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John Robie looks at THE MUSE
Well it seems that the cat thief John Robie was busy last night stealing glances at movies yet to come. Well, folks we've had a lot of reports on Albert Brooks' next film, THE MUSE, and so far they've been "Pretty Good" and "O...K..." and well.... Robie throws in his opinion, but you know... For my book, Albert here is one of them there acquired taste thingees that my tongue palate doesn't quite enjoy. But.... Here's a spoonful anyways.
Muse review—
Albert Brooks is a dumb ass, albeit a funny as hell one. Why the hell didn’t he push for The Muse to open
the same weekend of The Phantom Menace? It’s not that crazy an idea. Number 1 The Muse is about as
completely different from The Phantom Menace as a movie can possibly be. Number 2 theaters are going
to be insane that weekend, and the spillover crowd who’s already there but of course didn’t get into TPM
is going to want to see something, preferably new. Number 3 the movie audience in America isn’t just
men 15-35 and men who wish they were 15-35. There’s a huge untapped market of people who could care
less about Star Wars (as you all recoil, aghast) and would actually, with noses pointed northward, gladly
tell all their friends of how they didn’t bother with that childish Star Wars prattle and instead “saw the
new Albert Brooks film.” Number 4 it’s worked in the past. On the weekend Mission: Impossible came
out the only other new movie that opened was Spy Hard. Spy Hard made 10 million bucks that weekend.
Open Spy Hard any other day of the year and it won’t make enough to get you half a 40 of Colt 45. Now
granted, the Mummy is going to be out, and that flick will kick ass (the script is a really fun read), but
what adult comedies will be out at the time? None. Perfect time for Brooks to go in for the kill with a
comedy to appeal to the crowd that isn’t into “ha ha funny Will Smith when do we get to hear the cool
new rap song?” You could even use the whole “opening the same weekend as Star Wars” in the marketing
campaign. Even if it bombed, wouldn’t it be kinda fun to be the movie that goes down in history as the
flick that was dopey enough to open against Star Wars?
It’s not like this is Brooks’ last movie; though this one isn’t great, I still think Mr. Brooks has got a
couple wonderful comedies in him. Seeing as the whole Star Wars tidal wave won’t have even crested by
the time the leaves change color, and consequently box office buck is going to be drawn away from all
movies, why not go for broke on the big weekend? Can’t you just see the suit reading this now getting all
pissed that a little geek is talking marketing strategy? “What they hell does he know, I got this job
because….ew, baby, too much teeth…” (that last said to the prostitute beneath his desk).
But really, who gives a crap about when a movie opens? The only important question is whether it’s any
good. The Muse, though it’s got some awesome bits and scenes, doesn’t amount to a heck of a lot. With
some trimming—and I stress that the version I saw was pretty raw—the thing could be all right, but I still
don’t think it can rank up there with his best. The biggest problem here, for me at least, is that it’s a
Hollywood story. People entrenched in Hollywood are just like people entrenched in their own little
society circles in any city or town; they think that what goes on in their lives, their circle of peers, is the be
all end all most important deal going. When screenwriters write movies about the movie industry they
tend to forget that the little guy with the glasses sitting in the theater in Boise is just as important as the
glamour queen with the boob job sitting in the theater in Beverly Hills. They’re both patrons of the
movies, they’re both ticket goers. Sitting in a theater is the great equalizer. The material—if it’s going to
be a big studio movie—has got to play everywhere. The only difference between the Boise guy and the
Beverly Hills gal is that eight bucks might mean a whole lot more to him than her. That and he probably
don’t have a chest full of silicone.
So you’ve got to entertain them all. The Muse is about a Hollywood scriptwriter—and lose all
preconceived notions about a guy striving for his “art” before you walk in the door—who has lost his
creativity and needs a shot in the arm so he can write a big summer comedy. The shot in the arm comes
from The Muse. Albert Brooks is the writer, Sharon Stone is the Muse, and I’m gay. Not really.
I was going to go on a whole riff about Brooks being a dark Capra, but I’ll forgo that spiel to talk about
the movie. The thing starts off great, with Brooks getting an award for screenwriting that’s more an
indication that his character’s career has run its course than a symbol that he’s going to come up with
anything new. There’s a funny dig at James Cameron in his acceptance speech, one of the only few
Hollywood things that will actually play because the words are funny even if you don’t know the story
behind them. The first twenty minutes or so of the movie runs well. Brooks’s character can’t come up with
a story, the studio executive he meets with is played to a tee, there are a few great scenes of Brooks’
character trying to get onto the Universal lot for a meeting with Steven Spielberg. Some of the laughs are
a bit esoteric, but through and through this is good stuff so far.
