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AICN COMICS REVIEWS LOEG:THE BLACK DOSSIER! SOON I WILL BE INVINCIBLE! ALL STAR BATMAN! INFINITE HORIZON! & MORE!

#30 11/29/07 #6
Logo by Ambush Bug

The Pull List (Click title to go directly to the review) THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN: THE BLACK DOSSIER HC GN SOON I WILL BE INVINCIBLE: A Novel ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN #116 COUNTDOWN #22 THE INFINITE HORIZON #1 TEEN TITANS #53 WONTON SOUP OGN DOC FRANKENSTEIN #6 ALL STAR BATMAN & ROBIN THE BOY WONDER #8 CHEAP SHOTS!

THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN: BLACK DOSSIER HC GN

Writer: Alan Moore Artist: Kevin O’Neill Publisher: ABC Comics Reviewer: Prof. Challenger

There is, past Britain’s tip, like to a gate, A blazing world, door to a diff’rent plane. There Prop’ro goes, nor shall his league remain, But in Time follow to another state, ‘Til when the years have in their hundreds passed, “Til other men else women lead my band And in this Blazing World shall take their stand.
Black Dossier is only superficially a comic book/graphic novel. It is more of a self-indulgent therapy session for the obsessions of unhinged writer Alan Moore. And even recognizing that, I found it one of the most fascinating and engrossing pieces of artistic excess I’ve ever plodded through – and it took me over two weeks to get through it all.
We have reached a period of time in which certain authors are given carte blanche to write without editorial intervention. It’s why J.K. Rowling, for example, jumped from a simple 300 page book to kick off the Harry Potter series and eventually produced a bloated monster with “Order of the Phoenix” that ran well over 1,000 pages – so long, in fact, that the publisher reduced the font to get the page count under 1,000. Stephen King eventually used his well-earned clout to dig out his heavily edited masterpiece, “The Stand”, and release it completely unedited so that all his self-indulgent wanderings could be shared with the world. And in both of the cases I just cited, the results were engrossing. I enjoyed them not so much because the story could not have been better had it encountered reasonable edits but precisely because the lack of outside editing provided greater insight into the mind of the writers.
Alan Moore, as a writer, has never been known for his self-restraint. More than any writer, he is the one who mainstreamed sexual content in the above-ground comic book market. It’s something only he could get away with because he is someone who writes because writing is the air he breathes; the food he eats; the water he drinks; all that he is. There’s the level of writing ability that the great comic writers sit on and Moore always sits at least one level up from that – all by himself. I honestly think he has broken from our reality and lives in another plane of perception, and his published works over the last 10-15 years demonstrate a completely altered perception of the world. PROMETHEA was his longform examination of this skewed view of the universe. LOST GIRLS was his intellectual masturbatory exploration of his own obsession with sex in all its various forms and perversities. LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN was another intellectual exercise, this time challenging himself to craft an all-fictional continuity that seems to have taken hold of his mind and heart and spiraled into outright obsession.
BLACK DOSSIER is Alan Moore’s magnum opus and it really transcends anything else that I can think of within the genre. It defies the simple good/bad determination because it’s not just a simple narrative. There is a narrative, but it’s as thin as can be simply to move the main characters of Mina Murray and Alan Quartermain from point A (London 1958) to point B (The Blazing World). The narrative also serves as a framing device for the documents that make up the “Black Dossier,” which is the most fascinating aspect of this book. These documents are incredibly dense textually as Moore chamelonizes his own writing to produce widely varied works by other writers, such as a previously unseen Shakespeare play, a Jeeves and Wooster (J&W meet Cthulhu – yes, really) story, a new Fanny Hill story, editorial cartoons, government tracts, even a sleazy crime magazine written in nonsensical stream of consciousness style, and more. Each document is printed on different paper stocks and sizes as your would expect to see in a dossier along with handwritten notations. Somehow Moore is able to interconnect these disparate documents to present to the committed reader a surprisingly coherent chronology of the period of time between the end of the second volume of the LOEG and this final volume.
Through the textual documents and the visual elements throughout the book, Moore peppers his story with esoterica and characters beyond the ability of any one person to identify. As opposed to the earlier two volumes where the story was primary and Moore confined most of his intellectual dances with continuity for the backup text pieces, in this volume every panel and page of this book is filled with fictional characters and references well beyond what he has ever done before. It appears that every background character or image is an actual fictional character, whether from text, comic strips, cartoons, or even cereal boxes (yes, Tony the Tiger makes a living appearance). In an amazing turn of creative harmony, Moore absorbs the events of the novel 1984 as a ten-year period of totalitarianism that, in 1958, the world is just now recovering from following the death of the man who was Big Brother. And somehow it works.
The main secondary characters for this story are James Bond, Emma Night (Peel), and Hugo (Bulldog) Drummond. However, because of copyright issues, Bond is referred to only as “Jimmy” and the events obviously predate Emma’s marriage to the mysterious Mr. Peel, so she’s simply “Em.” Bulldog Drummond is a famously hardboiled rough-and-tumble detective. The three of them are chasing down Murray and Quartermain in an attempt to recover the Black Dossier that they lifted. Moore’s characterization of all three secondary characters is actually pretty accurate. Drummond is quite insanely dangerous throughout his stories and is likewise presented that way here. Bond is a completely untrustworthy low-rent misogynist, exactly like he appears in Fleming’s early novels (quite unlike the tuxedo-friendly character who appeared in the movies up until Daniel Craig). Emma’s smart enough to know how to play both the lecherous Bond and her over-protective godfather, Drummond.
Where the book will likely go awry for most readers is the last act of the book. This is pure Moore and his rather insane worldview that sees all realities, whether physical or fictional, as coexistent and equally real. When Murray and Quartermain reach The Blazing World (basically a fantastical supernatural heavenly repository for all fictional characters who have achieved the proper level of enlightenment or understanding) the reader’s perception is forced to change. At this point the reader is expected to put on the red and green 3D glasses(included with the book). The Blazing World is a place of artistic beauty, with artist Kevin O’Neill pulling out all the stops and Ray Zone providing the 3D separations. In this world where the natural limitations of the physical world are thrown out the window, all things conceivable co-exist in a blissful harmony of carnal happiness. Within The Blazing World the reader is exposed to a parallax view in which some elements can only be seen clearly if you close one eye and different elements are seen if you close the other eye.
Ultimately, this book is beyond criticism. Those who love Moore’s indulgences will likewise love this and those who hate that kind of stuff will hate this too. I will say BLACK DOSSIER is probably the most literary work, to date, ever produced within the graphic novel genre. At the same time, it may be the most difficult to penetrate. Moore is not really taking into consideration his audience in this work. It is clearly Moore writing for Moore only. And while some of us can be wholly intrigued by the exercise and effort required to burrow through the density of the work to find the beauty and the horror buried within his soul, I suspect that most readers, weaned on the simplistic storytelling of over-inflated bosoms and pecs of brightly colored perfect people beating the snot out of each other, will feel they wasted $30 bucks on an incomprehensible pile of crap littered with explicit sex, nudity, and profanity. Most of us do not want to put in the mental effort necessary to appreciate BLACK DOSSIER, but I can’t help but be inexplicably fascinated by it. Moore somehow finds and presents a view of beauty within a world of darkness and perversity. However, while it is entirely outside of my personal experience or understanding, I can appreciate his efforts even while acknowledging the utterly and completely self-gratifying nature of the work on his part. Unfortunately, the “Where’s Waldo” nature of the storytelling is a distraction and will likely contribute to a more dismissive attitude towards this work than Moore’s other works.

SOON I WILL BE INVINCIBLE

A novel written by Austin Grossman Cover art and interiors by Bryan Hitch Published by The Penguin Group UK Reviewer: Ambush Bug

