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Monki Takes On The DOA: DEAD OR ALIVE Movie!! It Has Hot Chicks Fighting & Eric (insert expletive here) Roberts!!

Greetings humans, Monki here with a look at the newly released DOA: Dead or Alive DVD.

I'm not sure exactly how I missed this one when it hit theaters, but I'm glad I got a chance to check it out on DVD.

I was hoping for a popcorn flick filled with hot women, stupid plots and fun action. In that sense, this film delivered.

Kind of like Moulin Rouge, if you survive the first 20 minutes or so, you will enjoy the rest of the film, it sets the tone perfectly. We start with Princess Kasumi (played by Devon Aoki, the Asian Drew Barrymore) renouncing her throne and setting off to find her brother who vanished after the last Dead or Alive tournament. Oh, did I mention she fights off a purple-haired hot chick with a sword, and then leaps over a wall and skydives off a cliff? From there we meet Tina (Jamie Pressly looking oh-so delicious) as she is cruising on her yacht in a bikini...and is attacked by Asian pirates...yeah. Oh, and as a special bonus, the guy who played Liu Kang in a different video game-to-movie, Mortal Kombat, is one of the pirates!

So, Jamie Pressly kicks some ass...while dressed like this...

Is "dressed" the right word to use there? Follow that scene up with an insanely hot British thief Christie (Holly Valance...I love thee so) being arrested shortly after getting out of her hotel room shower...I'm sure you've seen the trailer and the "do me up" line...yeah...great scene.

All of this happens right there at the beginning...and it all left a great big smile on my face...but it gets better.

All these various hot chicks and a few throw-away dudes end up getting invited to this Dead or Alive tournament on an island out in the middle of the ocean...the best part is, this island is run by ERIC MOTHERFUCKING ROBERTS. That's right...Eric Roberts...he's kind of like the second prize in a Crackerjack box. You pull out a fake tattoo, shake those carmel corn pieces and there it is, another fake tattoo! What a freakin' awesome bonus!

Robert's character Donovan is sort of a cross between his characters from Spun and Best of the Best ("PULL IT!! POP IT!! TAPE IT!!") mixed together to create a douchebaggy boss fighter. So deliciously cheesy and awesome all at the same time.

At this point, who really cares about the plot...you have fight after fight between these ultra hot women, including a great girls-in-bikini in the rain fight...Sarah Carter, (who plays Helena in the film) will you marry me?

Corey Yuen, the director of Transporter, helmed this flick and his love of fight sequences certainly comes through during the movie. The fights actually aren't bad and there are quite a few of them. From what I could see too, the majority of the time the actors themselves were doing a lot of the fighting leaving only a little bit of extreme stuff to the stunt doubles.

The bonus features on the DVD don't really exist. There is a theatrical trailer and a brief behind the scenes piece called "East Meets West: Behind the Action of D.O.A." that was just a collection of talking heads mixed with some behind the scenes footage. Of course, hearing Eric Roberts say that this film contained some of the best action scenes since Bruce Lee was alive...heh...that was kind of funny.

You should know whether or not you'll like this movie. Hot chicks fighting...that's a three word summary. If that doesn't make you interested, here are another three words. ERIC MOTHERFUCKING ROBERTS. If that doesn't make you interested, you and I couldn't be friends.

The DVD hit stores today, if you are looking for a no brainer of an action movie with hot chicks...check it out. I dug it.

Alright, I've got a lot more stuff to catch up on, so until next time, back up the tree I go!

-Monki



Readers Talkback
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  • Sept. 12, 2007, 8:09 p.m. CST

    might be worth a rental

    by Banshee7

    maybe

  • Sept. 12, 2007, 8:11 p.m. CST

    "Ride him like a toilet seat!"

    by BoggyCreekBeast

    I miss Chris Penn...

  • Sept. 12, 2007, 8:21 p.m. CST

    Are we STILL getting reviews for this?

    by mefrog

    Like... seriously?

  • Sept. 12, 2007, 8:21 p.m. CST

    CLOSEST WE'LL GET TO FOX FORCE FIVE

    by Pound Sand

    QT, you just got served girlfriend.

  • Sept. 12, 2007, 8:26 p.m. CST

    Eric Fucking Roberts!

    by warp11

    That made me laugh my ass off. Good one Monki.

