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Capone would kinda like to turn THE WATER HORSE into stamp glue... kinda...
THE WATER HORSE: LEGEND OF THE DEEP
Hey, everyone. Capone in Chicago here.
With no Narnia or Harry Potter tales to fulfill our burning need for (sort of) child-friendly entertainment this holiday season, we instead get the slightly safer though still mildly entertaining story of THE WATER HORSE, a clever spin of the story behind the Loch Ness Monster. The story begins in the present day in a bar with Brian Cox telling a pair of young American tourists traveling through Scotland about the story behind the famous photo of Nessie. The tale he spins begins during World War II, when all seafront parts of the UK were fearful of German U-boats sneaking up on their shores. Young Angus (Alex Etel, the younger brother from MILLIONS) finds a mysterious stone among the rocks near his beachfront home, where he lives with his sister and his mother (Emily Watson). His father had died in the war, but he doesn't know that because his mother can't bring herself to tell the kids. In the father's absence, Ben Chaplin's Lewis is brought in as a handyman. When the odd-looking stone turns out to be an oversized egg that hatches a small dinosaur-like creature, Angus does everything in his power to keep the little monster hidden from view while trying to keep the ravenous thing fed.
Eventually Angus finds he must confide in his sister and Lewis, who seems to think the creature (named Crusoe) is a water horse, a fabled creature so rare that only one of them can live on the earth at a time. As soon as one dies, the egg of another hatches (Lewis' explanation of how the water horse species reproduces is a bit awkward). When a group of British military show up at the family's doorstep with the intention of setting up a stronghold to protect the exposed lake from potential invaders, the job of hiding Crusoe (who seems to grow exponentially the more he eats) becomes more difficult. Director Jay Russell (LADDER 49; MY DOG SKIP) has essentially taken a boy-and-his-dog story (based on the book by Dick King-Smith) and applied it to this creature of fantasy.
I certainly didn't have any problems with the acting in THE WATER HORSE. I particularly liked Etel's performance, although his character is called upon to have a temper tantrum, run away and disappear so often, I got a little tired of it. Watson and Chaplin do the most with their characters, who are clearly meant to be in the early stages of falling in love. The film's bigger problems begin and end with the military aspect. David Morrissey as the captain in charge has a crush on Watson, and it's a plotline that seems to serve no other purpose than to drag the story out longer than it needs to be. I'm not a big fan of Morrissey to begin with (his starring roles in BASIC INSTINCT 2 and THE REAPING didn't exactly set my world on fire), but here he's supposed to be on the lookout for Germans, and instead he's courting this Scottish widow. The kids will love that. The special effects from Weta that bring Crusoe to life are not some of their best work, but the way that Angus and the creature interact when Crusoe gets to be too massive for the house and must be moved to the loch are impressive. In the end, THE WATER HORSE didn't charm me or fill me with a sense of wonder the way it was striving a little too hard to do. The quality of the acting made watching this movie a painless experience, but in the end, the film didn't win me over. That being said, kids will probably eat up some of the more slapstick elements of the film, as Crusoe is set loose in the house, knocking over everything he even comes near. He belches a lot, too. I think that sums up my feeling on the film better than anything I could say.
Capone
I want an inflatable WaterHorse Swimming Pool Toy!
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+ Expand All
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Looks just the sea monster on Surface.
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it's at. yo.
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This is gonna be the next Star Wars!!
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And then the review says that it belches. Well I guess it's a little more high brow than I gave it credit for. Parents my age have it a lot harder than my parents had it. In my day, there weren't nearly as many silly kids movies like this that you had to drag the little bastards to. It was Pinnochio, The Fox and the Hound and then they just gave up and took me to Aliens. I'm glad I grew up back then.
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You be the only mutha who works on a weekend. You will never find headgeek doing that
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I'll skip this one
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Clearly the "water horse" is a Pletheosaur. I mean Iam outraged that we are just teaching todays youth that the legendary Nessy is nothing more than a horse of the water. Like chicken of the sea. Is this a documentary? Im curently working on my unauthorized auto biography.
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I can't imagine why he'd get involved in this otherwise. Oh well, if it helps him fund his involvement in better films and theater, I'm all in favor of it.
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"meh"
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savoir faire is everywhere.
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And all the trailers were for the same children's-fantasy-adventure movies... there were like 6 of them. This genre is going to be raped for all the money it can make which sucks because a lot of these types of movies can be quite entertaining.
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And so has Brian Cox. Who knew that the two would have something in common?
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yeah
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This movies going under........water...*cough*
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provided it's filled with violence, gore, gratuidous nudity and sex. Oh and no children either in the film or the theatre.
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How long before the porn industry churns out THE WATER WHORES?
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A cutesy effects movie to help the kids kill a couple hours over the holidays. What else did you expect?
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Rumours have been dropped about a possible 8th Harry Potter book. 'Cause you know Rowling's gotta eat!!
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I was completely enthralled with the idea of Nessie as a pre-teen, so I'm there.