I know, right?
I had the same reaction when I cracked this book open.
I was like, “Man, what’s up with all of these words?”
Then I realized that this was one of those actual novels I’d heard so much about. You know, like the ones your teacher used to make you read. To be honest, my busy day job and my moonlighting job of putting together this here weekly AICN Comics column don’t really permit me to read novels. And to be even more honest, books take me a lot of time to read these days with the booze and the early MTV-induced ADHD and all of that. I prefer the breezy amount of time it takes to get through a 22 page comic to the dedication one must have to finish an entire novel. Sue me. I’m a product of the modern age. But when I came across this novel, I decided to bite the bullet here and in one plane-delayed afternoon, I chugged through SOON I WILL BE INVINCIBLE. And y’know what? It turns out this was one of the best superhero reads I’ve read in quite some time.
That’s right, folks, one of the best comic book stories to be published this year isn’t a comic book at all. It’s a novel by Austin Grossman called SOON I WILL BE INVINCIBLE.
Grossman fills this book with memorable characters, wonderful looks at age-old comic book clichés in a new and fresh light, and a story that is both structurally sound and fully engrossing at the same time. Grossman utilizes comic book archetypes such as the evil genius, the squeaky clean uberman, the dark avenging hero, the smart ass sidekick, and so on in ways that honor comic book traditions without making them seem goofy or insincere. It’s quite obvious that Grossman has read his fair share of comics and I’m not talking modern comics with its slow pacing and decompression. I’m talking about large scale, balls-out crazy capers of the Silver Age paired with today’s attention to writing structure, style, and craft. Grossman has built a universe of heroes so much like the heroes we grew up with, yet interesting on their own. This is a perfect tribute to comics and a must for anyone who has read comics and has been witness to the trends and themes, the ups and downs of comic book stories throughout the years.
The story is two-tiered, following evil genius Doctor Impossible (the self-proclaimed Smartest Man in the World) who is of course trying to take over the world, and female cyborg Fatale (the Next Generation of Warfare) who is new to the hero biz and getting used to being on a team with the big guns, the Champions (this world’s version of the JLA or the Avengers). Each chapter alternates between Fatale and Dr. Impossible’s perspectives edging the story towards a climactic battle with the world’s fate at stake.
The drama begins when Corefire (The World’s Mightiest Hero) falls dead to Earth and everyone including his arch nemesis, Dr. Impossible, wants to solve the mystery of his death. There are shades of IDENTITY CRISIS and THE WATCHMEN as the heroes investigate the death of one of their own. But what separates this book from the rest is the uber-strong characterization going on with its two main characters. I especially enjoyed the Dr. Impossible chapters which not only focused on his evil plans, but his own tormented childhood, the development of his hatred for his arch nemesis, and his general disdain towards a world that never accepted him and therefore must be destroyed. I found the chapters involving Dr. Impossible to be by far the most entertaining as the evil genius comes across as a little bit Lex Luthor, a little bit Gargamel, and a little bit of THE VENTURE BROTHERS’ Dr. Thaddeus Venture all wrapped up into one. Writer Grossman walks the fine line of parody and seriousness with his Dr. Impossible character providing some of the book’s more insightful moments regarding super heroism and some of the more humorous passages as well.
But the heart of this book resides in its chapters dedicated to the new hero Fatale. Grossman provides a voice to her inner fears and insecurities as she enters the big leagues. From her first skirmish with a fellow hero to her development of long-thought-lost feelings towards another teammate, Fatale’s story is touching and provides the spine of true heroism to this story. Up until the last Fatale chapter, I thought that her sections were the weakest of the book, but I found myself holding back a tear or two as her story came to a close. Grossman really knows how to turn a word and make even the most ludicrous of subjects (i.e. super heroes) heavy, bittersweet, and thoroughly thought out.
The best parts of this book occur when Grossman shows these two characters, who couldn’t be more different from each other, share similar thoughts and feelings. In these scenes, Grossman brings home the fact that it doesn’t matter where you come from or how different you look on the outside, there is a humanity within us that is all too common.
But wait: there are a few images that go along with this book after all! Have you heard of a guy named Bryan Hitch? I thought you have. Well, he not only provides the cover art depicting a giant splash page featuring all of the four color heroes starring in the book, but as an added bonus, Hitch adds some mock comic book covers at the end of the book depicting some key scenes in the narrative. I found myself flipping back to these images numerous times throughout the story to gain a better grasp on what these characters look like. I’m not sure if Hitch had a hand in designing the costumes of these characters, but he sure does a wonderful job of imagining them on the page.
Another bit of coolness comes in the chapter headings which sport clichéd comic book catch phrases such as “Riddle Me This”, “Maybe We Are Not So Different”, “Join Me and We Cannot Be Defeated”, and “But Before I Kill You”. From the content to the bells and whistles, this is just a top notch piece of literature through and through.
As I read through this book, I started underlining my favorite passages and as I thought about how I was going to compose this review, I thought I would do an overview of some of my favorite quotations from the book. But in the end, there were far too many quotes I found to be poignant or insightful or just downright entertaining. So I’ll just leave this review with a pair of my favorite quotes from the ever-dastardly Dr. Impossible:
I watch the pedestrians go by—old people, homeless people, other people in suits, people with jobs. Paper cups and candy wrappers, and the sidewalk spotted with old chewing gum. It just seems unbelievable. I close my eyes, for a moment. There are days when you just don’t feel all that evil. “Hey. Um, honey? I think that guy over there is Doctor Impossible.” Shit.
And…
They could come after me, I guess, but it doesn’t matter—I’m good at escapes. Maybe into the sewers, like the old days. It doesn’t matter. You keep going. You keep trying to take over the world.
Don’t let all those words scare you, my comic book brethren. SOON I WILL BE INVINCIBLE is one of the best super hero reads of the year.

ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN #116

Writer: Brian Michael Bendis Artist: Stuart Immonen Inker: Wade von Grawbadger Publisher: Marvel Comics Reviewer: Rock-Me Amodeo

It’s the little things that make a comic book good. Yeah, we like the action. Yeah, we like the conversation that reveals the humanity of a character. Yeah, we like our eye-candy. But too many splash pages, too much talking, too much posturing and you’ve got…well, AQUAMAN comes to mind. Or the old DR. DRUID mini-series.
Fortunately, this comic mixes all three nicely. To recap: Shield (Carol Danvers) was using Spiderman as bait for the Green Goblin. The bait worked: Kitty Pryde to the possible rescue.
I love the friendship between Peter and Kitty. I love the fact that they have some small history together, and some issues to work through, but nothing so complex they should not be able to work it out. I love the fact that they choose not to make an already complex situation more complex, and that they show a level headedness that most teenagers not featured on trendy TV shows actually DO have.
Personally, I like comics that show people rising to the best they can be. Not infallible, but for the most part…well…heroic. If I want to see people behaving the worst they can be, or check out what behavioral aberrations humanity has to offer, I’ll watch the evening news and get depressed. Or I’ll read some Garth Ennis and get even more depressed. So when I see heroes behaving like, oh, I dunno…HEROES…I dig it. Sue me. I’m old-fashioned.
I also like it when a hero gets to vent their righteous indignation. So often Peter Parker gets crapped upon with no one to listen. At least Danvers got a snootful. And the van scene was cool. The toga was surreal and clever.
The whole thing was so well done, including Immonen’s art and Ponsor’s outstanding colors (check out the change of lighting when Spidey and Kitty are underground) that I’m willing to forgo any extended discussions as to how our dynamic duo dissipated the kinetic energy (accumulated from falling) as they phased through the street.
Excellent issue, and I’m looking forward to the final chapter.

COUNTDOWN TO FINAL CRISIS #22

Writer: Couldn’t tell ya Artist: No idea Publisher: DC Comics Reviewer: Sleazy G

It’s not that I don’t appreciate DC Comics’ willingness to try new approaches to storytelling. The whole linear 22 page story thing is getting pretty played out, after all. I mean, it’s been generations, and you still get the same basic thing: story starts, story continues, story ends. Sure, you can do some flash-forwards and flash-backwards type stuff or jump around the timeline, but there’s only so much room to work. Not with this issue of COUNTDOWN, though, no sir. In fact, since there wasn’t a page in the issue telling me who wrote it, I’m wondering if it wasn’t Alan Moore himself, magickally circumventing DC’s entire staff and transferring his story directly to the printed page.
How else can you possibly explain what happened here? Is there any other possible way to account for the bizarre storytelling approach taken in this issue? Five pages of story…and then THE SAME FIVE PAGES OF STORY? Whoa. That’s gutsy. But to then do the same thing AGAIN? A second set of five pages ALSO REPEATED? That takes serious stones. DC had to know when they sent this thing to press that they were going to take a lot of heat from the readers: such a bold experiment was bound to draw far more criticism than anything else they’ve tried in years. And to then end the issue right in the middle of an action scene? No splash page, no witty battle cry—just a regular ol’ panel of two dudes throwing stuff at another dude? That takes a real set a’ brass ones.
I’ll admit, at first I was surprised and angered. I thought it was just another case of a printing company who doesn’t care enough to bother getting comics right cuz there aren’t enough readers to be bothered. I mean, we’re not talking about CAT FANCY or 70+ here, after all. Or maybe their Canadian Quality Control department was still drunk from celebrating American Thanksgiving in honor of their south-of-the-border customers last week. Or maybe there was such a small batch with problems that DC didn’t think it was worth mentioning to the online press so that I’d know by Saturday afternoon to make sure my store returned the bad one and sold me the whole book.
But then I thought about it and realized what was happening. I’d seen this kind of thing before; it just hadn’t been in the medium of comic books, so it took a while to register. The repeated pages? A time loop, just like on “Dr. Who”. The last page cutting out right in the middle of the action instead of finishing the scene? Yep, you betcha: remember the controversial ending to the final episode of “The Sopranos”? Leave ‘em with no idea what’s going on, clamoring for more, and you know you’ve accomplished something.
So kudos, DC. Some people have complained that nothing was going on in COUNTDOWN. You could have listened to that and stepped up the action, accelerated the story, maybe added a few unexpected twists. Instead, you went a completely different direction; dodging all expectations and making damned sure nothing went on in this issue. You stepped up and said “you haven’t seen an issue about nothing until now!” A surprising turn, and one that has certainly left me scratching my head. It’s nice to know that in an industry built on rehashing familiar storylines, the big publishers are still willing to take a chance and do something truly unexpected.

THE INFINITE HORIZON #1

Writer: Gerry Duggan Artist: Phil Noto Publisher: Image Comics Reviewer: Ambush Bug

Homer's THE ODYESSEY is one of those classic pieces of literature that is often remade or modernized or reimagined. And there's a good reason for this. There's a strong foundation of feeling behind the words of this story. Everyone knows loss. Everyone knows what it feels like to long for something or someone. It is a story of determination and love that will never fade despite unspeakable odds against the hero. Many times modernizations are too literal or often try to be too clever. Most of the time these attempts to make old stories fresh and new fall flat and reek of overwriting and pretentiousness. But occasionally, a writer can tap into what makes the original story so special and is able to fit it into a new and exciting scenario. THE INFINITE HORIZON is that kind of modernization.
THE INFINITE HORIZON starts out with a blaring statement of what the story is all about. A soldier in the Middle East has a singular purpose: to get home to his loving wife, and in those first captions he states he will stop at nothing to return to her safely. You can't get much more "Torn from the headlines" than that. It's one of those palpable problems that hits everyone today especially with the holidays coming up. I'm sure everyone knows someone or IS that someone who feels the same way about a loved one who is currently fighting overseas. This emotional core is established early on in THE INFINITE HORIZON and it serves as the anchor that guides not only the hero but the reader along this often grisly journey.
But fear not, it's not all lovey dovey stuff. There's a gruesome standoff at an airport as the Captain (our soldier with a mission) must lead his troops against a surrounding enemy army. Writer Gerry Duggan does a great job of setting up an intense scenario, but leaves it to the fantastic art of Phil Noto to knock it out of the park. These action scenes belong to Noto's frantic choice of paneling (many scenes take place within the scope of a gun) and frenzied pacing. Noto's distinct style is simplistic, but he does something here that I'm not sure he's done anywhere else. Or maybe he has and I'm just noticing it here first. Noto draws a panel, then highlights what he wants you to focus on in the panel in either a different color or just more detail. This is a form of drawing that many artists use, but with Noto's drawings (which look so vivid, it looks as if they were done in colored pencil), this accentuation of specifics stands out. Writer Duggan did a great job at the beginning making us care for this character, but artist Noto runs with that, putting those characters through scenarios that twist those feelings into knots. The danger is real because we see it on the news every night. This really is a great meld of writer and artist tapping into a powerful message about love persevering over war without making a clunky or opinionated political stance.
As soon as I read the first few panels of the very first page, I knew THE INFINITE HORIZON wasn't going to be one of those flighty reads. This was some heavy shit: topical, resonant, and possibly one of those stories that sticks with you long after its over. This being the first issue, the end is a long way away. There's quite a tale to tell, but THE INFINITE HORIZON is off to a very strong start. And with THE ODYSSEY, Gerry Duggan's strong writing and Phil Noto's amazing art as the book's backbone, this is definitely a book worth seeking out.

