Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. So, yeah... this probably is just as mediocre as it should be. I was hoping Dinkelage would save it... and it seems he does try. Here's a spy who saw the flick seeing release this weekend!

It's been less than an hour since I left a preview screening of "Underdog". There is a spoiler in the review, so plan your reading accordingly.

While there's no need to fear, there's also no need to waste any brain cells over whether to see this or "Bourne Ultimatum" this weekend. Wait for DVD, or when it's on cable on some rainy day, or if you're stuck on a plane and this is your inflight movie.

The old favorites are there- Riff Raff, Simon Bar Sinister, Cad, Sweet Polly Purebread... The "talking dog" stuff is just as good as the technically above average "talking animal" films, and Peter Dinkelage tries to make the goings on seem more important than they are, while Patrick Warburton tries to make them seem funnier. Voiceover talent (Jason Lee, Amy Adams, BradGarrett) are all adequate.

While all the villians we know and love/hate are there, the biggest villian of all is the script, which adds a father and son who end up adopting a beagle named Shoeshine who was drummed out of police dog squad after screwing up a bombsniffing/PR exercise (are beagles actually considered for bombsniffing, or is this some sort of canine affirmative action thing?). The fact that I can't recall their character names says something, I think. Also (SPOILER)...

...the pill that gives Underdog (and other dogs) the power to do all the wonderful thing he does also works on humans. If this is the case, why waste it on dogs?

(END SPOILER)

Jim Belushi plays the father, and I think he's at least ten years too old for the part. Any time he moves faster than walking, like when he's running up the City Hall steps, he looks like he's running with a load of crap in his pants. And some of the special effects that don't involve making animals talk are pretty shoddy, like making them (or people) fly or when things explode.

There's also some obnoxious General Mills cereal product placement going on, and one for Subway that I've been waffling on as to whether it was cute or not.

I suppose if you have kids to stash somewhere rather than have them see "Bourne" with you, and they've seen "Ratatouille". "The Simpsons" and "Harry Potter" already, you can do worse... like stick them in the theater where "Bratz" is playing. You do that, and I don't believe that you deserve to get them back.

No names, please. I'm Shy.