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The story of a young boy who finds a small, hairy beast and raises it into the legendary sasquatch.
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I hate the commercials the creatures face looks retarted. Like it always is saying "Duh!"
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hey, well, i always loved the loch ness myth, so i was hoping this movie was going to be cool. i will still watch it on dvd tho! i like cgi monsters. also a myth, is the fact BIN LADEN is still alive. according to BHUTTO, in november she proclaimed, 'BIN LADEN WAS MURDERED' google BHUTTO BIN LADEN DEAD YOUTUBE! she says it herself! BIN LADEN IS DEAD, lets rejoice, at least we got one bad guy out of the way!!!
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Dec 30, 2007 12:39:41 AM CST
Instead of this they should have made a
by nomoredirtyjokespleaseweareyanks
piece of shit remake of the piece of shit film 'Baby-Secret of the Lost Legend, and here's the twist. William Katt is played by William Katt.
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now then, what do we know? one, that professor fassbinder and his daughter have been kidnapped. two, that someone has kidnapped them. three, that my hand is on fire.
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xiphos, great joke, no joke! but lets hope RON PAUL wins, so we can find out for sure! i wish i was getting paid for these posts, the reason i do this, is because i hope to save THOUSANDS of dollars next year, when RON PAUL ends taxes! so in 2008, i will watch the loch ness movie on dvd and in 2008 i will VOTE FOR RON PAUL.
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email XIPHOS@newscorp.com. its obvious XIPHOS loves loves loves the mainstream media, he always bashes RON PAUL. did you help murdoch BAN RON PAUL from the debates tomorrow??? you say there is no fix, yet they BAN RON PAUL??? or you must be rich. see, when you are making 150k a year, and have to drop 50k in taxes, you still have 100k to play with. when us normal people are making 35k a year, and when i have to pay 10k in taxes, you only have 25k to play with after! so XIPHOS must be rich, because he LOVES TAXES. me, i want taxes GONE. i also want the FREEDOM OF PRESS, which murdoch DOES NOT. that is why, if you agree with XIPHOS, email him at XIPHOS@newscorp.com, if not, if you are like me, and you want to save THOUSANDS a year, i am going to, in 2008, i am going to VOTE FOR RON PAUL!
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At first I didn't pay any attention to your incessant Ron Paul TBs, but this has convinced me. I'm voting for Ron Paul in the next election. And I'm Canadian! So maybe Ron Paul will be the next Prime Minister.
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xiphos. its hard for someone like yourself, working for newscorp and making 200k a year, to understand what it is like for a regular joe like me, to have to shell out 10k a year in taxes. see, when someone in the 'upper class' like yourself, only has to pay 75k a year, you still have 125 large to play with. so to you, there are no problems with govt. you do not mind the PATRIOT ACT has taken away all of our rights, you do not see the racism all around you. you sit in your lap of luxury on park avenue, going to your country clubs, flying first class, and think, 'THE WORLD IS GREAT!!! look how much money i have! who cares about the working man!!! who cares about taxes!!!' but most regular people DO care about paying an illegal income tax. most people DO CARE about police being able to barge in your house without a warrent. most people DO CARE about our brave soldiers dying on fucking foreign soil. most people DO CARE about the govt eavesdropping on anything they want. most people DO CARE about ending all wars TOMORROW. but some people, like XIPHOS, living in his sheltered 'upperclass' lifestyle, has NO CLUE how ordinary AMERICANS have to scrape by everyday. XIPHOS i applaud you for being played by the massmedia. XIPHOS i applaud you for being rich, and not having a care in the world. XIPHOS i APPLAUD you for being so suckered into the mainstream media, you actually WANT to pay taxes! they got you so wound up, you are ASKING THEM, begging them, to GIVE them your money! i applaud your efforts, to keep paying an illegal income tax. i applaud your efforts, to allow illegal immigrants to take away AMERICAN JOBS. XIPHOS, i applaud you for thinking outsourcing is 'good for business' and who cares about the working joe! yup XIPHOS, i applaud you, being glued to CNN, FOX, MSNBC, etc, every night, watching their versions of the news! so go ahead mock me all you want! and yes, it was a BRILLIANT joke, so again, if ANYONE has agrees with XIPHOS, email him promptly, at xiphos@newscorp.com. he OBVIOUSLY is a plant working for the mainstream media, because he obviously helped in BANNING RON PAUL from the debates tomorrow night! its funny, but if you can HONESTLY say, the candidate who made the MOST MONEY last year, should be banned by a debate??? come on, how can you HONESTLY look at that FACT, and not question what is going on here! but let us not forget, XIPHOS works for RUPERT MURDOCHS monopolies. XIPHOS makes 200k a year, so he does not know what it is like, to have to worry about rent. XIPHOS knows it all, because he works for the grandest provider of 'factual' news there is! so i APPLAUD XIPHOS, for helping BAN RON PAUL, who made the most money EVER, in 1 day, XIPHOS helped ban him from a debate! lets all give XIPHOS a hand folks, because he deserves it. XIPHOS will vote for whoever rupert murdoch tells him to vote for in 2008. but me? im just a working joe, and i in 2008 i am going to VOTE FOR RON PAUL.
