it has a early teen gangbang.
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Not even if they made it an HBO miniseries. It's just too damn crazy.
And, yeah, I can't see them ever filming the gangbang. -
the ending to IT, the way it goes between timeframes, both showing something more each time. It just feels organic, and reads beautifully.
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Feb 07, 2008 3:14:34 AM CST
Call me strange but I also like Insomnia
by nomoredirtyjokespleaseweareyanks
its like the sequelto IT. An old persons Derry adventure.
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How the two time periods seem to merge at the end. And the big reveal, when the "spider" comes crawling down from the ceiling. Great shit!
When Ralph started shooting karate-chop thought projectiles or whatever at the bald dwarves was when I wanted to stop reading. But I soldiered on. And it didn't really get better for me. -
Feb 07, 2008 3:21:21 AM CST
and dude, you should give tommyknockers one more go
by nomoredirtyjokespleaseweareyanks
it reads better than his modern stuff. The stuff that bored me the first time(the sheriff and the dolls) came off much better years later, but yes the Gard umbrella attack is a definite highlight .
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Feb 07, 2008 3:27:41 AM CST
Yeah the ending to Insomnia truly loses the plot
by nomoredirtyjokespleaseweareyanks
I feel sorry for a casual reader with no idea of the Dark Tower. Still, there are moments I adore. When Ralph first saw the doctors, I was scared for the first time by a novel since Pet Semetary(another favorite incident being him finding Gage Creeds shoe in the Lair of the Random, a nice touch), and love the whole idea of the Aura's.
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It's not that I didn't like the book. It just didn't engage me as most of his other stuff. The science was pretty wonky, too. Not that I'm some hardcore Asimov geek who insists that the science be accurate. I guess I'll have to read it again in the near future. Though I usually just skip to the aforementioned "umbrella attack."
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when Sissy first sees Bobbi, all translucent skin, dark visible organs, and tentacles coming out of her pussy.
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Even for a DARK TOWER fan such as myself. And Patrick's role in DARK TOWER VII was such a shameless plot device. And really poorly handled.
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when Sissy first sees Bobbi, all translucent skin, dark visible organs, and tentacles coming out of her pussy.
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The miniseries was truly awful, though.
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Feb 07, 2008 3:38:45 AM CST
Re:"En guarde! En guarde, you bastard!"
by nomoredirtyjokespleaseweareyanks
yeah man, I just love how Gard makes the choice to just go fuckin nuts on the man and his wife.
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Damn Photomat Arseholes!
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couldn't believe it when the Aliens on the ship came to life, just when I thought it could'nt get any worse.
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...down the friged bitch's dress!
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And even then I knew it was shit.
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Feb 07, 2008 3:56:43 AM CST
I love the whole ending to Tommyknockers
by nomoredirtyjokespleaseweareyanks
the way it switches timeframes, having the police and military reaction to an event that just gets bigger as is goes, then showing the actual event, unfolding at Bobbi's house and all throughout town. The flying coke machine, the whirlygig, the Shed, the hovering lawnmower/mini tractor and David on Altair-4.
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Feb 07, 2008 3:58:58 AM CST
also, I'm an Aussie and am seeing the Mist this
by nomoredirtyjokespleaseweareyanks
weekend. I am so geekin excited.
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Definitely one of my favorite King adaptations.
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keep on truckin.
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the green goblin truck! aliens making stuff come to life! no shia the beef!
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http://tinyurl.com/28e7pj
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http://tinyurl.com/2hyns4
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TRACI LORDS in it!She`s fucking HOT! TRACI........hhhmmmmm.....
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I remember at least that much!
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His full novels are usually turned into movies where they don't know what to cut and how to streamline the plot and so you get movies that feel rushed or overstuffed. But Stand By Me and Shawshank Redemption were top notch.
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i know we'er always on the lookout for our DTVers on TV and such so a heads up that Jeff Fahey is on tonight's LOST
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first of all someone above mentioned Hudson hawk, I LOVE that movie, I don't know why but I do, I could watch the scene where Bruce adn Danny Aiello are first breaking into the museum with the musical number and ol Walter B on his belly skatebording over adn over adn overDark Tower: I love the Dark tower it's grand and epic and I loved it when he put little clues to that (and his other stories) into the main book (like Christine driving what's his face from the mental institution in It...or Eyes of the Dragon...crap I LOVE LOVE LOVE Eyes of the Dragon) Wolves got really weird for me with the intorduction of Father Callahan, the Dr Doom robots with the Harry Potter snitches as weapons...Susannah worked great but the Dark Tower book it'self was strange, good in parts, odd in others and I really hated the inclusion of himself and his accident into that worldAffleck was the bomb in Phantoms Yo!King short stories do work the best but I thought Darabount did a great job on The Green Mile (now there was a book I was expecting King to incorparte into The Dark Tower)
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I think this one is better then the book!And the TV adaption was closer to the book and sucked pretty bad.If you do a bad King TV movie,you gotta at least have Traci Lords in it.Fuck!
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funny shit!That girl from "My Girl" has become a hottie!
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I was watching Iron Eagle on amc last night and got to thinking, who had a bigger "fall' if you will into DTV: Wesley Snipes or Lou Gosset Jr. Snipes had the comdy thing going then switched to action movies which led him to DTV actionneers. Gosset went from Oscar winner for supporting actor in An Officer and a Gentleman to Iron Eagle (and it's string of increasingly crappy sequels) to Christian doomsday movies with Kirk Cameron (Left Behind 3). Who's next on the list? makes me think possibably Kilmer basedo n the fact that he's the voice of the new KITT. How can I work Kilmer into TLBT? hmmm
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is hot...in a weird way, I mean she's not a porn hottie and she's not a classical beauty, but she's oddly good lookingBad King miniseries=Mick Garris I eman when the highlight of your carrier is The Stand there's a problem...although Storm of the Century isn't HORRIBLElooking up Blood Car now
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looks like Brooke Shields and Hillary Swank had a kid, that's not bad mind you but that's the vibe I get...obviously sh'es not above doing cheesy DTV, I'm so going to find Blood Car
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"GAY Perry"is THE shit!Let`s see what happens with the KITT thing.
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I'd wanna watch.
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Feb 07, 2008 10:54:23 AM CST
Yeah, I could see Val Kilmer becoming a DTV action hero
by spandau belly
Sort of a DTV Jack Bauer type. I also felt bad for Christian Slater. I'm not sure when his career went south. Maybe it was Broken Arrow?
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http://tinyurl.com/2z3bav
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http://tinyurl.com/2cna8k
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http://tinyurl.com/2cna8k
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i think he's a great actor. I'm still trying to figure out when his carrer went south, Batman Forever, The Saint, The Real Mccoy?Slater I think he got reduced to DTV because of drug(?) problems, similar to Snipes fall due to tax problems coupled iwth suing New Line.
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I like IT!
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Theatrical release.And I liked it.But he will come back.And watch "Spartan",it is a good Val Kilmer movie.
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Ironic, that was awesome, and just wanted I needed on a crappy day thanks
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over the otp John Travolta, John Woo directing, Christian Slater as the good gy, but I don't think it was his last theatrical, wasn't hard rain, the one he did with Morgan his last theatrical?
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was the proof that Morgan Freeman can play everything.The rest of the movie was mediocre.But you could be right Bloo,maybe that was after Broken Arrow.
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Slater was in Bobby the Emilo Estevez movie about Robert Kennedy
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The Good Sheperd, Windtalkers, and Austin Powers
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http://tinyurl.com/2aook5
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broken arrow has a GREAT theme it reminds me of neil young's dead man score. endangered dirt!
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http://tinyurl.com/35rmyh a REALLY good movie. if you can see it, you should.. it has heart.
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In Germany it is called "Raw Deal".Michael Ironside RULES!
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He should've worked his image more and gone for more badboy type heroes like Mel Gibson always played crazy smartasses. But Slater kept getting stuck playing straightedged bland 90s action heroes who were doogooder park rangers or whatever and in Hard Rain he was just an armoured truck driver, and not even a smartassed one, if I remember correctly.
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it has a trailer at Apple.It looks good and somehow strange.Check it out.
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Robert Z'dar! http://tinyurl.com/2587to http://tinyurl.com/2fcsuk http://tinyurl.com/2xbrw3
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yes I know.........
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http://tinyurl.com/2k848y http://tinyurl.com/2rsq2m
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Jan-Michael Vincent had a ugly car crash some days before shooting,but did it anyway(i guess his Airwolf money flew away somehow).And "THE CHIN" is really UGLY!
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Feb 07, 2008 12:54:35 PM CST
Dolph plays a KGB trained priest with a spiked glove, so it RULE
by ironic_name
http://tinyurl.com/2k848y -
And thats why it is good!OLEG as KNIGHT is fucking hilarious!
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now there's a name I haven't thought about in forever
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the guy is a bad actor.And not DTV bad,just bad.
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g'night!
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Good night to you.
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get work, I mean I loved the crap out of Airwolf as a kid, but I didn't shed no tears when he left. Airwolf now there is a show they need to update...or what was the movie about hte police choppes, I think Jamie Lee Curtis was in it, Blue thunder or something like taht...and then there was the Nic Cage tommy Lee Jones Top gun knockoff with Apahces...what i guess I'm getting at is, we need more helicopter stuff
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directed by John Badham.Great movie.And they did a spin-off TV show with Hightower from Police Academy.
