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Published on Friday, November 9, 2007 - 3:57pm |
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FRED CLAUS has such a deep, personal impact on Capone that he considers changing his religion!
Hey all. Capone in Chicago here.
So here's the premise: Santa Claus has an older brother who, since they were kids, always resented the way young Nick was coddled and adored by his parents for all the good deeds he did on behalf of the less fortunate everywhere. He resented him so much that he left home at a young age and moved to Chicago, where he grew up to become a shifty, thoughtless businessman named Fred (Vince Vaughn). Fred is dating a Chicago cop (Rachel Weisz), whose very presence in the film is confusing (more on that in a second), and is on the verge of opening the only OTB in Chicago's Loop. The only problem is, he's broke and so is forced to contact his brother for a loan/early Christmas gift. Easily swayed by people in need in general and his brother in particular, Santa (Paul Giamatti, inspired casting, I'll admit) agrees to give Fred the money, but Mrs. Claus (Miranda Richardson) forces Nick to stipulate that Fred come to the North Pole to help with production to earn the cash. Fred agrees.
While Fred is trying to lend a hand, an efficiency expert (Kevin Spacey, who will be utterly embarrassed that he was ever in this movie in about three days) shows up at Santa's Village to find out why production can't seem to keep up with demand and threatens to shut down Santa's workshop if things don't improve (wasn't this storyline used in one of the SANTA CLAUSE movies?). Shockingly enough, Fred is so selfish that he doesn't seem to care that the world's children won't get their toys if he doesn't perform his job correctly, which he doesn't.
Where to begin? I literally only laughed one time during this entire weak-ass production. There's a scene in the final third of the movie where Fred goes to a Siblings Anonymous meeting populated by some interesting faces. I was laughing more at the fact that these people even agreed to be in the movie than at any of the jokes being told, but funny is funny, so I'll give them points for inspiration. The rest of the film is an abysmal mess. We get it. Fred doesn't like his brother or his parents for paying such special attention to his brother. The film does nothing more than take this tired sibling rivalry storyline and beat it into the ground until it resembles week-old ground beef that's been sitting in the sun. The film stinks about as bad, too. Vaughn is trying so hard to make us laugh, but in the confines of this PG-rated mess, his comedic options are limited.
And what about the women? Elizabeth Banks shows up as one of Santa's few full-size helpers in a low-cut top and heaving bosoms. I think Ms. Banks is just swell, and she looks darling in this movie, but my initial reaction to having this young, pretty thing in the movie was that Santa was cheating on Mrs. Claus with a woman who is essentially his secretary. None of this is even hinted at in FRED CLAUS, but these are the places my bored mind wandered to while watching it. As for Rachel Weisz, arguably one of the most beautiful women on the planet, I couldn't figure out why she was even in this film. She's only in the movie for a few minutes, and when we do see her, she's in a bulk Chicago cop's winter coat and a hat with earflaps. Sexy! She reappears in the film later on, but by then we've forgotten her and quickly realize she has no relevance to the main story at all.
There are a couple of visual gags involving making full-size actors look like workshop elves, but that novelty wore off after about 30 minutes. We're about to get hit with a whole host of potentially truly shitty holiday films, and if FRED CLAUS is any indication of what we're in for, I may be changing religions, or even jobs, soon.
Capone
capone@aintitcoolmail.com

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Reader Talkback
1st? by Robnhud | Nov 9th, 2007 03:00:34 PM | On the first... by KarmicRelief | Nov 9th, 2007 03:01:11 PM | wow...but the trailer looked
soooooo good.... by just pillow talk | Nov 9th, 2007 03:03:14 PM | sigh...this is one of the few
thread where the WHITE SCREEN
OF D by just pillow talk | Nov 9th, 2007 03:03:58 PM | I resent the ground beef
statement by the beef | Nov 9th, 2007 03:04:03 PM | Soooooo.... by ccchhhrrriiisssm | Nov 9th, 2007 03:12:18 PM | Needs Alan Tudyk playing Steve
