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I know you were dying for a prequel to... THE SCORPION KING... without the ROCK and directed by Mr Highlander! Right?
Hey folks, Harry here... ya know... I'm trying to wrap my brain around this... MovieHole is reporting that your collective wishes have been granted --- and Hollywood has been listening to you. Yes, You. I think the collective opinion on SCORPION KING was that it was a brilliant idea terribly miscast with The Rock - who was far too old for the part. Yes, what we wanted was a younger man playing the part. Right? And it needed to amp up the love stuff, right? Right.
Well, your wish is Hollywood's command. THE SCORPION KING: RISE OF THE AKKADIAN, brilliant title.. ahem, is a prequel to the MUMMY RETURNS spin-off prequel original.
And they went out and hired the best genre guy they could find! Russell Mulcahy! How badass is that? And they're actually going to shoot it on the same continent as Egypt... but in South Africa, where the really cool Egypt stuff is!
Now if only someone would hire Len Wiseman to remake ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK - and - well I dare not dream anymore...
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dammit
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the baddie. "Boo, BROTHER!!"
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All I can say is Thank God for Video Games.
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and I thought the first one sucked enough. It had nothing to do with the original story at all! And The Rock as over paid as he is didn't do much for it either. And so what...it's going further back in the time line now? Ugh....pass
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leave them alone, all they want to do is entertain.
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You take a lesson in sarcasm while on your honeymoon? :-)
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It's not often I grin all the way through an article on this site, normally it's either outrage or hyperbolic praise in the articles and I'm indifferent to the writing, but this piece had just the right level of cynicism. So, again, nice, Harry. Your wife, I imagine, deserves all the praise?Dude, if you haven't learned that lesson by now you are truly fucked....
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It doesn't warrant a Star-Wars-size six film mega-epic spanning generations.
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Oh, poor Hollywood, yes, I agree, all they want to do is entertain ussssss...for a price!! This has DTV written all over it. Brett Ratner Denis should direct, though.
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After Batman & Robin People Stopped eating this Shit. I blame the bush administration "No child left behind" my ass.
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"I'll drink no wine before its time."
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I've been saying it for soooo long, and it finally came true, yes! How does the kid become the guy who later becomes The Scorpion King, we'll finally find out.
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...recently, it should be clear to TPTB that it's time for the next new thing.It's gotta be out there somewhere on somebody's desk or computer.
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Yay!
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Fuck sequels,fuck Prequels
I want a god damned Sidequel. What is a Sidequel? It is a story that takes place at the same time as the original story, sharing some of the same events (told from a different perspective) , but mostly telling you a different tale, about different people, yet somehow all the stories are important to each other. -
The Cutting Edge Pt. III coming out.
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Bring back D B sweany.
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was a great Sidequel
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I quit earth.
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Razorback is still the Citizen Kane of giant man-eating pig movies.
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If THE ROCK had become the BOX-OFFICE star they thought he would have become this movie would be starring him...but the studios don't care about him anymore...I hate all these DTV sequels!!!
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What's next, Jim Henson's Star Wars babies?
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Sidequels are the wave of the future. You convinced me.
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watching the adventures of Lando Calrissian
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They know where they have to end up, so you can write whatever the hell you want.
Where's the goddamn Mummy 3? THAT's what the fans want! -
Wonderful idea! I'd fund a sidequel.
Heck, I'd pay GL to do a sidequel with regards to Han Solo in the PT. -
...and if the audience approves, give him the franchise. There's no law that Routh has to be in it, and it's obvious they're going to continually pass over Welling despite him owning the role for years now. A ethnic Supes not only would be a historic move, but a good first step in modernizing a character that so desperately needs to be (on the big screen).
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And it needs to be said again and again so that future generations will never forget, no matter how much time has passed, no matter how many people try to erase it from the history books, we can never forget the hideous, disgusting, vile piece of shit that our forefathers had to endure to make this world the place that it is today. FUCK YOU, HIGHLANDER 2. MAY YOU BURN IN HELL AND MAY SATAN FUCK YOU IN THE ASS EVERY NIGHT FOR ALL ETERNITY
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I can't tell. I mean...this is a stupid fucking idea. Isn't it?
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which he had forgotten and nobody thought to tell him but he'll find out in this one cos it's a prequel!, and there are loads of them, and the villian is a nutter and the whole thing drips...no...reeks of cheese and it's so bad they actually almost threaten how much fun the first one was.....then we can look forward to Scorpion King 3 - with Mario van Peebles...........excellent!
