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Capone Says That Neither Lance Bass...Or Jessica Biel's "Heavenly Perfect Ass"... Save I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK AND LARRY!!
Hey everyone. Capone in Chicago here.
There are only two reasons this film would get made. One is because Adam Sandler is so in love with the gay community that he just couldn't help himself; the other is because he and costar Kevin James truly believe this story of two straight Brooklyn firefighters who pretend to be gay and get married will somehow heal the divide between gays and the homophobic world at large. Let me be the first of many to say that neither of these reasons is noble or even likely. Instead, I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK AND LARRY is a pedestrian attempt to address gay issues without really addressing them. Chuck and Larry aren't gay. James' Larry character just needs to be married so he can save his pension plan from vanishing after the death of his wife two years earlier. After saving Chuck's life (gee, thanks Kevin), Larry gets a chance to get payback by coming up with this needlessly elaborate scheme of going to Canada and getting married so they can return to New York and file as domestic partners. During the course of this two-hour debacle, Sandler, director Dennis Dugan (THE BENCHWARMERS), and company parade a series of stereotypes (gay and others) and famous gay actors before the camera to what ends, I'm still not sure.
The film goes out of its way to make sure we understand fully that Chuck and Larry are men's men. Larry was married and has two kids before his wife's passing. Chuck is the womanizer's womanizer. His firehouse chief (played admirably by Dan Akroyd) puts it best when he says, "If my pencil sharpener wore a skirt, I'd have to hide it from you." He's not just sleeping with a different woman every night; he's sleeping with a half dozen at once. And there's no chance he's overcompensating. They play basketball with the other firefighters. Nothing gay about that, no sir. Larry is having a hard time getting over the loss of his wife, so both men are plagued with different types of commitment issues. They believe the faux gay arrangement will be kept a secret, but shockingly enough when the nature of their union comes under investigation, the world finds out they're gay.
The movie's premise isn't what's at fault here. One of the smartest gay films designed for straight audiences, Frank Oz's IN & OUT, dealt with some of these same issues, but it did so with intelligence and maturity. CHUCK AND LARRY has the emotional weight of a carrot stick and about as much depth, despite its endless parade of message scenes and even a scene in which Sandler movingly declares that saying the word "faggot" is not cool. Tito, hand me a tissue.
But really the only reason anyone cares about CHUCK AND LARRY (and the only reason I was able to stay awake for it) is the presence of Jessica Biel and her heavenly perfect ass.
I know you've seen the clips of her dripping wet in her underwear, but that scene is much, much longer in the film, and I'll be damned if that woman doesn't make the most of every second of her otherwise worthless time on screen. The polar opposite is true of Rob Schneider's extended cameo, a throwback to the racist portrayals of Japanese men that hasn't hit the mark quite like this since Mickey Rooney's Mr. Yunioshi in BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S Oh boy. What the film lacks in homophobic jokes, it more than makes up for in bashing the Japanese. Nicely played, gents. Way to trade one sensitivity for another, you fucking morons. And don't even get me started on Ving Rhames character as an angry new firefighter in the station who turns out to be gayer than Liberace on Christopher Street for a Halloween parade.
Utterly placating cameos by the likes of Richard Chamberlain and Lance Bass don't really do much to save this floundering mix of childish humor and sensitivity training. I liked Sandler more when he was taking some level of risk, as he did with REIGN OVER ME earlier this year. That was not a perfect film, but he was at least simulating an actor who gave a shit about his craft. The man starring in CHUCK AND LARRY isn't even attempting to impress anybody, and he doesn't, trust me. This is a spineless, gutless and brainless film that dares to come at its audience with a message about tolerance, but delivers us such lame comedy that it ends up reinforcing our prejudices... against former "Saturday Night Live" cast members. Just because you wrap a turd in pink ribbon, doesn't make it gay; and it certainly doesn't make it good.
Capone
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When did this place go ultra-PC? Does there have to be a message in an Adam Sandler comedy? Please.
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And DVR your appearances on Regis, Conan and the like. That will save me the $7 to have to go to the multiplex and watch this.
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fire boring & ugly kate bossworth. Jessica Biel or Rachel McAdams would be a better Lois Lane.
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an article about a gay movie, with one of the gayest ads I've ever seen right next to the article. "real jock?" real gay
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Fifth! This sound shit as well, what happened to Sandler?
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BRILLIANT!
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As expected...and this heaving dump will still make $100 mil
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The reviews posted so far haven't been solely about how PC or not this is, but about how painfully unfunny and stupid it is. No there doesn't have to be a message in a comedy. Some humour though, would be good.
