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Is this how Kirk cheated? Another super crazy STAR TREK rumor!

Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. Yesterday I posted a story about a rumor began over at UGO concerning JJ Abrams' STAR TREK... Today I was contacted by a new source that confirmed that we will indeed see the infamous Kobayashi Maru test mentioned in Wrath of Khan... an unwinnable theoretical that Kirk is known to have been the only one to best. What's interesting is that this source claimed to have read the script and told me HOW Kirk cheated his way to victory. Keep in mind that this is a crazy rumor and posted as such. The source is untested, but it was crazy enough to warrant a reckless post... Is it an amazing bit of reprogramming? Nope. In true Kirk fashion, he persuades a chick he is banging to alter the simulator so that it is winnable (my source's exact words). He uses pure animal magnetism and his power over the fairer sex to cheat. Could be true, could be BS... you decide. It's fun to speculate at the very least, no?

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  • Dec. 31, 2007, 7:40 a.m. CST


    by NudeandAroused

    Is this woman Ruth?

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 7:45 a.m. CST


    by screamster101

    Second???? FInally!!!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 7:45 a.m. CST

    This movie is doomed

    by kwisatzhaderach

    It's going to suck big time. I can see the trailer now - "From the director of MI:3" Sheesh.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 7:46 a.m. CST


    by PizzaJedi81

    While that would certainly fit with Kirk's character, I think it's a better idea to have him reprogram the test himself. Somehow it just seems kinda...less cool to have another character do it for him, no matter what gender that character is.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 7:46 a.m. CST


    by redfist


  • Dec. 31, 2007, 7:48 a.m. CST

    Eh... no.

    by Stan Arthur

    Somethings are better left alone, unknown and enigmatic.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 7:51 a.m. CST

    James Tiberius Kirk pwns teh suk

    by Man_of_Stool

    This behaviour is untolerable. What a scumbag!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 7:52 a.m. CST

    At the risk of sounding truly geeky

    by CaptainTripps

    Kirk said in TWOK that HE reprogrammed the simulation, not that he had some chick do it for him. Regardless, I'm gonna agree with PizzaJedi, that it makes it sound way less cool if he had someone else do his dirty work.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 7:52 a.m. CST


    by greigy just wanted to say

    Give up hope now kids.... how much pressure was put on JJA to hire this piece of shit.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 7:53 a.m. CST


    by Quint

    I kind of agree with you. My knee-jerk was that this would somehow take away his bragging rights, you know? "Yeah, I got some hot cadet I was seeing on the side to cheat for me..." But still... it's kinda Kirky. I guess we'll see if this is real and if it is... we'll see how Abrams approaches it.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 8:03 a.m. CST

    Unless it's Mirror Universe Kirk, it takes away so much from Kir

    by Darth Bauer

    If this is true, it would show Kirk in such a shitty light. And that sucks.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 8:06 a.m. CST

    I think....

    by Snikkar124

    Perhaps the movie begins with the kobayashi Maru test.Kirk beats it by reprograming the simulation(I don`t think JJ will change what has already been revealed in the wrath of Khan) Then we later find out that he got the codes he needed from a girl he was banging?? Has to somthing like that,or the film will be 30 min out before Kirk graduates.... Enyhu,I think it will be a good film.Not great like the wrath,but good like the original Star Trek.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 8:06 a.m. CST

    Kim Catrell licks Vulcan assholes.

    by 3 Bag Enema

    The subject is hate. My comment is fuck you. KINO!!!!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 8:07 a.m. CST

    "continues its downward spiral"

    by Guy Who Got A Headache And Accidentally Saves The World

    This has got to be one long god damned spiral staircase, Nosferatu Jones, I'm talking a fucking stairway to heaven here.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 8:11 a.m. CST

    Batman Isn''t Smarter Than Superman

    by kartmn24

    Everyone talks about how Batman could beat Superman with his intelligence. I love Batman and he is very smart, but do we forget that Superman, Kal-El, is the son of Jor-El, the smartest scientist from the planet Krypton, a planet that was FAR more advanced than Earth? Superman's goodness and superior powers are what is played up in the comics and movies, but his intelligence is far beyond that of Batman's. Batman just has to rely on his more than Supes because he does not have super powers and I respect him for that.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 8:16 a.m. CST

    well, i never thought kirk was a master programmer...

    by captain_kirk

    This is very James Bondian

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 8:17 a.m. CST


    by lutz

    Was born and raised on a farm with a hick education. Bruce Wayne was rich and went to the best schools.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 8:18 a.m. CST

    Wrong TalkBack kartmn24 lol

    by Snikkar124

    But i agree with what you wrote;)

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 8:18 a.m. CST

    somethings are better left up to the viewer/reader's imagination

    by palewook

    explaining how he beats the Kobayashi Maru is just dumb. its JJ's ego wanting to put his own brand on the ST franchise. and its dumb. <p> if you explain the bogeyman, he's not very scary. borg were great for a few episodes. then they got silly the more you saw of them. watered down and explained away. <p> now JJ attempts to explain the Kobayashi Maru. yay. <p> i'll pass

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 8:36 a.m. CST

    Kirk has a Romulan Ale and cheets.

    by BillyPilgrim

    Does he also wear a Federation wife beater? Oh joy....

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 8:37 a.m. CST

    Up next!!!

    by moondoggy2u

    Discover how Spock becomes estranged wih his father! Watch every detail of how Bonse's father contracted an illness. See how the death of Kirk's first girlfriend sends him into an endless clintonian need for the pleasures of women and none of the responsibility!<p>Watch how Kirk and his loveable band of rebellious scamps escape double secret probation and get even with Tyler Perry's Admiral Whogivesatoss. All the while foiling the plans of Romulan empire and with the help of Leonard Nimoy!!<p>But first, a word from our sponsors.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 8:42 a.m. CST

    Kim Catrell licks fireman penis

    by ironic_name

    remember the first episode, when we thought sex.. would be saop opera porn?

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 8:46 a.m. CST

    Having Kirk not do it himself is wrong

    by xannibal

    He's a capable cadet/commander/leader, not just a manwhore.

  • saying he reprogrammed it. remember he's a gentlemen, that likes fucking green biatches. i sahre that trait with him at least. I've come around to the project, i think it could actually work. I was a hater, but now im not, and im man enough to admit it.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 8:52 a.m. CST


    by skimn

    So your saying essentially that Kirk is the George W Bush of the future?

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 8:55 a.m. CST

    Naughty Kirk

    by kafka07

    so Kirk is naughty and gets spanked by a transvestite? I'll buy that for a dollar

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 8:56 a.m. CST

    The whole concept was stupid anyway.

    by I Dunno

    How would they not know that the no-win scenario test suddenly allowing a cadet to win wasn't the result of some tom-foolery? Why would anyone think they'd get away with it and why would Admiral Token give Kirk a commendation for it? <p>As a 4 line blurb in Star Trek II you can get past it but it doesn't exactly stand up to scrutiny. </p>

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 8:57 a.m. CST


    by skimn

    and he wore a Romulan tickler, with a thousand pleasure ridges just for her....

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 9 a.m. CST

    Another reason why 2008 is gonna be great


    This is gonna be huge and will feature on everyones best of list this time next year. This year is really gonna rock!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 9:07 a.m. CST

    by BrandLoyalist

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 9:09 a.m. CST


    by skimn

    He's the Bush AND Clinton..he's the Blinton!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 9:17 a.m. CST

    Nah, Mr. Saxon, he's not bush OR clinton

    by moondoggy2u

    You can't really compare him to a politician; Kirk actually appears to have ethics and principles. No, stick with military leaders. I'd say he's more like an Omar Bradley or something. Picard was a Patton. Kirk is Thomas Truxton to Picard's Lord Nelson. In fiction, Kirk is Jack Aubrey to Picard's Horatio Hornblower.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 9:18 a.m. CST

    True, YackBacker... Janeway maybe...

    by BrandLoyalist

    ... not that I watch Voyager or anything *blush*. (A man can endure much for the chance to gaze at Jerri Ryan in a structurally reinforced leotard).<br><br><br><br>Now excuse me while I cheat at the Talkback Maru test by finding a way to add 4 lines of javascript to AICN as displayed by my browser which will prevent me ever posting a blank topic with my number pad enter key ever ever again >:P)

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 9:21 a.m. CST

    Did someone hack this site?

    by torontoxic

    Someone who's working on Cloverfield and/or Star Trek?

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 9:30 a.m. CST

    While that does seem like typical Kirk behaviour...

    by photoboy

    ... doesn't that contradict Wrath of Khan? I'm pretty sure he says *he* re-programmed the simulator and got a commendation for original thinking. So is he going to get a commendation for boning a Star Fleet instructor and conning her into re-programming the simulator?<br><br> I suppose one could retcon the notion that Kirk didn't want to mention banging another chick in front of Carol Marcus in ST2, but that's a bit weak. It would be better if Kirk seduces some girl into giving him access to the simulator's computer and maybe letting Spock do the re-programming.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 9:35 a.m. CST

    Respect the cock!

    by darrenspool

    And tame the cunt! Tame it!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 9:39 a.m. CST

    geek vs management

    by Dreamfasting

    If true, Kirk loses his geek credentials, but I have to admit it would be truer to the character than actually mucking about in code himself . It's not unusual for a leader to list accomplishments which were actually implemented by others so I see no contradiction with canon. Yes in Trek time, "programming" involves just asking the computer nicely if it could do something for you, but if you want to demonstrate command ability it is appropriate to show it by finding a way get people to do something against their nature to complete a task. It gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling if the writers are thinking about the characters this way when developing the story.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 9:40 a.m. CST

    Star Trek is a perfect teen dream.

    by William Landis

    It has everything that makes a movie totally cool: laughs, adventure, spirit, hot music, drama and of course CHRIS! Chris rocks! He is like a comet. A talent of his magnitude only comes around once in a lifetime and you can't take your eyes off him when he is on screen in this totally cool and delightfully hip movie.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 9:42 a.m. CST

    If this is real...

