Cool News
Roland Emmerich talks with Empire about FANTASTIC VOYAGE and James Cameron!!!
Hey folks, Harry here at Fantastic Fest - and I get a heads up from Olly giving me the link to EMPIRE's brief talk with Emmerich about FANTASTIC VOYAGE! The most interesting bit is where Roland Emmerich admits that apparently he hated James Cameron's draft of FANTASTIC VOYAGE (I believe we need a second opinion - I volunteer to read it) - There isn't a lot of info about Emmerich's impending vision, but it is all about what Cameron's vision was... which sounds like a really awesome film, very different from the original. Alas... To dream of Cameron's abandoned projects. Sigh...
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it will always be good. There are hits and misses, maybe this time it was just a complete miss. I am looking forward to this though. I'm pretty fond of the original
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almost
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...found this at comingsoon...
http://tinyurl.com/349qxn
it's sort of (but not exactly) Cameron related... Terminator 4 news...
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for his Spider-man draft that ditched the web cartridges for organic web. Cameron probably came up with another great idea that Emmerich will steal.
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The interesting part of the article is that Emmerich wants a GOOD script and then hands it over to the writers of National Treasure 2.
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Here we go...
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Since when was this talentless hack a good judge of scripts? If you made a top ten worst Hollywood screenplays list, at least 3 of them would be Emmerich and Devlins. Cameron should find out where he lives and beat the shit out of him. And film it in a new hi-def 3d system so we can all watch it with our jaws on the floor.
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Now that would be cool news to me.
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Roland Emmerich didn't like James Cameron's script. Give me a fucking break...!
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Can people please stop obsessing over their hate for Uwe Boll and concentrate on Emmerich?
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Give us Piranha Part Three: Battered and Deep Fried...we command you.
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Has anyone seen that new HBO show "Show Me Your Nuts" where the woman from Universal Soldier tries to masturbate?
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That's just lame. For everything else I hold my breath until the script leaks online.
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I love the sound of Cameron's take on it. "Not gay enough!!" Shouts Emmerich, and then he high fives a nude Joel Schumacher. Please, make the Cameron version, and make sure Bill Paxton's in it somewhere.
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Sorry to hijack another talkback, but I was hoping y'all could help me settle something. Over in the Darjeeling Limited talkback (which ain't getting much traffic these days) I've gotten into it with a cat named Captain Justice. It starts about 30 posts from the bottom. If you have a couple seconds, check it out and vote on who's winning (Captain Justice really wants to know). It's pretty amusing stuff so, hopefully, it'll be worth the click. Thanks.
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his mouthful of Heineken in disbelief as Emmerich utters the phrase "The key is I won’t do it unless it’s going to be a good movie.”
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is a dolt..
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Sep 26, 2007 4:41:29 PM CDT
Emmerich is fit to lick the shit from Camerons shoes...
by judge dredds dirty undies
that is all.
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Way to go blankonino.
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Not because there's anything particularly wrong with the original - it's just very dated, while the idea is timeless and could once again make for riveting cinema. The funny thing is, when I first read what Cameron intended to do with it - exploring an ALIEN body instead of a human - I thought that was a brilliantly original spin on the original, and would totally warrant a remake (or would it then be more of a sequel?). Anyways, I obviously won't get to make it, but I do look forward to seeing it.
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...given that his dialogue makes James Cameron look like Paddy goddamn Chayefsky.
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but his stories are beyond stupid, dialog corny and directing lacking.
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Cameron's dialog may not be Shakespeare, but at least he's never turned Godzilla into a steroid-pumped velociraptor.
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syndrom.
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Takes Cameron's script and gets the National Treasure 2 scripters to do a rewrite. What a fuck-up. More importantly, the head of Fox goes surfing with Roland Emmerich and offers him movies?! What is going on in the world?! I sometimes feel like i've strayed into an alternate dimension.
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"By the time that ship went overhead I knew what I wanted to do with the rest of my life."
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"Game over man! It's just game over!! Now what the fuck are we gonna do?? We're in some real pretty shit now man!!!"
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"And we have no way of warning the surface."
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get back there .. justice is begging for a response.
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Unfortunately, more projects get greenlighted and careers built by going surfing with people than you might imagine. We are talking about an industry where back in the 80's, two agents named Michael Ovitz and Ron Meyer were golfing and arguing who was the more powerful agent. And Ovitz made a bet with Meyer that he could turn anyone into a star, even, to paraphrase Ovitz, "this idiot who I take martial arts lesson with". That idiot? Steven Seagal.
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I can't get rid of this moron. He's the herpes simplex of talkbackers.
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If Emmerich filmed Jim Cameron's Tax Return, it would be the greatest thing he'd ever done, simply for Cameron having written it.
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...what the heck does your name mean anyway? Is that some sort of anagram? You got me stymied, bro.
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give it to National Treasure 2 and Bad Boys II "writers". Way to go, herr Emmerich! Gesundeit!
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trashing Cameron's script like that. he made it sound as if he had just read a screenplay from a talentless hack. And Lightstormer,
kwisatzhaderach's name is from Dune. -
...had Peter Parker be a kid with the organic web-shooters, but also have him say "fuck". He was also supposed to play hide the salami with a lady love (didn't say it was MJ, though). And Spidey was supposed to fight unpowered corporate villains that John McClane could shoot dead in a "Die Hard" film! Didn't we see stuff like that on the '70's "Spider-Man" show? No wonder Sam Raimi took over! (By the way, I got this info from the very first issue of the late great magazine Total Movie!) :)
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HORRIBLE
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The difference between Emmerich and Cameron is that Emmerich hasn't EVER directed a good movie. He's made a few passable popcorn flicks, but nothing on the scale or cultural impact of what JC has directed. Emmerich's small brain and lack of artistic principles are reflected in his movies. It also says a lot about him that he was willing to publicly trash a script by Cameron. Makes me laugh, actually.