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Blue freaking ThunderI had no idea they did a TV spin-off, that is awesomeI love helicopters
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but good TV stuff from the 80`s.I love the helicopter shit in Rambo 2&3.The scene in 3 where the two Russian helicopters attack the Afghan village is fucking great!One of the best action scenes I have ever seen!RAMBO!!!
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see ya later guys.
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enjoy Prison break
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...and miss the whole conversation. Damn it all.
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I'll be back in a few.
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Hope you enjoy Story of Ricky!
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I'm still around...a little bit
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just found out that RAMBO has to be cut a full minute(violence) to get a theatrical release in Germany!!!!!! FFFFUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!
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Looks like I am not on the "Bright" side anymore.Shit!
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Fuck censorship!I think OLEG has to look into that!
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RIKI-OH pleases me.
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In the bad way!
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experience.
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not much going on.
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see ya tomorrow guys.
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OLEG!
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Okay, so maybe not. But it was a pretty badass movie. I loved it when he had the flashbacks. And Tarzan was cool. Especially when he popped that guy's head. Exploding fists! I guess I don't have much to say about it, but I've been out drinking with my cousin, so I'm not thinking so clearly. It was pretty awesome, though. With the violence and gore, etc. I liked it when the warden got all buff and Ricky ground him up in the meat grinder and showed the prisoners his head and punched a hole in the wall and said "You're free now!" Man, I'm buzzed.
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conan throws tulstha doom's head in front of his followers. written by john millius apocalypse now shows Kurtz's head to his followers. written by john millius sin city clive shows benicio's head to his fellow police. Warsaw symphony itzak shows franz's head to his nazi soldiers.
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You're right, ironic. The people have spoken. They love "head." Jesus, I'm drunk. Oleg LiveS! You BASTARDS!
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I probably should've whipped up some more BLOOD BROTHERS and shit, while I had a pretty good buzz going. I fucked up big here, children. Big fuck-up!
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My favorite non-quite-imaginary blaxploitation Jewish superhero!
And CONANA THE BARBARIAN fucking rocks! The RIDDLE OF STEEL!!!?!?!! -
you better give it to 'em! the riddle of steel! http://tinyurl.com/2cna8k
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da women!
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This is sad. I've been drinking and still I've got nothing better to do than hang around here.
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Real good, there!
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This is old news though, right?
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he threw her inna fire! now THATS a one night stand!
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...before I burned her up. But that's just me.
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I think most people would. I mean, why not?
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"Hey, I can teleport too! Let's hit each other with sticks!"
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YEAH!Lemmy is a ugly Bastard,but I love him!LEMMY!!And how cool is the name KILMISTER?!?!HAHAHAHA!
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"OvahKILL! OVAHkill!"
God, I feel like shit. Those three Long Island ice teas sounded like a good idea at the time, but I'mnot so sure now.
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...Spandau's Spice Girls Live in Toronto report and I can't understand a fucking thing.
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top 4!
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I would nail that shut.
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That was hot. I think it was after Geri Spice left, or whoever the fuck she was.
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FUCK them all!Sweet Spice Girls memories........hhhhhmmmmmm...Ginger.
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but will be back soon.
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You all over the place!
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birthday present for my girl.But then it is "Ricky"time!
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So I think I'll crash for a few hours.
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and they put Razorblades in his mouth and beat his face with the steelthing,is fucking hilarious.And the Warden/supermutant dude is the shit!And of course the "exploding" gun.
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and return with some OLEG!
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Feb 08, 2008 5:31:42 AM CST
I love that that she did a duet with 'eve' about forbidden love
by ironic_name
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OLEG! g'night for now
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Sporty came out? cuz I always got a lesbian vibe from her....Posh though was more my speed...I'd let her stand over me in full black leather whip in one hand, handcuffs in the other...escuse me for a minute fellas
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POSH!
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Is it that badly written? Yipes.
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something with "Long Island Icetea".
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and driving. Tommy Lee style all the way.
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It doesn't look that bad, just doesn't interest me. It kinda looks like they're trying to do a modern HIGHLANDER type thing, but it looks like it will come out being more like THE COVENANT, wi-otch.
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........
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BAD movie,then watch "Never Back Down"!It looks like "No Retread,No Surrender" in superbad!
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that intrests me is the fact it was directed by Liman (or however you spell his name) I love Go, Bourne and while I didn't enjoy Mr adn Mrs Smith because I dislike angelina jolie (just find her to creepy for me, I perfer my pesduo british goth chicks more along the lines of Winona in Beetlejuice) it was very well directed
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I weep for humanity
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when I was 13!shit.....
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"I'm so bad I kick my own ass twice a day."
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http://members.tripod.com/~mogley/kung_fu.gif
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http://tinyurl.com/2r9p66
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I realize she probably just does movies with the shortest shooting schedules so she can grab some cash and get back to her role a United Nations Goodwill Ambassador (a position formerly held by Geri Halliwell of the Spice Girls), but she's annoying and the few films I've seen of hers were terrible. I didn't see Mr. Smith becuz she was in it and becuz I knew there was no way in hell they'd end up killing each other. From what I hear I was right.
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she`s a real grown up bitch!Love the lips..........ooohhhh shit....Angelina........glad you guys hate her.....more Angelina for me!
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pootie!
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hehehehehe........pootie
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a great movie, brian thompson [aka VD] plays a merc who poses as a gay photographer and seven female mercs pose as models, oliver reed kisses Vardell Duseldorfer in one scene!
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is SHAO KHAN bitches!
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On the fuckin' X-FILES, sister!
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Feb 08, 2008 9:53:44 AM CST
Dolemite wen't fuckin' Palpatine on those motherfuckers!
by caruso_stalker217
I want to go to motherland Africa and learn special powers too!
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I hope he wins his case.
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He killed Johnny Cage(but he did not know it was not the real one hehehe)!Idiot!I am looking forward to Mortal Kombat 3!!!!!!Let`s Dance!
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Matlock actually did lose a couple of cases.I miss hte days when I didn't have to work in the mornings, slag off watch Matlock and The Dukes of Hazard
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it is over!
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I was just over at the Heros on NBC.com site and they were promiting htis "new Hero" online series they are going to do, your choices to vote ho you want: a Preuvian who lost his father and is the Flash or a french 18 y/o who can slow or speed up other peoples speed.retarded, why do they think we want a Preuvian or French hero...we want just col Heros
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...but most of those got overturned and Matlock was victorious yet again in that Southern lawyer way of his.
But, yes, it is a common misconception that Perry Mason and Matlock won all of their cases.
By the way, I caught the last twenty minutes or so of A FACE IN THE CROWD on TCM a few months back. If that movie had been a success, I think Andy Griffith could've been a real actor. -
What the hell? "There's trouble! You should run really fast out of here!" Or "Why are these people chasing me? I should slow them down so they can't chase me so fast!"
Yes. Give the characters cool powers first, then you can make them any nationality you fucking want. -
could summon OLEG!
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...because "No one summons Oleg. Oleg summons himself!"
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then find out where he lives, fuck his wife, and maybe level the city.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVj2O5mi8x0
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with OLEG,the Trejo,Itzak,Milla,Catherine,Eric Roberts(!)and us writing the script!HAHAHAHA!and of course Danny deVito as the "Jewish HeroNinja!"....
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anyone seen the pilot of the live action tick? no? ahh.. fuck you, then.
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*grabs crotch*
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I liked it. And I followed the show up until its cancellation, but I don't think I ever truly loved it.
Ron Perlman guest starred in an episode! I think he played a superhero with some sort of flame powers. -
http://tinyurl.com/3boolo
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Feb 08, 2008 10:42:52 AM CST
he played the Firey Blaze, his sidekick was friendly fire
by ironic_name
they were "flamers"
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I actually thought up a role for him as an overzealous middlemanagement type at a Vegas Casino. I've been working the story out in my head, and there will be a part where The Alchemist kills somebody at a Vegas casino and gets caught on camera. But the casinos don't report murders in their hotels because it would hurt their reputation so they keep it hush hush. So our crew hear about he murder through an informant and try to get the security video so they can find out what The Alchemist looks like, but Val Kilmer tries to destroy it before they can get to it. He tries to run away with the tape but Kicker fires a rocket launcher at his ass blowing him in half. Then the top half of him still tries to crawl away but Hunter shoots him in the head. Then Oleg fights a bear. I'd want to draw Kilmer how he looks now with that big ugly nose and jowels.
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*grabs crotch* you like gladiator movies, timmy?
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BATMANUEL!!!!!!AHAHAHAHA!
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that would be awesomeThe Tick I have seen in every incarnation adn love him in every incarnation, my little brother (almost 13 year age difference) and I used to watch the cartoon and when we'd go skiing we'd yell "SPOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNN"re:Andy I think so, he was realy good in that movie and still actually is...have you seen waitress with Nathan fillion and Keri Rusell?odn't look at me like that, trust me I'm not gayanyways he's actually really good in that movienow hte question is have you ever heard Andy sing gospel, it's surrel
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when the tick cartoon [I found out about the comics later] first aired I was pissed of with the tick for stealing my catch phrase.. but the big blue bug of justice is hard to be pissed off with, missi pyle was in an episode of the live action version.. who knows missi, without doing a google search of her name?