the Pirate. by C.K. Lamoo | Nov 9th, 2007 03:12:35 PM | Giamatti by TattooedBillionaire | Nov 9th, 2007 03:14:01 PM | "Santa Claus has an older
brother"? by Orionsangels | Nov 9th, 2007 03:14:35 PM | Bad Santa by Knuckleduster | Nov 9th, 2007 03:15:31 PM | Remember the teaser trailer? by GeekyAnimeNerd79Beyotch | Nov 9th, 2007 03:21:28 PM | Staying away by haggardatbest | Nov 9th, 2007 03:24:32 PM | If I'm not mistaken.. by KingArcane | Nov 9th, 2007 03:31:04 PM | so mrs i have an oscar didnt
want to be in by JeanLuc Dickhard | Nov 9th, 2007 03:31:45 PM | Remember: This movie wouldn't
exist without Writers. by Banshee7 | Nov 9th, 2007 03:33:11 PM | I SUPPORT THE WRITERS ON THIS
ONE. by Pound Sand | Nov 9th, 2007 03:35:38 PM | But is it better than Deck the
Halls? by chrth | Nov 9th, 2007 03:41:05 PM | Christmas movies suck by BMacSmith | Nov 9th, 2007 03:42:49 PM | Christmas movies DO NOT suck. by Shermdawg | Nov 9th, 2007 03:53:05 PM | This will make millions by Det. John Kimble | Nov 9th, 2007 03:54:21 PM | Sounds nothing like the Teaser by United States | Nov 9th, 2007 03:56:14 PM | Wow, it's Vince Vaughn playing
Vince Vaughn. by qweruiop | Nov 9th, 2007 04:04:11 PM | CAPONE by Frijole | Nov 9th, 2007 04:05:14 PM | Why is Fred Vaughn the title
character in G.I. Joe? by runfoodrun | Nov 9th, 2007 04:12:46 PM | Wasn't the best movie ever by The_Boo | Nov 9th, 2007 04:13:59 PM | deja clause by johnnyangel | Nov 9th, 2007 04:42:07 PM | Kevin Spacey gotta eat by CarmillaVonDoom | Nov 9th, 2007 04:58:36 PM | To the lady seated next to
me... by queerfilmjunkie | Nov 9th, 2007 05:07:31 PM | please god-frank stallone in
the s.a. meeting by pikagreg | Nov 9th, 2007 05:43:45 PM | Now this is one film that Rob
Zombie SHOULDA done. by IAmMrMonkey! | Nov 9th, 2007 05:47:14 PM | Nothin says"Great Movie!"like
a trailer w/a dance montage by George Newman | Nov 9th, 2007 06:29:01 PM | Kevin Spacey gotta skip a
meal... by Evil Lincoln | Nov 9th, 2007 07:26:35 PM | This years little miss Elf 2
of our Generation by Pipple | Nov 9th, 2007 08:23:32 PM | Kevin Spacey gotta eat at a
better restaurant... by IAmMrMonkey! | Nov 9th, 2007 08:38:43 PM | Now is the winter of our
discontent. by Yeti | Nov 9th, 2007 09:32:43 PM | Did anyone really not see this
coming? by Zeke25:17 | Nov 9th, 2007 11:22:12 PM | FUCK Christmas movies that
open the first week of
November by Osmosis Jones | Nov 9th, 2007 11:35:27 PM | OTB by Rich Malone | Nov 10th, 2007 02:52:05 AM | Christmas movies by Zappary | Nov 10th, 2007 05:57:05 AM | Animal Structure by The_Boo | Nov 10th, 2007 10:01:08 AM | Santa Claus as a main
character = shitty film by Mullah Omar | Nov 10th, 2007 10:46:25 AM | Vince played a sloppy, cynical
slacker dude? by ZeroCorpse | Nov 10th, 2007 10:55:54 AM | after kpax, i woulda thought
spacey was beyond
embarrassment fro by JacksonsPole | Nov 10th, 2007 01:05:40 PM | this 'group' vs all the same
others by Lloyd Bonafide the Korean War
Veteran | Nov 10th, 2007 07:37:12 PM | FUCK THE HATERS, THIS MOVIE
WAS REALLY GOOD! by jig98 | Nov 10th, 2007 08:30:28 PM | We should boycott Christmas... by The Dum Guy | Nov 10th, 2007 08:36:42 PM | Agree with Mullah Omar by Dasher | Nov 10th, 2007 11:15:23 PM | this movie makes the Christ,
and me, weep. by ironic_name | Nov 11th, 2007 09:06:34 AM | and frank stallone felt up
anna nicole smith by ironic_name | Nov 11th, 2007 09:09:18 AM | you would think someone would
say.. by ironic_name | Nov 11th, 2007 09:11:21 AM | The f'in writers didn't even
come up with the idea! by porkys2electricboogaloo | Nov 11th, 2007 04:35:44 PM | Elizabeth Banks by Merkin Muffley | Nov 11th, 2007 06:49:17 PM | As someone else said.. by wowsucks | Nov 11th, 2007 06:51:51 PM | I AM THE SANTA CLAUS OF MANY
COLORS!! by JustyHakubi | Nov 12th, 2007 03:56:04 AM | (Sigh) by Peg Entwistle | Nov 12th, 2007 04:02:15 AM | FIIIIIIIIVE GOOOOOOOLD
RIIIIIIIINGS!!! by spud mcspud | Nov 12th, 2007 04:39:33 AM | They should make THE LAST
CHRISTMAS into a movie... by spud mcspud | Nov 12th, 2007 04:42:08 AM | Die Hard by Rei-Ginsei | Nov 12th, 2007 05:47:27 AM | Hans is one cool motherfucker by spud mcspud | Nov 12th, 2007 07:23:09 AM | KingArcane by Norseman1111 | Nov 12th, 2007 09:31:00 AM | TV ads say it is being
released by Big Jim | Nov 12th, 2007 12:44:02 PM | Correction, since it is still
Fall by Big Jim | Nov 12th, 2007 12:53:53 PM |
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