TEEN TITANS #53

Writer: Sean McKeever Artist: Eddy Barrows Inker: Rob Hunter Publisher: DC Comics Reviewer: Rock-Me Amodeo

I love time travel stories. And I hate time travel stories. So without any need to reach for that handy bottle of lithium pills I keep in the lower left corner of my desk, I can say that I love and hate this issue (and yes, I know bipolars swing between mania and depression, not love and hate, and yes, I know lithium is a blood-level med and takes several days to take effect, so have a Coke and a simile…).
Hrmmm. Where do I start? Start with the art. The art warmed my heart (great, from Emil Krapelin to Theodor Geisel in less than a paragraph).
The art was great, full of energy and interesting angles. Good, impressive splash pages. I’m not sure if there were too many, because they were so well drawn, I didn’t mind.
As far as story, I’m seriously intrigued. There’s much, much more going on here than a simple “young optimistic heroes somehow beat their older, evil counterparts and change their viewpoints.” Yes, the older heroes are cynical and cold. But I don’t feel like they’re evil. They still have a sense of justice, and just because all of them have gotten personality implants from the Punisher (or I guess Vigilante in the DCU) doesn’t mean they’re eeeeeeeee-vil.
I’ve seen it happen before, to co-workers in the psych field, or with police officers. You get into the job for all the right reasons, but after so many years of seeing so much bad, one gets tired of the process. You don’t want to process with a malefactor or a patient anymore. You just want to bonk them on the head and tell them there’s more where that came from if they don’t get their crap together. And of course, you can’t really do that. But if you could…if you were already a vigilante…
And that’s a lot of where the older Titans are coming from. You can’t make fun of the cynical co-worker until you’ve been in the trenches yourself for fifteen or twenty years. The lines between good guys and bad guys are not clearly drawn, and I appreciate that. For all the fisticuffs, the subtext is quite nuanced.
The other thing that’s interesting is that the future and past are fluid. The meetings between past and future selves is not pre-determined to the point where, when one younger self does something radical, all the future selves can feel the ripples in the time stream.
Of course, this is the part that I love/hate. If events really change in an older self’s past, one would think that memories would be instantly and irrevocably altered. Is the hard drive aware that it’s being erased and re-written? And yet there is a retrievable iteration that can be recovered via hard drive space that is not overwritten. So maybe there is a part of the hippocampus that is tachyon oriented, like a mental logfile for chronological alterations. Like an SQL logfile. Who knows? It’s enough to make my head pop like an extra from “Scanners”. Still, it’s not as inconsistent as “The Butterfly Effect”, and executed much better.
I guess what I’m saying is: I’m intrigued. I’m entertained. I like it. I like it enough that I won’t worry about how some of these things are happening and just sit back and let Sean tell his story.
Oh, and I’ll enjoy the small touches, like one older Titan crying out during battle, “Daaarrrrrkkkk Vennngennnnce!” Now, I wonder who that misfit could be? Like I said, a nice touch, and now Sean has me looking forward to his run on BIRDS OF PREY as well.

WONTON SOUP OGN

James Stokoe: Creator Oni Press : Publisher Vroom Socko: Sweet ‘n Sour

There’s a reason that Oni is currently my favorite publisher in comics: they are willing to take risks on shit that is way out there. Way out. I’m talking about comics that verge on Dadaism here. What’s great about these books is that they are imagination let loose. They’re stories that delight in being madcap, that are all about the moment. And they are certainly not created for everyone to love. (Well, there’s SCOTT PILGRIM, but…)
The point is, with some of their titles, SHARKNIFE, say, or MULTIPLE WARHEADS, you either love them or you hate them. There’s no middle ground. WONTON SOUP is the same way” either you get it or you don’t.
Me, I can’t get enough of it.
Reading like a mad hybrid of COWBOY BEBOP and “Iron Chef”, WONTON SOUP features interstellar truckers Johnny Boyo and Deacon Vans. When they’re not hauling freight, or dealing with the occasional hijacking by space ninjas, Deacon likes to fuck pretty much anything that has a pulse, and Johnny seeks out the perfect bowl of soup. That is, when he’s not trying to perfect a recipe that features a sentient ingredient who wants to become a perfectly roasted meal. Unfortunately for Johnny, this mismatched pair are forced to make an emergency landing on a planet where he not only left behind the girl of his dreams, but where he also has a challenge waiting for him--a challenge to see just who the best damn chef in this sector of the galaxy really is.
The story, though, is really not much more than an excuse to cram as much insanity and weirdness and straight up joy into as little space as possible. There’s at least one good joke on every page of this thing (my favorite involves the History Channel, with the second fave dealing with various handshakes.) This thing is nuts. It is out there. It reads like the sort of thing that Noel Fielding would come up with after binging on Pixie Stix and “Firefly” DVD’s. And many of you will probably not like it at all.
But for those of you who don’t like to take comics too seriously, or take yourselves even less seriously, you’re going to have a blast with this book. You’ll definitely be hungry for mo-
ATTENTION. THIS REVIEW WAS ABOUT TO BE CONCLUDED WITH A TERRIBLE, OVERUSED PUN. FOR YOUR SAFETY, THE REVIEW HAS BEEN TERMINATED, AND VROOM SOCKO WILL BE SUBJECTED TO WATERBOARDING WHILE HAVING THE ELEMENTS OF STYLE READ TO HIM AT HIGH VOLUME. WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED COLUMN.

DOC FRANKENSTEIN #6

Writers: The Wachowski Brothers Art: Steve Skroce Publisher: Burlyman Comics Reviewer: Ambush Bug

Well, it’s time to flip the mattress, so I guess that means it’s also time for another issue from Burlyman to hit the stands.
Ok, time to vent a bit.
I love Burlyman Comics. I love the madness and the imagination and the fun infused into each and every issue of both of Burlyman’s ongoing series (THE SHAOLIN COWBOY and this series). It is by far some of the best comic book reading these peepers have peeped in a long time, but damnit all to hell, why can’t we get more than two comics a year from these guys?!?!
I honestly don’t know when the last time it was when I read a DOC FRANKENSTEIN comic. I think it was right around the same time Grant Morrison had his own version of Frankenstein bounding about in all-too-similar adventures in his SEVEN SOLDIERS OF VICTORY miniseries. Back then, I found the similarities to be pretty plentiful, yet gave both a chance in hopes that one comic would out batshit crazy the other. Well, with Morrison’s Frankenstein over and done with long ago, I guess it’s a good thing that we still have the Wachowski Brothers’ version to satiate my appetite for whup@$$edness-- that is, if I could follow the damn thing.
The main problem with this issue of DOC FRANKENSTEIN is that waaaaaaaaay too much time has passed in between issues and although there are a few bits of cleverly placed exposition regarding the plot placed throughout the issue, I have to admit that I was completely lost going into this issue. I don’t really recall what went on in the last issue at all. I think a faerie was released from the Vatican. I think there was a story about what really went on with Jesus or something. I think there was a dodo resurrection. I think Doc Frankenstein met up with his ex-partner (a cowboy werewolf). But I’m not sure of anything. So much time has passed that the only vague recollection I have of the series is that something pretty damn cool went on and that’s about it.
Reading this comic reminds me of eating one Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup then setting the other one in a cabinet not to be touched for six months. I love Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. They are tasty and make my brain feel warm and alive. And dammit I want another, but I know that I won’t be able to eat that other Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup for another six months and that really pisses me off!
I simply don’t have that kind of patience. I would probably break down and hatchet my way into the cabinet for the next delicious Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, then sit back and let out a creepy moan as I ate it all up. But I can’t take a hatchet to Burlyman Publishing to get the next DOC FRANKENSTEIN comic. And therein lies the problem.
I love the artwork in this book. Steve Skroce is one of those artists that fills the panels with detail without cluttering it up. His characters are imaginative and fun to look at. His choice of “camera angles” bring out a big budget cinematic feel that makes you think you are experiencing something huge and worthwhile.
And the writing here from the Wachowski Brothers is definitely good. There’s the right balance of humor and adventure that was there in the first MATRIX and was a bit lacking in the sequels. This is definitely ripe material to pull a story from (Doc Frankenstein vs. the Catholic Church) and the Wachowski Brothers seem to have a definite direction they are going towards. Doc’s on a mission; I just wish it wouldn’t take him so damn long to get there.
Burlyman has been around for quite some time now. I’ve been reading and lauding their books for what seems like ages. But despite the fact that the company has been in existence for almost three years, neither of its ongoing series has reached double digit numbering. And that’s…well, that’s kind of sad, to tell you the truth.
So while I love Burlyman’s material, I really wish they could get their acts together and put out a more consistent product. Or at least throw us readers a bone and supply a recap page to keep everyone on the up and up as to the hows and whys and the what-duh-fug’s of the book, fer chrissakes.
The ad in the back of DOC FRANKENSTEIN proclaims that THE SHAOLIN COWBOY #8 is “Coming Soon Eventually”. There was a time when I would have thought that statement was pretty damn witty; a self-deprecating wink and a nudge to fans willing to hang in there for what’s bound to be good stuff. I’m one of those fans and have been from the beginning. But I have to tell you, after being unable to follow the plot in this most recent issue of DOC FRANKENSTEIN due to the amount of time between issues, I have to say that type of “Tee hee, we’re late and we know it” attitude is getting old really quick. Burlyman Comics are starting to look like that hot girl who has everything done for her simply because she’s hot. But if that smug attitude goes on too long, resentment and downright distaste is bound to develop. I still WANT to love DOC FRANKENSTEIN, but Burlyman’s publishing schedule is making it damn hard to do so.