    by Boba Fat

    then I love the idea that there's a dirty little secret behind Kirk's future, bravado and it would sort of explain his unmovable occupation of the moral high ground in later life. But if it's bullshit, then I've just added to the shit pile that's making a trekkie geek, somewhere in the world, giggle himself silly. May as well start 2008 as I mean to go on...Happy New Year everybody!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 9:59 a.m. CST


    by Theta

    Honestly, that method reads more like a Kirk parody than Kirk himself. Kirk might use her to get access to the machine, but he'd change the scenario himself.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 9:59 a.m. CST


    by uss cygnus

    So, Kirk, while a ladies man and certainly suave, is basically nothing more than a Ken doll in this film? He's not smart enough or ingenious enough to re-program the test, showing the future brilliant tactical ingenuity that will eventually save his ship and crew, he just screws a Starfleet bimbette to get what he wants. That would be about as STUPID as giving the Force has a biological explanation....oh, wait.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 10 a.m. CST

    That would actually be low and despicable.

    by JackPumpkinhead

    Cynically using and abusing someone who's probably like a loyal pup to you, in order to build up your ego a little, while knowing very well that the person will suffer most of the consequences of your stunt (be fired, blacklisted, hell, maybe even court martialled)...? Yeah, that sounds a lot like the symbol of justice and fairness that the character was supposed to be.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 10:09 a.m. CST


    by skimn

    ..the whole ploy of his byplay with engineering repairs..hours instead of minutes, hours instead of days...saying one thing, meaning another...sounds like a politician to me.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 10:17 a.m. CST

    Na, He go Welshie to rig it...

    by br1947


  • Dec. 31, 2007, 10:19 a.m. CST


    by MRX67

    'hey baby, how about adjust that simulator so I can win at this and they can make a series around me which will turn into some movies and though I'm not the real kirk(and kirk isn't really the real kirk) I won't forget you love and my joy of happiness will thank you later. (wink)

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 10:26 a.m. CST


    by NudeandAroused

    Really is this THE spoiler? I don't know. The more I think about it, the more this sounds like total crap. Not quite buying it, for now.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 10:32 a.m. CST

    Jimbo Kirk, coolest guy in Starfleet High School

    by kabong

    Maybe he's a liar as well as a cheater. <p> Maybe Starfleet Command was looking for a prospective starship captains who could cheat outside the box. <p> Just a forerunner of the Corbomite Maneuver.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 10:36 a.m. CST

    WAIT! Has no one said it?

    by br1947

    <p>KIRK HAS A BEER AND CHEETS ON THE KOBAYASHI MARU!!!</p><p>I've spent far too many years on this site... lol</p>

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 10:43 a.m. CST


    by pjryan519

    Doesn't matter what movie is being talked about, the uber geeks have to say "It will suck". get a life

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 10:47 a.m. CST

    Enough with the Perry comments...

    by BizarroJerry

    Who cares? It sounds like he'll be in it for all of 30 seconds.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 10:59 a.m. CST

    OK, this is what I don't get about the Kobayashi Maru...

    by Abin Sur

    It's the test that all prospective Starfleet officers take, and it's a test with no solution, so to speak. Does everyone that plays the Kobayashi Maru scenario KNOW that it's unwinnable? Saavik took the test (I'm guestimating) at least 30 years after Kirk, and she had no clue it couldn't be beaten. You think you'd know something like before you took the test, unless everyone taking it was sworn to secrecy...and that stretches credibility to the extreme over that much time (from Academy Kirk to STII Kirk). Kirk would have had to know going in that it was "supposed" to be unwinnable. This makes my head hurt to think about, but my point is: Kirk cheating, regardless of the method, doesn't dilute the character for me if he's trying to overcome the impossible. If other officers had taken the test and won, and then Kirk STILL cheated in order to win - THAT would change the character completely for me, and I don't think that's JJ's intention.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 11:03 a.m. CST

    Say Nuclear Wessels!

    by Alkeoholic77


  • Dec. 31, 2007, 11:06 a.m. CST

    If it's true this is totally a Kirk move

    by zooch

    People are going to automatically hate this movie. They are going to criticize eveything they hear, then when it comes out, they will see it, and then hate on it some more. For no reason.<br><br> Remember when he slept with the shapeshifter in The Undiscovered Country to escape from prison? Or the countless other times.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 11:24 a.m. CST

    great rip off a rerally good movie to do yours

    by hank quinlan

    All they are doing is literalizing one of the great moments from Wrath of Khan. They couldn't come up with their own great moment they just show something awesome Meyer and co. came up with 20 some odd years ago. Orci and Kurtzman have never written a good movie yet they are thought of a geniuses. Go ahead. Look at their work. I defy you to show me a great intersting piece of writing anywhere. This Star trek will be on the level of MI3 or the Island. Awesome. Can't wait.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 11:29 a.m. CST

    The rumor sounds fishy

    by Mockingbuddha

    But I don't think this would contradict anything from the wrath of Kahn. If you've ever hung out with old military folks, you know that the stories they tell are only related to actual events in a tangential and accidental fashion. It could be that the power went out due to some solar storm at the precise right moment to cause the Kobiyashi Maru program to malfunction allowing Kirk to win, but by Wrath of Kahn, Kirk had told the story so many times that he "Reprogramed the test and got a commendation." I think showing the KM test would be cool, but JJA doesn't have to base his story on the three or four lines spoken by an old and braggy Kirk thirty odd years later since they were almost certainly bs.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 11:31 a.m. CST

    Anybody want a giggle..?

    by skimn

    Go to JoBlo and check the Harold and Kumar 2 poster. What would NPH do indeed.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 11:33 a.m. CST

    No, Abin Sur, the Kobayashi Maru test makes no sense

    by I Dunno

    No test in any school is kept secret for more than a semester, much less 20 + years and no one should expect to change a test so they can pass and expect to be patted on the head for it. It was a few throwaway lines in Star Trek II to show that Kirk had always avoided facing death. That was it.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 11:56 a.m. CST

    Playing off the mythology of Kirk

    by Pascal

    The mythology of Kirk is that he slept with everything that moved, but it just doesn't happen that much in the series. The biggest repeat theme in the series is really Kirk out-logic-ing a machine until it starts smoking. He wasn't a one-trick sex pony. Seems like the people involved either don't know or don't care about how the characters actually behaved and are just pandering to the popular cliches of the show. But that probably won't come as a surprise.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 11:57 a.m. CST


    by 5 by 5

    We must be really bored to be dissecting this goofy rumor. Time to clip my toe nails.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 11:59 a.m. CST

    Thank God if true finally a captain that isn't a ferry

    by picardsucks

    If true that may just wash the shit taste of the Next Generation, Voyager and Enterprise out of my mouth where everyone is apparently completley closeted or just plain asexual. James T. Kirk - Intergalactic Cocksman!!!!!!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 12:01 p.m. CST

    Kirk makes women's clothes melt off

    by Pipple

    This movie better stay faithful to the sexy clothes of the 60s or I'll be limp during the movie. That is all.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 12:04 p.m. CST

    It Is NOT Fun To Speculate

    by Aquatarkusman

    Dear Lord, make the useless tidbits stop!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 12:08 p.m. CST

    the secret of the Kobayashi Maru

    by davywankenobi

    okay, if this "test" was only given to cadets who have been flagged for command potential, then that would narrow down the amount of cadets who actually took the test. Now if someone did have "command potential" then he or she would want to make a career of Starfleet, and thus if they had found the K.M. was unwinnable, but were sworn to secrecy, the secret would have a much greater chance of not being shared, for fear of career reprisals. This is all supposition, I'm not a huge fan of the show(s), though I do enjoy them once in a while and like most other fans I think Wrath of Kahn is probably the pinnacle of the whole franchise. But knowing that Spock never took it(Science career path?) and I never hear of any of the others taking it(though knowing that Sulu was in command of a starship at one point I have to assume that he took it) That said...I think it would be funny if Kirk banged some chick to pass it but also understand the argument that he needs to be able to use his brain at the same level of competance that he uses dick or fists.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 12:17 p.m. CST

    Agreed Aqua

    by greenstyle92

    speculation regarding movies has caused the most painful shits in internet history.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 12:20 p.m. CST


    by SpyGuy

    Sorry, I just watched "Where No Fan Has Gone Before" again last night on Adult Swim and it just had to be posted. I'm so ashamed...

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 12:21 p.m. CST

    Oh jeez this is as bad as CNN with their endless

    by Yeti

    "what if?" scenarios with pundits on slow news days.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 12:22 p.m. CST

    I call Bullshit!

    by Mindchaotica

    It is stated in past movies and in other Star Trek series that Kirk reprogrammed the Sim, so that there would be a winnable solution. That is the Trek lore as is.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 12:26 p.m. CST


    by dundundles


  • Dec. 31, 2007, 12:33 p.m. CST

    What about this?

    by L.H.Puttgrass /hitlist/12-28-07_2 <p> Take out the spaces. You know the drill.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 12:39 p.m. CST

    "But I Want My 600 Quatloos!"

    by Aquatarkusman

    "In Season 3, _I_ had to kiss Shatner!"

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 1:10 p.m. CST

    So, wait, is Tyler Perry playing the space bitch Kirk rails?

    by Fatboy Roberts

    Sorta like Maverick banging Kelly McGillis in Top Gun?

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 1:11 p.m. CST

    I want a refund already

    by Cruel_Kingdom

    JJ Abrams, you dickhead!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 1:12 p.m. CST

    FYI: We know how Kirk did this already...

    by dp4m

    ... it was in the book "Kobiyashi Maru" where we see how Kirk, Sulu, Scotty, etc. took the test (Scotty's solution ALSO cheated, FYI, but he still lost ;)). So if they change it, expect much outrage...

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 1:18 p.m. CST

    Re : dundundles

    by Real Deal

    The real question is : WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOU?

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 1:20 p.m. CST

    Shouldn't he be "Commander Kirk"?

    by Leto III

    Seriously -- if we're talking about him taking over the center seat on the 1701, he'd already have gone through the USS Farragut incident as a Lieutenant. Starfleet doesn't promote Lieutenants to Captains...I don't care if you're Jim Kirk or not. (And where the hell's Gary Mitchell in this flick??)