Anyone see the teaser for "10,000 BC" yet? Now there's some heavy handed, zero character, Emmerich genius at work! Hell yeah!
I guess another difference between Emmerich and Cameron is that Emmerich could die tomorrow and no one except his family would give a shit. -
We have had trouble finding volunteers. The girl's revealing suit makes the Voyage Fantastic!
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Kwisatzhaderach (sp?) is from Dune. It's quite a cool name. Emmerich is a cunt- I had 3 attempts at sitting through The Day After Tommorrow and failed every time.Is there any news on the eagerly awaited MAN CATS film?
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I think filming has wrapped by now. Will probably need reshoots here or there but I'm pretty sure most of it is all Post from here on out.
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...is that Emmerich says Cameron called him up and INVITED him into the project. Now, I'm not saying it didn't happen, but I have to say that anybody in Hollywood short of Spielberg himself simply doesn't have the cred to be so casually dismissive to a Jim Cameron project. Even if Jim did say it isn't coming together right, or it it isn't working the way he wanted it to, who the fuck in the industry rightfully has the sack to tell Cameron, "Yeah, man. What a pile of SHIT this is! I'm gonna have to fix it for you." And if you really think it's the guy who gave us The Patriot?? That movie was two slices of hamfisted and a double helping of derivative. And that's putting it nicely.
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but it's funny as hell and completely true:Emmerich's shit films=ID4, The PAtriot, Godzilla, Day After Tomorrow, 10,000 years bc, stargate, and universal soldier.
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"[Cameron's Spider-Man script] had Peter Parker be a kid with the organic web-shooters, but also have him say "fuck".
Uh... and?
>>"He was also supposed to play hide the salami with a lady love (didn't say it was MJ, though)."
Yeah, we would've lost all respect for Peter Parker had he had some sex in the movie... I know I write a hero in a movie off for that kind of thing...
>>"And Spidey was supposed to fight unpowered corporate villains that John McClane could shoot dead in a "Die Hard" film!"
...not that I recall... but I can read over my copy of the script again and verify that isn't right, if you want me to. If only you had read the script yourself...
>>"No wonder Sam Raimi took over!"
Yeah, or else it had something to do with Fox losing any claim to the rights when the Superior Court judge ruled the project belonged to Sony. (You might be too young to remember that the movie rights were in legal hell for about a decade before the movie got made. I have no idea if you are too young or not, but I'm making a guess.)
>>"(By the way, I got this info from the very first issue of the late great magazine Total Movie!)"
...which brings me to my point: It's not very fair trashing Cameron's take on a script going by details covered in a script review. If you had read it for yourself, maybe you would've liked it, maybe not. But then at least that would be fair for you to take a stand against it. Personally, I thought it was fantastic. I know I damn sure would have preferred that version of the movie than any of the three movies that have been made. Maybe the Spidey fans don't favor that script, because it's not Holy Spidey Writ, BUT... it was a damn exciting script. And it would've made a great movie, IMO. That's why David Koepp borrowed so liberally from it... though he still managed to hammer out a totally lame script of his own... which they ended up filming. -
"[Cameron's Spider-Man script] had Peter Parker be a kid with the organic web-shooters, but also have him say "fuck".
Uh... and?
--"He was also supposed to play hide the salami with a lady love (didn't say it was MJ, though)."--
Yeah, we would've lost all respect for Peter Parker had he had some sex in the movie... I know I write a hero in a movie off for that kind of thing...
--"And Spidey was supposed to fight unpowered corporate villains that John McClane could shoot dead in a "Die Hard" film!"--
...not that I recall... but I can read over my copy of the script again and verify that isn't right, if you want me to. If only you had read the script yourself...
--"No wonder Sam Raimi took over!"--
Yeah, or else it had something to do with Fox losing any claim to the rights when the Superior Court judge ruled the project belonged to Sony. (You might be too young to remember that the movie rights were in legal hell for about a decade before the movie got made. I have no idea if you are too young or not, but I'm making a guess.)
--"By the way, I got this info from the very first issue of the late great magazine Total Movie!)"--
...which brings me to my point: It's not very fair trashing Cameron's take on a script going by details covered in a script review. If you had read it for yourself, maybe you would've liked it, maybe not. But then at least that would be fair for you to take a stand against it. Personally, I thought it was fantastic. I know I damn sure would have preferred that version of the movie than any of the three movies that have been made. Maybe the Spidey fans don't favor that script, because it's not Holy Spidey Writ, BUT... it was a damn exciting script. And it would've made a great movie, IMO. That's why David Koepp borrowed so liberally from it... though he still managed to hammer out a totally lame script of his own... which is what they ended up filming. -
That should have read:but it's funny as hell and completely true:
Emmerich's shit films=ID4, The Patriot, Godzilla, Day After Tomorrow, 10,000 years bc, stargate, and universal soldier. Emmerich's good films =.....?
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Cameron's script sounds interesting...so its probably for the best that Emmerich rejected it so that viewers don't have to deal with the frustration of Emmerich fucking up what started out as a potentially good film. Now we know its going to be a shitfest from the beginning.
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That is exactly what is wrong with fucking Empshite: Day after tomorrow 4* (out of 5- with 5 being Classic) ID4 5*, The patriot 3*, These are all 1-2* films at best using their scale. Even godzilla, a disgrace to celluloid, gets 2* which is "fair".They really have no quality control when it comes to reviewing summer movies. Last Year's nauseating "Superman Soars" Blow job of a review leaps to mind
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Where no fantastic's have voyaged before.
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Emmerich and those reviews you mentioned LJ/LP from Emp. I think you are exactly right...the highest rating you can possibly give any of his films is a 2. Man he sucks.
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Read Aliens, Terminator and Point Break (yes, I'm serious) the guy's timing, dialog, character arcs, action sequences, set pieces ... he hits on all points. I'm SURE Cameron's Voyage script would've been tight ... Uh, and what has Emmerich written anyway? Godzilla?