ALL STAR BATMAN AND ROBIN THE BOY WONDER #8

Writer: Frank Miller Artist: Jim Lee Inker: Scott Williams Publisher: DC Comics Reviewer: Rock-Me Amodeo

“As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool returns to his folly.” That’s one of my favorite quotes from the Bible, and the first thing that runs through my head when I see someone making the same mistakes in life, over and over. Never learning. Never acquiring wisdom. Just returning to the same folly, like a dog sniffing its own vomit. If you think that’s gross, you’re absolutely right. It’s meant to be gross. But it’s a great motivator for me, personally, as I don’t want anyone forced to picture me in the sniffing position. After all, age and wisdom often travel together…but sometimes, age shows up all by itself.
So imagine my surprise to find a copy of ASBAR in my hands. Sure, it’s not my folly, per se, but it was my great folly to read the first issues, and I don’t regret skipping the next few issues on sheer principle. But there I was, sniffing it.
And an even greater surprise: it’s not vomit. There you go, Frank, there’s that great quotable blurb you’ve been waiting for: “AICN says ‘it’s not vomit!’ Get your copy today!”
Now, it’s not for kids. No way. Nor does it honor the icon, or pay homage or any sort, like the very well done ALL-STAR SUPERMAN. But if you know what this book is, it’s possible to accept it and like it on its own terms. As much of a boy-scout as I am sometimes called, that’s a far stretch for me.
But here’s the deal: it’s Frank Miller’s Batman. Period.
And further, every time Miller has written Batman, it’s been HIS Batman. Period.
Once you know the ground rules, the whole pill is easier to swallow. The thing that cemented my understanding was the appearance of the FemiNazi with the swastika pasties, ala DARK KNIGHT RETURNS. And what I finally figured out is that DARK KNIGHT was not an older version of our Batman. That guy was Frank Miller’s Batman, too. It was also Miller’s Superman, Joker, Catwoman…you see? It’s Elseworlds on steroids. My problem was in trying to reconcile that guy with our Batman, and it didn’t help that the DCU decided to make our Batman more like that guy. But he’s not.
In that context, completely divorced from the characters I cherish, I can accept the narrative. It’s gritty. It’s vulgar. It’s brutal. It’s all the things you like (or dislike) about Frank Miller. I’m a fan, but I’m not a brainwashed fan by any means: I went to see “Robocop II” because it was going to be Miller’s first big screen credit at the time, and its one of only three movies I’ve walked out of.
I’m not sold on this series. Much of it I despise. But this issue was well done, especially the ending, which I didn’t see coming. In fact, it was clever enough to border on genius, and I have to respect that. Once I read that, I re-read the issue in full and have come to appreciate it on its own terms. Miller has created his own version of the DCU. Hey, maybe they’ll even give him a number between 1 and 52. As long as I keep that in mind, I can appreciate what he’s doing. For now.
Oh, and Jim Lee draws pretty pictures. But we already knew that.

’76 #1 Image Comics

Remember the seventies? Well, to be honest, I don’t. I was born in the mid-seventies, so I wasn’t really cognizant of such things, but now I can appreciate the cult following it has. Having done my Tarantino film and TV Land research, I have to say that I have a firm handle on some of the coolness that came from that wonderful decade and so does the talent behind this book. In the tradition of POWER MAN & IRON FIST comes ’76, an anthology (is it an anthology book if it has two ongoing stories? Not sure.) featuring the age old Black Guy/White Guy team up theme with a generous amount of ass-kicking and silky smooth styles throughout. Writer B. Clay Moore and artist Ed Tadem bring us “Jackie Karma” which features a pair of action toughs forced out of retirement when an old criminal returns to the streets. It’s the type of story that will most definitely warrant the line “I’m getting’ too old for this shit.” The art in this story is moody and harkens back to those gritty action movies of old. It’s kung-fu and street fighting mayhem you won’t forget. The second feature is called “Cool” and it definitely is that. From the fun way of introducing the main characters to the total embrace of seventies styles and clichés, writer Seth Peck and artist Ty Walker have made a great tribute to seventies stories and a helluva read too. The art is especially nice bringing enough cartoony aspects to make it fun, but maintaining a realism that doesn’t make the story too light and fluffy. All in all, this is a great comic honoring an age of cinema that is refreshing to see revived in graphic storytelling format. It debuts in January, so it looks like we all have a fun trip back in time in store for us in 2008. – Bug

BATMAN AND THE OUTSIDERS #2 DC Comics

Better than the last issue. Good pace, good narrative, more Brother Eye, more OMAC, more fun and games while dodging energy beams, gunfire and miscellaneous mayhem. Dixon is now beginning the process of changing out his cast. EXCELLENT artwork by Carlos Rodriguez, full of macro-level beauty and micro-level nuance. The former is evident on every page. An example of the latter is the scene where Metamorpho is eating take-out and someone snatches his chopsticks. He changes a finger into a spoon and keeps eating. That’s a sign of an artist who appreciates the story-telling medium of a comic book, and that’s a very good thing. Let’s keep our eyes on this book. - Rock-Me

THE SENSATIONAL SPIDER-MAN #41 Marvel Comics

In part three of the self-proclaimed epic story arc called “One More Day” Joey Quesada…I mean, Mephisto himself makes an appearance to offer Pete a chance to get himself out of the corner Marvel has painted him into. This Douche Ex Machina is overwritten by apologist J. Michael Strazynski and although the “One More Day” story could have ended with a bit of dignity with Peter Parker heeding the poignant words Doc Strange spoke to him last issue and spending the last moments of Aunt May’s life not searching for a cure, but by her side and showing her how much he loved her, it looks as if the reset button has been positioned and is ready to be engaged. Too bad, because Dan Slott wrote a wholly believable way to give Parker his secret identity back in the last week’s issue of THE INITIATIVE, but I guess Joey Q doesn’t pay attention to Marvel books not written by bald guys, TV screenwriters, or Scotsmen. The good news is that we’re one step closer to “Brand New Day”. The bad news is that there’s one more installment of this shit left to go. - Bug

ANGEL: AFTER THE FALL #1 IDW Publishing

I’ve been really, really looking forward to this book. I loved the TV series these characters were featured on, and thought Joss Whedon’s involvement would give the new series an oomph the previous minis lacked. Brian Lynch does an okay job with the writing, but he’s not all the way there yet. There are some great ideas here, like a giant smart assed airborne goldfish sidekick to a poorly-spoken demon. On the other hand, there are some bad ones too, and one in particular reeks of fanfic: a character returns from the dead, thereby cheapening a wonderful character arc and noble sacrifice. Still, the writing is good enough to suspect it may improve as Lynch gets his feet. No, the real problem with this issue lies with the visuals: the art and lettering are atrocious. Characters and faces are ill-defined, the coloring looks like it was smeared on, and there are places where it looks like somebody took an airbrush to it—but more like the kind of airbrushing used on a tee shirt, not a kick@$$ conversion van. In fact, the art was so bad that it wasn’t until I reread the issue that I found a second arc for a longstanding character that I found pretty loathsome, because I didn’t even realize who I was looking at the first time through. I hate to beat up on newer talent, and maybe Franco Urru’s done better work elsewhere I’m unaware of, but I know this for certain: if ANGEL doesn’t get better art very very quickly it’s going to be facing a serious sales problem. --Sleazy

SUB-MARINER #6 Marvel Comics

This was…a pretty damn good miniseries. And if you can’t read it in that last sentence, I am a bit surprised that I am saying that myself. Writers Matt Cherniss & Peter Johnson (bwah!) wrote a pretty cool Namor story with twists, turns, slugfests, and dire consequences for the Atlanteans. I have to give the guys behind this one credit for not going to same old same old route by having the surface world invade Atlantis or vice versa. The resolution of this miniseries seriously had me wondering where it was all going throughout the entire issue. Color me impressed that Marvel actually made an underwater hero story interesting, something DC has been unable to do with Aquaman for years. If you missed this one, seek it out in trade. I’ll bet you’ll come out of it as surprised as I am, especially at the way it all wraps up in this issue. - Bug

Remember, if you have a comic book you’d like one of the @$$holes to take a look at, click on your favorite reviewer’s link and drop us an email.

Check out the @$$oles’ ComicSpace AICN Comics page here for an archive and more @$$y goodness.

Readers Talkback
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  • Dec. 5, 2007, 7:47 a.m. CST

    I Think I Get It

    by Aquatarkusman

    Alan Moore is trying to turn into graphic noveldom's answer to Umberto Eco. Either that or he's trying to produce something beyond criticism so he won't have to listen to critics anymore.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 8:41 a.m. CST

    2nd!

    by Psynapse

    That is all (for now).

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 8:44 a.m. CST

    Amodeo

    by toshiro-solo

    Miller has said from the beginning that ASBARARTBW was set in Dark Knight continuity, which is one of the reasons I haven't been hating it as much as people seem to have. You get the feeling reading DKR that the younger version of that character probably was a cocky, crazy S.O.B. And - yes - DC has already stated that the DKR universe is one of the 52.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 9:06 a.m. CST

    Angel: After the Fall.

    by CatVutt

    Agree 100%. The art is just atrocious. So much so, that it severely hampers the first reveal of the previously dead character, and the last page splash of the fate of another, COMPLETELY because you simply can't be sure at first who the HELL they are. It's gotta go.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 9:07 a.m. CST

    'reader expected to put on 3D glasses'?

    by newc0253

    for real? that's batshit insane.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 9:13 a.m. CST

    also the review of Angel:ATF is dead-on

    by newc0253

    the story is good, but the art is quite honestly the worst i've ever seen in a comic book.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 9:17 a.m. CST

    Ed Burn's Dock Walloper

    by cekma

    Check it out good stuff, hopefully will be adapted into a film... http://www.virgincomicsstore.com/edbudowa1.html

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 9:25 a.m. CST

    Sometimes I think Moore should do work for hire...

    by rev_skarekroe

    ...for Eros or Verotika. He's really sex-obsessed these days.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 9:28 a.m. CST

    ASBAR: I missed the memo

    by rock-me Amodeo

    Ah well. Better Nate than lever, or something.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 9:30 a.m. CST

    ASBAR did not impress me at all.

    by Buckys_Kick_Ass_Arm

    Just purchases Black Dossier but haven't unwrapped it yet. Sounds like it's going to be an interesting read. ANYONE READ THE KILLER? Awesome book!