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 1:26 p.m. CST

    Kirk's a soldier.

    by Cameron1

    Brilliant tactician, brave, a leader. Never been a high level computer hacker though. Of course in Star Trek times everyone is going to have a fairly deep knowledge of computers but expecting Kirk to be all the great things he already is AND a computer geek is pushing it, frankly. I'd have had him seduce the woman for the access codes and use an already made for him (by a hacker buddy he's befriended against Federation policy) program to cheat the system.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 1:29 p.m. CST

    Well, sounds like classic Kirk, anyway...

    by Kid Z

    ...I just want to know who's going to play that crazy Irish dude that always gave Kirk hell at Starfleet Academy... "Awww Jimmyboy! Lookit'cha now... yuir'a sad sight f'sure!" My casting choice would have to be Colin Ferrel in full-on "Bullseye" mode.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 1:32 p.m. CST

    This is from the link I posted above. Possible spoilers.

    by L.H.Puttgrass

    The link goes to an article about 10 movies to for next year. This is the Star Trek part. I've never heard this Spock stuff before: <p> 5. "Star Trek" Mark Your Calendar: Dec. 25 Stars: Leonard Nimoy, Eric Bana, Karl Urban, Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Zoe Saldana, Simon Pegg, Anton Yelchin The Story: Shrouded in secrecy, but rumor has it that, in order to correct the timeline, Spock (Nimoy) is forced to return to the days when he first met James T. Kirk and team up with his younger self (Quinto) to prevent Kirk and the starship Enterprise from being erased from history entirely. The Lowdown: Director J.J. Abrams ("Lost") is hoping to relaunch the franchise by introducing a new cast and reimagining the look of the original 1960s show for today. By bringing back Nimoy and teaming him with Quinto, he's basically making a Spock buddy picture. Big Question Mark: Can Abrams and Paramount convince anyone under the age of 40 that "Star Trek" is actually cool again?

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 1:37 p.m. CST

    I meant...

    by L.H.Puttgrass

    10 movies to WATCH for next year. <p> Anyway, has anyone ever heard of that plot rumor before?

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 1:37 p.m. CST

    It was not mentioned in Wrath of Khan...

    by Yoda's Ball Sack

    It was seen in the very begining of the movie. Lt. Savick is taking the test you idiot.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 1:48 p.m. CST

    Having Kirk manipulate some dizzy broad

    by brobdingnag

    into helping him cheat takes away from the character?!?!? Did you fuckwits ever watch the original series? That is MORE fitting with his character than reprogramming something himself. This aint ST:TNG bitches, people don't multitask and cross-train. This is two-fisted-tales of Kirk. Its totally fitting that Kirk fucked his way to the top.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 2:08 p.m. CST

    Melrose Space?

    by pk68

    Let's hope not.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 2:33 p.m. CST

    Kirk made love to the computer

    by Dingbatty

    to convince it to let him win the simulation.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 2:35 p.m. CST

    Kirk is ..

    by Zerofun

    Godly .. any way he does it will work .. doest it matter if he does it himself or if he gets some broad to do it ? In the end it got done.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 2:43 p.m. CST

    oh great a spock buddy movie

    by dr.bulber


  • Dec. 31, 2007, 2:49 p.m. CST

    Let me guess, the chick Kirk's banging is Tyler Perry!

    by J-Dizzle

    It would make sense.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 2:53 p.m. CST

    Thanks for the image J-Dizzle

    by Puddleglum

    I just threw up my lunch. <p> Sadly, you might be right.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 2:57 p.m. CST

    It's gonna be a spoof!

    by benny_mutant

    I just can't imagine anyone, ANYONE except William Shatner in his 20's pulling this off! It sounds hilarious. Quinto will be excellent though, for sure

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 3:07 p.m. CST

    Kirk doesn't cheat

    by proper new year everybody!!!!!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 3:16 p.m. CST

    James T. Kirk is a scifi John Burgoyne...

    by lynxpro

    Granted, far more successful. Then again, George Washington sucked as an actual general, and certainly was no Oliver Cromwell. Now there was a man who knew how to kick ass. Like Julius Caesar before him, but with 100% less gay sex rumors.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 3:17 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    but alien chicks like his fat cock

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 3:18 p.m. CST

    Kirk pwns cheating

    by Cruel_Kingdom

    and whores of all sizes, colors, and textures. Gotta love that guy!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 3:18 p.m. CST

    awesome!more over explaining!!!!!

    by slappy jones

    fuck why can't people leave shit alone...why do they feel the need to over explain and show us everything?leave something to the imagination......fuck this prequel type shit...are they going to explain the physics of the vulcan mind meld as well?? maybe its due to the amount of midicloverians you have in your blood...

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 3:18 p.m. CST

    "alien chicks love his fat cock"

    by Cruel_Kingdom

    OMG, you made me crack the fuck up, BringingSexyBack. Well played, sir.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 3:19 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    Wherein Kirk flies by space docks looking for skank bitches who don't mind getting banged in the shuttle for a few bucks.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 3:21 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    It goes without saying that alien chicks have wider, slimier vaginas ...

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 3:21 p.m. CST

    They must have cured AIDS by the days of Trek...

    by Cruel_Kingdom

    because you just know Kirk would have had more STDs than any other man in the history of humanity. Rock on, Kirk.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 3:22 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    That explains why their son cheated on the Genesis Project too. The Kirk family doesn't care who dies as long as they win.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 3:22 p.m. CST

    the pussy being green doesn't even stop him

    by Rupee88

    just like Eddie said...I'm sure someone probably quoted better above. Anyway, that would be funny if went down like that in the movie.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 3:23 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    Space AIDS

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 3:24 p.m. CST

    BringingSexyBack, you are a racist!

    by Cruel_Kingdom

    It is wrong to say alien chicks have wider, slimier vaginas, even if this is known to be true. Go directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200. BTW, the fat cock thing still makes me chuckle.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 3:24 p.m. CST

    "The Kirk family doesn't care who dies ..."

    by BringingSexyBack

    as long as they win."<p> Edited to add: <p> Like the Bush family.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 3:25 p.m. CST

    BringingSexyBack, I was thinking the same thing

    by Cruel_Kingdom

    Damn, you've done it now, my friend. Just wait till AminalPenis shows up to go nuts, lol.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 3:28 p.m. CST

    I saw a Star Trek porno one time

    by Cruel_Kingdom

    Funniest shit ever. The guy tried to overact like Shatner, too. That shit was insane. All I remember was that Bones' name was Boner, Spock was Cock (real creative, huh?), and Kirk ordered a woman to "spit on it" so he could take her up the arse. Oh, if only JJ Abrams' Trek could be like that...

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 3:31 p.m. CST

    Snakes on a Plane was fun, though

    by Cruel_Kingdom

    This will not be.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 3:33 p.m. CST

    I hope it's BS...

    by viola123

    That would be very disappointing and highly unimaginative. Surely there have been superior theories on how Kirk won the test since "Khan." I hope it's just a crazy rumor. Be crazy, rumor!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 3:36 p.m. CST

    Classic Kirk disarm maneuver

    by aboriginal

    Flying by the seat of his pants so-to-speak.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 3:57 p.m. CST

    KIRK HAS A BEER AND CHEETS ON HIS WIFE..........................

    by crackerfarmboy

    You heard it here first.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 4:01 p.m. CST

    Kirk's Cock Wins Again!

    by Grinning White Skull

    Kirk bangs a chick running the test, alters the test machine up while she's sleeps exhausted from his awesome prowess and once again, Kirk proves he's got the swingingest dick in the Universe. Can't wait to watch as he smiles sneakily to himself after passing the test while everyone in Starfleet looks on with their eyes popped out.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 4:05 p.m. CST

    Kirk sets his Meat Phaser to FUCK!!!

    by CreepyThinMan1978

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 4:17 p.m. CST

    BringingSexyBack always turns everything political...

    by DudeOne

    because more than he hates Bush, he hates our U.S. soldiers. Don't you, BSB?

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 4:22 p.m. CST

    Sorry crackerfarmboy...

    by br1947

    beat ya to it this morning. But it merits saysing again!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 4:45 p.m. CST

    unless Kirk nailed an admiral...

    by br1947

    and thus received the commendation. Continuity safe.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 4:58 p.m. CST

    Sylar... I mean Spock

    by br1947

    likes Nurse Chapel for her brains...

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 5:09 p.m. CST


    by Le Chevalier Noir

    if Chris Pine can play Kirk as well as Kevin Pollak. + HA-P-PY NEW YEAR, EVERYBODY! May you use the Jedi mindtrick with success.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 5:35 p.m. CST

    Who says the Kobayashi Maru is secret?

    by Anakin Whoopass

    It's probably legendary. It's a test of character and cadets are expected to do their best even if they know it's hopeless. That said, it's also likely that all the military aspects of Starfleet training are secret to various degrees and senior cadets are trained not to have loose lips in front of underclassmen or anyone else.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 5:35 p.m. CST

    Sylar as Pine as Kirk..???

    by Supermans

    I can see Sylar as Spock but this nobody Chris Pine as Kirk??? Winona Ryder is probably the love interest in this and the one he bangs to get her to cheat for him on the test...

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 5:37 p.m. CST

    Karl Urban is too big to be Bones,,,

    by Supermans

    Karl Urban is too big to be Bones,,, THis guy is as big as a wrestler. What happened to him when he got older, he must have taken amazing shrinking pills...