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buying Empire- I actually think that they believe 3* is OK. They really should revamp their ratings system. Or at least fucking use it properly.
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...but it makes virtually every mainstream American film publication look like complete shit.
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and really, aside from the reviews it is an excellent magazine. Just the ubermorons that review the films drive me batshit crazy. Now I think about it, if a summer release gets a glowing review by Empire- then chances are it is complete and utter garbage.
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Perhaps Empire's just smells a bit less. I still can't believe Emmerich thinks he can come up with something better, especially based upon what he has given us so far.
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They're both very generous in their reviews.
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Oh come on now, Michael Paré was da bomb in Moon 44, yo.
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Empire's single biggest reviewing fuck up was when the AOTC DVD review was published. They had clearly taken a (deserved) stuffing in the postbag for the scandalous 5* review they gave it- so the DVD review started with something along the lines of "We had to give it 5*, because we gave TPM 4" and then followed with "imagine if TPM was only 20 mins long and was a preface to AOTC- How great would it have been?" It was bullshit, they completely failed to review the film- just gave a lengthy (and feeble) defence of their massively erroneous and ludicrously laudatory first review.
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Is it an enjoyable stinker- or just a shitty dreadful film?
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There is no denying James Cameron's obdy of work, but the dude is a nut. You wanna label Mel Gibson a nut..deal...he kinda is. Put James face right next to it. His arrogance is a lil retarded!
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Wasn't Malcolm McDowell in that too, or am I wrong? I have to double check that...
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with the AOTC review- they stuck to their 5*. Whoever wrote that piece should be fucking ashamed of themselves.
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I'm going to add that to my netflix list since I haven't seen that forever and don't remember it too well.LP, all you need to know is that the following titles come up along with Moon 44: Species, Godzilla, Johnny Mnemonic, Stargate, Battlefield Earth, the Day after Tomorrow. Wa-hoo!
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I wish I'd called myself that when I had to undergo my recent Dr. Who-esque "regeneration"- either that or Nilbog
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That is all.
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the rest HOWL. And not in a fun way- Except maybe battlefield earth, which howls like a female character in an Eli Roth film.
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She's her own island now...complete with rides, hotels, the whole nine yards.
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...is where it's at. Absolute garbage, but a riotously loony mess of gore, sex and alien slime. Awesome.
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and Natasha Henstridge living in a glass bubble in a totally male free environment. Hysterical.
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When Forrest Whitaker's "psychic" character wanders around a room full of blood splattered carnage and moans something to the effect of "something bad happened here".
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Is looking at the photo of her with the guy she drowns in the pool and says "She liked him"- or when Alfred molina is waffling on about how some cultures believe they can tell the moment of conception having just done the nasty with an alien.
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Complete shit- but sooooo enjoyable in a trashy, sleazy way.
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...is teh hot.
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to (mis)quoth the doc: She makes me happy in the pants.
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surely that means some cunt will remake it.
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...how fucking funny is it in shitfest Ghosts of Mars when they try to make Ice Cube look like he's taller and tougher than she is? Comedy gold.
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Oh the possibilities...
All hail Natasha. I would have been her easiest victim. -
...super-duper triple-dip DVD version of Species coming out soon according to digitalbits.
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But I didn't truly HATE him until he arrogantly and ignorantly mocked SG-1 on the Stargate DVD commentary. SG-1 is superior to anything Emmerich has ever done in every conceivable way! Fucking talentless wanker.
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for Godzilla too.
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...his brand new spanking ideas for Dean Devlin.
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...starred in Moon 44. Coincidence? I seem to recall a prison rape scene too.
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but I much preffered Ghosts of Mars when it was called Assault on Precinct 13. And Ice Cube was about as convincing as a hard case as a bulldog would be in a greyhound race. What was carpenter thinnking?
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Co-incidentally, I actually tried to defend Universal Soldier the other day- I argued that king of DTV Dolph clearly needs the work, and you have to set your quality control low anyway because it has Van Damme in it. I was laughed at.
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He's too busy smoking dope, counting his remake-whoring cash and mummifying himself.
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though I much prefer Cyborg. Now THAT was bad.
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yup. cyborg.
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He still gave us Halloween, The Thing, EFNY, Big Trouble in Little China and Dark Star- all films that unzip and sprinkle all over Emmerpricks catalogue
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natch
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...or the much-missed Neon that referred to Van Damme as "that strange little sweaty Belgian man" some years ago?
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Jonathon Van Demme- wierd hybrid between belgian martial arts actor and oscar winning film-maker! Bizarre- see Silence of the Kickboxers (starring Warwick Davis- soundtrack by The smashing pumpkins)
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The Thing might be my favorite movie of all time which is why it hurts so much seeing Carpenter's decline.
The Fog is also a huge favorite. -
Worth checking out LP?That's classic...strange little sweaty Belgian man.
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Sep 27, 2007 8:58:06 AM CDT
isn't anything with Adrienne Barbeau and her ta-ta's
by just pillow talk
classic?
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One of my pet hates is seeing idiot Tb'ers claim that a sequel to The Thing is needed- way to piss on one of the finest cinema endings ever. MoronsI also love Dark Star- which I recently heard described as Waiting for Godot in Space- with a beachball!
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Yes, even Swamp Thing.
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I know people that hate it, but I just love it though- and any film that has Dan O' Bannon starring in it is worthy of a look. And yes, Ms Barbeau's Tatas are classic.
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The man that made Independence Day, The Day After Tommorow, and the upcoming craptacular 10,000 B.C. has the balls to comment on James Cameron?
*Shocked*. -
Are you feeling OK Doc?
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program (per Franklin T., where is he anyways?), I will add Dark Star to Netflix. Excellent point Doc, Swamp Thing is a classic. It's amazing what the right ta-ta's can do to a movie.
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sorry, Brain turned itsef off then
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Shut up brain!
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...the good ol' days when genre movies with PG ratings had tits in them, like Swamp Thing, Clash of the Titans and The Beastmaster.