  • Sept. 12, 2007, 8:27 p.m. CST

    "Not sure exactly how I missed this one in theaters"

    by Big Dumb Ape

    I swear, this always seemed like it would be the perfect kind of ultra doofy movie to see during the height of the summer to get out of the heat and into a cool theater for even a short while...yet I never saw it anywhere either. So when Monki says, "I'm not sure how I missed this one in theaters" he's not alone.<p>When I saw this article I thought "What the hell? Did they just decide on a straight to DVD approach?" But in checking out IMDB, this thing apparently did unspool on 505 screens where its opening weekend it made...a whopping $260,713.<p>Of course, where those 505 theaters were, you got me!

  • Sept. 12, 2007, 8:27 p.m. CST

    Hurray, a studio plant pimping a stupid movie to...

    by Warcraft

    ...aicn readers, hoping the stupid ones will bite.

  • Sept. 12, 2007, 8:27 p.m. CST

    Monki is just joking around.

    by warp11

    That's why he posted. He's not really into the movie. Duh.

  • Sept. 12, 2007, 8:30 p.m. CST

    Monki?? A Studio plant???

    by Kraken

    Son of a bitch, he's been keeping that secret from all of us. I'll have to ask him how long he's been working for the studio at the next poker night. What a sneaky monki.

  • Sept. 12, 2007, 8:31 p.m. CST

    Yeah Fox Force Five!

    by tylerzero

    You hear that, Quentin? Make the mu'fucken movie already!

  • Sept. 12, 2007, 8:37 p.m. CST

    Wish QT had made Fox Force 5 instead of Death Proof

    by Big Dumb Ape

    This may be just wishful thinking from the files of "What if?", but I bet if Tarantino had let loose and made FOX FORCE 5 instead of DEATH PROOF it would've made for a far more kick ass and enjoyable second half to GRINDHOUSE. And I bet it would've helped its box office a helluva lot more...

  • Sept. 12, 2007, 8:40 p.m. CST

    Jeezus guys... way to be on the ball?

    by LargoJr

    this was out on DVD... A FUCKING YEAR AGO... Christ on a frigging pogostick

  • Sept. 12, 2007, 9:04 p.m. CST

    Death Proof

    by gudge

    happens to be an excellent film though.

  • Sept. 12, 2007, 9:27 p.m. CST

    Wrong Director?

    by Higga

    Maybe there's conflicting movie names, but I'm pretty sure Louis Letterier directed both Transporter movies, not Corey Yuen. I could be missing something obvious, but I don't think I'm that mentally bereft.

  • Sept. 12, 2007, 9:33 p.m. CST

    This movie was fuck'n awful over a year ago...

    by Scorecard

    And it's still fuck'n awful now... Bloody hell, this sure aint cool news...

  • Sept. 12, 2007, 9:54 p.m. CST

    It's a perfect movie...

    by Gil Brooks

    ...for "Bad Movie Night", if any of you guys with friends do that sort of thing. My crew and I watched it last night, and had a ball.

  • Sept. 12, 2007, 10:14 p.m. CST

    Kind of like Moulin Rouge

    by not_feeling_the_love

    Sure MR had a required taste to 'get into it', but it's light years ahead in terms of quality than this mess. Direct to DVD bargain bins if you ask me. This kind of movie may appeal to a very select few film nerds (just like MR), but I thought it was at best boring and unimaginative. Just like the recent 'Shoot em Up' - another example of film excess with no redeeming qualities other than a mildly interesting villain - where the artistry of the violence is supposed to mean something.

  • Sept. 12, 2007, 10:15 p.m. CST

    Corey Yuen & Transporter

    by Enishi

    I believe in a commentary somewhere Leterrier said that Yuen got most of the credit for directing the first Transporter, whereas Leterrier was credited as something like "artistic director". In truth Leterrier did most of the non-action shooting. I know it lists them both as directors on IMDB but that was a change that happened long after the movie was released. Leterrier did get full credit for Transporter 2, which Yuen choreographed.