Lou Ferrigno for the star.....or one of those tweeny actor boys from some MTV show I won't watch....you know....the guy who keeps getting married to other kids or somthin like that.....yeah, him, if Harry's wanting someone younger....No...wait....younger than the Rock.....The Pebble! -
Which Highlander 2 are you referring, technically there are 2 Highlander 2's.
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haven't any of you ever heard of a little kickass film starring Telly Fuckin' Savalas called "Beyond The Poseidon Adventure?" imdb it.
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No, that's just smaller. Wouldn't it be the Mountain?
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no biggie, this is obviously going to be direct-to-video.
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Aug 16, 2007 12:41:34 AM CDT
The Scorpion King has a beer and cheats on his wife!!!
by jonny_dr_thunder
Hell yes, I've been waiting for this longer than Harry Knowles takes to find his penis in the mornings to take a piss. Now if somebody would just remake my favorite horror film of all time, Halloween. That's a movie that REALLY needs to be re-made. Never give up hope of prequels, sequels and remakes. What the hell happened to making original films, anyway?? Where in the hell is Charlie Kaufman??
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I actually can't tell if you're serious. Congrats. But I'm assuming that your posting for flame wars, not for real...right?
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Aug 16, 2007 12:49:12 AM CDT
Who says Hollywood isn't willing to try out new ideas?
by burnhollywood
I don't mean stuff like innovative visuals or creative storytelling...I mean taking wild, new approaches to losing money and pissing people off. Like a prequel to a blatant star vehicle without the original star...man, some talentless cheesedick really put some thought into that. You can't deny it.
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Make a Kingdom of Heaven prequel with Liam Neeson and Lucius Vorenus and David Thewlis and the badass viking and that wicked black dude riding around drilling guys in the head with warhammers. There's a fucking prequel.
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lol.
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SK is one of my favorit camp fests. The Rock was awesome in that. An SK flick without Dwayne? Fuck that.
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A prequel to a prequel of a sequel of a remake... one wonders how the space-time continuum can handle such a twist in the fabric of reality.
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Sorry, got 300 on the mind. ;)
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I love pulp stories. Gimme more Scorpion.
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it has Randy Cotoure in it
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Rosincrance and Gildenstern are Dead with Gary Oldman and Tim Roth. Sidequel Shakespere bitches
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it's a Conan movie. It's pretty fucking sweet then. I also like to listen to Barack Obama talk and pretend it's really the Rock talking. How awesome would that be, the Rock as president?
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...But Russell Mulchahy is ten times the filmmaker Stephen Sommers ever was, or ever will be. RAZORBACK RULES!!!
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...Rock would make a great modern Supes. And Powers Boothe would make a great Batman. An older, wiser Bats is a hell of lot more interesting than this "Year One" crap. And yes, I still think Denis Leary would make the definitive Joker.
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whatever drug that Obama guy has been smoking....
because no guy whose name rhymes with Osama is going to be elected to be President of the USA, any time in the near future. Obama is crazy to even run. -
would be great in a sequel to Red Dawn... oh wait his character died...
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...Bwah ha ha ha haaa haha ha...
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The state the major studios are in is shocking. Nobody has a clue anymore. This is what happens when you hire hotshot 30 year olds who have no clue about filmmaking and let them run studios.
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these ideas out of a hat,
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I'll just hand over to Shatner to tell you what he thinks..!
www.khaaan.com -
A) The producer, the director and the studio excecutive; B) Millions of people; C) The director's closest friends. .................. ..................... ............... ............ ............... ............ ................. (Answer: A. The director won't have any close friends left after this movie is released.)
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even though the last film of his I liked was 1999's SE7EN rip-off RESURRECTION. However, judging from the red band trailer he may have actually directed the first gory RESIDENT EVIL flick now. It'll still be bad (it has a PWSA script after all) but at least it'll have guts'n'gore.
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He needs to work with some strong writers and directors and make a hard-R action movie like Die Hard or Total Recall.... or Death Wish 4 : The Crackdown.
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or is there a studio out there that thinks that people will actually pay to see this in cinemas?
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Any idea who?
They probably have a career in porn ahead of them. Or maybe behind them. -
Listen, I own many dozens of Bronson movies on DVD and VHS, and I'm speaking out of love, here... the only Death Wish movies any actor should attempt to emulate are 1 and 3. Only great part of 4 was the big black guy with the bitchy wife, going to the opera... amazing comedy between those two, too clever for a Cannon flick, and then when the guy comes back home and Kersey's in his fucking kitchen, and Kersey says, "I'm making a sandwich" and smashes him with the cupboard... I mean, that alone is marvelous. Rest of the movie, mm... rest of the movie is better than Death Wish V, I'll say that much.