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 5:52 p.m. CST

    Will we see a Baby Picard? Me thinks so..

    by kirttrik

    ...That could be the sequel. the Borg go back in time to steal baby Picard and then Data from the future comes back in time to rescue him. It will be the Muppet Babies meets Terminator meets The Next Generation. Box Office Gold!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 6:05 p.m. CST

    He's Only Cheating Himself

    by TinkerTIW

    At least, that's what they used to tell me in situations like that.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 6:08 p.m. CST

    With a little help

    by The StarWolf

    According to THE DISINHERITED, he tried the scenario twice, got the same results as others, then got some help sneaking in to reprogram the scenario after practically begging for a third crack at it.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 6:12 p.m. CST

    Say it isn't so!

    by The StarWolf

    A 'reimagining'? Whatever for?! I could see it if the original was a piece of crap, but we're talking a series that's little short of legendary here. What sort of idiot would want to tamper with that kind of success? Oh, wait, we ARE talking Paramount here ... Just wait, they'll probably do away with the miniskirt uniforms. :p

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 6:43 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    Thanks for backing me up man, but please don't feel you're obligated to. It's enough for us sensible people to know where we stand. I appreciate it mucho - gays like Dudeone are just trolling for trouble, as usual. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 6:55 p.m. CST


    by seniorspeilbergio

    not to get off subject but I just saw the Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls poster in Trinidad and it's fucking awesome. Is this old news? I haven't seen anything posted on it yet.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 6:58 p.m. CST

    Reimagining Star Trek

    by Pouchstalker

    Spoiler- In this movie all the women wear burkas. Kirk does have sex with the computer, but as a result Data is born.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 7:21 p.m. CST

    Superman's I.Q. vs. Batman's I.Q.

    by mpd1958

    I don't know how this got on a Star Trek thread, but it was WELL established pre-Crisis on Infinite Earths (blech!!) that Superman's Kryptonian brain was as far in adavance of an Earthling's brain as his strength was to am Earthling's strength. He was able to single-handedly design and build super-machinery such as interstellar spacecraft and time-machines, which were on display at his super-futuristic tech fortress of solitude, which he also built. Evaen as a boy, Superboy built totally life-like super-powered robots of himself for occasions when he had to appear as both Superboy and Clark Kent. Post-crisis, for me and many others my age, is non-canon and thus irrelevant.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 7:41 p.m. CST

    by ironic_name

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 8:10 p.m. CST


    by br1947

    Ironic_name, that is freaking hilarious!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 8:12 p.m. CST

    This is the ONLY way I can see Kirk beating it...

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    Because he's dumb as a post and couldn't reprogram his VCR, much less an "unwinnable" Starfleet computer scenario. His only talent is as a space whore and banging as many babes as possible.<p>He's sort of like James Bond, except without the suaveness, talent and charisma. He's basically Kevin Federline in space, methodically banging his way up the Starfleet ladder.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 8:15 p.m. CST

    Obviously, Ironic_Name agrees...

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    Except Kirk wouldn't be NEARLY that upset about it.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 8:43 p.m. CST

    The truth about the Kobiyashi Maru test...

    by Uncapie

    Before Jack passed away in July, he and I were pretty close. I asked him what the training test meant. He said it was to prepare potential Star Fleet captains to understand that there might be a "no win" situation and that one faces the possible loss of their starship and crew in battle. It was a psych test to see who could handle death and who couldn't. Ergo, some cadets washed out, some understood that their decisions governed the lives of others(i.e. Spock and Kirk's dialogue and Spock's final farewell in the contaminated reactor.). Kirk, ever the cool one, never took "no" or "no win" for answer. That's why he reprogrammed the simulator to win. He wanted victory over the inevitable. In the script, as well as the film, David, his son, makes the comment that he's never faced death before. This all ties in with the story and it comes full circle. Jack was a brilliant writer with subtext and dialogue. He could run circles around today's writers, but the problem with Hollywood is that there's this thing called ageism that prevents the talented combat vets from going to bat.The proof is in the pudding with the possibility of Kirk having to "woo" some Starfleet babe in order to reprogram the simulator. That's just plain stupid. Kirk is a man of action and thought and if it takes irrationality to get the job done, so be it with Kirk. He used his head, then got the babe as a reward.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 8:44 p.m. CST

    Kirk always relied on prowess based on...

    by NoHubris

    ...unconventional tactics.<P>Cheating and being a "user" in business is certainly out of character. Roddenberry's character description of Kirk from the beginning presented him as "...strong, capable, highly intelligent...a born leader, who has trained himself to walk the tightrope between friendship and authority without losing his sense of humor or compassion for others."<P>I'm not saying that JJ's Trek has to rely on canon, but Kirk engaged in "cheating" is definitely a re-imagined Kirk IMHO.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 8:46 p.m. CST

    Nope, THIS is how Kirk cheated in the test

    by Elim Garak

    OK, that is total BS. At least according to the books. After spending months trying to beat the test, he just said "fuck it" and reprogrammed the enemies (I think they were Klingon ships at the time) to be very respectful to any captain called James T. Kirk. So basically the enemy AI was set up to stop attacking as soon as he transmitted his name and stuff.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 8:56 p.m. CST

    RE: Uncapie's Psych Test and Ageism

    by NoHubris

    Since Kobiyashi Maru was a psych test, one could say that Kirk's reprogramming does not constitute cheating (I was typing while Uncapie was posting and just read it).<P>Jack's explanation was brilliant and proves that "ageism" - especially when it comes to sci fi ideas and stories - is bad for business. He should've been given turns at bat much more often.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 9:04 p.m. CST

    Kobayashi Maru...

    by JustyHakubi

    About the test's nature being secret, I don't believe that the unbeatability of test was hidden from the cadets. I'm sure that the cadets simply saw the test as "The unbeatable test" akin to an unbeatable level on a video game. I don't believe that they knew that the test was intentionally unbeatable though. The test probably swirled around in rumors. Each cadet went into the test full of bravado only to be humbled. After learning the true nature of the test each cadet doesn't speak about to his lessers because that it just Starfleet decorum. Each cadet learns these things through the natural order. Kirk may have caught wind of it's true nature before hand prompting him to act. I don't like the idea acting through a bedded surrogate. I'd like to rather see him using his natural cleverness to rig the test.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 9:11 p.m. CST

    "Natural cleverness" perfectly describes...

    by NoHubris

    ...Kirk's characteristic method of winning/path to victory.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 9:24 p.m. CST

    There was a Star Trek novel where

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    a relative of Kirk's, his nephew I think became the second Kirk/person to beat the Kobayasi Maru. He used an ancient Klingon rite to challenge the Captain of the other ship. I forget which novel it was, but it was one of the hardcover ones. Of course since those are not cannon, it didn't happen, still it was pretty interesting.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 9:56 p.m. CST

    Not bad.

    by Zappary

    Definitely more believable than Kirk being a leet hacker.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 9:57 p.m. CST


    by roninredshade

    I always felt that Kirk, once on the screen, or the Enterprise, should be a man who knows what he wants and will stop at nothing to get it; pass a test, bang a chick, steal a command. He should be Jason Bourne in Space. (Which is why so many fans wanted Matt Damon to play Young Kirk. But they didn't want Damon, they wanted 'Jason Bourne' to play Kirk.) I feel that Captain James Tiberius Kirk should not be some womanizing, mistakey, bumbly, emo, frat boy. It basically comes down to how they choose to play the character: If he is a womanizing, bumbling, emo, frat boy who cheats on a test, he's a dick. If he is super-confident and knows what he wants and how to get it (banging a chick), it would be very Kirk-like. My opinion.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 10:06 p.m. CST

    DudeOne, you're stupid

    by Cruel_Kingdom

    I hate this administration with every fiber of my being and I served in the U.S. Army for seven years. Hating Bush and his policies is nothing like hating the troops. Newsflash for you: all that shit they talk about us liberals hating the troops is propaganda, and you just ate it up. Are you really that unintelligent, or are you trying to pick a fight?

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 10:07 p.m. CST

    Xiphos, you rock

    by Cruel_Kingdom

    Just saying.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 10:08 p.m. CST


    by Thall_Joben

    Wonder if he'll rip his shirt and pull off one of those dodgy double flying kicks Shatner used to do every week? I remember Kirk punching a scared alien in the face in one epsiode, just for being afraid when they beamed in out of nowhere! Maybe they should do a cross over with Galaxy Quest.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 10:11 p.m. CST


    by Thall_Joben

    Oh and on the US army front - the troops: the world respects, but Bush NO ONE but an idiot respects.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 10:12 p.m. CST

    Do people really care about characters?

    by staticneuron

    How can this really take away from kirks character. All that you get from the original series is that he is a charismatic leader and he has charm with the ladies. Considering they never really showed him to be that proficient with all the machines on the enterprise wouldn't it just make more sense that he didn't do it himself yet was the architect of the deception? I really think it is the fans that harp on every little detail that hurts reputation.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 10:31 p.m. CST

    Why is AICN on JJ Abrams' cock right now?

    by Cruel_Kingdom

    There are, like, four JJ-related stories up right now. This guy is a fucking hack. Love AICN, but come on guys, this guy pwns teh suck.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 10:37 p.m. CST

    Why not wait and see how it's presented?

    by malificus

    It may not even be true but it will depend a lot on how the concept is presented, context and how well the actor can bring off a young, cocky Kirk. No bigger fan of TOS than I, I'll wait and see, but it certainly wouldn't ruin my perception of the Captain should it be shown that he got Carol Marcus to change the perameters, I actually like what one poster said about the Kirk's being a family of cheaters who do anything to win. When you look at the Kobiyashi Maru scenario itself Kirk actually missed the entire point and showed what a petty and flawed character he is by insisting on reducing it to either win or lose when the purpose was to gauge the character of the testee under unwinnable circumstances. Way to miss the point Jimbo, and that alone speaks volumes and was the reason it was brought up in ST 2 to begin with. No biggee, I actually find it hilarious that virtually everything eventually boils down to Kirk's magic penis. Someday scientists will plug it into current quantum theory and finally have their true unified theory.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 11 p.m. CST


    by Shermdawg

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 11:21 p.m. CST


    by the podosphere

    actually, kirk wanted to bang the marine biologist, but she was saving herself for reverend dekker in seventh heaven.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 11:22 p.m. CST

    Actually, I respect Bush quite a LOT...

