Hey everyone, Capone in Chicago here. Despite rumors to the contrary, we at Ain't It Cool News do not collectively agree to praise certain films as a group; it just turns out that way sometimes. This week, for example, sees multiple glowing thoughts on 3:10 TO YUMA and a little film called HATCHET. Sure, the film's distributor Anchor Bay is advertising on our site--even using a quote from Harry's original thoughts on the film from about a year and a half ago--and yes, most of us have had conversations with the movie's creator Adam Green (I spent some time with him at Chicago's Flashback Weekend in July, and was even on a panel with him at that event). I don't exactly know how it works for the other guys on the site, but I try extremely hard not to let these things cloud my reactions to any film. You feel bad giving a film by or starring someone you genuinely like or admire a bad review, but if you have to, you do and you move on.

Having been burned by low-budget "old school" horror films in the past (many, many times), I was fully prepared to watch HATCHET and groan with disappointment with each passing minute. But after a summer's worth of anticipation of this film, I can finally report to you that writer-director Adam Green's praise-worthy, blood-splattered, maniac-in-the-woods (or in this case, the swamp) feature HATCHET is finally hitting theaters one week after the sadly underwhelming HALLOWEEN remake bored and confused us all last weekend. Barring any kind of miracle, HATCHET probably won't make a fraction of the money that Rob Zombie's film did, and that's a shame. HATCHET is spirited, depraved and gory beyond belief. Green has studied his works of '80s horror and, rather than borrowing from them, has captured their mood and threat level to a note-perfection. He sometimes tries too hard to make the film funny when it should be scary, and his style has room for improvement, but as a drive-in-ready series of nasty-ass killings, HATCHET works perfectly.

Set in New Orleans during Mardi Gras, the plot follows a group of boozed-up horn dogs on the prowl for loose women and more beer. The sole buzzkill is Ben (Joel David Moore), who was recently dumped by his girlfriend. Rather than perform the duties of the consummate poon hound, he decides he'd rather go on a haunted boat cruise through the swamps. He convinces his friend Marcus (Deon Richmond) to go with him, and in one of the film's more annoying aspects, Marcus never fucking shuts up about what a mistake it was going with Ben. Without going into too much detail (there aren't too many genuine surprises in HATCHET, so I don't want to give away too much), the dudes end up on a boat with a collection of would-be porn stars and their director; an elderly couple; a sulking woman named Marybeth (Tamara Feldman); and an obnoxious tour guide/captain. The gang eventually arrives at the rundown cabin once belonging to Victor Crowley, a young disfigured man who was burned and accidentally slashed through the face with an axe by his father (Kane Hodder, who also plays the grown-up Crowley). Legend has it that, the ghost of Crowley still stalks the swamps taking out his revenge on the world that killed him, or some shit like that. Let's get to the killing, motherfuckers!

Green successfully sets up the Crowley legend in the spirit and style of the notorious murdering madmen before him. He doesn't hide Crowley from us for long, and once the killings begin, you almost have to beg for them to stop. For what I'm assuming was a small budget, the quality of the slaughtering is handled beautifully. The cameos by the likes of Robert Englund and Tony Todd are fun, but they don't really add much to proceedings. Green's strengths lie in giving us what we demand from horror films that claim to follow the old-school slasher film mentality. It's all here. HATCHET is filled with ample amounts of boobs, scares, blood and guts. I was actually a bit stunning that the film managed to land an R rating, and I can't wait to see what the unrated DVD (assuming there is one) will spew forth.

Almost as much as I liked the film, I like that a filmmaker like Adam Green exists. He's someone who gives me hope that there's at least one crazy bastard who gets it, who knows how to deliver on a type of film where so many others in recent years have let us down. HATCHET is far from a masterpiece, but it does act as a herald to what I'm praying will be many more films from Green that seek to make us soil our shorts in fear and revulsion. HATCHET is both a promise and the first step toward fulfilling that promise from Green to horror fans everywhere.

Capone
capone@aintitcoolmail.com