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can't forget that weird opening sequence, although it has nothing to do with anything else in the movie. Let me tell you, the first time I saw that opening sequence, approximately around when most of you talkbackers were born, I was like, oh shit, am I in for something really crazy, here? Has Kersey just lost it? No... nothing very interesting.
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No real reason we're talking about in this talkback, but it doesn't matter, it still rocks. As for Mulcahy being a terrible director, well I don't want to use the tired old "you love Roth" argument, but...
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About as expected as Harry getting married.
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for Bronson, because it was out of Cannon that came KINJITE, one of my all-time favorite films. Less like a movie than some sexed-up 1980s nightmare a hardcore Bronson fan might have after eating bad sushi and falling asleep to manga porn... I mean, Bronson violently ass-rapes a guy in the first few minutes-- literally, not in some metaphorical way-- and later we get to see an almost seventy-year-old Bronson have a Michael-Richards-like racist freakout in the middle of Los Angeles, bellowing ethnic epithets and flailing his arms around... a one-in-a-million movie, never to be equaled. So foul, so ugly, such forbidden subjects. Bronson was is and always shall be the MAN!!!!
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but I don't want to spoil the movie for the few who've yet to see it.
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....?
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Probably still embarassed about the various versions of HIGHLANDER 2 that are out there and how much they still never fixed the "alien" immortals goof-up and more.
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Who knows, if RE: EXTINCTION is a hit he might get another chance at some quality material.
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is a trip. I sat for like 5 mins expecting Harry twins to be at the end of one of the halls, but it never happened. Thats pretty existentialist.
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Follows the story of small group of party goers who picked the worst possible night to drop some strong acid.
Brilliant concept JJ. -
You know this to be true - chocolate rain bitches !
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Until they start making the Scorpion Queen movies.
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... if they were capable of writing their own scripts, or were capable of picking good ones. In short, if they possessed basic literacy.
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Thank you, Harry, put a big smile on my face. And luckely I don't care about the franchise.
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walking with a prayer... ohhh ohh!
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I'm glad I got your Cannon fires stoked. Even if you don't like Crackdown, sounds like you sure as hell appreciate it and that's what matters most. I don't like Death Wish 3 but I can appreciate it's finer points. Thanks for bringing up Kinjite. That movie is sick, hateful... and awesome. They sure don't make em like they used to.
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being stuck in a plane on a tarmac with screaming children and old people. Dreams DO come true!
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Oh, this is ridonkulous. If it's late enough at night, I'm a sucker for any sword/sandals/sorcery caper and I couldn't get through fifteen minutes of the first Scorpion King prequel. They might need a new word for this, or maybe two: "Preprequel" if the story takes place further back in time and and "presequel" if the movie takes place after the first prequel. Fortunately, "sesequels" already exist and are just called "sequels," and "seprequels" are like the square roots of negative numbers and can't exist.
I'm actually, genuinely incensed that I have to write "the first Scorpion King prequel."
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That's everybody's favorite, usually. Senior citizens with machine guns, mayhem, the .475 wildey blowing a hole through the giggler... original music by Jimmy Page... Do you just find it too goofy, or what?
The only one of the series I don't enjoy all the way through is II... Even if you just fastforward through the endless, lasciviously filmed gangrape-sextorture-snuff sequence, it still lasts like two and a half minutes in fastforward. Not cool.
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Shia LeMadCow as Young Scorpion King, with Simon LeBow and Nick Rhodes as his parents. Nick Taylor as the silent butler. Nuff said!!
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I don't know any Nick Taylors.
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John Taylor as the wolf (with 80s hair)
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Finally, the greatest cinematic video in history becomes the major motion picture event of the century. Duran Duran's vision of a post-apocalyptic wasteland of dancing half-naked chicken-men comes to life on the big screen. A Russell Mulcahy film. Starring Chris Tucker as Chicken Man.
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Russell Mulcahy explores the spiritual journey of 5 white guys in white pants on a beach. Featuring The Rock as Buddha. Opens July 4, 2008.
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You know what the Reflex is? It's the shiver and shake you do when you finish peeing. That was symbolized in the video by the flood drenching the audience.
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The ultimate prequel!If anybody out there is looking to join a prequel to Aerosmith, I'm looking for a drummer.
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Too early to be typing ..
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Russell Mulcahy explores the Scorpion King's beginnings in his mother's womb. Truly the ultimate in prequels. Starring Shia LeMadCow as the fetus.
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Snoop Dogg as Young Roger Murtaugh"I be too young for dis shiznat!"
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TRUE video by Spandau Ballet? This much is true.
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Paul Walker plays the Man With No Name back in his high school days when he played several rival guidance concellors against each other.