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Jessica's divine bottom may make this movie worth renting. It may have some funny parts, but I'm not convinced it will be worth shelling out $10 to see on the big screen.
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"Knocked Up immaturity" = good. "Any Sandler film immaturity" = bad? I'm no Sandler apologist, but there is definitely a double standard here. I loved Knocked Up but some of the characters in that film were the the most immature asshats I've ever seen onscreen.
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. . . but Capone, what movie could a Lance Bass cameo actually save??? And it's funny you bring up that Rooney character from Tiffany's, cause I just happened to catch some of that performance for the first time a couple weeks ago. It's EXACTLY what I thought of when I saw Schneider's character in the trailer. Just f'ing laughably embarassing. If anyone really wants a Democrat in the White House again (BIG difference that would make) they could start by gassing opening night showings of this flick.
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then Adam Sandler officially made a sweet deal with Satan. How else could his popularity be explained? At least his early movies were sort of funny in a juvenile way. Now they're frighteningly lame with unappealing costars like Drew Barrymore and Rob Schneider.
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not to say I wouldn't hit it.
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Smokin.
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I guess you need more cushion for the pushin, Rat Fink.
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Not bad or anything, but not "perfect".
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...Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor allow their names to be on this film? If they want to work on the script and get paid, that's fine, but being a writer means you can do all that in anonymity. John Sayles needs to have a little conference with them about this, having scored himself paychecks for THE 6th DAY and THE HULK without most people ever knowing.
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that's how that should have read
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well said, the movie was crap. It wasn't funny and most attempts at funny were more like, look its funny because there gay, not because there was actually something funny going on. Not worth the 9.50 to see Beil's ass either.
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We talking those mini ones, or the standard sized carrot? I don't know for certain, but I'm sure some women can vouch that a regular sized carrot can get some mighty fine depth.
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She proved she can handle action well in BLADE: TRINITY, so as long as she dyed her hair black, I think she'd be perfect.
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Yes, but the difference is that Knocked Up recognized the characters as immature--that was basically the point of the entire movie from the male side. This movie is being criticized for being immature while posturing as mature and open-minded. Ya dig?
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There's also a scene where she wears a skintight Vinyl Cat costume
http://img248.imageshack.us/my.php?image=jessbiel9zu9.jpg -
Remember less than 20% of Americans believe homosexual behavior is okay. A pro-gay film would be a hard sell. I think they are trying to show how absurd the idea of gay marriage is and that people will abuse it for money.
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scene from Dragon, when Bruce Lee and his girlfriend go to see Breakfast at Tiffany's. There's a scene that speaks volumes about stereotypes with almost no dialogue. Great scene.
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i think he will.
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It's simple. Kevin James' wife died. Now he's a single dad. If he dies, no one gets his pension. If he had a spouse, they'd get it. And that person could give the money to his kids.
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But that was still a funny line. Kudos Capone.
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That's like saying "Malibu's Most Wanted" is a racist flick.
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...just marry an illegal immigrant? Then she could get citizenship and he could get... what is it? His pension? It could still have the precious scenes where the kids don't understand what's going on. "Daddy, is the cleaning lady our new mommy?"
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Rolled up in an October 1971 National Lampoon magazine. If Schneider's scene is offensive to you, Chris Tucker's shtick should push you to suicide.
Eh, it would probably be the only thing half funny about this shitfest. Hey Happy Gilmore - go back to punchin' Bob Barker in the schnozz. -
I wanna live in there!!!!!!!!!!
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Would it kill you guys to post more images with your articles? Is keeping the style of the site circa 2002 really a "street-cred" move or is it because you're just too lazy? Nothing's worse than when you have an article announcing an actor has been cast in a role, with no image of the actor whatsoever. And if it's a hot chick, it's a crime! Kudos to the (not gay) Capone for posting the pic -- not that I don't have higher res images from this scene on my pc, but you know what I mean.
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i think her ass looks like a flabby bag of cottage cheese. if that's what a "perfect woman's ass" looks like from a straight guy's perspective, then chalk another reason up for why i'm oh-so glad i'm a big fag, 'cuz i just don't GET it.
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that Adam Sandler is falling way the fuck off with his choice of films lately? What happened to that fuckin drama movie where he looks like Bob Dylan? What happened to that film? I will say this though...I would love to have Jessica Biel leave a message...on my face... with her ass. 'Nuff Said.