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 9:34 a.m. CST

    I wouldn't say BLACK DOSSIER is above criticism

    by stones_throw

    It's unfocused and massively self-indulgent and those are valid and relevant criticisms. Basically it's all about Alan Moore's mind without the deftness that PROMETHEA had. Fortunately, Al's mind is an interesting enough place for me to still get something out of it.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 9:35 a.m. CST

    But the main thing about Black Dossier is this...

    by rev_skarekroe

    ...there's a lot of really, really good ideas in there. But instead of just publishing them as pastiche stories or summaries, why not make them into actual, y'know, COMICS. I'm sure the Alan and Mina meets the Beat Poets thing was fun to write (if not read - though I did love Alan and Mina's brief exchange on the subject), but why not take advantage of the graphic medium and SHOW it to us? The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen vs. le Homme Mysterieux would make a smashing comic. Instead we get a three page text synopsis. What's up with that? (On the plus side, annotator Jess Nevins says that we will see a comic of the English League vs. the pre-WWI German League, so at least there's that to look forward to).

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 9:38 a.m. CST

    So we're back to excuse-making on ASBAR?

    by stones_throw

    I thought we'd already gone past that two years or so ago, followed by "it's just awful", followed by getting bored, followed by forgetting all about it. So now we're back to "give it a chance"? Interesting to know.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 9:43 a.m. CST

    Robocop 2

    by rev_skarekroe

    I think that's the moment we all realized that maybe Frank Miller wasn't as great as we all thought he was. And if that didn't convince you, Spawn vs. Batman probably did.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 9:45 a.m. CST

    SOON I WILL BE INVINCIBLE was a pretty good read

    by Mr Incredible

    And I'm sure it won't be long before they option to make it into a movie.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 9:47 a.m. CST

    Rev Skarekroe

    by RenoNevada2000

    I see your ROBOCOP 2 and raise you ROBOCOP 3.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 9:48 a.m. CST

    No, RenoNevada2000...

    by rev_skarekroe

    ...see I, like most of America, simply ignored Robocop 3 entirely.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 9:54 a.m. CST

    rev_skarekroe you make a good point.

    by Buckys_Kick_Ass_Arm

    So few of Miller's works are actually interesting to me. I sometimes think he's overhyped

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 10:23 a.m. CST

    by Shigeru

    I miss mark bagley

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 11:53 a.m. CST

    Good review of Teen Titans, Rock-Me.

    by Devil'sOwn

    I feel the same way about time-travel stories, but the Titans of Tomorrow concept has intrigued me. And the cover art is dazzling. Could somebody at DC please see to it that that becomes Superman's official costume? I know, the current one is a classic. But after 60+ years, doesn't he deserve to wear something other than red shorty-shorts?

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 12:02 p.m. CST

    "the cheap death for Wes"

    by newc0253

    i didn't have a problem with Wes's death, it worked great in the show.<p> i even don't mind the cheat of *Spoiler* having him return as a ghost, even though it tended to undercut his earlier demise.<p> my biggest problem was that for the first several frames, i was wondering why and how Marcus Hamilton had returned. and Gunn was even worse.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 12:28 p.m. CST

    Dear Bug, RE: Countdown Review

    by Psynapse

    That was one of the wittiest pieces of criticism (and much deserved by DC if you ask me) I have EVER read. Way to go m'man.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 12:31 p.m. CST

    Don't worry, Shig…

    by The Heathen

    You can always see Bagley on Mighty Avengers, heh, uhhmm…

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 12:31 p.m. CST

    Oops! Dear Sleazy: RE: Countdown Review

    by Psynapse

    Geez I'm a 'TARD today....(see what happens when I post sober?)

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 12:33 p.m. CST

    Angel: After the Fall

    by Psynapse

    Thank GOD I'm not the only one that thought I'd seen better rendered piles of dog-sick than the art in this book.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 12:37 p.m. CST

    No he can't Heath

    by Psynapse

    Bagley's gone DC exclusive in 2008. See? http://tinyurl.com/3y7u48

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 12:46 p.m. CST

    Future Tim Drake = Tough Motherfucker

    by messi

    that is one hardcore cunt.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 1:07 p.m. CST

    FutureBats(tm) is an ASS

    by Psynapse

    Seriously, what kind of fuckwit plays cruel headgames on THEMSELF as a teenager? (Captain Hero of 'Drawn Together' for one. Great company Mr. Drake, way to be)

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 1:13 p.m. CST

    I managed to read BLACK DOSSIER, I am Batman

    by rev_skarekroe

    Read every word of it. Maybe you're just retarded. Have you thought of seeing a doctor?

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 1:17 p.m. CST

    I am Batman

    by PVIII

    Agreed. I love Moore, but liking the Black Dossier is like the fools that love "Southland Tales" - they love the writer and director and the ideas, but the cohesive whole is unwatchable/unreadable.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 1:28 p.m. CST

    BLACK DOSSIER isn't unreadable

    by stones_throw

    It's not insane throwing-shit-at-the-wall nonsense or anything. There's a lot of ideas in there, and it can be overly dry, but if you have any kind of anttention span and you can get past the use of different voices and styles it shouldn't be hard to understand at all. The "Dossier excerpts" do add a lot to the read, which feels insubstantial if you just read the comic parts first.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 1:30 p.m. CST

    Oh?

    by The Heathen

    Well, don't worry, Shig, you can always see Bagley on whatever weekly book DC decides to do next, heh, uhhmmm… <br> <br> I'd still like to see Southland Tales, but I'm not sure that I've heard of anyone loving the movie.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 1:34 p.m. CST

    Prof. Challenger & Black Dossier

    by mattb127

    Great review, or maybe that's just exactly how I felt about it. I don't know if I like it or i don't like it. But it's interesting, which is at least more than I can say for most of the shit out there.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 1:37 p.m. CST

    A perfect review of Black Dossier, but...

    by Zardoz

    I have to disagree that Moore isn't taking his audience into consideration with it. On the contrary, I think he's always had very high expectations of his audience, and doesn't write "down" to them. He expects that you are literate and have some knowledge of not only comics and literary work, but also form and aesthetic. It is a very dense work, to be sure, and not for those expecting a "Bam! Pow! Zap!" comic book. It's a true literary work, one that deserves serious attention. The basic story of Black Dossier, or much of it, is actually found in the back-up appendix from LOEG2. My favorite character had to be Orlando. I think there's a lot more that could be done with that character in particular. (although the young James Bond was great, too!) There's just so many references that you definitely have to read it more than once. (and is that a bad thing?) I thought it was brilliant, and there was quite a bit that went over my head, but it was very good and like everything else Moore has done, a work of a true genius. And the 3D is amazing!

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 1:40 p.m. CST

    My own special way...

    by rock-me Amodeo

    concur, IAB. I'm not going so far to recommend ASBAR, I'm just upgrading its quality to better than vomit. One may take that for what it's worth.<br><br>But when it comes to Batman, you would know, because after all, you ARE...well, you know...

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 1:57 p.m. CST

    this line strikes me as odd:

    by PVIII

    "I suspect that most readers, weaned on the simplistic storytelling of over-inflated bosoms and pecs of brightly colored perfect people beating the snot out of each other, will feel they wasted $30 bucks on an incomprehensible pile of crap littered with explicit sex, nudity, and profanity. Most of us do not want to put in the mental effort necessary to appreciate BLACK DOSSIER, but I can’t help but be inexplicably fascinated by it." Hmm. What if you didn't enjoy Black Dossier, because it was a giant wank-off of self-congrajulatory masterbation, but also enjoy intelligent comics? Is this allowed dear sire?

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 2:02 p.m. CST

    ultimate spider-man=most consistent pleasure

    by drewlicious

    Great story, love the characters, but I kind of miss the old artwork. Curious to see how the Osbourne family plays out. My only complaint about the series is that certain classic characters get the shaft. Ultimate Vulture is barely around and I want an Ultimate Mysterio. I know he was presented as a joke earlier but I wouldn't mind seeing a re-imagining. Kudos for rethinking the Gwen Stacy story in the most fucked up way possible, also makes the scorpion more interesting too assuming they'll ever show him again.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 2:04 p.m. CST

    That Goddamn Batman

    by DuncanHines

    You guys finally get it. I've been saying that since issue 5. It's Frank Miller's Batman. And that Batman has ALWAYS been batshit crazy (sorry about the pun. It fits in more than one way...) This issue definitely cemented that it's Frank's Batman, in the DKU, with the presentation of the Joker. Fucking creepy, man. But that tattoo sucks.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 2:29 p.m. CST

    Spider-Man

    by Etch68

    What kind of crap are they trying to serve us with this? It's like Crap with a side order of CRAP! Will Aunt May ever freaking die? I am not against his marriage to Mary Jane. It shows that Spidey grew up with the rest of us. Will the memory of his marriage disappear from everyone else? Will Wolverine get his memory back and fix this? Or will he hit on MJ?