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he found me in a parking lot and gave me the phonebook treatment.
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but Justin's too big for them. He didn't even attend Dancing With The Stars to support Joey Fat One.
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Who in their right mind would greenlight this? This is going to be a theatrical release? Not straight to dvd, where such movies are constantly made? WHAT ZE FOCK IZ GOING ONNNNNNNN. *head explodes*
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Gang members fight in their cribs. And I do mean cribs. A Len Wiseman / Brett Ratner co-production.
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Before Kate became a vampire, she was a stripper and a 5 dollar hooker. A film by Len Wiseman.
Additional hooker sequences directed by McG, Brett Ratner, Rob Cohen, Uwe Boll, Russell Mulcahy, Michael Bay and the guy who does the Girls Gone Wild videos.
Vampire transformation nightmare sequence directed by David Lynch. -
And he's going to rise from the grave as a pestilent dust storm and wipe Hollywood off the map!!!
I can dream, can't I? -
This time the Hebrews save Jesus instead of condemning him. Future world population becomes Jewish instead of Christian, pork banned worldwide. A Mel Gibson production of a Len Wiseman film.
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...aren't they 'sidequels'?
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Why not? Might as well be a spectacular failure as opposed to just a failure.
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but it could have used some more splosions.
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Well I don't hate 3, but it is the last one I'd choose to watch if I had to pick. Yeah, I do find it a bit too goofy and the setting a bit too stagey. There's just something really Breakin' 2 Electric Bugaloo about it. It has it's moments but I'm always a bit surprised that so many pick it as their favorite. Maybe the camp factor makes them feel better about watching a Death Wish flick. I'm sure you know this but Jimmy Page also did the score for 2 and I like the music in that one better. I agree that rape scene is very hard to take but it does have the advantage of really making you feel like Kersey's retaliation is well justified and it's all the more satisfying to watch the goons get their comeuppance. Plus it has my favorite Kersey line in the series.
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Electric Boogaloo has now been mentioned three times in this talk back. Even though I misspelled it, it still counts.
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4 times! Yay!
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See Randall and Dante exchange witlessly crude dialogue while delivering the morning post. We'll also see the icident that scared Silent Bob into silence (HINT: it involves a Kathy bates cameo).I think Uwe Boll will direct this if we let him play Paperboy on the old Nintendo for a few hours to get an idea of the project.
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See young Jason Bourne become a man! Beats by Timbaland.
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If they could promise me Kelly Hu running around in those little outfits again...well, maybe.
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It's a fun-filled wacky time when the Midichlorians decide to throw an orgy.
Starring Shia LeMadCow as Jedi youngling Suka Madickus. A Brett Ratner film. -
I'm watching Death Wish 4 : The Crackdown again right now and you're right that scene with the black hit man and his girlfriend is hilarious.
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Jackie Chan stars as ancient Chinese seafaring explorer Captain Long Dong Johnny Wang, whose ship accidentally lands in Africa. Racial hilarity ensues when he befriends Jar Jar Kinte, played by Chris Tucker. Together they dodge spears and battle the Triads. An Al Sharpton production of a Brett Ratner film.
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Starring Shia LeMadCow as young Anshel. A Mel Gibson production of a Len Wiseman film.
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is it "You're about to meet him"... followed by a big gunshot?
And FYI, if you have the 1 hour 29 minute DVD version, the endless gangrape is actually cut... on VHS it's longer, and we get to see blood trickling from her ass after the sodomy. It's totally horrible. I am a mega Charles Bronson fan but that absolutely ruins the movie for me... not even a jive-talking Laurence Fishburne getting shot through a boombox can redeem it.
It's interesting... in Death Wish I, the punks who rape and kill his family are never seen again... after all, what would the odds of that be? As the cop says, "In the city, that's the way it is." So Bronson just hunts for the sport of it, filling the void left by his loss, recapturing his joie de vive by killing random criminals wherever they cross his path. But in the sequels, it's specific revenge against specific individuals... a different dynamic. -
John McClane (Shia LaBeouf) goes over to his girlfriend (Nicole Ritchie)'s house to apologize for a recent tiff but her treehouse gets taken over by Ludwig-Boris Von Stereotypovich and he has to overthrow them in socked feet. Featuring key scenes such as McClane wrapping a tire swing arond his waist and jumping from the burning tree house and another scene where he sends the bad guys a Facebook message that says "Now I have a Nerf Supersoaker, Ho-Ho-Ho". Lil' Bow Wow as Sgt. Al Powell. Directed by a bitter washed up John McTiernan.