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by her tentacles.
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see ya in a few hours!OLEG!
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I know Missi! BIG FISH, muthafucka!
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It's hard to reply to this shit with a hangover.
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wasn't Missy Pyle on HEROS? Playing hte shapeshifting girl, that's all I know her from, the only thing I can think of from your clue is MiB2 which was the chick from the Practice that dated (maybe still does) Jack Nicholson
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what time is it there, it's almost lunch time here
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but tony shaloub was in MIB2 too, so thats understandable. I think she played a stripper that hiro's friend ando fell in lust with.. If OLEG was on heroes, he'd use her as a condom, while fucking the cheerleader!
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now theres an image
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may oleg be with you.
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may oleg be with you.
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I'm West Coast, bud, so I'm two hours behind you.
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Dude, that would be AWESOME!
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I forgot about that in GQ until you mentioned it.
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Feb 08, 2008 2:03:29 PM CST
Guys you should look up the trailer for "Never Back Down"....
by travis-dane
on apple!huh thats some BAD shit!
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With motorcycles, probably?
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bravo, gents!
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Djimon, noooooooooo!
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crazy aint it!And they dont even have the ghost of BRUCE LEE!idiots!
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...trying to impress girls by acting tough. But KARATE KID kicks this movie's ass! And I don't even like fucking KARATE KID!
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I made a great trailer for oleg, with the sound from the soldier trailer, it didn't save.. I'll make it later. heres a gif of it. http://tinyurl.com/2rh8g5 message from the future, invest in cheese.. when it happens, you'll know why.
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from karate kid 2.. mmm mmmm. yoo take my shirt, for your correction!
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just buy cheese, trust me.
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Feb 08, 2008 2:43:13 PM CST
They waved an Oscar under his nose for BLOOD DIAMOND
by caruso_stalker217
That movie where he and Leo were romancing the stone or whatever.
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I meant tamlyn tomita, I'd say; nice tomeetya, tamlyn tomita. if I met her. she'd be serving me green tea in seconds flat.
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another girl I crossed off my 'girls I want to see naked' list.
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Not at ALL!
I don't know. "Nice tomeetya, Tamlyn Tomita." It's adorable and all, but I've tried rhyming on women and they get me with the fuckin' pepper spray every time. Of course, I've usually got one hand down the front of my pants. So maybe that's the problem. -
Feb 08, 2008 2:47:45 PM CST
I crossed Shelley Duvall off that list not long ago
by caruso_stalker217
Go ahead. Say something.
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What can I say? Except that I have a broad palette.
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http://tinyurl.com/2c37or
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ahem....uh...uh.....gnarf......argh..
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http://tinyurl.com/yanjpq
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http://tinyurl.com/2yzrfc
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because my girl`s watching fucking Gilmore Girls and Men in trees(I would like to fuck Anne Heche).
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and the bad dude fron Above the Law and that Chuck Norris flic.....Cusack,I think(good film).Andrew Davies did some good action movies.
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when I went to the Philippines it was surrel, epsically flying home, left in the morning flew through the darkness and landed in the late moning/early afternoon
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I would like to fuck her too!oohhhhh I just wrote that...yikes....
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..I hate robbing banks..
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patapong ping pong!
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but Oleg just slaps her, and tells justice to suck his dick.
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I had a weird crsh on her oto, not from the Shining but from some weird Mother goose Disney movie she did
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or are you trying to let everyone experience dyslexia? I think a dyslexia for cure has been found.
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I can't tell if that post was funny or obnoxious.. remember when kathleen turner was cute?
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Sheley Duvall post!HEY MAN,ARE YOU ALIVE?
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man she was hot!
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for some reason, my KB can't keep up with me or I type to fast or something, I get to typing and I know what I want to say but it just doesn't come out right
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lacey chabert: X tamylin tomita: √ marlee matlin: √ darryl hanah: √ meg tilly: √ angelina jolie: √ rose byne: √ missi pyle: X butterfly boucher: X natalie portman: √ monica bellucci: √ sarah hagan: X
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lacey chabert: X tamylin tomita: √ marlee matlin: √ darryl hanah: √ meg tilly: √ angelina jolie: √ rose byne: √ missi pyle: X butterfly boucher: X natalie portman: √ monica bellucci: √ sarah hagan: X
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did some weird detective movie back in the early 90s..PI something, anyone remember that
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in Not another teen movie doing her JLH...was AWESOME, if only she'd get nekkid
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she`s a really fast typer but allways has some typos in there,thats the way it goes man.......it could be worse(look at me I need 3 minutes to type that post!).
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I need Carrie-Anne Moss nekkid!!!She kills my balls everytime I see her!
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http://tinyurl.com/2jqeom bam
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y'know the guy who posts "more chabert" at dontlinkthis.net ? thats me..
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I think about it too much.. I even had a dream where Christopher lambert owned a bookshop nextdoor to my dad, and we went in to the store, after a few minutes, it turns out he's nuts, and the family is stuck in his store with his Filipino wife, who he beat.
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Oleg was in a cryo chamber, so sleep isn't for pussies.
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but you know thats not the real deal.I need some "Penthouse" like pics,but man that was a good start,I allways knew Carrie-Anne has GREAT boobs!Thanks again bro.
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I like it!
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but the Christina Aguilera review was great!Christina has a fucking great voice and she`s the UBERMILF!Christ on a fucking moped!What a great women!thanks man.
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Feb 08, 2008 6:02:04 PM CST
Christina Aguilera was so fucking hot when she was pregnant!
by caruso_stalker217
And I can't believe I wasn't around to defend myself for the Shelley Duvall thing!
Kathleen Turner is just a shame, though. What a waste. -
stronger then the Aryan Brotherhoodstronger even then the Brotherhood of Mutantswe are OLEG'S BROTHERHOOD
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...that this is part of an actual site. Sometimes I go days without checking the home page. This talkback rapes my balls! Oleg lives! Oleg LIIIIIVVES!
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It's been over a week since I've contributed anything! Olegdammit!
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P-A-G-A-N. PAGAN!
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My crush indeed started with THE SHINING, no shit. You think I'm fuckin' with you? I am not fuckin' with you. Your name's Levene? You call yourself a salesman, you son of a bitch? What can I say, I guess I dig the weird skinny annoying bitches that are kinda frumpy-looking or whatever. I mean, yeah, I could get all up on a Catherine Bell or Gay Space, but how often is a below-average joe such as myself going to run into a woman like that? You fucking CHILD.
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man,dont do that shit to me,I am old!
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bitches(is Shelley a bitch?),but I saw her in the Kubrick bio "Life in Pictures" and she`s gone the Turner way.
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My last post would have been about seeing Shelley Duvall naked. Cool.
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But she's got this weird goofy hotness about her. Don't get me wrong, she's pretty irritating to watch on screen... but it's a boner-inspiring irritation!
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http://tinyurl.com/2zos6t
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I would make sure they write that on your Graveplate!Here lies caruso_stalker217!His last POST in the GREAT DTV-TB was:"I crossed Shelley Duvall off that list not long ago"FUCK YOUUUUU!(David Caruso quote)
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...was THIEVES LIKE US. If any of you fellas are, uh, interested.
Those would be excellent words for my headstone.
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Caruso,Cage and Sam Jackson....good one!
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Caruso saying "Fuck youuuuu!" is from SESSION 9. Though I think he does the same thing in JADE.
Sam Jackson's eye leaked in that movie! Fat Nic Cage! He jumps when his dad dies! And punches a guy because his dad died! Helen Hunt! -
http://tinyurl.com/ysxod6
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with all the babe love flying around here.Spice Girls,Carrie-Anne Moss,Turner and Duvall.But somewhere deep inside of me something got back to the movie love........shit...my bad.:-)
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...I think he DOES point and say "fuck you" in KISS OF DEATH. It's been years since I've seen it, though.
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a movie or a TV show?
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Directed by the guy who did HAPPY ACCIDENTS with Vincent D'Onofrio and Marisa Tomei and, of course, THE MECHANIC!
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http://tinyurl.com/32ynht
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Wow,have to look that up.
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I really have no clue.
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Tomorrow I hit you with a new Episode of M.U.N.!CalledMoscow University Blues!co-stars:Hulk Hogan,Milla,the Trejo and Bill Paxton!
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I really need a new chair,my ass is killing me!see ya!
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Danke.....
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thanks man, much appciated. I've never particapted in a TB quite like this and I'm loving it. I love it when I'm on the main page checking out another TB and I see a post from Ironic or Spandau or travis or caurso or something. And I am writing Two Lane Blood Top which was the amazing DTV concept that started this whole thing. I'm struggling actually with the middle act which should be easy as it's nothing but random violence but I can't seem to get a cracking on it. However every time I tell one of my friends about this concept I get the funniest looks, but honestly I've never had more fun writing then I am right now. And I've made some cool online friends in the process too.
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thanks man, much appciated. I've never particapted in a TB quite like this and I'm loving it. I love it when I'm on the main page checking out another TB and I see a post from Ironic or Spandau or travis or caurso or something. And I am writing Two Lane Blood Top which was the amazing DTV concept that started this whole thing. I'm struggling actually with the middle act which should be easy as it's nothing but random violence but I can't seem to get a cracking on it. However every time I tell one of my friends about this concept I get the funniest looks, but honestly I've never had more fun writing then I am right now. And I've made some cool online friends in the process too.