Then some shit starts to rain down. Brooks is always funny in his (his--not necessarily other’s) movies,
and usually his supporting cast is more than up to snuff. Lost in America, man, Julie Hagerty was so good
in that. Mother, boy oh boy, was Debbie Reynolds ever great. Here, though, it’s the supporting cast that’s
got the problems. Sharon Stone is supposed to be the Muse, a Greek Goddess or near god or something
whose one of nine or ten that roams the earth and inspires. Personally, if she’s gonna inspire me at all, she
should have a bigger rack. Aside from the tit factor I just didn’t buy her as the Muse. She just comes
across as “very purposefully trying to be zany.” She’s damn close to nailing it, but in the end I just didn’t
buy into her whole deal as much as I should have. It’s not like the lady can’t act; she proved that with
Allan Quartermain and the Lost City of Gol.. errr, I mean Casino. Andie McDowell is his wife. Early on
she ain’t that bad, but as the story progresses—with her coming up with this cookie baking scheme—she
just starts to grate. I like McDowell. Her voice was just so beautiful in Greystoke. Congratulations for the
three of you who got that one. Here, though, she just seems uncomfortable. Uncomfortable around the
table eating dinner, uncomfortable talking with Brooks, uncomfortable making the cookies.
Supremely uncomfortable in two scenes talking, over a meal, with Sharon Stone. And here is where I
think I lose really liking the movie. If Mr. Brooks—who I consider a bit of a modern day Sturges
sometimes, I think that highly of him—is reading this, I can only plead for one thing; please cut the two
conversations-over-a-meal between Stone and McDowell. At least trim them down. Have a driving techno
beat in the background so we don’t notice how awkward the talking is, have a CG monkey climb over the
tables in the restaurant and throw its feces at the patrons. Anything to distract me. Stone and McDowell
seem so uncomfortable talking to each other that I got squeamish sitting there in the theater. It’s like
watching a guy eat worms. Besides that there’s just no flow to the dialogue as delivered.
Stone is this Muse who is so inspiring that she inspires Brooks’ character to write…a dopey stupid
comedy about a guy who inherits a big aquarium. I get it, okay, the satire is deeper than I think, the
aquarium thing is showing how dumb some of the movies Hollywood comes up with are. But people are
going to see this and go, “The big great idea he comes up with is dope inherits aquarium, fish are funny,
hilarity ensues? Man that’s lame.” There’s a scene of Brooks’ character explaining his script to his
wife—with her laughing at all the “funny” stuff that happens in the script—that left every person in the
theater going, “Wha’ planet am I on? Why is she laughing? That sounds moronic.”
There’s a whole big sub-plot about McDowell coming up with this cookie business. She wants to make
cookies for a living because she makes these wonderful cookies, oh they’re so lovely. Okay then, make the
friggin’ cookies. Brooks’ character gets angry for a great part of the movie because the Muse seems to be
helping McDowell get her cookie business off the ground more than helping him write a script. My friend,
you have been nominated for an Oscar (this is to Brooks’ character). You’ve got a real nice house, a good
family, you don’t seem to be wanting for cash. Your wife wants to start a business, and it looks like it’s
going to be successful…and you’re complaining? Shut up, let her make a ton of money in the cookie
business, and kick back to refresh the batteries. Then write your script. The feeling here should be that
Brooks’ character feels like he’s got nothing left to create, that he’s tapped, that he’ll never do anything
worthwhile again. This would be good, but instead the feeling is that Brooks’ character is a whiner who
cares the world about what a bunch of asshole studio executives and society snobs think about him. Even
though that type of sentiment is true to Hollywood, it does nothing to endear the audience to the character.
Hopefully this thing will change a bunch by the time it comes out. It’s got some great bits, not doubt about
that. There’s a tennis match that had me pissing myself, there’s some very funny cameos by James
Cameron and Martin Scorsese, there’s a dialogue between Brooks’ character and this Italian guy that’s
has me chuckling right now. And there are some great bits of Brooks just being the typical Brooksinian
character. Did I just coin a term? And the ending, though the whole last ten minutes happens way too
quickly, is a nice little twist. When you see it, seriously, Brooks is a darker version of Capra. Each of his
movies has the most goofy deus ex machinas endings…oh I won’t bore you. I hope to God Brooks works
on the flow of this thing and cuts back on the extraneous junk. Of course this shouldn’t be dumbed down
so everyone can get the jokes. Some people have mom’s like in Mother, some don’t. For those of us that
do that movie was so dead on funny it was near therapy. And the whole “release it on the same day as
Star Wars” thing? The first two paragraphs of this review are for the sole purpose of finding out if anyone
would only read the first two paragraphs of this review, get pissed, and write a mean, angry diatribe in the
talkback. So while The Muse isn’t that stupendous as a whole, it’s got more than a few scenes of pure
Brooks delight. They’re going to be laughing their ass off when he shows his life’s high light reel up in
heaven.