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Shows the Transformers being designed and built. Will be grossly entertaining to fans of Ocean's 11 who like films that simply portry a plan. Directed by Simon West. Extra camera shakings provided by Paul Greengrass. Daniel Craig as young Optimus.
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Aug 16, 2007 8:41:29 AM CDT
Shouldn't it be something like "THE SPIDER PRINCE"?
by stalin vs predator
Or maybe "The Tick Count"? If it's a teenage prequel to "The Scorpion King", then it should be, theoretically... Regardless, I want to see Shia la Boof as this Arachnid Aristocrat, whichever species and nobleman he will eventually be.
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yes "Flags of our Fathers" and "Letters from Iwo Jima" are perfect examples of Sidequels.
Bring on the Sidequels!!!!!!!!!!!! -
Enough about prequels and Scorpion King, some of us are trying to discuss the finer points of CHARLES BRONSON.
The only LABOEUF I care about is the character NAMED La Boeuf, played by Glen Campbell in John Wayne's "True Grit," because that's the movie where John Wayne says "Fill Your Hand" before shooting a bunch of people, and "Fill Your Hand" is also the line Bronson says in the last shoot-out in Death Wish... "Fill your hand" may in fact be my favorite Death Wish line, that or maybe in Part IV where the parking garage rapist goes "Who the fuck are you??" and Bronson just says, "Death."
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Starring Shia LeMadCow as the "Virgin" Mary, Ryan Gosling as Joseph who believe his wife is really a "virgin" and cameo by Brett Ratner as "God" who impregnates Mary.
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Good one Belly.
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I have the cut DVD, but do not think I'll ever be seeking out that VHS, the edited version was bad enough. That's an interesting point about the first one having a different dynamic. It hadn't really occurred to me, but that's probably one of the reasons it's the best one and why it transcends the genre that the sequels more generically adhere to. But I love em anyway... even part 5.... which despite it's many flaws has the most colorful and fleshed out villains of the series.
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Oh yeah, almost forgot. My favorite line in Death Wish 2 is Kersey saying calmly "Goodbye" to one of the punks before he shoots him point blank in the face.
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Now if someone will just make a sequel to the Pink Panther remake and maybe cast a wrestler to play Thor...oh, wait....never mind.
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The story of Kunte Kinte if cracker ass whiteys never landed in Africa.
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I like Dwayne Johnson. I think he's a super nice guy and a decent actor, but the concept of him as Superman is probably the gayest idea I've heard in a long time. Wanna bury the franchise for an indefinite length of time like Batman & Robin did? Then that'd be the way to go...
If he should be cast as ANY superhero whatsoever, it should be as Captain Marvel in a SHAZAM! movie. -
Tying 'LaBoeuf' into True Grit and by extension Death Wish is an impressive feat!
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No extra charge.
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Good call. Shia LeMadCow as Billy.
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Just when I thought Hollywood couldn't crawl further up its own ass, it pulls an awesome feat of creative bankruptcy such as this. I don't even get annoyed any more. To paraphrase Cartman, I think I blew a surprise fuse.
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with Casper Van Dien and Jolene Blalock. I know people who would say that such a movie is perfunctury, but I'm still excited.
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I don't know if it's just my copy, but besides the, um, other dubious aspects, the copy I have of it is full of most lurid colored lighting, like they were using three color gels on every light in every shot, never moreso than in all the fashion-factory scenes. Nothing is the color it should be; instead of a sewing machine looking like a sewing machine, it's always gleaming beer-bottle green, like it's suspended in a big jello salad. It's like trying to watch a movie through a stained-glass window.
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But come on, I'd take Mulchaey over Cohen any day.
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I have the region 1 Canadian Lions Gate Home Entertainment "Special Edition" DVD. It's not so special though. Not a single special feature. But it does have some great critics quotes on the case, like -- "As good as, if not better than, the first". Watching it again now and it looks like it was shot by an 80's porno refugee.
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..."Rock" mode. Don't shortchange the guy. I'm sure he'd be smart enough to tone it down for the role. Seriously, what's so bad about the idea of having a Superman of color? Like I said not only would it be a historic casting, but it would get people a little excited about whatever film he'd be in. "Oh shit, they just casted Rock as Superman, y'know he's GOT to be actually fighting somebody in this one!" Rock as Supes, Biel as Lois = Box Office Gold, and the kickstart Johnson so desperately needs.
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one of the worst ideas I've ever heard. Worse than the topic which started this talkback.
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Where was I?
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...fucking Chris Reeve impressionists 'til the end of time? The DC flcks are ass backwards right now. Bats should be the stylish/retro flick, while Supes should be the more realistic one. But nooooo...
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They have the chemistry, Shia has the curves.
