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A UK Viewer’s Been Bitten By TEETH!
Hey, everyone. ”Moriarty” here.
It’s interesting how much this one divides people. If there’s anything that I respect about Zombie’s HALLOWEEN, it’s that the people who like it seem to really like it, and the people who sincerely dislike it seem to have genuine reason to do so. It’s divisive, and horror should be. It’s not a genre about making the entire audience feel good, so even if I dislike a horror film, when I hear that it’s causing such passionate reactions, that’s a good thing. It means people are at least talking about what they’re watching and not just treating it as disposable.
Check it out:
It’s mid afternoon and Leicester Squares ‘alternative’ Odeon cinema is close to packed. And no, this is not the screen for the new HARRY POTTER, so if you’re expecting a film about a wizard, you are in serious trouble. Let’s replace the good looking lad with magical powers, for a good looking girl with…… A TOOTHED VAGINA!
This is teeth.
A huge hit at SUNDANCE this year, Teeth definitely caught my eye while I was researching some films to review for my course. As it happens, the star of Teeth, Jess Weixler, picked up an award at Sundance for her in role in the movie. And boy, does she deserve it.
The thing that really strikes you about Teeth is the way it juggles genres. It starts as you’re typical teen comedy, a definite theme of sex which is making the teenagers a little uncomfortable. However, there is a sinister score which is accompanying these scenes, something terrible is building. You see Dawn [Jess Weixler] is in great demand. She is blonde, she is in great shape, and, she is a known ‘good girl’ [this isn’t Everybody loves Raymond, She’s a FUCKING VIRGIN]. Take yourself back to high school, and you’ll remember that good looking virgins are an easy target for horny, over developed boys. Despite having guys [literally] thrown at her in the corridor, there is really only one who catches Dawns Sweet eye, Ryan [Ashley Springer]. As the friendship grows and the sexual tension builds, it doesn’t take a genius to see what is going to happen between Dawn and Ryan. However, we see a major character twist, which leads to what everybody has been waiting for….the first act definitely leaves most people in the audience with there mouths wide open. Think of a circumcision performed by Kathy Bates character from Misery, and you’re almost there.
To delve into the plot any deeper would ruin it. There are so many little twists, that it’s much nicer to watch this movie without any idea of where it’s going. To watch it evolve from a teen comedy, into a gross out horror is a spectacle to say the least, but it’s the drama which really holds the attention.
Jess Weixler manages to enhance the comedy scenes with subtlety, something which you don’t expect from the premise. However, when it comes to the reality of the situation, Jess does a fantastic job of making the viewer sympathise with her. It’s not just her ‘growth’ which is the problem; it’s her life in general. Her mother is ill, she’s pretty much living and sleeping on her deathbed. Her father, a great bloke, but he is obviously under pressure and strain. He seems to be the most distanced character. Then we have her step brother, Brad [John Hensley]. Any nip/tuck fans will recognise Brad as Matt, the sweet teen who has an affair with a much older woman. Brad is most definitely not Matt. Brad is a stoner who seems to live in his room, lugging bongs and screwing his poor girlfriend up the arse with all the emotional of a pit ball terrier. He is nasty, selfish and almost soulless. But, he does have a weakness. He is in love with Dawn. Does his idea of love extend any further then wanting to screw her? That’s for you to decide, I’m not too sure. However, while he is not with Dawn, he makes her [and the rest of his families] life a misery.
Looking at this film in terms of script, structure, dialogue and acting, Teeth is sound. It doesn’t rush into any of the ‘nasty’ scenes, it develops all of its characters, and it follows the three act rule without feeling too formulaic. Writer/director Mitchell Lichtenstein obviously knows how to entice and reward an audience. Looking at him on imdb, he has done very little, which gives me even more reason to praise him. Lichtenstein is a confident ‘genre juggler’ and I hope this shines through in future projects. From a technical point of view, Teeth looks mainstream. Vibrant colours and some fairly exotic locations [shot in Austin, Texas, Harry] give this little movie a BIG look. I’m not sure of the actual budget, but it looks like it’s had $30 million put into it… at least!
So, how did this little gem go down at the UK’s elite horror festival? [We should also bear in mind that this film turned up on the day; it only played because there was a technical fault with the other movie]. After 1408, I watched a man head for the exit with his friend saying,
“I’m off to get some food, I’m well hungry.”
“What about teeth?” the friend replied.
“Nah, a film about some girl with teeth in her minge doesn’t do it for me.”