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Jul 20, 2007 1:59:17 PM CDT
Less than 20% of Americans believe homosexuality is OK?
by richard cranium
I call bullshit. Where die you get those numbers, from Pat Robertson's weekly newsletter?
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after getting married, King of Queens kills Sandler in the course of putting out a fire, making it look like an accident, thus getting Sandlers benefits..end of movie.
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And Ill still see this movie at some point because of Jessica Biel, she really is amazing. Best performance in the Texas Chainsaw remake was her rack. I was riveted during the chase scenes.
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life insurance. I'm assuming if he dies, his spouse would get the pension. I guess being a fireman he can't get life insurance so all he can do to leave something for his kids is commit fraud. How shitty is his union that they would allow such a hole in their members' pension plan that if a single parent dies on the job his kids get nothing?
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that's a bad pic of it, AICN. better one here: http://tinyurl.com/27j45l and http://tinyurl.com/28xnk5
now that's an ass! -
I am so sick of seeing the preview for this flick before every damn movie released for the past 4 months. Now we can finally lay it to rest.
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Not everyone likes man-ass, but everyone loves tits. And also, Jessica Biel should play Catwoman next time Catwoman is in a Batman movie. Believe it.
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Y'all must be smokin'!!
One word: Beyonce
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Mrs. Utz_world. Happiness is what I get to lay next to every night! Jessica Biel...wigga please!
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I bet Mrs. Utz_World's ass has its own zip code, and that ain't good.
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I just saw this movie. The end credits credit Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor as writers on this. I believe this is the Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor of "Sideways" and "About Schmidt" fame. Just what exactly did they write for this movie. Whatever it was, the end result is a step down for them.
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by the way, I live in Alexander Payne's hometown where there is an unwritten rule that you have to be in love with Alexander Payne movies, for instance, the excuse the local film critic wrote in his review for the movie was that Sandler's film company must have had script control (obviously because no wrong can come from Alexander Payne). Let's see if critics avoid blaming the script on this one as they normally do for a bad movie because Alexander Payne wrote it.
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choice piece of biel estate. See, much funnier.
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that "Chuck and Larry" is twice as good at "License to Wed"!
LTW is getting a 7% and C&L is almost 14%!!
Who says these wouldn't make a fantastic double feature!
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Watch your mouth, youngling...
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The Screengrab had this posted today at http://tinyurl.com/3ywsxq"If you're perplexed by the writing credit for Sideways and Election masterminds Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor in the new lowest-common-denominator Adam Sandler gay marriage flick I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. you're probably not alone. Jeff Wells of Holywood Elsewhere recently got his hands on an earlier draft of the script and reviewed it here, noting that the earlier draft of the film was more about emotional sincerity and significantly tighter and smarter than what eventually emerged.But the script Wells reviewed, it turns out, was itself a further revision of Payne and Taylor's draft, as Payne himself noted when he wrote in to Wells to thank him for his kind words. In so doing, Payne also revealed a few more points about his draft — the most remarkable of them being that one of the two lead characters was clearly supposed to have been African-American. Somewhere, Chris Tucker is screaming."
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Jessica, you wouldn't be on here bragging about it because you'd be too busy getting laid. Shut up.
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First of all he's a stupid motherfucker who only has one thing going for him: Money. Other than that, his act is played out, he's ugly as fuck, on top of that he's annoying. Now come to think of it, living in LA, there are probably quite a few bitches that would lower themselves in order to be seen. Shit.
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Capone you did a great job filling in on the podcast Filmspotting. You should promote it on this site.
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i want to see adam sandler snog kevin james!
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I thought they would be a new generation's Abbott and Costello; but I'm not watching this political diatribe to find out. I hope ANIMAL HOUSE will never be remade; after the climactic scene, the "Bluto" character would likely stare into the camera & profusely apologize ("If we've offended anybody, we're dreadfully sorry. Remember, under the skin, we're all God's creatures. Good night and drive safely."). Jess Jackson, p.r. whore extraordinaire, would summon the press to announce "we made them cut out the 'black tavern' scene. I wouldn't have played the 'Chip Diller' role unless they cut that whole thing out."
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You must listen to rap to have such a wit.
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I'm fine with either for the sake of good comedy (see Zoolander), but I don't object to the Breakfast at Tiffany's thing nearly as much as most people seem to. Sure there was the whole Japanese internment camp thing during wartime (not that I condone it mind you), but that pales in comparison to the long-lasting slave trade & established history of minstrel shows. So I don't think they're comparable. And anyone who didn't laugh at Nicholas Cage's Asian-faced cameo in the Grindhouse feux trailers has no sense of humor.