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"Make a Kingdom of Heaven prequel with Liam Neeson and Lucius Vorenus and David Thewlis and the badass viking and that wicked black dude riding around drilling guys in the head with warhammers. There's a fucking prequel."
You, sir are a genius. Get writing that bitch andf let's put it into motion over at New Line. Maybe they'll take it over a neutered Jackson-less HOBBIT.
Actually, it sounds intelligent and historically accurate and quite spectacular - so either Tim Story gets to make it, with the rampaging hordes turned into a great big cloud, or it gets ignored and Uwe Wiseman gets to remake STAR WARS. With Shia LeBoeuf as Luke, and that fucker who plays Brian in "What About Brian?" as Han fucking Solo.
See what happens when you come up with a good idea that no-one will make? It makes me morose. Kingdom of Heaven: The Beginning - GOOD IDEA. SCORPION KING PREQUEL: VERY BAD IDEA!
Man, FUCK Hollywood. Gimme my motherfucking movie cheque! -
a half-man, half-scorpion. Not a Conan knockoff. WTF
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Why is casting Dwayne Johnson as Superman so fucking wrong? What makes it "gay", or the "worst" idea you've ever heard? We need to look past who fills the role as long as the role is respectful to the source material in spirit. I suppose my wanting Andre Braugher as Prof.X in a X-men reboot is a terrible idea as well?
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That's an idea ...
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He'd be more believable battling Darkseid or Doomsday than Routh. Routh is okay, but he's not a comic book Superman. Comic book Superman has to have that extraordinary physique that overwhelms the screen.
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What happened to that lunkhead?
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...but Biel would look better opposite Rock.
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She could be Harley Quinn with some white makeup. But she's still hot. I happen to dig the Biel suggestion very much. She cat act.
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...because IE7 has stupid letter skipping glitch.
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If "brilliant" meant, y'know, "stupidest fucking thing ever" ... I smell straight to DVD release anyway.
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Johnny Rico lives!!!
Now we need Neil Patrick Harris back in the saddle:
RICO: We're going back to Klendathu? Didn't we cleanse that planet?
KARL: Nope, that's where you nearly died in the first movie, you Aryan numbnuts.
RICO: I could really go for a burger. You wanna burger, Karl?
KARL: Yeah... Fur Burger!
Starring Jessica Biel as Obligatory Naked Trooper Chick in the shower scene. Which goes on for an hour and a half. -
She doesn't even need a wonderbra.
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then so could Dwayne Johnson
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Sure she's a bit older, but that chick's gonna be smokin' for a LONG damn time.
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Coalition of the White Willing invades Iraq and Afghansistan. Captures Saddam Hussein (smart bug) and tortures him for intel. Starring Casper Van Dien because he gotta eat.
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or however that's spelled. I just want to get to Paradise Island. Co-starring Scarlett Johanssen, Anne Hathaway, and the Victoria's Secret models as Amazonians.
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Aug 16, 2007 9:47:59 AM CDT
Sidenote Neil Patrick Harris' agent should get an award
by bringingsexyback
for most imaginative casting.
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Dien was so sure of himself of getting the Spidey role? I think it was on E! or sumthin, he was like "They're considering me". I hate Tobey, but DAMN, that woulda sucked.
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Aug 16, 2007 9:49:48 AM CDT
By the way Jessica Biel gets nekked in her next movie
by rickey henderson
Called "Powder Blue." She plays a stripper. I shit you not. This is a great day for all mankind.
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I guess I just don't really think Superman necessarily translates well to screen. I mean, Superman II is as good as you're going to get, and even that...
I don't even mind the Rock (liked The Rundown, looking forward to Southland), but by putting him in the film with Jessica Biel, you are just asking for an 8-15 year old audience base and a lame-ass villain. Also, Jessica Biel can't act, which could be a problem- we'll see how she holds up in that Iraq movie.
Evangeline Lilly for Wonderwoman btw.
oh, and glad to see the interest in Starship Troopers: Marauders. Directed and written by the guy who wrote the original and RoboCop. Stray from SST 2 like the PLAGUE.
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...(but honestly, who gives a FUCK 'bout the Scorpion King?)...A Michael J.Fox, Phoebe Kates, Jessica Tandy Spidey flick woulda kicked soooooooo much ass.
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Indeed, Michael J. Fox as a parkinsons's addled Spidey falling off of building would've totally rocked.
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Or even a Superman show. It never has before. Kidder, Glover, and Rosenbaum are the ONLY real standouts.
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I want specifics on where you read that - only then will I rejoice in the fact that our country is back on track.
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I'm talking 80's era....ohhhh... SARCASM! Forgive me, it's too eary...er, late.