  • Sept. 12, 2007, 10:22 p.m. CST

    Bad movie...

    by The_Fredo

    ...but it doesn't mean it can't be fun, right? <BR> <BR> Oh well, I'm a bit beyond 12-15 years old (the target demographic for this movie), so I think I'll pass. <BR> <BR> In any case, Kill Bill gave me better women fighting one another action. <BR> <BR> But I would be interested in a Ninja Gaiden live action movie. That would be epic!

  • Sept. 12, 2007, 10:23 p.m. CST

    you forgot that the plot revolves around evil sunglasse

    by s0nicdeathmonkey

    s...Transformers is a total rip off of this!

  • Sept. 12, 2007, 10:50 p.m. CST

    Kevin Nash Gotta Eat...

    by TerraRyzing

    Gotta love that Diesel is still getting acting jobs too, no less doing an impression of his ol' WCW NWO buddy Hulk Hogan. Seriously though never played the games so much before and I'm a gamer, but the movie wasn't too bad. One of those so bad it's good kinda flicks. And duh hot chicks. I totally agree with Monki's observation that Aoki is the asian Drew Barrymore. I couldn't stop thinking that evey time she was on screen.

  • Sept. 12, 2007, 11:14 p.m. CST

    if its on skinemax i might see it

    by HamiltonGeyser

    no tits?

  • Sept. 12, 2007, 11:17 p.m. CST

    That is a fasle statement.

    by china man

    In any case, Kill Bill gave me better women fighting one another action. You all are writing this movie off for no good reason. Take off your berets and just have a good time. Not everything has to make you think or spray blood all over you. Rent DOA and double team it with Crank and you'll find one of the best double features in recent memory.

  • Sept. 12, 2007, 11:30 p.m. CST

    I thought it was a blast

    by Thick McRunFast

    I love the nerds in this thread that think they're above this sort of thing but masturbated all over the dopey JOHN RAMBO trailer. I'll take tits over explosions any day, and Cory Yuen is always a blast.

  • Sept. 12, 2007, 11:34 p.m. CST

    DOA isn't that bad

    by And Nicolas Cage as Fu Manchu

    if you're baked. ^^; I mean at least they didn't fuck up basic story elements that made the game cool (unlike Doom, which inexplicably removed the demons from Hell). Although I was seriously pissed off that Lei Fang was not a major character. I mean WTF, I was seriously looking forward to the black catsuit/skirt outfit. Missed opportunities...

  • Sept. 13, 2007, 12:43 a.m. CST

    Reviewed this back in July

    by Varakor

    so ya its a pretty good popcorn flick. But I'd liked to have seen bigger boobs bouncin around. http://tinyurl.com/3d8z4g

  • Sept. 13, 2007, 1:45 a.m. CST

    It appealed to my innter troglodyte

    by godoffireinhell

    and it makes a good troglodyte double feature with Paul W.S. Anderson's MORTAL KOMBAT. Shame there isn't at least an audio commentary or something on this DVD.

  • Sept. 13, 2007, 2:49 a.m. CST

    Terrible terrible movie. Almost as bad as Steet Fighter

    by Reelheed

    but not quite.

  • Sept. 13, 2007, 3:57 a.m. CST

    "hot British thief Christie (Holly Valance..."

    by Womb2dooM

    Australian. Say it with me; "Australian".

  • Sept. 13, 2007, 4:16 a.m. CST

    Devon Aoki horribly miscast in this film...

    by Monkey_King

    and it should have had CGI work or prosthetics on some of the female leads boobs. This is based on a fighting game with bouncy babes, not squashed faced half-asian models/actresses who can't fill a C-cup.

  • Sept. 13, 2007, 4:39 a.m. CST

    wha?

    by HessenRoots

    I must have seen a completely different movie. Not that anyone cares but I wrote up my thoughts on this a while back. http://tinyurl.com/3bgvp8

  • Sept. 13, 2007, 6 a.m. CST

    Summary of the above review:

    by Rei-Ginsei

    "I like boobies!"

  • Sept. 13, 2007, 7:16 a.m. CST

    I quite liked it

    by photoboy

    It's not going to get on anyone's best ever list, but it is pretty good fun. The casting is mostly good as well, with only Kane Kosugi (Ryu Hayabusa) and Devon Aoki (Kasumi) not looking anywhere near as cool as their game versions. <br> On the subject of Ryu Hayabusa, Ninja Gaiden 2 is looking pretty awesome, it's going to be a long wait for 2008!