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don't feel bad about forgetting about the main site, today all I did was this page and the LOST page
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for some reason I looked up Critters on wikipedia, forgot that Terrence Mann was in all 4 of those movies, now there is a legend who obviously isn't afraid of crashing into DTV or Television
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I've only seen the Leo DiCaprio one and the space one, which took place right after it.
Just watched AND THEN THEY WERE NONE (the '40s version) and I'm kind of annoyed because they Hollywooded the fuck out the ending! -
When I've tried explaining this to my own friends.
And this is the most creative I've been in years.
But that's the magic of DTV. -
that is Critters 3 and 4. I'm from Kansas and the first two critters movies both take place in Kansas. One of the few films that do (along with the movie KANSAS, and Leap of Faith [very underratted Steve Martin comedy])I haven't seen "And then there were none" besides the ending any goodI went and saw Rambo again tonight, that movie is so good
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Feb 09, 2008 2:34:29 AM CST
session 9 was about asbestos workers cleaning a mental hospital
by ironic_name
session 9 was about asbestos workers cleaning a mental hospital
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after seeing that popeye link, I'd give her one.
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http://tinyurl.com/24fbsf
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I have this thread bookmarked, and its really the only thing I think about anymore, which would be sad if we weren't making a webcomic adaptation of our dtv movies
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http://tinyurl.com/yt6nvh
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AND THEN THERE WERE NONE is a good flick. I shouldn't be surprised that they changed the ending. I'm not too bent out of shape about it, but I hear the other adaptations use the same ending. So fuck them all. Well, not really.
I hated "Freaks and Geeks." Fucking Judd Apatow. Go the fuck away already, fucker!
Yeah, at least we've got the webcomic excuse. It's slightly less pathetic that way. -
he got to famous. http://www.agonybooth.com/recaps/Deafula.aspx http://www.mercerforpresident2008.com/home.html
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22. To prove every person in the United States of America knows me and everybody in the International World knows me too in Business and Commerce intelligence National and International.
23. To Prove I have solved every crime in the world as it happens from zero to start to finish for every crime done in Business and Commerce Intelligence National and International.
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...that you are completely insane. Or is that just life in the southern hemisphere?
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I mean, why not?
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hey, caruso.. the guy has solved every crime since 15 years before Christ. hers running "To Prove Jeb Bush is all in my house with disease."
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Feb 09, 2008 4:40:01 AM CST
HES running "To Prove Jeb Bush is all in my house with disease."
by ironic_name
damn KB
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http://tinyurl.com/2rhvty
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http://tinyurl.com/2rhvty
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Best comic strip ever. Dating back 15 years before Christ.
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fuck! damn KB
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http://tinyurl.com/3a7p7n
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and my girlfriends dog died this morning,maybe I will not have the time to do M.U.N. today,but I will try.
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click download after it loads, mediafire.com/?acdocwxyvdw
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or your GF's dog.. that sucks.
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i don't know about any "mother goose shit", but wasn't she in Popeye?
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http://tinyurl.com/32ynht
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http://blackhorrormovies.com/dontiknowyou.htm
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just peeking in for an hour,looks like a slow day.....
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I wanted to look at your other pics(copyed them)and I can not open them.Do I have to download them like "Olga"?
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Great work again, ironic. Your skills fill me with a great shame that will never go away, no matter how much alcohol and crystal meth I throw at it.
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I cant draw a fucking circle!
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is it really that bad?
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Though I spent most of my student career doodling and thought art might be my "bag" until I realized I fucking hate drawing.
I haven't seen ERAGON, but I have heard many bad things. And that end title song by Avril Lavigne is not so hot. -
hot babe!No "Girly"no more,even some of her songs are "Hearable".
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I liked her "back in the day" before all of this shit she's doing now. I heard that song "Girlfriend" and I was annoyed. Then I watched the music video and I was actually offended. I was OFFENDED. That's how awful it was. It sent all the wrong messages. That's all I'm gonna say. What a horrible, horrible video. Just awful.
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but before that she did a song with some piano and shit(the name escapes me)and that one was pretty nice.
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It was an alternate ending of BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA. Jack Burton's driving his truck like in the movie, except he's on the CB trying to reach his employers to get his job back (I guess he quit in my version), when that big hairy motherfucker climbs out from under the truck and starts crawling towards the cab. The weird thing was it seemed to have a peg leg for some reason.
I don't remember what happened next, but somehow Jack met up with his girlfriend (!?) and they both ended up in my basement doing kung fu on the monster (Jack did a few back flips I recall, which I found completely unrealistic given the low ceiling of my basement) and at some point Jack turned into Duke Nukem (with blond crew cut and everything) and started blasting the shit out the thing (because he had a gun at that point) and he was firing into the "camera" so the screen went black. Roll credits.
I think my subconscious thinks Kurt Russell would be a good Duke Nukem. -
Duke Nukem quote.Have to go now,the movie starts,see ya when it is over.
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I hope it's not so bad you have to claw your eyes out or something.
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same as drawing a straight line.
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cute, nice, nerdy girl is picked on by a bitch with weird hair. ugh!
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UGH!
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spam!
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put the pipe down, john! just because you can do a movie, doesn't mean you have to, BRUTHA
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The nerdy girl even gets pushed into the water hazard and humiliated and hit in the head with a golf ball! And then the boyfriend laughs and walks away with the bitch! What the hell kind of message is that sending? I know they want us to accept it because Avril played both girls, but dammit it's just wrong!
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http://www.mediafire.com/?3xbjwg0odxj
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Some brothers wanna play that "hard" role
And tell you that the butt ain't gold
So they toss it and leave it
And I pull up quick to retrieve it -
She punches the air at 0:25! FUCK YOU, WHORE!
Anyway, the only thing I draw with consistency are my stick people, which I draw in Microsoft Paint, which probably doesn't count.
It's only a matter of time before Malkovich appears in one of Uwe Boll's masterpieces. -
That would be pretty awesome.
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Art Evans Gets paid in Nilla Wafers Frankie Faison Faked his death to avoid being cast in Norbit.
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Bill Nunn Enjoys using the phrase "poo-tinky".
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didn't he shoot the pope?
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Played the grandpa in THE PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS, yes?
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So whomever Sir Sir Mix-A-Lot chooses to cap in his spare time is none of my business.
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Mehmet Ali G shot the pope, also his Third nipple is conveniently located next to his fourth nipple.
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he was also in demolition man! http://tinyurl.com/yteo25
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwaGHQsH0V4
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Feb 09, 2008 4:14:12 PM CST
PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS is my favorite Wes Craven flick
by caruso_stalker217
It's like some weird Brothers Grimm fairy tale... in the 'hood!
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Fuck you! Fuck the lot of you, fuck you all!
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I remember seeing this crazy ass movie about some punk kid and his sister, who were hiding from their father who wore a leather mask.. I've been wondering what that movie was, its PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS! I just wiki'd it and sure enough, the movie that was so weird 10 years ago is that!
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...because they'd been KIDNAPPED! And FORCED to LIVE in the HOUSE with the PEOPLE under the STAIRS!!! Everett McGill! One of the twins from MIGHTY DUCKS! Ving Rhames! Utopia from ESCAPE FROM L.A.!!!
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wow!
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leroy!
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It's been awhile. The dog also gets electrocuted earlier in the picture! And I love how Everett McGill is wearing S&M gear for no reason.
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have a marathon!
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Really ought to get around to it, though. Balaban!
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man I was watching a movie with him just the other night. There's another African American actor that appears in a lot of crap, he played the cook in the TV show A Different World, he reminds me of Bill Cobbs, but it's notI did like Cobbs in Night At The Museum, it's sad wshen the bad guys, who are ANCIENT, are cooler then the heros. And speaking of Night At The Museum, my future wife, Amy Adams, is going to be in the sequelwhere was I...oh Oleg Rules!and I'm watching Rocky Balboa currently
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Casting Peter Petrelli as Sly Jr. was a no-brainer. They've got the same mouth!
I refuse to see any movies featuring Owen Wilson and Ben Stiller. Though I do like ZOOLANDER for some reason. And Milla's in it. -
I somehow missed Olga, repost?
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I somehow missed Olga, repost?
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Night isn't horrible, Owen isn't in it much. I perfer him over Stiller and of course Stiller is the star. But it's really sweet. I watched it with my siblings (brother 13 year age diff, sister 20) and had a good time with it. Carla gugino is in it and is hot. And since Amy Adams is going to be in the sequel and i'm in love with her (have been since the DTV Masterpiece Cruel Intentions 2) I'll see it.I hadn't seen Rocky Balboa in awhile and so I popped it in.I probably won't be on tonight, hosting a bacholer party for a buddy tonight, baked a bunch of cupcakes, cookies, meatballs in BBQ sauce, lil smokies, going to make chicken quesidillas
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If you can believe that shit.
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Going to go play some shitty musak with my brother.