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 3:13 p.m. CST

    My plug for Gargoyles

    by ballyhoo

    I've done it before and I'll do it again. If any fans of the Gargoyles cartoon haven't checked out the new comic series, they should as soon as possible. Last week, a spin-off series started. Gargoyles: Bad Guys. Go get it! And get Gargoyles #7 when it comes out probably next week! You won't regret it.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 3:14 p.m. CST

    Hey, remember when One More Day was...

    by Jinxo

    The I Dream Of Jeannie reunion movie? A true sign of quality when you're recycling a plot from a recycled sitcom. Recycling: it will save our planet. That flick ended with Jeannie making a deal to erase any memory of her, her marriage and her son from everyone's memory in exchange for Major Nelson's life being saved. Funny thing is when they did it there, to characters I only kinda cared about, in a throwaway sort of film, even there I felt it was an annoying inconsiderate shit idea. And that was one where it was just a reunion flick. They could do it without worries about how it would effect "what comes next". They disrespected what went before but it could be ignored. You could ignore it. Not here. No sir. This time the idea will be a big crap that will sit and fester, refusing to be ignored just stinking up the joint.<br><br> I am a tad annoyed. I should actually thank Joe Q though. Now I can quit buying Spider-Man. Even if the next run is brilliant, I won't know. I refuse to reward Marvel for it's assholery by supporting this title any further.<br><br> Imagine if DC pulled this. What if after 50 years of courtship and finally getting married DC decided Lois Lane "cramped Superman's style" andretconned out their marriage. DC might be crazy with rewriting stuff but even they know there are some things you just don't dick with.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 3:54 p.m. CST

    Really disappointed with ULTIMATES 3 today

    by George Newman

    Holy crap the writing is atrocious. It almost read like every other page was removed to save time; it HORRIBLE. There is no opening framing. No Loeb narration (which not every comic needs, but he certainly does) You are just thrown into the action. Really Really BORING action. <p> the Ultimates versus Venom?! Is Loeb serious? what a lame "threat." <p>I've also been hyping myself up for Joe Mad's return, but this felt really lackluster. The colors are muddy, the big pages 2&3 is over the top with cramped perspective. Thor looks like Giant Man, compared to Hawkeye and Stark. <p>Black panther shows up out of nowhere, with zero grand entrance, and then he's knocked into oblivion. How does a hero get punched so hard by VENOM that no one can find him? This is just ridiculous. <p>Which brings me back to the writing. It feels like a juvenile is scripting this thing. I tried writing comics when I was in middle school and they didnt read much worse than this. This is seriously awful, particularly hawkeye.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 3:54 p.m. CST

    What was Dan Slott's idea? I don't read INITIATIVE

    by V'Shael

    Just asking...

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 4:05 p.m. CST

    Avengers Initiative Spidey Thing

    by Jinxo

    SPOILERS<br><br> The Initiative has its own trio of Spider-Men called The Scarlet Spiders. The trio was revealed to all be Peter Parker clones (clones of the clone actually). Without permission they publically, in front of the press, put forth the story that Peter was the former 4th member of their group, that in the past they have all taken turns being Spidey, that the powers were in the Spidey suit and they then publically have Peter hand off to them a case that they tell the press contains Peter's suit. So it looks like Peter is "depowered" and from the line of bs they spread around (via chameleon type tech they can all look like any variant of Spidey, including Peter Parker himself)it becomes unclear how often if ever in the past it was Peter behind the Spidey mask.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 4:19 p.m. CST

    one more day sucks...

    by blackthought

    um, and of coarse the black dossier is readable, it's made of words is it not? words can be read? so hence, it's readable.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 4:25 p.m. CST

    Ultimates 3

    by rev_skarekroe

    Yeah, as soon as I read Loeb/Madeuiria (sp?)were the new team I knew I wasn't gonna like this one. Why would you continue a successful series by doing completely the opposite of what made it successful in the first place? Stupid stupid stupid.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 4:47 p.m. CST

    The Emerald Imbecile... moron

    by Lone Fox

    The bizarre thing is, criticism of All Star Batman is almost entirely based around the ridiculous complaint that Miller has fucked with Fanboydom's(TM) number one guy. Bob Schreck even did an interview recently pointing out that the All Star books were NOT in continuity, but were radical interpretations of the original character concepts. 'Reimagined', if you like. Miller has done this with gusto, while keeping the continuity he set up back in The Dark Knight Returns. THE flat-out most original take on the Bat legend since... well, DKR. Eh, you don't like the writing, fair enough. But that's how FM writes. Don't be surprised. Point is, Miller has not done anything to screw with the character(s). He's done exactly what DC asked him to do. Be original. While I don't mind All Star Superman, it's hardly groundbreaking. In fact, it's quaint. Morrisson had a chance to break new ground, present a Superman no-one had seen before, and he gave us... quaint. It's nice. In a retro, safe kind of way. Frank Miller's had the balls to really let rip with this series. It's not just a good read, it's probably the funniest book out there right now. And great reveal on how 'Robin' came about. But who cares... it's trendy to rag on Miller nowadays. Oh, and ragging on Robocop 2, when the entire planet knows the studio stiffed Miller on the script... now THAT'S lazy writing.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 5:08 p.m. CST

    Jinxo

    by wrx

    The Scarlet Spiders are clones of MVP. Unfortunately, you can hardly tell by the art.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 5:20 p.m. CST

    Ariel Olivetti drawing the new Cable series?

    by The Heathen

    Not that I was interested to begin with, but now, I don't even have to bother looking at it. <br> <br> How about Greg Rucka not signing back up with DC exclusively? He sounds irritated by the company at best. Can't say I blame him. <br> <br> Jinxo, sorry, I'm a bit confused about the Scarlet Spider thing in The Initiative. So you're saying they lied about the clones taking turns as Spider-Man or is that real? And if it is or isn't, what's the point of it all? Thanks. <br> <br> ASBAR might be above vomit now (and really, it's probably just vomit now because I'm pretty sure it was complete shit before), but what we really want to know is how many "Goddamn's" there were in the book. I do have a drinking game to keep up with you know. I had to have my stomach pumped last time from alcohol poisoning.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 5:22 p.m. CST

    Actually, Jinxo and wrx, you're both right.

    by SleazyG.

    The Scarlet Spiders are all clones of MVP...who used the chameleon tech in their suits to make it appear as if Peter was one of them and a rejected Initiative member. Identity re-closeted for Peter in a matter of seconds, no muss, no fuss.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 5:31 p.m. CST

    Fanboydom?

    by The Heathen

    Yeah, you can keep that ™, I don't think we'll be needing it. Thanks for that post though. It was one of the funniest things I've read on here in a while and that's saying something. How bizarro it was. Thanks again.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 5:45 p.m. CST

    Dammit!

    by Jinxo

    I knew I was off by one. Your right, from the art it looked to me like it they were Peter. MVP makes sense. Bottom line is the gimmick to fix the secret ID is simpler and more elegant than a full reboot of everything. But then that wouldn't zap the marriage, would it?

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 6:39 p.m. CST

    I can appreciate ASBAR...

    by loodabagel

    In the sense that it's just a crazy goddamn maniac trainwreck and it only comes out avery five months or so. If this shipped on time, I couldn't stand to read it. Not buy, mind you, read. Whenever an issue comes out, I think "Hmm... Whatever shall that whimsical Miller man come up with this time?" I thought he couldn't get any better than alcoholic Mrs. Gordon from issue 6, but then came seven! "We keep the masks on. It's better that way." I think it was this moment that I knew that uh... Okay, Frank Miller is off his fucking rocker. At this point, we're watching an artist spiral towards dementia. Happy Hunting Frank. Oh PS-Evel Kneivel is dead. He was a d-bag. Good riddance.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 6:39 p.m. CST

    re: Miller - For the record...

    by rock-me Amodeo

    I have no idea what is trendy. Ask anyone. Look at my ubiquitous pocket screwdriver that I keep next to my pen in my shirt pocket, and you will know that I'm the least trendy person that anyone knows. I can also state pretty confidently that I have no idea what the rest of the planet knows. <br><br>What I CAN tell you is that if I think something sucked, I'll say that. And if I think something didn't suck quite as hard, I'll say that too. If Miller got hosed on Robocop and I didn't know, my bad. If someone likes Miller, that's cool. But if someone wants to dispute why I don't like this run of issues, when I have bagged and boarded copies of every Daredevil he ever farted near, that's just moronic, emerald or otherwise.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 7:52 p.m. CST

    Ultimate Spider-Man...

    by loodabagel

    <p>That was really good. Why are we talking about Batman instead? </p> <p>There was a time when I almost dropped Ultimate Spidey. (issue 60-something.) These days, it looks like I might drop his 616 counterpart. After nearly a decade of reading, this is it. The final straw. The whole shebang. Whatever. I am giving Dan Slott exactly one issue to knock me out of my socks and ontl my ass. If he doesn't deliver, I'm done for the foreseeable future. Maybe even forever. The company that I used to love so much has really fucked up this time. If rededisgning a robot's paint job fora movie people knew was going to suck is childhood rape, then this must be childhood skull-fucking, burning alive and jerkin off on the ashes.</p>

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 7:53 p.m. CST

    The Initiative

    by Ambush Bug

    Just in case V'Shael is still confused about the Slott fix, here's a quick rundown of what happened in last issue of The Initiative.<br> A trio of criminals dressed in Vulture suits abduct a briefcase filled with sensitive information about Gamma Bombs. The Scarlet Spiders, three mysterious members of the Initiative who wear suits identical to the Spidey Armor Tony Stark gave Peter Parker during Civil War, swing into action. Peter notices the mele between the three Vultures and three Spiders, decides enough is enough and intervenes. The Scarlet Spiders are told not to go public, the Spiders show an inner sense of good and jump into action, although Peter is leery of them. The Initiative operatives tell the Spiders to apprehend the fugitive Parker, but they go against their orders and attempt to prove themselves to Peter who doesn't believe them to be heroic at all. Using the Spidey Armor tech, which has been seen to duplicate the different Spider-Man costumes, the Scarlet Spiders finish the fight in three different versions of Spider-Man's costume (the classic, the black&white, and the Stark Armor). Peter retrieves the suitcase with the Gamma Bomb info and hands it over to the Spiders as an act of faith. The Spiders then all chameleon into an image of Parker, stating that he was returning it to the authorities and announce to the gathered newspaper and television reporters that there have been four Spider-Men in the past and that the powers came from the suit, not the person. They said to the press that the suitcase which housed the Gamma Bomb info had another SPider-Man costume in it and thanked Peter for handing over the costume, leading the media to question if Peter was actually Spider-Man or if he was just holding the suit. The main thing this did was cast doubt in the press and leaving them questioning if Parker was ever Spider-Man in the first place.<br> Cut to reactions from the press and JJJameson who all of a sudden questions who it was that unmasked themselves on national TV since the Spidey suit's chameleon tech made it look like there were four Peter PArker stadning there on national tv.<br> The story ends with the Initiative bigwigs pissed off at the Spiders for not apprehending Parker and the Spiders taking off their masks to reveal that they are actually clones of MVP, an Initiative member who died in the first issue.<br> It's a comic booky way of doing it, but my annoyance with the whole thing is that Spidey has been umnasked before numerous times and comic book conventions have always saved his ass. I remember when he was caught snapping shots for his WEBS book (a McFarlaine issue) in the costume kissing MJ without his mask and had to explain it to his everyone. Spidey explained it away in one issue. Now it's some kind of story that has to take years to fix. That type of thing used to happen once a year (Raimi even did it well in SPIDER-MAN 2). But Millar prances in and writes an issue and Joey Q gets ahold of the media and all of a sudden it's revolutionary comic booking.