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    He's the first President to actually take terrorists to task for their worldwide barbarism and doesn't bend at the first sight of negative poll numbers when he does what's necessary to protect our country. Given how we were attacked in our capital and most major city, his response is exactly what I EXPECT from a President and "Leader of the Free World."<p>But I'm sure you sci-fi geeks could've done better... :) Maybe if Clinton were President he could've found some chick to bang to give him the answers for world peace.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 11:54 p.m. CST

    Well, it's almost 6am over here, I'm only slightly drunk..

    by IAmMrMonkey! feet hurt from dancing like a lunatic and here I am on an AICN talkback about Kirk cheating on his exams. What the fuck am I doing? Jeez.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 11:57 p.m. CST

    Oh! Five minutes until New Year in America!

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    Well, in some states anyway (according to the AICN time stamp).<p>Happy New Year American people! Hopefully you're all out drinking and partying!

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 11:58 p.m. CST

    Thanks, NoHubris

    by Uncapie

    Jack's work was amazing.His "Combat" episode that was sold, but never produced, would have been up there with"Hills Are For Heroes" as well as a detective story he wrote for Burt Reynolds who was also a friend of his called "Harry the Flash." Some snappy dialogue there. Young Hollywood frowns upon anyone over 40, which I say, I can't wait until they get there and see what happens to them. Shane Black, who is a talented writer had a meeting at Warner Brothers with some twenty-something idiot that tld him he had a future with the company. The dumbshit didn't realize that Shane had written the successful "Lethal Weapon" movie which spawned a slew of sequels making bank for the studio. Such is the mentality of today's studio exec. Writers should work based upon how good they are, not because of how hip and young they are. Ray Bradbury is a prime example. He writes everyday despite his past stroke and being in a wheelchair. I met A.I. Bezzerides("Kiss Me Deadly, "Action In the North Atlantic" to name just two of his works.)before he passed away and we had this incredible discussion about storytelling. No one knew who he was at this book collectors show I went to. I thought, "to hell with them I'm going to learn from the best." These guys are legends and should be revered as such, but sadly, young Hollywood doesn't see it that way and that knowledge is gone forever except given to the very lucky few. This is why when we walk out of a theater today and are puzzled at what we just saw, yet, one can take a film that any veteran writer wrote and we remember every scene.

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 11:58 p.m. CST

    Happy New Years talkbackers!

    by Spifftacular Squirrel Girl

    Sorry about your Star Trek movie. Although I'm going to have faith in that there's still a chance it could be good considering there hasn't even been a lick of footage yet. ^^;

  • Dec. 31, 2007, 11:59 p.m. CST

    Happy New Year!

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    (Hopefully I got this on the 00:00am time stamp)

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 12:01 a.m. CST

    Fuck. Too early. Here we go... Happy New Year!

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    This time surely! I wanna be the first AICN poster of 2008!

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 12:03 a.m. CST

    Fuckity. Fuck. Fuck. Fuckington.

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    I can't believe I missed it. Well, 12:01am is alright I suppose.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 12:05 a.m. CST

    Happy New Year Xiphos.

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    Is it midnight in your state? I was going to ask why you're not out dancing and chatting up the ladies but then I remembered that you've just got out of hospital. Hope you have a good 2008, mate!

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 12:08 a.m. CST

    Just turned midnight here too

    by Spifftacular Squirrel Girl

    and the only reason I'm not out is because I swear I have the same virus from The Stand. <p> Either way, Happy New Year!

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 12:13 a.m. CST

    Happy New Year also to....

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    All the soldiers still out fighting the good fight wherever you are...<p>All the AICN talkbackers - even the ones I don't like or agree with...<p>All the AICN stsff especially Vern who is my favourite writer...<p>Christian Bale. Thanks for 3:10 To Yuma and Rescue Dawn this year...<p>The cast and crew of Journeymam for their work...<p>The guy who came up with BitTorrent which lets me keep up with U.S tv and not have to wait two years for it to air over here...<p>And loads of others who I can't think of at the moment!

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 12:15 a.m. CST

    Well Happy New Year to you Squirrel Girl!

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    A spliff a day keeps the virus from The Stand away. Or so I hear.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 12:19 a.m. CST

    As (possibly) the first AICN TBer of 2008

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    I think I should be given the right to one request here on AICN and I would like an edit button please.<p>As you can see from my above post, it is sorely needed.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 12:21 a.m. CST

    Shit. It's now 6:20am.

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    I'm going to bed otherwise I won't be up before 4pm!

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 12:34 a.m. CST


    by IAmMrMonkey!

    Not quite yet. We're only at the hoverboard stage at this moment in time.<p>I'll be asleep in 40 minutes but don't do anything I wouldn't do, Mr Xiphos. I wouldn't watch Rob Zombie's "Halloween" again or listen to a Backstreet Boys album, for example. So don't do any of that.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 12:42 a.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    Decoding message from the Eastern time zone future time loop ... <p>The future is bright. Stop.<p> Cloverfield is a Giant Sea Lion. Stop.<p> Al Gore jumps in, becomes President. Stop.<p> Chuck Hagel becomes VP. Stop. <p> Vern's reviews are archived at the Library of Congress; is honored at the Kennedy Center for the Arts. Stop. <p> Anchorite still in mother's basement. Stop. <p> Talkbacks gain edit button, but doesn't work. Stop. <p> Peter Jackson's The Hobbit drives Ringwearer9 into irreversible mental breakdown, is committed and his neighbors are relieved. Stop. <p> Monumental Talkback war ensues due to Fox plant incursions - TBers unite to drive enemies out in a massive, successful campaign. Five minutes later, TBers at each others' throats again, as usual. Stop.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 12:43 a.m. CST

    And Moriarty gives shit to "Family Guy"...

    by BurnHollywood

    "Hey, Spock...this reminds me of that time I cheated on the Kobayashi Maru thirty years ago..." CUT TO: Kirk chatting up a young woman. "Y'know honey...(etc, etc, nothing particularly interesting)" CLOSE UP OF: AICN cumming repeatedly into their pants and giggling in unabashed ecstasy.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 12:50 a.m. CST

    LOL. That was incredibly funny BSB!

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    And, with a smile upon my face after reading those, I now finally go to my bed!

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 12:51 a.m. CST

    Uncapie and the old school writers

    by NoHubris

    Should justice prevail, then 2008 will be the year when the studio top dogs view the debri in theatrical landscape and realize a change in their business model is necessary - like when you hire a twenty something executive, check his/her knowledge of film history. (My boss hired me in my line of work as a twenty-something, but every industry must have standards)<P>The current remake craze is evidence that many twenty-somethings respect the work of the older generation. They should take that "respect" to the next level and secure the services of these writers for future projects or even rewrites of current projects.<P>BTW it would be interesting to take a look at the top films of the past 3-5 years in light of screenwriter's age. I wonder what such an article would say about ageism.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 12:54 a.m. CST


    by systemsbroom

    Exactly. Bush did what was precisely the right response to an attack by a lightly armed and loosely organized group of mujahideen hiding out in a shaky alliance with the warlords of a failed state--he blew a trillion dollars creating *another* failed state, and populated it with refugees and orphans who hate the United States and have had ample opportunity to learn and hone the fine craft of blowing shit up with inexpensive easy-to-come-by deadly devices. And he did it with absolutely no extramarital (that we know of) sex at all! That'll show 'em. <P> Here's the deal: in any "war" against terrorism, *all* states are allies. Why? Because states effectively maintain a monopoly on force. Invading Iraq and failing to install a viable government in place of the Baathist one just created a huge environment where terrorist types could thrive. <P> Now, there may be good reasons for invading Iraq outside of the "war on terror," but they haven't been clearly enunciated by anybody in this administration (aside from meaningless pablum about spreading freedom--words that sure sound nice, but don't really mean anything), and even if they had, the execution has been so godawful that whatever rationale might have existed doesn't really matter. <P> I'm not going to tell you who you ought to respect, Mr./Ms. GhostLurk, but I will say that if you choose to respect Bush for having chosen the "right" response to 9/11, you're a damn fool. Sure, Bush may not listen to polls, the CIA, the State Department, senior military advisors, retired generals, allies in the region, or anybody else in devising his "strategy", but that's only a good thing if said strategy *works*. And frankly, it hasn't and isn't. <P> Throw up on one side of the ledger any positive outcomes of the Bush Doctrine, and on the other side we'll stack the thousands of dead US soldiers, the hundreds of thousands of dead Iraqis, the millions of Iraqi refugees, the Iraqi power plants, water treatment facilities, oil wells/pipelines, schools and police stations that *still* don't function, the trillion dollar price tag, $90 a barrel oil, an ascendant Iran, China and freakin' Russia for chrissakes, and a new global image of the US as a bully nation that kills and tortures and uses ex-KGB prison facilities to work its ends. We'll see which way that balance tips. <P> But hey, maybe it will all end up ok. But if it does, it won't be because of the Bush administration. It will be because of whatever poor bastards step in to clean up the colossal mess once W's gone back to his potempkin ranch to play cowboy. <P> On that hopeful note, Happy New Year's everybody!

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 1:27 a.m. CST

    What's all this?

    by ZeroCorpse

    Aww... shit. It's 2008. It just never slows down, does it?

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 1:33 a.m. CST

    Kirk and the test

    by mrsheldrake

    With all <due> respect: 1. Kirk is a "stack of books with legs" at the academy. He is perfectly capable of reprogramming a computer. At this stage in his life, he's an earnest, too-serious graduate student, smarter than all the rest as well as everything else. 2. The kind of behavior Quint describes isn't cute or funny, it's predatory. Kirk doesn't predate on women. He is a romantic, not a user. He wouldn't think it was clever or cool if someone did as described, he'd have them busted and thrown out of the academy. The lack of respect this shows for the character is basically what these studio assholes have been doing since Generations. They think Kirk is a joke. So Kirk-as-joke is what you're going to get.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 2 a.m. CST

    Happy 7pm!

    by ironic_name


  • Jan. 1, 2008, 2:05 a.m. CST

    Fuck you guys, Kirk would totally do this

    by reflecto

    and then lie to Saavik and his son about "reprogramming the simulator. Funny thing is, the simulator was located inside her vagina."