I was shocked. I thought a film about vaginal teeth did it for everybody. Luckily, this mans opinion was not shared by the rest of the festival goers, Teeth was an unexpected hit. From the moment a confused Dawn researches ‘Vagina Dentata’ on the internet, to the much praised gynaecologist visit, the horror fans were cheering and occasionally clapping. In the US, this is fairly normal. However, UK audiences are famously stiff during movies. Our anal retentiveness must come down to all that tea we drink or something, who the hell knows? All I know is, I have never seen an audience that active during a screening before. Teeth’s unusual subject matter seems to animate everybody who watches it.
Teeth is everything you want and expect it to be. It’s hilarious, daring, and Painful. Think Buffy the Vampire Slayer, battling teenage boys, with a new and concealed weapon.
If you use this, call me BIG DAVE. Although, I’m not that big.
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you didn't just say you didn't like Zomb-o-ween, you said, "He made the worst thing any filmmaker can make: an insignificant film. This movie doesn’t matter." How in any way, shape, or form could that be a "good thing" about any kind of film? I just feel a little mixed-message going here. Did Harry threaten to spank you?
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how many dicks does she bite off? Because I read a review before that made it seem like she was biting off lots of dicks. And my thought was, either she must be getting raped by pretty much every guy around, or that she's having sex with them voluntarily despite the fact that she knows that her vagina is gonna bite their dicks off. So I'm just wondering how the dick-biting-off in this movie is portrayed from a thematic point of view. WHY are dicks being bitten off? Is it a mere gimmick, or does the biting off of dicks serve some greater purpose? Does this movie exist in order to let us see dicks getting bitten off, or is the biting off of dicks a necesary means to allowing us to get at some greater human truths? I'm just asking man. Because I'm intrigued by this movie, but I don't want to watch it if it's just an excuse to have people's dicks getting bitten off.
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i'm relatively certain that the dicks getting bitten off are a metaphor for the alienation that the united states and this administration are feeling from the rest of the world. the u.s. being the "pretty girl" and the rest of the world being represented by any boy that gets his dick bitten off. the pussy with teeth obviously represents our commander in chief, while the severed penises (or 'penes' if you will) represent the evil dictatorships that will be overthrown for trying to fuck with the "pretty girl". the boys who have lost their penes (or 'penises' if you will) actually represent our allys who have learned that fucking with the "pretty girl" can hurt you and make you sing an octave higher which really damages their credibility with the adults in the film who obviously represent russia in general and putin in particular, who really don't care who gets fucked or who gets hurt as long they (the parents/russia/putin) feel that their input is the most important input in the world and that they can invite in, kick out, ignore, or spank whoever they want. friggin' parents, what do they know?!
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It had one of the most positive responses there. I mean if you go into this expecting a movie about a vagina with teeth, then you'll be blown away at how good it actually is. It's no masterpiece but it is pure fun. And that Jess Weixler is one talented girl. Hope this actually comes out.
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It's stupid, boring, and repugnant. Just because an indie funded it, doesn't make it good. Every male character (including a doctor) is a rapist, and no female character is allowed to enjoy sex. they are either raped, or consistently sodomized.
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the director is the son of a very famous artist.
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It's about a sexually repressed woman who DOES learn to enjoy sex; it addresses male attitudes, particularly in the Bible Belt, to women's sexuality. I assume you're a dude; yet to hear criticisms like that from a female viewer.
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review, in which the reviewer matched plot point by plot point how Jaws was an enormously complex metaphor for the Vagina Dentata, with the trio of male protags, the phallic scuba tank in the mouth at the end, etc. etc. Pretty funny reading because this chick was completely convinced of the secret subtext. Did you read that?
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just wondering if Quint would end up reading this thread.)
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Also check out 'Anal Phase' Zach Efron is a revelation.
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Nobody's yelled plant yet? Odd. Anyhoo, just kidding. Can't wait to see this.
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Okay, I cannot stop giggling. I know, I know, I'm a such a juvenile. But thank you, Ender.
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my fears of women would be fully rationalized by one film that could tackle both the horror and comedy genres. Makes up for the excessive tenticle rape scenes I've see in anime ad nauseum.
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At any point in the movie, does someone call her a vicious cunt?
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I don't remember seeing that?
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Vaginal teeth are so 1990 - the 21st century demands anal teeth, godammit.
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...sounds like the perfect Halloween movie to me! Belly laughs and queasy screams in equal measure. Could be even grosser than the fingerbang scene in CABIN FEVER, which to be fair is still the highligh of Eli Roth's career. THAT was a very effectively gross scene.
This TEETH sounds fucking hilarious! Although...
Anybody else remember the story in a movie - I think it was called GRIM PRAIRIE TALES - where a girl wandering through the desert randomly shags this cowboy, then sucks him completely through her ladygarden? That was funny too. Heh heh. -
with that dude with the candles and stuff until he turns out to be a complete prick, and promptly loses his. This point of the movie seemed to me to be her coming out of her conditioned sexual repression.
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