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 8:16 p.m. CST

    Joe Q is casting himself as Mephisto in his own story

    by TallBoy66

    Jesus, subtle, eh? Even JMS doesn't want this. However, I must say, even though the storyline is ham-fisted and awkward and fairly stupid ("I want...your MARRIAGE! MUHA-HA-HA-HA-HAAA!!"), I *do* buy the fact that Peter and MJ would sacrifice their love to save Aunt May. It feels right for them to do that, because they would to save a life. Easy. But the story itself is pretty gawdawful. On the flipside, it'll be pretty easy to reset the reset button if magic in inovled, eh?

  • Dec. 5, 2007, 8:22 p.m. CST

    Three words: "no...more...marriage!"

    by rock-me Amodeo

    Rats.

  • Dec. 6, 2007, 2:06 a.m. CST

    *Sigh*...the ASBAR thing is...

    by stones_throw

    We were told the ALL STAR line would be about the iconic versions of the characters (hence ALL STAR SUPERMAN). Not the balls-out, adults-only, acclaimed-writer-hacking-it-out-and-being-allowed-to-do-so version. DC were saying it was an alternative to kids who couldn't get into the main lines (just like Marvel's ULTIMATE...really that should suggest there's something wrong with the main lines). Nothing could be further from what ASBAR is. It's just Frank Miller crapping on the fans and DC being too scared to call him on it. Save that for FRANK MILLER'S the HACK KNIGHT RETURNS (see what I did there?), not ALL STAR BATMAN AND ROBIN THE BOY WONDER. A five page spread of cars? Months between issues? This isn't good stuff, people. (And yes, I know A-SSMAN is late too. Shove it.) Apparently DC tried to get Paul Dini first, but he turned it down, and it looks like Frank Miller can be paid enough to take a dump on an afternoon every few months or so.<p>Anyway, the REAL thing is that it's lazy dogshit, but never mind...

  • Dec. 6, 2007, 3:30 a.m. CST

    I Harrassed Alan Moore Whilst He Was Shopping!

    by IAmMrMonkey!

    It was so embarrassing now I think of it. The poor guy just wanted to buy some food and I was there blabbering about how much I loved his work. He didn't seem impressed. But I didn't mind.

  • Dec. 6, 2007, 11:04 a.m. CST

    DevilCat

    by Shigeru

    FTW!

  • Dec. 6, 2007, 11:07 a.m. CST

    looda

    by Shigeru

    You've been bitching about how 616 spider-man sucks balls for like years now, and you still buy it?? Wtf dude just let go already, or are you rich?

  • Dec. 6, 2007, 11:09 a.m. CST

    Mark Bagley @ DC

    by Shigeru

    Great. Can't wait to have him drawing some book I couldn't give 3 shits about.

  • Dec. 6, 2007, 11:13 a.m. CST

    QUAD POST OF EPICTUDE

    by Shigeru

    um... wait I can't think of anything to write.

  • Dec. 6, 2007, 11:53 a.m. CST

    DevilCat

    by The Heathen

    FTW! Indeed. Great post.

  • Dec. 6, 2007, 12:03 p.m. CST

    Looda

    by The Heathen

    I recall you not liking Evel Kneivel, but I forget the tale. Refresh my memory.

  • Dec. 6, 2007, 12:06 p.m. CST

    Criminal

    by The Heathen

    Just Finished the Lawless story and damn this book is good.

  • Dec. 6, 2007, 12:09 p.m. CST

    Watch it Shig....

    by Psynapse

    SOME of us are actually quite excited to see how 'The Bags' breathes life into a DC book. (Let's just hope it's one that doesn't suck, which, admittedly is the minority for BOTH of the Big 2 these days)

  • Dec. 6, 2007, 12:20 p.m. CST

    Psynapse speaks the truth…

    by The Heathen

  • Dec. 6, 2007, 12:23 p.m. CST

    Oh and about Moore & Promethea....

    by Psynapse

    I have to disagree with the above review's assessment. I'm pretty sure Promethea was Moore's 'version' (NOT a pejorative term here so don't start) of a 4 color indoctrination into mysticism in much the same manner that 'The Invisibles' was Grant Morrison's. In all seriousness, I challenge ANYONE who has read Promethea to do some genuine research on the mystical 'facts' that the characters reference throughout the story. You'll find a source for EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. Hell, he even included the abyss in the sephiroth which originally was an 11th sphere (and which some cuneiform writings say may very well have been Tiamat which along with Nibiru are the 2 'missing' planets in our solar system, SIDE NOTE: Supposedly, 1/2 of Tiamat is the asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter, the other 1/2 is the Earth and the Moon).

  • Dec. 6, 2007, 2:19 p.m. CST

    Infinite Horizon

    by The Heathen

    I recently discovered Phil Noto as an artist and really like his work a lot, but I think I'm going to wait for the trade for that particular story. It seems like something that would go down easier in one sitting as well as being able to reflect upon it immediately instead of having just one issue to read monthly, if that makes sense. I think it did.

  • that's exactly what I meant. Odds are he'll be put on fucking Blue Beetle or Booster Gold or something... >_<

  • Dec. 6, 2007, 3:44 p.m. CST

    son of a b

    by Shigeru

    subject was suppsed to read: <br>(Let's just hope it's one that doesn't suck, which, admittedly is the minority for BOTH of the Big 2 these days)

  • Dec. 6, 2007, 3:45 p.m. CST

    weird

    by Shigeru

    I can't do > _ <

  • Dec. 6, 2007, 3:45 p.m. CST

    test

    by Shigeru

    <

  • Dec. 6, 2007, 3:46 p.m. CST

    ok

    by Shigeru

    apparently you can't type a less-than sign in TBs...

  • Dec. 6, 2007, 4:02 p.m. CST

    Less than symbol

    by Jinxo

    The talkback likely sees the less than sign as you starting an html command. They always start with a less than and end as a greater than sign. So it probably sees the less than and goes, "Don't print that and get ready to execute what comes next".

  • Dec. 6, 2007, 4:13 p.m. CST

    BUT you can do this!

    by Psynapse

    >_* But that would make you too much like me so don't.

  • Dec. 6, 2007, 4:56 p.m. CST

    Bagley

    by The Heathen

    I think I read that he was going to be featured prominently on whatever book DC is going to have that's out every week because they are going to stick with a weekly book and Bagley can meet his deadlines better than most people in the industry. This is either good or bad. It's already good from an artistic POV, considering most of the art in Countdown is amateurish at best. 52 had it's hits and misses, but it did have a few Phil Jimenez issues and the majority of the other artist were good. If Bagley is on art and the writer(s) don't suck it up then it could be the best weekly series from DC yet, but right now I obviously don't have confidence in that considering the dreck Countdown is. Put Johns, Morrison, Waid and Rucka back as the writing team and I think it would work again.

  • Dec. 7, 2007, 9:45 a.m. CST

    "the best weekly series from DC yet"

    by Shigeru

    that's like saying "I got kicked in the nuts, then lit on fire... but hey this stabbed in the face with a screwdriver thing isn't half bad!"

  • Dec. 7, 2007, 9:47 a.m. CST

    and don't call me bitter or cynical...

    by Shigeru

    because I'm effing right.

  • Dec. 7, 2007, 10:18 a.m. CST

    If it's a weekly from DC....

    by Psynapse

    It'll probably suck.

  • Dec. 7, 2007, 11:04 a.m. CST

    hmm...

    by blackthought

    can we at least consider the sweet beard of yours bitter or cynical shig? i just don't envision a happy beard with the horrible snow we ppl who get that sort of stuff have right now.

  • Dec. 7, 2007, 12:03 p.m. CST

    Snow is God's punishment

    by Psynapse

    Repent NOW sinner!

  • Dec. 7, 2007, 1:46 p.m. CST

    Ultimates 3

    by Bluejack

    Why don't they just make the book X rated and have the Black Widow and Stark boning, and Wanda and Pietro as well. What a piece of crap. I want my money back.

  • Dec. 7, 2007, 1:57 p.m. CST

    You're bitter and cynical.

    by The Heathen

    52 was a good series when all was said and done. Not great, but good and an interesting experiment for the comic medium. <br> <br> Countdown is the bizarro 52. It's got second tier writers, even worse artists AND it's more expensive than 52 was. <br> <br> You like Bagley and don't hate everything from DC, so me saying that this weekly series from DC (out of the three so far) could be the best (depending on writers and it's purpose of being weekly of course), then why couldn't it be good? What's wrong with wishing something to be good? If it sucks I'll say it sucks like Countdown, but if it's decent then what's the harm. I guess I'd just like for things to work out. When I go see a movie, I always hope that it's going to be good. I don't intentionally see bad movies. I didn't go into Transformers thinking, "I can't wait to see this fucking atrocious piece of shit movie!!!" You feel me, Cog Smooch? I view comics the same way.

  • Dec. 7, 2007, 2:17 p.m. CST

    Who's the black widow in Ultimates 3?

    by Laserhead

    Since the last one was given a champagne bottle lobotomy and offed by Hawkeye? Don't make me buy it, just share, please.

  • Dec. 7, 2007, 2:24 p.m. CST

    Same Black Widow that died

    by Jinxo

    The sex scene is via a video tape from before the booze went to her head. And that book does suck. It's like... The Ultimates Melrose Place except not done with half the intellegence of the actual Melrose Place. And, yeah I know, not like that show was a work of genius in the first place.