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 3:58 a.m. CST

    Harry Knowles must be spinning in his grave

    by darrenspool

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 4:57 a.m. CST

    It's not out of character for him.

    by cerebulon

    I wouldn't have a problem with it if the rumor was true. Also, happy new year everyone!

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 5:54 a.m. CST

    So Kirk has to use his 'Captain's Log' ???

    by dr_buggerlugs

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 6:41 a.m. CST

    Why does every one keep saying...

    by The Ape Giggins

    ...that we are FINALLY going to see the KM test? We already have, that's what they were doing at the beginning of TWOK

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 7:03 a.m. CST

    Happy 8AM, you frakkers.

    by Pennsy

    May you all get what you wish for in 2008; in no particular order, peace, happiness, good times and success, for starters.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 7:19 a.m. CST

    Happy Fucking New Year you assholes

    by Pipple

    I'm getting lots of pussy this year, you wait and see.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 7:44 a.m. CST

    It's not about winning the test

    by Ash Talon

    This is a lame way for Kirk to beat the unbeatable. Just another example of filmmakers concentrating on what shouldn't be covered. Who cares about all these details? Leave some things unexplained. Doesn't dwelling on geeky details ensure that new audience members will feel alienated which goes against the whole idea of a reboot? Regarding the secrecy of the test's difficulty. Just because no one has beaten the test, doesn't mean that everyone knows the test is purposely unbeatable. The test is designed to see how officers react in impossible situations. They're actions and ability to keep it together in dire situations are what is judged. As long as they're not told that the test is purposely impossible, what's the issue here. Officers that take the test may think it's unbeatable, but those would only be hunches. I still have a really bad feeling about this reboot. Seems like it goes against the very purpose of pulling in new audiences by dwelling on the past and its myriad details.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 10:44 a.m. CST

    yes, GhostWhoLurks...

    by omarthesnake

    we sci-fi geeks could have done better because ANYONE could have done better. :) Now go back and re-read Systembroom's comments over and over and over. Then ask your self why you're expecting and appreciating such incompetence and boneheaded misjudgments from your leaders. Ah, for more Captain Kirks and fewer Captain Shrubs....

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 10:57 a.m. CST

    "Would you like some ice cream?"

    by K|LLDOZER

    "Yes...yes I would like some ice cream. That sounds great." | "Well then here's a bag of ROCK SALT." | "What?"

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 11:08 a.m. CST


    by Frye777

    that's what AICN does and it's fucking gay and disgusting.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 12:01 p.m. CST


    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    The armchair opinions of guys whose biggest decisions are usually in the realm of whether to buy the 2-disc or 4-disc edition of Fellowship of the Ring — while interesting and often amusing — rarely moves me. Especially when the facts bare out that violence in Iraq has plummeted under the guy BUSH put in charge and since 9/11, we haven't seen a repeat attack (not even a car bombing) in the States in over 7 years.<p>Every wartime President makes missteps, but we've seen FAR less U.S. casualties in Iraq than pretty much any other war we've fought in. I THANK Bush for that... others want to blame him because ANY soldiers died in battle. Sorry, but that's what usually happens in war. The best one can do is to try to minimize the losses, while trying to put the maximum hurt on your enemies.<p>And judging from the 75% downgrading of Al-Qaeda's strength in Iraq, and the current cooperation between Sunni, Shia and Coalition forces to eliminate them, it's been working pretty well. :)<p>I'm content to let HISTORY decide which of us is right.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 12:29 p.m. CST

    "since 9/11, we haven't seen a repeat attack"

    by I Dunno

    And I have a rock that keeps away tigers. You don't see any tigers, do you? Bin Laden achieved everything he ever could have hoped for with 9/11. Another attack would be redundant. As for Al-Qaeda in Iraq, they weren't even there before we invaded. We're creating more terrorists than we're killing, even the CIA says so. But yeah, let history decide. That's an easy out.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 12:34 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    Your attempt at discrediting other TBers' opinions based on the fact they're movie fans is senseless considering you're the same, just arguing the counterpoint (or what there is of it). And 2007 was the deadliest year for American troops so far. Feel free to continue thanking Bush for that. As to your other points ... well, you don't have any.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 12:35 p.m. CST

    in that case the ghost who lurks if bush has takne them on

    by slappy jones

    how come we are yet to go to war with saudi arabia?? considering 19 of the guys of attacked were saudis?? I am just curious.....I am not saying that as a nation they attacked us but since 19 of the terrorists were saudis i would say that gives saudi arabia a lot more to answer for then say...Iraq. WHO HAD FUCKING NOTHING TO DO WITH 911. WHO HAD NO WEAPONS OF MASS BULLSHIT.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 12:37 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    Finally I know what your screenname is all about - just watched Equilibrium yesterday. I really enjoyed the hell out of that movie.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 12:42 p.m. CST

    2007 deadliest year yet in the war

    by slappy jones

    so fuck the s load of spin horseshit. and figures are easy to change and spin when you don't count certain ways of dying. plus WE SHOULDN'T EVEN BE IN IRAQ. just because you begin to clean the shit you took in the bed up doesn't change the fact that you shit in the bed. its still disgusting. it still wrong and its still shit.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 12:42 p.m. CST

    oh and this star trek

    by slappy jones

    looks to be and sounds like a complete and utter trainwreck. can't wait.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 12:46 p.m. CST


    by systemsbroom

    Get your facts straight, man. There was no al Qaeda in Iraq before the US invasion, so unless and until the "75% downgrading of Al-Qaeda's strength in Iraq" increases to over a 100% we're still looking at a failure here. You can't make a huge mess and then brag about how five years later you've gotten it partially cleaned up at enormous expense and expect people to think you've done a good job. <P> Moreover, there *have* been terrorist attacks on US soil. All those Anthrax letters, for example (and our super-competent government has yet to catch anybody for that), plus the beltway snipers, and a couple dozen bombings and arsons. See for more. <P> Additionally, with regard to the relatively small number of US casualties and the "trying to put the maximum hurt on your enemies," it's all cost-benefit. I'm not upset that US soldiers have died at all, but that the US has killed a huge number of people to effectively hand a ruined Iraq over to the Iranians. And that it spent (read: borrowed) a trillion bucks to do it. The point isn't that woe is me, bad things happened, but that the Bush administration is doing a whole series of bad things to actually make the situation worse. There's almost no upside here. <P> Finally, I'm a little confused by your statement that you are "content to let HISTORY decide" who is right. Point one, clearly you are not, as you have stated repeatedly that you think Bush is doing a bang up job. Point two, it's foolish to abdicate and allow "history" (whatever that means) to determine what's a good idea and what's not. The whole task of policy/decisionmaking is to pick the best ad hoc option based on the situation around you. And the options Bush has picked have been massively expensive and exceedingly counterproductive. For example, see That's bad leadership, to put it mildly.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 12:56 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    Thanks for your warm welcome. Gun Kata is the wickedest thing ever. I think Equilibrium is better than Blade Runner. I was pretty shocked when Sean Bean got offed so soon.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 1:25 p.m. CST

    Re: Gun Kata, I read that as 'Gymkata'.

    by Pennsy

    I need a Kristen Bell fix soon. ;) WTF was I thinking?

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 2:30 p.m. CST

    What's up with this site being abandoned today...

    by Kid Z

    ... Did Harry have a New Years party and get the entire fucking staff drunk, sick and hungover on high-fat eggnog spiked with grain alcohol and barrels full of homemade Chex Party Mix? Right now they're all gathered around the only toilet in Harry's flat doing a "circle hurl."

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 2:42 p.m. CST

    The true Kobayashi Maru test

    by SkeletonParty

    is whether to see this movie or not.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 2:45 p.m. CST

    Equilibrium is good but it is nothing compared...

    by travis-dane

    to the MATRIX TRILOGY.And can somebody tell me why the score of Equilibrium and M:I2 are almost the same?Taye Diggs face chopped of was cool and Bale is really good.But they ripped of at too many movies like Fahrenheit,some John WOO movies and True Lies.Dont get me wrong,I liked it when I saw it the first time but when I watch it again it allways loses something.The first time it suprised me but after the ah and oh for the gun kata and Bales great performance it feels really empty.I agree with VERN`s review on his sight,maybe you want to read it.HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU MOVIELOVERS!

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 3:38 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    After all the talk here about a Matrix-like movie, I was expecting a ton of CGI and wire-fu but instead got a very captivating story and performances from everyone involved. I especially appreciate that actor who plays the resistance leader who turned in as a hero for once, because all I ever saw him in before (he was in The Perfect Storm) he played nasty assholes. I really enjoyed the movie, I liked the twist at the end, and it didn't feel like a small budgeter. There were a lot of close-ups of Bale, and if I were gay or a woman I would've had to change my underwear by the end of the movie. As it is I can just appreciate that he is a good looking guy. I think fights and action were even better than Batman Begins. Thanks for recommending this movie - if not I would never have even seen it.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 3:44 p.m. CST

    BSB, you just figured that out?

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    Well better late than never I guess. Welcome to the brotherhood. So all may learn let me reiterate: Equilibrium is not orignal, you take Fahrenheit 451, add a dash of 1984, a splash of Brave New World, and there you go. However, wardrobe similarities aside Equilibrium kicks the crap out of Matrix because there is much less wire-fu, much less CGI, and Bale destroys everything stupid enough to get within ten feet of him. The Gun-kata concept was totally original. This is a must see movie for all geeks. Now that you've seen it you understand why when I heard Bale was going to be Batman it was going to 1) own 2) be a step down for Bale since he annihalated (sp) all in his path. The pistol whip scene was especially sick.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 3:49 p.m. CST

    For an awesome Equilibrium video

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    go to You Tube and search for Equlibrium and Dragula. Killer movie set to killer song. Beware spoilers

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 3:51 p.m. CST

    Matrix should never have seen sequels

    by aboriginal

    Its one of those films that should've stood on its own, gotten a 10th anniversary re-release director's cut uber hi-def BluRay DVD send-up and been done. It was long, long like an SNL skit gone too far and it only showed that the W Bros were too far in love with the look that they created and bled it out all over the screen. Trilogies are overdone these days for the sake of studio franchise dinero. The middle story can be often skipped (PotC) and picked up again like not watching a soap opera for a year and seeing the same 'ol farts up there. Originality is the meat and we're starvin' for protein. Equilibrium was very underrated and well done for a stand alone piece of story and imagery. Don't get me started on Saudi Arabia and where we bend over as a govt.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 3:57 p.m. CST

    aboriginal, that and Highlander

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    To borrow from our friend Cobra-Kai, "Highlander 2 The Quickening does not exist in this dojo."