Good times, good times... -
is that the one with the ferrets? If it is then I haven't seen it since the late 80's
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Oh man. So Viking hot. There was a time when I thought she was the most beautiful thing on the planet. Actually, she's still pretty high up on the list.
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Some people react violently against it, but at the very least (even for completion's sake) it is worth a look. Especially as it's probably in the remake queue now- when they finish raping his "A" List films.
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Yes, that's the one. You really should watch it again. Cheesy, yes, but oddly affecting and loveable. Awesomely awful dialogue, but great score and wonderfully shot.
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They are master thieves! Plus the ring with the eye!And the golden owl was such a comedic sidekick...oh the laughs that were had by all!I'm bracing for my Dark Star experience. If people get violently ill from watching it, so much the better.
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Sunday Afternoon Hangover film. This means I am going to have to buy it as Tits never get on daytime tv- and the thought of missing such a cinematic essential makes me sad.
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"And the golden owl was such a comedic sidekick..." yada-yada-yada..
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and people complain that it is slow, badly lit, and generally shoddy. It isn't but the world is full of simpletons. ooh I'm coming across all M-O-M there. Sorry.
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...so he shall DIE as will his kin!"
Any film featuring Rip Torn hamming out lines like that can never wear out its welcome. -
I shit you not- it is a giant beachball. Actually, Dan O'Bannon went back and drew from Dark Star when writing Alien- so there you go, there's no higher recommendation than that.
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and HMV have a sale. AND ITS PAYDAY TOMORROW!!!I'm gonna need a bigger wheelbarrow.
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though the indigestion may have killer her.
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I thought Marc Singer reprised his role for number 2, but was he in 3 as well? Talk about a trilogy for the ages....Dark Star sounds like a movie that Mystery Science Theater 3000 did...that show made me laugh during the weekend morning hangovers in college.
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Garbage can, though the bates may be, even she has some standards toxic Waste? Yup, Slurry? Yup, Raw Sewage? That's a big yup, pretentious, humourless dutch fartknockers- hell no. Everyone has to draw the line somewhere.
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It's a shame to see an actor of that quality slumming it in shite like the TV version of Honey I shrunk the kids.
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Even that subtitle demands that the film be watched.
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Are 2 and 3 available in the UK on DVD? They're truly terrible, but I'm a completist nerd and must... have... them... all!
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I read an interview with Coscarelli a number of years ago and he talked about a guy he knew from the production who still had extra scenes of Tanya Roberts nude, and that he'd have to put them on the DVD one day.
Sure enough, on the DVD here's an easter egg with the extra footage. What a hero! -
I've just checked amazon and it doesn't look like it. Am going to try HMV, Virgin and a few others. How annoying. Maybe if I write a nice letter to Channel 5 they will put it on late on a friday so I can watch it when I get home pissed. I can't believe it will be expensive to license them.
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let alone the sequels. How shit.
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2 and 3 don't exist on DVD as far as I know which is why I asked. The Eye of Braxus has the added "bonus" of Casper Van Dien playing Marc Singer's younger brother.
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...who's selling the R1 DVD for £2.98.
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the UK. Fucking impossible and doomed to failure. With all the shit that somehow sees the light of day you'd think that a film based on a great book starring Diane Lane would get a release. But fucking lionsgate just won't do it.
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today or I'd buy it now. I just assumed they would be on DVD- don't know why I did, I should have known better.
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I think Casper Van Dien gets a lot of unwarranted shit- I like Starship Troopers and thought he was perfect for that.
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Long live Coscarelli! #3 definitely was it seems, not sure about 2.
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I loved that movie in the theater.
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...even if he himself doesn't understand why.
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...and 3 was Direct to TV.
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fucking loved it. Even if it was about as subtle as a concrete elephant. Refresh my memory- but wasn't the psychic kid that read the smart bugs mind and stated the obvious Doogie Howser MD in a previous life?
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and that would make 4 Direct To The Toilet (DTTT) and 5 Direct To The... etc
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and be done with it. That's fantastic that he did all 3. I do see that amazon only has the VHS tape of Beastmaster 3.
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I just love when the kids are stomping on the bugs. Wasn't the tagline "Do you part" or something like that?
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I don't think it is ever going to happen though. They don't lie us enough to reward us with something that wonderful.
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I don't think it is ever going to happen though. They don't like us enough to reward us with something that wonderful.
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I also love the "Fleet does the flyin', MI Does the Dyin'" stupidity, and the fight were "Rank is not an issue".
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fuck knows what is wrong with my typing today.
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Adrienne Barbeau ta-ta's.Nope, there is no good left in the world to make that happen.
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his death was pretty great, though I prefer his death in Total Recall.
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of mixed showers and Jake Busey. (At least I think his name is Jake) Anywho, he needs more roles.
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Wasn't that guy in Tour of Duty who took his helmet off in the training exercise, and BAM...bullet in the head? Maybe not.Mixed showers = world peace
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"Until you die, or I find someone better", and constantly threatening to shoot his own troops (not to mention actually shooting one). Mind you, Casper got the cheesiest line in the film: "Where'd you learn moves like that" "At School, sir, I was Captain of the team"
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Yeah, Jake Busey was in it as well.
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I still think the Bug got it right sucking the guy's brain out. If he'd tried to chomp hers he wouldn't have had enough to spread on a cracker.
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because to say otherwise would be foolish.
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most diverse actress of her generation. I think the bigger pity is that she wasn't in the mixed shower scene.
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hmm-mmm delicious!
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Missed chances, guys. Nuclear Scientist? That's strange- she seemd pretty fucking dumb for a nuclear scientist. "Dr" Christmas Jones indeed. She bought that Doctorate off t'internet for a fiver.
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Transformers should have been.
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It would seem that she isn't making the most of her natural talents if she hasn't.
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Called Beastmaster 4- The ringpiece of the worm. I'm going to film it in London Zoo with a camcorder, as I wouldn't want to sully the spotless reputation of the first 3.