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The part about Andie MacDowells' voice in Tarzan was very funny. Anyway, I too like Albert Brooks. To me, he's like a funnier, less neurotic version of Woody Allen, only all his movies aren't exactly the same. Someone should have the balls to release a movie the same day as Star Wars and, if Albert did it, at least people might finally figure out who he is. Mother was hilarious and I loved him in Broadcast News and Out of Sight. I still have to check out Lost in America, but at least I want to. the movie sounds like it has a clever plot behind it (Adam Sandler isn't in it, that's a step in the right direction)but it's true. People in Hollywood should realize that Hollywood is no the center of the Earth. Get Shorty was good because, evn though it was about Hollywood, it had characters people could relate to. Well-written characters (God, do we need more of those)! I hope this movie improves and I hope it makes some money, although I know this will never happen becase the average moviegoer sees a poster for Big Daddy and starts to laugh. Whereas I see the poster for Big Daddy (Adam Sandler and a kid pissing on the door of a court room) and I want to go postal!
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It's called, Notting Hill. And that was a great move, cause I think That film will make mad bank. It would have even if it had it's own weekend, but on this weekend, It will be huge.
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I really, really, really, just can't see it. I have been a Brooks fan for years, but, I just am not sure about the Muse.
As for opening it May 21st, well, something has to be in the 1 or 2 theaters (out of 25 - 30) that TPM is not in.
Perhaps they will be re-releasing Wing Commander to so everyone who missed this wonderful Sci-FI spectacular will now have a chance. I mean, didn't anyone, er everyone, just rave about this picture?
Or, dedicate one whole theater into playing the trailer for TPM. This will keep everyone going until thier showing starts!
BTW: When is the planned release date for The Muse? -
At least Sharon Stone didn't inspire anyone to create the world's most elaborate roller disco... compared to that, I'd say that even a dumb summer comedy about an aquarium is pretty sensible. BTW, I got the Andie MacDowell/Greystoke joke too.
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Wasn't 'Rushmore' an aquarium comedy? And everyone knows that Rushmore was one of the best films last year. Certainly, at least tied for best comedy with 'Big Lebowski'... sounds like The Muse hasn't been getting better with each screening. Maybe Brooks really needs a muse himself?
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I can't believe he wants this to open against Star Wars. Those people who avoid Star Wars are assholes. I'm not even gonna read past those first two paragraphs, I'm so angry. Really.
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- but I certainly don't "know" that Rushmore was the best comedy of last year. In fact, I thought it was pretty lame. It started out funny, and then as the movie progressed, the laughs evaporated. It's always a bad sign when you think the movie is about to end (the flying the model airplane scene toward the end) and are really excited, but then are crushed to discover that there is more movie to be had. I liked Bill Murray in it though - man, he can be funny when given the right part. As to the Muse, I'll probably be seeing it, but I don't know, it just doesn't appeal to me the way that past Brooks projects have. We'll see.
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Notting Hill isn't opening directly against Star Wars, as far as I know (I thought that was May 28, the next weekend?) The Love Letter is. Thank God they decided to open at least *one* other movie that weekend, for those five or six of us who have no intention of seeing Star Wars opening day or any other day. As for The Muse, Andie MacDowell's been looking uncomfortable in every movie she's done lately. She looked uncomfortable in the trailer for Just the Ticket (and who wouldn't be uncomfortable, challenged with attempting to create some kind of romantic chemistry with Andy Garcia?) Still, Albert Brooks can do almost no wrong, I think.
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First ,Andie McDowells voice was dubbed over in Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan,Lord of the Apes. The actual voice was ,in fact, Glenn Close. Course,I adore Andie... she has that "Snow White" look about her... Anyways,maybe i am a bit behind in my movie terms,but what the hell is an "Aquarium Movie"? Id appreciate any illumination on this subject...Thus Spaketh Hikaru
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Well, on top of everything else, to release it the 'Star Wars' weekend would put Albert Brooks in direct competition with his brother's "Super Dave" movie that opens the week before 'SW1' and I don't think Albert would let them do that. Like all of Brooks' movies, I'm sure it will be great and I'm sure it will find little or no audience. Who cares? The man's a genius, and the fact that the masses don't get or like him actually warms my heart a bit. But why this isn't a fall release, I don't understand. Certainly it would have a better chance at finding whatever audience that is there in the cooler months when not practically every movie is an FX-driven elephant. I fear it will face the same fate as great little movies like "Quick Change" and be lost in the shuffle (and yes, not only was "Rushmore" the best comedy of last year, but the best FILM).
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I got the Greystoke joke too. Very funny. Is it more or is John Robie's reviews getting bertter and better. I WAS really looking forward to this movie but after this review I'm not so sure. Albert Brooks is good, but one can only go so long without dropping the ball sometime. But we have to remember the Mother is a hard act to follow up so i can forgive him, this once
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I got the Greystoke joke too. Very funny. Is it more or is John Robie's reviews getting bertter and better. I WAS really looking forward to this movie but after this review I'm not so sure. Albert Brooks is good, but one can only go so long without dropping the ball sometime. But we have to remember the Mother is a hard act to follow up so i can forgive him, this once
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