  • Sept. 13, 2007, 7:18 a.m. CST

    Good review!

    by ATARI

    You made me want to download a pirated copy of this. Thanks!

  • Sept. 13, 2007, 7:43 a.m. CST

    I think Monki as way too much drugs in his pad..

    by Freefinger

    I mean I saw this at a screening, and this is another one of those crappy version of fighting games that actually have no story line other than a bunch of fighting experts go to this island and fight it out.<P> The acting is as good as ... well... Street Fighter's take at barely being a movie... I mean How much can be done with this kind of story arc... <P> A princess leaves her throne to find a lost one, and goes to this fighting championship and she whips 90% of the people's ass. 90 pound girl hits 250 pound guys like a ton of bricks. Yeah ... ok... I believe it.<P> Ok ok.. It's a movie based on a Video game... But.. WHY MAKE THIS CRAPFEST?!?!?! <P> Is it to generate some extra bucks for the studio? I mean spend 30 millions on a crap shit movie, get it out there, make 7.5 millions worldwide at the box office (480K$ domestic: http://www.boxofficemojo.com/movies/?id=doadeadoralive.htm) and hope to generate another 23M$ with dvd sales? This is not good budgeting...<P> I mean who the hell greenlights theses movies? Can I get that job? I think I can actually be better at that than whoever said "DOA! WOW! Great script! Let's make it!" !!!!! I think my 10 year old niece could be doing a better job, yes she'd greenlight Barbie cartoons up to the wazzoo, but they actually turn a great profit for production companies on dvd sales vs cost, unlike this movie that lost over 15 millions in a year and a half of being released. May they pray for the mighty god of dvd’s!<P> This movie was a total crap fest. It jumps way to fast, the backstory is really shitty at best, the fight scenes are either lame, slow, or end up way too fast. Actually nothing is good in this movie, other than the bikini wearing chicks (I will exclude the weird looking Devon Aoki because she ain't that good looking, something’s just weird with her face, like someone hit her with a shovel and the shovel turned ugly).<P> Eric Roberts, this is why his career went to the deep end of that tank. I mean at one point he was doing fine, not great movies, but good enough movies to help him develop his skills and move forward. But now... This movie just confirms that he is slipping and the only thing that can help him, are his cameos on the TV series Heroes and hopefully the much anticipated Dark Night, other than that Eric continues to baffle us by accepting shitty parts like in this movie.<p>I'm guessing his (hopefully) ex-cocaine habit really hurt his cash flow and he just accepts anything that drops on his lap for a couple of bucks.<P>Anyway, Monki, please stop watching movie while on high medication, it impairs judgement, prescription or not.<P>Freefinger out...

  • Sept. 13, 2007, 7:53 a.m. CST

    EAT ERIC ROBERTS

    by redfist

    you know Eric Roberts is more juicy than I thought he would be.

  • Sept. 13, 2007, 7:57 a.m. CST

    Eric "mutherfooking" Roberts

    by redfist

    Had to be done.

  • Sept. 13, 2007, 9:51 a.m. CST

    get the fuck outta here

    by 40ozToFreedom

    i said get the fuck outta here. a positive doa review...

  • Sept. 13, 2007, 10:37 a.m. CST

    This looks shit! and my 4th Xbox just died in 8 month!

    by FILMFUNK

    I give up...

  • Sept. 13, 2007, 12:13 p.m. CST

    Silly Movie....Ryu Hayabusa Comes off Weak!

    by DarfurOnTheRocks

    Ryu Hayabusa of Ninja Gaiden is a certified bad ass. Yet in this movie he is a chump. Next up: Chun Li saving Ryu and Ken's ass in Street Fighter II.

  • Sept. 13, 2007, 1:30 p.m. CST

    I got this quite a while ago

    by Darth Scourge

    I got this quite a while ago on region 2 because I'm a fan of the game series. It's harmless fun with good looking women fighting eachother. But I think Kasumi's "Five Sisters" deleted scene should have been kept in.