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 4:01 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    I really never heard of this movie until you guys talked about it recently, and I probably overlooked it on my Netflix searches because of the title (not captivating). But you're right about the mix of several futuristic books. The drug concept is especially appropos considering the way America is virtually drugged into complacency, whether through pharmaceuticals or Fox News. <p> And what DID happen to Kurt Wimmer with Ultraviolet? I can't believe the same person who did this, did that.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 4:02 p.m. CST

    Thanks for that image, Kid Z...

    by Pennsy


  • Jan. 1, 2008, 4:05 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    was the Cadillac painted white. However, nothing else looked low budget - an excellent effort other directors can learn from.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 4:19 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    Methinks the Brothers Wachowski might have swiped that same scene from this movie for Matrix Revolutions. Equilibrium was made about 2 years before.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 4:19 p.m. CST

    The original title was even more boring

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    It was called Cubic in Germany. BSB you're right about Ultraviolet. Ugh.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 4:23 p.m. CST

    Although the Mozart piece as beautiful as it

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    was so reminded me of the Aida piece/scene from The Shawshank Redemption.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 5:35 p.m. CST

    kirk bones mrs. doubtfire.

    by dr.bulber

    jack bristow better be in this fucker.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 5:53 p.m. CST

    I don't care what they do

    by kungfuhustler84

    As long as they use that sweet music from the Amok Time episode! Remember the music when Kirk and Spock are fighting? Seriously though, Kirk getting it on with a lady friend to she can cheat on a test for him sounds like some lazy frat boy douche bag shit. Why not just have Kirk threaten his girlfriend in a drunken rage to help him on his test or he will withhold sex? Of course Kirk will sleep with her, he should sleep with every woman who appears in the movie, but Kirk needs no help to beat the test. One can only hope Snikkar is right. Anyway, I just watched the Amok Test episode and those fight scenes could use just a teeeeensy bit of revamping. They should get whoever handled the Bourne movie fights to do it, or maybe the guy who did Collateral. Why the fuck would a space man fight like an old person trying to play pattycake with an adversary?

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 6:02 p.m. CST

    Xiphos, yeah that piece did have some

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    oomph to it. Then the snowglobe shatters.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 6:09 p.m. CST

    Kirk Diggler in "Phaser Nights"

    by uss cygnus

    I'm a star I'm a star I'm a star. I'm a bright, shining star, Spock.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 6:43 p.m. CST

    PURE ANIMAL MAGNETISM?! Shatner Exudes These Qualities!

    by LaserPants

    He is a raging, rampaging, slab of bad method acting manmeat. Let loose his flabby, flatulant self all about the Enterprise naked and high on sexpower! "COME TO ME, BLUE WOMAN!" He would call, and mount her, and then call another, and another, and still ANOTHER! He would leave them orgasmic, panting for more godrape, wiling to sacrifice marriages, families, their very children and limbs, for yet another sweet taste of that musky thruster, another ride on on the USS KIRK, he satisfying them all with his power and majesty thirce a minute, having retained his manly fluids from a willpower so absolute as to make the very Allfather himself weep with envy.<br><br> But then, the spacecurtain parts and it is Kirks true love, his truest of true loves.. SPOCK! It is only then, in the embrace of his forbidden love, that Kirk lets loose his manly fluids in a shattering tidal wave of goo that fills the ship in seconds, drowning them all in Kirks essence. <br><br>SUDDENLY the sentient Mangoo of Kirk awakens! It activates the hyperdrive and sends the ship rocketing into a distant star! Is this the end for the crew and their wacky shenanigans? NOT SO! The ENTERPRISE: KIRK MANGOO EDITION slams into the distant star, it becomes apparent that this star, in fact, all stars, are actually eggs waiting to be fertilized! GOD-EGGS OF TEH MUTLI-VERSE!!! BADOIOIOING! And so, unto the next level of the multiverse was born KIRK the GOD, the final inheritor of all of humanity's will, creativity, and soul. LONG LIVE SHATNER!!! LONG LIVE KIRK!!! LONG LIVE US ALL!!! WOOO HOOO!!!<br><br> Thats what the movie should be about.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 6:48 p.m. CST

    Script from Star Trek II

    by snowpuff

    Call me a geek but here's the relevant quote from Star Trek II<br> <br> KIRK<br> <br> I reprogrammed the simulation so it was possible to rescue the ship.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 7:01 p.m. CST

    Kirk pushing some buttons is DEADLY BORING

    by snowpuff

    The rumor sounds reasonable.<br> <br> Just consider that filming a scene of Kirk pushing some buttons is DEADLY BORING. It won't seem exciting or innovative. Nor will Kirk.<br> <br> But shacking up with a Starfleet coed and winning the test at the same time makes for some good screen time.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 7:11 p.m. CST

    Well said, Systemsbroom

    by snowpuff

    But there's no point in arguing with people like that. They hear what they want to hear. And if you talk to them long enough, you'll find that their reasoning is circular.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 7:26 p.m. CST

    how about this...

    by lynxpro

    Kirk bones the chick that is in charge of the security around the system that administers the simulation...she allows him access and then he reprograms it. There you go. And to think Carrie Fisher makes millions fixing scripts with suggestions like that.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 7:28 p.m. CST


    by BurgerTime

    Most shocking news of '08 yet!

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 7:31 p.m. CST

    Kirk Should Bang Her While She's Reprogramming It

    by LaserPants

    Like, just to keep her focused with his sexpower. From behind. Ride em cowboy! Yeehaw!

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 7:34 p.m. CST

    Kirk Is The Ne Plus Ultra, The God, Of Male Sexual Power

    by LaserPants

    His priapus moves mountains and fills valleys and streams with cosmic DNA. KHAAAAAN!!!

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 7:37 p.m. CST


    by LaserPants

    Hear the roar? The Mighty Roar Of KING KIRK, the ALL-PRIAPUS?!?! BOW TO HIM!!! KNEEL!!! Accept the gift that he brings! SWALLOW THE GIFT WHOLE!!! The gift of FANTASY! (Cue soundtrack... ooooWEEEEoooweeeooweeeooooo! You know, the theremin thingee.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 7:40 p.m. CST

    Without SHATNER, What Do You Have?

    by LaserPants

    Nothing. Thats what. A pale imitation of the true Captain James Tiberius Kirk. Yes, thats right, I went there. I f*ckin spelled out the whole name and sh*t.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 7:41 p.m. CST

    Shatner Is Jesus

    by LaserPants

    Kirk is just the stage name.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 7:43 p.m. CST

    Jesus Is Shatner

    by LaserPants

    God is just the father. Kirk? Jesus? Jesse Ventura? Uncle Jesse? Jeb? Jesuits? Jejune? Jeep Ranch Cherokee? Jean Gray? Gene Simmons? Gene Therapy? Couples Therapy? Couples Tennis? Tennis Related Wrist Injuries? Wristwatch, Crisco? Frank Zappa? Frankly I Don't Give a Damn? Give? Give till it hurts? GIVE US SHATNER AS KIRRRRRK!!!

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 7:44 p.m. CST


    by LaserPants

    Chant it.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 7:56 p.m. CST


    by BurgerTime

    ...the Shat's cover of "Common People"? Look up his live performance on YouTube sometime. It's fucking inspiring how this guy continues to keep his star shining. In fact, it's time for him to open the WILLIAM SHATNER SCHOOL FOR AGING CELEBRITIES and teach courses in that shit. Genius.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 8:08 p.m. CST

    SHATNER Should Be Emperor Of Earth

    by LaserPants

    If his cover of "Common People" doesn't prove that to you, I don't know what will. The SHAT is all we need to know. OHM SHANTEE SHATNER! Sing it with me brothers and sisters from Earth to Rigel-7! SING IT!!!

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 8:12 p.m. CST

    Alright, Sorry, I'll Stop

    by LaserPants

    You know how it is. Sometimes ya gotta go plum loco just to keep yourself sane, ya dig? Beam me up, Scotty. I'm gonna go hit the sack. Good night, god bless, and don't let the tribbles bite! HAHAHA! Yay! No, seriously, sorry. I'm done. Goodnight. <br><Br>Love, <br><br>Laser<br><br> P.S. I think they should make a moobie outta Charlie X. He was cuckoo bananas.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 8:14 p.m. CST


    by LaserPants

    He made that ladies face disappear! YIKES! They should make a sub-trilogy of just him. And Kirk, of course, and the whole crew, GOIN NANNERS!!!

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 8:15 p.m. CST

    I'm Sorry, Sorry, For Real This Time

    by LaserPants

    Live long and prosper. *Kisses*

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 8:25 p.m. CST

    Kirk Put Flames On The Kobiashi Maru....

    by uss cygnus

    And THAT is how he got the commendation for original thinking, my friends.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 8:35 p.m. CST

    Kirk's commendation was for original THINKING

    by NoHubris

    ...not for being a lover.;-)<P>Kirk says:"I changed the conditions of the test. I received a commendation for original thinking."<P>BTW, getting computer access via "hooking up" was most recently done on BSG with Caprica Six and Baltar.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 8:54 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    Only days after his son got killed by the Klingons he's in 20th Century Earth trying to bang a marine biologist. That ain't right.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 9:54 p.m. CST

    LaserPants & Sunny D

    by buffywrestling

    Fried Gold.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 9:56 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    They were returning from Vulcan and expecting a court martial for hijacking the Enterprise to save Spock ...