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have fun, see ya later
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mother goose thing I remember is called Mother Goose Rock N Rhyme, it starred Harry Anderson, David Leasure, Shelly Duvall, Teri Garr, Bobby Brown, ZZ Top, etc
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TOTAL Star Wars rip off.The movie is ok,no masterpiece,but you can watch it.The Final battle between Robert Carlyle(with ShadowDragon)against the Hero Kid(with BlueDragon)is pretty good,it surprised me.Malkovich is just 3 minutes(realy) in the movie,he gets the setup for part 2.Jeremy Irons does a ok job as "the Mentor"(he reached his low in D&D),Djimon Houndsou is in it too,but has nothing to do except looking funny.After Eragon I watched Fargo,HA!great fucking picture(we know that)!And now I am watching Romeo is Bleeding(crazy shit).....should be a good night!And Lena Olin is one hot MILF!
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just sayin`!
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She was a real "hottie" back in the day.
I saw ROMEO IS BLEEDING on television once so it was all cut to shit, but it was definitely weird. And, yeah, I'd give Lena Olin the "high hard one." -
Are we going with that name? Or has someone come up with something better? Or have we not bothered? I like "Olga," personally.
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In my UDSSR thing I call her Aurora-Nikola Valenko.Olga is just cheap,dont wanna offend nobody,but Milla is no Olga for me.Kathy Bates is a Olga,if you know what I mean.
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But I know what you mean. It also makes them sound like they're twins.
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...but I've got to eat some chicken and watch MONSTER SQUAD, for nostalgic purposes.
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see ya tomorrow.
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Or A GIRL AND HER FRANKENSTEIN, which would have been my title.
I miss the '80s, man. When it comes to movies anyway, since I'm too young to remember anything else. MONSTER SQUAD epitomizes everything I love about cheesy '80s kids movies. There's the fat kid (named Fat Kid), dudes in rubber suits, groovy Stan Winston effects, kids swearing, scary German guy, kids using firearms, the rebel with the sunglasses and leather jacket who smokes, a hip-hop theme song, Van Helsing giving the thumbs-up sign, vortexes. -
Olga kurliluololololenko, or what ever her name is, is hot.. Aurora is cool for UDSSR.. but for Oleg's sister in WS? I don't know, Olga makes her sound like a female version of Oleg, which she is.
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http://tinyurl.com/242jgx
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I'll be back in about 30 minutes. OLEG LIVES!
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I'll be back in about 30 minutes. OLEG LIVES!
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OLEG!
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he was dr mengle's protege, wasn't he?
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...the less I like Owen Wilson and the more I like Luke Wilson. I know he's not exactly the most charismatic actor working today, but there's just something about him maybe. I thought he did a great job in the adequate film VACANCY. The arguments about the raccoon were quite good.
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And speaking of Nazis, just where the hell are with with WARSAW? I feel like I'm out of the loop here (probably am) and I think I need a point in the right direction here. I am a lost boy. And I'm not referencing that shitty Joel Schumacher movie.
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first page: pictures of hitler, nazis.. some text that you and travis work out. second page: nazi hands saluting, turns into black hands playing a piano, Itzak playing. third page: maybe nazis burst into the underground concerto .. thats about it.
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We must be the laziest writers on the planet.
However, if you fellows (you, travis, and whoever gives a fuck) want I could start writing a script, as I'm quite familiar with screenwriting. Though I'll likely simplify it drastically, since this is just a "comic book" and if I get on a roll I could crank out a good five to ten pages at a time.
I would be open to all input, as I procrastinate terribly when I write my own stuff, so any of the thinking you could do for me would be a huge help. -
What the hell was up with that post? "Likely simplify"? "Quite familiar"? "Procrastinate terribly"? Quite likely I'm sounding terribly full of myself.
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It's official! Our lives are empty!
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THERE IS NO OLGA IN WARSAW SYMPHONY!The whole sister thing has nothing to do with the WS trilogy.I will try and write a outline which goes "page to page".I allways thought there is enough information in my original outline.I have not much time today,but tomorrow I hammer it out for ya,so we can finish the WS comic till end of the week!
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It is all for the OLEG!
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So we really should get cracking on this WARSAW shit, in tribute to Oleg's divinity!
Or something. -
Tomorrow will be insane!Damn,have no time!See ya tonight(german time)maybe if not,see ya tomorrow!
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This entire talkback is insane! I'm getting out, you hear me? LET ME OUT!
OLEG! -
You will NEVER get OUT!THE DTV HAS YOU CARUSO!
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I feel just like Ursa, trapped in the Phantom Zone with Non and General Zod!
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you will kneel before me, son of Jor El!
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looks amazing, Oleg vs M. Bison!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7XdeF9Zt0g
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maybe in "the colder war" he reminisces with the Dali Lama about his sister and fighting in WWII after he goes on a spiritual journey and doesn't kill him.
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caruso, you should give writing it a go, don't worry about procrastination, thats MY special field.
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lost ain't got nothin on us, we is tha muthafuckIn King Kong up in here!
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lost ain't got nothin on us, we is tha muthafuckIn King Kong up in here!
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Let's keep it going a YEAR!
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...before the powers that be bitch-slap us into submission. Though a year sounds like a good insane goal.
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Wow! That movie makes SECRET AGENT CLUB look like THE GODFATHER!
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he gets a lot of head
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http://tinyurl.com/2hbng6
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Aye yi yi yi....Celito Lindo http://tinyurl.com/2w7ycl took me half an hour to find this song.
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I think you did post that image a while back, but in an earlier form. Benicio!
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http://tinyurl.com/ys7trh
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What a wonderful Day 30 this has been.
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has a nice looking daughter.OLEG!
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assimilate the Dali Lama after the "spiritual" journey,then kill the Chinese government and let the Dali Lama free to rule China.
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http://tinyurl.com/2m48v8
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should make out before assimilation?Thats some crazy DTV!
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I just needed an excuse to post the link.
Though now that you mention it...
http://tinyurl.com/3agby2 -
and a young "Grissom".Good movie,bad book "adaption".I think nowadays Mann would stick to the book ending.The Red Dragon movie was closer to the book,I liked it more,but they screwed the ending too.
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Grammys tonight?
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Hopkins is too fucking old.
Not a great period piece. I didn't "feel" the '80s.
The lighting in the scene where Emily Watson is developing film or whatever was totally fucked. I didn't even realize that it was supposed to be pitch black in there until I listened to the commentary.
Ed Norton is not William Petersen (unfair, I know, but what can I say?).
Harvey Keitel really is not suited to the Jack Crawford role.
And some weird part of me would've rather seen Jack Black in the Lounds character. Just for shits and giggles. That isn't a complaint, I just think it would've been hilarious.
I thought Ralph Fiennes was excellent, however. -
I don't follow modern music, really.
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Actually, I would love to have seen that.
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he really did a great"Psycho".I thought P.S.Hoffman did a nice "scumbag" part,but seeing Jack Black getting burned alive would be fun too.
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NOT!
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...I do quote it often.
"You pisstht you PANTSTH? You dirty little beastht! Sthay it! Sthay, 'Daddy, I'm a dirty little beastht!'"
That's my Ed Norton impression.
Though I quote Fiennes far more often.
"Mandy'sh a FEWL. RIDE weeth me. Far my PLEHSHUR." -
...the flashy editing and "trailer" shots. Lot's of DOLLY IN's and that old Bay staple: the low-angle 360 degree pan around the main characters in slow motion, with Graham on his cell phone saying, "This shit just got real."
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Thomas Harris is really crazy."Hannibal" was total insane,so over the top,that it made me giggle(in a good"killerpigs" kind of way).
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Read the first couple pages of HANNIBAL RISING and lost interest.
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Feb 10, 2008 6:01:16 PM CST
HAHA!and the killer says:"I`m gonna cut the bitch up".....
by travis-dane
and then gets blown away by a Rocket Launcher!
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keep continuity."Rising" is by far the weakest,but still some funny shit.
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...that MANHUNTER should have ended with the blind chick saying, "Who are you?" and Graham replies, "I'm the MANHUNTER." Then he walks away and puts his fist in the air like Judd Nelson from THE BREAKFAST CLUB. Freeze frame, cue the '80s synth drums. GUH-GUH GUH-GUH-DOO-DOO-GUH-GUH-DOO!
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...so I'll probably get to those books by about 2015.
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Blutmond=Blood Moon.It was first released DTV over here and when Silence got big they re-released it Theatrical and called it Roter Drache=Red Dragon.funky!
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It appears quite black.
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http://tinyurl.com/2d5oxv
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http://tinyurl.com/yt8mvg
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i have never seen it.
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He keeled mah Franz!
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100%!
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poor Hans will pay for that!
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It intrigues me with its awesome cover art, with "THE KEEP" all three dimensional and brick-like. You are a dark mistress, THE KEEP. I will likely never watch you.
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WWII horror flic......but it has been 15-16 years since I saw it the last time,so dont count on that!
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batman style! bob! http://tinyurl.com/3xyppl
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Feb 10, 2008 6:29:19 PM CST
i just like saying shtallhand, I know its spelt different
by ironic_name
so don't yell at me.
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He reached up with his dead hand and signed in his own blood. And he used this pen. Hey, it's your Uncle Bingo. Time to pay the bill.
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I love it when they make action figures out of completely mundane characters.
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stuff ready,tomorrow some work will wait for ya!AND I LOVE YOUR WORK!really do man,you got talent.Is it just your hobby or your job?