And to respond to Doc_Strange, Sandler as well as any less attractive and less funny comedian can get plenty of chicks. Comedians are like rock stars in that respect. Dane Cook proves a comedian doesn't need to be funny to get chicks. David Spade hooked up with Locklear. Hell, Rob Sneider can get chicks and he's a stapler. Durp Durp Durp. -
Notice that a near-naked Jessica Biel is featured in all trailers (movie & TV) to trap heterosexual males into buying this lemon as a "date" movie. Political correction was seriously forfeited in PRIMEVAL. Orlando Jones' character can't wait to tackle a journalistic assignment in Africa. After he's assaulted by the wildlife and corrupt officials, he admits "I hate Africa. Fuck Africa! Thank God for slavery." I couldn't believe it. Then again, what native New Yorker wouldn't have the same gripe?
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I hope you and your boyfriend enjoy the movie. Heh...he's probably got a bigger ass than my wife. And now, back to the Talkback.
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Because its funny but if you want to see Citizen Kane and actually care about the message then you really shouldn't go. Some like adam sandler some don't but jesus christ you don't have to bitch to everyone else about it.
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Where a public servant has to fake a marriage for some reason so his kids won't get screwed out of the pension he's earned over a lifetime of, well, serving the public. Seriously. This movie may or may not raise awareness about the ills of homophobia, but I certainly hope it does something for firemen and cops if their pensions are really so tenuous.
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God, that was fucking horrible....I dont give a fuck about all the PC stuff and any argument for or against...but this film looks the drizzling shits.
Sandler and James are talking to a third guy, trying to convince him, yet they talk in such an over-exaggerated manner - like "If we WEREN'T gay, we could GO TO JAIL" while rolling his eyes and motioning to Sandler to play along, while the guy is standing two feet from him!!! Oh, and the crap that passes for a joke - "I gotta go listen to Boy George CD's to calm down". BWAAAHAAAHAAAAHAAAAAA.....you see, because gay men listen exclusively to gay singers, oh I nearly shit myself with mirth.
What a fucking sack of shit this movie looks, anyone finding this shit funny must be 12, it doesn't even look to have the wit or intelligence of Will and Grace, and that shits dumb as a box of badgers. -
This film serves as even more proof that Hollywood has surrendered itself to the PC mentality. Trying to make a comedy while trying not to offend anyone is impossible.
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Right here kids:
http://tinyurl.com/3xrrlc -
Sandler's Boy George line was coming from a straight guy trying to think off the top of his head what a gay guy might listen to, from the range of whatever he as a straight guy might be familiar with. So that particular line works.
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And I'm still waiting for the lawsuit from the makers of the wretched Paul Hogan/Michael Caton flick STRANGE BEDFELLOWS.
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For the answer to that, go see Sicko. Or just realise that it's America, dude. Crazy shit goes on all the time. You're living in the same country where a guy can kill a coupla people, go off to the post office for a coupla hours then come back and kill a bunch more.
Also the same country where concerned citzens continually try to tell the authorities about the suspicious guy at their flight school who makes a point of not being interested in how to LAND a plane, and then a couple of boeings (that were in the air for hours while the world's fastest fighters were fucking around and didn't catch them) crash into a couple of skyscrapers which fall over. Where do you get the idea it's usually rosy? Sorry, people not keeping their governments honest is exactly how you get incredulous "how did this happen?" questions.
Also sorry for being over the top. I know this shit's not worth it. -
None of the reviewers on this site have a clue..they get a hars on for Napolean Dynamite which was the dumbest sh*tfest I've ever wasted my time on and bash a good senseless comedy like this. I laughed my ass off, Once again this proves that the reviewers on this site have become just like the stuffy reviewers we've all come to hate.
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I'm sure it's even better in this turd.
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I am so sick of these reviewers/reviews lambasting any joke that makes light of someone's race or sexual preference because those reviewers, sitting up on their moral high horses, have never had thoughts of anything bad about anything or anyone of any other race or lifestyle. Nosireee. They're all perfect with perfect thoughts and they only talk to their friends about 100% pure politically correct statements. They are perfect.
The reason these comedies are as bad as they are is because the writers have to sit down and think about every joke and ask, "who will this offend? Who will we get sued by if we make this statement? Who's going to demonstrate outside our house if we use this joke" So of course they end up using the least offensive joke, which also happens to be, drum roll please... the least funny!!! People, please. We do it ALL the time with our best friends. We make light of these situations. Of people choosing to live the way they live. Or the preferences and the tendancies that different races have. The stuff about "You wanna know how I know you're gay" in The 40 Year Old Version... IT'S FUCKING FUNNY BECAUSE IT REALLY HAPPENS! And they're not trying to hurt anyone. Anyone who's gay who has a sense of humor should be able to laugh along.
