You ready for another one? MiraJeff takes on HALLOWEEN next!

Greetings AICN, MiraJeff here with a quick review of Rob Zombie’s “re-imagining” of John Carpenter’s 1978 classic horror film, Halloween. I just got back from a midnight screening and while this won’t be a full review, I wanted to weigh in. First of all, I should explain that I consider myself a pretty big fan of the horror genre and I hold the original as one of its finest achievements. It is truly a classic in every sense of the word. There is only one Laurie Strode and that is Jamie Lee Curtis. The Shape IS The Bogeyman. End of discussion. Second, as for Rob Zombie, I think he’s made one good movie, The Devil’s Rejects. House of 1000 Corpses had a couple cool scenes but it was hardly a good movie. And while Rejects wasn’t perfect itself, I loved how nihilistic it was. If you’re going to re-invent Michael Myers and his considerable mythology, you’ve gotta have balls, so when Zombie got the gig I was happy for the most part, even though I felt like the whole project was unnecessary considering how the original still holds up to this day. Still, it could’ve landed in worse hands and Zombie isn’t a director I’d ever accuse of holding back. Lastly, even though I read and completely believed every word in Quint’s script review, I still went in with an open mind. I was willing to give Zombie a chance. What more can you really ask, right? So? I thought the movie was okay. I was totally on board with Zombie through the first half-hour, where we see Michael’s ugly childhood and how it breeds the unspeakable evil inside of him. I liked the actor who plays young Michael. He was creepy looking without obviously looking creepy, like that kid in Joshua. I admired Zombie’s attempt to humanize the character and show us that he didn’t just appear out of nowhere like some urban legend. He was a boy like any other, more or less, aside from being your friendly neighborhood pet serial killer. He used to smile. He loves his Mommy. He went to school and went trick-or-treating, although it didn’t surprise me to learn that young Michael was largely friendless. We see him eating and drinking, which we never did in the original. I liked how Zombie really went for it in that first half-hour, putting his own white trash stamp on the script. It felt like a Rob Zombie movie. But eventually we flash forward 15 years and this is where Zombie lost me. Adult Michael felt unstoppable. Bad move casting a professional wrestler. It made him feel like Jason, and if not him, then Resurrection-era Michael. Snapping handcuffs by clenching his fists, breaking people’s necks with the flick of his wrist, nearly blowing doors down with the hair on his chinny-chin-chin. He’s like the big bad wolf, and the three teenage girls he spends the holiday stalking are like the three little pigs. Obviously the last little pig figures out how to stop the monster, by doing that little thing that everyone was screaming at Loomis to do in the original masterpiece. It was a surprisingly satisfying ending, in that it made sense to me that Michael would have some remnant of humanity hiding behind his mask, but aside from that last-minute changeup, the final half-hour played more like a shot-for-shot remake than a re-imagining. If Zombie had stayed true to his vision all the way through, maybe Halloween would have turned out better, but as it stands, it only offers mild thrills, chills, and especially kills, oddly enough. How many times can I watch Mikey stab or strangle somebody. I guess I’ve become so jaded by horror series like Saw and Hostel, I was looking forward to some creative kills, but Zombie keeps a surprising amount of carnage off-screen. The performances were largely forgettable. The lead actress, Taylor Scout Compton, was rather bland and Brad Dourif was criminally underused. Malcolm McDowell is forced to deliver some truly embarrassing lines. There were more than a few times when the audience collectively snickered, whereas there were only two scary moments that made me jump a little in my seat. Though we’re given more insight into Michael’s psyche, the other characters remain paper-thin, just bodies waiting to become victims. Considering how many more people die in this version, it’s too bad Zombie couldn’t get more creative with the violence. I also felt there were some unnecessary shaky cam shots and night scenes that were shot too dark, and I didn’t care for siren that seems to blare whenever Michael goes on one of his sprees. Some of the pros include the return of Carpenter’s score, albeit a little jazzed up, William Forsythe’s sleazy stepdad, Danielle Harris nudity (that’s one for the true fans) and Ken Foree’s brief but memorable scene. Zombie throwing in his wife Sherri Moon’s gratuitous strip show set to ‘Free Bird’ was also a classy touch. The pacing was also pretty effective. Even though the film is a bit long for a horror movie, it never really drags, which a lot of horror movies of late are guilty of. On the whole, Zombie’s Halloween isn’t bad, but you’re better off re-watching the original. It’s obviously an improvement over the last few entries in the series, but that’s not saying much. I’d recommend it to die hard fans only, whether they’re fans of Halloween or Zombie or horror in general, so long as they don’t go in expecting Zombie’s vision to compare to Carpenter’s. I’m glad Zombie decided to make this a stand-alone film and resist the temptation to leave the door open for a sequel (although never say never with the Akkad meal ticket) but part of me wishes Death Sentence had scheduled a midnight screening. I hope that film won’t let me down like this one did. I wanted to believe in it but it just didn’t deliver like I hoped. That’ll do it for me, folks. This is MiraJeff signing off…