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Did you guys knew their doing Starship Troopers 3 with van Dien for the DTV?
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I had heard that. I think my response was, "WHAAAAA?"
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it was funny shit and total DTV,I was sad that Clancy Brown had not the time to do his "Sarge" dude again.And the commentary is funny("we had no money,but did it anyway").
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I know I saw a lot of it. Clancy Brown would've rocked the shit in that movie.
"We had no money, but did it anyway." That's the spirit. -
movie over at CHUD?Looks funky.
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and Trav.. just a hobby, but who knows.. if WS, BB SOAG and WS 2 &3 go well, we may have jobs, or opportunities to get work. its the only thing I can do. heres an Oleg movie http://www.mediafire.com/?1c0xhsetfuc
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MAY THE OLEG BE WITH YOU!
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OLEG!
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I would like to see Snipes front and center,his dad and the Rabbi left and right.Behind them Fritz and von Strucker and behind them the burning skyline of Warsaw and "overshadowing" it all is von Stahlhand(like the Bison dude from Streetfighter)with an "evil" laugh.Snipes wearing a leathercoat and his arms crossed in front of his chest displaying the saw and the whip.The Rabbi wears a Ninja dress with the "throwing stars of David" and the dad wears some cassual "underground fighter" uniform.Fritz should have his SS leathercap and his SS necklace.von Strucker wears the usual black SS uniform.And with von Stahlhand you have to go over the top "EVIL".Maybe you can work something out ironic?looking forward to it.
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good night Ladies and Gents,see ya tomorrow.
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That would be the Blaxploitation version of the tagline. There'd also be a chick with big tits on the cover.
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I'm watching the STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL.
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Goddamn, why do we have to be scattered across the globe like this? When I'm asleep, everybody else is awake. And when I'm awake, everybody else is asleep. Or they're awake except nobody's here. Or you're all here but I'm eating a sandwich or something.
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Feb 11, 2008 3:02:42 AM CST
Caruso is currently enjoying some cold mac 'n' cheese
by caruso_stalker217
It is divine.
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Has it ever occurred to you that the reason nobody's here is because they all have lives? You pathetic piece of shit.
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You're here too, dumbass.
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...I'm looking at midget porn while I wait for my clothes to dry. I'll be off doing much more productive things as soon as this .wav of Bridget the Midget sitting on a nine inch dick is finished loading.
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Well, I hope you enjoy your porn. Degenerate.
And I'll have you know, I'm only here because I've got nothing else to do. -
So I guess that means you've finished outlining BLOOD BROTHERS. And GIRL BAND. And THE NOTORIOUS RAFFERTY BROS.
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Pwned.
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No snappy comeback? You can't sell SHIT, you ARE shit. Hit the bricks, pal, cuz you are going OUT.
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Get dicked.
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Feb 11, 2008 3:33:40 AM CST
Way out west there was a fella.... fella I wanna tell y'about.
by caruso_stalker217
A fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. Least that's the handle his lovin' parents gave 'im. But he didn't have much use for it himself. This Lebowski, he called himself "the Dude." Now, "Dude." There's a name no one'd self-apply where I come from. But then there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. And a lot about where he lived, likewise. Then again, maybe that's why I found the place so durned interesting.
They call Los Angle-ess the "City of Angels." I didn't find it to be that exactly. Though I'll allow there are some nice folks there. I can't say I've seen London and I've never been to France. And I ain't never seen no queen her her damned undies as the fella says. But I'll tell ya what, after seein' Los Angle-ess and this a-here story I'm about to unfold, well I guess I've seen something every bit as stupefying as you'd see in any of those other places. And in English, too. So I can die with a smile on my face, without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me.
Now this a-here story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early '90s. Right around the time of our conflict with Saddum and the Eye-rackies. I only mention it because sometimes there's a man... I won't say a hero, cuz what's a hero? But sometimes there's a man-- and I'm talkin' about the Dude here-- sometimes there's a man... well, he's the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that's the Dude. In Los Angle-ess. And even if he's a lazy man-- and the Dude was most certainly that, possibly the laziest in Los Angle-ess County, which would put him high in the running for laziest world wide. But sometimes there's a man... sometimes there's a man...
Lost my train of thought here. Aw hell, I done innerduced him enough. -
Feb 11, 2008 3:51:36 AM CST
We want the money, Lebowski! Bunny says you're good for it.
by caruso_stalker217
Where's the money, Lebowski? Where's the MONEY, Lebowski? Where's the fuckin' money, shithead!?
Oh it's, ah, it's down there somewhere, let me take another look.
Don't FUCK with us. Your wife owes money to Jackie Treehorn, that means YOU owe money to Jackie Treehorn.
Ever thus to deadbeats, Lebowski.
Ah, man... don't do that... not on the RUG, man.
You see what happens? You see what happens, Lebowski?
Look, nobody calls me Lebowski, you got the wrong guy! I'm the Dude, man!
Your name's Lebowski, Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny.
Muh... my WIFE? Bunny? Do you see a wedding ring on my finger? Does this place look like I'm fuckin' married? The toilet seat's up, man!
The fuck is this?
Obviously, you're not a golfer.
Woo?
Yeah?
Isn't this guy supposed to be a millionaire?
FUCK.
Yeah, what do you think?
He looks like a fuckin' loser.
Hey, at least I'm house-broken!
Fuckin' waste of time.
Thanks a lot, asshole. -
...that's all from memory. And I think it's about 99% accurate. I'll stop now, before I transcribe the whole fucking movie.
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Okay, I swear I'll stop.
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have to see the TB,then doing the "comic" outline.
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I don't think I ever saw him turn in a bad performance.
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sad news.
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...was last year's season finale of LAW & ORDER: CRIMINAL INTENT. He was pretty good in that.
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page1:We should see there how Dad(Roundtree) and Mom(Shygulla)make some "Love",it is the only chance to show some "boobs",so go for it.Then we need a little montage of Mom being pregnant.......page 2:the birth of Itzak,we see that there are some problems at birth,but Itzak gets out and Dad says:"He`s a fighter!"page 3:a montage of Itzak growing up in Warsaw,how the Rabbi shows him to play the piano(on the same piano that Itzak later on destroys to build his "hands")and we should see his "rise" to stardom as piano player.page 4:BAM!the Nazis invade Poland and start the ghetto,show us the brutal ways how its done and how Itzak and his family get there.page 5:Now we see Hauptmann Günther von Strucker(Udo Kier) for the first time.He should drive around the ghetto with his goons and do "mean" things,like beating some old folk or kicking a kid.Itzak sees that and interferes,so we learn how he gets on von Struckers bad side.He gets beaten up by the goons and the people he tried to save get shot!Show us how Itzak carries the dead body of a child away.page 6:Itzak talks to the Rabbi and his dad.He tells them that something has to be done,but they talk him down and Itzak is pissed and starts to play on the old piano.As he plays,we see how people on the street stop and listen with "joyfull" looks.page 7:some people talk to the Rabbi and explain to him how Itzaks music gives them hope and they start to set up "underground"concerts with Itzak(do a montage of pics at different locations and show how the people get their spirits up).page 8:von Strucker is told about the "underground" concerts and is pissed!He orders his goons to find out who`s behind it and get the people arrested.Now a montage of the Nazi goons hunting down people,beating them and torture some.Itzak hears about that shit and turns himself in.So ironic,since I dont know shit about comic drawing I just put the "page" thing in as reference points.I am sure some of the things need more or less then one page,but you sure will work it out.I will put up more later,but I would like to know if you can work with that first.Thanks
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I have to say, I was somewhat disappointed in Caruso in that one. He had yet to develope that low-rent Dirty Harry impression that he flexes on CSI Miami. But at least he still looked totally miscast as just out of prision NYC thug.But Cage, hell, Cage delivers in spades! There are some great Cage moments like how he discusses his sheer hatred for having metal objects in his mouth and will therefore only eat with plastic cutlery. He also exercises by benchpressing strippers, which is brilliant. But my favorite part is when is his father dies and Cage does a dance of grief in the strip club by jumping up and down chanting "My dad's dead!" while shaking his head around so that his combover flies all over the place. Pure Cage. Pure excitement.
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Sam Jackson is also really good as a guy who you figure out why he's so hostile towards Caruso, and then when he finally explains why, it makes even less sense.I also like how in one scene they mentiont hat Ving Rhames is a ravign cokehead who can't keep his act together and even though he's been playing the role like a normal guy up until this point, the next scene he shows up snorting and shaking and looking to score. They actually do the same thing with Helen Hunt's character instantly becoming an alcoholic.Good stuff.
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I'm glad Travis liked my reflection on that concert. There's a concert DVD out now of this tour in Australia. Have any of you guys watched it?
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Not even by the boobalicious Ms. Aguilera.
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I meant to say "you CAN'T figure out why Jackson is so hostile.Sorry. It's still an awesome Cage flick.
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I came to two realizations.
1. The bad guy Eddie Kim who kills "Mr. Prosecutor" at the beginning gives out a very Cage-esque "Whoo!" I then began to imagine Nicholas Cage as Eddie Kim, sputtering and hitting the guy with the baseball bat yelling, "This is why your son is FATHERLESS! Ha-ha! WHOO!"
2. Renny Harlin should've directed. It would've been a cool little DEEP BLUE SEA reunion with Sam Jackson, especially if he got LL Cool J to play the rapper with the germ phobia.