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... Er... Yeah, wow, I actually don't have anything to say outside of that today. Huh.
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would a rat painted white do?
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as the direction and effects are going to be pretty shitty- so I'd better make the dialogue sparkle.
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Sep 27, 2007 10:26:11 AM CDT
make sure there's some lovable ferrets in your movie
by just pillow talk
I am not aware of Denise displaying her goods for the viewing pleasure of, well, me. If there's anything that would have prevented the annihilation by bugs, it most definitely would have been Denise on Dina action. Mmmm...double D's.
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I sense evil Sorcerous Lesbian vixens (not to mention budget problmes) will be the biggest challenge for the Beastmaster in the Eagerly Anticipated "Ringpiece of The Worm". I wonder if he can defeat them through the convenient plot device of a mixed shower and thereby restore world peace. I seem to be having a soylent mean type meltdown.
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And this way we don't have to hear her talk.
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The man doesn't know his shit. i'll use him like a canary in a mine. As I am deliberately setting out to make a shitty, sleazy movie then anything he thinks is good will stay in. I'll just have to tell him I'm making an update of The Merry Wives of Windsor. Fucking Shakespeare hack.
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Your opening credit sequence can be at the zoo, and then inexplicably just cut to the shower scene as the lesbians of the world unite. It would be inspiring.
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Christ, I need beasts. I can't exactly see someone lending me a lion.
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in the role of Beastmaster. One would think you wouldn't be able to get Mr. Singer for the role, after all, I'm sure he's a very busy man.Or, if you cannot picture anyone else but Marc Singer in that role, how about Vern Troyer and Warwick Davis in another TV classic: V.
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Just as well I'm not going anywhere near the buggers. I can always leave the footage of me and the naked evil sorcerous lesbian victims getting thrown out of the zoo on the cutting room floor. Maybe follow the example of the original and include it as an easter egg in the sure to be million selling DVD
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I believe she is at the London Zoo as we speak.
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I've got Warwick penned in as the Evil Sorcerous Lesbian Vixens sex toy. I think he deserves it. Verne can be Warwick's fluffer.
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I need some animals uneaten. I think I'll cast the tragically underused tool (kevin Sorbo?)from Hercules as the Beastmaster, as I wouldn't be too bothered if the bates ate him.
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strike while "the iron is hot". And further proof that the Beastmaster and other classic bad movies rule the roost...#1 talkback baby.
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evil etc. to death using the bates left knocker. Fightening. I may struggle to get that all important PG13 rating
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I hope the Ringpiece of the Worm doesn't enter development hell. It's just occured to me- I don't own a camcorder. Tch, problems, problems, problems.
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Andromeda dude! I encourage you to watch Kull if you have not done so already. Please don't mistake it for the masterpiece known as Krull.
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I'ts horrible. I don't want him as the Beastmaster anymore. Fuck that. I'll feed him to the bates myself. Maybe I need some actual acting "talent"- Is Dolph available? Or I could cast Casper Van Dien. He knows them both- and been nekkid on set with Dina so it would be less awkward for all concerned.
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a major and important role for Bruce Campbell. I think he would make a splendid sensei-type for the Beastmaster.
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added Dark Star to Netflix...The adventure of buckaroo Banzai...yet another classic.
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I'm pretty sure he's available, and he'll bring a certain level of acting chops to your movie.
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Is the world ready for a non-white Beastmaster? I don't want to cast him as a villain as I feel that would be cliched.
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if that isn't actual acting "talent", I don't know what is. Plus you'll have a good food supply for the animals.
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I can feed them to the Bates- and maybe she won't eat the animals.
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to see Mr. T...period. Even time cannot heal all scars.
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It's a tough one. I also clearly need a giant fake worm of some description. It's got to be a worm- I don't want anything that looks to snake-y
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Sep 27, 2007 10:56:43 AM CDT
oh no...there's not a chance that she won't clean out
by just pillow talk
the zoo...animals...humans..you name it. I'm just thinking you may be able to delay the inevitable until your "shoot" is done. But again, without a camcorder, that will present difficulties.
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No, I guess he's too snake-y...
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but then I'd definately have to cast him. Or I could use a mobile phone. You can't top quality production values like these.
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Involving spoons, a barrel of salt and a single raspberry. Oh yes, bay, there will be blood.
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I'd better ask Tarantino to act in it. He'll appear in any old bollocks.
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okay, off to lunch now...I've had my morning laughs...will check back after lunch since I absolutely have no desire to work today.Make sure it's a plastic baby spoon too.
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Well, she'll blow anything. And then consume that thing. Let's hope you get extras that will work for free.
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more development problems. I'll use a walnut instead.
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and not achieve anything at all. I am so proud of myself for that.
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As I am going to pay them after production wraps and miss Bates has it written into her contract that she can eat all the extras without any repercussion s(viz- cattle prod usage). anyway they would volunteer just to be part of such a groundbreaking film.
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Any and all contributions to The eargerly awaited Beastmaster 4: The Ringpiece of The Worm will, if good enough, be stolen with no credit or other acknowledgement of their source. If they fail to meet the rigorous standards that a production of this importance demands then they will be ignored. And ridiculed if really silly.
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about editing. Unless pillows wants to do it all volunteers will be welcome. And if you do a good enough job I promise not to feed you to the bates. Just as a little incentive: the Lesbian Scenes will all be on open sets and due to my gross incompetence will require numerous remakes.
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Fuck's sake- see what I said about incompetence. I also have Eli Roth Pencilled in for a scene titled "taste of your own medicine" where his character gets infected with necrotising fasciitis and then vicously tortured by a beastmaster who is incensed because he sat through Hostel 2. There will be no special effects- I want a feel of cinema verite for this scene. Fucking GOLD I tells ya
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Is Britney busy, I thought here doing a duty with Amy Winehouse covering Cream's classic "Cocaine" would be suitably awful. Or I could always get a velvet underground tribute band. There's fucking hundreds of music pubs in Camden (Near the Zoo for all you Americans) that are bound to know a passable version of "Venus in Furs"
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I expect this to still be top TB tomorrow.