Stop pretending to be above everyone. If we can't mess with each other and joke around with each other or if we get to a point where when someone says "White people can't dance" and I get extremely offended and decide to sue that person... WELL WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF WORLD ARE WE THEN LIVING IN???!!! Lay off and stop pretending we live in this ideal world. And stop pretending you're perfect. It's a joke for God's sake. Jesus you guys are fags. -
...from Adam Sandler...Have any of you noticed his pattern of movie making? He makes a BIG GOOF OFF movie, then takes a sweing at a heart warming one, then makes another goof off movie, then another sweet lovey one. The friggin commercials tell you bright and clear that this thing was going to be what you saw...there was no sensitive artistic aim to this...It was made to be stupid and nonsensical. This type of stuff has an audience. I could care less, but if I see it , I won't be expecting any type of style, artistry or message, I will expect pretty much what the negative review summed up.
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Why do craptastic movies like this get green lit?
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That's a perfect ass to you? You white boys wouldn't know a hot ass. If it came up and shat on you. Now us latinos. We know good asses. Our race invented the hot booties.
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Don't get me wrong, latino women have amazingly wonderful asses. But come dude we all know the sistas rule the booty world. Do some research. Look up the Hottentott Venus. Nuff said.
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BigBlackDude approved booty:
Go to YouTube.com
Type in: ass shaker xgladiusx
Enjoy. If Jessica can do what that white chick does with her ass I'll go see the movie. Twice. -
It's "ass shaker xgladiusx". I honestly didn't know white chicks could move like that. I guess I should get out more.
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I prefer a smaller ass, like Natalie Portman's. Yes, I'm a white guy you racist ghetto booty hunters.
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Reminiscent of Natalie's ass. As are his lips.
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Nuff said. Although Jessica has nice bulbous tits.
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with a flat bony ass. Bitch.
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Scary thing is, I did catch this and License to Wed as a double feature at our local drive-in last nite. Almost unbearable. What a man won't do to try and get a piece, eh?
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Why is everyone falling all over themselves for her? She is a crap actress and hardly has a "heavenly perfect ass". Let's all get a grip here - She is not in the same league as Jessica Alba when it comes to looks, and only marginally ahead of Jessica Simpson in terms of acting ability (which is terrible). Watch the illusionist or Stealth for further proof of her acting prowess... She is only big right now because of Access Hollywood and ET. It's all Bullshit. Put down the kool-aid yo!
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This shite made 34.8m opening weekend and topped the B.O. Now pay attention all you talkback morons that insist B.O. is proof that millions go to see these things and use it as justification that's it's a good movie. This is undeniable truth you're full of shit, Armageddon included. Ratatouille is at #5. There is no justice.
Xiphos, what's so hard to understand? It was an answer to the question of "How can this stuff happen in this country (like America's somehow above all that)". Sicko, because it discusses the sad state of healthcare/insurance, and the college shooting thing and 911 as examples of how authorites can allow a ludicrous situation to grow until people are killed when it was avoidable. I didn't think I was being THAT obscure. -
in that posterwhere she's wearing the white jumpsuit? She was on some show and freaked out when she saw it. It WAS better though!
Big Black and Orions, the African posterior is a beautiful thing. Why get territorial? Like Sir Mixalot said, even white boys got to shout! Curves are always good. I'd always thought Biel was too muscular in the past but she's a lot more feminine lately - and that latex catsuit is the only thing that could drag me to this movie. Maybe there's a bittorrent...
Strange how all that black rubber STILL couldn't make Kate Beckinsale or Carrie-Anne Moss sexy. Monica Belucci in that latex number however...
Oh, 'apocalypse' BTW. Oops. -
Although you may not like it, when one is paid to provide a service that same individual usually assumes the title of the position that is equated with the performance of that particular service. Although you may not like it, since Ms. Simpson gets paid to sing and act (no matter how poorly she does either)she can accurately claim she does both. A further example would be George W. Bush, although I think he is the worst president in modern history, the fact remains that he was voted in by American's and gets paid to perform the function. Therefore he is President - even if I think he does a crap job. So next time you are trying to be clever or smart think about what you say first or you might realize that you are uninformed and I will have to correct you again. Good day sir... I SAID GOOD DAY!
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