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...the lead-up to Peter Morgan and Stephen Frears' "The Queen." He's quite spectacular in it.
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Obama better watch out. The Water horsey's Plot is right out of Surface based on the scenes in the trailer I saw. I'm an old Nessie fan so this will get a rental some day.
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Obama better watch out. The Water horsey's Plot is right out of Surface based on the scenes in the trailer I saw. I'm an old Nessie fan so this will get a rental some day.
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Not drunk.
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xiphos just works for a dumbfuck. xiphos is just a rich guy who has not a care in the world, and he has a boss named rupert murdoch who aims to keep the rich rich, and the working man down. so yeah, xiphos will vote for whoever rupert murdoch, HIS BOSS, tells him to vote for. but me, i am going to VOTE FOR RON PAUL! sorry this got off track guys! i love movies, and i just wanted to chat movies and mention RON PAUL as well. so xiphos and I will VOTE FOR RON PAUL in 2008!
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Since it looks like this movie will bomb in the BO that beast needs all the support it can get.
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sorry i got off topic of movies a-license!
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FUCK YEAH. CELTIC!!!!!!
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What the fuck?
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Dec 30, 2007 8:30:57 AM CST
Huh? Xiphos is a millionaire robot who works for Murdoch?
by iammrmonkey!
Xiphos - I feel cheated. All of our pleasant little chats on these TalkBacks and you never told me all this.I thought we were friends? *Sobs*
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... of Nessie. That two dudes managed to scam a gullible public for over 60 years using nothing more than a toy boat modified with papier mache and a cheap, unfocused camera.
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Why don't YOU do the real story? Grab a camcorder, make a papier mache Nessie, write a script. Why turn it over to "They"?
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Morrissey has a great trak record on British TV. Especially in 'The Deal' and 'Blackpool'. But when it comes to film, he either has a bad agent or poor judgement. Trying to crack Hollywood with Basic Instinct 2? Anyone could (and should) have told him that was a bad move before a single frame was shot.
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In the words of the chat room girl from To Catch a Predator: "for reals."
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Do you think I need to go in for a check-up?
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I've noticed that my beloved bulldog is easily the most used (and abused) breed of dog in film. One of the trailors for WH has lots of bulldog footage, I was curious about his performance and if he has done any work prior to this film. Additionaly the newest Rock film had a bulldog in it, but I have yet to see that one yet. Here are a few other films that have been elevated by bulldogs; Garfield, A Tale of 2 Kittys (talking bulldog, extra points), The Lady Killers (Bulldog died point taken), Pee Wee's Big Adventure, Click, Little Nicky, Sudden Impact, All Dogs Go To Heaven, Homeward Bound, Lost in the City . . .
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Kids don't require farting or burping in their movies. Actually, my seven year-old nephew groaned when one of the characters in some lame flick he was watching, let loose. he looked at me, and simply said "lame." There's a reason that Bambi didn't fart.
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was this movie even made? Because it looks like a pretty penny, but the ads make it look like it would appeal to no one. This movie looks like the Ted Danson movie that came out in the 90s, I saw that and enjoyed it. Also once the company behind this movie saw how hard The Golden Compass tanked they should've come up with a new strategy. Kids now a days have no imagination or patience these days. Hopefully with the failure of this and Compass companies will stop trying to turn every kiddie adventure book into a movie, and save it for the surefire hits. Also for the bastardization of classic kiddie stuff (Alevin). Alevin is proof that not everything about movies is set in stone, the movie has no right pulling in the sort of money it is, but it is and doing a good job at it. So when you people complain that the monster burps, that is just the producers realizing that they have wasted a lot of money on something that interests no one and are trying to give it some appeal. Because I am pretty sure Alevin and co. fart, burb and eat excrement.
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my wife and I were planning to vote for Ron Paul. As a result of the contant trolling of these talkbacks, and similar internet websites we frequent (where yes, they are using the word-for-word identical posts), we are no longer going to vote for Ron Paul - why? Because his supporters have made us both VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.
So pat yourselves on the back, Ron Paul Internet Interns - you just lost 2 votes with your idiocy. -
...... Did Harry have a New Years party and get the entire fucking staff drunk, sick and hungover on high-fat eggnog spiked with grain alcohol and barrels full of homemade Chex Party Mix? Right now they're all gathered around the only toilet in Harry's flat doing a "circle hurl."
And yeah... I am posting this to every Talkback... Statrt the new year right by being a dick, yeah? -
Shogunshit you are a fucknut. The "tax" numbers your are throwing out there make you look like a grade A dipshit. But, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and guess you've never seen a tax form in your life. The extent of idiocy is astounding. I salute you! shhhhh...dont look now...Dick Cheaney is behind you....muuuahahahahahahaha
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