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 10:36 p.m. CST

    Kirk doesn't bang chicks

    by kirttrik

    He makes love to them. It's just that he tends to make love to a whole lot of them. That's all. But it's definitely love, not banging.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 10:56 p.m. CST

    This movie has my stomach in knots

    by scrumdiddly

    Knots of foreboding, or something. I EXPECT it to suck more than any Trek ever has. But I hope it doesn't.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 11:06 p.m. CST

    And whether the rumour is true or not (most likely not)

    by scrumdiddly

    will ANY OF US be objective about this thing when it's released? If it's good, will we recognise it as being good? :( :(

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 11:32 p.m. CST

    Xiphos, sorry but you are wrong...

    by DudeOne

    BringingSexyBack has jumped in and defended someone who attacked soldiers and their service on another forum, much to my disgust and others'. And BSB always trolls for trouble, attacking people for having political beliefs, but then it's okay for him to spout his own? Doesn't make sense to me. I salute your service, though, as I have two WWII veterans in my family. Cruel_Kingdom, no-one is picking a fight here...but if BSB is going to defend people who hate soldiers, then he has to expect some criticsm too. This isn't about "propraganda."

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 11:47 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    Is that so? That's news to me. Why don't you link to that offending post/TB where I defended someone for attacking soldiers? <p> And I don't attack people for having political beliefs - I attack them for the substance of those beliefs, as many do my own. It's called debate, which you evidently lack the skills to participate in.

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 11:48 p.m. CST

    Oh and BSB, that's right...

    by DudeOne

    whenever someone says something you don't like, just call them gay...because besides hating soldiers, you obviously hate gays too. Anybody you don't hate? (Besides yourself, that is)

  • Jan. 1, 2008, 11:53 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    You're obviously very sensitive and your feelings are easily hurt. Although for someone whose only tact is to spread lies about others, you sure have pretty thin skin. As it were.

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 12:14 a.m. CST

    BSB, you mostly offended me..

    by DudeOne

    when you defended that guy who hates soldiers...which isn't a lie. As MANY people on that forum saw.

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 12:23 a.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    It's easy to link to any TB. Do so and you won't be known as a liar.

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 12:24 a.m. CST

    BSB, you are the liar here...

    by DudeOne

    calling people trolls, gays and whatever you feel like.

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 12:27 a.m. CST

    BSB, plus...

    by DudeOne

    tons of people were on that talkback...they already know that you hate soldiers. You haven't even denied it, have you?

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 12:29 a.m. CST

    If true...sounds pretty lame.

    by HellKing

    It's so cliche.

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 12:30 a.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    although the onus is on you, as the accuser, to prove it anyway. Show me the link where I denigrated any soldier or defended someone for doing so. Otherwise your little ploy will go down as the most pathetic thing ever on a Talkback. Which is saying a lot.

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 12:43 a.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    An hour and still no proof. Fucking pathetic. Using a lie involving soldiers to advance your own agenda. Typical Bush supporter.

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 1:18 a.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    You're so lame it's beyond words to describe, Dudeone. At least you've made a lasting impression as the tool who got busted for lying to make a point. A lie involving soldiers, no less. And you're a Talkback wuss, too, you sensitive little prick. Go find a Barbie message board, maybe you won't get your feelings hurt there.

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 4:28 a.m. CST

    is Bai ling in this ?

    by TimMighty

    ...just askin..

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 4:45 a.m. CST

    Hey BringingSexyBack,maybe DudeOne...

    by travis-dane

    doesnt know how to do a LINK to an POST you wrote?If I remember right you just wrote something bad about Bush and his gang(sorry if I am wrong)and almost anybody sided with you.

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 4:57 a.m. CST

    Whoever said......

    by redfist

    *He's basically Kevin Federline in space, methodically banging his way up the Starfleet ladder* Respect sir.

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 5:09 a.m. CST

    Sounds about right to me.

    by SpacePhil

    Don't really see Kirk as the programmer type anyway.

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 7:51 a.m. CST

    Where's the movie news?

    by Bobo_Vision

    Enough with this geek shit.

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 8:14 a.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    All he has to do is Google my name and soldiers to find that TB and any post where I said what he accused me of. But knowing he's lying anyway he probably doesn't want to waste the time.<p> I recall Dudeone as a right-winger in a political Talkback, probably in one of the Rendition or Redacted TBs. So of course the overall theme of those TBs was for wingnuts to call Libs soldier haters. Lots of people were involved and going back and forth but obviously I had traumatized him to such an extent that he's got some personal vendetta and feels a need to Swiftboat me. That's typical of armchair warmongers - they can't even debate on a message board, much less take up arms themselves. Hypocritical coward. <p>

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 9:11 a.m. CST

    kirk lost his virginity before his father.

    by ironic_name

    he counted to infinity. twice.<P>cap'n can tie his shoes with his feet. <P>ad nauseum.

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 9:53 a.m. CST


    by NorthAsthma

    If the purpose of the test is to reveal a candidate's reaction to inevitable failure, then if Kirk wins doesn't he fail? I'm with the guy who said, "He only cheats himself."

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 2:22 p.m. CST


    by buffywrestling

    Don't worry. You are a funny and a somewhat argumentive fuck, but no one who has actually read your posts for a long time would think that you would say that and/or mean it. I always found you to be a stand up and logical guy,,, <p> Now, spank me. V

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 3:49 p.m. CST

    ONLY Shatner Can Wear The Codpiece Of KING KIRK

    by LaserPants

    He is the only man manly enough to straddle the world, nay, the multiverse, and ram his cosmic priapus home into the mindhole of the underwhelm! BOW BEFORE HIS MAJESTY! HIS WORLD CREATING/DESTROYING COSMIC SEX POWER!!! YEAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGH!

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 3:53 p.m. CST

    And No, I Didn't Sleep AT ALL!

    by LaserPants

    I was so high from all the Sunny D, pixie sticks, and uncut colombian cocaine, to sleep easily... even in my snug Star Trek jammies! NO SLEEP 'TILL VULCAN! (Yeah, you know the Beasties ride with the Laser and King Kirk, laying pipe, impregnating star systems, making the ALLFATHER weep with envy at our power, prowess, and majesty.

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 4:28 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    Somewhat? I'm trying to be *the* most argumentative fuck out there but there aren't enough hours in the day. But thank you for noticing and backing me up. I now recall it was the Stop-Loss TB that I encountered Dudeone. He's an English Lit major whom I took to task, apparently a little too harshly for his taste. Now kindly bend over for that spanking, my palms are nicely warmed up. ;)

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 6:20 p.m. CST

    If only Bai Ling WERE in this film... :)

    by TheGhostWhoLurks

    I'd be first in line to buy tickets. Mmmmmm... Bai Ling...

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 10:05 p.m. CST

    Can we focus please?!!?

    by malificus

    Why can't we have a perfectly reasonable discussion about James T. Kirk's galaxy-renowned penis prowess without some fucking asshole bringing Bush into it? I've noticed that more and more and I, for one, am getting fucking really sick of it. There's like 10 jillion politics-based forums out there to vent on, why do you people keep coming on here and talking politics? I actually played along once but now it's just pissing me off, fuck all you politics crybabies, trolls, counter-trolls and counter-counter crybaby politic trolls! Fucking douchebags...

  • Jan. 2, 2008, 11:59 p.m. CST

    The only way this could work:

    by fractureJonze

    The only way this would work would be if he just told her to make it winnable, but not let him know what the trick to winning was. This way he could defend himself in front of the council, because it's not like he had the cheat sheet. He would have still figured it out for himself. Otherwise I would have liked the idea of him being the popular jock type who unexpectedly knew his shit enough to re-code a simulator.

  • Jan. 3, 2008, 6:50 a.m. CST

    Not a trekkie, but...

    by DannyOcean01

    Based on the films, Kirk never came across like Picard. What exactly is wrong with him re-programming the simulation based on what he'd obtained through coercion or simply fucking a techie? (He still re-programs it, he just doesn't come up with the codes himself). Why the fucking beef?

  • Jan. 3, 2008, 12:20 p.m. CST

    I read the script too

    by ironburl

    You people fail to realize that he got a commendation not for simply banging a techie, he also banged the entire board of regents! Well! KIRK FTW!!

  • Jan. 3, 2008, 12:30 p.m. CST

    War is Over (if you want it)

    by ironburl

    "Sir Ken (MacDonald, director of Public Prosecutions in Britian) pointed to the rhetoric around the "war on terror" - which has been adopted by Tony Blair and ministers after being coined by George Bush - to illustrate the risks. He said: "London is not a battlefield. Those innocents who were murdered on July 7 2005 were not victims of war. And the men who killed them were not, as in their vanity they claimed on their ludicrous videos, 'soldiers'. They were deluded, narcissistic inadequates. They were criminals. They were fantasists. We need to be very clear about this. On the streets of London, there is no such thing as a 'war on terror', just as there can be no such thing as a 'war on drugs'." Yep.

  • Jan. 6, 2008, 8:48 a.m. CST

    Why Command of Enterprise makes sense:

    by Crooner1212

    There seems to be this little factor that EVERYONE has forgotten relating to the Kobyashi Mary test and Kirk receiving command of the Enterprise. The Kobyashi Maru test is NOT something given to all Starfleet cadets; it is reserved only for officers who RETURN to the academy to attend COMMAND SCHOOL. Look at TWOK. It begins with Lieutenant Savikk taking the test. Cadets are not officers, they are cadets. Savikk is in COMMAND SCHOOL, following a few years of active service. The actual US Navy has a similar structure; you go to the academy, get your commission, then begin service. After a while, if you want certain advancements, there are schools to prepare you for certain higher positions. Ever heard of the Naval War College? Theoretically, Kirk would go to Command School as a Lieutenant (keeping the FARRAGUT story in continuity) or even as a commander. He was, after all, supposed to be the youngest captain in the history of Starfleet, taking command of the Enterprise at 29.

  • Jan. 15, 2008, 11:36 a.m. CST

    bones.lick my stones.spock,suck my cock

    by patrick2006