Merrick here...


Have you been deluged with ads for DRAGON WAR (D-War) like I have in my fair city? Can't seem to get way from it...can't seem to get excited about it.

This is the film that looks kinda like a mash-up of about 25 other movies & whose TV spots are (rather desperately) trying to cash in on the "Their War. Our World." motif of TRANSFORMERS.

Yeah, well, it hits theaters tomorrow and we thought we'd be remiss if we didn't at least offer-up a few reactions to a film whose lifeblood is so clearly Geeky.


Knightsong sent in this little write-up, offering some thoughts after seeing the film. Here's Knightsong...

Had the priveledge tonight to watch D-War a.k.a Dragon Wars, and all I have to say is wow. This has to be the most ambitious movie ever made. Never has any other film(Other than those filmed as spoofs) worked harder to steal moments from other movies. The movie in its entirety is nothing more than probably some of the worst plot and acting on film to date, coupled with some good effects stollen from every movie you can think of in the last decade that had monsters in it.

Let's start by trying to explain the plot, or the cut and paste scrambled mess that passes for it. Every 500 years a girl will be born bearing the mark of the dragon and she will bond herself to a serpent and that serpent will become the dragon of heaven and everything will be merry. BUT, there is another serpent, an evil serpent, that wants the girl more and if she bonds with it (or it eats her) then all the world will fall into to darkness blah blah blah. The movies starts in present day LA and follows the exploits of a young man named Ethan who is a reporter for CGNN. He's at some disaster site that is never explained at the beginning of the movie where he sees a dragon scale uncovered. There is then a rather lengthy flashback involving Ethan as a child being found as the "chosen protector" of the girl who will be born with the dragon mark.

This destiny is revealed to him in of all original places...an antique shop. Where a box opens and Heavenly light shines on him and Jack the owner explains how he and Ethan are reincarnated protectors of the girl who will be born with the Dragon birthmark. This is where the plot really ends...beyond this point, say about ten minutes after force feeding a shaky plot down your gullet they throw you back to the present and from there shit just rolls down hill fast. Ethan becomes obsessed with finding Sarah(the girl who has the birthmark) How he knows her name is Sarah is known only to the screen writer and that fucker ain't sharing the details. There's a lot that asshole doesn't share with the audience. Like who the guy in charge of the evil Dragon(or should I say Gungan) army is. He's just there in the past to get her, and convientently enough he's in the future too! Reincarnated to join in the fun.

The part of the movie any geek worth their salt is going to see the movie for, is the monsters; and while they look acceptable even at times good, so much of what they are are rip-offs that they lose what should be making them cool. Let's start with the uber-serpent...This thing is Speilberg's T-Rex. It's hiding out by pools and slinking all over LA at night being seen only by a few lucky folks. It's bad. Then there is the bad guy's army, which is a direct ripoff of Lucas's Gungan Army, and I defy anyone to claim otherwise. It is really obvious. Then we have the flying dragons that I think steal more from Evolution than Reign of Fire...but there are qualities of both movies, not to mention the Helicopter chase from Godzilla. The movie even seems to reach back a little further to the 80's to dip their pockets in Masters of the Universe(The evil soldier reminded me of skeletors soldiers quite a bit) as well as the antique shop giving me a Garbage Pail Kids vibe. Honestly I could go on, but I don't want to ruin all the fun of watching this cinematic adventure for you. Because the only fun part of this movie is trying to find all the other movies it rips off.

All-in-all, this movie is bad. It had that vibe from start to finish. Why it's getting a theater release at all I don't know. It should have been straight to Sci-Fi and forgotten. This movie will make you appreciate porno with a plot. Because I've seen more well written and acted porn than this movie. The acting is so bland Uwe Boll could have given the director pointers. It is just flat. There is some good imagry, stolen though it might be, but there is no energy. You hate yourself so much for sitting there watching how bad it is, that I could have cared less about who was dying.

Wait til Sci-Fi and get you best friends over to cut it all to hell, then try your best to forget you ever saw it.

Nuff said.