Harry says Daniel Waters' SEX AND DEATH 101 at Fantastic Fest was better than a Blowjob On A Stick!!!

There are few films at FANTASTIC FEST that I’ve been looking forward to more than SEX AND DEATH 101. It has been hyped as the reteaming of Daniel Waters and Winona Ryder – last we saw of them was HEATHERS – a film that was a clarion call for the teenage genre. SEX AND DEATH 101 isn’t a teenage film. And Daniel Waters wasn’t the director of HEATHERS – so in advance of this film – I had high hopes, but I did have them guarded with uncertainness. Having Daniel Waters and Patton Oswalt hitting the stage before the film… well it’s kinda meta-perfect. Instantly they put you in the mood for giggles and silliness – but what followed wasn’t a film about cotton candy lightness. The basic premise is that out of a bad studio romantic comedy. A ladies’ man on the precipice of matrimony is emailed a list of everyone he had ever had sex with in the correct order. Not only that, but it had their first and last names – many of which, he couldn’t recall himself. He was proud of his 29 conquests – but the list has far many more names than that. In fact it goes on to list 101 names. He figures it was a hoax perpetrated by one of his bachelor party buddies… but then – without even trying – he finds his penis in the snug velvety humid place it loves to reside. He’s dumbstruck. How could he marry someone knowing that there’s 70+ women he’s supposed to bed. Perhaps, she really isn’t the one for him. Meanwhile – parallel to this story – is the tale of DEATH NELL – as she is named by the local media – who is a dark female killing sexual predators… well, technically – she doesn’t kill them, she puts them into a coma, from which they never awake. Now – it might seem to be a silly premise for a film, but Daniel Waters, while being silly – takes the premise deadly seriously – which is what makes it so hilarious. Imagine knowing the name of everyone you’d ever get to sleep with. Then you see that person’s name in a Playboy… and you realize – you get to bed a Playmate? That’s the sort of knowledge that could drive a man insane. Or even worse – what if you fell in love with a name not on the list and they would never fall for you, that you’d never be with them, no matter how much you wanted it – no matter how much they wanted it. SOMETHING would happen. Something would go wrong. Who you’re going to have sex with is pre-determined… and nothing you could do could change it. You’re doomed to never have a surprise… the mystery of love, passion, romance… it’s gone. You’re fated for a certain existence – and it doesn’t matter if you want to settle down and raise a family. That’s not your fate. The list was a list of the rest of your life – and that last name… what does that mean? The film is so brilliantly done. There are montage sequences that left me gasping for air laughing. Simon Baker as the blessed albeit cursed cocksman of the piece is dashing, debonair and well… you’ll leave the theater thinking… life kicked your father in the nuts and left your sperm slightly malformed for creating something handsome. He is perfect. Now the particularly brilliant twist is a completely unexplained group of characters named ALPHA, BETA and FRED. Fred is played by Patton Oswalt – who is so excited by Simon Baker’s pre-dick-tion email. You see, their machine sent it out. They’re sort of like Clarence from IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE, but just regular on Earth technicians that are handling what the Oracle (God’s Computer?) gives them. They add a “Greek chorus” to the proceedings and Patton has several moments of absolute comedic brilliance. Though his BLOWJOB ON A STICK quote has left me perplexed. At first, I thought it was sort of like an automatic blowjob, but then I thought – no, that’s not it. Then I thought – does he mean that it would be like cutting off your dick, putting it on a stick like a corndog and sucking it yourself – but like you could still feel your own blowjob? And then you could pass it around the room? I’m not sure. What do you think the phrase, “BLOWJOB ON A STICK” means? It is surely one of life’s great mysteries. SEX AND DEATH 101 is going to be coming out some time next year in a limited then hopefully large release from the folks at Anchor Bay. I hope they solve their problems of theatrical distribution, because this film deserves to play and play extremely well in theaters across the country. It reminds me of classic sex farces like the original ALFIE or THE MAN WHO LOVED WOMEN or SHAMPOO. It really is that good. Daniel Waters? It’s nice to have you back in fine form!