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...get Fox to voice a Spidey animated whatever. HE IS FUCKING SPIDR-MAN.
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thanks for the morning laugh. almost spilled my coffee
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Aug 16, 2007 10:01:09 AM CDT
Abin Sur, here's the link. This is really happening...
by rickey henderson
Jessica Biel is indeed getting nekked for her next movie. Frontal and rear. Why AICN isn't reporting this is a TRAVESTY OF COLOSSAL PROPORTIONS. Here's the link: http://www.wwtdd.com/post.phtml?pk=2718
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...so I'll check it out at home. But I'll take your word for it, and as to WHY AICN is not reporting it? You got me, pal.
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Aug 16, 2007 10:07:18 AM CDT
Seriously, its the best movie news this year Abin..
by rickey henderson
And the story is 100% legit. The staff here needs to wake up and report on this pronto. You hear me Harry?
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Zany hijinks of Scorpion King when he was in high school.
Cinematic tour-de-force!
Film-making at its finest! -
Good work Rickey.
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You hear me Harry? And I want my own dressing room too! My own fucking dressing room! Filled with whores, expensive whores!
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Featuring Dennis Rodman as the Unicorn.
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... Oh right, the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders, I forgot.
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Aug 16, 2007 10:19:39 AM CDT
Pretty much any female in Texas qualifies as one Sherm
by rickey henderson
Just sayin'...
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...of "Closer", when that asshole Mike Nichols decided to destroy all the full-frontal nude scenes that Natalie Portman shot in the strip club, because he felt like a "father" to her and didn't want to exploit her. Cowboy up, Mike, you frikkin' pansy.
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/yawn
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Kelly Hu was extremely nice to look at in the first one.
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Come on Mulcahy, you know it's time for a reunion between the two of you. And have a cameo of Lambert where he dies in the first scene. You're welcome.
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...WHERE THE HELL IS THAT SPLINTER CELL FLICK THEY ALLUDED TO IN THE THIRD GAME???? They had an announcment trailer and everything.
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It would be a terrific flick. The only problem would be getting Ironside's voice dubbed over whatever actor plays Sam Fisher.
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They didn't have pies back then.
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Falafel, maybe?
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Falafel, maybe?
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Falafel, maybe?
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I clicked Post ONCE...damn browser. IE7 FTL.
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back to an old topic, for a STV disney movie, 'lion king 1 1/2' was a good sidequel.
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Who cares about Scorpion King anyway?
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Portman ACTING - Yawn. Portman NEKKID - Anti-Yawn.
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So they now have 2 Scoprion King movies, and NEITHER have touched upon the only vaguely interesting part of the character's story- how he went from a good king to the conqueroring tyrant shown in the Mummy Returns prelude. The first Scoprion King movie was set before that and sucked because of it...but could have been somewhat bearable as merely a medicore setup for a sequel tackling his fall. So now they actually make another Scorpion King movie...they go backwards in time?! Seriously, no one cares about him before the Scoprion King, people barely cared at all for him during The Scorpion King, only post-Scoprion King holds any interest. Boggles the mind.
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to get his panties in a twist over. It's just a cheap DTV prequel. They're doing loads of them.
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If you think HL2 sucks, wait until you see "Highlander: the Source" which is going direct to Sci-Fi this September. It's been on torrent trackers for some time, and let me tell you this: HL2 is better.
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"So they now have 2 Scoprion King movies, and NEITHER have touched upon the only vaguely interesting part of the character's story- how he went from a good king to the conqueroring tyrant shown in the Mummy Returns prelude. The first Scoprion King movie was set before that and sucked because of it...but could have been somewhat bearable as merely a medicore setup for a sequel tackling his fall. So now they actually make another Scorpion King movie...they go backwards in time?! Seriously, no one cares about him before the Scoprion King, people barely cared at all for him during The Scorpion King, only post-Scoprion King holds any interest. Boggles the mind."
That was exactly what I was thinking. Frankly I'd be all in favor of a TSK sequel bridging the gap to MMR--hell, they could have made a trilogy out of it--but a prequel? What on earth for?? *sigh* -
BTW, I would really love to see a Kingdom of Heaven prequel. Probably will never happen, though, since KOH unfairly bombed at the box office. :(
You've seen the Extended Director's Cut, I assume? -
Easily one of the most retarded new "words" I've heard since assholes started saying "anywhoo". "Meh" definitely ranks up there, too. Good day.
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Thank you!
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Band Camp.
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doesn't make Superman gay, Brian Singer makes Superman gay.
