The MOD SQUAD is....
A ripe pile of festering cinematic boils spewing puss upon the eyes of mankind.
I hate this film. The movie injured me.
There are two things I liked in the movie. 1. The way the movie just started (not beginning at the origin of THE MOD SQUAD but in the midst of a case) and 2. A two minute (possibly less) sequence in a car between a character named Sonny and Linc. Sonny was fantastic.
The bit I sort of liked... Linc, though his brooding, posing and neanderthal walk all got on my nerves.
What I hated? Everything else.
Here is a film that is soooooooo loathsome that you just want to take a leak on the screen, but you later realize that the images will be gleamed from the screen soon enough by the likes of MATRIX, THE MUMMY, STAR WARS EPISODE ONE, EYES WIDE SHUT, THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, etc...
How do films this shallow on plot get made. If you cut out ever instance of a character posing silently out of focus... the movie would be down to it’s 47 minute episode length.
This is a film that actually makes GO seem pretty darn brilliant (though it’s just a pile of poser coolness)
First off... the film insults us with an annoying new definition of MOD that incorporates the look of today’s youth into that term. SORRY NO DICE.
Mod is a very specific style and look inherant to the sixties and seventies. Once you take them out of that setting then the film becomes, THE SLACKER SQUAD (aka The SS). What the hell is LINC without his awesomely cool AFRO. I’m not talking about it in a “ewwwwww, it was so funny” manner either. That Afro of LINC’s was cool. He looked cool.... He was cool.
As for the others.... Somebody hurry up and cast Claire Danes back into the ocean please. My god, the amount of vacuous stares and bit bottom lips was enough to just make me sick. OH... But what about all those panty shots? Well, gosh it’s about as hot as a Sears Catalogue... which is of course bedroom reading for Quint, but for the rest of us.... it’s LAME!
And not since Marlon Brando and Val Kilmer embarrassed themselves beyond all realms of sanity in ISLAND OF DR MOREAU have I seen such a bizarre weird BADNESS than the dance scene between Michael Lerner’s character and Linc. When he says he’s not gay, it reminded me of a thing a friend of mine said once....
“Hey, we’ve got thirty minutes to kill, why don’t we jack each other off.... Nothing faggoty, just a way to kill the time!”
Of course he said it in jest and it caused me to rib-crack laugh to death, but I’m not even sure what the thought process of the scene was.
I could just see the director looking at the script (all 13 pages) and thinking, “S-T-R-E-T-C-H”.
BAD MOVIE!
BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD MOVIE!!!!!!!!!
Next time (God Forbid) set the film in the late sixties early seventies. One you have access to cooler music, styles and settings. The film will have some sort of reason to exist. And it might be cool. I’m fearing the same sort of shallow treading of water with THE CHARLIE’S ANGEL film. But imagine if it were set in the Seventies. Platform shoes, cool hair, tight braless t-shirts, two handed gun firing, and a Lalo Schifrin score! Pop-Art Titles....
God, this was a bad film. Bad film. Really really bad film. This is your garlic, cross and rising sun all in one. How not to make a cool movie? See THE MOD SQUAD!