Bonus Realization 3. Where the hell did Kel Mitchell go? I think the last thing I saw him in was MYSTERY MEN. They got Keenan in the movie, they shoulda got fuckin' Kel. I think MYSTERY MEN killed his career. Yet Ben Stiller's survives. Oh the humanity. -
but I will try to get it.I have the Back to Basics cd and every time I look in the booklet my balls hurt.damn!
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and I have done some DTV love to your guestbook!
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Balls hurt is the leading cause of midgets! If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the midgets!
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I swear, it's not a picture of a fat chick. Especially not Kathy Bates in the jacuzzi scene from ABOUT SCHMIDT. *wink wink*
No, really, it's not:
http://tinyurl.com/yp5pkf -
yep she`s hot.I like those eastern-european babes!
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Feb 11, 2008 8:31:22 AM CST
I believe every fucking word cuz they're super cool
by caruso_stalker217
Eastern-European babes.
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see ya later,I hope ironic can use my comic outline.
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4. Julianna Margulies is a total MILF.
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Do not be sad, my children. I shall return. Eventually. And I will bring all the glory of the heavens crashing down upon your heads, surfing a rainbow to Valhalla, balls hurt, Catherine Bell.
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becuz I haven't got a computer anymore, it's in the shop. I'm on the net here at work, but our work server blocks us from accessing hotmail. I'll try to check my email at a friend's house tomorrow. Or maybe those repair guys will call and say the only thing wrong with my computer was a dead mouse melting on the hard drive and they've scraped it off so I can get back to finishing off Kingdom of Hell. Here's hoping. And yes, the CD booklet for Back to Basics is some brilliant work.
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will get to work tomorrow on the comic, I'm also making a custom oleg figure..
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morning or afternoon or whatever, anyways, busy time today at work so I haven't been on much, but I'm still here, still kicking
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still in "Snow Hell" over there?
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it has been raining..
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you meant bloo.
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Feb 11, 2008 12:01:55 PM CST
definetly, man.. I think you'll be surprised by what I have..
by ironic_name
..cooking.. its gonna be a while, though, so this is gonna be a few days before you see anything.
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Roy! :(
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when you need more.I thought Itzak turning himself in to von Strucker would be a good end for "chapter1".
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has actually tarted to melt, clear skies and sunshine have helped but it's still stinking cold out hereRIP Brody, up above soemwhere we were talking about Blue thunder which you were great in
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It's pretty cold where I am today. -19 degrees calcius. My beard will be all Rocky 4 style icicles by the time I get home from work.
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http://tinyurl.com/2vfgrx http://tinyurl.com/2r8u4k
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Western Kansas to be exact about 45 mintues from Colorado, about 45 minutes from Nebraska. It's in the 30s here today but he has been the same thing, I'm actually kind of glad I shavd my beard before winter kicked in now
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somehow we need to cast DB Sweeny in one of our DTV's maybe iwth Moria Kelly doing a Cutting Edge reunion
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he was great in "No Mans Land" with Charlie Sheen.
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he's also done some good quirking sci-fi on FOX that got cancelled way too quickly and was on Jericho last year as a mercenary
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as some "Blackwater"dude and I think he was in that short lived FBI TV show with Eric Roberts a few years ago.
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cool name-check, mixed bag carrer-check, worked with Eric Roberts-checkand speaking of the all might Eric, does anyone else htink his daughter has got some potentioal to be good looking, but crap can you imagine going to his house to court her
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no sleep and huffing paint fumes'll do that to ya.
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there is a place for all our DTV-Heroes.
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OLEG will save you!
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I can't even grow a fucking mustache! Must be the Hawaiian genes.
THE CUTTING EDGE. Now there's a blast from the past. -
http://tinyurl.com/2r8u4k
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yeah I hadn't even thought about that movie until today when I'm screwing around on wikipedia looking for something else adn I stumble across it. That happens to me a lot on the ole Wikino fooling Ironic, we could even call him "The Russian Giant"
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Then for reasons unknown to me he couldn't play hockey any more, so Moira Kelly was like, "Let's do figure skating." And he was like, "You high?" And then they ended up knocking boots and skating figuratively.
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on TV a few years ago,I think there is a sequel without DB.
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with Adrian Pasdar?
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I think Jon Heder was the Moira Kelly character.
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About five minutes of him getting shot in slow-motion with a gatling gun.
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I've heard of it though.
I was really into "Brimstone" with Peter Horton, Lori Petty and John Glover as the Devil! Fox knew how to put out sweet shows back in the day. -
Jon Heder rules!In Napoleon Dynamite2:The TNT tapes we learn that he is OLEG`s long lost son!Together they save Diego from some bad mexican Druglords!And fuck the crazy bitch to death with a fish!
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My casual indifference toward Will Ferrell has turned to complete hatred by now.
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and now he`s a star.Thanks to the TV.They should do a crossover between 24/Lost and reunite Kiefer and Terry.
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I watched those movies an unhealthy number of times as a child, so he'll always be that balding chemist who ditched Rutger in Vietnam and got shot by a Gatling gun because he wouldn't turn in Billy the Kid. And Meg Foster was there, her weird fucking eyes piercing my soul. Rutger, you crazy! Blind people can't drive. The Dutch Paul Newman indeed.
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he was on a team headed ot the Olympics, and hurt his eye somehow so he couldn't periphellay. and Moria Kelley was smoking hot back in that between that and the crappy movie she did with...Peschi and Brendan Frasier about the harvard grads that take in the homeless dude and learn life lessons. That movie was almost as preachy as the Kristy Swanson goes to college meets racists and falls in love with a dude and a chick movie
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Never seen of it, or heard of it, but it sounds awful. Homeless dude schooling the uber-bland Brendan Fraser on life and shit. Pass.
Ever see that movie BIG MAN ON CAMPUS, about the hunchback? On campus? -
Feb 11, 2008 6:24:52 PM CST
Moira Kelly, one of the twelve promising new actors of '92
by caruso_stalker217
Things didn't quite pan out.
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how could I forget that dude!?!He can play everything!
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With Honors, yeah crappy crappy movie
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With Honors, yeah crappy crappy movie
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Kristy Swanson is HOT!
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That's a good indicator. I still can't believe that a movie that has Brendan Fraser, Ludacris, Sandra Bullock and Tony fuckin' Danza in it could win Best Picture. Fucking CRASH.
L.A. CRASH, for our brother in Germany -
Feb 11, 2008 6:44:36 PM CST
Kristy Swanson was a robot in some Wes Craven flick right?
by caruso_stalker217
THE HOT ROBOT, I think it was called.
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I liked the movie(maybe because I dont live in LA and dont know the "reality"),but I saw it just once.I have a little love for the Haggis,I really enjoyed "The Black Donnelys",sad it was canceled.
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Feb 11, 2008 6:51:41 PM CST
"Wes Craven flick"!Yes in that one she throws a Basketball.....
by travis-dane
at somebody and the other persons head explodes(in a very graphic way),much like Scanners.
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...but then the more I thought about it the more I realized what a shallow and fake piece of shit it was. Everybody had to have their long fucking monologues about life and shit. Don Cheadle's opening lines are embarrassingly shitty. What pretentious crap. I hated all the characters. Not because they were "racist" but because they were fucking stupid. Except Michael Peña as the locksmith. I liked him. I wish they'd thrown the rest away and made a movie about him.
Just my two cents. -
SMALL MIRACLE or something? I'm too lazy to look it up.
Okay, it's DEADLY FRIEND. -
They're going to remake SHOCKER and Wes Craven is attached to direct? What the hell is that?
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I think not.But there would be potential for some new stuff.I dont know.Ich muß mal scheißen!
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Don't blow a gasket in there.
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was Kelly Preston the chick who fucked Charlie Sheen in an BMW,in the movie The Chase?
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I like the scene where she gets car sick and blows chunks all over the police cruiser. Then Sheen says, "Chew some gum, your breath smells like my grandmother's feet!"
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he was in some good movies.And he fucked Dennise Richards!Lucky dude.
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"What are you mad at me for? He's the one who ate your father!"
"You have the whitest white part of the eye I've ever seen. Do you floss?" -
Brenda Bakke!The love of my youth....hmmmm.....Brenda!
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"Oh, Ramada, how could you have been so blind? You were always too wrapped up in being Miss Perfect College to notice me. Why should you concern yourself with the feelings of one insignificant roommate? One fabulous day, one incredible experience."
"I had no idea it meant so much to you."
"I remember that day as if it were yesterday. The exhilaration of experimenting, sharing something so new, so dangerous, so intimate."
"GO ON."
Crenna was great in that movie. -
and a good Rambo spoof!And they killed Mr.Bean!Fucking Bean!
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Feb 11, 2008 7:44:04 PM CST
"I can't walk. They've... tied my shoelaces together."
by caruso_stalker217
"A knot. Bastards."
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Hot Shots:Der zweite versuch=Hot Shots:the second try!
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http://tinyurl.com/22z7hd
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Fucking Nazis.
They were Nazis, Dude?
Oh come on, Donny, they were threatening castration! Are we gonna split hairs here? Am I wrong?
They weren't Nazis, Walter. These guys were nihilists! They kept saying they believe in nothing.