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STOP THE MADNESS!
Somebody write a fucking article already! Enough of these "links"!!!
Or just go ahead and make AICN a "portal" to other sites!
Geeze-Oh-Pete!! -
but given enough alcohol, there is no limit to the possibilities.I was thinking you can substitute the walnut with a grapefruit. Grapefruits are funny.I think U2 should do the soundtrack. I'm sure Bono will have no problem with the cannibalism that will be occurring on the set of Beastmaster 4: The Ringpiece of The Worm. In fact, all proceeds from the movie soundtrack can go to FTB. Talk about killing two birds with one stone...or killing a bunch of extras with one hideous human being.
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Only 20 months to go. Hollywood quakes.
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on the set of Beastmaster 4: The Ringpiece of The Worm.
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in your movie as well. Death by paper mache pinata. In of course the shape of a worm.
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get Christopher Walken. The man will appear in anything!
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Nic Cage can be perfect in the role as the evil overacting bad guy who controls the worm...like James Earl Jones in Conan, except less cool and believable, etc. Then of course it gets fed to the Bates.
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that speak perfect English. Switch it around..much like Pathfinder did with Native Americans speaking English. It worked oh-so-well for them.
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of that piece of shit Godzilla movie he shitted all over.
-
Seriously, when are they going to make this damn movie?! Who gives a shit about Fantastic Voyage?
Rocklords, dude. Rocklords. -
Do they roll from place to place? Transforming rocks?
-
By no means a good filmmaker, but I don't know if I'll ever comprehend the love that Cameron gets. He's made some kick-ass flicks, sure. Terminator 2 is awesome, Aliens is a good ride, True Lies is enjoyable for the sheer preposterousness of it all, but my God, the last real movie he made is one of the worst films to win Best Picture, and he's been making underwater documentaries since. Now he's finally getting off his ass to make a movie which just sounds okay, it doesn't even sound phenomenal. Yet everybody is falling over themselves, creaming their pants because Cameron is FINALLY making another movie. Hell, I care more that Coppola's got a new movie coming out this year than I do that James Cameron has got one in the works. *sigh* Anyway, I just don't get the geek worship for Cameron.
-
...name ONE superior sci-fi/action filmmaker in the history of cinema, and I will forgive you for that horrendously misjudged rant.
-
While it is entirely true that Cameron has been away for far too long from making sci-fi movies...the dude is awesome. The first Terminator...the Abyss...besides Aliens and T2...like JackBauer said (sorry to hear about the drunk driving thing), who else can say they made more than even one kickass sci-fi movie??
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you might want to get Harry Hamlin to make an appearance in Beastmaster 4. This way we still pay homage to Clash of the Titans, indirectly of course.
-
Ridley Scott made Alien and Blade Runner, two films I'd say Cameron hasn't come close to touching. Spielberg made Close Encounters, E.T., Jurassic Park, A.I., etc. Kubrick made 2001 (and I guess A Clockwork Orange could be seen as sci-fi). Lucas and Star Wars. Lang and Metropolis. Tarkovsky and Solaris. Zemeckis and Back to the Future. Of course, the listed filmmakers above have worked in other genres as well, but they've each made science fiction films I'd say were superior to Cameron's work.
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Hasn't made some good flicks, I just don't get the worship, that's all.
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Whoever said something about hits and misses is a jerk. Big one.
-
is the only way this film should be made. It's a perfect movie for it. But Roland wants to film it in boring fuck-ass 2D for mass viewing and cheaper and because he's behind on the technology.
When you see Avatar, you'll wish Cameron filmed Fantastic Voyage and not Roland's brilliant scripted version.
What the fuck ever! -
being written from the fucks writing National Treasure 2, and directed by Emmerich, most of the movie will probably take place inside the rectal area.
-
I forget, did Yor, Hunter from the Future have titties in them? I seem to remember the ATOR films having a lot.
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ALIENS is as good as ALIEN. It might even be better on some levels. But they are both all-time classics. So your comment about Cameron not even coming close is ridiculous. THE TERMINATOR and TERMINATOR 2: JUDGMENT DAY are both sci-fi masterpieces. And TITANIC, like it or not, did the most box-office in film history. And it won the most Oscars as well. I think a lot of the geek hate towards TITANIC is that it's a romance first and foremost. If you still don't understand why James Cameron has the reputation he does, then summer 2009 should make it quite clear. AVATAR is going to set the world on fire.
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skull fuck every movie before and after it. Cameron isn't just making 2D flics with dead characters. He's into groundbreaking shit. He likes to do things that are new. Cinema needs a boost. And JC is trying to do something about it. The new 3D is fucking killer when done right. You can't get that at home. Fantastic Voyage deserves cutting edge cinema technology, not Roland's campy approach. Who gives a flying fuck if you went sailing with some film industry dudes. "Well...whoopdey fuckin do!" Just thinking about Avatar on a 80'x60' IMAX screen with the best sound makes me wanna whack!
-
I think Mr. Cage would need to wear a bear suit though. I don't like U2 and think Bono is a self serving twat- so his only purpose on the set would be to make sure that the Bates is free of fungal problems that occur with, erm, heavier people.Mattyboy- You're plain wrong. AI was shit and spielberg hasn't made good sci-fi since (arguably) Close Encounters. Back to The Future doesn't come anywhere near to Aliens- let alone The Terminator- You're talking complete arse
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the avatar of taste MOM to a TB on Bad movies and my sure-to-be-award-winning sequel to Beastmaster? Go away toolbox, you lack the faculties to enjoy glorious disasters like species and Beastmaster
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Shit. I might have to do some actual work.
-
She's still alive, right? She can be in the movie and sing. And I'm sure the Bates will enjoy devouring her just the same. Or Beyonce. If you must have her sing, she can be in the mixed shower scene.