  • Sept. 13, 2007, 3:32 p.m. CST

    DOA has hot chicks, but

    by Toby___Wong

    failed miserably delivering the action. I expected to see some good fights since Corey Yuen was taking care of the choreography. I never liked Jamie Pressly but since Earl she has earned my respect. She stole the show in DOA with her humor. Sarah Carter is very cute but had a weak role. Holly Valance is intense and looked like she actually was able to do some action scenes. Devon Aoki was plain dull. Natassia Malthe looked fine but had a dumb role. This movie could have really been something else. Blame it on the script.

  • Sept. 13, 2007, 3:33 p.m. CST

    @IAmMrMonkey!

    by Toby___Wong

    Watch the Immortals with Eric Roberts. I think you will like that movie.

  • Sept. 13, 2007, 3:55 p.m. CST

    Shock the Monki!

    by BillyPilgrim

    Eric Roberts is a bad movie GOD!

  • Sept. 13, 2007, 6:04 p.m. CST

    I saw this during its brief cinema run in the UK.....

    by knifeandfork

    ....and now i think about it , im not sure why. I knew it would be weak,but i saw it anyway.Strange. Anyway the only good thing about it was kevin nash as bass. Everything else including the piss poor ,over edited action was just cringe worthy.

  • Sept. 13, 2007, 6:19 p.m. CST

    Funny, I watched this last year at home...

    by DJSpoonfed

    What's with the LAAAAAAAAATE reviews for this movie on this site? Get with the times guys, this movie was out on the internet a full year ago

  • Sept. 13, 2007, 9:36 p.m. CST

    Pfft! Bring on Resident Evil extinction instead

    by Stalkeye

    of this cheesefest. Since when has the Tina character been popular enough to play a major role? (and overshadowing Kasumi at that). that scene between Tina and Zack was too stupid even by comedic relief standards. Ryu Hayabusa deserved just as much screen time.hopefully corey yuen will consider making a Ninja Gaiden movie....but after the reception from this movie, I doubt it will ever happen.

  • Sept. 14, 2007, 2:50 a.m. CST

    Could'nt they CGI the tits??

    by Fixthe Fernback

    This film needed big breasts. I was hoping for a more Russ Meyer approach with the material. Oh well, heres hoping for a nice big breasted anime version.

  • Sept. 14, 2007, 4:12 p.m. CST

    Christie: British. Holly: Australian

    by Darth Scourge

    Holly Vallance the actress is Australian. Christie, the character she plays in the movie, is British. Problem solved.

  • Sept. 16, 2007, 8:08 a.m. CST

    There is one thing wrong with the DVD cover

    by emeraldboy

    Louis Leterier did not direct this movie. This a dreadful movie. but from a visual point of view, the backgrounds are stunning. but it is utter shite. and we are going to get a sequel. yes you heard me right. DOA 2 is on the way. If Dimensison did pick up the american rites it show me how far bob and harvey have fallen.

  • Sept. 17, 2007, 9:43 a.m. CST

    Good for what it is

    by ZoeFan

    A T&A fest with some very good action scenes. Yes, there's a lot of senceless stuff in this movie, but did anyone expect different? If you can accept that and like girls, a lot of fun can be had with this. Also, the cinematography is quite good (really).

  • Sept. 19, 2007, 8:35 a.m. CST

    Devon Aoki

    by Chewbaccalypse Now

    I'm so sick and tired of seeing her as the token asian chick. I KNOW there's thousands of young talented JAPANESE women that can speak english waiting for hollywood to get off their typecasting asses. I think MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA was the final straw for me though. Even Heroes has a Korean guy pretending to be Japanese! (Ando) They couldn't find TWO japanese guys?!?! Seriously, There are better actors out there then Devon Aoki. I wish her the best, I'm sure she's a great person, but QUIT PUTTING HER IN ROLES she doesn't fit in. Hollywood doesn't know their head from their ass. I can just imagine the 36 year old blonde female casting director who has lived in Califronia all her life comment "Oooh, Devon looks so Exotic!"

  • Sept. 22, 2007, 6:36 a.m. CST

    Saw it at the theater

    by Drunken Rage

    and it's better than either episode of "Grindhouse." Or "The Brave One," which is a real piece of shit.

  • Sept. 23, 2007, 1:47 p.m. CST

    The_Fredo...

    by Mostasteless

    "But I would be interested in a Ninja Gaiden live action movie. That would be epic!" Epic FAIL