Nihilists? Fuck me. Say what you will about the tenets of national socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos. Also, let's not forget, let's NOT forget, Dude, that keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city... that ain't legal either.
What are you a fucking park ranger now?
No, I'm--
Who gives a shit about the fucking marmot! -
ULI KUNKEL!AUTOBAHN!
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Dolph is the shit.
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Did not particularly care for them.
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and I will not buy the DVD!Because the Dude would not buy a fucking DVD either!
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Cuz I've got the DVD. And I'm not ashamed!
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FUCKING "Creedence Tapes"!You fucking tech junkie!You will go out in an Fucking coffee box too!;-)
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...on CD.
But, hey, at least I don't have a cell phone or some shit. -
...was when Justin Long made that remark about shit music from the '70s still being shit music today. And he was talking about FUCKING CREEDENCE! And this motherfucker was watching some industrial metal or some bullshit earlier! McClane should've put his fucking fist through his head!
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good night caruso and see ya tomorrow.Good Night Ladies and Gents.
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Shit to do, people to see, etc.
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AICN kids would agree with the dude.sad.
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I went and saw Rambo again tonight, 3rd time, twice since Friday. adn caruso, I've been quoting Lebowski lines all day longI don't know if this is triva or not, but I remember almost 9, 10 years ago, when the movie "DICK" with Michelle Williams and Kristen dunst came out some chick reviewed hte movie for AICN and called herself the Dudette, in the TB everyone accused her of being a plant and then that movie was actually really funny with Dave Foley another Kid in the hall, Dan Hedya, etc, i don't know why I remembered that for all these years but I did, I tend to retain useless bits of information, they love me in Trival Pursuit and Scene it and crap like that.oh and my budd said Rambo "wasn't violent as I hoped" we could believe it, we think our friend may need help
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RAMBO!
I've also been quoting LEBOWSKI all day. I was at Wal*Mart ranting about "ze MOHNEY, Lebowski!"
I've never seen DICK. I think Chazz Palminteri should play Nixon some time.
RAMBO? Not as violent? As he hoped? -
Still hilarious.
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Probably not, no. But I might be able to continue the outline later.
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We are such diverse individuals. We are scattered across the globe. Some of us can't grow facial hair. The DTV unites us, like the Rings of Power, or the Force. It binds us, penetrates us -- sometimes forcefully -- and occasionally calls afterwards. But it is through music that the soul is truly allowed to express itself.
So what music do we use to express ourselves? Caruso, as the youngest and most virile of the talkbackers, should go first. Tell us, Caruso, what is your favorite music? -
...but since you seem to be in one of your rare good moods, I'll play along for a while.
And I think you meant to say "the youngest and most VIRAL."
My favorite musical "acts" include: Black Sabbath, Metallica, the Misfits, Meat Loaf, Tenacious D, Nightwish, Patsy Cline, Brenda Lee, Dwight Yoakum, Roy Orbison, Johnny Cash, ELO, AC/DC, Harry Chapin, Enya, Blue Oyster Cult, Apocalyptica, the Black Keys, Joan Jett, Led Zeppelin, various rock 'n' roll groups of the '50s, the Beach Boys. -
And you actually like Patsy Cline? Are you gay or something? And what's this Harry Chapin and Brenda Lee shit?
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What's wrong with Patsy Cline? She was a treasure. Harry Chapin happens to be one of my favorite songwriters. Everybody knows "Cat's In The Cradle" but he has an entire catalog full of great shit that most people have never heard because they've got the radio buried so far up their asses. He used music to tell stories. Why don't you just go listen to your Godsmack albums, you piece of shit.
And who the hell DOESN'T bust out Brenda Lee's JINGLE BELL ROCK come Christmas season? Everybody listens to that fucking album! -
...when you conceived that Christmas-themed serial killer movie? Whatever happened to that?
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...I had a rather odd concept in mind. The first half would play out as a coming-of-age story. You'll remember that the main character was a teenage boy named Todd growing up in a small town during the mid-'80s, having the sorts of adolescent experiences that teenagers have in coming-of-age movies. It would be a sweet and funny film about love, life, and Christmas. Then, around the halfway point it would be revealed that Todd is a complete psychopath, when he pushes an old lady down a flight of stairs and she breaks her neck in the fall. I felt this was a very powerful scene (and quite brilliant, if I say so myself) that took the film in an entirely different direction and would have peoples' heads spinning.
The problem was I still had coming-of-age type scenes with Todd and his best friend, a girl named Frankie. These moments, had they occurred during the first half of the movie, would have been humorous and heartwarming. Being that they happened after it was revealed that the main character is a murdering lunatic, it completely changed the tone and frankly it just didn't work. With great reluctance, I scrapped the whole thing. I wish I could see Todd and Frankie's tragic love story play out (she runs him over with a car at the end, remember) but I'm afraid it's very unlikely that I will ever finish it. -
You've got a lot of fucking nerve, pal.
And nobody would've wanted to read your piece of shit screenplay anyhow. So it's probably good that you are a shitty writer who doesn't finish writing his shitty crap. -
I've got better things to do than listen to your crap, Caruso.
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...you wouldn't even be here.
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In no particular order:Faith no More,Audioslave,Rage against the Machine,Moby,Paul Oakenfold,Juno Reactor,AC/DC,Blues Brothers,Danny Saber,Christina Aguilera,CCR,Rolling Stones,Daft Punk,Beastie Boys,Queens Of The Stone Age,The White Stripes,The Prodigy,The Chemical Brothers,The Who,Jimi Hendrix......and some more,music is a good think.
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...early U2.
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The stuff before '75 at least. After that it's a crapshoot.
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YEAH!
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I prefer "Jive Talkin'" myself.
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Yeah, I'll talk about music I like.The Gyspy Kings are my favorite group ever. But here are others I like: Christina Aguilera, Guns 'n Roses, Pulp, Hawksley Workman, Shakira, Santana, Tupac, The Clash, James Brown, Curtis Mayfield, The Spice Girls, 50 Cent, and of course CCR.
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Even though I defended it against Mr. Long, who clearly does not appreciate good music. I realize I'm having trouble separating fiction from reality, but I don't care. I'm going to find Mr. Long and I'm going to make him admit that CCR is the shit. And maybe he already knows that and maybe he'll say it. Either way I'm going to kill him with a brick that has OLEG HAPPENS written on it with magic marker. Then I will staple an autographed 8X10 of Milla Jovovich to whatever is left of his face.
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That was a bit of stretch. I mean, CCR seems like the type of music McClane would listen to, but CCR is also cool with the kids so having Long not 'get' CCR was silly. They should've made it Merle Haggart or Hank Snow. I can see McClane being the type who likes gettin' drunk and singing along with old country songs.
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It's got a really nice roll to it.
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You fucked up, Wiseman.
I see McClane as a Sinatra type myself. -
...I prefer the older stuff.
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He loves Roy Rogers, so I think he'd also like old country music. I can see him also appreciate Frank.They should've put in some character moment where Justin Long sobs about how his dad used put on CCR and beat him and that's why he hates CCR. I'd also appreciate a flashback of the beating featuring Ray Liotta as the abusive father. But that's just me.
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The "I don't give a shit" Liotta. The "Think about the paycheck, Ray" Liotta.
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"at least some Ketchup",he was the least annoying sidekick I have seen in a long time.
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Well, he never mentioned his taste in music until the fourth film, which isn't even a real DIE HARD movie. So should we even consider his appreciation of CCR canon? Or should we play it safe and assume that his love for Creedence is not genuine? That this is applies only to this incarnation of McClane? This McClane with his snazzy cloths and hip leather jacket. This McClane who flies helicopters. This McClane who breakdances (possible secret ability revealed in DIE HARDER THAN EVER).
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Ray as "psycho"soldier was cool.And Martin Campbell nows how to do a good action flic.
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...I also liked his character.
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I have to say that apart from the "Jet plane surf",it was better then part 3(the last 10 minutes of 3 are the worst shit and the "trucksurf" was even worse).
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...but it doesn't feel like a real DIE HARD picture. I still like WITH A VENGEANCE more, though the ending is weak as hell. Willis and Sam Jackson have excellent screen chemistry and there are very few "superhero" moments. But even that one doesn't feel quite like a DIE HARD picture.
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Thats the truth.The others are cool action movies and every part has some great McClane moments,but part 1 was the shit!And in Germany they renamed Hans Gruber to "Jack" Gruber!
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Whereas with LIVE FREE I have to be in the right mood. Also, Timothy Olyphant isn't the greatest villian. William Sadler punishes him utterly. Maggie Q is good, though. But I can get my fill of her by watching BALLS OF FURY.
I still think they should make a prequel called GRUBER, starring Shia LaBeouf as Young Hans. -
HHHAAAAAAANNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSS!funny.
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why I love M:I3.
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I actually didn't like either of the first two sequels, and decided I wouldn't make any conscious effort to see DH4. But I was visiting my mum and she had rented it so I watched it found it was pretty entertaining. I remember when DH4 was being made a bunch of talkbackers got all angry about whether McClane says his catchphrase, or has hair, or his clothes, or if Argyle is in it, if it's in a contained space, or if it's set at Christmas and I agree with them that all those things define the first Die Hard movie, but I realized that if I'm willing to watch and possibly en