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Even Transformers 2 ain't generating much...
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Rocks? Really?
-
Forget that. I'm thinking about nekkid but for a collar on a leash held by the bates in a sort of homage to Jeturn of the Jedi.I don't understand the rocklords thing either. What are they
-
for some "comic" relief. I'm going to have The Beastmaster pelt The Bates with Rocklords. Obviously in Slow motion (If the mobile phone can do it- If not I'll just shake the phone and it'll look like a bourne movie) and I wan't Hamburger Britney to record "Hit Me Baby One More Time" but without the aid of studio magic. (Obviously she gets fed to the bates)That would be ace.
-
is far too highbrow for Tina Turner. otehrwise, not a bad idea
-
single handed if necessary.
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wan't? what the fuck is that?
-
Luckily my cell has a camera too...so if you don't mind, I'll be from a totally different angle so that we can show the same "action" scene repeatedly from two totally different angles. That's probably the ONLY thing that was missing from Beastmaster.
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Stargate was shit. Less shit than the rest. But shit nonetheless. so there.
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I think I can do sepia tones on my mobile- which means we have got some high-class special effects.
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That's not the Kurt we love.
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does that help Beastmaster 4: The Ringpiece of The Worm? Absolutely not.
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It also had the most pathetic villain ever captured on celluloid. fucking awful film.
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Looks fucking horrid. not doing that then. I can do a video Dj thing, though- which may come in handy. Maybe we should get Kurt involved?
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in the beginning like LOTR...perhaps Doogie Howser can do it. I know he has some sitcom, but how could he refuse to participate in the juggernaut known as Beastmaster 4: The Ringpiece of the Worm?
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wasn't the big all powerful villain the tranny from the Crying Game?
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I mean, quality actor and all, but does he have the necessary gravitas? If not we can always get Brian Blessed. and I will find a role for doogie somewhere.
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As already been proven, will work for money. Of course, he will be "paid" afterwards. The Bates will see to that.
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I can't take another 2 years of that drivel being number 1 TB every day.
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Great shout on "sir" Ben> I heard a story that he insists on actually being addressed as "sir". What a twat.
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we don't want to detract from the Evil Sorcerous Lesbian Victims, and crucial mixed shower scene. That would render the movie irrelevant. This thread is why I will never be allowed anywhere near a creative post in the film industry.
-
we can always copy what they did with Beastmaster 2, and have it take place in modern times. This way we can use Dar to take pics with the cell and use that in the movie. A movie within a movie as it were.I can't believe I haven't seen the second one. "Mark Singer returns as Dar, the warrior who can talk to the beasts. Dar is forced to travel to earth to stop his evil brother from stealing an atomic bomb, and turning their native land from a desert into... well... a desert!"Shit, this is got to be on DVD pronto!
-
same shit every...single...talkback thread on the subject...
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We'll make it meta-cinema. And obviously, Dar has to steal a monkey at some point. There isn't enough monkey theft in films.I'm desperate to see BM2- it sounds truly dreadful.
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Too much of "the man"....the Bates serves many functions, mainly being the 'planet vacuum' of all of man's waste.
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Those monster.com commercials kill me...
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Sep 28, 2007 7:21:12 AM CDT
fuck the ferrets...he'll have monkies this go around...
by just pillow talk
samurai monkies.
-
Sep 28, 2007 7:22:17 AM CDT
it would also help if I spelled fucking monkeys right!
by just pillow talk
stupid brain.
-
very, very cool.
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still over 30 posts ahead,
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from eating them. As detestable as it will be, we need to get Rosie O'Donnell there so that the Bates will be appeased for a bit. On the plus side, the world will be rid of Rosie once and for all.
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M-O-M is posting like crazy there? There's so much more interesting shit to discuss than Transformers...sigh
-
We'll need oprah, Roseanne Barr, and that fat Bird from What's Eating Gilbert Grape?- although we may be fighting a losing battle
-
I'm irked that he actually had the impertinance to come and interrupt us mid-flow- especially with a post as unfunny and po-faced as that one. The humourless little fartknocker tried to correct me as well.
-
" i do know the difference between good and bad cheese, and that's the whole fucking point, in case you are not aware. and emmerich's movies are STINKY BAD CHEESE, with the only exception being STARGATE, as it were. Savvy?" Patronising cunt. I'll give you savvy.
-
Of course we are fighting a losing battle...but when the going gets tough....the tough get going....now who's with me?
-
Except I tried to draw out SpideyK and his bullshit. He sounds just like that asshole JettL93 who tried to say he was an insider on Indy 4.
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I can't believe I'm now posting about him. Fuck's sake. I remember that Jett character- how did he get busted? because he kept that shit going for ages.
-
I feel that this movie is not garnering the excitement it deserves- Maybe we need to start some stupid cloverfield Viral Marketing campaign. We can call it "09-09-09: A beast is mastered" and drop loads of cryptic non-news to keep the goons going.
-
ooh- HTML Coding: cool
-
so it isn't allowed then? and para breaks are not automatic.
-
what about this one
-
This is more work than feeding the Bates
-
only 2 left
-
209th Today- Fuck you TF
-
The Ringpiece of The Worm on his lunatic blog. It's a fine sight more credible than his other "sources".
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of a good bad movie. There's millions of more relevant ones- Species for example
-
Rocklords was an awesome spin-off of Go-Bots where they cleverly disguised themselves as rocks, until the Go-Bots trapsed by, and they turned into robots and totally kicked ass. They stretched the premise a little too thin with the Jewellords and the fossil guys, but it was still pretty cool.
The movie would be awesome. -
It sounds poor. And not in a good way. Fuck it, i give up- have to much to do. well done TF- top fucking Talkback
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last time- 181st today
-
Rocklords indeed.
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fuck you.
-
which was completely untrue.
-
so one could imagine how his believability went up in smoke.