  • Dec. 7, 2007, 2:30 p.m. CST

    Thanks Jinxo

    by Laserhead

    Even more depressing than I'd imagined.

  • Dec. 7, 2007, 3:48 p.m. CST

    well what did you guys expect?

    by Shigeru

    Jeph Loeb (who's rep has been coasting on his previous work with Tim Sale) and Joe Mad (seriously?)

  • Dec. 7, 2007, 3:57 p.m. CST

    52 was not good.

    by Shigeru

    I only read like 10 issues of 52, but out of that I liked maybe 1/5 of it. Certainly not enough to keep spending an eventual $156 on the damn thing. If you feel like you got your money's worth then that's cool, I just didn't like it. <br> And if I'm bitter and cynical... well I'm just going by a track record here. DC proper has very few books that interest me, and it's been that way for a good while. So when a great artist announces he's DC exclusive, and will most likely be put on a big(er) book (because he's a big[er] name), and I haven't liked a big(er) book from DC for like, ever.... well run-on sentence aside, you can see where I'm going. Of course I'll be happy if the book Mark Bagley draws is good. But I will be SURPRISED. Because if you get shit served to you 9 times out of 10, you start EXPECTING SHIT. You feel me? ;) <br> I don't ever (probably) wish something to be *bad*. That's just silly. I would just rather not get my hopes up unless what I see really gets me going.

  • Dec. 7, 2007, 3:58 p.m. CST

    my beard

    by Shigeru

    is complex. and has many emotions.

  • Dec. 7, 2007, 3:58 p.m. CST

    SNOW

    by Shigeru

    it snowed a bunch here. then it got ASS-COLD. which made the snow harden into this ice-fuck-mess. yuck.

  • Dec. 7, 2007, 4:12 p.m. CST

    Besides All Star Supes…

    by The Heathen

    What other 'big name' DC book are you reading? Detective, Action, Batman, JSA, JLA, Green Lantern? Those are my favorites from DC, but a lot of those other titles have gotten really freakin horrible and I have no problem not bothering with the likes of Birds of Prey or Blue Beetle or Shadowpact or The All New Atom thankfully. It's kind of refreshing. Anyways, just curious to your readings as of late. And hey, it's almost cold here in Florida so maybe I can finally read that copy of Blankets I have huh? ; )

  • Dec. 7, 2007, 8:26 p.m. CST

    52...

    by blackthought

    i enjoyed...much more than the horrid snow...also i miss starman.

  • Dec. 8, 2007, 11:25 a.m. CST

    I feel your icy beard, shigeru

    by rock-me Amodeo

    Of course, I'm feeling it as my own beard glistens slightly with sweat, having come in from doing some yard work in shorts in a balmy 76 degrees. What can I say? I love living in North Florida...

  • Dec. 9, 2007, 11 a.m. CST

    I had to walk to work once in a blizzard

    by Shigeru

    there were literally ice chunks hanging off my beard when I got in....

  • Dec. 9, 2007, 11:01 a.m. CST

    non-vertigo DC books I read

    by Shigeru

    All-Star Supes... um... Simon Dark... um.. that's all folks!

  • Dec. 9, 2007, 11:04 a.m. CST

    proof that I'm not bitter.

    by Shigeru

    OMEGA THE UNKOWN is one of the best comic books I've read in a long time. Only 3 issues in and it's created this insane intricate mysterious world... necklaces and books bonding to people's chests.... eff. This comic is amazing.

  • Dec. 9, 2007, 2:20 p.m. CST

    Ultimates 3

    by arrangedletters

    I just needed to comment on how fucking bad this was also. Everyone made most of the valid points. Mine is if Quicksilver was moving at the same speed as the bullet why would it go through his hand? That was some serious crap...just so bad.

  • Dec. 9, 2007, 4:06 p.m. CST

    Wait, what?

    by Freddie Mercury

    Someone is excited to see Peter Bagley draw something? WTF? He's one of Marvel's worst artists. Never drawn an attractive female in his life. Every face he draws looks exactly the same.

  • Dec. 9, 2007, 4:07 p.m. CST

    Why the bullet went thru Quicksilver's hand

    by Freddie Mercury

  • Dec. 9, 2007, 4:08 p.m. CST

    Why the bullet went thru Quicksilver's hand:

    by Freddie Mercury

    magic bullet. Didn't you look at it? Clearly a tech bullet. It made a turn at a right angle. Clearly not a normal bullet. But yeah, Ultimates 3= pretty sucky.

  • Dec. 10, 2007, 8:32 a.m. CST

    Yeah, it's true, freddie: Peter Bagley stinks...

    by rock-me Amodeo

    ...but his brother, MARK Bagley, is an excellent artist. Ultimate Spiderman didn't become the darling of Marvel just for the writing...

  • Dec. 10, 2007, 8:41 a.m. CST

    Yeah, duh, I meant Mark...

    by Freddie Mercury

    and he stinks. Are you kidding? I stand by my original statement. Marvel's gonna make him follow Frank Cho? Gee, do you think readership of Mighty Avengers is going to go up? Or down?

  • Dec. 10, 2007, 10:09 a.m. CST

    Fred

    by Shigeru

    loved your band. sorry about the dying thing. but I gotta respectfully call you dumb. bagley's been around since forever and the dude's practically a modern marvel legend. dude churned out 110 issues of a book everyone was sure was gonna fail, and helped make it a best seller. your implication that putting mark bagley on a book will hurt its sales is laughable. "ha." -- see, that's me laughing. <br><br> but seriously, bagley's a great sequential artist.

  • Dec. 10, 2007, 11:43 a.m. CST

    If you think Cho's better than Bagley...

    by SleazyG.

    ...you should probably just avoid Marvel entirely and subscribe to LADY DEATH or PURGATORI or something. I mean, Cho's no Jim Silke or even Jim Balent or Joseph Michael Linsner...

  • Dec. 10, 2007, 12:03 p.m. CST

    Omega the Unknown

    by The Heathen

    You mean the new one right? Is it really three issues in already? Is that a mini or ongoing? I can't see Marvel having that be an ongoing. <br> <br> I read the first issue of Simon Dark and liked it. I haven't continued to get it because I'm trying to cut back, but hopefully it's turning out well. <br> <br> Sleazy, thanks for that post. I enjoyed that.

  • Dec. 10, 2007, 9:03 p.m. CST

    Yeah, Shig...

    by Freddie Mercury

    Love all those Mario games. And Donkey Kong and Zelda. Genius. Gasp, someone doesn't love the Ultimate universe? And that someone is absolutely wrong about his opinion about art because of dollars? Wow, where'd I get this silly idea that appreciation of art is subjective? I guess I'm all wrong, I should be listening to Garth Brooks, he's sold like a billion albums. You're right, I must be dumb, I don't like the same artist you like. And SleazyG. is right, Cho is just another titty artist like Steven Hughes who has no experience drawing and writing a series that lasted hundreds of issues. You both really got me there. Thanks for setting me straight.

  • Dec. 11, 2007, 9:35 a.m. CST

    ha

    by Shigeru

    good one about the nintendo stuff. <br><br> But for the record, YOU brought up sales. "Gee, do you think readership of Mighty Avengers is going to go up? Or down?" <-- see? <br>Making a statement like that is quite different than saying "I don't like Mark Bagley's art." Because one is subjective and one is not. Oh and I guess I have to call you out on "Every face he draws looks exactly the same." because that's just simply not true, either. Meanwhile I'm flipping through Mighty Avengers and all these females sure do look alike, except for hair color/style... hmm. <br>Lastly, there's this: "Never drawn an attractive female in his life." <br> Well I guess if you prefer your females to have impossibly-proportioned bodies and have their g-stringed asses sticking out of every other panel... <br> I was going to find a link to a picture of an attractive female he's drawn, but then I remembered that entire issue that is a fight between Electra and Black Cat. 'nuff said?

  • Dec. 11, 2007, 9:40 a.m. CST

    ok WTF

    by Shigeru

    about 3/4 of what I wrote got deleted. I'll sum up: <br> sales: you brought it up. It's a lot different than saying "I don't like Mark Bagley's art", because one statement is subjective and the other is not. <br> "Every face he draws looks exactly the same." - simply not true. Meanwhile I'm flipping through Cho's mighty avengers and am seeing a lot of females who look exactly the same but with different haircuts/styles. <br> and lastly (and the most weird that you'd bring up): "Never drawn an attractive female in his life." -- I guess not if you prefer impossibly-proportioned women sticking their g-stringed asses out of every other panel. And take a look at the USM issue where Black Cat and Electra fight for the entire time. Yeah.

  • Dec. 11, 2007, 9:42 a.m. CST

    The Heather

    by Shigeru

    Omega is going to be a 12 issue maxi(?)-series. It says "1 of 12", ect. on the issue. BUY THEM. <br><br>The 2nd ish of Simon Dark wasn't as good as the 1st, but I'm giving it a chance...

  • Dec. 12, 2007, 1:42 a.m. CST

    Heh. Shigeru...

    by rock-me Amodeo

    ...brought his A-Game. And apparently, "A" stands fer ass-whoopin'. Cool beans.

  • Dec. 12, 2007, 9:13 a.m. CST

    Heh, cool beans…

    by The Heathen

    makes more sense than you know. ; ) <br> <br> I'm going to assume that the subject line was misspelled for your sake and maybe I'll pick up the issues of Omega the Unknown or probably just buy the trade when it comes out. <br> <br> Do you read Mighty Avengers, Shig or just flip through it while preparing talkback retorts? I'm inclined to think the latter, but I was sincere with the question. <br> <br> Vale?

  • Dec. 12, 2007, 9:54 a.m. CST

    shush, Heather. XD

    by Shigeru

    I skipped an ish of Mighty Avengers but I try to pick it up if I see it in the shop. <br><br>Thanks, rock-me! :) <br><br><br><br> LAST

  • Dec. 12, 2007, 12:50 p.m. CST

    No…

    by The Heathen

    Eye am LAST…