Hey, everyone. ”Moriarty” here.

I'm a shameless action junkie. No matter what, I'll sneak away sometime tomorrow for a show of this at a theater near my house. No way I won't. I'm almost tempted to read nothing and just go in cold.

But it's Capone. I can't resist at least a peek to see what he thought...

Hey folks. Capone in Chicago here.

Based on the hugely successful video game (which are ALWAYS a great source for movie material, right?), HITMAN is a shoot-'em-up/blow-'em-up of the mightiest magnitude set in a kill-first, ask-questions-later world, where every woman is dressed in nothing or next to nothing and every man carries a bigger gun than the last. Lots of over-compensating going on here, folks. “Deadwood's” Timothy Olyphant stars as Agent 47, bred from birth to kill without mercy or emotion. But for some reason, when we meet him during the assassination of the Russian president (played by Danish superstar Ulrich Thomsen), he is suddenly beginning to doubt his line of work. The triggering event in this sudden burst of guilt is a Russian whore (isn't it always), who the Thomsen used and abused on a regular basis before his apparent death. Only thing his, the many didn't stay dead, and Agent 47 sets out to undercover how the man escaped his bullet that apparently hit him dead on in the nasal passages.

The lovely Olga Kurylendo (who recently had a small role in PARIS, JE T'AIME) is the Russian whore, who really struggles throughout the film to both stay alive and keep her clothes on. In addition to Olyphant, who offers up a sometimes laughable dead-pan delivery, a host of other actors known for television work populate HITMAN, including Dougray Scott (of “Desperate Housewives” fame), Robert Knepper (“Prison Break's” T-Bag), and Henry Ian Cusick (Desmond on “Lost”). Everyone does the best they can with this limited material, and some of the elaborate gun battles are extremely well done by French director Xavier Gens. But I know that there's supposed to be a great deal of religious iconography and allusions to this story, and either the filmmakers or distributors kind of pussy out with the sinner/saint aspects of Agent 47's character.

There are a couple of tasty fight scenes here as well. I particularly liked the sword fight sequence set on and under the platform of a train station, in which a small army of other agents like 47 band together to take out the now-rogue killer. But the story gets so bogged down in its own self-importance that I lost interest about half way through. Despite the video game origins of this film, there are actually a handful of better-than-expected performances in HITMAN, particularly by Scott and Knepper, who puts on a convincing Russian accent. But the truth is, I didn't care whether Agent 47 lived or died; and I didn't care if he comes back for another film, which may be the greater crime, since he clearly could. HITMAN is a slick, rousing, and exceedingly violent work (all good things) that looses its steam thanks to a meandering, overly complicated screenplay. But if bombs, bullets, and boobs are on your agenda for the holidays, you could do worse.

Capone