-
I'm surprised Beastmaster 4: The Ringpiece of the Worm isn't garnering more attention?
-
What's wrong with me?
-
BM. I think we are the right creative team for a project of this cultural significance. we can definately make it better than the premise- Rocks transforming into robots is shit.
-
and why would you want to? It reminds me of Fisky's meltdown- we're all pazuzu and we are out to get him. have you seen is idiot list- I bet you're on it.
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I have so much work to do and I can't stop doing this.....HELP
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nah, fuck that...we'll just do 2 movies. We'll take the Highlander route and make them totally unrelated and completely and utterly fucked.
-
Rocklords. And you can find rocks anywhere. The transforming part though...we could have issues there.
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though I have heard much about him and visited his website. Mentally unstable people are funny...from a distance.
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Suck it!
-
Let's hope the numbers make sense since I'm posting shit here... (crosses fingers)
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He. Not on my watch.
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dull.
-
and I've solved the transforming problem-What we do is set it 1 year after the rocklords have squished all human life. The survivors have fled to the desert. We can get rocks anywhere. So what we do is film a rock from a distance- then cut to an actor going-oooh- and then cut back to a grey painted Bates- Tadaa! Rocklord approaching
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which I hate. This may be why I can't leave it alone.
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we are number 1
-
easy this
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It helps me think of good crappy movie ideas. Bloody TF will be top when I get back
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in the Rocklords franchise.
-
I'd let indy have it
-
I'd also let Rocklords have it
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that was fucking rubbish news
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Perhaps just the front side will do? Talk about blowing the budget...
-
and we can throw them as well.
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WE don't need to paint all of her-If you use camera angles cleverly we can just paint a giant foot.
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take your pick...
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then again, we will need to be so far away to have her fit within the camera picture...perhaps just a splash will do (mind you, I'm talking 10 gallons worth of splash).
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"home base".
-
We're #1!
-
how are we going to work a trademark mixed shower scene into Rocklords?
-
just like it.
-
The fun stops at 5 when I go to the pub- but I'm damned if I'm giving TF the lead before then.
-
all that's left to battle the evil rocklords are a rag tag group of absurdly hot all-women special ops team.
-
never gets old
-
they of course have to take a mixed shower scene with Warwick and Vern, who have decided to switch to the good side..and by good I mean the side with the hot pussy.
-
Rocklords: Hot Pussy
-
and we won't demean the Rocklords by having a stupid makeout session on top of them. And I'm not having a mcguffin either.
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of dignity associated with them. I mean, the name alone garners respect.
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I will not compromise with the censor- if it has to be an R then SO BE IT. FUCK YOU MPAA
-
FUCK YOU TRANSFORMERS
-
We must stay true to our craft...our calling.
-
They sound a bit shit. DO we have to use them?
-
Fuck you. Rocklords rules!
-
As in the singer Jewel?
-
I guess we have to honor the "source material" bullshit...
-
I think we need a whole soundtrack by Kid Rock. But the title track has to be a cover of the Transformers song that I can't remember the name of
-
We definitely need to do Rocklords.Action Shock RocksI don't think anything more needs to be said.
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This movie is going to write itself.
-
We'll have to put eyebrows on the rock.
-
You've got the Touch. Talk about adding insult to injury.
-
other than the very embodiment of coolness
-
FUCK YOU TRANSFORMERS
-
who are "The furry animals companions to the Rock Lords. They are depicted in the movie as both good and evil."I'm kind of torn now with our casting decision..this may fit Warwick and Vern like a glove. Narlies in the mixed shower scene!
-
Maybe Carl Weathers will fill in another spot for an Action Shock Rock?
-
Don't you spell Narly with a G- Gnarly? Don't you think we should save Narlies for the sequel- sort of an epic quest to reunite them with their Rocklord masters?Although I do like the idea of narlies in the shower.
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Rocklords...Beastmaster 4..the future is now.
-
Dolph rules and obviously needs the work.
-
Don't you think he's too 'dynamic' of an actor to just play a rock?
-
Running Man...I would think he's a natural to play a rock...that sings opera.
-
the Bates food supply. We'll just tell them it's more reality TV shit.
-
and the crowd goes wild.
-
besides cheesy movies and the potential for some grandiose cheesy movies...Emmerich who?
-
I was thinking that Dolph would be great as leader of the Humans.
-
oh yeah..right..dynamic actor...forgot.
-
with the alien dudes...I come in Peace? Such a vacuum left by Dolph, Van Damme...fat Seagal...sigh...
-
the man needs some love.
-
and that rocked- The payoff line was "I come in peace" and the other guy says "You'll go in pieces"That movie was magic- Dolph was an interstellar Drug dealer that harvested narcotics from the brains of people that had od'ed on Heroin.Christ- fucking magic filmmaking.
-
fucknuts
-
a human cop if you can believe it...two other dudes were the alien beings..one good...one bad.
-
wa-hoo!
-
Dolph is ace. How can you not love an actor that has targeted DTV. Whether he did it on purpose or not, who can say.
-
He play's cop Jack Caine. A one man mass of cliches that works outside the rules.I seem to remember Dolph using a ridiculous gun,
-
Ha! I'm nicking that line for ROcklords. 5.01PM- FUCK YOU TF
-
see you monday
-
having that too. And:"Fuck you, spaceman!"
-
still kicking TF's ass...he-he
-
I think we should take note of Bowfinger, and shoot the movie like that using people in the movie who don't even realize they are being filmed. It could work I tells ya.
-
is great, that jew from dream on and the original punisher team up to fight guys with explode-o-guns and killer cds.
-
I actually got to see Roland Emmerichs most recent pile of sh... I mean, movie. It's called 10,000 B.C. and is a total fabrication that seems to be based on very little facts about the time period, it's watered down for a PG-13 rating which means "bloodless" fight scenes and cheesy comedy/sidekicks, and so on. If this, added to the last few Emmerich films is any indication, Voyage will suck harder than Britney Spears on the VMA's!
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