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Now I know why I rarely come on this site, the news is always stale. Russell Mulcahy directing The Scorpion King sequel was reported on Shock Till You Drop on June 14th http://www.shocktillyoudrop.com/news/topnews.php?id=514 Gotta keep up with the new kids guys
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A prequel to White Chicks starring Mo'Nique and Star Jones, who have to wear makeup and body suits that make them look like two small asian men.
Directed by the Wayans Brothers, who make a cameo in their White Chicks getups, and they all have a hilarious sex scene together! -
You've never seen fur burgers like these before...
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This film is truly so awful that it beggars belief. It's like the worst piece of fanfic ever written got filmed by a gang of drooling imbeciles. It makes Highlander 2 look like The Empire Strikes Back.
A rip of a Russian DVD release is floating around the net. This is the version I saw and by all accounts the one to see as the one on Sci-Fi will be re-edited.
If you're a bad movie freak this is compulsory viewing, but it will most assuredly leave you permanently brain-damaged afterwards. -
Ya moron.
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Aug 16, 2007 7:04:47 PM CDT
JESSICA BIEL is dreading posing nude in her new movie P
by strangernparadis
because she is terrified of stripping off in front of the film crew.The actress plays a stripper in the movie alongside Forest Whitaker and Ray Liotta, but is still unsure about baring all. She says, "I haven't decided exactly about the nudity.It's a tough one. "I am considering it but it's a very scary thing to do. It definitely feels vulnerable to be naked in front of anybody let alone a film crew.And it's scary because of the internet - you don't know where it's going to end up. It's a moment that could be exploited."
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Its going straight to TV on sept 15 because its soooooooooooooo bad....It took about a week to get through viewing the whole thng.....just really realy bad story.
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Aug 16, 2007 11:47:58 PM CDT
TheSecondQuest, Valin Kenobi, be patient my friends
by 'cholera's ghost
Because as someone said up above, the story of the Scorpion King is so interesting that it warrants a Star-Wars-size six film mega-epic spanning generations. Give these filmmakers the time they need. Give them that. Can you?
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and Mulcahy will use Queen's "We Will Rock You!" (Oh, the irony!)
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I would watch that. That would be good.
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there is nothing at all good about that idea. On paper a heavy tragic fall is a good thing. In practice it becomes the Star Wars Prequels. I have a new favourite shitty film- Watched it pissed last night: Pumpkinhead. The monster didn't even have a pumpkinhead. I was let down and cried a bit. Fucking magicliciously awful. Lance Henrikssen really does pick some howlers.
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...you did NOT just hate on Pumpkinhead!
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It was great. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
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although he didn't have a pumpkinhead. He really should have.
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How the fuck can she be playing a stripper and not get naked. That's just dumb. It's not like she can back it up with massive acting talent. unless she had a pumpkinhead. That would be strange.
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Don't know what happened to my iro-sarky detector the past couple of days. I'm starting to sound like M-O-M. Upon re-reading your post I do indeed see your intent.
On the topic of side notes, you should see Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings. It's bad in all the wrong ways. -
...not as bad as Highlander: The Source.
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I love the first Highlander. The rest of them smell. Maybe if we gave them all pumpkinheads they would be good. Pumpkinhead 3: the immortals. I would watch that.
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which will be the only film I will enjoy this summer.
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Like I mentioned above, Highlander: The Source makes The Quickening look like The Empire Strikes Back.
Highly recommended. -
I clearly have to find it
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the world is crying out for a new leprechaun film. Or at least I am.
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not gay.
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humourless, condescending fartknocker. You're german, aren't you?
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I'm still trying to work out where in Europe you are from.
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If he's BladeRunnerUnit resurrected, then he's Dutch.
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and was pretty certain he wasn't French. Scandanavians tend to have better English than him, so it was a toss up between German or Dutch. Looking at the absolutism he displays I was betting on German. cheers for the tip. He's still a humourless condescending fartknocker though.
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See you next week.
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Tonight it's going to be Redneck Zombies. I think she thinks I'm "Special".
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No clue, myself, but if you're a anthrophilogist you may find instructive the HALLOWEEN REMAKE talkbacks where he ran off the rails more than once, losing his cool and making clear that English is not his first language. Not that English is necessarily all that... (although when any other language produces both Shakespeare and James Joyce, let me know).
Anyway, here's an example TB, including him calling those who disagreed with him "closet tit-hatters"... http://tinyurl.com/2qb627 -
Perhaps I should rephrase it to say "only part of the SK story that remotely held my attention, especially compared to everything they've shown that isn't it"
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Harry, for the first time in a long time, I agree with you. This is about the worst idea I've seen out of Hollywood in years...and considering how many bad ideas they have, that's saying something.
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